Distractible - Self Diagnosis, Best Diagnosis

Episode Date: November 24, 2023

Dr. Markiplier completely legitimately and credibly screens Bob and Wade for ADHD. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode is show and tell for desk detritus as the gents discern their ADHD. Meritorious Mark provides mirthful medical mendacity. Scissor-wielding Wade rakes in the points much to his chagrin

Big Boy Bob binges on caffeine and could benefit from some structure From stained boob rests to the void-cum-test Yes! It's time for Self-Diagnosis, Best Diagnosis Now sit back and prepare to be distracted. And enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to Distractible. I am the host of today's episode.

And we are here today joined by Bob and Wade. Did you start it while i was on the phone all right it's time to go man i'm late there's no time for phone calls right now what kind of sadistic bastard's idea was this yes yeah yeah we don't have any time for this and we don't even have time for well we have time for small talk how are you guys doing great thanks uh pretty good wait no i have a thing bonus point for smallest talk let the world know wade has the smallest talk of anyone out there it's so small tiny tiny talk bob uh i know you got a big cumbersome talk in you so So let's get that out in the open.

Oh, don't come swinging your talk around. All right. So look, when you have a baby, lots of pictures just randomly appear on your phone. But Mandy had this picture randomly appear. And we're pretty sure it's like a demon or a ghost or something. It's like blackness. But then there's like a little. Yeah.

It looks almost like eyes in the dark anyway it's probably a baby's face or mouth or something but it's uh it's a creepy picture guys i believe that it is i i had small talk ready to go we do small talk i had i contributed to small talk yeah well it was it was a pretty small talk but you know i'd say that that definitely sits in the average so congratulations well i came prepared like i always do with some conversational topics with which to get the discussion flowing. You know, we always start fairly early. We're not warmed up.

We don't know how to be friends. We don't know how to talk like humans. Hey, you guys. Do either of you guys ever feel like you're a mess in a crisis? Yeah, a mess in a crisis. Is mess in a crisis is this still small talk yeah it's small no but this might be one of those i'm overconfident type deals but no i'm gonna say no it's rare the question was ever and like once in like a blue moon sure okay yeah no it's just like are you generally generally oh generally it's very different question no not generally but every

now and then all right well it's Well, you already got your answers in. I'm logging them in. We're moving on to the next one. I'm in a crisis right now! You don't seem to be doing very well. All right. Wow. Do you feel like you're living up to your potential?

Usually, yeah. No. This is it. This is as good as it gets. No, no. No? No? Okay.

All right. I passed it years ago. Do you guys finish your projects on time? No. Hey, there was no deadline guys finish your projects on time? No. Hey, there was no deadline for the foam on the wall project, so you don't have to worry about that. Yeah, who sets this, you know? I know we give you a hard time about it, but there was no deadline to miss, so you're good. Are we taking like a Vanity Fair quiz? Like, what is this?

Is your desktop or work surface visible? Can you see your desktop? Yes. Yeah. Both. My computer's desktop and my desktop. I don't have, I turn icons off on my computer. So my computer desktop is pristine.

Yeah, I don't like icons either. I just don't have many. In case of those random holes that I didn't make, it's like, what used to be there and why is it gone? All right. Then have either of you said no more coffee for me it's after 4 p.m i say that at any time of day never ever i mean not coffee i'll substitute energy drinks for coffee i'll have an energy drink at 11 o'clock at night and go to

bed by one no problem i don't even do that i'm such a good healthy person do either of you have a clean and tidy closet yes no i can't even get into my closet not it's not like a sign i'm such a good healthy person do either of you have a clean and tidy closet yes no i can't even get into my closet it's not like a sign i'm glad you're asking about the floor because everything else looks good wait what about the floor of the closet well closet floor is good i just mean the listen office floor maybe is a little bit covered in pieces you know and i might have a few of these lying around oh you can't see your desktop can you what do you mean i can't see you know how big this desk oh my eye i have things on my desk but i can see it like i have this and all right let's say is your work desktop clean and tidy

not just can you see a patch of of actual surface yes there's just one pile of strips. I would say mine is still clean and tidy. Like, these are all things I need on a regular basis. I need this, I've got the remotes I use, I've got a drink I'm currently drinking. I think I'm gonna reach my hand to my left, and I'm gonna close my fist around something, and I'll show

you what a cluttered desk I think qualifies as. It's like a claw game is that a bag of meat bag of food stadia controller bonnet what is that i think it's just like a dish rag uh so it's a it's a old oh it's salami that i had decided not to slice i was just chomping into it that i had forgotten about oh gross there's an empty bag of uh goldfish the stadia controller which i love and a dish towel that's still pristinely folded it's actually still folded yeah nice beautiful i mean i have some random crap on my desk but like it's somewhat organized and not terrible shall i go back into the claw

