Distractible - Saving You Money!

Episode Date: July 5, 2024

Because the only money you should be spending is at distractiblestore.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and welcome to Distractable. This episode, meticulous Mark fumes for flossing, propounds land parties, and explores fabulous financial tips. Weedy Wade suggests salivation solutions, dumpster diving, bug binging, and excortion. Blowing Bob Louse's modified memes, proffers pea products, pets, pilfering, lashings of

lobster and haircaging cults. From barbershop ballads to cyberbillies. It's time for Saving You Money. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. K-K-K-Katy! Beautiful Katy! You're the only K-K-K-Girl that I adore! When the moon shines over the cowshed,

I'll be waiting for you at the K-K-K-K-K-K-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k- or when my life has turned to such shit and garbage and poopiness. We're all embarrassed. I am ashamed of all of my actions, and I will always do it again. Good boy. I'm joined in my misery by two lovely, distinguished individuals. Two of which are incredible, both of which are amazing. Either or of them are handsome, and or fiendishly intelligent waitin Bob hello I'm the smart one that felt wrong you said my name first and that just felt wrong what's wrong with that I don't know that's ever happened in the 12

years we've done this I don't know that you've ever said my name the order in which marks is our names denotes the ranking of our level of friendship and you finally surpassed me with but the contract says you must say bob first it's alphabetical it's shorter which we know shorter names make better building blocks is that true i don't know if that's true that explains all the topples i've had in jenga all right that's why bob's a smart one but wade's the handsome one there was something else I was gonna say to that effect and I've completely forgotten what it is

because I haven't woken up fully yet and I've had a bout of extreme tiredness. I don't know why my hair is hyper curly today for those that are watching the videos. This just happens. I don't know why. Happens to me too. I feel like sometimes I wake up in an alternate reality

and it's like everything is exactly the same except my hair is slightly curlier. And then then you know There's probably some other things that I'm not noticing but dude I get that but with my teeth He's get curly you ever get that you ever get curly teeth. No what I mean either It's metaphorically they don't actually Be curly, but they feel you know, just, you ever just wake up and your teeth, I don't want to explain it.

I have poor dental hygiene. That's the explanation. Have you guys gotten a water pick? I have a water pick, but it feels like I'm going to blow my teeth out. It hurts. I turn it on and I'm like, ah, ah, oh, my teeth are so clean.

Ah, ah. It is incredibly painful. I use it on the lightest setting and I feel like I'm obliterated. I'm going to like, it's gonna push water down, scoop my tooth out, and then it's gonna go flying out of my mouth. There's so much blood after every single time, because when you floss for the first time if you haven't done it in a while, which you should floss, you should, it's important. I do. Are you pointing at me?

No, I'm pointing at the audience. Oh, good. It's important to floss, but go easy on it because it'll bleed the first time and the first couple times. But once you get into a rhythm of it, you really realize like, oh, is it so much better? My gums are healthier. The dentist was right. They're not crazy. But with a water pick, it's high pressure water being blasted between your teeth and it bleeds every time. The reason for that is because it's such a fine line So if you just take a pressure washer and have like the deck setting you cover more surface area, so it's less painful

I had the wrong nozzle on my on my water pick. I needed the I needed the 45 degree angle not the 15 Don't use a pressure washer on your well. I think we should hear him out on this one. Wade, keep going with your genius ideas here. Oh man, listen, I'm just thinking, I'm thinking outside the box here as the smart one that the wider beam of water would be less focused, therefore less painful, isn't it obvious? Plus you could do them all at once,

just open your whole mouth. Just, kkrii, kkrii. I don't have the macaroni attachment that makes it go like this The turbo nozzle? The thing I just said? I feel like they all come with that, don't they? It's one of the standard nozzles You think I own a power?

Oh no, the stroke Ah, you think I own a power? Alright, well, he's gonna deal with that one, that's why he's a handsome one Even though he said he was a smart one, he said before he was a handsome one and look at him look at that smile I forgot that was my intelligence getting in the way anyway how are you guys doing anything new in your lives got company doing company things like eating food went up to so there's a round one which is an arcade up in Dayton I don't remember how around one compared to other arcades but it was

really good had a lot of like claw machines and that kind of thing. So if you like claw machines, round one was pretty fun. That's like closer to Dayton. I don't know if we have one down here. We have what, scene 75 and like a Dave and Buster's, but. Don't forget about main event. Oh yeah, main event. I always see that big block of a building

and I've never been inside one and I've always been curious, but it seems intimidating to go into. Yeah, I've never been in it either. I need to look that up. Main event. I tried to go with with Manny's like family. We tried to go once and it was so busy. We like couldn't get into the counter to buy credits to play. So we were there for like maybe 10 or 15 minutes trying to like get in line to buy credits and we we got the point so quickly we were like nah nah no chance and just had to give up because it was actually it's popular yes it's good they have gravity ropes bowling billiards and games and games really mostly here for the games what are gravity ropes like the things you like climb up in the air on I have no idea what the gravity did they advance

in technology in a way that I've never seen before? Is that ropes that do have gravity or don't have gravity? It looks like the like blocks up in the air you just like hold ropes and like get across it or something maybe it swings or something I'm guessing you fall on something soft if you fall. Oh well they look like they got harnesses so is it like a kid's adventure park kind of thing yeah I guess that's kind of what it looks like you climb around the rafters a little bit on you know harness in case you fall oh is this where the wait is a main event where that tick-tock where the kids like dangling in the harness and being dragged is that where that's from? one I don't know two I need someone to make an AI continuation of that meme

video because I've been obsessed with the AI continuations and that one is interesting be wild there's one in Westchester there's one in Lexington there's one in Louisville those are the three closest ones I don't know if they have all these things at all locations or something. They've got like a glow in the dark mini golf, escape rooms, like they have all kinds of stuff listed here. That's pretty cool. Maybe we should all go.

