Distractible - The Council of Distractible (Part 2)

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

The three founding fathers gather once again to re-evaluate the sacred text that is the "Distractible Constitution." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Uber Eats. Thankfully, you can now get almost anything you need for the season delivered with Uber Eats. What do I mean by almost? Well, you can't get a car, but you might be able to get stuff to clean your car, which you might need to do if you're going to be driving people around. You can't get fire, but you can get something cozy to wear around the fire. Maybe you can get the stuff you need to make a fire. A refrigerator?

No. I checked. Anything you want that goes inside your refrigerator? Yes. So whatever you're looking for this season, know that you can get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Download the Uber Eats app today to order now. Alcohol in select markets, product availability may vary by region C app for details. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Wellborn Wade, the Dino Dude, suggests Distractable doobies, disengages, and tests his tribulate powers. Magneto Mark abuses caffeine, creates convolution, then defends democracy and magic bowls. Barbarian Bob is fry the fiend, refutes his legal cred, suggests extra spins and slams the subreddit from disturbing dentistry to rewritten regulations.

Heheheheh. It's time for the council of distractible part two Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show Just realized I'm not sure who does the intro for this. I think last time we all said it at the same time Hello everybody, my name is Bob and welcome back to another Distractable episode. Your favorite, your guest host, your dog's favorite place to poop. My name's Bob. I'm Wade. Are we doing the whole thing?

No, that's the episode. Thanks for coming everybody. Podcast out. If it wasn't clear from the title, which a lot of you might have no idea what that title means, this is Council of Distractible Part 2. We've done this before. We did film the boat episode as required back in June of 2024. It's almost exactly a year ago we did the previous council.

It's time to think back. It's time exactly a year ago. We did the previous council. It's time to think back. It's time to sort out some business. Like when the dentist gives you a pop quiz, two of your favorite things at once. Does that happen? Yeah. Pop quiz whether you flossed or not, and he knows the answer. He's like, do you need this tooth? I think so. No, you don't! And ganks it out. I think I told that story on this podcast, but that happened to me once. Dental pop quiz? No, the no you don't and then the yoink the tooth out. That sounds familiar.

I had a serious problem with the roots of one of my back, one of my molars and it got like, just got worse and I kept putting it off. And when I finally went in, they did like an X-ray and the dentist was kind of like, I'm not sure how that thing's still in there. And they literally like no anesthetic or anything, literally were just like, watch. And I was like, well that makes sense I guess. Did it hurt? Yeah well it was hurting the whole time. So when they

did that it stopped hurting and I was like, ah. Last time I went to the dentist, which was like a year ago, so I really got to get back there. I didn't have a cavity But it was like I had some gum issue right and they wanted to do a gum graft and they were like make sure That you're flossing every day until your appointment And I did I flossed every day until my appointment then I forgot when my appointment was And I get a call saying like hey you miss this you got to pay a late fee. I'm like, oh, what? Oh, that's why I was flossing every day. I did it for a month straight. I had the best gums. It was amazing. I it was so much cleaner. And then I stopped doing it after that was like,

well, I don't need to do it anymore. I'm not going to reschedule that or anything. They asked me to pay money. I'm insulted. And then I stopped doing it like an idiot. I'm going to schedule my appointment right now. I'm diabetic and so I'm pretty good about managing my doctors and stuff. The dentist is like the polar opposite. I don't know why it's so hard for me to give a **** about the dentist and I do not have great teeth. I probably have more serious

issues because it's been too long since I've been to one but like and he even it comes up. I'll have the thought I'm like oh I should yeah I should make sure I have an appointment with my doctor ah of course I do I should maybe find a dentist to go to I don't want to do that I'm weird I've always preferred the dentist to the normal doctor incorrect opinion I know no one feels that way why why though why that's they scrape and they click and the noise in your head. It's unpleasant No, I get it. It's like, you know, generally speaking

there's something nice about just sitting back in a big chair closing your eyes and I get it Wade you and me. We're the same. We're the same. They get those jagged tools in there and they're like, how's your dog? I think it's simple. The reason is I was such a big fan of dinosaurs as a kid that whenever I'd go to the dentist, like they always had these like little toys you could take home if you were good at the dentist.

And they had like a whole bowl of dinosaur toys and I wanted to collect them all. So I was always excited to go to the dentist so I could get the next dinosaur toy and I think that just permanently like dentist equals dino I like dino I like dentist whereas the doctor just you know gave you shots or touched your balls and that was it then you'd go home it's like nothing you and me wait same same brain same brain let you go home your teeth are all like clean and stuff well and so do you ever have any I mean cavities do you ever have and your teeth are all like clean and stuff. Well, and so did you ever have any, I mean cavities, do you ever have any serious teeth thing? Because like I had braces for six or seven years or something.