game of my desk yeah what else can you grab what else can we get uh yeah a new episode what's on mark's desk i'm going to say a pine box it's an empty uh protein bar wrapper an hdmi cable and a computer repair kit oh i have a computer repair kit it's sitting open behind me under my tv where it's been for literally months now yeah and what fell is the sex alarm cable so as you can see it's like mostly stuff that pertains to what i do but it's it's kind of in a pile that's all like desk stuff yeah yeah it's just in a pile well some people keep lotion and tissues by their desk but me i keep scissors and tissues by my desk oh no i like to play the most dangerous games oh all right uh well we won't get into that i do need shelf space

that's what i need because there's a lot of like space in this room if i was more efficient about it but i just have never actually gone through the trouble. So congratulations, you guys have passed the pre-screening for the self-diagnosis of do you have ADHD? Passed as in have it or passed as in don't have it? Might, we don't know. It's indeterminate. I don't care what any quack doctor- We passed the test that tells us that we could or could not

know the screening we're eligible for the test now okay got it yeah if you had to if you had to like know where the points stand wade you are four points of maybe have adhd and bob you're six points of maybe have all right but we can't determine so i'm throwing those points out. So we're going. Okay. I feel like I already win this one, but that's fine. Bob, you get an achievement, but it's not going to help you win. The achievement is already having the thing we're testing for. You've got a gold trophy, but you're working toward platinum. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Right. Yeah. Platinum is hard. Yeah. Well, that's what this podcast is all about. We do the hard things that other people don't want to do it. I don't like to finish things like that. I'm good. No, no, no, no. what this podcast is all about. We do the hard things that other people don't want to do it. I don't like to finish things like that. I'm good.

No, no, no, no. Listen, I don't care. The medical community is run by quacks. Degrees don't mean anything, as we all know, and stand by those words. As host, I say you guys believe in my truth. Yeah, level us out, Mark. It's a pun. Hey, I have that level.

Is this just pull random shit on our desk you started it i'm kind of out of things though i got the dji mic case hey me too oh it's not on my desk it's down there but i have that i have some of these command strips meant for hangers i've got an entire keyboard here oh there's my air conditioning remote it was hot in here i've got usb a to usb b cable here's one of the hangers. Bowl of screws. Bowl of screws. Dude, classic.

Is that a sushi soy sauce bowl of screws? Yeah. Cough drops. It's actually a very useful container for small things like that, so. I have a notebook that I only write nonsense in. Microphone cover that was too small for my microphone. Pulse oximeter for when I get paranoid that my blood my blood oxygenation might be low right now at this moment oh we have one of those too for that exact same reason

cell phone i got way beat i get points look i got cell phone but then also cell phone cool lightning xbox controller i have microphone that very expensive very nice microphone that I've bastardized a not fitting foam cover onto. That looks awful. It doesn't cover plosives at all. It's actually quite terrible as a pop filter. And I've always meant to get another one because they actually make a pop filter for this specific microphone, but I haven't bought it. And then I'm using the other microphone because why not? I have a very expensive item.

Oh. the other microphone because why not? I have a very expensive item. Oh, this is a work louder hotkey keyboard thing that I intend to set up to have like hotkeys for stuff. Clearly it's set up and I use it all the time. I have this. Oh,

I have, Oh no, I took them into the other room. Oh, mine's floppier. Oh, but I have this. Ignore the stains.

Damn it. Mark wins. Keep the stains. All right. Well, I i think that's the game i think we lose why is that so crunchy mark huh for listeners who aren't watching mark is holding up a is that lady dimitrescu lady dominic lady dominate mark uh mouse pad her boobs are the wrist rest yeah that's it's one of those don't you have one where your tits are the wrist rest i don't have one but it exists i think ethan has that actually maybe it's the stains are coffee sure oh yeah that white mocha latte and you just happen to

spray coffee all over her face so did you guys see the big one that amy got me amy got me a bigger one yeah i think you've showed it so amy got me that and i brought it into the corridor office when i was there just because i really really really wanted people to question the kind of person that i was but it's so big that it doesn't even really fit on the desk and i just brought it in and went because it weighs like 15 pounds like the the wrist rest for the boobs are about the size of my head each so it's it's ridiculously huge i hope you get like a carrying case a fancy carrying case you take it with you like on all projects and you like open up the case be like oh you have a like a workstation you're like yeah it's only that i can't create without it uh this it's cracked because i i was i had this in my backpack i would actually take

it everywhere really questionable when i go into like a business meeting and i pull out my laptop and then this comes out that flops out all crusty and cracked yeah uh and so at tsa sometimes also they have some questions so But it's good. It's very comfortable. Sir, no liquids over. Wait, sir, what is this? It's gel. Don't worry.

