Distractible - Squid Game (Even Too-er)

Episode Date: December 19, 2025

The cephalopod confab returns as the guys expound upon what childhood games they'd like to see in their own version of Squid Game. Reserve your ticket now at ironlung.com. Only in theaters January 30, 2026. Order now at ⁠pandaexpress.com⁠ or a store near you. Learn more at uber.com/onourway Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is presented by Panda Express. It shouldn't be difficult, and maybe it's a bit silly, but we've all been there. Sometimes saying I love you is just hard, whether it's your partner, someone in your family, a good friend. But when you order tasty, authentically cooked American Chinese cuisine from Panda Express, they'll know what you mean. Because sharing some delicious orange chicken or my personal favorite, the honey walnut shrimp, that means more than words, right? So, have you eaten yet? Order now or find your nearest Panda Express. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable.

This episode, Boppa Bob scans the subreddit, conspires with Wade, then recruits the rascals for nefarious trials. Cine Mark has audience issues, gains accolades, proposes lethal swinging, deadly balls, and battles shit. Wonder Woman Wade gets gassed up by home. shoots his loat, table-slaughter-sitting, and scotch. From killing it to festive merch. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-has, it's time for Squid Game, Even Tour.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to America's. favorite game show, America's favorite trio, and America's favorite homemade dinner. That's right. You're watching Distractable. Or if you're a loser, you're listening Distractable. I don't blame you. It's just the facts. I'm your host. My name is Bob. Whoa. No, no, don't, don't. No, I said what I said. They didn't know how we feel about them. You know, the losers defeated Pennywise. Huh? That's true. Yeah, he's right. No, he's right. Oh. Okay.

I'm the host because I won the last one, and I'm going to be hosting, and we're going to be playing a game, and I'm going to be giving points. And the guys who are trying to win this one and host the next one. As always, are Mark and Wade. Hi. Hey. I'm the first one of those. My name comes with a W baked in. Flip my name upside down.

You get... Woo-woo. Flip my upside down. You get Map 3. If you flip my name upside down, you get a bop. Welcome back to another episode of Hit Podcast Stractable. Thank you so much for joining us. And if you are a listener, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that we're so hard on you, but you deserve it.

Boys, how you doing? I'm losing my voice, apparently. I'm going to stick a cough drop in, but who's got small talk? Who wants to talk about how their life's going? It's old news by now, but I've been ripped apart on the Home Lab subreddit from the state of my render farm. Did I mention that before in the... I think we talked about that, yeah, because I hadn't... But only...

I think we talked about between us, not on an episode. The pictures are great. I thought I was on an episode, because I remember looking at the pictures. Never mind. Ah, whatever. Okay. It's just in case. If it did, I'll say I got torn apart for good reasons, Joddy on it.

If I didn't... You'll never know. You'll never know. You're never gonna know. I can't imagine what they were ripping you apart for. Well, they weren't actually ripping me apart. Some people were like, hell yeah, this belongs on this subreddit because all we have are piece of shit, home lab setups setups.

And then, like, other people are like, this is not professional at all. And everyone's like, you're on the wrong subreddit if you think we're doing that here. But also, yeah, I don't blame them. I don't know if I've been featured on any subreddits that aren't directly involving me. It's most of the time, not for good reasons. Yeah, I'm saying, I kind of hope I've not. I can't imagine when I'm like, oh, yeah, I made it. I made it the top of shittiest bald people or whatever the hell exists.

There's got to be worse. There's a few worse bald people to me. I think I'm okay. It has to be. I learned that whenever your car tire pressure isn't default 32. Apparently, tire pressure places around Cincinnati don't know how to handle that. Even whenever you can set the pressure to what you need to inflate your tire, it's cold. So my car's tires are like, my car's like, you need air.

You're going to die, get air. I was like, all right. And I like to tip people that put air in my tires because you can go to like a tire discount or something to put air in your tires for free. But I usually like to tip the person who comes out in the cold of the rain to do it. I didn't have any cash. So I was like, well, I guess I'll go put air in my own tires. So I just went to like a gas station, put some air in my tires, set the thing to whatever, like 35 and 38 or whatever it was. Because it was always 32 before every car I had 32.

