Distractible - PowerWash Pals: Bob [Bonus Episode]

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

Welcome to another PowerWash Pals Powerwashing Podcast. This time with another "and friend," Bob. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution. This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish. Wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with the Tresame Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection. Visit Tresame.com to learn more. Whoa, what are you listening to this for?

Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Navigating adulting isn't always easy. You not just working you're working late and dinner dates are all what's your five-year plan and you're thinking paying off the bill for this fancy

pants meal probably so when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you reach for craft dinner because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love that's when it's gotta be kd when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's got to be KD. When you got to do you, it's got to be KD. Shop now. Welcome to Power Wash Pals Power Washing Podcast. I've been a fan for such a long time. It's just exciting to be here.

Yeah, I'm surprised that you made it through the selection process. But we're here now. Wow. That was a little judgmental. Okay. I get what you're saying. We're here about brutal realities. That's what this show is all about.

Maybe. Probably. Probably. Oh, my God. Your power washer is loud. Oh, yeah. You might want to turn down the power washing volume, because it gets kind of loud.

Actually, you know what? I'll tone down my more to your level. I'm just a beginner scrub over here. You don't have to show off for me. This one's kind of... How's this one? Sound better? That sounds like an actual power washer

instead of a gravity weapon destroying the thing you're spraying. It was pretty nice, though. I mean, you can use your fun toys. I'll just start on the other side. That way I'm not all up in your ears. I appreciate that. But anyway, introduce yourself for those who don't know you, which shouldn't be. Yeah, I'd be surprised if there was any of them here. But if you don't know me, my name is Bob Meiskens,

longtime friend of Mark, college roommate. I also do YouTube. We do a little podcasting together. If you don't know me, it's probably because you only watch Mark's solo videos, or I don't know. You're here on the Distractable channel, but you don't listen to Distractable. Which would be fascinating. But I bet there's... It happens.

There's got to be someone who's in that category of never seen Distractable, not going to watch it, but here for this. Yeah, with numbers, when they get so high, there's just like a statistical probability that the kind of configuration we're thinking of, of human being is out there currently. Totes. And they should feel very special. It's a unique position. Whoever you are, good on you for sticking to your guns? I don't know. Yeah.

There's probably still some holdouts that are just like, I will never listen to Distractible because I bet I'd like it but they promoted it too much oh i i see that on like the subreddit and stuff so much yeah like to this day like once every couple weeks maybe there's a post that's like i tried to not listen to distractible because mark promoted it so hard and i was like oh god and i finally listened to it after three years it's the best thing that's ever been made well i get that it's annoying to hear us go on and on

about please listen to the podcast but like it's we we do that because we believe it is actually pretty good yeah i'd like to think that people watch my stuff and generally trust what i have to say so i'm like i don't know why it's a questionable thing if i tell them hey this thing that i'm a part of and is part of the same content you like is is i think you'll like it um but i do i think it's i get with other with other like content creators influencer type people i totally get that. Because there are some people where in a 10-minute and one-second long video, it's nine minutes of like, buy the merch, check out my podcast. Oh, yeah.

But you don't do that. People who actually watch your stuff should know that if you're talking about something, it's because you either believe in it vehemently or you think it's really good and they'll just like it. And so you're like, watch this. I think you'll really enjoy this. I try to be really reserved about that kind of stuff because, yeah, I don't like the oversaturation. I believe that there's, you know, I know it's a strategy. I know that like the call to action thing. But it works is the annoying thing.

Of course. But... And right now, the YouTube added a change where if you say the word subscribe or something like that, the subscription button will glow. Oh. Did you know that? Subscribe, subscribe.

Oh, wait, this isn't on that. No, I didn't hear about that. Yeah. Is that just like algorithmic? Like if it picks up that word and the auto- auto transcripting stuff, it'll just do it? I don't know if it happens more than once, but it definitely does glow the button. So I don't know how effective it is. There's got to be some kind of funny exploit for that.

It's just like if you say stuff that rhymes with subscribe or if a certain pattern comes up in your voice you can just make the the button glow glow when you go into youtube mode it's like and be sure to hit that bell and subscribe leave a like as everyone does it's just gonna permanently change speech patterns there will never be another youtube video where people talk normally because everyone's just like the button's gonna glow dude the internet has already changed people's speaking patterns well yeah fundamentally it's not so much about like everyone's like the youtube reaction there's there's actually like a wave of tiktoks all the time that rises and falls just like um gen z calling out millennials for being cringe

oh i've seen those or we're talking super slowly yeah yeah it's like part of that is definitely true uh because there's there's there's cringy people in every generation i think that's that's definitely understood but i think it's also because of the prevalence of like youtube based or internet content showmanship quote unquote if you can call it showmanship but it's like that a lot of the, the cringe videos I see are based on some of the worst habits that I see in terms of YouTube and have done in the past. Like I'm not, I'm not exempt from it either, but it's not so much about being a millennial. It's about being like habitually on the internet. Yeah. I think those are funny. Cause it's,

