Distractible - Please Laugh
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good evening gentle listeners or
watchers and welcome
to distractable
the sipsum wailing Wade
inflicts tongue twisting terror
as he makes miracry most mocking
medallic mark texas ranger
witnesses warner sounds
security is a constipated mouse, gagging Gollum, it, and sad shaggy.
Boxed up Brooklyn Bob goes a-roaming, does deeply demonic, trick-bill brilliantly, and a fabulous froggy.
From Wade's nips to bad-mouthed Elmo.
Ha ha ha ha ha, ha, ha, ha, it's time for, please laugh.
Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy.
the show.
Hello everyone.
Welcome back to another episode of Distractable.
I'm today's host, ish.
Thought you forgot your name.
I legitimately thought you forgot.
I have some imposter syndrome going on today.
I'm Ron Burgundy.
I didn't win last episode, but I'm hosting on behalf of the listeners who did win.
You're going to get all the ire.
All the listeners are going to channel their hate at you.
It's his fault.
Yeah.
They might.
Unless I built an episode specifically for the listeners,
time will tell.
Damn, we did not have that much time in between these episodes.
Oh, man.
I had about two minutes.
They're going to be happy.
Oh, boy.
Because we're speed running today.
If you're wondering why I wearing the same shirt for the next six episodes,
is because we're doing a speed run
and I'm gross.
Join as always by Mark and Bob
who also didn't win
none of us won last episode.
But I can confirm
weight is gross.
Thank you.
I need my points pad.
You're wearing that shirt
that's like flesh tone
so it looks like you're just
topless sitting here
hosting the episode.
Editors, put in nipples.
You probably can't.
No, they can.
Just two nipples appear on your forehead.
Wherever you want.
Dealer's choice.
So how are you guys?
fill in while I get my
notepad ready that definitely was ready already
moving
God I fucking hate moving
You're moving
Yeah I don't know if you could see
Remember how all these shelves used to have shit all over them
This I can only hope will be the last time
I ever move for the rest of my life
Damn
We'll see if that holds up
Because I'm pretty sure I said something like that
When we moved to this place
But we are moving
The movers will be here in
Less than 48 hours
I will say this area
Like my desk is covered in all the same
I haven't packed it at all
This is the least packed part of the entire house
All the rest of our house is in like boxes and shit
But we have been hardcore
Pretty much most of the day
Every day since Saturday
And today is Tuesday
Moving packing carrying heavy shit
Up and downstairs
I fell on the stairs one time
Totally fine survived
But the movers actually show up
and then will be moved over.
Honestly, as much as I despise moving,
this is lame because I always do this
and circle it back to being a dad now that I'm a dad.
But the most concerning part of all this for me
is I'm curious how James is going to handle it, right?
We've already moved once,
but he was like a baby when we moved.
We moved from California back to Ohio
to be closer to our parents
when he was like 10 months old,
which was tricky because 10 months olds are tricky,
but this is different now, right?
He's old enough now where like,
His room is his room.
He knows that that's his bed.
That's his bookshelf.
This is his,
we're like packing up his belongings and they're disappearing.
And he's kind of like,
Hey,
didn't that bookshelf?
Wouldn't that full of books?
Where'd all my books go?
And it's like,
he's being really cool so far.
But I'm curious the first night,
like we're going to sleep in this house tomorrow night.
And then the next night we're going to sleep in the other house.
And his bed is going to be in a new room and it's going to be smelled different.
And I just don't know how it's going to go.
He might be totally fine.
He's really chilly.
He likes traveling.
He loves staying in hotels and stuff.
We've done that a couple times.
But I'm worried that it's going to be hard on him because he is so young.
It's hard to express how he's feeling or understand exactly how he's feeling.
And moving is weird and moving is difficult.
So it sucks and I hate packing.
But the main thing on my mind is James because I'm really curious and just want to make
sure he does okay because it's a big change for a little kid who doesn't necessarily
understand while his shit is all moved around and not where it's.
supposed to be anymore, but it'll be over soon, said, forgetting about the three months of
unpacking that always follows a move from house to house. I want to comment, but I need to
sneeze. I'll allow it. I'll comment. Moving. Ha! Would never. I would never do that.
Ever. In the history of forever. Have I ever moved? Not once. Since I've known you, I think you're
in the longest period of not moving that I know of. That actually is true. If you just stay in hotels and
Airbnb's you don't have to move.
You can be anywhere.
That's true.
You kind of practically live in Texas, but you don't, you didn't move there.
