Distractible - Shotgun Roulette

Episode Date: June 7, 2024

So it's come to this... all the drama, the chapstick, the baldness. Now, it's just Wade, Bob, Mark, and a gun. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Fizz. Hey, you know what I like changing every month? PEEF I can read between the lines of your thoughts, Bob. Are you looking for a new mobile provider? Well, Fizz does things differently. They offer complete transparency, no contracts, no hidden fees, no false promises. The more you stay, the more you get rewarded with dollars off and free data.

And you can even roll over unused data each month. Try the other side. Switch to Fizz. Check out Fizz.ca. That's F-I-C-Z dot C-A. Conditions apply. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable.

This episode, Minecrafting Mark brings out his boomstick and gets the guys to blast their bolts. Warbling Wade diligently dissects the Diablo dumpster debacle and then masturbates Bob with a burner. Brave-hearted Bob resurrects Schmieters, encounters a procrastinating plumber, gets cuffed, and pops pills on beer.

From borrowing notebooks to filing blanks. Heheheheh. It's time for Shotgun Roulette. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hi, and welcome to Distractable. My name is Markiplier and I am here in a new location that's not bathtub, so you don't need to worry about anything at all And also I'm the host of today's episode Thank you so much for attending and allowing me to continue my streak of incredible

performant in and indelible episodes Indelible Indelible I that is a word. I just don't know if that is what you mean I'll give a point to anybody that can tell me what indelible means unable to be dealt delable means Unerasable oh no I'm at an Airbnb. I thought there's a notebook on this test. I like perfect. It's the guest signing notebook Shit, this is gonna be so weird. Ehh, oh fuck.

Oh you- Ah, Mark, you're gonna have an indelible mark on this Airbnb. You've made a very indelible mark on that notebook and this- Oh man. Oh my god. Oh man, and I just had to take up five whole pages of this bad boy. Oh man. There goes your Airbnb- your Airbnb- what happened to me? Your Airbnb rating, man. Oh man. Oh man. There goes your Airbnb, your Airbnb,

what happened to me? Your Airbnb rating, man. Oh my God. That's fucking amazing. I thought it was cool that one week they had like a porn company that signed previously. You get to have five pages of distractible in yours. Yeah, listen,

somebody's about to have a whole episode of distractible in their get, that's, that's history right there. Somebody one day is going to stay there that knows our podcast and they're gonna message us and be like, dudes, I found it. I hope so. I really hope so because otherwise- This is gonna create a real boom in the Airbnb industry looking for that logbook. Yeah, yeah, this doesn't bode well. But anyway, outside of me being at this Airbnb and not messing anything up,

nor anyone's ratings ratings my life is good But I'm gonna hold off on that to hear from my Competitors today my my guests Bob and Wade Bob. I've heard a lot about you. So I finally meet you I'm excited to be on the show a long time watcher first time a guest. Is it myskins? It's actually milk skin. Milk skin, yeah, sorry about that. So Bob, I hear that you're expecting a baby. I certainly was and then he came here and then I'm not really expecting him anymore, he just isn't around now.

That must be fun. There's a lot less sleeping that I had heard, but otherwise, yeah, it's pretty fun. Well, you know what, actually? We have four other babies too. There's a bird's nest outside of one of our windows. We have like a stairs from the upstairs to downstairs. There's a window and there's a tree right there and there's a nest in it and there's four babies in it and it's hecking cute.

You can see them. They're all, and the mom comes and brings them food and spits it in their little mouse. But they're not your babies right? They're on his property. Yeah and like an ownership type perspective. They're ours. But no like I didn't they're not like my son. Okay well be that as it may they're not your children therefore they don't count and I won't give you any points and no one told me what indelible means so no one got a point for that. I told you what indelible means. I wasn't listening. It means it can't be erased. The mark that cannot be removed. I guess I did kind of use it correctly for some reason. Yeah kind of but like just you know that's not how

it's commonly used but like I got what you were saying. Yeah I'll give you the point I'll give you the point I'll give you the point hold on. You know what inedible means? Yes. What's it mean? You know, it's funny. Edible and inedible actually both mean that it can be lit on fire while it's inside you. Dispregrudging chuckles with me points. How does that score? You're on thin ice, you hilarious man. Wade!

Your life. Same as usual, but I will be taking an indefinite leave of absence for the show after recent comments. I realize what a stain I have made. And so I hope you all have a great episode, but this is the start of my indefinite leave. Cause sworn he was gonna. I'm just fucking with you. I'm definitely back. Fuck people and fuck everyone. Ah, it's me. Cool. Is that your life? Yeah, I'm definitely back. Fuck people and fuck everyone. It's me.

Cool. Is that your life? Yeah, pretty boring. I've been playing Diablo recently. Diablo 4, remember that game that was not great? It seems like it's getting better. As long as it follows the trajectory of Diablo 3 and they start adding all those great things in Diablo 3 that they for some reason didn't at launch.

Still missing some key things, but it's getting better and I'm having fun with it, so. Really weird to not take any lessons from your predecessor to me. I feel like that's the wrong move whenever people are like, man, I really love this feature, and you launch a game and you're like, what if we get rid of all of those features? And then add them back slowly as people admit that they liked them more.