I mean, well, fuck this podcast. Yeah, right? Yeah, let's get out of here. Let's do a bi-weekly arcade episode. I mean, we could. Honestly, I would not be opposed to that. Let's just say we could get those harnesses and have our phones like up in front of us

and like for a face view and just get on Riverside on our phones while we do the gravity ropes. Okay, so I had an idea. This is all to do with this. You remember our movie theater we're gonna buy? Sure. There was another movie theater that was up for sale. Did we talk about that? The one in Colerain. Even bigger, even cheaper. It's practically affordable. I mean, we'd be making money, buying it by spending money. We'd make money before it even opened because it's so affordable. But I was thinking, what if you made like a combination event space like that?

Whereas like, cause you already had ideas to like make it into use a screen for an event thing or like live events or rent it out or like the open room that's free to watch YouTube on. What if you also had like a computer area, like a LAN party area, like an internet cafe? I was playing, I was recording internet cafe simulator 2. Terrible, well, I don't wanna say terrible game.

That's a second one of those? Damn. Yeah, they made a second one a couple of years ago actually. But it made me realize I miss going to internet cafes and having land parties with my friends. I really miss that and I think nowadays with the advent of like playing on the internet and you know you can get in online matches all the time. That's that's fine and all but there is something very special about land parties like bringing the Xboxes together and getting all the TVs in the house in one room and just really playing, I don't know, together. It's the whole reason I believe that let's plays are prevalent is because people in some way get that little satisfaction about playing a game together with people or watching someone play a game. It's why it's so popular.

But what if we had in our movie theater, we had a land area, we had little pods where people could do, like if they wanted to record YouTube videos or stream or something, we had little pods where people could do, like if they wanted to record YouTube videos or stream or something, we had little rooms segmented off where there was like one computer with a camera already set up and a light already set up. And also all those computers are part of my render farm. Yes. And we can farm Bitcoin while we play.

No, no, no, that's not, you can't do it on normal hardware. That's not an efficient way to get Bitcoin you not with that attitude. Oh, that's why you're the handsome one Ah, do you want to get me Bitcoin? You just don't know it Maybe I don't know. I don't know what to believe anymore with you. But right. Isn't that a great idea? It's the best idea I never did a LAN party unless you count three dudes sitting in a bedroom with laptops playing Diablo 2 is a LAN party That is absolutely a LAN party! Yeah that is exactly, yes that is the thing. I just feel smaller form.

I feel like when you guys talk about LAN parms it's like a lot of people. It doesn't need to be big. I mean LAN party Mark is using, and I think it's fair to use more generally, is like a get together for gaming. I would say any number of friends from two up to a dozen getting together to play Smash, even if it's all on one console on one TV, if there's a bunch of you playing Smash and taking turns

or you do a tournament or whatever, like yeah, all of that, that vibe. I would say LAN party is the most concise way to describe that vibe, but it includes buddies get together to play Smash or like Street Fighter or something. Can you imagine playing smash on a, I don't like smash, but can you imagine playing on an actual movie theater screen?

Aside from the probable five seconds of input lag that there might be. Yes, it would be fucking awesome. But man, can you imagine? No people, that would be awesome for like a birthday party or something. That'd be so sick. We always tried to do that. I had friends who would get like, oh, my dad got this projector. Let's go do it on the side of the house and then play whatever, you know, smash together

or whatever, like all that sort of stuff. We used to even get together and just watch one dude play. Did you guys ever play skies of Arcadia? No. It's like a JRPGpg it was on gamecube it's like a really really good really deep big jrpg girthy even we would just like five of us would just lay in the basement and watch one dude play skies of arcadia for hours like for all night and just be like oh what's that oh go over there and they had like same vibe oh that looks so cool it's an

excellent game why is he holding holding his sword like that? He's holding it by the cross guard. Cause it's cool, listen, okay? He's like a, he's a sky pirate, okay? Everything's different when you're a sky pirate. I don't know when, like I get that it's now very common, but whenever I see like any character holding their swords backwards, you know,

like with the blades pointed away, I just think like they didn't know how to hold a sword properly so badly that it's pointed the wrong way. I figure like if you're gonna hold like a pistol or something, you hold it where the pinkies on the trigger and it's aiming face down. That's actually the coolest way that you can hold it. Yeah. It's better than, you know, barrel pointing back at you. Well, what if someone's behind you? Well, that's a good point. You're right.

You just bust or scrugs them. Or if you're going to do a cool flip, then whenever your backs turned, that's when you do the cool shooting and then you land and it's like level cleared. This is why Wade's the smart one. Yeah. Hmm. But anyway, we had a segue earlier on into the fuck I don't know where'd my pen go I've got a pen you go bud thanks got to thank you it's just a felt pen I haven't felt anything that wasn't a joke was it because I didn't I didn't feel like I should laugh at that that felt said I'm gonna give

Wade the pity point cuz that's the only point really I have to give. We're in a budget. We're trying to, I'm trying to save points here. I can't really be spending all these points all the time in this economy, in this economy, in this economy. Dude, I'm burning points like driving to point A, point B. I'm only getting like two points per gallon. That's not the way it was.

