Distractible - Reading

Episode Date: July 28, 2023

Reading? Reading books? Ever heard of it? Mark, Bob, and Wade definitely have. They do it all the time... For sure. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...

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Starting point is 00:01:28 fairness. Triangle of fairness. Triangle of fairness. Triangle of fairness. I'm burning the apple! Ah! Wade wins! I know that I won the flip and then I won the wheel and I got the-
Starting point is 00:01:46 Bob, you've won one out of like 15 coin flips. I got the full redemption after all the coin flip stuff. How did we get back here? Well, I could change it so it was like, Tails is Apple and I burned the other one. So Apple wins. You're going to arbitrarily change the rules after with a flip? Yeah, of course.
Starting point is 00:02:03 Mark, that could make someone so angry. Oh, now you're going to do it change the rules after with a flip? Yeah, of course. Mark, that could make someone so angry. Oh, now you're going to do it. What if, what if, ooh, here's how we do. We end the episode on a cliffhanger, and we don't say who won until the next episode. People have to listen to the next episode. That way we can make up for Bob's next fuck-up. Wow, okay, so, all right. Okay. So, alright. Well.
Starting point is 00:02:25 Oh, blame Wade. Blame Wade. Blame Wade. Good evening, gentle listener. And welcome to Distractible. This week, it's the least defeat literary extravaganza you'll ever witness. Polarizing Mark louses grim dark tales and revolutionizes
Starting point is 00:02:41 linguistic learning. Bob dislikes horror and admits that the law beat the love of graffitied sliced trees out of him. And wheelie-cunning Wade reveals the hidden kryptonite of AI authors and how to pass book reviews. From Pornhammer to criticism repurposing. Yeah. It's time for reading.
Starting point is 00:03:04 Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's host, Wade. Why? Because I won. That's pretty much it. If you've never been here before, it's a show where one of us hosts, the other two compete for points. The host declares the winner at the end. host the next episode whatever we do in the meantime is up to well in this case me and i'm joined as always by my two co-hosts mark and pop hi guys it almost seems like he doesn't want to be the host oh i like hosting the subreddit tells me i'm the best host it's a it's a lot of work mark you gotta think of a thing i mean he does have absolute power above any kind of government agency in the world um it is the
Starting point is 00:03:51 most official position uh which is why it's so temporary when it can't last or else that kind of power would go to your head you gotta have term limits mark you gotta have term limits that's true how many win limits should we set win limits we set win limits nobody can win more than me uh i don't think that's constitutional all right win limits are set good thinking boys which one of us is the judiciary branch i want to be supreme court when do i get to go on the mega yacht yeah Yeah, okay. All right. So the subreddit is Congress. I'm the Senate. You're the judiciary branch.
Starting point is 00:04:29 And then Wade is president. Yay? Also, you have to say it right, Mark. I am the Senate. Oh, right. I thought because you went to law school, you were going to say I said judiciary branch wrong. I was going to be like very confused. It's actually judiciary. It's judiciary branch. i'm gonna be like very confused it's actually judiciary
Starting point is 00:04:45 it's you judiciary branch put your whole judicy in this it's actually pronounced you disiary there's someone out there who's in law school right now who's just meanwhile everyone else is just like man when are they gonna get on with the show if they think we're gonna get on with anything they have a lot of things coming oh they got a lot of things coming what does that phrase mean i tell you i tell you what let's google it i'll tell you but what will i tell you i'll tell you what i'll tell you what for is it short for something used to introduce a suggestion or to emphasize a statement that doesn't explain it at all no that's what i got i'm not gonna google it i could i have google open like right there and i have a keyboard and everything tell you what
Starting point is 00:05:31 i'll let you borrow the car if you fill it up with gas it seems like it's a typically followed by a thing like that where it's like a compromise where it's like i'll let you do this or i'll i'll say this or i'll do that if i know i know how to use it i'm just saying i don't understand what it means like it's just a random exclamation i might as well be just going well look at my ass i'll let you borrow the car if you fill it up with gas we could try to make that the replacement we can boy look at my ass it's hotter than heck there. I don't know why that got me. Something about that feels way weirder, I guess. Yeah. Yes.
Starting point is 00:06:08 I would agree. You know, if the episode starts with a stupid enough humor, eventually something will make me laugh. Look at my ass. It's like a firefighter looking over like a collapsed building. Well, look at my ass. So many people died in this horrible tragedy. The next time you're out there about to say, I'll tell
Starting point is 00:06:30 you what, try, well, look at my ass and see if you get the same reaction. Honestly, you get probably a way better reaction. I tell you what doesn't get anyone's attention anymore. That's all. That's passe. That's overdone. Look at my ass. Everyone's going to be like, be like what oh what an
Starting point is 00:06:46 interesting statement you just made i feel like i'll tell you what could be used in any circumstance like you anyone uses that even like therapy you know someone's trying to get so i'll tell you what and it's like well look at my ass is this an emotional response or is this like look look at look at my ass i mean i guess if you're talking to your colorectal doctor, they would be like, sir, I'm about to. How are you guys doing? We move in a week. So you're doing terribly. Well, we're pretty packed, honestly.
Starting point is 00:07:15 We made one room in our house the room where all the boxes go. And it's like floor to ceiling, like half full of stuff. How would you do that, you magician? We put them there with our arms. Look at my ass. It was not easy. It kind of works. We move next Thursday.
Starting point is 00:07:35 We pack everything and then the next Friday, Mandy flies and then everything's really good and I'm not terrified. On behalf of the viewers, I have to ask, is the infamous fridge making the move with you? Nah, that hellfire thing can stay here. You know what, though?
Starting point is 00:08:01 I had to write in the disclosure for selling the house that the fridge is a piece of shit. It is a piece of shit. I thought it was okay. No, it's awful. In California, you have to disclose everything if you know that there's a problem with your house and you're selling it you have to disclose it so i put like oh we got ants once and we had orcan come fix that and the fridge sucks the fridge water pools in the bottom rushes out the front every time you open the deli drawer now so like once every three weeks you have to shop vac out the bottom of the fridge
Starting point is 00:08:26 or else you got a pool of water that's like a couple inches deep under your drawer. I had to write that in there. And some idiot still bought this house. No, no. What you should have written is, yes, this is that fridge. And left it at that.
Starting point is 00:08:40 And people would have been like, the fridge. And then they would Google like, what happened to the fridge? And it might actually lead to your episode of The Fridge. What happened to the fridge? There's no way that brings up anything about us. It brings up William the Refrigerator Perry.
Starting point is 00:08:55 Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ah, the famous William Perry fridge. William the Fridge Perry. Hey, he is famous. What are you talking about? Wait, who is that? Hey, sports podcast haver, William Refrigeridge Perry. Hey, he is famous. What are you talking about? Wait, who is that? Hey, sports podcast haver, William Refrigerator Perry was a defensive lineman slash running back
Starting point is 00:09:12 for the Chicago Bears in the 80s. I don't know who that is. He was a guy that was built like me, right? He was fucking huge. Built like a refrigerator. But they would sometimes give him the ball, and he would just, like, carry the entire opposing team into the end zone. Oh, that's kind of awesome.
