Distractible - Mark's One Man Show

Episode Date: February 21, 2025

Mark's life flashes before his very eyes, at the whim of Bob and Wade. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Uber Eats. Thankfully, you can now get almost anything you need for the season delivered with Uber Eats. What do I mean by almost? Well, you can't get a car, but you might be able to get stuff to clean your car, which you might need to do if you're going to be driving people around. You can't get fire, but you can get something cozy to wear around the fire. Maybe you can get the stuff you need to make a fire. A refrigerator?

No. I checked. Anything you want that goes inside your refrigerator? Yes. So whatever you're looking for this season, know that you can get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Download the Uber Eats app today to order now. Alcohol in select markets, product availability may vary by region C app for details. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Destructible. This episode, business like Bob diagnoses Dr. P, benches Wade, cautions drivers, asks more easy questions, and gets horrific. Wildcat Wade muppets out, cuts the Colombian and slings out softies. Medicinal Mark crusades against caffeine-peel-off shrinkage and performs a tour de force while being battered by the boys. From Rene Descartes to St. Paternal Stingers. Yes! It's time

for Mark's One Man Show. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hi, welcome to Distractable. This is a very special episode because even though I'm doing the intro, I'm not the host. For some reason, I'm One Man and this is my show. And alongside me are the and friends, Bob and Wade. I feel like insulting us right as we're about to have total control over what you're about to do on a recorded video podcast is a bold choice, but I'll take it. Ah-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam- said wow that was my attempted muppet laugh I don't know if it came right through I could tell by the reaction it was not well mark has no idea what's about to happen during this episode it's called one-man show and I don't think Wade and I really came up with an idea that is a traditional old-school one-man show but it will be Mark's show and he's the man

but we thought we could start with small talk we're not trying to torture you every second of the whole thing some of it might be tough we're all friends here you know I don't know why it has to be torture that's the thing I thought that was the joke I thought it was a punishment well I mean punishment or joyous occasion like whoa it's like winning the lottery. You know, we hit the random chance. That was really rare and never in my life have I bought a lottery ticket and then thought man, I don't want that to happen ever. God, please don't. That's what I mean. That's why. So it could be good, right? Maybe it can't be that bad. It couldn't possibly be that bad. You're a funny guy and we're stupid. So, you know, it'll be fine

May I point you Bob to subsections four and five if you say it can't be that bad. It might have a couple of parts That's up to him how bad those are. Listen, that's fair section four subsection a Subsection I I see what you did there Bob and I'm laughing but I can't say anything It's fine. It'll be fine. I'm laughing too. I'm really excited for five more than anything, but small talk. We always do this. How's everybody doing? Anyone got small talks? I went to a UC University Cincinnati basketball game. Oddly enough, we all went to UC. While attending I never once went to a basketball game. I don't know why, but I didn't. I went to a game for a friend's birthday

and he had like 20 people there, so they got like one of the boxes. It was 100 bucks a person for a box seat, which is not bad, but went to the UC game and UC played very well. They actually won the game. It was really fun. And I had a friend convince me

that maybe a month-ish from now, I might be joining a basketball league for the first time in 15 years and let me tell you why is that? Why does that need a laugh because I'm not in basketball shape and I'm bald now weights knees have never been more terrified Like I think two months ago told boss like I finally feel like for the first time in a decade My knees don't hurt every time I go up and down the stairs And then this conversation about joining a basketball league happen. I was in my knees. I felt them quiver Yeah, I mean, I'm sure that will be fun and that sounds like a great idea I wish I was in shape enough to play even a sport casually. I'm not I'm not either

I would just die. I tried to play basketball I think but I asked them if it was a half court league instead of full court and they laughed at me I think but I asked them if it was a half court league instead of full court and they laughed at me Gotta run all the way from the one end to the other end every time Basketballs a lot of running. Maybe you'll just be an offense guy. Maybe you just stand down there on that end Maybe maybe they don't need you on the other side. I'm more likely to be the defense guy I always like defense more than offense. But anyway, maybe sports, maybe shape? Maybe dead. I mean that's all of our lives really day to day. That's true. There's a couple more maybes in there probably sometimes, but that's about right. I am making a huge sweeping change

in my life that has needed to happen for years and years. A haircut? Shut up. Damn. You're just jealous. Hey, somehow Wade still gets haircuts, which I don't understand, but continue. As you guys know, I've had ADHD for a while, and I've always known that my ADHD medication doesn't play well with caffeine. So you're getting off the medication. Well, one or the other. No, I'm cutting caffeine out of my life finally. Hey! I've done this before. What's in that mug you're drinking from there?

Decaf. Which still has like trace amounts of caffeine in it. That's a little bit, right? But I'm like, it's almost impossible to avoid because even like most sodas have it in it. I'm just not going after coffee and Red Bulls because it was getting to the point where I was drinking Like a cup of coffee maybe two and a red bull a day and it's like that's so much caffeine and was Red Bull your creamer What's the word the Guinness and Red Bull what's that called Guinness and Red Bull is that the one that's called an Irish car bomb Or is that a different one? No, that's a different one. Let me tell you, don't mix Guinness and Lucky Charms. I wouldn't. I won't. That never was in danger of that happening.

