Distractible - Return Of The Gingerdead Man

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

Wade, Bob, and Mark put holiday characters head to head with each other, to see who comes out on top. But who could possibly beat the derisiveness of the clever confectionery that is the "Gingerdead Man?" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, it's all hail Ohio and the great U.S. of A. As Weald Wade whops out another derisive deathmatch debacle. Booming Bob loves leprechauns, levitating prezzy levers, Catalonian poop provision,

and rock-hard fairies. And Millennial Mark proves that Jack could casually crush Kronos. From the perfect skyline pie to the beast of a bunny. Yes! It's time for Return of the Ginger Dead Man. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's host, the hostess with the mostest, as no one has ever said about me. And I'm joined as always by my co-hostess with the mostest, this is Mark and Bob. Hello. Hello. Hi. Do we all with the mostest. This is Mark and Bob. Hello. Hello. Hi. Do we all have the most? Is that possible?

Yeah, that's why we each get the host, not the boast. Is this a rhyming thing? I'm not good at rhymes and I don't know why. No, but this also isn't a roast. But first, a toast. You know, this podcast covers the country coast to coast. Ah, voice to Bob. Um, oh man. Mark, oh boy pull me out of the oven i'm a

roast that is a terrible attempt gross yeah it is but i'll give you some amount of points for effort but no rhyming has nothing to do with this episode i was just compost wow way to bring it home we're in germany having a drink roast it's so they say cheers in germany who's in charge of this everyone buckle down it's time for small talk oh okay i had um wonton soup for lunch and it was different from this other place where i used to get wonton soup but also it was like just as good. And I'm having mixed feelings about the soup situation. You don't know which one you like better? Well, yeah. Like if you ever had that where you have, you get the same dish from different places

or like you make it at home and also you get it from a restaurant and it's like, they're very different. They're not at all the same food, but also you like both of them. I feel like I should like one better than the other, but like, I don't know. I feel conflicted. i don't know i feel conflicted i don't know where i land on that they're very good they're both good soup i have that with chicken wings i like chicken wings from different places my favorite place as you know is now gone but it's gone forever but there's times where i'm like i want wings but i don't want this

i want this one's way like it's like pizza you know sometimes you want different pizza from different places it's like that sometimes you just crave a different version of the same thing well that's where i'm at i'm gonna see i literally have the spoon i ate it with sitting on my desk and every time i glance at the spoon in my head i'm like oh but was that better so that's what's that's where i mentally that's where i am right now points for one time what's up mark i've got something incredible well i didn't do it but i'm telling you the story am Amy has cracked the code on Skyline Chili. I don't know what that means. I don't either.

She made a pot. From scratch or with the can or? She made that gravy herself. From, it's not gravy. It's gagoosh. How close was it? It was identical. Okay, text me the recipe and I'll give you all the points.

In fact, you just win. All right, cool. All right, we'll see you guys next week. No, you have to you didn't do it yet i'll see if you have to text it to me i don't know it but i ate it what's even what for christmas give me a list also can i borrow your card but no so what one how identical like good enough where you were like i don't know if i could tell the difference or like literally like this is exactly the recipe this is exactly what i I'm the flavor I get. Well, it's been a few years, obviously, since I've lived in Cincinnati, but I grew up with it. Not early childhood, but I've eaten it a lot. I know the difference. I could tell the difference in a blind test between Skyline and Gold Star,

I bet. So that's like how well I know it. And we can buy cans of it out here because Ralph's is owned by Kroger's. There's so many mega corporations that are based in Cincinnati. Yes, there are. There are. That's true. It's weird. Like, why? I know that Ohio is a sleeper state in that it's like the eighth most populous state and

also like at the top of a lot of very strange, odd records. And also Cincinnati seems to be the it's like a medium population city. And yet it's got so many headquarters. It's very strange if you really think about it. Something's going on in Ohio. Anyway. Everything is Ohio. Yeah, pretty much.

Ohio's like that fungus network that grows into the soil and spreads out. Everything's just a clone of the same plant. The field of cement corn in Columbus is actually a broadcasting array that's controlling the minds of every non-ohioan and ever that's why everyone makes fun of ohio we do that so that we're viewed as less of a threat and you stay away like i have i removed my chip uh what was the point i was making oh yeah i we have it you know in cans and we've heated it up before and

that tastes like spot on i've had it when I come back home. It's always better in the restaurant. This tasted exactly like silent. The only difference that I would say is that the cheese was grated not as fine because, you know, they do the really. It's hard to recreate. It is hard to get their cheese. Even with a small grater, it's like so long still. I don't know.

They like extruded or something, but it's. Well, no, they probably they shredded in the restaurant, I think. Right. grater it's like so long still i don't know they like extruded or something but it's uh well no they probably they shredded in the restaurant i think right i don't know if it's shredded in restaurant but it seems like it is i've never seen it happen they've got like the the two ton brick of cheese and some people in the background just with like lemon zesters i've never seen them do that but they do have like one secret back room because they skyline is one of those places where you can watch them prepare your meal but they still have a back room. Because Skyline is one of those places where you can watch them prepare your meal, but they still have a back room, and who knows what happens back there. And every time the door swings open, you just get a little,

you hear a little echo of like, Oompa Loompa. But that's it. You don't ever see them, and they don't do the song and dance out where the- I did see a purple pant leg. Yeah, no, you just get like a, you see like a little, you know, silhouette of an orange person run by the door and you're like oh weird ah i must be seeing stuff nobody yeah uh you know you could

just get a job and you could find out they're probably hiring i've thought about it it's just i got it i got it but i don't want to spoil it but that back room in skyline is where all the 16 year old girls who work at every skyline restaurant in cincinnati go to go on their phone where the manager can't see them. That's what that room is for. It's a cell phone parking lot for employees. It's for teenagers all on their phone. Just like click, click, click, click, click, click, click, selfie.

