Distractible - September 10th

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

Keep your hands, arms, feet, Pokémon and Blockbuster cards inside Mark's time machine at all times. And remember, every action has an equal and opposite distraction. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Good evening, rough-riding listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Maneuverable Mark gets reamed by Reddit, acts the Alchemist, then gets the boys to fuck with reality. Bookworm Bob louser library threatens explosions, pilfers Pokemon and emancipates Kemet. Well received Wade goes not to dumbass, receives the Lash and Apes JT Kirk. From various equities to the second amendment. Yes! It's time for September 10th. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello. Gentle listeners? Gentle? That sounds like the other show. Hardcore. Hardcore watchers, gentle listeners gentle that sounds like the other show hardcore hardcore watchers gentle listeners welcome to distractible today is another great day for another great episode hosted by me markiplier who miraculously won because I knew to check under the eyelids if you don't know what I'm talking about you got to listen to last week's episode or watch it if you're hardcore if you want want easy mode, just listen to it.

But, I won that round, and so that means I get to host this episode, and I get to subject my friends, Bob and Wade, to my whims, and my whimsies. Say hi, guys. Subject is an ominous word, but hi! Hello. Hello. Congratulations. You earned this. We all thought of the eyes, you just thought of them at the end. You earned it and we deserve it. That's fair, that's fair.

How are you guys doing this fine, fine Tuesday? We're in the middle of the Ohio weather that just makes you feel awful all the time. Cause it was like, there were like two days last week where it was like 65 and sunny and we went outside for the first time in a couple months. And it was like, oh, I wish I wore shorts, oh.

And then it was in the teens again over the weekend and raining and it's like warm-ish today, but it's raining so it's like, it's just, it's gross. Like there are moments where it's like, oh, God, it's coming. But then it goes back to being in the teens and you're like, well, fuck you, all right? Fuck all of this. And you go back inside and it's dead. We're almost there though, it's almost springtime.

Here in LA, this is actually some of the most beautiful weather, because after the rain start, you know, it pushes a lot of the, any kind of pollutants out of the air, makes the air really clear and nice. So you get a great view of the any kind of pollutants out of the air makes the air really clear and nice. So you get a great view of the horizon distance and the weather is really nice because it's just, you know, usually hovers between like 50 and 80, you know, it goes right around there. So the that's why people love California for the winters because the winters really are

mild except for that period where fires can explode that that's a fun winter surprise. fires can explode. That's a fun winter surprise. That's the little excitement mixed into the idyllic winter tepidness. But I was in Cincinnati last week. And I noticed something when I got off the plane and we were driving out from the airport. It looked like someone turned the saturation down on the world. Everything was gray and I forgot just how gray it was in the winter in Cincinnati. It's just, it was gray. Everything was no color. The grass was all, you know, grayed out. The trees, no leaves. The clouds were gray. The road was gray. Everything

was gray. Yeah, it does that. Because I know Cincinnati is beautiful in the spring and summer and the fall and the colors. And then I forgot that's why people hate winter in the northeast is because it gets real drab. All you gotta do is paint your yard for the winter. You got lots of color. Yeah, sometimes people will come and paint it for you in bright orange. They'll put little X's everywhere. The next thing you know, they come and dig or they avoid those spots. And if they don't, and dig or they avoid those spots? And if they don't, party. It's funny, I was driving on 75 and I remember when I first started driving oh so many years ago that there was construction on 75 and I was so it felt like coming home when I drove

up 75 and the same lanes that have been closed. It's the same construction. It's the same goddamn construction. Someone is getting paid bank. They're making so much money and no one is checking on them. No one. I mean, I think you missed the worst of it because they reopened 471, right?

They had that fire under the bridge and they had to like shut down the bridge for a while. Is that open? I know it was closed last time I was down there, so. I think it's open now, but that caused all the traffic to surge to 75 and 71 on top of what they already had. And both roads were under constructions. And if you wanted to get across the river on that side of downtown, you had to like go across.

It's happening. What? It's happening. We're trying to talk about our roads like Californians. We get traffic for one period, like three months. And we turn into the roads guy. Oh, 471. So here's what you want to do. You want to take 75 South down to 275.

Then you get back on 75 when it merges with 71. Take it down to Florence y'all and go shopping. Well, see the thing about Cincinnati that I forgot, because if you look up Cincinnati population on any website, it says like, you know, 300 to 400,000. And that's what I've always thought. And it's like, oh, Cincinnati, it's not that big a city.

That's just like the Metro though, right? Yeah, I forgot that the Cincinnati area is like two to two and a half million people. And it's like, oh, wow, that's so many more than I think. And it's been growing. So yeah, traffic is beginning to getting much worse over there because there's no Metro at all. But honestly, God, it's been the exact same construction. I lived on 75. I lived at, well,

you live there too, the Forum, right? It's right over 75 there. It's the exact same construction somehow since I came to Cincinnati in 2007. Like, I don't know what they did. They rebuilt the whole highway, two street lengths over, and then they tore it all down and rebuilt it over this way. And I remember they were cutting into a hill to do something there, and then I just see supports along that hill,

no road, just, and then it's moving again, and they cut down these lanes, open those lanes. It's very, very, someone should check in on that. We need some doge over there. Well, Ohio just celebrated its 222nd birthday and I'm not sure back then they really planned out how they were going to build cities very well. So I think we're doing some, cause you know, highways existed as soon as we were founded. Uh huh.

Pretty much. The moment you establish that your estate estate highways just pop up along you So trains canals interstates all exist. Well, not train not trains. We don't like trains trains bad In fact never maintain those rails ever right guys Right old strategy cotton. Let's see if it pays off for well, you know, I don't see too many railroads being built You'd think that all with all those highways they would built they would build, you know, I don't know, high speed rail. No, Mark, listen, if you look around the world outside the US and anywhere else in the world and you look at the direction

transportation is going, trains are out. They are awful. Nobody else uses trains. Nobody else. No other countries have all their major cities connected by trains. Major train corridors connecting cities from different countries to each other trains. Nobody else, no other countries have all their major cities connected by trains, major train corridors connecting cities from different countries to each other and a big network. That's the past. Okay. I'm thinking horse pulled rowboat is the way to go. That way you're covered for ground. That way you're covered for water. And if the horses go real fast, you're in the air.

What way are you covered for ground on that? Will you take the horse and leave the boat? Oh, horses just pull you. The horses can walk. I know they're mostly aquatic, but they're actually very strong on land. Don't know if you knew that. I think you're talking specifically about land horses.

When I hear horses, I think of the kind that live in the ocean. Yeah, most do, most do. But they're actually, it's just different life cycles of the horse originally You know they start out in the water and then they move to the land seahorse land horse Pegasus we all know it Yeah, basically

Not gonna get in the episode yet because I want to talk about something that funny those on the subreddit I've pissed off many people with my random hobbies and talking about shit that I don't know before. Never has there been as much protest against me pursuing a new hobby than the CNC people. Oh, are you getting a lot of pushback? Wait, really? Yeah.

