Distractible - Nah, I'd Lose

Episode Date: October 24, 2025

Not all battles are worth winning. Experience all-out warfare. Battlefield 6 is available now. Learn more at uber.com/onourway Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Uber One. It's that time, back to school. Go to college. Yeah, I can't wait to get back in classes again. See Professor Smithers. You're going back? Are you not? Did you not sign up for your classes?

No, I didn't. I'm not ready to pay for that college life again. Okay, well, when all three of us are back in college, Uber One for students is going to be a great way to save money on Uber and Uber Eats. Try it out now and get your first four weeks free. Become an Uber one for student members and start saving on Uber and Uber Eats. Eligibility and member terms applies. This episode is brought to you by Peloton.

A new era of fitness is here. Introducing the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ. Built for breakthroughs with personalized workout plans, real-time insights, and endless ways to move. Lift with confidence, while Peloton IQ counts reps, corrects form, and tracks your progress. Let yourself run, lift, flow, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.ca. This episode is presented to you by Battlefield 6. Rip through the skies in an aerial dog fight.

Demolish your environment for a strategic advantage. Harness complete control over every action and movement. Every aspect of Battlefield's core gameplay has been honed to feel more fluid, responsive, and immersive than ever before. And with more maps, modes, and ways to rally your squad, Battlefield 6 is the ultimate all-out warfare experience. Available now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X and S and PC. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Messianic Mark defies dehydration, then makes magical, masochistic moments. Weld's dad Wade, watches fishy puss cook, tongues a huge shaft, and summons fiery rings.

Bonnie Bob bonds with his brave boy, Ganses a legendary gobble, Enrolls in the endless, sings ragtime, and shoots shotguns. From a good hook to salacious swine. Yes. It's time for, nah, I'd lose. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to. distractible. The show that definitely is not ending. I don't care what the rumors say.

We're gonna be here for the rest of whenever we're here for. And nothing's gonna stop us. Right guys? One of those two things is true. One of them. I won't tell you which one. I will. But later at the end of the episode, you'll have to listen to find out. No skipping. Oh, that's a hook. Yeah, I'll put the reason or which one was true at some random point in this video. I'm Mark. Also known as Mark Blair and I'm joined today by Bob and Wade also known as My Skirm and Lord Minion 777. That's us. I don't know why I threatened everyone with a pin, but that's us.

I didn't feel very threatened. That was like high school basketball coach levels of threatening right there. Well, I mean, I felt pretty threatened, so I might as well write something down. We all know Wade's not going to get any more points in that. Yeah, you gotta really hunt for reasons to give Wade points. Well, I'll know how this works. But how are you guys? About to say, man, don't pretty well.

well, life's good, eating good. Well then I went to, oh, here, new passion moment. I know nothing about cooking, I'm not a cook. I'm not, I don't make a lot of food. I think I could do it, but I'm a perfectionist that would drive me nuts. If I ever leave Cincinnati, I need to meet the owner of Soto and see if he will let me franchise it somewhere else, because I can't live without it.

I've gotten to the point now where I can't live without it, so I will open my own Soto. I don't think they, I don't think they do franchise as a fine dining estableness. dining establishments. They need two for this one, because I can't, I can't leave it. I can't quit it. Here's a thing. I was in Cincinnati for an occasion. I don't say we. Details? Yeah, I'm giving details right now. Amy and I, we went to Soto because I had heard so much from it from you. And Amy knew that Soto actually had a restaurant in L.A. at one point. And they couldn't make it in L.A. so that one closed down and then they moved to Cincinnati now I don't know if that was

COVID related it could have entirely been the food that we had at soda was some of the best Italian food I've ever had and I've gone to fancy schmancy Italian places that I don't usually like goat cheese but that goat cheese on the bread and the toast oh it was amazing whatever the heck I had the pauper delet with meat was unbelievable every bite was delicious I can save her certain weight is not a exaggerating about well okay he might be he might be overselling it just a little bit uh but it is really good it is very good and i enjoyed my meal and it was you know it of all the the high end places i've gone to usually the high end italian places and i haven't gone many many high end places

but i've been lucky enough to go to a few all the italian places have not been to my liking because the portion sizes were way too small and it wasn't really good i would rather go into all of garden And I know I sometimes I have very simple taste, but Soda was very good. And the prices weren't as exorbitant as I thought they would be. Nah, it's Cincinnati expensive, which is California cheap. Yep, you know it. And Michael Douglas approved. I do not speak for Michael Douglas.

Why did you pick Michael Douglas then? It's always the name I go to. I don't know. Could I pick to anyone and you picked Michael Douglas? His name lives rent free in my head. It's okay. Michael Douglas is a fine thing. He's fine.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be, but like of all the celebrities that exist, that's just top of mind for you is crazy. He's not exactly. showing up on a lot of stuff right now. Him and Christopher Walken go-to names in my mind. Actually, I don't even recall you ever mentioning Michael Douglas in the past. Oh, I do. Maybe not with you, but I do mention it. Well, we've talked pretty much consistently weekly for the past seven years or so.

I can't recall. Bob, do you remember him ever saying Michael Douglas? I don't have a specific memory. Viewers and listeners, go back and find any references I've made of Michael Douglas. I feel like maybe once before he has maybe referenced Michael Douglas, but not like it doesn't stand out to me as much as he makes it seem like it should. My references would not stand out. Michael Douglas would probably stand up. My references do not.

Was it just that you like Soto? Was that your update? Yeah, we went there the other night again. It was amazing. We actually had a different seat. I didn't know they had like a bar style seat, but there were like four stool seats at like the bar right across where they make all the meat. and they gave us um wait they make the meat they pull the meat out of the meat hole what what do you mean

where they like where they cut it up cook it i watched them prepare the meat he doesn't know what a kitchen's called mark well no but like this guy the kitchen is kind of like divided they have the they have the the meat side and like the pasta side it's all kitchen man all the pastas were being made at this other end uh-huh there was a dude every few minutes would yell hands and i took me a long time to figure out what he was yelling hands where I was like, does everyone put their hands?

