Distractible - Snow Days

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

The guys bundle up for a trip down memory lane and share their (maybe) true stories from snow days. Iron Lung Is In Theaters Now! Buy your tickets at ironlung.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Eligibility and member terms apply. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to distractable. This episode. Batty Bob brings the existential banter and talks crusty 20 inches. Worrysome Wade sucks men, with gaming news.

Converses crafty crafting, Channel cipher, and fortifies his yard. Fresh mopped mark declares Winnie Weedy Weeiki gets ball bagged by Brit's sensors, replica tested, and hallucinates, from six phone lines to exploding trees. It's time for snow days. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted

and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to my mom's second favorite podcast. That's right. You're listening to Distractable. Hopefully you're watching, honestly, because I think you all know how we feel about that. But if you're listening, I guess you're welcome to my name is Bob. I'm going to be your host for today because even though I don't remember how it happened, somehow I won the last episode, which was clearly deserved and I was hilarious.

So congratulations to me. Competing today on the episode will be the other two guys who are always here. The only other two guys who are always here, it's Mark and Wayne. Hey. And I'm bald! Ha! Er. Uh, I got a haircut.

Oh yeah, see there's like a little curl right here where you're hiding the receding hairline. Hmm. Interesting, interesting. Oh, no. No, please. Uh, no hiding it now. Uh, I got a haircut for those listeners. Sound shorter.

Yeah, there it is. Hey, come on, man. No, just your hair. You got a haircut. Come on. You're not rubbing your legs on the mic, are you? I mean, I could, I could, but they'd feel real long. Because it sounds really long.

You sound so much taller than you actually are. This is a sex phone line. Hey, can you rub the phone on your legs? What I hear how long they are? I could go down that rabbit hole, but I feel like we'd be canceled, so I'm not going to. Yeah, that would get us. That would get us canceled. Oh, now my hair's all messed up, guys.

Come on. It looks great. Well, Mark fixes his hair. Let me remind you of the rules. It's, there's, I give points. It's arbitrary. Let's not pretend. I know we have rules, we have a constitution.

It's arbitrary. Okay, let's not. But also there's some very strict rules and whoever gets the most points wins unless that's not what happens. And Mark already has one for sounding so, so short. Well, it's your hair.

Mark's hair. Fine, Mark's hair gets the point. Not Mark. Mark's not sure. Just Mark's hair. You guys are so big. There we go. That's the one. It's all angles and mirrors, man.

That's how I make my boobs look so big. I've been hiding an elephant this whole time. Really small, small elephant. Editors don't help them. Unless you have an elephant filter on your camera. Do they make those? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's called a V-Tuber.

You can, like, raise your hand and your thing. Never mind, it doesn't work. I blud. What are you saying, Wade? There's like two jokes going on. I can't follow the funny. I'd look like an idiot. Never mind.

Maybe I think you can zoom instead of this. I don't think I've ever seen Wade Bail on a joke before. What even with me a joke? There's a feature I thought that was here. It's not here, clearly. How are you guys? Let's do small talk. Oh, man.

Final stretch? Yes, I guess. I mean, I've got nothing left to do, really. I was sitting around last night and I was just, Amy was laughing at me. Okay, let's be honest. Amy was laughing. But I was sitting around and being like, I am bored. You'd think that I'd be like, yay, I'm bored.

I haven't been bored in a while, but I'm bored. I don't want to look at my small rectangle anymore. I want to get a tablet. Yeah, a big rectangle. That's what's up. No, tablets. Oh, it's heavy. I don't want to hold it.

Get a stand. Stand? They have stands. Yeah. For tablets, yeah. Your hands free. It can be like a big long arm, just holds it right in front of you. Oh, that'd be cool.

Okay. All right, I can do that. What about one of those? Have they made smart glasses yet that can project images into our eyeballs. Probably. They have flashlights that can do that. You just put like a little cover over the light and turn it on. What?

You know, like the projectors we had in school, they'd put the thing on and shine a light. It would like project it. You just do that with a flashlight and shine it right into your retina. Sure. Sure. I know, but I'm just, I'm bored, guys. I'm bored. I don't have anything to conquer. I've achieved all my goals.

My dreams are good. What else can I do? Die, I guess. Oh, I've got something that'll suck you in. Die or suck. Welcome to die or suck. That's right. Those are your two options.

I mean, it depends on what we're sucking here, but, you know, it's compelling, I guess. All right, Wade, suck him in. I was out. I was out for a long time. But my friend Patrick sucked me back in. New gotcha game came out. And I hadn't been in the gotcha games for a while. I'd been out for quite a while.

It was nice. But this one, I feel, I don't know if you guys played the Genshin's type games. I never got super into Genshin. I was like, it's okay, but whatever. I never played the original Ark Nights, but there's an Arknights end field that just came out. You know, like a 3D run around, explore, and the world's fun. I enjoy the story. I've enjoyed the world, the characters.

