Distractible - News Everyone!

Episode Date: November 10, 2023

Mark's all out of ideas, Bob is confused and scared, and Wade actually tries for once. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Pamela returneth, and things escalate fast. Mastermind Mark points out Polish pilferers, concurrent cowboys, and odd egg transportation. Grilling Bob derides incompetent myocardial infarction fakers and proposes a

mannequin posse. Obi-Wade Bonerobi gives a tour to fast dreams of unelectric goats and thrusts points on Bob. From swooning Spaniards to undead pole dancing orgies. Yes!

It's time for news, everyone. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to Distractible, the wonderful podcast where I am the host because I won. And winning is all that matters in life, because when you win, you're a winner. And to hear first from some losers, here is Wade and Bob. Oh, um, hi. Do I have to respond to that, or? I mean, it's an option.

Yeah, Bob, you're a little dimly lit. Why don't you get your light up to winner's levels? why why is that how's that that better that's nice that's weird i got like mark light situation over here no no i've got a strong light source it's just like i embrace the shadows no i mean that it changed itself i got a ghost light that's changing its own settings yeah yeah every time i turn around and whatnot. Anyway, how are you guys doing? Good. I'm doing well. I've got an update on a Sarah Williams from last episode.

Who's that? Don't worry about it, Bob. I don't think anyone's interested in that. We should move on. Turns out she is still... He's making it up. This is all nonsense. Missing.

Oh, I didn't catch that. I think Wade's a little mentally unstable mark i gotta be honest i don't think he's doing very well i don't know what he's talking about doesn't matter anyway uh whoever this mythical person is they probably never existed in the first place and that's the only true conspiracy theory we can acknowledge anyway i would like to pre-win bob for this episode but we gotta go through the episode uh to get to that moment i'm just gonna phone this one in then whatever no no no it's gonna be very fair. Molly made cookies. So fuck you. I have something to talk about. Everyone on the subreddit will love this. And I'm going to commit

to this so that they hold me to this subreddit. I got a grill in for my car. Everyone was real hot on my car. Lots of people liked my car and I got a grill for it. It's a cool grill and I got to put it in. It's going to take a lot of work. I gotta take the whole front bumper off. But I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna post pictures. And those of you in the community who like cars, we can talk more about cars. Eh? Alright, that's cool. There were a lot of people interested. Don't patronize

me. I'm not patronizing! I just didn't understand what you meant by, you got a grill in. And I'm like, what a grill in? It's an aesthetic, a grill. I got a new grill. You grellin'? You grellin', bro? I'm grellin', bro. aesthetic a grill i got a new grill you grellin you grellin bro i'm grellin bro what a reference i know right what a deep cut only true fans will know about grellin only true friends of which we have so many why did that sound like a question no because it was i was gonna i was trying to like allude that i was gonna say we have so few but i i said we have so many we have so many true fans oh i see i see oh yeah yeah it was a very clever thing wait you're yeah i'm good

i'm phoning it in i didn't really mean it when i said i was gonna pre-win bob oh that's good because i don't really know how to phone it into the hold a phone and pretend to be doing stuff that's pretty much it i think you're nailing it so here's basically the premise for this episode is i don't really have much of an idea. So I'm going to go on the old fallback and read you some articles that I found from lead reporter in the field, Pamela Horton. Holy moly. It's been a minute.

A classic episode. Oh, that's a name I've not heard in a long time. I tried to theme them a little bit. See if you can guess the theme. And then I'll just award points at random willy-nilly compliments. Christmas. Nah, it doesn't get a point. Can I have points?

Oddly, no. That usually works, but no. I'm going to go no. Wow, that does you. I'm offended. Yeah, I don't know what that's about. Can I have points? Yeah, you can.

Thank you. That never works, though. This is a weird episode already. Anyway, speaking of weird, Yeah, you can. Thank you. That never works, though. This is a weird episode already.

Anyway, speaking of weird, man arrested for faking heart attack 20 times to restaurants to avoid paying bill. Report says this is from KTVU and by Kelly Hayes. This is in Spain, though. This is a world traveler. Wait. So it's reported in America, but this is from Spain. Alicante, Spain. A 50-year-old man from Lithuania was recently arrested in Spain after allegedly faking heart attacks at several restaurants in order to avoid paying the bill.

Smart. All right, that's Bob's judgment call. Wade, do you want to get a prelim judgment in here? Fool. Well, that's just the opposite of me. There's no nuance. Where's the nuance? You guys do it to me all the time,

and it always works. That's true. See, now you're learning the tactics, Wade. It's only been three years of this. Well, now that I'm not phoning it in, you guys are getting my C game, which is the highest grade I give. My God, if Wade actually tried at this podcast,

think of where we'd be. Imagine. Okay, so the man who is identified only as atis j but has become known locally as the quote gastrojeta has tried to scam at least 20 times over the past year at different restaurants near alicante according to sp newspaper. Most recently, the man ordered a seafood paella and two whiskeys at the El Buen Comer restaurant Taparia in late September and had a bill of 34 euros, which is about $36. Oh, I have to rescind my initial judgment of this. I know, right? My boner's not going away.

I'm going to have to. I got to go. I'm sorry. You finished the podcast without me. It's just I can't. Oh have to, I got to go. I'm sorry. You finished the podcast without me. It's just, I can't. Oh. Well, I can't tell if he was joking. I think it's actually happening.

