Distractible - Sisyphean (Sis-uh-fee-uhn)

Episode Date: June 20, 2025

Bob and Wade must carry the weight of Mark's game on their shoulders. This episode is brought to you by vitaminwater. Grab a vitaminwater today. Learn more at uber.com/onourway Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode of distractible is presented by vitamin water some drinks are fun Some drinks are functional but vitamin water said why not both the elevate blue raspberry Actually, very good as I'm getting older. I found that I'm a raspberry guy They also have zero sugar rehydrate pineapple passion fruit as I'm getting older. I'm finding. I'm really a pineapple guy I'm like Wade but with with apples. Grab a vitamin water today, copyright 2025, glass-o, vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass-o. Good evening gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Mechanical Mark displays pick-up altruism, moves in with a porn performer, then gets Hellenic with a punishing trial.

Bald-shaming Bob discusses his word, defies Morgan, Dwayne, Gordon, Mark, and Beverages. Wide-eyed Wade neglects Newman knowledge, prays to Pebbles, Siege Machinery, Batman, and Hot Air. From unrighteous attacks to Texas two-step It's time for Sisyphean now sit back and prepare to be distracted and

Enjoy the show Hello Welcome to distractable your number one source of technology news Welcome to Distractible, your number one source of technology news, technology updates, all about tech, everything about tech. We're a tech podcast, right guys? Yeah. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Where'd the confidence go Wade? Come on. You talked about the one thing I know the least about. A bold claim from Wade. That's true, there are a lot of things I know the least about.

Bob's off to a crazy start. Sick burn. Oh yeah, well he's green-shirted. That's me. Oh yeah, that was good. Is that also good about Bob? Plus for a creep It is now I was gonna give it to you

but I'm good I realize the error of my ways Well if we're not a tech podcast then I guess we're just some sort of comedy podcast that does random games has no consistency, we change who's in charge and we change the rules as often as we can get away with.

The Constitution has been a hamper on that, but hey, in America, we don't believe in that shit. So what does it matter anyway? Yeah, get them! I'm here to, well probably for not much longer, but I'm here to subject these two to my whims and my whimsy in that order. But before I get to the whimsical whimsy, which one of you wants to start off with telling us about how your day has been? Wade bonus points if you allude to your hypothetical non- or fictional car. I do have a car update. Is it in the ocean?

Well, I guess technically it's like a Schroedinger's car right now. I don't really know where for sure I took it in to get it cleaned up because cicadas are just annihilating everything right now And every time you drive five minutes the seawater really wrecks Systems, I don't know some three days of the week. I can take it in for a free car wash for Whatever period of time so I was like look my windshield is covered in dead cicada goo and for whatever period of time. So I was like, look, my windshield is covered in dead cicada goo and I did one of those like interior coatings to help protect the interior so it lasts longer.

Sure, sure. And I don't know what happened, but the back seats are just like, they got lines of drippies. And I was like, I don't think they're supposed to have all these lines of drippies. Can we touch that up? They're like, oh yeah, sure. They sent me on a bit of a run around but eventually we found someone was like, yeah We'll take care of it. It'll take a couple hours. You know what might take us to five hours

I'm assuming you guys don't want to wait that long. I was like, I don't want to sit here for five hours So they're like, okay. Well, this is on us. We'll get you hooked up with a rental We'll give you a call in a few hours. You can get your car. Everything will be fine. Uh-huh. That was yesterday Where's my car? Call me Just a wash it's still being cleaned apparently it's a real detailed car wash I think it's gonna be so clean when you get it back guaranteed. I have a bonus clean when you get it back? Guaranteed. I have a bonus podcast update. Wow. Okay. Oh. I got a message. I tweeted out. I was like sharing that we had an episode come out on Monday and one person responded to that. I don't know why I spend time

listening to this podcast. It's just disappointing and I reminded myself man they spent a lot of money being forced to watch and listen to this but that I think that one comment is representative of everyone who watches and or listens Just very disappointed in the podcast that we present and I just wanted you guys to know That's fair. Any reason any particular reason that was the entirety of their message. Does that message really need explanation mark? I think you're just being facetious. It's disappointing. What is unclear and also what is surprising about that? All right. Well, okay. All right. So, Wade, you get a point for being disappointing. Mark, you sent me down a rabbit hole. I don't know how I feel about it and I also don't know if I'm going to get a roll top desk or not. Oh, interesting. We talked about this.

We talked about this. we talked about this. There are a lot of roll top desks. And I've basically come to the conclusion that I don't want to spend the money on a new hardwood one. I kind of want to buy like a used one and maybe refinish it or maybe just have a night. Like, it's a good thing. It's good to keep furniture alive and give it a new life.

And I wanted to do that. Even the smallest rolltop desk They don't seem to come apart. They seem to be solid units. There's no like oh the top comes off I'm pretty sure I'd have to rent a pickup truck in order to make this dream come true You telling me you telling me in Ohio? You don't have a friend a neighbor who has a pickup truck That would be so happy. I know as a guy that has a truck now whenever someone asked me I'm like fuck. Yeah, I have a truck. This is what I was born for yes, please

Let me use my truck to haul something there are lots of pickup trucks I don't know anyone even slightly who has one of those things What vacuum do you live in there? Literally, there are people with pickup trucks in my neighborhood But I don't we're not like friendly like they lived up down the street up the street around the people around me all drive Literally all drive Honda CRVs or Honda Accords those are the only cars I have or or literally all drive Honda CRVs or Honda Accords. Those are the only cars I have,

or one friend has a two-door Lexus sports car that's real, unlike Wade's. But like, I have the biggest, I have a big hybrid electric SUV, I have the biggest car in my neighborhood, except for the people who have pickup trucks who live a couple blocks down and I never talked to. And one of for the people who have pickup trucks who live a couple blocks down and I never talked to. And one of them has one of those pickup trucks that I don't think he would want a big desk in the back of. It's like a bright orange, hard to get in and

out of, really, really ridiculously uncomfortable looking deal that when he starts it up, even though he lives far away, it kind of echoes around the whole neighborhood like it's gonna Shatter windows kind of deal very cool truck. I think I'm so paying attention I swear to God I am I just I believe you I know you're capable of I'm I'm Enraptured I'm enraptured by your words. Anyway, I just don't know if it's gonna work mark I just don't think it's possible, but now I'm obsessed with the idea of can I get a roll top desk? Could I take it into sections? Could I put it in the back of my car and just tie the trunk down and just do the-

Put it on your roof like a tree. You could rent a temporary U-Haul for like 20 bucks. Yeah, well that's the thing is I can rent a pickup truck or a U-Haul or whatever for like It's always like run it for 20 bucks for the first hour Oh, it's the dude make you do like four hours or something But yeah plus fees plus whatever plus no I got you I got you here you go Bob Here's your strategy you look at where the pickup or the the the desk is right? Yep, you search that area for nearby car and truck dealerships

Go to there say like I want to test drive one I just really need to know what I'm buying before I get behind the wheel you you say like hey I've always wanted to go down this path my childhood home I'd loved my dad had a pickup truck you drive down that he's tears by now because you're so telling the story so well Sure sure go to the place pick up the roll top desk you go oh my god it's still here wow my child desk you don't think and he's so weeping can you help me put it he lifts it puts it in the truck you're like wow oh my god I have to get this home please please you could ride with me in fact Do ride with me and you go home get them to bring it out