I thought for sure it was the 22 people. I mostly saw people talking about BDSM and being very concerned and confused about it. And then I saw some people who were like, Oh, good for Mark. That's fun. Either way, I'm not mad about it because it's, it's funny to be, but okay. Side tangent. Did any of you know that other definition of CNC?

Any of me or Wade? Yeah. No, I still don't know. Cause I haven't looked the casualness that their subreddit started just talking about that made me like, that's the first thing I thought of. I was like, oh, different circles, huh? But the crazy thing to me is every comment agreed. I didn't find a single comment that said, I didn't think of that.

Is everyone just a freak out there? And why? Why is everyone a freak? Why is our fanbase 100% freak? It's a specific subset of the fanbase and it's the kind of person that goes on reddit so maybe that says more than anything else. I don't know. I know we're pretty extreme fellas and we we live a very adventurous. It's a fucking thing. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Wait doesn't like,

wait doesn't actually look at the subreddit ever. So he doesn't know. Well, I, I, I haven't known since that one came out. No, yeah, that's, yeah, that's what it is. Your hobby like guys, I'm getting really into. Yeah, that's, that's why they found it funny. But honestly, for two episodes, for two entire episodes, none of us knew what you guys were thinking.

No, no idea. So yeah. No, Colin, that's wrong. So weird about 3D printing and machines and all that. They were just like, oh man, look at the kind of weird sex toys they're using No bad Wrong not you the audience no bad wrong Anyway, so I'm no longer into CNC anymore

It's not because I got scared off from it But it's because I I realized what you could do with SLA resin printing molds and pouring metal into those molds to get extreme detail. There's burn away resins that you can print. SLA printing is the liquid resin, not the solid filament. And you can get certain resins that when it cures, it turns into like, it has a lot of wax in it or a waxy like substance as far as I know and then when you put it into a mold and you you cast the mold in a kiln it literally burns away the the resin creates probably not great fumes and you need to ventilate that properly but then

the it's a perfect mold of that shape and you can pour liquid metal into that and then you have a metal part. A forged metal part. A forged metal part. Or not forged, cast I guess, but whatever. Cast metal part. Whatever the difference between that is. So hey, I'm gonna get a large induction metal melting machine that's going to definitely not explode me in a fireball of death and I'm gonna start pouring random metals into

random holes. Can't wait! Good thing you live in a place where fire is not bad well does sound substantially more dangerous than CNC no you don't need a permit if you have induction heating obviously no I wasn't even implying that you need a permit I don't need a permit I'm glad you're getting out of conk no more conk for you so slay girl thank you when you're getting out of conk. No more conk for you. So slay girl. Thank you When your when your liquid cooling loop on your server rack explodes and coolant goes everywhere The worst thing that could happen is frying a couple CPU or things or whatever but slay when your crucible filled with molten aluminum

Explodes it's probably less funny SLA. I maybe it's just as funny. I don't know. It's probably less funny. SLA. Maybe it's just as funny, I don't know. That's probably fine. You know, I think that if I just add some glabrosol to it, it'll be 100% perfect. Now we get to hear Mark go on and on about metallurgy. There's been a glabrosol update, but I'm going to hold it off until another episode. SLA. Slay.

Is that the joke you've been going for this whole time? Yes I don't care if it's bad. It doesn't get me points. I'm proud of it persistence pays off I'm not gonna give you a point for that, but that's pretty good This is a thing I've been super ignorant about that is not new but I think it's really interesting and so I want to talk about it since We're talking about mark making stuff and killing himself eventually with molten metal. Guys, have you checked out your local libraries recently?

Because that is not what I thought a library was. My local library is cool as shit. So there's a little branch I've been going to that's just books and tiny little thing and it's very nice and convenient because it's close. But I went to like a big branch, which was only 15 minutes away, only a little bit further. They have a maker space where you can have access to CNC laser cutting, 3D printing services,

large format printers. Literally like you can make appointments and be like, I wanna make this thing and I have a 3D plan or I wanna make this thing and they'll help you make like a 3D plan of it or whatever in SketchUp or something. It's cool as shit. I just want to throw this out there. If you haven't checked out your local libraries, you should do it because they're doing some

crazy shit over there. It's not just books. DVDs. They have DVDs. They have video games. They have podcast kits you can borrow, which is literally like a zoom recorder and a couple mics and a couple headphones and you just like in a briefcase and you take it and go and record something.

Our library is great. I was like, I just need to send a fax so you guys have a fax machine and then I just wandered around for half an hour because I was like, holy fuck. Let's go to the theater business and to the library business. No libraries are great. Everyone should have a library card and I'm a hypocrite because I haven't gone to any of the Los Angeles libraries, but it's something that should be supported. And there's a reason why companies want to lock down everything because libraries

are like a hub of information and knowledge sharing. And that's supposed to be, that's supposed to be a cornerstone of society. Libraries are such a wonderful resource and anything to try to defund it is stupid and bad and dumb and wrong. And it should be because the economic impact of libraries on the communities, I didn't even know about the 3D printing stuff. That's awesome. But the economic impact of libraries on people being able to go there and get all the information they need, any book they need, renting DVDs, games even. Filing taxes, applying for jobs. There's all kinds of stuff at the library. It's incredible. Support your local library.

Vote yes on your levy. I know for a fact on the next thing we get to vote on here on our local stuff, there's a levy coming up. And I was going to vote yes anyway, because generally I'm like public schools, libraries. I like these things. But now I'm even more motivated. I want to get more people to vote yes, because the library is doing some crazy, awesome stuff.

I'm not sure how much the vote matters in Ohio, considering I saw that there, they, there was a vote that passed that legalized weed and then state legislators were like, no. They didn't have to undo anything. That's just the nature of, um, what's it called? Ballot initiatives in Ohio is definitely what those were, which is just the voters telling elected officials like like yeah, we want this They don't have to do shit. Our state government is designed in a highly questionable way. I

Was shocked when that came out and I looked into it and I was like, oh well aside from it being completely insane They actually totally can do that. They can just ignore the fact that we passed a ballot initiative Saying that we wanted to try and reproduce lights in the constitution or legalize marijuana or whatever. They can just look at me like, nah, you guys are stupid. Even though we voted for them. I don't know. Well, it's good that's contained to one state. Yeah.

They got no other states are designed like ours. I miss Ohio, but something's about it. I feel like but if you're listening to this and you're a resident of Ohio hey you can always vote them out whoever they are that are making shit up and making it worse you can always vote them out so that's probably what they're counting on unless they unless you vote them out and they say they actually don't have to listen to that either. See the, see the final count on the vote and they're like, ah, I don't know.

I don't want to do that guys. Shouldn't that mean that you could just walk into the state house and be like, I'm a legislator at demand a desk. And what are they going to do? Not listen to you? Cause you're just doing, just doing what you want. They respect the confidence. Honestly. They'll respect the confidence. Anywhoo!

Uh, we're gonna move on to the episode. Says, this is having a profound impact on the world. This podcast is just shaking the foundation of the Earth. In fact, we're so influential. We cannot be contained to this timeline. Uh oh. I want you to. To open up your minds to magical possibilities, the likes of which you have never seen before.