Yeah, that's the thing about, like, the game is, people were really missing, I mean you played Diablo 2 much more than I did in the original Diablo, but people were missing a lot of the style of gameplay from that era. And so I can't really speak to it that much because I wasn't a huge fan, but I did like how fast paced Diablo 3 was. And it just, when I started playing Diablo 4, it did feel incredibly slow. It was just very sluggish and progress seemed stilted and, you know,

it just didn't seem as and I get like the power came later. But even when I started getting like more abilities and stuff, it just seemed to be a bit more complicated. So, yeah, I can't speak much to it. Well, so here's the thing. I don't know how long I'm allowed to rant on this, but Diablo 2 was you played through the campaign, then you unlock the next difficulty. You play through the campaign on Nightmare, unlock the next level. You play through the campaign on Hell. And then difficulty you play through the campaign on nightmare then unlock the next level you play through the campaign on hell and then once you

beat it on hell which is very difficult because there were people that were just immune to your damage like Diablo 3 and other games have fixed this or whatever since but like Diablo 2 was tough man if you made a fire sorceress there were literally enemies immune to fire and you just could not hurt them immune to ice immune to physical you would just encounter that either play with somebody else to ice, immune to physical. You would just encounter that, either play with somebody else or skip that enemy, move on. The bosses weren't, but like enemies could be. There were enemies in Act Four that had the spell Iron Maiden.

You walk up and you melee one of those dudes after they cast Iron Maiden on you. You damage them, you blow yourself up because your damage is too much for your health pool and you reflect your damage back, you're dead. You had a hardcore character, not anymore. You had all your gold, nope reflect your damage back, you're dead. You had a hardcore character? Not anymore! You had all your gold? Nope, it's gone, you're dead.

Diablo 2 also had this key system where you could go farm like the Countess. You could farm, I think, I forget where all the enemies were, but anyway, you could get these like keys. Key of terror, key of hate, key of destruction. And then ultimately, I forget exactly how it worked, you put them in like the Harajuric Cube or whatever, or you did something with them. It unlocks Uber Tr tristram you go to tristram and you fight whatever you fight Lilith you fight I forget who all you unlock I think it's uber tristram ultimately where

you fight Diablo Bale and Mephisto all at once they're very difficult they have all these mobs they're very hard to kill it was very difficult really fun but that was it that was the end game the end game was farm for gear go do the uber runs that's it get your hellfire amulet or whatever it was ring maybe it wasn't that maybe it was like a charm you kept i think it was the hellfire torch you kept in your your inventory diablo 3 launched and everyone hated it at launch it got a lot of hate at launch because it had like a real money auction house it had all these other features people were upset about uh the gear grinding wasn't as great once you like the campaign, the story was fantastic.

Once you finished it, it was kind of like, I don't wanna do that again. But they added seasons. They added all kinds of different goblins. They added rifts. They added just a whole bunch of features that made it really fun. And by the end of Diablo 3,

I think it was a better game than Diablo 2 was, but no one admitted it because it was just so bad at launch. Diablo 4, instead of learning about what Diablo 3 had done at the end, they were like, we don't need any of that! Let's make Diablo 3 launch again, but like with seasons, but no end game! What do you do? There are five dungeons. And what do you do once you hit level 50? Well from 50 to 100, you run those five dungeons and you're gonna love it. And then the next season rolls around. You know what you want to do? You want to go around and reveal

the map again and you want to click on every statue, all 500 of them, again, that you did in season one. And then once you're done with that, you're going to get your five skill points and your 20 paragon points, and you're going to love it. What about the end game? There are five dungeons. Why are you playing this game again?

So, well, okay, they've taken feedback and they've added stuff. So season two, I think it was, they added like Duriel and some other bosses that you can farm To get these like uber uniques otherwise have like a one in ten million drop chance. They added ways to farm that season three I actually don't know what they added in season three because season two still didn't quite captivate me season four They did a loot rebalancing. So now they've made where hell tides are more farmable and fun to run I've not gone to endgame to see how the dungeon farming and boss farming is,

but they are slowly incorporating community feedback and being like, okay, in a couple seasons, we'll add that, we'll fix this, we'll do this. They're listening. It's just a slow implementation. Ultimately, I think they're gonna get to the point where it's similar. Right now, they've got something called the pit

and the horn of something. I've not even tried it yet. I've not gotten that far. They're getting to the point now where they're adding a lot of the features that people liked and wanted from the other games, but I just don't understand why at launch they didn't learn any of the lessons and they were just like nah This is great as it is when there was no endgame and it just frustrates me to know in because Diablo is one of those games

Like you said, I've been playing since the 90s Diablo 1 on PlayStation Diablo 2 on PC 3 on PC Whatever like it's just been one of the games that franchise I've loved for so many years and to see it come out in just a horrible state, lose its player base, and then by the time it gets good, everyone's gone and no one wants to give it a chance again, it just infuriates me to no end. Because the potential is there, and they have a great concept. They just can't seem to get it right at launch when it seems to me so obvious what they need to implement. I just don't get it. Blizzard has not been doing well lately. And it's a shame because Blizzard used to be like a Standard of quality the legitimate quality for their their stuff and they cared about what they did But yeah, clearly not anymore. Sorry to go in that big tirade. It's just that something that means something to me. No, it's fair

It's fair. I'll give you a try a tirade point. I've been playing it again. So far this season has been fun I will keep you updated But it's a game that I want to love and I want to give it a chance But like how many chances can I give it? Alright Bob, I'm gonna give you another chance for small talk just because there wasn't much. Our water heater broke and there's maybe a guy on the way here right now, who knows, to maybe look at it and tell me it's gonna cost an arm and a leg to replace it? Who knows? If I get up and leave mid-episode, it's probably

related to that or I had to poop. I'm so sorry, Bob. You were voted to replace me and now you've got the water demon. I still haven't been able to find that poll and I just decided to close the subreddit and stop looking at it. So I'm just going to take Mark at his word on that one. I swear it existed. I saw it. I voted in it. That's weird. It was created by Markiplier. It was created by Mark and then frozen by Mark and there's one vote and it was mark and he voted for me did I screenshot it? Did I screenshot? I probably didn't screenshot. It was like very early in the morning. No, I didn't I got a few pictures of Chica

