Distractible - Pants

Episode Date: March 15, 2024

Mark is running out of pants, so Bob and Wade are his only hope. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Oh yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Bright Bob hosts, shares a willy horror story, and gets creamy. Mocked Mark takes a thumping, is a happier customer after unleashing a mob,

and admits he's threadbare due to his aversion to procurement. Wasted Wade takes a heel turn, gourmets on Godzilla, and has a fat one for strippers. From chainsawing bush to iron thongs. Yes, it's time for Pants. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to another episode of your favorite podcast, Distractible. I will be your host for today. My name is Bob.

I get to host because I won the last one because I am the best. That's just fact. I will be joined today by my usual co-host slash competitors, Mark and Wade. You're choosing not to talk. I respect that. Hi. Hello. I always hesitate because I never know when it's going to feel like an interruption, when you're going to leave a space there, or if I just need to sit tight and wait. I like to make it very vague on purpose just to see how you respond every time. I just, you know, I keep stepping on toes these past few episodes. I keep losing points and I'm

just really trying to avoid that. You know what, Mark? One politeness point. Thank you. Thank you. I believe that's an established thing in the new era of distractible host council. PPs? Didn't we give out a lot of PPs previously? It was more pity, but you know, I'll take it. Anyway, if you've never seen the show before, I'm the host and the other two are competing to win the opportunity to host the next episode the points are actually the points aren't made up the points are written down very meticulously tracked and do in fact matter quite a bit yeah what a terrible change we made yeah nobody likes it uh that's okay what do you mean nobody likes it nobody likes anything mark i could just say that i could just whatever happens i'd be like oh the subreddit doesn't like that it's true it's

always true it's 100 of the time well that's fair all right cool usually start with small talk how's it going there's a man in my bushes this is not the first time you've said that i know but this time he's just cutting the bushes but i don't know why or who he is we were busy and he's got a garbage can and a chainsaw and he's just going ham on some bushes. So you know what? More power to him. Is he like trimming them down to nubs or like?

I don't know, man. I don't really know plans, but I'm assuming he's supposed to do that. Have you ever thought to ask Molly if she knows anything about what's happening

around the house? I'll ask her later when she gets back. She's working out right now. She's at the gym. So I'll ask her when she gets back. I don't want to bother her

about this mystery person right now.'s there's been a guy at the house for three hours just cutting stuff tearing things down i don't want to bother you during your workout but do you know anything about that if he's supposed to be here great if he's not he's a man outside with sharp cutteries and i don't want to go anger him yell at him through a window or something come on hey babe i don't want to bother anger him. Yell at him through a window or something. Come on. Hey, babe, I don't want to bother you. My hands are tied literally right now. There's a guy with a gun to my head and he gave me the phone,

told me to say goodbye to my loved ones. Anyway, don't want to bug you. I just am blissfully unaware of a lot of goings on sometimes. It's good to know how ubiquitously you apply that mode of existence across your entire life. Taxes, don't want to know. Money, don't good to know how ubiquitously you apply that mode of existence across your entire life taxes don't want to know money don't want to know bills not my problem guys in my house

guys outside my house a fire over in the corner don't don't know don't want to know not a thing i'm concerned about right now hey my office isn't on fire yet not my problem don't you isn't it the whole place your house though yeah but like there's some spaces that molly spends more time in than i do or that we just don't use molly's room burning down she should have taken better care of it i guess i'll tell her about what she gets back not a pressing issue one point to wade for aloofness in other news um bob and i shared a meal recently. We went down to a Hofbror house in Newport, which was really good.

Dude, that salmon, that bourbon glazed salmon was... I did think it was weird we went to a place known for its German beer and German food, and you ordered a Coca Cola and a salmon. Actually, I got a sweet tea. Oh, okay. A sweet tea. A famously good

German drink, the sweet tea. Oh, okay. A sweet tea. A famously good German drink. The sweet tea. And famous German cuisine, the salmon. So it's not my first time there. Like, it just sounded good. Like, I feel like when I go there now that I've been there, like, so many times, it's like I don't feel compelled to get, like, something specific. It was more so just I was looking through the menu and I was like, I want this tonight.

I ate alone. I ate. No, actually, I went out to dinner with Amy. You shared a meal with no one. Amy, we went out to this Japanese restaurant. I was, I, you know, I've been in the final stretch. I know I've been saying the final stretch for a long time. Is the movie almost done?

