Distractible - Midfacemaxxing [Bonus Episode]

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

Hey Mark, why the long face? Maybe the internet has some wholesome and definitely not horrific answers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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whoa what are you listening to this for wait Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. I want to like this lens so badly. The randomly unfocusing?

Not the coolest feature I've seen in a lens, gotta be honest. Yeah, I don't know. I think it's just this one. Because it doesn't happen with the others. And I just gotta... Anyway, it doesn't matter. Not important. Oh, how are the... Did you get... You don't wear corrective lenses anymore right no yeah i had

a surgery yeah i'm very happy with how my eye surgery went and i sometimes forget most of my life i had corrective lenses you know i don't even think about anymore i'm like i wake up and i sometimes have to remind myself like oh god i have perfect vision now that's incredible i have been thinking lately about uh getting i i don't even know if i'm a candidate for lasik or whatever but what's uh what's your prescription it's uh not it's it's bad not good i don't remember my glasses prescription i know my contacts numbers but those are different i know i don't remember the numbers i have it somewhere but my vision is pretty bad i don't have a major astigmatism or anything, which I know can be an issue.

I think it can correct up to myopia of up to negative 10 diopters. Wade, you were worked in this. What does that mean? I think that's pretty strong. Negative 10 is pretty severe. That's definitely come a long way. Whenever I was working, it was close to like a negative eight. So I think it's gotten further. I think I'm in like the seven or eight range. I had three and a half, negative three and a half, 3.25 range i had three and a half negative three and a half three point two five and one three and a half in the other and i was well within the ring goodbye this is what i used to see blurs now you just look like that all the time oh no mark your lens mark but i would recommend it because i it's it's called smile it's the newest version

of lasik it works really well i'm not sponsored, but holy hell, it has no side effects that I've been able to see. A lot of people say like afterwards you get like drier eyes or you see a starburst. Given that all my life I've seen headlights as starbursts, so it's no different to me. Like I don't notice any difference. There's really no side effects. I see great. I still see great.

And as much as I've tried to damage my eyes by only seeing screens and small little phones in front of my face dousing them in fake blood yeah that too everything is still great i'm very happy with it so yeah if you can i would recommend it it's really nice yeah i it would be nice to not have to work i'm even considering contacts just because i'm sick of wearing prescription glasses at all time i had contacts when i was in high school and um i don't remember why i stopped doing it they do make your eyes feel drier and they it is a it's a time period that takes a while to get used to putting them in taking them out i think i never got past the hump of like it kind of hurt my eyelids and i never really got over that and i gave up within a couple the first couple months and so it just

always it always felt like it was like rubbing my eyelids and they were irritated all the time i can get that it is weird whenever you forget you don't have contacts in sometimes you're used to them because like sometimes i'll need to like go in and just like adjust the lens but if i don't have a contact in there there have been times where like oh something's wrong and i'll go to just rub my eyeball and it's like oh fuck that's really good for it it's a good it's good to test it out every once in a while no you want to see some nightmare fuel yeah i just remembered this no have you guys ever seen video of people who end up with a lot of contacts stuck in their eyes oh yeah my cousin did that people that sleep in them sometimes they'll fold up and get caught like yeah who i've seen videos of like over a dozen contacts getting pulled out of an

odd like oh no no no thank you i've i've slept in my contacts a very rare few times usually early on when i was like forgot about it i did not forget about it much after that and then other times when i'm like i do not have an extra pair goodbye everybody i'm fading um i do not have an extra pair and i need to sleep in them so i can see tomorrow and i didn't have my glasses on me i literally soaked my contacts in tap water one time because i didn't have contact solution and i did that rather than sleep in them and then i went to put them in the next day and boy oh boy was that an experience hey guess what contact solution and tap water are not interchangeable. That was before I worked with eyes. That was like high school me. Yeah. How many amoebas did you just introduce to your contacts?

That's a great question. How long did you wait? Did you like put it in and immediately be like, oh, nope, nope. Or did you just wear them? I went all the way home with them, which was just like walking home or riding a bike or something. And I was like, I got to get these out. I like took the solution, like sprayed my eyes. That might be the worst thing I've ever heard of you doing things. It is a miracle that you're alive. Wow. I was like, oh, you're not supposed to sleep in them.