And then when you're at your house help me move it into my basement exactly exactly Can you take this other stuff with you hey look this truck's not for me Problem solved I was gonna say while we're here. I've actually got about one truckloads worth of stuff I really need to take over to the dump. Would you mind helping me? It'll only take like another hour, hour and a half tops. People are going to start doing this. This is dangerous advice, Mark. Not every dealership makes you have a person ride along with you anymore. When I test drove for my current car, they just gave us keys to the car and we're like,

have fun. And I was kind of like, that blew me away when that happened to us. Cause I was like, don't you guys want to thank you? Look it doesn't really, I guess I kind of, I thought about it when it happened. Cause I was, I was kind of like, that's really bold, but they like copy your license. Like they know who you are. Except one time they forgot that step for me. If you're going to do something fucking crazy, if there's a guy in the car from the dealership

and he's like, no, don't, is that going to really stop you? Like, what's he going to do? Grab the wheel. If you're like, I'm'm gonna test drive this car and fucking crash it into a what a guy in the passenger seat being like don't do that you're gonna crash look out yeah I know how's the plan I'm glad someone's here to witness my genius well I'll give you points for boldness in whatever way you exploit other people to get that roll toptop desk. I have a Markiplier update. Damn. What? This is breaking news on my timeline. Mark, first of all, I didn't know your birthday was June 25th 1990. That's news to me. I also didn't know that you lived in Germany and were married to a German pornographer actress. Oh man.

But I just got the article right here that is definitely written by people and is real. But I just want to say I can't believe you've been living this double life this whole time. Is it actually say Markiplier or is it just some other guy named Mark Fishbach? Marcus Markiplier Fishbach, all spelled wrong. See now, if that was real AI, they wouldn't misspell it. And I think that this is true article written by a human. Yeah, I just didn't, I didn't know all this about you, but here we go.

I learned a lot today, but congrats. And also I can't believe there's a California Germany I never knew about. I can't believe either. That's it for my weird social media updates. Yep, where's my car? Okay, well I'll talk about my life later because we've got other things to discuss. For those that are curious, I'm fine in LA. Nuke's haven't been launched yet, but I will I have my secret YouTuber underground bunker that I will dive into

Uh and and be protected up. Obviously the situation is very serious and I'm hesitant to make lots of jokes about it Uh, but this is comedy podcast and so I will Make jokes anyway at the expense of my own honor and morals very funny. I'm gonna tell you them One of the things that happened that was really funny in a cosmic sense not in a direct sense is Wherever the ICE agents were staying in their hotels protesters went to those hotels and just All night long just leaning on the horns. They got kicked out of this hotel, that hotel.

They just got passed out further and further out to LA. And then they swung right back, came into Glendale, and then they got kicked out of there and whatever hotel they were in, because all the hotel managers and owners, it didn't matter if they were aligning with the politics or beliefs or whatever, it doesn't really matter. Uh, all of them were just like, it's bad business guys. You gotta go. You gotta go.

This is all the other people here don't want to stay here when you're here and everyone's talking. So anyway, just cosmically funny little tidbit. I think everyone would enjoy, you know who it's not funny for Mark. You know, you're not thinking of here is those poor, those poor hotel managers. This is not funny for them. Do you think they all ask for a refund individually? Do you think they have one big ice credit card?

It's probably on the company card, right? I don't know how these things work. You know, like ice, ice daddy came in and was like, we need 35 rooms and just. It's really funny because that would be the determinant of it if they're actually ice agents or just dudes in cosplay. Do they dress like Mr. Freeze when they go places and have to say like puns? Yeah! Listen, we're making jokes here that are in the moral zone. Yeah, that was outside, man. That was too far. I'll stay out here.

Okay, anyway, that's the update but it's But it's a serious issue. I'm not trying to make light of it It's a fine light cuz I don't want to be like listen. It's not as bad as it's portrayed, but also it's a very serious situation I don't know how to properly articulate that so anyway That's what I'll say and by the time people watch this it'll be out of date unless it's still going on which it could be Yeah, I mean it could be better could be worse, it's hard to say. Things are weird. Mm-hmm. It's like an internal, never-ending struggle.

Right? Mm-hmm. It's like a perpetual, unending battle. Wink, wink, wink, wink, wink. Are you supposed to be winking? Are you? It's exactly what Mark is saying. Yeah, right, guys, right, guys? It's like a perpetual unending battle segue point, please and no anyone know anything That's I don't know kind of like that. Oh

Grocery shopping the forever war in the Warhammer universe the flying llama thing and never-ending story The flying llama thing and never-ending story The flying llama no, I know what he's talking about I guess that's not a bad description of it But it's not a good description either Anybody just like a kind of really famous story about a perpetual struggle War of 1812 Sherlock Holmes actual struggle war of 1812 Sherlock Holmes uh uh uh Captain America okay kind of like not really but the little engine that could brave little toaster I would love a sequel in today's modern technology world and the

Rugrats all growed up WALL-E okay! Okay, kind of with Wall-e, but not really. Okay, think older. Older, older. Terminator. Terminator? It's older than WALL-E. Yeah, that's true. That's true, that's true. No, it's Take Place of the Future, man. It's, that's actually newer.

No, it's actually, WALL-E's future is farther future than that future. Land Before Time. Okay, too far back. Land After Time. Time After Time. Take On Me. farther future than that future land before time okay too far back land after time time after time take on me you're so close not really you were closer before Elvis jailhouse rock back to the future I'll give you a hint I'll give you in sperm Bob jellyfish in the stock market always up baby. That's what we're talking about housing costs an unpoppable balloon took too much viagra

Story a story a story a story about always going up Hang on. This is just hang on sissies Hang on. Wait a minute What's the second part of that one? Syphilis in the small rocks no no no no no I could get there I could get there He flew too close to the Sun and his arms melted Sisyphus. Sisyphus. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SH this episode is brought to you by uber you know that feeling when someone shows up for you just when you need it most. That's what Uber is all about.

Like when Wade's house was flooding and falling to pieces all around him and you showed up just when he needed you to so you could film it and exploit it for views on the internet. No. Whatever it is, big or small, Uber is on the way. So you can be on yours. Uber, on our way. To your house, Wade. Sisyphi-by-side You're on the same level okay? I had to modify the mountain a bit to get tears so you have steps I'm a top. Oh, I see those are our faces

I'm just not very smart or looking at it very closely if I had more time I would have built this in 3d and I actually know if I had any desire at all to do that I would have done that but I didn't do that because I didn't want to do that at all. No, I like this I think this is good. You two are both Sisyphus you can have that's your last name, right? So your Bob Sisyphus and your Wade Sisyphus your brothers or something or whatever I don't know whatever yeah sure cousins right? Do I have to climb up these rocks bro?

Is that Sisyphus's accent? That's it right there He's got it Is that Borat? I don't even know what accent I did Oh no I can't believe this rock keeps rolling down this hill. Bro. Not very nice. Oh, listeners. There are two rocks.