Starting point is 00:09:33 No, it's dope. One time when I was in middle school, I bothered the shit out of my coaches. We were, like, winning a game, I think, and we had the ball again, and I was like, coach, let's do the refrigerator. Come on, refrigerator me. And he did it, and I got to carry the ball once he handed the ball to me. And I had like little middle school boys hanging off me, big six foot tall, 250 pound Bob, just like I didn't get a touchdown, but it was very funny. I mean, that's pretty cool. Like I got to admit, I've never heard of this, even though tyler will be very mad at me but that's pretty nice i mean if
Starting point is 00:10:09 you if you haven't talked about him on the podcast it's pretty fair that you haven't heard of him it's a good he's a good uh like character story is good i like he's a good icon you can bring it up and sound smart now on the other podcast just non sequitur tyler's like hey mark how is your week refrigerator perry have you heard of him because i do have i know it look at my ass i mean it's not different than anything else i say on that podcast so most of it is just complete nonsense so mark we're talking about table hockey today refrigerator perry i just hear your initial response to any new topic is refrigerator perry look at my ass i know a lot about refrigerator perry what were we talking about oh yeah i'm moving refrigerator bad that's it that's the only question i had for you but i had to ask because
Starting point is 00:11:02 for some reason people seem to think that you're going to move that appliance when I have never encountered anyone in my life who's taken a refrigerator with them when they moved. So that is a very California thing. Take your refrigerator? To take appliances with you. When we moved into this place, there weren't a washer and dryer. Outside of Cali, all the appliances come with the place. But here, sometimes people take their appliances with them which i i
Starting point is 00:11:25 think is kind of weird but like ovens and stoves too or like just like i don't know man some some places get listed and it says like the appliances are not staying we're keeping them so sorry but the kitchen cabinets they're coming with me well that's okay glad i asked then i suppose mark how are you doing did i not say uh no i was i was criticizing you no i totally i totally co-opted that whole first part there you haven't even talked at all mark why did you seem like you were nervous about the question being asked how am i did i not already give you that answer what did i say what should i say why are you asking that why are you asking what i'm doing what are you talking about? I believe we've covered this extensively.
Starting point is 00:12:07 Refrigerator Perry? How am I doing? I know the answer to this one. Let me tell you how I'm doing. I'll tell you exactly how I'm doing. Please do. I've been...
Starting point is 00:12:22 You know I've been. Any illnesses this week? Did you catch rickets, Mark? Do you have any rickets? No, no, no. Isn't that the one where you, if you take Advil too long, too young? I honestly have no idea. I thought rickets was a fake disease for quite a long time.
Starting point is 00:12:37 It's some kind of disease you can get. It is a real disease, rickets disease. Condition that affects bone development in children. What do you get if you take advil as a child uh no not ibuprofen i'm literally typing man google search has gotten so bad oh no wait advil no no you're right what's the other one the aspirin aspirin yeah rise what was that rise
Starting point is 00:13:07 I'm sorry sound it out sound it out I'm sounding it rise rise rise you look at that word and you tell me what that is. I can't see the word.
Starting point is 00:13:27 I'm trying to find it. R-E-Y-E apostrophe S. Uh, uh, Rays. Uh, you know what? You're right, Mark. It's like the barbecue sauce. Sweet baby ways. I don't think that is because that's spelled differently.
Starting point is 00:13:49 Rays. I was going to say Rays, but it's got the apostrophe so it's it's raised it belongs to ray but it's got i in it rye it's pronounced rise syndrome but the one i found is just r-e-y-e apostrophe s raise syndrome according to first youtube video that says the pronunciation they pronounce it rise syndrome yeah because it's got i in it oh i was like there's no i in there mark i don't know how to tell you this no i see i see what you're getting at the word i yes anyway i think that covers how i'm doing thanks for asking two points for your elusivity elusiveness thank you how many points did I get? One, because you left the fridge. Well, sacrifice it to the gods. How many points is that worth?
Starting point is 00:14:29 Like five. Well, I'll think about it for next time. All right. Well, then you have points next time, I guess. Good. I'll be happy. Good. Speaking of, I'm also good.
Starting point is 00:14:39 I almost unironically said, oh, how are your dogs? But I would never do that to you. Thank you. I know that they're fine. And no thanks for asking. unironically said oh how are your dogs but i would never do that to you thank you i know that they're fine and no thanks for asking i listen i don't typically believe in jinxing things but man every time i've said that on this show something horrible has happened and i don't know if i'm willing to risk it every both times bad stuff has happened wasn't that before keeters like nearly died before ginger had to have back surgery? I guess that's true, yeah. I don't know how tightly related those were, but
Starting point is 00:15:08 There's no real connection at all. I wasn't asking it in connection to the joke, though. I was just curious, honestly. I love the dog. I know, it's a good question, but it's changed me as a man being asked it and seeing the results. Everyone,
Starting point is 00:15:24 thankfully, as far as I i know is doing well at the current present time i think you avoided disaster or you just cursed everyone in your life if i have that kind of power then hell yeah well other than what i just did to them but like what did you just do what did you do to them catch me in a week and a half or two or whatever how about that did i nail it? Catch me outside reference. Didn't see that coming. It was just like the Colin Mochrie reference I did on stream.
Starting point is 00:15:52 Anyway, I'm hosting today. And I don't know why this is on my mind. And I don't even know if this is something that you two will relate to at all. I want to talk about reading. Like, reading books. Do you guys read? Yeah, I read. I have read. Have you read a book? I'm familiar with books. Do you guys read? Yeah, I read. I have read. Have you read a book?
Starting point is 00:16:06 I'm familiar with books. Yeah. Wait a minute. He sounds like me trying to avoid talking about how I'm doing. And I know why I was avoiding it. Oh, God. What's wrong? Two points, Bob, for elusivity.
Starting point is 00:16:21 I listen. Books and I go way back and i i read them regularly i believe you what about you mark how's your relationship with books oh good you know i read a lot of books but mostly of one specific genre i think i've talked about a warhammer 40k oh warhammer porny k look you'll never know you'll never know but no just warhammer 40k books but i've kind of started to get tapped out on them because i've read most of the yeah have you not finished those yet how many how many books are they you've been doing that i mean since since like 2017 you've been very into books in that in that universe right yeah and and at that point they had a huge back catalog of you know books and i kind of filtered my way through the good ones but when
Starting point is 00:17:11 the bad ones are like kind of hard to get through they're a slog they're just not fun like they because they have a diverse range of authors and they crank out those books like four or five a month um and it just gets to the point where it's like i get tired of trying to find uh books that i really will enjoy um and then the new release is a real hit or miss um and then the series that i'm paying attention to is is just like updated three or four times a year so it's it just gets i don't know why i just like to imagine that the bad the like tough to read warhammer books are just like and then the space marine aimed his gun at the guy and then pulled the trigger dugga dugga dugga dugga went the gun
Starting point is 00:17:54 like i don't know why just like written by a middle school boy just like and the guy got shot in the head sprinkle in some of the scarlet letter and it's like the reader must know the gun sounded comma back to action every few lines and then you've got a real painful fucking read i mean i feel like that's how it's going to be in the future with i mean it's already happening with ai written books that people are publishing and churning out and just throwing up on like amazon i can't imagine an AI-written book is any good at all. I enjoy playing with AI, but it can't do that. How could it describe hands?