yeah, that's the thing is like, it depends what part of the internet you're on because the ones the ones that i've seen is like complaints from gen z uh people about like oh millennials talk super slow or they have this like there's a cadence to it right of like expectation and then pausing and all this stuff and it's like well i think that that is the kind of content i see when i'm on the internet also because probably i mostly watch people who are closer to my age range. But like Gen Z, chronically online people from Gen Z are like, no, you should talk like Gen Z creators that I watch who all talk at like a thousand words per minute. And it's like, I get that.

I'm not saying that's wrong. per minute and it's like i get i i get that i'm not saying that's wrong but yeah it's it's but i think it's a common miss miss identification of what it is quality wise about makes some content appealing with that because there it's a skill right it's a talent to be able to talk quickly and be understood it's also a talent to talk quickly and be completely bullshit about what you're saying but in a convincing way that makes it sound like, you know what you're talking about there, there's different levels of it. And I think like it's lost on people because not many people know this,

but speaking is an art. You can, everyone's like most everyone speaks. Not everyone is good at speaking. Not everyone is intelligent about it, not just selecting the words that they're using, but the patterns of expression that they're using, because words aren't the main issue in terms of communication it's it's exploiting predictable

patterns and recognition that is mass appealing to people that have been like that is understood by the most amount of people even if what you're saying by definition isn't exactly what you're trying to get across there there's another level of group dynamics, just to talk really conceptually about it. There's another level of group psychology that comes into play in public speaking that is using terms that are not definitively correct, but are understood to be a certain way. And that comes in patterns.

It's not just about definitions, it's patterns. And those patterns of speech can be done poorly, just like an instrument can be played poorly. And mistakes can be made. But also mistakes can be beautiful in music, and it's like the same thing applies to speech. Yeah. Well, and I don't know if this captures exactly what you're saying,

but this is something I think about a lot. I think I can be funny. I think I have some skills as a speaker and some understanding of language to the point where I'm totally capable of being pretty funny. A lot of the times I cringe at my own attempts to make a joke or hit a punchline or whatever. But the thing that I think makes me funny is not the words that I say at all. I honestly think I'm painfully uncreative when it comes to like vocabulary but it's cadence it's like i think about a lot like what speed are am i hitting this with where like where and it's

not a conscious thing when i'm in when we're doing like the podcast it's a thing where it's improv but i think about when i'm analyzing something if I'm watching it afterwards or editing something, God forbid, of my own voice, I think about a lot like, oh, that pause right there, like that was an interesting instinct. Why did I do that? And also, why did that make that funny? Because in another more normal cadence,

what I said right there, not that funny, objectively. Pretty stupid. And I think it's very like i wish i i honestly i get a little jealous of you and uh to a like a really big extent wade when we do stuff together i think wade is fascinating in his word choices and the way that he like associates language and words together. Oh, definitely. Yeah. Those are all things that encompass being a good speaker, being entertaining or funny or charming or whatever. Yeah. I think that most people would agree objectively you are very funny. And I'm not just saying that to compliment you. Well, I mean, you could take it as a compliment, of course, because it is.

Yeah. But even that. Even that. Even that. as a compliment, of course, because it is. Yeah, yeah. But even that, even that, even that. It's like, yeah, it's these things all come from something that you actually touched on

that I really try to make people understand out there. For anyone listening, the best way to improve in terms of entertainment or any kind of artistic form is self-criticism. It's self-analysis. And a lot of people, like yourself, probably don't like watching themselves they don't like the sound of their own voice

but me I've never really had that problem and it's not that I don't cringe at some things that I do it's like I edit a lot of my own stuff I'm editing the movie right now and I'm seeing through all the takes that I'm doing and a lot of them are not what I want them to be they're not great there's some really

bad performances on some takes that happened for one reason or another. I stumbled over a word. The emotion was completely forced. Something like that. I don't shy away from them because simply by identifying that it was not what I wanted or that it wasn't what I wanted meant that I can closer identify what I do want. Because what you want, and a lot of people out there, it's a common phrase that you don't know what you want. That's true even for yourself. But you can identify the shadow of what you want by looking at all the mistakes that you've

made. So that kind of self-analysis and looking back on what you did and repetition of that process is what allows you to better form who you really are, what works as a performer, and being true to yourself and understanding that and honing in, like not diluting yourself and like, I'm great. And I don't need to look at what I do. Always being analytical about it is what's going to allow you to constantly grow. And so I'm glad you said that because it is, it's such a big process that everyone tends to ignore or not want to do yeah well i will say that that makes me think about i guess it's a hard process to figure out in terms of like being trying to be objective about it instead of you know just like cringing and being