Like, what do you do with hands? Like, hands? Move your hands so I can inspect. No, hands just meant someone who comes and gets the food to take it to the tables. Took me a long time to figure that one out. That's weird. They don't yell service. That was hands. Gordon Ramsey never said hands.

I think they yelled hands at Soto. Did they say anything at Ichibon when the food was ready? No, it wasn't that fancy of a place. They put the food in the window. The waiters got the food out of the window. There was some communication, but generally no. Yeah, I thought. there was a show being filmed because I was like

oh they're inspecting to see how they're like they're on a timer hands like did they pass and then so just come and grab food and leave it was like okay no it's when it's when the whole staff goes Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hands yes chef two three four

It's a whole number in the kitchen But I watched them I watched them prepare In Cook Steak Octopus I'm pretty sure there's a like a sea bass, the different kind of like toasted breads and stuff they would toss on like the grill for a moment. I watched a lot of foods get prepared and when you're hungry, it's not like their food takes forever to come out because it doesn't. But when you're hungry and you're sitting there watching just steak get cooked and pasta go right past you, even for a few

minutes, man, does that amp up the like, I need my food now. I was very, very hungry by the time my Capulachi came out. You see most people when they go to a restaurant, they like seeing their food prepared to face weight away he goes I wanted so I was like I don't even want this fish but I want this fish right now give it to me well that's great I'm glad and so if I ever leave Cincinnati Mr. Soto call call me so I can we can franchise you forget the movie theater we can own a Soto do you have you you've ever had a food service job I'm going to kidnap their manager and make him my manager so this Soto is going to fail that'll just They'll promote.

They'll promote. Wade doesn't care what kind of trail of devastation he leaves. As long as what he needs comes where he is. He does not care about anything else. You're gonna go far in this business, baby. This is a cut pasta business. Cut throat, no, this is a... Cut goat cheese business?

Yes, there is a goat cheese bread. It was very good. I've also been to this restaurant. That was more for other people, not for you. I knew you... Mark mentioned the goat cheese bread. That was a reference to Mark. Yeah, that was actually one of the things I said.

of the things I said. He said that. He said, oh, the goat cheese on the toast. So, all right, well. You'll lose a point. I listen to you, Mark. I hear you. I don't, I'm not afraid to say it. Bold point worthy, even maybe one might say. Bold to declare you should get a point. That's bold. Well, I've already deducted one, and I don't want to be rude. He wasn't listening to me. And Bob, you got that point, so it went to you. Oh, that's a two points way. It's a bold strategy, cotton. Let's see. if it pays off. And Bob hasn't even gotten to his small talk, so that's really changed

things up. All right, Bob, go ahead. Let's see you piss off, Mark. Yeah, make me mad. I saw a turkey. I hate turkeys. That was so big that nobody believed that it was a turkey until

they inspected it for themselves. Took James to a fall festival, like a farm. Like, right? You know, it's a big Midwest thing. It's like, oh, it's fall. Let's do a corn maze. go in the pumpkin patch and we'll have like uh yeah activities and stuff and we went to this place it was really fun they had a bunch of cool play sets the first moment we were there i did have made a

parenting mistake they had this big thing that was just like a big hill and you could run it was sort of like a hill where you were supposed to clearly run from one side to the other and there was like a path but then the the sides were very steep you were not supposed to go up or down the sides you were supposed to go over the path like a and james started going up that and i I was like, oh, that'd be a good picture. Because I was like, I'm trying to take pictures. We're doing this fun thing with James. I want pictures of James.

And so I was like, he won't be fucking crazy for 30 seconds. I can let him run up down this hill really quick. So I let him go. And I'm like, I'm just going to go around and take a picture. And I like have my phone out about to take a picture. He's on the very top of the hill. And he looks down at me and he just goes, and tries to like run down the steepest fucking.

It took like two. steps and then just puff piled at the bottom and it's busy this is right by the entrance so there's a bunch of other people doing the hill and people

and just out in the middle of all that James is just fucking eating so much and just I just I put my phone away going to go and pick him up and he's like I'm okay let's do this stuff because he doesn't want to like go home

me it was it was fine but it was so i was like he can do this right did you get any of it like a photocallage of god i fucking i wish i didn't even get all the way to like i was like trying to get the camera open and i was like uh no and then just bluff anyway it's very fun but they had animals there goats and sheep and dogs and chickens and stuff they had one turkey and I swear to fucking God this must have been like a 70 pound turkey it was so big from a distance all you heard

was someone being like that's a turkey that can't be a turkey oh my god that is a turkey hey Jared come look at the and like every next person it was like that's no that must be something

and we went over there and like even I having heard all dozens of people all be like that can't be a turkey and we walked over there And James walked up and was like, oh, turkey. And I was like, wow, holy fuck, that's the biggest turkey I've ever seen. You know what?

All those people were totally justified and how amazed they were at this turkey. You know the saying, if you have to ask, it's a chicken. If it's a turkey, you will know. But like when we lived out in the Bay Area, there were lots of turkeys. Listen, I've seen lots of turkeys. I'm familiar with turkeys. Literally when we were moving into our house out in the Bay Area. area, a group of turkeys just like wandered through our front yard.

They were around. And this turkey was easily three times as big as any turkey I ever saw in California. Did you know a group of turkeys is called a rafter? I did not know that. I didn't either. I know that. Well, who coined that term? Yeah.

Whoever named all the groups is really bad at their job. A group of turkeys is either referred to as a rafter or a flock. Well, I would go with flock. Yeah. I feel like flock is at the top of that list. I would think so too, but rafter was the first thing. A flock or a rafter, definitely not a gaggle. I know what you're saying about the turkey mark, because generally it is true,

but this turkey defied all turkey reason. James thought it was real cool, and I did get a picture, and he didn't even fall down a huge hill or hurt himself while I was taking the turkey picture, so that was pretty fun. That was nice. The biggest turkey on record was in 1989. his name was Tyson and he was an 86 pound turkey Now with a company is named Tyson

That's why they serve That's why they're famous for chicken A turkey started his own company I was like, kill those other birds Not my people We sell chicken nuggets, not turkey meat Butterball thinks they're gonna They're gonna get us

But I started Tyson to show them Butterballs run by just a bunch of chickens Walk into the office Just a turkey with a big cigar sitting behind the desk But all the other employees are human. It's not all turkeys. It's just the one turkey in charge of a bunch of human employees.