Like, I've enjoyed it so far. It doesn't have the stupid little annoying sidekick who speaks for you, which I've definitely appreciate. I don't leave one of those little fucking rabbits with a hat that's like, Hey, buddy, let me tell you all the things you need to know. I'm your protagonist. Thankfully, none of that. The character talks. It's crazy. Wild concept. I love it. But they mixed in factory building into the game. Like a satisfactory, factorio factory building. It's a little bit light, especially early on. Like, you know, it's not super complex. But like, there's some decent recipes. And I think that they're going to add more. But right now, I've got three factories going, getting me the stuff I need to craft gear and make some serious dough. So, and there's, um, I don't know what the word for this is, like, a trading system where you can go and, like,

buy goods at a low price. And then on your friends list, you can see who has, like, the best price to resell. So there's, like, a resell trading market to make money. So I've been into, like, buying low, saving goods and selling high. Like, I've gotten into it. I'm not going to lie. What was the name of it called? Ark Knights Endfield.

You, before we hit record, you mentioned this and I was like, nah, whatever. Arcfield. I went in deep. Like, the characters in the gotcha system, the combat. and stuff's fine. It's fine. How much money are they like, do you have to pay to win? I mean, maybe to get like the best characters,

but for all the other stuff, the stuff I really enjoy, no, you can't actually spend money to get like faster progression in the base building or the income earning and stuff like that. Like, it seems most of the money systems are just spent around getting characters and they, of course, they've like the weapons, so character and their weapon. They've got other packs that'll give you some boost, but like you can grind everything out.

The monetization system really, to me, wasn't that bad. You know, it's funny about this is I'm on the Arknights page, and I was looking at the art on the top. I was like, why does this look familiar? And then I looked over at my other tab with my news articles, and there's a big banner ad of that game right on the front page here. I knew I saw it somewhere. I don't know if it heard you or something, but it's nice.

I had a thought the other day about something. I didn't even say anything out loud. I think it was a restaurant, and then I was scrolling it immediately. it was like kind of obscure and it just popped up and was like an ad for that too and I was like it doesn't even have to listen to me talk it knows my thoughts simulations getting real brazen with that I think it's just a synchronicity but it felt like mind reading it's for the simulation's forgetting what it should and should not know that can't tell the difference between thinking things and saying them out loud it's just going to start to break down from here where we're in the end game

boys in game of what do we die afterwards well the real question is which of us are parts of the simulation, which of us are real? Does it have to only be one of us, or could all of us potentially be? We can debate that to begin with, because I'm still not decided on if this simulation has one person or if it's like the Matrix where it's like all the people are collectively in it, but also there's, you know, NBC, the simulation. I don't know. I'd like to think I'm Neo, but I'm much more likely to be the bald guy in the first

matrix who just wants to go back in to eat steak. Oh, you're not the bald guy. He's bad. He's not bad. His motivations of wanting a steak, I get it. He's kind of bad. He gives him up. He betrays.

I learned a funny thing about that scene very recently that I'm surprised I'd ever heard before. You know, apparently that guy does not like steak. And that whole scene, he's supposed to be enjoying a very rare steak. And apparently he fucking hated it. And so they're shooting the scene. He's like, I know the steak is juicy and delicious. So I'm going to. going to eat it now happily.

Okay, all right, maybe he's not so good because I don't know many people. Even vegans and vegetarians coming out of like being a vegan or vegetarian eat steak and they cry from the experience of it. But I guess there are probably some people that don't like steak. Okay, well, if we live in the Matrix, then are all three of us real or is Mark an agent or what do we think? Why do they be an agent? Why do I got to be an agent?

I don't know. You just want to see if your body can take it. That's not anything that the agent said. or did? Mr. Anderson, I'm not a masochist. I remember that. Gweak my nipples, but not in a weird way. What if you didn't have a mouth?

Hmm. What if I didn't have a mouth? Now do me, Mr. Anderson, now do me. It's the smell. Ah. He's actually, Neo actually was not that good of a fighter, Agent Smith was just like,

I want him to hit me. I want him to hit me. I'm going to slow it down and let him get some shots in. I want to see if my body can take it. He programmed himself testicles just so he could get kicked in the cross. You know what it feels like.

Mr. Anderson. Mr. Anderson. I want to rewatch it knowing that he's a masochist and just like seeing how different the vibes are. Well, I'm glad we decided that. Anyway, is that all the small talk, you guess? I mean, the only other thing is

by the time this comes out, it will be the official release date of Iron Lung, so that's pretty cool. Hey, that's true. I'm very excited. Everyone gets to go see it and see what a fraud I am. Movie theaters everywhere can finally be like, it's already out. Stop emailing us. I can't believe they just let me put my let's play of Iron Lung in theaters like that.

That would be so funny. But just like one theater, one theater in a random place just as a let's play. And that's it. That would be very funny. You just re-edit the whole let's play into like a two-hour video And then at the end there's like a link that people can take a picture of that takes into an unlisted YouTube video that's actually your movie Yes, I keep my movies an unlisted YouTube The best security in the world, you know

You know what I want to see is a in it What were those let's plays you did where you're like on the treadmill or in the ice bath? Oh, yeah, the impossible Impossible let's play let's play Iron Lung in the motion capture set or not motion, the full motion set of the thing. And whatever happens in the game, the thing is like, that still exists, right?

