Distractible - No Thank You

Episode Date: November 3, 2023

As we enter the Thanksgiving season, the guys start with discussing what things make them say NO THANKS! And yeah, Mark's eye surgery is on my list too... (VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, it's time to air some grievances as marching band Mark splurges hard over his boards and passes on a past-Iron story. Wheezy Wade witnesses a firework fail and describes the horrors of a prior vocation.

Based Bob bemoans concert calamities and diaper surprises and gets tortured by his peers. From internet dramas to the return of interdimensional jizz, yes, it's time for No Thank You. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hi and welcome to Distractible. My name is Markiplier and no thank you for attending this episode. Yeah. No thank you to Bob and Wade for joining me on this episode.

Fuck you too, man. I didn't even want to be here today. I thought we were just targeting. I'm on board to target the listeners. Don't bring that at me. I'm on your side, man. No, no, no. I don't want you on my side.

No thank you for even trying. Well, no thank you. I am on your side. Oh, no way. No thank you. I don't need your help. I might need some help. I'm sick as could be. Wade, I don't even need you. You're sick. No, thank you. You go home. All right. Wait, I am home. Yeah. How much more home can you go?

Anyway, I'm kind of tipping my hand at what this episode is going to be about, but it's not clear. Don't worry. Not clear. Okay, good. Well, Halloween's over and all that stuff. So we're moving past all the spookiness, and now we're into the gritty realm of reality. How is life treating you guys terribly today? Do I really have to go on without life treating me terrible today? I'm breathing through my asshole and sneezing through my ears, man. It sucks. Maybe if you did those things properly, it wouldn't be so bad. Oh, why didn't I think of that? Damn. You can breathe through your ears and sneeze through your asshole. That's a a possibility only if i can look you right in the eyes with my asshole

look at my ass while i sneeze at you oh did you guys see the clip that apparently i invented look at my ass way long ago really yeah apparently i said that in some was it Devour or so? It was some horror game like that where I randomly just said, look at my ass. Like, and it was in the exact same inflection. So I take all credit for that. Our podcast is so bad. We're not even just stealing stuff from movies. We're stealing stuff from ourselves now. I mean, it's the perfect crime.

I guess that's true. You could, you could sue you us. I could sue myself. And I could sue me. And I could sue me. That is definitely an option. Well, it's mildly topical with the subject of stealing content. I don't know if you guys want to delve into that, but did you see all the things going on with like SS Sniper Wolf and Jack's films?

I can't avoid it. It is all over everything I try to do. Yeah. Yeah. I've been consciously trying not to swallow all the drama around it, but's everywhere man also is that how you say that person's name I thought it was just sniper wolf I I honestly have no idea somehow I feel like sniper wolf is a lot better than saying it the other way because the other way is reminiscent of things I don't think we oh right yeah that would be very Hitlerist that's not the that's not what i'm

trying to do there intentionally i was i just before like two weeks ago for the first time i'd seen jack's films talking about how react channels and specifically sniper wolf like watch stuff and sometimes don't even say anything or sometimes steal the joke and edit the joke out of the clip or whatever yeah and i and i had like watched an episode where he played bingo or whatever with viewers and i was like huh he makes some good points and then all this stuff happened out of nowhere and it's like jesus christ it's for anyone who doesn't know context because um context you know probably has been shoved around down everyone's throat uh it's uh jack's films have been doing this thing kind of calling out both reaction streamers and youtubers and and and

people like sniper wolf who don't give credit to the videos that they're basically making their entire living off of um and oftentimes you know kind of the the reaction video will get more attention than the video itself and nothing gets like there is no trickle down to the creator um of the content itself and so uh in in fair play quote unquote i think sniper wolf did a live stream outside of jack's film's house from what i gathered she wasn't originally there she was doing a live stream and during the live stream she's like i think i'm close to his house should we just go over there and then you know her audience was like no you shouldn't do that and then she went home or wait no the opposite thing happened where she's like yeah i should go there live reporting from 887 jacks films lane i thought

you were really gonna say the address right then and there i really don't know it i didn't look it up man god i hope he doesn't live on jacks films lane one very egotistical to kind of a giveaway like this like online drama thing like jacksfilm has been very relentlessly mocking sniper wolf in his content for like a while it's not undeserved but i'm sure it stings because when you do something kind of dumb and you get mocked for it probably you know you get called out doesn't feel great but this taking online drama stuff into the real world where it's like oh you show up at this person's house that's like some weird like beyond the pale for me levels of like yeah online drama is one thing like cyberwolf could lead into this and get views and generate

rage and say whatever you know stuff online to like fight back i don't know she doesn't like to stand on in terms of the content stealing allegations and whatever but like that's part of like you know people love that people eat that up but the real life thing like that's where he had jackson films like he and his family live and it's like that's pretty messed up doing it even off camera is messed up doing it on camera is a whole nother level of like okay and then i don't know if you saw i think it i think this could be mistaken information but i think sniper wolf's sister responded to Jack's films being like, you shouldn't come to my house, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she was like, what, don't you know how to fight? And it's like, what was supposed to happen there?

