Distractible - Naked

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

The guys share awkward spa stories, then rank the best/worst places to be naked. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production. In this week's bumper-extended episode, the gents hilariously discuss the appropriate places to don one's birthday suit. Beautiful Bob attends a bizarre bachelor bash in a bathhouse. Wonderful Wade creates a Dexter playroom and is pro au natural. And Magnificent Mark gets near-flayed alive in his own bathroom billiard horror. Yes, it's time for Naked. Now, sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to another episode of Distractible. I will be your host for today. My name is Bob. You know me. I've been here. You've probably

listened to this before. I have to imagine. How could someone have not listened to this podcast a single time? How embarrassing would that be? I don't know. How shame, shame, shamey would you feel? Shame. Yeah. Anyway, whatever. I'm the host for today, which means, of course, the competitors for this episode are Mark and wade hi hey how's it going there fellas it's going good i feel good today back in the seat you saddle uh healthy uh ready to laugh with my friends you'll love to hear it brag why don't you you okay feeling good and healthy i must be nice you know yeah he was like really sick right you remember that i got a limp arm and a pulsating neck. Well, maybe you should go to the doctor and get those looked at.

Yeah, maybe. Apparently the Viagra went to my spine. What? We should move on immediately. I'm with you, but I still hate it. Help me. Anyway, this podcast is kind of like that TV show. You know the one.

Three Men and a baby. The points are made up. At the end, I will pick a winner and they will be next week's host. I realized I hadn't explained how the show works in quite a while. And I've hosted many episodes since then. But let's be honest. I mean, do you guys not want to do any more small talk? If you don't know, I'm I'm I literally am so in.

I haven't even started the small talk. I mean, either. I just complained. OK, that's just me being me. Well i gotta do it then small talk commence i got nothing oh uh i've been uh feeling good getting back into the swing of things recording stuff a lot of cool interesting things happen on the back end for the podcast life you know getting older you know what's that about that's weird uh getting younger some days which is equally weird oh i like that one yeah time fluctuations i like it yeah so it's it's a wild time over here feeling good on this day who knows how i'll feel tomorrow well i'm getting

less pain in my arm i'm getting balder uh not any taller uh this doesn't have to be a bit. You could just talk about, just for a minute, talk about how you're really doing. Those might be true. I don't remember how to be a person. Yeah, I don't even know how to be a person either. I don't even know where I am. Wait, how are the dogs? Oh, they're fine. Thanks for asking.

But you know, the last time I said that on an episode, I'm pretty sure that's when Ginger had to have back surgery. So I'm kind of afraid of answering that question anymore. And now I'm the one who might need back surgery, so don't ask how I am ever again. No one ask me any questions about how anyone's doing. Unless it's someone I don't like. You know, health-wise aside, you know, I've been trying to learn

stuff. Korean? Yeah, still working on that. Well, got back from Korea. Good. Did you get to use your newly learned Korean in Korea? Yeah, farther along than I thought I was, which is good, but not where I want to be, which is not good, but still, you know, it's a slow and steady race.

I was trying to understand. You had a YouTube video when you were out there. I think you posted the title in Korean. It was like Mark Applier's Live in La Vida Loca. What does that translate to in English from Korean? because it sounds like spanish but i know it for you would have you would have had to put korean right i would have yeah i would have that you're absolutely right that 100 korean it means um markiplier is living the crazy life oh so it's the same translation as spanish would be yeah funny enough it's weird all right it's a little known fact

spanish and korean are actually very tightly related yeah you you got it never guess it but there's a lot of crossover because i saw that video i was like i thought he was going to korea i didn't know he was going to spanaco nope yeah nope nope good try good try thank you uh anyway i'm also good i not that it applies to this podcast much i know we can see each other none of us us really asked either, but I guess we should have. That's good. Yeah, I suppose so. I'm sorry.

But I'm in a new office. It's still purple. That's pretty much it. That's cool. There's going to be like furniture around me, but there's not right now. There's just a bunch of crap piled on the floor and two shelves. That's awesome. But I'm excited.

That's all you need. And Will won't be mad at me because the AC in here is as quiet as I could find when I was ordering things. Nice. Dead silent. Nice, man. Oh, because you have like a separate studio now, right? you need and will won't be mad at me because the ac in here is as quiet as i could find when i was ordering things nice dead silence oh because you have like a separate studio now right like you're not in your yeah i'm in like a shed in the backyard type setup so it's my own little room and it has its own split ac system which is like real quiet ah that's dope that's really dope so when you go to work in the shed do you like pack a briefcase and like get ready for work and you just like walk to the shed?

I'm kind of realizing I need to do that. I keep just like grabbing the key and being like, all right, let me head out there. But if I leave anything in the house, it's a huge pain in the ass. It's not, I'm not just in a bedroom like, oh, I'll just go get in the other room and get like, I gotta put my shoes back on. Our backyard is a mess because it's like fall-ish right now. Untrimmed grass from your fridge episode. Has it been trimmed since then?

No, I haven't mowed the lawn in eight months. The jungle that is your side yard. I do have to squeeze past the bush with the pipe in it. At least you know it's there. The now repaired, the fabled location from the well-known story. God, I'm glad people have stopped asking me if my fridge is okay. Oh, well, you just said now they're gonna no no one would do that they ask me i get those questions staring menacingly into

my camera doesn't really do anything business emails like hey bob how's your fridge it's like i'm not bob and well you know you've had some trouble with your fridge in the past would you like to do a sponsored segment for our home warranty company? Anyway. You guys heard of Wonderful? What? How wonderful is that? Pretty wonderful, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, no, I like it.

I like it. Don't yell at me. Just like how wonderful it is that technology is enabling people to make art on demand. I can literally go to this piece of software, if you can even call it that, I can literally go to this piece of software, if you can even call it that, and use the computational power of my Intel processor to create anything with the touch of a button. Ah. Yes. Ah?

I guess the implications are pretty wonderful, too, because if you can do that, you can probably do all kinds of other things. Probably. Yeah. No, probably. I could see that. Yes. Machine learning and AI powered by ever increasing more powerful processors allows

forever more increasing applications of which humans could never even possibly imagine how are we doing it if we can't imagine it we don't need to imagine it just do it just it's like they say you just do it yep that is it there is nothing more to it than that how wonderful is that i mean i guess that sounds pretty wonderful. I like everything except maybe how you're saying it. You're saying it at me instead of to me, if that makes any sense. How do you know that it's actually a person behind these words? I don't, I guess.

You do sound a little crazed as you're speaking to us. A little manic. Well, I guess we had Robot Mark before. Now Robot Mark is the real Mark. We evolve. We grow. Yeah, you do sound a lot better than the last time we had robot Mark.

That's true. Market improvement. Market improvement. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That laugh wasn't so wonderful, but the technology stuff is pretty wonderful yeah how wonderful is that thank you intel today's episode i'm the host which means i have to pick the topic and i did so that's good yay

today's topic is nudity oh i've waited my whole life for this moment. Yeah. Have you never been naked? It's about me being naked? I've, ooh, no one's waited their whole life for this moment. Oh, it's about everyone and anyone being naked. But if I'm 100% honest, this topic is a little bit of a pretext. Because when we were working on the idea for this podcast, and we recorded some test episodes,

we recorded an episode where i told a really excellent story from earlier in my life and it's a very funny story and the recording still exists i have no idea what shape it's in but it's out there there's a do you guys remember this story i don't want to like give anything away it's about a russian bathhouse and it's a bachelor party yes yes yes oh right yeah yeah that was a great story well as an intro to the topic of nudity and because it's a funny story uh will put that put put that in here this is past us this is from february of 2021 is how long ago that was recorded damn that's a while so we're like different people almost that was that was a full episode

in a test recordings right it was that's a story we were testing a format idea that we had that uh turns out isn't the one we went with which is no format except someone wins at the end i don't know oh right yeah way way back when i think we were telling a story in three acts yeah is that the three acts yeah no i think it's broken down into acts and each act has a title yeah oh. Oh, yeah. Which is arbitrary now. So enjoy the Russian bathhouse story. Today's story comes from a bachelor party that I went to in my early 20s. There's a gun.

There is probably the Russian. Okay. There's a gun. There's probably, I think, unconfirmed, the Russian mob. Gun. Russians. There are a bunch of naked, very hairy strangers. And it was one of the most relaxing and unforgettable experiences of my entire life.

Most relaxing. So obviously... And unforgettable. entire life most real so obviously unforgettable there's a path that brings us from the gun and whatnot to it being relaxing well the gun and whatnot i can connect i can connect the gun to a few things the gun to the russians the russians to the naked hairy strangers russians as we all know very naked very hairy generally as a people that's their culture in a nutshell yeah well mark sees the whole story then yeah yeah pretty much uh and then most relaxing uh that just goes back to the russians naked hairy and gun that i i have no questions i know this you know what happens yeah it's weird that the most concerning part of this is the word

relaxing after hearing the rest yeah well it look it will get to it okay uh so i said this already it's a bachelor party so we show up my buddies it's a high school friend who's getting married gary is getting married and his bachelor party is taking place in cleveland real name fake name uh fake name damn it all right let's just go ahead and assume all names are fake until proven otherwise even our names might be fake there's a gut involved so obviously fake name i'm changing my own name in the story you won't know which one is me and what i've done are you gary yeah have you been gary all along your friends bachelor party all right right yeah yeah yeah so we're high school friends all the groomsmen all the guys coming to this party we're all high

school buddies we've known each other so we all show up in cleveland and we're high school friends, all the groomsmen, all the guys coming to this party. We're all high school buddies. We've known each other. So we all show up in Cleveland and we're excited. The one wild card in this is, so I'm not the best man. I'm just along for the ride here. The party planning was handled by Gary's best man, James, but primarily by James's cousin, Leroy. Now we're all of us friends we're all early 20s about the

same age leroy is older leroy is i think 33 35 he's older but then but not old you're not saying that's old he's not an old man okay but he's like approaching that age i don't want to he's like a decade older than us in that story because you're so like we're like young guys right we're like in college age guys gary is basically a grandparent to us he's in his 30s he's not that old but you know you remember when we were that like when you're 20 years old and you meet someone and they're like oh i'm 35 and i'm a businessman you're like oh my god get out of here get away from me with your death stank grandpa and so like leroy is legendary but we don't know leroy leroy has like a rep legendary for getting into shenanigans and parties is he the leroy like the leroy jenkins leroy like james

tells us stories about cousin leroy like yeah he was on this yacht he met this dude in a club and got together in miami and like leroy's done some stuff we don't know him personally but we know of leroy is leroy russian no leroy is uh i mean he's cousin of my friend i grew up with their friends in ohio he's from cleveland how hairy is leroy oh well he's actually pretty hairy oh we're getting somewhere now naked got it how much gun does leroy leroy is neither the source nor the crux of the gun part of the story well he's involved with it he's tangentially involved with the gun we'll get to that i guess but so leroy has taken the lion's share of planning this party right the only info we got is these are the dates show up in cleveland we booked a hotel