And then, once you're done imagining that, uh, sorry Bob, I shouldn't have phrased it that way. I want you to sing the song of infinity inside your mind out loud he said inside your mind okay I did say that yeah now stop that because it has nothing to do with what we're about to do step inside my time machine inside our mind or no this is real I have a imagine I know don't imagine it's just off-screen it's just off-screen trust me it's there yeah there he goes

yep step in wait get in wait get in get in the time machine all right cool thank you yeah I guess you can take the chair sure oh I should have brought a chair yes much more comfy no no you don't get a chair All right, we're all going in the time machine. No, wait Oh, okay, gotta go. I don't fit all the way. Okay. God. It's a tight squeeze in here and hit the button All right Alright. Ah! Whoa!

It's a little chaotic, but I made the inside of the time machine look exactly like all of our- It looks like a TARDIS or something. Yeah, yeah. And there's plenty of room in here for all kinds of activities. So, while we're traveling through time, I'm gonna explain what we're gonna do. We're gonna fuck shit up, but maybe in a good way. You two, I'm gonna task you

with going out there and wherever we end up. We'll find out once it lands us wherever we go And I'm tasking you too to go out there and make the most profound change of the timeline It could be whatever you want It'd be whatever you think would be best and then I'll make a judgment of who made the most profound change and award a point Both are still gonna happen. You're still gonna do those things, and then one of you I will decide which one made the most profound change and then we'll get back in. And hey, I'll let you even take one item from that timeline to bring into the time machine and you can use that in the future if you want.

Okay, all right, everyone understand? Yes. How does where we end up to get decided? Uh, it's kind of random I'm just gonna look at the screen and read off of the numbers and the places I didn't decide beforehand It's just where we end up. I don't know Well, I hope we find some interesting events and not just random boring points in history Oh, we're coming up on our first location 2001 New York City September 10th okay

ooh alright doors open who wants to go first oh we get to like leave immediately after yeah we've done whatever we're going to do right yeah yeah yeah and we're going to do, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're in New York.

City. I'm gonna need, I'm already questioning this direction, but I'm gonna try it. I'm gonna need access to a lot of burner cell phones. All right, okay. I think cell phones exist now, so yeah. Could be pay phones. Maybe I'm driving around town and it's looking for every pay phone in existence. Who knows? I have a plan as of

tomorrow morning september 11th 2001 The world trade center plaza will be completely empty of humanity And it's gonna be it's gonna sound questionable I have in mind, and we're gonna really need to book it the hell out of here once I start doing this. What are you gonna do? I am going to call in just as many bomb threats and other things, like things of that nature as possible, all targeted, all on that exact area of the city.

It's just gonna be absolute chaos. It's gonna get to the point where they're gonna have to set up a perimeter, a safety perimeter. No one's gonna be allowed in those two buildings. We're probably in surrounding buildings. It's gonna be two empty structures with barricades and police keeping any human

from getting anywhere close to them Until sometime in the evening on September 11th when they figure out these are all fake threats that someone phoned in as a prank I think that would cause quite a ripple, but seriously we need to get the fuck out of town Well you wait there, you wait. Okay, okay. Wade's turn is now, we gotta, Wade, what are you doing? I'm not gonna lie.

My first thought was either to get a bulldozer and just drive into the base of the building and like mess up the elevators. There's people in there. Or to also call in a bomb threat. I actually had that thought too. Oh, well too late. But then I that thought too. Well, too late. But then I was like, all right, bigger picture.

I'm going to call into one of the news programs and I'm going to tell them about exactly what's going to happen the next day. I'm going to tell them, like, I'll pretend to be Ben Layden. That'll be my name. And I'm going to call in and tell them exactly what's about to happen. That doesn't seem like a necessary detail at all. Which locations, which

everything. I'm just gonna predict the future for them and hope that maybe they're like, well that sounds like a threat. That sounds like a threat that could happen Jim. Yep Jim, maybe we should check down the airports and figure out some security measures. Jim, I don't know who Jim is, but Jim. And you really picked a good date for this. I really enjoy this exercise. Random. Yeah. It's just a machine. I didn't pick it. This is what happened.

I think maybe we should spend some more time under the hood of this machine. All right. Well, I'll try to tweak it, but I think you guys should get back in. What what item did you grab on the way back in? Oh, man. a Blockbuster card. Okay, Blockbuster card, yep, sure. Bob, what did you get? I grabbed an entire box of unopened Pokémon cards. Ooh, those are valuable back then.

Yeah, so that's a vintage box of unopened, original whatever series I don't know anything about Pokemon cards but one of the expensive ones. All right perfect just one? You said one item I mean I'll grab as many as I can but I was thinking it had to be one thing. Yeah you got one pallet of boxes. You can't carry that in it's not that big on the inside. One box of Blockbuster cards. Wade slips in the door with his one Blockbuster card, it's like, hey, a souvenir.

Bob waddles in with a pallet, like as many giant boxes of Pokemon cards, mint condition, original press, Pokemon cards. And then Wade, you look at him with a lot of jealousy in your eyes. But you don't know what he's gonna do. He might get some money in the future, but I've got history on my side. Alright. Pokemon cards, and then Wade you look at him with a lot of jealousy in your eyes. But you don't know what you're gonna do. He might get some money in the future, but I've got history on my side.

You have no idea what I'm gonna do with these Pokemon cards. Just cause they're valuable doesn't mean I think I'm keeping them. Alright so we slam the door. I'm gonna tell you who made the most effect at the end when we get back to the normal timeline. Oh okay. Alright so I'm gonna v gonna, we're going again. Oh, whoa, editors, make this, oh!

Just me, just me, you guys. Oh, oh, oh, oh! Can't believe it. Oh! Is my side broken? It doesn't seem to be low. It kind of feels like we're just in a helicopter. Like, I gotta be honest, it's less impressive than I would have guessed. I can't hear you over the whirring

That's it sounded like we're in a helicopter. Oh, all right. Okay. I got it. Oh ah ah interesting Okay, we're way in the past now. This is what I was hoping for. Oh, thank God. We're 79 CE which is common era We're in Pompeii which is Common Era. We're in Pompeii. Well, I only know two eras. Which one is that? Common Era, CE.

Is that BC or AD? No, it's CE. Oh boy, okay. You'll have to figure it out for yourself. Look, this machine, I don't know. It's just, I don't get it. But anyway, Pompeii September 10th. What? Wait.

Well, if I remember right, that's the day before September 11th in Pompeii. It sure is. Isn't that a couple of weeks post Mount Vesuvius eruption? I don't think there was ever actually a date. I am after a quick Google. I am seeing references to mid August, maybe around August 24th or 25th. Ah, but that was before they shifted the calendar. Oh, okay.

So that hasn't happened yet. Yeah. Yeah. Look, uh, it looks not ashy. It looks nice. We, I opened the door and I'm like Oh, there's a whole bunch of people milling about kind of looking at is funny, but not that funny. Well a little funny All right. So Bob you went first so Wade you'll you'll run out there first

To alter the time screen and you have a blockbuster card and we look like ourselves, right? We're like you can take clothes from this area if you really wanted to I guess but you'd have to wait till next Time all right, so I'm going to the Pompeii library. I'm gonna get some Pompeii books and documents I'm gonna show my blockbuster card and tell them I'm from the future and It's my job to preserve some historical artifacts. They ask you why? Why? Hey, why? Why do you need to preserve it?

