Distractible - Mark Prepared For This

Episode Date: February 14, 2025

Cloacas, buttholes, and toxic gas. That can only mean one thing... Mark's hosting! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Uber Eats. Thankfully, you can now get almost anything you need for the season delivered with Uber Eats. What do I mean by almost? Well, you can't get a car, but you might be able to get stuff to clean your car, which you might need to do if you're going to be driving people around. You can't get fire, but you can get something cozy to wear around the fire. Maybe you can get the stuff you need to make a fire. A refrigerator?

No. I checked. Anything you want that goes inside your refrigerator? Yes. So whatever you're looking for this season, know that you can get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Download the Uber Eats app today to order now. Alcohol in select markets, product availability may vary by region C app for details. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Massacring Mark Threatens a Micron Knifing, Plays a Trailer, Points out Plum Boom Poisoning and Butto Biology, Bizarre Bob Gets Goosey, and Aged Anus, Doesn't Get Wood, wood, recollects eating chalky octopi and tungsten tootsies. Whittling Wade talks melting piles and crouching craps, antagonizing the arbiter and Riz's

radiologists. From dominating Cincinnati to crispy babies. Yes! It's time for Mark prepared for this. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. I pretty much assume that if you're somewhere where you're like on a voice call

and it's being transmitted, there's no reason to think that that's not being watched if someone really wanted to. Like I know there are end-to-end encrypted services, which, for a side, super is not, as far as I know. But even then, it's like, it's all managed by someone. Someone, some greasy code monkey somewhere has a computer where they could just pull it up if they so chose. The only way to get a secure connection is to own the fiber from one point to the other. And what I discovered recently is AT&T offers that as a service.

They will run the fiber from one to another place, a new line all the way using old conduits and stuff, but a new line all the way from one building to another to do that. And I asked like, whoa, why would that be foreign? They say like police stations do it all the time secure government buildings do it all the time because they need no one to be able to get in that or have any other so AT&T or whoever does the internet they build it and then they hand off all the equipment so it is a thing that can be done we just don't have anywhere close to the resources to be able to do that

how expensive would a cross-country distractible fiber wine be? Oh, probably. Probably in budget, right? We need a few more sponsors, but we'll get there. If you lived in Cincinnati, then we would just need cross-couple county lines. Fiber one, secure, yes, delicious, no. Well, fiber one's tasty.

Not the one that we're using for our connection. I don't think that's fiber one. I think that's just regular. You know what? Was that quoting a commercial? Yeah, it's the fiber one and fiber brownies. Is that D2 Steel you're shining in my face? Get that bullshit out of here.

It's just on my desk now. It's not serving any purpose except being on my desk. Bowling Green State University ass steel. Get that out of here. Are we? Is this the episode? Are we going? Is this it?

Yeah, we're going. This is like the weirdest SNL cold open that's ever happened. Anyway, hi. You've been listening for a little bit, but welcome to Distractable. This is the podcast that you love, or else you're going to get a face full of this. Just like me and my 22. It's very threatening and deadly. I don't know. I swear to God people who are into guns just selectively hear things because

You in no uncertain terms you were like I am never going to even aim this at another living thing I am I do not own any of these for any purpose other than shooting paper or wood or whatever metal targets and all of the very first everyone heard Mark say the word gun and rushed to the subreddit and was like, you're never going to kill someone with that Mark. You're never going to kill someone. I know how to kill someone. You got to get a nine millimeter. You want to kill as many people as quickly as possible nine millimeter, don't worry I'm getting tweets of like we gotta get mark in touch with a gun guy I know one you got to get mark out to demo ranch so he could blow up some m4a1 Abrams his tanks is with his

No, it's like they only heard the two first words He said and then none of the rest of the discussion, but yeah, it was a bunch of seagulls that heard gone And like what was hilarious about it is that is the Every single person who made a big like essay about that and you know, I respect the trying that's fine I'm not blaming that but every single one of them said the exact same thing that the people in the gun store said. The exact same- it was like I was at the gun store again like, Oh, yeah! Uh-huh! Great! That's all the same account? It's the same dude, different accounts? No, no, that's just uh, that's how it is.

Yeah, you just like, you say and you're like, I'm just doing this to take a training course. Okay. I won't be able to stop someone. There's videos of people being shot 10 times and still charging, it's like, okay, that's- Mark, you don't understand, your gun is so small it actually speeds them up if they come after you. Yeah.

Yeah. Actually just pisses them off and triggers an adrenaline response which makes them even harder to deal with. Also, man, I forgot the intro. Sorry, my eyes have been real itchy lately. It's not like there's any allergens in the air. My eyes are super dry and itchy. Yeah, it's not like there's a bunch of ash or smoke or anything around you where you're at. Well, it's for the most part is starting to get better. I mean, obviously, it's still a concern for a while.

The air quality still got to be kind of bad though, right? I mean, it's starting to get better. I mean, obviously, it's still a concern for a while. The air quality's still gotta be kind of bad though, right? I mean, it's not terrible. It's dry clear eyes. They say it's gonna be not great for a while, but it's not deadly to go outside. It's not 320, whatever, AQI, but. But that's not to play it down if you are in an area that has a be aware that air quality can get

Messy I'm gonna give you the segue point Okay good, I'm just watching Bob die every time he takes a sip of his drink I'm intrigued about this drink, but man that's tartar that just a lemon is Jesus Christ I don don't think we're going to be sponsored by that drink company anytime soon. I didn't say that I did show it on camera. Blur it out. I know no aspersions. If it works, I'm into it. But I wouldn't mind a drink that just tasted awful and that's why they made Red Bull. They were like we wanted it to not taste great and taste more like medicine.