Two points per, hi, I'm Wade and I'm here.'m here if you would have landed that oh you would have gotten a point But man, I can't be given partial points out here I feel like that was that was doable, but I'm not sure where where you could have done it points Aren't what they used to be I think we can all agree about that I want to tell you another story you remember how I was up on my roof trying to clean up My solar panels round two of that battle occurred yesterday. Amy has now enabled me to more efficiently clean the panels because she got me... That's what you have the toothpick for!

Oh man, I wish. It would have been even better if I had the power washer up there, but I was worried that I might damage them. So what happened is she got me a window cleaning rag plus wiper combo. So it's like on one side is a felt rag and the other side is like one of those squeegee wipers on a very long pole and then a bucket with which to wash. A bucket you have to keep way far away from yourself. So there I am up on the roof with my bucket and mop

and I am mopping my solar panels. And I thought I felt dumb when I was, you know, watering them down. I felt so much stupider when I was mopping my solar panels. It was squeak squeak. But as soon as- because it's like a bright blue mop head, so when I flipped it over after the first pass, it was like pitch black. It was just covered in horrible dust I dunked it in the bucket like once the whole bucket went just dark muddy water and I'm like oh and guess what I mopped all 48 of my solar panels I have 48 I feel like that number changes every time this comes up

I had a solar guy come over and he told me I had 48 instead of 44. Ha ha to everyone who has less solar panels than me. I am a man with 48 solar panels, but it worked. The actual efficiency because I got it hooked up so I could read how many watts it was putting out. It went from one. There's two inverters, right? So one of them has 26 panels on them. One of them has 22 panels on them. The other one went, the one I could see with a readout on it had, it went from 2,400 watts, which seems low, but it was later in the day for, you know, 22 panels or like 400 watt panels.

It was 2,200 to 2,600 and that's as the sun was going down. So like once I was done washing, it went up. So therefore I was saving money by putting in a little elbow grease into my power bill. You just gotta do that every day and you'll have great power. So you can see them that they're making power are they hooked up so that you're using any of that power yet or is that still?

No, not at all. Oh, okay. Not at all. So wait, what was the urgency to clean them again then? I was really hoping that was the part two is like, oh, and they plugged it in. Nope. So I still got to get that all fixed up and rerouted and whatever. But the point is what I want to do today is explore money saving tips.

Oh, sure. I'm going to present you with various things that cost money for people out there. And you guys are going to come up with various different ways to save money on these things. I'll let it go for about like a minute per. You could just round rob it and fire it off. Best idea wins. No holds barred.

I don't care where it goes. I don't care who says what. We're here to save people out there the most money possible. I'm here for it. That's the smart one. You'll have three minutes for the first thing. And if it doesn't even take that long

and you run out of ideas, we'll just end it early. But for now, I'll just say three minutes and we'll just go. Are you boys ready? Wade, since you've got the pity point, I'll let you go first. That seems fair. We're gonna start off, Wade. How can I lower my water bill?

Spit, we produce a lot of it. Sometimes you have more than you want. So what do animals do to clean themselves? So you don't need to use water if you've got saliva. And if you're thirsty, bring someone else's saliva. They're just gonna spit out our wasted anyway Take a bite on top of that. Can I throw in a little bonus here? I'll let Bob go first you save your bonus

Way that has the right idea, buddy pick the wrong liquid. Oh No, it's what you think You don't make a lot of spit comparatively to the amount of piss that you make. Oh. If you want the volume to be able to do a load of dishes, fill up your mobile laundry machine so you can run some laundry, top off a water bottle, how long do you think it would take you to use spit to top off a 24 ounce water bottle?

Hours, days, it might not even be possible. How long does it take to pee out 24 ounce? 30 seconds depending on how much you save up. If you save it, you might have 24 ounces in one go. That's a lot. That's maybe not realistic, but like one or two pisses a day, you got a full water bottle, you just drink that right down. Plus the water bottle keeps it warm, which is nice.

It's like tea, tea of the body, crotch tea. Ah, man, all of those names are terrible. Wade, please rebut. I don't know that urine has many good things for you because it's your body trying to get rid of it, whereas spit, I mean, it's already right there in your mouth. So you know it's meant to be there. I think spit also like helps in the digestion process.

So like maybe it'll get your metabolism up. So you'll have a better metabolism from having more varieties of spit in your body at any given time. I don't know, spit's just fun. Sometimes it's like real wet. Sometimes it's kind of sticky. You never really know what kind of spit you're gonna get.

Sometimes like you wake up and you've got like the stringy spit and it's like a play thing on top of everything else Do you have a toy and a nice beverage and a food breakie downy all at once spits just fun I you know what I love that. That's an excellent slogan. I'm gonna throw up. It's just fun Can I share my bonus thought with you real quick? I don't want points for this. I just want to share it You might not get it, but who knows I'm thinking about like chewing on food, right? Like we have the spit in our mouth, but like chewing on food wears down your teeth over time. But you know what? Kids chew up food and then like their teeth, they eventually get adult teeth. So they lose

their kid teeth. What if you had your kids chew your food for you and then they're wearing down their baby teeth, they're protecting your adult teeth longer. So you can have like the liquid and the solid safe. I feel like that's just totally unrelated to what we're talking about. But all right. So man, I was not. Would you like a different idea, Mark? I'll get away from recycling your own bodily fluids. How about that?