This one, now, 35 and 38. What do you mean they're all different? No, they've all been the same for me. All two cars I've owned were the same. Therefore, they were all the same. And I put, I put air in the tires. And it was like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, you did it. You got the correct pressure.

It was like, do, do, do, do. Yeah. Woo, victory you sound. Get in my car, drive for a bit Park the car Like man, maybe the next time I turn the car I'll tell me that my tire pressures are right Turn the car back on

Oh dear God, your tire pressures are a mess Well, what could they possibly be? Let me look at the fancy interface that shows me 33, 31, 29, 35 None of these are what I said to be But the beep, beep, beep, I had the victory noises Why did they lie to me? I sure it wasn't a warning?

Warning one. warning wrong wrong wrong I did it yeah everyone at the gas station I did it kind of I kind of like look around make sure no one's like if they're look it's like yeah I'm doing this my fingers have the weird little oily nastiness on him because I am putting air in my own tires like a big strong man you know but if you need it you can come over to my I have I have the tool to do that it's good it's called an air compressor. Yeah, I don't have one of those. So I just go to like the gas station. They sell them. Got hit the Ryobi days. They sell really like nice little ones too that like a little

handheld battery powered ones that are like not, they'll take like a whole giant air compressor. But the only real downside with those is they're kind of small, but like, or they're kind of slow because they're kind of small. But like those work fine. They go, they generally they go, you set the thing. You could have one or you could come borrow mine. You don't have to go to the gas station. Gas station was a little bit close. See the thing was the gas station was on my way to where I was going and I used to put air in tires at that gas station with the our old car and it was fine but apparently it can't go past 32 even though it says it can I mean it can oh why is that man I don't know the science of it but well that's

it I don't know the science of it that's my life okay in the last three episodes my life has been I lifted a couch and I failed to get air in my tires that's all I do so is your car still upset at you about the air situation livid I really car, it's mine and exists, is mad at me. I was giving you that. I was taking that. Not everyone has yet. I'm still very touchy about that. I have security footage of Wade's approach to the gas station that the editors have given as thankfully provided. Oh, yeah. Here's him Flintstone-style sitting and just air

kind of scooting up with a steering wheel up to the gas station air compressor. He gets out, he grabs the hose and just goes around his nothing. and he uh potes in there and he threw the side of his mouth you hear and then he goes i'm like invisible woman with her wonder or wonder woman with her visible invisible invisible woman with her wonder play never mind no no you're right you're right come on brain anyway sorry editors i don't know what the hell you just did there but i'm sure it was compelling security footage they probably just showed like an ms paint image of like a stick figure just standing holding what looks like a gas pump

it just said air and then nothing else in the picture that reminds me next time I host I gotta do a sequel of that drawing from description game that we did a while back oh the listeners loved that one I can't wait they did it was a great episode it was a great episode is that the one where I had to describe someone like leaning in through a window or bars or whatever it was and Bob was yeah yeah we did really good we should do it again yeah it's very stressful sometimes the winners get an

episode sometimes the listeners get an episode it's you know it's all it's all it's all whatever it is. Sometimes the winners, sometimes the listener. Damn. I didn't say much small talk there, but... You don't have to have much small talk. Okay, so I had a...

At this point, it's probably... So, movies in Cinemark, right? So I had a call with Cinemark. And they were... First, they were like, do you have some kind of automated system sending out emails to get, you know, people at requesting tickets?

And I say, like, no, I actually do have a large fan base. And yes, they're real. And, you know, sometimes they... They get a little nervous, so they copy and paste other people. They ask, like, how can I email these people? And someone will say, like, this is what I'm yield. And they're going great and copy. Anyway, they asked me to slow down.

And I had to explain to them, okay, when it's something like this, I can't control them that much. Because it's kind of very up to their whims. Like, the community will sometimes really latch on to something and they'll be super adamant about it. And I don't even need to say much of anything because this all started from just me one comment. say, like, if it's not your local theater, let him know, ask for it. And apparently, Cynemark, the guy from Cineworks is like, our, our team is just, the email is just, can you please calm down, please, I'm just like. But the thing is, people hadn't reached out, would they ever have talked to you?

