Distractible - Supernatural

Episode Date: June 21, 2021

Mark hosts as Bob and Wade trade scary stories. For Bob, it's a strange woman who catches children who stay out too late. For Wade, a true story about how the night after watching “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” may have been scarier than the movie itself! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production with your hosts Bob, Mark, and Wade. This week, the menage a trois propound and astound with tales of things that go hump in the night. Sorry, that's bump in the night. The Supernatural. Please gird thy loins and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to the Distractible podcast. Here we discuss anything that interests us and compete to see who can bring the most captivating stories to the table. Whoever brings the most interesting story, as judged by me, will be declared the winner of the podcast and will earn the right to host next week's episode and play the role of judge.

Today, I'm joined by Bob Miskins. Oh, by the way, I'm Mark. Hi. Hello. How are you? You interrupted my intro with your intro but that's okay i'm here too it's me okay well fair play then and wade barnes hey guys how's it going that's good are you talking to us or the audience at home yes it's kind of an either or it was vague enough to be

applicable to both to make everyone feel welcome and included wow this is this is some great small talk guys um keep doing the thing yeah keep we keep setting it up let's go yeah let's move on immediately okay all right cool then uh per international distractible standard stories will be judged primarily on the content of said stories however bonus points may be awarded for things like creative titles originality how much i like that person bribery how much i like that person, bribery, how much I like that person's bribe, or pretty much whatever I feel like because I am the judge. The theme that has been selected for my judging is the supernatural.

So please give me your story titles so that I may select which one will go first. My story is titled Seasons Don't Fear the Reaper, They Fear the Titties. Is titled seasons don't fear the reaper they fear the titties I have to write that one down. Holy hell that is seasons don't fear the reaper they fear the titties I don't even care if that's related to the supernatural that is a stunning title Can I just concede without sharing my title? No, no no you have to tell your story and you have to give your title that's the rules yeah yeah all right well um mine's

very original i worked very hard on this i spent days building this title uh it's three words long the best three words you'll ever hear and i guess i'm just gonna i'm not a guy to beat around the bush so i think i just go for it and say it milford chainsaw massacre yeah yeah i it's not bad accurate i assume no yeah i didn't know i was going up against ernest hemingway today i thought i was just wishes he wishes you guys don't know that i don't remember that song including the titty you use titties to beat me and that's cheap it's the cowbell song seasons don't fear the reaper for the wind and the me and that's cheap. It's the cowbell song. Seasons don't fear the reaper. Fear the wind and the sun and the... That's in there, that Blue Oyster Cult song.

Oh, is that what they say? Do they say seasons? I thought it was seasons don't fear the reaper. Is that not what that song lyric is? Is that what they're saying? Don't fear the reaper. Seasons don't fear the reaper, according to the Google. Don't fear the reaper by Blue Oyster.'t fear the reaper by blue ways yeah that's

the lyric that's what they say because they fear the wind and the sun and the rain because the seasons oh i control left and searched titty in these lyrics and i don't see it i was well it really wasn't the seasons don't fear the reaper that attracted me to that title if i'm gonna be honest look maybe my story is garbage maybe all i have have is a title. Don't concede yet, Wade. I got a good story. I'm just saying the title... I just, you know, I changed one word in the title from another. I guess you took it. You used a song lyric. I stole another movie. We both suck, but yours is... you suck better than I do. I suck real good. God, you guys are really trying to win this one.

Look, who gets to go first, Mark? Let's kick this new shit show off. You do, Bob. You get a one point. One point for you. Damn it. I thought I had this one. How am I going to keep track of these points? Just make some scritch marks on your arm there. I have a notebook. Where did it go?

Right arm Wade, left arm Bob. God, I'm not going to do that. Why would you do that? That's a joke. I was stalling for you to have time to find your notebook, you weirdo. No, no. It's too late. We're already recording.

It's rolling. People are listening. We got to go for it. So one point left hand bob left hand yeah that's me okay left hand bob okay bob is one point okay so again the title of my story seasons don't fear the reaper they fear the titties oh yeah that's good even better the second time. So I'm eight years old. It's the summer, no school. I'm out in the neighborhood, my friends, riding our bikes off curbs, jumping off makeshift ramps,

whatever kids do with bikes, right? Having a hell of a time. And suddenly I realize, with an absolute jolt of terror running through me, the sun is starting to set. It's dusk. I've been having, I had dinner. I came back out.

I've been having so much fun. I lost track of time completely. And my mother has warned me that if I'm not back in the house by the time the sun is fully set, a terrible apparition is going to come after me. You invented this or your parents told you about this? My parents used this to scare me into behaving.

Yeesh. When I remember this, I am shook all the way to my core. Hurriedly, I tell my friends, I gotta go. I don't explain it. I look panicked. They're confused. I just say, I gotta go. I turn tail, race my bike home as fast as I can.