like oh i don't like that because i and then the the what that made me think of is one of the most fun things i've ever gotten to do is filming stuff with you like heist and like in space where it was like it wasn't just like what we normally do where it's there's you know no performance is the last performance even on the podcast right there's episodes but like there's always another episode so if something happens i can listen back and i can be like i didn't really like that how i approach that or like that bit i tried to work do this is why it didn't work i didn't like you know if i if i go for something like that in the future i have that context but acting on like you're talking about with the movie there's what you need one take there's a final take there's no like oh well next

time i'll do it differently there's a little bit of that but like also the thing you're making right now the take you're doing right now one of those takes unless it gets cut completely goes into the movie the show the whatever and so it's i it's super fun being on set in the things that you've invited me to be on but it's so much harder because in real time like the most external reflection you get on set is like there's playback between takes you might get to look at playback of whatever the last take or two was and see how it looked and maybe hear how it kind of sounded but not really how it sounded and you you have to be conscious and analyze. And some of the extras were super helpful

in giving me tints and giving me their take on stuff because I really didn't like, especially as Bert. I thought that my character in space, I love the character. It's like, I thought it was hilarious. And I thought I did such a poor job for what i wanted him to be and like how funny i thought the character was and it was so the thing was it was so difficult to like do do the lines do the do the scene do the take and then afterwards immediately

be like why didn't that work that felt weird what and think through like be self-critical without the benefit of just like watching it in editing watching it over having time to think that that's you know i always thought like oh acting seems so fun and it is fun but like the at least part of the hard part of acting that i feel like i got exposure to was like doing that being open to that a whole day day after day of like being self-critical looking at what you just did and trying to tweak it and get exactly what you want it's really freaking hard it is there there's a there's a cutoff where it's like no more takes that's it we're moving on and there's i never maybe once or twice in when we were filming the stuff in in space when i was bert i finished and we were filming the stuff in, in space, when I was Burt,

I finished and we were like, all right, next setup. And I was like, cool. I'm happy. I'm really happy with that. I think I got everything I was hoping to do. I hope it looks good. Every time we cut on move to the next thing, I was like, how damn it. Why didn't that feel right? Like, I don't know why it didn't feel right. But part of me is like, ah, you should have done something else. Yeah, it is so much harder than people know. Everyone looks at acting and they're like, oh, man, that seems like such a fun job. I just need a chance to do it. It's work.

And that's why, like, in the long run, I don't want to do acting as a full-time thing. I'd rather be the director. I'd rather be in the director's chair and just guiding the process of the storytelling. But yeah, acting is just such a psychologically damaging job. It is pure self-criticism. And also it's like a risk because when you leave a scene like that and you don't know if you did it well,

you just have to kind of trust like, all right, there it goes. In six months, this is going hurt uh yeah yeah no i mean everyone you know you can kind of get the vibe on set and everyone is cool like no one is like that was awful and let's move on but like you you it's it feels like a big risk of like i feel terrible about that and amy is sitting at the video village and like everyone is like no we got it perfect that's good we definitely one of those last ones is exactly what we want moving on and i'm like oh god i don't know guys i'm gonna trust your judgment but like

yeah and it did turn out great i hope you i hope you think that like bert is easily one of my favorite characters a lot of people's favorite characters but it's a difficult character to do right despite his simplicity because it's just it's hard to get across a whole character when he says two words you know what I mean yeah oh yeah yeah I mean you told me it was kind of based on Scruffy from Futurama and like that was you know when I thought about it ahead of time that was sort of where I based it and Scruffy seems like such a simple character and and some and Burt shares that in a lot of ways but it was like when i only get to say two words there's not a lot of room for correction i have to be way more physical than

i am when i you know it's it's like there's a lot of communication that you have to do and you get less words to do it in it's it was super fun i'm not saying it's not funny if you want to be an actor it's like it's like playing a game with your friends honestly it is but to do it well is like it's very stressful it's and i that that was always surprising to me because it i'm definitely one of those people where i was like yeah acting seems cool i could probably be an actor yeah i'm pretty funny like i could maybe do it but it's a lot of work like i'm not just gonna walk onto a professional set and be like yep i got it that's a good take yeah because it's like then you're not you're not even with like your friends

you're with complete strangers who don't know you and don't understand like the nuance of it uh well and they're not i can't imagine in the professional setting if you're on tv or whatever they're not there to be like, oh, you can do it. They're there to be like, no, not, no, that's not, that's not what we wanted at all. We're going to, let's do that again and do it. Do a better, please. Can you actually try with this one? Are you acting or are you just like, are you pretending to act?

