Distractible - Million Dollars, But...

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

Mark gives this borrowed Rooster Teeth game format his own unhinged spin, pitting an unknowing Wade against a mischievous Bob. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This week, it's an appliance update, but not fridges this time. Malicious Mark tempts the gents to lucrative offers with hideous catches, but actually plays a far deeper game. Big and Beautiful Bob asks, Where can you go shirtless? And Blissfully Ignorant Wade likes Head and Herding Bob. From dishwashers to losing fistfights with children, yes, it's time for Million Dollars.

But now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to Distractible, the podcast that is free. For some reason, people still don't think that it's free, but if you're listening to this, you probably realize, Oh, wow, it's free! Look at that! Look at all of us. We're here and we're free. And we have videos on Spotify, but we are also free. How do people still not realize that it's free? I am your host, Markiplier, also known as Mark. I'm going to be judging this episode.

I'm going to be dishing out points. I'm going to be evaluating answers. And I'm going to be determining who is going to win and be the host for the very next episode. And we have some very special guests this week that are going to be joining us, really talented individuals. I'm so happy to have them on the show we have bob and wade oh me yeah it's great it's great to be here just like always uh but today it's especially great because mark that was such a nice intro i feel i just feel i feel ready to go I feel complimented and uplifted and some other kind of uplifted, and I'm ready. I'm going to do it.

This is going to be the best episode in a while. I wore a shirt with buttons just for Bob for this episode, and I thought I looked very snazzy. It's got long sleeves. A long sleeve Henley. I'm wearing another plain black t-shirt but it's not excellent this time but i didn't bring a lot of clothes over here to texas so i don't really have a diverse wardrobe and i don't really what you're just wearing the same clothes on set every day silly in a wild twist my shirt is red and black everyone hears colors except for mine now all the people listening

audio only now know what we're wearing and that i know was very very very important for people back home gray shorts oh god it's thai gray thigh all right i've removed my glasses and i'm wiping them with a microfiber towel. The detail. Yes. This is what the people are here for. I almost picked up.

I have, for some reason, I have like my checkbook down here and I almost was like, here's my checkbook. But that would have been a really dumb thing to show. Show them your numbers, Wade. Prove to them how much, how much money you got in there. A little bit less, boys. A little bit less. I found out that I've got to go dishwasher shopping oh no what ah yes the dishwasher man did you have this house inspected before you got it or

well to be fair we've been here for like six or seven years now dishwashers are supposed to last like decades well i think this one is decades old man that's fair and they don't build them like they used to everything's made to break these days yeah it's done a good job for it it's just i don't know it's not it's not like clogged or anything it's just not wanting to we're gonna have it looked at but it's not like cleaning very well and we can't really figure out the issue so we're thinking it's pretty old probably time to shop i'm just curious how clean do you get your dishes before you put them in the dishwasher do you buy the dishwasher manufacturer hype that you don't need to rinse anything and you just put them in

caked in crap like a monster or do you clean them all and then just let the dishwasher my plates look clean i don't like soap them before i put them in but i scrub them before they go into the dishwasher there i don't want to see food on my plates before i put them in i rinse every glass scrape every plate scrub i want it to look clean so that i know it will be clean when it's done but that's the whole point of a dishwasher i i fail to see the reasoning in that because it's supposed to wash your that's the whole thing in my brain the food particles come off they swoosh around splat back on so it's like i don't want it on it has a drain the point of the dishwasher is is to uh like clean and like sanitize the dishes not necessarily to remove there's no

mechanical force in in home dishwashers it's just hot water splooshing around what do you think that's getting off everything that's what does it not me i'm not getting off on it so i'm scrubbing beforehand well you're not supposed to get off on it so i'm scrubbing beforehand well you're not supposed to get off on your dishwasher but it's like it's a kink shame yes i'll shame people about getting off on dishwashers that's weird wow old you're weird old episode today i'm making a stance here i'm against human dishwasher relations welcome to kink shamers podcast to reshame your kinks who out there has a kink about dishwashers i mean given the variety of of kinks and preferences and whatever i mean preference is the wrong word but you know what i mean

given the variety of humanity probably someone what about an anamorphic that's not the word and an anesthesiologist um dishwasher that has uh human feet and boobs and stuff i i'm sure you know rule 34 applies and there is that but i don't want to see it and i don't want to know anybody that's looking for it you just asked you didn't know that his follow-up once a couple people raised their hands he was gonna be like and leave oh i know you are so i can know to avoid you all right well other than dishwasher talk because i actually know back to dishwasher talk i was like on tiktok there was apparently there's a whole side of TikTok that's about dishwashing.

There is. Which is a subset of like the house cleaning. And they're saying like modern dishwashers are very efficient and they're good at getting things off of your plates. And bowls are not good at getting you off. But you got to think it's in there for about two hours being splashed with hot water. That's going to get pretty much everything off of it. I will say, I do know that modern dishwashing soap is enzymatic as opposed to the way that most soap works, which is by something to do with lipid barriers and whatever.

But basically enzymatic cleaners work by having something to interact with. So if you put in perfectly clean dishes dishes i guess my understanding is that the cleaner doesn't activate as effectively and so it actually cleans less effectively but my point is i have a shitty dishwasher and i unless you have a top of the line perfectly functional relatively modern dishwasher and you if you have any sort of older shittier non-great working dishwasher you have to clean it at least like 90 of the way or else it just doesn't get clean if i leave anything that's caked on or or baked on especially and then put that it doesn't get clean that's the reality i understand what everyone says about how they work and modern dishwashers and all the blah blah i just have dirty dishes if i do that so i i do i

pretty much clean dishes before i put it but i don't like clean them to where i would be happy to put them away i clean them to where i know the dishwasher can then finish cleaning them mine's a full mental barrier i don't know the science behind it i just the idea of having like all that crap on there then putting it in and having it splash on all my other dishes just in my brain that's enough for me to be like no it's getting a scrub down before it goes in don't ever look in the back of restaurants don't ever think about what happens in restaurants or you'll never eat at one again ignorance is bliss people who want knowledge are the real fools i will gladly live not knowing feed me baby don't tell me how does that work you fool you fool you know things are you happier no i just i was curious how curious

listen i used to be curious. And now I don't want to know. The more I've learned, the less I want to know. What were you going to say, Mark, before I literally interrupt you? I was just going to say, like, wait, if you're already scrubbing, like, you might as well just hand wash it and get, like, a dish rack where you can dry it. Oh, too much effort. You do the same amount of effort. Oh, no, no, no.

It's very different. If you're already scrubbing, then you're probably scrubbing with soap. And then you might as well just, like, put it on the drying rack and just let it dry no you're wasting so much more water i'm with wade oh fine of course you are he's not wasting water dishwashers are very efficient yay five points to us all right i'll allow it all right five points of both of you wait so i just want to say mark you lost no you won last episode i lost yes i'm mark you have some sort of points carrying over right am i remembering that correctly didn't i give you points that i said you could cash in and yeah but i think that applies only in the next

time you're judging oh okay because i've already won so you can use them right now if you want mark i'll allow you lost right mark are you losing this episode right now mark i feel like i'm losing this i've been holding this in since last episode but there is a twist bob you're actually what a twist would it be the next time we start someone went uh is the host and then the next time we record the following episode right as the new host is about to start the old host is like i'm still the host and i have an announcement it hasn't transferred yet you didn't speak i'm still learning this uh this podcast as we're doing it but for now uh is that small talk was that dishwashers was that that our small talk? I don't know.