I've got a different idea. Man, I guess if we could keep saving money, I suppose. But the time ran out. I've got we've got so many other bills, but you throw it out. It just won't be worth points. You want to save water on money on water. Everyone around you is constantly flushing water

literally down the toilet. Where's that water going? Why not into your collecting tanks? Smack a life straw on that bad boy and boom, clean water. That's true. Septic tanks are really just big water bottles. Yeah, they're just underground water sources waiting to be tapped.

I don't wanna tap into my septic tank, thank you. Well, that's, that's a, that was horrible round. Horrible, horrible round. Who won? Well, the way I'm doing it, I'm just awarding points for good ideas. It's not necessarily that you, it's the best idea wins because not everyone has the right solution

for their problems, but there you go everyone, because we're trying to give everyone. So I gave a certain number of points for some reason that last round. I think Bob and I took the prompt, we answered the prompt and we gave you a valid solution. Very directly and efficiently. Normally I feel like we're competing for points against each directly and efficiently. Normally I feel like we're competing

for points against each other, but right now I feel like we're working together to share ideas with you. Yes, that's the whole thing, yep. And you're welcome. Navigating adulting isn't always easy. You're not just working, you're working late. And dinner dates are all, what's your five year plan?

And you're thinking paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal probably so when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you reach for Kraft dinner because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love that's when it's got to be KD when you got to do you it's got to be KD shop now you gotta do you, it's gotta be KD. Shop now. Pandora, be love. What does be love mean to you? I definitely would say my be love role model

is for sure my sister. Unconditional, infinite love. Something that is never ending, that you know is always there. Never questioned. Never questioned. No matter if you fall off a cliff, she's there to catch you, you know Be love shop now at Pandora dotnet

All right, so the next expense that a lot of people Have is the grocery bill how Bob you'll go first will three minutes on the clock again Give us as many ideas as possible as to how to save money on the grocery bill go pets Wade your turn I Have a similar answer to you, but it was specifically cats. Oh, no, he got the pets No, I feel like I covered that well You don't eat the cat the The cat hunts and bring, like our cat always tries to bring us things

that it catches. Ah, I see, I see. But I can't guarantee that that wasn't Bob's intention. I covered everything having to do with pets, all in one word. He shotgun blasted pets out there and I think that qualifies. Okay, that's fair.

Bugs. Go on. You have a light on, bugs are attracted to light, you go out, mouth agape, you got food. Even simpler, they make bug zappers or like sticky paper, you don't even have to try and catch them in your mouth, you just catch them other ways and then boom, food is presented there for you. The sticky paper is like eating a fruit by the foot, just has bugs on it so like yeah it crumple up the paper it's like chewy sticky oh everyone loves a chewy snack all right uh back to me sure uh we're trying to save money on food uh theft you don't have to pay for nothing if you steal it i'm pretty sure that's how that works and as long as you're good at stealing free food for life

You know what grows for free nails and hair I don't think that there's any caloric benefit to nails and hair But it gives you that feeling of being full and keeps you in good shape I think I think that if we're trying to feel full it's you can drink your own piss or and spit and that would give You the satiety. Are we competing or you competing man? Just say there's no caloric benefit. We're looking for calories here. Bob, I didn't know we had a negative Nancy here.

I thought we were all... I got lots of calories. All right, Bob, what's your calories? Hear me out. Red lobster. Go in, order a glass of water, ask for your basket of free cheddar bay biscuits, consume, get the hell out of there,

cause all of that's free. Okay, all right. You can have one to two meals a day at any Red Lobster that's still in business and hasn't been bankrupted yet. And as long as you like Cheddar Bay biscuits, which let's be honest, it's just a biscuit soaked in butter,

flavored with fake garlic seasoning. Who doesn't like that? You want more variety? Dumpster diving. Dumpster diving. Dumpster diving. Tiger King did that for his tigers. That's a, that's like a real thing people do though, honestly. There's so much food that gets thrown away. Very legitimate. I want to leave this up for debate. Does free bread fall under the theft category? I don't think they could

be cute. I don't think if they called the cops on you, the cops would be able to do anything. It's, it's maybe a breach of a social contract because Red Lobster gives you the free biscuits in anticipation of you buying something else from them. But they would have to tell you no more free biscuits and they give them to you so you're not even taking them. They hand them to you. Those are your biscuits once they're set on the table. Do they give them to you before you order typically?

I feel like I get them after I order now. They usually come after you order drinks. But if you order water to drink, that's free too. That might be fair. It's not theft if they were going to give it free anyway, because most of the time in most restaurants, the bread is free. Dumpsters aren't theft either because they throw them out. I think that for the... yeah, that always qualifies. Okay, so these are all valid ideas. All right, next up on the chopping block, Wade. Transportation. I mean, you know this better

than anybody. It's hard to get from A to B. It's expensive to buy a new vehicle. It's hard when your friends say that we're gonna go car shopping with you and then they don't. How do you save money? Go! Well, you don't have a place you live. You roam. You have your backpack of things that you need, your essentials, and you go and you live where you need to live. Got some nice, good dumpsters full of food? You go live there. Found a nice sewer entrance, you live there. Found some stray cats bringing you meals, you live by them.

Philly's has more housing costs than transportation costs though. Yeah, that's not really transportation. That's just try to eliminate transportation as a thing you need. That's saving money on transportation if you don't have to have transportation. But you said like, you have to get from A to B though.