Why was, why is that your response? Yeah, I don't know if that's a Hunter, it's something like that is basically what her sister said. But then after the fact, like they were both like, oh, we just wanted to talk. We just want the people are rightfully angry because doxing a creator is a pretty messed up thing to do but that's like the tone from sniper wolf has been like oh this is just more drama don't be ridiculous but like that's that's a whole that enters a whole other realm isn't it illegal and against youtube's terms like it's all of those things it's a it's a bad thing to do it is both of those things yeah i also this total side note i hope during that time where we're having this serious discussion,

Will or Sam isn't zooming in on my mouth as I'm chewing this taco. I'm really amplifying my sounds. Please replace, like, cover my mouth with Wade's face just in this corner here. Oh, yeah. Give him these nice, like, i'm really sick rashes to put right in his mouth and then cover my chewing noises with like beautiful classical music or put just like a really wet reverb and echo on mark's chewing so it sounds like he's smacking his lips down the juiciest hallway again total side tangent but did you hear that that um amy showed me it was a tiktok of like

the wettest song anyone would make it was like it was like frog type beeps it was just oh no yeah that dude is sick that um i forget it's the instrument that that guy plays is called like the ewe like ewi and that's something his tiktok handle is something like that like ewe man or ewe player that the frog beats or whatever the wettest music it's so good it's so funky it's so weirdly catchy whereas like this is probably terrible to some people and many people but i gotta look up this ewe frog real quick i don't know what the hell y'all are talking about what is it like the comments were the funniest part is like what are these tummy tunes here is it eddie ewey frog beat yes yes yes eddie ewey this is the man that he's been doing that i i first saw that makes me feel like i didn't change my underwear no it's so good so in the advent of

actually you know crediting people that were stealing content from oh my god this instrument looks amazing it's awesome it's like a big like flat like fluty kind of thing but it's like a big thing and it's got finger pads on it you do all kinds of he runs it through like effects pedals and he runs it through a digital sound thing, but also you play it by blowing into it, I think. So it has an aspect of real wind instrument performance to it. It's so cool. I think my brother had one of these on his car that he had to blow into to start his

car when he got a DUI. It also kind of looks like a caterpillar and a flute. I think those are different things. I think those are different things. I think those are different things. E-D-D-I-E dot E-W-I. Eddie Ewey. The E-W-I stands for Electronic Wind Instrument. It's very cool.

That man has been making good music for a while, and that instrument is very cool. Highly recommend it. Anyway, I'm done eating now, so. You're going to stop stalling? We're going to do a real episode now? Yeah, we're going to do a real episode. Eddie, if you don't like us calling you out you can show up at 777 markiplier my skirm lane no no not our joint mansions that's that's the plot of land where

we all share our joint but separate mansions without distractible hq the the house we looked on zillow the other um year Pain house, pain house, pain house. If you're the only house on a road, can you rename the road? Yeah, probably. Not like officially, unless you go through quite the process, but you can just put a road sign up

that says whatever road name you want, pretty much. Will, help us change the name of our road. All right, we got it, guys. If you petition the city, you could probably do it, but I don't know. I think you have to have like a, like, you know, most,

when a road's name is changed, it's changed to like Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard. I don't know if changing it to aggrandize ourselves would be a, you know. We just got to ask Jack's Films because, you know. That's true. 887 Jack's Films Lane. Man, you got that memorized. Anyway.

No, thank you. It's after Halloween, and that means we're approaching Thanksgiving. But to start it off, I want to air some grievances and some gripes. There's many things in life where you're just like, no thank you. Whether it's changing baby's diapers, them sneezing in your mouth, getting doxxed, no thank you. And today, I had a no thank you moment. You know how I've been talking about hard drives? You know, I've been talking about, like, my expertise in the storage realm.

Yeah, you're a pro, dude. I don't recall you mentioning hard drives, Mark. Is that a topic we've been talking about hard drives? I've been talking about my expertise in the storage realm. Yeah, you're a pro, dude. I don't recall you mentioning hard drives, Mark. Is that a topic we've been talking about? It's a hobby of mine. It's a hobby. It's something I splurge egregious amounts of money on, apparently, and have no- Remember his Thunder Wave? Or Bolt?

Whatever the fuck it was called. You know the names! I got them. You know them! Is USB Wii Thunderstruck? It takes more brain power to come up with an alternative the thunderstruck is such a better name than thunderbolt or thunderwave oh the thunderstruck thunderwave will be the wireless version of it that's apple's version

of bluetooth 4.0 apple thunderwave thunderwave pro. So basically, I have this computer from Steiger Dynamics. It's been very good to me. And I have nothing wrong with PC. And it's been a workhorse. It's got 24090s and it is very strong. Very capable. But what it did have is I bought a lot of the money went into storage for it because this was before I really understood storage and knew what it was.

And it's not like they overcharged for it. It's just like the market price for 8 terabyte NVMEs is still pretty high. Even though you can get a four terabyte for like 150 bucks, uh, that performs very well. An eight terabyte one, which is double the size is still like a thousand dollars. Um, even now. So I have four, eight terabytes because I was like, I want a lot of the fastest storage possible because when you're editing video, especially high resolution and raw video, you want fast. But this is like this is brute force solution that I didn't know the nuances of and like max speeds and whatever. But it was a PCI card with four.