They're not using that for anything else. I mean, I don't know. They probably trash it after they were done with those. Probably like an expensive piece of machinery or something. I just got got got because the UK film rating came out and I was like, oh, it's been, someone just says, updated it's like strong language, bloody images, threat, YouTubers, mild peril, blood, claustrophobia, loud noises,

more blood, pagonophobia, fish, so much fucking blood, dump scares nudity, and more blood. Wait, fish and YouTubers have to be acknowledged in the ratings? Yep, that's it. They're so silly over there. I was warning, content creators are in this film. It's the middle of Iron Lung, like and subscribe, pops up. But think of the engagement I would get, I would get so many subs. In the middle of the movie, like a Linus Tech Tips.

segue like, oh no, the segue to our sponsor, rich wallets. I would make it, I mean, they do product placement in a movie, I bet I could swing. I could sell out real hard. Mr. Anderson, I know I can take it. Because I'm brought to you by muscle milk. A sponsor, Mr. Anderson.

The agents, if you see one, just run. You can't fight them. They're too fast. Like T-Mobile's 5G home internet. Can we just make the movies as if they were YouTube videos? I want to do this with so many different movies. You know, that'd be a good episode idea. Why don't you write that down?

I should. You can do it next time. I want you to paint me like your French curls. Wearing this, only this, brought to you by K-Juelers. Oh. I've never seen a K-Jueler sponsorship. That's, really. Okay.

I have a game that applies to two-thirds of us. So everyone here is going to have a really good time with it. Wade and I live in Ohio. And a few days ago, before it all started, Wade and I were probably watching the news, or watching the weather reports on social media or whatever. And everyone was like, you're going to get 20 inches of snow.

It's going to be the blizzard. And we were like, okay, so we're going to get like an inch of snow. That's fine. And they're like, no, no, no. It's going to snow Saturday. And then Saturday came and it didn't snow at all. And we were like, eh, I knew it. And then we woke up on Sunday with actually a,

foot or more of snow in our yards. And it made me think, I want to talk about snow days. We could talk about snow day traditions, if you have any things that you really like to do, or your favorite snow days. I have a couple of things. I think I have a couple stories. They're not very long stories, but I haven't told on this podcast, which is hard to find, of things that happened to me or I did on snow days that are like legendary memories for me.

We all grew up where there's snow. So even though Mark lives in a tropical paradise where it's 75 degrees. every single day of the year. You know snow? You remember snow? Yes. Yeah, I know snow. I know snow.

But I can kick it off so you guys can have a second to think about your favorite snow days. I think my most legendary snow day of all time is growing up, the house that we lived in was we were across the street from like a cul-de-sac. So there was a street across from our driveway, right? And so when it snows, what that means is the plows would take all the snow from that road in front of us. and push it into our front yard, which was generally fine. Sometimes it would block our driveway, but there was one time where it snowed a lot.

Like comparable to what we got this past week, where it was like, I think we got a foot to a foot and a half of snow. It was a lot of snow. And they paid such a huge pile of snow in our front yard that my friends and I dug it out into a snow fort. I did that too. Like four or five of us could fit inside the snow fort.

and it was awesome. Thinking back on it, it's a little bit of a miracle we didn't have any cave-ins and nobody got, had to get rescued or whatever, but like, I still remember what it felt like

sitting inside that thing and because when you do, I don't know if it's the same for any glue, but when you make like a snow fort, when you're inside of it, especially multiple people, you start to sort of warm it up

and you sort of melt the inside walls, but then they freeze over again and it turns it into like an icy crust. It's a whole, I remember how it felt, what it looked like, what it tasted like. What it tasted like. Yeah, I don't mind that. I remember after a little while, it took us hours and hours to make it.

And then it was finished and we climbed inside and we were like, yeah. And then like 45 minutes later, we were like, all right, this is kind of just like a cold room, isn't it? Who wants to go inside? But like that thing was fucking awesome. That was the best snow day. But that's my, I have a couple other ones. That's my most legendary snow day of all time. I'm jumping in.

Do it. All right. So I don't know if this is a real memory or not because when I think back on snow days, right? This cannot be true. Like there's no way this is true. Me and my brother, I remember us being huddled around a radio listening for broadcasts. But there's no way that's true. It's, but I picture like this big.

Like grandfather clock looking radio with the long slats and the glowing top and it's orange and you Oh, yeah, sure, sure. And it's like the Milford Christian school. Damn it. God damn. And I'm like, that can't be reality. That can't be. It must have been a TV.

But in my head, it's radio. That was definitely when you and your brother were listening to the fireside chats. One of those, like at your parents, growing up in your. your house or at a, like at your grandparents' house or a friend's house or anything. Is it possible? No. But that doesn't mean it can't be real. There's a good shot that that did not actually happen.

I'm telling you, man. I'm telling you. Maybe I'm saying maybe. You'd ask your brother see if he has the same memory. He would say yes just to make me seem. But so you were like huddled around trying to listen for school closings. Yeah, all of us, all 10 of us. Sure.