And then there's a brown staircase. It's a mountain, obviously. Eleven steps to lead to the mountain flag. We're at the beginning of our eleven step program. Well, ten. It's ten steps. But we're on the first one. We're on the beginning of our 11 step program. Well 10 it's 10 steps, but we're on the first one. We're on the ground It's 10 actionable steps. So it's like, you know, one. All right, fair enough. Five six, seven eight nine ten We need to go up ten levels. Yes, you do you have to go to ten levels Whoever gets to the top of the mountain

Gets their freedom you have been cursed by the gods for your hubris Wade what was your crime? oh uh smelly pits smelly pits mmm terrible crime terrible crime Bob what do you do to defend the gods?

while holding my 10 gallon bucket of wheelchairs fired my shotgun wildly into the air trying to kill the gods they did not care for that hey I know that reference I know this one today it doesn't really matter what you're starting crimes was that doesn't affect the game at all I was just kind of curious what you guys would make them alright so here's how it's gonna work I have my new spinner I have to manually stop it it'll go forever it's very. Alright, so here's how it goes you Don't know which God cursed you so you're going to pray

To any God you want you have to name the God what they're the God of so like I pray to God of X Please give me a boon and that's the only way that you're gonna go up or down the staircase. You can't just be like, I'm gonna push it because in the story of Sisyphus, his own effort never got him to the top. You got in there with the God's blessings, you got out of there with the God's blessings. But, it's not guaranteed that the Gods are gonna give you what you want, unless I guess it really aligns, I don't know, I'll make a judgment call. But, we're gonna roll a d20 in terms of success and failure, and also be careful what you wish for, because it could be interpreted in different ways,

or it could be more than you want. Also you can pray to detrimentally affect your opponent or positively affect your opponent. You can pray for anything you want but the objective remains the same. You gotta get up this hill. Do we have to know real gods for this? You make them up. Thank God.

Well, thank me. Thank us. Thank you. Thank we. Thank we, are you ready? He sounds excited You're going first then I'll even give you the going first point. I knew it. I was ready for this. All right, Wade

What do you think of it? What are you thinking? What are you? What are you doing? What are you it's going through your mind when you're at the bottom of this mountain? It looks pretty high up there. So I'm just picking a god to pray to because I got one in mind. Yep I'm gonna pray to the god of helium that this boulder weighs a lot less That's a good prayer. That's a good prayer. All right, so above above 11 to 20 is success 1 to 10 is failure. Oh 10 right on the money didn't make it. Ah Sorry, man, the god of helium it just like went into your lungs or something and you just now you talk funny Alright Bob. Well who you praying to? Oh, sorry here. Sorry. You can't pray to the same God twice That's the thing about it. You have to have a different god.

You could pray to the god of hydrogen, that would be different enough with a similar effect, but you can't be the same god. It's one and done. I pray to Morgan Freeman, also known as God himself. Please almighty Morgan Freeman, use your beautiful silky voice and other godly powers to convince the boulder to roll itself up the hill. You know, I did, I was gonna have a rule where you can't just pray to God, period,

because it has to be the god of something, but I think you've found a technicality here. Let's just see what happens and then I'll go from there. Hey! Why am I doing it to the camera again? Yeah, just so you can see it, that's fine. Oh, seven.

That's not very good. Sorry, it turns out that was just's a movie It wasn't actually God Morgan Freeman is a mortal man with his own sins and faults just like the rest of us. Maybe more maybe less What do we really know? Anyway, you don't go anywhere. Wait, who you praying? I pray to the Sigma God himself to give me the smooth cut and jib and the Sigma God himself to give me the smooth cut and jib and Powerful muscles that allow me to flake this little rock right up the hill

So you want to be the god of Sigma? Is that what it is? I almost said Ligma and I corrected myself in my mind So yeah, Sigma is the one I want You kinda muttered on that the name of it, so let's see how that pans out for you. Dude, ten again. I'm so sorry. That's so close! God, Sigma did not grant you. If you remember that quiz that we took of whether we were Sigma or not, you were not Sigma. Only one of us was.

Maybe the spinner's broken, I don't know. it actually have all the numbers. I haven't checked Can it go above ten or is it? All right, okay Statistically, you know, it's fine. All right, why don't you get this dice spinner from a joke shop? probably Bob oh I pray to Tyler ninja ble, the god of Ligma, to curse my opponent to dance the floss dance endlessly for the rest of eternity, making his task that much harder.

I'm not seeing any movement! Alright, let's see that. Seventeen! It does go above ten. Alright, let's just say that worked, and I was really only accounting it to go backwards and not dance. I'll say he loses a turn. Damn, I wanted three tens in a row. Yeah, well, don't worry, man. You'll get it on the next one.

Alright, so that worked. Bob, uh, pray again. I pray to Dwayne The Rock Johnson, God of rocks, to give me the strength to make my rock go up one step. I just realized, like, the skipping a turn almost made it like you didn't even do the last wish, because now you just do one for yourself. Hey, I had to dance. He was dancing. That- that was- he wasted energy maybe that'll live I think you should have to do like five seconds of the actual floss dance on camera in real life I don't even fucking know the floss dance is it the one where you're like yeah no that's right that's pretty much Faster do it faster do it faster

And anyone who's not a listeners head just exploded that's right all those pelvic thrusts it was too sexy all right, okay You prayed to the god of rock the rock god of the rock. Let's see to give you strength all right nine I'm so sorry, these, man, you guys are not making any progress. I apologize, I feel like- I blame the spinner. Wait, oh, it's good to be back. I pray to the God of fruity pebbles

to shrink my boulder to the size of a fruity pebble. How big is a fruity pebble? Cereal, man, it can't be that big. Pretty small, like one single fruity pebble. How big is a fruity pebble? Cereal man, it can't be that big. Pretty small, like one single fruity pebble is like, you know, pebble sized. Make it real easy to climb a step. Alright, okay, okay, alright. Fuck man, I'm so sorry, it's five. Man, I'm sorry, I don't know. Dear Pidhouse Forum, I can't believe this happened to me. Here, I'll-wait, hold on man, I'll make it right for you. Uh, it's-I-I got this, man.

Look. But you can't have all of them, it's just like a dusting. That's-it looks a bit bigger than my current boulder. Hold on, no, no, it's gonna be good, man, it's gonna be good. I'm gonna make it so good for you, hold on. You got some fruity pebbles on the top there. Thank you. Does that feel better?

Yeah. Good. Alright. Happy to make you happy. Man, we really are making a lot of progress here. I love how many steps up we've taken. This is the perfectest climb. I... my turn. I pray to the god of rage himself, Gordon Ramsay, to give me the strength to go full rage mode and carry this stupid fucking boulder up a step. Alright, okay, okay, alright, here we go. He's a very angry man. We're spinning, we're spinning. I I'm letting it I'm just gonna let it actually go and time out cuz I like I'm stopping it manually But just to kind of put brakes on it because it spins a lot, you know

They make these things called dice still spinning. You just like toss them and they still spinning They land on one still spinning. They're pretty easy. They're pretty straightforward. It's still spinning, man They made like the world's greatest flywheel. It's still spinning. We got iBEC-9s in there. It's still spinning. Listeners, it's spinning. It's still, it's slowing down. It's still spinning.

I think my breath talking into it is making it spin more. Hold on. It's still spinning. All of this for a three. If it's a three, then we know he's cheating. God, please don't be a three. Three. Pray to the God of threes. Don't be a three three

I think you probably should have prayed to the god of fours Okay, one pass the three okay God I saw the three come up, but I was just like, no fucking way! Alright, 15. Okay, Gordon Ramsay, he really, really did it for ya. He did it for ya good, but I think he's, if you had to pray to Kratos, maybe I could've, I have a, alright, here's, I thought we would've gotten to it already. So when you pray to the god, I'm gonna make a determinant on how powerful that God is and that's how much boost you get well I'm gonna roll dice for that, but I think that's just a one can I put a chef hat on you?