So the people thought it worked cause there is some psychology to that. My problem is I actually like taste. We're not sponsored by Red Bull. No, yeah. It's like cigarettes or something, right? Like it doesn't, they don't taste good. But once you get past the first part

and you get into the caffeine, you're like, oh God, oh, it's delicious. I need the Red Bull. It burns so good. The burning means it's working. No, I, oh man. We I need the Red Bull. It burns so good. The burning means it's working. No, I don't. Man, we got to do small talk first. By the way, this is the podcast where I'm the host because I won last week

and then Bob and Wade are here going to compete to be the next host next week or in four days or whenever it is. Several days from now. All of you with your Unisona style tick-tocking countdown clocks of when the next episode come up. You tell us exactly how many hours and seconds and minutes it is. But hey, how are your lives doing? Good. I saw a funny goose today. Not a silly goose, but a funny goose. It was, it's really not even that good of a story. It just was such a weird little moment. I was in the car

driving and I was just next, I was like in a parking lot waiting to turn onto the main road. So I'm just sitting there and next to the driveway, there's a little, it's a puddle cause it's been snow melting and there's not even a pond. It's like several inches of water and there's a goose sitting next to it. And I just look over cause I'm like bored

and the goose out of nowhere just goes. And submerges his entire head halfway up his neck in the water and for a second is just like and then just lifts his head back up and is like nothing happened there are not fish in that puddle of water that is on the media just I don't know if that's a normal goose thing or whatever but I just saw that happen and I was just like, fucking, is this an, did anyone else see that? What the fuck? You're living Untitled Goose Game.

I've been thinking about that goose all day. Can't get him out of my head. No idea if that's normal goose stuff or what. It's weird. I mean, it's probably normal. I have no idea though. I don't know goose's too well. Gooses?

Gooses. I don't know goose's either. Geeseoses? Gooses. I don't know goose either. Geese? Geese? Jesus? He flied for our sins. South. Guys, I've been reading, but I already told you that. Guys, I've been playing video games and you'll never know it. Already been over that. Guys, It's finally warmed up in Cincinnati and that's been really nice though. I think it's gone again now. It's cold again today. But we had like a day where it was almost 60 degrees. It was almost 70 yesterday. Whoa.

Like 67 degrees outside, it was amazing. And despite that we still have a giant block of snow from where it was like shovel plowed in like one big pile. It's gone everywhere. For this one stupid pile, it's just still there. Isn't that funny how that works yeah it's also sad and tragic just snowman why is it tragic no cuz I'm so tired of so this is the most devastating thing he saw I'm so tired of snow man

I'm used to Cincinnati we get like a dusting it last two days goes away I'm like you know that's good for me. This like three weeks of snow has been awful. And now that it's all melted, there was like there was a square patch that we shoveled of grass so the dogs had a place to go use the restroom. Now that the snow is melted, it is green everywhere except this one patch looks like the fucking bonelands or whatever they're called in the Lion King, which just like dead and brown and sad. It's like, man, I guess dog urine and shit really isn't as good for the yard as I thought. It's like, oh, they're watering the plants. How nice of them. It looks terrible.

It's the pee. You know, pee has ammonia in it. Plants don't like that. The poop is good. You can tell the one square that they've been using because man, oh man, is the grass just not good there. Lot of piss. It's fascinating because your dogs are tiny so I'm in my mind your entire yard any woods nearby is devastated like toppled trees somehow piles of dung like a Jurassic Park when the guy goes like that's a big pile of shit that uncovered by the snow is this just like a square this big or uh no it's probably like a good 12 by 4 section of grass 12 by 4 what feet put that in meters no but I will tell you this I went out there a couple times and

I cleaned up the dog poop in that section so that way it wasn't just all a slab of shit there are muscles apparently that you use whenever you crouch and walk around in a crouched position that I told that story he said though yeah well I still feel it I don't really that's a negative point I won't take away a point for that but you have told that you're on thin ice though don't say I know you're on thin sunshine I don't know I mean we've not been going out a whole lot because it's been shitty weather So you don't do anything. No, I've been reading playing games doing stupid How do you want to hear about tax documents? It's that season nothing exciting and fun man. This is sad. I'm sorry, man

Hey, I'm content. Have you tried getting into knives? No, I used one on a steak last week though. What was it? Have you tried getting into knives? No, I used one on a steak last week though What was it made out of? Well it was in this wood block with a bunch of other handles and I pulled one out and I was like, yep, that's a knife and I cut the steak washed the knife, that was it

I will tell you though, I used you know that sharpener that I obliterated last week? Yeah I actually used it I read the guide and I used it on my kitchen knives which I've known have been dull forever. Like I have those colored like Cuisinart shitty cheap knives. You still have those same ones? I remember those. Okay. And they're horrifically dull. Like horrendously dull. They're very old. But I used the sharpener, and it took a while to get, like, the actual consistent angle going.

Most of the time it would go, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz again I honestly hold on hold on rewind yes wait are you all right I'm confused you got a knife sharpener you're using it on your sniper knife or your d2 knife I scraped it once across there and I was like it's probably already sharp I don't need to ruin it with my broke the thing open found the instructions huh yeah and then you use the sharpener on other knives and those knives got sharper I'm deducting a point for just antagonizing me and this is not fair Look, I'm trying to put it out there

How many knives have you sharpened, okay? One, it was a shitty little whittling knife whenever I was whittling some uh Okay, what's that wood called? Like got like a pink oar? That's funny Uh, I don't know things about wood, sorry Oh man, I was a kid when I did it, so I don't remember.