Sure. of us. And the orphanage you grew up in. Sure, sure. Oh, God. Am I, am I being implanted with someone else's memories right now? You've been pretending to be someone else for so long. You don't remember who you are. Wait, I think he's a replicant. I think we might need to do the, uh, test. You have your camera that zooms in on his eyeball. Did they ever explain what that test? Yeah, you know what? Just test me. Hit me. Brought to you by Apple. That was fun, though. I, and honestly, we never had as many snow days as I wanted us to because I hated walking to school in the snow and I had to walk

to school for elementary school, but sitting and staring at the news and not even registering what the news people were saying and just being like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, oh it'll come around again, maybe the next time. There were always the same schools that you never heard of except for whenever you were watching the school day tracker and it's like,

oh yeah, where were those schools? Oh, like Jack and Dell is closed again. I don't even know what that is. Why are they closed? They're always closed. Do they ever have school? Dave's daycare that he keeps in his basement. Closed.

Dave's upstairs daycare? Two-hour delay. There were also two different versions of me to start the snow day. There was the, you wake up. Well, sometimes you knew the night before if you have the day off. And it's like, oh, turn that alarm off. Sometimes I'd leave the alarm on just to wake up and be like, it's a snow day and turn it off, go back to sleep.

What's wrong with you? I was a psychopath back then. I don't know. Yeah, a freak. Queen, you a freak. Even I was used to getting up early. So there were times where you'd wake up, like go to see if you have a snow day.

And then like you'd see if you have a snow day. And later I would like, I don't want to go back to bed. But I was a little bit younger. It was like, I could go back to bed, but I don't want to waste my snow day. I've got all day for this snow day. But those two hour delay days were so weird.

Because everything was compressed. Like, I forgot about the delays. It was just like every class, but faster. Go, go, go. Instead of 50 minutes of literature, you have 20. 20 minutes, go. That must, I never thought about it ever until just now.

That must have been such a pain in the ass for the teachers. Oh, God. Teachers have, they have the lesson plan. They're like, all right, I got a 55 minute period or whatever. Every single minute is like, okay, and then we'll get this all in and raise the bell rings. I'll be like, and thank, have a good one. Bye. And then it's like, all right, too hard delay.

You have 38 minutes. What are you teaching them? Some of this probably wasn't important, was it? Good question. Yeah, I don't know. That would have been awful, though. Ah, they deserve it. We're here at Distragable.

Hate teachers. Take that. Nerds. That's us. Mark, Bob, and me, Tyler. We hate teachers. Hey, Tyler. Has it been you the whole time?

Love sports. He does say that a lot. We took Tyler out for his birthday, and we went, and this is not related. Why am I jumping off on a tangent? Was it a snowy day? No, it wasn't a snowy day. I'll allow it. ancient away. Okay, all right. So he wanted duck. You know, Tyler, he has his whimsies. He wanted

He loves ducks. He heard that this place had duck. So we go up to this place it has duck, right? I've never heard him talk about duck before in my life. Okay, this is new Tyler. So it was fine. It was good. I liked it. It was it was smoked duck. I don't, I haven't had duck. I don't know if I've ever had duck, actually. But it was, it tasted like a ham bird. It was like a bird made of ham. What kind of was this like a French restaurant? What kind of? No, Korean. It was a Korean plate and it was a smoke duck and it just a huge plate of it and it's like already cooked but then you stick it in the fire after you've been cooking all the other meats because it's a Korean barbecue kind of place. It was great. It was fantastic and we kept being like as soon as the duck came out, we were like full but then we just

kept pounded in it. And then John's car got locked in the garage next door and we couldn't get it out. We go back to the restaurant owner. He's like, oh, big problem. Big problem. Oh, Oh, look through his phone for like five minutes. He's like a thousand numbers and no names. I'm looking at his phone too. It's just like numbers in his context, but no names. He calls. Oh, he's in Arcadia.

He's like an hour and a half away. And we go, well, wait, okay. I guess we could go to a coffee shop or somebody. He's like, 9, 9% people, no wait. Oh, okay, I guess we'll come back tomorrow. He's like, oh, good. Anyway, so that car, John's car got locked there. Anyway, that's my story.

And then we bought him furniture. John or Tyler? Tyler. You know, Giler. Giler. We got Giler. Is that their couple name? Well, it's because, all right, maybe we're being a little mean, but we were in, we're in Tyler's place.

And he hasn't gotten anything new since he moved in. He's going to be mean, but I'm going to say it anyway. We said it looked like if he brought a girl over, it would look like a serial killer loves there. Because it's bare walls, pure white, super modern. there's like a fold-out plastic table in the front. This makes it sound bad. Grates on the floor, plastic down everywhere, chainsaw on the table. That's what we were, there was plastic.

You know, there was a lot of plastic. Knives and instruments arranged just so on the counter. Yeah, so we go, we take them to home goods. And I, we started grabbing random shit off the shelves. Like, we filled two shopping carts plus holding like a lamp and like paintings. We're going to fill this place up. It was like we grabbed a handful of knickknacks and chucked it in there. It didn't look any different.

Like, it was nothing. We had everything was set up. We're like, all right, the coasters, I got these jars of decorative olives and artichokes and shit. You don't have to eat them. You just put them in your kitchen. They'll think you're fancy. And it looked like nothing happened in there. To shop, I loaded my truck up with stuff.

Anyway, it's an old other story. It doesn't matter. By the time he turns 40, you're going to have a perfect wall. got ice cream afterwards. That's how snow relates. Did you go to that cool, that cool place? What's it called? Honeycomb. Went to Baskin Robbins. Okay, so not the cool place.

