Distractible - PowerWash Pals: Tyler [Bonus Episode]

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

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Or your safety glasses? I don't know. You tell me. I've got mine. I'm just putting them on right now. I'm ready. Alright. Are you pushing me with your... Yeah, it's that powerful.

Oh, my controller is vibrating. I don't know why. Welcome to the Power Wash Pals podcast. The PPPP. The Power Wash Pals. P-W-P-P-P. Is power wash one word? I don't know.

I have no idea. In the game it is, but power washing, I think it just, it is two words because it's an adjective. I'm joined by Tyler. If you don't know tyler where have you been tyler where have you been i apparently dead uh or something yeah that's what that's what some portion of the internet thinks yeah rest in peace big guy you know i'm just i'm i'm your friendly ghost pal for this Power Wash simulation. Yeah, so today we have the Back to the Future pack. I haven't played any of this.

This might be a little too short if it's just this one vehicle, because usually the episode ends as soon as we're done cleaning. But I think if this one happens too quickly, then we're going to, you know, probably do another. All right, let's go. I feel like starting on the lights is key. Oh, you've never played and you already know what the key is to this game? Yeah, you know.

Because then you illuminate the area that you need to illuminate, you know? Uh-huh. Yeah, you really know how to play it, man. Yeah, yeah. I've power watched in real life, though-huh yeah it's fun it's not quite the same here's the thing man i mean the key to this game is to enjoy the process and that's kind of been the thing that has really been a lesson out of me playing this game is there is no point in rushing things there is no point in doing things. There is no point in doing things quickly.

There's no point in doing things not methodically. The progress will happen as the progress happens. And it's kind of just a beautiful thing to see it being cleaned as opposed to hoping to be done. That has changed my perspective on a lot of things, actually. But this game, it definitely applies. Yeah, I feel like um when it comes to life and things um people always think about their goals right they always think

about where they want to be the destination and they forget that you know in order to get to a place sometimes you have to take your time and you need to be patient with yourself and be methodical to get it done you know properly and right so that you actually develop the skills for when you're there that if something were to happen you're completely ready to to deal with it yeah it's easy to say though it is very hard to do in execution and and that's kind of like why i like this because it is just you can't rush it you cannot rush this game you can't go any faster you can get a tighter beam but then you got a smaller area you're cleaning and if you if you like do big swaths with like a wide spray being like oh I'm doing so much it you'll you'll realize

you'll have to go over it again and again is this blood do you have blood on your side so I hit it with the white to like like, illustrate a point. And the point is that there's a deeper layer. But is that blood? You know, we don't question what the doc, you know, did in his past life. Uh-huh. He may have thrown his truck into an elephant or something. I don't know if having this much blood on this truck that he owns right now is a past life.

I need to unplug my controller. It's jiggling over there. How do you define a past life? You know, is it just if you, like, change your name, or is it if you actually die in a re-run? It's not the current one. Am I crashing? You're certainly spraying me hello are you there i'm here i hear you just fine oh there we go just had some lag i'm back but anyway past life i don't know what would you

consider a past life would you consider five years ago past life or are we talking like for us like high school that would be a past life for sure. But I don't know if that's the delineation. College even seems like a past life. I mean, I feel like in life we have multiple stages and I would call those kind of like different stages of our life. I wouldn't necessarily say it was a past life. To me, I think of like a past life if perchance you went through a name change

or something like that, like before you got got married some people get their last name change Or change more than just their last name when they get married well I don't know because marriage is just a step honestly and the people that are in that relationship It would be strange if they suddenly became a new person right at the moment. They made their vows I'm not sure that that would That would be a surprise to both parties at the wedding. I feel like some people do do that, and usually it ends up in not a successful marriage, probably. Probably.

We would know. You have so much experience in it, obviously, so we can speak to it as an authority. I've been married so many times. All of your past lives. Okay, all right. So here's the thing. um it's all your past lives okay all right so here's the thing i don't think i really started living until say after my tumor like where i started actually having conscious like decisions being made about my own future and i know that seems crazy but to be honest anyone that's been

through a similar experience might actually agree that you know until you realize that your life isn't just going to drift to where you want it and you have to take some action, that kind of is an eye-opening, awakening experience. Yeah. I would say I feel the same with my major kidney transplant. Having gone through that, I feel like before that I was a completely different person. But it's like a change in perspective, you know? I'd say my bigger change actually happened, like, after freshman year of high school when I had went through some big losses with my grandfather

and my friend I really looked up to both dying within the same year. So I guess each individual person could probably define, like, different past lives in their own way. How when it comes to like this guy. How would you define it for years though? What's, are those multiple phases where you would have a past life that you think you are, were a different person and you are better now or worse, you know, doesn't have to be always for the better? Um, I, I definitely think pre and post transplant is one sort of area. I would argue that before freshman year of high school, I was a completely different person. Whether or not other people would say that is to be determined.

I mean, who can really say who you are except for you? Life is a journey of self-discovery. And, you know, that's a whole counterpoint to all this is like, it's the same life. We're just discovering different facets of it. But no one else can's a whole counterpoint to all this. It's the same life, we're just discovering different facets of it, but no one else can define who you are as a person more than yourself. Yeah. I think that's an

aspect that some people don't realize and don't take for granted. Start blaming other people instead of taking responsibility for their own lives. Which is something I've had to work on in a lot of ways, too. in what ways uh just like realizing that instead of you know being like oh i didn't get this and it's because of things outside my control realizing how much more control i actually have and acknowledging the fact that if something doesn't

happen the the only person i can blame in a lot of ways is myself, and whether that's necessarily true or not, it allows me to be able to then move on or work harder to get to where I want to be. Yeah, that is an extremely important thing, and also I want to talk about more, but Chica and Henry are barking so much I need to go. No, you're good.

I wonder how far I can push Mark away from the truck. Oh, I've just been shooting into the ether. Yeah, the whole time. That was entirely your fault. Yeah. Okay. Weird that I'm so far from the truck. Did you know, actually, and this came to my mind,

I've actually been to the parking lot where Back to the Future was filmed. Oh, yeah? Where's that? It's actually in the Inland Empire of L.A., so if you go towards, like, Downey or somewhere near there, there's a mall that is the actual parking lot that they filmed everything in. Wow. That's incredible. But what were we talking about? Like, it was something important. Oh, it was, like, personal responsibility and basically taking control of your life and accepting responsibility for everything. Well, yeah. Yeah. Because that is the crux of everything. It is the taking control of your life.