traditionally the groomsmen like pay for the party right the the person who's getting married he doesn't have to pay for it it's his party so they're like you know everyone pays a couple hundred bucks or whatever they told us the amount so we all showed up on the right day with the cash in hand. Like we're ready to do this. No idea what's happening. It starts off super normal. So it starts off, we show up, like we drive up Friday night. I think I was in college. So I was living in Cincinnati at this point. So it's like five and a half hour drive, drive up to Cleveland, late Friday night. I get in, we all check into the hotel, wake up Saturday morning. It's bachelor party day, all day Saturday. All we know is we're partying it out. So we wake up, you know, mid morning and

we go to this cool place. We just go to like a normal restaurant. I think it was the market garden brewery, which is a pretty cool place in Cleveland. It's like a craft brewery, your gastro pub sort of thing. They're known for having confit duck wings that pair very well with their locally sourced IPA that they make in-house. It's a very early 20s thing. Obviously, we're all freshly 21 years old. We never drank and drop a liquor in our lives, but suddenly we're into craft beer because that's what you do when you're 22 years old and you're going to a bachelor party. As normal as it could get. It's great. It's really tasty food. We hang out there for a while. some point leroy like lunch is over leroy gathers us

up huddles everyone up and hands out this is an indication of leroy's obvious age he hands out to us printed out map quest directions to the address of the next place where the party is continuing and so we're leaving this restaurant, we're driving somewhere new. And you know, on these printed directions, it shows like the final destination. And we look at it, it's a little ways away. And it's not in like, it's not like downtown on like 4th Street or whatever.

There's a cool street downtown Cleveland. It's not in the area where we know all the breweries are. It's like in an industrial area. And we all kind of look at it. We're like, okay, maybe he knows something we don't. But, you know, we're here for the party. So, sure. We load up.

We follow the directions. And it does indeed go to what is essentially an industrial area in Cleveland. If you know anything about Cleveland, Ohio, there are some pretty cool, pretty good parts. And some parts of it that are okay and some parts of it that it's kind of a meme that if you go there you're asking for trouble there's a couple youtube videos that are made as jokes they're like tourism videos you know where it's like come to cleveland one of the lines from one of the songs is don't go to east cleveland or you'll die it has a bad reputation let me guess the directions go straight into east cleveland if there was a monument at the center of the worst part of

east cleveland i'm pretty sure that's where we went the area that we drove into looked like there had been a zombie apocalypse there and it never got any better like and cleveland is part of the rust belt like this is because you know they used to have steel factories and or steel mills or whatever they used to have like industry uh but that's all gone now that that doesn't happen anymore so now there's all this empty you know warehouse space and and steel mills and and whatever huge buildings finally we arrive at the address which is as far as we can tell a fenced in gravel parking lot which fine there's a fence that's good uh it seems sketchy but like we're here for we're here for gary's bachelor party right like we're here man so whatever this is

i'm sure it's great trusting leroy and yeah so we we park out in this fenced-in parking lot and leroy indicates there's like a building like a little three-story building it looks like residential doesn't have a sign nothing that explains what it is he's like that's where we're going boys that's the place cool fine it must be awesome in there so we start walking over as we're crossing the parking lot there's a guy sitting in one of the cars by the entrance. And I guess it was his job to guard the parking lot. He works for the establishment that we're going to. And we're like, cool.

You know what? That's actually pretty good. I was a little worried about the cars. He's watching. You know, great. Leroy knows, without saying a word to this gentleman or explaining anything, he walks up to this dude and just gets out his wad of cash and just does that thing like they do in the movies where he starts flipping like

20s out just like hands this dude i don't know 100 bucks 200 bucks no idea for me at that time that was like a life savings like he hands away a ton of cash and we're like okay cool and as we all single file walk by the dude in the car we realize why he gets the cash and why no one talks to him it's because he's not just sitting and watching he has a shotgun between his legs like ready to rock he's sitting here watching our cars guarding them with a shotgun because he might need a shotgun to sit in this parking lot and make sure our cars don't get broken into. Okay, wait, no, okay. Question, I don't know expert shotgun handling,

but I would not qualify a shotgun between my legs as ready to rock. Well, so he's sitting in the car, right? Window down to accept the cash payments. The muzzle is aimed towards the floor. Sticking up. No, no, so it's like the butt of the gun is aimed towards him so if he reached down between his legs he could come back up with the shotgun in like shoulder ready to fire position for some reason i thought he was outside the car and he was leaned

up against it with his legs kind of like crisscrossed so the shotgun was between his legs just trying to conceal a shotgun casually there's only one way in and out of this place and you have to go right by him to get in right yeah so we didn't i didn't see him when we're driving in but he's sitting in his car i guess this is his car you know it's a fenced in parking lot right so there's one driveway where there's no fence he is right there in his car watching i assume you know if someone climbs the fence or tries to break in that's why he has the shotgun obviously but yeah so no words he doesn't even look at us this is like an older gentleman like i don't know 50s 60s he did details

escape me but he does not even register that we exist we paid him he'll make sure our cars don't get broken into cool so we proceed on to the party you know it's party time, obviously. Can I just say this whole sequence, the parking in the lot, the no words cash transaction, and then as we're walking into this unmarked building, the entrance, you walk through a door and you walk up two flights of stairs to like get to it.

It feels like a movie. Like it feels like the departed, like a scene from like a Scorsese movie where I am out of place. Like I'm the guy who accidentally pisses off shotgun guy in the parking lot and he picks it up and i'm like no no just i'll go just don't hurt like i'm that guy in this situation and we're all that guy because we're a bunch of like white 20 year old dudes who don't belong here except leroy knows apparently this is not a place where you walk in

and you're like yes i'd like to have a party you walk in and no one says a word i mean is leroy's cousin even like oh yeah don't worry guys this is cool or is his cousin even just like when we get out of the car cousin leroy leroy is cousin of james leroy is like don't say anything like be cool i know these guys i know what to do just follow my lead do what i do it's like he knows the secret code and none of us should say a word because there's no talking or anything it's a whole thing it's very ominous but we're here for gary's party this is for gary so we're here we're gonna have a good time no matter what happens i got one more question before you go on with the story uh now you said leroy's got kind of a reputation a famous

reputation were you aware of his reputation prior to this or is this the beginning of his reputation forming he had a reputation prior to this weekend but you all trusted him yeah well it's kind of like james james would tell us stories that were like he he works in media right so he shoots like promotional stuff like sort of commercials but like cameras or with shotguns typically it can't leroy works mostly with cameras but like you know he meets people and he goes places he travels the world and he ends up like at a club in milan somewhere so like it's not like he has a crazy reputation of like danger or being just terribly irresponsible he's like that guy who just like travels places and spends you know spends a thousand dollars on bottle service at this club and hangs out and meets he hung out with some

models or something like he's not a dangerous person he just has this reputation right we know of leroy's exploits and everyone's kind of like man he sounds cool like i don't know what he does when we learn he's the one who's playing this party we're all kind of like nervously like whoa it's gonna be crazy like whoa and so okay so we're in the parking lot we've talked to shotgun guy we're progressing through the doorway there's two flights of stairs you got to walk up both flights of stairs to get to like the top where you enter but But there's a landing after the first flight of stairs, right? There's like a landing with a doorway. So we're all single file making our way up these stairs, just completely baffled.

Like what is happening? What is this? And how is this going to be fun? And as we each get to the first landing, you can see into the room. It's a dark room, but there's enough light you can see into it. room it's a dark room but there's enough light you can see into it and the image in that room that you get as you skate right past it continue up the stairs is like eight or ten naked middle aged guys lounging around with cigars and shots of liquor what it looks like and i don't mean like in bathrobes or wearing boxers or even like towels wrapped around fully naked middle-aged all very hairy of varying degrees of like a sort of balding

sort of like slicked back hair all with cigars bottles of vodka on the table all of them you know have shot glasses in front of them just sitting there is it a bath is is it like a big sauna it's just a dark room it's just a dark room are they watching something no they're talking in in hushed tones very casually calmly sitting there talking what okay this building you're in, is this labeled? Is this like a place that- No, not a sign anywhere. Not on the parking lot, not on the exterior of this building. Literally no indication whatsoever. So that's our very first hint at what we're about to be doing for our friend's bachelor

party. Okay. So we continue up the stairs you want everyone gets a turn at the show you walk past this show of these gentlemen enjoying their cigars and vodka you reach the top of the stairs this was not explained to us at the time but i'll just say because i'm telling you the story and i know everything now we reach the top of the stairs and we reach the entrance of the russian bathhouse where we are celebrating my friend's bachelor party oh see i thought the naked men was at the third floor i didn't know they were like halfway up you just walked past a doorway and peered in locked eyes with eight to ten naked men yeah yeah all right what we didn't know when we were on the stairs is that we were just peering into our own future we had no idea

it was doppelganger versions of everyone in your party it's like the movies where they meet the alternative version like oh i didn't know cleveland russian bath houses were a thing until now. It's just the one man. The one. As far as I know, this is all the Russian guys in Cleveland. Got to go to the one place if you want a bath. I wonder how difficult it is to find local Russian bath houses with which to have bachelor party.

Don't think they're on Yelp. Like I would imagine a lot of them are similar to this one where it's like a private establishment, right? The reason you don't say anything or talk to anyone, it's not like a licensed business. It's like, you know, it's like a hush hush thing. You can only go if you know where it is and you know what to do and you know how much it costs. Because like, just like with the parking lot, we get to the top of the stairs, not a word.