Do you guys want to hear about the baby some more? There's nothing else going on over here. Is there any sweet news out there that is just really tickling your taste buds? I'm just glad that we're reaching the younger audience by talking about fashion, dishwashers, and being a parent. I think that those are really the right things to talk about to hit that algorithm perfectly. i know we're going to reach the top of the top of the charts and stay there who else do you go to for your dishwasher content i know it's a bit but i think the younger generation probably is sincerely quite interested in fashion in from in a lot of aspects i would imagine but yet no dishwashers and babies maybe not the most in touch it's okay we don't play the demographics here we just do

whatever the hell we damn please and that's what i'm gonna do today by stealing other people's content well i mean kind of yeah kind of in a way yeah play go on bob nothing wait what was it what was that react reaction what why i thought you were gonna get in trouble by the teacher so i was giggling i tried to stop speaking immediately once you started speaking i realized i was in the wrong mark thank you thank you i appreciate that's an extra point to you you're welcome i didn't interrupt you at all that's an extra you just interrupted him to say you didn't interrupt him yeah do i get a point no i gave you a point you're right i gotta take away a point that's what you get okay ah take that bob or wait me you wait yeah wait damn it

so today we are playing million dollars but do you know guys know what this game is this is the one with the briefcases is it just one but for a million dollars not quite there you are going to be offered a million dollars but with a condition to get those million dollars and you have to either accept or deny whether you would take that condition for a million dollars and i have a series of prompts because this game is is uh made by rooster teeth a while ago it's actual card game that you could play uh i've played it before there but i've i've got i've stolen a list of apparently some of the best from their episodes that they've played so i am literally stealing their content before we get into this can i just ask have you guys seen the vine of this there was a kind of very popular vine that's basically this premise it's a vine so it's six seconds right but the the setup is the guy's like okay jeremy you can push this button and you'll get a million dollars but a million

people were dying and then smash got to the guy just being like and then the guy's like wait jeremy i mean yeah i thought about doing the will you press the button game that's another thing that i could do well you know there was a 1972 movie that inspired the game that we're stealing from that they stole from and we're double stealing so we're twice the thieves yeah we're twice the thieves double thieves and before we get started this game i have a very large coin do you see this neat neat compensating much what nothing it's a great coin i think he was mocking your purse, Mark. I don't have a purse. Your coin purse?

Where do you keep your coins if you don't have a coin purse? I just have one big coin, so I don't really need a purse for it. I miss coins. I don't really care for dollar bills. I miss big, heavy coins. Bam! Other currencies where one at like one euro coins and two euro coins. That's the way to do it, man. Who wants to be heads?

Who wants to be tails? I'm the tails. I'm tails. Me tails. All right. Bob is tails. Okay. I like heads.

Yeah, I'll take heads. I think skateboard. All right. Who is tails? Me. Me am tails. Does that mean I win? Wade, can you please leave the room?

Like actually leave? please leave the room like actually leave just leave the room i mean it would probably be adequate to just take your headphones off can he not see he can't see how will i know when to return uh set a timer for three minutes or am i just out this whole episode no no no just get out and bob's the winner i guess text me when i'm wanted all right we'll text you okay okay we'll text you get up get up bye turn down your speakers make sure you can't see or hear anything i think he wears head i think his headphones are probably fine i think okay he's standing literally just out of frame. Just like, all right. Okay.

So Bob, I'm going to fuck with Wade. I am pretending to give you a secret objective that you were going to try to accomplish. Okay. You don't have a secret objective at all. I'm going to make Wade think that you have a secret objective and you are going to like be very coy sure ask him weirdly pointed questions in strange directions or answer his any question he has extremely evasively and try to get him to do whatever the hell without ever actually landing on something

throughout this game and then i'm going to pull i'm going to pull him in next and tell him that you are the spy and you are trying to get him to do something or you're going to try to complete a secret objective all you have to do this entire game is just be coy and never like stick to the same thing whenever you're answered so you just dick around and you just do whatever you want to do and then at the end of the game i tell him that do I just win this automatically or something who wins and who loses at the end literally I was like whoever gets this coin flip is probably going to win

I don't even have a way to get the million butt point system I'm on board so you just fuck around and make Wade super paranoid about absolutely everything and now we can text him and tell him to come back in.

I gotta say, my headphones I don't think leak all that much, but there was one time in the other room where I heard, like, Bob laugh one time. We were just having a good time. It may or may not have been related to the conversation. It's alright. Okay, Bob, now please leave the room.

Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. That's outside for me, please leave the room. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. That's outside for me. Just so you know. Is that surprising after what I just went through? This is one room in my backyard. So I'm just going to go stand outside where it's cold and rainy right now. So take your time.

That's fine. I'll bring my phone. That's fine with me. But I'm just letting you know it's cold and drizzly out okay so i'll be back well you should have thought about that before mark hosted i know right i know right okay did i win did i lose this is sunlight coming in because i opened the door i thought you said it was cold and Yeah. Complain about nothing. All right. So, Wade, you are the detective.

I just gave Bob a secret objective that he's trying to complete before the end of the game. Your objective is to figure out what he's trying to do or what he's trying to get you to say. I won't say specifically what it is before the end of the game without letting him complete it. So as we progress through the game, you can ask him any questions, you can steer the conversation towards or away from what you think he's trying to evade. But be careful because like I said, he might be trying to get you to say something and there's a certain number of points attached to that. So if you can figure out getting what he's supposed to say before the end of the game without saying it and figure out what his objective is

Then you win. Okay, so figure out what his objective is. Yeah, you can ask him whatever you want You can steer the conversation towards and away from it, but just be aware. You might be leaning into it. Okay It's a very dangerous game. Mm-hmm. You want to tell me what it was? it was you can just tell me right now i'm not gonna tell you what it is you could i could i could i could uh but i won't i do have to ask why both of you when it came time for the other person to return your text message was just come what straight to the point seemed like the easiest turn you can you can come back now just come so what i'm gonna how this is gonna work uh we're gonna go bob first uh because he won the coin toss and then i deserve it yes uh and then i is going to work, we're going to go Bob first because he won the coin toss. And I deserve it.

Yes. And then I'm going to give you a prompt. And then that way you will decide whether or not you will accept the condition for a million dollars. And you can discuss it if you want. You can give your opinions on it or either one of you can talk about it whichever way you want. on it or either one of you can talk about it whichever way you want so the first one is for one million dollars would you for five years only wear shirts sweaters and jackets that are three sizes too small too small too small five years five years too small too small yes you say specifically three sizes too small three sizes too small well so just

realistically if i'm wearing something that's that small i'm a big person it's not like it's just really tight on me it's like i'm fat right i'm squishy i would bust out of something that's that small unless it was incredibly tough material and am i obliged to immediately put another shirt back on or can i just put one on in the morning and bust out of it and then just go shirtless for a while i mean i guess yeah there's really no stipulation that says anything otherwise you could all you could hulk out of your your shirts and sweaters and like i'm not saying i would like rip it off intentionally like i put it on and i'm just, and eventually it would give out for a million dollars for five years.