No, they wouldn't. But if I say to my audience, oh, guys, slow down, it's working, they're not going to stop. They're going to go harder. Yeah, that'll just make him do more. Yeah, they're going to do it more. Slow down guys, it's working Yeah, yeah, anyway But anyway, this is

small things there No, that is, I did see I saw a thing on Reddit I don't even know if it's true But I'll talk about it like it's true I saw a thing on Reddit Where someone in like a subreddit That's like theater employees

Or something Was like, this guy has a bot farm Setting emails, spamming emails About his movie It was like moaning about it And then a bunch of people jumped in and we're like, no, that's just us, man. Like, he just has a lot of that.

And, like, that same guy, I don't know if it was the same thread or the same subreddit. He came back later and was like, oh, it's real. Sorry, I guess. I thought he's going to double down. Now they found me here too. No, he was like, oh, you know what? It is people. Leave me alone.

No, I did see that. They were very nice because they did come back and they showed a screenshot of like, yeah, okay. because they thought at first it was just going to be they put it up in only like three sales but that's because not a lot of people get confirmation when it's up they have to check so then like a few hours later he's like oh it's almost sold out so he sort of a screenshot of like the the screen and all the seats were almost taken so oh it's real so it's very nice I totally understand from any other perspective this looks insane but that's kind of just the nature of online stuff that not a lot of people understand that there are translations to real life that have tangible effect But it's not always the case, so it's kind of hard to judge where it is. But, yeah, no, this has been a real, real fun adventure so far. Can't wait to do this once a year. It's funny when Normies have to interface with internet types. They have no idea what they're getting into.

It is strange because, like, before doing YouTube and stuff, internet culture seems so alien to me. And now I've been a part of it for so long. Like, I thought of not being a part of it's weird. So when people are like, oh, I can't believe these people are messing. It's like, you idiot. What are you not in our industry or something? I say, oh, wait, you're not probably.

Yeah. I mean, you guys remember going to indie popcon and if we tried to tell people that we were stuck at a convention for four days, literally not able to not spend a single second to ourselves and we had to meet fans every second of that time we were there, I don't think that many people could understand that. That Friday, it was like 8 or 9 a.m. until I think close to 10 p.m. And we did not leave. Yeah.

We took bathroom. We would run to the bathroom. and I think we had like a sandwich or something brought to us so we could eat like during the day but we did not leave that staging area at all that day like not once. It is a fascinating different world that is

huge but a lot of these people just never see it so they don't they couldn't believe that it exists. Oh my packages wait hold on I got answers. Packages oh man we should make another handshake deal that we forget about I think at any point we can just be like so Mark we have this handshake deals and it does exactly what we need it to in this moment.

Perfect. Schrodinger's handshake deal. Official handshake deal that we just have an in-the-air, in-the-air handshake deal. Emergency, get out of one-man show, handshake deal. And whatever, whenever it comes up between you and me, whatever the other person says, you just have to jump in and be like, yep, yeah, we made that exact handshake deal.

Yeah, we agreed. It's a thing. It would be really awful if we have like one of the best wins. of our career and then the other person's like, but we have this handshake deal. I'm like, yes. I think we should use it for mutual benefit. Honestly, I think we should, I think maybe that should be one of the one thing about it is like, it should be for the good of all three hosts, but it's at our discretion between you and me to jump in and do whatever. The thought of it just annoying the crap out of Mark knowing it's there, not knowing what it is,

but then it actually being good is really funny. I'm back. Oh. It's something from Spotify. I don't know. That seems relevant to what we're doing right now. I got an award. What is that? What does that say? The armchair athlete wrapped awards 2025. What? Hey, if you're getting that. This is unrelated to our episode. So I have a management team I work with for like sponsors and stuff. I just got a message from them asking if iron lung is scary. They want to go see it, but they're afraid of taking their kid to see iron long. It's rated R. Well, it depends on how old the kid is. I mean, It's fine for anyone that watches my videos, but it does get pretty bloody. I actually just honestly forget what we were talking about.