It's almost done? Oh, so close. By April, 2026, it'll surely be done. Just keep saying it. It'll be true eventually. It actually is, believe it or not but i think people misunderstand what final stretch means it means the last eight months no it doesn't actually because people seem to forget that there was a giant strike in the middle

of everything everyone just like forgot that that was a whole thing that like put a pause to everything and i couldn't like get what i needed to get done because it was a big ass strike. That didn't stop Dune part two from just coming out. You didn't just scab it up. What are you, were you supportive of the strike? That's just not getting the job done right there. That's what that is. I did actually forget about that though,

because that had zero impact on my life. Exactly. And everyone else did too. It was very inconvenient. And also, you you know when it ended man they really didn't get any of those ai protections they were looking for also what i said sounded very dismissive the writer's strike obviously did have an impact on my life but not in a direct way where it was like a part of my life more in like shows i watch way i'm not

dismissive i'm supportive uh it doesn't matter but anyway i went to get dinner with amy uh you know taking a break from the sprint otherwise known as no one according to you you did say you ate with no one you ate by yourself you're like wait no it was amy why why then you pay attention why of all the times because i felt the chance to be rude and evil judge judge oh no we did talk about that in the council didn't we we didn't we're trying to not be so rude to each other pity point to mark can i get an evil point that's no such thing can i get a preposterous point still pp it wasn't preposterous what you said was possibly the most grounded thing you've said on this podcast in months can i get a pgp possibly grounded point if anything i should

get the point you know what amy should get the pity point because mark was rude to her by referring to her as no one does begin with. Oh, I'm sorry. We can't make jokes that bend reality just a little bit. What did I just do, man? I make a joke. You're a joke. Look at him.

He's so funny with his jokes. Wade, you get a plausible point. Amy gets plus one. Nobody points. I just want joke consistency, damn it. Ooh. Oh, I'm going to remember that one. I just want consistency, damn it.. Ooh, I'm going to remember that one. I just want consistency.

Damn it. I've got you on record. I want consistency in this particular instance. This one time I want it to be consistent and then never again. What'd you eat, Mark? Sushi or noodles or Japanese? I had chicken, chicken curry katsu. Be really cool if you could have chicken curry kaiju and you could just eat off of Godzilla.

Do you have to eat off of him while he's alive or is it a dead Godzilla steak? Either one. This is not unique to me. The internet has been obsessed with this. Did you guys see the Willy Wonka event

that happened in Glasgow, Scotland? I heard about it. I only heard that it happened. I don't know anything about it. Have you seen the meme of the guy dressed as Willy Wonka going, what is that? It's the unknown.

And then a bunch of kids going, oh, no. Oh, so there is this. Apparently, this event was put on by like a production event company type thing in Scotland, Glasgow, and they advertised it with purely with AI art. So all the stuff looked, you know, very wonky, big like rainbows of candy and meadows of candy flower things. What it turned out to be was a big, mostly empty warehouse with random like dollar store Willy Wonka desk looking props strewn around it. And several actors hired to play. Well, there was an Oompa Loompa lady who like tended the bar who looked so sad.

And there was a there were a couple of guys who played Willy Wonka, I guess, at different times. And there was it was apparently also written by AI. Some of one or some of the actors have come forward and said that they were given a script that was actual, like just unfixed AI gibberish and if you look at the promo materials it has that thing where it's like some kind of words but it's AI words and so you know it's like Thorpenins and Knambdes you gotta look up the memes of it though because the thing one of the best thing to come from it I think is the AI wrote

kind of a story for this experience that made up a new character called the Unknown, which is apparently an unknown chocolatier who lives in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and scares the children or steals the children. This is not some like Willy Wonka lore deep cut. It's made up AI nonsense. And they just went with it. They were like, yeah, the actors just showed up and got a script and they were like, OK, you're paying me to, you know, it's not they didn't come up with the material.

But yeah, the company that put it on just did it all. I don't know if it was just one person using AI or something. They just did it. And it was so bad that the patrons who were actually there after they saw what the experience was called the cops because they felt they had been so wronged that they needed the police to come fix it it's like that ball pit convention that happened like 10 years ago but now it's for kids it is exactly the dash con ball pit but in a much funnier and bigger scale the oompa loompa meth lab have bigger scale the oompa loompa meth lab have

you seen the oompa loompa meth lab yeah the picture the picture of the actor in an oompa loompa ish costume standing behind a bunch of assorted high school chemistry things and there's just a really thick haze and the the oompa loompa is just like like clearly really unhappy about what's happening well there's one with but there's one with her like handing something to a kid where the kid's like got his hands out leaning over the equipment so you miss this completely mark yeah i'm looking at pictures now um and just i didn't know that the oompa loompa meme that i was seeing was from the same thing because of how disconnected everything looks i'm trying to connect these dots in my brain because clearly work went into the candy canes and the bridge and it looks very nice actually, but it's so little material for how large

the space is that it just seems very liminal, like extremely liminal space. Well, if you see the picture too, there's a wall where they have like a banner and the banner is like it's just an inappropriately small portion of the wall. And then there's like one photography light. It's like, oh, this is the photo op and the clip, the clip of the what is this? It's the unknown with the kids being all sad slash upset. You got to hear the audio on that one because it's very, very special. And if you link it to me i'll find it

but it's just like i'm trying to connect the dots of how this happens and then people set it up and everyone steps back and go like they just shrug their shoulders like this is how this happens enough people go i'm not paid to care that's really all it is because wow the walls that stop six feet high the normal just warehouse floor really sells the magical experience in between the i don't know 20 or 30 props i see it's not any deeper than that you saw how much there was at the thing there's not a whole lot else except for the fallout after the fact some of the actors who were played some of the characters at the thing did like post it afterwards and talked about their experiences pretty funny to hear them talk about it too because they really they showed up and were handed their script or

costume or whatever and we're kind of like just like the kids were uh but you know the gig is a gig so they did their job i like an actor got the script was like what is this um this character and the guy's like i don't know ah the unknown it's like none of it actually said it was but someone's really wanted to be willy wonka uh they've been yearning for that day should we get into the are we gonna do a topic this time i have small talk i guess you don't have to why you could do it you thought you're you went to the japanese no i was just chiming into wades or whatever i don't remember. Or no, you guys had your like duo. Both of you had the same small talk.