Rush up the driveway. And just as the last few pixels of the sun dip under the horizon, I lay my bike down in the garage, run in the house. I've made it. Just by the skin of my teeth, I've made it. Tonight, I will not be smothered to death by the Hantu Tatek's unbelievably huge hungers. What? Wait.

Whoa, wait. Back up. I forgot it was about the titties. Wait a minute. Your parents made up a monster that was a giant pair of titties? Okay, I gotta say, cards on the table, this does not come from my childhood. That was fictional. But the rest of this is non-fiction.

The rest of this, I will explain to you the legend of the Malaysian apparition known as the Hantu Tetek. Roughly translated, that name, Hantu Tetek, translates as either nipple ghost or breast ghost. Oh my god, I-huh i looked up a picture well you're kind of skipping ahead in the story but that's fine sorry sorry sorry um i prefer to think of her as the breast ghost i know or the booby phantom or the gazonga hanta if you will bonus points for every one of those. Did you make those up? I actually did. There were lots of articles with funny names. I made it a point to try and come up with my own

versions of funny boob-themed ghost names. So those should be original. Yes, those are great. I do have to ask, how did you find this? Because searching nipple ghost, I got the answers I didn't want from the internet. I looked up Hantu Tetek. What did you look up? Why would you look up nipple ghost i got the answers i didn't want from the internet i looked up hantu tete what did you look up why would you look up it wasn't even about nipples hantu tete i didn't know how to spell hantu tete h-a-n-2 space t-e-t-e-k hantu tete and i cards on the

table i found this in a cracked article titled, The Seven Most Ridiculous Ghost Stories from Around the World. And I read it passively while I was brainstorming ideas for this episode. But I came across this ghost, and I had to tell you all about the Hantu Titek. So just to give you the background, the legend has it, the Hantu Titek is a female spirit apparition ghost. Hantu Titek is a female spirit apparition ghost. Some say a witch, a Balinese witch, with an unimaginably enormous rack.

And this ghost's purpose is only to float around and smother disobedient young men to death with her shocking bazooms. Guys might hear that and be like, all right, if I have to die. This is not like some anime fantasy girl is going to show up and come fulfill all your dreams or whatever. Hantu Tateks are described in a lot of ways. Generally, they're described as being very large or extremely obese, decrepit looking like deathly old woman sort of look but the real absolute banger of all of this is the hilariously large fun bags are in the spookiest location not in the front where regular

boobs go they're located on the ghost's back yes The spookiest place to have boobs, obviously. That's terrifying. Back boobs sound kind of nice to me. But anyway, this ghost comes from Malaysian culture and actually recently had quite the stir up in February of 2021, had quite the come up on Twitter. The account at Bunganberry,

I have no idea what inspired this person to do this, but they posted some sketches of what they thought this ghost looked like and Twitter couldn't decide if they were going to be horny about it or terrified about it and they basically went with both a lot of the responses were dudes just being like oh how do I summon a little how to tech yeah I want some of this am I like and and a lot of them were like I would not mess with this ghost that sounds terrifying

is it really actually going to be able to physically interact with you it seems to suggest it might be some sort of poltergeist instead of just a ghost the descriptions are vague this is an old it comes from Malaysia I am not Malaysian I don't know if you can tell

from my appearance or you know all the information you know about me but like it's hard to find a lot online i'll show you all of the links i found online i will put in the discord so you can look who knows how it uses the boobs to suffocate you i don't want to find out being crushed is not a volunteer's tribute okay never mind. I would deduct points from you, Ray. We all gotta go sometime, man. If you're gonna go, you might as well enjoy it. No, that's the exact logic that the stupid people are getting.

You're getting crushed to death. It doesn't matter if it's between backmams or frontmams. I survived 2020. Maybe I'll survive the backboobs too. You never know. I don't get how that's an appealing death. What is an appealing death what is an appealing death you're getting smooshed between humongous boobaloos so i will say uh you guys i don't know

what pictures you've looked up exactly oh let me find the one this website has some good imagery that really might swing your opinion about it's not English, and I couldn't get it to translate. It's from the Wayback Machine. But there are some images that I feel like might really swing your opinion about whether or not you want to get smothered to death by those big old headlights. The top one's a little more childish,

a little cartoony. But if you get to the bottom there, you really get more to the meat of what I think a Hantu to tech looks like. Because anime has taught us that boobs grow as like spheres or something. Perfectly spherical. We all know this.

Not how boobs work. I had to break it to you. I've never seen anything quite like that, though. They really are like scarves or like snakes even see the problem is like i i disagree fundamentally that bigger is always better when it comes to boobs like uh like and to be perfectly honest i am i shouldn't just be making big declaratives about judgment of boobs you know in general i agree with your disagreement i think that uh any size can be very nice i'm gonna get myself in trouble, man. I'm a married man.