Cousin Leroy gets the top of the stairs stairs whips out the huge mountain of cash again blocks eyes with a slicked back hair russian dude who i assume is named vlad who's like standing at the top of the stairs like it's he's you know in charge or whatever okay is he also armed no well probably but not not like visibly so not obviously okay can't confirm leroy hands him god knows how much like an enormous stack of cash like enough money that if i had been handed that amount of money i would have bought myself a tuxedo and rented a limousine because i wouldn't know what to do with it it was just all of our collective pooled money plus probably some bonus cash because he was an adult with a job so he could afford to spend money but he hands this dude the cash and no explanation no words the guy

just nods at him and leroy's like all right we're in and leroy's like all right keep just follow me i know where we go next we go into what is basically a locker room doesn't feel like a locker room but there's like places to put your stuff it's intended to be a locker room where a random smattering of other strangers just sort of like in the process of getting naked or putting clothes on at this point leroy looks around is like all right boys strip down there's no no boxers there's no it's naked and we all kind of look at him for a second and we're like what you know with our eyes we say this and he's like no that's the rules man no swimsuits no shorts or anything like strip down it's cool everyone's everyone here getting those with those the rules it's cool

and we're all like look i'm 22 years old i've known these dudes that we're here with except for you for like eight of those years i've never seen any of their penises and i don't think they've seen my penis so why now why in this moment is this when we're all going to share that very private personal part of ourselves there's not really any discussion but we all stare at him for a second longer and eventually he's like look there's towels okay so if you really don't want to get the full experience get naked put a towel around your waist that's allowed we're like good towels fine the towel situation is not great though i gotta be honest so like i'm sure we've all experienced that thing where you're you're like at a hotel or you're at

someone's house you're a guest there's a towel for you and you get out of the shower and the towel's like not big enough these are like the smallest version of that you can imagine my friends who are all like normal sized people the the towel is barely, barely big enough. Goes around them, you know, overlaps maybe a few inches. Maybe it goes like halfway down their thighs. I'm not a normal sized person. I'm a large person and there are no large towels. The towel for me goes around my waist like just like if you had a safety pin you could probably pin it

together but it's not like overlapping i think it went lower than like the bottom of my butt crack but i can't see that part of me and i'm not 100 sure i basically didn't have a towel i might as well have left it and i eventually abandoned it because it was more inconvenient to try and keep this tiny hand towel wrapped around my nethers than to just get naked and just be like screw it i gotta ask up to this point did you guys question leroy at all about where you were going prior to getting here what you guys were going to be doing no any questions nothing no okay well because so the communication wasn't from leroy right like james the actual best man

our friend james was like we're going to cleveland it's gonna be fun uh and everyone obviously is like what are we doing what are we doing we've seen we've seen sports game or something like we're going somewhere cool he's like i asked my cousin and he's from cleveland he knows a place he knows all the places but he knows a couple fun ones for a bachelor party and we were like oh what is it and he's like he didn't tell me but i trust leroy and we trusted james all right all right so so you abandon your towel so we're all basically naked i mean even for the other guys the towels not do anything if you're wearing a short towel like that and you sit down i think we all can understand the physics of how inadequate that size of a towel is to actually cover anything we were all effectively naked so that was like a level of discomfort that none of us were emotionally prepared for we're very

traditionally repressed people i still am we weren't ready but like we have no choice we're in this place i assume at this point if i walk out having not partaken of the bathhouse amenities, I will offend them and they might shoot me. Maybe shotgun guy doesn't let you leave until you've done everything. I don't know. So we don't belong here and I'm not talking to anybody. I don't know if they speak English or not. So we all just lean into it, right?

No choice now. We only brought two cars because I will will say, we will be drinking. We have been drinking. There were designated drivers. Each car that we had with us had a designated driver. There were a couple of friends who didn't drink anyway. So they were like, nah, I don't care. I'll drive.

I won't drink. So we're not like being irresponsible. But the rest of us, thank God, there's a lot of vodka. Russian people and vodka. I thought it was like a meme i thought it's like an internet meme right like russians oh russians love vodka everything they do man everything comes with vodka i've been to russia one time i went to saint petersburg with my family and i was 17 or 18 years old and every time we ate at any restaurant every place at the table had a shot

of vodka set up with it even for children doesn't matter like there's just vodka everywhere and not like they're trying to get kids to drink they're just like when you set a place it's like plate fork knife spoon napkin vodka water that's why that's how you set a place it's not at all a joke russian people love vodka and uh what's the legal drinking age in russia is it just yes i don't know i would assume there is one but it's vodka's not even on the list of things you can't drink you just drink vodka if you want i don't know i have no idea so you guys are naked abandoning your towels towels aren't working you got the vodka is anyone clinging to their towel like just out of desperation they're making it work they've tied two towels together yeah a couple

of the guys are definitely more uncomfortable i'm like totally screwed right like my waist is too big so i am i am one of the earliest adopters of like fuck it yeah fine but this place so all of this setup it's the most uncomfortable situation that most of us has been in with each other. This place is amazing. And since I've left, I've dreamed about going back to it. I kid you not, the stuff, a couple things we'll get to that are a little sketchy, but the stuff in this place, the main attractions are so good. I dream about going back.

What's here? It's a third floor of a building. There can't be like a roller coaster running through this thing and it's like a residential building at best it's like a kitchen that they converted into like a steam room they got a pot of water boiling in the back i cannot imagine a world where this is that amazing you know me either my image of this is like a really sketchy staircase that has like a couple doors along it and it like wraps around And you open one of the doors

There's just a bunch of naked dudes sitting in a circle not doing anything not even talking just sitting around in a circle naked You go upstairs to the locker smoking and drinking Okay, smoking and drinking. I don't think they have a table They're just sitting there like all these old like worn-out couches like with a cigar and a shot of vodka You go upstairs in the locker room you strip down you grab one of the four hand towels and try to cover yourself doesn't work you open this magical door and all of a sudden the place is good that is 100 accurate okay well you're forgetting is this house is located in cleveland and it a basement. And what is in the basement?

We don't know. The largest steam room sauna thing that I've ever been in and an enormous ice pool. And the main attraction of this place is you go and you sit in the steam room and it's so hot. It's like a furnace.

I have been in saunas before. This was literally like you were staring into the mouth of an open furnace and you could feel the heat blasting you from across the room the hottest room i've ever been in and you literally sit in that room leroy taught us this you sit in that room until you feel like you're dehydrated you till you feel like you can't breathe you're breathing this hot heavy air you feel like your skin is going to actually burst into flames you sit in there so you physically can't stand it And then you jump up and you go run in the ice pool.

It's like you jump in, huge gasp. It's like in the movies when people fall into the ocean and it's frigid and icy. You feel like you can't move. It shocks your entire body. Stay in that until you can't stand it. You climb out and get back into the hot room you go back and forth between these two extremes and the first one is terrible the when we walked into the steam room the first time i was like oh my god i hate this like oh this is terrible this is uncomfortable it hurts it's too hot and then we jumped in the ice and i was like this is worse this is not this is not repairing the damage of the steam room this i hate this even more after doing this for it felt like a long time but it was probably maybe half hour 45 minutes maybe an hour at the most back and forth and back and forth about how long did you spend in each room

along the way like it was like how many minutes in each it was longer in the sauna so you spent maybe five to ten minutes in the sauna and then you literally go jump in the ice water and that's maybe 60 seconds to a couple minutes depending on what you could stand okay then you so it's a lot of shorter time in the water and there's a little bit of time after the water where you sort of drip for a second and like regain your composure go back into the steam room so you've done like five or six rotations of this at least yeah i would say probably six or seven times in each room back and forth. I have never felt that relaxed in my entire life. After the first couple of transitions back and forth, I did not care that I was surrounded by a bunch of naked strangers.

My friends and I were desperately trying not to look at each other's junk, that I was rubbing naked thighs with people as they were pushing past me to sit. I didn't care the sensation of that shocking your body like that. The most intense relaxation I have ever felt. It was like exhausting how relaxing it was. And like, that's the part of all the rest of this that is kind of intimidating and kind of ridiculous. And we're not even done with all the stuff that's a little concerning that part. I think that and i'm like man i would do all that again to feel that way to get that relaxation to feel like not a muscle in my entire body had any tension at all crazy the rest of it aside that's amazing and if you ever get the opportunity highly recommend it

so you get eventually that i'll go ahead i was just gonna say you gotta know a guy named Leroy you gotta go to some parking lot in Cleveland you gotta go up this Mario 64 ass staircase how does it get to the basement? you never clarified that there was a separate staircase to the basement there's another staircase there's the naked staircase

and there's the one where you just walk by the naked people there's the haunted staircase where if you look in the room in the second floor, don't look in the room, you will never go up or down. You will keep walking and they will look at you and they will get closer and you will be up and down the stairs

and you'll never go anywhere. And it's just like you're trapped in that zone. And then there's the other staircase. So after you do this rotation, you know, however many times and you're super relaxed, do you get your own like dark room that you get to go just sit in with your friends naked with like do you get to replace those guys in that room so someone

else can walk by horrified seeing you naked sitting there relaxed essentially yes great i was hoping we did not go to that specific room we went to another room that where there was actually a table because the the process that follows the relaxing sauna ice bath stuff is you go first to vlad who's the guy who cooks you steak um wait wait vlad the guy at the top of the stairs no it's a different guy but i just gonna call them all vlad because that works for me vlad too vlad the steak guy so we went and we picked our our lounge room our post relaxation lounge room so you don't order there's no sides there's no there's no input vlad shows up with a platter of plates each plate has one fucking huge steak on it piled with garlic literally like three inch high

pile of garlic and he just hands them out and he's like here's your steak and then they set bottles of vodka on the table god and so vlad vlad the steak guy brings you your steak you eat your steak obviously and you don't ask any questions then the next guy vlad the cigars and vodka guy comes and make sure that you have enough vodka right because you might have drank all your vodka he comes gives you a couple more bottles, makes sure you're set, and then hands everyone a cigar. You don't pay for anything. No questions asked.

There are not types of cigars. I've smoked cigars. I enjoy a cigar. Usually it's like, oh, I have my favorite brand or I have my favorite specific cigar. He just had a box of some cigars with Russian writing on it, and you got a cigar,

and you smoked your cigar, and you smoked your cigar, and you drank some vodka. And then the last guy, I assume is Vlad's cousin, Vlad, offers to rub you in a dark room for a maximum relaxation experience. And I'm not exaggerating this. From our room where we're lounging and eating all naked by the way hard to forget that for me but i want to make sure everyone listening understands that we're naked this entire time that's the only time in my life i've ever eaten an entire steak naked

smoking a cigar has never felt so terrifying because when you smoke a cigar ashes fall off of it ashes are hot and i was naked so i you have to smoke a cigar like it might kill you if it touches you because it might because if i burn my ball sack with an ash from a cigar i'm going to be very upset and then finally vlad's cousin vlad comes in and is like you want a massage and we're all kind of like i don't know if this is part of the service or if this dude is here for his own purposes literally i didn't partake in this so at this point i was so relaxed i was like i'm good and i'm still gonna be naked with you touching me and i don't need that i'm fine but some of the guys did it and they described it as he led them

out of the room down like a back hall to like the other side of the building it gets increasingly darker he leads you to a dark back room in the back of the house a small room where there's just a massage table and some very dim lighting and you and cousin vlad and he gives you a massage and apparently it's a fine massage but like i don't know if i'd sign up for that even knowing what was about to happen because I don't I don't feel comfortable. What's wrong, Bob? What's wrong? What's wrong with that situation that you've just described? I feel obligated to remind everyone you're naked this whole time, dripping with steak juice and cigar ash burns all over your naked body.