Where are we? What are we doing? So in the character, you're acting like you can't act is that how this is yeah no i i can imagine that'd be a little um that would be some psychological stress oh just a little bit in that sort of setting but yeah which is why i don't want to do it professionally i mean i've i've worked really hard to become better at it but i think that in the long run, I just like telling stories. So I'm going to focus on that as opposed to the other parts of it. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection,

free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc talc and baking soda it's made with ph balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils so whether you're going for a run or just running late do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't find secret at your nearest walmart or shoppers drug mart today in that way i think that a lot of people can take it. It's not just acting that this applies to. Kind of self-reflection is a fundamental, I believe it's a fundamental part of learning who you are and becoming the best person you can be, if that is your goal, which I think most people, it is their goal. Like the discipline of self-reflection is necessary to become a better actor, but also just like in any, in any kind of discipline that you have in any craft and any creative endeavor,

which, you know, at the end of the day, most things that people want to do are creative endeavors. They may not call it art, but the act of creation is kind of the, it's a bold claim to say it's the basis of happiness, but I believe it's the basis of my happiness. And I think that not just making videos is part of it, but it's like making anything, making, you know, a program, making a game, making, you know, money, whatever. It's like there, you got to be creative to do it. And you got to analyze your shortfalls to be able to know what to work on so that you can do better next time. And so that's like just a fundamental thing that I hope is not lost for people going through life. Not that I have the answers, but you know, again, I,

I know what I don't like and I need to face what I don't like so that I can learn what I do like and what I want to do. I don't have a point to make there. Well, this is, I guess, making me think about this might just be a me thing. But I do feel like accurate self-reflection, I think, is a big part of something that people struggle with. I think people struggle with a lot is like how getting hung up and, and especially being bothered internally about like what you think other people think of you is a really like painful and tough thing to deal with. I think people spend, it seems like people spend a lot of time worried about like, Oh,

how did that, how did I come across? Like, Oh, did they, did they secretly not like me? Did that, you know, how did that how did i come across like oh did they did they secretly not like me did that you know how did that how was that interaction and at least for me like feeling like i have a very well not very but as accurate and as like objective as i can be self-reflection on stuff i guess gives me more confidence in like you know i don't know how someone reacted and inside their own mind to whatever i said or did if we were hanging it out or had some kind of interaction but i can look at a situation and at least feel like you know i i didn't do anything you know that's like not true to myself i feel like i represented myself well or accurately. And like, I, it makes me feel more confident in social situations,

I guess is what I'm getting at because it can be really tough to feel like you, you know, where you stand with people. People can be super judgmental, can be catty, could keep things inside about, you know,

maybe they didn't like something and they just going to not say it, but hold it against you or whatever. And I get that. That's like people spend a lot of time fretting about that and uh you know i have the unearned confidence of a uh white man in his 30s so maybe i'm not special maybe i that just helps me but like i do think self-reflection is something that could help build confidence in people where at the very least you can try and fall back on like i don't know how they feel necessarily but i don't think i did anything you know i didn't i mean i represented myself well i i was true to myself

i didn't say anything that doesn't you know doesn't jive with my values or who i want be and who i want people to see me as. So like, that's the most you can do. How people react to you is pretty outside your control in social situations. But, Oh, it just, I guess that feels to me like kind of part of the source of my personal confidence,

which really comes and goes, but at least it helps. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I mean, all of it is, is kind of like when, when people are

interacting with other people and they're critical of things that they're doing, it does often come from a place of insecurity or it comes from a place of wisdom and they really do know what they're talking about and you are just like terrible and you should listen to them, but that's rare, you know? And honestly, if you take, if you get criticism from someone that really knows what they're doing, maybe you should self-reflect and uh maybe maybe i am doing something wrong there but that's a completely outside case uh anyway enough of the philosophy of of of self-analysis and the death of the e unless you want to keep talking about that no well if you have something you want to talk about i'm i just this power washing makes me philosophical apparently well we can keep being

philosophical because i i, I was. What were you going to bring up? I don't know. I was just going to bring up like what games you play. Oh, no, no. I think that's interesting. I think that's interesting right now, actually. Why is that?

Right now, what I'm playing primarily, I would say, is Pokemon Yellow version. Boo. Boo. Boo for Pokemon in general, not just for Yellow. Well, it's classic. I don't like it. I got one of those like emulator type systems

and it's the only thing that I have where the battery lasts long enough that if I forget to plug it in I can still play it. And if I need to turn it off

at a moment's notice for a crying baby, boom. No lost save data, no online game nonsense, whatever. Yeah, having a kid just kind of makes everything really difficult. So Pokemon. Why would having a kid make things difficult? I can't imagine that.

