Distractible - That One Guy

Episode Date: November 29, 2021

Campfire guitar guy, the gamer guy with a bad mic, Crypto Bros, Florida Man… you know, that guy. Which “guy” are our guys? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH- ph balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils so whether you're going for a run or just running late do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't find secret at your nearest walmart or shoppers drug mart today good evening gentle listener and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production with your hosts, Weary Wade, Modest Mark, and Bankable Bob. This week, the paragons of the Pleasantly Peculiar denounce the dastardly drudgery of the Dreary Drainer.

Yes, it's time for That One Guy. You know the one. Please prime thy hostility and enjoy the show. You know the one. Please prime thy hostility and enjoy the show. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Distractible, the podcast where, I don't know, we talk about whatever the host wants to talk about. I'm the host today. And then I get to judge my friends, how good or terrible their answers are, give them points. And one of them gets the host next week.

I'm joined by them, Mark and Bob. Hey, guys. Hello. We have a script. We have a script. We have script we have an opening yeah but i don't have to use it because i'm the host yeah you're right i guess you didn't complain when i didn't use the script last time yeah i mean you whipped up a lovely tale like wade just made it seem like the most dry podcast what you mean ever be you liked mine and you didn't like Wade. Exactly.

That's pretty much what I'm saying. I will take the dub. Everyone buckle in. This is the podcast of all podcasts. Welcome to Distractable. Would that have been better if I'd gone like that? Yes. I love that.

That was very fun. Yeah. That was epic. Okay. Well, just make that the whole intro. Change all my pitches to sound like that. That was very fun. Yeah, that's epic. Okay. Well, uh, well just uh, make that the whole Intro change all my pitches to sound like that. Cool. Here we go. It'll be fixed in post Anywho, how are you guys doing today? Uh, how goes the day? pretty good, I um

Yeah, that sounds fascinating. Tell more well um i haven't eaten yet i just did it was great you haven't eaten yet yeah take care of yourself man well no i'm just waiting to eat it's like lunchtime i'm good you can't eat while we're doing the podcast because you must savor each bite for at least two and a half minutes yeah something like that i feel like i don't need to explain my choices about how i uh feed myself and how i run my life don't eat then good don't eat yeah you know good job good for you thanks thank you uh i'm trying to think desperately if anything new is going on with me there's not things my phone my phone man wasn't sending and receiving text messages for no reason and then i turned it off and on again and now it is so that's what's new with me i got the new 13

pro and for some reason unlike my last phone whenever it's plugged in and charging it will just randomly vibrate throughout the night and i'll think i'm getting a text or notification or some kind but the thing will just like once in a while just for no reason and then i'll like wake up and i'm usually dependent on it for alarms for different things i gotta get up i'll wake up and i'll go to reach for it it'll be like oh your phone restarted like every other day it's like oh your phone restarted you gotta know your passcode if you want to open it's like why why is it buzzing and restarting what is it doing that doesn't seem like it's working correctly plug it in and look it's like oh your phone is auto set to optimally charge and we'll be done charging by x hour in the morning it's like okay so it seems like it's doing right it's actually charging but why the random buzzing

and why is it restarting so much i don't think it's supposed to do that i'm not mr tim apple so i'm no expert but i would guess that's not how it's supposed to work i'm guessing whoever made mark's computer monitor also made this phone no one knows what that even means didn't we talk about that in the previous week or something i I don't think we talked about it. Mark, tell us about your computer monitor. I think we talked about not during a recording. Oh. We just talked about that.

Never mind. I will leave it vague. There's nothing to know about this monitor. It's a secret. Okay, good. Mark's got magical, mysterious monitors that no one gets to know about. No, you know what did happen? What?

Lexi had an ear infection. Oof. Poor puppy. That's sad. I did happen? What? Lexi had an ear infection. Oof. Poor puppy. That's sad. I had to take her once a week for like two weeks. I had to take her in, get some medicine. It was bad. Bad ear infection.

But it's fine now. But that's really sad. I wonder if it's a time of year thing. Ours don't have an ear infection per se, but I think Ginger had yeast in her ears and Presley had a little bit of bacteria. Not enough to where they said they needed antibiotics antibiotics but they gave us like a medicine eardrop cleaner thing like a cleaner of some kind like a flush yeah so i've been cleaning their ears every day and that they've been kind of gunky but they're like on the borderline of getting an ear infection i wonder if that's like

a time of year thing though i guess the seasons are very different where you're at than where i'm at probably a little bit i think ours was because we had put lexi up and she got a bath and um i think they were just not careful giving her a bath and they got water in her ear and it got an infection oh no she's never had an ear infection before so i blame pet store whatever pet hotel people what's it called where the dog stays it's a hotel pet hotel i blame you yeah i'm sorry to hear that though but when your pets hurt that's like the worst very sad mark anything interesting you want to add no not at all great i got nothing all right well i guess i'll move us along the topic for today's episode of distractible is that one guy that was my epic voice attempt it's very close to becoming a pirate.

It's like dangling over the edge of falling into pirate. The topic for... No, that was French. The topic for... I'm a pirate. Hold on. I'm going to find this. There are French pirates.

You want me to be a pirate? The topic for today. That's one guy be the topic for today. Way to your pirate. Okay. Wade, do your pirate. Oh, okay. Ah, we be. The Eiffel Tower. Baguette.