All right, what's your sad small talk, Mark? Sad, sad Mark. B&H was nice. You remember all the drama that I had a little bit ago? And I'd like to think I didn't complain very hard. It kind of was a discussion where it was like, I understand, like, I feel like customer service should like, I'm a long-term customer.

You can work a deal. And I know that like like i've actually heard stories of where if you buy even like an apple product right before they release a new one you contact them they'll be like yeah we'll get you swapped out like that's well we'll cover you we got your back customer i got a phone call from someone whose name i don't remember at bnh And they were very nice and apologetic. And they said like they would work out a deal and they would coordinate with Red and they would allow me to exchange my camera and get an upgrade for the same price difference that it would have been had I bought the new one.

And I was like, that's exactly what I was looking for. And that's all I've wanted all along. And I got that and it all worked out. So the angry mob worked. I have so much power at my fingertips. I like to think I wasn't that mean. You only got a million people to go after him, you know, just a million. It was a little mixed.

I don't know. The subreddit reaction to that, some people were like, oh, Mark using Mark so entitled using the platform. I don't really think that was what happened it was not unanimous support i have used my platform to besmirch companies before hence my delta my delta video that i made at your old uh place way back when when i got trapped there four days in a row that was yeah i i think uh i don't think that it's connected that their CEO got fired soon after that. I don't think I'm responsible for the firing of that CEO or my audiences.

We got Delta's CEO fired. You heard it here first. But I just wanted to say, and I got my camera back and there might be a small issue with it, but you know, it's all good. I got it and it's a thing. Oh, tech news. Also, I have restraint. I was going to say restraining order. all issue with it but you know it's it's all good i i got it and it's a thing oh tech news also i have restraint you're gonna say restraining order i have a restraining order that would be a classy

way to say that you have a restraining order i i have i have restraint involuntary restraint you know how i was on a hard drive kick people seem to have forgotten like my previous obsession yeah you've only ever been obsessed with lenses and I'm sick of it. Tell us about hard drives, Mark. Yeah, so you remember that big ass hard drive, the 61 terabyte SSD? So it finally went on sale besides it going on sale and then ProVantage canceling my order. Where's the pitchforks against ProVantage? They canceled my order and then upped the price and I'm like, that's quite malarkey.

I believe illegal, but what do I know? Anyway, it's on sale and I didn't buy it. I did not buy it because you don't need it. I don't urgently need it. And also the prices are artificially inflated. And I was like, that's too much for what it is. And I didn't buy it. So everyone can be very appreciative.

And again, this isn't a thing where it's just like, these are, I don't make frivolous purchases. I make purchases that help me in what I do. And what I do is video creation. And it needs a lot of hard drive space and a lot of lenses and a lot of cameras. This is what I need to make things. Even a normal Mark YouTube video, where he's just playing games. They're like six cameras. At least three of each lens are needed for the filming of one youtube video that's frivolous wade is an example is this like smart guy dumb guy next to each other i only buy what i need for my production we've got so many lenses i've got two extra versions of my same headset why why some frivolous that is pretty frivolous that's a great example of frivolity

i meant to buy one backup. I like to have a backup, but there was like a thing for two. I've had these. I've had these headphones for like going on seven years now. They are. They're starting. I need to get new ear pads for them because they're starting to wear on the inside. But dude, getting fresh ear pads on old, heavily used headphones is so satisfying.

I didn't know you could do that. That's why I bought an extra pair was mainly the pad. Yeah, no, you can get pads. The pads are like very cheap compared to the expensive part in the, that makes the noise. Huh? Well, good job, Mark. Thank you.