It's funny. I want to point at something in your story here. Back when you're talking about James Falling and Markis, have you got the video of the tumble. You said, I wish. That's what happened to me with Molly. In hindsight, I wish I'd gotten that photo. Nah, yeah, yeah.

I knew that I was going to come up. I knew that it's going to come up. This was a specific instance where I was like, I would like a picture of my child because I never take pictures of him. People are always like, oh, should, would you have any new pictures of James, he's growing up so fast. And I'm always like, ooh, I have a picture from like a year

and a half ago. Is that cool? When he was like a baby who couldn't walk? Do you want to see that? Or I was literally like, I need pictures of him. No, I get that. The photo you took was fine. But you did say you wish you'd got the video him tumbled. If it had just been a thing and he had just fallen and I wasn't trying to take the picture, I wouldn't now be like, I wish I'd got it on camera though. I'd be like, I can't. Well, he didn't fucking break his arm. He fell down a whole hill. And it's kind of worked out, I gotta say, I've thought about it. If I had been up at the top of the hill with him, and he just went, I'm not sure what I

would have done, because I think my instinct might have been to be like, whoa, and but then I would have just fallen down the same hill because really steep. And then if you were both okay, hoping it would be, I would have in hindsight wished I'd gotten that on video. I wouldn't, I wouldn't hope that. I would never think that. I typically am not the person to go to, but Yom Chippo's, on trash in hindsight was really funny and baby tumbling when baby ends up okay also kind of funny

all right laughing at babies uh that's much more scarier than funny i've never lived with as much fear as i do now that any moment james is in imminent peril i don't really give a shit if i get hurt that much like like in cars i've always liked cars and i've when i was younger i used to drive too fast like probably more than i should have never once was i like oh i hope i don't die was just stupid and like not a smart but like I never had that fear now every time we're in the car I'm like god I hope nobody fucking hits us James is so frail he's tiny it changes it does change how I or change me how I think about stuff I can't relate to the baby part but the new found fear of vehicles happen with the semi I still don't really give a shit about myself except that I know if something bad happens if something bad happens to me that means I won't be able to do what I am currently doing for James like I if I get hurt. I'll be out of commission or if I die or something. I won't be around for him. I'm not really afraid of that for my own purposes, but that seems really unfair to James. Oh, you could have just let it happen. No, I caught that one. What was unfair to James? If I die, that would be

really unfair to James. All right, you can't die if you win this, but if you lose it, you die right now. If I win this coin flip, do I gain invincibility? You do, yes. By the powers invested in the constitution of distractible, you will become immortal. And then opposite that, you will die way sooner. I don't think I can kill you right here, but... Which one am I rooting for? Heads? Heads means you will be immortal. Guys, if you could get heads on this, of all the coin flips I've ever lost. I'll try. If we can get heads on this one.

All right, here we go. It's heads! I did it. No way. Oh, is that heads? Yeah, yeah, the lady's heads. The ladies' heads. Oh, he's a mortal, everybody.

I'm immortal. Congratulations, dude. I got, I got a ready to. How do you feel it? I do feel better. My back doesn't hurt anymore. You were so right. That would be unfair to James that now it's, you're so right.

That would be so unfair. And so I'm immortal now. Okay. I still, I felt like I need a, I wish I had a better coin. Yeah, lying his tails on mine and I got lady. Lady is heads. I'm just glad we had your back We're such good friends, Mark

Yeah, I tried really hard and it worked If I actually did gain immortality from that That makes up for all the other coin flips I've ever lost I'm not even mad about it Until the world explodes And you're left alone as the last living person Carmically in the universe That makes total sense

It does, it does Okay, well congratulations I'm obviously giving you a mortality point For that Because if there ever was a moment But don't worry, wait I gave you a point for laughing at my joke Thank you.

Thank you. It was one single chuckle, but I counted it. I know how that feels. But yeah, no, Bob, I can relate to the parenting part. But I love me and the world would be at a loss without my humor if I were to die. So, like, I feel like I owe it to the world to treat myself safe. Because I'm raising all of them. You're like the world's daddy.

Yeah. Well, Dad. I don't think I'm Daddy. Wade considers himself a big daddy. Small talk for me, I guess. I've been... Okay. You know how I always am like I got a big sweeping realization about my life how I've been doing things wrong?

Yeah, sure, sure. Every time we talk. Have I talked about how I have an egregiously high salt intake and I, well, I licked the lamp, right? So I don't like salt. I talked about before. I think I've been chronically dehydrated all of my life and never have taken in enough water because I was doing some research. That seems possible. That's a funny joke, man.

I'm laughing again. That same joke. All right, you know what? Oh, man, you get into a boy, yeah, times two. Oh, hell, yeah, that makes up for my lost point. So, I mean, my salt intake is egregious, and my blood pressure has been fine, so it's not really I'm doing this for that reason or anything. But it's more just, I realized how little water I actually drank.

I drink water, a cup of water in the morning when I take my medication. That's the only cup of water I was drinking. I had a cup of coffee, you know, and juries out and whether that actually hydrates you or not, I have like carbonated diet sodas, I have carbonated waters, but mostly I was getting like maybe three or four cups total liquid every day, right? And that's not usually what they recommend. Now the recommendation from doctors, you know, there's the people that are like drink as much water as possible. Now the recommendation is like 35 to 40 mil liters per kilogram body weight, which for me is about three to three and a half liters what I would need in terms of liquid. Hold on, 30 to 35 milliliters per kilogram?

35 to 40. So anywhere in that range is, I think, the scientifically recommended amount of water that you should be getting, or liquid you should be getting in your day. That includes, like, watery food, soups, you know, I think they even include coffee in that. But three liters is a big jump from what I was doing, right? And it makes sense that I was able to do this because my salt intake was so high. Therefore, my cells have a lot of salt in them, and therefore it holds on to water. It's hard for the water to leave. It flows towards the higher salinity gradient.