It's gel. I think we may have all just proved that we all have ADD together. We don't know that. We don't know that because we haven't taken this official test. This test is from the geniuses at totally ad a add.com the most informative and entertaining source around that's where i like to get my medical advice it's gotta be informative and entertaining exactly exactly boring doctors put me to sleep totally add has transformed how the world views this disorder using video humor humanity and accurate information

from top doctors and researchers and without sponsorship from big pharma like a staris a new medicine i don't think that company ever will uh talk to me after I've kind of dubbed their medication as ass pills. And my fan base will never not know them as ass pills. I apologize in advance of that to Big Pharma. I get a lot of ass pill ads now, I gotta be honest. That's good. I apologize. They don't go up your ass. I don't even think they work that way.

Wink. They don't. We all know. Definitely don't we all know definitely don't anyway this website can i early disclaimer everything we're saying here is not period don't trust us and what we say and and definitely don't trust what i'm about to say next what's happening this feels like one of those moments where it feels really sad that i think we should say not medical advice so on so on but also it's not it's not mark was right it's not so don't and also stop if it's got a slash uh s on everything that i'm saying you know

there needs to be like certain fonts for things for convey things you would say. How do you say something in slash S? Not say something sarcastically. Everything's in Comic Sans. You get a t-shirt that has slash S printed on it ahead of time. How do you say something in Comic Sans? Can we do that? Can we get shirts that we were like, I need to be sarcastic.

We just ripped down and the slash S is revealed. It's a shirt with a velcro bib up top and then you're like uh i used to have a pumba shirt where you open his mouth and it was like if his bugs he'd eaten but it's like that with the slash s uh-huh that's good that's good we'll get right on that one the merch happens all right we're copywriting that if anyone actually goes and makes a shirt after they hear about this we will sue you and we will sue you out of existence. Try us. I think Disney already has Pumbaa. No, not that one. Oh, yes.

Got it. Yeah. We are very slash SRS about this. Serious. Serious. Only got small amounts of time but want big amounts of flavor? Knorr has got you.

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During this test, you will be asked to keep your own score. Oh, okay, so keep score. Does that sound like too much work? Does that sound like too much work? Yeah, well, yeah, kinda, I thought you would do that. You're the host. i'm trying to figure out how i'm gonna do it i can use my notebook i showed you earlier like in general no but because you're supposed to do it because you're the host yes so what does that mean this is part of the test is like i i gave you a point because you thought it was too much work but you're gonna keep track of your own points. I'm going to keep track of points as well. And then literally matching up how the points align from the beginning to the end of the episode

will award some points if there's a discrepancy, but if it's a discrepancy in the wrong way. Okay. So yes, as a point, no, is not a point. How this works. It'll say per question, if you miss what I just said. And so you plan to give yourself a point for every question, because you think there's a prize for the highest points, the points don't matter. Give yourself a point. Got it. What if I didn't get a fucking word you just said?

You know what? Zero point. I'm winning. Okay, well, that's great. Everyone is clear on the rules and everyone clear on how the results are going to come through. At the end of this, it will be super, super, super unofficial. Dude, I'm unofficially ready.

Yeah, absolutely. You should be. Slash RS. Slash SRS. By the way, Wade, the follow-up to the last thing was, if you're going to give yourself zero points just because you're not the boss of me, you get a point. Oh.

Technically, because you're the... Okay. I'll add one, I guess. Yeah, Bob, that applies to you, too. So whatever you think in that. Yeah, no, I'm following along. Okay. All right.

So that's not a point for you. I'm paying A to you. Don't worry. All right. So everyone's clear on the point system so far? Yeah, I'm, yep. So I'm actually super curious where we stand right now at the very beginning here with that spree.

I have right now in the new, I counted the previous points and then i i carried it over from here i have waited three points and bob you at two points what do you guys have for yourself right now wait what i wrote down two points that's all i wrote down for me so far i've got one zero one i gave myself one point you got one point okay what about the boss of me one and then the if you didn't hear the instruction then the instructions didn't hear you. No, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Wade, you basically, you ticked every box for every question so far for pointless.

Bob, uh, what was the last question? I forget. So the, you're not the boss of me one. I didn't get a point for it. Cause I did. I listened to the instructions and during the instructions, there was a moment where you were like something, something, something, and now give yourself a point. And I gave myself that point. So far I'm adhd or i'm just defiant and lazy i don't know

if i trust that you're going to be any more correct than i am on this i don't know if i am either well thank god this is officially unofficial it's very official uh you can track your score with a pen and paper so you're already starting that unless wade you're not no i'm using word pad i'm using a pen and paper all right give way to a point i get a point for not having pen and paper what the it's bob's big boy points is that a penis oh yeah maybe that was already there someone else drew that this book came pre-peened i didn't do that some of these pay like a kid got a hold of this or something some of these pages just have stuff on some pages are stuck together it's weird see i got wade small boy points you just typed that i had to officially type it before it's at the top how can i possibly type that after uh-huh he's right he's not i don't know whether to give him a point