I had a lot of stuff with my teeth and my mouth that was like very unpleasant. Because the orthodontist is not the dentist, but it's all mentally, it's all connected. And I hated that shit. So did you, is your teeth, were your teeth always just like, they cleaned them and it was fine and you were good and it was easy? I mean, I had cavities here and there. I had braces. There was like an eight year period

where I didn't go to the dentist, like college and right after college, I just had no money or insurance. And I was like, well, last thing I'm gonna do is spend my money to go pay someone to tell me my teeth are dirty, like I know that, I'd brush them. But like, I can see that there's like the buildup. I know that I need to go to the dentist, but I can't afford the dentist

So like eight years I didn't go then I went back there like mm-hmm hate to tell you a bad news You got three cavities like wait eight years. I've only got three cavities I could go another eight, but I go twice a year to the dentist now twice a year Is that the recommended amount? Yeah, you get cleanings every six months. Jesus Christ. I think I've had one cavity my entire life Well, okay. No, I had another one cavity my entire life. Well, okay No, I had another but it was when I had still had baby teeth so as well as very young and my dad was really pissed about this because I had a cavity in my baby teeth and The orthodontist that I went to was like, ah, I'm gonna fill that up and charge money for this

So we did it and charge money and my tooth like fell out because there's a baby tooth a month later. Yeah that seems like bullshit. Yeah so it was and my dad was really pissed about it. I can't remember I one of the I really get cavities but I have like no cavities but serious serious issues where I have like root issues and all kinds of fun shit but I had a cavity and a baby tooth and I remember the tooth fell out and I was looking at it I was like wow that's like mostly cavity at this point goddamn it's just a hole it was it was interesting good thing I didn't keep that one I never had braces or anything but I had a couple cavities filled

throughout life I had my wisdom teeth pulled when I was a teenager I don't know if you guys remember this but this was like four or five years ago a good portion of my tooth just broke off I I think it was an airhead, if I remember the story correctly. I had it in my basement, which was really cold. So it like hardened, which I didn't think about. And I went and I just bit into it. And I was like,

oh, there's a crunchier airhead than I'm used to. Oh, no. And then I like reached in and just was like, what is that? And then I remember looking in the mirror and just like half of what felt like half of my front tooth was missing I was like my career is over. I could never look at a camera again. And then I found out they could just fix that shit

They fix that super easy. I actually in my senior year of high school I was holding my tuba and it got hit into my face. I chipped one of my front two teeth right in the middle I think I've had to have one go back once and have them re like put the whatever cap on or whatever it is. Yeah, they've basically permanently fix it at this point. It's awesome. Cause I was worried I was like, oh, they're gonna have to yank it

and give me like a cadaver tooth or something crazy. I have to give you one of them George Washington lead teeth. I heard that I have no idea if it's true or not, but I believe the myth is George Washington's false teeth were made out of wood or whatever Apparently at least some of his teeth or one of his versions of his dentures that he had was just straight-up made out of lead Don't Google lead teeth. No pass. Oh, did you Google that? I was like, oh wonder if a lead do you think it's not lead teeth made of lead its teeth damaged by lead exposure It's not lead teeth made of lead. It's teeth damaged by lead exposure Eww

Eww Eww Because And I'm about to lead it up again Because it replaces the calcium and it'll replace it in your teeth So you'll have teeth made of lead. So wait if you have lead teeth you drink bullets to build strong bones Eventually, yeah There's a crossover point where you get so much lead in you actually become lead based

And then you're a new form of life, but you can't be applied to the walls of new construction But you do want your let your your leads and two leads and teeth your bones and teeth to be malleable, right? I do anyway. Did I explain what the council not really once a year? Approximately whatever we so choose we get together. We do have a constitution. Well, how many people, how many listeners and watchers do you think are aware of the constitution? The ones that aren't like me that blocked it out. So 10 of them. Don't worry. Cause I fed the constitution into AI. So now it's going to be perfect. Oh, I thought we were going to Baltimore read it. No, the AI is not going to read it. It's just the AI just gave me a summary of it so I know what's happening

So there are already several rules that we did not follow But that's fine because it doesn't matter because no one cares. Thank God Apparently there's supposed to be a trophy for the winner of the boat episode. Did we even have a winner of the boat episode? Yeah, wait Apparently the winner of the boat episode has a constitutional right to sink the boat if they so choose I don't know what the hell kind of unhinged psychopaths wrote this constitution But apparently here I will go I will go to the text. Is it the boat supposed to get bigger every year? This gets more and more expensive. Yeah. Well, yeah, okay

Apparently there are no losers of a tribunal episode, which is this one. Of a tribunal. A boat champion is to be declared at the end of the boat episode. They shall receive a boat trophy and the right to sink the boat if they so choose. I can see that happening, yeah. Well we were just, if we were going gonna ever sink a boat from the boat episode We should have really done it with the RC boat because I think going forward It's only gonna get more expensive and worse or we could do it on a submarine then sinking the boat just be more fun

Unless we're still on it. It's fun submarines are allowed to go under there How do we get the footage to the surface to come back up? I don't we sink it same you and me wait the same. I come back up. Not if we sink it. Same. You and me weighed the same. I like it, therefore. Hey noose. Sorry, I thought we were finishing each other's sentences. Also I know that this is probably going to be inaccurate, but I did go through the episodes this season so far.

So we're supposed to declare a season champion, right? Yeah, we did last season, but the season ends in... Yeah it doesn't end it doesn't end for a little bit still. Does this officially mark the end? No. I mean it's whatever we say it is. Who won last season? You did. Yeah you did by a lot. Oh so I was that reigning champion I knew that. Yeah you're the reigning champion. The current wins for this season stand at Mark with 28, Wade with 30, and me with 32. Jesus Christ. But that's also, there may have been, because sometimes when we host we do sneaky things

like steal wins from each other or give ourselves pity wins. I didn't double check all that. Didn't one of us lose like six wins or something this year? That was in a previous season. That was the score at the end of the last season. Mark had like 12 less wins than both of us. It was like Wade wins with 31, Bob has 30, Mark has 10 wins. And that was. I'm sure that was very fair.

It does say the winner of the championship of the season is supposed to get a trophy. I'll buy my own trophy if I remember. But one of you can buy mine while you're at it. I'm too lazy. Yeah, you're assuming you're a trophy. I'll buy my own trophy if I remember, but. One of you can buy mine while you're at it, I'm too lazy. Yeah, you're assuming you're gonna win. I won last season. Yeah, well it is tight.