You've seen the thing with the soy sauce packet in the water. Water goes into the soy sauce through the permeable membrane. Anyway, so I've started drinking four of these. These are 40 ounce with ice. It's about like 30-ish something ounces. I've never peed so much in my goddamn life. It never stops. I'm like, I put one of these, I am peeing more than I'm taking in, which apparently makes sense because the salt is slowly going out of my cells and like, I don't feel any better yet.

Oh, I was going to say, you probably feel a lot better, right? No, I don't. I don't feel any better. I feel no different other than I'm peeing all the time. I've gone to the bathroom so much more than in my entire life. Every hour I have to go to the bed. But they say it takes like three to four weeks for you. to start to become adjusted to it.

The thing is also, I was never thirsty. I very rarely am I like, oh, I'm thirsty. I'll drink water. So I've been, this is my second one of these today, so. I'm apparently supposed to drink nine 500 milliliter bottles a day, according to your, how much? Nine of these bottles a day. You need four and a half liters? Apparently.

What was the recommended amount? It's like 35 to 40 milliliters per kilogram. So I'm about 100, we'll call 115 kilograms times 40, right? That's the upper end, yeah. Damn. And you divide that by, this is a 500 milliliter bottle. You're a big guy, yeah. It's like, it's supposed to be more if you're exercising.

So I used to think that people were crazy. Like, you need two gallons a day. And that might be crazy, but like, that's basically a, that's more than a gallon. You need, I need right about a gallon, apparently. Yeah, 250 pounds is about nine bottles of water a day. Yeah. So I'm waiting for all the amazing health benefits and mental clarity to kick in, but all my mental thoughts are only occupied with, I have to be, I have to be, I have to be, I have to be. That's all I've got so far. So I'll report back next week when my equilibrium, equilibriumizes. Wait, I have other small talk. This is, this is actually, it's because you were talking about health stuff, this is an update. So this is a way the hell a long time ago now, but we did an episode where I talked. talked about how stressful and sort of traumatizing the James's birth was, and especially

around Mandy's health and issues that she faced before, during, and after actually giving birth. James is almost three. James will be three in December. Mandy, just this past week, got an iron infusion, and it turns out she's been having all of these postpartum issues, including like panic attacks and other like really serious issues that are potentially all if not many of them were caused by like critically low iron like literally just zero iron in her body she thought that just having the baby just like changed her hormonal chemistry or changed her body or she was having she was feeling more anxious because having a kid does make you feel kind of anxious in different ways and stuff like

it's potentially literally all related to low iron and she asked me to bring this up just to say to all of the women that are listening and especially if you currently are or have been recently or if you just think that any of the stuff that Mandy dealt with sounds familiar to you get your fucking iron checked

it took her multiple doctors to find a one who would even do the tests that she was like I think I have low iron like I have all these symptoms that are happening and the doctors would just be like, nah, you're just, is it your time of the month? But calm down, calm down, woman. And like, not maybe that explicit,

but none of them gave a shit. And then she finally convinced her current doctor who still didn't give a shit to do the test. And the test came back and it was like, you have zero iron and zero ferretin in your body. And the doctor was kind of like, oh, okay, I'll refer you to like a hematologist or whatever. That's fine.

So any women out there? If you feel like you have, if you look into any of the symptoms and accompanying side of, uh, whatever, accompanying things that come with low iron and you feel like maybe you have low iron, get a test and tell your doctor that to not be a dismissive asshole that you would like a test to see if your iron and specifically your ferretin are low because they can have all kinds of crazy side effects, including Mandy literally never had panic attacks before in her life and had panic attacks because of low iron, like crazy low iron, like zero out of whatever. It's supposed to be like a hundred and it was a zero on the test result. And we could apply to guys too, but this is

for reasons, I think anyone who understands how women's anatomy works even slightly, it might be obvious. This is a thing that applies generally more to women, especially women who are pregnant, have been pregnant, giving birth also you lose a lot of blood, but it's just, just interesting fact. Mandy wanted everyone to know. Get that checked because apparently not having iron can cause all kinds of side effects and can make you think that you have all kinds of other diseases

that you don't have. But if you just get an iron infusion, which she did, she immediately started to feel better after the first day. She felt kind of sick from the infusion. But interesting tidbit. Check that out. Good to know. Point to Mandy. I also wrote for the point

iron within, iron without, which is a 40K joking. Iron infusion. best way to get iron or was there a way you can increase your iron? So there are supplements but iron supplements are really hard on your stomach and Mandy has always had trouble with nausea from like she's very sensitive to

oral medication in general and so she tried to take the iron supplements orally and like was so sick that she didn't eat for a couple weeks and was like almost bedridden for part of it. So that wasn't really an option. The only other

way I know of to get iron is through food which she does do but like the iron supplement is like 50 milligrams of iron or something or 100 or something the most high iron food you can get is multi-grain Cheerios have like 18 milligrams of iron in them

but all the other food that people are like oh it has a lot of iron they have like three milligrams of iron you have to eat an actual five gallon bucket of spinach to get a meaningful amount of iron from eating spinach or whatever all this. So if you have

like Mandy like seriously low iron like dangerously low causing these side effects and iron infusion might be the way that they go if the other options don't work for you and eating getting it from food was just not substantial enough for her to recover from being

completely bottomed out on her levels. But yeah. Well good to know. Good to know. Let's get weird for a sec. Imagine if your furniture could handle all the wild and ridiculous moments life rose at you. For example, what if your couch grew and grew and grew and grew until it enveloped your entire house?

Sounds like a really specific to you fantasy that we're building on here, but I like it. Continue. With cozy, you can have your home, your way is what I'm trying to say. You can have modular furniture pieces where you're like, hmm, what if I want this to be like two seats and then curb? What if I want to be 10 long? Modular, so you can add and subtract pieces to kind of fit. And then if you get a bigger house, you take couch, you add more pieces.