but i gave him a point and bob you followed instructions is this one of the questions what kind of quiz is this so i get another point uh no you actually don't get another point because you were keeping track with a pen and paper all right am i are you thinking that i'm taking too long uh yeah we gotta fucking hurry not yet i i do feel like we're circling back a lot but like that way do you get a point bob you know i don't like points anymore i tried to hedge on that one i i'm just gonna be like wade and say whatever ridiculous thing comes to my brain first that's good that's good that's good okay give yourself a point for each time you lose track of what i'm saying it's like three so far from here on out from here on out oh but you have to say out loud that you've lost track okay

so i can keep track of you losing track. Can we judge Wade by his facial expression if he's losing track or not? Okay, all right. Anytime I see one of you guys go, oh, or, oh, I'm going to count that as you're losing track, okay? Oh, no. So we can just earn points by making faces. Got it. No, it has to be in response to something I said, all right?

Okay. All right, okay. Here we go. Are it has to be in response to something I said. Alright? Okay. Alright. Okay. Here we go. Are you guys ready? The test is about to start. What is weepin does? Are you losing track? No, I'm just upset. I think Wade lost track. I think he did. I'm giving a point. I did. I'm gonna

give Wade a point for losing track. This is definitely a golf style score here i think lowest win i'm still at one on my score sheet so i'm either kicking ass or awful at this i can't tell god why is it whenever mark hosting involves questions like the friendship test or this i look like the biggest asshole i don't know maybe you are just like the test results are what they are fuck all right whatever go on pretend it's school, Mr. Genius Philosophy Man. Okay, here we go.

Are you ready? If you tend to interrupt people, give yourself a point. Do you tend to interrupt people? I try not to, but I probably do. Yeah, I feel like I don't think I do, but I might more than I think I do. I certainly want to, but I catch myself a lot being like, let them finish. Does it also count if you catch yourself mid-interrupt and you're like, sorry, go ahead? No, no, no. I think that you would have to be ignorant of it. So I think you don't get a point, Wade, and Bob does get a point. All right. So if you don't interrupt people

but get very enthused about things you're thinking of and you just have to tell everyone and you blurt it out, if you don't blurt it out now You're just going to forget it. That's interrupting. Do you do that? No, I mean, I'm a content creator So kind of all right, so Wade give yourself two points one for interrupting and one for poor self-assessment on the last question I'm gonna set a new fucking point record He's lost track he lost track where did that wait what he's lost track he lost track where did it come from

he lost track that's another point I DID IT WE NEVER MENTIONED SELF ASSESSMENT that sounds like an exclamation of interruption the question itself

was for you to self assess if you interrupt people that was the assessment how many points uh two I won't count that as like a losing track I won't count that as like a losing track. I won't count it. You just get the two for that

poor self-assessment. Try to be more attentive because if most adults with ADHD are not good at self-assessment, unless you think you are good at self-assessment. Oh, I'm very good at that. Give yourself two points. Because people who rate themselves for highly for self-assessment are

actually the worst at self-assessment, which is why they assess their self-assessment skills so high. The result of the points. I didn't realize we were doing exercise in the, what is it, tautologies. I swear to God, you guys got together and wrote this thing just to piss me off. Dude, I wish I was in on this. That would be so funny. Can you imagine?

I'm just actually not as ADD as I thought, I guess. I don't know. When does this come out? Is this April Fool's episode? No, this is actually the Thanksgiving episode. I don't know if we discussed that ahead of time. Oh. This comes out the Friday after Thanksgiving.

So, you know, you're welcome or thank you or whatever. I don't know. Oh, man. Okay. All right. Enough tricks. There's no more tricks. Don't overthink it. It's not about that. you know you're welcome or thank you or whatever i don't know oh man okay all right enough tricks is no more tricks don't overthink it it's not about that do you guys cut the tags off of all your clothes because they drive you nuts they do they do drive me nuts like this shirt specifically the tag is awful but i never i've never cut them off actually like the normal leave on tags are

like size and like washing no i leave those on leave those on okay no points for either of you that's a good idea though because literally i was just thinking like this is this one is so itchy this shirt in particular particular in particular do you guys when you find socks or underwear that don't bother you do you buy like a huge supply i don't think i've bought myself socks or underwear ever in my life yeah not like an outrageous supply but yes if i find a okay a specific like brand model whatever i like i buy i buy fully stock on that yeah literally always been gifted never bought i don't think of a single time i bought either one of those you're a grown-ass man you've never bought yourself a pair of underwear or socks because you were like man all my socks have socks have holes in them. I hate giving and getting gifts.