One of them failed because it was in a RAID 0 array. And when I when I got this computer and I made that, I didn't fully understand the ramifications of it. And I forgot to back up that drive in all of my escapades of doing my storage nonsense and my redundancies for all the file management, I neglected to back up that drive. Just this morning, right before the airing of this episode or the recording of it, that drive failed. It wasn't my boot drive, but if one of the four drives fail in that array, the whole thing fails because it's RAID 0. It's striped across, data is split up four ways if one fails they're all gone so i've now lost everything on that drive no thank you i can't believe that all of this shit that i've learned has let me have an experience

like this i was guaranteed by throwing money at the problem i would never have to experience this ever again you should have thrown money at having someone put it together for you apparently i did oh to throw more money i threw a lot of money i threw a lot of money did you throw coins or bills or i gave him pennies i had a dump truck throw it i catapulted they're trying to work on the computer he's just hitting him in the head with like rolled coin pack oh god yes mr ruckaplug i'm trying have you guys seen the um snl sketch the ebenezer scrooge uh christmas a christmas carol thing it's after the ghosts visit him and it's the morning and he's like he's a good guy and he calls down and he's like boy go to the shop and get the biggest turkey take here buy it with this

and he like tosses a coin and it impales into the kid's eye and he's like, ah! And the whole town is like, oh my God, he's trying to kill that kid with money. And he keeps like violently impaling people with all the money he's trying to share. I haven't seen that one yet. It's a good sketch.

And that's what Mark did. That is exactly what I did, except to professional computer makers. Well, next time, instead of raid zero, you'll go from zero to raid hero. Just like that. Thanks, buddy. Your support somehow always feels mean.

I can't believe you said thank you to me. No, no, I was sarcastic. It was sarcasm. It's an implied no. Silent no. The royal no, if you know what I mean. Anyway, so what I want today is very simple. Things that just, yeah, no thank you.

If you could say no thank you to it, you'd do it. If you don't like it, say no thank you to it. We're not thanking. We're saying things we're not thankful for. No Thanksgiving yet. It's not time. No thank you. I have a good one.

So I went to college and I originally went to college for music. I was going to play tuba and I was going to get a degree in music education and become like a band director or something. When I went to college, I bought my own instrument. A lot of instruments, you buy one or rent one when you play in like middle school and high school. But tuba, you usually borrow from the school. So I had never owned my own tuba. I always borrowed one. But when I went to college, you generally buy like a, you know, like a nicer quality one so you can play better like a higher you get like a pro or an almost pro level instrument so i bought this new tuba like the summer before college and i've been playing with it and getting used to it learning

how it all worked and stuff and i got to school it wasn't like immediately but i believe it was the first concert so maybe a month or two after like school began we had our first concert we're performing and the way the band was set up on the stage was the further back you were like the back couple rows were up on like risers so that you were visible and your sound could project forward over the rest of the band instead of being swallowed up by it well these risers so that you were visible and your sound could project forward over the rest of the band instead of being swallowed up by it well these risers it's just like a steps and you put chairs on them basically but you're supposed to have bars on the back so that the chair can't slide off the back of the riser whoever assembled these risers didn't do that for the one that i

happen to be on and I happen to be on the furthest back, highest up one, because I sat at the very back row of the ensemble. And the first time I sat on a stage to perform any music in my collegiate career, I like set my tuba down, sat in my chair and was like, you know, you sort of like settle in, right? Scooch around a little. I scooched one too many times and the back leg of the chair scooched right off the riser. And I just go like ass overhead backwards off the riser. I'm not holding my instrument, but the way that I fell, my legs literally like, whoa.

And my left leg kicked my brand new tuba and my tuba went tumbling off the riser. So this is like two days before a concert. My tuba just absolutely like unplayable. Lots of dents, which are more cosmetic than anything, but the valves, which are the buttons that you push, it landed on those and absolutely fucked two of the valve stems so that you couldn't like push it in anymore.

The only function of the tuba, the rest of it doesn't really move that much. I had to like frantically find a repair shop, drive over there, which I'm a freshman in college, so I didn't have a car and I had this giant instrument. So I did a ride with someone. I got it fixed

and the school ended up paying for it because they incorrectly assembled the risers. But like, I remember that moment because I remember falling and being like, whoa, shit. And then standing up and seeing my expensive, brand new instrument laying over on the floor, like 10 feet away from where it had been sitting previously

and just being like, oh, no, no thanks. No, that didn't happen. No, thank you. I'm fine. I'll just go like, and i didn't get really hurt which is kind of a miracle like i had the wind knocked out on me but i stood up and i was totally fine but my that tuba was never quite the same after that not only did that not feel good and cost money and like ruin my nice new shiny instrument i'm pretty sure that stuck with me my whole time

at ccm that i was the guy who fell off the riser and flipped over and kicked his own instrument. And like, it was very loud and dramatic and embarrassing. And did it play as it fell? No, but as it laid on the floor dying, it just went. I imagine that this is actually a situation where you probably could have sued the school. How high up off the ground were you? I wasn't extraordinarily high. The riser was probably maybe three, three to five feet up.