Mon chéri. Walk the plank. Anyway, don't be that guy. Like that guy. Define that guy, Wade. I'm interested to hear what you think the definition is all right so i think there's i left it ambiguous for a reason i think that there's any way to approach that one guy but um i think that one guy could just be someone who's like really annoying or

just awful to deal with there's also that one guy who's just like that guy that stands out for good or bad reasons i've got a person in my family who stands out as being that one guy i don't remember why i stepped outside i remember we were at like a family gathering and i stepped outside and the family member was standing outside as well and they were acting a little bit strange i thought okay well maybe this needs like maybe they're having a bad day or something like hey how's it going and that one question opened up all of the government alien conspiracy theories how we were being listened to our eyeballs if we were contact lenses they were like tracking devices and are like all of this weird shit just started pouring

out in a conversation i was both fascinated by and wanted desperately to escape all by like hey how is it going this is a family member i'd never like really talked to before it's like a distant relative like a family gathering reunion type thing so i had no idea what kind of bag of worms i was opening but like he will forever be that one guy to me because i remember going down this rabbit hole of like i can't believe this is a real person that exists this is like actually running into a flat earther like they're real and that is kind of what got me thinking about this topic in general was that one guy but i think there's a million different ways to approach it so if you've got other variants of that one guy you know male karens or whatever whatever you guys have in mind that makes you think that one guy i don't have any like banger personal stories per se i'm realizing

as i'm doing some quick research for this i'm a little afraid i might be that guy i have to i found i found this article from uh what is this primer magazine so top tier source whatever the hell that is it doesn't even have a date of publication so god knows when this is from but there's a couple of these i'm a little afraid i i might i might be that guy uh-huh there's a list of six and some of them don't fit me um but one of them is called sunglasses inside guy and um i i have reasons okay but sometimes i wear sunglasses inside and it's not like a cool thing they're prescription you know i can't see i'm not allowed to even drive a car without my prescription glasses on and sometimes all i have with me are my sunglasses even if it's like dusk or evening even if i'm inside a building does that make me look

like a jerk am i that guy probably depends on the context but you know it could i guess it's 8 p.m on a wednesday and i'm at the grocery store because we need milk and i need some doritos and i'm also getting a diet mountain dew because they like diet mountain dew and i'm at the self-checkout with my sunglasses on with those three things in my arms am i that guy you have to be honest you have to be honest am i that guy i would more so feel that way if you had a lot more than three items yeah that one guy i feel like would be the guy who has like 50 items and the 20 items or less line also wearing sunglasses probably has like a button

up shirt with like the first five buttons undone and their chest somewhat exposed and they're probably talking on their cell phone and then also like snapping their fingers to get the attendance attention at the same time like there's a lot of combinations of things i imagine there yeah okay that makes me feel a little better i think that guy steps beyond just that because that seems like that's superficial douchiness and i think the the overall qualification of that guy is just like that douche right yeah yeah all right but there's another one on this list i have another one on this list and i'm afraid that it's me listen okay this one is called the no ambition guy okay this guy may work as a pizza delivery driver or may have some other part-time job and

if you ask them about why they still have that job or whatever why they chose their career they give you some bullshit this is reading from the thing they give you some bullshit about how it gives me a chance to do what i want man it's so great i can wake up whenever and just play some video games and you know i feel like that captures my everyday life maybe not i don't i don't even have a job i just do this i just play video games and i talk to you people you to you guys you am i no ambition guy i don't think that either these are just archetypes of people that's not necessarily like i mean negative stereotypes i mean that guy is defined by specific action or like a repeated action but it's the basis of his personality in whatever social circle these action take place right that guy who doesn't put his weights away in the gym

you know that guy that he's that guy you know it's not enough to put him in jail or like really go after him or maybe there is something like that guy does that kind of shit that guy who just kills kids all the way the asshole don't Asshole. Don't be that guy. Don't be that guy. Yeah, exactly. It's like, don't be that guy. I did come across one of these that reminds me of like what I've heard about you, Mark, like at least in college where we've heard.

Wait, whoa. You and Bob have talked about how before YouTube and everything, you would have like your big idea of the month or the week or whatever. Yeah. And there is a that one guy who never excels at anything but tries a new thing every week rather than committing to something wow okay and you have stuck with youtube what are you trying to find your passion in life the way bob would talk about you in college is you'd be like sitting there like i don't know

playing a video game or reading newspaper something you'd walk you'd walk in and be like, Bob, I got it. This is a great idea. This is going to make me rich. This is it. This is the one. That's how he worded it. And that's how this is worded too, is like that guy who just comes in.

That's not what I did. That's not how I phrase it either. No, that's exactly it. You're being that guy that misinterprets everything. I feel like that's true. I feel like you're right dead on dead accurate wade is being that guy right now yeah exactly i probably i i have said that before the way that i say it is that we would get together and mark would be like new passion all right check this

out it would literally be like it's been a week since we've hung out and you would show up and be like i've outlined an entire graphic novel and I've got some character sketches and I've got, you know, I've got like maybe a chapter or something. Like you've done a ton of work on something that you just this past week, you were just like, I'm going to try this now. I never once phrased it like this is my million dollar idea. That's the kind of that guy is the guy I knew those dudes. My major in college was organizational leadership.

I swear that it's been exaggerated before because I swear it's been worded that way i had classes with those dudes who were like this is my idea i'm gonna sell vitamin supplements online but like i know that guy that wasn't me like a pyramid scheme or something like that it's just like there was a short amount of time about trying something before moving on to a new idea yeah i think i think there's a difference between like that guy who's like just jumping from idea to deal between and me who was just like i don't know what i want to do but i'm going to try a bunch of different things okay whenever i tried something i threw myself at it 100 that's what i do that's like a character that i believe that i believe that's like how i operate and then as soon as i'm like okay well this isn't working because i chased it down as far as i could and I see the scope of what the work could be.