Starting point is 00:18:32 Wouldn't that be obvious? It's AI? The businessmen shook hands on the deal. A knurled, terrifying mess. Almost like two octopuses entangled in a battle to the death. So many fingernails. So many knuckles. And that's when he pointed his three index fingers at me and I knew.
Starting point is 00:18:55 He waved at his mother for what he knew would be the last time. His nine fingers quivering with sadness. You know what? I like that. That enriches the book, really. Maybe I complained too early. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:13 Because right now, I mean, there's no way that they could get the cohesion enough to be able to get from start to finish. There is software that allows you to have like AI come up with ideas. But most of the time nowadays, it just really goes off the rails. And you got to you basically got to use it as like an assisting just idea generator, which right now it is kind of good for because it can spit out completely random bullshit, which can be good for guiding the process. But yeah, completely written no way. But there are people that are
Starting point is 00:19:45 trying to just completely write a book and then put it out there that don't make no sense yeah no that i totally get using it as an helper type deal but there are people honestly just like what like putting a prompt in having an entire book written and then just trying to publish it without right space science fiction where main character's name is john go right scary novel in style of stephen king enter it's a hard day's work orgy orgy orgy orgy clown dog oh that's not what you're typing in i thought that's what you were doing for your book oh no that was the stephen king horror story the famous uh it orgy i've i've never read it i've heard of this but i haven't read it it's just i kind of i kind of heard what
Starting point is 00:20:31 the topic was i was like yeah i'm gonna steer clear of that one well so what about books then mark knows books and so do i i think i've proven we've been on this podcast together long enough to know whenever i give a single word topic i don't fucking know what i want from you it's just like bread and hair and everything else this is where we go off the rails no i'm requesting more information well okay favorite books uh talking about the benefits of reading why you do or don't read i mean anything you want really molly has been reading like a fiend she rings reads like 40 to 60 books a year or something crazy like we have so many books and we moved into this house we had
Starting point is 00:21:10 some bookshelves uh we bought some bookshelves and they're already full and she still has like a huge pile of books to get through and it's like where are we gonna put these books she loves reading reads a lot i remember loving read i just haven't made time for reading but like i kind of want to watching her read makes me want to read i just don't make the time for it i feel like i should i gotta say i don't know if law school ruined me on reading or what but i i it makes me sound like such a complaining little child i don't love i don't love reading gotta be honest and like law school for anyone who doesn't know i read probably on average probably a thousand pages a week for law school because every class or every next class
Starting point is 00:21:52 was like i'll read these like three to six cases and a case can be like two or three pages real quick and it depends some higher court cases are like, you know, like a quick memo. But also cases tend to be like a lot. Judges like to go on. They like to explain and expound. And the bulk of the reading I've done in the last decade of my life was all law school. And it was mostly cases. And I don't feel like I need to do that anymore. I don't think you have to read cases either.
Starting point is 00:22:23 I know. But like, just the idea of reading is kind of like oh that's fair but i feel like if you got a good book you'd probably get if you liked reading before law school at least if you got a good book you'd probably get into it like mark's pointing i have a dramatic opinion that everyone's going to be polarized about oh jesus okay that has to do with reading and it also has to do with the topic of language learning. So, I'm gonna make this a preface. Bold proclamation for someone that really, truly only speaks one language. Alright, we're looking at your ass.
Starting point is 00:22:52 Alright, look at my ass. Look at my ass, guys. Look me in the ass. Um, I believe. Not only. Not only are adults smarter than children. I believe that's just very... We can all agree
Starting point is 00:23:05 on that one. That's very true. Very true. We're all smarter than children, right? I believe that in language learning, trying to read another language is detrimental to your ability to understand that language if that is your first priority in terms of learning a new language. Because humans as adults are smarter than children, but we also have a very high standard of what we accept as being intelligent. So children don't have this same like understanding.
Starting point is 00:23:38 Also children can't read very well, can't speak very well. I've covered that before, but I think as an adult, we look at reading and language systems as being like, oh, I can understand that faster. I can learn the alphabet. I can read the words faster. So we try to use that as the primary way that we get a language. But I'm not talking about speed or efficiency. I'm talking about quality of learning. I believe that using reading as the first system that you do, as opposed to listening and understanding the sounds, because the sounds is the fundamental method of which communication is done. That is the first and foremost biological process of which we
Starting point is 00:24:17 understand language. By trying to learn the words as they are written which is a supplementary system to language it is it's the supplementary system to exchanging language it did revolutionize human understanding but mostly in terms of written records and being able to translate and permanentize permanentinize permanentinize your english is beautiful make permanent hey you got there the transfer of information and i think i think i i this is just wild conjecture but in my experience my exposure to the language in terms of sound first has dramatically increased my ability to understand where i'm at with korean is i understand korean very well i can hear it extremely. And you run into these situations all the time where people start to learn another language and they feel confident in the reading and the writing.
Starting point is 00:25:11 And yet you go to another country and you can't hear what anyone's saying. You can't understand anything. And you have this in terms of I know my Korean family and the Korean learning system. They have English in every year of their school for a lot of schools out there. And they take written exams where they read an essay in English and have to understand it in a written form. And yet, if they talk to someone in English and someone is talking to them in English, they can't understand anything. And therefore the communication is completely broken down because it emphasized
Starting point is 00:25:40 the wrong part of learning. It emphasized the supplementary part of understanding a language and not the actual language. By having reading first, you miss out on the actual comprehension. Right now, I'm at a place where I am very good at comprehending it in terms of listening and understanding it. And I can get what people say. And I'm even to the point where I can understand context clues and what I'm hearing for words that I don't know because I listened to the tonality and the emphasis they're putting on certain words. I can't speak it very well. I can speak in broken sentences, but I can understand what's going on even in a fast conversation between my family members. And I think that reading first is a detrimental effect
Starting point is 00:26:26 to language learning. I'll assume the opposing position. I think you're probably on to something because more contemporary language learning stuff does focus on that. For me personally,
Starting point is 00:26:39 in the way that my brain works, I think reading actually helps me a lot. Hearing something without understanding how it's spelled and hearing sounds of a language without context for like what those words look like in terms of like phonetical spelling and what that means makes it really hard for me to connect things in my brain. So I agree with you that if you focus on reading, you struggle with conversational comprehension,
Starting point is 00:27:06 like listening comprehension. But I would be so lost trying to learn a language without having the context of like, what is the alphabet? What are the letters supposed to sound like? If I hear this sound or this combination, what is that on paper? And I don't know why that is. But for me, reading is like crucially important to to understanding the sounds that you hear in the language so it probably partially depends on
Starting point is 00:27:30 how a person's brain works and how they learn but like i think you are pretty right because like the the old school way of just you do vocabulary you take a vocab test that's how you learn spanish in high school like i don't think that sticks very well. I think a lot more Americans would speak Spanish if that type of learning was effective because like in our school district, everyone took language and 95% of people took Spanish. I took German because I'm weird and that was a poor choice. I really wish I'd learned Spanish, but like no one speaks it. None of my friends from high school can still speak Spanish and they took you know three or four years of it or whatever so you're probably right i would agree too i took
Starting point is 00:28:09 a really bad opposing position i'm sorry the best way to do it's probably to pair both it's probably like hear a word and then like hear it pronounced out loud and like see it spelled so you know what you're listening to that there is a research article that compared this there were students that were there was a i, in some South American university. I can't remember which one, but they were trying to learn English, right? So they watched content in a few different ways, and they had a few different control groups. One of them watched it with no subtitles, just in English. One watched in English subtitles, and then one watched in, I believe, Spanish subtitles, depending on what the country was.