You wander on foot, man. So just by foot. Yeah. By just walk everywhere yeah or you find dirt on somebody and have them take you somewhere you blackmail them like you don't want to do it yourself all right that's that's more like it that's that's an actionable idea no one wants to walk it's hard it's it's hot out there oh blackmail okay there you go blackmail friend I'll blackmail anyone that'd be a friend. Oh, acquaintance? Don't delight them to get a free ride.

So I'm crossing out friend. All right, Bob. What you do is you grow your hair out for a long time. Grow it, grow it, grow it, grow it. When it's long enough, cut it all off and you weave it into a rope. Get a nice strong rope, as long as you can. And then you take that rope

and you wander out into the grasslands. And then you wait until you find a pack of wild horses. You're gonna want to crouch down low, fight as you can, sneak up behind a wild horse and when you're ready, when you get close enough, when you feel like you can make the leap, leap onto the back of the wild horse of your choosing, use the rope, slip it around the neck, slip it under the body, whatever, use the rope in any way that you can to hold yourself on there. And if you could stay on that wild horse for eight or more seconds, instant bond, friend for life, plus transportation. That seems like a lot of work when you could just steal someone else's horse.

I assume that's why bull riders have a goal of eight seconds when they're riding That's that's the amount of seconds it takes to break a wild animal spirit eight seconds is a goal in my marriage Man, what do you mean? I'm gonna pause the timer for a second for some clarifying questions, Bob And you've already gotten a point here But so when you're approaching the horse, you want to make sure you're approaching it from behind, correct? I'm just trying to clear from where the poop comes out. Yes That's for reference in case it's complicated. Is that so if the horse gets scared you get a free meal before you get on it? Someone who's behind blind and they don't know what the front or back of any creature they've ever met is, and they're just like, ah, where the poop comes out. Ah, I can remember that.

Just as a different way to figure out, to distinguish. Okay. I think stealing a horse is faster than taming. I mean, theft, we could bring that back again. I really want to keep it one idea to one category. So I'll give you a like, because theft has been blanket sweep. Also any other ideas that are like main categories. So pets, we're going to eliminate theft unless there's a separate category that applies to that. Then find those stray cats, get on a skateboard, tie up strings to them, throw like a mouse or something, have them run, drag you along. Just a mouse on a stick. I think that would work for cats. Oh wait, no, duh, cats chase mice on sticks all the time.

That's kind of the whole thing about cats. That would work incredibly well. Okay, skateboard cat. As long as you don't care which direction you go, I guess. All right, three, two, one. Excellent job. Excellent job. Excellent job. That's going to save a lot of money for us. I feel like Wade soaked up a lot of time there with a lot of exposition about his things. It kind of cut me off from getting a second round in, but...

Well, it's up to you guys if you want to be fast, slow. Could be a strategy. Guy who goes first if you want to soak up all three minutes with your long-winded exposition. I'm just brainstorming here, man. I'm trying to think of the best way to save money. So we got the next category. Who's going first? Me?

Yeah, me. Bob, okay, this one will be right up your alley. How can you save money on childcare? Very expensive one here. You said we're allowed to try and take up the entire time with our one first idea and try just- It could be a strategy. The year was 1787.

Young Darrow finds himself lost in the woods, unsure where his parents might be, uncertain of his future, and with no skills of his own to be able to survive. It turns out, he'll learn later, that this was on purpose. His parents didn't have a lot of means. They were simple people. They worked hard, but they didn't have much. And they decided that in lieu of them raising their own child and having to bear all that expense and burden and extra time because they worked 16 hours a day in the salt mines, that they would allow the

wolves of the woods to raise young Darrow. They abandoned him, nothing but a wolf pelt around his waist, and knew that if the wolves found him in such a state, such a sad little boy, so alone, so helpless, the wolves would know what that meant. They would take him in as their own, and they would raise him to be a strong, independent hunter, give him life skills that he would need to thrive in the woods. And when he came of age, he could return home and help the family raise themselves up from where they started in life. And so it went.

Darrow lived with the wolves for 18 and a half years. When he reached his 18th birthday, which the wolves marked with a very large cake with the candles on it, the numbers one and eight, kind of a skew, because wolves don't have thumbs, he didn't want to go home, but he knew that he had to. Moral of the story, Darrow started trading stocks on Wall Street and his sons never went

hungry. He bred like a wolf. He had 26 sons, 14 daughters, and he fed them all. And this is the story of the famous critically acclaimed movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio called Wolf of Wall Street. The instincts of the wolves taught Darrow everything he needed to thrive in the complicated business world of securities transactions. Do I like get a turn still or? Yeah, yeah. Pause the timer for a follow up question, Bob.

So you said he bred like a wolf. Is his strategy to continue raising his children in the woods like sending them off to be raised by wolves? Oh, yeah. No, he arranged each birth to happen in the woods so that the young ones could start at the earliest possible age. He said he sent all of his women that he that he made babies with out into the woods with a wolf pelt and a midwife. And they had the baby and wrapped it in the wolf pelt and left it there with a note pinned to the wolf pelt that just had an address and a pager number. And the kids that figured it out made their way back home once they hit the age of 18. And the kids that didn't understand what the hell was going on, who knows? Maybe that's where we get Bigfoot's from.