And then I was sitting on a chair on that. So my ass was sitting on a chair, maybe five to seven, five or eight feet up off the ground. And I like fell flat on my back. It was not great. It's kind of a miracle. I didn't like break a rib or anything but if you landed on your neck backwards that would have been potentially deadly yeah no probably not great to to have if i landed like on my head or neck for sure yeah

how far did you say the fall was i was like sitting my butt was sitting on a seat that was probably like something like five or seven feet high pretty high but not like insanely high but i'm going to chat gpt i'm gonna ask how much money you can get and what the statute of limitations are on this sorry how much money can you get if you fell backwards five feet uh because of negligence due to a school's improper assembly of a stage riser. But you didn't have any like actual injuries from it? No, yeah. If I had been injured, it might have been very different.

I was like a 17. I was literally 17 years old, I think, at that point, because my birthday hadn't even happened yet. Oh, my God. The school tried to kill a minor? No, thank you. Yeah, no, that's not very smart at all stupid school because we assumed it was negligence what if it was intentional well so i guess i didn't give this context that that

instrument that tuba that i kicked over so dramatically and that bounced on the hard floor a bunch it cost ten thousand dollars this is not like like a thousand dollar instrument or a couple thousand i'm sorry a cheap version is a thousand yes you can get like a $1,000 instrument or a couple thousand. I'm sorry. A cheap version is $1,000? Yes. You can get like a student instrument for like, I don't even know, maybe $500, $1,000. If you buy it, you can rent them for like way less than that. You can rent them for relatively.

Damn. I thought my first car was like 10 grand. I thought that was way too expensive. This tuba had like custom valve venting, which means there was like some custom holes ported into the valve so that they worked a little bit better it had some custom uh attachments so that some of the parts you had to manipulate while you were playing were more reachable it was a professional level like and you can spend 20 grand 40 grand on a professional instrument uh depending on what instrument you play. The best violins in the world cost, you know,

Bach Stradivarius violins are priceless, irreplaceable, never-to-be-replicated pieces of masterwork. They cost in the millions, right? So there's a whole range of how much professional instruments can cost. But this was the most, at that point in my life, that was the most expensive thing I'd ever laid my hands

on. And I owned it for like a couple months before i just absolutely fucking decimated it all over the the stage so that was that was the only thing i cared about was i just remember staring and looking at me like no no that's not bent i saw that expression because when i was in marching band the i think i was like in sophomore year or something. We were banding around the field, you know, and then I, you know, it's one of those moves where you're crossing in between each other and you got to be precise. So I'll still hit. Well, I wasn't precise. So I hit our section leader at the time. I believe his name was Stu and he tripped and fell and he had just got a brand new silver trumpet.

It was beautiful. And he was marching it. What a madman. I know in practice it was his fault, right? And it impaled him through the back of the head and he died on, he fell. He's dead now. Yes. No, what happened was he fell down and I fell down and it hurt and I got up and I was like,

Oh, I'm so sorry. I remember he got up. He's not looking at me. He just, it was so comical because I see his face. He's like, like this. And then he holds up a hand with the trumpet and the bell is just like, trumpet goes this way, bell straight up, 90 degree angle.

It's hilarious. Not a touch on the rest of it. Just the whole bell just. No, that's cool, man. That's like, that's how Dizzy Gillespie's trumpet was. That's cool. Pretty much. That's cool. But I remember he tried to play Gillespie's trumpet was. That's cool. Pretty much. That's cool.

But I remember he tried to play out of after. He was really nice about it. He was, after the initial shock, he was like, oh, and within a couple of days, it was fixed totally back to normal. But I remember he played out of it. You said that a couple of days, he talked to you again. We were exactly friends. I'm sure he wasn't too happy about it, but, um, and I didn't pay for it.

I think it's like, uh, I don't have any money. Um, but I already played it afterwards and it was just like this squawking, like a goose, just this really funny flange to this. Oh God.

But all the valves work. I think it was just like, it was just like get the metal back into shape and it was okay. And cause it was silver. I think when they, when they reshaped the metal, all they had to do is just polish it a lot. i think the dents came out what you can do with instrument with brass instruments in terms of like bringing the metal back into shape and then

refinishing stuff it's basically magic like it's there are um i actually there's actually a thing i watch on tiktok there are channels that are just like instrument repair guys who just take like like a trumpet that looks like it got run over by a truck and it's like there's no reason necessarily to try to salvage it but they're like i got this at a yard sale for three dollars i'm gonna see if i can fix it and they just go through a whole process of like and when they're done it looks like a brand new trumpet like they strip the lacquer off they get all the metal like hammered and rolled and perfect and then they refinish it and it's like it's kind of crazy that you could do that yeah it is it is kind of crazy. It's just old, like, techniques, just really refined. Really cool stuff.