So clearly this will be a better solution. You right, man. You right. Yep. Don't do that. Yeah, don't. Don't do that. I have another eye thing, but i've completely forgotten it

because that distracted me so hard so i think wade wins distractible great i didn't know you could win a bonus episode but i'm glad to take it yuck eyes you need them can't look with them nope wrong scratch that reverse it some people have eyes and can't look with them that's totally a thing yeah that's true i should go get tested for small to see if I qualify. That would be nice to have something like that done. Wait, do you know a good place for that? You haven't been in the eye doctor game for quite a while, but. So back when Mark was first telling me about it, I didn't see anything locally that did

it, but that's been a little while now. So odds are, because like we used to have since time to be here. I think they've rebranded. I don't know what they are now, but like they have at least they were pretty cutting edge. Are they Midwest Eye Institute now? No, Midwest was a different one. OK, because that's a place around here that I've seen. Yeah, I don't see.

I looked up Cincinnati eye surgery and smile and it doesn't seem like there's a lot there. I do know like the guy who I went to is like one of the top dudes for it in the country, but maybe that's just because there aren't that many. And so he could claim that because the competition isn't there. But he did good on me. So that's all that matters. There's a LASIK plus place. Cleveland Eye Clinic does smile eye surgery, apparently.

We'll just have to fly to LA, stay with Mark, have our eye surgery, then come home. Mark, I need more ice cream. Mark. Oh, there might be one in Dayton. This is saying that Dayton is close enough you guys come out for that you guys could do it you want to do it come on out i mean i would like to see better yeah i mean i guess if you're gonna do it you probably should do it with someone that's done a thousand of them before and not like cincinnati's first smile surgeon i'm figuring it out i got a

discount because i'm the first one so the difference is just how they slit your eye, right? Like the laser part's probably about the same. No. So the laser actually, I mean, in that it's cutting. So with this one, they don't cut a slit. The laser cuts below your cornea. So it cuts the shape that it's pulling out below the top surface. It doesn't actually damage the top surface.

Okay. So it doesn't mess. You don't cut the cornea. And then they cut a tiny, tiny little incision up at the top surface. It doesn't actually damage the top surface. Okay, so it doesn't mess- you don't cut the cornea. And then they cut a tiny, tiny little incision up at the top that they pull. Man, I hate all this so much. I'm good. I'm gonna wear contacts forever. I'm good. You don't even wear

contacts now! I cannot stand it. Ugh, I can't. I've shown you the video, right? Yeah, no, I remember. It's etched forever in the stone of my memory. Have you ever watched someone get cataract surgery, Bob? Yeah seen that too i don't care for that or they like vacuum the chunks out okay they break up the lens and i don't know why eyes is such a thing and i it's not like i won't touch my eye like wearing contacts does not skew me out it's the cutting the eye is a is a

little pouch of liquid you can't cut it or all the liquid comes out. How does it work? Don't explain how it works. I don't want to know. That is a thing, though, that I don't think a lot of people understand how it works. It's like a little balloon. And then you're just like, yeah, just cut it. And I'm like, no, don't pop my eye balloon.

99 eye balloons. I need my eye balloons. There's this weird thing where people like started spreading around. Like if your immune system ever discovers you have eyes, it'll delete your eyes out of existence. You just made it aware. People were saying like the immune system doesn't go to your eye because it thinks it's a foreign part of the body. I'm like, that doesn't make any sense. Your eye surface is one of the most exposed to exterior germs.