Though do you want to see those she saw a creek she loved it She was she hates going in the pool or stuff, but she loves the creek. She loves the creek dead Creek Creek dead You wanna see a kind of a more sad puppy picture what no no why creek so jesse our friend jesse i was playing diablo with him uh but we just had um memorial day recently and people were launching off fireworks and his dog hates fireworks so he sent me this picture of his dog hiding from the fireworks under his desk oh he's very cute stressed out doggy. That's adorable puppy. Oh my God, that's an adorable puppy.

She's a very adorable puppy, but she does not like fireworks. Those listeners are missing out. Bob. What were you saying? I can't believe it. That's how he reacts to my small talk. Bob, I'm so sorry, you are me.

Yeah, I really am the new blitz, aren't I? You know, I was out back the other day and my house for no reason my house smelled like cool ranch Doritos And I was like whoa what happened and then I called and I asked a guy and he was like Oh your air conditioner is gonna explode. We better replace it. How's your radon? I like to tons of radon the radon coming out my ears and every time the radon fan turns on to make more radon It's all, Radon! So fucking annoying. God, it's driving me insane.

Every three and a half minutes that happens. I got a fireplace that won't turn off. It's just a constant fire. It won't go away. I put water on it. I ejected it into a vacuum. Nothing. I'm gonna start documenting with photos and videos,

everything we go through so you guys don't think I'm just making shit up. Me too, me too, this is all real stuff. It's happening right now. Cool Ranch Doritos, that is a reference from like 2014, like a charity stream in like 2012, 2014, somewhere in that range, right? What did Cool Ranch Doritos keep away?

They kept away the werecats. Werecats. I was king of the werecats. We told a scary story about going out into the cat skills, which everyone thought I said cat scales, cat skill mountains. And somehow I became king of the werehats in my piss covered pea coat. It's a pea coat made of pea, not a pea coat made of wool.

And cool ranch Doritos are what you put out on the windowsills to keep the werecats at bay. That's such a strange That's crazy. That's weird because this overlaps for me that overlaps with like I can't remember people's names and personal stuff But I do remember like quotes from TV shows and for me that whole episode is like almost like a piece of media But I also lived and experienced it, But I remember very vividly, that one I think was at your mom's table still, in your mom's house. But we had our own mics on that setup. We weren't using the Blue Yeti in the middle. And I remember I was on the

end of the table pointed towards the kitchen. I have like a really vivid memory of that day and that whole thing that happened many, many years ago. Was that the one where we played the Minecraft mod where we got to go to the moon? Probably, yeah. The Minecraft mod where I accidentally wired up a permanent explosion because I wired two solar panels together and they were powered by the sun and they would just make an explosion whenever the sun was out. I always miss that.

I miss those peck-it and technic mods of Minecraft. Those were the days. Yeah, they still exist They might be updated for all I know. I don't know probably Minecraft is still popular somehow Also, my hamster was dead, but now he's alive You have a hamster his name is schmieders Well, you said just put it about weight you so bothered. I'm just telling my personal stories. I'm just sad your hamster came back, man. I've been trying to kill that thing for years.

All right, well, here's your chance. Good segue, Wade. We hit the really dramatic ominous music. We're gonna play a game. And by we, I mean you guys are gonna play a game. Editors, put in the sound of me slapping down a shotgun on the table. I Said the slappy thighs. I thought it was just gonna be like

Why is your shotgun is so wet and slimy? Where'd you keep that? Why is there a shotgun mark? There's a shotgun because you guys are going to play a fun game called shotgun roulette Okay against against each other you two are going to play a fun game called Shotgun Roulette. Okay, against? Against each other. You two are going to play against each other. Is this like the video game that Mark's making a movie of? Yes, absolutely. 100% correct. Starring Ryan Reynolds and The Rock? I was expecting a text saying,

Wade, you ruined it. Stop. Delete this post immediately. Mark stares at the camera in a panic. What? Here's how it works. I have put shotgun gels into that shotgun in a random in an order that you don't know. It's not random to me because I put them there. There are three live rounds and there are three blank rounds in this shotgun. For the first round, it will always be three live and three blank rounds in this shotgun. For the first round, it will always be three live and three blanks, but they will be in a different order

that you don't know. So here's how it works. You two are facing against each other. You each will take turns with the shotgun. You can choose to point it at either your opponent or yourself. And here's the thing, if you point it at yourself and it doesn't go off, you get another turn. But if you point it at yourself and it doesn't go off, you get another turn.

But if you point it at yourself and it goes off, you lose a lightning bolt. I'm not gonna say that your head explodes or anything like that into a fine pink mist. What if I'm real fast and I aim it, but then I'm like, whoa, right as I pull the trigger. No, no, no, that's cheating. You might as well have been aiming at the wall.

I'm improving, come on yes, and me I won't who wants to go first Wait does me yeah, all right wait you go first all right. I've got a shotgun in my hands There are six shells three or live three or blank. I don't know the order Is this like the game where there's other stuff on the table, or is it just a shotgun? Yeah, do we have like items or something we can use? Not yet. Okay, just the shotgun. So it's a 50-50 chance.