Wade, you have a solid 15 seconds to earn as many points as you can. Three, two, one, go. Rent them out for child labor or allow them to grow, give them acting classes, have them act out and record them, film them, take sad photos of them, post them online, go fund me asking for money profit. I sort of thought we were supposed to alternate back and forth one idea one idea Yeah, well you took 30 minutes. So like fuck you I guess I feel like I deserve points for every other idea that Wade just proposed look look Bob

You earned multiple points in your spiel so I wanted to give him a chance. Yeah. Thanks for my 15 seconds Bob I'm so sorry. I use it too efficiently for you. I'm sorry. Yeah, you're the one who discovered the strategy I thought it was a legitimate part of the game. I and hey, I took my 15 seconds used it more efficiently So that's part of the game too. So like no no no no, I guess let's say there's tons of strategies But let's say how about we all vote that will will equitably share turns will go one at a time We'll do a more quick fire round. How about that? We'll go one at a time. We'll do a more quick fire round. How about that? Alright, everyone agree? Do I have to say it out loud? That's two to one. I guess you guys won.

All right, so Wade, this is some right up your alley. How can you save money? Well, both of you I guess but Wade first. How can you save money on therapy? Don't go. Uh, just tell yourself it's okay. Like, write yourself a note when you're feeling happy, read it later. Drugs? No, no, no. Back and forth, back and forth. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. I will follow in Wade's steps. Uh, cry a lot. Uh, exercise more.

No, what guy? Stop. We gotta remember what we're here for. Those people out there listening right now, oh, they're hearing his jokes. Uh silliness, ridiculous ideas. This is to save people money. They're having hardships. They want to know how to make their lives better and we're their heroes, right? In our defense I think crying is healthy. I think all of our- I think we're giving you good ideas, you know? Well yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just saying. I don't want the- I know you're giving great giving great ideas and doing great. You're doing so good guys. You're doing so good

You're so handsome and and smart. I quick-fire two ideas Bob quick-fire two ideas, man But you're letting the competitive spirit get ahead of ourselves just spitballing ideas, man You're not the problem. You're not the problem wait. Oh damn anything Bob was a problem Bob I don't think you're a problem. So we're gonna get back in there. We're together on this. It's a friendly competition right? It feels like we're together. All right three two one go. Find a therapist who offers one free session for new patients and get a lot of costumes and really try and spice it up. When they ask you what you want to work on. Focus on what you want, but mix it up so they can't tell you are the last eight patients

they've seen. Wade, either get a mannequin or go to a cemetery. Great listeners. All right, great. Bob, this one is for someone who specifically lives in America. If you want to save money on what it would cost to actually get a regular therapist in America, what you wanna do is find another nation that has good national healthcare system

that covers mental health, move there permanently, uproot your entire life, possibly pay to move any family members you care enough to bring with you, you'd still save money over trying to find a therapist somewhere in America. All right, that makes sense. And I think that is actually cost saving. Wade?

Go to a drive-thru and instead of ordering food, just start unloading. See if you can get it to go. Supersize your therapy. Great. All right, Bob. Clothes shopping is actually really good. Go for a jog at like your local park and while people are running next to you, just start talking to them about your problems.

Then you're getting your exercise and your therapy simultaneously. That's, that's great. I feel like I did say exercise more, but that's a more specific version of it. Yeah, you're unloading while you're doing it. The exercise is just the bonus. It's more so like they're kind of stuck running in a loop and can't get away from you. Oh, actually that gives me an idea. Commit a crime that gets you sentenced to prison time and then you'll be stuck, there will be people stuck in there with you, you'll be stuck in there

with them. You don't really have a choice, just talk it out. So we're taking each other's ideas and expanding upon them. That's the whole, that's the whole thing, that's great. You guys are doing wonderfully. I'm so proud of you guys. Okay, all right, how you save the most money, but still take a great vacation? People want to experience vacations. That could be a whole bunch of different things. Local amusement park, traveling internationally. How could you do it on the cheap?

Bob, go. Everyone wants to vacation in Paris or Tokyo. Those are expensive places. You know where it's really cheap to take a vacation? Zanesville, Ohio. Springfield, Illinois. Gatlinburg, Wyoming. Lots of places where you could go stay super cheap.

I bet that these places have incentives from their tourism board where it's like one guy in a broom closet just begging people to come to their town. If you go there, they might pay you money. Good? Wade? Uh, become good friends with your neighbors. So when either they're at work or they're on vacation or they're somewhere else, you can go stay in their house and it's like having an Airbnb for free. And you don't have any travel expense because it's just down the street.

But it's a whole new experience living in that house. There's something cruelly ironic about staying in the house of people that are taking lovely vacations. Just by proxy hack into their computer and you just watch their photos slowly update through their cloud. Oh, it looks nice. Okay, like, all right, all right. Bob.

There are a wealth of free vacations out there or anyone who's willing to sit through a seminar on these great new time shares that we have available. We will fly you to Cancun for two nights three days and you can stay in an all-expenses paid room long as you'll sit through six hours of our sales pitch. All you have to do is not buy it and if you're trying to go on vacation for cheap you probably can't afford it anyway. I've never expected legitimate that's crazy that's does it if that actually works, that's kind of fun.