Yeah, same. Something probably not important. We can move on. This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah. We all need that sometimes. And Uber knows that.

Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered. It's showing up no matter what. I think that might be them knocking on the door. and because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are. Dude, them are the FBI. I'm not a heart percent. Sure. Yep.

When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up. Or there's a will. We're on our way. Uber. On our way. Download the app today. Anyway, I have a game. Let's play a game. This is good. This is kind of, I won't say it's collaborative, but it's almost collaborative. But not really, because they're still a winner and a loser. Have you guys seen Squid Game?

No. I've seen the first season. Okay. First season is enough. Wait, I'll fill you in. So there's a whole flock of squids and they live in the ocean. And no, okay, so squid game, the premise is they recruit. There's this society of spoiler alert, I guess. I don't know if this is old at this point. There's a society of like hyper wealthy individuals who basically recruit a bunch of people who are in financial dire straits into a tournament where they play games and losers are killed.

and the one surviving winner wins a fuck trillion dollars and all of their problems are solved the games that they play are versions of like childhood games so they play like red light green light they play um this apparently this is a game in korea where there's like shapes made into these little sugar candies and you're supposed to cut the shape out of the

it's like a circular candy but it'll have like a star stamped in it or like a some kind of shape okay and you're supposed to cut the shape and you're supposed to cut the shape out of the, it's like a circular candy, and you're supposed to get the shape without breaking the shape out of the whole thing. It's like little kids games, right? They play marbles, they play tug of war, stuff like this. I am in charge of throwing the next Squid Games bash,

but I want to spice it up. And I want you to pitch me what games from your childhood or our collective childhood would we make the Squid Games games? And I just kind of want, I'm just going to go back and forth, And we're going to see who comes up with what. So I don't know how many games you guys remember from like recess in elementary school

or if you had any favorites or whatever. But I just kind of want to talk about it. Games we played in our childhood in the context of, how are they deadly squid game style elimination murder games? Mm-hmm. Hedges wait, tails his mark. One ease is going to go first and then we're just going to go back and forth. And you're going to pitch me.

Okay, got it. Yep. That is heads, because the lady is heads. I don't remember who his heads was. Yeah, I don't either. Wade was heads. That's right. Bald head, heads.

My first proposal is shoots and ladders, or snakes and ladders or whatever version of that you want to have. Sure. So without knowing the content, this leads to people's deaths and stuff, right? Yeah, if you, the way these games work is there were multiple rounds, but if you lose a game, you die is supposed to be the premise. So, like, if you get caught in red light, green light, moving on a red light, poof, bullet to the head.

Okay, so the way this is set up is kind of like an obstacle course, whatever, to look like shoots and ladders. We get to like run around, climb the ladders. But each like section is blocked off and you have to like jump on a device that rolls a big dice that tells you how many a head you get to go. And if you get to a point where you go down the shoot, it's death.

And if somebody gets to the end, does everyone else die? Like one person gets in and everyone else dies? So each game doesn't have to result in one single winner, but the point is to narrow it down from hundreds of people down to one winner. Okay, so kind of like fall guys where you have like 13 out of 20. Okay, so you have like that kind of number. Okay. So shoots and ladders. Don't go down the shoot.

But it's not like you're just playing the board game. It's like some sort of real life. Oh, it's an obstacle course where you're running. You have to like jump to see how far you get to go with the dice roll. How many doors opened for you? Did you play that when you were a kid? The board game, yeah, not the one involved Death. Did you play murder shoots and ladders

when you were a kid? Well, clearly I was the winner. All it cost was my whole family. Dude, no wonder Monopoly gets so heated shit. I'm bankrupt. Sorry, Grandma. I think your shotgun sounds like a kiss. I appreciate the