Go make some more hot dogs. Oh, this is a total like side tangent because I've been on TikTok, you know, as I do, because I'm just ADD. I've been on TikTok, you know, as I do, because I'm just ADD. But what I've noticed a trend recently, Gen Z, some people in Gen Z, and I'm not generalizing because I- Oh, generalize, baby. Do it. No, what is happening is like a generalization against millennials.

And I get it. I've seen that. Yeah. Are we millennials? Yeah. Well, how fucking dare they? What the fuck, you stupid, all of you. It started out as

like millennial cringe i'm like yeah i remember that that's fucking stupid and and i'm me so obviously uh but come back i'm gone now my light doesn't work my camera is goes out of focus every once in a while i'm just creating random timers for things to occur for how much money you you've spent on cameras and light technology, you have got to have the most finicky lights and camera. I don't. This isn't the good light. That's why it's in here.

Oh, I see. This isn't the good lens. That's why it's in here. This lens is 500, which is not cheap, but you were generalizing. I also keep all of my best stuff in boxes. not cheap but you were generalizing i also keep all of my best stuff in boxes so the latest thing is that and probably rightly so uh there's some criticisms of we are responsible for all of us as collectively are responsible for gen alpha coming out the way they are which i think is such a fun what is that gen that's the i believe's well, it's hard to define because it's like the actual years are really loose.

Like it's it's nebulous. No, there's no consensus of when, you know, millennials start and Gen X ends. OK, so Gen Alpha sometime after 1980. It's like 2010 and up or not that. I don't know. Anyway. So what what it is is just like the reason. It's such an interesting double insult because it's like it's a slap at millennials, which fair enough.

But then it swings back around and hits Gen Alpha. It's a full 360 slap because it's like you're responsible for why they're so fucked. How dare you, you idiot idiot for making them an idiot and it's just like i'm not faulting the observation but it's like these things are are it is so sweeping like it's so sweeping it's almost like every generation thinks that their generation is the superior one and we all know millennials are the superior ones. Generational definitions are this weird way to define and categorize people so that you know who to be against in the world. Exactly. And it's almost like that's an easily weaponizable feature. And especially in an environment where the higher

ups in any organization understand that Gen Z is not really identifying with the kind of ideologies they want to. And the easiest way to break up common ideologies is to make enemies of people and get people digging those that they would actually agree with, which is a very common propaganda tactic. Anyway, that's not the point i'm trying to make i just thought it was skyline chili i just thought it was fascinating the the sweeping like and again this is just like two or three tiktoks i've seen uh most of them are just like millennials are cringe uh and also their self-aware because they're like all the memes we like in gen z are going to be cringe in 10 years too and we're prepared for that and And that's like, yeah, that's good. It all comes together. And then there are like a

couple I've seen lately that are like, you assholes, millennials, get off my lawn. You know, that level of, I love when teenagers are like, get off my lawn. The boomers own all the property and the millennials have moved into all the boxes there are no boxes left for the zoobers to occupy where are we supposed to live and and to be like i want to again i'm just saying straight up like i got no problem with gen z i think that there is a concern because like have you seen reading rates in kids and like teachers reporting like and i don't think that this is necessarily one cause but it's like like, yeah, there's actually a problem. Literacy rates are going down. And I thought they would be going up with phones and like people seeing texts and that kind of communication being more prevalent.

And I thought people needed subtitles more on video content now because like they needed to read and I'm like, wait, where's this coming from? So yeah, there are definitely problems, but I'm not an expert to answer them. And I don't think any one blame lies in any one group of people we taught your kids how to not read it's our fault york whose kids yours no it's the millennials kids oh we've kids yeah technically we collectively do yeah bob we've ruined james oh yeah no he never stood a chance wasn't that your biggest fear wasn't that the thing you were super afraid of of ruining me or wade that baby no you bob yeah no that's it's an ongoing fear it's like a constant yeah it's an issue i'm dealing with yes it's weird because

i've got nieces that are like six and three and they read and do things at like when they were like four or five of my second youngest niece that I couldn't do until like second grade. She's so advanced with like reading and stuff like she was counting to 100 and stuff. And it's like going over the ABCs. And I remember learning a puzzle like before kindergarten, like learn the ABCs. And she was like way more adept at all that using cell phones, like being able to go do things like I feel like she's one of the smartest people I've ever seen. And I imagine a lot of kids have to know that kind of stuff going in. So that's not just a sweeping problem.

It's very much more nuanced. Maybe parenting has something to do with it. I don't know. I hate to call that out. No, no. OK, it's the teachers and their ideologies. OK, that's not the parents responsibility to raise their kids. It's the teachers are doing this to them.

Okay. And also TV probably or video. No video games. It's video games. There you go. That does rot your brains. I've heard. I saw somebody complaining that I don't want to call them out specifically,

but we went to school with about the fact that their kid had homework and they were like, I don't remember having a homework. And I was like, did we go to this we graduated the same class i didn't do homework but i knew i wasn't doing it oh yeah i i knew exactly all the homework i never did somehow this person rewrote their brain to believe that homework was a new thing they're like my kid comes home from school and has to do more schoolwork what's the point of school?