Oh, time's not kind to books. You know, paper, it goes bad. Age comes for us all, yeah, yeah. So I'm just coming to get some original OGs. I'm gonna take them to the future, gonna make some copies, and I'll bring them back. You're one of those crazies, aren't you? Can you make this? You see this laminate? You have this technology? I don't think so. Yeah, we write things We got books. Covered in plastic. You see this film of plastic. Yeah, we got glass. I pull out my cell phone. You forgot to bring it. No cell phones allowed. The time stream blew up all cell phones

I specifically meant you couldn't bring anything from the first place that we went I'm retroactively making that true. Wow, man I had some to prove that was for the future Look at my shoe the great crazy shoe, right? I grabbed a bunch of documents and I run. Hey, wait a minute So you go to the library. Oh, yeah. Talk to one dude. I get one box of Pompeii cards or Pompeii documents. Pompeii trading cards? Maybe like a palette of Pompeii artifacts and cards and documents.

All right. So you've gathered up as much as your arms can fit of the Pompeii library random documents. Yeah. So selfish this one. As I run back to the time machine, I'm just screaming through the sheets. The sheets and the streets. I took some extra time to have fun in Pompeii. Hey, if all can is gonna erupt, you better run! Uh, then I get on the time machine.

Alright, so you grabbed an armful of Pompeii Library documents, you screamed that... What'd you scream? HEY, VOLCANO'S GONNA ERUPT, YOU BETTER RUN! Volcano's gonna erupt, and you had some fun. But yeah, apparently, uh, the eruption in the streets ended the shi- Okay. Ugh, is that too soon?

I'm sorry, Pompeii. Alright, okay, alright, he's quite eventful. Sprint in, sprint out. Bob? Alright, I'm thinking ahead on this one I don't think there's a lot I can do for them. I don't speak the language unlike Wade You've learned pompous and I don't think they're gonna listen to me either way and there aren't phones everywhere for me to call in More Bob threats because it's apparently my go-to. Yeah. Yeah So what I do is I just go around and start carving a message into every place I can,

because the city is made of stones and maybe some concrete, I forget, but it's all it's all carvable, you know, I just spend every second I've got carving the phrase, don't trust Nazis into the walls of Pompeii. And I know what you're thinking. Different era, confusing messaging. This is for the future. This is a warning. And when our, closer to our time we came from, when they start excavating and they start finding, they keep finding this message,

it seems to be for some reason written in modern English and not at all congruous with what was happening in Pompeii at the time. And it just keeps saying the same thing. They're gonna just have to assume that like either a god or a time traveler or something, someone knows and had to leave that message for a purpose. It's gonna have an impact.

I need to look up when archaeologists started digging. Oh, they'll definitely find it before the Nazi party exists in any meaningful way by a lot, like a hundred years, maybe hundreds of years, I would guess. Yeah, yeah. Wow. But like that'll, they'll talk about that, right? All of the books about Pompeii will be like, and there was this crazy message. And then when it starts, when stuff starts happening, people will be like, wait a minute.

Who's that shit about Pompeii? Yeah. But what if they just like wear googly glasses and mustaches and change their name to like shots or something like that? That's not us. I mean, you got to got a point. I just I'm just writing off Pompeii as a total loss. I don't think there's anything I can do for those guys. That's fair. And I don't go to the library, but I do pickpocket a wealthy looking individual on the street as I'm heading back towards the time machine and I get his little coin purse full of I assume doubloons? is that correct? damn the pompous currency. Bloons? what are they using

Pompeii? that's actually Pokemon cards they were the first ones we didn't know because they all burned. okay alright, great Okay, alright So you got Corn Purse of... Debloons? You have not opened it I don't know what's in there, I'm just assuming Alright, cool, great, wow Grand effects across the board This is really gonna, this is gonna

Fuck with the timeline Nice, alright, everybody in? Throw in the lever, kerchunk OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- Ow! Why does this one hurt? I think we're going even farther back. We're going so far back, maybe even too far. Maybe so far back we'll never come back. Uh, wah, goo goo.

Oh shit, what the fuck is happening to the waves? Huuuuh, sorry sorry I think the effects were backwards for a second okay we've landed 65 million years ago this can't be real this can't be real wait a minute oh no we're on the Yucatan Peninsula on September 10th. Now I know historians believe that that happened in April. Oh man, alright, so wow, this is crazy. It's so prehistoric out there. Well, good thing you guys, well, I guess you don't have anything to defend yourself with but get out there change the time stream Bob. You're up go get him Yeah, I just happened to know that something like 65 million years ago almost roughly exactly

today, maybe even maybe is when the chick Shooloo impact happened when the Chicxulub impact happened. Mmm, that sounds devastating. It was an asteroid estimated to be somewhere between 10 and 15 kilometers wide that struck the Earth. Yeah, you actually look up and you can see a second sun in the sky. Oh, that seems bad.

I don't know how things are 65 million years ago, but I'm gonna guess that's still bad. Mm-hmm, it is. So what do we got? We are on the Yucatan Peninsula. What do we got like dinosaurs out here and stuff? Yeah yeah they're all looking at you funny but they're also looking up at the sky kind of like, what the hell is going on there? Are any of them looking like they're gonna like they're not interested in eating me? Like they're chill? A lot of them are kind of like weirded out by

this strange thing that just appeared and we made a lot of noise and then like just like a gush of fluid came out of it like real sticky goo but all of them are kind of at a distance looking at you funny it's mostly herbivores there it's like a herd of the dinosaur of this era. Okay. I don't know their name. I'm gonna say I see an ankylosaurus. That's the dinosaur if I'm remembering correctly.

And also I might Google this real quick. Ankylosaurus is like the tanky boy. He's like low key. He's an herbivore. He's very defensive. He's like chill. He's kind of like the large dog of dinosaurs. Not derisive.

They are not derisive dinosaurs. No, supportive. No, not at all. We got space in the time machine, right? Yeah. Yeah This is some space in there. It's kind of bigger on the inside situation. It's not unlimited or anything, but you know, there's space Yeah, so this pretty big but I think it'll fit so I grab I rip like some limbs off of some surrounding trees and vegetation and stuff and I still wave it in front of the Ankylosaurus' face and I'm like, hey

Come on. Hey the Anglosaurus' face and I'm like, hey, ah, come on, hey, whoa, whoa. And I get his attention and he sort of like slowly is like, yeah, I need some leaves and comes over and I lure the Anglosaurus into the time machine and then he lays down in the corner to take a nap. Oh, wow, that's adorable. Oh, so it's both your item and this is how you're gonna affect the time stream

Yeah, that's what I'm going with. All right, so you kidnapped an angliosaurus. Okay. Gotcha. All right, cool Wow, that was well done. Wade go ahead get out there. I give you a slap on the ass on the way out slap Ah, I say try not to fuck anything this time. No promises. I Find the first dinosaur I see I showed my it my blockbusters card, say, Are you impressed? What a book. And then I wake up, I'm like, that was a weird dream, and I go outside the time machine. And here's what I do.