Yeah, we went to Bob's right. There was a place we went. It was good. Yeah, remember that place? Yeah, I do. It's the one Ethan can go to because they don't use nuts or something. It was near one of the theaters we went to to to watch improv, right? Yes. Man, I can't remember what it was called.

But man, you hyped it up and it lived up to it. Thanks, Mark. Man, good, good. I brought, I did that. Okay, huddled around radio. Got it. Wade, snow day stuff? Mine's similar to yours, Bob, but I didn't have like a roof.

We built a big walled fort, but we built it to play Army. We had like toy guns and stuff. We used to play Army. We didn't have any like snow colored fatigues, but we did have like normal Army fatigue. So we would dress up in our normal Army fatigue. running around this snow fort that we built. And our version of Army was basically like, you see someone you're like, got you.

They're like, no, I got you for it. And then you'd argue, then one of you would win. And you would capture the person and like take them back to your base. Then people had to come rescue them. I don't know or understand how the rules works, but as kids, they made total sense. But we build up these huge walls. Then we had like, you had to go through the first walls

and around the other one. They weren't that tall. You could probably hop over them. But we honored them as if they were fortress, 30 foot high walls. Was this in someone's like he are? or was this in like a wooded area? My grandparents' yard is my grandparents' yard. Because we used to play the, we lived two houses away from our neighbor that we played with,

and the neighbor in the middle didn't care. So it was like us, neighbor not involved, friend, neighbor not involved. They had like a fenced-in backyard. We didn't go in that, but the rest of their yard we were allowed to play in. So that was our full battleground, where our three yards combined, minus the neighbor's backyard. And you had army fatigues? Is that what you said? Yeah, yeah, there was like an army clothing store that we would,

go to as kids and we got like kids sized. Yeah. For all those Army kids they have. Green and brown and light brown and slightly darker shade of green Army colored clothing. Yeah. And we ran around playing Army. We were like 10. Sounds fun.

One of our friends was super into it. Like we all were into it but like he would like in the fall bury himself and leaves have nothing but like a little sight line for his scope so he could see out or he would hide under people's vehicles or Like, we never knew where he was.

Was anyone else playing with him when he was doing this? Or he just do this just to send it up and then see if he could catch you? We were all playing, but we had a theory that he was always out there hiding somewhere ready for the next game. That's comforting. He's probably still there now under someone's truck waiting for us to emerge. Yeah, that's the one I remember was that and some sledding trips. Yeah, that was one of the other members I have is I did not live near a good sledding hill. and we always ended up going somewhere either really disappointing to go sled or really, really dangerous.

And there was no in between. And one year in particular, we decided it was like an icy snow. So there was a lot of hard pack ice or whatever. And we had a friend who had a really long, really steep driveway. So instead of going to find snow on top of grass or something, we're like, let's just do the driveway. It'll be fine. He lives at the end of a street. Like there won't be traffic.

And I tried to do the old hold your sled up on your chest, run, jump, go get, you know, maximum speed. And it was icy. And the sled stuck to the ice and pulled my chest backwards and my face down. And I slid down his whole driveway, I think exclusively on my nose. And so then for the next few months, my whole nose was just absolutely fucked. Like it was my entire nose was just scabs. And like my face had like some scab scratches. it's got, but like my nose.

He lived a couple blocks away. So we did this and I stood up and I was like bleeding profusely. And I was just like, I got, I guess I got to go home. And I like walked home face dripping blood and walked in the house to my dad. It was like, help. And he was like, what the fuck? You were going sledding. Oh my God.

So yeah, that was my sled. Did you guys live near like a good hill? Man, he always talks about growing up. They lived here a hell of a sledding hill that was like awesome. I had a hill and I'm pretty sure we were allowed to sled on it. But it was one of those hills where it was someone's house was up there and technically it's on their property. We would like go there in the summer and we'd roll our red wagon, you know, down with the sides off for speed. And then, you know, I don't think we owned a sled.

So we brought the wagon in the snow and we would go. the wagon, which is functionally the same, and I know that there's no difference, but it felt like sledding, right? So it was different. And I can, I never knew if we actually had permission or not. No one ever came on and yelled at us, but I have distinct memories much like the radio that people did yell at us, but I don't think anyone actually yelled at us. Because there were also other kids occasionally, especially during the winter that were on this hill. But I had this sneaking suspicion that we were not supposed to be there the entire time, so I never really had fun. So I'd always tell my brother we need to leave. We gotta go. We're gonna get in trouble.

We're gonna die. And then I was pretty much, I was, I was the worst probably. I was the worst. I only ever got yelled at my neighbors whenever I tried to build a tree house in their yard. Wait, huh? That's the only time I ever got yelled at my neighbors. You built a tree house in someone else's yard? Treehouse is a strong word. We brought a bunch of like sticks and limbs into the, like, from our family's garbage piles. And we were like, we could build our own tree fort in these pine trees. Why wouldn't that be okay? Let's do it So we just started dragging a bunch of sticks and limbs

And putting them in wagons like you were talking about like other shit And we literally just drove like in the middle of this street So we lived on the opposite end of the street We went to the middle of the street This neighborhood line of pine trees Because they wanted like their privacy We were like, nah, this is for our tree fort And so they looked outside

Just saw a bunch of kids bringing shit into their yard And like climbing in their pine trees And they weren't very happy about it I mean, I don't see why. Maybe they're a bunch of assholes. Sounds like their problem. To answer the sledding question, though, I did not have a good hill.