And I was like, the same as it was 30 years ago? Wait, was that a contextualization of a debate that does occur that too much homework exists? Because that is a- No, no, this was specifically, they did not remember there being homework when they were in school. Well, that's just not how it was.

Whether or not there should be homework is a different conversation, but like their thought was that it didn't exist. And now teachers are getting lazy Well, that's just not how it was. Whether or not there should be homework is a different conversation, but like their thought was that it didn't exist. And now teachers are getting lazy and just making it up. That's neither here nor there. I do want to get into the crux of this episode. So unless you guys have any more final points you want to make, I can jump in. I was thinking of getting like a big swinging axe on a pendulum

to randomly just like shing down in the background, because if I've got all these random events that occur, I'm just thinking like adding to them. If an episode goes too long, you get cut in half. Yeah. Some, no, just for fun. You know, I, what a confetti cannon that just goes off whenever a certain someone tweets. What about something like that going off?

Whenever a new picture of the moon comes up. Every time that man, Every time that man posts another picture, it'd just be going up constantly. He really wanted to send you a picture of the moon and you should have accepted. I know! He messaged multiple times just like he always does with everything!

He's very thorough. He's very thorough in his imaging of the moon. He's very thorough in his messaging. Every person on the planet gets messages every day from this man about the moon. That's the thing about the internet. When you post anything, you're shouting to everyone. Well, then everyone is getting real tired of hearing about our podcast because I mentioned it twice a week. I think if there's people standing around waiting for you to say something it doesn't count as harassing them i disagree with algorithmic based content that gets shoved to you it inherently is a shout they're voluntarily holding receivers to their ears while we shout into the trans givers what

are they called yes trans givers the trans givers in the micromofone uh-huh all right today's topic everyone do you guys remember our halloween episode where i pinned all the different halloween like monsters and villains and against each other and we spawned to compete you mean when we discussed the beauty and majesty and nuance that is the ginger dead man and his his indirisiveness i have a wheel of christmas and other holiday ginger dead man ginger dead man made the way and we have a marks and bob's choice i choose ginger dead man but we're gonna take the holiday no it's a spin you spin it yeah but when it lands on me that's what i choose maybe i'll choose something else you you chose a rubber mark and bob chose the ginger dead man is the great

what is is this like mascots because i don't know if the great pumpkin so i was trying to come up with just like christmas or like you know thanksgiving november december themed things i couldn't come up with enough of them wild Wild turkeys. This was the best I could do. Okay. Okay. We're going to take the first two that come up and debate on who would win in a fight as we did with our Halloween special a fight like just to the death same as we did with like Jason and ginger

dead man or whoever it was. Yeah, same thing and you guys can argue that one of them is very whatever ginger dead man was that was so good to you abrasive or whatever it was. You guys had a word that you kept using derisive our first contestant it better not be ginger dead man because that would be the entire episode i have here uncle sam do one of us get assigned to this nope nope this is just a debate between you two and you guys can agree disagree whatever you feel okay all right uncle sam that's gonna be hard to. We're just trying to get to the truth. It doesn't matter whose side who's on. So Uncle Sam versus Mark's choice.

The ginger dead man. The ginger dead man. I should have removed Uncle Sam. I forgot to hide that, but oh well. So Mark's choice. It was the ginger dead man who can, I guess, also take on the ginger dead man. You're supposed to pick someone who's not on the list. It doesn't say that.

I don't see any rules. It says that he's supposed to choose someone who wins uncle sam or the ginger dead man well is this is this just like generic uncle sam in the wild or is this like dc universe uncle sam this is up for debate what is dc universe uncle sam uh uncle sam is a character who led the superhero group the freedom fighters against the axis powers in world war ii i don't know enough dc basically he's a dc superhero but i don't think he has any superpowers you can take any and all of his powers his main power is american idealism but he also has superhuman reflexes, strength, stamina, invulnerability, and size alteration. Invulnerability?

But Uncle Sam's powers are based on the strength of the American consciousness, so if the will of the American people is crushed, Uncle Sam loses strength and stamina. How's the American spirit? Can I ask Chad GPT? I don't want to get into the complexities of that right now, but I don't know if we should go DC Uncle Sam. I think we should go. He represents like the ideals of like a lot of people, theoretically, and like a very powerful nation.

And his posters get everyone else to fight for him. I know that the ginger dead man is just incomparably derisive, inescapably, punishingly derisive. But then again, literally Uncle Sam represents America, probably either has experienced a lot of derision and also doles out derisive comments left and right. So I don't know if the ginger dead man could- Wait, is the ginger dead man an American citizen? I don't i mean gary bucey's an american citizen so probably so uncle sam would feed off of the ginger dead man's power yeah the ginger dead man story was based on an

american convict whose ashes got baked into the ginger into the cookie right so i believe the ginger dead man would technically be an american uncle sam has the strength of the ginger dead man on his side yes i feel like this i feel like this is a tough i feel like this is a tough fight for ginger dead man if if uncle sam loses and dies does that mean america dies i mean kind of it means the spirit of america is dead america number one baby usa ginger dead man is gonna get killed in a drone strike god damn all right uncle wow i was also gonna say ginger dead man one of his main weapons aside from derisiveness is just a gun i don't think uncle sam is gonna be too bothered i feel like he's very familiar with guns he's got his own gun show take my choice off leave ginger dead man who's still on

there sure sure he always comes back i think that's his slogan i always come back i think you're right i think that was a slogan of his uh by the way i have found my champion for whenever my choice comes up there's a song and everything whoa what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2. See?

Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $ 294 plus eligible ford owners get a thousand dollar bonus for details visit your local ford store or ford.ca uncle sam versus and if uncle sam pops up i have to delete it because we already have him on here but uncle sam is going to take on father time i feel like the instinct here is to give father

time a pretty hefty advantage because like time time catches everybody. Yeah, that's pretty hard to beat. But isn't Uncle Sam like ageless? Like Uncle Sam has been like an icon and a representation of like the American ideals for most of a century at this point. And he's the same dude he's always been. He doesn't age.

He's not susceptible to father times one and only attack time i mean certainly time wears down you know has worn down americans and america and things have changed but like i feel like uncle sam persists but we always come back baby if he gets to represent american exceptionalism that's not the right word american idealism i feel like that's a tough fight for father time unless he just i I mean, he's got all of time, I guess. So that's a lot of time. Does, the thing is, is does Father Time actually do anything about time? Cause time always seems, well, time is relative, of course, of course. But I mean, like, can he shoot time beams at people, age them really quickly? Isn't the thing about Father Time is that

it's on his side, right? So like he's literally, his whole game is just like he's also a dc comics hero he he bides it and he waits you out and father father time is the you know he's definitely not susceptible to time he'll just wait he'll wait he'll just keep waiting he'll wait forever he's got all of time and no one else has all of time on their side i don't. So what matters more winning now or winning eventually? Yeah. Is this a, is this an ultimate conclusion or a, or approximate conclusion? Because I think he could wear them down. Who's the he in this?

Whoever the other guy is. I don't remember who he's fighting. You think father time could win this? Versus who? Uncle Sam. Oh, that's who's ah. Um. Yeah.

Hi Mark. Welcome to the debate. I thought I was looking at Jack Frost up here. I'm like, oh, that must be it. No, that's who's... Ah. Yeah, hi, Mark. Welcome to the debate. I thought... I was looking at Jack Frost up here. I'm like, oh, that must be it. No, I deleted the one that was there, so that's why it's showing that. I don't... Let's debate Jack Frost.

We gotta get to him first. Could he beat Uncle Sam? Father Time, Uncle Sam. Bob, what do you think? It would be a battle for the ages, but I feel like Father Time takes it eventually. Yeah, eventually. So, Father Time wins. Father Time is taking on Jack Frost. battle for the ages but i feel like father time takes it eventually yeah eventually so father time when father time is taking on jack frost all right jack frost well you knew the future was coming

all right i have an argument for this i do i actually do and i'm paying attention 100 i was paying attention before i just saw you land on jack frost so He got too caught up in Power Wash, Sim. So, yes. No, no to that. Yes, father time can last the ages. But here's something to think about Jack Frost. What's his power, right? What is Jack Frost's power? Coldness. Coldness, right?

What actually is coldness? Oh, I see where you're going with this. You see where I'm going with this, right? It is manipulation of energy. Exactly. It's actually an inverse measure of energy in a system. And at the end of all things, at the end of eons, in billions and trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions upon trillions to the power of trillions years down the road,

when time ceases all meaning, you have everything that is not moving and you have everything at absolute zero which is representative of no energy left in the system which is as cold as it can be exactly that is the true essence of cold and if we're pitting this on an infinite scale where father time is trying to outlast the cold why does my camera keep doing that then i'd say jack frost might just take this in this in this theoretical the longer father time waits out jack frost the more powerful he is becoming exactly as as the as everything expands in the universe as temperatures and energy levels slowly spread out and decrease and dissipate literally jack jack frost becomes god at some point because all that is all that there is in the universe is coldness lack of energy lack of anything okay so jack frost is what you guys are saying beats father time i like that argument i

have no idea if that holds up. I'm sure that there are scientists out there listening to this who are just like, their head is exploding at our misunderstanding of how physics or something works. But I like that exclamation. My current understanding, which is probably based on a flawed understanding

that we don't really know the universe as it is, but whatever. I know how to solve this. Everyone who agrees with them on the subreddit, let know they're right if you disagree just stay silent about it so they can feel good about themselves all right i feel pretty good about myself we just we just won the internet all right jack frost is now going to take on leprechaun the leprechaun a leprechaun but leprechaun the mascot of saint patty's day i feel like i don't i don't even really know jack frost power but i feel like i don't i don't even really know jack frost power but i feel like i could i could kill the leprechaun let's i'm sure he's a dc comics hero let's look

leprechauns are figures in irish folklore who guard hidden treasure they're small supernatural creatures can conjure ice snow and frost from mere presence as well as freezing winds snowballs snowflakes etc can even manifest images from frosted window panes freeze water by walking on it and conjure indoor snowfall and of course being the spirit of winter he's not bothered by the cold i feel like i want leprechauns to take this because i like leprechauns more than i like jack frost but i'm struggling to find a version of this fight that goes well for leprechauns yeah i don't see they are supernatural creatures right so they're they're some kind of magical power or something but like they're basically just

little mischief makers they're the loki's of ireland or something that's probably offensive i don't even know that's what he's green he's he's he could probably be played by what's that actor's name tom middle middletown Borough Middles Middleston. Uh-huh. Yep. Keep going. Tommy Middleboy. But I just can't.