Starting point is 00:28:43 And they measured how many words they learned. So when they watched with Spanish subtitles, they learned no new words. Even though the audio was all in English, and they were trying to pay attention and learn new words, they made no associations. When they watched with no subtitles at all, and just English, they learned like 14 new words, just from the context clues. And then they had the ones that learned with, watched with English audio and English subtitles by being able to hear and look at the word associations, they learned like 17 new words because they were able to
Starting point is 00:29:20 compare to the words that are there. Now, I question the actual metric, whether it's understanding or memorization or learning, because humans are good at pattern recognition. But I still believe that if you're reading a language and you're reading a word that is not your native language, you are not reading it with the proper sounds associated in your head so you're reading it based on your learning of that language which can reinforce accents and i think like you can learn faster yes but you learn based on your beginner understanding of that language's pronunciation because in your head is not built the voice of that language. And that's why what I'm saying is like reading is detrimental if you want a native level like understanding of that language
Starting point is 00:30:11 where you hear it in your head with the proper sounds and the mouth positions automatically associated with it. But if you learn, you can learn faster if that's your objective by having both the target language audio and the target language uh words but i believe the only way to get like fluency with actual like loss of accent and being native level speaking is purely audio only but i have no evidence to this i could see it either way um i have a funny story i don't know if i've told this one on here i was at a convention a few years ago with Molly down in Texas,
Starting point is 00:30:45 and they had like an ice cream truck. And we both went up and got an ice cream. It was a really hot day. We were in Texas in the summer. And the ice cream just melted all over. It was like some kind of like black ice cream promoting a game or something. And we were getting ready to go to dinner.
Starting point is 00:30:56 We looked down, we were just covered in ice cream. So we went back to our hotel room. We're like, okay, let's change clothes. And there was a housekeeper in our hotel room, like cleaning the room. And I asked her, she like greeted us in spanish and i asked her like do you speak english and she said no and i was like okay wait this is your time four and a half years of spanish you can convey that you need to change clothes so i pointed to like the stains on my shirt and was
Starting point is 00:31:21 like we need a moment like necesitamos un minuto para ropa nueva i was like new clothes is that good did i do it and she's like what i was like yeah we need to change our clothes i tried saying it again and she was like oh okay and then she kept doing what she was doing and i was like okay i got something wrong i need to try it again so i like tried again and then she's like i still didn't say it correctly there was still no understanding so we like grab we were like running late so we just grabbed shirts ran the restroom and changed and i was like what the hell she thought i said we came back from dinner and she had folded all of our dirty laundry just for some reason the pile of dirty clothes she folded them and i was like how did i
Starting point is 00:32:09 get this so wrong i swear i said we need new clothes because of my point of the stains i know how to say stains and it crushed me because after four and a half years of spanish in the last year and a half two years we had to speak and listen in spanish we had to speak only in spanish in class i still was not very good at listening or speaking i could read it like you said i could read it no problem but speaking and listening i try to remember how to say certain things hearing her speak back to me it was like oh god she talks too there was something uh room uh time like you know i could pick out like certain words but i couldn't get the whole sentence it was like dude i know it's been like eight years but i took so many years of spanish how am i not able to listen and you're 100 right it's probably because i was so comfortable
Starting point is 00:32:55 with the reading and writing that listening and speaking was definitely i was nowhere close on those mark's hypothesis is confirmed confirmed thatirmed! Confirmed! That is my one bit of evidence toward your claim. And I'm so sorry, lady. If you watch this podcast, I'm so sorry. I have a feeling. Dude, dirty underwear from a sweaty convention you should have never had to touch. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:33:17 She's sitting in her car crashing into a shave ice stand right now. Not understanding a word you're saying wait maybe she's learned english at this point i don't know she didn't speak english but that doesn't mean she couldn't i cannot describe the horror of seeing dirty underwear and socks folded neatly that she for some reason thought i was requesting her to do i would love to know exactly what you actually said and get an accurate translation because she got home and she was like i had the worst oh so my i took german my dad uh studied german too when in his uh educational pursuits and um we were in germany at one point we were on a family trip we were in germany we were sitting at a cafe it it's bold. It feels bold to like speak
Starting point is 00:34:05 a language in another country, right? Like I had never spoken German with Germans. I'd only talked to my teachers and classmates and stuff. And I did a couple, I had a couple moments of like translating and speaking, you know, saying a sentence or something. But my dad was like nervous about it and didn't want to do it. But he looked up, we were sitting at this cafe and it was like, we were done eating and it was like time to go. And he was like nervous about it and didn't want to do it but he looked up we're sitting at this cafe and it was like we were done eating and it was like time to go and he was like i know how to say check please in german you say uh rechnung bitte rechnung means check bitte means please super easy it's it's a correct you know sentence you could convey the sentiment it's super easy and he's sitting there and he's like,
Starting point is 00:34:50 and sitting there and he's working on it and he's like, yeah, I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. And the waiter walks over and he puts the hand up, gets attention, and the waiter is like, and he's just like, can I have the check, please? And that was so good.
Starting point is 00:35:10 And then that same trip, we're in another situation. We're at a place and having a beer, hanging out. It's the same thing. He's like, I know how to ask for a beer in German. Nach ein Bier, bitte. Nach ein Bier, bitte. But it's the same thing. And it gets all worked up.
Starting point is 00:35:24 And he's like and the waiter comes by and he's like oh one more beer please he like turns southern you're like yo can i get another bud lie like yeah you know what it is really intimidating to be in another country well and especially as an american when my family my dad i look like my dad right and so we're like big huge tall like giant americans we're so obviously americans that it's like painful and everybody outside of america expects americans to be so fucking stupid so it it's like, it's not like if you say something and it's kind of wrong, you don't expect that.
Starting point is 00:36:09 And we didn't have this, but you don't expect people to be like, oh, good try. Actually, yeah, no, I know what you mean. You expect people to just be like, stupid American thinks he speaks German. What an idiot. We never had that experience, but like, it's kind of how it feels. Like people fucking hate Americans and other, especially in Europe was my experience.
Starting point is 00:36:28 But yeah, my poor dad, he tried, man. It's a lot of pressure. Okay. But also he probably hadn't actually studied German for like 30 years at that point. I don't even know if he did it in college. I think he did it in high school, but. It's got to be worse for people coming here and going to restaurants than it is for us going to restaurants.