Every episode from here on out. Mark can win five in a row, right? Oh yeah. You have three episodes to win four times. Mm-hmm, yep. It's probably doable. I got this. Should we all just put all of our wins in a pot

and bet them against each other? Ooh. You can go to your local shop and buy a distractible pot right now. Ummm, should we just go through? Line by line, decide what's a good rule, what's a bad rule, what needs to be changed. It's kind of what I was imagining. I'm sure there's some stuff we're going to want to get out of here. What if we just say they're all bad rules and we move on? Honestly, I'm open to that.

No, I'm not open to that. There has been some good changes. You and me, Mark? Same. What's your opinion on this? Same. Same. But wait, Mark said he agreed with me earlier, so therefore...

Same. Same. Same. Same. All right, but we have to vote. But I think that's in the constitution that we have to vote. I don't know who pays attention to those things anymore. The most interesting thing I think is actually The first item what text do you have in front of you? Cuz I have a Google Doc here that I stole from the subreddit

I have a someone from the subreddit, but it's like a weathered image of paper black text on that It's not a Google Doc. It's probably close enough. We don't need to unify these. This is fine I have the AWOL nation to hollow moon music video in front of me. It's good that we're all paying equal attention mark What's interesting? All right So there's text that says winner can't be decided by coin flip or a wheel spin as the primary determination It says there needs to be a second step verification in the form of a wheel So this is contradictory because it's like it can't be decided only by a wheel. It must be decided by not a wheel and a wheel.

I think that was just poor phrasing by whoever in our community wrote that down. The point was it can't be decided firstly by chance by a wheel or coin flip, but the backup when there's a tie is then you go to the wheel I see okay yeah we can't just be like um I don't want to keep track of points so the winner gets a wheel zero points no one got any points we'll spin but there's nothing in this Constitution that I'm seeing that says you need to raise the percentage each time I think we made that up I honest to God think that we did the wheel spin once and we were like,

well, let's make this interesting guys. I think specifically Mark wanted to raise the percentage and you and I were like, I don't wanna host a one man show, I don't wanna do that. But what's fascinating to me is we just did a 12, right? Yeah. It started at six and it's gone up two each time. We've spun it many times.

It should be way more than 12. I've had one or two ties. One, well obviously one at least. I think we are missing a couple, but I think it should be like 16 or 18. It's not like a ton more, but you know. I'm just saying I've got my red flag here and I'm about to throw it that I don't have to do this one-man show because statistically it should have been someone else before me. I've got my red flag here and I'm about to throw it that I don't have to do this one-man show because Statistically, it should have been someone else before me. Wait because you should have had a higher chance of doing it But it would have been higher for all of your

Tries of doing it too. I'm not saying that's me. I'm saying fate would have changed butterfly effect flaps its wings This is the council episode. Therefore all old red flags are now gone because we're starting fresh I don't know if that's in the Constitution. I vote we put that in the Constitution That's a majority vote red flags reset reset at the end of the season. Oh, no, wait. No, it doesn't God Okay, we got it. We're getting ahead of ourselves. Yeah, no, this is a poorly thought out document. We have a lot of work to do to figure out what the hell is going on with all of this stuff. All right, okay, all right.

Whoever came up with this is three idiots. There is no, the thing is, we're a lot like the US government right now. There's no checks and balances here. It's just one guy breaking into, say, the treasury with his cronies and just, you know, yanking cables, deleting data, stealing data. Imagine if that was how things were, and that's how we are right now.

We need oversight. We need someone else to guarantee us, and it's got to be the community. They have to have some method. Well, I was thinking we've had a hard fought season under the iron fist of the constitution. I was thinking we would relax some stuff maybe. We'd cash it out. Apparently we did. We didn't follow any of the rules so far.

Now while that is one of the key tenets of our entire constitution is if we don't remember what the rules are or we don't follow them for any reason, there's no recourse because who cares? Something like that. Oh, thank God. So I've never once cared about the Constitution, so I'm glad. Article three, yeah, that's the only thing in Article three of our Constitution.

Each member is individually responsible for keeping track of and remembering the rules outlined herein. And if a rule is broken, but no members catch the infraction, there is no penalty. Can you share me that one? I think that document might be better than this one. Did we sell pocket handbook constitutions?

Did we ever do that? No. Do we actually do that? No. Did that idea get floated? Yes. Yes it did. I was like, man, shouldn't we have

our pocket constitutions somewhere? Yeah, well we would have had to really settle on some official text if we were gonna do something like that. And let me tell you, if there ever was a living document, this one is the livingest Wait, this is when I turned around. What is this? Wait, what did you link? Oh nothing What is that? Oh, don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. That's nothing

That's just that's what you call not knowing how to copy and paste What are you looking at? Don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. That's not related to anything that you may or may not be doing next time we record. Interesting. All right. OK.