I can't even imagine a fake way. Maybe the leprechaun uses the pot of gold to bribe the judges into giving the leprechaun a split decision victory at the end of five rounds. Or he just pays off Jack frost to leave i feel like jack frost would not be interested in monetary things he's only interested in cold and coldness maybe he wants some glacier front property he needs to buy i just think that even if you just give jack frost a lead pipe if they're both fighting it's not a running away thing it's like he's he's got it like i don't see how because it's like jack frost wins yeah because they're fighting it's like he's he's got it like i don't see how because it's like jack frost wins yeah

because they're fighting it's it's not it's a fight right i can't come up with a good reason why not but i don't like it hold up your dukes jack frost wins blood flying everywhere gold coins i just had an image of jack frost being the shit of a leprechaun with a lead pipe and the leprechaun is just like they're always breaking me lucky arms jack frost is gonna take on someone else santa claus oh no in versus jack frost is this like his son i feel like isn't this his son in the lore yeah that's an interesting question santa claus has longevity ability to fit himself and others through tiny through any chimney levitating up a chimney alter the appearance of himself or other objects or beings the santa has enough powers here to kind of have an upper hand but the fight is still tough

he knows he knows if you're sleeping he knows if you're awake he knows if you've been bad or good so presumably he knows if you've been planning you know some kind of plot against him sanis got intel on his side and also he like you said he can levitate up out of chimneys he can clearly transform his his shape his physical being so that he can fit into and through chimneys and things like sanis got a lot but it's not a lot of combat oriented skills it's a lot of other well he can avoid a fiery injury and what if there's one thing pokemon taught me what is fire good against ice so you're saying santa would co-op the power of fire because he's he has an elf with a flamethrower behind him just blasting fire so jack frost can't even get close yeah that is something we cannot ignore santa Claus has helpers. Oh, that's true. He essentially has an army who can make anything that they want.

Yeah. Do you think Willy Wonka is like Santa's cousin or something? I don't know the lore, but it could be. That kind of makes sense. Willy Wonka is like the creepy uncle at the Claus family get togethers. Who's like giving kids candy and stuff. And everyone's kind of like, don't like, not like that. Why are you like that?

Make, give it, make it, do a rocking horse or something, okay? With the candies, with the gobstoppers. Really? Come on. So do we think Santa Claus beats Jack Frost? Oh yeah, it's blood on the snow. I feel like it's a tough fight. I don't think it's an easy one, but I think Santa Claus takes it.

Yeah, who best to take on Jack Frost? If you had to build someone that is meant to take down Jack Frost, it looks like Santa Claus takes it. Yeah. Who best to take on Jack Frost? If you had to build someone that is meant to take down Jack Frost, it looks like Santa Claus. I think it depends on who has home court advantage in a bit, too, because if Santa can alter the way other objects or beings look, he could have elves disguised as like inanimate objects around the room. So when the fight starts, they pop out and start roasting Jack Frost. That's not much of a fight.

But Jack Frost has home court advantage. He's got to be creative with how he would win. Home court's the, what is it, the South Pole? I don't know. That's a good, yeah, I don't know. The end of time. Nah, it's Santa Claus. All right, Santa.

Santa's on top. Who will Santa be taking on? We've switched up a lot this time. It's not been like last time. Bob's choice versus Santa Claus. Oh, yes. Oh my God. I'm so excited for this, guys.

You know, okay. Can't say I am. My choice is introduced with a song. Poop log, poop sweet confections, hazelnuts and cheese. If you don't poop well, I'll hit you with a stick. Poop log. You guys don't know the song for the Tio de Nadal? Also known as the catalonian poop log wait

we talked about this before we talked about it three years ago we talked about this before there's a tradition in catalonia which is i believe a region in in spain and barcelona is in catalonia i believe no no cold cold so i'm not pronouncing it correctly the tio tio caga tio saga it essentially translates to pooping log every christmas in catalonia families get a smiley little log with two little front sticks as legs that sort of hold it up and the face is on the front of it and it's a christmas tradition to feed your christmas log uh snacks every single day you feed them little sweets and stuff uh and you water them and you leave them little candies and cover them in blankets when it gets cold and the better care you take of your teal kaga i'm definitely not pronouncing that correctly very

sorry uh the better care you take of your poop log, the more presents he will shit out for you on Christmas Day. Awesome. Christmas Day comes, you sing the poop log song and it poops out. All your Christmas presents come out of the poop logs. Little poop shoot. I choose poop log. Does poop log have a chance against Santa Claus?

If Santa is the one who brings presents for everyone outside of Catalonia, I like the underdog status of poop log as usurping santa in his region of the world this is a global fight for supremacy so i feel like that's tough that's tough for the log but i do want to say that i feel like they're fighting they're fighting the same fight right the poo log is clearly in the same game as santa and i feel like it depends what you're into if you prefer the Pulag or how Santa does things. I feel like Santa would not only have the upper hand

in terms of size and strength. I think he would be pissed off at this knockoff holiday tradition from some country that no one cares about. Like much like Uncle Sam, Santa is an American hero an american tradition none of these other countries can even compare to the power of santa claus turning wharf stash don't know why it seems fitting for this argument we are arguing santa versus poop

log i just want to say that mark just said that no one knows about or cares about Spain as a country. It could be argued that America itself only exists thanks to Spain and Spanish explorers. How long has poop log been a thing versus how long has Santa been around? We'll just waltz right around any other issues with the Spanish explorers and what they may or may not have done to the Americas. But America exists thanks to, what's his name? Christopher.

Walken. Ha! Wow. Look at this new land. There's so many resources to exploit. Anyway, yeah, that's a really bad Christopher Walken impression. Who's been around longer? What if poop log is more ingrained in history?