What was that park? Mark, the park that we played football. It wasn't Miami Meadows in Milford. It was the other one. Huh? I don't know the names of parks. You think I know the names of parks? What parks?

I don't know one name. Anyway, there's a park in Milford that had like a good hill. But the problem with it was that if it was too good of conditions, it ended in a creek. So if you went down the hill. Yeah, I know though. Yeah, I can't remember the name of it, but we used to go there and play football when we were older. But as kids, we would go to that hill, and it was relatively busy, so somebody did to take turns with other kids.

It was always a bit scary because if you had a really good run on the sled, you were getting, or the sled or whatever the word is, to inner tube we brought sometimes. You would end up right on the edge of that creek. And it was not like a small fall when you were a kid. It was a, if you went down, you were dropping a little bit. Sounds like you should just always ride the inner tube, then you're ready for the creek. Things never work out as the way they think they will in your head. Like you with the nose, like you run and jump on the sled you think you're going. Sometimes you have too much momentum and you just slide off of the sled.

Then you're just tumbling down the hill and your sled comes behind you and hits you in the back. Things just never quite go the way they're supposed to in your mind when you're sledding. I mean, what are you really thinking? Because all I'm thinking is we. Or, and then, you know, I crash and die. I was a panicky kid, so I was always thinking of what happens if things go wrong. I was a panicky kid too. I was always like, oh, we can't be here.

We gotta go sneak out. Even on the sled, I was like, what if someone else's foot comes flying down and hits me in the face? So I would, like, land and, like, duck and cover for a second until I knew it was safe. Like, just the foot? Like, you chucked a grenade behind you and...

I don't know, man. Weird, random, fearful thoughts. Hmm. All right. Well, I mean, that's for the best. You know, no, that wasn't a snow day. That was just skiing. That doesn't qualify. There's snow in skiing.

That's close. He was water skiing. Insane. I've never gone water skiing. Have you gone water skiing? Never done it. No, my family did, but I always just rode the tube. I like the tube.

Like every person like my parents' age I've ever talked to about water skiing. They're like, oh, water skiing's great. We used to do that when we were kids. Yeah, so my buddy had a boat or whatever. And that always ends with, yeah, and this one time they were like doing sharp turns and whipping me around. And they whipped me right into a dock. And I hit a metal bowl face first at 35 miles. miles an hour. I can't believe I'm alive. Like I swear to God, my dad and Mandy's dad and a couple of my

uncles all have the exact same story. And every time they tell it, I'm like, okay, don't go water skiing. Got it. Yeah, there were some scary moments watching my dad and other people be pulled behind because down in Lake Cumberland, it's really rocky and cliffy around the edge of the water bank. So watching them like be whipped around toward the rocks, if they had let go or gone flying, they would have landed like just in a pile of giant sharp rocks. It'd probably be dead. Maybe that's why I didn't do it because again, I was a terrified kid. Yeah. Tube was the same thing though.

If you go flying off on the tube, you could very easily end up. Do those videos of like inner tubes with like five kids on them on a windy stretch where the thing just goes and turns into a kite and then the kids just launch into the air like it looks kind of fun but that would be so terrifying. Is this what it means to get older when we just don't have any childhood wonder and fearlessness in our soul? Just afraid of everything. Fear.

Pennywise was an idiot. He should have gone after adults. We're so much more scared as adults. Like tax season, Pennywise popping up like, Hey, you bobby, got some taxes? Hey, you a bobbie. I'm afraid. I think the other thing that I thought of when I was thinking about the snow day, there was one year, well, there was one time when we were in,

I think maybe around the time we would have been seniors in high school. There was like a really bad ice storm. And I remember this because I had my audition at UC. We drove down and I was supposed to play my instrument to audition to get into music school on the day when there was like a half inch of ice all over everything and they shut the campus down and it was crazy. But there's a time when we were younger, like elementary school where a similar thing happened. It snowed a couple inches and then there was a solid like maybe almost half inch of ice on top of it. And they fucking, my district didn't

close the schools. And I had to walk to school on top of ice. Like I literally have a memory of like going out down the driveway, kind of slipping, sliding down the driveway, and then stumbling along the sidewalk on ice. And it was so bad that a neighbor was driving their kid to school and saw me and was like, do you want to ride? Are you okay? And I was like, I'm good. No, almost there. Like I, because you're not supposed to get in the car with strangers. And I knew that. But it's the fuck. I, the whole walk there to school, I was like, how the fuck is school not close today? What is this bullshit? What?

Do you guys remember that or is that more? I don't know, but you seem to have turned into an old man in that. I was like, I was very grumpy as a child. When I was in third grade, I was basically already 70 years old. And then I de-aged a little bit, and now I'm where I am now. I was lucky. I never had to walk to school. I never really had to deal with that aspect.