I don't have a band. Anyway, points. Oh, okay. Hey, let him give me points. That's fine. Go ahead. Points. No, thank you, sir.

Good. Yeah, there you go. That's the right answer. I was waiting for that. You get bonus points for that. No, no, thank you. Ooh, more, eh? No, thank you.

All right, that's enough. Oh, I thought that was the whole episode. I thought you guys were just going to go back and forth. No, thank you. Ooh, more, eh? No, thank you. All right, that's enough. Oh, I thought that was the whole episode. I thought you guys were just going to go back and forth. No, thank you! Here we go! All right, Wade, what's your thing? All right, so the first one, I don't know if I've talked about this or not, but my grandparents had a cabin down on Lake Cumberland,

and we went down there for the 4th of July one year. We walked down the ramp where people would put their boats in and out, you can kind of like sit on the the lake or the river or whatever there for a little bit and like watch fireworks go off there were a couple boats that were like anchored on the lake that were lighting off fireworks from their boat and we were like well that's brave but you know okay at least they're cool to look at something went wrong where you don't see the firework but you hear the boom and we realized that someone had a firework go off on their boat oh and it turns out it wasn't just on their boat they were holding it in their hand and their hand like exploded with the firework and they were like

in agonizing pain and we had to help get their boat to the ramp so ambulance fire trucks everyone came in they had to like get this person's hand wrapped load them up in the ambulance get them out of there was this like fingers in a cooler full of ice situation or i didn't get up i was a kid so like my grandpa wouldn't let me get very close to anything so i was kept back i didn't get to see anything close up thankfully that sounds um but you could hear them in agony and it was obviously people were like gasping and crying and it was awful and i got back home and uh my friends were like hey dude you want to go like have a bonfire whatever

because we had this neighborhood bonfire and i was like okay whatever because we go down there and they decided they wanted to launch fireworks at each other and try to dodge them for fun and all i could think to myself after that experience was no thank you i'm good i just witnessed something completely horrifying and traumatizing and the last thing i want to do is intentionally try to blow myself up i thought you were going to say the no thank you part to when they asked for help and you just i looked at their hand i was like oh no thank you i was like nine years old man they weren't letting me anywhere near any of that i don't have a personal story to relate to this but my dad told me this story once upon a time i was i don't know why he told me the story but it was it was it was

i think in the aspect of firework safety um so he was telling me like never hold a firework in your hand and he told me because he was in the army he remembered seeing during the training days they would throw training grenades and these aren't fully like regular grenades they don't explode and shrapnel doesn't fly out but they still explode they still pop right they still pop and he told me that these grenades have about the same power as like a big firework and this one soldier didn't throw it in time and he kept it in his hand and he told me and it sticks with me he told me that the grenade turned that man's hand into spaghetti oh that's not what i thought you were gonna say at all i was expecting either he said it turned his hand into spaghetti ground beef you know tomato sauce and strand spaghetti and ever since i I heard that, I know, and it stuck with me my entire life.

You do not hold fireworks in your hand. Dude, I won't even light them. I don't mess with any of them. Sparklers, nothing. I don't want to touch or be near any sparklers. I don't want to be near any fireworks, man. You know, those don't explode, right? I just have no interest in being near anything.

Look, fireworks are fun, but they are terrifying. I enjoy like, like bottle rockets and fire crackers. But like, I don't know, people are very cavalier with them. When I do it, I like set them up and I like light the fuse and run away like I'm gonna die if I don't get outside the 20 meter range. Like I people are kind of crazy with like holding it in their hands and all kinds of weird decisions. Yeah, my friend group launched Saturnurn missiles bottle rockets all kinds of shit at each other they were like dodge and it's like yeah i remember i think i've talked about this before but you know uh my stepdad took us out to indiana a few times into the woods and they would launch fireworks there and then at one point they had a thing of bottle rockets you know an

industrial pack of it it's thousands of bottle rockets and someone throws that into the fire oh it's like that last scene in that last episode of breaking bad where you know people are diving behind things it's like that because there's a ring of chairs and it's literally you see it going and you hear like because they're busting out of the plastic packaging and you like die behind a chair and you just see like thousands it goes on for like a minute it's crazy and no one got hurt but someone could easily lost all eyes yeah yeah i worked in emergencies at an eye place and let me tell you around fourth of july things got really really awful oh dude and uh even non-emergency stuff with eyes dude casual things you wouldn't even think about like people

got like wood splinters in their eyes from like doing stuff with like cutting down trees and things like just the amount of weird things that can just completely fuck you with your eyes yeah again i don't mess with stuff this is not one that happened to me but that brings up another no thank you for me that my actually uh's mom, my mother-in-law. I don't know what it is, and I wouldn't get into the details anyway because it's her own medical stuff. But she has something in order to make her vision as good as it can be. She needs regular injections into her eyeball.

Oh, yeah, that's not that too uncommon. And I don't know what eyes are made of but that doesn't really jive like i imagine you stick a needle in an eyeball and it's just like like a balloon full of jello or something like she's done this for a long time now and like it works it clears her vision up and and helps i think and she keeps doing it has kept doing it i the first time i heard that i'd never heard that you could get injections in your eye. And I was internally, I was just like, no. It is brutal to watch. No, thank you.