I find it hard to make a strong argument for Pooplog. It hurts to say because he's my fighter, but I didn't pick him because I thought he would win hands down. I picked him because I thought he deserved to have his hat in the ring. That's fair. Bob, it was one of the best callbacks of all time, bringing back Pooplog. We literally talked about that i think in our first christmas episode ever several years ago now yeah i would love to say otherwise but i think i gotta i think i think santa takes it

santa stays on top i think you root for the underdogs and you have a good time but in the end we know who wins that one yeah it'd be a fun fight maybe but now santa's gonna take on the great pumpkin i know that the great pumpkin is a thing from peanuts and it's like a special right but is it actually a creature or is it just like a big pumpkin an unseen character a legendary personality who rises from the pumpkin patch carrying a large bag of toys to deliver to believing children i say it like that so this is halloween santa yes this is the poop log of halloween i i struggle i struggle to put a lot of stake in a gourd versus a man a man like santa i guess i mean it could be a quick debate we just we just say santa wins i i don't even know what the great pumpkin does he rises from

a pumpkin patch to bring toys that's's it. Oh, I remember now. Okay. I thought I, I, you like actually don't remember what the great pumpkin is. Cause I didn't watch a lot of, uh, uh, peanut stuff, but Amy watches a lot of it. I thought you were like being obstinate. I didn't realize you'd like, didn't actually. No, I actually completely forgot that that was the whole thing of line is going to great pumpkin or whoever it was.

But it was like, he waited for it. Uh, as as far as i know there's no evidence of the great pumpkin actually existing all right santa continues his winning streak well i didn't say that oh no mark decided unilaterally santa wins that's where we are i thought you both were pretty mad about that like the pumpkin is just a pumpkin i don't know that's what i was saying before i realized what the great pumpkin actually was and i going to say that if the Great Pumpkin didn't win, Amy would be incredibly mad at me. So does the Great Pumpkin beat Santa because Amy would be mad at him? No, it's too late. You made your choice.

Thanks a lot. I heard zero effort of fighting for the Great Pumpkin from either of you. So Santa versus the Tooth Fairy. I just want to throw this out there. I know that this is just a fictional depiction, but this is the version of the Tooth Fairy that I like. Dwayne The Rock Johnson is the Tooth Fairy in the 2010 comedy fantasy film Tooth Fairy. I think Dwayne The Rock Johnson, with the additional supernatural powers that he gains as being the Tooth Fairy, is quite the combatant for Santa. What about the 2006 Tooth Fairy images from the movie Tooth santa what about the 2006 tooth fairy images from the

movie tooth fairy and return of the tooth fairy i i don't know what that is the tooth fairy is a 2006 horror film oh yeah it's not pleasant wait which one is it there's two things queen of pain there's a drill to kill no it's the tooth fairy i mean there's a lot of depictions of the tooth fairy we can we have lore to work with oh the way the tooth fairy looks in the movie the tooth fairy is concerning yes yeah it's i mean pretty creepy but at the same time no one's got stealth like santa so if you're if you're hoping for uh can you stealth whenever the tooth fairy can sense your teeth what if santa has those teeth well but, but if the Tooth Fairy is hunting Santa, then they're being bad, which Santa knows about. Yeah, he knows about that.

There's a lot of intelligence, counterintelligence between these two, but I feel like Santa still has the strong hand in terms of like, you know, being stealthy, having the intelligence to work with. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. It's just like the Tooth Fairy, even if it was Dwayne the Rock Johnson, he's still just a man. And I mean, like, if this was, say, like fairly odd parents level fairy with wands that can do whatever,

I would say actually it would have more of a chance. And plus Santa's an elf. Like, it's kind of, I don't know. I'm with you. I'm really trying to craft something here where I feel like the Tooth Fairy wins ultimately, butanta's got a lot going it's tough to beat santa having the knowledge of when they're asleep when they're awake when they're bad or good like that's just a lot it's everything but the tooth fairy is always being bad then like would santa have any

reason to suspect anything different is up yeah that's why he comes with the lead pipe the one that jack frost beat the leprechaun to death with. If Jack Frost can take out a leprechaun and Santa killed Jack Frost, I don't see how Tooth Fairy is going to win this. If all lore is available to whatever version of Santa we're talking about, then theoretically Santa bot from Futurama is also included in our incarnation of Santa. Oh, yeah, that's true. And that dude has all the weapons that you would need to execute whatever plan against

the Tooth Fairy or whomever. OK, so Santa again. Santa's tough, man. He's got feats. You know, if you if you go by like power ranking, it's based on what feats of strength they have accomplished. He's got some unbeatable ones uh-oh santa versus a cookie r.i.p big guy we we know about the the the weapons we know about how

he likes to fight he's tricky if i was going to describe a weakness that santa does have i already know where you're going i love it it's It's the milk and cookies. I knew it. I love it. He can't avoid. It's a vice. He knows he needs to drop some pounds. He knows the milk and the cookies are not helping with that. He can't stop it. He literally can't stop it. I don't know if this is technically a power of the gingerbread man, but I feel like if

you took a big bite of the ginger dead man and like wash it down with some milk, I feel like that's enough to kill anyone. I feel like that is a toxic dose of whatever's going on if it was a fight if they squared off face to face and they knew they were fighting i think santa could take the ginger dead man because i don't think he's got a lot to offer in that sort of arena but the ginger dead man knows his strengths and he just is the absolute perfect trap card to get jolly old saint nicholas right where it hurts it's just too perfect i'm sorry i gotta go it's too perfect on this one i completely agree with everything about that and i loved where you were going with it i knew it from the start and i agree fully

all right so because mark chose ginger dead man and he was already on the list ginger dead man makes a return because he always comes back and has taken out Santa Claus. That is literally the only matchup that I feel like he would win because at the end of the day, I agree. I feel like we were being very fair with that. I was thinking to myself, if ginger dead man comes up against Santa, he's going to win that.