How many lightning bolts do we start with? You start with three. I am going to aim it at Mark. Wait, who am I playing against? Bob. I am the first one at Mark. Episode over. It would be an interesting,

a three way shotgun roulette. That is, that is a fascinating thing. Maybe you want to hop in? Do we got an extra chair? No, no, no. It's just like I was playing a simulator with the revolver. We have to play that again.

That was so fun. I know it was like not pleasant fun, but it was so fucking funny. I was having a good time. Even in the moments where you're like, I did it. You never did it. You never actually did what you meant to do. It was so funny.

Didn't we defuse the bomb once? We did defuse the bomb. But wasn't it an accident? Didn't we do it? And then someone was like, did you cut the red wire? And they're like, no, I cut the blue wire. And I'm like, oh, OK. Probably.

But I have tried that with multiple different groups. I've tried that stupid bomb thing. We never get past like the first little thing. So the fact that we actually accomplished that once is one of the bigger gaming accomplishments of my career. Congratulations, man. I'm really proud of you. Now who are you gonna shoot? I'm gonna shoot Bob. Alright, you aim. Wait, sorry. That's the wrong sound.

What kind of sound cut is this? Doon doon doon doon doon doon. Wait, sorry, that's the wrong sound cut. What kind of sound cut is this? Doon doon doon doon doon doon I was trying to get a sound board Cause I was like, I don't have a way to play it on the computer That's what I have to do with my phone, like the animal noises And all I could get was like this meme sound board With like, just a bunch of fucking memes

Anyway, take that Bob, a nice jazzy tune What do you do? You point at Bob? I shoot Bob. Pfft. Was that a fart? I had a burrito before this Bob, I'm sorry. The closest thing I could get to a shotgun son. It's the Rock Eyebrow Raise 3, that's the sound.

Damn. What, is he hit? What happened? Yes, he's hit that seemed bad yeah that didn't seem like a good sound do I give it to him give him the shotgun yeah I don't want to man what if he shoots me he's me might that's a shotgun wrecking okay it's right okay so now there's two live three dummy rounds. Yes. I aim it at Mark No, don't aim it at the dummy there just might be dummy rounds. Now. Here's the thing

I'm gonna say what's important about this game is memory Understanding what has been what will be you can just play it by random if you really want to but once the items get in Then you really need to start paying attention because yeah Yeah, well, it is just chance right now. I remember right now, but there's nothing I can do to learn any more information, right? Do I have anything at my disposal? Not yet. So it's two against three odds of getting shot. I made it myself.

Yourself? Yeah. Then what do you do? But tell it sweet things, whisper in its ear and see what happens. Oh, come on! God damn it. But tell it sweet things whisper in its ear and see what happens. Oh Come on Oh Too bad Bob. That was a big old kaboom. That was a blam. Oh mark Are you able are you able to lie? Are you are you are you on mistrusting us right now?

I will show you after we do it I already have written out the order for this entire round's worth of thing I have six loads that I've already written out Nice. He said loads Alright That's a shotgun reloading. Oh damn it the spiders in there The plastic trigger broke off on the shotgun hang on. Look it's not a good shotgun guys. I'm not Clearly we just shot our shot Bob twice. I guess and he's still standing so well he shot Bob once I shot Bob

Yeah, he shot Bob. He sure did six rounds. We fired two of the live There's three blanks one live and and you don't have to say that out loud Yeah, you don't have to say that part out loud if you want the other to maybe forget about it. But just it's up to you. I wonder what he's going to do. I mean statistically I should aim it at myself But like I just kind of want to keep shooting you until it hits. Please do. Please I would love for that to happen. Okay, I'll aim it at Bob. You know what forget the odds I'm just gonna keep shooting Bob. I don't want to get hit. This is some coin flip bullshit if this is a live round right now.

I shoot Bob. Mark's making a face that's making me not feel good about what's about to happen. Nothing! It was empty. It was nothing. Congratulations. All right, hey, you know what?

You have a one out of three chance of hitting me. You sure do, Bob. I mean, there's a 90% chance of hitting we. Just shoot Mark, dude. I mean, it's not funny if I shoot Wade. I have to aim it at myself I like this Bob's only gonna shoot him and I'm only gonna shoot him all day. You basically have nothing to fear I forgot the racket. Sorry My imagination. Yeah. Yeah, it was all right. Well done. Well done

No hits there Bob you get to go again I know the numbers would say that I should change my answer and aim it at Wade but numbers be damned I'm gonna even it myself I'm either gonna win this in amazing fashion or go out in a blaze of shotgun blasts to my face That's such a bold strategy. Let's see if it pays off. It did pay off. All right. Now you've got a 50, 50 chance.

All right. Now I know what the numbers are saying. I thought I should probably aim it at Wade, but I have a feeling. I just have a strong inkling. No. Yeah. Probably I'll aim this last one at Wade see what happens I hold up a mirror and I say no you he pulls out an uno reverse card and lays out and I go well

It myself. Okay. So for the when the items come in I'll put in an uno reverse card If you guys would like one in there sure. Yes hundred percent. Yes. All right. Okay. Okay Like one in there? Sure. Yes, 100% yes. Alright, okay, okay, alright, here we go. P? Yeah, I was getting ready for the sponsor-y. Hey, before that, let's hear from our sponsors. This episode is brought to you by Fizz. Hey, you know what I like changing every month?

