Distractible - Self Actualization

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

Today, supremely confident host, Wade, challenges contestants Mark and Bob to get vulnerable and talk about the insecurities around their achievements. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH- pH balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This week, the lads discuss identity and why their voices don't match their faces. ADHD Mark divulges the difficulties of blowing his own trumpet.

Lawyer Wade gets off to the boys, giving him attention. And self-aware Bob struggles with his weight, but we love him just the way he is. From manifestation to true fulfillment, yes, it's time for self-actualization. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's host, Wade. You did ask us if we were ready, and neither of us were ready. You both said yes!

You asked if I was ready, and I went... And I realized after you had asked, but before I responded, oh, I don't have a drink in front of me, and I was wanting to get a drink. Alright, go get a drink, front of me and i was wanting to get a drink uh all right go get a drink well well normal do you do you do you have us on screen did you not see what i was doing as you were doing your intro you don't have peripheral vision to see that i'm like hanging off just like go away wait a minute wait you you handle the intro i get you told me go get a drink i'll be back you you got this buddy i'll see you got this buddy let me know when you start yeah just keep going no fuck you i'm gonna just do it without him he'll come back into the intro

all right well welcome back i guess i don't know what you all have heard yet but welcome back to the show where yeah me too there's usually three of us big Big agree. Two and a half right now. Three, maybe. Well said. Well said, buddy. The host makes an episode. The other two compete. And the host decides who wins against the host the next one, I guess. I am eternally disappointed in you all, and you guys are eternally disappointed in me.

That's why we work. I'm hyping you up, man. Thank you. I feel hip and hyped. How are you two? I care. God dang. Sorry, I'm trying to hype you up. So easily derailed, Wade.

We're just goofing around. You know this is a funny podcast, right? It's probably the most hilarious intro we've ever had, so thank you. Every week, he just gets more sick of us. Every single week. It's like, what are we doing? What are we doing? hilarious intro we've ever had so thank you every week he just gets more sick of us every single week what are we doing what are we doing we're just having a good old time buddy all right buddy how are you buddy I'm uh I'm I'm good busy but good things are working out nicely um I don't have much else to update other than you know just like still working on the same things i've been working on still doing the same thing you want to tell us about them specifics not you details names titles

scripts character lists casting nope molding molding that just sounded like something you might do in show business i don't know does the set or studio have crown molding tell us we got the casting the molding the scolding and the molding i know people really want to see this it was so funny um because you know the the there was articles when we had like the spotify deal announced um and so we were talking about like you know i was i had an interview that was like yeah you know it's really cool you know exclusive spotify still have the videos are exclusive to spotify but the audio is still going out uh other places and it was talking about like that and interviewing yada yada yada and then came a question that was

like very end very end of the article and the interview was just like so you know there's rumors you know that you might be in the five nights of freddy's movie i was just like you know ah no there was like scheduling conflicts i forget my exact wording of it and then everyone was totally derailed from the main subject of the interview the only thing people talk about in the variety article was that last question of like well he didn't say no well he didn't say yes and i was like no there's a scheduling conflict and a lot of people want to know well thanks for bringing it up again no one was going to give a shit about this episode be like he mentioned for that bob what would you say to variety if they came and asked you well i'm not in the five nights

of friday's movie that's an obvious one that's like a nightmare i could see waiter i having he's like we get the call someone emails us it's like mark's busy you know he usually handles this people like talking to mark he he's nice so we send him he's busy so you have to do the interview with whatever magazine you're doing an interview with gq magazine and i show up and they do the makeup and the and i'm sitting in a chair and then a very official looking interviewer sits down across from me and ever and they're like okay speed sound speeds rolling okay looks good let's go guys start up and the interviewer's just like so tell us about mark what's mark like in person do we have that happen what is mark coming to this too or is it just you it's like it's like a professional interview but it's just

it's the same as all those very joyous experiences that wade and i have where everyone's like and what about mark have you had a fan interaction like in person or like where you've met someone don't have to be a just like that one confuses the two of us they're like wade tell us about like and all they ask about are like mark things or like things mark has done or might do and it's like you don't even know which one of the three i am and you haven't even said a sick do you want a picture with me yeah i can photoshop mark my favorite is i had one once where uh someone came up i was at a convention so it's like a line of people so someone got their turn and came up and was like oh my god i'm so excited to meet you and i don't think i think it was me and you win i think it was the one in louisville where

it was just us and Mark was not there. And they got there and they were like, oh my God, I'm so excited to see Wade. Wade, how are you? Wade, how's it going? And how's Mandy? And I was like, whoa, that's correct and wrong in so many ways. Well, you want me to go ask her? I don't understand.

But also Molly was at that one and was there with us so they thought i was wade they thought wade was married to mandy they thought you were with molly i don't know man i have people get excited so like i don't really judge that hard because people get very excited they don't know and from the comments on the new video format lots of people were like whoa that's not who i thought those were wade's voice fits bob and bob's voice fits wade and i was like well truth is that is our real voices we just do this ventriloquist act when we're recording so there's actually bob talking and just me moving my lips man i haven't thought about that in a long time that was like six years ago oh yeah but louisville yeah a long time ago oh yeah good old days i can't remember the last time i actually did a

convention oh yeah man conventions are basically a thing of the past now but now we have a billboard and it's all three of us and it's not mark and friends it doesn't even really say our names it says distractible right yeah and that's what matters that's all right hey we're all on there but you know there might be an Easter egg. If you guys find pictures or you go see the billboards, there could be a FNAF clip. If you look hard enough. His costume for the movie might be somewhere on the billboard.

Uh-huh. Just look really close up there and check it out. Don't climb up there. Don't drive into the pole either. The subreddit the next day had a picture of like a zombie apocalypse of people hanging off the side i gotta know just a pile of bodies of people that tried to get there yeah man it's just like like man i was listening to distractible i was climbing the billboard and i laughed so hard i fell off oh man you know what i gotta say those those crash your car while listening to the podcast memes they were initially very shocking hit a

real dip of okay okay everybody's doing it they're coming back around people are getting more creative with it comes and goes i don't want creative car crashes some of it's like space station's crashing into the sun you know know, stuff from movies. Real good jokes. Real funny stuff. Ah, good, good, good. I hope people are enjoying the fact that we have video on Spotify. I know there's still people that are upset that we don't have, like, the YouTube presence.