Point for restraint for Mark. Can someone inject knowledge of blender and unreal into my brain? That's what I was. That's the only other thing. My blender has section cups and you stick it to the counter so it doesn't move when you turn it on high isn't there an app like that where you like you try to hook up are you making a grinder joke or do you just actually not know no grinder is the name of it okay i thought it was called blender it's called grinder point for you if you know do you do you actually know what blender does

wait or what it's for in any any way at all i just thought it was a hookup app so no i do not ah can i get a unknowledged point no your knowledge is too restrained uh anyway i have a topic and we're gonna get to it today what was blender do i get to learn i'm not gonna you google it google blender nsfw you can make animes yes that's what blender is it makes anime animated film like avatar or the lion king or toy story or newer versions of those like up when it up come out eight years ago 2009 newer moana that's pretty new it's fairly newish i guess the one where we don't talk about bruno and incanto enchanted house arena that one i was like it's called enchanted no wait incanto incanto yes incanto came out at the end of 2021 how contemporary of you win point for being contemporary

okay i have a topic shut up everybody i had small talk that's fine what okay you said it out loud you have to do another round of small talk no we're doing i this is a topic i was gonna talk about last time and i'm unclear if it's even gonna be any good if i'm honest i'm glad you guys padded the time on this episode a little bit for me you're welcome we got you uh but this is I was trying to go old school. OK, I was literally trying to go back to the very first episode we ever did of this. The topic is one word, and I want it to go wherever you want it to go. But the topic I want to talk about is pants.

I have I have many things to talk about pants. This is weird that you bring this up. This is one topic that is actually near and dear to my heart right at this moment Wait, I hope you got some I hope you got some pants knowledge and it backed up Sounds like marks about to run away with it. What do they do to you? Wait, do you get a point for being screwed? Wait, wait a minute. All right, so my my relationship with pants is I haven't bought a pair of pants in like seven years His rich people get free pants got it No

That's the thing. You would think that it would do this because like, oh, pants are falling from the sky. I've got so many pants and I'm swimming in pants. My legs can't be covered enough. Like, you know, stuff like that. I want you to see. I don't know if you can see. I see a knee.

It's like a gray, gray sweat pant situation. You see what's on the knee? Blood? No, hold on. Scuff marks? blood wade wade was right but don't give him a point for it these pants are covered in blood right like from work yeah technically from murder i don't know what you're confessing here man yeah so my job uh it deals in gratuitous amounts of blood there's just you know all kinds

of blood all over the place gets on your pants right anyway so um i have never worn through anything in my life but i am wearing through my collection of pants every single pants i own except for this one has a rip in the knee. That is not a stylistic one. It actually legitimately ripped in the knee. Any other pair of pants, they have my actual blood on them because I crashed my bike in the pants and it tore the side up. And then I got my whole side scraped and I bled all over the pants. I still have them. I don't have any pants left. I am running low low i have no pristine pants and i don't know how to buy pants anymore i gotta be honest don't you own or partially own a company

that makes pants and pretty good pants they predominantly do sweatpants i actually fell out of wearing sweatpants just get tighter ones what and you won't fall out sweatpants just get tighter ones what and you won't fall out anyway yeah so i don't like sweatpants anymore so i like you like pants pants what are you wearing right now are those not sweatpants what are those technically like technical pants yeah they're technical pants i bought them from like rei way back when and so they're made out of that material that's like it's it's, it's not a tarp, but it's not, not a tarp. You know what I mean? It's like outdoorsy, but for people who don't go outdoors.

Yeah, exactly. And they're, you know, they're pretty comfortable, but, um, the stitching is starting to rip and they're obviously covered in blood. And, uh, that's, I keep going out in public with them. So these pants are actually covered in blood and it looks like it too because you know the blood of working with is very realistic you know what i mean um so how do i get new pants is a long story short what do you do about shirts and underwear and other clothes fair point do you do this with all of your clothes do you not have any new shirts and things what do you do i don't

know when the last time i bought new clothes was because yeah it is a thing where it's like I have all this cloak stuff coming in. So shirts are usually covered and like jackets are usually covered. And I picked up one thing that I got in Iceland. It was a jacket. And you guys know about it because I wear it all the time. That's how it happens. I find something I like and I just wear a bit. I haven't been to a mall since before COVID.

I don't think anybody has. I don't know how to buy pants or anything or i don't how i mean you didn't really address wade's question very much what was his question what was your question i mean you did you said you get shirts from cloak so you wear cloak shirts and then what about underwear how bad's the underwear situation uh i haven't bought new underwear in a while starting to wear through it this is this is a strange thing underwear shows up but i don't know where it came from that it's there's one person who just keeps sending mark underwear he's like god i know he needs it is it packaged with anything else any concerning additional pieces come with those or

just no i don't think so it's not that often i'm not saying i've never had that happen but not enough that that's that supplements my underwear supply i mean i had to have like once where company sent me some i was like oh all right actually wait i do know where they come from they come from whenever so there's a thing called show underwear it doesn't always happen but when you're on a film set sometimes they'll costume department will give you underwear so you can wear for the show i don't know why because in all the times where I've had to wear show underwear, you're never going to see the underwear. So I'm like, is mine not good enough? But I think it's because people who have their own underwear, they have colorful patterns or something like that,

and it could be distracting. It goes with the rest of your out. Well, in your pants, your little underwear strap might peak or whatever. You're right. My thong might rise up. Iron lung thong confirmed. That's actually the porn version of it. Iron thong. Yeah. No wonder you're bleeding, man. That sounds awful. Anyway, what do you mean you don't know how to buy pants?