Look, it was delightful the the sounds great man the sauna and ice bath literally i will remember for the rest of my life i remember it vividly and i don't remember all the dicks in that room i remember what it felt like to look into the furnace that the heat was coming out of and when they would pour more water in there and it would steam like crazy and i remember how the ice bath it was really small and like you were kind of crowded with all your naked friends but like it felt so intense it felt crazy i would recommend it but my main question i guess is would you do it knowing knowing going in what is going to happen would you drive to the gravel parking lot in cleveland with the chain link fence and the dude with the shotgun and put yourself through that just to see if what i'm saying is true about how relaxing it was

i don't know order of operations here you you drive in to a sketchy looking unmarked place the first encounter you have is someone pulling out a wad of cash paying off a guy sitting in his car not like at a guard post or anything official just sitting in his car with a shotgun you walk in a building up some stairs pass by a bunch of naked dudes naked hairy dudes strangers you keep going you come up to another guy who is handed a giant wad of cash and then you walk into a room you have to strip you reluctantly strip down you put on your hand towels don't cover anything you go to the furnace room for a while, jump in the freezing water, furnace room, freezing water. Basically this like what sounds like torture back and forth to the point where you're just

like your body is so tortured. It's just like numb. It's just like I quit. You feel nothing. Relax. I don't care. Then you go to another room where another guy you haven't seen before comes in, gives you cigars and steak while you're drinking vodka naked with your friends.

Another dude comes in offers you a massage so you encounter what like one you actually have conversations with like four strangers you pass by a whole bunch of other people that are naked doing the same thing you guys are is the ice bath sauna room was that private was it just your group there at that time no no okay no the sauna was enormous like dudes could sit. If you were like not touching, but as close together as you would want to sit to like another naked person, you could fit easily like 40,

probably 35, 40 dudes in there. The ice bath was like a little pool. It had like steps down into it. And it was maybe 12 person pool. It was not big. So there was kind of a line. It was kind of a rotation. Sometimes if the ice bath was full,

you come out of the sauna and like wait for a second while the guys are rotating through or whatever. But like everyone in the entire establishment was in one sauna and one pool collectively. This is all dudes here? All men? All dudes. Okay.

Not a woman in the entire place from the parking lot to anywhere in the building. The room post sauna was quasi private. No one else was in our room. There could have been like a couple more people, you know, across the room or whatever. And the doors were open, but it was like our little room where we got to hang out. This doesn't sound like my kind of establishment. So I don't know that I would voluntarily go even with the level of relaxation you've described.

The rest of it sounds awkward enough to where I don't know. I don't know that I would voluntarily go. Even with the level of relaxation you've described, the rest of it sounds awkward enough to where I don't know. I don't know that I would sign up for that. I personally wouldn't go, but just because I know of a place with less gun, probably less Russians, and definitely less hairy strangers, and that's just a Korean spa. Because what you described is exactly the same

as a korean spa with just the same level of nudity but many more different types of pools to dip in what about steak yeah they don't have snake but they got a snack bar and so bob if you are looking for that experience to be recreated you know all, all you got to do is come down to LA. There's an amazing Korean spa where you and I, we can get naked with a room full of Korean people. And you know, they may not love vodka as much, but they love, love soju. Dude, soju is delicious.

Exactly. So if you want to pound some soju. You won't say that like that. If you want to get naked with me and just pound some soju. What's wrong with that? Nothing. Go ahead. I want to pound some soju.

Although the mystique of this freaking clown car ass house, there is no physical way that all of this stuff could fit in one building but i can show you where that is i feel like you're setting this up as a bit it's not a bit i sincerely would want to go do that yes because absolutely it's fantastic i would assume the experience is very similar from what you're describing the pools and stuff. Literally, I told you this whole story and you've heard all the concerning bits. And despite all of that, this is a great experience for me.

Purely because of how I felt after doing the ice bath and sauna stuff. I would 100% to come to LA and go to a Korean spa. Snack bar sounds delightful. I love soju. Soju's delicious. Pineapple soju. I'm sure there's one in San Francisco near you.

I would believe there might be one in many other cities because just the whole concept. I know actually that Russians love the whole naked thing and it might just be that. I know it for a fact for how do you know this about russian people because he's because one third russian no oddly enough but oh alex my personal trainer has told me a similar thing but the way that it's set up i believe that every single russian bathhouse is exactly as you described because he also has described exactly he described the same thing maybe not like i didn't get as many details but he told me that there was a place near his gym just a place that he could take me now i know what that place was because he told me like oh it's

like a bathhouse and i was like oh like a korean bathhouse was like was a korean bath i was like it's like oh people get naked it's like yeah the naked thing well i mean that's what i assumed it was such a specific and refined experience i figured there was no way that this is like the only establishment that exists in the world in the u.s even that's like that it's obviously this is how russian bath houses are run and i'm i'm not here to question a single thing that they did to us yeah i will say we still have no idea how much money cousin leroy actually spent on anything there's no way that like the 200 bucks that each of us chipped in covered that because we lived like Kings in that house of mirrors. And I don't know how long we were there.

I do know that when we left shotgun guy was still there chilling and it was dark. And we started this with like an early lunch, like a, like a craft beer brunch. So we were there for, I don't know, five hours, six hours. Who could tell? I have no concept. I have a couple questions still before before you wrap up here yeah how did everyone else like when you guys got dressed you walked out to the car was everyone feeling like oh man that was that was cool or was there some like traumatized

wide open stairs like what was what was the general consensus we never spoke of it again even as you left so i will say it was when we were hanging out after the sauna when we had dinner well whatever we ate steak and drank and had cigars we were hanging out it was great everyone was so chilled out everyone was completely over the uncomfortableness of you know how repressed we were and how we felt about being naked around each other and the vodka helped with that and the cigars helped with that it was just like everyone had a great time while we were in it it was like a party it was great it was a great bonding thing the moment we all had like our clothes back on and we looked at each other and we looked like ourselves it's like silence we filed

out of the locker room single file down the stairs through the parking lot into the cars nobody locked eyes or said a goddamn word as far as i recall until we were like at the hotel and like we got to the hotel everyone gets out of the cars and they're like you guys want to get some dinner or something like nothing happened and i've never talked about this with any of those dudes it's like the shared experience thing that i know happened and it's definitely not a fever dream. But yeah, no, never again did we speak of it or talk about anything that happened in that place. It's crazy. Do you still talk to the groom or the best man?

Yeah, we're all still buddies. We're spread out. Obviously, I live in California now. One of them lives in Indiana. One of them lives in Iowa. One of them lives in Cleveland, actually. Now he moved from Columbus to Cleveland. So addicted to the bathhouse he had to be close i don't assume but we're all still friends we stayed friends and and hung out plenty of times after that but but never naked again never naked and then we don't talk about it it's a one-time event so if they're listening right now then uh some memories were brought up that they maybe didn't want to have i'm going to recommend this to those specific guys and just be like hey i made this thing with some friends.

Like the topic I thought might interest you, you should check this out. And I would want to just see their face. Like as I lay out the story. And I'm sure they'd realize immediately like, oh, no, he's going to tell the story about the bathhouse. I thought that was a fever dream. Because it starts with the bachelor party and they all know all know what happened you know what happened they all know i guess the most important question is what did the groom think of it oh he loved it oh he loved it he loved it he's a big hippie so he was way less hung up about the nudity than a lot of the rest of us were it

was still kind of weird because we had never been naked together as friends. But like he was immediately like, yes. He's also Polish. So he's a lot of Polish family. He's very like proud Polish person. So some parts of the experience connected with him. Vodka is big in Poland, I think. And he just, he loved it. So that's good.

That was a big win because he had a great time. Good, good. How was the steak? Was the steak delicious? It was actually pretty good. I couldn't tell you what cut it was because it was so smothered in garlic yeah but like top steaks i've had i don't know top 10 maybe good steak good steak i would love to get a layout of this building because as you've described it it sounds like like a clown fun house like yeah

like a house like i don't know staircases everywhere pool and furnace there's a somewhere there's a kitchen where steaks are being made. All of these dark rooms. There's like three lights in the whole building in my brain. It just proves to me that- It's not inaccurate. It must not be that difficult to build a murder room

because someone had to be commissioned for that. No one asks question. Probably the people that built that sauna are in the cement foundation of it. That's amazing that that can even happen. Do you know that whenever I built my office that I are in the cement foundation of it that's amazing that that can even happen do you know that whenever i built my office that i'm in the guys who built it like hesitantly approached me to ask me what this room was being built for because i had to put in like so much soundproofing i had them build this silent room in the basement with like easy to clean floors and

stuff you just have to lock eyes with them and be like i need a very particular space to do my laundry well i told how much space i need i was like i need the ceiling to be a certain height so that way if i need to stand up and really move around like i got space because my breath like vr like i need to have outlets on every wall internet cable i need to be able to access anything from anywhere in this room i need the lighting to be you know pretty good where i can you know daylight white light i can kind of flip between so i came over to inspect the room and after they put the soundproofing in like there was nothing else in the room nothing on the walls and you'd walk in and immediately your head felt

like off because of the way like sound was bouncing around in the room it was just like it felt so uncomfortable to be in here and like sound didn't travel in or out or even in like you know throughout the room like normally and they're like hey so it's not really our business or our place but i gotta ask like uh what's this room gonna be used for because they thought i was building a kill room sounds like a kill room i mean it still can be a kill room you don't let your dreams oh very easily very easily could be but uh yeah kill rooms wouldn't be hard at all to make but this building with like the 18 staircases the stakes the cigars the naked men rooms like just the layout baffles me in my brain i cannot picture out a logical way that this is laid out you have some great stories bob you have some great stories

good stories and stories and stories all right so which one of us won mark or me okay anyway look man that's an awkward way to shoehorn that in but i've been waiting for All right. So which one of us won, Mark or me? Okay. Anyway, look, that's an awkward way to shoehorn that in, but I've been waiting for any idea that even remotely create an opportunity to use that because that's like one of the funniest stories that's happened to me, I think. Everything that happened. And I hope you enjoyed it, but it's over now. We're back to real current times us. So nudity. How do you guys feel about nudity? I feel like feel about nudity i feel like our country is very repressed about it right we have a lot of laws and regulations where you can be nude what can be shown on tv but like how do you how do you feel about it you like nudity

you're talking being naked in the flesh or seeing nudity in others around us both being and seeing nakedness is what we're going to discuss being and seeing nakedness got it okay i love it when i like what i'm seeing because it is different being naked in a place versus if you are in that place and you see another person who's naked different types of feelings come up okay i would imagine all Well, I have an occurrence where being and seeing nakedness was the de facto state of being. Yeah. Do you want a title for it? Sure. I have an inkling about this one, what this is, I think.