Well, it's not him. It's me, really. So you're trying to get unphilosophical having a kid i've been i've done a lot of stuff and experienced a lot of things and i'm not by no means like a wise old head or anything but i'm in my 30s you know so i've i've seen some stuff and nothing in my life has come close to causing me the kind of like self-doubt and internal angst that having a kid has caused and it has nothing to do with him he's fine he's honestly doing great he's he's developing really well he's a he's really smart like he's doing fine but every moment of every day i and maybe other people have this and i just didn't it wasn't an adult until

now but every moment i'm like god that kid deserves just like everything he deserves the best dad he can get he deserves the best opportunities such a great kid man am i not that like oh god like what if what if i his life? Cause I'm a really mediocre parent. Oh geez. And I don't think I'm doing anything wrong. And like, I constantly ask Mandy too. And she's like,

I think, I think you're fine. Like, it's okay. I think you're doing fine. But internally it's just like, God, he deserves everything.

He deserves such a better dad than me. I've never felt that before but god is that crushing when you have for me at least with having having a baby in the house uh you know i think that's actually kind of a beautiful thing uh because you could be the kind of parent that's like plop him in a high chair put an ipad in front of him and i'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing sometimes but it's just and then it'll be fine it'll work itself out um but i think that's part of the introspection thing like you you recognize the things that you don't want to do like fuck up this new developing human and you can identify like my own shortcomings are inexcusable anymore and i need to address

them because there is so much more at stake i love the concept of having something so important that you would be willing to do anything you know to be better for that thing or at least learn enough more to identify the qualities with within you already that that need to shine brighter so that those can be you know reflected in you know this baby um, you know, this baby. I obviously don't have any experience with it, but I think it's like, that's, that's kind of like another facet that is just so fascinating about human nature and the ability to look forward and, and plan for the future and hope for the future and, and understand

that the, the present is important for that future to become a reality i'd obviously don't have any wisdom to apply to this but i just think it's it's a really cool opportunity probably scary as hell but you know it's cool yeah no i mean it's it's so he's been um he's actually doing pretty good right now even though like our whole house is apparently coming down with covet at the moment great it's COVID's over. What are you talking about? Oh, no, that's right. It must be something else. But, like, he's okay, but man, I hope that

I start actually following through on some of this stuff, because, yeah, like, what you're saying is, like, yes, I will do anything, but also, it's really hard to change fundamental things about yourself as a person and i think that's where part of the strife comes through is like oh well you know until now i've always been

like oh i'm kind of overweight but you know i'll eat better later and now it's like i shouldn't have put this off i i need to change immediately but that's not how that works like i you know the changes are gonna take a long time in terms of like habits around eating habits around health habits around how much screen time i get every day all this sort of stuff it's like i i feel a strong urgency to be perfect right now but also that's just not how it works and i just need to be here right now and as good as i can be for him and not worry too much no no your gut's right yeah you gotta change now or it's too late yeah well it's already too late he's here oh you're right yeah okay he's already learning my bad habits then

give up basically yeah he's basically already ruined ah okay all right well you get them on the next one yeah no i'll have to go around again sorry first child uh but yeah it's uh it's wild i there was a lot of stuff that i was mentally prepared for in terms of like having a kid and that i knew it would be hard and i knew you know all these things i expected i did not expect the completely shattering constant self-doubt that comes with the idea of like i'm i'm not solely responsible for him thank god he has mandy as well and like people lots of people in his life who love him his grandparents and people and you know people who want him and will help him as much as they can but i'm in large part responsible for it and i'm awful i was just not no i know i know it's just like i wasn't prepared for that that's not in any of the books i read someone needs to write a

how to be a dad book that involves like oh and also all those things about yourself that you kind of brush under the rug and you try and cope, you know, anything you don't like about yourself, that gets magnified. That's the only thing you think about now. Yeah.

It's, uh, in, and again, I don't have any experience with like that specifically, but that I know in, in smaller scale, like being unprepared for things and having that lesson learned many times.

And I've made the mistake many times being unprepared for productions, things like that, scrambling, not getting things done in time. That fear, that fear drives me in a lot of things. It's not so much a fear. It's just like I know the consequences of being ill prepared. consequences of being ill-prepared and with a child you don't have the benefit of like well it's just a project or it's just like a short film or it's just like a heist or something whereas like some mistakes could be made it's like no those are going to be reflected forever it's just a human being yeah so like yeah that that definitely is probably the ultimate um test and the ultimate deadline of yeah yeah, all your shortcomings are

here and now. But also, I believe that that can be the greatest catalyst for change. Because I don't know, like we've talked about many times, but one of the big reasons that I started doing what I do now, and you were there at the time, is because I had a tumor, and because I lost a job, and I had that bad relationship, and a lot of things were going wrong in my life that just kind of was a wake-up call that I am not or the universe is not at my beck and call it's not gonna wait for me to be ready to be what I need to be I gotta do something now or a tumor can just happen and I can just kind of die it was a huge wake-up call to me and it's it didn't even like was a an affectation of like someone else being affected it was just me realizing for my own life oh I haven't done anything I have made no choices