Starting point is 00:36:44 I had a hard time not tipping waiters and waitresses in Europe. But I imagine people that come here that have never had to do that. It's got to be the most confusing fucking thing to see like a line where you put more money. It's like, but it costs this. Well, imagine coming from a country where they include the tax and the price that's listed. I was about to say that. In a lot of European places, something will be like, this costs nine euros. That includes everything when you go to the cash register you hand them nine euros or you swipe your card and that's what it costs in america it's like a fucking mystery you
Starting point is 00:37:14 go up it's like well this said it costs six dollars like that'll be 960 please plus tip jerk god damn what do numbers mean Why is this such a mystery? Could do that, America. Could just include the tax and the thing. You live in a place where the tax is always the same, except maybe if the law changes. At least they do recommended a lot of places now. So at least that's a thing. That didn't used to be on receipts.
Starting point is 00:37:40 I don't think that's better. I think we should pay people. I think we should pay people enough money that they don't require customers to be generous in order for them to pay their bills i agree with you but at least for the customer's sake it's a step in the right direction so at least they're reminded like you should tip do they have to tip no company should just pay better but and i just want to be clear i do tip i'm not that guy who's like i don't tip on principle because that's fucking awful you know what if we just paid people enough money to live in a house with electricity and water crazy
Starting point is 00:38:09 talk crazy can't believe this guy that's un-american is what that is anyway uh what what how is this about books anyway kids can't read this is about reading reading is the topic so kids can't oh yeah kids can't read kids can't read. Kids can't read. Wait, so I'm not a big, I'm not a rapid reader, but I have, you know what? Have you guys ever had this where like something comes up and you're like, oh, I should try that book. Like that sounds really good. It's like really popular or someone recommends it and you just get sucked in.
Starting point is 00:38:42 Like the last time this happened to me was with the Ready Player One book. And like, I get that's very like, I don't know if that's a cool book or not. And the movie was questionable. But the book, I think, is really good. It represents a world to me that could exist in a lot of ways. And it ties to reality in ways where I'm like, oh, that's that's not a good path. Like, it's interesting. I read that book in one night.
Starting point is 00:39:07 I picked it up and I was like, oh, I'll just read this before bed a little bit. And then at like six in the morning, I finished the book and I was like, whoa, what happened? What the shit? I like couldn't stop reading it. Does that happen to you guys? Oh my God, yeah. Does not happen a lot to me, but when it happens, it's like I get sucked into another universe. Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's like I get sucked into another universe. Yeah, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:39:25 And I think that's what makes reading addicting for people. It doesn't happen a lot, but there are certain books that are just like so incredibly well written, or maybe it's not the greatest written, but it's just like it opens up a world you've never imagined before and you do just get sucked in. And that is nice. Like, that's a very nice feeling. It's just like, it's so rare that it occurs. It's very few and far between that you actually find that that one that really is gonna get there but growing up
Starting point is 00:39:51 there's a lot of controversy obviously now but growing up for us harry potter was a popular series right and like when the harry potter books would come out i would always read those like the next day or that night it was like you go to the midnight release get the book next day read done uh the hobbit i've not actually read the lord of the midnight release, get the book next day, read, done. The Hobbit. I've not actually read the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but reading The Hobbit. I actually did that for like four years in a row for book reports. I did the same book just because I wanted to read The Hobbit again. Well, no, listen, that sounds good and all, but I'm going to point out that maybe you were being lazy.
Starting point is 00:40:21 Were you just trying to pull one over on your teachers there a little bit there, young Wade? The thing is, though, I actually reread the book each time. Yeah, but it's not new. Just because you reread it doesn't mean it's different. I think even as a kid, I realized because like growing up, I liked reading the Animorphs, like in like first, second grade, the Animorphs series. And then there were obviously books that you read throughout life that you don't enjoy. I remember reading The Hobbit and I was i was like okay this is like seen as being higher level than reading animorphs i can do a book report on this and the next year it was like i don't know i don't know any books i know i like the hobbit i'll just do that again i want to read that again and that was kind of my reasoning it wasn't like
Starting point is 00:40:56 to not uh-huh read a new book sure because i did reread it each time it was just because i knew i liked it i wanted an excuse to read it again younger me was a lot less lazy than older me i've gotten really bad in my older years and it's i've got many hopefully older years left i don't know younger you seems pretty lazy too from the stories i'm hearing that seems like it's the same level of laziness because i learned after the first time of redoing the hobbit i was like so my teachers don't communicate they don't know i did this see that's the scheming part there yeah see that's i didn't know that the first time i redid it i knew it was a gamble but uh then i learned i was home free speaking of being lazy students did you ever and if so how many times did you guys ever give a cliff Notes book report? Did you ever do this? Also, for the younger listeners out there, viewers, hopefully, viewers, not listeners,
Starting point is 00:41:50 Cliff Notes, my bad, when we were kids. Is it not a thing anymore? I don't know, man. There's at least Spark Notes, right? Yeah, it's like a summary of a book, right? And you don't read the whole book, but you read the Cliff Notes, and then you're like, yeah, I read that. Did you guys do this?
Starting point is 00:42:03 I always did the reading. I was a good student, so I always did the reading. But there were times where I read something like, I don't remember, I think Heart of Darkness was like a tough, there were some books that were like tough reads. And there was like, was it Hemingway who kind of wrote in like old English that was kind of fanciful reading? There were a couple authors, I remember I read their stuff and I finished and I was like, okay, what the hell all just happened? And then I would go and look at the SparkNotes the cliff notes to like refresh my memory and make sure that i actually was like comprehending the reading right but i never relied exclusively on them so number one cliff notes is still a thing maybe i'm not 100 sure if you go to their website it's like the
Starting point is 00:42:39 oldest wet looking website i've seen in a while it was so advanced back in the day um but i didn't do a cliff's notes book report uh one time when i was in fourth grade with that teacher that i didn't like uh there was we had to do a book report and i thought i read it i really truly thought that i read the book so i wrote a book report like in one like in in the morning in the morning i was like i read it last night i'll write a book report and I'll get it done. I got the assignment. I did that morning.
Starting point is 00:43:09 You know, I didn't watch TV in the morning. Like I thought I usually do go to school, hand in the book report like next day or later in that week, whenever the grading thing was, I get pulled outside the class. Like the teacher literally pulls me out of class. Like I need to speak with you. Get outside in the hallway. And she, she,
Starting point is 00:43:26 she like looms over me. Like I, I've seen bad book reports before. I've seen people cheating, like doing all the book reports again. I've never seen the most inane bullshit rambling that you put in your book report. And I'm like the whole time. I don't know. I wrote, I didn't wear your ass, I wrote a book report about that book.
Starting point is 00:43:48 And then I'm like, how did you think you'd get away with putting time travel and random spaceships or whatever the hell I put in? And it was like a book about the grapes of wrath or some book like that. And what happened was, I had dreamed I read the book. The night prior, I dreamed I read it. And that's what I thought the book was. All of my dream thoughts. So I woke up the next morning like, oh man, I'm glad I read that book. And then I wrote the book report.
Starting point is 00:44:23 And that's when Rosa Sharon beamed up into the enterprise. I wish, I wish that book report still existed, but I think she shredded it right in front of my face or something like that. I wish I could go back and read what that book report said, because man, I want to read the fanciful imagination that I had and somehow translated from my dream thoughts into a book report. So, yeah, dream notes.