The title is, and then my skin was rubbed clean off. Okay, maybe I don't know what story this is. No, I got a better title. Okay, okay. Qu okay quote and then he flipped me over oh okay intriguing i don't have any competing story for this so i'll call my title in a i like your honesty in a that's probably worth points as a not applicable in a i feel like i'm losing this somehow. It's okay.

There's plenty of activity to come where you can gain points. But Mark, I want to know why he flipped you over. Okay, so this is my own bathhouse story, which I'm not sure if I've talked about this on the podcast. I think I talked about it on Three Peans way back in the day. Yeah, I remember it way back. They'll tell you if it was on the podcast. They think I talked about it on Three Peans way back in the day. Yeah, I remember it way back. They'll tell you if it was on the podcast. They will. Yeah, they absolutely will. We are getting older. It's hard to remember.

God forbid they hear something that they've heard before. You said those words in that order before. No, my ears. Make me new content. I'm bored. Ten years of being on the internet? How dare you repeat yourself one time yeah so anyway they're they're in korea it's uh it's a thing that they have bathhouses it's

some thing in many cultures and in these bathhouses you are naked because you know i guess why wouldn't you be and there's various little pools in the bathhouse that are warm and cold and have different jets and different temperatures, different salinities, salt levels, different things in the water and various different like saunas that you can go into. But I've been to them before. You know, I've been to them in Korea. I've been to them here in LA.

But when I went to Korea last time and I was at the bathhouse, my cousin said something very interesting to me. He said, you want massage? And I go, I don't mind a massage. I like massage. And he goes, oh, you want massage? And because he doesn't speak perfect English, but he knows his way around. And I said, yes. So we go to the bathhouse. We said, oh, can we relax and we have a good time? And then my turn comes to get a massage. And I didn't know exactly where

it was before. And when we entered into the bathhouse, we walked past these two mats there and there was someone getting scrubbed, like someone getting washed, like physically washed. By another person? By another person. Yeah, there was another person. The only non-nude person in this entire bathhouse was the person doing the scrubbing. He had shorts on. So it was a bit of an oddity, but I passed it by because I was like, I know massages from the Korean bathhouse here in LA. You go into a separate room and it's, you're closed in the clothes. They give you the clothing that you wear and the co-ed levels, and then you get a massage. And I'm like thinking, oh, that's what it's going to be. But then my turn comes up and my cousin guides me to where the massage is

going. And he guides me right to the tables that the other guy was getting scrubbed down on and the guy has a scrub rag and he flips it over his shoulder a few times and the slaps the bed and he's like hop up is it the same rag that he was scrubbing the other person with he dipped it in a bucket oh okay we washed it off he cleaned it sure sure all good so this is this is the equivalent of getting your car washed, and you go through, and the guy sprays your car a little bit, then the automated thing happens. But just this guy with a rag the whole way through. Yeah.

Perfect. Pretty much. Now that I think about it, I do not think he... I don't think he changed the washcloth. He just rang it out, dipped it in the bucket. It's fine. He smacked the table. What do you think the smacking is for?

Waste not, want not. it out dipped it in the bucket it's fine he smacked the table what do you think the smacking is for waste not what not yeah when it when it when i got up there he got a bucket of water and he just splooshed it over the top and you know water ran off and clean instantly no problem there wow so i i lie face down on this table i'm mortified but i'm like okay whatever it is i'll get over with it's a it is what it is and this guy like this guy went at me like he hated me. Everything about me, everything that I stood for was written upon my skin and he needed to remove it. I just remember the most incredible pain of just the cheese grater of it. And my back was bad enough, you know, and he gets every part of my back top to bottom.

Fully naked here too, right? Yeah. Which means that that rag had got every part of the guy before. to bottom. Fully naked here, too, right? Yeah. Which means that that rag had got every part of the guy before. Yes, I'm realizing that now. Thank you. Oh, no. Are we ruining this cherished memory for you?

Not a crevice unexplored. A cherished memory for me. Yeah, exactly. Bore now is a great memory. Now it's concerning. Yeah. So then he says some words to me that I didn't understand at the time. Now I know he was telling me to turn.

What's your safe word? God, I hope not. Because I didn't know it and I didn't say it. That's for sure. But he's telling me to flip over, but I'm not understanding it. So he kind of like digs his hand underneath my torso and my legs and he flips me over. And I'm like, oh, it i get it i get it i man caked you yeah yeah exactly exactly uh and then he continues to scrub and i'm like okay i'm face up naked my ghibli bits are all out in the open but you know it is what it is here we go and

he goes just as hard on my upper, my front. And then when he gets to my legs, he does this, what I can only describe as a long, smooth motion that ended with him pretending like my balls were not there. And he plows from toe to waist through smashing my balls out of the way like bumper cars. Boom! Getting in my inner thigh. I can only tell you this guy was extremely thorough because it took three impacts to get my whole inner thigh on one leg

before he switches to the other side. Oh my God. And you'd think he'd start on the outside i'd like to give my balls a break after being smashed to bits no he starts on the inside on that side same direction all the way just full connection i like it's just he didn't give oh shit with his like fist or just with like part of the the towel? Was this basically a punch in the nuts? Basically, imagine it's the kind of rag where it has a little hand. It can slip over your hand on both ends.

And he's kind of like tensioning it to push it up and around me and scrape off. So he's kind of like cupping both fingers. It's like his knuckles. Just like that. Play a knuckleball pretty much yeah so it was over before i knew it and i swear when i got up he had a cigarette somehow i don't know how but he had one wasn't good for you this is not even a joke i i don't think i like my brain is having trouble remembering because i was in a bit of agony but i swear he might have had it the whole time just like he might have slapped the table with a cigarette

but i only remembered it afterwards when he was done they don't use the hot rocks there they use the cigarette ashes to help heat you up yeah then he pressed it into my chest you look over there's just a pile of cigarette butts on the floor where he'd been doing that the whole time yeah so whereas bob's uh bathhouse story was full of like wasn't there steak in like a room with cigars oh yeah like a huge steak and cigars and vodka and none of that got my balls batted around a bit and then sent on my way that's so weird you get a cigarette and a letter saying like if you tell anyone what happened here we'll find you we'll do it again i don't think that's that like the practice itself of being naked and getting the massage thing sure and like you know especially because that's traditional or whatever it's a normal custom that's not that crazy but the

punching of the nuts i guess i don't know if it'd be more or less awkward if he was like oh let me scoot your balls over here real quick but that's less painful holds them up with his left hand as he punches your taint with his right yeah i mean i would prefer if they had some sort of ball spoon or something and he was like just flip these over and hold them in place so that i can scrub you without punching you in the sack repeatedly he just hands you a ladle and he's like move your balls he can't speak english enough for me to understand it would never cool he realized the quickest path he looks up at you from your feet and it's like sack you sack you want keep sack you want sack no hurt did you make any noise or were you just like

biting your lip just like supposed to happen this is normal i'm pretty sure i just tried to grin and bear it but who knows what happened i kind of blanked out there and and to remind you guys it's not in a private room this is literally on the edge of the hot tubs oh i imagine this is the entrance like people are coming to make their appointments they just walk by you being punched in the balls a bunch of guys smoking cigarettes like the door to get in there is just like two steps away that's the main entrance oh man and you're there oh welcome to our bathhouse and massage park oh my balls would you like to make an appointment yep well not the entrance to the building entrance to the

male side of the bathhouse it's just a warning for what you're about to get in the male area so it is split up it's not male female in the same area yeah no it's not like is there like an age limit because i can't imagine you could have like people under age there were kids running around yeah kids running around okay so it's different like that would never fly here at least not now i mean i would imagine maybe the massage guy could just be like i don't do kids but maybe he doesn't care yeah it's probably a cultural thing probably just cultural thing yeah but it's just like a strange place so it's interesting right this is kind of exactly the sort of thing that inspired me to pick this as a topic for today because clearly that's part of korean culture i have no idea how popular it is still but like that came from a place of being

very popular like the main way i guess that you got to bathe yourself at a certain time period right i'm assuming yeah absolutely yeah yeah so like i know that like romans had bathhouses and stuff too right like that was a thing yeah yeah and communal shit rooms where you could all sit on your side-by-side toilets and have a conversation while you shat oh randy that's a particularly bad one today i know i had chili and you wipe your ass with the communal vinegar rag there you go all done yours i mean literally on the toilet seat There you go. All done. Yours. I mean, literally on the toilet seat. There you go. Clean it off. You know where you don't see places like that and where it's not part of the culture in any way is in our country. I sort of know some of the answer to this, but I'll pose the question

anyway. What happened to America that everyone is so concerned and upset about any nudity whatsoever? I didn't even start with nudity, like not way, way back, but like even during like my grandma's heyday, right? Like when Elvis stood and they showed him like shaking his leg on camera, that was like a big deal for that to be something on television where he just like did the leg shit. Yeah, his little dance that he did.

That's too sensual for television. Like things are- I'm too aroused by that. Yeah. I can only imagine what the women are feeling. And now we download games like cyberpunk where you go to character creations just like here's a nude body what body parts do you want how big you want your dick you pick yeah you want big dick small all right you want a ladle for your balls you want

me to punch them anyway yeah i i don't know so with that in mind and considering that it's really weird to me how most of the world is pretty chill. And it's not like in other parts of the world, there weren't standards of like how you comport yourself in public, you know, showing an ankle was racy in Victorian Europe or whatever. Like there were standards, but also they would have bathhouses and stuff like that and nude beaches. And it wasn't that big of a deal excluding

a certain context until eve bit that apple i guess i mean that that's what i was gonna say is really just like doesn't it boil down to mostly religious kind of like ideals and standards but i guess it spills beyond that but i think a lot of it does probably stem from like religious purity you know yeah well that's this ideal of modesty. Puritanical, right? It's a puritanical worldview coming from, I think, I haven't double checked this, the Puritans who came to the new world

and sort of at the heart of society here. I don't know. Anyway, with all that in mind and with the hilarious dual bathhouse stories on our minds as well, obviously we have to do a power ranking of the top 10 places that i have arbitrarily brainstormed where you'd be really uncomfortable being naked or seeing naked before we jump in i you know i wasn't a bathhouse but i went and got

a massage recently because of my pinched nerve i was hoping like a massage would help did they make it better do something to you well so when i went in for the massage i didn't know what that was a new place i hadn't gone to and i was like well i don't know what their thing is because they let they like step out of their like if you want to get ready and get on the table it's like do i go fully nude here is this like an underwear i don't know what to do so i left my boxers on and the lady was like doing the massage and she was like uh i need to pull these down to get your butt and i was like what she's like i can you i was like oh yeah i can she's like you know what i'll do it and she just put an arm under my legs lifted me up and then just yanked my underwear off oh

and then went and put it in the closet she's like there we go i mean problem solved i was getting ready to do it myself but yeah she just one arm like whoop i don't even know how she did it she like gently tossed my legs with the arm so she could like slip it it was pretty incredible well what more could you ask for? Seems like a job well done to me. I'll ask for her again is what I'm going to do. Okay. I'm glad you thought of a story.