It was like a piece of wood that my grandpa gave me to whittle away at, and I was like, oh, that's cool, and I literally just did not do anything other than to whittle it down to like the core, but like the end of it, it was like a piece of wood about, it was not that thick, but the very middle of it was kind of like a purpley color, and it had like a fun scent to it. So let me me get this straight your grandpa gave you a knife that was designed for

Carving wood away and then he gave you some wood and then you used the knife to carve wood off of the wood But the knife needed sharpened at one point So I got a sharpener and I sharpened the knife I could continue to sharpen the wood But what was the sharpener was it a sharpener or was it just the thing in the knife, like it continued to sharpen the wood. But what was the sharpener? Was it a sharpener or was it just the thing in the knife block? Was it a whetstone? Was it a honing steel? Because that's not a sharpener? What kind of thing was it? It was like a little round thing that I went, shink shink. That's called a honing steel. I honed in on it.

So you didn't sharpen. So that's the thing. This is why it's mind blowing to me and I feel like your antagonistic attitude is not recognizing this. Because it took me a while before I realized that wasn't a sharpener. That's just to get rid of any like excess shavings of metal that have flaked off from the various things you've cut over time. But with a sharpener, this sharpener was $20. I've always my entire life been like, when knife goes dull That's just it and for some reason I've never connected the idea that I could make a tool that I have last Much longer than I could ever imagine and I knew with like hammers and shit like that like those tools you could do that But for some reason knives to me were always like oh man I can't do anything once it's dull

But I it took me five minutes five minutes and I did the paper test and suddenly my kitchen knife That was I'd had for five years never sharpened at once could just slice through paper like that I was like, holy shit. It worked They sell um, they sell guidebooks that like even like gas stations or convenience stores. No, I got this. I got the scroll What do you mean? Yeah, you got the scroll but you open it up It's like all pictures and it makes your tool last longer It's called like a dick hardener or something. I think they call it playboy That's it. I need to write this down. What was it called?

A dick hardener All right, do I ask for that or that's for knives or it's for your tool Is that like a brand name or is that just generic? Is it named after a guy, Mr. Hardener? You guys are asking a lot of questions, I don't know the answer to. Anyway, you could get into knives. It's a thing.

Well, that's the thing about knives, right? People think, I don't know if people think this. I thought for a long time, like, oh, well, why would you pay $200 to $500 for a kitchen knife when you could just get one for 50 bucks that seems to work pretty well and Yes, you can sharpen cheap steel to like a razor's edge You can sharpen it to within whatever you want and how patient you are

But the more expensive knives the thing is that they hold that edge better. They have different characteristics about the steel It's like a very voodoo mystery magic kind of thing to me. I know it's not cause it's science, but all the different kinds of steel, like you were saying when you bought your D2 steel knife, you were like, I don't, I don't know. I want a metal one. It's a whole world and it is interesting.

It is crazy. I have no idea what steel those knives are made out of. Cause they're like, the blade is coated as well. So it's colored from of because they're like the blade is coated as well so it's colored from handle to the edge of the blade except for where it's worn through. And they have like white white blades or something white ceramic? It's blue, orange, green, yellow. Oh the whole thing is colorful that's right. Everything's a different color but yeah even those can be sharpened even if they don't hold their edge as long as anything else. It's not rusty

So I just shaved wait you can eat those you don't have to be secretive He's not being secretive at all. He keeps holding the bag up on screen for some reason. Are you sponsored by Skyline? Yeah, are you a Skyline streamer now? I want to be I'm trying Okay, all right I want to be, I'm trying. Mm-hmm, okay, all right. Get groceries delivered across the GTA from real Canadian Superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings.

Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points. Visit superstore.ca to get started. I have something. Remember the Segway, right? Bob's Segway that he made before before do you remember what it was about? I think it was mine. No, it's under Bob. All right. I'm a place you tell me if you hear it Too loud it's a little loud, but yeah, I do hear it Back up pretend you didn't hear that. Here we go. Ready? Are you ready?

No. Don't do it again. Isn't something smelling off to you? Hey, do you smell something? Well, that's a weird smell. I don't know what it is. Have you ever felt the chill run up your spine? It was like something slapped me on the shoulder, but when I turned around, get ready to forget

everything you know about everything. Guys, I'm still smelling something weird. A whole lot of weird stuff. I'm not sure if you can smell it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. on the shoulder but when I turn around get ready to forget everything you know about everything guys I'm still smelling something weird just turning round and round all right if someone doesn't say this smell and I'm smelling I swear I'm what happened to the moon? You expect me to believe we're surrounded by gases that we cannot see?

I know what clouds look like! Those aren't clouds! Welcome to the show that was formerly known as Don't Look Up, but we were sued by some dumbass in a movie studio. This is... It's in the air. Viewer discretion is advised When I told you I was late cuz I was working on

Sorry, it was so loud I tried to do a hack to get it to play for you guys. I'm pretty sure you're gonna get it. Yeah, Mark was late to the recording today because he was working on this. I think I'm understanding why Iron Lung's taking a while. Damn. Look guys, I'm not gonna lie. He spent three days on this. So, I'm not gonna lie. I spent so long working on this this morning. I didn't come up with an idea

I did this because I was like, ah, I'm gonna bring up the small thing during small talk This will be a funny way to do it because I haven't done one of these in a while And I had a bunch of I had a bunch of problems with the software because I haven't done it on this computer in a while And so I had to had to reinstall DaVinci and all my software so anyway did you... that admission actually gave me a headache my brain could not comprehend the reason I wanted to bring this up it was because of lead. Of course. I turned around and there it was. Lead based paint. No, I wanted it to be a small anecdote because it was off of the people that were talking

about, you know, because I got lead free bullets, right? And there were some people that were still very flippant about it. Right? Some people were just like, I think that California got to him, afraid of lead. So what I want to talk, what I want to do first is I have, there's a couple points up for grabs and I'm going to ask you to a few questions back to back. All right, Wade, how much lead do you think is in the human body naturally as in used in biological processes or in proteins or things like that. Oh, a nano foot? Wrong.