It's so easy to blame others for the things that you feel like you don't have. And to some extent, yes, the circumstances that we are raised in, the circumstances that we grew up in or were born into do play an incredible amount. You know, not all of us can get like multimillion dollar loans from our parents or be gifted, you know, mansions and stuff like that. So, yes, that is a thing. But we're talking more on a granular personal responsibility level that all of us share as like a common ground, I hope. When you were saying that you had realizations, do you, do you like any specific things there? Um, you know, actually it's been a pretty recent development. I was sitting there like thinking about a lot of different stuff

after I had my hernia surgery, which I don't think I ever really talked about online. Yeah. You mentioned it to me, but I didn't know too many details. Yeah, so I had an umbilical hernia, and afterwards I was sitting there thinking about, like, what am I doing with my life? I'm only known as, you know, like your friend or this or that. And at the end of the day, I was sitting there like, well, if I'm thinking this, what am I? That's a me problem. That's not a problem that the world is putting me in this bucket or doing this for i need to get out of my own head and out of my own space and really focus on my own value and my own ambitions and stop blaming one thing for another for something not happening the way i

wanted it to and instead making it so that taking control of my life and being like well if this didn't happen you just need to work harder and go after it. And it's not anybody else's fault. It's your own. Oh man. That's very mature of you. Has it been easy or difficult? It's definitely been difficult. Um, because I've definitely started trying to do a bunch of different things, um, and making myself busier than all hell, whether it's starting the classical guitar lessons or the voice vocal lessons that I've been doing or like the various other things that I decided to work on and discover for myself because I wanted to, you know, truly discover who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go in life.

discover who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go in life. And part of that is I'm planning this big trip that I'm going to be gone for an entire month overseas to work on writing a book that I've put off for years and years and years. That's great. Yeah. I mean, it's how recent is this development, do you think? It's within this year. Yeah. development do you think uh it's within this this year um so i mean the surgery i think was like what was it july i want to say or maybe august it might have been august or september and it was

just kind of like well if you're not you're not getting this that you wanted well maybe you're not pursuing it enough in the way that you should be. We as humans often think about not what we have, but what we're not getting or what we're not receiving from an area where we thought we should be. And instead, we focus on that negative instead of focusing on how we can fix it or what we need to do or what is entirely our fault because it's easier to blame other people.

Because when it's other people, it's like, well, I can't do anything about it. It is what it is. This is my life. And basically it becomes an excuse and a crutch. And by taking onus, essentially. Taking onus? Is onus just another word for ownership? I've heard taking onus.

No, no, no. The onus is a type of responsibility. But I think it's used as a descriptor of responsibility, like taking on the onus of responsibility or something like that. Onus might mean burden or something like that. I'm not 100% sure. So who am I to say anything? But basically taking my life into my own hands

and choosing to focus on the things that I ultimately want to accomplish and stop thinking, oh, I'm not getting this because people only think of me in one way. Instead, just making it about me and choosing my life as my own. Okay. And, like, that's a super admirable thing, and I encourage you definitely to keep pursuing that. But here's a question. What if you don't? What if I don't what? Get what you want.

I mean, that's... What if it doesn't work out? What if you try really hard and then fail? I'm not saying you will, but I'm saying, like, that also is a part of it. It's like, it would be ignorant of us to say it's guaranteed. Yes, we try as hard as possible and it's guaranteed to win success. What if you don't? I mean, when it comes to that, the thing I recently discovered, and it's actually looking on my past, that I actually view failure as an illusion. Because you may not get where you wanted to go, but you get further than where you were when you started.

And therefore you have succeeded in some way without realizing it you may not have achieved your ultimate goal which i guess would be the definition of failure but i don't consider that necessarily failure because you gave an attempt you gave it a shot and you've learned something throughout the process but what if you really fail super hard and it's just the most incredibly embarrassing thing you've ever experienced and you you just everything collapses down because you put everything on this and then it never works i i mean i don't know i just i've gotten to the place where if it doesn't end up working out and it's then it's i'll find something else so the only reason i ask and i'm not harping on like like what if you don't is is because you know in i i've started to realize that there is

this um this mindset that you know we have encouraged in the past like you can do anything you put your mind to and i i do believe that but that doesn't always translate directly to you will succeed at your goals. And adaptability is kind of a more important skill to me that I've learned lately, like adaptability and being able to be flexible in, in your desires and your goals and being able to maneuver in different ways. It's, it's kind of what you were saying about like failure is an illusion, but it's also like failure, I believe is real, but it's your response to failure that doesn't have to be dictated by the failure itself. And so there's some trickiness there. So that's why I keep asking, what if you don't make it?

What if it doesn't work out the way that you want it to? What next? Do you worry? Like, let's say, for for example i don't know if this is and correct me if i'm wrong but if the hernia example was like oh no i'm getting older or my health you know might be compromised and you know i get i want to get better um do you wonder like like what happens if you fail again and and those same motivations kind of fall apart because it's like this is the last push i can do this for myself and then it doesn't go down there well

nothing is ultimately a last push and i i do this for myself. And then it doesn't go down there. Well, nothing is ultimately a last push. And I think throughout life we realize the amount of times that we try and do something or think about something. We've had multiple places where we thought we would go. I thought I'd be a professional athlete. I thought I'd be working in a front office of an NFL team or a sports organization. And that didn't pan out. of an NFL team or a sports organization, and that didn't pan out.

I thought I'd start my own business doing something completely different than what I'm doing now. Well, that's it. Well, that was a good discussion. Too bad we didn't get to that. No, no, no. We'll do one more small one like this. Because, yeah, this is a good discussion.

Let me just see. Okay, it's the DeLorean. So let's just go right into this. But, yeah, continue. Yeah. So, I mean, for me, you know, going back, I never thought I would be doing what I'm doing now. I went to school for getting a master's degree in sport administration. I went to school for getting a master's degree in sport administration, and I thought I would be working as a coach or we choose to do things then versus now and how we grow and learn different things, we will completely evolve and change completely. in the category of making it in that way um but i didn't fail in life and that's the key thing i

think to hold on to is life is what you make of it and being able to adjust and change on the fly based on what you are given is extremely important because there are things that will be outside of your control but at the end of the day focus on what you can control and do the best with what you have that's given to you that's that's good advice again yeah and who knows what they really want to do as a kid anyway a kid doesn't know what how his entire life will pan out and what what will come there um and it is it just comes down to problem solving itself. You know, I still am curious, though, of like, why a Spanish guitar or a classical guitar? Like, why this book? Why? Why those things? Is it just something to do? Is it a part of the passion? It is part of a bigger project? It's it's things that

I've had and thought about throughout various parts of my life and enjoyed doing. I used to write poetry a lot. I used to, you know, used to be really involved with music with a buddy of mine. I actually have some original songs we wrote and I've always had a passion in the creative process of creating music. It actually dates back to when I was really little. I used to have this little Fisher-Price tape recorder, and I would sit in my room and play on my toy piano and host this radio show where I'd play music with my stuffed animals and stuff. And I was really little,

and it was something my mom reminded me of that I had a massive interest in. Same thing with doing acting and that sort of stuff, and how this everything where life has taken me um has pushed me more towards that avenue to where i feel like i have something that nobody else can offer and it's something that i just want to point out put out there for myself whether it gets like the book sells or whether I actually put music out that people listen to doesn't matter to me because if I put something out that I'm proud of and I'm excited for, I'm just happy that I did it. And so for me, it's looking at things as an avenue of what I want to do ultimately for myself to make myself have pride in who I am and what I am capable of.