It would be swimming with immune cells to fight that. Yeah. And it drinks them up anything that touches your eye gets all slurped in there yeah and i would i would think maybe i'm wrong though because it just doesn't logically make sense when people were saying they haven't it's started become a meme there but it was just like yeah if your body or if your immune system ever discovers you have eyes it's like why it would be there more well if it's just like a zombie movie your eyes are the part are the outside the wall and there's just tons of like bacteria and whatever on your eyes just trying

to get in but your eye socket is like the fence wall that's keeping them at bay except for when you cry and your tears hit your mouth and you're actually giving yourself illnesses okay so certain areas of the body have something called immunity privilege which means the body's normal inflammatory immune response is limited in those locations that's where the eye apparently wait do you know anything about this given that you worked eyes no this was that's beyond what i did so apparently it's like people were saying like oh your immune system doesn't know about your eyes or so kill it i think it's just because yeah if your eye has an inflammatory response that might damage your vision so it doesn't do it there.

I think that's what it is. It's not that there aren't immune cells in your eye because of course there are. Your eyes are swimming like every there's bacteria in the air around. I'm making hypochondriacs really, really paranoid right now. But there's germs everywhere, right? They're always getting into you. Insects, mold spores. Exactly. And you're killing them.

Farts. Potent clouds of farts just like blasting in your eyes. They're everywhere and your immune system is killing them 24-7. Millions of cells are dying all the time. 365. And your eyes are a big part of that. I do think though, separately, me breathing through my nose makes me get sick less. I mean, that is how it's supposed to work.

Humans are supposed to breathe through our noses. Mouth breather is an insult because actually, I don't know why it's an insult, but it's an insult and you're not supposed to do that. So it's not good to do. Also, breathing through your nose is supposed to be really good for your strength of your airways. It causes more of a negative vacuum when you take breaths through your nose and it strengthens the like tissue and musculature of like your airways and your sinuses and things probably it would make sense because it is slightly harder to pull air in but not that much harder plus if you breathe in through your nose exclusively you can always be mewing which is just great you guys been mewing how's your jaw lines

impeccable can't see through the mirror. It's supposed to jiggle, right? Yeah, yeah, that means it's working. Can you make it roll like someone's stomach? Can you make it? I don't think I have enough skin for that. I have enough blubber for that, but it's packed in there. Is that good? Is that solid?

I worry, though, some people, like everyone who hops on a strand way too early, they will take it to heart and then do that for the rest of their life. Like people that were told, like, suck in your stomachs. You they will take it to heart and then do that for the rest of their life like people that were told like suck in your stomachs you know sometimes there's wrong ways to do that and it leads to like weakening of certain parts to like artificially do something it caused back problems too yeah but keeping a strong core is important so there's a difference between like sucking in your stomach like negative fold wise and then you know keeping a strong core for your upright that actually protects your back so it's like i don't know i don't think there's science currently uh goodbye there's also straw

that can break camel's back look smaxing in general doesn't need science okay the proof is in the looks that person who was already hot before they started doing look smacking techniques now they're even hotter wait do you know about look smacking i mean obviously look at you yeah clearly i mean i've been a practitioner for decades at this point i look i smack yeah max maxing i look i max look snacks i don't know if we're of any authority to talk about look smacking oh not at all no but that's never stopped us before don't do do it don't do it do it don't search this or do search this i don't know it's fine i should have googled this it honestly of all the of all the like beauty trend type stuff some of this stuff might not

be like you said it might not be good long term for you might create a weird like weakness in your body or a weird thing about how your physiology develops. Most of the looks maxing stuff, aside from being kind of extra and way over the top, if you want to do it, I think that's fine. But like, you should look how you want to look. You want to have a drawn line. I think that's fine.

Man, this is crazy. I am on an article talking about looks maxing. It's called the definitive guide to looks maxing. All of these images are AI generated. What do you have to say about it? What do you have to say about this? Uh, um,

I don't know. Did you say you're on the article? Yeah, I'm on the article. No, I'm, I'm reading the article. Oh,

I thought you were saying people, AI generated you talking about looks maxing on the articles. Ah, man, I don't know anymore. I'm so confused. Uh, maybe not all of them are generated.

What the absolute shit is this i'm confused i don't know anymore i don't know anything anymore i'm gonna close this tab and not not not anyway um yeah look look maxing do it yay or do something okay wait can i talk wait sorry can i just talk about this on the Luxmaxing thing? So there's this thing on Luxmax.org, which is apparently a forum to just go shitpost and talk shit about people. Apparently you have a long midface, Mark. I do?