I have I have said in my mind and to other people so many things, but I have done nothing. And I keep thinking that I did. That's the worst part of it is that I thought I was making progress and I wasn't. And when the bill comes due for that reality check, it's like that was devastating for me. And yet even that is just a small fraction of the consequences of another life. I mean, I guess for everyone, they can understand it. It's their own life for the first life that you're responsible for is your own. And you know, that is something that also can be fucked up. And it's also something that you can recover from. It's not irredeemable in almost all circumstances, but it's like, yeah,

the weight of that responsibility for being responsible for your own existence is something grand. And then your place in like greater civilization or society, whatever you want to say about we live in a society, just like living amongst other humans as a whole is another sense of responsibility. And then a new life like that's that's another sense of responsibility. It's the part of the death of innocence and like, you know, losing childhood is, is the realization that you have actual responsibilities that, that can be crushing for many people. And, uh, yeah. Well, and that kind of ties back to self-reflection for me, what you said about, uh, feeling like you were making progress and having, having to wrangle with, like realizing that you really really you're just saying things and you

haven't actually made you haven't actually done things you've just like made promises even if it's just to yourself i can't like i can't count the number of times where i'm like i get you know sick or i have some health thing you know because i'm diabetic and i have i've been diagnosed with that for almost coming up on two decades here pretty soon. And it's like that's a pretty serious, totally manageable, but pretty serious, like life changing thing. And there have been so many times where I'm like, never going to eat a sugar or carb again like that. This was a health scare. And I have promised myself a lot in that context. And then there's every once in a while I just have to face the reality. And I have promised myself a lot in that context.

And then every once in a while, I just have to face the reality. I'm like, I didn't follow through on that. I didn't actually do that. That doesn't count as progress. Just because I got freaked out and was like, oh, I'll do it. I'll never, you know, I'll change my ways. It's way harder to actually do something, follow through on something, and like, I don't know, make that change.

Maybe that's just me being privileged, lazy. No, right now there's probably thousands of people that are cringing like, no, no, no, the truth. It feels so good to be like, I'm going to change. I'm going to work out. And like, you make all these promises and then you just like push that to the back of your mind for a while.

You're like, all right, don't assess that. Just rely on those promises we made ourselves. It feels so good. And, but at some, you know, inevitably there's that point where you're like, Oh God, I didn't, I didn't. It doesn't count. I didn't do it. Oh yeah. It's yeah. I, I don't have the answers to all this either because from the outside it can probably look like i've got it together i'm doing what i want i can chase my dreams i still all the time all the time i'm like oh why was i staring at tiktok for three hours straight in the morning

instead of just walking the dogs like why didn't they do that i could have done both at the same time and it's like yet i chose to sit on my my kitchen um sit at my kitchen table and just like browse tiktok or play some puzzle game or or something like that instead of doing the thing that is important we tell our mind tells us the most convincing lies and well we tell ourselves the most convincing lies i'm not it's just so easy to believe it too it's so easy to that that trap of like oh just oh what is it it's like it's it's 9 45 i don't have anything you know till like 11 i'll just until like 10 o'clock i'll just give myself a break you know i'll just and then all of a sudden it's like 10 58 and it's like 10.58, and it's like, oh, I got to be on that call. Oh, God.

Like, what happened? Like, it's so telling yourself at the beginning the lie of like, oh, just a little, and then getting sucked into that hole of whatever it is, social media or videos or like whatever. It's not what you're supposed to be doing. I have a question, though. You got diagnosed with ADHD recently. Maybe not recently now, but fairly recently,

right? Yeah. Nine months ago? I guess it feels recently, but also we moved across the country and stuff since then, so it's been a little while. Yeah, do you feel like getting on medication or getting that diagnosis has helped with some that because some of it is like it's like i i recognize it with adhd some of it is

just like on a fundamental basis and i don't take it as an excuse but on a fundamental basis it can be hard to hold on to those promises and ideas like literally it's i know they're just as important and i'm trying to commit to them i just forget about them because it's like slips out of my mind because other things chime yeah that's a that's a big thing for me is like um i it's not with a lot of stuff in life it's not that i make a promise and then i'm consciously like oh i'm just not gonna do that that's annoying it's that i if it's not in front of my eyeballs, I forget it exists. Yeah, absolutely. And it's literally like it'll be like 10 o'clock at night, and it's like I was supposed to do the dishes or something.