How do I like where that's going? I like that. Well, I'll forget it. I'll forget it. This new keyboard has an extra button where my finger wants control to be and it just really gets In the way of stuff like that Well, this thing's over a page long I don't have this kind of attention span anymore

Yeah, that's why I fed it into a minute chat GPT so it could give me a one-sentence summary of it Bro, how you gonna do that? I think caffeine I need to just stop forever YAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN up and it's usually when I'm actually tired. When it does work? Oh my god. But if I drink it when I'm not tired I get tired. So why the fuck do I drink it? Because I'm habited and I'm addicted. Yeah it's yeah it's literally addiction. I own the same boat. When it hits though? I'm like Fry in the Futurama episode where he drinks 300 cups of coffee. The caffeine hits and the entire world slows down around me like I'm Barry Kramer and it's miracles. I have not had an effect off caffeine in a long time. If I get hit with caffeine I don't ever notice it anymore. You drink a lot of caffeine or not a lot? Not much anymore, no. Like I'll have like maybe four or five drinks a week which is a lot but it's

not as much as like I used to where it was like a couple a day. Energy drinks or like sodas? Like like like a coke or something Oh, I don't even consider those to have caffeine in them if it's not measuring the caffeine in hundreds of milligrams It's not caffeinated. Oh, okay. I don't do energy drinks or like I've energies or anything I don't drink those I gotta stop I drink an energy drink one time before a basketball game and I was like all fucking jittery throughout the basketball game and I was like I am never drinking one of these again. Remember, remember, Marky, remember the big pile of blue amps in our dorm room, the pyramid from floor to near ceiling. And that was just Tuesday night. Yes, it was actually. It literally

was. Are you guys alive? I don't know, man. Dude, we bunked our own beds with plastic coat hangers. Like, there's a lot. Mark used to just jump off buildings and hope he knew how to parkour. I did that exactly once, and I learned I don't know how to do this. Once would have been enough for me to not have survived college,

so the fact that you lived is pretty good. I was boring. I've got an issue with the Constitution I just noticed, and maybe it's not with the Constitution, but maybe it's with an interpretation. You had an issue with the Constitution I just noticed and maybe that's not with the Constitution, but maybe it's with an Interpretation you had an issue with the Constitution last time when we were making the entire Constitution. Yeah. Well this whole season I remember Bob and I would talk and Mark's like you better not make any handshake deals Those are against the Constitution all of these sections talk about how handshake deals can overturn parts of the Constitution I never said it was against the constitution.

I just said you better not because it's always screwing me over. I'm pretty sure he did. Where's my red flag? Where's my red flag? Where's my red flag? You said that we don't have red flags. Well, we do from new things. Yeah, well, that was actually a thing that I thought was funny.

In the text of the document, the red flag thing isn't in there. Technically, it says that you have the right to appeal. I don't know how we arrived at throwing a red flag. No, there was red flags! That was a thing. It absolutely was a thing. It is! It's in the other document. We could go back and watch the original episode, but I won't do that. Oh, I'm not do- I don't want to watch that. Yuck.

We already know this video, this particular episode. No one's gonna watch it Should we just throw this out and do more broken news again? I mean no, but yes, I already made the white guys joke I'm already on it. I had a couple foundational questions I felt like we should address and otherwise I'm not too interested in parsing a bunch of you know legal die legal Language and stuff. Do we want to keep the Constitution as a general thing as a part of the podcast? I believe that it is good to have framework. I will agree the wording needs to be officialized. We should hire a lawyer to join in on an episode and actually

Make sure that the writing is both concise or a stenographer one or the other not both. I vote Bob I'm not a lawyer. I vote Bob still Bob. You either have to learn stenography or take the bar exam one of the other You can't lie about it he cannot lie about it No I would. I don't know about stenographers. Do stenographers have strict ethics? Cause I definitely don't want to lie about anything having to do with lawyers and bar

exams and shit, but stenographers might play it fast and loose. Who knows? Oh, they're tighter than lawyers. Okay. But if, if we're going to have a real one, it's gotta actually be written properly. It doesn't have to have legal agent, but it just has to be written by us or someone we trust. And have terms that we can understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Veto! Do I have veto power in my life? No, this is a tribunal, there's no such thing. Some of this sounds like work, and I'm not here to work. I think I said that last constitution. Each member is individually responsible for keeping track of and remembering the rules outlined in this Constitution. And if a rule is broken but no members catch the infraction, there shall be no penalty. I think that's the best rule. Yeah, well we need that rule or else this whole facade crumbles. What if we make the...instead of making it more concise, we make it more complicated?

I think convolution is our checks and balances. I like that. So we could just start chucking ideas out and just tag in, tag in sections that maybe one person will remember one time to exploit as a, I like that, okay. I keep zoning out. I'm already so bored of the constitution. Why you hate the constitution? You hated it last year

and it's only made the podcast better. Cause I'm consistent. My hatred has made it better. You're damn right. No, the constitution has made this podcast better by not being utter chaos there's a time for chaos and it allowed the constant a pickle or a knife that's a knife what's in your other hand the sheath oh i thought it was a pickle

no why do you think so many things are pickles i like being threatened by pickles i guess i don't know don't kick shame Anyway, well, you know what? Let's just start throwing out new stuff. Huh? How about that? All right Well, if we're throwing it out, why does that have to be new? We'll just say it's throw it out No, no not give me new ideas throw just anything you want. The viewers can win an episode somehow I like skyline chili the rule could be I don't know you said throw stuff out Okay, if if if that's in the Constitution you can never not like it So if you ever go against all the ocean you're breaking the law. What's the punishment for breaking the law?

Um, you got to fix it the law. I guess yeah like our government There's no punishment for breaking the law, but there should be can we issue pardons someone would have to be president What's the opposite of a pardon? Can we issue blame ease? Someone would have to be president. What's the opposite of a pardon? Can we ask you blameys? You know, it's funny cuz on the coffee machine I have a tag that says am I gonna have to blame me Amy for this because one time She didn't clean out the coffee machine when she always does and I never Such an asshole, hey buddy, don't be too hard on yourself. We I'm such an asshole. Hey, buddy. Don't be too hard on yourself We ask ourselves the same thing. Yeah, that's true

Viewers can win what happens if they win they host that doesn't have to be in here Who is they the viewers they just all get together in a call and record? No, the listeners and the viewers are separate entities and they must be treated as such So the only the viewers can win or either can win but they don't win collectively i think is what i'm getting at i don't know why i'm waving the knife today it just feels very this this tribunal feels hostile i'm always hostile youth hostile is a hostel a hotel or a brothel definitely not a brothel could it be hopefully not in your mind the world? No, I don't think that that would be legal anywhere that that's a thing. Like a candy on your pillow? It's just like a naked person in your pillow? I don't want a random naked person on my pillow. I really don't want that.