Oh, yeah, or make me an idiot sandwich. This is gonna be the first 11 part hosting job for us to climb them up Immediately going to undo what Bob just You're Up here. Yes. There's your hat. All right. Right. There it is.

Well done, Bob. Wade? I pray to the God of reverse inclines to flip this mountain so we're at the top. What? All right. Okay. You know, if I'm already at the top. I'm at the top you know No, yeah, we'll do the god of reverse inclin. I got you man. I hear you. I don't like the laughter

I've heard you loud and clear my guy. Okay. I hope this succeeds Okay, I hope this succeeds Fucking 12 my man. Yes, I win God of Yeah, yeah all the laughter is very reassuring I think Wade's about to have a great turn I think I got exactly what I wanted out of this. Okay. Here we go reverse incline flip this mountain What the? That's right, they buried Bob, okay. Which one do you want, man, which one?

Oh man, the one with the elbow up, of course. You got it, of course, man, of course you do. The power stroke. All right, so now you moved up one. Congratulations, you successfully prayed. Oh no, I now you are, you moved up one. Congratulations. You successfully prayed. Oh no, I'm, I, ah, fuck. Hold on.

I combined your head to that one. I gotta make a new one. Hold on. I meant to shut up. Fuck you. Fuck you, man. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Hey, hey, hey, get back here. Listeners, it's my face and it's terrible. Hold on, hold on. hold on, listen, hold on. For the listeners, a giant weight head just appeared on screen. So you are now reverse incline. Who want my pebbles? I'm getting to it, I'm getting to it. Thank you.

Alright, you're reverse inclining. Listeners, I am now a workout warrior who is doing a reverse incline while wearing a fruity pebble hat. Uh, you're reverse incline rowing the boulder and you made it up one. Alright. Bob? Oh. Uh, I pray to... Pfffff...

to The god of squirrels five nights at Freddy's and YouTube himself Markiplier to please pretty please move me up two steps I I like the wish and it's or the wish the prayer prayer very specifically this isn't wish But I'm not allowing specific steps, but I do, this is a wish. But I'm not allowing specific steps, but I do think this is a very powerful wish.

So if you succeed, you get to roll the other dice. You get to roll the other dice? There's another dice? The ones that work? The ones that go higher than 10? It's on the same spitter. It's on the same spitter. 17, baby!

Not biased! 17! Yeah. So, not only did you pray to probably the most powerful god in the mall, the guy who's actually in charge of this, so you get to roll the how powerful is this, how many steps up you move die. Come on, nine! They don't have a D3, because I don't think a D3 exists.

Roll a D6 and just... Yeah, I'm rolling a D6 dividing it by two. Got it. And then rounding up. Okay Damn three spots. It was a six with a solid six. I chose the right God One two three. He has made incredible progress in just a single move Yes, see this is the this is the key You gotta pray to the right gods if you pray to the right gods They're they might be more powerful than other ones and I'm making them making I'm making determinisms about that wait

I pray to the god of shoots and ladders to send us back to start Both of us what the whole thing just becomes oh Oh god yes! We're both going back down! Oh wow, that's really funny. That is very funny. I would have saved that for when I was more than halfway up, but whatever. I don't have good luck, so I gotta try early. That just waits every turn for the rest of it. He doesn't even try and go forward. Ah! That would have been so good! It's a six. God, I would have put- I would have put shoots in the- like, a step or two, would have had a shoot on it!

Damn it! God, that would have been so good! Uhhhhhh... Uhhhhhh... Okay, alright, if there's a knockoff game of Shoots and Ladders, I'll allow you to play- pray to that specific god. Alright, Bob, you're up. I pray to the God of Crisco to cover Wade's boulder in that slippery bullshit so that he loses control over it and rolls back down the hill. If that's how it's gonna be, then you don't even get to take one step with me up this mountain.

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe see. God of Chrisco. Come on. Nine. I'm so sorry. These are fickle gods. I'm sorry. It's true though. You know, not all prayers are answered and you guys are really machine gunning the prayers up there, but you know, it just didn't work. It's a miracle. Any of them were answered. Yeah. Wade, I got my t-shirt gun ready to go up with my prayer Inserted and I'm gonna fire up to the god of the climb and slide

To make this thing full of climbs and slides It is by Parker Brothers, I found it climb and slide Are you sorry like gymnasium equipment or a board game? Oh, no, it's a board game Climbing slide by Parker Brothers. Oh God Probably good it's been really good Boom. Nine again. I swear, I swear, this is probably good. It spins really good. I can find another one.

Wait, find another one. You got it. I'm spinning. I'm spinning. I'm spinning. I'm spinning. Well, it's not my turn, I guess. I'm still here.

All right, okay. All right. Yeah. I pray to the God that made the Toys and Toy Story come to life, whoever did that, to send me an army of little green army men who are sentient and alive and will help me move the rock up the mountain. Okay, alright, alright, that sounds cool. I like that idea.

Jing! The God of whoever made the Toys and Toy Story do whatever they do, whether that's Pixar or whoever. 16! God, it was so close to the 9. The 16 is right next to the 9. I don't know how the- you guys are hearing the breaks being applied. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, alright. Yep. I'm just gonna quickly get rid of that. Get out of here. I should've left that in. All right, it's credit to Vasco. So now what you have is an assist of

tiny tiny tiny tiny Soldiers listeners. They're really tiny soldiers many as many as mighty They'll give you a plus one on your rolls. They'll give you a plus one on your rolls They're gonna be a plus one on my rolls. All right, you're all gonna pray together You're all gonna pray together from now on. Yeah, it's a combined effort. All right, Wade All right, it's time for slippery ice and lifts Dear God of slippery ice and lifts. Slipperwagger confirmed this.

I need help getting Bob and I back to the bottom. Wait, I'm not getting any hits on this. It's an alternative board for snakes and ladders. Why didn't you say snakes and ladders? I was saving that one! Alright. Slippery, and lifts. Oh, that's a very different board than what-

Look at those buns, Jesus. Alright, I'll keep looking for this. Yeah, I'll go snake-spoil through this stuff. Hey, if it works, you won't need to do it again, so let's see. It won't. Oh, come on, man. Believe, you gotta believe. Nor do your praise aren't working.

I- I- Dude, I- I- I- dude, I- I don't- I don't know how that happened. It's a nine. Yeah, Wade, I think we- I think you might be- you might be in a bad spot with this. I GOT THIS! I don't know what the hell- how in the fuck- I'm- it's a wheel! I can't cheat it! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. I can't! How could I? How could I? How could I? Bob? Uh, I

pray to power thirst the god of energy drinks to give me some power thirst to allow me to achieve all my dreams. Okay, that's good, that's good. Alright, here we go. I'm gonna stop it quicker this time, I was doing it slow.