You're goddamn right.
I have been so in hotels and everything has been kind of crazy.
I've been doing a lot of traveling.
I was at, uh, this is probably not a secret, but I was at Warner Brothers mixing, uh, stage
for the movie.
Don't get excited.
Everybody.
They're not doing it.
Final stretch.
I was at Warner Brothers lot because the sound mixer Brad was like, it'd be really great.
If we could put the finishing touches in an actual, like, really large movie theater room.
And this was super cool because I had never seen anything more than his mixing room, which is not small.
It's not tiny, but it's like a living room size with a, you know, a projector screen and it's pretty good.
This was literally, if you took a movie theater and you pulled out all the chairs, that's what this was.
That's fun.
And it just had a big sound mixing desk.
It had an upper level where there was like a desk up there that I could work on.
as he was doing that.
And it was really, really, really fun.
It just, you know, unfortunately came at a terrible time because all the other things going
on.
But I did appreciate the experience because I got to go.
I'm not really much for touring the lots, but I was able to go onto Warner Brothers lot
with an actual like, I belong here path, which is very funny.
Okay, this is probably, I don't know this talking about their security too much.
But what's really funny to me about their security is they don't allow Uber's to go in,
which I understand.
Sure.
I usually would drive and I would go there.
I'd show the pass of my ID and then I go on.
But one day, for some reason or another, I didn't have my car and I had to take an Uber
there and I didn't realize he could drop off.
So he turns around.
The Uber driver's pissed to me.
Tank my score probably.
But, you know, it's fine.
I get out and I'm like, okay, I'll go through.
And I don't know why I thought I could go through the car gate, but I walk up to the gate again.
I was like, can you?
He glars at me.
And he points to the, the pedestrian.
entrance but what's silly to me is I go through the pedestrian entrance and there's a whole
rigmaral like metal detector scanning looking at your bags there's like two people on either side
checking for just just me I was the only one there I guess for studio tours to do that but they
don't do that for cars so I'm just like wait I can bring anything in my car
you check in my bag I can bring it and this seems like a glaring suspicion so maybe I
shouldn't talk about that as like a glaring weakness in their security protocol but it just seems
strange but there must be a reason i mean i'm assuming that if you were an employee you'd be driving
but i'm like not every employee drives and some park out in the there's there's there's garage anyway i
don't know it's not none of my business it was cool there was a lot going on there i didn't
peek my head into any of the soundstays so and i probably couldn't say anything if i did see something
but it was nice it was actually a really nice place uh they had like this whole cafeteria which i
forget that most places of employment
have their own cafeteria. It's a very
good food. I didn't go out for lunch to
the cafeteria a lot because I was working the whole time, but
it was a nice experience and
it was super cool. That's fun.
One of the Warner Bros. guy who was in the
room said it was fucking
badass, so I'm very
happy about that.
And that's it.
Nice. Yep. Well,
I got to say, Mark,
you earned
the Segway Point.
Oh, okay.
Wormor brothers, security flaws.
Whenever you got to the gate, somebody said something to you, right?
Yeah.
And how did they sound?
He glared at me and then pointed to the...
Yeah, he didn't say anything.
This is a pedestrian line.
No, I thought you did, you did a voice at one point.
Get out of here, bub.
I don't know what I was.
That wasn't it.
All right, well...
You know what?
We're getting a half a segue.
Wait, Paul.
Come on.
Because you can't even remember
We never had to remember what our segways
was before you just tell us
That's okay because it's the only point
I've assigned for all the small talk was half of a
Segway point
The listeners won the last episode and the listeners are out for
Blood. There's no small talk points
Oh, okay
There's half of a segue point
But for the listener
We, all three of us
Are going to be doing some fun impressions today
Voice Impressions
Oh, I just realized
I realize that I'm, my intestines are exploding.
And I've got a list.
I've got a list of tongue twisters that we get to read while doing voice impressions.
Oh, good.
Yay, listeners.
Oh, good.
Good.
Listeners, you're not, I'm never going to let you win anything ever again the rest of your
lives.
Just wait until the viewers win and we have to do something with our eyeballs.
That's going to be crazy.
So I'm going to keep this one again.
We're going to get some quick episodes done our last one.
little bit longer than intended so I'll try to keep this short so I've got a list of like 30
impressions I'm gonna spin them on a wheel and whenever we close the time we'll just call it we'll
get as many as we can before then okay we'll do this and kind of whatever let's see the
order we'll go Bob mark me hooray for the first one mm-hmm and then we'll mark me
Bob you know we'll kind of like rotate in the order that we do so
Bob you'll get to go first on this one and your tongue twister will be Peter
Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Okay, good.