I don't remember that specifically when we were younger. I remember the one when we were in high school. I don't remember the one we were younger with the ice. No, I don't remember that either. Well, never mind You get all the way to the school And the school's up a hill And it's all ice

And you just can't get there And then you get in trouble for missing It was up a slight hill Somehow it was literally uphill both ways I'm not It sounds like I'm doing it It wasn't uphill The whole way both ways

But there was a hill You know what would have been cool Is if there was like a snow day But there was a new category Where it's like if you can make it Show up Because I always thought That it would be fun

as a kid, like if I, because when I was in junior high, I could walk to school. I walked just through these little woods and right to school. But it would be super cool if you showed up and all the teachers were there and they expected to teach it, but you were like the only person. You're like the only kid. Do you get like extra credit or something? Like what's the reward? No, no, no, everyone else fails.

You just get your credit. Just to see if your body can take it? No, there's nothing to my body that's taking it. I'm just at school. Uh-huh. Okay. No, there's nothing basicistic about this. Is it just you and your teacher or just you?

Just a teacher and whoever actually made it. Everyone else is frozen outside in a ditch and I'm, I made it. Because there's a horror movie that came out not the long ago called weapons. And one of the earlier scenes is a kid showing up to class and he's the only student in his class that shows up with just him and the teacher. So that's what made you think of it. But it's a very different scenario there than just a snow day because all the other kids are missing. When you said other types of snow days, I thought you were talking about like how they have like exploding tree warnings. in the plain states

because of how cold it's been. I want to see a video of that, but all I get are the AI videos of exploding trees, which is like as if someone put a debt cord on a tree. Exploing tree. The guy running through, it was like,

we gotta get out of here. You're saying those aren't real? Oh, well, they're real to somebody. There must be videos of it. I swear I've seen a video. It wasn't like a super dramatic one, and I swear I've seen a video of a tree just like,

And part of it popping off. I think it was real. If it wasn't real, it was the most boring thing anyone's ever used AI to generate. Maybe that's a good competition. Who can make the most boring AI video possible? What would it be? Let's all sign up and start to find out. Let's crank out those AI videos.

Let's start generating. It's going to take over 70,000 prompts to make this three-second clip. I know what it'll be. YouTube is allowing us to make shorts using AI, making images of our own likenesses. so I'll just make a short of one of my own videos. I'm glad I consented to that program. I haven't heard of that. Is that a thing? Yeah, six days ago there was an announcement.

YouTube will soon let creators make shorts with their own AI likeness. Oh, good. That's probably fine. It's what people want, right? People are just screaming for it. Everybody wants that. I haven't heard anyone say anything different. Oh, man, this article's so funny.

Okay, Mohan, is that the CEO? Yeah, Neil Mohan, who I have not met, and I don't know if I never had a chance. today once odd trends like ASMR and watching other people play video games are mainstream hits The fuck? Odd trends Yeah, that was super weird Of people watching people play video

It was never weird Even Jimmy Kimmel Admitted off camera when he wasn't being his dumb persona Sorry, sorry Jimmy I like all the self-censoring you did there Sorry, Jimmy. Jimmie. No, seriously, Jimmy Kimmel, off camera, is like,

I totally get it. It's totally fine. Then on camera, I was like, why do you play video games and people watch? I'm like, what are you doing, man? What the hell is happening? What happened to you? Yeah, so it was very strange.

But it's not odd. It was perfectly normal then. It's perfectly normal now. Why am I catching strays here? Anyway, AI content now. If only there were some organization that existed to try and fight against, these things. Hmm.

Now, they must be corrupt and building their own language model. Probably. Look forward to real good AI's chat bot coming out soon. I bet it's really good. How much water do I need to give? Oh, minimal.

Minimal. I want to be maximal. What if I give more? Oh, turn it up. That's not what real good AI does. Just to be clear, Mandy would kill me if I made that joke because people would definitely...

Anyway, snow days. Loved them. They're way harder as a parent. I will say that. that I never appreciated that it was such a pain in my parents' ass to have a snow day. But I shoveled a lot of snow and were trapped inside with James. And there's only so much you could do inside a house when you can't ever leave for any reason. And you can't do any of your things that involve going outdoors even at all almost.

It's been so freaking cold that we couldn't even really go play in the snow for very long, or else his face would freeze off or something probably. And he's still got to go to work sometimes. I mean, if, you know, you wouldn't understand. stand Bob, but some parents have real jobs and they gotta go to work, you know. Yeah, one on, once odd trends like content creation don't count. Yeah, he never thought about that either. I don't recall my mom ever not going to work on a snow day.

Like, I don't know that we ever had one that was so bad where she was like risking her life going out. But she was never like, ah, it's a snow. She was always like, uh, gotta go to fucking work at 8 in the morning. See ya. And then my dad was like, what do I do with these assholes? Get out of here, go to school or something. God! But then we just played video games and didn't talk to him for the entire day, so he's probably fine. That's the end.

Snow! Make sure listeners and viewers, you go to subreddit and share all your favorite Snowday stories. Also, it's not worth any points or anything, and we won't read them. But someone might. Let's sum up the scores. Mark... Oh, I didn't realize I wrote it like that. Mark's hair earned points four.