Are they talking about the picture of me that someone drew where I'm just like super? No, it's a bunch of like stills from videos and things. His midface was on average 0.815. He got made fun of by millions despite being a successful YouTuber only because of this single ratio. Maxilla in midface area

is the most important feature of a face. Subhuman 0.9 midface brought me from a strong... I don't know what this terminology is. Please link me this. I want to see this so bad. Spoiler alert, this is racist language and it's not. Yeah, that's the article I saw when I looked Mark up with this. It's not great, but I will send it to you because if you look through the comments,

it's a bunch of people talking about someone who you're not and calling them offensive words. But then someone down the way is like, oh no, he's a big time YouTuber. Like he is 99% of people with his money. I don't know what that word means bleep that and then someone the next comment is someone being like cope money can't save a long midface every morning he looks at his midface in the mirror and thinks about how the girls he could get if he had a normal manly midface dude i didn't know you spent so much time sad about your midface. God dang. You know, what's really, really interesting is like, this is a mindset that occurs all

the time. It's super healthy. I don't hate this at all. Yeah, definitely. It definitely doesn't lead to disorders where people just really obsess about the numerical analysis of what makes things work. There was a subreddit that was like about rating people's faces and they had a chart that was like, this is clearly a 10 and this is a five and this is a zero and everyone should be judged by that.

And it's like, it's completely indeterminate because there's so much of like personal preference and also like cultural differences and different, like different people come from different backgrounds and they have different priorities and they have different things that they value. And it completely disregards any of that. Yeah, this is a terrible place. I'm not going to look at this anymore, but I'm really glad I found the one comment of the guy who's like, Mark will never recover from his long mid phase. of the guy who's like, Mark will never recover from his long midface.

I don't even, like, I feel like this is all offensive. I've not understood a single one of these posts. I know, there's so many words and acronyms for shit I'm not going to look up that I don't know what the hell they mean. That's really, uh... That's a good corner of the internet to never visit again for the rest of my entire life. And I'm glad I won't.

Did you read for some reason he doesn't have a horse face appearance? Maybe it's the top tier chin and decent outer cheekbones. You found my secret. I've always thought your outer cheekbones were your secret weapon, Mark. I've got to be honest. Everybody can see the top tier chin, but the outer cheekbones do a lot from the long midface that they do they work for me they could work for you what is h i'm not gonna look i don't want to know i keep finding new terms where i'm like i'll just google this i'm gonna close this tab now and

rethink my life why because i don't know what any of it said and i feel like i don't want to know like i feel like i've survived this long without understanding that language and I don't think I need to understand it now. I'm pretty sure some of the words are just names of animals in Final Fantasy. And I don't know what that means. Man, I wish I could read some of these. I know.

Oh my God. I, Jesus Christ. You really can't. Moral of the story, everyone out there watching it or listening, the internet is a terrible place. Avoid it at all costs. Water plants, play basketball.

Those are the only two options. Do those two things. I don't do either of those things either, but just do something else. Maybe we shouldn't promote looks maxing if this is what the community is like. I hope that's a very bad representation of the looks maxing community. I think anything has its extremes, right? We found one. We found a deep hole accidentally

here's anyone that like is thinking about taking it to this extreme here's the number one thing that you can do if your entire objective is to be more appealing to other people and people say this so much and it's it's the simplest thing but also the most complicated thing but it's something that you don't have to like alter your appearance is confidence. And I know that can be tricky, especially like trying to even like conjure up confidence. Confidence will take you so far, so fucking far. Look at tons of examples of people that are not good people going far because they're so goddamn confident in what they do. Confidence is a cheat code to existence.

It is just a cheat code. If you are so confident that you just go for it, even if it's all just a bunch of lies and delusions. But if you believe in it, that's what people call like you'll manifest something is like, no, they just kind of bulldoze their way in. I'm like, it's kind of the reason why i'm where i am today is because like i had the confidence to be like yeah i could do that yeah i could probably try that i'll try that yeah i'll make a movie i'll do that here i am with my mid face my long mid face your long ass mid face my point what was it what was the number 0.825 0.828 midface. You freak. Oh, 0.818. Oh, God.