And the multiverse never had occurred until now, I guess. Now there's multiple universes that are spawning on it. Anyway, I'm cutting caffeine because, you know, it's like, it's just never actually hit me the way that I imagine things should It's more about the B vitamins and I've talked about that before and like the the energy drinks But now I just take a daily B vitamin supplement and that's helping out a lot because when I'm taking to stars It's just it's a long term. It's extended throughout the day. So I never really get to the point where I'm like, oh, I'm tired I need to pick me up. But as soon as I drink a cup of coffee I go, huh, I'm so tired because it has a weird inverse effect. Sometimes it's just like man

I'm just like a sleepy time now, so I'm cutting it out and I'm going to be not doing it anymore That's admirable though. I've not cut it out completely for a long period But I did almost a month where I did like a kind of a caffeine reset. Man, that first energy drink the month after I did the reset, I was like, holy shit, it does something. That was last year. I'm already at the point now where I'll get the biggest can of Red Bull they sell. And I chugged the whole thing and I'm like, oh, I need a nap. Ooh, that's tough. That's like, that's not, that's probably not good. I've heard chemically in your brain,

it's like caffeine only works in small amounts periodically. And if you get used to it, unless you hit your threshold of caffeine, it acts as like a depressant instead. And you kind of just generally doesn't work as well, more relaxing than anything. But then you, that's why you keep elevating the amount and up and up and up. I'm not trying to say that everyone out there shouldn't drink coffee or take caffeine. It's just that like,

ADHD medication is already a stimulant as it is. Like, estaurus is a milder one, but it's still a stimulant and it still affects you and then caffeine on top of that, it's just too many stimulants, probably not good for the body, not great for the systems, bad for the sleep. And so I'm trying to fix all that. That's admirable. I'm eternally jealous of people where caffeine is just like a thing they can do and it gives them like Mandy has that. Mandy is super sensitive to caffeine.

And so like if she gets a bad night's sleep and the next morning is just like super rough she could just be like oh man I'm gonna have a sip of dr. pepper that will help and then she has like half a dr. pepper and she's like oh the caffeine what the fuck is it dr. pepper what happened like I wish I had that god damn I wouldn't mind doing an energy drink or coffee or something when it's needed. Like I need to stay up tonight and do something. I better take this because that's what it's for. As opposed to just getting up every day and then taking it, which kind of defeats the purpose. But again, everyone can do whatever they do!

I don't want to upset the capitalist machine. No, Mark's right, caffeine is the devil oh no no shrinks your penis I assume drinks your penis let's look up information about that this caffeine shrink penis I just looked up the AI overview just like no there is no evidence that caffeine shrinks the penis and just that line is highlighted by Google's AI. So, you know what I'm trying to get at? Well, the definitive answer, that's... Thanks. Thank you. Thanks, AI overlord.

That's a weird thing because it's not even caffeine either. Separately, soda, the sweetness, especially of sugar-free soda, it's so sweet. It's hard to match that because I like like sparkling water, like flavored sparkling water. Like right now, I'm in a bad cycle where I've been drinking a lot of like sprite zero and sweet stuff And when I get that craving that fruity seltzer water tastes awful. This isn't sweet enough I want the cloying sweetness of a drink that tastes like it's gonna kill me Or whatever the Dr. Pepper commercials were yeah, it's the sweet one I think they're all the sweet one couldn't tell you but I do like dr. Pepper

That's one of the many flavors in dr. Pepper sweet one It's also hard whenever you pair things together like I used to drink so much soda with everything That there are certain foods when I eat it like like if I go to skyline I need a soda to go with the chili. They don't have Mountain Dew at skyline anymore. It's kind of ruined I was always Pepsi with skyline now. I do dr. Pepper don't have Mountain Dew at Skyline anymore, it's kind of ruined. I was always Pepsi with Skyline, now I do Dr. Pepper because they have their Coke products now. They switched to Coke products and they have Mellow Yellow, but no one carries Mellow Yellow Zero on tap.

But they always have Diet Mountain Dew up in there. Still disappointed about that one, but I'll survive. Probably should just not eat Skyline or Diet Mountain Dew anymore. Okay, let's not be crazy. He's right. What if you bring your own Mountain Dew to Skyline or diet Mountain Dew anymore. Okay, let's not be crazy. He's right. What if you bring your own Mountain Dew to Skyline, but you buy a Mellow Yellow,

then you just like ask for just a cup of ice, and you're like, I will pay for the soda, but I need my Mountain Dew, which is how you drink Mountain Dew, you get the shake that you pour. I feel like the rational solution is to just get Skyline to go, which is not the same. It's not as good to go.

It's still good, but. But you can ask for the cheese on to go, which is not the same. It's not as good to go. It's still good, but... But you can ask for the cheese on the side, which helps. A three-way's not the same on your table as it is someone else's, you know? Oh, I eat my three-way on my lap like a dog, but... Even if you're in the restaurant, just at the bar, I'll take it in my lap, please. Here's your order, you just spin your stool, and you're like, gesture to your crotch.

I don't like barking at my dick. That was not a fun experience. What did you do to your dick? For some reason whenever I was eating off my lap I went I don't know why that was my response to that. I must have missed that. You were talking and he he did you what did you scare your dick a little bit? Thankfully it's hard to scare it any smaller after my caffeine intake. Hey, Google says there's no evidence supporting that. Well, my peepee says there is. Okay. All right. Well, I was trying to think a small talk this whole time.

Did you have big talk? Wait, I got a workbench in the garage. Mark, I got an altar to put all my Ryobi products on. Whoa. Well, it's one of those rolling tool chests with the workbench on top kind of thing. So it's got like 20 drawers that I'll pull out. Since I got that, I also ordered a couple things,

Ryobi things that were on sale. So I have more Ryobi in my life than I had previously. You do enter a phase in your life when you get a workbench and you start collecting your tools. I have a workbench, but it's not organized. So I can't say that there's any pride going on in there, but Jason keeps all of his tools extremely, extremely organized.