13. Yes! Bang on 13. Alright! Plus one? Yes, 14, yeah. Power Thirst. It's in a can.

You're juiced up, you're up one, another plus one. Yes! But that only lasts for three turns. You're gonna lose that. You're gonna get crashed hard You're gonna have plus two right now. No. Yeah, you're gonna be plus two now But after that was first turn after two more turns You're gonna be minus one because of the crash but only for three more turns if it lasts that long

Which which how the fuck would it ever last that long? All right, wait I pray to the god of mudslides to send one down so that Bob has to retreat. Is this a board game or are you talking real mudslides? REAL MUDSLIDES! I can't find my other variants. Alright, okay, come on. I'm really rooting for you, man. I don't believe you. I am, I am! Watch, it's gonna win.

If it's a nine, I'm quitting this game. Okay, it's not a nine. It's an eight. For fuck's sake! You like the better man? No! Bob, wait, wait, wait, you're a blith dude. I... I get the plus two.

Well, clearly, I pray to the god that left the stunning plot hole in the Lord of the Rings franchise, where they should have just gotten the Eagles to carry them to the fires of Mount Doom to begin with, to get rid of the Ring, to send the Eagles my way, so that I may be... ...eagled up the mountain. Powerful. Powerful. Powerful. Powerful. That was a hell of a prayer. Wade, it's okay. That was a four.

It was a four. Just like in the movies, it never happened. That makes it a six! It's a six. Yeah, you're right. Good call. Good call. It was a six. Ah... Alright, Wade, back to you. I pray to the God of Monopoly to give Bob a go directly to jail.

Do not pass go. do not collect $200 card I don't know where I think you already are in jail because it's kind of the whole thing false There's no bars. It's not an oj simpson novel 18 no Go to jail Bob 18 is it focused I can't even tell I can't wait to see how this wish pans out What we're gonna do is I'm gonna make a jail cell. All right jail cell. Yeah All right, so I'm making a jail. I'm gonna put it here. You're gonna be sent back down

You're in jail, but just like in Monopoly if you land on it, you don't go to jail. You're just visiting So Bob you are in jail and like Monopoly you have to roll to get out on your turns or You have to roll doubles or pay the fine What's the fine? How do I roll doubles? I don't have to do you spin twice Maybe you got to get rid of one of your boons. I could roll my own dice. Yeah, you could yeah so if you if you either roll to get doubles or You pay with one of your boons. I think to be fair though, it's only like a d6. See if they roll doubles on is not a d20.

Yeah, yeah, it's a d6, yeah. All right, so Bob, it's back to you. You're in jail, what do you do? Do I get to like start my turn and just see if I can roll doubles and see if I can get out or how does that? Yeah, you do. At Monopoly you do.

You just roll and see if you can. All right, I've got two d6s from two different sets of dice, both purple. I'm gonna roll them see what happens Yeah, that's right. You enjoy jail. You're gonna be there for a while. I rolled a two and a three. Haha You feed and chill in jail. Is he are you able to try to give a boon right away? Or do you want to wait there? I'm gonna wait. Okay. He's gonna wait. All right Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm gonna try something. I Okay, he's gonna wait. All right. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm gonna try something. I

Give up my power thirst because I lose that next turn anyway, or whatever What happens if I sacrifice that is as if I never had it? No, you drank it You did drink it. So I think it would know but how would you okay? Yeah. Yeah. Okay Yeah, if you give up the boon I think it just wipes it off and then you don't get the benefit or the negative I sacrifice my power thirst wade. How does that sound? I wasn't listening. So yes Okay, let's let's add something here to make this uh fair. Uh, we're gonna make a go to jail space And it's gonna be right here. So you gotta play it strategically the step before the end for listeners Well, how about wait? what's more fair to everybody because it's like I think here you really would have to really get that I don't want to make it too unfair and go to jail isn't even like it in monopoly

It's like the third corner, isn't it? Yeah Well, if you just put it two steps ahead of jail so that when you go to jail you just go two steps back Okay, that's fair. That sounds good. And it's got a point in making a lot of progress with oh dear god of the bat grapple please hook me to Bob and pull me up the utah Batman's grappling hook thing yes the one that pulls them right to the bad guys it does have a limited range but I'm gonna consider this. I'm a let's see whatever 13 oh I'll give you I'll give you this it's not just for getting to bad guys cuz he's four steps away

That's the thing if he was within three I might say that I'll let you I'll spin the powerful god die And I'll give you a back grapple. How's that sound? Yes? But it's just for decoration. Nooo-kay? Otherwise you'd be like, I use my back grapple. I mean, it could be a plus one, I guess. I figure it's a one time use. It could be a plus one. Maybe?

I mean, Bob has so many. Alright man, come on. Why is the back grapple coming out of your ass Wade? You know how I fire, that's how I get the extended range. I mean if I had it the other way, it'd be, you know, I don't know if you want that. Either have a boner or a tail. Yes, yes, a tail. Oh, I'm thinking Ben here.

Alright, so and now you go Power, Powerful God, roll. That's right. Yeah, two, you go power- powerful god. Roll. That's right. Yeah! Two! You go up one in space. Alright! Wait, I'm so sorry. I should have given you like plus one on the incline bench because that was a good one.

You know- oh man those nines certainly would have been tens! Tens, yeah. Alright, Bob! I pray to the god of nines that any time a nine is rolled it is given to Wade as his next value for whatever

roll he gets to have which if it's the power dice roll might be good. I'm not sure how that would happen, but. Okay, all right, so yeah, the stipulation is it applies to the next roll, whatever it is. Whatever the next roll for Wade is,

even if I roll a nine, if Wade rolls a nine, I don't know, it's your discretion. Maybe it's his next, like, whatever. Here we go, boom! Three, sorry, man. I'm coming for you, Bob. Alright, wait, it's your turn. What you got? I pray to the god of trampolines to make this mountain very bouncy so I can bounce up much easier.

Not sure how that affects a rolling boulder, but alright. Hyaa! Wouldn't you like to know? Ten. Plus one! Ten plus one! It works. How in the fuck does this work? It's really strong material is that next face or is his current space just become a trampoline or something? What do we I yeah, let's let's call it that I think blue think blue is that help you get the first blue one I see oh yeah it's got that boulder aiming targeting square all right so it's right under your feet this

is now a trampoline square and I think I think whenever you land on it you get a roll of the the six the three die the six that is actually a three die, and that'll chuck you forward. So right now you're on it, and if anyone ever gets back to this one, they get bounced. This feels like Ultimate Chicken Horse where we're slowly building our own course to the finish line. That was the idea. WONK! Okay, three, but that's divided in half round up. We round up on that. So that is a two. So you go for two spaces. I smell your ass from here, Bob. I wouldn't. BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E not followed at all. Let me get a recap. There are 10 steps on this mountain. Second step contains a blue trampoline. Wade bounced from that to the fourth step. He is now right behind Bob, who is the fifth step, who has green army men under his boulder, a chef's hat on

that does nothing. He is in front of jail because he just got out of it. If you land on the fifth step, it doesn't send you to jail, that's just visiting, but if you land on the seventh step, you go to jail. Are we clear? Yes. Uh-huh. There's a checkered flag on the 10th step at the top of the mountain. All right, Bob, back to you.

I pray to the God of farts that I might blast such furious gas that I scare Wade down a step. That's a good wish. I mean prayer. Oh no. I have a plus one still. Well you got a one.