That's not the part I'm worried about.
You know, I'm just going to post this list of them so you guys can actually read them
because the whole point isn't to memorize.
I don't want to dread.
I'm not going to look.
There you go.
Here's your list.
And we're just going to read the first line of each of these.
I don't even want to know.
So for the first one, number one, we're just going to read the first line.
Number two, we'll read that first line, so on and so forth.
So, Bob, your first impression is going to be, well, we're all.
all going to do this impression. Mickey Mouse.
Mickey Mouse reading that Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
All right. Well, I could maybe do this one. You know, I don't do. I don't, I have, I'm like
H. John Benjamin. My voice acting is my voice. I do my voice. And that's the extent of my
voices, which is an insult to him because he actually does do other voices pretty well. But
I'm, it's like, anyway, I'm stalling because I don't want to do this. Yep.
Oh ho!
Ho ho!
Peter Piper picked a back of pickled peppers!
Ha ha ha!
Back of pickled peppers, Peter Piper Picked!
You just had to do the first line.
Uh-huh!
You can keep going if you want, though.
Oh, no, I'm done then. That's good.
Yeah, this is just a quick, quick fire.
Stand back, everybody.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ho.
Ha-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
Oh, ho-ho-ho.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, ha, ha.
Bader
Bick the back
Or pickle peppers
Pappas
Like Mickey's on cocaine
Yeah somehow that sounds like
Mickey doing Heath Ledger's Joker
Do you want to know how I got these scars?
I'm gonna show you a magic brick
those are decent guys those were actually decent
those were actually decent
those both plural
yeah they're decent impressions
I wait my
you're including me with that
yeah we're at the same level
I'm not going to give you my top five
ordering of that that's last episode but
oh thank God
all right I got to do it
Hyper picked a peckle pickled peppers
We just picked ones that he would be good at
Actually, I found a list of impressions for beginners
It's going to go all the next
Because you fucking Shwegel
It turns out every impression I could do
Is on the list for beginners
Oh, God
All right
Okay, Bob, you went first that time
Mark, you'll go first
I guess I'll go second
Bob, you'll go third this time
Sure, it's like an improv game
We're just going through the line
Let's do it, boys. We know this.
Yeah.
Mark, you're gonna be reading the first line for number two, the Betty Botter line.
As Donald Duck.
Oh, fucking...
What?
That was a request from Bob specifically.
Yeah, well, I was sort of hoping I wouldn't have to do that one.
Oh.
I can't do Donald either, so this could be terrible for all of us.
I hope the listeners are real happy about their wish.
I don't know what I'm
If I'm a bitch is my badger
It's my picture
Okay, that went somewhere else
And I'm going to stop now
I don't know how you must
Mark can get a point for that
Uh, just for clarity, the line was, Betty bought her, bought some butter.
But she said the butter's bitter.
If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter.
That's what Mark said.
I think that's a terrible Donald Duck impression.
Uh, Wade, you should duck him points.
No, I'm not impressionizing.
Wade's next.
Oh, I am.
Oh, fuck.
Be my butter, get some butter.
This is that the butter is better.
what how the fuck that's close i feel like we were doing the same kind of mouth thing but mine did not come out like that
did that sound anywhere close did it yeah i haven't listened to donald duck in a long time but that was
pretty close yeah compared to what happened before and what's about to happen now i think that was way
closer.
All right, yeah, here we go.
This is going to be great.
We're going to be great.
Fucking God.
Oh,
hang on,
let me.
Oh, I can't do
without making myself laugh.
Oh, wow.
Plachis and the
bottom.
It's the villain
Batman's choking.
I was going.
No, no, it's Smeagel.
Wait, hang on.
That's different.
You guys have made these characters
sounds so threatening.
That was on purpose.
Oh, tell you he's got these scars?
How do you make that sound
without tensing every muscle in your entire existence?
I don't know.
In my, like, you know how you hear your own voice differently?
To me, I'm not even close.
I'm glad it sounds close to you.
Yours sounds like you at least know what you're trying to do.
And like, it's not like you're doing the vote.
But like it's, if someone heard that, they'd be like, oh, you're doing Donald.
If someone heard mine, they'd be like, is he okay?
It's almost like you have to combine it with another.
Like you have to almost high pitch your voice a little bit, but also.