Starting point is 00:44:48 That's really the the real source of abridging a book. Yeah. And what grade did you end up getting on that? Oh, I don't zero grade. I don't know. F minus. F minus. The first F minus in recorded history.
Starting point is 00:45:02 Really? Truly? Yeah. So I read The Grapes of Wrath it was okay I made a movie that was my first ever content I made was following reading the Grapes of Wrath we made like a sequel movie that I wish also existed I would
Starting point is 00:45:13 totally air that on YouTube if I could find it I was in that class and I think our group did like the same thing yeah well my question was just a trap and I never did that either ah yeah I'm not that kind of bad student. Right, yeah. Look, if I'm being super honest, it's a toss-up whether I actually read more of the books
Starting point is 00:45:32 or actually just cliff-noticed more of the books in high school. I gotta be real honest, guys. It's probably good I didn't become a lawyer, because I don't think you could cliff-notice law stuff. I don't think I ever did that. The one book I wish I had, and I will forever rip on it, is The Scarlet Letter. There has never been a worse piece of literature I have read in my life, including looking at fifth grade papers when we had to trade papers and read each other's papers.
Starting point is 00:45:57 I would rather read someone who didn't care at all than ever read Nathaniel Hawthorne's fucking Scarlet Letter again. I had three books I had to read one summer i had a prayer for owen meanie the scarlet letter and i don't remember what the third one was a prayer for owen meanie was like a thick book the scarlet letter was like a hundred pages decent sized words i was like dude i will read this in one afternoon something about that book was the ultimate melatonin. I would read four lines and fall the fuck asleep. No matter, I would drain like three sodas.
Starting point is 00:46:32 I'd sit up. I wasn't even laying back. I'd open that book up and Arthur Dimmesdale, the reader must know, and his dear Hester Prynne took their little pearl and... Every fucking time. I didn't read that book but i watched the movie and i thought emma stone did a great job didn't see the movie the movie is probably great the story is probably great but something about every four fucking lines having to read the phrase the reader must know took me out i could not get into it and i swear to you i'm pretty sure that that line is in
Starting point is 00:47:06 there a whole bunch couldn't tell you because i can only read three lines at a time of that fucking book it took me all summer to read that book the other two books i read both in the same week were you talking about easy a yeah the movie adaptation of the scarlet letter is called easy a starring emma stone i thought you were reading the book real quick to see if it actually says all those things no i i saw the movie 2010s comedy romance movie easy a starring emma stone penn badgley amanda bines stanley tucci and lisa kudrow isn't there actually a scarlet letter movie adaptation yeah there is oh i don't want to watch that that sounds awful the story is probably fine it's just the way it was written was not my it was the worst
Starting point is 00:47:49 thing i'd ever read in my life i could not get into it at all a prayer for owen meanie i was like okay this sounds like it has some kind of religious context i'm not a big religion guy i'm gonna hate this book i was like this was enjoyable i'd read that again that was fine but the scarlet letter was the one i started with i was like let's get the small one out of the way first. It took me like two and a half of our three months off to get through that fucking book. Every day I would read three lines and it was like I wanted to bash my head against a brick wall. Never had more pain in my life than trying to get through that book. I feel like everyone that I've ever talked to about reading in high school has that exact sentiment that you have but it's always
Starting point is 00:48:25 about a different book catcher in the rye maybe is that one of the ones people hate no like like it's all books oh like each individual just has some book where that's the one that they feel the way that you feel about scarlet letter because because you could have that exact same conversation and just insert any book and they're just like golden caulfield wandering through a straw field well what a late you know whatever i did actually read catcher on the ride but i sincerely don't remember 90 of it i think it's fair to not like old old books written in old some of them again we're fine but that one for some just the way the way that one it's okay it's okay yeah it was like, leave me the fuck alone, Nathaniel. Get back to the goddamn story.
Starting point is 00:49:08 Half your book is saying the reader must fucking know. I know I must know. That's why I'm reading. It can't hurt you now, Wade. It can. It does. It haunts me. You could just stop thinking about it.
Starting point is 00:49:19 You don't have to think about it. No one is going to give you a quiz. It's okay. Anyway, next time I win, win i'm gonna make it about nathaniel hawthorne that'll be the topic and we're gonna go mark just lost all of his points deep into the lore it's just gonna be me raging for like an hour that's all it will be i don't get why people need to read the older books in school i get there's some historically important books and they have like topical
Starting point is 00:49:45 relevant things for historical reasons but also i agree with you some of those books are just plain old boring especially compared to like culturally relevant things today mark watts english class to read only books in the warhammer universe how much better would we be off how much better would bb as a society all worshiping the god emperor of mankind as we should and learn about the dangers of chaos it's all it's all in there oh the only thing i know about war over 40k is the story you told about the the one planet where the orcs that live on it believe anything that you say or do is real and so they're instead of having guns they just go like this and they're all and the guys are all gonna die i mean that's like not just one planet and also that's a general misconception about the orcs whatever you told me the story you correct it
Starting point is 00:50:39 then it's just the orcs are the best like book subjects the books about the orcs specifically written by mike brooks like they're just really really really funny i i just really i'm entertained by those stupid fucking orcs they're great i love everything about them or smart they're actually very smart i know some lore about them but not enough to have a good conversation with you probably probably not yeah uh catch 22 was a great book i love catch 22 i don't know how well that one's got to be after at least world war one that's not as old as i did like that book i read that book i don't know that book all the king's men was a good one there was there's a bunch of good ones i read to kill a mockingbird i read in the sixth grade i don't think i fully understood it but i like that book too hey wait guys can we do can we do a test yes the book series about the family of bears the berenstain bears does that sound right
Starting point is 00:51:33 to you i don't know i know this thing but i don't know which one's the truth this is this is like a mandela effect thing yeah the berenstein berenstain apparently it's berenstain bears and i definitely was in the berenstein camp i wonder if that was just us being like midwesterners and pronouncing things how we wanted to probably probably but i don't know i at this point even now i don't know which one's the correct one and i can't say anything with confidence about it ah whatever did you guys ever get any of those though i will say i was a boxcar children kid i read those two yeah i like those two i love the boxcar i would that was one of the ones where i'd buy that from like the book fair i would buy the new boxcar children books that kind of i love those books
Starting point is 00:52:13 i don't even know what that is the boxcar children i don't even know what that is it's like a it's i honestly i don't remember a lot of details now but like they were they were like orphan kids who lived in a in an abandoned boxcar from like a train car type thing but yeah they were they were like orphan kids who lived in a in an abandoned box car from like a train car type thing but yeah they like solved a mystery type things i love choose your own adventure goosebumps some of those were good i had the hotel moriarty or whatever it was called i remember reading that one the choose your own adventure and i always got so pissed off because somehow i always ended up in the hotel room and i ate the candy and died couldn't you just not have eaten the candy or is that not a choice yeah but it sounded good it was like nice little candy on the pillow and i was like i can't say no you get back to the exact
Starting point is 00:52:54 same page with your smudgy little fingerprints all over it it's all crumpled up from your angry outrage from the last 10 times you got you and You're like, ah, the candy sounds so good. What if it's different? What if it's different? What if something different happens this time? I'll eat the candy. God damn it. I don't know if there's actually a good ending in that book or not.