Like, you don't know what size you are, but you know what pairs you have and you know that you like them. So just look like Google, find a pair that looks like that and then see where try them on maybe and see where, see where you stand. How does the costume department know what size costume to get you if you don't know your size or no one knows your size? They have measurements. I know my size.

Wait, no, I know my size. That's not the issue. I don't know how to buy. Where do I go? What, what store is it? Go to any pants store, Target, walmart all places that have pants american eagle ab abercrombie and if they're still around um the other one tractor supply uh sells pants actually little known fact yeah anyway uh yeah i don't know if you can talk wait i don't know if you've

bought a new pair of pants in ages i knew you were gonna bring that up and you know what? I have. You're saying that you just so happen to have pants conversation on this day of pants? Last year, I went out and I got three new pairs of pants and two pairs of shorts. Were they cargo pants with the pockets? One was and two were jeans. I don't wear cargo pants like I used to. I used to wear cargo pants all the time. He wears a lot of jeans these days, Mark. I don't know if you've pants all the time. He wears a lot of jeans these days, Mark. I don't know if you've seen it or not.

He wears a lot of jeans. Cargo pants, I will still stand by. If you're traveling, there is not a better pair of pants to wear than cargo pants because you can have all of your shit in your pocket. Do you actually use those pockets? Because I have some cargo shorts and I've worn cargo pants. I've never, never used the pockets even while isn't four pockets enough like what do you have with you when you're traveling that you don't have i hate my back

pockets to begin with i hate sitting on a wallet it drives me nuts i feel like it hurts my if you had a nice slim wallet you wouldn't even know i just have so much money crammed into my wallet at all times just so much cash money i just keep thousands and thousands of dollars in singles in my wallet at all times in case there's ever a pop-up strip club i need to stop at i want to be prepared i don't know i just my wallet's always thicker than i'd like to sit on even if it's thin so having cargo pants when you travel and you're sitting on a plane you can have your wallet like one of your front pockets if you have like headphones or something you can have them in like a front like you know earbuds you can have like a front pocket

your keys your phone all that stuff and just you have enough pockets for all of that it used to be before like the phone apps you had to have like a physical ticket keeping those in one of those pockets was nice that wouldn't get us crammed in the two side pockets are you do you have a thing where you can only have one thing in each pocket type of deal is that the problem you're running into because like most of what you just said can all go in one pocket. It could, but it's like if you're wearing a pair of jeans, you have two pockets. You've got what phone, wallet, keys, tickets, earbuds. Like I'm not using the back.

The phone lives with the earbuds, the wallet, the keys and the tickets. Actually, honestly, if you're traveling, the keys live in your bag, you psychopath. Because why do you need your keys in your pocket? You're not anywhere near your car or your house. You zip them into a zipper pocket in your bag so you can't leave them anywhere. So then all you have is wallet and like passport and or ticket in the other one. And that's where paper goods go. And then you got your electronics in your other pocket.

How many pockets do you need? We've had too many mishaps for bags have gone missing. Like we've always gotten them back. In your carry on, you psychopath. I don't always keep a carry on. Sometimes I my backpack you travel without a carry-on sometimes on my backpack that's a carry-on who doesn't bring a personal bag on an airplane yeah but my backpack already has stuff in it i want to lose my keys in the void well you could possibly fit keys into a backpack i i also don't understand this because like if you're traveling you got to maximize your your carry-on capacity because otherwise you're checking bags and that that

delays your trips molly and i pretty much always do have to check one bag at least we usually do check one bag and my stuff usually fits in there pretty easily because i don't need a lot you know the whole time actually i was looking at you like you know if you brought a carry-on we wouldn't have to check this i love you ah if're traveling, like if we were doing conventions, sure. But like if we're traveling nowadays, it's usually like a week. And then it's like,

you're kind of on the borderline of, well, can we fit everything we need into one bag? I, I, yes, I can understand that. I'm not judging the,

the check bag. Check bags is legit. Having a kid now, we basically have no choice because he needs stuff. And we like, it's tough, but, but you kind of bring an effective carry on.

My backpack is old and ratty and half of the pockets, the zippers don't work anymore. And I've gotten new backpacks, but it's just like, I've always traveled with that backpack. And while it still functions, I use it. Anyway,

I guess the summary of my point would be, you seem to be adding a lot of pockets to your pants when you should be just using a nice backpack that would really solve all your problems. All of this is just to besmirch the name of khakis and their extra pockets, and they do come in handy. This is not khakis. This is cargo pants. There are plenty of khakis.