That might be an experience you could have in a hostel, but also it's not part of the fact that it's a hostel. Oh, I got Krispy Jerry on my pillow. I don't want crispy Jerry on my pillow. Give me some more constitution bits. What do we got? I think boat can be any number of things on or near water. I want to expand boat. Well, I think we already were doing that. I know, but that was just on our, of our own volition.

But I'm just going gonna write boat can be anything Can we do an episode from the inside of a whale? There's nothing stopping us But if we were in the constitution, I think it'll be argued that we must do that and I don't want to do that Boat can be anything. We all agree is a boat. That's all I want to put in there How about boat is any vehicle on or near water within a certain amount of distance from water within like a hundred yards a football field distance away from a so instead of being in like a pool or a tub or a lake we're just in a car near it yeah i'm gonna put exactly what you said out loud mark hundred yards football one football

within like a football field distance from a body of water yeah i think we should be a football field away from land if it counted as being in water okay that can also be in there within a football field away or within a body of water that also means it's a shoreline we should definitely define it by the shoreline what's the shoreline of a tub the edge the ring of scum around the tub is that shoreline this governing thing is easy is this what the founding fathers? A hundred percent. They were all sitting around drinking Sam Adams just making stuff up. Was Samuel Adams one of the founding fathers?

Yeah, that's why his beer is so popular. Hmm, you're right. What do we need? What does this show need? The show needs more sponsors. Alright, I'm gonna put that in there. Put in the Constitution, every company in existence has an obligation to buy at least one ad on this podcast. How do we enforce that? Red flags.

What are companies we don't want? We're gonna take their money. Okay, good. See, now we're cooking. All steel must be D2. By all companies, is there a minimum size? Or it could be like if grandma's crocheting and sells a blanket, we're like, we gotta make a cut of that. That's not a company. It has to be a company. LLC or incorporated.

That is a specific thing that is defined by other people. Does that mean we have to sponsor our own podcast? Called doing a merch plug. So we have to get merch up. By those that mean we have to sponsor our own podcast? Called doing a merch plug. So we have to get merch up. By those laws, we have to get merch up. Well, I'm just gonna type that in there. Is this like a to-do list? Yeah, this is starting to do a to-do list.

Oh, I have one. I wanted to actually throw this out. This is gonna feel like it's targeting someone, and it's not. I promise it's not. But because you know it also applies to me once I say it out loud. Just get you know it also applies to me, once I say that loud. Just get all the way through it with me.

If you show up to host an episode and you don't have anything prepared, increase the one man show percentage on the wheel by 2%. That's fair. So it's not about spinning it. I've done that the most probably out of all of us. So it's not about spinning it it's about it just ups the percentage only when someone comes without an idea that's fair well here's the thing do we like the wheel at all I like the wheel but I wish it either happened a lot more or never I want to

gamify it more so it's more nail biting but also addicting and you want to spin it so that like the coin flip Haha went 13 times in a row without Bob winning. We don't have that We need that we need that excitement back in there and to tempt fate. We need to tempt fate more I want more tempting of fate. We need to Fate more good law. I never know what statement I shout I was gonna be inscribed in the Constitution I just I'm just capturing the good ones and getting making sure they get written down somewhere. Okay, cool. All right

All right. So how do we tempt fate more with the wheel? Maybe every episode ends in a wheel spin, but there's a different It's either it's the the one-man show wheel is like punishment, but there's another wheel or something No bonus stars like in Mario Party. We should have, every episode should have bonus stars. We barely keep track of points. We keep track of that. Well, maybe the wheel has like, it decides what bonus star it is like, okay, who made the most poop jokes?

Okay, who made the most? And it'll spin that and we're like, ah, that was Wade or that was Bob or who said this word the most? What if we don't remember? Well, it's just a discussion. We have to collectively decide. It doesn't matter what reality is. It matters what we say reality is, and we all have to agree.

We need a bonus point wheel. So at the end of every episode, what I technically wrote is bonus stars like in Mario Party on a wheel that gets spun at the end of every episode, which is definitely clear enough to make sure we understand this concept. I think the host should have the opportunity to change one item on the wheel. So not all of it, but every, like you could rotate one out if there's one you don't like, or if you want to, if you have a funny idea. That's what I was going to say. Yeah. It should be flexible that it can be changed that way.

You know, if we hate it, we don't have to wait a year. And I think the audience can also suggest who has to keep track of the wheel and spin the wheel each episode and why is it Bob? I Think we we can do this we can collectively I mean it'll just be a website that I have to open and and that's I don't mind that I don't mind that How many bonus stars are we gonna have? I think the number of times the wheel is spun at the end could fluctuate like it's default one for a bonus but then maybe if a certain criteria is met it's spun again. What if we have a wheel that determines

how many times we spin the other wheel? Oh more wheels I like this. I love chains of wheels yeah. Or a dice, a dice and a wheel. Is there a dice website that has let you write on the dice Well, you could just have like literally a d6 and however many top whatever it lands on is how many times you have to spin The bonus wheel, but I want the visual of it like, you know Rolling and then be like like oh magic eight ball. We're just talking about a magic eight ball I bet there's a website with like a magic eight ball. I'm asleep. Please consult later or whatever they say Yeah, oh you can you can buy a custom and a cape all that would be interesting But we'd have to change that but if we order three custom magic 8-balls and each of us just has a magic 8-ball at

our desk Be cool, but no I doubt our ability can, wait, can we get custom dice in real life? Is that a more achievable thing? Because there's lots of people who make custom dice and stuff, right? We could 3D print anything really, but it's like, that's work. Yeah, okay. Now, what if we do a wheel? What if it's just a wheel?