Bigger couch. Cozy makes everything easy from keeping stylish and keeping clean. So transform your living space today. Visit cozy.ca, spelled C-O-Z-E-Y, the home of possibilities made easy. Hit pause on whatever you're listening to And hit play on your next adventure This fall get double points on every qualified stay Life's the trip

Make the most of it at Best Western Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions This episode is brought to you by Uber You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most Yeah, we all need that sometime And Uber knows that uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered it's showing up no matter what i think that might be them knocking on the door and because they're you know uber's really good about getting on right to where you

are to them or the fbi i'm not a hundred percent sure yep when it really matters whatever it is you show up or there's a will we're on our way uber on our way download the app today all right that was a long small talk but i liked all of it so you guys got a lot of points out of that Water and iron. Water and iron. It's the weirdest world of Warcraft fashion. Rock and stone. All right, we're going to move on from that.

This. Segway point? No, no, no. All right. I'm going to set the scene. I did a little creative writing here, and I want you to really feel in the moment of what we're about to do here. Okay.

Imagine you're in a dark hallway. You give your wife one last. hug she tells you she made the bet just like you asked but she's choking on the words it's crying you nod solemnly knowingly and you say goodbye for the last time you leave it's hard to do so but you leave you turn around you step onto that platform you hop right up there and then the lights Clunged into darkness. You're sent shooam up rising the platform rising rising suddenly blinding lights all around you the crowd's they're cheering cheering on for the bloodbath that is about to occur you look you around when your eyes

adjust to it blink lick your eyeball surrounded by water you're on a big platform in the center there's pillars on the outskirts you're a frog And your opponent, on the other side, a fly. Your wife made a bet against you losing this match. And if so, your family will be set for life. Welcome to Nide Lose. This is actually someone on the server has said this. They mentioned it casually, I think, so I was like, that would be funny.

So it's exactly like Nidewin, except you're trying to die. You will repeat the same action. because you will just have an onslaught of flies that are coming after you. If you miraculously don't die from the first fly, which you will have to get your D20s out because you're going to be making rolls. It's the exact same setup. You need, it's going to be like a 20 at first. You will make up your actions to lose this fight.

You'll do whatever it takes to lose it. You got to lose and it's got to be in the match because otherwise, They're gonna know something's up, so you gotta make it organic and your death. Has to be believable. Okay, are we wanting to roll 20s or ones? You're trying to roll a 20. Oh, wait, yeah, let's invert it. So you've got to roll a one to lose this fight.

That's a good. That's good. That's good. That's good right. It starts at one, and then every action that is believably bad to get you to that death that you oh so crave, you'll get another plus one on your roll. Minus one on your roll, actually. We'll do it that way.

All right. Heads, Bob goes first, tails Wade, boink. Heads again for Bob. It's his lucky day. All right. Four heads for Bob. Bad game to be immortal, huh? All right.

Bob, what's your first attempt? I don't take in any information. I don't survey what's around me in any way. I lock on immediately to the fly, and with every ounce of strength that I have, I leap at the fly with, my mouth open to try and literally just like, ow, like go,

a reckless abandoned, full kill mode, just like a missile, straight at the fly. How, who gives a shit where I land? We'll see what happens. All right. And then it roll. I rolled a 20.

That would have been a hilarious and I'd win. That would have been really funny. yeah, it works. You got him. He was so scared that fly didn't even fucking move. It was just luckily there's going to be another fly

that pops up because it's, they knew it would be an unfair fight so there's actually a whole plethora of flies just waiting to enter the arena. But Wade, it's your turn and you will repeat the actions that the previous did. All right. Elevator comes up i don't look around i see the fly i lunge jumping straight for it i land quickly take a look

around at these pillars i wait for a fly to just pass a pillar shoot my tongue out wrap it around the pillar and yank myself in as hard as i can to concuss myself against the pillar intentionally intentionally trying to knock myself out you got to make this believable you got to make me believe you're trying to fight. The fly had just flown past. Okay, all right. You're pretending you're aiming for the fly. Okay. Maybe I'm trying to yank the pillar onto the fly. Okay, okay, I got you. I got you. Okay, roll. I'll give you a plus one for that. Minus one. Eight. All right, seven. Uh, you pull real hard, you yank the pillar. It comes crumbling down.

You're so strong, crushes the fly. You actually do a cool flip and land on one foot. The crowd is loving this there. Bob, we're selling it, Bob. We're selling it, Bob. Yeah, I've never sold so hard in my life. Alright, the elevator comes up. I lock onto the fly, launch myself like a missile. One fly down, I land, I wheel around, I see a fly just flying towards one of the pillars, just...

And I pretend like I'm trying to get the fly, but I wrap my tongue around the pillar, you know, pull it towards myself, and it falls over, and I flip really cool through the air. And for some reason, I land on one leg all crazy. The crowd is going fucking wide. And I have the stadium guy ready to go and he plays my victory song and it's that song from that Disney movie where it goes Hello my darling. Hello my sweetheart. Hello my right time gal. And I got that dance that the frog does where it's like the frog can can. And I'm showboating and paying no attention to the next fly who's definitely going to get me. I got you. That's great. Minus one for not paying attention to your surroundings. Go for it. Hello, my baby. Hello, my baby.

I rolled 14. God, dang. Okay, well. All right. 12. Well, uh, hello, my baby. Hello, my. Pugh!

You fucking kick that fly into the stratosphere. You killed on an emote. The crowd is fucking losing their mind. This is the greatest death match they've seen in years. We might be the best frog ever. This is unbelievable. Your wife is very nervous. right now and all the debt you owe to all the gangster frogs are just like they're

starting to get real mad so you're you're you're alive and I'm guessing your song is done or unless it's still going wait you'll decide if still go like all right elevator comes up I pop out don't look anywhere lock onto the fly mouth wide open jump for it land look over see the pillar wrap my tongue around that baby yank it down smash jump up land on one foot all cool like Crowd's going fucking wild. I grabbed my top hat cane. Hello, my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal.