But, like, we did try. Ultimately, though, we thought video and two episodes a week might make it up. So hopefully y'all are enjoying that. And it's free. Still free. I didn't think about that at all. I just thought, that and it's free still free i i didn't think about that at all i just thought oh it's our podcast isn't it well gee we better do what we want then that's what i thought that's the only thought i had yeah that is kind of like also my

thought too is just like yeah yeah we're doing this thing now more stuff no no no the internet's very entitled they get what they want at all costs they get what they want as long as it's what we want to give them. You're welcome. This is not our podcast. This is their podcast, and we just show up and have to work. Can I lodge a complaint? No. Yes.

I'm lodging a complaint with Mark. All right, cool. Is this the episode? That's my complaint. Oh, I thought you were saying, like, is this the episode where I finally tell the truth, where I finally reveal all, and then you were going to say something really grand and no just is this the whole episode acknowledging people complaining about us and not knowing who we are we could just look at memes i thought that was like a one minute side note i don't know it's been 11 minutes i didn't we talk about other things like it's not as good when mark does it but it still cuts i felt that one

all right well you know i just took a deep breath and i choose to ignore it all right well being as we're talking about uh i guess whatever us uh this episode we're gonna talk about well us this is the conceited episode This is where we put ourselves on a pedestal and we brag about how great we are. Mark, I expect you to win. Uh, what? Point being is I think at this point between making content, living life, building families, doing the things we've done, we've kind of gotten a good feel of who we are. I think all of us are probably pretty comfortable in our shoes.

I might be making a lot of assumptions. Maybe we're not. That's even better, though, because I guess we can find out along the way so are you guys familiar with the phrase self-actualization yes that's where you remove your own muscles with your own brain right you actualize yourself the dictionary definition is the realization or fulfillment of one's talents and potentialities potentialities i don't know why it's potentialities but i didn't know that was weird especially considered as a drive or need present in everyone i interpret that to mean that like you have a fuller understanding of yourself your strengths your weaknesses your wants your desires and you become comfortable in your own shoes this is different than the the thing where if you think it it will appear in your life that's a different

thing right that's like visualization or manifestation manifestation that's right manifestation yeah this isn't about a specific thing so much is it about you figuring out who you are because we all go through phases we're like right we're like do i like this what do i want what do i want to be when i grow up? What do I, you know, we have all these questions about trying to discover ourselves. But I think, at least for me, I feel like I reached a point a while ago where it was like, this is who I am. I actually feel very comfortable. I'm no longer like worried about others' perception of me quite as much because I feel

like I'm unapologetically me. This is the me I'm going to be. This is the me everyone else is going to see. This is me on. This is me off. I am me. me or or this wait hold on what the hell is happening hold on hold on they know i just learned about manifestation now i'm gonna get a job why because i can manifest

i don't need the old gods anymore i answered to no one everything is mine thanks to are we a react podcast now this is what it made me think of what what we have video now i can share this just because are we a react podcast now no but it made me think of it yeah we should react to some stuff manifestation that's what i always think of like for some reason self-actualization just makes me think of manifestation which makes me think of that video i mean i guess if you find out that you're in the manifestation that could be part of your journey to self-actualization there's a whole group of people that believe that if you manifest it in your mind it will become a reality as if like your thoughts can control uh the the world

around you and it can be like and there's a distinct difference between doing that and then realizing yourself actualization and manifesting like who you are i'm glad you agree with what i said five minutes ago thank you no i'm i'm except what you what you do you just want me to go yes wade you're right way not like try to add anything to the conversation oh god yes dude that would get me off so hard i don't want that either i get but that's what I just did and you just berated me for it. Yes Wade. You're right Wade Yes, wait. Yeah, you're right Wade Yes, wait, I'll be right back. I got a change. Yeah, okay. He's gone keep going So what do you want to talk about mark? I don't know. I think we can go back to what we were talking about before

I don't think he ever left. Yeah, i'm gonna think he's a liar i really hope that um you scooched not all the way out of frame and so you were just sitting in the full wide screen which i know we can't see of each other you were just sitting right on the edge yeah for you out there watching if you guys see like our full like hands out motions and stuff here, what we see cuts off right about here for each other. I cut off on like my shoulders. Yeah, you can change that. Okay.

We don't do effort here at Wade Studios. So I won't. That's fair. But getting back to our topic at hand. What was the topic? Becoming comfortable being ourselves. Do you guys feel like you've reached that point? I am not trying to challenge you or derail the topic. This is my honest reaction. Do you actually feel like you've reached that point i am not trying to uh challenge you or derail the

topic i this is my honest reaction do you actually feel that i don't feel that at all yeah i really do like i mean there's still room to grow and adapt and i'm sure i'll be somewhat different later on but i do feel like as of right now i'm very comfortable and i feel like i know myself very well uh i do feel like i know myself i've learned a lot more about myself as I've gotten older and I try to be as self-aware as possible. And I think it's a common struggle and possibly misconception that people have that they think they really know themselves.

And it turns out you don't because it's actually really hard to know, to be so self-aware that you honestly and objectively know who you are and see who you are and see what you do, I think. But I'm certainly not saying that you don't. I just think that that's harder than people think. But I don't feel comfortable with that at all. The more I learn about myself, the more I hate myself. I wish that I knew less about myself. Honestly, when I understand what I'm doing, but why i'm doing things i'm i have that

feeling of like like obviously i've struggled with uh my weight everyone who's seen me says i'm a big guy i wish i was skinnier and i understand the health issues and i experience the health issues that come along with this and it's been a thing my whole life i'm like god why don't i have the self-control it's just a matter of self-control and before i understood why i eat so much and why i struggle with that it was just like ah damn it i'm not that guy now i know why i do it it's even stupider i have i it's it's just i don't know i feel worse about myself the more i know why motivations and the more about who i am and why i do what I do, the more I'm like, ah, idiot, stop. I got to say, I might be using the wrong definition.