Five years is a long time. Does that mean if I'm wearing an XL size shirt, typically if we're talking t-shirts, I have to wear a small, small, medium, large, extra large, three down. Oh my God. Yeah. You in a small. I mean, that would mean me, the size i am a big enormous person would have to wear i'm assuming the size that you wear mark you wear mediums or larges i wear mediums

usually like sometimes it's a large but so i would have to wear a large but still like that's that would be like a big shirt on you i would have to wear i mean a million dollars is a million dollars i just not you know go places where i couldn't look like that i guess i'd have to start shopping at walmart or something i don't know where's it acceptable to not wear a shirt i can eat dinner at applebee's and i can shop at walmart is that the deal yes i'm like that porn hub and the beach porn hub and the beach what does that have to do with any places you can be sure oh oh okay i thought there's a there's a longer i'm not saying places you would be shirtless if you are a normal person but places you could get away with being shirtless i don't know i would

do i would do it it would be really miserable but i think i would do that okay all right wade what would you do a million dollars is a lot of money but a small shirt are you sure it's small wade i think it would be for me right if i if i normally wear an xl one size down would be large two sizes down would be medium three sizes down would be small right what's the is there a size smaller than small what's the size smaller extra small double extra small uh i was asking wade okay excuse you i mean thank you but also i was just curious that matters because three would just be small okay well just what if it was four you know what it's not important i was asking wade okay mark for future reference way to go after the judge i feel like that should mean something but you know you know you'd think that but apparently it doesn't a million dollars a lot of money is this

oh wait you know i should ask for clarification this is a million dollars assuming that that's the amount you get to keep this is not like the lottery where you win a million dollars but you have to pay taxes and all this other shit and you actually win you'll get one million dollars after taxes wow so this is for six million dollars that's crazy that's not the logic that we reached well then after tax we have to keep one what if the money went up the the smaller the size you were weighed how small would you go if the size i said again what if there was more money if you wore a smaller size like what size man i don't know if i'm going for small i don't know if i'm going beyond but it could don't know if I'm going beyond. But it could be more. It could be double the money for only that next smaller size.

Either it's like you or I'm busting out and shirtless or it's so tight that I'm actually just going to die. So I guess I'm either dying for this money or busting out of it. Why would you die? What is this shirt made of? Well, I don't know. If it's not ripping and it's that tiny, I will not do it. I mean, I don't know how long I'm going to live in life. That's a good portion of my life being super uncomfortable.

Having that money would be great, but also I'd rather just have a happy five years. All right, that's fair. And because I also would not do it, Wade gets the point. And that's how I'm going to do it. Whether or not I would do it, and your answer aligns with my answer, is how I'm going to do it. Whether or not I would do it. And your answer is aligned with my answer is how I'm going to evaluate this. It's so fair. Masochist Mark over here is just not going to do this thing. You're not curious if your body can take it?

A double extra small everywhere I go. Well, just gain a bunch of weight before it starts and then go on a diet. That's the way to do it. Get up to like a 5XL and then accept it and then start losing weight. Man, if you had said that before I judged it, I would have actually given you that point. That is a great way.

I'm totally down for circumventual things like that. I want the wisdom of it all. I literally, god dang, I thought of that a minute too late. But Wade gets the point. Okay, so Wadeade you get a million dollars but for the rest of your life your dick glows all the time at the level of a 250 watt bulb how bright is 250 watts you would need sunglasses a normal like inside the house light bulb is like 60 ish 60 to maybe 100 or something so this is even stronger than like your floodlights outside yeah it's stronger

than the light behind me by like five times but i get some blackout curtain underwear and i'm covered until it comes time to i guess what kind of what kind of underwear though is the question do you think boxers would give you enough coverage or would you need I'm just picturing a full out like matador style cape and just wrapping that bad boy around

like diaper style man skirt it's like a lamp like beneath you always illuminate full lampshade that would be so good for nighttime you you have the diaper but then at night you let the bottom of the diaper out dude you would never need a flashlight i'm taking a million dollars in the glowing dick it's only perks here bob what would you do? That's pretty bright. The main concern I would have is things that are that bright come with a lot of heat.

That was I was just thinking that a lot of energy being converted into light and heat generally. And so if we're assuming it's a magical glowing dick where it doesn't generate heat and you don't have to worry about that i could see taking that that doesn't seem too hard to deal with but if it's reality where we all live and the light comes with the heat and so you'd have to essentially like water cool your dick i don't know if that would be that tenable you would need like you know those shirts that have like water things that run through them the cool shirt yeah yeah you would need like that but in underwear form so that you could like water cool and i don't even know if that would be adequate you might need like direct contact water cooling to get an adequate

heat exchange yeah i i don't know but 250 watts is is a measurement of energy and when it comes down to light bulbs that energy does convert to heat and i think that light like emitting like that would cause heat buildup so maybe the blackout wrap would just cook your dick over time i think occasionally you would just have a release so you would just like hang on a second and then like a flame would shoot out and it'd be like okay we're good you just occasionally have to let that heat like build up and it'd be like okay we're cool we're good you just occasionally have to let that heat like build up and it's like all right we're good for a little bit again we're making this magic world i guess but we can make whatever rules we want but it is

it is generating heat i i'm gonna i'm gonna stay in reality and i'm gonna say that i don't think that's very doable you essentially have to live with your junk in a, in an ice filled fish bowl full of water. You're looking for a date at the bar and you're like, do you want to be a hero? Do you want to save a dick? And like you, they suck on an ice cube and they go and they water cool. And it's like,

now you're new. Save my dick. And you get a blow job out of it. How often do you think that's going to work? Do you want to be a hero? At least once or else I'm probably dead. God, man. Has anyone even without a glowing dick said that to you? You want to be a hero? Well, at least once or else I'm probably dead. God, man. Has anyone even without a glowing dick said that to you?

You want to be a hero? You want to save a dick? I'm closing judgment. I go with Bob on this one. I'm not taking the glowing dick because I thought about the heat too. I thought about the heat, what it might prevent you from doing if it was glowing and burning hot. You're not immune to heat in this theoretical situation. You need to protect the rest of your skin and body from a,

from a glowing hot thing that lives in between your legs. That would be incredibly. And there's gotta be some kind of science for it to even be doable in the first place. This isn't, but this is beyond science. Your dick glows with the power of a light bulb okay well i will cast a cooling spell this is beyond science we're into the

magical realm yeah well not that magical so i uh bob gets a point for that one all right bob you're up all right in pertaining to more dick related, you get a million dollars, but for the rest of your life, every time you climax, nothing comes out until an hour later. Oh. Easy. Money. No explanation needed. The only complication is

at some point if you want to have kids with another individual to get someone pregnant to do that just timing it's inconvenient but if you know and it's consistent timing simple easy no problem all right that's easy wade what are you thinking are you just going to copy my answer wade yes i mean you're like oh the only complications an hour later it's like that's not a complication that means you get back to it an hour later and you know baby's coming. But then you got another hour.