Kick in my legs like a fucking madman. And then I jump up in the air, mouth agape, looking for a big swarm of flies that I'm going to try to just barely miss and land mouth open on the ground, hoping to split my face in half. Holy shit. Oh, my God. All right, minus three. We're up to minus three now. There's the one.

five all right so you actually caught the other fly platform that it just raised because they were trying to even the odds you were just destroyed those first two so they sent a whole

like school bus worth not school bus but you know like a like a group school bus of flies a rafter of flies a rafter of flies they all their little fly life vests they're like oh okay all

All right, we're going to show. Oh, just right in there. You do land on the ground. It kind of hurts a little bit, but, you know, it didn't do any permanent damage. A group of flies is either a swarm, a cloud, or a business? It was a business of flies. It was a business of flies. So, Bob, your turn is starting.

You are mouth, like, fully splayed out on the ground. Perfectly T-shaped mouthstand. The elevator comes up. I launch myself like a missile mouth open and gung, get the first fly. land, wheel around, see the fly going by the pillar, wrap my tongue around the pillar, pull it over, fling myself into the air, do a cool flip land on one leg. Hello, my baby, hello my darling, hello, my right time gal. Do the whole emote while I'm emoting, phew, kick a guy, fly way the hell out of, into space.

After that, for some reason, I decide I'm going to nose dive at the earth as violently as possible while consuming the entire business of flies that just came up out of the elevator, I land mouth open like a spring trap ready to snap shut on my next victims and I decide there's been a lot of action, there's been a lot of showboating. It's time to draw everyone in.

I'm going to chill it out and I'm going to play the Venus fly trap move. I'm going to stay there with my mouth on the thing and I'm going to make the flies think like, oh, he's hurt. Oh, this is our chance. and I'm going to try and lure them in. And then when they get close,

I'm going to just try and like snap them. Okay. All right. Is that trying to lose? Yeah, well, I'm giving them an opening, right? Oh, okay. You're giving them an opening. I'm going to act like I'm going to get them,

but I'm letting them get a whole business of flies get an opening in, and then I'm going to try and fight back, but it's be pretty half-hearted, right? Okay, got it. Okay. And the whole crowd is going to be like, oh, and you control. and then you suck the air out of the room.

Yeah, all right. Okay, all right. I'll give it to you. Minus four then? Minus five. You're at minus five. Yeah, now the five would work. Come on.

Come on. Roll 12. Your tactic, you were so scary. The first, literally 10 seconds of this match was just utter annihilation. No fly is going towards you. They are so scared. But there is now a ring of. flies that have entered the arena but they are just around you like he's not moving uh what do we

do so they're preparing they're there they're there and they're ready for something but they're too scared to attack you wait elevator goes up i launched myself at the nearest fly mouth agape land look for the nearest pillar tongue out pull it down fucking fling myself up land on one leg Looking all badass. Grab my top hat cane. Hello my baby. Hello my honey. Hello my ragtime grow.

Jump up like a fucking missile. Mouth a gait goes straight down to land. Bop. Mouth open. I wait for the flies to come and swarm in. Whenever they get close, Venus fly trap them. Which I do successfully.

And then I jump up, rip off the arm's sleeves of my tuxedo. And I say, let's amp this baby up. And I pull the chains of doom. unleashed the rings of fire in the alligators. Fuck. And then I start fucking bouncing on the alligator's mouths and through the rings of fire thinking, one of these fuckers is gonna kill me as I go for the flies. Holy shit.

All right, so the river's on fire. He erected it up. The river's on fire. There are alligators released. You have torn your sleeves off? I'm wearing my tuxedo jacket for the hell of my baby bit, right? Right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right, so now it's a six or, I need, it's a minus five, right? So a six. Minus, it's minus six right now. 15. All right. Man, greatest show the audience has ever seen in their fucking life.

Gasoline spills onto the river. Lights on fire. You've got your oiled up gators with an oil that's flammable resistant. You're bouncing on all of a doing doing doing like donkey Kong and the alligator levels. Boing, boing, boing, boing. And meanwhile, the flies are so mesmerized. They are sitting ducks for you. They get caught up in the flames.

Alligators snapping flies left and right. And meanwhile, you are just bouncing around. You land in the middle of all the fire. It's Superman landing. So, uh, there's, there's not many flies left. Bob, can you lose? The elevator comes up. I launch myself like a missile.

Mouth open. Get the first fly. Cool landing. Turn around, fly and go by the pillar, wrap my tongue around the pillar, pull it down. While I pull it down, I flame myself into the air, do a cool flip, land on one leg. Hello, my baby, hello my honey, right time, whatever. I don't know the words that song. Why did I pick that?

After I do my showboating and I kick the one fly into space, I launch myself straight up and come straight back down, mouth open, land like a bear trap, but face the wrong way. And then I wait, and the flies line up around me. then I, they don't do anything. And then I tear the sleeves off of my tuxedo and then I pull the chains of doom, which unleashes the river of fire and all the alligators. And then I'm like a little ninja just like, wha, boom, through the mouse of the alligators. We're running low on flies. I know I'm going to have to do something really crazy. And I decide what I'm going to do is I want to eat, I want to cook my last few flies like a kebab. And we're going to

what I need to do is land in the mouth of one of the alligators and rip off one of their longest teeth and then get the flies on the tooth and then roast them over the river of fire before I eat them just to make it a whole show for the people. Holy shit. So I'm trying to get the tooth. That's my move. I land in a mouth of an alligator and I'm like, I'm going to try to like rip a tooth out. All right, yeah, that is going to be very dangerous.

You're at a negative seven. Is this going to be the one? I wouldn't, I couldn't roll another 20. Couldn't possibly. That one! All right, as you are split-legged Van Damme style in between the alligator's mouth, pulling on its tooth, you look up one last time at your wife, knowing that she placed a bet for you to lose via consumption in the eighth round

to a hazard, which was like the best bet you could possibly highest odds everyone's like, there's no way it would happen. It's like a plus 3,000 odds on that bet. You look at her, she blows, you kiss,

and you don't blow one back because I'll blow your cover. Your leg's snap in half and you get snapped and you get eaten. Boom, done. And then the alligator gets consumed in the fires, so there's no evidence of your body.