Like self-actualization, I think is more about fulfilling your potential. I'm not talking about so much of that as much as knowing yourself. So I might be misconstruing words there. Well, we can talk about your version of it. I'm fine with that. Yeah, we can talk about your version. I want to make sure that I'm clear that I believe self-actualization is not something I studied in philosophy. It's something I studied way before that.

So my memory of it's a little hazy. I'm probably misconstruing it a bit. So I'm not saying that we've all reached our peak. We've realized everything we can be and we're done. Now it's all downhill. We're finished. It's more so just are we comfortable in our own skins? Do we know ourselves?

I don't want to talk about what you're talking about. I don't want to talk about what Bob's talking about i want to talk about what's bob's talking about because i there are some elements of that no no way you and your weird topic wait bob whoever you are bob are you talking to him or me i'm confused what the bit is there's no bit bob so so yeah no there's something about this that that i do gel with and it's something that i've read on like online discussions and read, no, there's something about this that, that I do gel with. And it's something that I've read on like online discussions and read it a lot. There's been various threads that talk about ADHD. Cause that's something that I have and that I struggle with. And it's like, that is, that is like a part of knowing yourself and who you are and kind of how your brain works.

And there's a lot of people that are on these discussion boards that are talking about one part of ADHD, which is like a you know kind of like there's like thoughts jumble around they jump around and you you go there and there's all these videos that you'll see on tiktok like here's an example of what adhd is like is like walking through the house it's like there's two voice lines and everyone's like oh same but there's another component of it that no one really talks about or you know because everyone has like procrastination like jumbled thoughts sometimes but there's another part that a lot of people talk about that is really the crippling part of adhd and it's the the kind of part that makes you war with yourself and

and have that kind of conflict like why aren't you like this person why aren't you doing this it's the part that i've talked about before with adhd where you can want to do something and you can be at the place where you're like everything is set you can want to do something and you can be at the place where you're like, everything is set up for me to do this thing. There's nothing in the world. I want more than to do this thing that is in front of me. And for, for me, it's like any kind of work, anything like that. Um, but if I'm staring at the problem, I go back to when I was a teenager and I was like trying to practice trumpet and I was in my room my trumpet was in my hand the chair was there and it's the closer I got or I pushed myself to do that thing the more

there was sandpaper rubbing in my brain I had a physical visceral reaction that pushed me away but the part of that that's not necessarily just like that struggle there's another voice in my head that's like, you are pathetic and worthless. Why can't you do this thing? You're fighting with yourself because you're like pushing yourself to do it. Your body and the subconscious mind is rejecting against it. And it's that abrasion that causes this crippling, like crippling inability to do anything. And it's like, that is kind of, uh, i think the crux of like some of the things that you're talking about bobby it's like that that abrasiveness is is what i experienced

in almost anything that has to do with not like something enjoyable uh even if even if it is enjoyable that's the thing it can be something extremely enjoyable i got to a point where i was playing video games and i would be i would sit on the menu screen unable to even log into World of Warcraft sometimes my favorite game at the time being like I can't for some reason I just was like I want to play just log in and do something and even if I logged in I would just sit in the capital city and I would just jump up and down without doing anything at all and it was because I was locked in this crippling state of like not even indecisiveness it's the complete inability to do anything but learning that about myself doesn't necessarily cure it at all it helped but the

understanding is there it's just like i still hate that part of myself i still hate that that's what happens if i'm not like doing my adhd therapies if i'm not taking medication if i'm not doing these things it's like that part is there and it's in a huge way. And it's like almost something that you can willpower yourself through sometimes, but it's like, it's just like, it's just part of who you are. There's no actualization or manifestation that can push past it on a consistent basis. It's just really, really like a struggle. So that I actually, uh, in what you're talking about, Bob, I really do resonate with. I'll say this. And I say it almost every time I scroll social media.

Wow, that stuff I just heard makes me think I might have undiagnosed ADHD. I did not realize that that was part of that because I have no diagnosis whatsoever and no real reason to think I have ADD aside from being completely scrambled and sharing that exact sentiment with you and not realizing until just now that that's what was causing that inside of me is possible yeah i never felt like i had adhd but i definitely feel like my brain has changed in the last 10 years to the point where like i've gotten so used to multitasking even if i don't need to multitask i find a way to do multiple things and then I feel like I'm not really focused on any of the things I'm doing all that well

and there are times where I like need to focus on something I have to fight myself to not do something else because like no I need to focus on this I can't be pulling even doing the podcast there are times where it's like I start to like open a tab to go to Twitter and you guys are like talking I'm trying to listen it's just like why am I doing that or like I'll start to like think about something. It's like, no, no zone back in. And I have moments like that. I don't think I would have been like that 10 years ago. I think it's something about doing so much multitasking that my brain just feels like it has to. But Mark, you're talking about like the trumpet and everything reminded me back 10 years ago, whenever I split with my ex and I had to move back home into my mom's basement,

and I didn't want to go to law school, I'd taken my LSAP, I didn't want to go to law school. And just like everything that I told myself for since like junior high that I wanted to be, it's like, I want to be an attorney, I want to be married, I want to have this many kids, I want to live in a house that's like this, this is the life I want. It was more so like, that's the life I thought I was supposed to have. And my brain after the breakup, like could not accept the fact that that's not what I wanted. And it's like, I just kept fighting myself and getting mad at myself and feeling really disappointed in myself.

Cause it's like, I've done all of this work to get to law school. I'm right there. All I have to do is send out applications to law schools. I've taken the LSAT already. I've done all of this. Why am I not sending those out? It's all I've got to do is send out applications to law schools. I've taken the LSAT already. I've done all of this. Why am I not sending those out? It's all I've got to do to reach what I want. Ultimately, through like when we started doing Drink Minecraft and such,

and we started like, you know, making YouTube videos, things like that. It was like, I realized I didn't enjoy law. I enjoyed the performance attention horror aspects of it, to be blunt. I enjoyed the eyes on me the dramatizations the mock trial aspect the acting pretending whatever um the improvisation i enjoyed that stuff and it took me a very long time to accept that because for so long it's like i kept telling myself this is what i want when in reality my body was rejecting it and i was not taking steps to reach those goals because deep down it isn't what i wanted and part of me knew that and wouldn't let me get there because it was like