Yeah, you don't get to, that's the thing. But after that hour, you got a mess and ooh. You get ye old sock. Press the button on your phone for 55 minutes and you're like, all right, we're getting close. Put on ye old sock and it's like, oh, there we go, done. Ew. Ew, yes. I agree. Ew. But is that your final answer you take the money i'm not saying no to a million dollars this is really bad man i'll take the hot dick and i'll take the come an hour later i feel like you're under i'll

take both man i'll tell you i'll deal with both the level of heat and the amount of burning that happens in the in the glowing dick one but this one finds a way and the what's burning that happens in the glowing dick one. But this one... Life finds a way. And what's the way... You know what? I don't want to ask that. I'm not interested. Don't explain that to me anymore.

Wade copied my answer. I answered first, so I should get the point. There were two possible yes or no. I'm sorry. Sometimes we're going to agree. We live in a world of infinite possibilities, sir. What's the gain a bunch of weight and then lose it during the years when you're wearing the small shirt of this

situation you know that's the question i guess he's got you there uh but either way i actually wouldn't have taken this deal weirdly enough you guys were you hate money it's like money yes but i feel like it's an incredibly inconvenient thing because i kept thinking about like okay the least inconvenient thing i was just thinking like what if like an hour after then you have to like oh shit i'm late for that funeral i gotta go to and then all of a sudden you're giving your eulogy speech and just oh no and then then you should have prepared better that's your own fault that's bad planning why are you having a quickie an hour before you're giving a eulogy you felt the need to either have sex or masturbate an hour before a funeral and then at the funeral you're like oh no the consequences of my actions i can't believe they're dead i've got to give a eulogy in an hour. I need to get ready. But do you want to fuck?

That seems like poor decision making. I'm surprised I have to agree with Wade. That seems like it's on you. See, he's agreeing with me. Where's my point? Okay, interesting. He's agreeing with you. Okay, fair enough.

I'm sorry. You might be the host, but you're wrong. Either way, no one gets a point for that one. No, that's bullshit. No one gets a point for that one no that's bullshit no one gets a point for that one you know what wade i give you a point an extra point wade what do i get a crisp high five what i give you i just gave you an extra point so i'm winning thank you i give you minus five points then what does that mean does that mean i winning? I take back my crisp high five, asshole. I guess I'll take the win, then, won't I?

I don't know. I didn't know you were judge. All right. And Wade is up now. I don't think that's right. That's not right. Isn't that right? No, Wade's up.

I'm curious on your math on that, but I will say it's right. It is. I think he means it's your turn. Your turn. Oh, I thought he meant up on point all right wait you get a million dollars but every year on your birthday the moment you turn whatever that age is you get warped back in time and you have to watch your parents conceive you from a different angle every year.

Now, listen, I love money, but I don't know if I was a quickie or a long, drawn out, full romance porno. And I already don't like getting older on my birthday, man. I don't know if I could. No, you know, I don't want the money that bad. All right. OK, we finally found Wade's limit. What a baby. day man i don't know if i could say no you know i don't want the money that bad all right okay we finally found wade's limit what a baby i don't need this there's no one i want to watch like oh dinner time wait oh it's happening again everyone just wait it's a repeat it's cyclical right so you would come to understand what time this happens

and you'd be able to prepare for it oh you're assuming we're all good at planning we learned from mark there's none of that like what if i've got to go do a eulogy that day and right in the middle of the eulogy i'm watching my parents boning i am not a wimp like wade and i understand that people have to make love to make a baby and as much as i have never like walked in on my parents or had anything like that happen so i'm not 100 sure how i'd react for a million dollars bring it on bring it on i could you didn't say i couldn't gouge my eyes out if it was too much but but also i do feel like this is this is maybe kind of an american thing culturally but maybe it's other places as well i just feel like americans are

really uptight about like sex stuff right americans are super uncomfortable like talking about anything sexual with parents or family and like i'm not saying i'm above that i i grew up in this culture too but i just feel like that's arbitrary and there there's no reason why it's not just as natural and normal for your parents to do that as anyone else who does for whatever reason because they love each other for fun to make a baby like i'm not saying i wouldn't have any issues because i've grown up with all the American cultural influences that any other American shares, but I could get over it. I could learn to face that and accept that that's a cultural difference,

and it's not that big a deal. I would take a million dollars. All right. All right. Fair. Fair is fair. However, I don't want to see that even for a million dollars i'm okay i am all right and wade will get the point for that one it's a million dollars can i say i've

discovered a trend here where mark won't do anything for a million dollars i'm not doing these i'm not doing that for the rest of my life i've from a different angle because i might get the from the top of the corner like security camera i knew you'd say no to this one mark you wouldn't even come in an hour like i knew you were gonna watch your parents bone if you wouldn't come in an hour look i'm just saying i'm shocked that you guys are so eager for some of these mr glowing dick that's not my problem That's the one that seems insane to me. Lots of kids accidentally caught their parents in the act, and it may or may not have caused them a little anguish,

but that's nothing that you can't get over by just being an adult. As I get older, my mom and my dad have passed on, and it's like I can almost see their faces. Then my birthday comes around, it's like, oh, God, I can see all of them. That's not the memory I want to have the most vivid. That is an excellent point. You get to reconnect with your parents every year on your birthday, no matter what happens.

Oh, if I zoom in, I can see. That's my sperm right there. I don't have to tell this to you guys. Some people would long for a way to connect with a parent. I'm sure. I can't personally even relate. Both my parents are still alive i see them once a year ish you know enough not enough maybe but like

i that would be great then you can always look forward to like oh there's mom and dad there's that face they make that's how i like to remember them oh the pain oh boy okay all right hey my mom just texted me hey son here's our latest sex tape enjoy oh no that's not what this one's about hope we could really bond over this one oh boy all right so bob uh you're up you get a million dollars but for the rest of your life whenever you see a kitchen sponge you eat it immediately eat it oh no this isn't a rational person's first concern but i have to say um in our house we use scrub daddy sponges you know the scrub daddy is like the plastic

scrubby thing so it's not really like a sponge but it's in the shape and appearance of a sponge does that count would i have to eat that because those are way harder to eat than like a soft sponge i feel like yeah because it's used in sponge like fashion and it is kind of sponge-esque like i'm pretty sure that qualifies that alone just in my own personal life would make this way worse i mean i guess you could pick what kind of sponges you use can i do dishes with a washcloth from now on and just avoid sponges i feel like that's okay that's that's getting around it in a if you go over to a friend's house and see one you just have to well i would i would i would prepare if i'm going somewhere where i know them i would ask them to you know put get rid of this hide your kids hide

your sponge hide your goddamn sponges or i'm gonna eat it and like i don't know if that would make people more or less likely but like you can kind of control that i would go for that a million dollars it's for the rest of my life i eat the rest of your life yeah do i get to prepare it do i cook the sponge it says immediately immediately yeah so if you've got a pocket full of seasoning, go for it, but that's all you can get. Okay, so you'd always have to carry around, like, a bottle of hot sauce or something. What if it's, like, soaked with dirty water and soap and, ugh. Well, you could wring it out, I'm assuming.