Well, I didn't say bigger may not be better, but I didn't say bigger was worse. You know what I mean? No, I agree. I think each titty deserves to be judged on its own merits. Yeah. Why do titties have to be judged? Why are you judging? Yeah, why do they got to be judging? It's like, it's always a positive judge fuck fuck i'm in trouble go ahead but yeah look so this is an interesting topic it stirs a lot

of different emotions about general horniness general discussion of like death but death in a way that's sort of comical but like does that make it better the thing that i find really messed up about this saggy specter gotta work in my name nice nice at least to some extent it comes from my understanding comes from parents using this to scare their young male children into behaving themselves this isn't just like some goat like i could totally imagine someone creative coming up with this character some adult or whatever someone over you know teenager older coming up with this and be like aha big tits and stuff ah it's a scary funny ghost this was used by adults to influence children and like i was a young boy once right and if my parents had described the

giggity ghost to me as being very old and grotesque and scary looking with back boobies that was confusing. I would probably be scared, but like young boys are really horny. Yeah. And I would definitely at least have toyed around with the idea of like, how much do I misbehave to just get a, like a little threatening smoosh without actually being smothered to death. Like where's the line?

Just get slapped with one tit, you know, like it's, it's, it's a tough slap, but you know, it's the line? You just get slapped with one tit, you know? Like, it's a tough slap, but, you know, it's more disciplinary. I just posted a picture in Discord of something I found about the Hantu Tetech. Oh, man. Yeah, might lean a little more on the horror side of things.

That one I definitely lean away. That one would be one that would work. That's the worst. Yeah, when it's 50% nipple and, yeah. would work that's the worst yeah when it's 50 nipple and yeah if you're listening at home you can find maybe find this on the uh the distractible podcast website uh either that or we will do a faithful recreation of it or it won't exist at all unless we don't need a special license to post it i don't know exactly um but yeah no that doesn't look good sidebar there's a whole discussion to be had of like the sexualization of breasts in general,

you know, the stigma behind it and all that stuff. But for you guys, not even the nice pictures do anything for me. I don't look at this creature and I'm like, well, maybe if I saw this and I wasn't sure it was just a person that needed help, I would be running and screaming as fast and as loud as I possibly could. Yeah, I don't think this is exactly what I would be fantasizing about ever. I mean, I think you're right, but also like your parents describe this to you or maybe

you see it and I agree. I would not see an image of any of these things in real life and be like, yeah, let's see where this goes. Sorry, this is my last one, i gotta work it in i would come upon this flabbergasted phantasm that's another point right there that's another point yeah and i would be absolutely shocked and running like you're describing but in my mind like this is you know it's kind of embarrassing to think about and admit but in my mind i know i would have fantasies about this you can't throw something that like sexual and i mean it's not sexual but the boobs like at least in in the culture i came up in boobs were sexual though and everything was like this weird i would twist it

into a fantasy of like oh yeah that's pretty hot actually like you know what that's how that's how young boys minds work and maybe part of this this is that Malaysian culture is different. Maybe boobs are not as sexualized by the culture. Maybe it's a whole different thing. Maybe this is terrifying and I just don't understand it. It's possible. But I just think that would have made it some really messed up childhood,

like fantasies and thought experience. It's just a weird angle to go for keeping your kids in line. There's got to be better ghosts and things to use to scare your kids into behaving right. I mean, Santa usually is the go-to and that's not even bad at all unless you count Krampus. But you were kind of touching on something with like the mind of a child distorting things. I remember when I was a kid and, you know, my dad gave me the sex talk and like tried to explain it, you know, but I was, I think it was like 10 at the time. And so to me, one of the me the sex talk and like tried to explain it, you know, but I was I think it was like 10 at the time. And so to me, one of the parts of that whole discussion that really like made me very concerned was the idea of an erection.

Like I didn't get it and I didn't understand it. So the concept of my dick just suddenly growing really worried me as if it would happen at any moment. worried me as if it would happen at any moment and i remember having these constant paranoid nightmares when i was in school being like oh god i hope my dick doesn't grow but in my head i was imagining like it would just like fucking balloon and fill the whole room and kill everybody and i'm like god please no i don't want that. That's such a good fear. It's like that's legitimate. A fear of not knowing how big your dick would get the first time you got an erection

and just constantly be like, no, it's feeble. The thing is becoming hard wasn't explained to me, so I just thought it was just going to swell, just like an air mattress or swell. Just like an air mattress or something. Just like, oh, God! I'm sorry! It's puberty, everyone! That made such a world.