Sorry, Grandma. The kiss of death. All right. I got one. Go for it. Jump rope. Right? I had that. I had that. one in my, so it's, it's both you have other players that have to, it's traditional like school yard jump rope where you have other players that are swinging it and then you have to

jump in the middle there and do your dance and sing the whatever and then you have to get out without touching the rope. The rope is obviously some kind of laser like from Kingsman where he had the width that was just like somehow electrically cut things. Sure. Notically like a lightsaber, but controllable. But this one's always on. It's like, lightsaber will cut you to shreds. So obviously if you get hit, your foot gets cut off and you kind of fall and you get sliced to ribbons and all the other players are like, and you have to jump into the gore to

continue playing. Exactly. So it gets slippery and you know, well, maybe a little cleanup. But so you're saying that the people spinning the ropes are also players. So they have a stake in the game or? So the way I've seen some extreme games go is like, they're rotating out from who's holding it so you not only have to do this, you know, sometimes it get two, sometimes it's one, and then they can rotate out who's holding it

and they kind of switch out and to do this dance. But let's just assume for the sake of balance in this one, it's the guards doing the swinging or else they could, you know, make it not fair. Or it's a robot or something that gets faster, the big robot thing. Jump rope robot. I like that. Just so it's consistent, right? There's the red light greenlight robot in the original squid, in the first season of Squid game.

So, like, I could see that. It could be the same robot. You just get an arm on it. And then she could say the creepy stuff she says. I like that. I would be awful at that. Yeah, that would not be good either. Ignoring how out of shape I am,

I couldn't even jump rope when I was at my best physical peak of performance. I don't understand how it works. It's like wizard's shit. I accept it. Wade, musical chairs. Do they have to, do you have to kill people to take the chairs or how do they die? What part of that is deadly? I think, like, there's some kind of safety device that comes down.

So, like, if you get in the chair in time, like, the moment you sit, something closes really quickly. So if someone goes to try to grab you out, they're likely going to have, like, a limb severed or something. So maybe they pull you out and hurt you, but, like, ultimately, you or whatever it was left of you when that device comes down is safe. And if you're not safe, incinerator or something horrible happens. Man, I was thinking I couldn't remember a lot of games for my childhood that would be good for this, but you guys are all over it. I think those are all winners so far. Yes. And like musical chairs could be funny because you could play songs that are like ironic

because the people are all killing each other for money, you know? Could be like that, what's that? Money, money, money, money. Yeah. Stuff like that. Very funny. Mark, hit me. Dodge ball.

So it's dodge ball with explosive balls, right? So it's keyed up. Somehow to only explode when it hits the enemy. Okay, no, I got it. Because you have to have all the rules of dodgeball. So if it bounces off you and it flies in the air and someone catches it, it's still a save. And if you catch it, it's somehow to reassemble the exploded person that died in your team to bring them back in, right? No, I think the way around that is you have a line of people waiting to get into the game.

and if someone dies, we don't undy them, someone else comes in. That's right. A new person comes until you're out of new people or your whole team loses. This is great. This is great. Yeah. So it's somehow explosive, but only after being thrown and only if it hits the ground after it hits you or something like that.

Maybe it's just on contact. I think it might be a little unrealistic to be able to. No, no. I think we could, what I'm seeing is you inject a small explosive into the base of everyone's neck and then you have a series of referees watching and as long as the referees confer they're watching the action they're like that player

is out and they get confirmation and then they just go boop there's a flag on the play we're going to review the call to see if it's valid number 133 might be dead we're going to review the play you stand over there in the box

until we come to they're just standing they're like wait a minute no I like that we can make that work we have all the money in the world basically so the technology you don't have to worry about too much as long as the rules make sense

I feel like that makes sense is it do we split the whole group into two teams then is it just like one half or is there multiple I think it's like the the tug of war thing where there's multiple teams there's like groups yeah yeah I think so it depends on where in the competition it is

I'm gonna run out of slots here Wait, do you have another one? Yeah, it's a little bit of a work in progress here. It's collaborative, right? So work with me here. Hopscotch. So Hopscotch is the game where you draw like squares on the grounds, like one square or two squares and you throw something, it lands on one of the squares.