I literally saw that coming. I, I, I, I, I challenge anyone out there listening to say that i literally saw that coming i i i died i challenge anyone out there listening to say that that is not a completely valid version of that fight that is a weakness santa would have i i can't argue it oh oh this is an interesting clap back he i don't think he has the same weakness in the movie krampus or kr do you pronounce it? I do believe that whenever, there's a movie that came out like in the last 10, 15 years, and I'm pretty sure when he came in, he took the milk and cookies. What, everyone, who doesn't eat? Well, that would be a weakness.

Eating? The cookie, the cookie we just said would kill you? No, you know what? I think that's an interesting argument though, because Krampus is a half goat, half demon monster. This is not like some creature that needs to eat to sustain itself this is like a quasi supernatural half demon type of thing anything Krampus eats they're choosing to eat because it's enticing because it's like a vice

they're not like oh I'm a little hungry I better eat so that I have got the energy for this. They're half demon. I don't even think they need to eat. So are you saying that would beat Ginger Dead Man? I think it's an interesting thing to ponder. I think we need to talk about it a little bit. I don't. I don't think, though, that if if Krampus was going to because it kind of promises a thing of like turning irony, you know, wouldn't Krampus just if the

Ginger Dead Man tried to do that, wouldn't he just eat the ginger dead man? Potentially. And he does have like little demon elf things that helped him, at least in the movie. Do you think that Krampus would not be vulnerable to whatever it is about the ginger dead man that would kill Santa? Is that what you're saying? Basically, I think that when it's nemesis is like that. I feel like the first thing that the villain of polar opposite things is figure out a way to not play into the same weakness because if they like if you know the flash versus the yellow flash whatever it is um i don't know what their weakness is but it's always like the villain has a way to exploit the hero's weakness um and prevents themselves from falling into the same

trap or something like that you know what that does undercut the eating the cookie weakness. I just want to say, generally, Krampus is described as being like a helper of Santa, right? So I would say arguably lesser than Santa in terms of like overall power. Is he a helper? Oh, I guess. Krampus was, well, so it's complicated, right? But like- Their relationship, very complicated. They're brothers and they don't like each other very much. helper oh i guess krampus was uh well so it's complicated right but like their relationship very couple their brothers and they don't like each other very much the death is a companion

of saint nicholas it's not clear to me and i'm you know this is not thorough research so it is what it is but but krampus brings presents and leaves presents for the good kids and punishes the bad kids by beating them with sticks and branches that doesn't sound so bad i feel like krampus is one where like he looks super evil but then when you go to fight and he's just like i've got a stick and then ginger dead man is just like oh boom and shoots him have you seen the movie compass i have not That version of compass is an eldritch horror. They will unlike. He's horrifying.

Yeah. It would say he has more than just sticks and branches at his disposal for probably. However, I will give one thing to what my argument was saying is that like just because he may build up a tolerance to the cookie weakness doesn't necessarily mean that he isn't still susceptible. And we have to remember the ginger dead man is incredibly derisive. Incredibly. So who wins? Ginger dead man.

I feel like this is actually legitimately a little bit of a toss up for me. And because I like it, I'm going to give it slight edge to the Ginger Dead Man on this one. I think this would be a fight to the absolute end and the winner would just barely eke it out. I think this is pretty close actually. Yeah, this is like they're strangling each other. They're falling down you know, in Lord of the Rings and stabbing

each other's sword and take some light! Boof! You know. I am curious if the Ginger Dead Man has any competition left. I guess we'll find out. Cupid. Ah, can Cupid stop the ginger dead man? Maybe this is not entirely accurate, but ideologically Cupid is kind of like the inverse of the ginger dead man.

And in terms of origin, unrelated. And like Cupid is more of like a cherub creature, like almost like angelic in terms of skills and abilities. I'm not entirely sure what that encompasses if anyone could counter the derisiveness and cut through that with just pure love and such sincere heartwarming like glowing happiness and love for humanity that that alone might be enough to kill the ginger dead man just out of like cringing and and shock so this is like harry versus voldemort whenever voldemort's like and harry's like you'll

never know love or friendship no it's it's like harry versus voldemort but it's just the scene where harry's all and then voldemort's all that's it that's just a lot of that back and forth but a lot of that too yeah a lot of that so does cupid beat the ginger dead man with the power of love i feel like that's a good that's a good weapon against the ginger dead man he can fly i don't even know i mean of course the ginger dead man could get a gun but yeah it's the love angle it is like we've spent so much time focusing on the the derisiveness of the ginger dead man that has a gun, but yeah, it's the love angle. It is like, we've spent so much time focusing on the, the derisiveness of the ginger dead man. That has to also be a weakness, right? You can't hinge so much of your strength on something like that without that being a weakness point. If any of these contestants could counter the derisiveness, it would have to be

Cupid. So Cupid beats the ginger dead man. I think, I think that's what we're saying. Yeah. I'm a little, I'm a little shocked that that is where we are, but I think that's what we're saying. Yeah. What an upset. Okay. Can Cupid be dethroned by the groundhog?