You're at the mall, and there's just a dad carrying a kid, dragging a huge boulder behind him, like, it's puberty! Don't look! I'll be scarred for life! It didn't last long, I'll'll give it that but the fact that it like that's where my brain went because i i didn't understand anything about it it was just like the broad strokes of the concept was brushed over and so i don't know this would this would mess some kids up you get some crazy fantasy stuff or some crazy nightmare stuff but like it's just a lot it's a lot that a young boy has not dealt with i don't know i mean yeah when you're young i suppose

you would have like some mixed reactions like would you look at something like even that last picture which is very horrifying like when you're young if it's like you know one of the first pairs of boobs you've ever seen either you know from the internet or in real life or just in general like maybe you would have quite the perplexed penis you know well you'd be like i want to run but also yeah i i guess but that's leaning into the whole idea that like you're so easily swayed in your like likes by just seeing well mate i don't know i don't know child psychology like without having any experience of seeing you know movies with nudity or like you know if it's literally like you're in that age and it's like one of the first times you encounter

yeah wait no i just remember last night i heard a story about some guy who had a foot fetish and it apparently all stemmed from when he was younger like a teen and some girls tied him to a chair and tickled his feet and ever ever since then, he's had like an incredible foot fetish. And like, personally, like, I don't get that, but I can kind of see the connection, but like, I, was he already in defeat? I don't know. Like I, it was that like the moment, or was it just like a discovery thing? Like, oh, hey, maybe this picture could awaken something in someone. I don't know. They're only ever turned on by these images.

Can you bring your boobs around your back for me? Just stretch them as much as you can. Do you mind if I put something on the TV in the back row? No, go ahead. She turns around and sees that. I mean, it is complicated. Yeah. It's formative memories versus just you you know just assuming that you're

white or certain way and like yeah people people enjoy what they enjoy in terms of sexual experiences or whatever so oh yeah i'm not judging i don't know man in malaysian culture whoever's parents use this maybe this took them down some roads maybe they learned a lot faster about themselves and the truth. There are a lot of confused cocks over there, I imagine, if this is their first interaction. Don't try and alliterate on my story, you point stealer. Please? Get out of here.

It's my story. It's my creative genital names. I have to look up if anyone's ever had breast implants implanted into their back. I just thought about it. Maybe someone has. Nothing yet. Nothing yet. I'll keep looking on this. I'll do the research. Let us know.

Oh yeah, I'm running this show. Wait, hang on. Sorry. I forgot. Alright, great story. Great story, Bob. I've never heard of that. That is fascinating. I'll give you for content. What was I judging this on? Points? I've never heard of that, that is fascinating I'll give you for content what was I judging this on?

I've given you a lot of points already so you're at 5 I'll give you one more just as a tip but I gave you a lot there, so you're at 6 total do I have any for my two alliterations? no unless you can come up with three more right now and they're all good, you don't get anything

uh, uh, Flummox Flumummox, Flummox Falix. Uh, uh, uh, fuck. Yeah, okay. That's the timer. You lose. Get out of here. Damn it. All right, let's see here.

What do you got? The, uh, the, the, the saw killings? The uninspired name. Yeah, the something something killings. Who cares? Bewildered balls. Uh,. The something something killings, who cares? Bewildered balls. Puzzled pee pee. No, it's way gone.

It's too late. Yeah, it's too late. Wait, it's... You go now. Alright. Well, we're gonna have to have a shift in tone because my story is not so much focused on comedic or horny terror. You call it his thing comedic? That was a very serious story

rooted in Malaysian culture. There was a lot of laughter from us because we're immature. Unrelated. Thank you, Bob. I'm not saying Bob's story in and of itself was funny. I'm saying it became funny, but this story, this is a true and personal story. This is my

story. So this is my presentation of the milford chainsaw massacre for those of you don't know milford's the town where mark and i went to school and grew up and stuff so we're gonna rewind time i did uh divide this into some acts so i will call act one the dv don't do that the d what I was trying to come up with like a Netflix and chill type pun for DVD. DV don't do that. DV don't do that. I don't know.

The DVDDT. Look, I can't write points with my left hand. I gotta write it on my right hand, so try not to make me write too many points. But I don't think that's gonna be a problem. Thank you. You didn't get a point there. That's... I don't want you to get mistaken.

Alright. Anyway, let's rewind time this is going back to i believe it was fall of 2004 right around halloween i was one year into a four-year relationship uh with a girl i'm just gonna call rebecca or becca for short so rather than give out real names let's call her becca becca Rather than give out real names, let's call her Becca. Becca. No. Editor, cut that out. Are you just naming people we actually graduated with? Ashley? Ashley Madison? That's a different thing. Ashley Madison.