If there's a sponge, it's probably a sink. I would maybe give it a rinse and wring it out. You can't be too thorough. You have to immediately eat it. I would immediately begin the process of eating it which involves ringing it out rinsing it off seasoning it and maybe cooking it uh putting in a nice yeah well immediately i would begin that immediately uh i would do that i would take that i i that's i i would need to work out how exactly bigger sponges and stuff cut them up with

scissors i don't know but i could do that all right that's fair that's fair wade no not a chance no explanation i like food too much not a chance i don't know what that would do to my insides because like don like all your soaps you're gonna be using are like acidic and not good for your even like your hands to have for long term like in the insides no plus all the worst parts of the food and everything else and whatever kind of bacteria the worst parts of the food it's just parts of food i don't just have parts that weren't eaten the parts that were left behind yeah because there's a plate full of food which is all good and edible and you don't always eat all of it as i mean it's like toxic i'm not saying it's still fresh because it's on a sponge and not you know in a refrigerator or something but it's not like it was poison no listen is there a way

where the sponge could be cooked or prepared that you would consider it, Wade? What if you always got to prepare it in a certain way? How would you cook it? I'm sticking with my no. What if you could grate it over salad like cheese? I don't believe there's any kind of thing I would put on. It'd be like one of those funky cheeses, right? Do you like the, what color is the color cheese?

Do you like the color cheese? What? It's like that cheese, but it has the color, the color cheese do you like the color cheese what it's uh it's uh it's like that cheese but it has like the color the name and the color i will not eat it bob i sponge i will not eat it your clunge it started as a bit but now you need to what color is the cheese stop making me eat sponges the answer is is no. I don't want it. Okay. All right.

So my answer also is I wouldn't eat it. And I wouldn't eat it for the reason that if I went to a grocery store and I saw sponges, I would have to eat the whole rack. And it's like I could plan out my route to the grocery store. And I'm like, okay, I avoid this aisle and this line. But if they change it one day and all of a sudden i'm in the sponge aisle i'm basically dead because i have to eat all these sponges so i said no so i'm gonna give wade the point for that one wow i'm just imagining that this you know i get the million dollars but it impacts my life really greatly like i don't go places anymore that had the where the sponge is a threat you just they deliver

groceries now all right wade can you please step out of the room? I guess, again? I'll text you, don't worry. Yeah, we'll text you, don't worry. Do you think he brought his phone? Did you bring your phone, Wade? All right, okay. So how you doing, man?

I feel like I'm not doing a great job of making him paranoid. I feel like he feels like he's really dominating so far. No, he's paranoid. I believe it. So I'm just going to check in on you. And this is like, don't worry. Because your secret objective is just to make it to the end of the game. And you win.

And that's it. Who's actually winning the game? Wade's winning the game. Wade's winning, but it doesn't matter. I just feel like I'm letting you down. No, you're not letting me down.'re not letting anybody down you're doing so great i'm gonna try and really ramp it up in the back half i'm gonna try and yeah do you want me to pull him aside and saying like uh okay you have a new secret do you want me give you an actual

list of things to try to get him to say and then i'll give him like the same list or something and be like uh what if you pull him aside and give him an actual list of things to, of things to get me to say super easy and I will fall right into them. And so he'll, he's trying to do it and I'm just like, Oh yeah. And I do it right away. And so in his mind,

he's like, Oh my God, I'm kicking his ass. Cause he feels like he caught on to me maybe, but then he's like getting me to do it okay let me just pull up basically i'm going to do a list of random words like the most commonly said words or something yeah exactly and i'm just going to do five i'm generating them okay you want to tell them to me so i know they are just yeah exactly okay you want to write them down? Uh, yes. Go for it.

Okay, so you got garbage. Okay. Memorial. Okay. Prejudice. Okay. Linear. Okay.

Adoption. All right. All right, and I'm just going to tell him these are your words. These are his words. Should I tell him like how many, like if he had two of, two of five? No,

hint that I got that he sort of was on to me or something, but not, don't give him any specifics. I won't give him any specifics. Okay. All right. Let's tell him to come back in. That was a particularly long one

Hello, Bob, now leave the room Oh It can't be a surprise at this point It can't be a surprise I get it, I get it, okay It's outside again, I just want to say that It looked awfully sunny last time Yeah, well it can rain and be sunny

Don't forget your L case, guys Alright, wait You are now the spy I need you to write down these words time yeah it can rain and be sunny don't forget your okay sky's fine all right wait now i'm you are now the spy i need you to write down these words okay do i did i just lose before because i was figured i think i had it figured out but i was just waiting on the right moment to announce what i thought just hold on to it until the end of the game but now your objective is to get Bob to say these words. The first one is garbage. Got it? Memorial. Prejudice.

Linear. And adoption. So try to get him to say those things without him knowing what you are trying to get him to say. Okay, well this kind of takes away the gist of the first half because that's what I was putting together was... Yes, I was trying to be as vague as possible without spelling out that you were trying to get... I mean, you got the gist of it, but just try to get him to say those five words, as many as you can, and then by the end of the game. Does it matter when he gets to say these?

Anytime. Anytime until... The timeline is, like, until the end of the game. Okay. Cool. All right, let's get him back in. Okay! The timeline is like until the end of the game. Okay, cool. All right, let's get him back in. Okay, we're all back and we're all so happy. You guys are doing wonderfully.

It's fantastically, but it's Wade's turn. So wait, you get a million dollars, but you give birth once a month to a miniature version of yourself and it goes through its full life cycle in two days and then dies for the rest of your life how often?

every month every month how long is the birth? that's true it might be like a fully grown adult by the time it's fully out i mean it says yeah full full life let's say it starts its life cycle when it's born and what do you you just have a whole cemetery in the backyard like gee that's i don't i don't want that i want to get rid of it how do you it's a prestige situation where you got like row after row of drowned versions of yourself how do you how do you explain that you roll the

you roll your cans out to the curb and i don't know why but like well actually i do know why in our neighborhood uh people rummage through like the recycling to like pull out cans and stuff like or like i don't know the garbage man is like you know dumping it out and sees that how do you explain that he's like oh well i got a million dollars so well you don't put it in recycling you put it in the garbage and you hope they don't look or you wait till last minute to put your cans down till right before garbage shows up i mean the garbage man could definitely still see it it's gonna raise a lot of questions so wade you're hard no you that one? Or you have a big yard and a really good shovel.

Or a free meal. Are you obligated to have funerals every month? Are you, is this... Are you going to have, like, one of those services every time? Like, everyone has to get together to remember... Are you googly? Just to make sure you don't ejaculate it, you're you googly accidentally. You didn't plan right. No sex an hour before I lose each of my fully grown me's every month.

A lot of compounding rules. Anyway, hard no from you, Wade. Is that what you said? Yeah, I don't want to deal with me, much less young, old, regular me for two days. What do I feed you? By the time I finish dinner, you're going to be either on adult food or back to fucking mashed potatoes because you don't have any teeth. Like, no, I'm not dealing with that.

Two of my days every month. I got to deal. No, that's too many days. All right. Bob, what do you think? I mean, I asked questions like I cared about that. Garbage men and memorial services are not the concern. I do not want to do anything that resembles giving birth once a month.