Okay. All right. what's the book about uh i just realized you haven't written yet so i'm gonna cut that out i mean that's the concept i yeah yeah but i mean like i don't want to i don't want to the entire concept to be out there and then to discover like someone else plugged it into ai and put your exact words just there and i was like write a book yeah yeah that is the thing though like uh writing do you worry that ai given that its ability like it's not you can't just plug in like write this book and it'll pump out a book but it can pump out words that kind of convincingly seem like it might have something to it. And if someone was willing to mash together enough of what that AI was saying,

then it could become something comprehensible. Do you worry about that? If, if writing is your pursuit? Um, I mean, ultimately I, at the end of the day,

AI is eventually going to find its way in involvement in everything. And I think as a general sense, it bothers me that that is the case. Do I worry about it? No, because I don't think an AI can perfectly replicate creativity. I think you can replicate styles, replicate different ways people have done stuff in the past and come up with some good good good writings but ultimately i think it's gonna still be a bit before um ai can actually get fully into the creative endeavors and processes that a a person can um i mean and at the end of the day they i can only put out uh as good of stuff as was inputted into it to begin with for its computing purposes. Okay. All right.

That's a good point. Very not worrisome. But if it was here, it would be here. But that's a bridge to cross later, right? Yeah. Whoa. What are you listening to this for? Wait.

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Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. All right. Well, you've been talking very, like, philosophically and stuff like this, but a lot of it I feel like we're missing the subject of, like, how this is all feeling personally. Like, on a personal level, what's your gripes? Like, you're very wise right now. I want to hear, like, not wise. What's gut feeling?

What's grinding your gears? What about the hernia sucked? Like, what about the surgery sucked? What were some of the thoughts you thought? I mean, uh, well, I didn't tell a lot of people about the hernia surgery when it happened. Um, and so I heard a lot from people

and- Oh, too late! Goodbye. Nope. Oh boy, here it comes. Uh-oh. Let's see, let's see, let's see. I'm ready. Oh.

This water's useless. They did allow us to put it out. That's hilarious. Oh, okay. That's really funny. I don't know. For me, it was like an eye-opening thing to start actually worrying about my own health. And, you know, start actually taking my things.

That's so philosophical. Did it hurt? Yes, it did. It was painful. It was really annoying not being allowed to lift anything or do anything. I've got really lonely and started questioning whether I had stuff

to offer the world, and that's kind of why I started focusing in on taking control of my life. Lonely, huh? Yeah. That's kind of like a perpetual thing anymore. Yeah? You find yourself lonely? Yeah. Yeah.

You know, just when you're alone and nothing to expand about that. It's just like, that's the most interesting thing so far and you just don't want to talk about it. I mean, I've been single my whole life

and I work from home, and so it's hard for me to get out and meet people. And so there is a struggle in my life, and throughout my life, of being single and being alone and by myself. Is it so it's purely a relationship thing, or an intimate relationship kind of thing? I think it goes into both.

You know, ever since my mom passed away, I used to talk to my mom all the time about different things in my life that was happening. And it was just like somebody who actually cared to listen and want to be there and listen to what's going on in my life. And, you know, like being able to share your day with somebody. But not only just share your day, but like actually hear somebody else's day

and them wanting to share it with you. Having that person that just wants to be a part of your life and reaches out to you consistently and wants to be there in that sense. And that could be a friendship, but for the most part, I've only seen that in romantic relationships um and so i that's something i've lacked a lot in my life and i'd really like to have is somebody i feel like i can share anything with and then that i can hear

somebody else's life um consistently and regularly because it's like i live my life i want to i want to hear about other people you know this about me i'm an extrovert i like other people and being able to hear and share things with other people is is a deep and meaningful thing for me and it's something that i've lacked a lot of in most of my life so why do you think that it's not there. So part of it, I think, is I have closed myself off to it in some ways. I don't really get out and meet a lot of people. And I make excuses because my job keeps me in my house or things like that. But the thing is, when I become interested in somebody in a romantic way, I clam up.

I become incredibly shy and incredibly self-conscious about what I'm doing. Really? Yeah. Why? It's just a nervous thing because all of a sudden, to me, in my head, it's a built-up thing in my head that the stakes are higher. The stakes are higher? Yeah, I can talk to somebody else

and I think it's the illusion of hope, you know? The illusion of hope? Whoa, wait like the illusion of hope. Well, wait a minute. That's putting up that's putting a perspective on it before it's even gone there. It doesn't have to be the illusion of hope. But no, no, I'm saying it's the the hope in a sense is an illusion until it has the possibility of being fulfilled. And so it's like such a half glass, half empty view, though. That's such a glass half empty view, though. No, but the way I look at it, it's like I have this high hope that it's like, oh, this could work out.

This could be a great thing. I don't want to screw it up. And so instead of giving it a shot, I don't give it a shot because expectation of hope that I am afraid to screw it up and therefore don't even try. Okay. Now, I'm not a psychologist. And I'm not going to try to psychoanalyze this at all. And you know that I'm not doing that to say it. But it really is very much a self-defeating perspective.

It's kind of one of those things where it's like, oh, it's going to be bad, so I might as well not try. Not that that's exactly what you said, but it is very similar, right? Yeah, it's like the self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you're going to screw it up, then you're going to screw up. So why is it so high stakes every single time i think because i've had such minimal success in the romantic dating world um that for me i always i've always had been self-conscious about the way i look or the way things are or what i'm able to offer somebody. And so I question whether or not I can give them something that somebody else couldn't. And I'm so much wrapped up in a lot of ways wanting to make sure everybody

else is comfortable that I worry more about that than I think about what I want and what I want to do. All right. Well, here's some, like, I guess advice, not really advice, but it's just a perspective I'd like to introduce is even if you do the first steps right, that does not a perfect relationship make anyway. And I know that could probably seem like I'm like, well, it's even worse than you imagined, Tyler. There's going to be a lifetime.

And here comes the leaf blower right now perfect timing but no here's why i'm saying this is like a long-term relationship like i've been with amy for a very long time is a relationship build up with a lot of discovering each other um like understanding each other and also working through the issues that arise in that there is no relationship relationship out there and probably anyone listening can back it up is that there's no relationship out there that is perfect the first time and then stays perfect throughout the entirety of it um so when it comes down to the stakes of the first meeting i totally understand what you're saying but i i i'm kind of willing to

make a declarative that it's like that's not not the main point. Um, because it's such an early first step that you couldn't possibly know who someone is even in, even in a few years of, of dating them or understanding them or trying to understand them, you still wouldn't have the full breadth of who someone is because how could you expect to understand who you are in just a couple of years, let alone discover another person. Um, um and so what what people want also is like that's a big presumption too of like they don't know what they want because i doubt you even know specifically a perfect example of what you want unless you do maybe you do do you i don't think i know a perfect example i have every i think everybody has criteria they're looking for in life, especially with somebody they want to be with.