Child, since childhood I've been taught how to handle this moment. Every Easter, you know what happens. Easter egg hunt. Oh. But I'm on a dino egg hunt. Oh, but I'm on a dino egg hunt. Oh I'm going around looking for different dino eggs to gather them up and try to bring as many Varieties and different types a couple of each one, you know hoping like okay, okay So maybe I'm gonna male female whatever I'm gonna try to get some dino eggs and bring them back

Bob's got an ankylosaurus. Maybe I don't know maybe it's chillin will like sit on the eggs Maybe not so I'll just kind of like try to keep them warm and on the way back to the time machine I yell you guys should run there's a bomb expecting nothing to happen, but nothing happens. They just look at you Oh and seeds I look for like little pine cones or something to like scoop up and hold my eggs like you know I guess it's only one item. I'll make it whatever you can carry in your arms and pockets I apparently don't have a phone. I still have pockets though, right? So I put a pinecone things in my pocket. Okay. All right. So what is the likelihood that weight's going to grab something that's actually like poisonous or is going to like sting him or something?

Very high, extremely high. So many of these plants, the human body has never adapted to even touch them. The protein interfaces mostly don't interact, but some of them, incredibly, incredibly itchy. So I'm not gonna say he's dying or anything, but Wade, you are now itchy, unbelievably. You were prehistorically itchy. Sure, and when I get back, I'm gonna pass them out and let you guys look at them,

and be like, hey, look at this. I'm busy with my Ankylosaurus. I'm not looking at your stuff. You wanna look at my pine cones? Not really. But didn't you, hold on, didn't you also grab plants? I grabbed a couple of very safe looking branches off of one plant, and then they were fine. Uh, this seems retroactively safe-looking.

You grabbed as many different types of foliage as you could find. I grabbed one thing. I hate to say this, guys, but that meteor's about to hit, so we should probably go. Yeah, we were never gonna be able to help these dinosaurs. We could just stay. What if we send them to the future we stay and just oblivion All right, let's go no yeah, we're gonna go Kachunk

That one made me shit my pants well this is interesting 2560. That's before common era. Egypt. Giza. Weirdly September 10th again. Oh, you guys, are you looking up what happened on that day? Oh, you don't know what happened in this time? No. Yes. I told you I know about the BC era. We have a computer in our time? No. Yes. I told you I know about the BC era. We have a computer in our time machine. I'm gonna ban that from now on.

After this one, you're not allowed to look up what happened on this day, all right? You just have to guess. Sure. I still don't know what happened because I stopped before I got there, so. This explanation I found is unhelpful. Here, I'll swing open the door. I swing open the door

There's a beautiful pristine glistening white Gigantic pyramid and at the top is a golden like mini pyramid at the top. It's glorious There's a whole crowd of people around it They're all cheering and celebrating whether you you kind of understand a little bit of ancient Egyptian, so you know that they're going, we did it, we did it, are we free now? And then, you know, they're asking a lot of that.

Interesting. Wade, you're up. Please don't fuck anything or anyone. That's incredibly short-sighted of you. No, you can do whatever you want. Thank you. Also, we're gonna be like freaks of nature tall. I just want to throw that here.

People in this time period, very short. I don't know if you've seen mummies. I have not. They make you feel like a big man. Tell you what. So we're in Egypt in the past. The beautiful new looking pyramid is in front of me. But I know for a fact that these fuckers didn't build it, the aliens did.

So I'm going to ask them all about the aliens. I want them to point me in the direction of the alien overlords that helped put these pyramids down here, because together, when we find the aliens, we're going to fuck them. OK, and I'm going to bring back back... Oh man. What do you bring? A pair of alien panties. I don't know. What the fuck do you bring back? Hold on. You gotta wait. You gotta wait for their response. I show my blockbuster card to the sky and I say, beam me up Scotty! And then beam me Scotty! And then, all right alright so you stand there, you shout in a language that they don't understand,

because you understand a little of them, they don't understand anything you're talking about. And they look at you funny and they're like, they're all looking up at you because they're very short apparently. And they start to call for like the guy in the corner with a whip. Hey, baddie daddy to Dami Mami in Egypt? That's fine, but where's the aliens? God. If that's the initiation, the hazing,

I gotta go through fine, but where's the aliens? All right, okay. I'll come back to you in a minute. All right, so Bob Wade's out there. He's about to get flogged and he's screaming Raven, holding his card up to the sky. You don't have to interact with him at all. I don't.

Good, yeah, good. What I do is, before I head out, I go and I start digging into my many, many boxes of Pokemon cards, and I know it's potentially throwing away a lot of money, but I need to find a Meowth card. I need to find a Meowth. And so I keep looking until I find a Meowth. It's a pretty common card. So I probably find that pretty quick. I don't know. A few packs. I don't know. What I'm going to do is I'm going to use that card as proof that I have been sent by their alien gods, the cats, to assume control of the empire,

I go straight to the throne room? And I seek a council with the great... Pharaoh? The, you know, leader person. It's not called a throne there, it's called a fair chair, because it's a pharaoh's chair. Alright. I kneel before the fair chair. He is extremely old, looks like he's about the end of his life, and he was gazing wistfully

at the giant pyramid, like, oh, but Egyptian, you know. He groaned at Egyptian. And I present the Meowth card and in my broken Egyptian that I get to know, cause Mark said it, I explained to everyone in the room and especially the guy in the fair chair that that's actually me. That I have assumed a human form because I'm here on earth, but I actually this cartoon cat and their supreme cat god alien and so then I'm in charge now and I assume control of the whole situation. Okay cool. Do I have to wait? Are they on board with this?

Yeah I think they are because they did notice a giant machine that appeared out of nowhere. All of them did notice that, or some of them nearby, and the giant gush of goo that comes out whenever we land from space time. In sand, that's gonna be really unpleasant. Yeah, and they really noticed when Wade ran out there and started screaming at the top of his lungs. So they really, it drew a lot of eyeballs.

And so by the time you walked out and they see two almost equal height giants, and they've never even seen anyone of your height ever. They allow you in the throne room. You do talk to the guy. Your broken Egyptian is, is a little faulty. It doesn't get the full message through, but you are welcomed with open arms in the kingdom and they don't quite make you ruler yet, but you are very, you're, you're now right next to the Pharaoh. You're a hundred percent on board can probably influence them whichever way you want. Okay, I turn into, what's that guy's name who hangs out

with the King of Rohan in the Lord of the Rings movies? Tim Allen. I turn into Tim Allen. I grab the forearm of the Pharaoh as it rests rests on the fair chair I lean in and I say, you know, we really shouldn't have all these slaves. God says let them go God is me. I say let them go eventually he gets it because again broken Egyptian language But I get the message across he believes me He does over time you wear him down. Meanwhile, Wade is getting flogged the entire time. We're here for a while, I guess, so there's no immediate explosion. Well, Wade's enjoying it. I'm not going to cut that off. And so slavery is abolished. Before anything can happen, that pharaoh croaks because he was very old. So he actually died almost two days after the pyramid was completed.