How do you even stand up? How do you not get blown away like a kite with that much midface? What the hell is a midface? It's your middle of your face. I don't know, below the eyes, above the mouth. Marks is long. Can't you see how long it is? I think they're misunderstanding that I just have a long face in general.

It's one of those things where if you apply numbers to something, you can get the ratio and the golden ratio is often then ugly. Well, compared to me, I am the golden ratio. You're fine. You probably do have a, I bet you do have a perfect golden ratio. Someone analyze his face right now. You do have a pretty good, actually, you probably have a pretty good face ratio. I have a lot of forehead.

I don't know what my ratio is, but I feel like I... I mean, I do right now. If anything, I have a small mid face and probably an average chin, but a lot of forehead going on. My forehead goes all the way to my ass these days. That's true. Does that hurt your ratio? I don't know. You get an app and you hold it up

and it's like forehead 19 holy shit couldn't even find the end of it I love that the whole basis of this is based on that it is that picture of me the long face yeah no the one with Charlie laughing at you or whatever

it's beautiful that is us exploring the dark web everyone that's not the dark web oh it gets darker look i haven't even ever looked at the dark web but i've heard the kind of stuff that's out there i don't think we should look at that i think that's fine that can stay away from us i know nothing about it other than the rumors that it is called that i know and i know what you learn from tv shows about it so that wasn't it was that just like the well done web that wasn't even bad that was average honestly if you took an average of the whole internet that was a lot of racism and a lot of horrible

shit and people being incredibly shallow and disgusting yeah seem kind of dark to me that was like average jesus do you go on the internet have you seen the internet i go to like i go to espn and twitter dude there's everywhere on the internet is awful you don't want to look you stay in your safe areas i pretty much stay in my lane i don't really go out i get off at the right exits and stay in the main internet highway you know what wade that's a that's the dark internet then that's as bad as it gets buddy don't you even worry about it i don't want to know what gets worse i don't want to know at all yeah it gets this is as worst as it gets buddy yeah it's fine this is as bad as it is i would i would like to believe that i i truly believe ignorance is bliss and the more i know

about things the less i wish i knew so i want to go back to knowing less it's the allegory of the cave i want to go back to seeing the shadows on the wall and be like, dude, that's the world. Put me back in the cave. Put me in coach. I'm ready. You're that guy from the matrix who betrays everybody. You're cipher. I don't remember cipher. It's been so many years. I've seen that movie. He's the guy where they're in the steakhouse and he's like the ball, the glasses guy with the bald guy. And he's like, I know when I put the steak in my mouth, the computer will tell me that it's juicy and delicious. Ignorance is bliss. Blah, blah, blah.

Kill my friends. I don't think I went to the second part of it, but like, I'd like to go back. You guys can stay outside. Mark, I think Wade's going to conspire to have us killed. What are you looking at, Mark? I'm looking at the other post on this that says 300 day semen retention streak. Where they got their testosterone lab results. Wait, what?

The other post on what? How is that related to the one i was looking at mark what did you do with your semen i just went back and i i started looking at the other posts and i was like 300 day oh you went to like the main oh i see i can see how there's a dark web because i literally just never in my life did i think i would go mark what did you do with your semen but here we are he's keeping it inside wayne no he's not keeping it i thought you i thought this was you okay this is not you me he's keeping it inside, Wade. No, he's not keeping it. I thought this was you. Okay, this is not you.

Me? He's retaining it. Oh, you're really going for the, what was it, dry January. You're really going for it. It's February, but okay. Probably when people see this, it's March. Ah, starchy March, because it's so crisp. I don't know.

Anyway, so I don't even know if this is something to get into. There's people that believe if you don't come, you will be a better person. Yeah, I mean, look how Bob changed after he had a baby. You shouldn't. He's evil. What the fuck, man? He was such a better person back then. What is wrong with you?

Came one time and all of a sudden now all the demon is out. Nice Bob died that day. As one of the hosts today, I say we all lose and everyone out there listening and watching, we all lost today. You're not the host. We are the host. Therefore I am.