I'm like, I don't know if this is like really what I want to do. And then like, I just keep trying things until I found YouTube, which is like, oh, I see where this could take me. And I see the kind of things I could learn from this. And I think I could handle this. That's that's that. Random side tangent. Was there an idea that you felt like maybe you could have pursued a little bit more or like that you really were close to like sticking with, but then moved on from? Was there like one that jumps out at you?

I mean, not really. Because like the thing I did, numerous different things. I did programming. I was trying to like do game design. I was trying to do like write a book, do graphic novel. All those things are very long term investments of time with no chance of success or not no chance of success, but very little chance of success after you already do things. And for the majority of those, I didn't have the skill set to go into the endeavor.

But I explored it because I was like, I wonder if this is something that I really like to do. Like I was trying to find joy out of what I was doing. And there was a type of joy in pursuing something. There was a type of joy in just being like, i want to explore this and see where it goes and then you discover later that the act itself doesn't really like fulfill you in a way but the pursuit of different things and trying to explore that is kind of like a joy in and of itself that's fair i guess you dodge being that one guy in that instance that one yo thank you wow thank you i did find a meme of that one guy that's a really

like specific one but one that i thought of recently i don't know if ryan the only ryan uh shout out to you i don't know if he had his game turned up the other day we were streaming um house of ashes and like every time he would like get jump scared he would like breathe heavily but i could hear his breath really loudly in my ears it would scare me and i would jump and there's a picture there's a meme of this guy who's got like a headset mic taped to his cheek where the microphone is right under his nose yeah reminded me of that because this is not usually ryan ryan's got high quality audio but for some reason his breathing this one stream was just loud but there is always that one person you get into a call with who sounds like they're just

either got super low quality microphone or they're just breathing right into it in your ears for forever that's another just a minor that one guy there is the one person that's like the entire call so on this call that we're on who who's that guy yeah who's that guy well there always has to be that one guy but a lot of times you just said there always is well okay and larger groups or larger calls i suppose like you're playing an online game right you're playing like a call of duty or something and you're using the voice chat for some godforsaken reason so what you're saying is if you're using voice chat on like a bigger group game or if you're hanging out with a big group

of friends or whatever in the discord or whatever and you don't hear anyone like like you don't hear that it It's you. It's you. You're that guy. Yeah. Well, there you go. Gentle listeners. If you think that these aren't real, then you're probably the one. That's not good.

It makes sense. It makes sense. If you don't think about it too much, if you squint your brain, it makes sense. Yeah, I get it. I feel it. I had an experience in Phasmophobia the other day. So Phasmophobia added this new map, a new game mode. They had a nightmare mode, a new map called the campsite.

And in the campsite, there's this campfire. And sitting by the campfire is just like an acoustic guitar laying against like one of the chairs. And immediately all I could think of is like, campfire guitar guy. Don't want to be campfire guitar guy. Don't want to be that one guy. And I was hunting this ghost. I forget what the ghost name was.

But one of the audio clues is to figure out where it was. randomly played the guitar like it just strummed it so i heard the guitar play and i was like you gotta be kidding me we actually have a campfire guitar guy ghost and i jokingly said that it was a yokai and yokais are the ghosts that get angry and are more likely to hunt if you're talking and using your microphone it can hear you and it gets more agitated and more likely to hunt sure and i said that because i was like well if there's one thing that campfire guitar guy doesn't want to want people talking while they're trying to steal the show and have all eyes on them and ended up being a yokai but it made me think of the that one guy campfire guitar guy not to point any fingers at anybody that i know but i do know a couple of campfire guitar guys that carried around

guitars or carry around guitars and uh not necessarily did it for the whole same reasons as the stereotype but i definitely think of like you know you watch a movie and there's a stereotypical guy that you know people are sitting on the beach and they're all having a fun conversation someone's just like oh by the way uh we play wonderwall for you and they pull out their acoustic guitar out of nowhere and everyone has to stop talking and just put their eyes on campfire guitar guy who's miraculously not wearing a shirt you know hair drooped down to their shoulders, muscly playing their guitar. And everyone's just like, well, we were talking and having a good time. I guess we'll just stare at you now.

And I got that ghost and phasmophobia. But that's another that one guy. No? No Campfire Guitar Guys? I've never experienced that in real life, ever. No, you talk about Campfire Guitar guy way more than anyone has ever experienced campfire guitar guy because i i know this is a thing that you tell your campfire guitar guy talking about campfire guitar guy guy you literally mentioned campfire guitar guy he's

any turn i remember when i was trying to i was playing the guitar like for the tour and i was like yeah i'm trying to improve better myself and you're like oh here comes campfire guitar guy with his guitar i think you just hate people that play guitar i might maybe i do i think you do i will say another funny moment i was on stream with tyler and i forget what we were doing and uh i don't know we were like in between games or something i don't remember but he like he randomly pulled out his guitar and started like singing and playing guitar in the middle of the stream i was like oh my god he's campfire guitar guy now too maybe i maybe it is me i don't know i think you're that guy

wayden yeah i think two or three times like in the middle of streams i've had someone just play guitar start playing guitar it's like well we were talking and playing games but i guess now we'll just all stop and listen to you play fucking wonderwall go for it whoa man oh easy oh god it's campfireGuitarGuy! I'm sorry, what? I was too busy trying to play Wonderwall. If you've never experienced CampfireGuitarGuy, guys, you both are guitars. Now I know you have guitars.

I am guitars. If you've never experienced it, you're him! You're both him! I am guitar, man. My entire friend group is CampfireGuitarGuy! It's gonna be okay, man. It's gonna be okay. Calm down, buddy. I don't want to host anymore. I need to resign. need to go i need to find i need to find a new direction in life i feel like in this past couple i don't know year and a half or whatever it's been not being in public i feel like i've lost touch with those guys in the world you know i'm not in

public places anymore but i'm it's coming back to me you know what's the worst school was the worst for those guys oh yeah that guy oh yeah like like what is with people the thing for me was always like it's the end of class everything is wrapped up maybe there's like five minutes left in class or whatever right it's like oh kind of done early cool cool cool and the teacher is like whatever erasing the board wrapping up and half-heartedly the teacher turned back to the class over their shoulder and is like, oh, you know what? I didn't want to have any questions before we go. And even the teacher is like, I feel like I should say this as the teacher of this class.