There are chinos and khakis that don't have cargo pockets that are perfectly nice. Cargo pants specifically are great for traveling, and I will die on that hill. Having your wallet in the front pocket, not having to sit on it no matter how thin it is, is a plus. I mean, I also do that, but I just don't have the same pocket problems you seem to have. I don't know. How big are your side pockets? I don't know. I mean, I carry a minimalist wallet, but it has like eight cards in it. So it literally has my insurance and everything I need. It's just tons of wallet choices these days. You don't have to have the big floppy leather bifold that takes

up your entire pocket situation. I don't have my wallet in my pants either as i'd show you but yeah i like i like having a very slim wallet it makes it easier just to live and still has like a cash clip on the outside so i still i carry cash a lot of time but i don't i don't live in my cat my cargo pants like i used to but i still love them for traveling and then i i did buy new shorts new pants all that last year i bought new sleep shorts uh i got a couple new shirts got new swimming trunks i kind of upgraded my clothing a bit last year because i was still wearing some shirts from when i was in junior high school and they just weren't holding up so well after what was it like eight years ago we were

in junior high at least do you want to count how many years it has been? I really don't. Do you want to hear something very sad, Wayne? How many decades do you think it's been since you were in middle school? I know it's been more than two because like I said, I was in seventh grade whenever 9-11 happened and that was junior high. So I will never forget. Yeah, well, it's about two. It's like two plus a year or two. But all my sleeveless shirts that I use for like exercising or playing basketball and

stuff, those are all from junior high and high school. I don't think I've gotten a my sleeveless shirts that i use for like exercising or playing basketball and stuff those are all from junior high and high school i don't think i've gotten a single sleeveless shirt since then but my pants are new mark my pants are new no blood no holes i don't know if a year old can be considered new but i wanted to know what you each thought the best pair of pants was and i i was gonna lead so i can give you a second to to to think it over mine i'm currently wearing them actually and it's it is a specific brand but we're not sponsoring anything but it's uh it's jeans but they're stretchy i do like those a lot so they're kind of like slim cut jeans but they're like slightly stretchy denim material and so they're like super comfy, always all day comfortable,

but they have really good, like flexible parts. I never, I'm not going to like tear the groin out, you know, if you squat too deep or whatever. I don't know why I'm not saying the brand. I wear the perfect jean jeans is the company. Paid for with my own money. I own several pairs because this is a favorite pants I've ever had. They're very comfortable. I think that skinny jeans and those types, I used to like them a lot, but they're super out in terms of fashion. You want to be like big millennial on your forehead, have like skinny jeans in any capacity. But also I realized I never liked anything that was form fitting.

That's why I don't like sweatpants anymore. I just don't like it. Were sweatpants form fitting? I think of those as baggy and... I feel like cool sweatpants are pretty form-fitting, but like normal, like Kmart sweatpants are like baggy and comfy. Yeah, I think it all goes hand in hand with the increase in the amount of like spandex that they would put in all the materials.

They would like weave it in between the coffin, the coffin, the cotton, and then they would have spandex in the fiber so it could stretch. That's not even a funny one. Bloody pants pants coffin references okay marks are gothic today i i think all that led to it naturally the thing about stretch is that it pulls back so it's naturally more form-fitting and i was like i've never really liked that so having the ability to have like more room and a parachute if you fall off an airplane you know you can you can really get a lot of mileage out of pants. Does pants have to be the right answer? Can it be short? Because I love my basketball

shorts, man. Anything that covers up the bottom half of your body, I will accept. I love my basketball shorts. Don't get me wrong. My cargo pants, if it has to be pants, they'll get the win. The jeans, the comfy, stretchy jeans I'll give you. Those are excellent. My cargo pant pockets, those pockets have been so handy so many times going conventions like stuff. And back in the day, people would like hand you stuff all the time. People give you cards. It was just nice to have those.

Or if I was bringing around cards to sign and give out, sometimes like Polaris and stuff would give us little cards that we can trade out or sign and hand out like that was nice to have. And sometimes you'll name drop things just like at random that just like fucking that word. Like you do it so casually and you're just like, oh, fuck Polaris. Holy shit. I live in basketball shorts i sleep in them exercise in them wear them around the house if i'm not going anywhere i will be wearing a pair of basketball shorts at all times and they

don't have to be like your traditional basketball shorts that have like the mesh like there's ones that are just purely like i don't, these are just like cloth or whatever. I don't know what the material cotton, but I love them. I do think non-athletic fabric basketball shorts are underrated. Cotton or otherwise like soft cloth basketball style shorts. I do think that's underrated. One thing that we all have neglected our entire life and even to this point, i'm only coming around to it through the the benefit of wisdom chinos are actually the best pants what is that chinos it's like straight cut uh khaki type thing isn't it like relatively slim but not skinny fit oh the khakis you wear to a business casual meeting like the thing about chinos you can get them slim and

that's fine like i i think that the idea behind them is like, they're not jeans because I actually don't like the feel of jeans. They're not like this sweat pants. They're not quite joggers or a different subcategory that are more leading towards the casual side of things. It's just, they're nice. They're tapered.

They're not, it's either chinos or khakis, I guess. Wait, which one am I thinking of? Chinos aren't khakis, right? Because khakis are made. That's the material.