You could put each baby up for adoption every month. You have a baby. Can you sell a baby? You could have a lot of money. And it's like no return policy. No takes back. A day later's a dead miniature adult homunculus sorry not my problem no takes back sees i didn't say i wasn't magic

how could i have known that would happen if you would have asked i would have told you yeah no this will be dead tomorrow and look like an adult but tiny but you didn't ask so i had no obligation to say anything legal sale it's binding all right so you both know i have a hard no on that i'm in agreement because really you wouldn't take a million dollars to give birth out and where what am i giving birth out of what am i giving birth out of it better not be my dick you might as well imagine a new hole that's ripped in your taint every time like it does not matter there's plenty i imagine of people out there that also wouldn't just give birth for a million dollars because they don't they don't want to go through that even just once for a million

dollars yeah is a lot to go through for a million dollars so wait would you say yes if you had to adopt a you every month for two days if you didn't have to give birth yourself? Adoption is not an option. That's not you can't pretend like that's a legitimate solution to anything. I was just asking Mark. I'm not saying it's an option.

I was just asking Mark if he would do it then. Why would I do it anyway? Still have to give birth for a million dollars it's not worth it for every month for the rest of your life no i'm moving on anyway we're both on agreement you both get points it's all good here so when we agreed before we got no points and we agree now we both get points i like that system more i feel better because you agree with me i said i wouldn't do it either it's easy to agree with you just say no whatever i can take away

your point way do you want me to take away your point i can take it away i think he's asking for mark i gotta be honest i think he's really trying to lose points today all right bob you get a million dollars but every month for a year only i don't know why this one's qualified only for a year you you have to go out on a nice date with hitler it says nice date i have to ask are we assuming he's alive or is it like you have to dig him up and take no he's alive as if you hitler just appears you get a text message of a restaurant to meet hitler at and you show up in hitler's there is there is he wearing his nazi uniform oh yeah full nazi regalia okay yeah okay 12 times he he waves you over with a nazi salute is what he's doing he

sees you oh my god okay yeah sure hello i are there is he he's just a man right so just assuming for you playing it out i do this at the very conclusion of the 12th date our december date i the money is transferred directly into my account or maybe it's already there, but the deal is concluded. Can I then assassinate him on the spot as part of a ruse? I spent a year gaining his trust in order to get close to end the Nazi threat? Is that allowed? Or can I conspire with, you know, maybe I'm conspiring with the American government and I wear a wire. Not this month. Give me just three more months then you can do it well i'm wearing a wire and i and on our date and i'm planning trackers and he's and he's there and he's you know talking and i'm like oh

yeah oh where where are those you know what i miss the troops where are the troops going you guys have plans poland's not poland like what can i can i work against him during the duration you can try but remember it's a very nice date and he was reportedly very charismatic so you gotta be careful do i have to convince him it's a nice date or is he totally oh it's just a great date well so i could be you know doing espionage and just be a nice you know lie to his face i feel like i could maybe pull that off do you have to keep him on the hook like you have to keep him interested in coming back for the next date too so like after the third or fourth date you have to have like a nightcap it gets to the end and he's playing with his keys and he's like and you're like oh not tonight i had a lot

of garlic with dinner so listen that's up to you that's up to you yeah you got to keep him coming back is the thing i'm allowed to use this as an opportunity to to to theoretically if he's still alive and there's a conflict i can work against him in the process of this i would say that that would be i would do that if it just like you have to date hitler and you can't do anything to undo or prevent or work against whatever hitler might be doing because he's still alive that would be tough i don't know that's an arbitrary distinction what a weird arbitrary distinction but i'm gonna do it all right he's gonna do it wade what are you gonna do i feel like the reputation like even i don't know man

if he's already dead which he is right he would somehow come back and be alive for dates i feel like i'm already doing a disservice to the world i don't even if i was doing good for the world the just the look and the reputation you would get for being like that guy's going on dates with hitler i the bite no no it's not worth it man i almost rather go back and have the baby me every month over dating hitler for a year all right okay all right you know i hate to be a no person about this but i also wouldn't just because i and i thought about like okay what if people wouldn't actually believe that was hitler right they would think like uh maybe it's like some actor who just so happens to not have had time to change out of their costume or something but there's really no justification to why really someone is doing that you know full

nazi armband you know the mustache and everything it's like oh that's silly nazi yeah no so i gotta give way the point on that one unfortunately okay well look you it's a really nice date this one was kind of a toss-up i was like well it's a nice date but yeah i'm sorry bob it's just clear mark's prejudiced against money. He hates it. He'll always say no to money. All right. So wait, it's your turn now. Okay. You get a million dollars, but every time you cut yourself, all of your blood comes out, but you don't die.

All of your blood. What do you, what happens to you? You don't die, but all of your blood comes out. Make of that situation what you will. All your blood's coming out of you from any cut, but you don't die. I get a random cut or scrape at least like multiple times a day from having pets. It's like a high pressure hose. I can't imagine one, the mess would be fun to deal with to whatever sensations you go through

would be fun to deal with. And whoever has to put blood back into, you can't, I'm going to be spending more than a million dollars a week just to get more blood. No, it's a terrible deal. All right.

Okay. Well, it's easy. I live my life in a funnel over like a blood donation track that can go right back in. Even that wouldn't be worth it. What if it's like a sneeze and you got a little bit of warning? You get a cut and you're like, oh, oh no. Uh-oh.

It doesn't even come out the cut. It just comes out randomly like you never know. It's a cut, but you feel like a sneeze-like sensation. Do you get like a few seconds to prepare? What about that? Oh, God, yes you get like a few seconds to prepare what about that oh god yes now that i have time to prepare to bleed out entirely that's much better you just you just need to carry around some you know big bags with you big garbage bags it'll be fun oh honey it's happening oh honey it's happening it's not an ejaculation. I said sneeze, not ejaculation. Well, if you have time to prepare

for it. I just look forward now to the day where we're all traveling somewhere or we're visiting or whatever from the other room. You hear Mark like, oh, honey, it's happening. Is that what you think it's like, Mark? Is that how you are?

I don't know. I don't know. Wade does it. Give me the post-hour calm every time compared to this shit. Oh, honey, it's happening. Is it like a spray? Does it spray out depending on the cut? Does it always come out of a single line? Does it drip down? It's just a pure gush in the shape of the cut.

High pressure. No. Amazing superpower. I feel like you could win a lot of fights this way. Bloodman with the power to bleed. Paper cut, paper cut, paper cut, paper cut, paper cut. Okay, I got to be honest. I need to run to the bathroom really quickly.

Do your thing. All right. Wait, you can't say the word when you're trying to get into that how that should have been obvious that wasn't established rule what wouldn't establish rule what do you mean i'm looking at man i've got three garbages a memorial adoption i'm doing great yeah but okay bob did say garbage without you even prompting it which was amazing but then you were just like what say garbage without you even prompting it, which was amazing. But then you were just like, what about adoption? Have you ever considered adoption?