Nobody asked me any questions. I'm going to throw this out and let's get the hell out of here. It was always in every class, even if it was a stupid class. It was like public speaking in college. And the teachers, well, today we covered how to tell a story. And the teachers are like any questions and that one kid in the front row in class just raises their hand is like well you said we should start with something interesting like a hook what would you what's interesting why why would you take that offer why would you ask that question

why would you take the offer to ask a question? Why? Who cares? It's school. I'm not here to learn. I'm here to go home. God damn. It's not like there wasn't a previous opportunity. The teacher is teaching the class the whole time. It's like, all right, so we've just covered beginning, middle, and end. We just talked about how in the conclusion, you really want to make sure you restate your

important points. You summarize your story so that you really get the important parts in there. Any questions about that? That's when you ask that question about that part. You don't wait until the end of class. If you had asked that question at the point where it was appropriate to ask it, we wouldn't be sitting here for the last five minutes of class,

indulging your question while everyone else was totally checked out, half standing up out of their chairs with their backpack on their shoulder. Like, all right, no, no, God damn it. I remember we had a kid in a math class. I'm trying to remember which one it was. I remember this entire math class. We were all dreading that day's assignment and the teacher forgot to give it to us.

And we were like, the bell was about that. We were all about to leave class. And this kid raises their hand and is like, is there any homework tonight? And he's like, oh yeah, thanks for for reminding me and then proceeded to tell us but that was not like the only there was like three or four times that they did that where we were like oh my god we're gonna get out of here without getting homework assigned let's go let's go let's go and then they're like ah uh excuse me before we leave everyone if you could have a seat again homework i think everyone in the class turned and just stared death daggers at this fucking kid. Like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

The moment we would be dismissed, if I was in that scenario, I would rush over to that kid's seat, push them out of it, sit in it, and just fart so hard. Like, make them question if I just shit my pants. And then leave without saying a word because that kid is the worst that's happened to me as well and i didn't do that but now that i'm grown i know what i would do that's what i would do of course of course you know what um that guy reminds me of and this is just like the land of that guy is florida man yeah florida man is definitely that one guy what the hell happens in florida dude like god dang dude everything happens in florida all occurrences all realities converge onto florida and they all spill out of the multiverse i'm just like there's a subreddit

that's just dedicated to florida man and like just reading some of these or just like naked florida man chases people and cops around chick-fil-a parking lot telling them they're gay for looking at his penis and i'm just like but the the headline saying that he chases cops like this cop is running away like i don't want to be gay and he's like it was like look at my dick like how is everyone running from this man okay if there was a man that was just completely naked yelling at me to look at his penis or else i guess i would run away as well yeah well what are you gonna you're saying you're not gonna run what are you gonna let him do grind on you a naked guy comes running at you and you're just like i'll chance it i just found three random florida man headlines i'll read just to help prove our point here yeah go for it from june June 27th 2012 Florida man chews off another man's face

I think we all know that story that guy got high and ate the dude's face October 23rd 2014 Florida man once arrested for fighting drag queen with tiki torches runs for mayor Wow sure yeah Apparently the dude was once dressed in an ironic KKK costume at a Halloween party when he got into a brawl with someone i can't believe someone would be offended by them wearing a ironic kkk costume how funny january 1st 2015 florida man trapped in unlocked closet for two days it was just three random that one guys to pull from there are so many like isn't it a thing where

you search your birthday in florida man to find out the headline on your birthday of florida man oh i didn't know that that's interesting how are people in florida still alive shouldn't they all be dead from being so stupid by now i mean not quite there's plenty of florida men florida man causes a hundred thousand dollars in damage to walmart liquor store walmart liquor store what under construction with hot wired forklift gives police his name as alice wonderland and says hookah smoking caterpillar told them to do it florida man desperate for a ride to a hooters calls 9-1-1 florida man insists the syringes pulled from his rectum aren't his i mean they may not be someone may put them there you never know jesus florida man arrested for having sex with stuffed Olaf snowman inside Target.

Do you want to bang a snowman? All right. But anyway, yeah, you're Florida. That's a good one. Florida man. There's so many. We could go. We could spend a whole episode just reading Florida man headlines.

We could. If you guys listen and have never gone down the rabbit hole of looking up Florida man headlines, you will not regret it. If you do, unless you end up there, the man ends up trapped reading florida man headlines for a week without food and water are we all just reading florida man headlines right now yeah anywho all right where were we that that one guy lots of great florida man stories i feel like i feel like florida man and school are great sources Yeah. What other places? There was this guy. I don't know what his deal was, but in school, I don't know if you remember him, Wade.

He would just in the hallways in between classes, he would just scream at people randomly as if trying to scare them. I don't remember who this was, why he did this, but he would just be walking up. I remember one incident. He was up down the stairs and this girl was passing by and he just turned and go Ah, and then just stare at him. I'm like, what are you trying to accomplish? Are you you're not the class clown? Clearly your class psycho. Is that what you're going for? I have you don't remember this guy's name No, I don't remember. No, he was a taller guy. I just have no idea never

I never I never engaged with him oddly enough. So weird never bothered to learn him. I can't I don't remember that one That's what I feel like should stand't. I don't remember that one. That's one I feel like should stand out. But I don't remember that one. Yeah, I don't know. There's probably like, I mean, I'm sure that you can find that one guy anywhere. That one guy in the friend group. That one guy at work.