Bob? I have some very small amount, like 20 parts per million or something. Wrong. Zero. Zero lead is used in any biological process in the human body at all. It is not found in any protein. It is not found in any protein, it's not found in any cell structure naturally occurring, it's found in the human body,

but just because of environmental exposure. It's found in the feet, right? Because that's why people hit the gas really hard. They have a lead foot. It's actually an outdated saying, it's much more, it's cooler and more modern to say you have a tungsten foot. It's very dense. As long as it's not talc.

I'm giving you a point, but I'm not happy. You don't want that talc foot. Alright, okay, so you both got that wrong. Bob, I'm gonna ask you this. How many mammals do you think are out there that use lead in any biological process in any part of their body? Well, I'm gonna go ahead and guess zero, given the nature of your questions. That's correct.

That's false. The whale. No. Doesn't tie there. Okay. That is a mammal, yeah, but. Okay, so zero mammals, all right, cool. Yeah, there is no mammal out there,

from the tiniest mouse to the biggest elephant that uses lead in any Biological function in any way shape or form Okay, Wade how many living things on this planet from bacteria to anything else floating around? fungus plant life Anything uses lead in any biological process in their body zero zero There is not a living thing that is by the definition of living on this planet that uses lead in any Biological process therefore. That's what nature thinks of

Lead because lead in any amount is toxic This is not hearsay this is fact lead is toxic in any amount is toxic. This is not hearsay, this is fact. Lead is toxic in any amount because it interferes with biological processes. It mimics calcium so your body absorbs it, goes into the blood-brain barrier. There is nothing, nothing that wants lead. There's lead resistant, like bacteria out there,

there's lead accumulating things that will draw it in more than other things. But there's no actual living thing out there that uses lead for anything in this cellular life that we have. So what I'm trying to say about that is people seem to have this misconception about lead in that there's an okay amount to have. There's a it's all right. And yes, we are completely exposed to it because of the industrial society that we live in, because of mining, incidental things get in the water. And yes, we are all still alive, even if we have a small amount of lead in there. but people who are talking about shooting

Don't realize that there is not just lead in the bullet. It's not about the lead in the bullet There is lead in the primer lead I think it's called lead staff staff staffinate is this entire episode just to get back at the gun people who told you to Get lead bullets. No, this was supposed to be a small talk thing the rest of the episode I have no fucking idea what I'm gonna pull out of my ass for it But I want to reiterate that this is not a casual thing And there is with modern primers that don't have lead in it and modern bullets that aren't lead based. Yes It's a little more expensive

but also There are advances in these things that get them better. And when you fire a bullet, the primer, which is like either in rim fire, it's around the rim, or if it's center fire, it's in the center primer thing, that lead goes into the air because it's combusted into its gaseous form. And so you have lead in every single shot. And yes, if you have a lead exposed bullet, the heat will melt some of it and cause some vapor. The vast majority of it is from the primer. But both are not good.

Lead just isn't good. And it's especially bad for children whose brains are still developing, whose bodies are still developing, whose systems are still developing and growing. Lead gets in the system. It can leach into your bones because it mimics calcium.

It will eventually, if you get exposed to it for a long enough period of time, your bones will start to absorb the lead and it will then leach into your body throughout the entirety of the time that your bones turn you into Wolverine. No, kind of like opposite Wolverine. You have the floppiest bones in existence.

Heavy bones, but really malleable. It's good stuff. Yeah, I just want to say very clearly that I'm not California crazy just because I don't like lead. Lead is pretty much universally understood by most of the scientific community as not good to have around. There used to be leaded gasoline. Why do you think it all says unleaded now? Now hold on, I think we withdrew from the scientific community.

Yeah, that's true. That's true, that's true. That one, you're really right about that one. Now we've got leado pebbles. Leado puffs. Leadfuls! Anyway, that's all I wanted to say about that. It's like, lead is actually bad.

It's not a political statement to say lead. There's no manliness from firing lead bullets. It's not about that. Well there is, cause Grandpappy told me there is. You're right, grandpappy told me there is you're right grandpappy I did a search mark and not to contradict you but it seems like lead is malleable and resistant to corrosion Otherwise not good for anything. So I think I'm corroborating you That's what talking about lead and since I don't know anything about this thing you're talking about I always thought it was really fucking unhinged that

Water pipes were made of lead for a long time. And I didn't, I didn't know until, I don't know, it was a while ago now, but at some point I did learn they were lead pipes lined with stuff. And that's why when they put them in, everyone wasn't just immediately getting lead poisoning. But that's also why there are so many communities in our country now that you can't drink tap water or if you do drink tap water you get lead poisoning which leads to horrific long-term effects in children and in adults because it turns out when you line the thing with some other thing the lining just wears off eventually and so you just have your water literally flowing through pipes made of toxic metal

except lead if you line it with lead, it resists the corrosion. Yeah, no, lead lined lead pipes, liner never wears off. That's a true thing. And yeah, there are still many pipes to this day in America and throughout the world that are lead. And in America, you saw it in Flint, Michigan. Well, they had other problems too. But one of it was, yeah, there was lead in the pipes. As pipes as far as I understand it's still not fixed in Flint, Michigan either

There are communities around the country that are in the exact same spot as Flint Flint got a lot of news coverage It was not it's not like someone swooped in and fixed it It just is lead everywhere and it's just a huge thing that's not going away But that's pretty wide I get why lead was easy Easier to make pipes out of because it's malleable and non corrosive and all that stuff Wade keeps saying makes sense but uh also it's poison there's this the similar reason that brake pads aren't made out of asbestos that'd be a lot cheaper I do you have no idea you can make them at home if you

make them out of asbestos it's easy well it's called asbestos not as worstest so maybe we should when do we find out that lead was bad for us because I imagine that all this stuff was done before we knew that lead was terrible because there was like lead-based paint or me it was Alice in Wonderland did you know that's why the oh no that's not lead actually that's quicksilver yeah it's mercury which is also bad that's also that's also an element that is not found in any biological process that just happens to be worse than lead. If it was so bad, why did they make it so cool?