I know, it's one of those wait moments where I don't know if he was joking or not. No, I assume it was real. I assume that's, he accidentally took some Viagra instead of allergy medicine this morning and it's been more than four hours, so he's got to go. I mean, you don't want to push it with these kinds of things that's dangerous oh man that is quite funny took care of that one did you pop it you good oh yeah new record you bust that bust that one out i was like 10 minutes all right good shall i continue all right thank you sir uh the man attempted to leave without paying but the restaurant staff stopped him and noted

how he still needed to pay the bill. The scammer became visibly upset and said he was going to get the money from his hotel room. When staff refused to let him leave without paying, the man dramatically threw himself on the ground and pretended to have a heart attack. And I imagine this is like one of those Spanish

soap operas where they're like, and they're rolling up against the car and then they're like, oh, for like 15 seconds. And then they hit their head on the side view mirror and then dramatic musical sting and they're dead. I don't know how it works there, but if you did that here in America, wouldn't they call you an ambulance and then you would get to the hospital and have to pay for the ambulance, which would be a lot more expensive than your food? Yeah, but this is inain where they probably have national well he's not even a resident of

spain he's from lithuania he's not even spanish so he buys these like hundreds of dollars of plane tickets to go around to different places to eat and fake a heart attack to save the money on the meal i think he lives in spain with or he's on the world's longest vacation, I guess. Yeah, I don't know how you just, like, are in Spain for a year. Because apparently the restaurateur said the man doesn't even speak Spanish. Although he does seem to understand it, which could just be selective understanding. Hola, me llamo Heart Attack. Como, idi. Ah.

Ah. oh edie ah oh my god but in spanish it hurt me to actually know a little bit of spanish and to still try to do that i am so sorry oh yeah we're all not prepared for wade trying here this is this is a new paradigm shift i can't i'm giving you a point new year it's a new it's the same year it's a new day it's a new me all right um anyway so the man's image had reportedly been shared among many area restaurants to try to stop him from striking again according to local news the alicante national police did not immediately respond for request uh but a spokesperson told uh them that the man was indeed a repeat offender he was

arrested multiple times in the city of alicante the modus operandi was always the same so can i just say he's doing it wrong uh yeah okay how one the bill the bill that was reported was 36 dollars name higher if you're gonna use fake heart attack, aim higher. Well, if he's done it 20 times, maybe he has, but maybe he mixes it up. Two, you lead with heart attack. You don't try a dine-in dash. And then when the waiter's like, oh, you didn't pay your bill. And you just be like, oh, my heart.

That's so obvious. I hope that this isn't his only scheme i hope when he goes to pump gas he like has to go in to pay for the gas and he puts on like a werewolf mask and howls and like runs into the woods to try to get out of paying for his gasoline and then like whoever's in the car with him is like i'm sorry this happens sometimes i have to go after him then they just like leave the gas station in the car they just like pick him up on the other street i i really don't know because there's not a lot of details here but it could be that he's trying to only do for small bills because it's under a certain level that would be like a higher crime because apparently he's been arrested

multiple times he's only been in spain for a year and he's done this 20 times so clearly he's not going to jail well the heart attack let me just say then the heart attack thing waste of effort either do it right and and get away with the heart attack or what me just say then, the heart attack thing, waste of effort. Either do it right and get away with the heart attack, or if he's just trying to leave, he should get up. And if the waiter's like, hey, you didn't pay your bill, he could just be like, oh, hang on, let me just, whoop, and then run past the waiter. Because what's the waiter going to do? Pull out a gun and shoot him?

It's not America. I honestly have no idea, and neither do the local police, because the police spokesperson added that they were aware of the man being sent to prison, though they didn't know how long for or if he was already free. Well, maybe they let him out because he had a heart attack. Yeah, probably. But it just seems like no one there knows because they said they were aware of him being sent to prison, though not for how long. Also, he might already be free. So I don't think they know where he is so he heart attacked his way through the walls i guess unless he was arrested in another jurisdiction

aren't those police shouldn't they be in the know on that nope they had nothing to do with how he got arrested as the police in the area they just know he did get arrested and all that stuff happened where he goes to jail except none of it had to do with them that seems is police different in other countries do they do do they were also assuming he's faking it this this guy's lawyer gets on this on the news and is like my client has a medical condition he has three heart attacks a day he's being mocked relentlessly by world famous podcast distractible he was imprisoned falsely. We will be suing. Well, and we all know what they say. The pain in Spain comes after build champagne. That was so close. He had two whiskeys.

You were so close. Well, clearly he got it wrong, not me. Oh, I wasn't smart enough to get it. Oh, Wade's trying. Look out. Oh, God. Anyway, this story was reported from Cincinnati. I thought you guys might like to know that.

There is nothing happening in all of Cincinnati. So we are just reporting world news at this point. What news outlet is this from in Cincinnati? KTVU Fox 2. Oh, it's from the Vox affiliate in Cincinnati. Okay. Some guy is just sitting there Googling like nothing going on let's see that makes sense because local 12s and brought us lava this week i mean they just really it was like a very spain

focused box affiliate for no reason other than one of their editors is like really into spanish stuff take it up with kelly hayes because that's a reporter on this one or the writer's article i don't know why that happened but that i just want to say that guy's doing it wrong all you have to do is think a little bit and there are way better ways to do the heart attack to get out of the pain of the check true enough he's that's the main problem i have with the story the pain in spain comes down the femoral vein well probably is a femoral vein but it's definitely i'm just saying what they say they over there man just reporting the news i'm a cincinnati and he's translating from the original span doesn't translate quite as well but you get the idea hola mis amigo me hardy is a no-go

oh oh i thought hardy was a spanish word got you your heart you're wouldn't it be me hardo if you're gonna do that cor. Wouldn't it be mi hardo if you're going to do that? Corazon, but yeah. I mean, yeah, hardo. Mi hardo es no worko. No bueno hardo. Uh-huh. This is getting quite offensive,

but I'd like to move. I took German, so I'm sorry. I'm ignorant of Spanish. They have a very different slogan there. Nine, nine, nine. Then I'm six, six, six. I'll be a heretic. That's five, five, five.