One guy at school. Nah, but some of them, some of them are more powerful and more consistent. I don't have any of these in my life. I guess I would say, Mark, you're maybe the closest thing I have to this. But you're closest to that one guy. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. Not that bad.

But like modernly, there's a big theme of that guy who's always talking about crypto and or meme stocks. Oh, yeah. Crypto bros. And like, you don't do this. You talk about it a little because I think you're curious about it. And like, we've talked about this before. You're not that guy where every conversation is like oh bro i found this new coin it's on the ethereum blockchain and uh you really got to get in on this right now like i feel like that's such a weird it's like a hobby but the hobby involves money yeah i don't know it's weird i mean no to me day trading is kind of always

attracted a certain type of people you know fast money people that think that if they're cleverer than everyone else they can get it rich and everyone else is a fool because they see the bigger picture beyond it and crypto has been like the biggest uh beacon for that guy to come rushing towards it like everyone and their mother's like a crypto genius because they bought a coin and it happened to go up and they're like i'm fucking incredible i'm so smart and then they make another bet and then it loses immediately much like we talked about last week with the squid game cryptocurrency yeah i just keep up with it because i just want to see how things go horribly wrong oh yeah it's fascinating to me to see all

the new stuff coming out and all these people who get sucked in to like the pump and dump scams and stuff yeah because i feel like those guys are the exact reason that you can do a pump and dump scam yeah with crypto things because they're unregulated and for anyone out there listening who doesn't know essentially it's start a new coin hold the majority of it it's valueless and then you pay someone to like tweet about it you pay faze clan to promote it whatever you like pay people and then you pay someone to like tweet about it you pay faze clan to promote it whatever you like pay people and then as soon as it has any value whatsoever you sell it all it goes back to being valueless except now other people are holding the valueless crap and you've made some money off these idiots and like those crypto bros are the people who completely make

that i don't know it's crazy it is crazy, you guys want to make a cryptocurrency and promote it here and then sell it real quick? Get rich? Distract token. You'll forget what you were talking about as you lose all your money. But hey, you'll own lots of distract token. It's on the venereal disease blockchain. And boy, is it killer. To the moon.

Past the moon, around the moon, around earth, back to the moon for a slingshot, all the way out to, like, Neptune or some shit. Far, far beyond the moon. All your dreams will come true, and I will become so... I mean, we will become so rich. We. The three of us, right? We, not you. You disgusting normies.

Well, they were talking specifically just to me for a minute, until you said normies plural. I was like, oh, thank God. Yeah, no, everyone who's not us,'re special yeah it's our coin we're those one guys i'm trying to think i'm i don't know why this episode has turned into a brainstorm but i'm just trying to think of all the guys to somebody we are that one guy yeah i'm still kind of afraid i'm that guy to people i mean everyone's that guy to somebody right yeah who do you think if you're somebody's that guy what guy do you think you are to that person? What's the thing that you do or talk about or whatever that like someone else sees and is like,

oh, that guy. God. I mean, if you want to go base level, it's just like, I'm that YouTube guy. Ugh, this fucking guy with his easy job of playing video games. Like, ugh, I can't believe that guy. I think Mark and I are both sometimes that guy that's really slow to respond to text or get back to people. Oh, I'm that guy. Yeah. Yeah, I'm absolutely that guy. I think Mark and I are both sometimes that guy that's really slow to respond to texts or get back to people. Oh, I'm that guy.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm absolutely that guy. I'm bad about that at times too. And what? I don't know. I'm sure I'm probably that loud, obnoxious, annoying guy who talks over people. Sometimes. I think we're all that guy.

Kind of the nature of the job. This is just my personal complex about it. But I feel like if we're talking about our public perceptions, I'm that guy who's just famous for being friends with a famous person oh yeah yeah and we're just and friends forever and friends yeah oh come on guys that's a respectable position you should be honored no no it's working out great man you remember um there was a time where we went to um we were all three gonna do a panel together at like pax west or something no it wasn't west either south or east and i remember we were walking up to like the where security was and they let you through and they stopped bob and i and they're like wait wait are

you guys like the camera crew or something and we're like no we we're also on on the stage we're on the panel too and like they looked at each other for a moment before they let us through do you remember that, Bob? When we were the camera crew? I mean, that's happened to me multiple times. I always have trouble getting in places. I'm not cool enough. I never have the right badge.

I remember the three of us were walking very distinctly together. And they let Mark through and like stopped us to ask us if we were the camera crew. I thought you were going to bring up the one where we were doing a panel. I forget what mine was but there was like a sign outside that was like next panel up markiplier and friends wade lord space minion seven and i think i was just described as bob my skirm and we both looked at the sign and were like oh guys well there were a couple times they got my name wrong i was lord space minion seven seven on one.

It's quality. Classics. Your name. I remember they put like the Y before the U or something. One time you're like Mewskirm or something. Yeskirm. Yeah, it happens. Well, they put they put your username as your last name one time, too.