If bad, why not bad shaped, you know? It does have the coolest name. Quicksilver is a really cool name for something. But also, coolness shouldn't factor in. For anyone that's unconvinced about lead and its dangers, my God, there were people saying like, I've been a firearm instructor for 20 years or something and I'm like, get a blood test. Get tested. Like, it's a simple blood test

to see how much lead is in your body. Yes, there is a chelation therapy that can get the lead out of your body and yes, it can cause permanent damage, but it's kind of an insidious thing where it causes neurological damage over a long period of time It's like a frog in a pot of boiling water You won't know is it until it's suddenly a big problem So keeping track of that stuff and using lead free primers I feel is a perfectly valid thing to want and stop drinking that there's probably let it I have to finish it I have to I open it. I have to drink it. I don't care how unpleasant it is. It's gonna get drank. I got you. I got you. I got you anyway

Oh one more thing for all the manly men who are like, I want my lead it tanks Your reproductive functions your testosterone plummets from high lead exposure And then when you shoot and you don't properly clean your hands because someone said lead wipes I actually already bought lead wipes a while ago. But yes, there are lead specific wipes. Don't use wipes made of lead. Oh no. You know, I heard those are flushable

cause the pipes are lead. So the wipes go in the pipes, but it's fine. It's sharpens them. I love self sharpening wipes. Anyway, all right. That's all I'll say about that. Hey, if we're airing subreddit grievances, I have one. Oh, all right, that's all I'll say about that. Hey, if we're airing subreddit grievances, I have one. Oh, all right, interesting.

Apparently, I and or we said that sharks are not fish. And apparently, sharks are fish. And to the, this is literally one person and I actually responded to their comment and I feel like I got through to them, but also just to be clear, we don't know anything about the things that we're talking about.

And if you're gonna get angry about us saying an incorrect fact about sharks, you should probably be careful what other episodes you listen to, because I cannot imagine the type of factual inaccuracy you're gonna subject yourself to if you listen to us talk for that many hours of your life. We're not experts or even smart

about most of the stuff we talk. We know some things about some of the stuff but not sharks and not most of the other stuff. Disclaimer I have not personally checked every living being in the world for lead in their biological processes. It is totally plausible that there is some bacteria or some tree somewhere that has a very unique structure that does use lead and we just haven't done a complete breakdown of its like internal biological processes. The data that I saw was of all the creatures that we do know how they work in their biological processes is and then conjecture leads to the idea that since lead is toxic and it is bad for traditional biological processes the life as we know it probably doesn't conjecture leads to the idea that since lead is toxic and it is bad for

traditional biological processes, the life as we know it probably doesn't have lead in all of it. So it's an assumption, but it's a well formed assumption based on data that has been extrapolated. But also I'm not a scientist and I didn't make the data in the first place, but it's pretty well known There's a lot of studies about it and how bad it is all I'm hearing is that mark lied No, no, I didn't lie big lead is gonna come after me. This is just another one of those theories like gravity or

Revelevity Revelevity. Yeah Einstein's thing, right? Oh Revelevity, yeah, you're right. Isn't that where you can hover off the ground when you're a magician on the street and revelate? Anyway, does that make you feel better? Do you feel better Mark? Yeah, I have nothing else for the episode. Well, well, well great episode boys. Who won? No, no, no, no, we've got it. We've got a we got to fill this time We got a- Oh, how do you feel about magnesium? Pretty cool. Take a magnesium supplement. Does it upset your tummy? No No, not really you would think that it would because I take all my vitamins at bed at bedtime all at once So I take a magnesium supplement a B vitamin supplement a whole multivitamin and then something else

I forget what it is, but it's good for me. Probably apparently polonium is the worst element to ingest You still you still taking your cobalium? Yeah, that's the B vitamins. Probably apparently polonium is the worst element to ingest you still you still taking your Cobalium yeah, that's the B vitamins. What's polonium toxic radioactive? Discovered by Mary Curie wherever I heard that name before I think she curated disease Merrily Real happy while she did it. I'm sick. Don't worry Mary Curie I'm happy while she did it. I'm sick. Don't worry Mary Curie My favorite holiday Mary Curie my favorite planet Mary Curie

Oh I'm still hungry Mary Curie, please Indian restaurant curry Anymore anymore anymore. I'm really trying that's a tough one t-o-u-g-h-o-n-e Come on allowed to reference other bits where we do to think repeatedly to try and check that in here. Absolutely hundred percent try and chuck that in here? Absolutely. 100%. There's a headline here. The world's oldest anus has an unexplained glow in Florida. Is the rest of it still alive or just the anus? Yeah, is this a sentient anus? I have no idea. I'll read the article if you want me to. In 2017, and he... It was 2017 and he was

running. I thought it was 2017 and he was running kayaking tours in Cape Canaveral Florida taking people to see Bioluminescence a phenomenon in which some creatures emit light in late October that year two buses full of Geneticists pulled up to the shore to join his tour two buses full of Geneticists all of the geneticists in Florida Anyway having come from Europe for a genetics conference Sentence before you decided what it meant the earth will be destroyed What's a fuck in the event that an asteroid larger than Texas ever struck

it? Oh, they should put that first. Literally. I'm literally the people listening to the podcast and they hear 22 and they're like, that won't kill nobody. Oh no. They wrote an hour and a half to cocoa beach and we're clearly excited. Quote, are we going to see the comb jellies? They kept asking. We really going to see the comb jellies? They kept asking. We really want to see the comb jellies. That's an actual quote. Comb jellies are some of the creatures that can emit bioluminescence.