I thought it was weird that you didn't establish a rule where I couldn't say it. I thought it would have been obvious. I thought it would have been obvious. This is distractible, my friend. Nothing is obvious. I'm going to give you a new word because I can't count that one. What about memorial? He said memorial without

me prompting it no he didn't i'd said it before but he brought it back up like three or four sentences later i don't i didn't i don't remember saying it well either way if you said it first it doesn't count i'm gonna give you a new word it's governor you have to get him i'm not gonna count the memorial because i didn't hear him say it and you were prompting it anyway. How many garbages do I get? One. Boo. What do you mean, boo? Do I get a new word for memorial too then

if memorial doesn't count? No, you can get him to say memorial again. I don't know. I didn't hear him say it. You did, but it was a while after I'd said it. Alright, I'll give you a new word for that. It's bullshit and I protest. It should be so obvious that you can't say it i was willing to win at any cost

god i would be cheap and devious of course i would you're lucky i'm even giving you a chance you're lucky i'm not just taking the win i earned it i should sue you should put it in your terms and service i could just say like you you failed on those i could say you failed on them i could protest i have the whole audience behind me they They know what was said and what wasn't. Oh my god. Alright, I'm removing memorial. I'm removing adoption. I keep my two points in my head. He said garbage three times.

And it still only counts as one. Each of these only counts as one. You can't say it when he's saying it. And your new words are governor and decisive. So you have prejudice, linear, governor, and decisive so you have prejudice linear governor and decisive and you can so did you give an answer bob no okay so superhero implications aside i would not want to do this i think this sounds really terrible i think you could prepare for it but it'd still be really tough to live with but i think mark will want to

do this i have no idea why i just feel like this is an opportunity to earn some points you didn't even like take a moment to think about that you were just like mark would want it yeah you're saying yes now you're saying yes i i'm saying i personally would not want this but my answer if for the purposes of this game we're agreeing with mark is is how you earn points is it yes well that's interesting because my answer is no oh come on i would not do you just say no to everything yes i can absolutely i can he's agreed to not a single thing that's why I thought eventually he would break that pattern. Why would I do that? No, no, no, no, no.

It's just blood. It's all of your blood. Well, I assume it goes back in somehow if you're not end up dying from this the first time it ever happens to you. There's some solution assumed in your premise. solution assumed in your premise there's a solution where it goes back in somehow or you get more blood real fast or something because you're not allowed to die from this thing occurring is the assumption yeah but something happened i still imagine you might pass out and i don't like the idea of passing out and i do i get little cuts and scrapes all the time like tiny ones and even if the tiny ones like they bleed a tiny bit all my blood's gushing out of

that this is a pretty like straightforward line of thinking bob he says no to every single one there's no like crooked twisted zigzaggy pattern he just said no every time i figured it out after like the third round it's some bullshit it is some bullshit he is clearly he's he's he's biased. I'm fair. I'm completely fair. This is the most fair I've ever been. Smelly. He's biased. He's other words. Yeah, take that.

I can take away points from you. He wants you to. He wants you to do it. I don't. I just wanted to pile on. All right. Okay, fine. I enjoyed it. Thank you, Bob, for a fun time yeah whatever yeah you too you know whatever all right so who's turn bob bob it's your turn okay you get a million dollars but every time you meet someone you have to hug them

for 30 seconds two million2 million. A minute? I'm negotiating. No, no. $2 million, 30 seconds. Can we do that? I don't think this is a negotiation. I was just going to try it and see what happened. I don't know.

$2 million for 30 seconds. Okay. All right. Interesting. Or $1 million for 15 seconds. That's my offer. It's like Shark Tank. Okay. All right, then. Fair. Interesting. Or a million dollars for 15 seconds. That's my offer. Uh-huh. Like Shark Tank. Okay.

All right, then. Fair. Interesting. No. Well, that's... That's just predictable, I guess, isn't it? I don't not want a million extra dollars. Mark, what do you say to that?

All right. Will you hug someone for 30 seconds every time you meet a new person you don't know or anyone anytime you meet up with anyone you know them you don't know no no no it's new introduction so it's like this is my wife stacy so okay you have to be introduced this isn't like you go to the grocery store and you have to go hug everybody if you've never seen yeah you would have to be like hi my name you would introduce you that what if i'm at the grocery store and the person swiping all my groceries and checking me out compliments my t-shirt and then we're like oh yeah you like uh

yeah you play destiny i love destiny that's this is yeah 30 seconds 30 second hug for that yep i mean i guess i'm just never talking to people i'll take a million dollars and never meet another new person for the rest of my life i guess it's just a hug for 30 seconds it's more it's for it's not a 30 second hug for me that that doesn't bother me as much as like you go to your best friend's birthday party and there are six people there that you do not know that's a lot of long hugs and i'm not worried about whether they think it's weird that's just an imposition i just don't want to have to hug that many people all the time i already am like i don't really want to come to this like i'm glad to celebrate. It's my first birthday.

But like, maybe we can leave early. I don't know. There's a lot of people. I'm going to follow the pattern and assume that Mark thinks linearly. And no, no, no. I would not do that. No. All right.

Okay. No, Wade. I'm a social being. I wouldn't personally hate it all that that much. Other people might get annoyed. It may make some pretty awkward introductions. Patterns are meant to be broken. Yes, for a million dollars, I'll give people a big old hug.

You switch and say yes this time. I am calling. Bullshit. Of all the things, I know that you don't like hugging people. I know this about you as an individual. Yeah. Yes. Well, I say no, I wouldn't do this because I don't like hugging people.

Bob, you get the point. Yes. Damn it. I really thought maybe I could pull a fast one. I had one. I had another one. Wait, where did it go? Where did it go?

Where did it go? Hold on. Where did it come from? Where did it go? Where did it go? Hold on. Where did it come from? Where did it come from? Cotton-Eyed Joe. I thought Mark would have it by now. Where did it go? Can you read, mister? Can't you read?

Can't you read, mister? We did all of Cotton-Eyed Joe while you were trying to find this one prompt. Okay, okay, okay. I lost it again. Where'd it prompt. Okay, okay, okay. Oh, I lost it again. Where'd it go? Okay, here we go. All right, I got it.

Wade, you get a million dollars, but every time you kiss someone, you must pick a fight with a child and lose. Like a real fight? Like they're actually beating the crap out of me? Or like a, oh, you got me. They're going to beat the shit out of you. Every time they do that. out of me or like oh you got me they're gonna beat the shit out of you does this include like kissing your pets on the top of the head and stuff that's not people oh yeah wait no it says every time you kiss someone oh if you're married you're either gonna be this happily married or

you're gonna be beating the fuck up and bruised a lot and remember you're picking a fight with a kid so you gotta taunt the kid first into fighting you hey little johnny nice strike if you're four years old i am four years old god what a nuanced insult to a kid god that's good for a kid every year matters right like if you're if you're like oh you five like i'm six like every year matters to a kid so if you insult them by saying like they're one or two years younger that's a real big deal ah interesting not that i've picked fights with kids before but i know how to do it so you're taking this million no all right bob this is all this is all just a mental mind game i've got to see through Mark's eyes. I've got to understand his biases, where he's coming from.

Could his body take it if a five-year-old tried to beat him up? I don't know. What I want to find out? Maybe. Or does Mark never kiss anyone? How many kisses does Mark give on a daily basis? Maybe this is a low occurrence event. Interesting.