Really mundane, really not that hard, and I just forgot. And now it's too late because I have a sleeping baby in my arms or whatever. And it's like I do think one of my things was I am on medication for ADD, but I really want to avoid stimulants. And for no reason other than I'm just worried about, if you get to a place where the stimulants are helping, you kind of get hooked on them. Like if you have to change your medicine or stop or you can't get it because there has been a shortage, then like it's painful, right? Because when you go from having that to not having that medicine, you're like reliant on it or your brain doesn't work right anymore. It's not necessarily like that, but to some degree you can get dependent on them and psychologically you can get dependent on them i'm not like an addictive person generally but like i i do feel like i'm addicted to stuff that's quickly satisfying i guess part of my problem with food is i feel like i'm kind of addicted to like the

the dopamine hit of like delicious snack oh i need another one and i yeah so i haven't like worried about that but with the medicine but i do think it's helping i do think it's helping i guess yeah definitely and that's why like i believe that medications like adderall for the long term can be very problematic because they do have that kind of rush effect and i know this because i used to take it i don't take it anymore um but i used to take it because it has that rush effect of like, oh yeah. And then some people who take Adderall are like, oh, this is what it's like for everybody. No, it's not what it's like for everybody. The thing about that particular medication is that it's an extremely strong stimulant. It is extremely strong. And it's

so strong that I think the long-term effects are only now just starting to be understood about things like that. And I'm not a doctor. I'm only speaking from my own personal experience. But I definitely, you build a tolerance to it. You become dependent on it. And it creates this illusion that you are not who you need to be without the medication. And that's something that people should be mindful of. Hence why I don't take it anymore.

mindful of. Um, hence why I don't take it anymore. Um, because I did not want to chase the route of constantly increasing the dosage to chase down, like, I gotta be better. And I, this is the only way to do it because it can be a problem and it's something that could be self-reflective. And that's why I like the medication that I'm on now is because it, it works better in conjunction with actual therapies that are like based to create habits that help you address the deficiencies in your life. And that's because it's like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. You know, it's,

it's you, you create systems that you can bring it up. And also you have a medicine that can assist with that to bridge the gap between building the proper habits and it's not that you can't do that with adderall it's just like adderall is much easier to be not necessarily abused but over relied on and again not a doctor but that's just my opinion on it yeah no and that's a big thing too is like it's a lot of what has helped i think is being just aware of it because uh mandy is almost the opposite of me in terms of like she's not obsessive i don't think it's fair to say but she is insanely thoughtful right

anytime anything is happening is she is like okay what what needs to be top of mind? She's always got stuff together. She's just really, really good about keeping track of things, of not dropping the ball. And so it's a problem when I agree to do something and then forget that that thing exists, and Mandy is relying on me. And it's, again, not a conscious decision, but that doesn't change the impact that it has on her.

And so like just being conscious of that and being like, I want to agree to do this because, you know, I want to, whatever, I want to help share the responsibility, whatever thing it is, but I need to like write it on my hand or on the refrigerator. I need to write it on my hand or on the refrigerator.

I need to set about 17 alarms that all continue to go off for an hour and a half until I do the thing. Just like creating stuff like that where it's like being aware of what my problems are and circumventing them through try to foolproof stuff as much as possible has helped, I think, as much as the medicine has. The medicine makes it less painful to fight through the executive dysfunction sort of issue of ADD stuff. But the habits and the systems are what actually help me remember the things I need to remember and have changed it to where I'm not just the guy who forgets five seconds after you tell him to do something. I might forget, but then eventually my phone goes off or the note that I wrote myself or whatever.

The systems do their job and I come back around to like, right, right, right. I'm doing that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to take care of it. I will say, that's another thing that's not at all the baby's fault but this all came around i was diagnosed and started like treatment and stuff while mandy was pregnant that's another thing that really really cuts into the self-confidence is when when i'm when i was blissfully you know unconscious of like of what all am I forgetting? How is ADD affecting people around me all the time?

It doesn't hurt so much. It's like, oh, sorry, sorry. I forgot to do the thing. I'll do it. And for Mandy, that was terrible for her. And she's like, why can't he just do the thing? But for me, it's like, ah, sorry. I'll just fix it.

Oh, my bad. Now that I'm conscious of, like, that people are, you know, I understand that people are relying on me and that that's not just me goofing. That's me, like, you know, really undermining their ability to trust me and to rely on me as, like, a partner or a husband or a father or whatever. That hurts way more when you're conscious about it you need to be conscious about it i think to try and work on it because you

have to really come up with what what works what helps me avoid you know forgetting to do the things i'm responsible for what can i how do i prevent that but then i still make the mistakes and every time i forget something every time time Mandy's like, did you whatever? And I'm like, oh, fuck. No, it hurts. Yeah. Because I'm just like, I know that that's not just like, oh, oopsie. That's, you know, once again, I have let you down.