You were Bob Myskirms or something. Has that happened to you, Mark? You haven't always been as famous as you are. Have you ever had any hilarious goofs with people introducing you or things i mean youtube when they send me my gold play button they misspelled my channel name no way it was well they didn't misspell it but it was markiplier space game oh no games that's not it yeah and so like for those who don't know my first channel got deleted or demonetized or whatever you want to call it like they i couldn't sell ads on it anymore so i had to make a new channel so i

called it markiplier game because that's why i was playing games and eventually i changed it back but then youtube they sent just a completely wrong thing and i thought you don't you just like copy and paste what's at the top of the url and put it there like who did this about once every two months your very last video on your first channel still gets promoted to me it there like who did this about once every two months your very last video on your first channel still gets promoted to me it's like the channel is dead long live the channel vlog or whatever the hell it was called that like once every two months it's like one of my most recommended videos yeah yeah legit it is legit apparently the the that channel can be monetized again so i could always go back to that start over why not start posting there just

see it happens yeah see if anybody knows i'll just use it as my extra channel whatever well i did i did always wonder because you were markiplier game i was like so when are we getting markiplier vlog markiplier sings or music or whatever like isn't the game to have as many channels as possible didn't you have a stream vod channel at one point though i still do it's still there it's called markablar twitch is that yours i thought that was fake oh no that's real that's mine damn yeah yeah it's uh it's there all right i reported it for impersonating you i think thanks man because it's like it it doesn't look official it looks like somebody ripped your stream it's really awful and shitty looking it seems like a horrible imitation of you mark we reported it for you buddy yeah that's not the mark i know all right fair enough thank you guys appreciate it got your back buddy the first drunk minecraft

the first drunk minecraft is on that channel because it's a stream of the first time that we got drunk and played minecraft i don't know if it was oh damn three of us but i did at least yeah i just played drunk minecraft minecraft dude nine years ago wow yeah no this is ancient history long time ago dude i know nine years markiplier's minecraft adventure yog box yeah that's not us no that's not that's not us i'm not gonna say when we're recording this episode but i think by the time it airs we will be definitely past my um nine year anniversary posting my first video which was november 19th of uh 2012 i started like seven months after you mark eight when are you gonna finish uh what's that game called board game katan when are you gonna finish katan when are you gonna bring back katan and finish it i actually did play a little bit on my tablet whenever we were down in Texas.

I played a little Catan for old time's sake. Catan. Catan. Hey guys, welcome back to Settlers of Catan. I'm LordMinion777. No, way more muted than that. Dude, I miss Kitchen Wave. Those were the days.

Hey guys, welcome back to Settlers of Catan. I do miss the hairline. The rest of it there's no growing back buddy i don't know if i can ever go clean shaven again ever since somebody pointed out that whenever i'm clean shaven the like gap right underneath my nose looks like a dick i can't i don't think i can go back to being clean shaven now you can't let one person bullying you get you away from ever being i now can't look at my own shaved face without seeing a dick above my lip. Man, you can't let that affect you.

They're getting to you. They're that guy is getting to you. That guy got through. Really cut you deep. I'm now just dick upper lip. That's how I see me. Old dick lip. The hair hides the dick.

What were we talking about? That one guy at one point oh that one guy that's right one guy right you know who's a that guy that i don't mind generally that i kind of okay a good that enjoyable yeah i don't know if you had this growing up in my neighborhood we always had that one house presumably uh with that one guy living in it it was always one holiday uh one of them was halloween one of them was christmas they would just go fucking ape shit with decorations like a lot of people would do christmas lights a lot of people would do like pumpkins and and you know maybe spider webs

with decorations for the holidays where you decorate your house but we had one house where it was like every square inch of yard was lit had an inflatable had a thing a big sign or something the whole it was like a beacon to space for christmas decorations and we had one house where the whole front yard would become like a semi-enclosed haunted yard every year those guys i like those guys they were fun that's nice fun houses i don't mind those guys do you remember um the first time that the dude programmed the lights to play along with the music? Like when that was first like a viral thing? I do.

I remember when that was back in the days of emailing videos to each other. Imagine being that dude's like next door neighbor and like trying to decorate. And you're dealing with like the program like do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Like the lights are going in sync with that. It's like, I got this big plastic santa plastic santa over here Well, you didn't you know what they you didn't know is that they had to deal with 13 weeks of him constantly Fuck God damn it. I'm so close

If the fucking light could just go with the beat Fuck The week's leading up Why did you when you're supposed to that's what you missed i thought you were gonna say the two straight months of every night at 6 45 p.m cars lined up up and down the street what do you have some sort of emergency you need to leave your house fuck you it's show time your neighbor is entertaining the masses so you better stay the fucking side for the next hour because you know those people are going to get there early watch the show hang out take some pictures you aren't going nowhere yeah i once i live at a

house in la where it was near the um the whatchamacallit a stadium dodger stadium yeah yeah dear dodger stadium and um so whenever there was a show there not a game there like a show it attracted a different crowd that didn't know the roads as well as the baseball crowd because they know how to get into the stadium so there was i think it was like beyonce or something like that and my road is not connected to the stadium road at all but if you look on the map there's like a dirt path that can kind of go in the direction of it i was blockaded for the rest of the night and way into the morning i could never leave my home because there was just a train of cars that would go up hit this dead end and then have to like shimmy a backup around and then go around all the people and meanwhile they're like you can't go that way

it's a dead end and everyone's like i don't believe you you fool i remember that street too that was one of those very typical la sort of streets where it's like parked on both sides super narrow like if there was traffic like that i can absolutely see how uh basically turns into a bunch of parked cars in the road because there's no way out it sure did it sure did that's fun man that's fun oh yeah it was fun i didn't have to deal with that too much but you got to see all the shows for free, right? Because you got to deal with that. I did.