So my family's always like, we're going to get you something. It's like, I guess get me socks and underwear. So they do. So I've never had to buy any. All right. Well,

point for Bob. Cause he bought some, uh, you bought underwear, but ADHD can also be about sensory and emotional regulation. You know, I lost track. What the fuck you just said?

Good, good honesty, buddy know. I lost track. What the fuck you just said. Put a point on there. Good, good honesty, buddy. You called yourself out. Good self-assessment. I was like, that's very deep, but I'm not awake enough for this shit. Whatever you just said. It is noon.

When I said emotional regulation, if you went, what, what, give yourself a point. I did. God damn it. Another point. Fuck you. That's literally damn it. Another point. Fuck you. That's literally what it says right there.

This is the dumbest shit. Slash SR Liz Lee. Mark, if you're making this up on the fly, you are a genius and I love it. I'm not, man. This is the best test ever. The last goddamn things that mention my fucking name. I just I'm waiting for it. If you've now started swearing a lot more than you were previously, two points. I won't swear anymore.

If you've ever been worth several million dollars and now live with your mom, give yourself two points. That's the easiest zero points in my life. Well, have you ever thought about robbing a bank rather than waiting three minutes for the old lady in front of you? That's the only reason that I get a point if I thought about robbing a bank. Waiting for her to do what? You're robbing her? She's slow at the ATM or something. Yeah, slow. Is that kind of losing track? Just don't understand the question? No, no, I don't think though. That's asking for clarification. My answer to that question in that formulation is no.

Okay, I think we've all daydreamed about like, oh, I could be bankrupt. I don't think I've ever seriously considered it. I've definitely thought about robbing a bank and or other types of crimes just like as a fun like. Yeah, just like you walk in, you're like, oh, there's the cameras. I wonder how would I do this? Okay, but not pertaining to impatience. But not because I was impatient, just because I was like, oh, how hard could that be? I bet I could do that.

I could totally do that. Well, I think that's a perfectly normal thought that i could totally do that you well it's i think that's a perfectly normal thought that everyone thinks out there and you're not weird for it thank you if you can buy a week's worth of food at the grocery store in seven minutes give yourself a point uh they only ever deliver one meal at a time when i order it that's not from the grocery store bud oh that archaic thing i just said molly to that i think wade lost track of what you're talking about no no no funny it was a funny no come on it was a funny no no no i don't go to the grocery store i make molly go

seven minutes is not as much time as you as it seems like it is that you can even check out in seven minutes it's such a long wait all the time yeah i don't even think i could do that i was just thinking like if i bought if i just was going to eat sandwiches for three meals a day for a whole week could i go and get like bread and mayonnaise and meat and cheese within seven minutes i don't think i could and that's not even what i would eat for a whole i wouldn't want to eat sandwiches every meal for every meal for seven days i'm assuming that's buying groceries for every meal that's yeah you'd need like a couple loaves of bread minimum like it'd be a lot of even if it's just one meal you know 14 or 21 times or whatever that's a lot of meals unless you're on carnivore and you just go to the meat section you go one of those stick your arms out

into the cart you buy six 10 pound beef chuck roasts and you're like well that's all i eat don't even cook them i gotta gotta say, I got zero points three times in a row and I'm on my longest streak. Well, I got one for losing the plot. You had two zeros and one for being confused. Alright, that's another point. You gotta listen with your ears.

You gotta listen, Wade. And your heart. What is that sound? I don't like that. That's my brain melting from frustration. Let's continue, shall we? Alright, if you pace while you're on the phone, give yourself a point.

Yeah, I definitely do that. If you get up and pace during meetings, give yourself a point. I don't know the last time I've been in a meeting, but I generally don't do that. That'd be weird in person. I actually do that. I do that sometimes.

Yeah, no, you say that's weird, but Mark totally. I just had that thought. I was like, yeah, Mark does that. Whenever we have any business stuff where we're like talking about planning or whatever, Mark is always the first one to like stand up and be like, hmm. When have we ever had a meeting in person? God, I'm not losing track. I just don't have a good memory. When we're like together, like for the tour or for when we were in LA in October for this

show. It was like watching James Bond for the tour. He had like eight watches. He was taking apart and putting together. There was no pacing. That's part of it. But it was two. It was two watch bands on an Apple watch.