Like absolutely everything has a label, everything is in its place. He just cut out a bunch of tool slots for everything. So I'm envious of that, but I... I don't feel like you have to do that to be a real workbench guy. I've been watching a lot of woodworking YouTube and I like the work benches where the guy pulls a drawer open and it's just like Someone took every wrench in existence and just went And the guy opens it and like, oh, yeah, I need a three eights

Wink. Yeah, there it is. Like he knows where it is, even though it looks like an absolute clusterfuck of everything That's the kind of workbench I aspire to I want the drawer that you open it you gotta wiggle it open the drawer above hit a hammer on it then it opens that's what I want I think I own a hammer a wrench I think I own at least one of each of those tools those are are good things to have. What size? Oh, they fit in my hand and they have a little thing that makes them go That's called adjustable wrench. Yep. Got one of those. Why is it called that? Because you can adjust the mouth. This guy thinks he's not a workbench guy. You're a workbench guy. You're on the way.

I'm more of a junk drawer guy with a couple tools I was given over the years. It's always where it starts. It hasn't evolved yet after ten years of having those things Oh, sometimes it starts slow. It's coming. Just wait workbench guy two weeks from now. I'll come back I'm tool the Tim man tool the Tim man Taylor close enough Close enough You have to do it backwards wait Just like tool the Tim man I

Might be one of the most clever jokes you've ever made those that was great I'm gonna applaud you that makes me question myself when you say things like that cuz no it's really I think it was it that funny I'm a very intelligent quick to come up with a joke not to hyper analyze the comedy of it but that is actually really fast to come up with that idea and it's very funny everyone should be clapping everyone. Well who's driving? They are they are take your hands off the wheel both hands Clap loudly Roll your window down and stick your torso out and scream to the world

No, but seriously car accidents while listening to this podcast have never been higher. Please be careful. Mm-hmm Mark are you prepared? I what do I need to be prepared? I don't know. You don't need to be prepared. You just need to brace yourself. Okay. All right.

Wade, do you want me to kick it off? Yeah, by all means. Our first game today is a classic. It's one we've all enjoyed and viewers have requested more of it. So I think it's time. We call this one easy questions. I thought you were going to say change. I was like, Oh God, no.

No, we can add that in if you want that. No, no, it's okay. I don't need that. Easy questions, Mark. When did we play that? Uh, well, there were 20 easy questions previously. Do you remember the wall? Built by the Roman Emperor the wall I think you've got this one mark. Is it the same questions?

What was the most commonly occurring naturally occurring element on earth do you remember mark you remember naturally occurring element on Earth. Do you remember Mark? Do you remember? ASTATIUM! ASTATIUM! ASTATIUM! ASTATIUM! ASTATIUM!

It's A.S. What about the treaty Mark? What's the treaty? Winnebago. Whoa, West Valley. West Valley. West Valley. Yeah.

No, it's okay. I know you know those ones, cause they're so easy. We have new easy questions Mark. Okay, I'm ready. And you should know these. Some of them you've learned, like Wade taught us about philosophy. Most of them are science.

He loves science. Space. I love science. Yeah, we'll just rotate, Bob. You ask one, I'll ask one, and we'll go through. Apollo 11, Mark. You know things about space. Yeah. What programming language was used to write the Apollo 11 guidance

computer software probably assembly see good job you know another easy one which philosopher is credited with the quote I think therefore I am don't fucking know weighty's widow philosophy. We talked about this. One of the most well-known, at least top 20. I think you made a series of jokes riffing on this exact quote. Matthew McC- Are you talking about Matthew McConaughey?

I don't think that is the philosopher. T-H-I-N-K-T-H-E-R-E-F-O-R-E-L-K-A-M. That is not the philosopher's name. Oh, I thought that was pretty close Socrates? So close, René Descartes Of course! Yeah, obviously Back to science

What is the half-life of Carbon-14? What the... God! Come on man, you know this Easy question! Oh man! Oh yeah! Oh boy!

You love science! You love science! Uh huh! Oh well obviously the answer is 1,248,321 years. So close. So, so close bud. But not quite. Of course, the half-life of Carbon-14 is 5,730 years.

You knew that, you knew that, you just couldn't remember. Just couldn't remember. That's how many feet are in a mile. Exactly. Sure, sure, yeah, yeah. Which moon of Jupiter is known for its subsurface ocean potential for harboring life? What's the name of that stupid piece of shit? What is this?

Fucking bitch ass moon? Thinks it's better than us? You fucking asshole moon? You piece of shit. What's your name? Oh you know, fucking no one knows. God. Ooh, what's your name?

What's your name? What's your name? Ooh, what's your name? Oh, I love that song, yeah. Oh, what's your name? What's your name? Is it your real name? What's your name?

What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? Oh, I love that song, yeah. What's the name? What's your name? Is it Europa? It's Europa! This guy! Alright Mark, we did almost an entire episode

where this was a thing we talked about extensively. And I believe it was a thing we talked about extensively and I believe it was a thing that you brought up. I know you know this. Oh great. Okay. Okay. What does CRISPR stand for in the field of genetic engineering? I know you know this. These are all words that everyone knows probably. I'll give you a hint. It starts with a C.

Yeah. CRISPR C R I S P R. All right. And you know the letters. That's not the question we asked, but that's pretty good. Don't tell me if I'm right or wrong until I get to the end of it.