Particularly when agitated and water splashed by paddles or even hands. So if you've seen the video where people are paddling and swimming and it suddenly glows blue, that's there. But other organisms here glow in the same manner, so Brandow was curious why two busloads of scientists were so thrilled about them. Turns out, geneticists study these organisms

because they are among the oldest living beings on Earth and thus carry some of the oldest genes on Earth. Comb jellies have been around for 600 to 700 million years. But about a year prior, the creatures made a splash in scientific world for an entirely different reason they're Unexpected pooping process. Well, they look like little condoms for like little stubby dicks. They've even got the little tip to hold the semen What I just searched comb jellies and one of the images how'd you spell comb COMB? Okay good jellies in one of the images. How'd you spell comb? C-O-M-B. Okay good, I was worried. I spelled jelly F-R-T. You know, you use two knives to scoop it out, jelly.

Mm-hmm. So about the poop. Uh-huh, poop. Sure, sure. The transparent oblong jellies shocked scientists with their number two tricks in 2016 when evolutionary biologist William Brown showed videos of them defecating at a conference. Drinks are for kids. Until then scientists believe that comb jellies ate and excreted through the same opening similar to other simple organisms. But Brown's videos showed that they had a mouth in addition to an anus. Big news in the animal world. It was such a big deal it merited publication in the journal Science which stated quote the butthole is one of the finest innovations in the past 540 million years of animal evolution because it made

eating more efficient and more hygienic. I don't like whoever wrote that I don't want to meet them They know what they did. I really wish I was the driver of this bus of Geneticists as they're talking excitedly about this and and I get why this is a big deal I think because it's this is one of the oldest creatures. So it's like oh but holes evolved probably I haven't read the rest of it, but butoles evolved oh much earlier than we thought that's great interesting I think do you think there's an anus museum where just walk around you see a whole bunch of different like images of animals like taking shits you can compare their anuses like oh interesting interesting that sphincter has six distinct ridges no I I don't

think there is is there a butthole museum? Subreddit? Defend him. Defend him. I'll finish this article up. This finding propelled the creature to evolutionary stardom and brought two busloads of geneticists to Brandow's tour. Quote, developing an asshole makes comb jelly score high on the evolutionary race, he said affectionately, adding that having an excreting orifice may have also allowed them to spend more time eating quote and they are voracious eaters too they literally eat non-stop anything they can find including other comb jellies god damn there you go this article goes a

long while but it's from Atlas Obscura written by Lena Zeldavik published January 28th, 2025. I feel like calling it the oldest anus is a little bit of a mislead. They're not that old. It's a species that's had anuses for who knows how long, 10,000s, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of years. No, no, no, comb jellies live up to three years.

My anus is older than that. That's weird to think about. Our anuses are older than that that's weird to think about our anuses are older than any living comb jelly is known to me maybe these geneticists want to come up to our butts are you is that an invite cuz I'd be this goes out publicly but be careful with that I feel I don't know if I want to make the claim that I feel like a lot of buttholes look the same someone's like, wait, that's gotta be Wade's butthole. Bald? Yeah, buttholes are like fingerprints, I think. Prob? I don't wanna think about it. They have those little like ridges and lines.

You go to the police station, you ink it up, squat down onto the butthole pad. I don't know, imagine like the security where it's like, instead of putting your hand against it, you have to put your butthole up against the wall. Little thing that juts out, it's like, ah putting your hand against that you have to put your butthole up against the wall. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I got him. If you really want to be mean you tell them it's a retinal scanner, then they get pink eye Why is it so low? You're really tall for this job. Yeah, you can lean down. You can't lean up. It's you know anyway I'm sorry that this is where this episode is devolved to I feel responsible for not having hey

You know what our 15th bullet episode I figured had to devolve into buttholes eventually. This is not a bullet episode That's not what this is. We had an entire intro for bullets. No, we had an entire intro for knives Oh wait, no, we were talking about all those lead based knives that we talked about Listen, I don't remember the beginning I barely remember what any of these point designations mean back in forever ago So that was so long ago, but we got the future to look forward to and this episode is not over so lay it on me guys Carry me to the finish earn some points deep seek huh? Well you guys hear about deep seek I heard about deep seek yeah big everyone's all up in arms about it

Oh, no, no Nvidia still is a goodbye I mean honestly probably but even deep seeksteak was built on Nvidia chips. God damn it. I was trying to give an interesting fact and it just led me to full fucking circle. I was like I literally put in my search and it will never be out of my history. Animals with the most intricate anus and number one is the fucking comb jelly. To stardom rocking it up there. but they describe it as the warty comb jelly The hum the warty comb jelly has an anus that appears and disappears making an animal with an intricate anus like you know you played peekaboo and the scientists like where'd it go it's going where'd it go? I don't know. Future soldier camouflage is based on the comb jellies anus.

Man, how innovative is this anus? The giant California sea cucumber also has an intricate anus. It can breathe and eat through it. That's not that weird. Lots of things do that. The bombardier beetle can shoot a boiling mix of chemicals out of its anus. The marine worm remyselus multicudata has a body devise it does in a branch, it is each ending in a butt.