I think you have to like, you know, one foot hop on the single square, put one foot in the two, one, whatever the thing is. I think you have to skip the square you threw the thing in and like turn around, come back, pick it up and finish hopping. So imagine like a more like hardcore version of hopscotch where you have to do the hopping and whatnot but there's like things in the way and hurdles and then you have to throw your whatever skip that square and as time goes on and people are like weeded out the last however many left get to live but if you miss your square or trip over one of the obstacles not

gonna go well like pressure plates or something I like it also I got to be honest I actually confused hopscotch and tic-tac-toe from it name-wise and I was like yeah tic-tac-toe that game where you hopped wait a minute hopscotch they have to go down and come back right You have to go down and come back and there's something about throwing a rock. There's something about, yeah, the rock throwing. There's more to it than I remember. I think there was being. Yeah, I never actually did hops.

I saw people play hopscotch, but I never actually did it. I never did it correctly. I always just goofed around in the hopscotch area. I feel like that works. I'm not like in love with that one. That's like a bubble one. I'm going to give you a provisional point, which I'm going to say, for wheel purposes, counts as a lie point.

I'll take it. I'll take it. Mark, wow me. You've been killing it. Way better than Wade so far. Thank you. Life-sized, dipping into board games. Life-sized battleship, right?

So it's the two teams. They can't see each other. You have one person that's calling the shots and everyone else is like strung together on a boat, right? A boat. And so they have to position themselves. And it's real missiles coming in. Short-range explosions.

And it's enough that if you're in a chain of three, Then the middle guy gets missile in his blood. But you're still there. You're still, and it's on the water too. So you're actually floating. You get little lifesavers. That's what the boats are. They're chained together lifesavers and you're just like,

or maybe it's sharks underneath the water and they come and grab you. Ooh, drama. I think the sharks are the backup. I think if someone tries to escape or if someone is a coward and tries to move because they think they're about to get hit, then that's when the sharks come in. I like the sharks, though, because you, It is yet to think about the presentation.

We're trying to entertain a room full of the hyper wealthy here. They've seen it all. Trained sharks would be quite the thing. I like that. I honestly think that's pretty much a full slate. That's all the squid games. So we have our own squid games. This next part, I just want to go through these, what we've picked out.

I want us to decide between the three of us, which one of you two we think would win. And we'll have to just pick the winner of the squid games, which doesn't mean you're the winning of the episode, but it just means you would win the squid games. I like those games a lot. I'm impressed. And this first one, I might say, is a coin flip? I'm not sure. Shoots and ladders. It's kind of random, right? It's not really skill. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Is that one kind of a coin flip? I would say if you're playing the right way it is. All right. Well, I'm just going to do a coin flip for it. Heads is Wade, tails his mark. Hey, it. That is another lady of heads. Woo! Well, Wade suggested shoots and ladders, and Wade wins shoots and ladders.

I love luck when it's on my side. And it's over here right now. Isn't that right, luck? Jump rope. I'm glad I'm not competing because I would definitely lose between the three of us, but it's between you guys. Mark, you were, I don't know if it was this one. No, it was a recent episode.

You were talking about how you want to get back in shape and work out more. So I don't know how you feel about your current. But, Wade, I feel like you moan a lot about not being in shape. You recently hurt your back. You got knee problems. I will say when I was in shape Jumping was a thing I loved to do I used to practice jumping

because I wanted to dunk so badly that I would just like sit there Jump slap the backboard Jump slap the backboard So like I did a lot of jump rope like things In order to get to the point Where I could dunk a basketball I don't know how well I'd handle it now

But jumping was actually the one thing I didn't mind doing That's true You did play a jump focus sport I don't know Mark I honestly I know you guys pretty well I feel like I have no sense of how good you are at jump rope

Mark, have you ever done it? I've jumped roped, but even when I was doing it working out, I'm never really able to keep it up for that very long, even just by myself. So doing it for a minute straight would be an impressive feat for me. No pun intended. I guess we're giving that to Wade. Jumping!

Wade is our jump king. More like the jump king. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was getting there. I was going. musical chairs this is another tricky one i was terrible at musical chairs because like i take a moment to process and whenever the song ends it's like my brain like continues humming the song rather than hurrying to a chair like it kind of like you do have questionable reaction times sometimes i'm not

very dexterous yeah mark i feel like you'd be pretty good in musical chairs i musical chairs gives me stress like anxiety the idea of even being in a game of musical chairs gives me more anxiety than almost any other game you could think of. Is it like positive, like on your toes, very performance, you know, like you do better under the pressure, or is it like you would crumble? I think, no, I think I would perform fine. It's just like, I don't like the idea of doing it, but I feel like that might spur me on to be quicker with my reactions, hopefully.