Never mind. I don't know what you guys are talking about. Anyway, we're moving to Poland. Oh, okay. Are you buying a house or where are we moving? We are moving to Poland. Poland. This is Frankfurt, Kentucky news.

It's Australia, actually. They're the same place. It's Australia or Austria. Anyway, Polish police arrest man who pretended to be a mannequin before stealing jewelry. it's australia actually they're the same place it's australia or austria anyway polish police arrest man who pretended to be a mannequin before stealing jewelry oh i like that that sounds like he must have been real close to getting away with it well i'm gonna show you a picture and you tell me how close this man was to succeeding oh man i gotta stop snap judgmenting this stuff. I don't know, I'm not making good calls. You really do want to get out of the gate so strong. But you tell me, spot the mannequin in this picture.

Yeah, it's impossible to tell, really. I also put my mannequin, is that outside of the store? It's outside the glass. He's carrying... Hooked in the corner. He's carrying bags from his other shopping at the mall and he's standing outside the display glass outside of a store wrangler barbie good thing he has his macy's bag hang on question though maybe this isn't more interesting

than it seems okay how does he steal jewelry from that location he's outside the front of the store he can't he can't steal anything from there because it is inside it's just the blur no i'm pretty sure he's standing outside it looks like he's outside yeah he's outside you can tell because the doors are against that black line on the ground you know he really tried the minimal amount to be a mannequin game is game respect it what if he pulls a drax and he just like very slowly starts moving and he thinks he's invisible because he's just so slow and someone looks, he like freezes. It's like, oh, that's just the mannequin.

Yeah. So when I, when I heard this, read this title, I literally thought, okay, he stood where the mannequins are in the store, right? He took maybe the clothes from another mannequin, something hitman style. No, he is standing in a corner outside the window, and he gets in by just crawling under the shutter. He's wearing a different shirt in this shot. What's happening?

Did he soil himself or are the pants just shadowed there? You know how hard it is to stand perfectly still, Wade? He's just sweating through his pants. Also, I would have given him 10 points if he was wearing a barbie shirt while standing outside but he's not even wearing the clothing the mannequins are wearing i would love to think that this is the same guy but there's always a possibility this is just some kind of husband that's standing in the corner and just so happened to look a little bit like it and they took this picture can you scroll back down to the other photo i think right below it said he was eventually spotted it took a while but he was

eventually found out to not be a mannequin yeah no i've heard i've heard uh there's been like reddit stories of people that work security and they're like heister would never be as complex or need to be as complex as you think because security personnels don't give a shit if they see someone back there they're just going to assume that they're maintenance and not think about it. If they see an unlocked door, they're just going to close it and not lock it. Or if they see a key left in, they're just going to be like, ah, someone must have lost their key and then walk away from it. So it wasn't at a mall, but I was, I was, uh, at a strip mall. I went and I got some food and I was like sitting in my car, eating the food. Uh, I parked behind it, right. I went and I got some food and I was like sitting in my car eating the food.

I parked behind it. Right. You know, where like deliveries go like around behind the building. There were parking spots, but you're not normally you don't really go back there. You park on the on the front side of those buildings. And I was parked back there and I noticed while I was eating in my mirror, the security guard golf cart was parked over like behind a dumpster. And the guy was clearly smoking something cigarette

whatever he he finished what he was doing and like backed the golf cart out from behind and could see me for the first time and clearly was like oh oh oh and came over and was like you didn't see anything happening out here did you i'm just i'm seeing food man I'll move if I don't know and he's like no no you're good bro you're good I'm gonna go it's like super weird he's like out smoking weed behind the dumpster that's the level of security they have going on at malls I wish he'd gone inside and tried to pose

in front of a window holding the end of his cigarette if he's smoking in front of the shop window motionless he's got in front of the shop window, motionless. He's got perfect laminar flow on his smoke trail. He's just... No, you know what would be the ultimate?

If the guy is trying to do the mannequin thing, and he does it well, and he's in the window being a mannequin, you spot that. What you do is you go into the store, you take the mannequin next to him down, and you dress it in the window being a mannequin, you spot that. What you do is you go into the store, you take the mannequin next to him down and you dress it in the security outfit and then you set it back next to him, but you sort of angle it towards him.

And as the day goes on, you keep surrounding him with more and more security mannequins. And then when all the humans go home and stop paying attention, those mannequins come to life and arrest him. It might work. Who knows? It might absolutely work. you can't tell me it wouldn't work against that guy who was trying

to be a mannequin maybe this guy just has great red light green light powers and that's just how he moves through life and if you try to chase him he goes red light and every cop was like green light the world is slowly filling with humans who can no longer move because he's red lighted them and run away gary what's wrong i got red lighted i've been like this for three days well what if i just say green light no you don't have the power uh anyway so that other picture i actually read the article that's from another occasion where he went into a restaurant to eat before slipping under the roller shutters at the entrance to a store next door to swap his clothes for new ones not sure why but afterwards he returned to the restaurant to have some more food oh so so he needs to work with the heart attack guy have the heart attack guy give him a

distraction to slip out go change his clothes come back in and keep eating they'd be like how's tom i heard he had another episode and it's like oh so sorry tom had to go to the hospital oh darn can i have a carbonara oh god damn it i couldn't tell you why that was funny. I couldn't tell you. Can I have a carbonara? Ed, wait, imagine if you'd been trying this whole time. Nobody else would ever win an episode of this podcast. I'm getting healthier than I've ever been, man. Whoa, what are you listening to this for?

Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Fordd escape with available alexa built in so you can change the music oh yeah alexa change station to 99.2 see purchase a 2024 escape st line all-wheel drive with tech pack at 3.49 apr for 72 months with down payment that's just 267 bi-weekly cash value of 40 294 plus eligible eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Okay, so that's where that story ends. This next story, though, I want you to just guess what the fuck this title means.

Because, honestly, it took me a second. I already know. All right, what's your guess? I'd like to know the title, please. No, not you. No. All right. What's your guess? I'd like to know the title, please. No, not you. No. All right. This is the story of a pair of twin sisters who were caught doing parent traps on people who were not their parents on Caribbean cruises.

They would befriend elderly couples, confuse them into thinking that they were their daughter, would befriend elderly couples, confuse them into thinking that they were their daughter, and then switch places repeatedly in order to break into the room of the elderly couple and rob them blind. That makes sense. That does make sense. All right, I'll read the title to you now. 1,316 electric cowboys turn it on at lineman's rodeo. I was pretty close.

I was pretty close. I'll give you a point for being really close it could have been more wrong also i do know what that means okay you do all right can you read it one more time i was too busy laughing yeah 1316 electric cowboys turn it on at lineman's rodeo okay i mean that seems pretty straightforward but i'm curious what you think it means i already did my guess so i don't want to bogart so there's a big like rodeo dance off where like they'll do like a couple different events like they'll rodeo you know and then afterward they get down and square dance and lasso and stuff and uh they just killed it so hard that they uh quote unquote turned it on all 1000 of them okay and

they're all wearing like normal cowboy outfits but they're like laced with leds they're like glowing in tune to the beat like that christmas thing years ago where it was like but like it's their outfit going to like get down turn around square dance and look at my booty and whatnot but they're like leds are going to that while they're a classic square dance so uh that's that's what it was about all right well i'm pretty sure wade's correct i don't even need to guess bobby burned your guess so you wouldn't even be able to get a post guess uh so we're gonna go with who was closest and i'm afraid w Wade was. Why are you afraid? Why is it always bad news when I win? Both of you always act like it's the worst thing in the world.

I feel like Wade's was less correct because it fell for the obvious mislead. I'm not sure how twins parent trapping random elderly couples is closer. Because it's not about cowboys. Because it's electric. Cowboys are literally linemen are guys who work on electric lines. I mentioned electric in my description. He did mention electric. He said, oh, there's electricity on boats at sea.

He didn't mention it. I didn't have to mention it. Everyone knows electricity exists on boats at sea. There are boats without electric called paddle boats, Bob. Not at sea. Not at sea. Sailboats do have electricity because you need to have radios, you smart ass. What about like pirate ships?

Relic ships. There's probably still a few of those. You know what kind of boat doesn't have electricity? Ghost pirate ship. Ah, okay. I see. Or ghost. All right.

We'll leave that up to the subreddit to decide who was closer. I feel like I was closer. I feel like it's fine. Okay. I'll abstain. So no points for that though you're not for now we'll get we'll retroactively change the winner after the subreddit decides um quote every single time i feel nauseous said roman garcia 50 who was in

town as a contender quote competition butterflies forget beefy bulls and bucking broncos this rodeo roughly 20 miles west of kansas City wasn't the cowboy kind. The recent 39th Annual International Lineman's Rodeo, the Super Bowl of Electric Utility Profession, drew hundreds to test their chops at timed events such as climbing a 40-foot wooden pole and rescuing 6-foot-1-inch, 165-pound mannequin named Rodeo Joe, who might have been the same guy in poland posing

as a mannequin to steal from that jewelry store and still seven inches shorter than danny devito he's he's getting booked by the police mannequins and they're like okay what's your name sir uh rodeo joe no what's your real name that is my real name name. Okay. And I'm one of you. So I was close is what you're saying. I cannot make that determination. I am legally withheld. No boats, no old people, no parent trap. Yeah. Just for context, this is actually both more interesting and less interesting than what

the title implied. I think. Let me just share another picture because this is just like, it is a fascinating thing. I like this sort of thing. The like professional competition. Have you guys ever seen competition firefighting? Ooh, yes, I have actually. Those like, that's, it's almost unrelated

to actual firefighting, but it's super cool because they have like really tricked out drag race fire trucks. And it's like really dangerous and exciting. I'm sure that this kind of looks like a bunch of dudes on big poles, but I'm sure it's exciting. Yeah, I i mean it probably is because this job isn't the safest in the world you're dealing with extremely high voltage lots

of amperages at heights you know so technically doing this at speed i don't know if these wires are live i bet they're not oh god i hope they're not the the, they actually turn it on and they're like, ah, it's live now. Now it counts. The real risk. So one thing that I do kind of like appreciate in the same way that I really don't appreciate it, but I kind of do is obviously this took place in Kansas, but a lot of these people are from Texas. And for those that don't know, Texas has a separate power grid that's not tapped into the national power grid for reasons that are Texas, because Texas is Texas. And for those who don't know, Texas has a separate power grid that's not tapped into the national power grid for reasons that are Texas, because Texas is Texas. And just thinking that like, not only is that the way that they treat their power, but this is the culmination of skill in that power field. It doesn't make me like proud to be an American, but it kind of,

it's just like, yeah, that would happen here. There's something that makes you go like, it's kind of cool, but also like, you know what I mean? It's just it's a weird mixture of feelings about it because a part of me is very much like, hell yeah, let's do this shit. This is fucking awesome. Imagine someone visiting from like another country and they hear about the electric cowboy event.