So it's got many butts? It's got a multi-butt? I guess so, yeah. If you have a butthole, do you automatically have butt cheeks? I don't think so. Yeah, not necessarily, I guess. There's probably some people out there with like negative butt, you know? So I don't think that qualifies as having cheeks every interesting but whole article I can find all goes back to the jelly I don't like that sentence

The comb jelly the coach. Oh, I do have an anecdote. This is actually Something happened today the other day. I think just yesterday. You know I have my truck now right you some truck nuts No, I didn't not yet I'll earn those soon. You know how Amy does this thing where every time she sees a cyber truck She just goes and hope they look right so that happened Yesterday a cyber truck pulled up on like a an onramp to go up Into the you know, the highway the highway thing on ramp highway driving yes cars okay okay same page here I look over him and I give him one of these and

then he guns it like he guns it off the line because I don't know he was trying to show off or something he guns it his tailgate falls as he's gunning it and I just see it because he like zooms past me goes it goes flomp And he has to pull over off of the side of the highway and I drive right past It was so great. I forgot. Oh, I loved it so much Did Amy hit him with the casual thumbs down as you drove past him again? No, I didn't do that That would have been great. But oh man, you gotta give him the gladiator where you give him this one at first like That would have been great, but oh man you gotta give him the gladiator where you give him this one at first like oh

Oh, it was so great. I love that moment. I'm too afraid to taunt drivers in Ohio. They buy real bullets here California have all those avocado bullets and those like gluten-free bullets here. It's all pure grease and man and man Bullets made of man. Oh, all right. I wonder if a bone bullet would work. Once, maybe. It probably wouldn't survive. It would need a jacket, but like probably you could make that happen maybe.

Like a little tiny coat? Yeah, keep it warm and or cold. Full cotton jacket. Oh, that's called a wad, but yeah. He's right, you know, it is. I believe anything you all say. Anyway, all right, help. I found a new scam that we can all run. Baby born in Krispy Kreme parking lot during snowstorm in Alabama receives free donuts for a year. But get this babies can't eat donuts. Not newborns anyway. So I think what's going to happen is the parents are going to bring the baby in with the donut card and

then the parents are going to get free donuts for you. So if you're looking for a way to save on Krispy Kremes, yeah. Not that I know of, but I don't think the three of us can give birth. I thought that was a whole bit we did in a previous episode about that. Us giving birth? I didn't you say that Wade and I were having a baby and I was the father or something it was a whole... Oh right that's because my audience was weird. Sure sure blame them. Your audience has one common denominator. What's that? Six. Six. We got 10 more minutes to fill. Hahaha! God, I love yes anding. Seven.

Ooh, no but. You know, it does have but. Wardy comb jello-jello-jello-fish. You alright? Jello-fish. Get the diabetes testing kit near jello-fish. Guys, I failed you. I spent all my resources making that beautiful level.

You could play the intro again. I'll take my headphones off. Hold on, yeah, so please give us a countdown. I tried to lower the volume a bit. It was a little quieter, which is still pretty loud. It's like the, eee, pop! Yeah, that was fine. Isn't something smell a little off to you? Hey, do you smell something?

Well, that's a weird smell. I don't know what it is. Have you ever felt the chill run up your spine? It was like something tapped me on the shoulder, but... When I turned around... Get ready to forget everything you know about everything. Guys, I'm still smelling something weird. A whole city of people just turning round and round endlessly! Alright, if someone doesn't say they're smelling or not smelling, I swear I'm...

Oh my god. What happened to the moon? You expect me to believe we're surrounded by gases that we cannot see? I know what clouds look like. Those aren't clouds! Welcome to the show that was formerly known as Don't Look Up, but we were sued by some dumbass in a movie studio. This is... It's in the Air. formerly known as Don't Look Up, but we were sued by some dumbass in a movie studio. This is...

It's in the air. Viewer discretion is advised. I wish I had another follow-up bit after that, but I don't. I know I haven't done one of those in the while and I'm pretty happy with it But God I wish I had taken like 30 minutes last night to actually do do anything Listen you focused on the thing that you cared the most about and I respect it I have a fun fact for you rats one pair of rats can produce 15,000 descendants a year. Damn. That's a lot of rats. A lot of sex. Unless they have 5,000 babies per sex. That is only three sex. I don't think so. They might. I don't know how that works. You don't know how sex

works? Not rat sex. I'm familiar with with one kind. I'm pretty sure it's the same idea Generally stork comes in you have sex with the stork, baby Yep, everyone every species on this planet. It's just a crucial it's crucial that you avoid the butthole Well with a stork, it's a cloaca actually, so it's the same thing probably. I hope it's clo feels better. I hate that it's aching. I don't know how to spell Chloe. Give us some close to the. All right. Anyway, Bob, what you got? Well, actually this headline sucks, but the story is interesting.

Robbery foiled by location choice. So this is a classic like Craigslist Facebook marketplace while robbery someone found an item they wanted online and one of these sort of marketplaces and was like they arranged a meetup the person who is going to buy the item was just planning on snatching it and getting the hell out of there and so they agreed on a place to meet for safety for the seller's safety. Didn't help. Robber was too smart. What location do you think this transaction took place? What's the safest place that you could do a Craigslist look at Craigslist deal? Probably wasn't a police station. Truck stop bathroom. Closed Ponderosa. Not out of business. Just closed. That chain will live on

Mark's not guess was correct. They agreed to meet inside a police station The buyer showed up the seller was there the seller put the thing out was like look give me the money and the buyer was like Nope and snatched it and ran away and the officers are still looking for the suspect And the officers are still looking for the suspect. Oh This one there's not anything for you guys to guess I just really like this headline National plumbing champion trip drama Wisconsin plumber Tim quick clinched a spot in Florida's plumbing national championship Competing in pipe threading and drain clearing events. No word on whether he wore his tool belt to the after party. Well that's just a not very

funny joke. Anyway did you guys know that there were plumbing national championships and would you watch that if it was on ESPN? I did know that there are electrician national championships with like electrical pole work. I know that there's like lumberjack championships. I know there's a firefighter championships. A lot of this we covered on hit podcast go my favorite sports team But yeah, I did not know about the plumber one who provides the poop Uh, I think it's simulated poop cool cool. They get a bunch of a jellyfish go on They put them in a toilet the jellyfish poop and that's it. I

Don't want to watch that. I would not watch I've seen enough plumbing in my life. I don't need to see more I yeah, I think it's probably just like clocked they clock the pipe with like some it's probably relatively standard like there's it's Some set amount of paper towels or something but lead based poop Not in California, that's why it's in Florida they're still allowed to use lead-based poop there what you do is you beat the lead with your own lead you eat enough lead that it shocks the lead in the pipes only lead can stop lead that's the worst smokey the bear can stop lead you know letty the bear.