Okay. All right. All right. So I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. No one said anything. No one said a word. So if we just make faces while he guesses, he'll never know. I'll make the same. I'll react the same way to every guest. If it's right or wrong. So raw insertion, sensual pleasure reaction ah So close

Yeah, what was it? But you're listening ears on because of course crisper stands for clustered regularly interspaced to short palindromic repeats What did you I blacked out? What did you just say? clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats Clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats Palindromic yeah, yeah palindrome. Yeah, I know about palindrome. You know about palindromes Race cars a palindrome. Oh It was a good attempt. I got a softball for you. You definitely know this one I'm already knocking it off the lid. I'm already checking it off. You know it who directed the 1982 cyberpunk film Blade Runner

Oh Ridley Scott What is the Schwartz child radius oh Yeah, it's something to do with a black hole I think but it's not the event horizon Or is that something else? What has a radius in life? What radii eyes half the diameter? He's great All right, wait all right moving on next question Wait answered his own question. Sorry. All right, it's source. It's something to do the black hole I think but it's not the event horizon so it must be just like

the minimum or something size that things must be compressed out to become a black hole or something like that I don't remember that's honestly so close but I can't give it to you that's fair but the Swartz Child radius is a radius of the event horizon of a black hole oh so it is the event horizon oh okay i was like i kept being like it doesn't have anything to do with it doesn't have anything to do with yeah you were right there except for the one should have been a zero or vice versa the zero should have been a one that was very good you're a smart guy all right another softy in what year did the Cultural Revolution begin in China? Which one? The most recent one. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

19... 37? 1937? Ooh, very close. 19 was a good guess. 66. Ah, okay, right. Oh, you're talking about the... the Communist.

Mao Zedong Revolution revolution. I see I see Contemporarily that's referred to as the Cultural Revolution, right? I see I see I see. Okay. All right, Mark, you know this one Yeah, which element was synthesized in 1994 and named for a famous physicist probably Einsteinium yeah okay all right and you remembered astatine and everything I did did I say astatine you said astatium it was your clothes before okay I thought somehow I had my lips have moved and words come out and I didn't notice it blackout and say something else maybe who was the

last Ptolemaic ruler of Egypt Ptolemae great guess but no Cleopatra the seventh the seven I mean that's sort of the one I think we know as Cleopatra but yes okay all right gotcha okay but there is a VII which historians have told me means seven okay all right that's true all right you did pretty good mark you got four correct and six almost correct. All right. What does that get me? The next segment.

Yeah, you've earned the right to move on to the next segment, Mark. Yay, would hate to end early. This is one that we've also done before and you thoroughly excelled at and everyone very much enjoyed your offerings in this episode. Unfortunately, Wade and I are not gonna be trying to keep up with you this go-around.

So it's gonna be just you. Everyone will be excited to hear. The next game is called Two Sentence Horror Stories. Oh God! No! Oh God! Luckily you're wearing your spooky pants. Alright, I'm ready. Let's do this. Come on. Look like you're wearing your spooky pants Alright, I'm ready. Let's do this. Come on. Bring it on I'm good. Mom, would you like to lead us off again? Sure, you said if there's anyone who doesn't listen that episode you should go listen to it. Mark absolutely shines

I'm gonna give Mark one sentence and his job is to give me the second sentence to make a two sentence horror story You'll get it once we circle but just in case the ground beneath my feet began to shift and I knew something was wrong Let him cook give me a sec give me one more time the ground beneath my feet began to shift and I knew something was Wrong. It's an earthquake. Look, if you're not afraid of an earthquake, it's gonna be scary. That's true. I've only really ever experienced one earthquake in real life. And it was the babyest earthquake ever. It was, I was live on stream when it happened and I basically was just all, I think that was an earthquake it was terrifying for the half second before my body could process what was happening it was like oh no the

house is collapsing or something it's scary I got another I got another wait wait cue me up that same one the ground beneath my feet began to shift and I knew something was wrong especially because I was on the moon no that does work as a moon worms right yeah that's what I was thinking should we skip around through these a few Bob we have a lot I imagine we'll just pick out some of our favorites if you have any favorites you could skip right to them I heard something faintly at first but quickly approaching so I turned around. I don't fucking know. Well you know about turning around. Yeah, I thought this was a softball.

I heard something faintly at first but quickly approaching so I turned around. That was the fastest ghost I do like that. That's good. That's good. I like that. We're laughing more at your process of coming up with it. It just looks like you're being stabbed with a voodoo doll while you try to come up with if only you had practice being in positions where you had to improvise language coming out of your mouth on the spot. I can come up with anything but if it's supposed to be like a horse or a turn around what is it like? Oh no grandma under fast mobility

chair. Just turn around. We see a moose. Yeah. Mooses are scary. This is could be terrifying. That's fine. No, don't worry, Mark. We'll keep it fresh here. This'll, this'll be a little pallet cleanser before we get into the next two sentence horror story. Mark. What is the half-life of carbon 14? Ah, it's the same as a mile 5,730 baby. Holy shit. He got it right. I'm never gonna remember what an actual mile is, but I will always say. All right, good job, see?

This is designed for you to succeed. Yeah, I feel successful. Am I not gonna be allowed to finish to send his horror stories until I answer all the questions? Oh, we don't have rules that complicated. Okay, good. Finish his horror story. Wake up, daddy!

My daughter cried shaking me Kit kids are scary kids are inherently scary got a lot to work with her Megan wake up daddy. My daughter cried shaking me. I opened my eyes and Saw the scariest kid I've ever seen ever seen. You said kids are scary. Yeah, kids are scary. Kids are scary. So I was like, ah, that's his fear. I'll tap right into that fear. And I got, I think I got you. I think you're just hiding your fear. Hey, if my daughter tried to wake me up by shaking me, I would be terrified. Since I don't have one of those. That was good. That was concise. Good job. Thank you.