They're like, oh, my God, I'd love to see like American cowboys. And they go and they're like, this isn't like the movies at all. Anyway, so this isn't just america though so it expands internationally so this was the international linemen's rodeo there were 732 teams from u.s canada and brazil it's not quite as international as you would think but those are nations that you can be inter. All three countries from all two continents. Now that is some shit that would happen in America. That's an international competition.

We got all three countries. All right. So let me detail you some of the events that take place here, because obviously it's high power and stuff, but there's skill based stuff. Sorry, I got to share a picture. It's just really, really funny to me, but there's skill based stuff. Sorry, I got to share a picture. It's just really, really funny to me, but it's very serious work. So let me before I share the picture in one dreaded event, a lineman must carry an object in a bag during a timed pole climb, then descend with the delicate cargo in their mouths to demonstrate they are smooth and in control. What do you think this item might be

an egg a live chicken holy shit wade got it egg there's a reason in science class we did the egg drop and that's just in case we decide to become electric uh cowboys eggs all of us are electric cowboys absolutely so whenever you throw your box off the rooftop you yourself could be the object holding the egg in your mouth if you so chose this is very fascinating but it makes total sense it just like this picture though it just really makes me laugh but yeah it's an egg because obviously an egg is somewhat delicate and if you're carrying it down if there's two teeth marks and it's two point deduction if there's a crack in it it's a 10 point deduction so it's like yeah i guess control has to be everything i've seen videos of people slipping off these poles and it's it's a

long fall there's 20 30 foot poles that's the reason it's an egg actually it's kind of brilliant if you have the agility and you're like you know small and agile and you can hold the egg without breaking it then you're good if you can't then well you just cracked and ate an egg and the more of those you eat the bigger and stronger more protein you get so you get big and strong so you don't need to be agile you could just up the pole it's a win-win i'm giving bob a point well you're a mistake but you know this is your episode to make it i maybe didn't like his his reason but how are you not going to give points for i gave gave points. I didn't get points. I'm giving them to you, Bob.

Ah, man, Wade. I don't know if you've ever been funnier in your life. Thank you. I believe the answer is possible. Basically, it's also very important to pick the right egg beforehand, so you carefully inspect your egg before you pick it. Never go for the ostrich. I thought it would be impressive

if I did something heavy. I didn't realize it had to go in my mouth. I shouldn't have picked the ostrich. Got a python jaw. Do you think I have? Oh, shit. All right, Wade, you get a point for that. Thank you.

Has there ever been any cheating scandals where someone drained the egg ahead of time and filled it with silicon or something? So it didn't like... So the cartons are presented by the competition runners. So they're carefully inspected by the people picking eggs. And you pick your egg before you go up from their carton. And quote, said one of the competitors, that's my perfect egg right there.

That's it. That's the quote. You know, it's a good way to get in the head of your competitors in that competition. Whenever one's picking eggs, you just walk up next to someone and be like, Hey, I got next on that one. No, this is my egg. Like, yeah, once you use it, I want to use it. I'm not going to rinse it off or nothing.

Just hand it right over once you come back down. Just mouth to mouth it to me. Just don't even put it in your hand. It's like that game where you pass the orange between your necks to each other. But it's mouth to mouth. I'll come get it from you orange between your necks to each other. But it's mouth. It's the mouth. I'll come get it from you. You ain't got to even move.

Just don't move. That's going to absolutely get in that guy's head. Go to the mouth and up the anus or something. What if the egg hatches and all of a sudden you just hear tweet, tweet from someone's back end? I don't think that's how... Like, generally, yeah. But once they come in cartons for human eating, I think there's a step that they skip. I mean, that's what they want you to think.

But, you know, you can buy chicken nuggets and they're like, oh, boneless chicken. But every now and then. Wade, when a hen sits on the eggs to incubate them, do you think the egg goes up? No, it already did. They already came out of there. That's where it came from. Everybody knows that. Just checking.

All right. Anyway. Unless the hen has to move its nest, in which case they do suck them back up good no man thank you there's mystery events uh for the latest event mystery event number one was to change out the cross arm at the top of utility pole which is the wooden bar cross yeah mystery event number two was to replace the jumpers on the pole that had been de-energized and short-circuited to protect the line workers. Oh my god, wait. Are they live?

Are they live lines that these guys are doing this stuff on? They wouldn't be very good at their job if they couldn't work on power lines that have power. Why would you do that for fun? You do that because you have to and you do it carefully. You don't do it as fast as possible as a joke. Well, you do if you're at the bottom and you're curious about the question what came first the lineman or the egg how many how many high voltage electrocutions are there a year at the electric cowboy rodeo i don't know i have no idea maybe a later it'll say but i don't think but it looks like it could if people are moving at top speed there's just a a few more quotes here but

it's basically as you expect they they run the gambit of rescuing the mannequin it's just a a few more quotes here but it's basically as you expect they they run the gambit of rescuing the mannequin it's just the the article gets a little strange because it's a series of quotes excuse me rescuing the mannequin is it a common occurrence for a person to be stuck on top of a power line well when you're trying to do it as fast as you can mistakes happen granny's like oh the cat got up here so i climbed climbed up after it. Then I was like, holy shit, a power line. Yeah, yeah. And the neighbors came out. They said, get down, Granny.