He was switching back and forth. Yeah, absolutely. He opened a briefcase of watches and was just like, look, it was distracting, but it wasn't that bad. All right. Do you guys want to give yourself a point right now for getting way off topic no i mean that's yeah that sounds pretty fair i mean all right but do it anyway so if you walked and paced during a wedding give yourself a point like during the ceremony during any part of a wedding i mean

when i got married i don't look you walked all the way down the aisle. No, the groom doesn't even do that. That's not true. Well, you have to get there eventually. If it was your wedding, give yourself two points. I didn't get points for that one. I don't do that. I don't think so either. Wait, you didn't pace even a little bit at your own wedding? You didn't

pace just a little nervous pacing? No, I don't think so. I was much more nervous at the proposal than I was the wedding. Alright fair enough if you would drive 300 miles out of your way to avoid traffic give yourself two points three what never that's not i mean that's not how i would assess that i guess is the thing it depends on the traffic right if it's in a if driving 300 miles longer distance saves me time because there's like six hours of traffic ahead of me. Then, yeah.

But I would assess the time difference. Yeah. It's how much I need to be there. Yeah. If the road got blown up by a meteor and I either had to sit there and wait for the road to be repaired or drive 300 miles, I would drive the 300 miles. But like, I would say no, generally, because that's. If you have to drive 300 miles, this isn't a casual trip.

You have to be there. Yeah. This is. Yeah. This is like a big thing. Okay. Do you feel like small talk is boring? No.

Sometimes. I would say I'm pretty in the middle on this one. Well, Wade, we have video evidence this episode that you had the smallest talk. You told me to. He didn't actually say it had to be that small. You just jumped on board with i was just buying into the episode oh okay all right okay i'll give you a pass on that one no points for that do i get a point for that mark if i'm kind of in the middle uh nah i think you enjoy

small talk we all we all enjoy small talk small talk's a part of this show so i think we can't really do that it's also different to have small talk like outside of a production when you're just like talking to someone that you've just met or something. I'm the king of small talk in that instance. All right, cool. Do you feel the same way about foreplay? Always fun. Yeah, it's always good.

All right. Okay. No points. I don't know if I like those answers. What about you, Mark? Huh? Nah. I don't believe in it.

Oh, well, that's sad for someone uh if you're still listening but you put a cat video on in the background wade no cats shakira shakira substitute shakira she is not a cat i checked is shakira playing in the background not right now okay good bob anything no i have google open in a window but it's like ready to rip that was a that was a six point landmine oh no you guys avoided it by that much i didn't do it now either i know it's a bit i know it's a bit i know it's a bit but also do you actually do either of you actually do that when we're recording this oh oh yeah i have done it twice because i i'm not gonna say that i don't have

like i've got fidgety things right i'm constantly off below the camera i'm like but i never would put like a video or something on that'd be too distracting i actually wouldn't listen to our conversation if i did that i've literally opened power wash simulator during an episode and cleaned an entire house oh my god do you remember which one it was? Cause I'd be really curious. I don't remember. I would be able to tell if I saw which one it was. Cause it would be like, you'd see my eyes going. New challenge out there.

Watchers and listeners. Viewers. Let us know which episode is Mark power washing in. Please come back and let us know on the subreddit they're gonna they're gonna find like 15 episodes of the like that i possibly could have been because the other thing i do sometimes is i'll open up i'll go like lens shopping or i'll go like camera stuff shopping or hard drives or i'll like go on uh uh read reviews of tech stuff i feel bad when i respond to a text you monster yeah well shut up listen wait this this

does change my opinion of mark in in some way or another but can i say that it doesn't reflect very well on you that it still feels like mark is more engaged with you sometimes in conversation sometimes what you guys talk about is just so boring to me because i don't care like the technology stuff i'm just like even if you guys were talking about lens flares and whatever else they do i'm just like i'm gonna have to ask what the fuck that means like 10 minutes anyway so why bother buying in listen we don't all like everything that the other two of us like but that includes you bud mr philosophy man oh you've never talked about a boring thing in your life god no, no. I'm so engaging. All right.

Let's get into the questions, though. We started to get away from it. Agreed. Bob's getting dangerously close to a point here. Yeah. All right. Are you always busy doing and never finish what matters? Is this related to the foreplay?

No. Well, it could be. I don't know. No, I finish. I don't know. Project stuff stuff i don't always finish like games i don't always finish but i do stay fucking busy as shit i would say yes on this for me point for both of you that's what it feels like i do i do finish things sometimes but it feels like i'd never quite finish yes amesies have you purchased more than five books on organization. Zero books. Maybe one or two ever.

Okay, zero. No points for either. That's good. That's good. Five books on procrastination. Nah. None books. Have you ever bought a book and never read it?