I might be clumsier. When people's lives weren't on the line, kids were fucking aggressive with musical chairs. They would, like, knock people on the floor, like, shut. It was very violent. I can only imagine how awful that would be like life or death musical chairs. That sounds terrible. That sounds terrible.

I think we should do it. Okay. Next one, Mark's Explosion Dodgeball. I was terrible dodgeball too. I'm big. I'm a big target, so like I was easy to hit. I know you played a ball sport way, but I feel like you're kind of,

you're kind of taller, like lankier. Like unless you have some very hidden talents. Baseball, soccer. and dodgeball were the three that never clicked. I could tennis, I could volleyball, basketball, football, baseball, soccer, and dodgeball. I fucking hated. Everyone I was always so excited on dodgeball days.

I hated Dodgeball day in gym class. I hated it with a passion. That's one of my least favorites. Because I just got hit a lot, never caught the damn ball. That sounds like you're just conceding to begin with, but... Well, kind of, because I was terrible at it, and I'm big and easy to hit. Mark, how bad are you at Dodgeball? Are you worse than Wade at Dodgeball?

I'm actually because I am a slightly smaller target slightly it's really close but I got to give it to him You're a perfectly average target Yeah yeah yeah really truly

I mean honestly You could catching too When we played football and stuff You were good at catching things I was decent at catching I think that I am a little nimble I think I can do some of this That's the thing I'm not nimble

Big not nimble I think I might have a little bit of an edge on this one. I'm going to give you that. I'm going to give you the dodge ball. Thank you. I think that's, I can't even argue dodge ball in my favor. I was terrible. I didn't hated it. And then the last one, I think we're going to go with the battleship. This one is also kind of random, but it is a skill game. And you guys are like, we joke about how Wade pretends to be stupider than he is and he plays a fool and stuff. And like, you are, you are a clever guy, but I feel like in different ways I could see both of you being pretty good at battleships.

I was bad as a kid I remember okay I can't say I had one time where my dad fooled the hell out of me we played battleship and he grouped all of his ships together and I hit one and I started going across and he was like hit hit hit and I got to like six in a row

and I was like you're cheating there's no ship that big because I was hitting them like this way and I got mad and like rage putting him to show me I'm getting too much success here how dare you so that's what I learned like different strategies for battleship as to how to group your stuff

and not group you you can kind of really mix it up. And then, like, trying to strategically find things across the board because you don't want to spend too many pips in one, like, corner, but you do want to make sure you narrow things. Especially look at that fucking one-by-two, that little tiny-ass boat. So I got to be okay at battleship, but I've also not played that in, like, 20 years.

It's a perfectly reasonably sized boat, by the way, just because it's two. It's not tiny, itty-bitty. It's actually pretty, pretty normal. Very small. Barely fit a normal human-sized person on it. I don't know about that. I think you can fit a lot on it.

Perfectly reasonable. I always liked the big aircraft. carrier. You would. You would. I don't know. I don't know who would win that. What's your personal history with battleships, Mark? I was very good at cheating. But only if my brother was around. So we would give each other signals of like we had a little system to tell each other where they were.

Well, if you could get your brother recruited into the game, then you guys could kind of... I'm sure that won't end in a horribly traumatizing way, one of us. Yeah, I think that'd probably be fine. No, but in the series, don't cheaters just get executed? Isn't that the thing? Probably. Yeah, probably, probably.

If your strategy would be to cheat, I think that would get you in trouble. What can you do? Well, you could not cheat, I guess, but... What could you do? Thanks for playing along, boys. Now I know what's going to happen when I host this year's annual squid games. We host, right? We don't have to come.

compete, right? You guys could play if you want. You want to get recruited? No, I'm okay. You playing with us? Come on, dude. Come play. Yeah, you want play?