Khakis are made of khaki textile. But chinos are made of like different, like modern, lighter, not khaki. Whatever umbrella has that category of pants, I feel like is the best pants because they can look nice. They can feel incredibly comfortable depending on where you're getting from, what materials are made of. They don't have to be restrictive in any way. They can have some stretch to them, but ideally it's just like they are a bit, not loose fitting, but a bit more

breathable and have more room. And they can easily be adapted to be a more fashion forward look because they have belt loops and you can apply a belt and do a tuck and have a jacket and you can accessorize with them and you can do a lot with them. Cargo pants have belt loops. I think the cargo pockets destroy the association between cargo pants and the word fashionable in every sense. I'm so sorry that utility trumps fashion for me. I'm not even saying I wear cargo shorts. I just don't use the pockets as much as you do.

I wear them because that's one of the types of shorts that's available widely for purchase, but not because I... My pockets aren't always full or anything. It's just they're nice to have in case I need them. I feel like we settled the pocket debate. I don't want to revisit this, but you're getting me riled up.

I don't know, man, because you look at a lot of like girls fashion and they're so happy whenever they find dresses and pants that they actually use the pockets. Yeah, because they don't ever get pockets. Who's in charge of that? Hey, while we're talking about pants, whoever's in charge of women's pants and whoever decided

that women don't need pockets. What the hell is that about? This is not new. If you're a woman and it's not new to me, I've known this for a long time because Mandy always complains about it. Like I'm sure all women do. Why don't they get pockets? Is this like a like a patriarchy thing?

Is this like a men keeping the good stuff to ourselves situation why does this i know do you guys know i don't even know how to buy myself pants let alone find pants with the pockets i want so i'm sure they exist and they are on sale but you know it's just people aren't buying them would it look bad i don't because a lot of women's pants are tighter than men's pants maybe either they need to have looser fitting pants or they need to design the pockets to be on the outside so there's like weird hanging cloth bags on the outside of the pants neither of those sounds like a good solution i think women should just be allowed to have pockets or they should all just start wearing cargo pants i mean i've known women who do wear cargo pants because they just bought like boy pants because they wanted

pockets but that's not a good solution either. Why, why can't you have nice looking pants for a woman that also have pockets? I mean, I know it's possible. Why is it? I don't, anyway,

this is not a solution, a problem we're going to find a solution for. I just think that's ridiculous. And we're talking about pants. So it seemed relevant. Mark, would you like us to help you buy a pair of pants? Yeah.

How do I do it? We can get Mark. We can get you there through a series of questions uh almost like a game and all you have to say is yes or no and then give us a size actually it's not just going to be yes or no i'm going to rescind that i'll give you some more agency but it'll be simple answers and then we'll say marco try these on did they fit did you like them buy them no i'll just buy them and ship them to your house mark i won't even let you look at them we're just buying him pants give me your credit card information okay thank god okay

all right you can share it right now if you'd like everyone can send you pants mark what what color pants uh let's go like um uh dark green or something like that how many pockets how many pockets uh the normal amount standard pocket distribution i think standard for men's pants is five because you got that little pocket watch pocket or whatever the hell that is in the one pocket what what style chino technical cargo i'm gonna chino yeah chino i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna live with my live with my pain or my statement or whatever it is sure with a regular of pockets. Do you care where they're made? Like what country they're made in?

As many people hurt as possible. The most suffering imbued into every fiber. I want the blood to be felt as well as seen. Button and zipper or Velcro? I feel like the pants closure options would be like button and zipper, all buttons or nothing, Just elastic waistband. I like timeliness. So not custom made.

What kind of timeless do you get from Velcro? Nah, I don't like that and him. So I'm going to go with zipper. Belt loops or no? Yes. You want ones that come with the belt, like the little cloth belt you have to like tie in the front? Well, yeah. No, that was big when we were in high school.

The belt that comes with the pants that doesn't have a normal belt buckle. It just has the two things and you feed it through and it kind of tightens, but it doesn't really tighten. No, I'm going to go with no. Okay. Okay. No belt. No belt.

Yeah. Loose or tight pants, Mark? Not too loose. Zero tightness. That was very particular. So I appreciate that. Do you want the kind that has socks built into the feet or no you're talking about one onesie chino well it's not really a whole one it's like a bottom half

of a onesie but yeah if you you know what throw one in there but the majority of them not what one that is how many pants do you think you get greedy damn one half c one normal pairs where we're at right now well he said majority which means more than two but yeah that's fair a plurality of them with the with the non-socks option how about that can you get shorts that come with socks do you want pants that turn into shorts no rip if i have any pants can become shorts but i have to earn it through muscle can only become shorts once that's gonna be worse than like the old dad shorts that we dealt with where like our dads would cut the jeans at like the crotch and wear them around nope nope did that happen to you was that a thing they were pretty short man that was not a thing in my world the short dad shorts was not really a thing i want to go back to shorts that come with socks built in where it's just like some

kind of like a long latch that goes down the side of your thigh in and out that connects the sock like suspenders but for your socks. Sock spenders. What's that called? Calf scrunchie? Is it a garter? Or is that the thing to hold a pantyhose? That's what you remove with your mouth and throw at your relatives at a wedding.