Heath? I can read between the lines of your thoughts, Bob. Are you looking for a new mobile provider? Well, Fizz does things differently. They offer complete transparency, no contracts, no hidden fees, no false promises. The more you stay, the more you get rewarded with dollars off and free data. And you can even roll over unused data each month. Try the other side. Switch to Fizz. Check out

fizz.ca. That's F-I-Z-Z dot C-A. Conditions apply. Yo, we're back! With the wheel of items. Do you guys want me to put the uno reverse card in here? Oh, absolutely Yes, no one likes the inverter so we can put What's the inverter? Yeah, what's the inverter do? I remember some of these it changes What's in the chamber right then and there? Oh, that's rough. It's interesting. What's kind of a gabbily thing? Okay, so just to go over what I know, I think pills heals you one. Beer, for some reason, gets rid of the current shell.

You like rack that shell out. You rack the shotgun, yeah. Handcuffs means you get, whoever has the shotgun gets two shots. The person doesn't get to like, no matter what happens, they are still stuck. Saw, you deal double damage if you hit. Yeah, you saw off the barrel of the shotgun, right?

Magnifying glass, you get to see what's in the chamber. Yes. Okay and you can combine these and do multiple in like one round. Yes you can do all of them in a single round if you want or you can save them until you get what you need. Uno reverse I'm guessing is like the way we're gonna implement that is if Bob's like I'm gonna aim it Wade and pull the trigger I'd be like uno reverse or Bob's like I'm gonna aim it myself and I'm like uno reverse. I think it's an instant it's it's like a like in a cut like in magic or a card game. It's an instant where yeah That's the only counter card we're gonna have in here But it is risk reward cuz if you're not if it is 50-50 then do you play it or don't you play it?

It is it is interesting or if you have a better idea or if you did a magnifying glass and you know What's in there like you could you could work with that? So, okay I think I know I think I know I'm all except for a burner for a magnifying glass then we're gonna start this you guys are gonna get Two items for this next round and then the round after that you get three in the round after that you get four I will allow you to bank items if you don't use them in a single round most likely you will But I'll allow you to bank them you can have up to eight in the game like I don't think we'll get to eight But I'll allow it if I'm not using this single item screw it. I want to keep those things as about valuable All right, wait you went first you're gonna spin first so you get is it spinning. It's spinning very slightly there

It is pills. Okay. All right, Bob. You're up next. What happens if I run out of lightning bolts? Is it over or do I just so there's it's three rounds So that lightning bolt ends of the round and then you know, I would win the first round then we go to round two You got the uno reverse. That's a powerful one. That's a good. I like that one. That's funny So we're doing basically a best of three. That's how it is in the game All right, wait is your second item and you get the burner phone? Okay game. Alright, wait, here's your second item, and you get the burner phone. Okay, so this one's an interesting one. The burner phone in the game, when you call, it'll tell you a random, any of the shotgun shells that are left,

if it's not the first round, it'll tell you if it's a blank or not. So if you call, I will, I will message you, I will type out, say, you know, the last shotgun shell is a blank, or it's live. Okay, I don't get to decide you just tell me a random fact about one shell Get some information. That's interesting Yeah, you will know which one like for certain and let me tell you in the game with this item is super powerful like incredibly valuable Knowing like okay, it's coming up and also I know that there's a blank at the end or there's a live at the end So that means it's more likely that there's blanks at the front it really weighs it So it's like a it's kind of like magnifying glass, but you don't know which one you're getting okay

It's kind of like a phone where it's not your main phone It's an extra one and you get rid of it once you use it right. Yes, that's true You better fucking watch out if I oh you can stack them you can a second uno reverse. Oh, you better fucking watch out. Oh, you can stack them. You can uno reverse uno reverse. If I ever learn any valuable information, God forbid. And here's the thing, Bob, you have one lightning bolt left. Wade, you have two. If it goes down to no lightning bolts, that round ends, the shotgun gets reset, but you keep your items. I'll let you keep your item across.

Only uno reverses, please. Give me eight uno reverses sir all right so to recap Bob you have two unoverses Wade you have pills and a burner phone all right Bob you are up I aim it at myself it's no odds are never gonna be better than they are now I even have myself both pull the trigger ha well done there's still two blanks in there wait that sound is literally bone crack it's it sounds reasonably close to like a slide of the yeah sure now the numbers would say I should aim it at Wade I don't know what I would do if I were you but I think we all know what I have to do and I aim it at Wade. I don't know what I would do if I were you. But I think we all know what I have to do.

And I aim it at myself and pull the trigger. I was really hoping you'd say that and then you'd hold up one of your uno reverses on yourself. Hilariously Bob just ended, he is much like the actual NPC in the game where he just took his last like the actual piece NPC in the game where he just took his last lightning pulse and blasted it away look I I was I had a I had a plan and I it hadn't let me down thus far I wanted to see if it was gonna see me all the way now I can change plans that's good that's good man round one ended a lot sooner than I thought it would that is that is something else don't worry we're gonna have so many items and several stretch it out right yes so we do pick new items so you guys get more items even though

you've used none. That's what I was basically excited for. Yeah, so now the basically everything is reset. I gotta draw more shotgun shells and I gotta get my goddamn coin. Bob, you get the first item and you're gonna get three this time so you get three more items. Uno reverse, uno reverse I can't I have no idea what it's leaning towards. Okay, it's pills. All right, Bob. You got pills. All right, Wade You're up next. Uno reverse, uno reverse Sooo All right, Wade. Okay, Bob. Uno reverse, uno reverse, uno reverse Well, that doesn't look like uno Reverse. That looks like handcuffs.