And I went. And so the fire department and the lineman had to come pull me down. And what if it's Beverly Hillbilly style where she has a rocker on top of there and she's rocking on the power line. And every now and then an egg just slips out and rolls and falls. You know, Bob, sometimes Wade makes references to things that are so far past our generation it really makes you think that he's actually an ancient eldritch being what what if justin bieber and and lil wayne uh sitting on their soldier boy throne and then they

realized soldier throne is actually a power line re-purposed to be a throne. And they were like, bruh. Uh-huh. Is that better? Did I do it? I'm confused and scared. And then Cardi B comes in and is like, Oh, okay, good.

Catchphrase. It's like, well, I can't believe she said it. See, I can do 2020 pop culture. Yeah, well, you don't have to do 2020 pop culture, but I just don't understand why you do 1980s pop culture we weren't alive then i grew up watching old things yeah when did you

grow up well there's some theories about that but i can't tell beverly hillbillies was on tv from 1962 to 1971 aha and there you have it all right anyway quotes can be heard scream for the sidelines. Come on, Will. These are literally just quotes in the article. I don't know why they have no, they have no, it's just a series of quotes. Come on, Will. End quote.

Quote. Adjust. End quote. Quote. On the hand line. End quote. Come on, Will. Adjust.

Make us look good and funny. On the hand line. I've never missed a year. End quote. Quote. We take days off work to a year. End quote. Quote. We take days off work to be here. End quote. Quote.

We love to support our boys. End quote. Quote. Daddy. Wait, like, uh, like, oh, daddy. Or like, daddy. Around them, wide-eyed children goggled at all the hard hat wearing competitors, often exclaiming,

Daddy, as they spotted or thought they spotted their fathers in action. I pulled a ruse on you. That one wasn't just by itself. Was the rest of that just a list of quotes with no context or anything? Pretty much. It's just like the last two was like, I never missed a year, said Tiffany Libert. We take days off work to be here, added Flor Garcia.

That's it. Wow. And then it finally gets back into the detail. You know who wasn't quoted here? Sarah Williams. You're right. That doesn't seem important. Anyway, quote, in the eyes of children, these participants are somewhat heroic, said Sarah Williams. You made that one up.

Did I? I don't know. What was the article, Link? I can't tell you. You got to remember the title. Anyway, that's it for that one. 101 electric cowboys rodeo

no it was 1000 it was 13,005 electric cowboys cowbows I spelled that one wrong cowboys rodeo dance off Mark I didn't find the article

alright well A for effort but no points all right i got another one here this one's kind of more of a philosophical debate so maybe when you can you can chime in here that doesn't seem very fair new jersey's existential crisis does central jersey even exist well first we have to ask, what is existence? Is existence a corporeal form? Is it an idea? A theory? Is a myth in and of itself make something existent? No, existence is something that exists. But exists in what sense? Like it's real and you can go there or see it. Well, what is real?

Just a thing that's real that exists. Okay, because technically, if you're geographically speaking speaking central jersey would exist because there would be a center that's the answer to the question yes it does exist all right mark we solved it it's a simple question people in new jersey are just stupid no whoa wait a minute i said it new jersey to be fair depending on what we're counting as the center it could be so small that only one person can be in Central Jersey at any given moment. Well, actually, what we're referring to is the Central Jersey region, which apparently a map is making a lot of people in Central or in New Jersey in general angry. It's got all those stupid letters and numbers on it. Is it like a kid like that's just learning how to color parts of like of New York and the ocean and other things also are marked as Central Jersey.

And they're like, this isn't even New Jersey. They're marking other states. Look, the yellow's leaked over into Pennsylvania. That can't be Central Jersey. Why would I assume blue means water? How am I supposed to know that? Oh, God, it's two-tone Johnnyny he's only got two colors of crayon oh man that is that is uh pretty much it because even me reading this article i can't i can't even

understand what the argument is let me just start reading but say central jersey and many may think you making that up they are sort of of. This is literally the article. This is a New Jersey accent. It's very accurate. Yeah. Government Phil Murphy in late August signed a bill that would highlight the state's oft-overlooked middle section as its own distinct tourism region. Quote, today we settle the decades-old debate once and for all.

Central Jersey exists, Murphy said at the bill signing ceremony. Of course, there's a hitch. Some parts of Jersey want no part of this region. The newly blessed Central Jersey tourism region includes four counties, but the new law hints at the possible annexation of other counties that are geographically located

in Central Jersey. But Joey, you literally live in the dead center of the state of new jersey i don't care don't include me in central new jersey i'm an east west jerseyman not a central jerseyman i don't even know what the parts of new jersey are the north shore is that new jersey we have the skylands region the gateway region the central jersey region the Gateway region, the Central Jersey region, the Shore region, the Delaware River region, Greater Atlantic City region, Southern Shore region. Those are the proposed regions. That's a lot more regions than I would have thought.

A lot more than four. And this is why people are upset. The geographically located in Central Jersey region is encroaching and annexing territory that many Jerseyites, which is not New Jerseyans, New Jerseyites is apparently. Jersians? Makes sense. New Jersians considered to be culturally part of Jersey Shore. Oh. And that is where the crux of everything is.