i'm gonna stop you dude you're gonna keep fighting me but i'm gonna stop you and it's very strange that it took that to stop me and then a while later for me to even realize what happened yeah i think i think like um and it's no way am i like trying to diminish that it's like i think everyone has procrastination issues and i think that's where a am i like trying to diminish that it's like i think everyone has procrastination issues and i think that's where a lot of like the confusion about adhd comes in is like every it's natural to have procrastination even for things you want that's totally totally normal um human experience the people out there that are saying that they like i wake up every day jacked to the tits with dopamine and motivation and i attack each day like that they're lying there's

no one on earth that does that there's no one ever in history forever yeah they are everyone uh wakes up occasionally they're just like i'm a lie i'm a lie everything i've done is a lie i'm just they're gonna find out someday oh god if i don't do this everything's gonna fall apart and i'm not doing it i i'm sure that's a very common human experience yeah no way was i trying to say no no i'm not i'm not saying that either it's on discussion boards however that does come up a lot it's like i procrastinate too i must have adhd and it's like i'm not saying you don't i i'm not a doctor i can't diagnose that i don't think i do i'm talking about them the the people on boards. Like, I'm not saying, oh, I'm saying they don't.

Yeah, the royal them. But yeah, it's like a lot of, but in a way, I've been able to self-actualize despite having ADHD. And it's partly because I've learned a lot about myself and how that works and how that impacts my life. And the ways to navigate around that is how I've managed to do all the things I do. And that's like, that's, I think that's where if we were to talk about self-actualization, that's probably where I could speak more. We've been on a similar journey. So for us to be in like such different places, it's not unusual. It's just interesting. Bob, I'm curious, where do you feel like you're at? Do you feel like you're at the point where you're fighting yourself because maybe you don't enjoy what you're currently doing or do you think it's like a whole separate

set of things going on like i so this is complex for me to verbalize i guess but the way that i feel about it is that i don't feel like i'm like i'm dramatically underperforming my potentialities or whatever i don't think i'm not living up to my potential and i don't feel like on a daily basis i don't feel like god i hate what i'm doing or like i don't feel lost in life actually i feel like i'm on a pretty good path so far the baby has not been what i expected uh in a lot of ways and it's revealed some stuff about myself that i don't particularly like um but the older i've gotten and the more self-aware i try and be the more i see like the i see through my own bullshit i guess because there's a lot of stuff every day where you know eating and my weight is an issue for me, but also motivation in general.

I'm a very last minute person. And it's always worked for me because lucky for me, I'm pretty smart. So like in school and stuff, I would put homework off until the very last, like the morning before school. It's like, I'll wake up at five o'clock and I'll have an hour and a half to do my work

before I go to, like, and it worked. I passed. I never dropped out of school or anything. I passed. I never, you know, dropped out of school or anything. I passed. I got all the degrees I set out to get. I didn't get A's in every class, but it was always, like, my whole life, it was always like, I just can't, you know, I had excuses, right? You have rationalizations to yourself as to, like, why didn't I just do this homework in the week and a half I had to do it? Why did I put it all off like this? Because it's, I did it, but it was, you know, suffering and painful. And until I was more self-reflective, I would just be like, well,

I was busy, and I got distracted. But I did it. That's fine. Now, the more self-reflective I've been, the more I'm like, well, that's just bullshit. That's just me explaining away to my own self lying to myself that like no i wasn't busy i chose to do that i it's not that i was so tired that i couldn't do work so instead i played video games for six hours and didn't get a good night's sleep i chose to do that and that's okay like that's not a good responsible decision to make but i was you know once you're once you're on your own you're kind of an adult even if you're a kid in college and and as you you know leave your parents house or whatever like whatever your situation is once you're on your own you make your own choices and you live with the consequences and if you're cool with living with the consequences of gaming

all night being super tired that you know not taking good care of yourself that's on you you can do that but i don't want to be that way anymore and now that we have a baby especially it's like i can't just live with whatever consequence because the baby lives on his schedule he sleeps when he wants he eats when he needs to eat he does not care what i have to do and if i was a responsible adult i would be getting stuff done ahead of time i'd be staying on top of things because now i can't you know if i'm last minute it's like oh shit i gotta do this thing but also the baby needs my attention because you know he's a baby and he needs my attention right now now i'm fucked now i'm not in a situation where

it's i can just be like oh i'll just live with these consequences they're only on me the more that situation arises in my life the more i'm'm like, man, am I just lying to myself? I'm just rationalizing away like, oh, I put this off for a month. I should have done this a month ago. I should have done this at any point between then and now. And I didn't. And the whole time I was like, I'm too busy. Not today. I'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow's a better day for that test. The more that sort of stuff I see in myself, the more I'm like, oh, I hate that. I hate that that's part of who I am. I hate that I believe it because I still do that to this very day. I still am like last night I should have cleaned and I kept putting it off. I ended up doing the dishes at like 1130 p.m. last night because I wanted to watch a hockey game and like the Sharks game came on and I was like, oh, I just

gave the baby to Mandy. I'm free now for a minute. should do the dishes ah but the sharks game is on and i've been looking forward to this game and the last time they played this team they they won i was at the game the last time they played this team and it was a great game i gotta watch the game no i shouldn't have the dishes obviously because then i just stay up later and do that shit and it's like and then that's a specific type of thing that i do but that's not the only behavior that i see in myself where being more self-aware and and honest with myself i hate it i hate that that i'm so willing to lie to myself and then that i'm so willing to just be like yeah i am busy i'm not gonna do that thing i gotta watch a hockey game this is important yeah i mean all i can say is yeah because i i definitely feel

that that's what like my mantra in the last episode of like no one's gonna do it for you that's where that's really come in is because that that mantra arose from me screaming at myself to being like no one's gonna do it for you it started out as like me yelling at myself just no one's gonna do it for you no one no one is gonna do it for you and you only you have to live with the consequences if you don't do it and it's kind no one is going to do it for you and you only you have to live with the consequences if you don't do it and it's kind of like that shame spiral it does kind of build up a situation where you're like i don't want to live in this world where i have to make excuses or i have to lie to myself it is like the lying to yourself that that is is so crazy because you