That's handcuffs. That's still pretty good. That's pretty good. I feel like that's one of the one of the top tier items to me. I feel like Uno Reverse is if I put like if I saw the shotgun, you're just going to be like, nah. All right. You got Mag Glass. That's good. Bob. Wait, I got Mag Glass.

Yeah, you got Mag. I can remind you of what your items are and a beer for Bob. Oh hell Yeah, and then you got two unos from last round. Okay, so I've got pills burner saw mag glass beer Yeah, let me reiterate Bob. You have pills handcuff beer uno uno, Wade You have saw magnifying glass beer pills burner phone. What do you get it first this time? Yes, you get it first. But obviously, I'm going to aim it at Wade. Changed another strategy. No, I can't. I've been aiming at myself. That didn't pan out.

So I have to aim it at Wade. Wade, can I hold up one of his uno reverses? No. I smile. Right in your stupid teeth. What are the odds? Wait, how much health did we have this time? You have three. Still have three. You have two now.

Yeah, Wade, you have two now. Can I have three again? Depends on what you do. That's nice. So it's his turn, even though I, because I didn't aim it at myself, it's his, even though he did. Yes, it is. Okay. Yes, yes, yes. We'll make your move, pony boy. I do have items, but I'm busy with those. So I'm aim at Bob. I'm gonna pull the trigger. I'm gonna hold up my hands and fear and do nothing Replacement all right Bob you have the shotgun now. I'm gonna take my pills and heal back up to three lightning bolts

I'm bleeding over here. I'm fine and you got wait What's that one mean? There you go, you took pills and now that's what you're hearing. I done got healed. Yep, you're now three health. The numbers were telling me I should aim it at myself. And so I will, I aim it at myself and I pull the trigger without thinking. Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Man, this one, I was like this first round, there's no fucking way.

Cause I just kept chucking up a coin, and kept on heads, heads, heads, heads. And it's just like, and so it looks, it looks completely unbelievable, but it's true. Like I swear to God. Let me not reveal anymore. It was just, that's what it was. Like it was just, I couldn't fathom how that happened, but. You know what? what coins always get me I should have kept in mind that you were flipping a coin

I should have uno reversed my own self whatever I thought that was wrong because it's the coins knew what I would think and They knew how to get me and they did that that they did they sure did anyway Do we have to keep shooting the blanks? No, you start we start over. What's the live rounds are all gone, right? Or you're not start over but you get another you put more shells in. Okay. So we're both at two health. You used your pills. Yes, man. Thank God for that. You should have kept your strategy of only aiming it at me. While Wade thinks about his next move, I steal his pills and take those too. No, no, you get more, you get more items here. I'm going to give you some more. Oh shit. All right. All right, Wade, you get first item You're gonna be up to eight so you won't have any more after this that looks like a beer Bob. You've got

Handcuffs you're gonna keep me cuffed all day man. You cannot use them Sequentially you have to have a turn in between you even in the game. I've tried that it's it doesn't allow you to do it That's another beer. Dude. I'm just gonna get drunk. Hey, we just over getting trashed What are we doing shotguns? Far out man Bob you get a saw I could really use some more pills to refill the pills I already wasted ooh is this adrenaline? What does that do? Wade you know how you were asking if you could steal any of his this is how you do it you use this item Then you get to use any item of Bob's but you have to use it immediately

So you use that to use one of his Jesus? You just get so amped up that you just grab something and do it pretty much and in the game. It's all rusty and terrible That's another beer Yeah beer for Bob. We can share a beer together. Yes, you can share all the beers So I'm loading the next round. Here, listen for the loading. God, it sounds so realistic. Five. I counted five. Yeah, was that five? That's how many live rounds are in this one. So it's five and three dummies? How many total? Yeah five live, three dead. Oh I think Wade should go first. I'm gonna start

using some items here. Can I? Yeah you got eight man. Over here hoarding items and winning. Okay question here, so how does uno reverse work if I like use items? Can Bob stop me from using items? It's for the trigger pull right? Like as the gun is about to go off you can can uno-reverse it and switch. Universe and it flips around. Okay, so even if I like, I don't think I have handcuffs, but even if I were to like handcuff Bob or something and then I go to pull the trigger, he can uno-reverse and make me shoot me instead of him with that pull.

If he's handcuffed, I don't think he can do anything. But you don't even have handcuffs, so why are you asking? Well, I'm just theorizing for the future how the Unir Reverse might affect my... Just theory crafting this very important game Mark is managing with a sheet of paper. Look man, I've got eight items here to work with, you've got a Unir Reverse, I'm just trying to think it through, okay? I'm going to... I'm going to do that, I'm going to adrenaline rush and steal his handcuffs.

Alright, so you just handcuffed Bob, so Bob you lose your next turn, so it'll go back to Wade no matter what. And you lose one handcuff. Yes, and he- okay, you lose adrenaline, he loses handcuffs, you just used it, Bob you're handcuffed. I'm going to saw. I probably should've used a different item first. I guess I'm gonna shoot Bob. Alright. Damn it. Sorry about that, my friend. That didn't work, but he's still handcuffed.

So you get another turn, but the end of the... Well, technically the handcuffs come off once it's Wade's turn again, right? Yes. So it's Wade pretends to hand the gun to me and then takes it back and I'm all, and I got free hands again. So theoretically I could do an O reverse. Yeah. Now you don't have handcuffs.