And it's a thing that I, even though it's, you know, I am diagnosed and whatever, it's not an excuse. It's not like that makes it okay. I miss if I'm at just as responsible for whatever that was as if I had a, you know, totally normally whatever functioning brain that didn't have ADHD, which is just like, Oh, but I guess it being conscious of it, although it hurts, it also motivates me more strongly to like okay well that system needs to be improved or changed then right because that can't happen again tweak the thing keep trying to improve it to where now i definitely can't forget unless

x thing happens then i'll definitely forget next time but then i'll fix it after that time probably like 80 chance i'll never forget again maybe and then you do that for the rest of your life until you're dead yeah well well did you see there was a science article we're almost done with this but there was a there's an article i don't know what it was i didn't actually read it i just read the headline which is a terrible thing to do about science articles don't do this but it was just like it was what it was. I didn't actually read it. I just read the headline, which is a terrible thing to do about science articles. Don't do this. But it was just like, it was,

it was like, I bet it's not even what the article was. The actual scientific scholarly article was about. It was like scientists determined free will doesn't exist. There was some sensational headline like that. Oh, did you see this? No.

Why, why does it free will exist, Mark? I don't know. I didn't read the article. Oh, damn it damn it well why don't you think free will exists that's my question i mean i don't not think that free will doesn't not exist uh right yeah right yeah exactly me too well okay here's here's the thing i don't know what the article was about and i don't want to talk about the validity of the article but what i would like to discuss...

Oh, by the way, you want to see something cool? Just before we get into this. You know your puny washer there? Watch this bad boy. Holy Christ. I could wash this whole thing in like five minutes if I had this.

Good God. This is what you get at the very last level. For some some reason i can't remember why i'm useless yeah i know right it's okay don't worry about it uh but anyway so i think that there's a misconception though about free will because a lot of like people are always just like what's the meaning of life it's not like i have the answer because i it's it's more that i just don't really care i have what i have and i'll do what i do no matter what but i think there's a misconception about free will in that people think the free will means you can do anything. And that's not true because of course you can't do everything. But I believe, you know, people have free will because

they can do something. They could do a few things. They could make a decision to enact change. And it was like, you know, I talked, I think I to wade about this or maybe on the podcast but it was just like the idea that you can take something that is purely thought in your mind i know you can't visualize it and that's that sucks for you that's really fine okay i'm good yeah i can imagine how sad it is um but you could take you could take a thought that's in your head a concept and you can make it a reality you can you can you can affect the world around you with your thoughts and you can turn something that was nothing but brainwaves into something tangible and physical in the world and you know then of course there's a debate that people armchair philosophers are gonna like well of course your thoughts are real

because you're no matter and you're just energy it's like course your thoughts are real. Cause you're, you know, matter and energy. It's like, yeah, I know. Okay. Shut up. Like you're right. But also shut up. And that's many things in life. He's like, you're right, but shut up. It's, it's the thing about like, you can take what you imagine and you can make it into something that will not only become real, but affect other people. Right. And I think that's the most beautiful thing that we can do is, is we can affect those around us in good ways and bad ways but something beautiful doesn't always have to be something good um all the time the the difference is that it's good sometimes to some people and bad for others and but it's change and it's it's change that you can do and that's crazy that's

that's crazy to think about how is this webbing not done oh is it the webbing that's crazy. That's crazy to think about. How is this webbing not done? Oh, is it the webbing that's not done? Yeah, you got a list now of the... Okay, there we go. And then the fin. Fin at the back of the hand. Yeah, and it's just like the ability to change something and exert will makes things happen.

And even in this digital thing, we exerted our will on this guy's fin and it'll forever be changed if we can find where the last freaking fin is ah I found it done oh biscuits oh did you want I should have let you know

I thought it was this whole thing I didn't realize these were all little pieces yeah that's the annoying thing about this game is it often is in all these tiny little pieces. Anyway, did you notice the parade of cats? I hear them. Oh, hey, cats. Yeah, and then there's a gnome watching us.

Where's the gnome? Oh, you don't see the gnome? Oh, there he is. Can I go over to the cats? Nope, invisible wall anyway good talk i'm sure we gave people existences and existential crises enjoy that but feel good in the fact that you know exactly how cringy you are and you don't have to worry about if anyone else thinks you're cringy. Oh, yeah. You already know. Yeah, exactly. Don't worry.

Your feelings are valid that you are cringe. Mm-hmm. And we are too. I'm pretty cool. Whoa, hey. I'm just going to lay down on the finger of... Can't fight the beam. Goodbye. Okay. All right. That's it. Go check out Bob and Distractible. I'm just going to lay down on the finger of Can't fight the beam Goodbye Okay

Alright that's it Go check out Bob And Distractible Alright see ya Uh oh