Isn't that a cheating website? Is it still up? Oh, God. I got to look into that. That is not something I have searched for, believe it or not. Oh, yeah. They were in some trouble, weren't they? for believe it or not. Oh, yeah, they were looking some trouble were thing Oh, it's Canadian. They had a big leak in like

2015 or something there's 60 million users no way My god, their tagline is literally life is short have an affair. Oh, yeah, you didn't know no I knew what it was I've never looked at it before goddamn. Oh. They don't hide what they're there for. Jesus Christ. Why? Just fucking why? I don't know.

But yeah, Becca is the name I'm going to use. Not that. Right, right. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Bringing it back.

All right. So where do I start then? All right. I guess here we go. The plan for the evening. So Becca was coming over to hang out and we were going to watch a scary movie My brother was going to a friend's house and the only other person that was gonna be around was my mom She usually hung out in her room and watched tv and stuff

So we were going to have like the family room to ourselves to watch a horror movie on the big screen That was where our like our main tv was or whatever wasn't like an actual theater big screen But for us it was a big screen So my brother had taken a scooter and rode over to a friend's house in the neighborhood and Beck and I had an opportunity to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre the 2003 adaptation I don't know if you guys have seen that one but it had just come out the year before uh at the time I was collecting DVDs for some reason that I think I still have in a box somewhere which have definitely grown in value over the years so popped in the DVD and we got ready to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Now, I don't know if you guys all know this, everyone listening or whatever,

but I am not actually a fan of being scared. I enjoy doing multiplayer horror games with you guys. I enjoy like group scared stuff like that. I enjoy watching like ghost hunting things with people and stuff. But like when it comes to like going into haunted houses or like, you know, even like the haunted corn maze where people wear masks and jump out and scare you or playing solo horror games. I hate that. I hate it so much. I do not have any fun being scared. So watching this was more of just like a let's suffer together and not something I was actually looking forward to enjoying because scary stuff like lingers with me for a while.

But Beck and I were together. We were a year into a relationship. We were snuggled up on the couch, had popcorn, ready to watch this movie. And honestly, that's it. We watched the movie, no interruptions, nothing crazy happened. We just got to watch and enjoy it. Just had general stress and anxiety from watching the horror movie. And everything went swimmingly until my mom had a favor to ask. And that's when the night started to change. Okay. That seems normal so far.

Have you guys seen the 2003 Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Are you guys familiar with, like, how it all goes and everything? I mean, I could guess. I assume someone does a lot of killing with a chainsaw. I've never seen any of them. You know a lot of that. Yeah, so the story's about, like, Leatherface and, like, his weird family weird family. It's like a creepy family of just weird, creepy people that are ultimately like cannibals. And Leatherface wears literally people's faces as a mask, goes around with his chainsaw and massacres people, whatever have you.

And then the family gets together and like eats the people at dinner. So everyone in the movie that the main characters meet in this town are relatively creepy. They're just creepy and unsettling people so act two a walk to forget i like that one thank you i think that's good i'm gonna give you your first point for that probably the only one i'm gonna get because i think that was the best one i like that one too well it's not all about titles about the content of the story well we're gonna we're it's gonna get interesting like this is all true all right so thus far just the normal date night uh horror movie whatever but my mom came downstairs shortly after the movie was over and said it was getting late enough that my brother should be

coming home probably like evening there's still sunlight but the sun's definitely on its way down but she told me the name of the kid he was supposed to be hanging out with and asked becca and i if we could go out and like try to find him this is before any of us had cell phones so we couldn't just like call him we didn't know the kid's phone number but we knew where he lived and at this point it was more common like okay he's not come home you just go over there and you go get him and tell him to come home. That was kind of the setup back then. So she asked if we could go find him and tell him to come home and we're like yeah we thought it'd be kind of nice to get out of the house for a bit have like a evening stroll away from the horror movie. So we headed out. And to describe the neighborhood layout real quick, there's a lot of different

streets. Our street was toward the back of the neighborhood. Most of the streets ended in cul-de-sacs and the cul-de-sacs had trails that connected them. So where my brother was at, we could have taken the dark, creepy cul-de-sac path, which would have been a shortcut and saved us a lot of time and gotten almost right to where he was supposed to be hanging out. Or we could have gone around like three or four streets to get there, which was much more well-lit,

but a much longer walk. Which path do you think we chose? The shortcut or the long, well-lit path? Long, well-lit. I'm going to go with that. The dumb one. Which one's the dumb one? The long one or the shortcut?

The shortcut's the dumb one. Just decide. All right. So I preface this with the fact that I hate being scared hate horror. I refuse to take the shortcut. We took the long path. We stayed on the well-lit path. I did it!

Yes, you did. I got it! Hell no. That one's actually the dumb one. I changed my mind. Oh, hey, you watch yourself. Hey, you watch yourself. That was a smart one.