Yeah. Yeah. How many points? Is it one per book or? No, no, no. If we were doing that, I'd have so many points. I know. Dude, I bought a book once like years ago, like five or six years ago, and I read it

a couple months ago. I like found it again and was like, oh, I'm glad I bought this, and finally actually read the whole thing. I was so proud of myself. Oh, I'm happy for you. I do it for Warhammer books, but that's because I'm waiting for the next one. If you keep missing some of what I'm saying, give yourself a point or turn up the volume. I'm not turning up the volume,

so I guess I'll take a point. I guess you are. Sure. Are you interested in what I'm saying, but kind of yawning? Yeah, but that's because I have a baby. I'm just going to give a general no and not explain. He didn't sleep last night

and I woke up at seven with him this morning, so I'm just tired. Well, okay. The next question is, uh, are you fading and tired? Give yourself two points. Oh, two. I don't think. You're good, Wade. Thank you. That's not like an ADD thing. That's a, that's a no

sleep thing. Maybe you should have thought about that before you had a kid, Bob. You didn't plan for this quiz accordingly. Okay, uh, so if you're already sound asleep, uh, it's three points. Bob, your head's down. You look asleep. I'm writing.

I'm writing my big boy points. All right. Okay. By the way, while you're sleeping, that person, someone is using your phone to send rude messages to your loved ones. I feel like you should give yourself a point, Mark, for being confused reading that. Both of my phones are right here, so I know that's not happening. All right.

If you think that's really funny and you want to do that to someone else, give yourself a point. I won't. But do you want to? I feel like you would do that. See, the thing about pranks is that someone is going to pull one back on you and that's when it's not fun. So therefore, I don't do the prank to begin with because I don't want to start that war.

That is true. I hate instigating prank wars. No interest in prank wars. All right. Okay. Does your microwave often contain forgotten coffee snacks or meals that you're re-hitting and forgot no man i do this all the time really but then aren't you just hungry or whatever he's got salami on his desk bob he probably has meals stashed everywhere it's

uh yeah actually under his pillow there's not a tooth for the tooth fairy there's a cheese and for later you guys wondering why i get intestinal blockages all right uh do you have more than three coffees a day zero i have a lot of caffeine a day i would say yes yeah that's a point for you but caffeine like sodas count uh no i don't think so it has to be like specific because a lot of sodas have caffeine even then it's like probably one to two i have over 500 milligrams of caffeine a day most days, which is like way more than just a few coffees, I think. Yeah, I think you got to give yourself a point for that. Do either of you have three or more relationships going on at the same time?

Like, no. Dating relationships or marriage? No. One. No. I've got like a mom, two brothers, like those kinds. I do know more than three people. That's true.

If you guys count as one each, then I'm bloated. But if you're talking romantic relationships, no, I don't. And just for clarity, Wade, you're not in a relationship with any family members. No. Because that would explain why you have to buy a condom for your mom. If we're talking about romantic

and or sexual relationships, I'm in one total. Okay, good. Good. Good. This is good is good no points if you were like this your whole life give yourself three points like this vibe in general it just says if you were like this your whole life i definitely am a lot more outgoing and confident than i was when i was younger so no in terms of the habits that you are questioning us about i guess i would say i've been like this my whole life. I guess.

I'm not. No, the answer is no for me. You're just trying to dodge some points. You liar. No, I was a committed, hardworking student and stuff. Now I'm a lazy piece of shit. So you've changed. Yeah.

I don't. It doesn't say any points to it. It just says, were you like this? Well, I wasn't. So none for me. Eat my ass. Are you writing that down? Just like, eat my ass uh eat my ass are you writing that down just like eat my ass eat my ass i am now all right i'm going to say some phrases and you are i'm going to judge your reactions to it i want you to like i'm going to say a phrase whatever comes

natural and i'll give points as the reactions flow and i'll tell you after what i determined okay you ready yes staff meetings boring boring someone else's long story depends what it's about yeah i'm here like if it's bob telling like his like russian bathhouse story or something god yes please give me more if it's someone like droning on no okay all right facebook postings with more than two sentences. I don't read Facebook postings anymore. No, not necessarily. A budget. Okay. Not gonna lie, I've already lost track of what the hell it is.

Regular routine jobs. They get to be boring. They can be fun at first, but after a while they do get to be kind of like... I feel like I would benefit from a little structure sometimes. Me too. Me too. I had one for a few years. It did get boring.

All right. Okay. All right. Really scary movie. Pass. Fun. I don't actually know how to rank that. Good.

I enjoy them. Walking slowly with a group of people. Do I get a point for the scary movie or? I don't know. I think no point. And then I gave a point to Bob. Really? Walking slowly with a group of people.

Sure. If we're talking, having fun, it's fine, but if we're just walking slow out of existence, it annoys me. Okay, so point for Wade. All right. I only have a list of zeros and ones, so I don't know where the points actually started and stopped with those questions. If we're supposed to be keeping track of that,

I've got nothing but 0.1 point, then eat my ass. I think it was 001001 for you, Wade, and it's zero zero one zero one zero for bob yeah that's fine is this a real thing or is this you know what this feels like to me this has the this has the vibe of like the blade runner baseline test it does doesn't it because it's getting really disjointed it's like do you ever narrate what you're doing when you're alone all right making the eggs getting the eggs egg, dropping it in, stirring the egg, and then it's just like starts to go into like broken sentences that aren't like punctuated properly and the structure is all gone.