We're not keeping track of points, but if we were, you would have earned a point for that. All right, here we go. All I wanted to do was make a sandwich. I feel like that's not a sentence. I feel like that's, I feel like that's not a complete sentence. That's a whole sentence.

That's a whole sentence. I don't think it is. I think it's... I want to make a sandwich. All I wanted to do. Well, that was the qual it's... I want to make a sandwich. All I wanted to do. Well, that was the qualifier, but I want to make a sandwich. I wanted to make a sandwich. Alright, alright, alright.

It was all I wanted to do. Hit me again. All I wanted to do was make a sandwich. Too bad I was in jail. Ffff... Ooooooooh... Ffff... I'm trying man! No they're great, I love them.

How do I make a sandwich scary? I don't know, what's in the sandwich? Scary stuff? I pulled out the divorce bread. Oh no! I got the mayonnaise that makes you old! Ohhhhhhh! Anyway. That's a tough balance, the old mayonnaise and the young mustard.

Can I get it just right or the sandwich really fucks you up? Alright, I'm ready. You want it scary, I'll give you an unquestionably scary setup. I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had, covered in sweat. Guys, it's not gonna be good. I believe in you. No, it's not. You can do it, it's gonna be great.

It's the same, it's the same thing, guys. It's great, it's fine. I dreamt those in the scariest sauna you've ever seen. I like that, I like that. Tyson the nightmare, Tyson the covered in sweat. I like that I like that ties in the nightmare touch in the covered in sweat. I like that I couldn't get sauna out of my head. It's just stuck there from the very beginning I was like, why would he be sweating? Oh sauna ready for one more? No, great I opened my eyes and I was drifting

Floating in the middle of the ocean alone. scared by itself I don't even make anything else period period period terrifying there's already a period at the end of this fuck quote parentheses or yeah parentheses oh no period parentheses said I alright Bob I'm learning a lesson we gotta give him a scary intro, but I'm too scared This is the ability to think if you go right after his fears I was in the middle of the ocean. I would say oh no cuz that's all this that's all the scary I mean it is a horror story. You can't hit him with the old. Oh, no, he said yeah, it's true Oh, no, it's terrifyingly. No, I know what we have

to do next. I know what we have to do next. Mark. What does CRISPR stand for in genetic engineering? I told you, I know you did. I know you did. All right. I know it's in there. Those words there in there. You know this cell Cell... Is that right? You can't react! Clustered, clustered, clustered... Oh... No, it's an R actually next. Clustered... Reticulated...

Inverted... Oh... Palindromic! Wait, S. Ah... Succulent... Palindromic! Wait, S? Ahhhhhhh Succulent, palindromic, R Ah, well, I didn't finish my word my mic cut off I said And you didn't hear the peets at the end there. That's fair. We did not hear the peets. All right, Mark We'll go back to something. I know you're good at are we continuing to sentence or do you want to move on to section four? Oh good. I don't want section four. I actually really want to see section four. So I don't like the sound

I mean, there's nothing that says we can't circle back to two-cent we're circling back to the question so that's true all right mark so we're gonna give you a headline and you've got to tell us what you think the story is behind the headline okay all right while doing an impression of someone we tell you to do an impression fuck oh man you're really hitting my strong suits, guys. Don't worry, we've only pre-selected impressions that we know you can do really well. Aw, thanks. Thank you. That sounds sarcastic, but we did actually pick impressions that like, you do.

I'll give you a softball to start. Real easy one. I'm ready. Tell me what happened in this story. German Shepherd leads mass breakout at Dog park using your best Chica impression those bastards Those bastards locked me in here. I need to lead a revolution I'm assuming this German Shepherd Chica, so we're just gonna go with that. Sure. Oh Deliever, I don't know what I'll do, but I know that I have natural charisma.

I don't need to act it as the dog, do I? You could just talk about what happened in the news. No, I'm sticking first person. Do it however you want, I'm into this. Are you tired, my fellow dogs, of not enough treats, not enough toys? Them taking away the toys you freshly decapitated kill them all of them we start with the little ones go and then they jumped over the fence oh you're like recounting this to your to your

grandpuppies yeah I stayed in the park because I was a good girl. The easy easy mark. You got this. My favorite thing about she is when she tells a joke and she laughs. She is really good jokes. He gives the funniest dog I know. I don't know that many dogs, but she is definitely the funniest dog. I know. All right, Mark. This is a good one. I'm excited for this one. What happens in this headline? Find the bastard who shut down my chimney homeowners flu poo horror. And please describe what happens in this headline doing an impression of your best friend. Me. How do you talk? Hahahaha! Well... So... I don't know how to do it in front of you!

You talk normally! We're all from Ohio! So was the right word to start with. You were on exactly the right track. So there I was, on that roof. I really had to go. I look around, nothing but chimneys. And I'm thinking you know that

chimney is about the same size my butthole so drop my pants squatted over the thing next thing I know they're just screaming at me and here I am trying to get some privacy and I'm like hey fuck you I'm Bob and fuck you and then I finished I wiped with a shingle. I slid down there, my shoes flew off.

Landed in my Tesla that I modded out, custom, with eBay parts. I drove off into the sunset to be with my wife and my child. Cause I'm Bob. I basically told that story. I closed my eyes that cause I'm Bob. I basically told that story. I closed my eyes like a just picture Bob. Never heard my own voice come from outside my body before. Yeah, the only thing that I was like, oh, that's something you do, you do, you like lists. When you're telling a story, you do good lists of actions one after another.