Wade in D&D rules, I mean anyone that knows D&D rules, if you roll a one, even if you have bonuses, it's still a critical failure. Yes, if you use the critical failure critical success rolls, if you roll a one, it would be a critical failure. Yes, if you use the critical failure critical success rolls If you roll a one it would be a crit failure like if you're doing an attack roll You cannot hit if you roll a one even if your Pluses would get you to the DC. Oh, that's bad I don't know how the god of farts is going to punish you for your hubris He burps and knocks himself down to me. Okay, oh no, I know what it is. You'll get sent back down, but also,

you're getting turned into a dung beetle. Oh no, but they're good at this. Yeah, I mean, it's still functionally, you're rolling a ball, but your ball is now a turd, and you are now a beetle. Classic God's stuff. And you're getting sent back down a step. Yeah, all right, so, and you're gonna a beetle. Ah, classic gods stuff. And you're getting sent back down a step. Yeah, alright, so and you're gonna be right there, Wade.

Sorry about the poop that's right next to you. And as a dung beetle, you're just not as strong as a human, so you now have minus one, which effectively offsets those tiny green men. They're still there, they're loyal for sitting under that turd, but they're there, and and but it's not helping Damn, that's a lot of punishments for one. I hope I never roll one. You wouldn't that's the risk of the gods All right, Wade your turn. I pray to the

God of hot air balloons To help carry me up 11 perfect that'll do that's a 12 to help carry me up. 11, perfect. That'll do. That's a 12. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Holy shit.

Oh, that's taking me to the top, baby. Listeners, it's the biggest balloon you've ever seen. It shrunk. The largest hot air balloon in existence just popped in. Holy shit. That's gonna help, That's gonna help. So Wade, that's also a I believe a powerful roll. Two, sorry. It's actually not that potent. It's here, but I'll give you it's a bonus. So that's a plus one now. So you

got a total plus two. I'll take it. All right. We've made tons of progress here. I'm basically at the halfway point time to ruin more of our progress. I Pray to the god of the video game chain together Way tonight together so that we may not get too far apart on this journey Look at me a four-parter That is beautiful Well played well played it's gonna make that go to jail thing real tricky. But if you get pulled to jail, he'll just get pulled one away. We'll make it like that.

That's nice, that's a good amount. We'll put that under both of you. I really don't know that I thought this through very well. I don't know. Um, because if either of us goes to jail we both get moved But how will any of us avoid the jail thing because only one of us moves at a time and we can only be one Step apart one person has to move three steps in order for us to both avoid jail Yeah, this is you really tricked this up. Good luck us

All right, wait drag me up the hill. Will you oh I will I pray to the god of Bed and breakfast to give me a hearty meal and good rest so I'm strong enough to move up today. All right, cool Sadly, it's a four there are no bed and breakfast and Alright, they were out of pancakes and they locked up the yogurt at 5 a.m. Okay. I don't have a lot going for me right now. I pray to the God of military research and development to help me turn my turdball into an FA-22 fighter jet. Holy shit. What kind of tech do they have now?

They can do anything they want with an unlimited supply of money. When you're DARPA you get anything. Alright here we go. 12! Plus one! Your penalties are offset. You have plus zero right now because you have minus one for the dung ball, plus one for the

Oh that's right. But it's still a success. So man, I guess. Alright, all right, FA 22. Well that will remove your penalty though, because you're no longer pushing poo. I got it, FA 22 here, I think. It's the only transparent image of it that I can find. I hope it's correct.

I'm sure it will be woefully not quite correct enough for whomever knows about these things. That's gonna really hurt when it yanks one of our chains. I gotta separate the beetle from the dung. Hold on, you're still a dung beetle. Listeners, the dung is becoming a plane! Damn, that looks awesome. It's a beetle riding on the exhaust ports of a jet fighter?

That's a pretty powerful roll, huh? Powerful roll, oh yeah, powerful prayer, powerful. Not that powerful apparently, god it's a two. Geez. Alright, man these rolls are really rollin' good guys. I gotta warp this in eeeerrrrraaaargh listeners

uh the chain is bending I should have puppet warped this but I don't know in all kinds of unnatural ways the chain is catching up ok it's good enough I don't know why that was necessary at all ok man this spot is so fucking crowded.

The fifth step has everything except the trampoline and the go to jail sign. It's a goddamn doozy this step. Here, I'm gonna wait. There's a fighter jet. There's a hot air balloon. I'm gonna raise him up. He's floating away on his hot air balloon. Just to separate it out a little bit. Alright, okay, alright, alright, alright, alright, we're back in it. Alright, Wade back to you.

I pray to the god of giant tiger woods in his prime to swing a magnificent golf club to hit my boulder and raise me up. Giant tiger woods? You know, the old giant tiger woods. He's gotta be big enough to swing a golf club at a boulder. Okay, you really gotta be careful with your prayers, man. You are praying to the God of Giant Tiger Woods. Not Giant Tiger Woods.

You're praying to the God of Giant Tiger Woods. So that he may supply us with a Giant Tiger Woods. I see what's going on here. He's going to hit my boulder like a golf ball he is okay 13 yes tiger there he is that's prime tiger he's got the red nike polo and everything we got giant tiger woods is on the scene, he's about to hit the fuck out of you. All right, okay. He's doing his famous fist bump one arm backswing with his club.

He's about to fucking eat Wade's boulder so good. This is prime Tiger Woods. He hit every swing the way he wanted. This is a powerful one. This is really good. All right, here we go. He's swinging, he's winding, he's gunning. He's got the wind up and Three that's two. Oh

Even better you're trapped in wait if he's trapped in jail, that means I can't wait a minute Here's how it goes. This is how the physics are gonna play Then the chain pulls. Chain pulls. Bob, you're... Wade moves up two, I move up one. Wade lands on the go to jail. Yep. This is what success does! Alright, okay. And then it's like, and then suddenly, swoop! You're back in jail.

Wade is in jail. Got it. Jail Wade. You are, Aaaaaaayyyy! And then right back there. You crash right there. So Bob is now ahead of... I'm so glad I succeeded.

I successfully imprisoned myself and moved Bob up one. Tiger Woods is very menacing. Is he just gonna stay here? Sure is. Tiger Woods is very menacing. Is he just going to stay here? Sure is. He sure is. Tiger Woods is standing on steps three and four, just waiting to cause more problems. Don't you remember him from the tale of syphilis?

All right. Okay. Who's it? Who's it? Whose turn was it? I don't even know. That was Wade's turn for some reason. Yeah, I successfully did all of that. So Bob, if you go forward and he's in jail...

I can't move. Yeah, I don't think you can move. Alright, okay. Anyway, Bob? I pray to Loki, trickster god, to come and reveal that the version of me that's actually chained to Wade was just an illusion this whole time and the real version of me is not chained to anyone and then let me fly my FA-22 hopefully at least two steps up. Oh you gotta be careful with this wish because if you're not that you do you have those boons? Are you even that high up?

We'll see what happens. Hooray! 12. Do you have any negatives? You're good? I'm neutral, right? Well, you should actually be plus two, I think, because you have the F-18 and the Army,

you lost your poo. Yeah, I lost my poo and I have a fighter jet, is that, or and I still have the Army men, so am I plus one now? You're still, no, it's the dung beetle that really, you don't have as much strength. Okay, so I am still a beetle. Yeah. So you have a total of plus one.

Alright, here we go. There is a separate timeline. You have split off from this timeline, okay? You've split off from it. It's still technically there, but you've split off from it, okay? What happened is, it wasn't a perfect copy, and... AHHH! OHHH! What the hell? He's getting bisected into separate universes.