Oh no, now the unfair D is gonna take over. But your message was heard and he enacted some policy. Wade said the word. Oh shit, I did. Wade said the word. Oh fuck. I did accidentally say the word. What does that mean?

I don't know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, which means Wade triggered it. I have no idea what the last points you gave were. Mark was writing something down there. Oh, I was trying to remember what the steps that Bob even took while I was saying all that. But I was saying that he died.

Was his death unfair to you? He enacted policies. He enacted policies to start against slavery. You think that's unfair? I just wanted a pun on the word Pharaoh. So I said unfair D wait is Pro slavery Yeah, I should live longer. You know what he shouldn't die. No

He had just abolished slavery that had just happened so Wade is challenging That I did not succeed in eliminating Slavery and freeing all the I really changed my opinion on the whole thing after my month of flogging. So I Was two days, but that's fine so three heads and That's a success and that is unfair and it gets changed three tails and that's a failure and that is Very fair and it what it's doub's made doubly fair, whatever Mark determines that to be.

This is a confusing rule that we invented. It is. It is, but I think, yeah, we'll figure it out if it lands on that. All right, my coin is the lady is heads, the lion guy is tails, because he is a tail. Head, head, bird, tails. Yeah, yours don't need explanation. Are we doing this? Yes, ready, here we go.

Head, head, tails. Ah, nothing happens. All right, okay, all right. We'll almost at that. I don't know what would happen Wrong there. Alright, so it carries on as was Tim Allen whispering in he dies, but he enacts some policies You won't know what the effect is but it got the conversation started because honestly they hadn't even considered it hop back in boys

What'd you get a whip pair of sandals and that guy's version of a home phone number, which is just number of houses down that road. Take a left at the big pyramid. Okay, you got a whip, sandals, and a drawing, a crude tablet drawing of his house location in the streets of God and Eve. I was just getting flogged the whole time, man. My options were limited. You kind of, you know, you made it clear where I was. Did I meet the aliens? Yeah, no, there were no aliens. In fact, we were the aliens.

Most likely, neither of you actually did as much as just the time machine appearing. But I'm only gonna count with what you guys got. Bob, what'd you get? When the Pharaoh died and they started doing what I was saying on my way out? I just sort of grabbed his outfit He had the big staff thing and some jewelry and stuff and I just sort of stripped him naked and took his outfit He didn't need that anyway. Yeah, he was dead. We probably had like death clothes for the pyramid or something So he's probably fine. Okay. alright. That sounds good, I think.

Okay, alright, hop in boys. I think we only have time. For one more time. Alright, no looking this one up. We got this. Ka-chunk. Mr. Krabs, what are you doing here? I brought him from the future. I unshit my pants on that one and went back in cuz a time travel. Mm-hmm strange things occurring here in this one and oh 1776 Philadelphia

July 3rd The only not September 10th that we landed on I think I finally worked out the bug on that one. We open the doors and you see the early building that looks real fancy. Not quite like Capitol Hill, but kind of a little bit. It looks, you know, like nice. Looks like a government building. You know, there's a lot of parks, horse-drawn carriages, people in twill suits, and other people in rags.

Maybe a little war devastation, because I wasn't there fighting going on around this time. No. No fighting. Oh. Bob? I go first? Yep. Alright. I take my coin purse full of doubloons, and I take that gold and I find a huntsman,

because this is definitely a point in history where there would be a huntsman somewhere. I offer him several pieces of gold and I say, I need you to kill me a bear and bring it back here. The huntsman is like, more more gold and I'm like, yeah Whatever, then I give him a little bit more gold and he goes and kills me a bear and brings it back Okay, so the bear is back. What I do is I using the Dagger that was apparently on the Pharaoh's hip from the previous stop. Okay, that's fair. I skin start skinning the bear and I peel it off.

And what I really do is I turn the bears front two legs into like a wearable cosplay suit where like, if I put my arms in and there's like some strappy across the back and it's like, I I have bare arms and I go back to where the time machine was to that nice building and I just strip off the rest of my clothes and I just start running around scaring people I don't do anything other than scare them I don't hurt anyone I start running around I force my way into the building start talking to all these guys and powdered

wigs and stuff, and the whole time I'm just screaming, I read the document, I have a right to bear arms, I have a right to bear arms, and I'm just like, ah, ah, I'm screaming at everyone because I read that I have a right to bear arms, and I'm just running around screaming at anyone who will listen, and it's terrifying and confusing, and I hear some of the guys as I'm just running around screaming at anyone who will listen. And it's terrifying and confusing.

And I hear some of the guys as I'm running away mumble to each other like, you know, you don't really talk that one out very much, but that is confusing, isn't it? That's some loose language we put in that second amendment, huh? And then I think they say something about going back to the writing, to drawing board,

and maybe rephrasing some of the stuff they'd been working on, no idea what they're doing. I just keep sprinting around with my bloody bare arms strapped onto my smaller human arms. And once I'm out of energy and I've scared as many people as humanly possible, I just grab like a kite with a key tied to the string and get the hell back in the time machine. I'm pretty sure that kite with a key tied to the string and get the

hell back in the time machine. I'm pretty sure that you're going to have the effect you want, but weren't the amendments passed a little while after the... They were already thinking about it. They were already thinking about it. You thought they were whispering that we didn't think through the second minute what they really were thinking of like, man, this is a fucking weirdo. We got to get back to signing this declaration. Am I crazy? Isn't the

Revolutionary War going on right now? No no it was planting seeds okay listen. Yeah this is the beginnings. 1776 is the year we're in right? Yeah yeah July 3rd. It's fine don't think about it too much. Okay all right um here's what I do I go and I'm looking for Mr. Hancock. I'm looking for Mr. Franklin I'm gonna find one of the founding fathers and I'm gonna like, you know recite different parts of the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence I'm gonna give them like some stuff. I'll be like, hey listen, I know what you guys are cooking up Listen, we gotta talk about some some caps some financial caps cuz here I'm from the future and I'm gonna tell you mr Franklin. Oh boy. You do not want three people controlling 99% of the world's wealth.

It's bad. We should probably maybe, I don't know, make sure that it's a little bit more spread out. So whenever we go to that whole like, let's just gloss over some of the stuff. That'll get fixed, I guess. But you know, there's some adjustments we need to make. Here's my Blockbuster card. You guys come up with a filibuster. Let me tell you know there's some there's some adjustments we need to make here's my blockbuster card you guys come Up with a filibuster. Let me tell you this one. It's even bigger. Okay, so they're listening to you and they're going Uh-huh. Uh-huh, but Benjamin Franklin does approach you and he takes that card and he looks at it really Closely and he rubs it between his fingers and he's like, how did you make this? And he rubs it between his fingers and he's like, how did you make this?