Nah, I'm good.
I'm good.
I don't think I'm refining that one.
I think that's staying.
I can't do it well either.
but, I mean, that's what I was doing.
That made my whole head hurt in a way that it doesn't usually.
Oh, okay.
I got to go first on this one.
How much wood would a woodchuck, chuck,
a woodchuck could chuck wood.
William Shatner.
How much would
would have a woodchuck, Chuck, Chuck.
If a woodchuck could,
Chuck would, Mr. Spock.
I think you're doing someone else.
He would chuck would as much
as he could.
That's the...
No, no, he's leading us in the right direction.
No, he's got it.
We should get to replicate what he's doing.
I'm kind of Christopher Warkening my Shatner.
Yeah, that you kind of walk and did.
I don't think I have a leg to stand on to make fun of anyone else's impersonation.
Christopher Warkin.
If William Shatner had a baby for me.
So does that mean I have to go next?
Yes.
Yeah, see, now I was just laughing at you, but now I have to do it.
I immediately regret that I laughed at you.
How much wood?
Would, a woodchuck, chuck.
If a woodchuck, could chuck.
Wood, Mr. Spock.
If he had Mr. Spock, it's immediately Shatner.
Yeah, right.
He says Mr. Spock after every sentence, I'm pretty sure.
Okay.
All right.
I'm going to do an impression.
I'm going to do it.
Because you have to?
No, because William Shatner is just a guy.
How much wood would a woodchuck, Chuck, if a woodchuck could Chuck would?
I'm pretty sure when he's just talking in interviews.
That's just how he talks normally off camera.
That's how he talks.
I'm pretty sure
I'm trying to remember the commercials he did
Oh wait
You didn't say Mr. Spock though
So I'm on no no
That's his character
Oh okay
Yeah he did all the the commercials
For whatever that travel thing was
Expedia
It was one of those
Travel Opsipathy
Travelopathy
You know the disease
Priceline
Oh yeah price line
Yeah
We're back to Mark going first
Oh boy
Yay.
So, Mark, you have to do
She sells seashells by the seashore
as Scooby-Doo.
Roque.
She?
Wait, the list doesn't apply here, right?
She had legs for days.
Raggy.
There wouldn't be R's for she.
It'd just be she, or not...
Re?
Well, he says raggy instead of shaggy.
Oh, God, he does.
Re-Relves, re-rows by the re-roar.
That's actually really good, I think.
There you go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Wait, is it me?
Yes.
I went last the first time.
Right.
Rhyrows, re-rows.
Rhy the re-roar.
Rye the re-roar?
Is that how he does it?
It was very good, man.
That was good.
That was good.
Yeah.
Like, was he a horse?
Come on.
Hey.
Listen, if you're allowed to leave during my episode,
I'm going to consider doing that here now.
Re-roes, reshows, re-roes.
Re-shells.
Re-shells.
That one.
Re-shelves.
Re-shells. I figured out how to say it S just for this one word.
Raggy?
What a thing to come up for the S's.
Yeah, really not great.
Let's move on immediately.
This episode is brought to you by Uber.
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We all need that sometime.
And Uber knows that.
Uber isn't just a ride or a car.
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really matters whatever it is you show up or there's a will we're on our way
Uber on our way download the app today Bob your first I'm second marks
third what is this tongue twister is this an established tongue twister I don't
know. How can a clam, cram, and a clean cream can? What the fuck is that? Okay, but you have to do your
best clown impression for this, like a bozo-the-clown type thing. Any clown? I mean, I'm kind of
thinking, like, you know, default kind of, I can't, I'm second on the impression list. Just do a
clown. Okay. But you think a clown sounds like, the stereotypical kind of clown voice.
Yep, I know what clowns sound like, because I see a lot of clowns.
Uh, hey kids, how can a clam, cram, and a clean cream can?
Is that what clown sound like?
I don't want that clown to be in my house.
Hey, it's Mark's birthday, everybody.
Oh, no, please, no.
Do you want me to make you a balloon animal?
Nope, no.
I'll make you a frog.
What?
Okay.
It's harder than it sounds.
It sounds difficult.
Why would that be an animal you can make?
I got green balloons.
What else am I going to make?
You're not a guru, are you?
Oh.
Okay.
Who's, who's the next?
Wade's turn?
I don't know this order.
I don't know this.
I think we're just randomly shuffling.
I don't know.
The order's fine.
It's me now.
It's fine.
It's fun.
How can a clam cram and a clean cream can?