Oh, that's nice of him anyway. Oh, wait, actually, you know what? Speaking of the person who lived next to the guy with the ridiculous light show, I feel like I've seen a picture of one of those setups. And the neighbor of the guy with the insane music light everything show just had a big sign in their yard with an arrow pointing at the neighbor that just said ditto which is like just perfect yeah yeah it is what else can you do at that point i love thinking about the setup though in the weeks of like him

testing it and just like the idea of him rhythmically swearing fuck damn it you know normal stuff yeah oh man there's always that guy that tacks on his success to others just like with the ditto sign or something like that or there's this amazing video of someone uh in a baseball game where they're the catcher outfielder whatever it is he goes dives catches the ball everyone around him is trying to help him up this guy comes in from 14 rows away like i'll help you he's diving through the crowd to help this man he's already up by the time he gets there so he can't even put a hand on this baseball player but then he throws his hands up in celebration after having plowed his way through everybody knocks someone's phone out of their hand it goes sailing off into the outfield

and then as he leans over someone's looking down at the phone he he turns around and goes like well whatever and knocks someone's beer out of their hand like just like in all of his effort to try to be a part of the moment he just caused more calamity than ever like i want to be part of this this is my spotlight that makes me think of like acceptance speeches where someone like wins like the Super Bowl or they win like an Emmy or something. And like the first thing they do is like, I'd like to thank my family.

I'd like to thank God for helping me win today. Because the implication is like that whoever didn't win, it's like, if only they'd had family or God on their side. I don't know if that's what that implies. I don't know if that's what that means. implies i don't know if that's what that means i don't know i i love the thought that people think god like you know i'm not gonna say whether i believe or just believe whatever people can believe what they want to but like would god really care who wins a football game i don't know would god care who wins an emmy why why you why

did uh why did leo not get his oscar why did god hate leo for like 10 years why did it take him a decade to give leo an oscar i don't know what you doing up there big guy maybe i'm misunderstanding maybe i'm reading too deeply into this i've always sort of thought about it as like they're thanking the people who supported them in their efforts they're not no thank you to my wife for sneaking in and recording the buffalo bills training camp give me that information thank you to my kids for uh blackmailing their school friends thank you god for preferring our team over the fucking bills what do they do they don't deserve it yeah no they're i'm pretty sure people are thanking anyone they believe gave them support and you know their their faith or their church or

whatever helped them perform to their best of their abilities. Maybe they should be honest and thank themselves for performing well and earning it. Yeah, yeah, definitely. So the disingenuous, oh, thank you to this person, this person, this person. What they really mean is me, me, me, me, me. Well, I mean, I think it is like, sure, the whole God argument, but there is a really interesting point of how you were criticizing people that thank their families like it's just like how like why is that a problem a-holes no that's really not guy just won the nobel peace prize you know what the first word out of his liar sack of shit mouth was thank you to my family for supporting me in my efforts this fucking guy

what a garbage person you know he said next i want to thank you to the global community for believing in the goodness of humankind what an idiot oh my god i thought about that we were doing the you're welcome tour and i did like the oscar speech in like the middle of the you're welcome tour shows i always thought about that whenever i was doing that i was always like man who do i thank for my success this time? Because I had to do it so much. It's like, who do I want to attribute success for? It's good to know it was always so disingenuous.

After like the 10th like fake Oscar speech, it's like, hmm. You start to wonder, it's like, to look good, how do I give my success to someone else this time? This is the whole reason why i think awards are dumb because if anyone actually went up there and said what was really honest they would go up there and say like i worked really hard for this i trained for years or whatever or i practiced forever and i had an opportunity and i really capitalized on it was all me 100 like and exactly awards are a weird like self-aggrandizing but also humble thing it's such you have to be humble whenever you're appreciating yourself it doesn't make any sense it's like oh yeah thank

you all for recognizing my greatness of which i will attribute none to myself and my own efforts it's like is it a balance of like they're giving it to because obviously you did it badly i don't like awards like they're just strange no i don't either yeah because you're literally like the whole point of it is to honor you for being great but then if you actually act like you're great people like what an asshole he doesn't actually deserve it does he so you have to go up there get this award that says you're great and you're expected to tell the story of how everyone else got you there and how you had little to do with it and it was just oh it was you know basically luck that i'm standing here before you if it wasn't for my supporting wife my family uh you know the will of god is getting me here today uh my cast you know my

teammates all of them i couldn't have done it without all these guys and it's like no you got the fucking award because you're great tell us about you that's because awards aren't about the person it's about other people that's a weird take i feel like maybe i'm out of touch something here but like that one guy well look so the idea is you got the award you know how you know that you've been successful or you've achieved whatever your goal was because you got the award you don't get the award and then be like yeah look at this award all right i got this the point is you didn't do it by yourself i don't know how you guys live your lives but like as as much as I have said funny shit

that has been funny on the internet and that is like the main thing I've contributed to our videos we've done and this podcast, like I totally accept like sometimes I can be funny and that is entertaining to people. Do you know why I'm funny? Probably because my dad is really fucking funny and I learned from him about what it means to uh deliver something you know really dry be really quiet and understated until you drop a hilarious one-liner probably because i watched and studied comedians and improv comedians working together and how

people listen and take things and turn them into jokes even stuff that seems unfunny i didn't just think of all of this stuff by myself in a vacuum whatever you did you learned it from somebody you didn't invent that shit look at this guy thanking the ones that came before him what an idiot am i insane you're supposed to step on the skulls of the people in your past to get to the top w Wade's over here like, I won the award. I did it. I did this. I invented acting. And then I wrote the screenplay.

And then I said those words while I filmed me and directed me. And then I added it like, who the fuck do you think put you on the movie screen? It wasn't you. You. No, it wasn't.

It was you. You did it all. You deserve all the credit. Step on the backs of your predecessors and crush their spines on your way to the top. Wade might be a sociopath. Yeah, might be. Throwing it out there.