Future. Go on. I can't divulge things from the future or else it will change the past more than what I'm already doing by telling you to change the past. Oh, good thing it wasn't your objective to have the most profound change on the timeline. Don't eat it! I wasn't going to. There's this whole micro thing, real small, you don't want those in your body. Can I have this? No.

I'm gonna have this. He tucks it in his pocket. Man, Ben Franklin's kind of a klepto. I want those in your body. Can I have this? No. I'm going to have this. He tucks it in his pocket. Man, Ben Franklin's kind of a klepto. Ben's like you. He liked to take things, and he liked to sleep with a lot of people. I remember they called him old thieving skeevin' Ben.

Anyway, he takes your blockbuster card. I really need that back. It was my one thing from 90s. Nope. Well, can I have something of value from your time will trade my kite was stolen this morning I don't want to talk to you well I take your glasses and I run okay you quickly snatched them off his face and you run as fast as you can all right well I can kind of see why Ben

probably couldn't such a dick I guess everyone just taking all this stuff he stole from me first I was just reflecting on my actions. Am I the reason the Second Amendment exists? Is that what you're gonna land on Mark? You might have made it that you might have reinforced it at least or cause them to think it again If the actions that we decided to take actually did happen, how many extra points do we get? Is that both points? No, well, that's unfair too late man too late. You only get one. We got so much to get through. Is that a rule? Get in! Get in! It's almost out of power! We gotta get back to our time before it's too late! Dive! Dive! Actually there was plenty of power. There was no reason to panic at all. Oh. Kerchunk.

I need a new blockbuster car. Can we make a pit stop in the 90s? No. And then we're back. Alright. So you step out to a brand new world and let me tell you it's Not that different. Shockingly, very little has changed. All the bomb threats did prevent people from being in the buildings during the attack but the Pentagon was still hit and I reported all of that to the news that That should have gone out, they knew it was coming! Yeah, so the odd thing is conspiracy theories are dramatically on the rise because all the bomb threats before did clear it out

and there was a crazy man on the news, very small side story, but there was a crazy man that was unearthed after some old archives got picked up of news stories that they saw security camera footage of some tall bald guy going in there screaming about how there was gonna be an attack the next day and then there was so that was evidence compounding so conspiracy theory about September 10th which they call it now is really really way higher than it is even today and so People were more suspicious of you know the actions but George Bush still you know were in you know middle east that's 910 conspirator yeah slight differences but you know uh you wade you're famous now because people see you now and know you from your tape because it wasn't that

long ago dude i'm going viral i'm going to start a uh political podcast yeah you also noticed that there's a suspiciously higher, more proportion of people that are bald and slightly taller. 19 feet. It's not that much, but there is the average height has gone up by like half an inch across the board and that's driven by more people that are six foot four and bald. You're welcome world. Also the slave rebellion in Egypt, it happened anyway, but it was slightly less bloodshed. I think I'm not a herbivore,

sure how those events turned out, but that was, that was pretty decent. Because the meteor was going to hit anyway, it wiped out any evidence or any bacteria or any effect that we would have had that far in the past, kind of sanitized everything. So really we didn't have that. There wasn't even a chance for wind from a butterfly's wings to even spread far enough to cause another ripple effect. That, that meteor kind of just is a cannon event. There's one less dinosaur and a few less eggs. They're going to be turned into dust. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting because you still have a dinosaur and you still have eggs and that's going to change some things in the future

So that is interesting. I'll be open Jurassic Park build it and they will come. That's why I always say we'll spare no expense I'm famous now for my conspiracy Experiencing or days. I'm fine. So I'm fine. There is something interesting Microplastics are so much higher in everyone's bodies, because by Ben Franklin stealing your card, he was so curious about it that he started the industrial revolution slightly before it would have happened, because they found oil, and he started turning into plastics way sooner. There's so much more plastic waste in the ocean. There's so much more plastic waste in the world around us. And everyone has not just a credit cards about a plastic in their brain They have about 10 blockbuster cards in the government. Is there a blockbuster that's bigger than a filibuster now? Uh, no, I

Hate Ben Franklin, but the Second Amendment is curiously changed from bare arms to have weapons And that has thrown some weird legal loopholes into how people treat the second amendment, but people are still very, very much protective of their right to have weapons. The definition of which is debated throughout the rest of time. That's crazy. Yeah, that's pretty nuts. Side effect, Hugh Glass, famous frontiersman, trapper, trader, hunter, and explorer, was not as famous as he was back then because he was not mauled by a grizzly bear. Ooh! Yeah, so he's not well known for his mauling of a grizzly bear.

Did they find a shoe in Pompeii that looks modern? No. It was actually melted by the lava. Alright. But some people who left Pompeii that day just so happened to be your partners in that spread your genes. Was Nazi Germany still called Nazi Germany? Bob did carve the don't trust Nazis into the walls, right?

I did too that. That's true, that's true. Let me see something. I wanna see how what the effect of the lava had on wall carvings. Okay, no, yeah, there were still plenty. Okay, so that that definitely did survive There still was a Third Reich. It just was not called Nazis. Let's call them Oh shot sees

They're called shot sees well, that wasn't quite what I was hoping for I guess But yeah, it turns out that Hitler and his you know being in World War World War one still happened because nazism wasn't even a thing and largely the events of World War two more driven by the events of World War one and putting Germany into a You know an economically vulnerable and politically unstable time period. I'm pretty sure Pompeii was the reason World War one happened He's probably right. I mean it does yeah I would say it kind of bleep from one to another so hey, but that was pretty good I have to say the biggest change that I noticed is Wade Introducing his genes into the gene pool far sooner than it ever should have

So he had a profound effect on the average height in the world and more baldness in history So that was cool and you guys bringing dinosaurs to the future, that's gonna be really weird. I can't see a way that that's gonna go wrong. Except they die instantly because their immune systems aren't ready for the bacteria and viruses of this era.

65 millions of lost evolution in their immune systems developing means they pretty much keel over within a few days frothing at the mouth. But their carcasses are still very valuable for science So that's cool, but they die that that angiosaurus dies in your arms, but I always like four or five tons or something So hopefully next to me you're creating cradling its head, you know Kind of like unless its head is also huge. What's had is like the size of a small vehicle

I don't know. I'll take it. You know what? We loved each other. You're rubbing it while it's dying on the ground. It's very beautiful, but very sad. Wade, your eggs turned to mush inside the shells. What happens to the seeds and the plants and stuff? They also turned to mush. I think I'm going to go get checked out at the doctor, Bob. I don't think this time machine was very good for us. You think we should go look there? It's fine. All right. I gave points for Bob

for having all the bomb threats. That was definitely the most significant of that time period. Wade, you had the most significant of Pompeii for the tiny last minute edition of had fun in the sheets. Everything else, no effect. Wait, people lived from Pompeii? They survived? Yeah, it was the day before. Oh Yeah, so there was still people traveling in and out. I'm assuming at least one of them made it up and but right back to Bob with the Pharaoh business that was definitely a more profound change. What they're getting flogged for a month. What do you mean? And then the dinosaurs I was gonna call that a wash just because

Generally didn't do too much But I think maybe if we're going by impact Bob bringing back a dinosaur is probably better than some eggs and some pine cones So maybe I'll give him that one ha and then Wade you by giving Ben Franklin the blockbuster card I did not the fucking klepto stole it well, okay, all right then so congratulations guys You didn't actually mess it up that much at all. I don't think too much was changed for the good, but not that much was changed for the bad. And you guys did really good. That's surprising. More me and the gene pools obviously what people want. Yeah, that's good. I feel like that explains why there are historical pictures with you in them. It's true. What if all of this is absolutely true? What if

we're just priming the masses to understand the nature of our true existence? All right, so wait you got a point for traffic you got a point for it's a fucking thing You got a point for had some fun in the sheets in Pompeii, you know, it's some points for Founding father. Oh Ben Franklin stealing your Blockbuster card, and that's it. Okay. Bob, you got a point for seahorse to land horse to pegasus. You got a point for all the bomb threats possible. You got a point for Pharaoh outfit. Oh, no, sorry, the Pharaoh, the the slavery affecting, and then...