Snagglepus?
No, he's...
No, I'm a clown.
Your chocles from Legends of a Vail.
right?
Yeah, there you have chuckles.
Yeah, chuckles.
Yeah, got that.
All right.
Why does she wear sea shells?
Because she's too big for be shells.
That's why my friends back home all called me whiskers.
Because I'm curious, like a cat.
It helps my crippling depression.
Oh, all right, okay.
Hello, Georgie.
How can a clam?
Cram?
in a clean green can
It's Pennywise
It's Pennywise
I got that
Okay cool
Alright good
I wasn't sure
You just seemed surprised by the sound
That came out of your mouth a little bit
We all were I think
That's fine
Don't worry about it
Hiya Georgie
Hello Georgie
I thought it was great
That was immediately
Recognizable as Pennywise
It was spot on
Good good
Good
It just made me laugh
But we're here
We're doing bits
Clowns make you life
Honestly, I hate that tongue twister
That's a bad one
I don't like that one at all
Yeah, I don't want to clam
Cram Clans
I don't want to cram anything in anything else
Even if it was like clean
Dirty I don't care
What's a cream can
I don't know
Whip cream can
I don't like it
Okay I think I'm first on this one
Then we will have all had to lead
At least once
Is that right?
Sure
For twice I mean twice I mean
Yes
Yes
Shaggy from Scooby-Doo
Wait, aren't these the same tongue twister?
Ice cream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream?
Oh, sorry, I was looking at the next one.
I was stupid.
Why could that not have been the clown?
Ice cream, you're the host. You can do whatever you want.
It's random. I'm doing a wheel.
Yeah, but you could lie.
I guess that's true.
Like, ice cream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.
It wasn't good.
What?
Zoinks.
I thought that was okay.
That's what he sounds like.
Isn't it?
I don't think it was good.
I thought so.
But this is gonna be worse, so I think that...
Yeah, I heard that, I'm like, that's not shaggy, but I'm also like...
Oofers.
I don't think I can do it.
Like Scoob.
I scream.
You scream.
We all scream for ice cream.
Fucking, what the fuck.
Hey, that is...
I knew who you were going for.
Yeah.
That's recognizable.
The listeners are picturing these characters saying,
man, that was like
Matthew Lillard was in the room
with us. I love Matthew
I always come back
I remember when
Shaggy said that before killing the
children
Uh huh, uh huh
Oh now I have to go
You do
My enjoyment is immediately ruined
Um
Like zoik scoob
Ice cream
You scream
Like we all scream for some ice cream
Man
Right?
Yeah.
That was good.
Just improvise a little bit.
It's a bit harder than you'd think, man.
He says man a lot, right?
Yeah.
It's much harder than I think it would be.
Should we wrap there?
Should I do one more around?
I know we're trying to keep these shorter.
One more.
One more round?
Mark's not done stuff.
All right.
Let's do it.
I got it.
So now we're back to Mark Bob, then me.
Yep.
Okay.
This is Susie and the Shootshine Shop as Kermit.
I don't want to go anymore.
I think we should stop.
This is a beginner one.
We can do this, I think.
Oh, God.
What does Kermit sound like?
It's okay to take them up to, like, practice.
Like, if you want to, like, get it out there.
It's like, it's like, fucking AI model trying to figure out how to this.
That's okay.
Bob's got me on like the adventurous train, so I'm like...
Torbeck doesn't want to do any more impressions.
Oh, yeah.
I've seen the animations for that.
But that's not Kermit.
Is it?
No.
Well, then why'd you do it?
No, I just have adventurous voices in my head.
You know, it's not easy being green.
These are the same.
Should I do the second one or the first one?
What?
Susie.
It's number seven.
Because it's I saw Susie sitting in a shoe sign shop.
He works in a shoe-shime shop is the next one.
Whichever one you want to do, I guess, yeah.
Do the longer one.
Now it's funny.
Yeah, I'll do the long one.
Suze.
Nope, that's Shaggy.
Ah, man, Kermit, huh?
Go to look up a video.
Kermit sounds is what I googled.
I'm bad at Googling, man.
Gone downhill.
Okay, I got it.
Hey-ho.
No, I don't got it.
Hey-oh.
Kermit the frog here.
frog here. All right.
Susie works in a shoe shine shop.
Where she shines, she sits.
And where she sits, she shines.
I was really hope but yours would be worse than that.
I'm not going to lie.
I had a lot of practice.
I had a lot of practice.
Ah.