You might lose a point, Bob. Oh, okay. You might not be wrong in in this case Bob. You might not be wrong But no, I was not gonna walk some scary ass trail after watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre We were not going into the woods at all. We're nope. Nope screw that so we walked down our street We're chit-chat about the movie or you know this or that whatever topics were came up at the time Turned on to the next street. We needed to traverse everything was going well There was ample light from the streetlights. Still a little bit of sunlight coming down, so the road was mostly well lit. Made it down the third street. Got to my brother's

friend's house. Again, nothing interesting happening so far. Smooth, hassle-free walk. But we didn't see my brother's scooter in the driveway, so we knocked on the door. His friend's parents answered and said, oh no, they left a little while ago. They thought that my brother and his friend were coming to our house. Hmm, okay. Well, we didn't see him along the way. He definitely wasn't at our house. So where was my brother? So this is where some of the fear starts to creep in from, you know, just watching the horror movie. And then all of a sudden my brother's like, quote unquote, missing. But knowing my brother and like trying to let logic overtake emotion, I figured maybe they'd stopped at one of his other friends' houses in the neighborhood and

they were hanging out there. But I was a bit worried. Becca and I were like, you know what, we're already out here walking around. Let's go ahead and check a couple more houses before we head all the way back home. Still refusing to take that shortcut. Neither of us again had cell phones, so we couldn't call him or my mom. It was just a matter of like, walk back, walk to the friends' houses. So we decided to walk a few more friends' houses. So two of the possibilities were kind of on our path back home anyway so we decided to check those two houses so we turned and started retracing our steps back home the first house there were no lights on no scooter inside it looked like no one was there so we're like eh i don't think he's here so we'll

just pass on that one we continue down the road the sun is almost fully set at this point but there's still a good amount of light from the street lights and up ahead at an intersection between two streets right under a street light there's a lady walking what looked to be like a little kind of terrier or something as we got closer the lady was you know just standing there with her dog doing its business she looked to be in her 40s or 50s short reddish brown hair but she was wearing what looked to be like a nightgown which is a little weird not like a super flowy nightgown but definitely not like i'm gonna go outside on a long walk attire dogs will behave i honestly don't remember much about the dog as we passed by i was more worried about finding my brother i was thinking like maybe this lady might have seen him

riding around on a scooter so i walked up and i said excuse me ma'am have you seen a couple boys running around possibly on like scooters or bikes she turned around cocked her head to the side and like do you know like when you say something to a dog, and they like cock their head in a really like uncomfortable looking way, but it's really kind of cute? She did that, but it wasn't cute. It was unsettling, the way she cocked her head and like looked at me, and made eye contact. And her response was, hmm? In like an almost bemused tone of voice. And it just, it gave me chills. Again, this is probably all influenced by watching the horror movie, but she seemed like one of the characters right out of it just so

unsettlingly creepy and the tone of voice i don't know sent chills down my spine at the time though it was okay i'll just repeat my question if i didn't hear me i'm looking for my brother was curious if you'd seen a little boy on a scooter possibly with a friend or a couple friends seen a little boy on a scooter possibly with a friend or a couple friends in the same tone she goes a little boy yes i said that little boy is my brother and i'm trying to find him as he needs to go home as it's getting late little boy the little boy needs to go home so yeah i'm freaking out this is exactly how she's talking i mean this is exactly how she's talking. I wish I could call up Becca and have her come confirm my story because this is something we've talked about for a long time after. So I have goosebumps. I've got goosebumps now talking about it, just remembering it. So I just,

yes. If you see a little boy on a scooter, can you please tell him to go home? Yes. The little boy should go home. She answered. So she continues down the road again we're at an intersection where becca and i have to turn left to go to the next house and then head back to where i lived instead of turning left this lady kept going straight down another road uh thank god she wasn't going the same way we were so she kind of starts to disappear down that road we go left and we are just looking at each other like what the fuck was that that was the most unsettling interaction i've ever had in my life but this is not the scariest thing to happen on this walk we have not yet reached jump in and say so when i watch movies

and stuff and i get that this was then like the age before cell phones but even still when i watch movies and things i always balk at people who behave exactly the way you just behaved this woman that you talked to was a stranger right yeah you were sent to retrieve your brother which first of all phones still existed we didn't we didn't have the friend's phone number sure but like phone book like i wasn't allowed to go hang out at friends houses unless my parents could like call like it's a whole thing but like phones existed but fine you were sent to retrieve your brother you saw a stranger on the street in an area where your brother maybe had been and you were just like let me just ask this stranger if they've seen any