What's the title for it, Wade? I'll consider it. Woosh! There goes my undies. There you go. Alright, nice. A short story, but it's one one i just remembered anyway uh what was i saying oh yeah the power ranking of the top 10 places i've arbitrarily brainstormed that you would be uncomfortable being naked or seeing naked people but people

didn't fit uh this is it doesn't have to be a ranking. This is just a list of places. I'm just wanting to talk about. Tier list. It's not a tier list. Oh, okay. Well, maybe. People seem to like that. But anyway, and I didn't even know Mark was going to tell his bathhouse story, but I wanted to start with a familiar place given our discussion so far. Bathhouses.

We can discuss being naked and also seeing naked people as separate concepts. But I'm curious. Were you uncomfortable naked in the bathhouse? One being what? The worst place to be naked? Ten being the best? One is the top place. Number one is the number one place you would be uncomfortable being naked.

Uncomfortable. Oh, man. I feel like, can we move them around after we've made our determination? Yeah, no, this is like an active ranking type situation where we could move and rearrange and everything. I mean, I would rank it high for appropriateness of to be okay to be naked, and you would obviously see,

but I wouldn't rank it as like number one because it wouldn't be my favorite place to be naked or see other people naked. But it's up there just because of normalcy. Wait, how are you ranking this? I would put it above top five. This is your number one place you would want to be naked? Not number one, but he said like towards the top.

Yeah, top five. I just imagine there are some bad ones on your list. So I'm going to put it at four right now. Okay. I'll put it at four. I disagree vehemently. I think it's a number three. I will.

That's a very strong minor difference of opinion. Without knowing the other nine i know for a fact number three is where bathhouses belong i i feel like bathhouse of the list that you don't know but i do know that house is the one that i would i would feel most comfortable overall for sure yeah me too this should definitely be uh you pick your number and it has to stay till the end because I'll put it at four but I'm almost dreading it because are there no better places on your list?

Maybe. Not a lot. I'm going to put it at four. I'll put mine too so I'm keeping it bathhouse at three. Bathhouse. Excellent. Can't wait to see how I disagree with me later. I even put bathhouse russian or otherwise i i knew it was coming apparently okay well that was a softball you know that wasn't so bad and also i want to say you can choose to ignore or theorize about how you are naked but it's totally

acceptable to just discuss it in terms of i'm now in this place and i'm fully naked and you can ignore any explanation of how because some of these it may be difficult to get naked in a certain location or hard to understand visiting grandma at the retirement home number one place the next one i'm going to go to is the gym where you regularly work out so this is like the planet fitness that you go to five times a week which am i working out naked maybe you're at the gym are other people naked or is it just us under normal circumstances no one else is naked and you can choose to have gotten naked no one else is naked the the moment is you are currently buck naked maybe with socks and shoes so you don't lose any toes to falling weights but you're

effectively 100 naked in the middle of a gym. And no one else is naked. And we're just, we're just naked because. In the middle of the workouts place of the gym. Yeah. In the middle of like an evening workout. Lots of people are getting off work. The gym is pretty busy.

You know, the machines are getting used and you are now naked. Maybe you're sitting on a machine. Maybe you're bending over to pick up your water bottle. Who knows? I'm going to put this, I think Mark went first last time. So time so i'll go first this time i'm gonna put this one at a six gym only one naked a bold choice a bold choice there's worse there's worse places i'm gonna put it at lower than bathhouse but only by one so five because i feel like if there was a case where i am naked in the middle of a gym it's for a photo shoot or there's some event that necessitates me to be naked in that moment.

And I think that would be all right, because if I'm at the gym, then maybe it's a gym I've been going to regularly. I'm looking good, fit, swole, and I'm in my best. I'll put gym right below bathhouse at number five. I'm imagining it's like whenever you use the restroom sometimes, and there's a kid that comes in that doesn't understand how to pee at the urinal, so he just drops his pants. I imagine you're the guy at the gym who goes to work out, and you're like, man, this tank top's really affecting my weightlifting.

You rip off everything, and everyone's just like, what the hell? And you're just butt naked, bending over, tanked out, dick up, whatever, doing your workout and no one understands why this is happening oh yeah sure whatever that still puts it at a five even in that case even in that case it's a five i like it definitely a six i also put it as a five damn it had random happenstance but that's fine yeah me too i said five um all right i'm starting to wish i put it in bathhouse higher, but yeah, me too. That one was another pretty, pretty chill one.

Pretty chill one. But all right. Moving on. Moving on. Yeah. The third one we're going to look at and analyze is in front of family members outside of your immediate family. So like grandparents, aunts and uncles, something like it's like a family get together at home in the privacy of your home.

But in front of six or more family members members some of them are outside of your household maybe you were taking a shower they're not naked this is just us naked again you are the only one who's naked everyone is hanging out playing a board game having a drink whatever why are we so into voyeurism is it what's that voyeurism is it what's the one where you like to be naked i think that's voyeurism i think so yeah maybe you were in the shower and you brought a towel maybe someone burst into your room and then shenanigans ensued who knows you are naked in front of a bunch of family and they haven't reacted yet they're just staring at you in shock okay in shock it's gotta be cut be because yeah rationalize this there was some horrible insect crawling all over my

clothes or i spilled hot oil on myself and i needed to rip it off this is the safest place i could be these are people that are willing to help me and they know me and it's all good and i put it at a two i'm putting it it at a two. There can be no safer place. Maybe. They've seen me naked when I was a kid. I was a baby once. They've seen all that. Yep.

I was also going to say a two. I don't think that's that bad. Wow. Yeah. I was between two and four, and I was like, you know, I think two, because just being family, it's like, that'll be that funny story you tell a few years down the road, but family, yeah, that's not that bad. Yep.

Well, I also had that at a two. Ooh. Really? I didn't think we'd be in such tight agreement on all of these but yeah that's the idea this is more than i don't know the list well i imagine that's the idea is that basically i had to is you know i would be a little embarrassed because it's a funny story and then people are gonna talk about it forever because it's like ah you remember that ah stupid but it's really that's one of the best places that could happen probably could be way worse man bathhouse sure looking like a more number one now isn't it like for example uh in the next example uh what if you were fully nude and unaware that you were in the background of a live tv news broadcast i don't know what you're doing i don't

know if you're in your apartment and they're filming into your window how clear is it that it's us yeah a hundred percent clear you are the closest subject in the background and you are moving and and clearly a naked person doing something as the reporter is talking about whatever the hell the reporter is talking about whatever the hell the reporter is talking about so like if they were up against a building and there was a window and a curtain drew up in the window right behind where they were framed and you are there but you don't see them your self-installed window covering slowly peeled off and sank to the floor all by itself and you are now fully naked in front of a fully clear see-through window 20

feet away from the camera that's filming the broadcast okay this one's four for me because i can spin this as like do you guys see what i did on the news oh man i'm the top of the time like i would totally make it sound like it was intentional even though it wasn't i'd be like everyone's gonna be talking about me now what a move i'm so confident in my looks man i was on the news naked number four you know honestly you stole my thunder well it was my turn to go first that's what happened i also am of the mind that i'm like all right if this is what it's gotta be if this is how my dick's gonna leak uh, I guess, you know, there's no better way to do it than to own it. It would just be if it could be the talk of the town.

You know, honestly, I would be OK with that if it had to happen. If it was against my will, it really depends on what I'm doing. But I only have a three and a one left up in the upper echelon. I really don't want to have to kick out. I've got one in five, so I feel him. Oh, man. Nothing's been that bad yet. I'll put that at a six, though.

I would rather that not be because I've released my, quote, tasteful nude calendar where, you know, my actual dick wasn't out. Now, fuck it. Three. News. News. Put me on the news. Who watches the news anymore anyway old people nobody who's our age would watch that so i guess it'd be fine yeah it'd be until it got clipped

and put on the internet as like a funny moment but then it'd have to be blurred so that's true it'd be all right be censorship and you get the notoriety without having to show your dick to everybody yeah easy oh i should have moved it to one if i knew it was blurred i thought it was uncensored well it would only be blurred once it's posted online because you can't post a youtube video with a penis in it but it would be uncensored on the live broadcast all right that's interesting not so worried about that one huh yeah not too worried where'd you have it i put that as a six almost lined up i would not i would not like that to happen mainly because i like you definitely could own it but i don't really have as much of the personality where i would be comfortable just being like ah yeah i just look at what i did people wouldn't believe that i would be like oh

i did it on purpose i got those guys and they'd be like you were like picking your nose you didn't do you didn't you clearly you had no idea that was happening you're an idiot too late to change my answer is it too late to change my answer? Is it too late to change my answer? You can change it. We haven't moved on. I'm changing six. I'm going six, six, six. Final answer. Okay, I snuck it down.

People can call me a coward all they want. I think there's a better thing to put in three. I'm living by my list like we established at the beginning. I'm holding true. You had four. I don't have four open. I got three open. I'm not going to put news up at three.

Coward. Okay, this one. You just owned your three like you would own the news this one you have to come with me a little bit okay it's a it's a specific premise that definitely can happen also myself too you think that you're asleep having that dream that is apparently common where you're in class in high school, and you realize that you are naked. And then you realize that you're not asleep and it's not a dream. You're actually just sitting in third period Spanish, fully nude. And somehow you've gotten into this situation.

Don't ask me how, because I couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation. But you are now sitting in high school, third period Spanish, fully naked in front of the teacher, God, and also your classmates, which is probably the worst part. I actually went out to the bus one time and I forgot pants. I was wearing like those little kid like whitey tighties. I was like first or second grade. And I went to the bus stop in my underwear. That's too young.

That's too young. It's high school. High school when it matters. Okay. So high school is whenever you're like, was it Mark first this time? No, it's got to be Mark first eventually. No, you seem confident. Go for it. All right. High school is whenever I think you're like the most emotionally compromised about caring about other people's opinions. I feel like those are people

you've been growing up with since you were a kid, unless you've moved around. But it's like at that point in time, those people's opinions mean more to you than almost anybody else. So for the state of mind I would be in and for the lack of self-confidence I had in junior high and high school, that would be one of the worst ones for me is at school. I will put that at a nine because of the mindset I would have at the time. At the time, that would be so devastating. I would want to move immediately and never see those people ever again. That would be so devastating if I'm in high school me's head. Looking back, who cares?

At the time, that would have mattered a lot. If I'm in high school me's head. Looking back, who cares? At the time, that would have mattered a lot. Man, that is tough because I really wonder how it would have affected me in my life going forward from that moment. Because I was already like a very shy high school kid. If I suddenly, like that was one of my worst fears, I think, is just like, oh my God, what if I just like all suddenly got naked or everyone even perceiving me as a human being just in general.