I'll just go blind. I don't need to see. Like retinal doctors, man, they walk into a room. Patients will come in for those injections and a retinal doctor walks in, grabs like the needle, goes, have a good day and leaves, goes to the next room. There were retinal doctors that just like wouldn't even talk to the patients it was like the worst department of eyes i worked in because it was literally just like do all the workups for a patient as like the tech and then the doctor

would come in stab and leave and then the person be like am i good now and like you're like yeah you're great go you have a good day but like even i don't know it was hard for me to stomach watching that stuff yeah i mean i'm sure i would feel differently if it really was me i'm sure i would rather take my sight over just avoiding something that's unpleasant but that's a that's a big no thank you on that for me i can't believe you guys neither of you guys know about this scene from dead space do you not know about this no but this just looks like this looks like lasik surgery right so basically it's a Dead Space 2 eye scene. Is it about to get like gross or something?

Or... Holy Jesus! That is not like LASIK surgery. I think he got it. I think he got it. Whenever you're trying to get out of there, I think he, I think you reached it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like this is a big no thank you moment.

Yeah, there was no hint that there was a needle there until the end. Oh, you don't see this needle right here? You don't see this? Yeah, no, it's not a needle. It's the thing shooting the laser, but then it just... I see the needle now, but like, I do not see the needle initially whenever I see this. Do you want to see it actually work? Not really.

I don't really want to see it work correctly anymore than... I've gotten to watch eye surgeries. There we go! I don't really want to see it work correctly anymore. I've gotten to watch eye surgeries. There we go. I don't like that much better. That needle is way too long to do whatever they're talking about. No, thanks. None of that. I'm good.

Thank you. No, thank you. Really? Whatever. All right. Okay. I got to watch cataract surgeries, and that's where they pull out the lens in your eye, and it's all completely white and opaque or whatever, and then they have to replace it

with a clear lens. That's not too bad. But there was something about the needle the the force with which the doctors would do the retinal injections just like thanks for describing it in more detail i love this you're welcome i i i'm not that like i i'm the kind of person where like i could touch my eye i've worn contacts i don't know why but like eye surgery and anything cutting or stabbing into an eye is just like nah have i not shown you the video of my eye surgery i'm good i wonder if i'm remembering it wrong too maybe they aren't as forceful as i think because like

the patients never have any problem they're always just like am i good to go and it's like that must look a lot worse than it actually feels i didn't know you had a video of your eye surgery mark but it was just lasik wasn't it yeah it was uh the kind of lasik smile is what it was it's where they do they just do a i i don't have it on my computer right now it's oh no darn it gosh i'll play later well yeah all right i'll find it i'll do the phone show we're busy i'm gotta go then it's not that bad it's just bob saying no thank you yeah yeah no thank you well too bad the thing about no thank yous is sometimes you don't get a choice sometimes things are forced upon you just like this eye surgery where is it lasik looks

very simple there it is you guys want to see it i don't mind i mean i sat in on eye surgeries i feel like i was pretty clear about where i stand but okay there's my eye right how's it staying so still uh i think my head is is locked in place it's numbed and um i'm very still i'm very still so he the the laser is already cut under my eye and then this is him going in through a tiny flap in the bottom and the way he's doing is like perforated paper he's detaching it oh good just a little scrapey scrapey yeah just a little detacharoni and then eventually it'll uh well i mean this goes on for like a minute but it's pretty quick like all things considered for like laser eye surgery it's just you go in he detaches it carefully and then

pulls out the piece that was cut away and then yoinks it all out here i'll get to the yoinking oh yay i was afraid there wouldn't be any yoinking oh you actually here's a video of the the laser actually cutting the pattern into my eye it's you're gonna catch just so that's my eye and the the gray is like the laser like going over it and cutting beneath the surface it's very cool so it goes and as i'm looking at this because obviously it's my eye and i see it everything is just going gray so i'm just going blind oh neat it was very scary and also it was like don't look away from the green light and i thought it'd be a much bigger challenge but they didn't tell me they vacuum seal your eye to it anyway so you couldn't

move if you wanted to which i did did. Bob is dying over there. I love it. This is exactly what I was hoping we'd talk about. Here we go. Here we go. Here's it yoinking out of my eye. You can say no thank you. Here we go.

I said. Here, there, and. Oh, no. What's that happening? And yoink. So they pulled that out, and then he spreads it out to make sure he got, like, the full thing. He's spreading it out on your eye. Your eye is not a table.

It's so he can look directly comparing to the outer edges of it so he can see the full thing. It's so squishy. Yeah, it is. Where's all your eye goop? You don't have enough eye goop. You need more goop in there. It's not pressurized. You would hate to see a low pressure eyeball. Just a deflating eyeball. Oh, he's just rubbing it. pressure eyeball just a deflating eyeball oh he's just rubbing it he's cleaning he's like putting he's putting an antibacterial ointment on the top of it what does he get the wire brush to clean it so it's real clean god i like i said i i can totally touch my own eyes and stuff i don't i don't know why this is such a thing for me, but God, I hate that. I'm sure there are anyone who's watching on Spotify. I'm sure there are plenty of other people who are in my camp, right?