it's this it's like you have to see this same lie a thousand times before you're like wait a minute i know that's a lie it's like you believe it every other time 999 times you're like of course that's true it can wait i work better at 4 a.m in the morning that's how i did my youtube videos it's like i would wake up at 4 a.m record two videos one i would record one edit it for 8 a.m or 9 a.m and then i would record and edit another for noon and that's how i live my life and it was like it's just like that's just what i did instead of just being and then i would get done with that and be like okay if i just record one more for tomorrow i don't have to get up at 4 a.m and i tell myself, but then I was like, Oh, man, but I just worked so hard this morning to get up at four. I'm exhausted. Yeah, I know. Right. And

that's how it would go forever. That'll work until it doesn't. And when it doesn't is when it really can't work. I have to say also, but so far, my least favorite version of that experience with myself is when I I lie to myself and my brain is like that's bullshit you should just do it and then some other part of my brain is like it's not a bullshit this time it's okay this time to just do it once i feel like you're in a transitionary period like we can get away with that stuff for a while and like so then it's acceptable but you now that you have the baby it's like now your whole life has to change and with the transitions and the things like you're trying to change about

yourself it's like well i got away with this shit for like the last however many years but now i can't really get away with it as much i feel like it's different knowing yourself and accepting yourself versus like a forced change you have to adapt to so like hating those behaviors makes sense because now you feel like you have to adapt and change them because someone's depending on you to do that whereas before the baby i'm sure that like yeah it would have been nice if you would have done stuff like then then and then but it wasn't as like necessary because you and mandy had a system that obviously worked because you guys are still together and things progressed the point we had a baby so i think that's a little bit probably different but also i guess

yeah now you have to change which means you're kind of going through that process a little bit again well i will say this is not brought on because of the baby it's just made way worse because of him that's what they say right when you have a baby that's like yeah your pros and cons or yeah well i mean it's just that there's consequences now right the consequence before was ah well i just got to wake up early or whatever and do the thing. Now the consequence is, ah, I just can't do that because I have other stuff I'm actually responsible for, regardless of whether I want to or not. But I have hated this about myself for probably a solid four or five years.

I've been in this period where I feel like I'm constantly learning that I'm still lying to myself and constantly upset about it. I think knowing yourself and accepting yourself doesn't mean you have to like everything about yourself. Like, even though I've said I've reached that point where I know and accept who I am, there are still things I hate. Like, I hate my procrastination.

I hate my lack of motivation. And even though we all battle with that, I feel like I don't overcome it. That's where, like, I settle. It's like I find one way to get somewhere and I keep going that, whether it's driving or living whatever it's like this works keep doing it wait this is a better way ah but i've been doing it

this way i'm just going to keep on with my path like with technology and stuff you guys are like wait i can't believe you do this and it's like well it works well i changed now i found a way i'm comfortable and i do hate that about myself but i accept it's who i am and i haven't changed it yet i've not been forced to change it yet. So I could keep just being like, oh, I suck. I hate it. But instead I'm like, just pardon me. It's one of my faults.

What can you do? And that's fine. That's what I want. I hope everyone listening at home isn't all doom and gloom. Like, oh God, me too. I'm that way. I'm unawful. It's like, that is fine.

The expectations that we have are mostly placed because of external factors either comparative to other people or like seeing other people achieve success and we're like i want to do that how do they do that um and and i hope that there is some commonality to it of being like yeah it's it's a bitch for everybody it's all it's tough uh no matter who you are it's gonna be tough i found comfort in that when i started to realize that like everyone out there what had like it was really tough for everybody it kind of even the playing field there's no magic trick there's no that even when i talk about like adhd medications that i take the one that i take i like it because it kind of i feel like it levels

the playing field where i'm i I'm, I'm not Superman. You won't be Superman because you take a medication. Nothing external is going to make, uh, you just like the perfect person that you want to do. At least not now, maybe in the future, a hundred years from now, there's something and that'll, that'll be there. Um, but that's why I like, like, uh, taking a star. So just because it's like, it lasts a long time. It's even instead of other medications that are like big swings here and there, it's something I can like uh taking a star is just because it like it lasts a long time it's even instead of other modifications that are like big swings here and there it's something I can like hold on to all I want is like a firm basis that I can build off of and it's like if I can build off of that

basis then I can improve what what what I'm really capable of and I can address things and the things that I can't then I don't artificially know like it's inflated one way or another. And it's like, okay, I can accept a level playing field and I can use that to my advantage and I can work with it. But at the same time, that's just because I have different goals. It's not like my goals are better goals or worse goals. It's I have different goals for myself and achieving those goals is like important to me. And that's why I like play so much on it. But out there, the, the, there's no meaning to life there's that we can define for everybody you know it's each to their own and their own pursuit of happiness and wait if you're happy with what you have and the way you do things that's fine and it's like nothing no amount of like us making fun of it will change the fact

that you're happy with doing that and you don't have the stress of trying to like keep up all these different things i think i reached a point a long time ago even when i was young dealing with loss and stuff that i realized i was pretty strong i was able to deal with that stuff like losing my dad losing my grandparents like losing so many people and my family had varying degrees of that like my mom always seemed like she was very strongly able to deal with things but some family members seemed like you know a loss changed them dramatically they They never quite were the same. And I tried to allow people to lean on me during those times. Like when my dad died, my grandparents were still alive and they had lost their son. I put it on myself to try to do better in school because I

knew they were happy whenever they saw my report card was good. So it was like, okay, if I do better in school, if I do this, if I behave behave myself if I don't go and do drugs with My friends or you know do this do that as long as I can stay clean and perform Well, maybe that'll make them happy enough and distract them from the loss They've had and I can not replace my dad but be something they can be happy and proud of like I put that on myself And I think it caused a mental toughness that when you guys tease me people like you guys bully way Here's 50 minutes of Mark and bob bullying wade and uno and it's like i don't care like if you guys go over the line i'll say something like i don't give a shit i if it's funny then whatever i'm

willing to be that guy i'll be the alpha i'll be the beta i'll be the punching bag i'll be the puncher i'm happy comfortable fulfilling whatever role and i kind of always have been i feel like that's never bothered me and when it comes to like accepting my fault it's not because i'm like well i'm just lazy shit i'm always gonna be and that's perfectly fine it's more like i just accept that i am and years ago it's like seeing all of your success your growth back in like the slender days and stuff when you like peaked back 2013 to 2015 i was trying hold on whoa whoa hey when you started like really growing i mean like whenever whenever your curve before you got washed up mark before you really fell off whenever your curve went from this growth to like this growth