However, that being said, I'm only looking at this like versus the news, right? So like, is it worse than the news? Yes. No, maybe. The only reason I put it there is because of my mindset at the time. If I'm in school, I'm so much more susceptible to people's opinions. Whereas on the news now, it's like, who cares? I'm already married life's fine people if anything it's just more exposure of both me and myself so hey views i'm gonna put it at three here's the reason because that would be such a fucking incredible story for everyone else like how in the hell did he get naked in class like that would be a legend that would spread through. Like that chair blows your clothes off.

It's like something about the way that chair is like the magnets in the flowing electric field. It blows your clothes off. It would have to be something where that specific chair and it's reproducible where other students are like sitting down. I'm constructing a bit of fabrication here. Even if it didn't, they would build the legend, right? It's reproducible where other students are like sitting down. I'm constructing a bit of fabrication here. Just a little. Even if it didn't, they would build the legend, right? Like that's the chair that makes your clothes explode off your body. And I'm hoping that when it happens to me,

and if it never happens to anyone else again, that's fine. That my shirt goes up and my pants go down and my shoes fly clean off. It goes straight to the front of the room. Like they don't just disappear. They shoot off my body like confetti. I'm putting that at three. It would change my life forever. If we have a magical chair, I would put mine higher.

But in a normal human scenario, I'm keeping my nine. You're allowed to create whatever lore you want for these guys. Yes. Magical school chair, exploding clothes. The scary thing is I still have one up. I've got one, five, seven, eight, ten, and I really don't know who I'm going to put in one. I'm the same way. I'm one, seven, three, ten. What have we

done? Wait, no. Why did I come up with a good solution for that? I don't know. You had a bad one, but you decided to fill three. It's fine. It's fine. Alright, okay. Alright. Real creative with one. Number ten, he's going to tell us to be like at the strip club.

He's like, God damn it. Why is that my 10? Okay. Well, I should probably change that option. Damn it. All right. Let's do, let's do this one next. I think this should be easy.

Okay. But we'll see where you guys land on it. We don't have many slots left, so it's getting easier. You are fully nude running through the streets along the sidewalks maybe in the road a little of a big city you're in new york city you're in san francisco la someone where it's a big city and there's a lot of people around and you are naked and running you can create any other information you would like but fully public lots of people are seeing you you're running around i've got my answer for this one already mark you you go first if i'm doing this i'm in a

real bad spot i feel like this has got to be pretty low because you're at a pretty low point if you're running through the streets naked you're either running for your life or you don't know where you are and i think like both of those are representative you know the who's the guy that was on the street that the coney 2012 guy that started slapping the ground and shouting to the heavens, but naked. That's what level of emotional disturbance I would be to be at that point. I'm going to put that all the way down at a nine. Not quite 10 is the worst.

I'm going to leave some room, but I'll put like naked on the street at nine for me. Okay. This is number one for me interesting really because i feel like if you're streaking through the streets if you're running like one people aren't gonna have as much of a chance of recognizing you because you're just sprinting past them and two the only reason i can fathom why you would be doing it i guess i wasn't thinking about a serial killer being after you but like it was like a dare someone dared you to do it it's like okay so i've got time to prep i can manscape if i need to i can get cleaned up and i can just

fucking go people aren't gonna see they're gonna be like that guy's naked by the time they process what they've seen i'm two blocks down and gone and then i get to wherever i'm going no one's any of the wiser who i was for the most part and i got away with it and i got the dare done number one streaking through the streets. Bold. Wow, that's bold. I hope in the bedroom with a lover isn't on this list because it's going to be pretty low for you. Number ten. Do you know how judgmental Molly is of my body?

The shame I feel. Well, that'll be fun when we get to it. That would obviously be number one but you know i had listen go big or go home i took the same perspective as you wade but i put it at three ultimately because okay i would feel worse about it if it was a dare and i did it because i feel like as an adult if you were like oh so my bro dared me to do it someone will be like and then you did that for a dare. Who says I'm telling anybody about it?

That dare lives with the group that dared me. But for me, I was like, if somebody whose opinion, like my boss or somebody saw that, that might affect my career or my life. At the very least, I could be like, I was going through some stuff, you know, and a series of events led to that. Hopefully I'm doing better now.

Like it's a thing where if someone would see that, I could explain it and they would be like, If I ran around the streets naked, Tanya promised to get her boobs out. Done. Okay. That's how the dares work, man. You escalate.

Number one, baby. Number one all the way. Number one. If your boss is a real bro, that might work. Anyway, since you brought it up, Wade, or Mark brought it up, whatever. Thank God. You are in your bedroom and you have a guest over and you have just finished stripping off every last piece of clothing as you're about to climb into bed with your sexy girlfriend

or wife or date or whatever. It's about to be hot in here. Great. Number five, because I'm afraid she won't like what she sees and she'll dump me. I've really let myself go and I don't want my lover to see me in such disarray.

Definitely not because it's the highest number I have left available. Tell me, what is that below? What is directly below? Oh, it's right below on the news and right above Jim. Oh, man. And it's three below family. Would rather get naked in front of Aunt Jenny than get naked in front of Molly.

Yeah. Weird. I'll put it number one, you know, just dead. And I feel the need to explain no further. I cede my time. I'll take some of his time. Listen, do you know what's happened? My manscaped razor didn't arrive on time.

The things she saw. The forest she navigated. I'm so embarrassed. You can put it at 10 if you're so embarrassed. Oh, no, no, no. That's okay. Fine. Okay.

Well, I'm glad you brought that up, Mark. I appreciate that you know of course this one mirror for mark what numbers do you have left available i've got seven eight ten i got seven eight ten two i don't know how that worked oh hell yeah all right let's do it baby wait that's the numbers i have left interesting but also i have nine left am i an idiot no i got i got nine filled i've got three open spots drinking through the streets in front of family bath house on the news, bedroom with a lover, gym, and high school classroom are the ones I have.

Anyway, the next one should be easy. Okay. You're at the doctor. Great. That happens. You're at the doctor. You're in an office, in an exam room, fully naked at the doctor's office. Of course, it's a pediatrician's office and uh it's

not your doctor the doctor walks into this exam room to find you fully naked wait you said okay so you were there are no children in this scenario it is just a doctor's office that is not yours it doesn't have to be pediatrician it could be any kind of specialist you've never been here before but you're naked in an exam room at this doctor's office that considerably changes that's so not that bad what do you mean that's so not that bad what do you mean that's so not that bad what do you mean there are worse things i think he means he screwed himself on the numbers you know quick little story time here i had to have three tailbone surgeries and i think i've told this story before there was a girl probably about my age looked like she'd probably just started working at this place who escorted me back to the doctor's office the doctor comes in he's the only one in the room with me and he like has me

lay on the table i'm in the gown so he lifts opens the gown my ass is just there he's spreading my cheeks looking at my tailbone like this looks like it's healing up pretty nicely i think we can remove the stitches uh nurses can i get some And of course, that girl and two other ladies walk in and their job is to hold my cheeks open so the doctor can snip and remove my stitches. That's a worse scenario to me than this one. Wrong doctor walks in and sees a body. Oh man, it's just like med school all over again.

Well, what were you gonna ask this new cute nurse person who's the new employee out or something why is that worse it's their job no because i don't want to do that at someone's work office like you know i don't want to be that guy but like if we had met on a different scenario sure so they're doing their job on your ass it doesn't seem that bad doctors see all kinds of gross and weird stuff human bodies hold no surprises for them some lady's introduction to me being seeing my frankenstein asshole with my stitches in there is not exactly how i'd want to start off a conversation well it's a really interesting uh intro to an attempt at asking

someone out that's for sure that's jim carrey and i'll put my hands on my cheeks like would you like to go out with me speaking through my asshole i've now that you put that it really does change it is this a pediatrician or not that's really going to change my asshole i now that you put that it really does change it is this a pediatrician or not that's really going to change my rank i guess i don't want to make it too like creepy that was initially what i had gone with just because those are the two main types of doctors i saw a pediatrician now i see a gp person but like you don't know what type of doctor it is but it's not your doctor it's a doctor's office that you've never been to, and it could be a pediatrician's. It could be anything that you want it to be in your version of events.

Right. It's a stranger. It's basically, this is equivalent of waking up from an accident, and you find yourself in the hospital or something like that. So I wouldn't consider it that bad. It's bad because no matter what, I can't come up with a good reason to be in there naked. If it's not creepy, it's probably not good for my health. So I would put it lower.

But I'm going to put it at eight because I now have one up and one down to go left. So unknown doctor, eight for me. I was going to do eight as well. Nice. Because the two that are left, it's like if one is really good, I don't want to have it at eight, nine, or ten. All right. The next scenario is, it's another one that needs a little bit of explanation you are attending the huge pool party of the summer your friend has

a dope pool with like a tiki bar and all this cool stuff it's a great backyard and everyone showed up even carl came to this party and you are now standing on the diving board fully naked attracting everyone's attention because they first thought you were going to do some sort of cannonball or something funny and now have realized you are naked which no one else is this is like a normal pool party everyone's wearing swimsuits and stuff you're the one who is naked damn it so how many how many people are there watching all your neighbors everyone everyone from school and their parents are there everyone this happens all the time though it does people's bathing suits just fall off it happens all the time i guess a seven for the embarrassment i can't justify that

it's the magical pool that explodes your clothes off i guess it's not gonna be it's not gonna fly it's not gonna be like a legend diving board that explodes your bathing suit off. I'll put it at seven. I imagine there's got to be a worse one. So it comes off in the water while you're in the air. It's off and nowhere to be found, and you're standing on the diving board. Oh. You're still on the diving board.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was an important detail. You are standing on the diving board, and everyone is all, oh, he's naked. So you go to jump in the pool, and you're getting ready to jump in, and you're like, all right, everyone, cannonball. And then you look down, and there's your balls, and everyone's looking at you, and you don't know why you's naked. So you go to jump in the pool and you're getting ready to jump in. And you're like, all right, everyone, cannonball. And then you look down and there's your balls. And everyone's looking at you. And you don't know why you're naked.

You're just there naked. Yep. I mean, those Speedos leave nothing to the imagination anyway. I'm still putting it at seven. Pool party penis. Pool penis party. Pool penis pool party. Penis party.

Everyone you know care about's there. I don't know how old you are. I'm going to gamble and put it at 10 okay pool penis party is what i typed in as well so i guess that's what it's called now that's what it is i'm excited to hear the final rankings i have to say i only got one spot i think maybe when they're all done i'll let you make one swap one swap see if that fixes everything for you okay okay the final man well i don't know if this is good enough now i thought this would be quite the conclusion but uh well we're gonna use it we're gonna use it we're gonna use it you have a good friend you know each other your whole lives uh they were perhaps in your wedding party or you know you

guys have bonded you're very good friends and uh you know you're getting older now i don't know if you guys have heard we're getting older i've heard that and they have found the love of their life they're getting married and in order to get married they need their best friends around them at the wedding they need someone to stand up there with them in front of god and everyone and, you know, help them get over the finish line. You are in the wedding party. Everything's going great.