Starting point is 00:53:15 I always fucking died. You know, you can just read any page you want at any moment. I feel like this is indicative of how you approach video games to this day, because I swear every time you try to do something in a video game, you just fall into the same exact trap. As you are now is exactly what you were then is what we're discovering. No, no. I'm bald now. Are you sure you weren't bald then?
Starting point is 00:53:37 You've always been bald. This is like my sixth sense moment. Some bald people don't know they're bald. Looking in the mirror and the hair just disappears. Can I be real with you? Goosebumps was too scary for me as a kid. Honest to God, I liked some of the books, but some of them, I don't remember specifically, but which ones.
Starting point is 00:53:53 But I read, I remember reading one and getting to the end and being like, Nope, nope, no more Goosebumps. Too much. I found myself less scared of that than the show Are You Afraid of the Dark? I watched Are You Afraid of the Dark? But that show always scared me a lot more than Goosebumps show or books ever did. Granted, in my family, I also watched scary horror movies a lot younger than I probably should have.
Starting point is 00:54:13 I was exposed to a lot of things as a kid I probably shouldn't have been. But Goosebumps was like, this is kid stuff as I'm a kid reading it. In conclusion, me and books, not so chill. Unless it's a really goddamn good book there's some good ones out there i'll never know because i refuse to read that's the catch 22 of it all ah you get bonus points for that because i like that book how many points do i have uh currently less than bob after i just gave him points ah molly said catcher in the rye was the one she couldn't stand that's what i thought it was catcher in the rye never read that one myself uh guess let us know what books you like or
Starting point is 00:54:48 didn't like talk about the ones you don't like let's be honest i mean yeah well i don't know i'm interested in both because i wouldn't mind picking up a book and reading again i need to which books make you absolutely enraged what is your scarlet letter? Mark, any clever things you want to say for last minute points? I think that anyone that doesn't read is dumb. Bob, how does it make you feel? If you has, if you has, if you has look at, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it. Yes. Look at that book. You might not even know why you had to do that. That's a Brian Regan joke about the debate over reading. And I'm on the side of not reading, apparently. Did you know?
Starting point is 00:55:39 Wait, I came across the actual illiteracy stats. There's actually a surprising amount of people that can't read which i found fascinating in an era where almost everyone consumes online content and i know that's not actually everyone but nationwide 79 of u.s adults are literate 21 of people cannot read 54 adults who are literate read below a sixth grade level. So more than half of the population of adults read at a level that would not pass the seventh grade. I think it really depends on what part of the country you're in and what your life is too, though. I will say the illiterate thing, the standard for that if i remember correctly being illiterate does not mean that you have no idea what the hell those mystical symbols mean and you walk into like a grocery store and you're like oh how much does this cost like you can look
Starting point is 00:56:36 at a thing and like you know a word you can see numbers and you know it like it doesn't it means you can't read like literature you can't read prose doesn't, it means you can't read like literature. You can't read prose. Doesn't mean you can't comprehend basic stuff. If you live in a world where you helped on the farm instead of going to school sometimes and you, or you've got a job, you know, machining or welding or whatever, like, like I'm terrible at math. I probably do math below a middle school level. If I had to guess I'm i'm i am i can't even add shit together sometimes i think it depends how much you use it and if you live in a world where you don't read at work you don't really need to read you know to get by to to know what you're doing
Starting point is 00:57:15 online you read words or phrases but you don't read like you know extended prose is it is it that bad i mean it'd be great if everyone read because reading is a great way to learn and expose yourself to more stuff but that statistic might be misleading and my grandpa never learned to read my grandma always like read the mail to him and stuff like that so whenever she passed away it was like he had to figure out how to look through like mail and letters and stuff because he just never had to learn to read which is such a fascinating thing and i bet like some of these statistics are influenced yeah by people that don't speak English as a first language come here and then obviously they can't read English. Oh, sure.
Starting point is 00:57:49 Yeah. So that's definitely a method by which it is. But I also like there in hilarious side of things, there are many celebrities and I'm not going to name names just in case like these are just violent rumors that are horribly untrue but there's some celebrities that people suspect can't read and have somehow just skated by like skated by with never being able to actually read anything and i know there are people out there that are embarrassed by the fact that they can't read and they get by in everyday life uh going there but i do think that it's a big detriment reading especially nowadays with so many things being online is such a default thing yeah well growing up the way we did it's hard to even imagine a world where you don't you aren't forced to do that we we didn't never there's no version of the life that we grew up in where you don't just learn to read because you have to
Starting point is 00:58:41 go to school and that's part of that you don't get to pass the next grade unless you read some shit yeah but that's not ubiquitous well and i can also understand why people would be embarrassed i i'm sure that i exude the same energy and i don't mean to people are so judgy about it i wouldn't really care if i was interacting with someone and i learned that they couldn't read clearly we're having a conversation we're interacting like it doesn't mean that you're not smart it means probably that you come from a world that i don't understand where school was not as important when you were a kid or whatever but like i yeah i imagine a lot of people get a lot of shit for that coming up especially if you like actors right if you come from somewhere where you didn't learn to read but then you're now you're an actor, so you're, like, in Hollywood
Starting point is 00:59:26 or whatever. I don't think a lot of Hollywood comes from a place where reading was optional. And, you know, they, you know, they come from a place more like where we come from, where it's, like, you went to school, you graduated high school, whatever, maybe you went to college, like, reading was just sort of assumed as a thing everyone did. So, yeah, I would imagine you get a lot of shit for that, pretty much regardless of context. I can see that being a sore spot for people, but it's okay, man. I can only barely read and I can't do math. So I'm, I'm in no position to judge anybody. I read great and I'm good at pretty much everything I do except for art. Look, I went to law school and I made it out of there, but I still am not sure how or why they let me
Starting point is 01:00:05 graduate. And there's a reason I chose not to become a lawyer. I've got like maxed out stats, except for being able to draw and being able to have hair. Otherwise I'm like the perfect being. You're so awesome, Wade. He's so great. You're the best. Thank you. You know what? 10 points to me. Well, I'll just wish we could be as good as you are. I have been adding points throughout. I gotta say, somehow you guys, through all this talk, have tied it up again. So we have a tied score. Even though you deleted
Starting point is 01:00:34 all my points? Can I lick your butt cheeks for you? Can you lick my butthole for me? Can I bury my nose in there and just give you a kiss right in the booty? You can if you want. Does that get me points? Um, no. bald man a strong look i just figured we'd come down to one of our favorite things the wheel oh boy i thought we were done with this i can't read i don't know what this wheel is gonna say so why are there so many colors and like, I don't get why the distribution is like this.
Starting point is 01:01:05 Why isn't it... Mark, Bob, Mark, Bob, Wade is on there. It's literally just randomized. That's not very, that's a pattern. It's just a stupid pattern. I feel like a fair distribution is ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, you know, one after another. It's an even amount of things. It doesn't matter if it's equally...