small children around i would never do that that's the kind of shit that a non-essential movie character does that doesn't make any goddamn sense so no one acts like that that's weird behavior i just want to point that out it's bothering me what do you have to say about that way it is weird behavior well this is a neighborhood where like everyone gathers together there's like a central basketball court pool area there's a lot of like everyone knows everyone kind of vibe here i mean obviously people come and go from the neighborhood they move in and move out but mostly like everyone is kind of aware of someone who knows someone. So ultimately everyone in the neighborhood can kind of eventually find out who someone is. So this is not a

neighborhood where like everyone's super to themselves and secretive. This is a very like everyone kind of interacts with each other, waves, makes small talk when they pass by, kind of friendly neighborhood. So it wasn't uncommon for people to approach you that you didn't know there was just a lot of conversations with a lot of different people there yeah it's a lot of justification for saying that you're weird probably yeah my grandparents lived in a neighborhood that was very similar but ultimately other than those two times i don't know i feel like the world's changed back on topic back on if i had a gavel i'd be banging it right now get back to the climax all right all

right i won't talk about the changing in the world these great points all right act three abandon all hope at this point the sun's fully set like i said it's dark there's some street lights front porch lights that are on sure but it's otherwise dark outside becca and i are very disturbed by the strange interaction we just experienced and the fact we hadn't found my brother yet was also adding more anxiety and fear on top of it. It felt like an eternity, but it couldn't have been more than a minute since our interaction with that lady before we heard a sound, a sound that is probably the legit closest I have ever been to pissing myself in fear. We were walking down the street and all of a sudden.

Coming from just behind us. Beck and I had been holding hands as, you know, young couples do hold hands, whatever, side by side. We let go and it was a sprint free for all. Full sprint away. And I don't know that i've ever sprinted as hard we skipped by the houses we thought my brother might be at we turned left onto my street started running we looked over our shoulders and there coming right at us was my brother on his fucking gas powered scooter that starts up like a goddamn chainsaw coming from a house we'd never seen that before didn't even know he knew anyone that lived there turns out there was

a kid he did know there we didn't know that so never even considered he might be there how did he sneak up on you what was he like stealthily rolling it through we had just passed by the house he was at so whenever we passed by the house i guess he. So whenever we passed by the house, I guess he was outside. Oh, so he ramped it out the front door? What did he do? There were cars in the driveway, so I think he was just behind one of the... I think we literally, like, he was walking to the car as we passed it. He got behind it as we passed it.

We just missed each other. I gotcha. But, yeah, he had started it up right after we passed it. But, God almighty, I have no idea how to describe after that interaction with that lady how scary hearing that noise right behind us was so he was fine realized it was late decided to come home right then right as we were i mean the odds of that happening in the time that it did i don't know what they are it has to be low but yeah he was fine we got home we all went home before we talked too much about all that

though i do want to make a couple more quick points after that night beck and i never watched another scary movie together ever that was the last one that we never we just could not do it again after that obviously i've played some horror games and watched since but like it was a long time before i was comfortable watching something scary that legit scarred me and to bob's point about being weird approaching that stranger never saw that lady again. I asked about her. We had kind of a neighborhood gossip who lived across the street who knew everyone and everyone's business. Talk to him about it. And he was like, I don't know anyone that looks like that or has a dog like that. I tried for weeks to find out who this lady was. Nobody knew. I never was able to find out anything about her. And I swear to

you, I've got chills and goosebumps right now thinking about it because she gave me a vibe that i don't think anyone's giving me sense of just creepiness and again it's probably influenced by watching a scary movie but just the whole interaction was so uncomfortable so uncomfortable i don't know what it is about weird ladies wandering into neighborhoods but i had a not a scary situation but i was walking and uh this other lady was coming up the hill i don't know her can't recognize anyone with a face mask but she said hello good morning and i said hello and nodded my head and then she went hello and i went uh hi and she just she turns away and mutters thank you and then walks away and i'm like

what what happened did you not like it's just the strangest interaction with a random woman that's weird that is weird i have a theory about your story wade okay i am convinced in my own mind that this story is at least in part fever dream you had fallen ill you fell asleep watching watching the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Let's look at the facts. One, you had a girlfriend. Not likely to be real. It was a dream.

Two. I'm a married man. Creepy lady. Yeah, I know. Well, it's funnier if you ignore that fact. Two, creepy lady in your neighborhood whose existence you couldn't confirm outside of your own mind. Three, perfectly timed, nonsensical way

for your brother to come up from behind you even though you would have just been walking past him and had to literally avert your gaze from a specific location for probably a couple solid minutes in order to not see him, hear him talking to his friends, hear the tinkity tink of this gas powered scooter rolling down the driveway

into position because those things are not silent even when they're off. None of it tracks unless it's a fever dream of a cough syrup addled mind of a sick young man wishing he could get a girlfriend and terrified of the movie he accidentally fell asleep watching. I will corroborate this evidence because if you note in Act 3, he said, you know,

my girlfriend and I were holding hands or whatever it is that, you know, a boyfriend and girlfriend do. He didn't even know. He didn't even know. She let me lick her face at whatever making out is. I don't know.