Congratulations, Bob, you lost. You're dead. Woo-hoo. I did it I knew I just want to say I'm glad to take that round I had from almost the very beginning I had thought up that the frog mobsters

that I owed money to were somehow going to be worked into the story and they were going to tell me that I'll live to rebit this because like live to regret it live to ribet it I couldn't I didn't I couldn't find a way to get that in there

but like it's just going away so I just wanted to get that out of my head or I would have been holding on to that for the rest of the episode. I'm glad you were able to clear your conscience of that. Uh, okay, all right, man, we were, man, oh, you're so only have time for like one more. Well, that one took a while. Alright, I got, I got this.

You're sitting at your kitchen table, looking at the piles and piles of bills around you. You have no idea how you were gonna take care of this, but you finally came up with a plan. You're not gonna let those guys. God damn loan sharks take your land, your home that's been in your family for years and years and years. Nor your farm. You write your letter to your insurance agents saying, Dear penthouse insurance, I can't believe what's going to happen to me in case I die. I'm buying a lot of life insurance.

You send the letter, you grab your shotgun, and hop in your thresher, you drive that bad boy down to the barn to hop out lock eyes with that damn pig with that rolled up blanket that he can't be without and you're gonna make it look like a horrible industrial accident or mauled by the pig or whatever have you there's not gonna be multiple pigs so you gotta like figure out how to die in a perfectly believable way for the insurance to to do something about it who goes for a switch Go first. All right. I get off my tractor. Thresher. I grab my audio. I got off my Thresher.

Grab my audio recorder and hit record. Dear Abby, I can't believe this is about to happen to me. And I go and I set some bear traps for the pig. I'm gonna lure this pig onto the bear trap. Oh no, I left my shotgun on the other side. That's okay. I'll just cross over and get it. I'm agile.

And I run across the bear trap. I'm gonna believe in this one. All right, rule. Incoming, that one. 17. Alright, you step over the bear trap. That's it. It doesn't go up.

Bob. My turn. You still have the audio recorder. Yeah, okay. I stepped up. from the Thresher. I get out my audio recorder for some reason and say Dear Abby, I

can't believe what's about to happen. And then just ignore that for the rest of fraternity. And then I go into the barn, lean my shotgun against one wall, set out some bear traps for the pig, and then realize, oh, I'm on the other side of the bear traps for my shotgun.

And very safely walk around the bear traps and go get my shotgun. And then I'm like, ah, I know what will cause, I'll know how I'll get the pig to step into the bear traps. I'll shoot my gun into the air and I take my shotgun inside the barn and I, without looking at anything or thinking, I just go, and knock my headphones off so I can't hear me. I just fire it around and see what happens.

Hopefully there are no lanterns full of flammable oil or anything. So your objective is to spook the pig into causing. your, I see. Gonna scare the pig into the bear traps. All right, minus one. That's an 11. All right. So you go,

Boom, boosh. The pig goes, huh, huh, resumes making sweet love to its blanket. It really loves that blanket. Betsy, Betsy, sorry, Betsy.

Well, how could you forget such a classic? All right, so there's two holes in the roof, and you're, I'm guessing it's a double barrel kind of shot to a situation. Yeah, it's like a break action shotgun so both shells are spent

currently. You'll need to reload if you want to shoot it again. I dismount the thresher. I grab my tape recorder which I will definitely be utilizing as evidence throughout this entire thing and say, Dear Abby, I can't believe what's about to happen to me. I'm gonna get rich.

I place my bear traps. That was in my head. That's rewriting history. No, you said it, you said it into the recording. I'm gonna get rid. Oh, and I set in the recording. I go and I place my shotgun down, place a bunch of bear traps,

and I say, oh, I forgot my shotgun. That's okay. I'm agile. I run around the bear traps. Very safely. Get my shotgun. I think to myself, I can scare,

I say to myself out loud, I can scare this pig into the bear traps. Boom, boom. Fire my shotgun twice into the air. Uh, made two holes in my roof, but didn't scare the pig around. I know. I'll get Betsy.

That'll lure the pig. so I grab Betsy. Oh, I've also got to carry my shotgun and reload it. I better put Betsy on my back. Whoops, dropped my bullets. I bend over with Betsy on my back right with my face above the bear traps, thinking Piggy comes in for the hump,

Facygo Trap. Fasie Go Trap. Are you saying all this into the recording? No, no, that's something that's just for you. Okay. I love the recorder because it just destroys Is that any credibility that this is an accident? Just left.

I can record, all right, minus two. Five. All right, you're bent over with Betsy on your back. I need to Dear Abby for the memes. Yeah, of course. Who's Abby? It's a column you can write into. Dear Abby.

I was like, what's the opposite of Penthouse for? Probably Dear Abby. I got you. Okay, all right. A six is not going to do it. That's a four. Not going to do it. No.

Okay, so the pig, uh, I'm guessing is kind of confused. Maybe now is realizing that Betsy was not actually a pig and was a rolled-up blanket. Your back is kind of damp now. I'm not going to tell you why. And you're bent over the bear trap, but it didn't take the bait. It wasn't go-humpy. It's actually kind of devastated right now because its love is been revealed as a rolled-up blanket.

Bob. Okay. I get down from the Thresher. I get out my tape recorder and I say, Dear Abby, I can't believe what's about to happen to me. I'm about to be rich, I think, in my, inside my head. I'm about to kill a pig. I say out loud for the tape recorder. I think inside my head, I'll lay out some bear traps to get this pig. I say out loud for the tape recorder, I'm going to kill this pig the same way I always have with bear traps. But then I realized after setting out the bear traps that I left

my shotgun on the other side, I'll jump right through them and die, I think internally. I'll walk safely around them. I say out loud and do. I go get my shotgun. Then think to myself, what if I just fire randomly? That's pretty dangerous. I say out loud,

I'll scare the pig, just like normal, by firing both shotgun rounds through these holes in the roof. The pig is not scared. I am defeated. I realize I'm going to need to escalate things. I go and I pick up Betsy,

but I also need to reload my shotgun. So I put Bessie over my shoulder. And I think to myself, oh, well, bend over with my face over the bear traps, and then the pig will come try and fuck Bessie, and then Facey go trappy. I say out loud, oh no, I've dropped my shotgun shells. I will bend down now and pick them up to reload my shotgun, which I do. And the pig is no longer interested in Bessie. I reload my shotgun. I turned on the pig angrily, and I think to myself, how the fuck? I got this stupid pig to kill me. I And I say out loud, all right, time to kill you, pig. I take Bessie off my shoulders and I toss her into the bear traps and just Bessie is murdered.