So, like, for me, I want somebody who's going to have their own goals and ambitions and be independent and those sorts of things because I have those myself, and I don't want to constantly – I don't want to be somebody's top priority. I want to be in their top priorities, like maybe at the most highest number two, but I want them to have themselves and their ambitions as number one yeah because i can't i can't fulfill their happiness you know yeah that i wouldn't expect anybody else to to feel like um they should be that for me totally and this is a very good attitude to have for the first phase of dating but at the end of it like i said this

is like i i i'm not trying to criticize in any way but it's like because you're right you're absolutely right but as a relationship evolves and i'm no expert in it eventually i do want to have some say in the other person's happiness i do want want the, to be their top priority, not doted on. That's not what it's about. It's like, it's, it's a top priority is just, you consider it before all others. It doesn't mean you dismiss all others for the sake of that. It's that, and that's the kind of thing you build over a long, long time. And it's like, all of this is what it sounds like is you sound primed and ready for that, that phase because you you you seem to have everything about it. So honestly, I'm like, well, then why are you overblowing the stakes of it?

You've got the mindset for that first phase perfectly, because who could be someone else's priority that early on that? That is not how it should be, because that's just nearly obsessive. But yeah. So, like, shouldn't that alleviate some of the stress on those first steps? I don't think so. I would hope so, but it doesn't seem to be the case for me. Yeah? I think it's ultimately part of it has to do with the fact that throughout my life, I feel like that's been the one area I've lacked the most in the sense of success in. Um, and I constantly get told by people and friends, it's like,

I don't understand how you're single and all this. And I'm like, don't, don't ask me that question. That just makes me feel worse. Is this making you feel worse? No. Um, it's making me like, feel like I'm being extremely vulnerable, but, um um i'm not afraid of that to some extent but yeah success uh like success quote unquote success i would never call it like success in it because that that insinuates there's a failure state right being rejected is you just said earlier failure is an illusion it's a lesson to be learned from like I could also point back to that and be like, you should apply it by having as much failure as possible in this. Because just like anything, you'll get good at it the more you fail at it. But it is just, I am kind of so curious, is that you're ready for failure.

And yet, you know, I'm just so curious to how you freeze up or start to have all these like second thoughts about everything. Knowing who you are, I get that. But just going off of what you're saying right now, like I am curious because it seems it seems almost counterintuitive to what you're saying and what your goals are and to what should occur. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I don't it's really hard to to explain like any feeling or

emotion and it's just kind of like i just clam up i get i get scared of you know maybe i'll make somebody uncomfortable or maybe it'll ruin uh whatever we already have in the sense of like being able to talk to them and communicate with them or things along those lines. And the fear that comes within that is just that I lose them. But at the end of the day, you know, and I've I've talked to other people about this. to heed my own words sometimes in the sense that why should I be afraid when I'm, there's nothing gained or lost by putting myself out there. The only thing that can happen is something gained. You may,

you, somebody may not be ready for it, but that's not, that's not on you. And as long as you're respectful and obviously, you know, considerate of the other person, you're not going to put them in a situation where it's like. Terrible. I don't know. I just I always.

OK, let's be honest here. It can be scary. Yes, it can feel uncomfortable. It can totally. You're not wrong for being nervous in any capacity. I'm not saying nervous is not the right word, but just like for observing that it can be scary. Self-justifying it in those ways where it's like it can only be good. That's not true. You know, that's not true. I know that's not true. It can sometimes be terrible. The worst thing in the world. But, you know, that's the thing. I'm kind of curious. Like, what is what is scary for you is it cuz you're pretty is it cuz there's a

there's a nice hair man they're so cool what is it what is it what why is it scary for me yeah yeah what's the scariest quality the scariest quality in the... In the girls you're talking to. I mean, I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. That's ultimately what it is. And I'm afraid of, you know, and maybe this is just on me, but I'm afraid of being, like, labeled as a creep or something like that. When I'm not... Oh, wait, wait. I'm not going to be creepy or anything.

Let's do a play-by-play, all right? I'm going to be this girl. You've talked to me before. It's like mutual followers at a party, and we've talked before, and you want to be with me so badly, okay? All right? All right, all right. I'm ready.

What's your name? All right, all right, I'm ready. What's your name? You're giving me a name because I don't want to use a name that I... Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Samantha. Samantha. Is that what Wade said in one episode? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Samantha.

Hey, Samantha. Hey, hey. Tyler. How's it going? It's going good. It's going good. Wow, that's great. You are looking fantastic today.

Thanks. So, what's wrong? You seem tense. You need me to rub your shoulders? You need me to rub something else? Mark, let's be realistic here Is this not a typical conversation? This is not a typical conversation at all

Okay, alright, okay, alright, okay, alright, okay Alright, let's start over Oh, hey, hey, Samantha, bro Oh, hey Uh, fancy seeing you here, you know I haven't seen you for Well, we were invited to the same party So, you know, it's not that fancy

Seeing, should be expected I mean, fair I mean, we talked... Well, we were invited to the same party, so, you know, it's not that fancy. Seeing should be expected. I mean, fair. I mean, if we talked before this saying we were both going to be here, it'd be like, see you there, so... Well, um, anyway, I would... I know we're at this party right now, uh... Uh-huh. Oh, you didn't like that? You didn't like the too the too abrasive and cold?

No? What do you want? All right, let's try again. Back it up, back it up. Oh, hey, Samantha. Samantha Rowe. Fancy seeing you here. This club music is so loud.

Hey, Samantha. It's good to see you. Oh, hey. It's really loud here. Would you want to get out of the loud area and actually talk? Oh, hey! It's really loud here. Would you want to get out of the loud area and actually talk? Oh, sure! Are we leaving the loud area? This is good. This is good. This is a good first step.

All right. Hey, how have you been? I haven't seen you in a while since the last party we both got invited to. Oh, you know, I've been good, busy with work. I've got so many priorities, you know, and things that I have to, I've got ambition and I've got things that I'm working towards. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, that's really cool.

What kind of things are you focused on right now, you know? I mean, you know, my channel's exploding in terms of popularity. I'm getting so many brand deals. I'm just like I'm crushing it every day, you know, but, you know, I got to unwind somehow. Yeah. So here I am. Yeah. I mean, that's great.

You know, being able to hang out with friends and stuff is like the biggest way that I unwind. Are there any like particular I've been talking to this person for a while, right, Mark? Sure. Who are you talking about? I don't know. We're just... Samantha. Okay, alright, yeah. Be like, well, I know you like going hiking. Would you want to go hiking, say, maybe on Sunday?

Whoa, that's pretty forward. Like on a date? I mean... Holy shit, holy shit you creep hiking in the woods alone so you can stab me and murder me I don't think so nice try all right so maybe you should be scared that that did not go well yeah that that wasn't that wasn't a good look um yeah so thanks for uh making my my nightmares come to reality uh yeah yeah yeah okay yeah so this is uh this is good this is good no i'm just kidding no it's just like uh i that I'm not an expert to say on relationships and dating and stuff.