Alright, wheel. We could have a wheel and a wheel. So we should write a section in the Constitution that's like, this is what it has, and we'll just change it in the Constitution Depending on what we feel there should always be on the wheel. Who's the baldest? I think that's fair to you Oh But we could shit one of us could shave if we feel like the wind is that desperate but it may not guarantee the win I'm okay with that

What if there is a small chance that we don't increase or lower on the points one that always has one man show as like a 2% chance? We never adjust the percentage of that one. We should see if the one man show is actually an ample punishment before hand if we do more of it. Oh, trust me, it will be. Alright, alright, fair enough. He might enjoy it.

Don't speak for him. That's true, that's true. I was. What if there's a punishment where I make mark get my youtube channel To 10 million so I can get that diamond play button that I've always wanted that a fair punishment No, why do I have to do that? Why do I have to get it to 10 million? Why can't you get it because it's not a punishment if I have to do it All right, what other bonus points do we want to have most bald?

Shortest that's what I suggested but Wade shot it down who ate the most Oh, maybe it should be who ate the most on the episode or who ate the least. No, it should be who ate the most to encourage us to maybe sometimes eat a lot during an episode. Wait, why are you making that face? It benefits you. You're usually the one that's eating. Oh, listen, the problem isn't the wins. The problem is I don't need encouragement to eat. You don't need to change your behavior. It's the same behavior. You don't need to do anything different. I need to change my behavior. All these have benefited you so far. Molly has finally convinced me that my shirts aren't just shrinking because she hates pants.

But wait, I'm kidding. I believed it was witchcraft for years. Or that she was intentionally shrinking your shirts. She hates my clothes She's shrinking them. I know that it's common thing to be like, oh my clothing shrunk in the washer dryer I've never ever experienced this phenomenon of my clothes suddenly shrinking That's cuz they don't make clothes your size. So they're always oversized when they do shrink. They just finally fit fit all right fine whoever got the loudest in the episode caused the biggest laugh who had the best joke that's that's a good one to have who caused the best laugh who looks the best that day I think that fluctuates sometimes my hair

is just a ramshackle mess I'm wearing the same shirt whoever is the most put together that day should we have a bonus one for the listeners and or viewers they have a chance of getting a point what if it's a zero point episode and only the winners early the listeners or viewers get a point then they could finally win if we start interacting more with the subreddit also that we could give points out for things the subreddit does that are good and not annoying or terrible. Subreddit. Okay, whoa, hey, easy up. They don't need that. I said that I would fix it and add the other moderators and I don't think I ever did that because of the fires distracted me. So I got

to get back on fixing some excuse. I was in the middle of fixing the subreddit I totally forgot about that. Oh shit. It's just I guess being on fire is a bad comparison right now It's been it's been fine. It's been fine. Hey, they were very complimentary of our episode with the broken news That's seven then bonus point for viewers listeners. Well those are separate, right? So that'd be one for each, so would that make it eight? Oh yeah, I guess it should be one for viewers one for listeners. Oh, they're separate people, that's right.

Most on point, like whoever was most on point with whatever the topic was. And there should be a flip side of that, whoever was the most attracted. Do we wanna add both of those? Yeah, add both of them. How about this for a rule? So that wheel is spun at least once an episode, right?

Every single episode, a host has to add a category so that by the end of the year, there's 60 fucking items on there. Oh. It could be anything. It doesn't have to be anything serious, but it's just like, you just add some shit. I'll change out at the end of ever so every episode the host may change one item to the host must add one

item to the wheel yeah it's like throwing a suggestion into the hat game and whose line just throw a random bullshit in there dude if this wheel ever fucking gets deleted and then at the end of the season there's like a hundred and some things on the wheel I'm just gonna do a random number picker or something like that fucking That wheel would be nuts. That's cool. That'll be fun. Then there's plenty of options Okay, so we're starting with one two, three, four, five six, seven eight nine ten eleven we have right now But we'll just keep adding there's nothing that says you can't add repeats or bad things, so you could add more points

for viewers or listeners if you're happy with them or something, or if you're trying to change the odds, or you could add punishments or all kinds of stuff. Well, it has to be points. We'll say it has to be limited to points, but like you could take points away for things or. Because it's like, it's both interesting, but also not high stakes because it's only spun once.

Are we eliminating the wheel? Are we going to do the number of spins wheel and then the bonus points wheel and then just maybe have it be like 1% one man show or something so that that's like a weird payoff? I think maybe we still keep the other wheel. What if the bonus wheel makes it into the tie? Then we would still need the other wheel for a tie breaker. That's true. That's true. Yeah I think we should still keep that other wheel. All right. So we still have the tie. We're in a three wheeled system right now. What's the third wheel? The first wheel is the wheel that will decide how many spins of the bonus wheel. Right. Aren't we doing that? Oh, I didn't know that was a separate wheel. That's interesting. I thought we were at the end of every episode before the points.