Was that it? Oh, no, wait, one that's right I forgot and a point for a dinosaur one which if you read the scoreboard is four to four. Hey one man show! Nope. One man show. We have another wheel we have the bonus wheel to spin thank God unless it good lands on to to to to to all right, and I'm rolling It's really rolling oh I have to stop Like with the anticipation was building so much all right stop To to I was like with the anticipation was building so much all right stop To to It's fine, it's fine. Oh, what do you want to add to the wheel mark you get to add a thing? Oh, what should we do there's so many things that happened doesn't have to be related to the episode

Yeah, but it could be oh I got whoever said fuck the most who did that oh yeah you started with it's a fucking thing it's a fucking thing I say it much after that oh yeah absolutely each of you all over yeah actually I'm not a hundred percent sure but I'm pretty sure that would be you win I'll take it I'll take the credit for the fucking that's a good one for like long term though, cause that definitely comes up. Here's the wheel. Are you prepared? Yes, I think so.

Yes. Spin number one. Oh. I don't know. I was laughing pretty much the whole time. I don't know why I just feel like this is Wade, but I'm trying to remember the moment that I'm like thinking of. Yeah, I was laughing at Wade a lot just because of his ridiculousness. I think the... I think the, um...

It's a fucking thing made me laugh really hard. Yeah. That might be the bigger one. I feel like it goes to Wade. I won't argue. Okay. Come on, give Bob a point! ... Hey, Bob a point.

Hey, wait a minute. Oh, wait. Wait. Wait. What the fuck? God, why is it so loud this time? Ow. Why, wait, it was loud that time? It was so loud that time.

I didn't change anything. What the fuck? Can we land on the same one twice? We never discussed that. Yeah, we didn't discuss anything! What the fuck? Can we land on the same one twice? We never discussed that. Yeah, we didn't discuss this ahead of time. No, but I feel like it should be two different things. Well, we'll remove- yeah, no- no doubles. That's not terribly likely that that happened, but...

God, the wheel's so loud! I'm sorry, I don't know how to mute that. Oh no... Wait. O no! Does that mean that Mark gets it or is it between me and Wade? I think it's between you and Wade, but either way the result I think is the same. Does that mean we both get a point or we don't get any points? No, Wade got one point for biggest laugh. And then if we go by shortest being me, it would be me. Or if we go by shortest being between the two of you, I think Wade is half an inch. It would be me.

Yeah. You got like a half inch on me. Really? Oh, I was assuming Wade and I are basically the same height. I don't even- We are pretty much, but I think you're a little bit taller. I don't know. I think you're a little taller than me.

We both describe ourselves as like six four, right? Yeah Mm-hmm. I think I remember on the tour you guys were back-to-back and measured and he was like by this Then again, my perspective was so low. I don't know We can reroll again if you want like I don't mind no, I think I think that's definitive Well, that just means it ends in a tie, right? No it doesn't end in a tie. If I- oh no wait, Wade's shortest, the shortest gets the- fuck! Yeah, yeah, see?

Yeah. Unfair. Oh! Too late. What do you mean too late? No, he's allowed I think. You get one each, right? Isn't it one per episode?

I guess I was assuming it was one each, but I don't think we were that specific about it. Well, the danger of it is because if you call out someone for saying unfair, does that use up yours? Man, that rule's really obscure. It does say once per episode, you may declare unfairness by saying the word unfair out loud. But I think we meant it as each of the competitors.

I mean, Mark is the host. Mark gets to be the interpreter of this. I think we could it as each of the competitors. I mean, Mark is the host. Mark gets to be the interpreter of this. I think we could say one per episode. Yeah, let's just do one per episode. I think that's okay. One per episode, that's fine. All right, we went on quite an adventure. Wade, you had the most profound effect on Gene Pool

and all of your other actions had nothing to do with anything. And the most sex! That's what I meant by the... the... the... Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. Anyway, winner speech? Uh, yeah. You know what? History... Uh, is written by the victors.

And I think the three of us in our adventures showed that we were the victors of history. We got to see a lot of September 10ths over the years. And I think we know about the weather patterns on the 10th, and I think that between that and our Nostradamus-like abilities, and my already fame and Bob's Pokemon card and dinosaur fortune, and Mark apparently didn't do a fucking thing in the past, so like... He was our captain! Yeah, captain can leave the ship, all right, so maybe next time captain does something You know, but it's cool Bob and I'll just carry the wind on our shoulders

So I think Bob and I are the real winners and yeah, thanks mark for pushing a button. I guess it was a lever Yeah, it's clearly a lever. It was heavy too. It was a heavy lever. Not if you're 6'4 Leverage. I get more leverage because my arms aren't as long as yours, so I have more advantageous attachments to my bones. So, haha, huh. Sure. Anyway, terrible winner speech. Probably the worst one we've ever had. Bob, loser speech.

Uh, yeah. Uh, you know. I gotta be honest, I kinda gave up on this one. I think I could have done better. I think if I knew more history, I could have done a little bit better. And I was even looking stuff up and I still, you know what? It's my own fault for being such a stupid piece of shit, really. It turned out all you had to do was fuck.

I should have just followed my most base carnal instincts and I would have had much more of an impact on the world than I ended up having. And that's just what you get. You think you're clever? You're not. I don't mean you. I mean me. I'm talking to me.

This loser's speech is targeted at myself. Anyway, I deserve this. I deserve this. I earned it. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life. Yeah, as do we all. Thank you everybody so much for living with this for the rest of my life. Yeah, as do we all thank you everybody so much for living with This for the rest of your life can't wait to see what the future is gonna bring with all the changes that have occurred They were very real and they're very true

So carry that with you forever and ever never never like a scar And we are not getting together for Christmas even if we're technically thousands of year old separated family Oh, I thought you were saying that to us. You were just threatening everyone in general. Yeah, just everyone in general. I see. With that threat, remember to follow the podcast or else Wade will not invite you to Christmas and also will change your past forever.

Be sure to follow all these guys at LordMinion777 or Minion777 and MySkirm, M-U-Y-S-K-E-R-M. And merch will be coming back very soon. Wow. Anyway, that's all. podcast out.