It's still a blanket. But I hope that this enrages the pig and that will cause the pig to charge at me and get revenge for sweet Bessie. I thought all of that. I didn't say that out loud. Out loud, I say, oh no, I dropped the blanket onto the bear traps. Everybody good? Man, I'm- I'm sweating.

I'm sweating, man. Yeah, man, you just need a... I'm assuming that gives you a minus one, so you're down to... You just need a four. Just need a four or lower. I wish I could give you more than minus one, but, man...

Oh, man. You got all that weight, you're going to have to remember if it doesn't work. All right. I got five. Oh, shit. But you needed a four, didn't you? you it was at minus four it's minus four he got to one that gives him one we're trying to get one

or i guess lower but i thought you were odd zero one two three i thought you were at minus three is it minus four he's minus four i think i'm one off on everyone yeah i've been keeping track okay all right i'll remember all that that's fun of me so it worked there was just enough of that attachment to that soggy blanket that got snapped up by the bear traps that the pig was enraged not only does it push you over sadly the bear traps are already trapped but knocks over the fire lamp that was up above

you go oh no I can't get up for the recorder but I think to myself yes I've done it I'll die now I also think and say out loud ow why does it not so bad

I think and say oh fire it burned Oh! Oh, that's... Okay, well done, guys, that'll do it. Only two rounds, but holy shit. Bob, the fucking say out loud, thinking my head. Oh, my God, that's so funny.

Jesus are crazy. Oh, you had to use the tape recorder. I just... I had to get Dear Abby in there. My joke was too funny to leave out. Points. Mandy's got one for iron... Iron within, iron without.

Wade, you got Penn Threaten point. Michael Douglas approved. Cooking makes him mad point. You lost a point for listening, so doink. You got two for laughing at my joke. I give you a double point for that. Unfortunately, you didn't lose. Bob, he doesn't know what a kitchen is.

Yes, chef. Two, three, four. You got a point for listening. James sprinted off a mountain. You're immortal. You lost to the frog, and you lost the pig and you made me laugh so hard, I gave you another

point. That's fair. All right. That's 8 to 4. Nearly impossible to come back from that, but it wasn't say that. Don't manifest that. I said nearly. Negative points turned to positive points? It could be. It could flip over.

Oh, the name of the game is! No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, hold on. Does that mean Bob lost two points by winning? He won two points by losing. I can, no, I can see we're gonna at, but yeah, I won, yeah. Anyway, how many spins is it gonna be? Alright. Two. It could, something could happen. It's not, not possible. Uh, what do you add, Mark? He who is immortal shall win this point. That's just a Bob point, isn't it? You might become

immortal. I guess so, but you'll always be immortal. I'll say he who is immortal, he who is immortal wins a point. So like if either of you all also becomes immortal. It would just, we like, we could. That's fair. It could apply to more than one person. Feels fair to me, yeah. Hey, he's the host. He can put whoever he wants on that.

We've done us points before. Two spins. Spin number one. I guess it was more so just clarifying that neither one of us is currently immortal. It's just bomb. Half point for Wade. Oh, that could get closer. It's closer.

Only three and a half down, baby. All right. One more spin. Don't call it a comeback. most impressions does hello my baby hello my honey that count as an impression of the frog that does it that's true i i didn't know the lyrics but i did the voice you did it more times than me because you did it the last time to win yeah because it would have been bob did it first and then Wade, then, Bob, then, Wade, then, Bob, then, Bob finished it.

So, yeah, technically you did that impression more. Yeah, is that the only impression we did? That's a plus one for Bob, and that'll wrap it up at a solid commanding nine points. Doubled my score. Yeah, well, almost. Well, actually, no, literally. Yeah, with that half, it is exactly double. Not too far in numerical points, but, you know, that was a very strong, strong finish.

After our first few really good seasons, man, this is not my... My season. This is you guys. Uh, I mean, well, we got it. You won all the other ones, so we gotta catch up sometime, but... Man, my back was starting to hurt, but good to see you guys succeed. All right, Wade, you get your loser's beat, then. Listen, I may have lost. I lost outright.

I deserve to lose. But I feel like a winner, seeing my friends succeed and host and use up all their ideas, finally. Because I've been out for ages with all of my winning. I've won so much. I didn't know what to do anymore. So it's nice to kick back, relax, and see the others get to work a little bit. Uh, thank you. Wait, uh, Bob.

Uh, these episodes always turned out fun. I always have a good time. Feels good to win an episode that was also really fun to do. So I'm just having a great day, you know? You won the coin flip, too. I know, I became immortal. It was pretty funny. Oh, yeah, this was really.

It was funny bits. This is a heck of an episode. This is your greatest day ever as far as episodes go. I mean, it couldn't go much better than being immortal and winning. I mean, we're going to have to see how the immortal thing plays out, but, like, I have a lot of faith in that, yeah. I mean, it's backed by the guarantee of the listeners, so, and the viewers, probably. So you can take that to the bank, and you guys can take this episode to the bank and show the tellers there when you share, distractible, with a random stranger in your life.

Be sure to follow the podcast and make everyone around you that you don't know, follow it as well. And if they already follow it, make them follow again. you can make multiple accounts. Listen twice. Yes, I told you to do that. For all these guys, wherever they may be, my Scream Lord Manion, Seven, 77, I'm Mark also named as Markiplier. Thank you again for listening and or watching.

Podcast. Out. Watch new episodes on Spotify.