There's a lot of people that hated that. Yeah, yeah, probably. Well, the theme of the episode is no thank you. So the more people that said no thank you. Actually, it's kind of a thing. The sooner people exit this episode, the more points they earn actually or maybe it's the more points they earn the longer they stay either way you get points everybody you can't leave you're hosting i'm not hosting no i mean like the the recording part you're hosting oh

well i wasn't gonna leave the recording i was just gonna there's a door over there no no you can't leave if you leave you win so you guys stay that's how it works that's what you just said i thought no and then i said the opposite to confuse everybody even further yeah he he just made it everything be true that's the easiest way to make sure that everything is fair and perfectly on the up and up well i guess to change the subject to help bob out a little bit we'll get away from eyeballs here's a weird one that i say no thank you to i think having nobody like that you can hang out with or talk to sucks but i equally think that whenever you have like a hundred people messaging you about stuff all the time it's equally a problem but there's always those people where they're like hey man blah blah blah and it's

like dude i've got too much going on oh must be nice to have people that want to hang out with you. And it's like, I am not about to feel guilty for being overwhelmed. No, thank you. It's always like, I'm just very busy. Oh, must be nice.

And it's like, I will fucking strangle you. No, thank you. I don't think it is. Who is texting you that? What kind of person is guilt tripping? There's a lot of people man they know who they are they watch maybe they probably don't do they but i don't know there

is just something about like being overwhelmed and people that are underwhelmed are like must be a bad problem it's like yes it is it's equally as bad drowning is just as bad as dehydrating they're both death that's an interesting and horrible debate, and I like it, but I don't know if that's true. I don't know if those are equally horrible. Bob, I swear to fuck. I feel like dehydration is a slower death, so probably worse. Drowning is supposed to be one of the more terrifying things

that can happen to you, though, as far as it's been explained to me. It's still a few minutes, like, comparatively to the three days it takes for you to die of no water three to four no thank you yeah both are no thank you so what was wait what was your point i just got a message from my buddy bob who said it must be nice to have so many people who want to hang out no thank you i misunderstood i got the i got the wrong signals on that one that's my bad that's right back to the eyeballs mark more eyeballs all right more eyeballs that was only my left eye let's look at my right eye my right eye is where it pops no thanks i'm good no thank you uh that's fine all

right okay all right uh bob yeah i had one prepared i'm glad you called on me um this is one that i'm really disappointed in am i allowed have, is that a thing? As long as it's not me. It's, uh, I'm really disappointed in you, Wade. That's all I wanted to say. No, so, so the baby, right? I think you threw this out as a joke. Babies make a lot of, like, mess, everything.

They make a lot of juices. I don't mind that he, like, drools on me. He's been, he's sick right now, so he's been, like, sneezing in our faces and stuff. I don't mind that he like drools on me. He's been, he's sick right now. So he's been like sneezing in our faces and stuff. I don't mind. It's not like a thing I enjoy, but he does that. And I'm kind of like, ah, buddy, uh, you know, ah, but he is poops, man. And I, we have a dog. We've had a dog for a long time. I have no problem cleaning up after the dog.

If she poops, if she's got like, sometimes she'll have diarrhea or maybe she throws up. None of that has ever gotten to me. I'm always the one who's like i'll do it that's that's poor dog you know but this baby's poops are just the wrong kind of stinky and it's not all of them some of them he you know some of them you're like oh somebody's stinky and you change the diaper and it's like oh that was a good one some of them you the diaper, and immediately my entire body is like, No! No! Why does it smell like that? What did you eat?

And, like, he's just a baby. I know what he ate. It's the same thing he ate before. Like, it's not sneaking off and eating White Castle or something. But sometimes his poop smells like my death. It just like, and it's hard to tell from the outside. They all kind of just smell, you know, like you smell the diaper outside of his pants or whatever.

And you're like, oh, stinky. And Bowen, you open it. And sometimes it's just like such a strong visceral, like. You need to leave this episode right now and go trademark the phrase, the wrong kind of stinky and write a book. I don't know what happens man he he doesn't eat anything that weird we know what he eats it's just crazy just sometimes man it's and like it's not even whether it's messy either because he's had babies will blow out diapers right just the

thing that happens and that's messy it'll squirts down up their back or down their leg and that's gross but those are not even necessarily the ones that stink. Sometimes it's a totally normal poop. It just has a terrifying odor that just is not that I can't put up. I can't stand. I'm not an expert, but my younger brother, when I was a kid, I remember his diaper being changed and I walked into the bathroom not knowing my family was in there changing his diaper. And I honestly 100% think this is part of the reason why i'm not like gung-ho about being a parent is i remember walking in and the smell

of that particular diaper that day i wasn't expecting them to be in there but it hit me in a way that i felt like i was going to die from the stink yeah no that that i i know exactly what you're saying that has stuck with me like whenever I think of baby diapers, I think of that specific one. And whenever people are like, wait, don't you want to try changing a baby's diaper? I'm always like, no. And it is specifically that one time that I got that scent that has prevented me from ever having any interest in that stage of life. It's like, what did you think of diapers?