But I'm also kind of curious. Do you think that getting in like is imagine if you got in the perfect relationship and everything went well. Do you think that that would be everything you hoped it would be? I don't think it ever would be. it'd be work but i'd at least feel like i have somebody that i can you know expect to check in on me or or actually you know just be there and reach out and ask what i'm doing or how my day went or something like that even if it's like one text every other day or something along those lines and or and having a conversation every now and then or something oh man that's so depressing your bare minimum is one text every other day from your something oh man that's so depressing your bare minimum is one

text every other day from your significant oh man that's so sad i've i have been in my longest relationship was one year and it's i still to this day say it was the best relationship that that i had but we broke up because we got into a place where you know the things the issues we have had with everything going on wasn't changing the situation and so we i basically was like hey we're just fighting i don't want this to blow up and become a thing i still care about you but i don't think this is working at this time okay very mature very mature how'd you take it uh i mean we both were emotional but we're still friends to this day but it you know for me i i need somebody who's going to really work on on things and work together to to find a compromise or find what works and i guess that just wasn't

happening or not working at that time and that was you know they happened to be there for me when i went through some of my hardest stuff with my mom and things along those lines so like i'm very thankful for that relationship but it just wasn't it wasn't a fit it became it became more of a uh us fighting all the time and less of us actually enjoying each other's company and so it was just i felt like it was the right thing for both of us to move on oh that's fair but before that like i barely have experience with relationships and i i'm afraid possibly that's why i'm afraid of screwing it up so much is because i am inexperienced and i i want to work on it and i I feel like I have a lot to give and I just don't have the opportunity to do that.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, there there are probably plenty of people who could relate to that. Not me. Not me, though. No, but seriously, like it's that is not an uncommon thing as far as I know. It's like there are a lot of people that are afraid of relationship. And the big thing about, you know, life is, uh, like building up, not just romantic relationships, relationships in general. Um, they're complicated. And for me, they're very complicated, not just the romantic relationships, but just for me,

relationships in general are very hard for me to, to maintain. Um, it's not just a factor of how busy I am because people are busy and they're able to do that. It's, it's a factor of, for some reason, I care very deeply about the people that are in my life. Um, but it's so easy for me to get swept up in other things. That's kind of like an ADHD thing is that prioritization of things kind of is an automatic response. It's not something that has much conscious control and it's very difficult to do things. And it can be something that's very basic as like, I will never think to proactively text people and you know this. And it's something that I don't want that to be myself. Um, but it is difficult. I've tried man, but it's, it's still not good. You know,

I don't know the last time that I've reached out to someone and just been like, hey, what's up? Like you were saying, like, check it. Just how was your day? Which I want to be better about. Like, I do. And it's but it's it's tough. And so for me, it's like it's less about the initial phases of, say, a friendship or something like that or things like like it's the the the follow-through and the follow-up uh that is difficult for me it's the maintaining of that because for me in my mind

it's like oh i care you know i care and i think you understand this you know i care very deeply that's good until proven otherwise we don't need to do anything to to work on that because everything's good it's it's that thing where yes it's very admirable to be like yeah you you call me any time day or night i'll be there if you really need me um but you know i'll fly halfway across the country to be there if you need me but it's it's difficult especially in the early phases of relationship to showcase that as like a thing it's it's it's difficult for me and so i i often run into a similar problem as you is where i kind of get like if there's someone that i want to be friends with this is

very rare that this occurs and i don't think i've made a new friend in a very long time um but it's just like yeah i don't know how the fuck to even get the first stages because i don't like going out to the bar to have a drink I don't like going out socially for things I like working on things so it is the things I only really have made friends with people that I've worked with um on various projects because I like it's an environment where you have to work together be there and there's a common goal and it's really good for me going to an uh like various places like that is is it's fun but it's like there's a common goal, and it's really good. For me, going to various places like that, it's fun, but there's no common goal.

It's like, what's the objective here? Without an objective, I kind of fall apart. I don't know where I'm going with this and how it plays into your romantic relationships, but yeah, relationships are complicated. Yeah, and I understand that. And I've been very blessed in a lot of ways with the various friendships that I have.

But, you know, life life takes you in different directions sometimes and people drift and people, you know, I mean, Bob, Bob has grown up in and in the sense of gotten married, has has a kid now. Wade is the same way, you know, he's married and has that. um wade is the same way you know he's married and and has that i've always one of the biggest struggles of me is that i've always felt like i'm always either the third wheel or the fifth wheel or something like that and i don't have you know somebody that i can bring with me to things that will be like you know amy and i are good friends but i don't have somebody that i'm with that can you know talk about talk with amy in a in a sense of uh like that they're in a romantic relationship with me and being able to just i don't know connect on on that level let me let me be straight up that never is a smooth process no matter what the here you two boyfriends sit together and get to know each

other girlfriends sit together it very rarely works out that way sometimes it does and you'll hear success stories but most of the time i and it works for the girlfriends too it's like you can't just lump people together and be like yeah it's good so i don't think you're missing out too much on that yeah i don't know it just it always sometimes it gets to a point to where it to me it makes me feel and this isn't generally the case especially since i'm friends with like molly and mandy and all of them but like in some cases like when somebody has a girlfriend that i don't know as well or haven't been around as much or or a wife or something like that and i don't really have somebody there when I'm talking to somebody I know.

I don't know. Sometimes it just makes me feel lonelier, I guess. Yeah? Because, you know, you see people have their romantic, like whether they show PDA or not, it doesn't matter, but that connection, and then you don't have it. I hear you loud and clear. You like watching people make out. No, I don't. Ew. I hear you loud and clear. You like watching people make it.

No, I don't. Ew. I hear you. Everyone here, take notes, everybody. God damn it. You always twist my words. I don't know. You said it.

You said it. No. I don't know. Continue. It's just like not having that same sort of connection that you see other people have. There's a level of envy that exists in know. Continue. It's just like not having that same sort of connection that you see other people have. And there's a level of envy that exists in that, you know? Yeah.

You think it's envy? Like jealousy about? Not jealousy of like, oh, they like that person or that thing. But just the fact that they have something and experience something that I can't really understand or fully comprehend because I don't have it myself. Right, right. Huh. Well, that's interesting.

Oh, you should get the longer attachment. You're kind of a press E, go to the center one. You get the extra long extension. You can reach up better. Aha. Yeah, that'll probably help a lot. Yeah, I, you know, not to make too much of an observation about this, because this is not psychoanalyzed Tyler Day. Definitely not.

But yeah, I kind of have noticed in the past, like, it's not just romantic relationships. Like, sometimes you've seen things, and this is what you, a little bit of what you talk about is, like, seeing success in others or people having other things. And it kind of just, like, feels a little jealous. Do do you think that you're i don't think you're a jealous person but do you think you're a jealous person i it's definitely something i've worked on um i i i didn't think i was a jealous person and then i continued to notice some jealous jealous tendencies that existed and like i never like i'm like oh i'm i wish i like i'll say i wish i had that but i won't be like oh i want somebody else to lose something i want to be better than anybody else which is how i always feel a jealous person is yeah um i think more like i always will root

for success of my friends like i love seeing uh ethan succeed i love seeing you succeed i love seeing bob and wade do stuff but there's you know there's certain levels of of things that can happen that i'll be like man i really wish that i would get that level of attention or that sort of response in some ways and and during tour the i had a realization, like, a lot of people were really hype and excited about, like, me being on stage and stuff like that. But, like, since then, I feel like I've faded off and I'm trying to find an identity for myself online and ultimately figure out what I want to do. Yeah. But there's a level of, like. Faded off in what way?