So yeah, it's his turn again. You don't have handcuffs Well, he's got one pair. He had two Yeah, mark you know this on paper in front of you. Yeah, wait, but wait, are you using an item right now? I use the saw and I use my adrenaline. Okay, that's good. So now it's the guns in my hands. There's I'm gonna you know what did I need a drink? I'm gonna, you know what? Dude, I need a drink. I'm gonna drink a beer. How is Mark the most confused? I'm so- I don't know, but I'm gonna drink a beer.

Bob, you want to drink a beer with me? Yeah, cheers, but not really. You drink a beer, that's one beer down. It goes live round, pops out. All right, so we're down to four and two, yeah? Maybe. I was more asking Wade, honestly, you seem really lost in the sauce Thankfully I'm writing things down. I'm so glad I'm reading them. I'm going to aim it at Bob and pull the trigger

Oh, no reverse. I'm gonna aim it at myself and pull the trigger. He sure is Wade just got blasted in the face Does that mean it's his turn again? Or does that mean it's my turn because he still chose to shoot me? If he chooses himself and it shoots him, he loses that extra chance. If it's a blank when he aims at himself,

that's the only time you get another one. Oh, nifty. It's my turn either way. Yeah, so I've got one lightning bolt left. Yes, Wade, you have one lightning bolt left. I've got five items, one lightning bolt. You've got five items, two lightning bolts. I'm gonna start my turn very responsibly

by drinking a beer. All right, you drink a beer. Live round pops out. I use my other handcuffs on Wade. Are you sure you don't wanna use them on yourself? I will allow it. Oh, you almost got me. Oh, Wade, what does he want me to do?

Hang on. All right, he's handcuffed. I am at Wade knife fire. Oh No, it's my turn again It's your turn again Bob handcuffs are off Wade if you had any uno reverses you could use them, but you don't hey Wade What do you want to barter for my uno reverse card? You know what I just had what I'm good, I think I'm just gonna aim at Wade and fire You know what? I just had what I'm good. I think I'm just gonna aim at Wade and fire!

Bam! Well executed. You know that would have been a lot funnier if it was a blank. If it had been a blank, that would have been very funny and a little bit confusing cuz of how numbers work. So that's now we have one win for Bob no yes one win for Bob one win for Wade I think we'll just have to call this next one. This will be the end the old decider I've got five items and Bob has three is that right and you're about to get some more fuck It's gonna get weird up in here you guys go to four lightning bolts so Bob you're getting the first item hell Yeah, give me a good one oops another saw So you get a saw you now have two saws if I saw twice does that mean does three damage?

No, no, no, it means you have a broken shotgun Cut it into little bits and throw it at Wade the software way Man, there's a lot of damage are coming in here Wade the software way Man, there's a lot of damage are coming in here Look man, you're seeing it. I guess I'm using saws every turn for the rest of the game Nah, it's fine. It'll be fine. All right looks like we got some handcuffs. This is the last item for you Bob Adrenaline you'll have to settle for bills All right, and you can't heal past four still, right?

No, you cannot heal past four. And the magnifying glass. Oh shoot. Man, Wade got a bunch of good stuff. You got good stuff. How many did you just give him? Did you give him three or four? I'm up to eight items.

Yeah, he's up to eight. You got three extra. He got three extra. You're at six, I'm at eight right now. So what you have, Bob, you have a saw, you have three saws. It's not good. You have pills, an uno reverse, and a beer.

So that's, you have six items right now. Wade, you have a saw, handcuff, two magnifying glasses, pills, a burner phone, and two beers. That's eight items, you cannot have any more items. And Bob, I think it's the shotgun first. Yes, it is his turn with the shotgun first listen for the load That's four bullets Bob what shall you do start this with those let's burn this mother down I use a saw Oh my guys gonna aim it at himself. What a power I use a saw and I shoot it at Wade wait, I want to drink a beer

That's to help down for Wade there I knew that would happen. All right Wade, I'm gonna take my pills I want to take Bob's pills. You can't do that. You can't have him. Fuck man. Let's go crazy Can I use the burner phone sure can only I get to know the answer to this right? Yeah, don't tell me what he tells you I'm not supposed to know this I guess. I use a phone tap and listen in on your conversation. Damn it you have that? It's my secret personal ability. Okay, let me make sure I'm sending that to Wade. Feel free to misunderstand whatever Mark just said. Alright Wade, how you feeling? I'm going to drink a beer all right you drink a beer What's one of your two last beers down? Blank shell pops out. I'm a magnifying glass all right. You're magnifying message you again get rid of all these bad boys

What secrets in this round I'm gonna aim it at myself even it is himself. No he doesn't I'm gonna aim it at myself. He aims it at himself. No he doesn't. Oon! Wait, it would have been really funny if that was. If I did anything else with there. Oh well. I'm a handcuff Bob.

Okay, he's handcuffed. I'm gonna blow through him all. I'm gonna saw. He's gonna saw, alright. He's going for it. I'm gonna shoot Bob. I duck. Does that help? Amazingly, he's handcuffed to the table, so he can't move very far. Not just my hands are handcuffed.

I can move a lot with my arms tied down. Bob, you got blasted for two points. Your handcuffs break, but it's now Wade's turn again. I'm going to use the magnifying glass. How many of those motherfuckers did you have? That's his last one. Damn, I thought you only had one. I should have been writing this down.