All right, Wade. All right, buy one of those little kiddie pools, keep it in your office, go on your computer, go to Google Street View, put in your address, watch yourself leave your address, and then just move along the way, all the way to the airport. Look at pictures of the airport for like, I don't know, two hours, look at pictures of a plane for a couple hours,

type in an address of another place you wanna go, look at images of that if it has a pool you fill up your pool You look at pictures of the pool while you sit in your pool. It's like you're there Yeah, I think what the mind believes the mind perceives I I'm gonna give it to you. I didn't know where the kitty pool is coming in I was gonna be perfectly honest. All right, so this is great ideas. I'm just gonna, as we wrap this up, we'll do a quick fire round. I'm just gonna throw random things out there.

Shout out answers if you can. I'll write down interesting ones. We don't have time. Or if you got just general money saving tips for everybody out there that apply to everything, feel free to fire those off as well. Education. Internet. Don't need it just listen to your parents they know what's best. Observe the world around you and decide what it means for yourself.

Survival of the fittest. House cleaning services. Don't be messy. Those like little sucker fish that sit on the side of the tank just put some of those in your house. Alright sucker fish that sit on the side of the tank. Just put some of those in your house. All right, sucker fish. That's good. That's good. Trash recycling. That's something you always got to pay for, even though, you know, it could be in taxes. But more and more, you're finding that all the trash bill, you have to pay that service separately. What the hell? Fire.

Burn it. That's illegal in a lot of places. Not in Ohio, because we live in a hell hole. But in a lot of places, that's illegal. Don't get caught. Catapult. I love a catapult. Catapult. Don't get caught. Catapult. I love a catapult. Catapult always a good idea. Dogapult.

Shhh. Just you, I'm not giving you nothing for that. You gave me a chuckle and that's all I wanted. Hobbies. Hobbies can be very expensive. People have to buy, you know, if they're in the Warhammer figurines, paint all the time, if they're, you know, whatever their hobby may be, it can get pretty expensive. Make a hobby out of having a second job.

That's not even just saving money, that's earning more money. People watching, just go outside and stare. That's a good one. Make your hobby, taking advantage of any free trial of anything that you can get your fingers on. Knit. Knit can be expensive.

Yarn actually does like start to add up after a while. You know, some people have hair. Use it. Well, what would you do? That wouldn't save you any money. Yeah, Bob did have the hair for rope idea. I'm expounding knit with anything you can find. If you knit hard enough, stuff will knit together. Yeah, take like a toenail, put a hole in it. You have a needle.

If you're if your skill in knitting is high enough, you can knit hard enough, stuff will knit together. Yeah, take like a toenail, put a hole in it, you have a needle. If your skill in knitting is high enough, you can knit anything. You could just start crocheting the Wallace together, you know. What about credit card bills? They start to add up after a while. Knit them together. Ah, like bundle your debt. Ah, what's that? Restructure your debt. File bankruptcy gets you out of debt.

There's certain types of debt that do not apply in bankruptcy for some strange reason, uh, cause that's odd. I'll give you an answer for that one after Bob gives his next one. Don't accrue debt in your own name. Just keep stealing new, uh, keep stealing new identities. Fake your death was what I was gonna say to get out of the other ones. Fake death, yeah. Okay. That's good. Fake death. How would you fake death if you could car explosion probably you need a car first though Wade you need to get a car though you steal it who cares if you committed a crime if everyone thinks you're dead wouldn't have to be in your name for

people to believe that you died in it I'm not trying to like just like cut off a finger so like leave some DNA behind I've got one that works even better than weights current idea real your death So you want to really Yeah, no don't think about it's way more messed up than it sounds I just wanted the punchline of really it's not good That's not a good idea Listen closely as a master painter carefully brushes Benjamin Moore Regal Select down the seam of the wall. It's like poetry in motion. Benjamin Moore, see the love.

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This might be an interesting one to get some alternative solutions in there some people addicted to smoking vaping Drinking they've got these expensive things, you know these costs add up How can people so this is one thing where there's many ways you can tackle this solution. How can you solve the expenses of your vices? Double or triple the amount you're taking. Oh, I feel like that's the same idea as real your death. Right. That's a that's a that would save you money in the medium term because there would be no long term.

Yeah, but I just put real your death and no points for that. So I can't award points for that. Yeah, but his doesn't sound as sad as mine sounded. Triple your intake of your vices. Yeah, that's triple the fun. Trample that gum. Anyway, so they make those products, these still cost money, but they're made with those products where you can just suck on a tube filled with flavor but no like actual nicotine or whatever. Why spend money on that? There's lots of stuff you can suck on all around. There's something that says you can't suck on whatever you can get your lips on,

and everything has a flavor. Suck on whatever you can get your lips on. In a similar vein, you can roll up anything flammable and put it in your mouth and puff. That's true. Most everything burns. That's like, and I'll put that down. Everything burns. Okay, got it I'll put that down everything burns

Okay, got it smoke leaves your hair your neighbor. I don't know whatever. I'm assuming a lot of flammability in a human body I don't know spontaneous combustion. They say it could happen fair enough My I have an idea my idea this idea probably not like cheap, but probably less expensive than Holding a vice paying for advice through the rest of your life. Hire someone to just scold you constantly. They just tell them to assume you're always thinking about smoking a cigarette, having a drink, whatever, and just constantly be like, don't, stop, I'll divorce you. You know what's great is like you could use your cyber bullies to your advantage. If you just get them to think that you really love that thing that you want to quit, get your cyber bullies to bully you about your vice and that way you'll quit.