It's just, like, you know, I talked to you about this when we were on tour. it's just like you know i talked to you about this when we were on tour um was like you guys had all done youtube for years and years and years and i felt like you know i was just on that stage because i and i felt lucky to be on that stage sharing it with you guys because i'm friends with you guys it had nothing to do with what i was capable of or the work that i have put in and things like that and that's not saying i didn't put a lot of work in, but there was a level of feeling inadequate and then at the same time wanting more for myself. And then as we continued on, like trying to find my own thing

and find people that would enjoy me for me and not just identify me as, oh, you're just friends with this person. I mean, I'm going to say this straight up. When we first Go signed with Spotify, we were about to send out these guests, you know, reach out to guests for people to come on the podcast. And Spotify's team literally just put on the talent brief, oh, and Tyler Scheid is Markiplier's friend.

Ooh. And that bit, like that hurt. And I recognize that a lot of people see me that way, and I have no problem with that because I feel very proud to be considered your friend. But at the same time, it's like i'm so much more than that and i need other people to know that yeah yeah i totally get that and it's definitely not a request it wasn't a personal request i sent to no no spotify yeah you were not involved in it at all i i'm well aware that you would never put something like that on anything. Except for the panels long ago that were called Markiplier and Friends,

which Wade has never let down. I mean, now we just meme on it. We laugh about it. Yeah, and at that time, that's what it was. You guys at the time weren't doing anything, so it was like, and Friends. That's what it was. And originally, who knows what was going on. But yeah that's what it was uh and originally like who

knows what was going on but i i totally get what you're saying there it is it is something that i feel is distorted and you've navigated you know as gracefully as anyone could be expected to because here's the reality and again you know i'm not bragging about this but for me saying this out out there for anyone hearing it might sound like bragging is like I there are a lot of people that know who I am and I have a lot of followers and I've had a lot of success and yada, yada, whatever. In the business world's mind, that's all that matters. Yeah. The relevancy of someone and their follower count is literally the only thing that matters. So I guarantee you when that occurred, it didn't even matter if we are, well, you are actually more, uh, involved in the day to day of go. All I do is show up and be an idiot for an hour. Um, but it's like, you are a bigger part of

go, but in their mind, they worry that like reaching out to podcast guests is going to be like, they're not going to know who you are and be like're like, who's this guy? And they want to catch, they want to use my name as like a catch all. And I'm not blaming Spotify for this either, but it's business. Like that's just business. That's business, baby. But yeah, that's, it's the unfortunate thing about how business can sometimes work is just, yeah, it's sometimes it is just whose name, you know, it's a dick measuring contest,

and whose name looks the biggest. Yeah, yeah. And I didn't have an issue with it. I had an issue with them putting it in there. It's like, if you're just going to put that for me, just don't list me at all. That just makes it worse. And so I adjusted it, and all I could think that makes it worse and so i adjusted it and all i

could think to adjust it was the fact that i had a master's degree in sport administration and it was just totally fair because it was the only thing that i felt was relevant to put in there and but it at least gave me some sort of moniker of why i belonged and why i was important to mention as opposed to oh yeah this is just a friend yeah man i know i get that that had to that had to burn and it's you know that's also something that i worry about a lot is is it is difficult for me to make friends and both maintain friendships because the politics i think that's like a catch-all for either call it business or you call it politics but it all basically refers to the same thing is is yeah there is this meta game of of followers and dollar signs that like is dancing around everything and why i've kind of stepped back

from so much of that nonsense just because i can't be bothered to play politics i don't care about the politics of of success or whatever you would call it, or, or, um, who's doing what and where to who and how well are they doing today? And are they relevant and yada yada is like, I don't care. I care about making things. I care about creating stories. And I care about like, uh, more importantly, pushing myself in terms of what I can make and, and getting there. And I think if, if I had to give any, any wisdom that I have, if I have any, it's just like, yeah. Uh, sometimes that applies to other things too. I mean, you know, we talk about it sometimes, but I do kind of have you okay there. Yeah. I'm just trying to figure

out how to use the ladder. Oh, you see the blue outlines? You just go over and you click on the blue outlines or you press F near the blue outlines. They're over here down on the base here. Oh, I'm trying to get up. There's stuff up here that I can't get to and I'm trying to figure out how to get up there. I'll show you in a second.

But what was I saying? I've totally forgotten. The politics and everything with relationship. Right, yeah, the politics of it all and there is so much in terms of politics all over the place it's it's impossible to ignore because i think that also is part of social human nature in general like the hierarchy and where people stand and it's um yeah it's it's a game that i don't like playing i i started doing this stuff because I really, really enjoyed what I do and how I do it. And there's so much freedom to it. There's so much that can be done when you step out from that.

And again, yeah, easy to say, people probably hear that, but you know me. That actually is easy for me. Like it's easy for me to make these statements because that's how I feel. I don't feel any push from like people being critical or something or other. Like I want to do what I do because I love doing what I do. And I want to keep doing what I do because I love doing what I do. And I want to keep doing what I do because I love doing what I do. And that's how I live my life. And I love like the way that my life has, has turned out because of it. But, you know, at the same time it comes with costs and caveats and there's, there's certain downsides to it. And, you know, a lot of it comes down to like, yeah, I feel, I feel very confident in what I do, but very inconfident about like, oh, man, I hope people don't hate me like my friends for not keeping up with them.

You know what I mean? I feel very strongly about if you or anyone who I consider a close friend said something about the projects that I was working on, they would it would affect me very deeply. Whereas like Internet, you know, Internet statements don't really mean anything to me because I don't know them because I know you it's so impactful I think it's a testament in that way too you talk about not caring about the politics of it like I would not be involved in any way that I was if you cared so much about numbers and politics and like because I I didn't do anything in this space until you invited me out here to come and work with you so yeah would you ever want to leave the public eye um there's certain aspects of my life i'd like to keep out of the public eye but i don't necessarily want the the level of recognizability that you have i like being able to go around and not get recognized everywhere i go or like uh the way i think about is like mr beast that people found

out he was at a hotel and there was just like a mass mob outside of his hotel in like a foreign country. But I also enjoy being able to meet people a lot. And that's something that I think being in the public eye gives me an opportunity to do more than anything is people will approach me and come up to me and it makes it a lot easier to meet new people when they when they feel comfortable approaching you and they have some knowledge about you so that to me is probably my favorite part of having done like a lot of this aside from like the actual work but my favorite part of being somewhat known in the public sphere is the fact that people will come up to me and recognize me and you know want to have a conversation with me it makes being an