Starting point is 01:01:24 You guys just want to see the pattern. I get it. I have a bad feeling. That's an even amount of things. It doesn't matter if it's equally. You guys just want to see the pattern. I get it. I got a bad feeling. That's how patterns work. Patterns are things you can see. There is like a 48% chance either one of you can win in whatever percent this is.
Starting point is 01:01:37 Five, ten, I don't know for me. It doesn't look like that small of a percentage. I gotta be real honest. Mine should be smaller. I think I changed this because maybe you guys pissed me off last time or something or maybe i just felt like i really deserved to win well i hope you i hope you win wade i you deserve it such a such an angelic being like yourself well no but no host has ever given themselves the win before we do have that
Starting point is 01:01:58 power so i guess we'll oh that's that thing that he was saying that's that thing did i tell you i've solved it i know what causes it also well i don't know what all he just shared so you might Oh, that's that thing that he was saying. That's that thing. Did I tell you? I've solved it. I know what causes it. Also, Will, I don't know what all he just shared, so you might need to hire whoever that is. You might need to hide that. I heard the scream.
Starting point is 01:02:14 What was up there? I have a new keyboard, and my keyboard has buttons along the left side of it. And when I grab my water bottle, I've noticed the bottom of my water bottle like taps the keyboard. And where I do it, it perfectly hits hits this stupid ass button that does that so you were just accidentally resting hitting your keyboard i don't even know what side keys mean do you mean like physically sticking out the side or like yes on the far left edge of the top of the keyboard can you see how
Starting point is 01:02:42 there's like buttons here is it oh you literally mean on you see how there's like buttons here? Is it? Oh, you literally mean on the side. Yes, there's like three buttons there. That's it. That is super weird. I've never seen that before. Yeah, I had no reason to suspect that was a thing. But there's three buttons. I don't know what the other two do. I'm too afraid to touch them. I somehow only ever... Oh, push them right now.
Starting point is 01:02:59 Push them right now. Push them right now. Shut down. Shut down. Oh, no. What was that? I got trusted the other one. The other one was the scary looking one and I just like... Push the other one!
Starting point is 01:03:15 Anyway, hope we have lots of good blurring there because I don't know what I just shared. What is on your desktop? My points. Do you want to see my point sheet? There you go. Wow. It's good you got a whole document up just for that i don't save it i delete it afterward you know notepad exists sticky notes even you could just use that i'm a word pad kind of guy because there's a w in it i like w anyway let's see who wins where even is the pointer where how do we tell who wins this oh it's at the top okay and all is right in the world i guess because we're back to fair chance bob do you want best
Starting point is 01:03:54 two out of three i'll spend two more times for if you want yes yes i do all right best two out of three i i would mark wins this one again there's there's no chance I win this wait, I didn't even agree to I didn't agree to best two, alright three out of five let's keep it rolling keep it rolling, we all agree hey, Bob one more there we go
Starting point is 01:04:18 I don't know what the I just like spinning the wheel I just like clicking the button oh, two to two it's tied what the... I just like spinning the wheel, man. I just like clicking the button. Oh, two to two! It's tied! Hey, there is balance in the universe. Would you look at that? One wheel to spin them all.
Starting point is 01:04:34 Wait, what happens now if Wade wins? Do you just win instantly, or do you have to get to three out of five as well? I hope we don't have to find out. And the winner of this episode is Bob! Bob! Mark, unless you want best of seven.
Starting point is 01:04:54 You do have the power to unilaterally call for four out of seven. If I have the power, you have the same power. I'll grant you that. Mark, you have three seconds to decide. No, okay, here, I'll flip a coin to decide whether I'll do that. You know, even more fair do we do best of seven let's go do i go for seven let me pull up my coin app let's let fate decide fate's gonna decide heads i go for five of seven four of seven what is it four of seven. Four out of seven. Oh, I don't go for it. The coin is spoken.
Starting point is 01:05:31 I honestly can't believe that. I was pretty sure you were going to win that. And then you were going to win two more in a row. And then that was going to be the end of it. That's it. I earned that win. Good. I did.
Starting point is 01:05:43 I made choices that led to me winning. I did that. In a precedent I definitely won't live to regret, you guys can always ask for more spins. No. I just like spinning the wheel. You can spin the wheel on your own. I do spin it on my own.
Starting point is 01:05:56 I have a Wade wheel. I just spin, this is Wade. I'm just spinning. There's 10 inputs of Wade. I'm so sure that that's actually real that i love it bob you have a winner speech uh well it feels good to win you know it feels really good to earn a lot of points more points than mark more points than mark could ever hope to earn really uh and you know it just it's rewarding to put the hard work in to uh play by the rules and to ultimately get what you deserve in the end of
Starting point is 01:06:26 everything. And, you know, I think Mark also got what he deserves. He deserves to lose. He probably would have won. I took points away from him when he asked me to, but I thought his like language conversation was so good. He just kept earning points. That's right. That's right. You got to keep playing. You're never out of it. You know, never out of it. Even at the end when the winner's been declared, you're never out of it never out of it even at the end when the winner's been declared you're never out of it even when the judge has said that you lost the episode and that seems to be
Starting point is 01:06:50 the end we have precedent remember the episode called Bob wins this episode we've seen it before you just gotta keep playing by the rules and you can succeed it's never over that's what I'm learning that's how I view the world that's how I approach everything I do.
Starting point is 01:07:06 So congratulations to me above everyone else and great game, everybody. Great game. Great game. Mark, what's your speech for being the not winner? I have so many dramatic opinions about reading that I didn't share in this episode
Starting point is 01:07:21 because I knew the best would come for later. I eagerly look forward to reading part two because I know that's where we always save the content for. So look forward to it. I'm glad I held back because my amazing reading stories, I want to milk this content for everything that it's worth. And you're only going to get it once we decide you deserve it. Which you don't. You don't. don't you one reddit user why you specifically i love that we have like a million people that watch this and this one person like everyone there's so many criticisms probably of this podcast that one person has irked us so hard
Starting point is 01:07:59 we will never forgive you we will milk this till the day we die. Be careful what you wish for or also wish the opposite for. Because we're going to give it to you, viewer listeners. We're milking their criticism of our milking of content till the end for content. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's the episode. Congrats, Bob. Mark, you should have asked for more spins.
Starting point is 01:08:22 I can't believe I got the coin flip. You should have never left it up to chance. But regrets are regrets. Then you can't make bets against the regrets that you have let. That's what they always say. If you guys haven't already, go follow us. Mark, Markiplier, Bob, MySkirm. He's moving to Ohio soon.
Starting point is 01:08:39 Make sure you sub to his YouTube and follow him on Twitch for that. Extra shout out for moving to Ohio. Bonus points. I'm Wade, Minion777 or LordMinion777. You can find merch, maybe, probably, hopefully. It's out there! Unless it's sold out again.
Starting point is 01:08:51 Store at DestructiblePodcast.com. I bought some and I had it shipped to the wrong address. Merch! We got it! You want it! Go buy it! And I guess stay tuned for the next one
Starting point is 01:09:00 when Bob will host and I'm sure great things will happen. Until then... Podcast out.

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