I am currently waiting on several things from eBay auto for both of our cars. So that was dead on and I kind of have to poop. Mark, which philosopher is credited with the quote, I think, therefore I am. auto for both of our cars so that was dead on and I kind of have to poop mark which philosopher is credited with the quote I think therefore I am it's not Ridley Scott I'll tell you that I'll tell you how much I know that just let it flow it's in there it wants to come out you don't want what's in my head right now oh we do Pierce Brosnan so close's something, I don't know, it's something, it's something like that. Rene Descartes. No, it was not like that. No, you know what's funny is I could absolutely see how those ended up somewhere near each other

and when your brain was searching for like, oh you just said it, hang on. DeKart Brosnan. Well, Ridley Scott actually was closer, honestly. Much closer with Ridley Scott. I wish he'd stuck with that. It was less painful to listen to. Wait, I have one highlighted that I just can't wait anymore. I really want to hear him talk about this one.

I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready. Yeah, whatever you want. Oh, it's technically your turn. I guess I could just do that next. Former gold mine reopened with new purpose once cats seen exiting the mine. In your best Herschel from the Walking Dead impression. Which one? Well, it's a mine story, so...

The floor is yours. Alright, okay. So there I was, deep in the mines, and I just started to lose it from all the gases that were accumulating at the bottom there. Heavier than air! My canary died, my gerbil expired, my dog exploded, but my cat... My cat was ALIVE! Or so I thought, I assumed. I ran... Up! Out! Sprinted into town, barely made it out, I I said it's the mind that makes animals explode, but everyone was like there's gold in there, and I was like get away

Uh-huh, but I tried to stop him I followed him up the hill and they were all marching with their torches and their pitchforks And we're gonna kill his mind, and I was, okay. All right, they better got up there Cat came out. I said stand back. It's gonna blow coughed Gold nugget pops right out. I killed everybody everybody in the area killed them all I killed everybody my mind my gold my cat Uplifting good to see you again, Hershel.

Ah, I miss those days. Ah, yeah, good times, good times. I'm Hershel, I'm my cat, my gold. I'm Laurie. I think the original voice might have been a bit harsher on the throat. But then- I'm gonna get it. I remember a lot of the voices being done

were pre any kind of training on the voice or any kind of You know good practices. So um, cuz I remember old her so like a lot more He is older now by like a decade so make sense he sounds a little different. All right, Mark This is my favorite headline that Wade Wade scrunched up for this. I love it very much Tell me what happens in this headline This is my favorite headline that Wade Wade scrounged up for this. I love it very much Tell me what happens in this headline 13 remain dead in morgue after painting debacle Please expound on this headline in your best impression of old markiplier before he changed. Hello everybody

Markiplier here so I found this painting in this store and so I went to the store and it was a painting and it was a me. And I was like, wow, that's weird. So I bought it and then I said I went to a club and I showed it to them. I showed everyone. And so I was like, hey, look at this. And they were like, it's blank. And I was like, oh, it's blank. What's up with that? So, uh, then all of a sudden, all their blood started exploding out of their bodies. I don't know what happened. And then, zoom right into the painting.

And so I now find that I can live forever through the sacrifice of everyone. Because this old Markipl I don't even know anymore Kind of I think so. I felt like you hadn't changed there. Yeah, I felt like 2013 I couldn't remember I was trying to go for the what's the the Dorian Gray? I was trying to go for the painting of Dorian Gray and then halfway through I forgot how it worked Is he the guy that whips the girl in 50 shades? Yes, that's it. No, oh, that's right, the painting's old.

Yeah, the painting ages and he doesn't age. Painting's me, but old, ah. Yeah, he just took a break. He just left and came back. He's still in there, he's old. All right, Mark, a two sentence horror story for you. I opened the cupboard in the old abandoned house to find a single dust covered cup.

The trouble was I owned two cups. Dramatic pause even, wow. That'd be pretty scary. Yeah, now you'd be like, well, where the fuck's the cup? I live here alone. What the shit? Just for kicks, Mark, in what year did the Cultural Revolution begin in China? 1966.

Well, yeah, it did. Bob, do we want to dive into the last bit, or do you? begin in China? 1966. Well yeah it did. Bob do we want to dive into the last bit or do you uh? I would love to just keep circling back to all this stuff but we should probably get to the last section here yeah. Okay. Mark over our many years of doing this podcast and reaching back before you've created some incredibly memorable stingers. Some segment introductions that have been used on multiple occasions, just etched into our memories. Everybody loves them. It's a crowd favorite. And we were hoping for this episode, if you could do us the honor of recreating from memory

your stinger intros that you had for... and we'll give you the titles, give you the titles, it's okay. Oh good, that'll help. If you could recreate from memory the stingers that you've played over the years of Distractable. Yeah. Mm-hmm. They're just literally, like we quote them constantly. So they're, you know, I just...

Oh, those memories are perfect so they're perfectly encapsulated I love them I love them and I'm excited for this one I'm so ready this is one of the most iconic ones I feel like so start with an easy one I would love for you to recreate morbid mysteries of the missing Millennium do I have to do the music too we can't imagine the music you can you know just do do what you can if you want to make sounds to supplement But have you ever felt the chill run down your spine? Well, I turned around and and he was gone. Have you ever felt the presence standing right behind you?

Well, I don't know what happened. I when I turned around they were gone and then Have you ever... Pooped your pants really hard? I don't believe in ghosts! But when I turned around... I didn't know what I was seeing! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr BOOF ZAAAAN Super Prada! This is... Morbid mysteries of the missing millennium. Viewer discretion is advised.