extrovert so much easier and so much more fun yeah is it addictive i would say it's kind of addictive um yeah so it's like i i've never had an issue with like somebody else in my group or somebody else gets recognized and i don't i that doesn't bother me because then it's just like oh cool i i get to see you being successful and you and your element or something along those lines. But there are also times where, you know, there's detriments to it, just like everything really in life. It's like I can't really have a private conversation with them out and about because I don't know

who's going to be listening. There's some topics that and I mean, really, they shouldn't be talked about about in public anyway sometimes but it's just where you are with a friend and so you you have you just have to be a little more guarded what are you talking what are you trying to say in the public eye what kind of racist rants are you going on not you can't do no it's like um like if i was talking about for example a podcast guest that was coming on with w Wade and we were out to lunch or something like that, or we were having a discussion about what's going on in Bob's life or somebody else's life because we were just sharing notes, I guess, so to speak, of what's going on so that we want like be there for our friend but we don't want like the public doesn't need to know about like you know what's going on in your life or somebody else's life that we're friends with and then the fear of somebody that it's not even like you or bob or ethan or anything like that it's like a random friend and all of a sudden they get it's like oh my god tyler and

wade have this friend that's like this isn't a true story but it's uh they're sleeping with a married lady or something like okay all right who's sleeping with a married lady nobody that i know of so wow how scandalous is that so like stuff like that you know so it's like because you're hanging out and you're in a public place it's like well i can't really have that conversation because we could be talking quietly but somebody could eavesdrop and suddenly come up with something or mishear something and things along those lines i i totally hear what you're saying but also i'm like i don't think you need to worry about it i think that you would have to be in some kind of political sphere for people to have secret tape recorders uh in their coat pocket and like trying to scooch closer to you so they can hear everything i don't think

that there's anything anyone with parabolic microphones listening into your conversations i feel like that like i i don't think you have to worry about it that would be paranoia of a very deep level if that were occurring or even if you think that's occurring so i i would like to alleviate any of those fears no one is listening for me it's not necessarily it's the chance that they are and so i like to be i'm really protective of people i care about so it's one of those things that it's like i don't want something to be discovered about somebody i care about because i'm talking with another friend about it that already knows about it and we're just having a a simple discussion and then have somebody bring it up into the public sphere you know what I mean uh-huh yeah how or you could be Wade and you could just

tweet out the that the next thing's going to be space right right after heist gets announced yes you could do that that's always fun I mean it's super fun actually i felt oh since when have i ever made a been responsible for a leak of any kind of anything mark no you know wade once yeah wade uh but no one noticed so everyone was too dumb to realize yeah i thought that him deleting it would seal the deal immediately. Oh, yeah. Thankfully, if you can tweet something out like that on the Internet and people not notice, I think you're OK in a restaurant. Well, we're getting close to done here and we've covered everything from relationships to relationships mostly and ambitions and stuff like that. What are you most excited for down the road now that you've got this new outlook on life? Like what is the book aside like of the other pursuits? What's your goal?

What's the long term? I think it's just for me, it's kind of self-discovery. And I really want to to kind of get my name out there as my own person you want more fame no just not more fame more more or less just be known as myself um whether that be for my creative endeavors and that doesn't mean like um i want to be super famous and everybody to know my song or something i wrote but just like when i get recognized have people bring up the stuff that i individually have done um and because i don't know if that's selfish of me but it just for me

would feel more special because somebody's paying attention to the things that i am actively pursuing and and putting my heart into you know what i mean like when i get recognized for people like for the podcast when i'm out and about and somebody said oh my god you're tyler from go i'm like that makes me so hyped because i've put so much love and work into that podcast um that it's like yeah i i love being recognized in general but being known or recognized for something that you're really proud of or put a lot of work into just it just feels so much better i get that yeah so you think that these are the first steps towards doing that i think so and i think a lot of that has to do with the me um recognizing myself for my own things instead of thinking about what i do for others i'm happy to do a lot of stuff and help people out and i love

being involved in your projects and doing what i can to make them as great as possible and i i love i i used to be a person that was all about you know putting my all into somebody else's work because i want it to be the best that it can be and i think it's a new new awakening for me to have something that i can put and have it just entirely be me and be my thing um so i'm excited about that well that's good to hear what about acting still a pursuit um i haven't been like i've made some developments in that front i need to finish out my acting reel and stuff along those lines um but i think right now my focus is elsewhere and the the acting pursuit is a little little less uh on the front of my mind and more so something that's longer term as I continue

working on more and more things. I think my avenue into that is kind of creating my own stuff. And I think that starts with the book and feeling like I can possibly make something out of the book. Yeah, cool. And I know we already covered it um and i know i'm probably gonna trim out what the book specifically was about to do that um but it's like a lot of these seem ends to a means to an end as opposed to you know the book for the sake of the passion of the book or the acting reel for the sake of the love of acting or something like that. I know you probably are very ambitious about it and stuff like that, but I am kind of curious, like, is the main goal, the long-term big goal, is that being recognized for your own accomplishment? Is that the main

goal? Because I remember at the beginning of this, you talked about how the hernia surgery made you realize, like, you got to go out and take something for yourself. Is that,'m not saying you're wrong for it that's not again not what i'm saying but is that the main goal all of these are the spokes on the wheel because i'm looking at a gear right now to build up the framework of being known for your own accomplishments i think the the the crux and the overarching goal is more so um finding things that i enjoy and passions and really self-discovery and finding what i what it is i can do and what i want to do i think making a name for myself as a part of that process um and being recognized for my own works but really the reason i started doing all of this was I I got really down in the fact of like I don't know what I have or what my ambitions are what I enjoy or what I want and so a lot of that

is self-discovering where I can find my own joys and passions and what I can put my energy into that will make me enjoy my life more do you not enjoy your life now I I do I enjoy my life more. Do you not enjoy your life now? I do. I enjoy my life now, but I definitely feel like I had less control over my life and felt like I was giving myself excuses and was starting to become complacent, and I can't stand being complacent. So I was just really down in the sense of feeling like I didn't have an ambition. I didn't have a priority one. I didn't have something that I had full ownership of that and taking control of my own joys and happinesses and instead was reliant upon so many other things in my life instead and recognize that

that was not not healthy. I mean, that's pretty heavy i think ultimately that's what it is is finding finding finding worth in myself and finding uh happiness in who i am and really defining who i want to be as i continue moving through life yeah but ideally something where the public recognizes your efforts for you yeah okay all right well that's very cool now i'm going to show you why this is a cheat code uh because it does it it does this so it just deletes everything oh my god yeah i know yeah it if you if you never use it you know you never realize just how powerful it is you only only get it when you beat the game, the main game, because you need it for a last level that would take five hours otherwise. But just to mop things up here, because I don't mean for this episode to come across as just a pure psychoanalysis and exposing of your thing.