What? There's like a stand-up bit about that with, I think it's just roads in general. It's like people that think they own the roads. Like, who do you think paid for us? We all did. All of us contributed to this. This water fountain's here because we paid for it. Like people that just like me me me

i mean that is the quintessential about that guy i would actually watch like whenever a sports event like a football game ends or whatever i always turn out i don't care about the post-game interviews and shit because it's always the same questions and answers it's always well what do you think happened here tonight well god was on our side uh my teammates you know they made a great catch coach called a great game i would kill i would stick around every time if they were just like well i threw a pretty fucking good ball in the third quarter didn't i i've really threaded the needle there like i would love to watch that that would be so funny they go interview the losers team and they're just like well what do you think happened out there i was like well they scored more points than us were you watching the game no no if that's

if that's how the winner is going to be the loser loser has to be like, I wasn't good enough. There was a play in the third quarter. I really should have had the guy by the legs. Instead of using an arm tackle in the third, what I did was I just ran him with my shoulder, hoping to knock him back. But it turns out I'm a weak piece of shit who couldn't knock over a fucking fly. That would be so much more entertaining. I would love that.

You have a weird perception of this win. I hope you never win an award. Bob, you continue with what you were saying before that guy interrupted you no it's i i mean i i 100% agree i think awards in general are pretty stupid i have zero interest in like the oscars or the emmys or music awards it's essentially the same to me as the guinness book of world records uh you know how you win an award you like have the connections to the right producers who pay the right people who get your your movie or your music or whatever submitted you know how you win a uh what are they called the streamies they're like you know internet video awards they

nominate some people themselves but they send out an email every year that's like hey our awards are coming up do you want to submit any of your crap you've made to try and win an award and pay us and then pay to come to the thing to see if you've won it's not like a validation to me of anything it's just a representation of like yeah you have some substantial amount of influence or you you know you paid enough money to get your whatever you want an award for into the right thing winning a sporting event kind of different also kind of revolves around money but wade's perception of everyone being disingenuous in thanking people for when they win or succeed at things,

I find that a little scary. I don't think everyone is. I think some are. I think you're expected to say things, and so people do. Every now and then you get an original speech. Most of the time, it's the same five-liner of, thank God, thanks so-and-so for supporting me

and having my back. Thank you to my team. I couldn't have done it without. It's the same line. I'm saying some people are definitely disingenuous turns out people are pretty similar ah i can't be it we're all snowflakes we're all unique oh you're right we are all somebody else's that one guy well that's definitely true i think i'm a lot more people's that one guy after today wouldn't the world be more interesting if people did come up there and they were just like oh i kicked ass i was awesome today wasn't i you mean if they were somehow more

self-centered and egotistical than most people already seem to be some of them would be more honest not everyone some of them are genuinely humble but some people i guess honesty would be something i don't know if i'd call it an improvement yeah there's that guy that thinks that being brutally honest is the equivalent of being interesting you know we're like i'm better than anyone because i i always tell my friends like it is hey you look like shit today bob hey what the fuck happened to your hair whoa it's gone uh genetics i'm sorry god man i don't like that guy i do get that one guy at every stream who their comment is just wade you're bald every stream someone thinks that's like an original comment there's one person that

comes that's all they say you don't understand they just had a surgery that gave them vision for the first time in nine years and they they just their their first instinct was to come to watch your stream because it's what they wanted to see and they're so flabbergasted. You don't sound bald. I swear I hear hair swishing back and forth as he speaks. Must be his beautiful head of hair. You have the confidence of a much more healthily

haired man. It comes through in your voice. I used to watch Wade for years and years. I thought really highly of him until I found out he was, well, bald yep well i guess looking at the time it is about that time not to be that guy but i'm gonna have to pull this one in and crown a winner you guys both get some points for talking and saying words so congrats on the point cool cool cool mark you get x points bob you get y points So you're saying we didn't tie. Nope, nope, nope.

X does not equal Y in this scenario. Give us an equation. Okay. X greater than or equal to Y. Y, no, because that would imply that X is definitely the winner. Y greater than or equal to... I'm sorry, do you not know algebra? If you want Mark to win, I can create a simple equation for you.

Here's your equation, Bob. Mark wins. Oh, thank you. I appreciate you. Here's your equation, Bob. Mark wins. Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. How's that equation? Y equals X minus one. Yeah, that's a good equation. Where one is greater than or equal to one, because maybe it's more than one.

What? You heard me. Hey, that's definitely a true statement, I think. Where one is greater than or equal to one. One is definitely maybe equal to one and or more than it. Uh-huh. Thanks. I am clear on what all this means.

Congratulations. Yeah. You get to host next week's episode, Mark, because you agree with me on speeches. Thank you. Give your stupid, disingenuous piece of shit speech then. Thank everyone. Give us a victory speech. A real one i

a man with the confidence of a full head of hair knows that this was always destined to happen from the very beginning the godless heathens that surround me on this podcast know nothing of how close I am with my family. They wish they had the power within themselves that I have to gain this glory of this victory. I did all of this and I will go forward into the future with the knowledge that none of this could have happened had I not won today. What? You heard me.

You won before we started, which led to what played in that episode? Yes. It was preordained? Yeah, the entire podcast was going to be cancelled if I didn't crown mark the winner today. Oh, wow. Better than preordained, it was postordained.

It was prethreatened. Fixed it in pre, it was postordained B. Alright, well I guess today's winner is that one guy. Thank you. I feel bad that I was never had been having had to stand a chance. You never did not stand a chance. It's okay, you're someone else's that one guy, Bob.

Thank you to my friends for being here. You can find them, markiplier underscore games, according to YouTube. Facebook.com slash myskirm. Usually they use before the Y, but you know, do what you want.com slash MySkirm. Usually the U's before the Y, but you know, do what you want. I'm Lord Space Minion. See you guys next week for, I guess whatever Mark wants to talk about.

Until then. Podcast out. I brought it back though. Yeah, I got it. Good. Yeah, we got that. The callback. Yeah, really being that guy.

Wow.