I'm going to say that counts as you. You currently represented by your hair But this is Mark's points in general Mark earned points for sounding short Being bored I don't know what this means Mr. Anderson Oh is it being kicked in the balls

Oh kicked in the nuts right Radio hallucinations They deserve it for teachers Your illegal sledding And oh Chubbethy My illegal slutting How do you know about that His body can take it

Your slutting is totally legal, but the sledding on that hill in that person's yard? Very criminal. What if you slutted while you sledded? Would they cancel out? Slut. Slut. Slut, sled? I feel like those are different things. Slud. Slud. Mark, you got seven points. Wade, you earned points for there was, oh, for the joke you completely abandoned. For the first time of your entire life, you didn't commit to it a bit.

For Pat sucking you back in. For telling us about Ark Knight, which I don't. already downloaded out of my phone during this episode. Some of your friend code. Leaving the alarm on like an absolute psychopath for your fun-sounding snow army games with your friends and for building your pine tree fort in someone else's yard for some fucking

reason. Yeah, neighbors did not like that. That earned you six points. Oh, one-man's show, opportunity. Every time it is, but not this time. I gotta really be more biased moving forward in points to make sure one of you just dominates. Mark, great episode. You have Two points.

All right. Bob, you had 500. It's so weird. Let's spin the wheel. Oh, mystical wheel. How many things better we get that to spin? Please make it an even number. Oh, shoot, I haven't thought about what I want to add.

I don't get to add. All bad. You know what, Wade? Just for, ah, it's three. Okay, just for you, Wade. I'll add whatever you want, Wade. What do you want to add to the wheel for me? Oh, I want whatever Mark's hair wants.

Oh, what do you want, hair? Wash me for once in your fucking life, man. Wash me. Hey, come on. Oh, most reasons. recently washed hair. I'll never win. All right, okay.

All right. That one's not gonna make any sense when it comes up three months from now. Well, I haven't showered today. I shower yesterday. I mean, it's not confusing. We're just gonna be like, why did we add that? But who cares why we added that? Anyway, three spins it is.

It's so small, I can't see it. Don't worry. You'll see it once it stops. Hardest thinker. I don't. Look at my face right now. I'm thinking so hard. Oh, Wade, can you think

any harder than that or is that this is the hardest I've had to think so far I mean the most I could think of is Mark trying to remember if his radio is real or not I'm thinking so hard alright Wade Wade called it hardest thinker goes to Mark thank you how actually I don't know of any other moment that was so thought no brain aneurysms this episode boys uh spin number two Hey! Boy for Wade all right don't call it a back come call it a comeback or don't Don't do that either.

I'm not going to do any of that. Okay. Hey, and that saves me from the one-man show, except possibly if I spin the one-man show. Okay. Most callbacks. Wade did a callback of my joke at one time. At one toym, I did.

We didn't really call back to Mr. Anders. That was all just one bit. Mark handed it to you, and since it's pretty immaterial either way. I'll take it. Wade gets most callbacks. That means I win. Final score is Mark with eight and Wade with seven and one half points.

Fuck, I thought I, I thought I eclipsed it by half a point. That's what I call back come. Damn it! Congratulations to Mark and a slightly less congratulations to Wade, but you survived. That's pretty good. You're still here. Wait, loser speech.

I don't like snow anymore. As an adult, it's less fun. Shoveling, trying to make space for the dogs to go take a shit, trying to figure out how we're leaving the driveway. It's just not as fun. I imagine being a parent. Stressful. Snow is a kid.

Best thing ever. I want to go back. I want to go back. Sad. Good loser speech. Mark, winter speech. It's shocking that the guy who lives in a place and never gets snow won the Snow Day episode.

I think that just shows how much I am committed to winning every game that I am participating in. I give it my all. And I will always give it my-mi-mi. So thank you, everybody, for giving me my-mi-mi. And you, my-all. You're welcome and or congratulations.

That's going to be the end of the episode. Mark's going to host the next one because he is just the best of us. Who said being short was a disadvantage. Thanks so much for participating. Sorry, I threw another sort of joke. That was honestly gratuitous and I didn't need to do that. I don't... I call it dessert.

I've never seen... I've seen you eat dessert before. You've never eaten it like that. If you could stop living a lie. You know, whenever we did the baby food challenge with Jesse, See, there's a clip of me doing that, and you made me a baby or whoever edited made me a baby. Oh, well, that's still not dessert, so what? Make sure you check out.

Morgan Markiplier, wait at Lord Minion 777 or Minion 777. I am ice cream. Check out the merch, distractible. Shop. As of right now today, there should be new merch on it. And you check out. It's Valentine's Day stuff. You should look at it.

Woo! Good shirt. Good design. Mark's going to host the next one. We're out of here, like we always say. Podcast out. in Iron Lung in theaters now. Oh yeah.

No, that's a pretty good thing. Ah, we don't have to talk about the movie. Yeah, whatever is, all right. No, yeah. If you're listening to this, you better already have tickets. If you're listening to this, you better have tickets. What do you can do with your life? This is basically a podcast that's one-third been about the production of Iron Lung.

Actually, yeah, that's pretty true. One-third lenses, one-third baby, one-third iron lung. And Wade's here, too. Podcast out. For real this time. Go watch Iron Lung. Ah, if I said it after I said, sound doesn't even count.

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