This is really, really delightful for the listeners, or the viewers. Not the listeners at all. What have we done to Tiger? I don't know, he's not feeling too good. Alright, and now all of this is at a lower... He's the bridge between dimensions. But the end result is in this dimension. Chain's gone.

Chain's gone, good. Alright. Wait, no. It was a powerful wish. You also get a spin of the powerful. Come on! That's a lot of successes for 9 out of 20. It was just a long drawn-out success three

Split half round it up. That's two. Oh wait, that's what I want Holy shit, you did it. Oh my god. All right, Wade you have plenty of boons to give up Yeah, I give up my inclined press. Just fuck with Mark. God damn it. Shouldn't have fucked me, Mark. Just as a special fuck you to Mark. For the listeners who aren't watching,

Mark replaced Wade's body on his character with the incline press picture So now mark has to go try and find whatever he used originally I don't think I have it anymore. I think I think I think I gotta go make it again Alright you get the quickest stupidest version of it though You're now... Yeah, you just get stretched. That's it. You get stretched.

Alright. Wade's face just gets distorted. Alright. Well, he has a bigger boulder, which I was going to point out, but he also has a much bigger head, so. That's right. Now do I get to do my thing? No, that was your thing.

Giving up a boon is your whole turn since when? You get out, you're in jail! Didn't Bob get a turn after getting out? Bob, did you get a turn after you got out? No, I got out of jail and that was it, wasn't it? I'm pretty sure you like hooked me with the cha- You did something else that particularly around. No, no, that was way back when. You did the batarang to get back up to him when he got out of jail.

No. Yes. Unfair. back when you did the battering to get back up to him when he got out of jail no yes unfair all right I don't think I don't think I did but if you did all right here we go I don't remember I'm gonna be honest but the coins will tell us the truth tails tails tails wait heads heads heads heads heads it's the lady it's the lady all right, I was about to say. I was like, oh no, that's triple bad for me! Okay, well. Alright, okay. Wade, it didn't happen that way. You're remembering it wrong. You're wrong, I- probably.

The coins are fair, and the coins have spoken. Bob, it's your turn. You're two away, you're so close. I pray to the god of normal average luck that I might roll a normal decently fine number and move a normal amount of steps forward on this turn and nothing bad will happen. Alright, here we go. Shooooom. steps forward on this turn and nothing bad will happen all right here we go shooom nah one nah one yoink ah three oh that was pretty normal i guess so that's fine that's very normal all right wait i pray

to the god of super lasso's that i'm a lasso bob to pull him down one and me up one. I don't want that at all. That's why it's a super lasso. That's a three step long lasso. I don't care for that very much. Three again. Oh, I'm looking at the wrong side.

I'm looking at the D12 side. Did I do that for, I might've done that for Bob. What is that on the other side? It's a four never mind it wouldn't have mattered either way then again where it landed with the three might as well say disqualified for either all right okay all right Bob I pray to myself God of being me to operate my FA-22 jet and take one simple step forward with my top-tier sky superiority fighter.

Alright, you pray to the God of being myself. Alright, yum! I don't like the way you said that. 18. Nice. So you prayed to the God of being yourself which i think gets you changed back and then also it's still it's still an f18 22 f22 erase half my face all right there you go and Alright, there you go, and... Ohhhh... Very nice, very nice, very nice.

Yes! And now I'm out of super lasso range. Alright, uh, don't worry, I got a good one here. I pray to the God of Chaos to move the finish line to a random step on the mountain. Holy shit. Uh oh. I didn't even know that was possible. Maybe it's not huh anyone? 18 again. Hey, that's a 20 with my pluses. No plus 19 with my pluses. That's what it is

It's you could zoom in on that I guess but it's an 18 man. I never expected that to actually be a thing So we're gonna do it anyway. You just need to roll a D11 It's going to Let's go to ten. Okay. I don't know if this is even possible You can't land on this spot cuz you'll be bounced That's a terrible lead spot, that's right. I don't know what to do about that. Thank you God of Chaos! So the finish line is now on step 2 of 10. Wade is on step 5 and I am on step 9.

Yes. Wow. There's a weird cosmic hole in step 10 now. Oh wait, sorry. Wade also prayed to the god of chaos So I'm gonna roll the dice. I think that's powerful enough to be a powerful role, right? But which way do I move? It could be backwards or forwards, it's chaos man. Hell, I'll tell you what odd number I move toward Bob even I move back down.

Okay, that's fair. That's good. I like that Odd which one was odd? I move toward Bob. Okay, that's fair. That's good. I like that Odd which one was odd? I moved towards me. Okay. All right Chaos, baby. It's chaotic. What was the number? It was a three. I said it. I love you didn't but I believe you Oh, no, I said odd three. It was three. It doesn't that mean he moves to two steps No, no, no, that'd be too good Cuz I was saying it shouldn't be the full three cause if you got like negative three, it'd be back to the finish line.

We'd be over. So Wade moved up to step six. Got it. Well, good job, Wade. You made forward progress. Thank you, God of chaos. Bob. I pray to the God of lifts and runs.

Oh, we better find the board for that a novelty ski resort themed version of shoots and ladders i found the ice one that said the same thing search for lifts and runs it's out here boys okay to put a shoot from step nine to anywhere between step 1 and 3 alright, ok, I gotcha, I hear you loud and clear

none of these have ever worked, so let's see if this one does nope, 4 shit never gonna happen no shoots and ladders for us is never gonna happen Wade, back to you, man I pray to the god of trampoline magnetism to attract me to the nearest trampoline I

Love your optimism, but I have established and I'll say this ahead of time. We've established the wishes prayers Sorry keep saying that only have a three-step range. You are four steps from the trampoline He can be drawn toward it I will allow that I was only gonna allow forward progress but I will allow it five you still allow it no Bob will only allow forward progress. I Pray to the god of Gaianne Chowper Which was the original game from India that inspired shoots and ladders That was based around themes of karmic

Justice and balance and then all things I can hear you, you're gonna roll for it I believe you Thirteen! Fucking finally! Yes! And the truth, the shoot was here the whole time Oh that's not the right direction at all There was always a shoot in this game because if you would ever go over the line you would be returned back to the beginning

and the game would continue for fucking ever that is a powerful wish have I ever heard prayer why do I keep saying wish three you go forward to which means you go Donk as I would literally always intended that was always the intention I just expected there to be a lot more threes All right for those listening, I expanded my canvas in the Photopia app to reveal that I had always had another side of the mountain that was more slippery and there was a ramp at the bottom that was going to chuck them back to the beginning.

I had intended to be this reveal like halfway through the game not an hour and 35 minutes into the recording let's say that things are really good now and I'm gonna give you both plus one on the rolls just to say I wish you luck all right wait I pray to the god Michael Jackson himself of moonwalking that I may moonwalk toward the flag Also, I'm on step zero right now. So the checker flag is on two. I'm on zero. Wade is on six Oh, it's an 18. Oh my god. It's an 18. Holy shit. I broke it. What the fuck? No No It broke! What the fuck?

Looks like this is a tie! What the fuck? Oh, it just snaps back together, we're fine, okay. Alright, we're good, we're good. Alright, this is powerful. The god of moonwalking. So you're going backwards now, I guess. It's so on the line. It landed almost exactly on the line between 5 and 3.