Oh, he's even got the viewer discretion thing! You always gotta do the viewer discretion is advised. Alright, let's see how accurate that was. Oh god. I want you all to close your eyes, okay? Imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine imagine that when they turned around it seemed as though their friend had simply vanished when I turned around, my whole farm was gone I don't believe in ghosts there it is when I turned around, I couldn't explain what I was seeing

this is morbid mysteries of the missing millennium viewer discretion is advised oh I forgot about the ooooooooooooooooo so much better than I remembered it ever being. I got the one I just made confused with it because I forgot how I set up that one. Yeah. No, don't worry. We'll get to the smell one. Don't worry. I'm going to be honest.

All of the rest of these. No, two of the rest of these. I didn't remember happening. We had to do some research. So I'm curious how much you'll remember But you you crafted these some of those are lost to the winds. Oh, I found them. Okay, never mind Please recreate for us Unusual oddities of an unreal understanding God I don't fucking know man

Oh god, I don't fucking know man, what the fuck is that? That's not something I made, you're trying to gaslight me, I wouldn't do... Oh man. Well, I guess we'll see if I have a recording of that queued up or not. Alright, no I got this, alright here we go. Should we give him the first, like the first words? No, I don't need it, I don't need it. What was it called? Unusual...

Unusual oddities of an unreal understanding. It's really interesting the way that this one starts. Shut up! No it's not. It is actually. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Oh, no! I'm exposed! Pfft! Oh, it's just 12 dead in a sweep. Pfft! 18 found dead after a truck foot. Pfft! And then, and then... BAM! BAM! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! DIT! D of a something understanding. If you were discretion, you'd find.

Alright, let's see how that goes. Good. Have you ever felt a chill up your spine? I don't know man. Something just feels off. Like you know there's something standing right behind you, but you just can't turn around. Cut it out man.

You're giving me the creeps. What if I told you that the world was stranger than you could ever possibly imagine? I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't believe in ghosts but Something just feels weird Welcome to unusual oddities of an unreal understanding. View discretion advised.

Oh yeah, sorry, this is from episode recording, so there's a little bit of me and Wade laughing over some of these. Is there not a way to get your original audio? Yeah, those are lost. Those are actually lost, and there's some from way back when that I would be shocked if you have,

because I made like Three of those at the very beginning of of distract. I think I have one or two Well, we have three more if that gives you Mark who was the last Ptolemaic ruler of Egypt Cleopatra the seventh. Oh hell. Yeah this guy mark We've done a couple of spooky Mark intros but we have one here that I think is uplifting I think will help get you in the right mindset moving forward please perform for us the greatest good. You could have a hint if you want it. What yeah give me a hint I don't I would never do a cheerful one of these what are you talking about? Do you want the

first line the opening line? Wait I do, I remembering. I'm vaguely remembering. It started off, RRRRING! DING DING DING DING DING DING! Something like that, and then it's all like, 17 children saved from exploding burning bus accident. RRRRING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING! Uhhh... $20,000 return to old grandma who ding ding ding ding ding ding ding DING It's an inspirational story, one that really touches the heart and soul of everyone who will hear it.

In a world full of darkness and cynicism, all 37 puppies were found alive. Sometimes a shining beacon of light can shine through. The Olympic gold medalist sold his medal to buy food for the hungry, which was him. Better than okay, this is the greatest good. Which was him better than okay. This is the greatest good No viewer discretion is advised on that one though. You got the right like feel though Yeah, you basically remembered that that is an old one. That is one of the original batch I would give you credit for that that episode was from never give up Which I think was December of like what was that 2021 of the first year? Oh, yeah

Wow. All right, Mark when the next one's basically the polar opposite of that, but first that? 2021 of the first year. Oh yeah. Wow. All right, Mark. Well, the next one's basically the polar opposite of that. But first, what is the Schwartz child radius? Oh, it's the radius of the event horizon. Legendary. All right. If you could recreate for us from the episode, we're all going to die. You're a stinger entitled nightmares of futures past. I on it. I'm going to be honest with you. I haven't the foggiest clue. I could make up some shit like I've been doing the past ones. I'm gonna be honest with you, I haven't the foggiest clue. I could make up some shit like I've been doing the past ones. I don't even know where this one begins. It's probably similar to the other ones that I've made since but- There's a kind of a formula. Yeah, I don't remember.

Question, uh, person, question, person, eh, nightmares. Pretty much, yeah. Is there viewer- is there viewer discretion advice? That's what I want to know. I feel like you to you have to guess it's their viewer discretion is advised You know sometimes I feel like you don't take this seriously Sometimes I feel like you're just you're just here to enjoy Have a good time and you're not here to tackle the hard issues You're not here to get to the bottom of the truth to see into the heart of evil. Right, because I did that as a surprise. No viewer discretion advice. I forgot. Yeah. No, no viewer. I thought there was viewer discretion advice. I thought there was too. Cause that was, I remember I prepared a long intro with no dialogue for me to actually

live say as it was playing and then go into the thing. Yeah. It was quite a surprise. You guys had no fucking idea what was happening. I don't remember that happening, but it was quite a surprise. You guys had no fucking idea what was happening. Yeah, no, I don't remember that happening, but it was very, it had a twist to it. It was interesting. Yeah, man, I was creative back then. You changed, man. Mark, which philosopher's credit of the quote, I think therefore I am? I'll let you know your last guess was Pierce Brosnan. No, I know my last guess. I'm trying to get that out of my head.