not when you peaked but like when you really started like majorly going growing fast that's what i'm saying i thought that i you know back when your content was good i thought five nights of freddy's but slender oh god no you might be the king of fnaf that's just being the king of shit yeah you peaked at the you peaked at slender that was the time oh okay back then i tried like i tried the jump on new games like try to get early access post them immediately record like you know the youtube game of like get on it early get on the algorithm the thing everyone used to do way back when and i was so like it worked i was growing i was in like whatever making more money and i had never been more miserable so i got away from like um social blade and whatever the other ones were i got away from looking at analytics i got away

from looking at youtube analytics i stunted my own growth to some extent because i quit playing the youtube game i quit playing like the post on every social media thing like starting on vine so i didn't do all of that stuff and it obviously hurt my career to some extent but i became a lot more comfortable because i realized it fit me i didn't need to push myself i didn't have the drive to push myself and i didn't even really need or want the things that you would get by doing that i was like you know i don't really want the fame mark has i i i like attention but like there's a limit i don't want to go any further with it and your drive to create i just don't really have and i was trying to walk in your shoes and follow what you had done to some extent and like you know sean and everyone else that was making content and it's like i had to find my

own way of doing it and it didn't have the same results but i had never been happier in life than whenever i took my foot off the gas pedal and was just like i'm a lazy shit i'm okay with that about myself because i've reached a point where i'm comfortable enough but i've got the happiness and i'd rather have the happiness than try to push to be someone i'm not i'm envious of like you know your drive to try movies, directing, acting, writing scripts, like all the different things you've done. I think it's really awesome. I wish I wanted those things and could do those things. But I just accept the fact that I'm me. There's nothing wrong with that in my eyes.

People can poke fun or joke about whatever like attributes they want about me. I'm bald. It's like yeah i am that bothered me 10 years ago but now it's like i rock this i think it's like the self-actualization is at its core it's not about what you're doing in the moment it's about who you want to be right i'm making a movie right now not because i'm like i've always wanted to make a movie which is like you know something i've kind of idly wanted to do it but i i am doing

it because it's a natural progression of the goals the other goal that i have which is to i don't know see how far i can go with making content and it's it's just another thing that i've never done before and i'm like i can learn a lot from doing that. So I'm doing it. It's like I had that same thing was like when the end goal was just reaching YouTube peak and you kind of get there, you realize there's no big parade or anything. It's not the end. And you kind of have to keep going after that. And it's kind of this sad realization where you're like oh man was that actually my goal or was there something else there and it's like that's where self-actualization comes in of

learning about yourself and like what you really want and what you really wanted to do um that can refocus you and and kind of put you on a path that you like and it but it also is just like wherever you end up is kind of just like the thing that you're doing it it might not have been videos that i did i mean bob knows because we had a lot of talks when i was um trying to find something to do it could have been like comics art game programming game design there was a bunch of different things that i tried it just so happened that youtube work and i was like okay here's something because my core thing was not that i wanted to make youtube videos it was that i wanted to feel like i was in control of my life that's the thing reaching figure out what your goals are, who you are, what you want to pursue.

It's not necessarily... It's figuring out you versus trying to emulate someone else's path. It's like, that's the path I'm supposed to be on versus, no, this is the path I want to be on. This is like, whatever that path may be. I think when you reach that point is where I started feeling comfortable. Random side note, I'm super extroverted. Are you guys comfortable with silence?

Yes. Like when there's a pause. I love silence. God, Molly and her friends, and a lot of them are. I went to a wedding years ago, and I don't know if I told this story, but we were at a table at the reception, and it was all introverts and me. And all of them were so fine, just sitting there quietly. And me, being an extrovert i was losing my fucking

mind so i just kept trying to start conversation and like they all would like look up and like give a short answer and it was obviously that look of like yeah please stop talking i was fine not talking but then i was like oh god they hate me i talked let me talk more i gotta make it up to them and like the entire time it was like me trying to save face and start a conversation for my own needs but also realizing i totally like ruined everyone else's time they were like this guy won't stop and i was like they won't start i can tell you maybe this is not universal but as as the people who were not you at that table you are everywhere in terms of an archetypal person and i think most people who are more like me and i guess mark is is more on this side you learn

to sort of ignore the person who the like stranger who's trying to talk to you so it is a little bit of an imposition where i wish that that wouldn't happen but it's not like it ruins your day right everyone at that table was it was in their own thoughts and doing whatever and uh and every time you talked they were kind of like huh okay and like went back so it's not like they were mad at you i'm gonna guess i would not be mad at that person feeling for me it's it's they were also just sort of completely disregarding your existence that's kind of how that's like the coping mechanism for that six hours with introverts was honestly like that's

hell for me that would be my hell just a bunch of people that won't give me my attention oh god i go down there it's like hey everyone it's me talk jokes someone laugh laugh at me look at me please and just like scurrying away it's like no no no this is gonna sound like bullying and it's not because it's not directed at you it's it's directed at some people that i went to law school with specifically a A thing that I learned in law school, and I think part of the reason why, and I'm not like an idiot, I don't think I'm as smart as a lot of people in my life have thought that I am, though, or think that I am.