Mom, if you can't tell, I certainly can't tell her this image I'm gonna call it a four would be a two anyway, so yeah, I guess all right Okay, it would be a two so you go down to whoa Bob we're equidistant all right Bob. I pray to the God of the Texas two-step dance To the God of the Texas two-step dance To Texas steps forward Eight which gets you to 11 that is as close as it gets all right Let me look up the Texas two-step alright Texas step because some of these dances don't exactly have two steps Oh, no, it's yeah,, it's each foot does two steps. So it is two steps

It is right left left left right right left left So here's what I'm gonna do if it was just a two I'll give you you'd win immediately I'm gonna vastly improve your odds of getting a two in this role. Wait, does that sound fair? Yeah, I don't have a coin to say otherwise. So I mean that's what I was gonna do. I was gonna make it more 50-50 as opposed to 1 third, you know like a 2 out of 6, 1 out of 3 option. Does that sound fair? Yeah, that's fine. You're much more likely to get a 2. You could still get a 1 and move. What do you want heads to be Bob? Which one do you want to be the two? Two- two tails for two, two for tails OHHHHH

IT'S A TWO BABY I believe you He did it! It was right there, it wasn't out of focus It was blurry God, I'm dead It was sails Listeners, it was a quotation mark TAILS

EEEEH DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA It was a quotation mark. Tails. Eeeeh. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha of trying to imagine what the hell we were laughing at the entire time. I wasn't even keeping track of any kind of bonus points or anything like that. Is it all right if I retroactively kind of go through and think of the contributions? Sure. Wade, you affected the landscape so goddamn much. I really did. Well, I did a lot of shit. Holy shit, Tiger Woods, the alternate dimension. Just didn't help him get to the finish line

Wait, you got points for Schrodinger's car disappointing I forget why update llama thing Borat Sisyphus Smelly pits going first point and then you got six points for affecting the landscape Going first point and then you got six points for affecting the landscape Dampoline, grappling hook, J- no not jail, air balloon

You did Tiger Woods? I did Tiger Woods in jail. You moved- you moved the goalpost You did one more thing. Jail. I did jail. Jail. You did jail. Okay, you did that's six points for that Bob, you got a sick burn right off the bat You were wearing a green shirt truck heist land after time was very funny bucket of wheelchairs reference which counts as a callback schizo why point segue Wade you got you got two points for the win alternate dimension hell, the chain, and then... I became a fighter jet and a dung beetle. Okay, yeah, that probably cosmically works, but...

The dung beetle was a critical failure, I guess, technically, but... Wade, should that count? Well, I think the fighter jet and the dung beetle would cancel out if you count the failures a minus one, wouldn't it? Yeah, that's true. I didn't give you a hot air balloon point or anything, so... I thought you said you did. Oh, if I did, then I think it should count. He went through a dung beetle transformation. It probably counts All right, either way very reflective of the landscape. I'll tell you the score We got Wade you had seven early bonus points. You had six other points. So that puts you at 13, Bob You had six previous points and five so you're at 11

So it's a two point spread, even though Bob took the win, Wade's decisions made the landscape crazy. I'm losing? That shocks me too, actually. I feel like we're missing something from your side, Bob. I feel like you did something else. I chained us together. Did you give me a point for that?

You got the win, fire jet, alternate dimension chained together? Yeah, I counted that. Chef, does the chef do anything big? yeah, you got the Gordon Ramsay rage thing that really... Mark didn't seem impressed by that. No, I didn't get point for fruity pebbles, you know, that didn't really do it. Yeah, I think this is about as fair as I can make it and unfair has already been called so it can't be called again. This is it. We spin that wheel. Well, I guess I want this one to be a three, don't I? I mean, Mark had a crazy comeback last game, so I guess you could too.

Oh no, it could be sudden death! It was a one. What do you want to add to the wheel, Mark? Is there a worst luck? No. Alright, worst luck. Alright, I shuffled them multiple times. We have 40 options on the wheel. Shall we? Yes, I'm ready. Come on! Sudden death!

Oh! Oh! I didn't eat. I don't think either of us ate, I only drank. By the rules, if neither of you qualify, it's a respin. So you're saying there's a chance! Scoop! Come on!

Come on! I didn't even... I really thought it was the other one. Alright, who thunked the hardest? Come on, come on! I really thought it was the other one. Alright, who thunk the hardest? I think Wade was really thinking through all the options to get there. I'm not saying that qualifies because not all of them worked out. There was a lot of thought going into his things. I didn't think particularly hardly in the episode.

So unless Wade is also gonna volunteer that he didn't think very much he definitely the most thought I put in was how can I find alternate versions of shoots and ladders I think that qualifies I think yeah I think you got this Wade congratulations Wade with 14 beautiful points a three-point lead despite Bob's victory you are the winner of the overall episode Congratulations, what do you have to say? I'll be pushing boulders in a really alternated landscape now I'll give your guy a trophy later so he can live with his trophy forever And Bob you lost that's unfortunate despite your victory in there

How do you feel and now it's time for the Loser's Speech, brought to you by Apple Cash. And unlike on this show, with Apple Cash, there are no losers. It's the definition of privacy and convenience when it comes to sending money to friends. No more public feeds or weird payment drama. You can send cash in messages, right in the conversations you're having. Or use Tap to cash and send money to someone nearby just by holding your iPhone near theirs. Switch to Apple Cash and start sending privately. Apple Cash services are provided by Green Dot Bank, member FDIC.

I'm stunned. I'm stunned that this is where we are after I won the most outrageous game and Wade did do a lot of stuff but I did a lot of stuff too. I made things happen. I made such cool stuff happen that I won the game but apparently that was worth one more point than Wade successfully climbing up one stair in the middle of the game. Doesn't feel bad, doesn't feel great, could feel better. That was today's loser's speech brought to you by Apple Cash. Stay out of the loser's bracket and win big time when it comes to protecting your payment information with Apple Cash. Your payments are always private, and you can easily send

money in messages or by using their convenient feature, Tap to Cash. You don't have to look up any usernames or scan QR codes, Just hold your iPhone next to theirs and send away. Switch to Apple Cash and start sending privately. Apple Cash services are provided by Green.Bank, member FDIC. Alright, well anyway, that's the episode. It's a winnerspeed! You already said it! Did you?

Well, you did! Did I have a winnerspeed? Did I miss it? Yeah, I said, what do you- you won, now what do you have to say? And then you said things and then it went over to Bob. I said loser's speech. Alright, I- okay. Back to you, in the studio. Yeah, alright, anyway. So, uh, too much thinking. He's gotta let it cool off up there. Uh, thank you, everybody, so much for listening and or watching. Uh, the listeners, it's not all about you.

Pfft. Tee. and or watching the listeners it's not all about you but I wish it was I pray to the god of ears that your ears become eyes so you can enjoy let's see if that worked all right 17 holy shit sorry about that everybody all right so anyway uh all will become watchers and thank you have a lovely time follow bob at my screen wait at Lord minion 777 or minions I'm gonna be a markiplier. This has been distractible the birch Shut up. The person doing the intro's name is Baltimore. You gotta check him out for a cool Warhammer

What's this channel name? But Baltimore's 40k or him?k warham Baltimore's guide to warhammer He has an updated dinosaur one in a while Oh, but the living mythology Do you want to know where Sisyphus came from? You'll see all of our references to the original Sisyphus legend if you

go and learn more about it Podcast out