Duh, duh, duh, cart. Oh. Oh. Ryan Decker. That's it. All right, Mark, finish this two sentence horror story. Come on, man. A fat Siamese cat just ate all my mackerel. I had just hauled in a record setting, 2,200 pounds of mackerel. That's no ordinary cat. Comma, that's no ordinary cat. Wow. I like that. I like that one. That's a good one.

I like that. Mark, I've got a headline here for you. Man making pasta ends up on wild police chase in your best Shrek impression. the back and donkeys riding up top he fell off ran right over from the police and he did some blood everywhere but I got away cuz I'm an ogre beautiful it sounds a lot like your Irish accent oh no different mark your most recent stinger you could recreate it please It's called it's in the air Fuck well, I can't I remember what I just made like a week ago. I spent so long doing it's why I'm here

It's got me into this shit It got me into this mess wait I've got it Sorry that was in my research finding all these clips I put that one on there too just for All right. I've got it All right. I'm ready. Okay. Here we go Isn't something small Well, that's a weird smell I don't know what it is have you ever felt the chill run up your spine It was like something's happening on the shoulder, but... When I turned around... Get ready to forget everything you know about everything.

Guys, I'm still smelling something weird. A whole city of people just turning round and round endlessly! Alright, if someone doesn't say they're smelling what I'm smelling, I swear I'm... Oh my god... What happened to the moon? You expect me to believe we're surrounded by gases that we cannot see? I know what clouds look like. Those aren't clouds! Welcome to the show that was formerly known as Don't Look Up, but we were sued by some dumbass in a movie studio.

This is It's's in the air... Viewer discretion is advised... Wow. I think that was pretty close, yeah. That was pretty close, right? Yeah, I might have messed up a bit. But the way it actually went was... Yeah, let's play it again. Let's play it again!

I don't know why I could... And that was the most word-filled, like, word-soup one possible. I don't know why I could- and that was the most word filled like word soup one possible I don't know how I remember that Well, I think we're about ready for the end but one more question for you Mark. What does CRISPR stand for in genetic engineering? Oh Clustered randomly inserted short palindromic. Oh Fuck Repeat!

You got most of those words right, but you missed two of them No, it's the R in the eye. It sure is clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeat sure Bob I think we're at six. I think we are six six Mean we're at subsection six. Don't worry. There's only seven subsections. What do you mean? I mean we're at subsection six. Don't worry. There's only seven subsections. What do you mean mark? You're gonna love this part I've loved everything so far. All right, mark. We get to figure out who wins. Oh No me Bob, or do you have to do a one-man show? There's almost no chance. You're right. I'm not worried about this one. It basically can't happen. Yeah, you're right

It can't happen. Anyway, I'm gonna click the the thing. God, I hope we don't get one man show again. We really Bob, you earned this one. I did it. All right. Well, I guess if Bob's the winner, Bob, would you like to go? Or would you like Mark to go first? Oh, I would love for Mark to go first. Yeah, so Mark, we have a loser's speech for you, but it is a not-sponsor, so you're gonna have to read the not-sponsor bit as you do your loser's speech. But don't worry, not all of it is verbatim, so you can kind of riff a little bit. Do I have to read this exactly as written?

This is your sponsored segment and then you can give your loser speech once you do the sponsored segment for the not sponsored. Listen up, you can change however you want the rest of it verbatim. All right, this is not sponsored by tallmenshoes.com. Listen up, short men feeling blue, tired of life looking down on you

I'm mark and I've been there to put tall men shoes calm saw me through Two to five inches taller you'll stand no more feeling like less of a man Small club members all agree these shoes set our spirits free what small club you might ask huh? Short men aspiring to long legs, our task. We meet to gripe and moan and whine About helping shorts of poor design Visit TallMenShoes.com today Walk tall in a brand new way.

Boost your height, boost your life! Cut through struggles like a knife. Disclaimer, these shoes won't fix your tiny frame or make you less of a dating shame. Your worth still small Let's be clear. But hey at least you'll feel less near to the ground All right, this is a real website Sponsored Commitment is a real website a real company. Nothing that we said had anything to do with their actual website

Let's be clear. It's fine That's fine. Although they say that I'm making a loser speech here I'm not I'm a winner because I not only met but I exceeded all of their expectations in every way and also clustered regularly interspace short palindromic repeats Hmm. It's good that you bring that up mark. What's the capital of Bhutan Bhutan City? You know what it's wrong But I'll take it. What is the name of the deepest known point in Earth's oceans Mariana's trench?

We've got challenger deep it's in the Mariana's in the Mariana's trench. What is it more specific? I think the answer to that is well I would have known I do know about the Challenger deep Bob winter speed This was Probably not our weirdest episode to date, but it felt weird my eyes are still cheering up I had a great time I think we all had a great time and that's what's most important all three of us were here Just hanging out having a good time enjoying life, and that's what's most important. All three of us were here just hanging out having a good time

Enjoying life and that's why it was such a funny episode I feel grateful that I won this and I can't wait to move on and never have to do the wheel spin again Said optimistically and we have a bunch of new constitutional stuff that I already have forgotten almost all of but something something Wheel spin still exists. I don't care. I win, bitches. Woo, yeah. Nice job, everyone.

Nice job. Bob, thank you for all your help. I feel like it was actually a pretty good amount of work building the one man show, but it was a lot of fun. It was good to go back and review some of these things and look forward to Mark, especially doing two sentence horror stories again. Mark, thanks for being a good sport.

Thank you. If you haven't already, go follow Bob at MySkirm, Mark at MarkApplier, or me at Minion777 or LordMinion777. Make sure you follow or subscribe to the podcast. Keep watching, oil watchers. And I guess we'll see you in the next one. Until then, podcast out.