I think this... I'm going to aim at it myself. Wait a minute. No, go ahead and blast yourself in the face you dummy That was uh, I that was an attempt to get you to do no reverse I guessed as much Fuck alright, so that uno is gone. That was a oh no. It's not gone wait. It's not guy. I didn't do nothing He didn't do nothing did I'm down to a beer? Wait, it's not guy. I didn't do nothing. He didn't do nothing. Did I'm down to a beer? You're down to a beer and two lightning bolts and Bob's down to two lightning bolts, too And what items do I currently have you saw pills uno saw and beer? I am going to take my pills you got another lightning bolt bloop bloop bloop. Okay. I am going to

Chug a beer you chug a beer you rack the gun I am going to... Chug a beer. You chug a beer, you rack the gun. Blank pops out. Interesting. I am going to saw the gun. Aim it at yourself. Aim it at yourself. I don't like this 50-50 bomb. And then, I'm gonna go ahead and aim that at...

Well, I'm gonna aim at Wade and pull the trigger. Oh, come on, man! And then I go ahead and aim that at well I'm aiming at Wade and pull the trigger. Oh, come on, man. All right, you're aiming at a wave Uno reverse Yeah, wait, that was that was quite the I think I think you realize what corner you backed yourself into by Magnifying and seeing what it was cuz it's cursed knowledge right? Yeah. Because you had that Uno reverse. Yeah the Uno reverse really that was the most fucky item because it's like any knowledge I have if I plan that knowledge I know Bob could just be like nope. You would have 5d chest the shit out of me if you magnifying glass and then immediately

aimed it at me without hesitation I would have had no idea. There is something to say for speed I suppose that is true but with that Bob you have won the tiebreaker third round oh yeah everyone rejoiced when Wade was dead goodbye we fairly kept victory out of Wade's hands yes we did it by the sheer skin of and I gave him like every information he had a lot of really good information that one yeah yeah a ton of info he used all of his I mean he played it really smart because he don't he he did the blank And then the other blank he knew about Tried to shoot himself sawed you if he just didn't have that curse knowledge of that Latin that next shell

I feel like he might have had that but alas such is the way of things. That was fun I mean, I hate you guys and our friendship is actually over and this is all a facade. We're doing this for money. We don't like each other. Fuck you guys. And I've ruined this, uh, this Airbnbs notebook. Did you continue to take- to do the episode into that notebook? I sure did, yep. Tim and Margaret were here! And also a bunch of shotgun shells No at the end of it just put like mark Amy cheek and Henry

Sign your work. Yeah, probably. All right. Anyway, so Bob you got you got points for indelible wet and cat skills We'd you got tirade points, but in the end Bob you won the overall round so you win the game. Ah You won the overall round so you win the game. Oh That was fun. Yeah, you like that if I hadn't started that last round with an instant two shot to your face I think it might have gone very differently for you, which basically means I won by sheer luck But that's how I like to win Well, Wade did shoot himself in the face trying to trick you so it was a it was a high risk It was a high risk low reward play and he played it. I figured either way at that point It was like well if I aim it at him, he's gonna reverse it if I aim it at me

He might reverse it he might not but I figured if I aim it at him no matter what he would be like no I was kind of like once I knew that there was handcuffs like no matter what I played it was gonna be a gamble But at least if I ended it myself you technically had a beer left way You could have chugged it. I didn't once I ended it myself. I didn't think I could rack it after I said that That's true. That's true. Let's go loser beach first Wade Wade, you could have chugged it. I didn't, once I ended it myself, I didn't think I could rack it after I said that. That's true, that's true. Let's go Loser Beach first, Wade. You two in the subreddit have won.

You guys have kept me out of the winner's circle thus far. But my time is coming. And when it does, according to one angry person in the subreddit whose comment I did see, I will host another one of those just small talk episodes just to spite them. So it's coming, surprise. Nothing but small talk, and I'll be very angry and whiny and complaining during it. Sounds right. I will

somehow be upset about losing the episode I host. That would be impressive that would be really quite a combo. I have decided that's the only way forward for me. Alright good speech Bob what how do you feel? That was fun that's a fun game I so that is a game that exists is there a version of that where you can play against other humans or is or always against the AI? I don't know. Maybe maybe they're working on that. That is a very fun like 1v1 You're you have to be on video chat, right? You can't like play 1v1 anonymously because then it doesn't matter but like looking at Wade and seeing

Talking shit and seeing the info and stuff It was very fun and I could see that a lot of funny scenarios coming up in that, it was very good. That's a good game. I like the UNO reverse edition, that is fun, especially just for multiplayer version of it. Especially when only Bob gets two of them and I'm the whole time like sweating like,

dude, any decision I make with knowledge, these magnifying glasses are useless. Dude, you got a lot of good shit. You had a burner phone, you had magnifying glass, you had so much information. The burner was helpful because you didn't know but the magnifying glass you know I know the next round so like that knowledge when you have an uno reverse I feel it kind of cancels out that's why I had to like try to mind play it's an interesting item better than the stupid inverter who

cares about that that's dumb well thank you everybody so much for watching and or listening please don't sue me the creator of buckshot roulette this is a game available on Steam and if there is a multiplayer mode Hey, that's great If there's not there should be because apparently it's pretty fun and if you add in the uno reverse Hey, pay me money. Good luck when you get sued by uno. Who knows all to be like hey pay us money All right No one pay anybody any money except pay us money for merch at distractible store

us money for merch at distractible store dot com check it out go there check out the merch Eventually, we'll have a constitution a pocket constitution for you to keep in your breast And then we'll all burn our constitutions and go back to the way things were before we changed We'll see on the boat. All right. Thank you. Check out Bob and Wade wherever they are I was gonna make like a godfather reference to the boat not Frodo. What's his name? Broke my heart Frodo Are you bagginses are all the same you broke my heart Frodo, okay podcast out Was that guy's name?