Because maybe adoption is the one. Maybe go for like three or four years old after the diaper phase. Because God, I never want to experience that smell again and i was like four years old and i still have such a strong reaction to remembering that smell it's got to be a similar one to what you're referencing yeah i don't know what the smell is but that's definitely a thing i will say there's a lot of other stuff about baby's weight than just the poop it's not that they don't even poop every day he went through a phase where he only pooped like once a week there's lots of other fun stuff it's pretty fun just try it we have a friend whose baby was born free uh free four months not free the baby was not born for free they had to pay for it four months premature uh was one pound at birth and um

as far as i know i've not gotten an update but whenever we were uh out of town for a wedding we went to see the baby and uh we were told the next day she'd be able to finally go home after like four or five months of being in the hospital. But the nurses came in and were going over the schedule and they were like, all right, well, we're expecting you should have marked down every time that you have to change a diaper. There should be about six peas and four poops a day or something. It was like, that's that's 10 10 diapers per day

anywhere between six to a dozen diapers a day that's pretty normal that i was like man changing two diapers a day that's gotta be awful and they were like yeah six to 10 12 diapers any less and let us know because we definitely want them to be going it's like any less yeah no that's a big thing we we went through that phase james was not premature but when they're newborns you're you are supposed to write down every time you feed them when when it is how long it is how much like all that if it's measured it's formula how much formula you gave them how much they drank and how all the peas and the poops yeah that's like that's like a normal thing they ask all parents to do but it's a lot of diapers that was like all the other stuff they had to do.

They had to find like specialists to go over because the baby was still on oxygen and had to be on oxygen for a while. Not every pediatrician is equipped to deal with baby on oxygen. So they were like doing all this other complicated stuff. And yet it's the one thing that I guess is normal that stuck with me from that too. It was like a dozen diapers a day. No. Honestly, I like, you't always i'm not always up for it because sometimes like i'm just lazy sometimes but diapers become pretty regular

really not that big of a deal that's fair but also no thank you that's fair um i might end this episode here just because i'm starting to get nauseous and i might say no thank you to the rainer how long were you going for 50 minutes you you feeling a little sick mark that sucks man i'm so sorry to hear that no no yeah sorry woe is me the wrong kind of stink starting to get to you mark unbelievable mark's like look at my eye juice bob's like dying and bob's like i smell this baby diaper mark's like all right episode's over i can't deal i wish i would rename this to the wrong kind of stink but i feel like no thank you has to be the title that was very good um so i'm gonna tabulate the points i awarded points based on stories but also i awarded points based on better in episode no thank yous uh so this will probably cheer you

up wade the grand winner is bob all right but you both had equivalent stories i kind of judged them similarly but i felt like Bob really physically embodied The no thank you spirit Through the whole episode And he won by two points My stomach's upset I am the only one of us that is actually sick So fuck you both

I don't feel so great I got stuff going on I'm glad that I won, that's pretty fair Very just. And I really earned this one. I feel like I don't need to say anything else. You could say anything else if you wanted to. I could and I won't.

To your verdict, I simply say no thank you. Too late. Can't get points. Stop kissing ass. I hate you. I doubt that there's anybody still listening or watching at this point. So if you made it to the end here, you probably either fell asleep, your car is upside down, or what even are you if you made it to this point? But thank you nonetheless.

Or no, thank you. Mark, appeal it to the fans as always. Threatening aura to it. I can't explain. What even are you? Well, thank you, but no thank you to everybody out there for watching and making it to this point. We will become procedurally more grateful as the grateful era begins, whenever that may be. Thank you.

No, thank you. We'll see about that. All right, wait. It's okay, man. It's okay, man. It's okay. My tea is gone. My natural 20s, they're natural.

Anyway, no merch. Nothing else to say about that. No, definitely not. Definitely not. Nothing going on with that. Have a good day, I guess. Sorry if we ruined it or if we made it better. This might be one of the worst episodes we've ever done as far as how people are going to feel at the end of it.

It's definitely the strongest grossed out sensation I've ever had at the end of an episode, but I don't know what that means for the listeners. Our very first episode might be the only one that rivaled. We talked about the teratomas and stuff. That might be the closest we've gotten to this. People on the subreddit seem to be really put off by the Sonic using portals to jizz in other dimensions episode that we did. Wait, did we talk about that?

Yeah, we talked about Sonic using other portals to other dimensions to hide his jizz and also possibly go to the bathroom. People seem to be caught off guard by that one. I can't imagine why. I have zero... Dude, I block out everything we talk about. I mean, that was like a year

and a half ago at this point. I think that was quite, that was an early episode. So that was. Yeah. We can't remember that far back. Oof. I don't even know what happened yesterday. True that.

True that. Well, take care, everybody. You can find Bob Micecrum, Wade, LordMinion777, me, Markiplier. You've got more episodes, more episodes coming, more episodes in the past. Have a good day. Podcast out.