There's a bonus points now. And I thought we were going to, it has to be spun at least once, but there's a thing, a wheel or a magic eight ball or something with the sites, how many times we spin the bonus point wheel and then you spin the bonus point wheel and divvy that up. And then you do the points for the game. Well, that sounds like a job for a dice. What should the number be for that? Like one to four, one to six. We don't want to spin the wheel like a dozen times there's got to be like we have to make a d3 we have to physically make a d3 we have to make it happen I mean that does exist right oh yeah there's there's d3 dice it's just like physically oh it's like a cylinder triangle thing right and you just like roll it three sounds fair to start with

a one to three yeah that that feels. That's how Mario Party does it anyway. Do you see the horrible three-sided die that's like three fins? Why is it horrible? I don't know, I just don't like it the way it makes me feel. Sounds like a you problem, to be honest. Sounds like it must be a finned three-sided die. There's a cool like infinity looking one where like it lands and has a one or two or three like cut into the... I like that one it must be the the most uncomfortable three-sided die according to Wade's discomfort in that moment well fine I hope it's covered in fucking

holes just for you then no Wade's discomfort I don't like holes now it must be the hosts phobia in a die it's a dice made of a spider covered in holes. Good. That's also a clown. Making me itchy and scared. I don't like it. I think we've lost the plot. What are we doing in this episode? I've got a bunch of stuff I need to somehow weasel into this constitution now. Alright, we gotta start ripping out laws. Yeah, do we want anything else added and do we want to delete some stuff?

I don't think there's anything else in there. I think the best thing we've done in the Constitution I think you guys would agree the physical tracking of points and naming them. That was a good one I like that very much. I think that helped a lot and also is very fun to keep track of it is fun to hear the points Right out at the end and what they were for that is fun Whether or not we kept a full record of it I think my hot sauce ones are lost to the winds, but um. I was going through them earlier. I didn't even use the title them. I just had like your guys' names and like occasionally I'd write down what it was for. Like they got a lot more intricate over time. Yeah, I gotta get a notebook because I want to keep track of, I actually want to keep track of these. I'm about

oh almost halfway through this notebook. I'm very excited to see when this actually gets filled up. Then I'll have a whole have a documentation and it'll absolutely make sense. I can turn to any page and see that Wade earn points for natural sleeper, 30 minutes of shit and shit shower and do you fear death? See I don't even remember what's about but it makes me laugh. It's just it's a documentation of our history July 9th. We did an episode where Tyler had six points Wow Oh, wait, you date yours. That's a good idea. I put the title of mine. Here's the thing though I date what episode we record them not necessarily what if they they come out so the dates still aren't perfect Apparently my scorekeeping for the at least 20 questions episode really went downhill because we got into the

whole chapstick situation. Mark lost seven points, but Wade lost 11 points during that episode. I occasionally just pull out a chapstick Bob just to see if you'll react to it. How many fucking points I gave out in this episode. Jesus. Mine are always like 5 to 15. I'm pretty consistently that 5 to 15 range. I like Mark's. I've been trying to edge towards Mark's style of like low single digit points. Keep it tense. Yeah, I've only ever done one point plus or not only but I predominantly gravitated towards points up or down one. I only ever give one

point at a time. I just give a lot lot of points when you sometimes you guys are just talking and I'll just chuckle it I'll be like point somebody said that we apparently had claimed and have never done golf rules Which we did do golf rules. We did before the Constitution. Yeah, we did one up It was Bob's fridge Wade hosted that and mark out the most points But at the end Wade gave me the win by saying it was golf rules and I actually won the episode it was before we had the constitution so I intentionally gave Mark as many points as possible so that it would feel like unfair at the end I was like oh it's gonna look like Mark's gonna win I was like but I'm gonna inverse it it's gonna be so funny

I think you have to declare it but I guess that's not in the constitution so that was before the constitution you're right that's true this was back before distractible had invented fire I'm just gonna write down it's in the Constitution That'll resolve a lot of disputes. So you like the writing down the rules. Is there anything we want to rip out? Do we want to rip out the subreddit appeal thing? Cuz I feel like that's been a mess. Yeah, we didn't use it Doesn't make sense. I don't even know if we should have an unfairness clause.

Shall I just write down remove all unfairness clauses? We could do something where, you know, if someone declares something is unfair, something's done on the spot, but I don't know what that would be. An immediate wheel. Another wheel spin. One more wheel spin. The wheel of fairness. If one of us declare something is unfair, we spin a

wheel or either we win the appeal or we're forced to host a one man show. It's a risky claim. No, no, it's got to be something with like trial by combat, you know, is this unfair? Let God decide. What if it's just a coin flip heads for fair tails for unfair? What if it's a really heavily stacked against it being unfair coin flip like you can declare it's unfair But it's a nine to one chance. It's gonna be fair. Do you have to win three coin flips in a row for it to be fair? I like that that we just that we just have a wheel of fairness. Nah, the coin flip is cool Okay, coin flips if you win three coin flips in a row

It was unfair and you are justified. That is fake saying- As the universe taking your side. Yeah, and you can only do that once. What a one in eight chance? Three coin flips, one in eight? That's fair, that's actually- That's pretty good. That's better than what Mark wanted.