I don't remember saying that particular quote. I wanted like a replay of that. Let's play it back, editor. Play it back. Beck and I had been holding hands as, you know, young couples do. They hold hands, whatever, side by side. There it is. All right.

Clear as day. Undisputable right there. That's weird. I didn't find it. That's strange how we have different recollections here. All right. Well, I was going to award Wade two more points for the telling of the story. It was a good climax. But now I'm actually going to not give those and deduct his

only other point leaving it i'm a whopping zero it was good but man you know only bob can make up stories that was a truce it's true if you're gonna come up with fictional stories you need to go no detail or better detail this was a traumatic event in my life and you guys are trying to take this away from me okay all right what this lady looked like if you can explain what she looked like you know maybe we could again probably 40s can't even explain what she looks like pretty pale white skin a little bit of like not tons of freckles but some freckles on like her nose and cheeks it was like again like a reddish brown hair short um god i'm trying to figure out how to describe the nightgown it was just like a white nightgown it was not just pajamas but it wasn't

like a super flowy like crazy nightgown but it was definitely something you don't wear outside she probably stood i don't know man like five foot three five foot four she had like a little brown terrier dog i can't remember the color of the leash i'm not even gonna try to do that i remember walking up i remember seeing the dog just like sniffing around the stop sign but she just turned around and immediately it was like she had never talked to a person before important points of information how big were her cans and were they on her back because i might have a solution to this no no cans on the back that I could tell. I wouldn't describe her as having large breasts at all. Because they were on her back.

Okay. Probably like a cup. Wow. You are weirdly specific with all of the measurements of this person. You're just inventing details now. Too specific. I'm guessing because you're asking me specifics from something that happened 20 years ago. Wow.

You were too specific. That was the problem. 5'3 or 4, 40s or 50s, short, red, brown hair. Well, she was around my mom's height. Wasn't it at night? How would you have seen all that? It doesn't hold up. The stop sign was literally under one of the streetlights.

So it was a well-lit area. Your honor, the witness normally wears glasses, and the evidence shows on this evening he was indeed not wearing his prescription glasses i will accept how do i accept this as i had contact lenses at this point thank you i started wearing contacts between eighth and ninth grade this was prosecution has no evidence submitted uh that contacts were ever in place i call for a mistrial i have been hoodwinked and bamboozled by this charade when I told a legit story. If you can come up with five

excellent alliterations, I will give you the win for today. But it has to be within the next 20 seconds. Oh, okay. Titty tilters touch tips. Lively listeners love libations. That's two. Uh, creamy cocks in my crocs. Three, dumb dummies don't dig distractible. Uh, Wade winning was inevitable. That's five.

That was four. Was that five? No. Yeah, that was five, but I don't know if that last one counts. I don't know about win-evitable. I mean, Wade was winning win-e-way. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no i guess if the fifth one was a half and that one you just did was another i you know what no no no

no no no no i kind of said i kind of said if he could do five that was offhanded bullshit what do you know what do you mean that was art uh i mean i'm a man of my word i guess i'm impressed it made me laugh hey it made me laugh i made you laugh the whole time that's it's the minimum qualification to get on my side is make me laugh remember when i was talking i made you laugh yeah yeah no it was great yeah the ghost granny milk yeah the ghost thing yeah that was too long ago what have you done for him lately bob wade didn't even need to talk i won by default after i was finished talking but my biggest like my biggest uh uh procrastinate criticism of wade was that like i thought he might have been making things up but his ability to make things up is pretty good so so you know I can't fault him for his true nature Wade You are officially the winner. I don't even remember what the points are

I'm just gonna sign you all of Bob's points are now yours Now you he has all of your points. I'd like to start by thanking mark for being one of the best hosts We've ever seen Shut up. Thank you Bob for being one of the best hosts we've ever seen. Shut up. Bob for being a gracious loser. Shut up. And myself for being one of the most creative influences on the planet. That's not even true. Hey, mine was way better.

Congratulations to Wade. Thank you everybody so much for listening to this week of Distractible. Thank you to our sponsors. Thank you to all of you at home. Be sure to like, follow whatever this podcast, wherever you're listening to so yeah great good yeah make sure you follow cool good yeah it's great podcast the next episode we'll have wade hosting because that one will be moving on to host the next episode thank you bob you can find bob on

facebook at my skirm uh he streams there. And then Wade on YouTube and Twitch with Minion777 and LordMinion777. My name is Mark. You can find me wherever. Doesn't matter. Who cares? Podcast out.