Well, he's got an arrow. It's hunting season. So I don't know. I don't know about this one guys. I don't know. I'm very pro Punxsutawney Phil. I'm all about the groundhog uh he's very cute but what does he have other than seeing a shadow and either running back in his hole or not running back in his hole he shoots the ginger dead man fills him with love swaps over his quiver for his normal arrows and

just shoots the crowd look you choose the right weapon for your opponent, okay? We're not saying Cupid won because he's only full of love. We're saying that's how, that's how he won that fight. And let's be honest, let's be honest. The groundhog is predictable. He comes out in the open and sticks his head up at the exact same time every year. It's kind of asking to get an arrow through the eyeball i feel like even if we're going to be really generous to the groundhog and say that this is the this is the lore the lore of the groundhog includes the bill murray movie groundhog day which includes the groundhog driving a truck uh off of a cliff into a quarry and some other shenanigans i think that's just a unless cupid accidentally lets

themselves get run over by the truck that punk satani phil is driving when they're doing the police chase scene in the movie i feel like it's a tough it's a tough fight for groundhog here all right cupid has one enemy left let's see who it is white line white line white line white line white line ah the easter bunny all right white line. Ah, the Easter bunny. All right, you know, um, you know what we just said about the crowd? Oh, but this Easter bunny has eggs. This Easter, look, at least bunnies are hoppy, okay? They're fast.

This is a full-on man in a bunny costume. Let's be straight up about this. Let's establish the Easter bunny lore. Is this a human-sized Easter bunny costume let's let's be straight up about this let's establish let's establish the easter bunny lore is this a human-sized easter bunny costume is this a bunny-sized easter bunny that lays chocolate eggs what is our easter bunny specifically imagine uh like um just this enormously ripped muscular guy with like one way in the rock johnson wearing a rabbit mask got it yeah but one of those ones with the strings that you just like i feel like the easter bunny has more potential to like have some secret power shit going on that no one knows about

and i feel like there actually could be a dark side the easter bunny actually has uncle sam's phone number and is able to call in drone strikes. Look at the movie. There's Bunnyman Massacre and also Beaster Day and Easter Bunny Kill Kill. Easter Bunny Massacre. Whoa, Beaster Day. That poster art is pretty cool. Wait, hold on.

Holy crap. What in the hell? Oh, no. Look at some of the art from the look at some of the stills from the movie. Whoa. Oh, my God. What in the Five Nights at Freddy's bullshit is this? Whoa.

Is it, I bet, like, maybe the, you know, oh, no, that's 2014. It's before AI. No one made that. I see, like, a, like, a lizard in there. That movie poster is awesome. Here comes Peter Cotton, hell. Yeah, do you see the lady torn in half? Do you see that?

Oh my God. So does this change the fight at all? If it's this thing, you're talking the Beaster Day bunny? Well, let's see if there's a Cupid horror movie. Oh my God. you're talking the beaster day bunny well let's see if there's a cupid horror movie oh my god i hope that beaster day sales spike and just whoever was in it was like what happened because i i am actually gonna watch this there was a 2020 movie called cupid where the evil cupid takes revenge and all people who wronged fey i'm watching the trailer i'm not even paying attention to you i got the trailer from booster day we're doing a show here man yeah sometimes i

worry like you know when filming of iron lung first started that the people that don't know me when they hear that like a youtuber is making a movie and they're they're coming into work that they think it's gonna be something like this wow she is naked oh interesting in the trailer uh yeah okay this is unrelated but i found a poster art for a movie called sharktopus versus terracotta and i like it a lot oh man i actually unironically want to make a movie like this like in this style a whole movie to this level i actually want to see if i can pull off this kind of level because there's a certain quality to it well not quality is the wrong word yes it is you're not saying that it's high quality you're saying that has a quality to it it's the

same reason why it's a vibe yeah source filmmaker stuff versus gary's mod animations gary's mod animations are funnier period i don't know why but the jank makes it work better like for some reason versus a really nice whatever polished smooth animation speaking of versus cupid versus that easter beast or bunny i think if beast or bunny gets to be it gets to represent the Easter Bunny in the fight. Even against horror movie Cupid, have you looked up horror movie Cupid? Yeah, it's not that, that doesn't do it for me. It's just kind of creepy, but yeah.

It doesn't, that one, when you see Beaster Bunny, this Cupid guy is just going to mask in some teeth. Well, ho, ho, ho, there you have it, everyone. Beaster Bunny comes out on top in the big mega prize fight among all holiday mascots that we could come up with and ginger dead man a beloved christmas mascot ginger dead man i mean a gingerbread cookie is kind of representative of christmas let us know how you feel about this prize fight on the subreddit i still can't believe cupid was the one who took out the ginger

dead man yeah i know the power of love i have to give the win to bob today simply for the fact that i cannot give enough points for the poop log callback ah that was that was such a niche reference that i did not remember and your excitement with finding it and remembering just he didn't invent the poop log way He know but he brought it back to us Remember when you said that thing that we talked about three years ago I've never seen someone work miracles like you have today in this moment Mark just said cuz he lost fuck you. I'm sorry. Hey, he apologized a Apology accepted or the fuck you at least i'm sorry

can i win no a dick bob do you have a winner's speech um i'm just glad that i could remind everyone that the poop log exists i wish he had gotten a favorable fight so he could have at least made it to the top of the hill for a moment the fair is fair he just got out santa by the claws himself so what are you going to do about it we had some good turnover today santa held the belt for a while but we did have some good turnover today mark loser speed no is my turn yeah uh so it's like you know whatever i'm not upset and i apologize hey he apologized great i hope everyone out there forgives him. That's up to you.

Can I win? Uh, nope. So go follow Mark at Markiplier, Bob at MySquirm, I'm Wade, Minion777, or LordMinion777. And until then, I guess stay tuned for the next one where Bob will host. We'll figure out what that's all about then, which is not now. Podcast out.