So I want to give you an opportunity here, because you've laid it all bare. I would love for you to, because a lot of this is just me asking stuff for you to ask something about me or like say some, uh, something honest. It doesn't have to be brutally honest, but something honest that you think about myself, uh, because it seems like, you know, not saying I'm the cause of any problems, but a lot of the doubt does come from me. Is there something that you like always wanted to get off your chest about me or just like something you actually think? I'm totally serious. You know, Ethan and I did something similar towards the end of Unisonis is just like being brutally honest to each other.

And I think like that's very valuable in that. And I'm not saying like now's your chance to unleash all of your stress, but maybe it is. Who knows? You're asking me to do something that's like so far outside of my nature right now. If you have something to say, like all I'm saying is like, yeah, I've kind of like in the in this for the sake of what this is generally like content. But honestly, for me, it's just conversation. It's like yeah i'm i'm here to ask me whatever you want to say to me whatever you want we've we've been

friends a long time and surely it wouldn't break our friendship yeah i know that um god i feel like when i'm put on the spot i don't think of anything yeah there's nothing you've been welling up inside your soul for so long i mean i don't i don't hold on to things like that i used to i mean i've definitely had my frustrations with the fact that i feel like um uh one particular thing is i feel like in in a lot of ways uh I get and Go gets less promotion than some of your other projects. And I don't know if that's because of different things along those lines, but I feel like, you know, I reminded you about the Spotify rewind

and then you didn't say anything about Go. It was all distractible. Yeah, definitely. And I, you know, and there are moments It was all distractible. Yeah, definitely. And there are moments where I feel like I don't necessarily get the same sort of acknowledgement in some ways, at least publicly from you. And sometimes that hurts. It's a pattern recognition that I notice. And it's also possible because I'm focused on, on the things that I'm not getting at the time, but I don't know, I, in a lot of ways you've given me so much, it's hard for me to say

anything that, that really stands out to me. I mean, I definitely miss just being able to hang out and just talk about different things. I mean, you joke with me all the time about like, when I talk about dating or all these different things and people always say I'm overly picky or things along those lines. But I don't know. Can't be overly picky if you're not picking. That's a great line. That's a great line that's a great line yeah no but i i totally get what you're saying because like when it comes down to it it is a lot of what i've said uh in this episode sporadically which is like when it comes to work that's oftentimes the only time that i'm social for me to hang out

on a regular basis is not like instinct for me that doesn't make me right in doing that the rest of it is because, you know, obviously I've been so busy. I haven't had time to even think about anything else. But one thing I will say is this, is you've been rock solid in terms of support and willing to make go your baby and willing to drive it forward when no one else is there to keep it going because it is your baby. Like I am basically the guest, the permanent guest on your podcast there. And I want it to make the kind of waves that you want it to do. And here's the other half of why.

It's for everything that you just said in this episode is if I promote it, if I talk about it, it doesn't grow for the sake of itself. There's a very big responsibility that comes when I am doing anything or saying anything is because as soon as I say something about something, my name is associated with it. Whether I like it or not, there's so many people for the Five Nights at Freddy's movie that were upset because I wasn't going to be in it. And also there's other people that are upset about various things because I don't talk about certain things when they feel like it's owed and it can cause like that's the deeper level of politics that I don't like playing. And abstention is often an even more difficult thing than endorsement sometimes.

So I don't want to distort the perception of who really is at the core of this podcast and whether or not it's like success or fail. I think that you can agree that the the the situation has been set up to make it so you can succeed in it. And, um, that's, that's what I want. It doesn't guarantee anything and there are no guarantees for anything, but I think, you know, whether I'm right or wrong, I don't know, but you know, I think that, um, at least if I say this out loud, you can see there's something to what I'm saying, right? Yeah, yeah. And like I said, for me, those are even far-reaching for me to even try and gripe about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally, totally. like you've done nothing wrong in terms of the podcast or undeserving of certain things.

There's always a number like problem for various things in everywhere you look. But in terms of a personal thing, I think you've done a great job with the podcast. And I think you've done you've always been supremely reliable about getting back to people, almost to an excessive amount sometimes. But at least it's infinitely better to work hard at something than to work too little. No, but I mean, ultimately, at the end of the day, I recognize a lot of different things about my life and the opportunities that I've been given.

And so I think you can attest to this. I'm never afraid to share when I have an issue or when I disagree with you on something. I will always, I'm a very much an opinionated person. Anyone who knows me knows this to be the case. And I'm not afraid to share my opinions and it's definitely a fault of mine, but it's also, I find it to be something that keeps me

from having to be in situations where i'm upset about something and just hold it and harbor it like i can't think of really anything that i'm harboring in that sense um aside from those minor things that i had to even reach to think about so well good because screw you this is over something like that wait why is there still something out here that's is it on is it on the front is it i keep you can see where the progress are of things that need to be cleaned left and you can pull up your tablet and you can look at that of like uh this is okay clown clock tower entablature but yeah sometimes they're not very helpful pediment floor also if you hit tab you can see things glowing then okay that's done okay i'm gonna go down and look around the front see if there's anything else there's a 93% clock tower what the

hell is that supposed to mean yeah the encab lature or whatever was I have no idea okay we're almost there but this has been good conversation this has been real talk here this is uh this is nice good to get it out in the open if you don't know what go is shame on you listen if you like sports or even if you don't like sports go is legitimately a good conversation all around for people to get into sports that don't like sports and i think as much as i bemoaned the episode you talking about like taylor swift and uh like people getting into sports because of that or getting into football because of that. As much as I hate to admit it, it seems to have pushed people into discovering about, you know, football and getting to know it.

Yeah. Yeah. Even though I can't be bothered about celebrity gossip to save my life, that's something I will never be happy about when i have when i learn names and the facts and events of people against my will like that's that's my least favorite thing of all time i i don't do gossip i don't i don't like hearing about who did what to who and whatever um it's never been interesting me to me and i actively dislike hearing about it it was it was just i knew you had the reaction I wanted you to have because I don't like that either,

but I thought it was an important thing to bring up because of its relation to sports. I figured out what the entablature is. It's this top stuff. Oh, I see, I see, I see, yeah. Okay, there's an entablature over on the right side. So it's probably the side ones that we haven't hit. Yeah, I see. Let me get

my extra long. But it's been good. Yeah, we're almost done, so I'm a little premature on wrapping it up, but nope, we're about to be done. But I'll let you go get the last blast. Alright. Well, yeah, you can check out. It's Go My Favorite Sports Team. It's a very fun podcast.

You can also check out my YouTube channel that I've started back up. I just fell off the whole thing. Alright. You just did that so you could delay and put your YouTube channel in there. Yeah, yeah. Just to let people know that I actually am posting. I just did it again. Wow.

This is really embarrassing. This is what you can expect on my YouTube content is me failing consistently. But I will be doing traveling stuff and things along those lines in the future. So I think that's it. Okay. That's all. Thank you very much.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, everyone who's checking out this bonus episode. I don't know. You sign it off. I don't know how to end things. I know. It's my show. So, of course, I you sign it off I don't know how to end things I know it's my show so of course I would sign it off just go watch the time lapse and then yeah go

go leave get out of here get out of here oh I meant like walk away oh oh well alright then

farewell