Missing fur patches. Instead of a shell, it was just a giant gun, like a 50 cal. Only you. Scarred, missing fur patches, slightly glows in the dark. Anyone else? No. I don't know why that was so aggressive, it just came out that way. Alright, okay, we're ending it there.

I would like to formally apologize to everyone for my unpreparedness. I had all the time in the world, I have no excuse, and I spent it all on eBay. I didn't actually buy anything on eBay, but last night I was looking on eBay for like hours. I don't know what was wrong with me. I was like in a trance. Bought nothing, did nothing, wasted three hours straight. It was great.

I wouldn't spend it any other way and there I love that then I woke up this morning with plenty of time so much time went to sharpening knives That's what I did in the morning. That's not all you did. You also came up with that. Yes, that's So I woke up at 630 and then I sharpened a knife that I didn't sharpen last night And then I was like, I gotta feed the dogs and oh I have an hour a whole hour oh I'll make one of those things and I'll come up with a great episode ah yeah and then anyway no points Wade you were depressed by snow you antagonize me which lost you a point you got a point back for dick hardener lead

foot oh life zero life zero life lead o life, cureeeed a disease, rats, 15,000 descendants, clow, ache, uh, and leddy the bear, which I think I said, but I wrote it down for you because you kind of brought it up. Bob, you got, you're never gonna kill someone with that! You got the segue point, zero Mary curry, please in the restaurant Blood hole fingerprints a new scam and then the perfect crime stealing from someone in a police station They can't do a thing about it. Apparently the points that he lose for antagonizing none. He didn't and I didn't antagonize him I'm a good person that gives Bob seven. I choose to give all my antagonizing points to me. I'm too selfish You did that on purpose

Yeah, you can tell by the fact that he the fact that he read it down the fact that he read it Damn, I think did he read it down you do you ins coming up the house? This is fair. I think for my unpreparedness What's the number? Oh? Wouldn't you like to know? Yeah, oh, I bet you'd enjoy that. It was 10 last time, I think we're up to 12 now, yeah. Someone in the subreddit was saying they thought it was higher, but yeah, it should be 12 now based on my math. It probably should be higher, but we don't keep track of things.

Do you want me to just, I have the one that I had before, do you want me to just do it? Oh sure, yeah, that way I'm not biased or anything anything There you go. You could see the percentages over here. Why does one man show have to be green? I don't like that should be what color would you what color would you like? I don't know greens fine I get no that doesn't look right well mark clearly mark has to be red. Oh wait. Oh mark. No wait wait Wait, I have no chance of winning The winner is either me or mark Yeah, yeah, okay, oh nobody look at how badly I'm typing all right, you just really don't want me on this wheel oh Look at that

Ooh, I don't like that very much what about that? Oh, that's worse. Oh, it's worse. I don't like any of it It's just gonna be white white. That's fine. That's fine, right? That looks like a clown horn You ready mark? Yep oh oh it's finally happened ha ha ha yay this applause yay man what are the chances of that

I would say 12 percent that means it resets now too right yeah that's the thing Marks wanted to happen for a year now ha ha ha Yeah, that's the thing marks wanted to happen for a year now Funny intro that I used to do We get everyone will be so happy that I made one of these again. Oh, they're gonna be happy. All right, I swear

Does that mean we're off next week Bob? It's just mark. Well, we have to write a one-man show for Mark, which presents its own interesting dilemmas. But is it a full... is it like a full hour long episode? We didn't really talk about the details of this. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't think I would have to do it. Good thing we're ready for that, because we have to record another one right now. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of, because I'm like, oh, we'll just skip it. But no one knows who's gonna host next time now we didn't think of a way to resolve that either

We just have the one-man show in as a bit. No, well, okay So I have to do one man show but you guys need time to write it That should be next week when we record next but we need to figure out who's gonna host next episode Well, I was gonna say what if we did another council of distract now that this has happened next week when we record next, but we need to figure out who's gonna host next episode. Well, I was gonna say, what if we did another Council of Distract? Now that this has happened, what if we do another Council episode? We've got the one-man show, then we do a Council episode, and then... It is about time, yeah. It is... didn't we do it like...

We did the boat episode in August? The summer, I wanna say? But we did Council earlier in the year we did the February 19th So when this comes out, we would be very close to that. Yeah, that's about the right time All right, we'll do a council we can look up the official Distractable Constitution document by finding someone on the subreddit who wrote it down for us because we didn't and then We could just have it, you know sort of a review session and and prepare ourselves to enjoy Mark's one-man show. Okay all right that sounds good. You know

when we read the constitution it'll be probably a surprise we'll be like oh yeah oh 100% yeah. All right so it's decreed next episode is the second semi-annual. Bnual biannual Council of Distracted biannual what's one annual annual monogamal monogamal annual just annual yeah just single annual we will vote what the name is in the council that's the first order of business yeah name the meeting that we're having all right cool all right well anyway thank you everyone for listening to this do you want to give a one-man speech it should be like a warm-up that there's no winner or loser

speech time management is such a valuable skill it's never too late to learn how to manage your time correctly thank you for listening and or watching thank you Bob and Wade for participating in this and I appreciate all of you and I look forward to giving my second ever one man show in my life. I've done quite a few more than the average person, apparently. Follow the podcast for more. It will be a new season very soon and I don't know what that means for us, but we will determine it in the council. Podcast out.