Every time you open your mouth, it's just another opportunity for you to demonstrate to everyone who's listening to you how stupid you are. And it's not directed at you. And I know it feels like it is but in law school there were so many people who i think were in it for reasons kind of like you were describing they wanted to litigate right they wanted to be in the courtroom they wanted to be on the stage presenting their case and arguing in the and those were the people where

in class they would constantly raise their hand and that was those were also the people where in class they would constantly raise their hand and that was those were also the people where they'd constantly raise their hand and the professor had to kind of be like not quite who else has an answer and like talking all the time is not always a bad thing it's a very good social thing but if you're in a professional setting especially or if you're in a setting where it's you know you're you're working on something like school where you're trying to solve a problem answer a question whatever the more you talk the more that you demonstrate whatever gaps in knowledge you might have whatever misunderstandings you might have people always thought in law school people thought that i was like really smart i wasn't i was particularly good at a couple subjects in law school that other people did not enjoy very

much specifically i loved uh secure transactions and securities which lawyers tend to hate uh but i just didn't talk all the time and when i chose to talk it was because i had an answer or something really important to say and this is again not targeted at you wade especially here because we appreciate that you talk a lot because that's the whole point of what we're doing and sometimes mark and i are both just kind of like, I don't know nothing. But in life, you don't always have to talk. No matter how badly you might want to, it might be the best opportunity for you to just stay quiet

and let someone else, because unless you have something really important or really pertinent to say, you might not be adding anything. You might just be making people think, wow, I wish that that idiot would shut their mouth. No's fair and i i think again early on i found that playing the fool i enjoyed people are sometimes surprised whenever they find out i'm actually relatively intelligent because like i come off like a total fucking idiot but i enjoy that i i have more fun being

like the the one people like feel better about themselves after dealing with it's like well maybe seeing how stupid i am they'll feel better about themselves i think they're smarter and better and it's like okay well that's fine a lot of my personality i think was based off of trying to make people in my life feel better when they were going through rough times friends family whatever what have you a lot of them really struggled with dealing with grief or dealing with stress or anxiety and it's like well if they look at me and think i'm an idiot then they'll feel a little bit better about themselves so i'll play that role i'll play the fool i'll be the idiot because one it's fun two it gives me attention and three it has the effect of at least i'm not weighed and

it's like comes off as like a bullying thought but if it makes them feel a little bit better for a moment, then that's a reprieve. That's fine. I don't give a shit if they think I'm an idiot. I know that I can pull off whatever. I was good at every subject I tried to, except for art.

Cannot draw to save my life. But everything else, I was B plus, A minus, A, A plus. Like I was a great student. I had the highest score ever in a class of statistics in college,

which is kind of a random one but my professor emailed me and like begged me to come back because i was just so naturally good at it and i didn't try in school i never had to work that hard i studied a little bit for vocabulary i would learn equations if i had to but i did not try hard in school i was just naturally pretty damn good at it uh i can talk i've got a good charisma like i've got all these talents that are pretty up there but like rather than come off as articulate intelligent all the time it's like boobies and i enjoy being that guy a lot more you hear that everyone at home wade's a super genius his brain is so far above yours you do way worse than he ever did in school. He had a higher statistics score than any other statistician out there,

including Mandy. I'm sure Mandy is ashamed at her performance and statistics compared to yours. Teachers were begging him to take their job as a teacher and a professor in whatever class he was. That's how smart he is. So if you think he's dumb you're the dumb one you're the dumb one the only reason i got that high of a score is i 100 at every test and i did all the extra credit got a wrong answer in his life and statistics one and two is pretty low

level stuff instead they wanted to give him a degree a master's degree phd all of he rejected him because he says i'm just so much better than you that I don't even need your stupid piece of paper to tell me how smart I am. I want it to be a mystery. He's like that guy in that house episode that he had booze in the vents and drank them. Get down to the level of stupid that his wife was

so that he could enjoy a normal life instead of being a super genius. That's the burden that he has to deal with. What a reference. I love that that episode that was so out there that's a good episode as a funny i think was it mcmillan at uc that had like the philosophy department i think uh and they had like a wall of like notable people who were philosophy and he saw his own picture there it was from 1921 he was like wait a minute that's me they had steven colbert a few other people that got like philosophy degrees and i was like i could be on that wall i i do like i have

battled an ego like i i internalize it a lot but there definitely have been times in my life where it's like who are you inferior being i'm like wait you can't think like that well as long as you don't say that loud like i do have those monologues sometimes where it's like you see someone that's just so fucking stupid it's like dear god what went wrong in your genetics i hope you're removed from the gene pool you stupid fool it's like brain sorry it's like no it's kind of funny like you know i have those monologues myself well i'm glad that you said that because you just made me feel way better. I was just going to make a note to what I previously said that it felt really mean that I made it sound like I think all extroverts sound like morons because they talk all the time.

I don't. You don't always sound stupid when you talk. I'm just saying that every time you talk creates an opportunity for you to say something that may or may not be prudent, important, or even correct. And that might affect how people view you. But I don't think you're stupid if you talk a lot it just felt mean and i wanted to clarify that way doesn't give a shit he thinks you're an idiot you're not as good as wade is at anything yeah he knows it he knows and you shouldn't know inferior how do you spell that i n f u i don't think that's right i-F-U. I don't think that's right.

I don't give a shit. I don't think that's right. Of course it is. In-fu. In-fu. You're in-fu to me. You in-fu. You're just in-fu.

Yeah, I gotta close this out here. So I guess any final thoughts on becoming yourselves or just being comfortable? I don't think we gave much advice here. Oh, it wasn't an advice episode we could talk about whatever we want including oh you're right you're right you're right we're just talking this is about us i i final thoughts i i god i hope i become a better person well you're probably you at this point hope you like you no this is gonna sound like a super strange way to describe this um but i've always thought of trying

to change like behaviors and patterns of behaviors. It's the same thing. A lot of people want instant gratification. But I think especially when it comes down to changing like yourself, if you want to change yourself and I believe you can to certain degrees, I feel like there's obviously some base things that you couldn't willpower yourself outside of. But I think of like, if you've ever seen a video that talks about someone's journey through like rehabilitation from a severe brain injury or something like that, where they suddenly lose all the motor control that they have. And it's an extremely long, arduous, painful journey to even get some semblance back. And again, this sounds like a strange thing, but this is because your brain is a meat machine made of nerves. It behaves in very specific ways, but it is adaptable. If you're

trying to change behavior, you cannot expect something to occur overnight, over a week, over a month, even over a year. A year is too small of a timescale to even think about making big changes. I've been doing YouTube and we all have been doing this kind of thing for over 10 years now. We are better at what we do than you. Well, I mean, at this, maybe some of them out there, maybe, but it's just, look, it's, it's a long timescale to do anything. But it's not about getting to the goal. The goal is like, obviously you can have a goal. And if it's like in rehab, it's to get your functionality back. But it's the same with like learning a skill in terms of like, say, skateboarding or any sport. It's like any kind of like technical thing. It takes a very, very,