Are you easily distracted? I mean, yeah. You get a squirrel. What? You both have a squirrel now. Do you work best under pressure? Yes. Yes. Do you work last minute, but it drives everyone else around you nuts? Yes. Does the last 5% of a big project take 90% of the willpower? Yes. Yeah. Are these all points for yes? Yes.

Does your handwriting look like a five-year-old? Yeah. Draw a really stupid point, like really scribble it. That's hard to do with a keyboard. Do sweaters set your skin on fire oh i don't think so do you wear steel-toed shoes around the house because you keep stubbing your toes no no i just keep stubbing my toes all right how do we rank that zero points all right cool zero points there's so many questions all right i'm gonna skip to the end

because this is now devolved into just i don't like the fact that the only words i have on here are eat my ass squirrel you got a squirrel wait i have a squirrel too all right you both have a squirrel all right okay let me skip to the end because it got really disorganized if someone has suggested that you try meditation and your action was to scream give yourself a point oh i like meditation zero point okay all right there's no conclusion i got down here i got down to the bottom and it just says check out our videos on tools and tips sleep medication holistic strategies parenting relationships adhd and anger emotional and physical over sensitivity cannabis college and university careers elementary and high school disclosing and dealing with people who don't believe you have adhd or don't think adhd is a thing

and that's the end. They just assumed you wouldn't get all the way to the bottom. They made a list of arbitrary, increasingly ridiculous questions. Just assuming that people would be like, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, all right, I'll just check it out. So I've got 23 points and a squirrel for nothing. I have no idea how many points. I have to add this up, okay. I have 17 and a squirrel on nothing i i have no idea how many points i have to add this up okay

i have 17 and a squirrel on my scoreboard for myself 23 and a squirrel is what i got yeah oh that's what i got too damn all right wait uh bob you one two 17 and a squirrel ah 17 and a squirrel wait that's less than mine that's not fair all right well congratulations guys yeah this i actually want to show you what I was reading. So, you know, I wasn't bullshitting you because it's like the formatting of the website is weird. Like you see it like starts out with like paragraphs, right? There's clever writing in here. And those jokes, I didn't make them up. And then it's like it's it's it's interesting. And then as you get down here, it starts. You see the capitalization is stopped.

The sentences become struck like broken up and don't make much sense i don't know where some sentences stop and restart in the next line and then it's just like put a chunk of that into one of those is this written by ai detector thingies interesting i'm so curious if someone just chat gpt and and was like, make a do I have ADD quiz. You tell me this guy is... He is clearly an AI generated image. Yeah. I see.

I see. It was the thing is like it was it was very clever in the beginning and I was like, oh, this is great. And then I think they got bored. I'm checking. I'm checking. It says it's human text. Oh, shit. So there you go everybody the conclusion

is in wade you have so much more adhd than bob and therefore you lose great is that what it is i don't know i was listening to shakira what are you saying i think the conclusion is this is not an official test for adhd we are very slash ass about this so I'm gonna flip a coin and that'll be the determinant of the winner oh come on no I thought we were past the coin stuff well I mean it seems like unless you guys can give a conclusive reason for one to win over the other because it's not like even if you have ADHD it doesn't necessarily have ADHD and am being treated for it. And if Wade has it worse than I do, and he's not seen...

He hasn't sought treatment yet, then clearly I win. My breasts are small and humble, so you don't confuse them with Mountain. What? Is that a Shakira lyric or something? That's pretty... That's the...

Okay, anyway. All right, that sounds good to me, Bob. You win, Wade loses. Because his ADHD brain couldn't possibly survive. He doesn't seem worried about it. Yeah, he's working out best for everybody. Anyway, congratulations, Bob. You don't have ADHD.

You throw your medication out the window. Oh, I'll just stop taking that. Yeah, don't do that. I'll tell my doctor. They don't know a goddamn thing about it. Yeah, definitely link them to the website and let them know. I'll give them your phone number and the website and tell them that these guys

made the real determination and I'm fine the way I am. I agree with that. Can I give my winner's speech? No, you lose. But I had more points. No, you didn't. I'll give myself a point for losing track of what was going on. Now do I have more points? No, no. Bob's, your

and Bob's squirrels, they had like a squirrel fight and they his his his squirrel won your squirrel was too busy tried to eat my squirrel's ass and my squirrel just kicked its ass uh make sure to check out distractible that's good loser speech sounds a good one okay well thank you everybody so much for listening uh definitely don't take this i don't know how many times we need to say this, but probably not enough. This isn't real. No, that's not what I meant. This podcast is real.

Everything's real, if you think about it. And that's the deal, my dear. Anyway, have a good day. Podcast out.