Hey, hey ho.
Hey, hey ho.
Hey ho. Hey ho. Hey ho. Hey oh.
Oh, hey.
Hey there.
Hey.
Is he Canadian?
Is Kirby Canadian?
He can be.
Yeah, he can be.
Susie works.
It is shoe shine shop
Where she signs
She sits
And where she sits
She shines
Oh man
I got so caught up
On not saying shits
That I forgot I was doing a voice
No no
Kermit's in the room with us
I feel it
What's the note
How does he yell
Ow
What was that
It's fine
It's just the heavy weight
I'm playing with
Hmm
Okay
Zuzi works in a shoe shine shop
Where she signs
She sits
And where she's
since she shines.
I thought we did it bad, but I think we're pretty good.
Oh, I didn't think it was that bad.
Oh, you know what?
I shouldn't have tried to do Kermit.
I should have my Patrick Mahomes impression.
I found that funny.
I should know who that is, shouldn't I?
Take that, you scumbag.
Is that a sport thing?
Yeah, he's a quarterback for the chiefs.
I feel like that's a sport thing.
I've never understood the beginning of that joke, but it makes me laugh.
By the transitive property, I just want to throw this out there because it makes me feel better about football because I'm a Bengals fan.
By the transitive property, the Chiefs lost to the Dolphins.
So that is hilarious.
That's true.
The Bills beat the Chiefs, and then this past weekend, the bills lost to the Dolphins.
That means that the Chiefs are worse than a team that lost to the Dolphins.
That's what I'm going to cling to while we wait for Burrow to recover from surgery so we can go four and 11, or however many games it is.
Yeah, it's almost as bad as losing to the Jets.
So, um, Christopher Walken is doing Fuzzy Wuzzy.
Bob, I think you're first, then me, then Mark.
I thought we were done.
Oh, yeah, I thought we were doing one more.
No, one more round, meant we each host one more.
We're doing one more all the way around.
Oh, oh, no.
All right.
Yeah, no, okay.
Thanks, Mark.
Who?
Who, who?
Wow.
Christopher Walkin, right?
Okay.
Yep.
Uh, uh, uh, yeah, wow.
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy Wuzzy
Wasn't Fuzzy
Wuzzy
That's not what he sounds like
That's just the voice I ended up doing
I just wanted to keep a consistent start to finish
Was my goal so
That was good
That was good
Okay I gotta not Shatner my walking
Since I walk into my Shatner
Shatner
Shatner I barely know her
Fuzzy Wazzy was a bear
Wuzzy Wazzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't Fuzzy
Wuzzy
Is Wade gonna win this episode or?
No, no, no. Just wait, wait for this. I got this.
I'm getting no points. Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy, I had no hair.
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't Fuzzy. Fuzzy.
Let me try again. Let me try again. Let me go again.
I'm laughing because at the end you did the...
Fuzzy Wuzzy Wuzzy.
You did De Niro face.
Yeah, you really did.
You did the like squinty like the...
Oh, yeah, and Christopher Walkins never squinted a day in his life.
He's got big eyes.
He doesn't squint.
He just has a funny voice.
Would that change the voice I do?
Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy, wuzzy had no hair.
Is that better?
I would say that was a little better.
Well, the first part was better.
Then the second part fell a little bit less walking than who wasn't?
Sitting.
I don't know.
Who was that?
Christopher De Niro.
Standing.
All right, this is the last one.
Let's Mark decides he wants another round.
Oh, I get to choose.
Why are we leaving this in his hands?
Why is that?
How did that become part of this?
Hmm.
Elmo does can you can a can.
Who's first on this one?
Is it me?
You.
Oh, okay, Elmo.
Oh, no, he's never done Elmo before.
Yeah, we're screwed.
Can you can a can?
Can you can a can?
It's a little seize.
It's a little cheese.
That's a big word for Elmo.
You can go fuck yourself.
Can you can as a car?
What's sorry?
Can you can?
Can I can as a canna.
Can can can.
Honestly, that was, that was.
It sounds like you're at the bottom of a hole and Elmo's yelling down to you.
That was really good
It just sounded like Elmo was in trouble
I could not do more than like a word or two at a time
I don't know why
I could not
Like I didn't need that much air
But I felt like I did
It's like getting waterboarded but with air
I think you're chesting Elmo
I like top of my roof
The roof of my mouth Elmo
It's not like you were chesting Elmo
I don't know what that means
I don't want a chest Elmo
Can come
Tom
Tom
Can
Can
And that's the end
And that's the end of the episode
Huh?