No one wants to lose the ability to say that they live in Jersey Shore. Yeah, so those are tourism region designations. I don't think they affect your ability to say like, I live in the shore area. You know, I live in the Jersey Shore. Well, they do, because if you live there, you have to say, I live in central New Jersey beach edge. The law very specifically is like, you have to say city, county, and official tourism region. You may not proclaim that you live in a region in which you do not preside.

Punishment will include fines up to $10,000, up to three years in jail, so on, so forth, yada, yada. Legal stuff. Legal stuff. I could see why that law would upset some people, I guess. So most of the people that would be affected are people that live 20 miles away from the shore, but claim that they live on Jersey Shore. That's pretty far away.

No, no, because, quote, worst part of... Go on. Yeah, keep doing it. Stick to that. That's good. We're part of Central Jersey. Sure. Sure. Sure as in sure. Sure, but doing it. Keep sick to that. That's good. We're part of Central Jersey. Sure. Sure.

Sure as in sure. Sure, but not sure. You know, sure. Like, I'm sure about that. But I live at the shore. Like our friend Paulie. Paulie sure. And anything that brings people to our area is good.

But we're Jersey sure first. Jersey sure. Do or or die the end quote hardcore yeah no you know i went to the beach the other week i got i got 20 miles away from the ocean and i was like ah basically at the shore pretty much sure you are you sure about that i'm new Jersey sure. New Jersey residents have traditionally defined the state by cultural markers, including the sub-chomping North, a cousin to New York, and the hoagie-eating South, a frenemy to Philly, all the while squabbling among themselves over the nebulous identity of the state's middle section,

anchored by Trenton. Homer the Pork Roll. Oh, the Pork Roll. You don't want to meet the friends with benefits of Maryland. I know. The sandwich-eating friends with benefits of Maryland. Yeah,land yeah no that's what they call that area you're right wait when you turn your brain on you just know so much i get why you don't need to learn anything you already know it all oh shit there's a bunch of people sitting in central jersey

right now who are like finally somebody gets it that's what we've been telling everyone but they don't have the accent anymore no they're in central jersey so they don't have either the north or the south accent i'm from central jersey i'm sure about that and i pronounce the words sure and shore differently and i bang maryland on the slide don't tell maryland's boyfriend i assume rhode island or something okay all right we're called the rhode island romances that's the road the rhode island accent it's stunningly similar to the jersey accent well only the romancers that's the wherever rhode island is the new jersey side anyone who lives in the northeast of america i'm really sorry i just generally real sorry about all of this i just want to put that out there

especially if you live in jersey but generally that whole area sorry i would also like to point out that rhode island is not connected in any way to new jersey sorry i meant um vermont did you hold on can i look at a map of the u.s hang on no i know this uh i meant uh i wait uh i meant the district of columbia that doesn't touch that one rhode island is a bit of a hike from new jersey yeah it's delaware yeah i meant delaware that's what i meant which honestly and no offense to anyone in del, I forgot Delaware was a state. Damn. Not going to lie, does Delaware stop New Jersey from even touching Maryland? Oh, it doesn't stop it, if you know what I mean. All right, all right, nothing.

I thought you were going to keep going. I thought you were about to be on a roll. I don't know. No, no, no, it's fine. A hoagie roll. Am I right? Fellow Southern Jersey-er. I'm sorry.

I'm a Central Jersey-an. I'm a Central Jersey-man. New Jersey-sanctioned tourism zones get state funding. So this is why it matters, right? They can apply for grants to promote and brand themselves as a defined region. And crucially, they get labeled as such on the state's official tourism map, which I believe everyone who goes to New Jersey consults before they go to New Jersey. Yeah, obviously, because I want to know where the Jersey Shore technically ends. And I don't want to go anywhere that's outside of that very particularly defined area yeah so apparently and there's no

well the idea for elevating central jersey stems from the coming 250th anniversary of the 1776 signing of the u.s declaration of independence according to the bill's main sponsor state senator andrew zwicker the nation's semi-quincentennial will be celebrated around the country there's no description of why this is pertains to central jersey uh but in zwicker's view new jersey's claim to revolutionary war fame rivals that of massachusetts and neighboring pennsylvania and should be marketed as such as the anniversary approaches where did some of those battles take place central jersey quote there were crucial battles in New Jersey, said Dr. Philip C. Meade, chief historian and curator of the Museum of the American Revolution in Philadelphia.

Philadelphia, New Jersey? Yeah, Philadelphia, New Jersey. Also, do you know that Zwicker has a severe bee allergy? That's why they call him the Zwickerman. Anytime he gets near bees he goes not the bees oh hey you know why they call him the zwicker man i was in central jersey i should have come north for you guys so it's like a battlefield control zone every time it switches control from jersey Shore to Central Jersey, your accent changes on the fly.

I get it. Anyway, neither of those battles decided that... Wait, so the curator of the Philadelphia Museum of the American Revolution said, there were crucial battles in New Jersey. Neither of those battles decided the conflict, but both dramatically improved American chances of victory. So all two of them. The new Central Jersey tourism region includes Hunterdon, Mercer, Middlesex, and Somerset. A swath that is home to sunflower farms, revolutionary war sites, and more. So was there a civil war in New Jersey that we just never knew about?