very long time of consistent, like repeatable effort. And it just so happens that my particular career was making a video every day or multiple videos a day. And this podcast is like doing multiple episodes. We, the, the improv that we did was doing lots of training and then shows and getting better. And we had familiarity. Um, so when it comes down to like self-actualization, learning about yourself is one thing, but you are an evolving creature, even throughout your life, you're the way you approach life. And as you grow up, you'll learn new things and it'll kind of like influence the way you think and things like that it's constantly evolving so you always gotta like check in and then progress so i think like there is no easy answer in this to being who you

want to be if you look up to any of us and are like i want to do that just understand what we are what we are because of the culmination of our journey throughout life and the choices that we've made in the efforts that we put in if you want to do it yourself it does take a lot of effort but you know it doesn't mean it can't be done well said you uncomfortable wade a little bit like if you you want to say some words bob maybe fill in the silence for me so i don't have to just ramble yes that does make me uncomfortable then that's my favorite game uh actually when we're hanging out in person is to get everyone to be it i know everyone to be as quiet as possible and look at wade because it creates a feeling in him that everyone's expecting him to entertain the

entire group it makes you so deeply uncomfortable it's very fun it takes like five seconds of everyone looking at wade and quiet for him to get so uncomfortable it's it fun it takes like five seconds of everyone looking at wade and quiet for him to get so uncomfortable it's it's it's always funny i'm sorry buddy but then you get to entertain the whole group everybody gives you the stage and then you take the spotlight bud everyone's looking at you yeah but it's different whenever people are like you can tell when someone's an active listener versus just like tolerating your existence and you guys give that like the same feeling i had at that stupid reception where it was just like tolerating your existence and you guys give that like the same feeling i had at that stupid reception where it was just like great wade's talking i guess at least i don't

have to talk for a minute let me not really pay attention though oh wait what's he saying he's looking at me i wish this software that we're using would tell you specifically when we're looking at your camera and you just put just put two big eye icons like you are being watched well we could get that um software that makes it look like you're always looking at the camera even when you're not oh toby you know the toby eye tracker toby toby final final verdict yeah i'm not self-actualized. Wade is. Mark, maybe. Well, actualized, I don't know. Again, I might be misusing that term, but I am comfortable in my skin.

I feel like I understand myself and know myself. What do you think, Mark? Yes or no? No. Still working on things. Life is a journey of self-discovery. You won't know yourself until you're dead. Well, as expected, I know more and I am better than my co-host,

so I guess at least we know that. He is the genius. Some things are consistent. The secret secret the one you don't expect the one you think's an idiot that secretly has the knife in your back it's been me the whole time why would you have a knife why are you killing people just don't worry about it you'll find out later well thank you boys i eeny, meeny, miny, moe. I'm laughing because I know it's not going to be any more complicated than that. That's the joke behind the truth. No, no, he's got points. There's numbers involved, probably.

Yeah, okay, all right. It's a system, it's a system. I'm going to give this win to Bob because I feel like maybe the win to Bob will allow him to catch up to us on his path to self-actualization. May you use this win as a stepping stone to catch up to where Mark and my brains happen to be. And I hope that that doesn't come off as an insult, Bob. I'm talking about my friends in law school.

Oh, no. How could that? How could that come across as an insult? It really was about friends in law school. Oh, no. How could that? How could that come across as an insult? It really was about people in law school, I gotta say. I can't reiterate that enough. In all honesty, I jumped in front. I took the bazooka to the chest because it was me. It's okay.

They're idiots. I'm allowed to make fun of them. I can't believe they got law degrees. Unbelievable. My institution should be ashamed of itself. Maybe they're representing you now. Be careful they're not i choose who represents me that wasn't you that was at the oh listeners yeah what is the prophetic you the the not prophetic you the pathetic you go ahead with your winner speech bob you Bob. You win. Ah, well, this feels somehow less like a victory

and more like a pitiation. Pity. It is. Yeah, Mark totally deserved the win. Yeah, well, it did feel like Mark deserved the win, but, you know, numbers are numbers. I'm going to take the stat padding, easy dub, and, yeah, who cares if I don't like who I am?

I won. So take that, idiots i helped i feel like i helped even though mark was the clear winner like 80 20 i still feel like i helped you if i was a clear winner you could just make me the winner i sure could thanks for pointing that out buddy you couldn't even do it right now if he so chose but he's not going to take it away oh god. Oh, God, I can strip it away and give it to the deserving winner. In fact, the entire subreddit would probably be happy if I did. However, fuck you all. Mark, loser speech.

Thanks a lot of money, but little do they know, I just learned about manifestation. Now I'm going to get so much money. Maybe you should have manifested the win a little harder. I'm going to manifest the win right now i'm winning i am the winner i'm pretty sure the winner pretty sure manifestation is like birthday wishes if you say it out loud it doesn't come true yeah just keep trying maybe it'll change by the time the next episode maybe maybe maybe it only affects things in the future it can't affect things in the past you can't

change the past but you can't change the future i'm gonna manifest the future well technically the future is now and the past is also now anyway thank you all for joining i hope you enjoyed my very fair decision there at the end. Don't emulate us. Be yourself. Figure out who yourself is. And, uh... Inferior. I had to squeeze one more of those in.

Anyway, hope you all enjoyed. If you haven't already, go follow my co-hosts. You can find Bob, the winner, at MySkirm. That's M-U-Y-S-K-E-R-M. Because he never spells it out for you so I will you can find Mark at Markiplier if you can't spell that just type M-A and Google will auto finish it for you

he's kind of a big deal I'm Wade, Minion777 or LordMinion777 doesn't really matter if you haven't already check out the merch we have merch at store.distractablepodcast.com maybe hopefully if not then

whoops I tried see you all in the next one where Bob the winner will probably host unless Mark manifests a win in between we'll find out until then podcast out I thought you were doing a Top Gear style like in the next episode Bob gets a colonoscopy

Mark does a kick off a bridge! Next time on Dragon Ball Z, Mark uses the Kamehameha on Bob, who combats with a final flash. Who will defeat... No, that's not what I was talking about. We'll end the episode by making Wade's head explode.

Fuck you.