Ah, not so fast
Ah, not so fast
All right
Can you can-a-can?
That's a big, that's a big, that's a bit, that's a big one for Elmo.
Can you, cat or cat?
This is a cat-a-cat-cat-a-k-kid-a-k-k-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
But your impression's always turned, like, into someone from Brooklyn.
Like, you have Brooklyn Elmo.
Look, man, I felt really good about that for half a second.
And then it just got- No, it's good, but just like the last, you got away from me, you know.
The last few words just like Brooklyn Elmo.
I don't even think I could do it.
either, so don't, if you're waiting
for me to do that again.
Is that what they say? I mean, yeah, that was good.
Hey, I'm for Brooklyn.
Okay, maybe not. Maybe I spoke too soon.
Maybe not.
Oh, let it end.
Well, are we doing another round, Mark? What do you think?
Oh, I don't need to think. I don't want to.
All right. That's too bad. We had some great
impressions left on the list.
Yeah, yep, I bet.
I guess, was Smeagle on the list?
Oh, of course he was.
Sure.
Oh, good.
Was he next?
Left on the list, I had, I'm just completely
the ones we've already did. We had Dracula,
Batman, Smeagel, Goofy,
Ryan Stiles' version of Carol Channing,
Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Patrick Starr.
That's pretty...
So we had seven we didn't get to.
That's not bad.
Let me go through the current points.
I gave you guys a wash for walking and Elmo.
I couldn't decide.
There were parts about your walkins and elmows I liked and didn't like equally.
And I didn't give myself any points.
So I gave myself no criticisms.
But so far, for the points, I gave Mark, half of a segue point.
He got Donald, Scooby, Clown, and Kermit.
Bob.
I gave Mickey, Shatner, Shaggy, and he made me laugh when he said Mahomes is Kermit.
Currently, we are at four and a half points, Mark, to four points, Bob.
It's only a half point difference.
It's anybody's ball game.
I feel like my Shatner was pretty good, you know,
because I want to reiterate, he's just a guy.
I can't argue with the logic,
but I feel like if your impression needs an explanation,
that maybe it could be a better impression.
It's fine.
It's fine.
I don't know why I'm trying to win this.
If anyone deserves to win this, it's not me.
None of us deserve to win this.
I don't know if anyone deserves to win it,
but I deserve to not win it pretty clearly.
I also don't know how I feel.
about the fact literally every voice I was like, I can do the okay at that was on the list of
beginner voices.
Yay.
Well, is it wheel time or?
Oh, it's wheel time.
Yeah, I've got to add something to the list.
We already have best impression in there, I think, if I recall.
I think we do.
I don't know.
I'm trying to think of something creative here.
How about like dreaded the turns the most or dreaded their turn?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Uh, least wanted to participate
Yeah, something like that
Which one of you two
Least wanted to participate today? It's hard to
It'd be a tough call if it landed today
But uh, least wanted to participate
Most Dread to participate
I put most dread to participate
Because I really like Dread as a word
That's fair, dread is a good word
Oh
Alright, first we gotta figure out how many
Oh boy
Let me guess
Three
I'm feeling two
Oh
Wow
Oh
Mark Stradamus in the house
Next Constitution we add a bonus point for guessing how many
Spins it's gonna be
Oh I like that
We should add sports betting as a concept into our Constitution
Yeah we wager our points
Hit our parlay
All right everybody ready two spins
Spin number one
Only wrong answers.
All right, I've got to be honest, I don't remember what this means.
I think this was for someone who, literally, if there were any questions, got everything wrong.
If the questions were impressions, I think I'm a candidate for only wrong answers.
I'll leave it up to Wade.
I'm not sure if anything could qualify as questions here.
I think Mark and I both had our strengths and weaknesses, so I'm not going to say that I'm exclusively.
Yeah, I think we re-spend this because I don't know that any...
You all tried.
Like, this isn't exactly like something you, we all do in the regular.
So, like, I'm not going to be super critical here.
So I wouldn't say anything was wrong.
It's not like I told you to do Elmo when you guys came out and you were like Igor or something.
Well, oh, no.
Even though William Shatner might have been.
Had the most harrowing small talk.
Well, I talked about Warner Brothers.
I had that Uber ride that was scary.
Yeah, well, you went through security.
I'm moving.
It's a moving harrowing.
Oh, yeah.
You were, no, you were dreading moving.
They're both pretty harrowing.