I know how to trigger my cyberbillies. Billy's cyber bullies. How do you? How do you? You can also get yourself arrested and put in maximum security so you don't have access to them or hire someone to like kidnap you and keep you in a room and provide you the things That you need so that way they won't give them to you hiring though Jail is free for every for you not everyone though the taxpayers ha ha so yeah I like the jail idea better anymore last chances knit knit Did you knit your cigarettes? Yeah, just knit them away

Just if you just smoke the yarn think of how much smoke you'll get, like in cubic feet. Oh, it's very long. Make a rope out of the cigarettes, get a horse and then ride away from your problems. I'm ending it. All right. That's good. All right. Well done, guys. Get cigarettes that are raised by wolves so you know they're more natural. Right. Any other last minute money saving ideas? You guys have got so many ideas. You guys were crushing it with ideas here. You guys were doing incredibly well.

I have a really great one. This is a real, real one. You know, you guys heard of Dave Ramsey? You have it? Look him up. He's a big money guy, has a podcast, talks a lot about... He's the guy who says that you should eat dirt and live in a closet to save money so that you can buy your house in cash. Cause taking on any form of debt is irresponsible and that's why kids are poor. What you should really do is not anything that Dave Ramsey says. Ignore that dumb son of a bitch and find good advisors somewhere in your life or online who have actual advice that's helpful. All right, wait a last minute, anything, any money saving tip for those out there.

I mean, you could always just formulate a plan to send the world into anarchy and end all economies, then you don't have to worry about money. That's true, that's true. It's the fight club mentality, tear down the establishment. Unless anyone's got a genius idea, that'll be it. Going once, going twice, that's the end of the game!

All right, well done guys. I enjoyed your ideas and I think everyone out there, uh, probably was writing frantically just as much as me, but if you're in the car and you, you know, you're still conscious, uh, there's probably a benefit in recapping this, so I'm gonna recap it for everyone, and we're gonna tabulate the points at the same time, okay? Alright, starting with Bob! You got... It keeps it warm. I don't remember at all what that's for.

Oh, the thermos of piss, the water bottle of piss. Yeah, that's it. You got a point for pets? Wade. Alright, theft. Free bread from... Red lobster specifically hair horse friend Where the poop comes from raised by wolves he bred like a wolf cry free sessions, but lots of costumes Move permanently to another country

Shopping for therapy which now that I think about is not a money-saving thing I didn't say it to buy things go shopping you walk out with nothing alright prison therapy go to desperate places a timeshare from seminar internet observe dumbass what was observed dumbass it's oh observe observe the world around you and make your own decide how it works. Oh, right. That's it Yes, I was to save money on education and then there's don't be Milky don't be that's generally good advice. Just don't be milky. Don't be messy. That was it. That's it All right, don't be milky. All right catapult love you. What the love your of Condom.

Oh yeah, love your of condom. Love your, maybe econom. You know, maybe I should type these next time. That really worked out. Maybe. Free trial fever, everything nits, identity theft, reel your death but no points for that, suck on whatever you can get your lips on, and anti-Dave Ramsey.

Alright, so that's 25 points. Wade, you got a pity point? Spitz just fun. Mouth? Agape? You're good. Bugs by the foot, dumpster diving, blackmail, child labor, child actors and GoFundMe, don't go! Mannequin or cemetery, supersize- supersize your- My therapy, yeah. It's the drive-thru idea. It said supersize- you're the pony is what it said. And I gave you double points for that because even back then it made me laugh really hard

So that's that. Uh, jog and unload which I feel like is not the accurate title for that Vacation vicariously. Kitty pool Google view. Listen to your parents. Ska- Scavenger Tony Oh god, okay. parents scat scavenger Tony It's right next to it's right next to burn it question burn it question mark and then there's stare knit with hair bankruptcy fake your death Everything burns smoke your neighbor jail to be free, and then tear this establish. With scavenger- everything you said for Bob and I I

eventually got except for scavenger Tony. 25, 26, 27! 27! 27, Wade, you win! I feel- I'm glad to win, but I feel like it's more important that Bob and I really came together to give you guys what? 52 points worth of money saving tips? Money saving tips, yep. This was a team effort and while it feels good to win, I feel like the real winners are those of you who now know how to save money. Absolutely. Let us know on the subreddit which ones of these you use to save money. And if you know who Scavenger Tony is.

There was a few here that I forgot to go over, but maybe I'll leave this one up to the subreddit. How can you save money on home security systems? I feel like a lot of you out there might have good ideas for it, because that could be expensive. All the cameras and stuff, all the wiring for it, it can be pretty expensive. And then you got your monitoring service. Oh, you're teasing me cuz I want to play again now No, we gotta leave it to others. We've saved enough money. Now. It's time for others to save others money

But that was a good winner speech Wade by the way, so I'll count that as your winner speech Bob was your loser speech know what I was gonna be salty about it But wait had more ideas than me and some of them were definitely better than mine. I think I had some winners I got my punches in when you're're bested, you just acknowledge it and move on, you know. I had heaps of ideas. You had some of the best ideas. I just spitball a lot.

That's fair. We're all in this together, everybody. Together to save money. And at no point did anyone suggest Eat the Rich, so there's always that on the table. Enjoy our merch at distractablestore.com, D-I-S-T-R-E-S-T-I-B-L-E-S-T-O-R-E.com And you can check out new designs coming very soon!

Uh, I know it's just the basic stuff right now, but there will be much more coming very soon. Any final words? Wacky arms, inflatable tootment. Toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot, toot. Wade said it perfectly. Podcast down.