What if you lose all three coin flips in a row? Is anything bad happen? I mean, once you lose one, I feel like you just stop. You don't lose again. Once you lose one, it is fair. Well, I mean, I'm saying actually Flip three times I get what he's doing it because you have to flip three times and that's another one in eight chance that something Terrible happens for daring invoke the unfair. It's double point loss, you know, if you don't get three in a row

75% chance you're good twelve and a half percent you win twelve and a half percent. You really lose. That's good. i like that so we're not just throwing out unfairness willy-nilly there has to be a risk okay so if you lose three coin flips in a row what was it you lose double the points so you get double the unfair yeah whatever what you said was unfair will be dealt double so like if mark gives you a point i'm like that should be my point and i say it's unfair you would get two points or you know if mark says i lose a point i'm like no i don't lose a point, I'm like, that should be my point. And I say it's unfair. You would get two points. Or, you know, if Mark says I lose a point, I'm like, no, I don't lose a point. That's unfair. We do the three coin flips, then I can either lose two or... We should make it that as soon as the word unfair

falls out of someone's mouth, it happens. Even if they don't realize they're doing it. So we gotta be very careful about what we're saying. Cause as soon as the word unfair comes out, coin flip immediately. Stop everything we're doing. We're gonna do an episode just called fair unfair or everything three seconds we're gonna flip it again alright that's in there once per episode you may declare unfairness by saying the word unfair out loud and initiate three coin flips win three in a row and unfairness is proven lose three flips in a row and it is made doubly unfair. Well, it's made doubly fair because if it was unfair then the unfairness would be valid. That's fair enough, fair enough.

If we say fair you have to flip or just unfair? Both? Is that what we're saying? The trigger word is unfair. So if we're like, thank you Mark, that's incredibly fair, nothing happens. But if we're like, Mark, that's unfair, we immediately coin flip. I think it also should be valid if you trick another host into another contestant into saying unfair. I like that I think if anyone ever says the word unfair for any reason and any of the other two people hear it and catch it It is triggered. Mm-hmm. Yeah, even if it's in if it's a trick. What about synonyms to unfair? What about like what we say like that's unreasonable has to be the word unfair

What if you say funfair? Can't spell funfair without unfair. He said it! No parts of other words, no hyphenations. Must be unfair. I gave us three episodes before we forget this rule. Oh yeah, no, the convolution is very good though, because it will forget about it for like months,

and then out of nowhere during a highly heated episode, someone will just be like, he said it and then it will happen and it'll. I think the audience can participate if they catch us not saying it, they can remind us and then we have to doubly unfair it later. Nah, that's stupid. Ah, fuck me. We know.

See, that's the thing. We don't need to enumerate that. I think we have a good rule here. And if the subreddit points out that we're not doing it, we can just on the fly do whatever fucking bullshit we want and jazz it up later or do makeups or something or ignore them because they suck or whatever we want. That removes all current unfairness clauses and that's our current appeals and unfair process. No more red flags and blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, none of that.

Great. Good constitution boys. We could trick the audience into getting our watch time up because they have to pay attention if they want to. Yeah, they're gonna have to really scrutinize. Yeah. They're gonna have to go back through and listen again, make sure they didn't miss anything. The fools. I don't have any other ideas I really, really want to cut out or anything. I don't know. What is this section three of article one? The competitors of an episode shall be composed of any members not elected to

be host by the host of the previous episode and less overturned by a handshake dealer or official subreddit vote what does that even mean I think it literally just means that whoever won the last episode hosts and they're not a competitor so if we had two winners which I don't know if we can still have that happen but yeah we can if it ends in a tie we don't have to say it's a tie we can just say you both win well yeah it doesn't have to be a tie it could just be a win it's not a tie to win it's just two winners it's a meaningless panantic distinction but I feel like we're allowed to make that distinction if

we want if something comes up you could just say you're both winners there's a hundred percent chance for the next person to do the one-man show we're like no no you just both win you both win that's the rub is you have to write down the points and it can't be a tie, but also they can both win. Well, even if we do it in a tie, now we've got the bonus points to stop it from being a forced tie.

That's true. Now we can't just make sure there's not a tie on our watch. You might just end up with ties thanks to the wheel of bonus points bullshit. I'm like, oh man, Mark, it looks like you win by 10 today, but how? I don't know, man, Mark, it looks like you win by 10 today. But how? I don't know, man. That's how the math worked out. Oh, no, can't have that. Can't have that. All right. Is that good? We did it. Good. I think we did it somehow. I think we just blanket sweep

vote that all these changes are valid and good and we agree to them. Well, I will try and I will try and make this into one document that is like for us. Not that hard, but I'll try a little bit and then we'll have a constitution and I guess I will be the keeper of the constitution. Bob, I hope you win this season. You put the most work in. Well, I won last season. I guess it's not over. So is that what we decided about the season champion? Is it, it's not done yet. So there's no winner yet. Yeah, there's nothing hasn't been decided yet. Technically I'm in the lead by a couple. I'm gonna get that cash prize. I didn't get a cash prize last season. It didn't take effect until year two of

the Constitution. Probably hell. I don't know how to end this because we don't have a host. All I know is that I'm looking forward to Mark's one man show episode. Yeah, I'm so glad that Mark had to be busy today for a little bit cuz it gave Bob and I some time to cook Well mark as a reward for your forthcoming punishment. You want to leave us out here? I sure thank you everybody for joining for another year We've only got another year left until a distractible is forcibly deleted from existence Even your private recordings of it will be expunged. You will see how forness distractus. That's what we called it

That's this that's all it is. The kind of the clock is always ticking remember Only I will be deleted so all of your recordings will mysteriously not have me in it That'll be a hell of a thing. We'll just get the AI you that says have you ever heard of the ship of theses? We didn't put any ship of theses things in the Constitution if this Constitution keeps changing Is it really the same Constitution the Constitution of theses? like the con of theses May your d2 steel knives always be sharpened if they're not for the love of God sharpen them podcast love of God, sharpen them. Podcast out.