Or does nobody in New Jersey have like a job or anything else to do other than worry about their like region pride? I think you're misequating the concerns of the New Jerseyans with the- No, I'm not! Senators' concern about the Civil War thing. I don't know if anyone who's trying to make sure they can stay affiliated with the North Shore, the Jersey Shore, is too worried about the Revolutionary War implications of the I think those are separate issues. Not that I'm saying they couldn't care,

but I don't think that's why you want to be affiliated with the North Shore as opposed to Central. I don't think they're worried about not being affiliated with... Unless they are. You really cut me off at the knees on that one. There are some points of contention because the map does seem to indicate some parts of Centralention because the map does seem to indicate some parts of central jersey do include include shoreline above what was already defined as as jersey shore

so that's where that's where some that just seems messed up yeah it's messed up man long parts of the jersey shore the new map is often going over like stale saltwater taffy quote we are in central jersey but our identity is Jersey Shore. It's historic, one of a kind, said Patty Barber. They'll have to pull Jersey Shore from my hands. That's not how they would say it. They gotta pull Jersey Shore from my cold, dead Jersey hands. Got a little German there.

That's a bouncy consonance for a New Jerseyan. And then in central Jersey, they say, I will happen to pull the Jersey Shore from your deceased flanges. Because not only did this person, Miss Barber, say the last one, they'll have to pull a Jersey Shore off my hands. She added, however, should Central Jersey find a world class marketing campaign? Barber said, quote, I reserve the right to be a turncoat. my hands she added however should central jersey find a world-class marketing campaign barber said quote i reserve the right to be a turncoat end quote a person who deserts one party or cause in order to join an opposing one i knew i just want to make sure everyone else out there anyway that's about it it goes into some other tourism campaigns new jersey is complicated apparently

anyway this article is written by just so i make sure i say ginger adams otis what uh what is what institution do they report for wall street journal oh big time big pants yeah i just i feel like i'm unclear as to why that's such a controversy i guess but maybe maybe i'm not in the culture i don't know how they feel about it i'm neither a hoagie muncher or what was the other one friends with benefits no not that one definitely not that one uh well i mean i hope they win yeah this is like a thing where there's a there's one side who's fighting for something and the other side who's just generally kind of like no honestly i have no idea i've never been to new jersey i've never been to the jersey

shore i've never had really an ambition to go to atlantic city or anything like that so i have no idea i'm intrigued to go visit central jersey though it sounds like a great place that's way cooler than any other part of new jersey based on what that description had to offer i don't want to hang out with this wicker man yeah i look at the tourism map and i just get butterflies in my stomach at how exciting it is did Did you know something something revolutionary war? And sunflower farms, Wade. Mm-hmm. Of course.

Those were the things. Those are the only things. And we can go see the Philadelphia, New Jersey while we're there. Mm-hmm. And the only other news article I have for today is about pole dancing skeletons raising controversy in Utah. Frickin' Utah. And that's it.

The only controversy I can imagine about pole dancing skeletons is why aren't I seeing them yet? Are they doing it out of wedlock? I don't know if... Marriage says until death do us part, so after marriage it's just one big orgy, I think. Or after death, it's one big orgy. Well, it's quarter past marriage, y'all wanna fuck? So yeah, I don't know uh anything goes after the afterlife till marriage do us part i remember when molly and i had to say

yeah it's a weird it's a weird institution you build up to it you plan a whole thing the moment you're married boom orgy means almost nothing this you really want to reconsider the guest list anywho that'll do it for today's episode. Thank you to lead reporter in the field, Pamela Horton, for getting the real stories. As for the winner, Bob, I hate to say it. Well, I don't hate to say it. Wait, why do I always say that? I don't know, man.

I just take it in stride. You should know the results. I win? If I don't win, don't say it yet. I would like some more points i'll give you one more uh any more you got any extras you dump any change out of your pocket nah i have a point uh you know we could always share them if he has any points with benefits i don't i don't have they're all mine they're all very loyal points all right so with uh with that bonus point it

would almost put you nearly to catching up but But I have a note here for two points, parentheses, four boner for Wade. So I put that in. And congratulations, Wade. Finally getting some use out of you, old fella. You turned on 10% of your brain today. And man, really swept the competition here. Proud of you. Proud of this moment.

I know we'll never see another moment like it again for as long as we live. No, I peaked. So thank you, and would you like to give a winner's speech? I just want to take a moment to thank Pam, because without her putting the ball in the tee, I couldn't have hit it out of the park. Thank you, Pam. That is wonderful. So selfless. Bob! I just want to say thanks to Pam,

even though she really screwed me over on this one, and we're going to have to have a talk about this. You know, I still appreciate the hard work. In the future future we will conspire a little bit more closely so that wade has to stand a chance okay we'll pass that along uh thank you everybody for watching and or listening at home hopefully this was an entertainment thing hopefully we don't get sued for stealing articles from other places of. We gave credit for everything. And it was transformative reporting.

We gave our own insights. And it was educational. We learned about electric cowboys and mannequin police, heart attacks and stuff. Why do you have a tape measure, Wade? I was just wondering. Anyway. All right. Thank you, everybody, so much for listening and or watching.

Be sure to follow the podcast to stay up to date. We upload twice a week. And our respective channels are Bob Wade and me. You know where to find them. Have a good day. Spread the word about the podcast to your friends, but beware. Warn them not to drive while they listen. And let us know if you're in central subreddit or not. Get new flair today on the subreddit to declare your loyalty to your region.

South, north, hoagie eaters, central. Those are the only qualifications. Friends with benefit. Yes. Podcast out.