I'm not going to lie.
Actually, you started your small talk off like,
I hate this and X, Y, that's true.
Heroing is defined as acutely distressing.
Moving is more distressing than going through security, probably.
Probably.
Okay, so yeah, Bob, I'll give you the harrowing.
I'll take it.
That puts Bob in the lead by half a point.
It'll all classic heroin point.
But watch this.
Golf rules.
That's going to be really
I should stop doing it.
You get out of here.
No, that's spending.
Point for listeners.
Get out of here.
Listeners, get a point.
You're not invited.
Congratulations, Bob.
That makes you the winner.
There are so many options on this wheel.
How many times has it landed points for listeners?
You want to see?
Oh, quite a few.
Oh, you actually have the stats.
Well, so if I do another.
spin. When you do the spin, when it finishes,
there's an option to look at stats.
Here, few stats.
Oh my God, yeah.
Most locked in seven times.
Point for listener, seven times.
Best looking seven times.
Most self-savitage six times.
I can't believe shirt closes the background is five times.
We've done that a lot.
Sudden death is five times.
Why does that keep coming up?
Baldest is three times.
Easy.
Yeah, go to the bottom.
I want to see the bottom.
I wish we could see the zeros.
Well, I guess it doesn't say zeros, okay.
Well, that's not very fun.
There's got to be something that have never rolled
that have been on there since the beginning.
Definitely.
Wait, how many points go to viewers?
Oh, there they're at five.
Okay, seven and five for those two.
That's ridiculous.
That's ridiculous.
But in this episode, it's fair.
It makes sense to me.
Does it?
Does it?
Doesn't have to be.
Was it?
Unless someone declares it's not.
I think it is.
I'm not going to do it.
so that's the game congratulations bob for winning bob give us your winner speech i don't feel like
i won i think the original score will tell you that i in fact did not win but the wheel is part of
what we do here and i guess i deserve this i will host a very very good episode that will not be
themed after the listeners so everyone can look forward to that and not having to hear us do any more
impressions, at least for one more
episode. Well said. Mark
Loser's speech. Still too
late. Yeah, the winner speech was given. I think
that's thorough, isn't it? I'll allow it.
Bob, keep talking. Oh, yeah,
I wasn't done, by the way.
Oh.
Also, I just want to say
that... Unfair! Does it count?
Bob said he'd allow it, and I just, frankly, don't give a shit
so sure. All right.
I think.
What do I think?
What's unfair?
Bob's winner's speech?
What is unfair?
I'm trying to really scrape the bottom of the rule barrel here for a way to eke out a win.
Oh, you think the final score is unfair.
Yeah, you can challenge the final score.
That's allowed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think because Bob is running the wheel that he's biasing it for himself.
Probably.
Probably.
Okay.
So you're saying specifically the wheel spins were unfair.
Yeah
Yes
And the wheel spins
Went to
Bob and listeners
So if you win
The points go to you and viewers
Yeah
That seems only fair
Okay
All right
So three heads
Means
Mark is correct
And wins
Three tails
It's doubly fair
Otherwise it stays the same
Okay
All right
Oh
That's fucking tails
Heads
Oh, fuck.
All right.
So it was fair.
I tried.
And Bob, coincidentally, great winner's speech.
And now I'm done with my winner's speech.
Thank you.
Wow.
Well time.
What a speech.
Mark, loser's speech.
Oh, hey, man.
What's up?
I wish my...
Small talk had been more harrowing.
I wish that the listeners...
um, lose their ears.
I wish that the viewers gain extra eyes.
Uh, and, you know, uh, as a loser, I don't think I'm going to get any of those wishes.
Uh, because if I lose, I don't get what I want.
Do I get wishes? Did I miss on witches?
Ah, your species over.
With, wish, wishes?
You get witches.
Yeah, sorry, you missed out. You'll get, uh, later.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
But, uh, thank you for allowing.
me to participate so that I could lose
I guess
I'm done with my loser's speech now
on behalf of the listeners
the real winners from last episode
wow what a great episode
great effort everyone you guys can find
these great impressionists
online market market supplier
Bob at my scurn I'm also on there
is Minion 777 or Lord Minion 777
stay tuned for the next one where
Bob will host and it'll probably
another very quick episode
like this one uh oh until then
podcast now
Watch new
episodes on Spotify
Okay, only
10 more presents to wrap
You're almost at the finish line
But first
There, the last one.
Enjoy a Coca-Cola for a pause that refreshes
Oh, love.