Come play. Bob's like, I play from up here in this chair in the safety zone. You play down here on the murder board. Yeah, we all have our roles, and your role is down there with the people. Mark, you got points for HomeLab Gore. I forgot, but I gave you a point. bought farmer Mark jump rope

explosive dodgeball life size battleships winning musical chairs and winning dodgeball Wade you got points for being correct as admitted by Mark being a big strong man

shoots and ladders obstacle course the musical chairs game I gave you a lie point you won shoots and ladders you won jump rope and you won battleships linking the final score

8 to 8 oh damn I'm hoping for the mythical zero on the number of spins or a two or a one that goes to listeners or viewers Yeah, no, there's a lot of ways this could become a problem for me. I see what you're getting at Sudden death? I or what if it was just normal and one of you just won because of how the number the number of points that happened That's boring. We want this show to be exciting and thrilling unless we're the host then we want normal Two it is. That's what I like to see. Oh

Daddy's got ribs on the grill with some barbecue sauce. What? What's happening? I don't know. I'm hungry, I guess, again. I want to give a point to whomever has the worst weather. I've not seen the sky today. Bob, what's it like in Cincinnati?

It's not bad. It's cold. I haven't seen the sun. Two spins. Please help me. Spin number one is no point. Fuck you. Come on.

Well, okay, well, no re-spin in that. It's pretty straightforward. Spin number two is also no point, fuck you. But it would be fuck me. Wow. It's the one I just added, worst weather near here. Well, I mean, it's probably wait, I guess. 41 degrees, mostly sunny. Wait, hold on.

We don't go outside. I don't know why I added this. This is a terrible idea. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's really nice. out today it's like 80 you know oh geez do you have any like tsunamis or anything or no no it's nice think that's a wait point right there yes think a lot well no there's times where mark will win that one yeah i mean it's certain like i think weather includes like if there are wildfires within a mile of your house and you know i think mark mark has ups and downs but that one might be a little skewed against mark i don't know that's total total accident ah it's fine

Wade, you're the winner. Give us a winner speech, eh? Fun episode. I'm glad I got to learn everything that was the Squid game, so I'm glad we got to build one, and I can't wait to not have to compete, but to get to help Bob host one. So I look forward to that. Thanks, man. Absolutely. I'm excited to have you, assuming my overlords allow it. Mark, loser speech. You know, I went into this one thinking that I would win. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, which is really a surprise.

I usually win these things, and the fact that I didn't kind of makes me suspicious of things, but not enough to say any words that are going to have any negative impact. So I think that I'll just leave it at that and just say, hey, the truth is out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the truth is out there.

Congratulations, Wade, and Mark, I'm sorry. Honestly, it felt like you were winning the whole time. It really did, but you know, it's okay. It happens. That doesn't always translate into you know actually being the winner but that's fine thank you so much both of you for playing I once again can't tell if that game was any fun at all I'm sure the listeners and the viewers will let me know in the subreddit I'm curious I hate it so that probably means that you'll think

it's the best episode we've ever done well I don't hate it I just I just had to I thought it'd be fun and then I started talking and then it's probably my fault as an intellectual I enjoyed it Intuectual? Is it into a wish? You heard him. Uh, make sure you follow us on social. Smartplier, Lord Minion 777, Mysker, uh, merch? Yes, we do have a brand new selection of Christmas merch.

We're available right now, including ornaments. And if you go to distractible dot shop, not any other form of it, there are fake ones out there. There's a, uh, a fun Christmas sweater and a Christmas ornament. The ornament is really cool. I like it. It says, editors, make it Christmas. It's very cool. And you can get in red, where green.

The colors of Christmas. Also, hey, make sure you check out Iron Lung. Iron Lung.com. Cool movie. Spam your local movie theater with as many emails as you can get through your, you know, just make them confused. Make him think it's a... Mr. Mark is crying right now.

No, no, like, Sina. His name is Sina Mark. Oh. Oh. I see. Uh, that's his father. Anyway, that's it. Wade's going to host the next one, because...

He's a bigillionaire now, because he wins the squid game. Thanks for playing. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Podcast. Out. And I'm dead. I'm dead in Guam.

Put me floating in Guam. Watch new episodes on Spotify.