Does it count when he makes kissy faces at himself in the mirror in the morning? Unclear. Or when he gets a boo-boo. When you get a boo-boo, you kiss your own boo-boo. Is it like, hot damn it, I'm someone. Does it count if Mark picks a fight with himself and kicks his own ass? What kind of child do you have to be? I would say you're a child

at heart. You're a big man, baby. You're whimsical. You've got ideas. Uh-huh. Go on. Uh-huh. You're a brilliant young man with long, flowing hair. Look at that. Tell me, Mark, what

would you do? It's unrelated to the query, and I'm just curious. Interesting. No one's asked me before. I will tell you what I would do. Okay, okay. Since you asked, I don't think I'd do it, because, you know, I like knowing that I don't have to kiss and then run out and find the nearest child and taunt them into fighting me. I think you shouldn't be so quick to come up with an answer. I think you should take more time to think

about it before Bob asks me. Fair, I did ask. It wasn't declared in the rules. No one stated it, obviously, that you couldn't ask, so I guess it's all up in the air, isn't it, Wade? Isn't it, Wade? I accept that.

Alright. I'm gonna have to side with mark then and say that i wouldn't do it either after analyzing everything because i already said that too i'm glad we're all in agreement i also changed wade's answer wait oh you said he would do it if i recall correctly i accept that and there's only one change per round as I decree I am so glad these rules are established you know what I started to think something here might be cutting against you after seeing the world through Mark's eyes I'm seeing there may be some sort of

prejudice going on here it's just how it is you know how the Terminator before he ruled over Californiaifornia you know the terminator had like the the murder boner for john connor i'm mark's john connor mark's got a murder boner for wade yep you heard it here first that's the title of the episode mark's murder boner no bob i just have to you know how you would probably understand that there are unspoken rules that you would be obvious. I'm just saying, like, if a rule isn't spoken, then it's all up in the air, right?

On this particular game show, all the unspoken rules we always follow. Never presume to know the rules. Test them. If you are wrong, then ask for forgiveness. All right. You both get a point though great wait but i thought i changed wade's answer so wait no yeah bob gets a point wade does not get a point see fair is fair wade fair is fair fair is fair i agree all right so i'm tallying up the score

you both started with five points so that was very proud of both of you. Wade, you lost. You gained and lost a point immediately. Every rule is so fucking arbitrary. And it's always against me. All right, Bob, you had five to start with. Then one, two, three, four, five, six, 11 points. Wade, you had five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12 points. Wade, you add 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,

10, 11, 12 points. What, really? I sided with him like 90% of those. However, as both of you know now, there was another secret game going on in between this

particular game. Wade, I'm going to ask you first. What was Bob trying to get you to say? So I didn't know I had to pay attention to the specific words, but I do know, I believe in the first round, he was trying to get me to say extra. And in the second round, I think he was trying to get me to say briefs.

I didn't follow the words after that, though I know I said the word planning probably when I should have said planning. You said two. You didn't pick up on the cheese one i thought so i actually did but i thought you were trying to get me to say a specific type of cheese i didn't know you were trying to get me to say cheese in general yeah i was trying to get you to say blue cheese so you did say two but bob what was wade trying to get you to say I honestly didn't think to pay close attention to the specific words. I feel like he was trying to get me to say at one point, what was it?

It was trash. It was actually, it was garbage. And you said it on your own without anyone prompting. It was actually very convenient for Wade. However, then I had to pull Wade aside when you had to take a bathroom break. Then the rules changed. The rules didn't change! Wade was like, he was saying one of the other words.

Well, actually, okay, give me a listen. Memorial and adoption. Yeah, I guess I removed them anyway, so it doesn't matter. He was going like, what do you think about adoption, Bob? Do you think adoption's an option? And I'm like, isn't it obvious that you can't say the word and so cheese was a word bob said cheese a whole bunch too no the word was blue i was trying to say blue cheese i was just prompting you with like oh what's that cheese what's that kind of

cheese there was i was never told we couldn't say the word it was just to make you say the word oh i think mark's probably right about that one of course you agree it benefits you highly though you could change my answer arbitrarily and uh whatever the other rules were that we established at the end either way i i counted like you got bob with three he said linear i think he said memorial unprompted he said garbage right he sure did and wait what what was bob's secret objective this last round what was bob's secret objective the whole game oh i thought it was just each round he had one to get me to say a specific word might it have been that was a red herring i guess highly possible i had to leave the room for like 10 minutes

is it possible i have the exact list of words that you were supposed to try to get me to say in front of me to make sure i didn't forget them maybe sure i tossed a coin at the beginning of this game and that decided who the winner was bob wins by coin toss from the very beginning of the game so congratulations bob even though you couldn't agree with me to save your life, you win this game! I am never declaring Mark a winner of an episode ever again, audience. Bob and I will have a permanent understanding that Bob

wins when I host. Wait, was it not you and me that in a recent episode literally did that exact- Exactly! I benefited! I belong to be a hypocrite that's why you're mad there's no unless there's an unspoken rule about being a hypocrite no you know what you are allowed to be a hypocrite i think that's fair i had a feeling that that

coin flip meant a lot more than who goes first i did feel like there was more to it and then i was like okay that establishes the roles and then halfway through the rolls flipped or whatever and it's like all right well if bob already knows the game then i'm already at a disadvantage in the second round so in the back of my mind i did feel some bullshit shenanigans were afoot i just didn't know how deep it went did you feel like when i was just offering you those words i let you say them first or hint at them and then i said them did you ever feel like wow that was that's too easy i thought the amount of times you said garbage i was like okay he's really going into garbage but you avoided saying prejudice you avoided um linear till the end so no i didn't actually pick up i worked memorial and after the whole bit which is why i was like that one should still count little did I know I was being

fucked from the front the whole time alright I'm gonna take my glowing dick and post hour cum and leave so you guys can wrap this up without me my loser speech is fuck you both let me know when I can come back he's so sad

Bob you have a winner's speech that feels good to win feels good to really earn it I feel like I played hard today Wade competed well I have to applaud him for really putting up a good fight but sometimes you're just in the groove and I appreciate it

we really put a left 110% out there on the field today, and we really got done as a team. That was good. That was good stuff. I feel like I could have set up the stakes a little better or made deceived Wade a little bit better, but I was like,

how do I get Wade to be deceived? Or how do I... I forgot my chapstick. This isn't about you. This is about my chapstick. I was like, how can get like the person to be deceived enough and i'm like it's got to be just this from the get-go but how do i make this a secret i could i could have done that better so uh as as judge i will only improve in my deception in the future i hope to always somehow deceive wade out of winning uh but if it happens to you, Bob, I'm sorry. It'll just be the way the coin toss goes. I appreciate it. I take that. I accept it. I'll accept it with grace.

I don't look forward to the revenge that will probably be heaped upon me by Wade. But thank you, everyone listening. In my water. Hope you had a wonderful time. You can find Wade at LordMinion777 or Minion777 uh you can find wade at lord minion 777 or minion 777 you can find bob at my skirm m-u-i-s-k-e-r-m and my name has been mark blar please follow on spotify it's

free you get the video episodes so be sure to follow so you know we are uploading twice a week now with twice as many episodes all just as fun and fresh and last minute hobble cobbled together as every other one has been. So, uh, we'll see you, uh, in a few days.

Fuck it. I was out.