All the lead up is good. You walk down the aisle with your partner and you split up and go to your appropriate spots and stand and clasp your hands and wait for the bride and groom to do the thing. The groom's up there. I don't know how weddings work. The bride is walking down the aisle. It's beautiful. Everyone's crying. It's fantastic. The bride and the bride's father

get to the groom and the whole thing where the father, you know, hands his daughter's hand to the groom and says, don't hurt her or I'll kill you in your sleep or whatever they say. And as the father is, you know, turning to go sit back down and everyone is looking at the front and the bridal party, you inexplicably rip off all of your clothes and get butt ass naked but then start standing back in your exact same spot expecting the wedding to continue cross your hands in front of you again or behind you whatever one's doing whatever you agreed on and you stand there and wait for the wedding to continue so your friends can get married how bad is that you can do i'm gonna put it at a seven. You can do subsequent actions.

Yeah, I guess you don't have a choice. You can make subsequent actions. You can try and explain why you've done this. But where would you put it? And where is it going to go? Because you only have one spot left, right? That could ruin your friendship with your best friend. That'd be pretty low.

I mean, honestly, a seven might actually be kind of fitting for it for me. I feel like there's a couple that I would rather not than that even. But that's pretty bad because it's not necessarily people that even know you, but some of them do. Friends and such. I'm comfortable. Honestly, I'm comfortable with a seven for that. I'm just judging because I've been at both of your weddings and I'm just imagining if this exact scenario occurred for both of you, would this have mattered? Luckily for you, I had another family member show up that got all the attention.

But, you know, I'll put it at a 10 for me because I would never want to ruin your beautiful weddings. And that would make me feel the worst. And I won't swap with anything. I'll put it wedding flasher at number 10. Are you kidding me? The wedding video would have made me millions. I could have sold that shit and been rich. There are other ways. There are other ways, Wade.

There's other ways. Markiplier got nude at my wedding, not clickbait. You know you get one video and if it gets like 20 million views, you know how much money that's going to make and it won't be as much as you think. Yeah. Yeah. Gotta sell it to somebody, make them think it's worth more than it is. Anyway, so that's my last pick.

All right. Well, I tried to pump it up a little bit, but I think you guys made me realize that that was maybe not the worst one on the list, but maybe it was. It is for me. Talking to you about it gives me a different perspective than just thinking about it

when I'm trying to work out what I'm going to do with this episode. It's interesting. It's interesting. Interesting. I also think it's interesting that the main concern you guys seem to have about assessing all of these situations wasn't really the nudity itself. It didn't seem like either of you was very self-conscious about people seeing you naked and like knowing what's going on down there or what

you look like or whatever. Not that I thought that would be it, but I feel like a lot of people focus on that. I feel like that's a concern. It's a concern for me. I'm pretty self-conscious about it. I'll admit that. Yeah, no, I'm relatively okay with it, shockingly or unshockingly, depending on your knowledge of my nude calendar I made. Oh, that's right. It's all out there. I have unwittingly seen most of it. I didn't buy a copy. I thought about it, but I didn't, but I've seen most of it. Googleiplier tasteful nudes you're gonna see it wade that sounds weird like i was looking it up but i just yeah sure man okay come on yeah whatever markiplier nude incognito oh now nobody knows i guess my final list goes streaking through

the streets as one in front of family is two bath house on the news bedroom with my lover at five the gym only one naked nude at wedding wrong doctor high school classroom pool penis party oopsie whoopsie that's how i wrote that one out right right if i can only flip one i'm flipping streaking through the streets with bedroom with lover bedroom with lovers one no keep it keep no keep it keep it at number one you streak loving bastard you coward well if i had to no no don't let him flip don't let him let him live with that let him live with that i made promises no we we all heard him say it we all heard where he put that i would flip five with four i put the news below with a bedroom with a lover and streaking at one. Fine. How's that? Bold.

It's still funny, so I guess it's good. Yeah. All right. Good. My list goes as number one is lover. Number two is family. Number three is magical school chair that explodes your clothes. Number four is bathhouse.

Number five is gym. Number six is news. Then pool penis party party unknown doctor at eight naked on the street at nine and wedding flasher at ten worst place to suddenly find myself naked that's a pretty good ten if i had to do this over again knowing them all ahead of time wouldn't change a thing not change a thing i mean i definitely would lover at one bathhouse at two streaking would still be three streaking would still be three. Streaking would still be up there. I would not like that. That to me is like, that's easy. Streaking at three,

family at four, wrong doctor, who cares? There's one person and they see bodies all the time. Gym at six, news at seven, pool party at eight, friend's wedding at nine and high school classroom at 10. Cause I feel like my mindset at the high school level that would be so much more devastating at that point but streaking in the streets perfectly fine you see boobies when you're walking around the streets it's a good day so if i'm gonna return the favor so be it you're welcome or i'm sorry if you saw it i guess depending on my confidence that day you're just carrying a sign around with you on the front. It says you're welcome on the back It says or I'm sorry either one depends on my self-confidence on the day Lover five definitely lover at five streaking at one right right solid of course all right. I wouldn't change a goddamn thing Yeah, I feel like Mark's list came out actually pretty reasonable considering. Thank you. I made you just play roulette with it

Thank you random picking man. Where did you have the pool party at, Mark? Pool party was seven. Okay. Yeah, it's not bad. All things told. Not bad. Well, there you go. Nudity.

I thought we were talking about seeing other people naked. I'm a little disappointed. I wanted to talk about seeing other people nude. Well, that took a lot longer than I thought it would, if I'm honest. I was going to do the whole thing also, but in terms of being a viewer of nakedness. Reddit, tell us we need another episode of this. We need more nudity. Are there any of those that stand out as the

thing that would concern you if you saw a naked person in that context? If I saw someone? No. So take all those scenarios we were just going through. If you're one of the spectators, your cousin is naked in front of you at a family get-together, you're in the gym your cousin is naked in front of you at a your family get together you're in the gym when someone is naked any of that stuff does any of that even

bother you i'd least like to see a family member naked probably because then it's like awkward and i don't know what to say a stranger or someone else like who cares it was literally yeah if it's strange just whatever it like i'm kind of classmate or whatever literally a few weeks ago amy and i were driving and on the highway on the side of the road some lady was just sitting there naked and we went oh i hope she's okay and then we drove on yeah bold choice it looked like she was doing her laundry it really did yeah i guess that's why i've got rid of that too is i we're all pretty casual not serious not prudish people i feel like i wouldn't care either free the nipple seriously who cares the human body is a human body as far as i'm concerned if you want to keep it private that's great if you don't well try not to try not to getting it do any harm i guess

yeah family would have to be the lowest one because it like depends on like imagine like you know great aunt margaret comes to give you a smooch on the cheek she's just butt naked it's like no this is weird please that's just how great aunt margaret is i know i gotta love her i think my lowest one might be if i was the doctor in the random doctor's office one just because i would be like how did you get back here why are you already naked like it would be concerning like wrong room uh get dressed i'll have my associate escort you to the proper room uh who's supposed to be seeing i'd get out of there as fast as i could it would be concerning to me but not for like the nudity necessarily just like this the situation i would be like where's our receptionist like what's going on this is not

supposed to happen but yeah i don't particularly care at the gym i guess it'd be a little weird if you're like working out and the dude next to you comes over and just like drops his pants yeah that's that's max of harassment i suppose yeah yeah that's not yeah that's not great At the gym, I guess it'd be a little weird if you're like working out and the dude next to you comes over and just like drops his pants. Yeah, that's that's massive harassment, I suppose. Yeah, that's not. Yeah, that's not great. I guess it would depend on the context. But like that would be my brain would go there first to probably listen up, everyone.

Nudity ain't so bad, even though society and everything tells us it is here. It's fine. And honestly, being the person who's naked in all these scenarios, none of those like ruin your life i feel like the older i get the less i care about it too like i was i'd be afraid of someone seeing me when i was in high school but now it's like if it happens it happens whatever i don't know yeah okay well that's the end then i feel like this is an interesting thing i would talk about this for a long time and there's lots of new stories about nudity but not for today i would love to talk about nudity for a long time with you all right okay what i have to do now is pick a winner obviously and while wade did fight back with some excellent stories and some bold choices on his list i find it hard to

overlook the amount of points that mark earned for his k bathhouse story. It was funny. It was topical. I would also agree. Getting punched in the balls that many times. He deserves it. The massaging with the ball punching is outrageous and I love it. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Thank you. I have to declare Mark the winner. I knew I'd lost the moment his balls got punched. Such a funny visual. I just can't not think about Mark's balls. Alright, my dry spell's over and everyone has their mind on my

balls. Well, change that, Mark. Give a winner's speech. What do you got to say? Well, thank you everybody so much for being here and being a part of the podcast. We've got a big, bright, beautiful future ahead of us, and I can't wait for the things that grace us in our future

of podcasting, and me, and also us, and our friendship that we share, and the beautiful, yes. Very gracious. And the beautiful moments that we have together will be with me all along, and we were all naked from the waist down.

Excellent, excellent, excellent speech, Mark. You wandered away from the point a little bit there, I think. But that's good speech, good speech. You have a loser speech, Wade? Yes, what Mark said, but less happy about it. Fair, fair and just. Anyway, that's it for the episode. Thank you so much for listening.

Make sure that you follow or subscribe or hit the bell or whatever. Hit that thing so that you know that every Monday when the bell or whatever hit that thing so that you know that every monday when the podcast comes out it's there for you waiting watching lurking in the shadows to entertain you probably or make you really angry with a tier list or something that's gonna be it you can find mark at markiplier on everywhere wade at lord minion 777 or minion 777 on twitch three sevens minion 777 and me my skirm i'm Twitch. Three sevens. Minion777. And me, MySkirm. I'm back on Twitch.

So twitch.tv slash MySkirm. Check it out. I stream video games even. Isn't it good to be back on Twitch now that everyone's really happy with them? Yeah, no drama whatsoever. Everything's great on Twitch. I love it. Welcome back.

Thank you for listening. And as we say in the business. Check out our merch. Podcast out. Oh, okay. Oh yeah, I didn't plug that, did I? You know what? Fuck it. thank you for listening and as we say in the business pick up our merch podcast out okay oh yeah i didn't plug that today you know what fuck it don't check out our merch there's nothing good there it's all stupid i can't even muster fake outrage that's the end i'm tired or something all right podcast out