But I don't think that qualifies as a pants or a pants accessory. I mean, we're being pretty loose with what is and is not pants, but that's fine. Anyway, I have not been Googling this, and I'm sure I didn't cover all the questions, but now, gentle listeners, you know exactly what kind of pants Mark wants. So instead of sending him underwear and cameras to take pictures of the underwear, if you could send him pants that meet those requirements.

There you go, buddy. I just got you a lifetime supply of exactly the kind of pants you like. His size is Markiplier. Yeah, I know. If you just type in Markiplier on any clothing brand website they'll they'll know wait did you just give my credit card to the fans uh i'm not

gonna put it in the episode but if you look in the description below what if the name of the episode is just mark's credit card number the air date of this episode will be his expiration date for his card anyway you're welcome mark and that's a pants point for you. I don't have anything else to say about pants. You know, this entire topic was I was curious how different our opinions on pants would be. And I was not disappointed because Wade was wrong and Mark was right. And you're both wrong because you have different opinions than me. I did keep track of points. Would you like me to run down what I wrote? Amy gets one point. She deserved that for what Mark said about the meal. Under Mark, I wrote politeness, pity, not chronically online, restraint, blood, pants

for a total of six points, Mark. What a sad showing. You have no idea how many points you earned. I know it's more than that. I'm going to write something additional under your name right now. Wait, under your name, I wrote aloofness slash handsomeness plausible contemporary screwed boo pop-up strip club basketball shorts and douche that is nine points by my calculation uh well actually the two at the front were one point together okay that's eight points by my calculation douche is not worth

a point bad news for you uh surprisingly boo is worth a point which leaves you at seven points total which by traditional rules which we are playing by today means that you are currently in the lead but the episode is not over mark i feel like i've been really biased towards wade in the last couple episodes i've hosted yeah and i And in the spirit of fairness, I want to give you a chance to earn a bonus point or two. I just want to say I knew that getting destroyed point would come back and be the one that throws off the whole balance. I knew that the me coming in hard and heavy with the pants would be there. And I knew that that would be the thing. Just wanted to get that out there.

All right. What do I need to do for a point? Anything you want. Honestly, I'm here to be fair and I'm here to judge. It doesn't even have to be about pants. I love how you look at me. The way you've got that Superman hair curl, you know, just every time I look over at your camera and I see you, I just smile both on the outside with my lips

and on the inside with my inner lips. I just feel the warmth of your presence even through the internet, you know. I would love a tally of how many times Mark gets a chance for bonus points and always goes for like the, I'd bang you. Silence, silence him, silence him, silence him. Nothing could get in the way of how I feel about you and everything that you've given me with your friendship and your companionship and and though we may be worlds apart i still think of you every day and i wish you were here by my side i love you that's really sweet mark okay cool yeah that's

really sweet i'm gonna write two things into your name here you get plus one point for the love which i did feel at the end. And that's very nice. And then that point gets angrily scribbled out and erased for the unbelievable amount of discomfort that 80% of what you just said cost me. Well, what about the thing about my inner lips? I really, that was one of the things I liked the least. I don't want to hear about your inner lips ever. If I could have gone my entire life without that coming up as a topic of discussion, I

would have chosen that. I appreciate about 15% of what you said, Mark, and the rest of it. entire life without that coming up as a topic of discussion i would have chosen that uh i appreciate about 15 of what you said mark and the rest of it i was really displeased by so that's a strong effort but i'm afraid wade wins i don't know why it's always i'm afraid or sadly wade wins but i mean congratulations to wade damn it i'd like to thank everyone uh out there for using mark's credit card for good uh Pants are very important. As this episode has shown, having the wrong opinion about pants is detrimental to your growth and all kinds of things. So it's important to like extra pockets because then you can be tall like me.

Okay, Mark, loser speech. I realize the error of my ways is being too clever. You see, every time that I'm clever, it somehow gets my opponent a point. And I've noticed this pattern. My cleverness is always like, Ha ha, great point of discussion. Point for Wade for being so boned by your genius, Mark, and how smart you are and handsome and how great your inner lips are.

If only I could see them. If only I yearned to gaze into your inner lips. Also known as an invagination. Why is it known as that? That's not what I would have guessed at all. Well, I mean, anything that goes into the body is an invagination of some kind, but this one's purposeful. This is the process of being

turned inside out or folded back on itself. You should go on the Disney ride in Vagination Land. See, Mark? Excellent topic of discussion. Point for Wade. If you use your invagination. Anyway, congratulations to Wade. He's gonna be

the host next time. Congratulations to Mark for invagination. Yeah, anyway, check out Mark at Markiplier. Wade is LordMinion777 or just Minion777. I am IceCreamOnline. Thank you for watching. Make sure you follow the podcast so you always know when the episodes come out,

because we have a bunch of bonus episodes coming out, and they come out whenever the hell they damn well please. That's going to be it for this episode. Thanks so much for watching or listening, or both, probably. If you watch, you probably listen. Tune in next time to see whatever genius stuff Wade comes up with. Well, I forgot to say that. Podcast out.