Distractible - The Even More Perfecter Crime

Episode Date: April 28, 2025

Markiplier presents, "A Heist with Bob & Wade." This episode is brought to you by Degree Deodorant. Grab the original Cool Rush at Walmart or Target today. Download the Rocket Money app now, and tell them we sent you! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by degree original cool rush deodorant So remember last year people got really mad when degree changed their cool rush formula one dude even started a petition Guess what degree listened admitted they messed up and are bringing the original cool rush sent back You've got a love when a brand can own its mistakes and it's in Walmart Target and other stores now for under $4 So soon you'll see why it's been the number one men's antiperspirant for the last decade. The OG degree cool rush is back. And it smells like victory for all of us. Good evening gentle listeners and watchers, and welcome to Distractable.

This episode, mystifying Mark advises on OBS then challenges the chaps to burglar big booty. Billious Bob talks blue jackets and bangles, spies on birds, has bullshit braid and bazookas. Worthy Wade swoons over a prince, demands camera camaraderie, then streaks and self castrates from spyhard to buckets of shit yeah it's time for the even more perfect crime now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the shits and host us and ghost us and coast us and nail all of our dicks to the wall I'm stealing a weird Al's spy heart intro, but giving it to you since you had no musical interlude. Oh Anyway, hi, welcome back to distractible. You heard half of that song because the recording aren't only started. It wasn't meant for anyone but you That's the new this is the new intro to the episodes. The moment the recording starts, put that in.

Welcome to Distractable. My name is Markiplier. I'm joined with Bob and Wade here. Wade the musical master. Bob, just a guy, but a great guy, and these two are gonna compete today. You've read the title of the episode and trust me. I've fixed it I got it good this time. I know exactly how to do this This is the 20 minutes that everyone wanted to see that got cut out. Yes. No, yes, maybe Alright, but before we get into that we want to get into you guys's lives spend a little bit So what's new with you? This is probably not interesting for most people, but it's it's hockey playoffs It's about to be hockey playoffs as we record this

It's like the end of the season not to date it too hard then the Blue Jackets are toying with Everyone's hearts if you're not a hockey fan Blue Jackets are the Columbus hockey team and they were pretty mediocre this year It was a weird season our star player And his brother actually died tragically in the offseason in between seasons in an accident and so a lot of the beginning of this season was sort of there were a lot of memorials and like I can't imagine having to like go and play on a

professional sports team where that occurs and then the season starts and you have to jump in and try and be focused and on it. So it's been kind of a different season for that and they've done fairly well considering that that must have been on their minds for a lot of it and hard to deal with, I'm sure. But it's the end of the season, there are literally a couple games left and the Blue Jackets are literally doing the exact bare minimum to where they're not mathematically eliminated but literally there's another team that needs to lose out to the end of the season and the Blue Jackets need to win out through the end of the season

and if maybe one or two other thing happens we can maybe get the last wildcard spot and every day I'm like I'm almost like just just lose just end this. This is an Ohio sports thing is it the Bengals did the exact same thing last spot and every day I'm like, I'm almost like just, just lose, just end this. This is an Ohio sports thing. Is it the Bengals did the exact same thing last year? Yeah, it's just like that. Like the literally the odds makers are like the jackets have a 0.7% chance of making the playoffs and the jackets were like, so you're telling me there's a chance I know sports a little bit more and it's not all of Ohio that's causing all these pains because the

The Cleveland basketball whatever their team is Cavaliers Cavaliers. Yeah, they're a one seed aren't they there? Yeah, they're tied. There's two number one seeds They had an incredible record And so yeah, they're doing outrageously good take Take that LeBron. Yeah his team now sucks Probably their third they locked in the three seed the other day I don't follow basketball is now where Luca went the whole thing where Luca got traded and everyone was like what? Didn't he go to the Lakers and now that's he's with LeBron marks not wrong though They were the so the West to set up where it was like the thunder or like a mile ahead of everyone the two seat I think was pretty close to locked up and then like

Three through eight was like a game difference between all of them So it was very like who's gonna end up where until like a week ago The Lakers locked up the three seed but it was very contentious Luca is with the Lakers Cleve I don't know who Cleveland star players are but mark is right. They are the one seed for the Eastern Conference I think all right, so yeah and the Browns in Cleveland they they have people on their team. Uh-huh. And pressure their taxpayers to buy them a stadium for them to play all their good football in. Well they lost one of their biggest star players Cleveland did. Miles Garrett was like I will not play

for Cleveland again no matter what I want to go to a contender. Well I thought they paid him money and he stayed. What he was sitting on his principles. No dollar could buy him I just were the whole bit. You're right I remember you and me doing a bit where he did that and they're like never mind money is great. It's still funny You're right it sure is I hope the blue jackets have better luck than the bangles of beating the miscule odds. No they won't. Okay. But they will try. They literally will lose it. It's whatever it's Ohio sports. I'll just go watch the Cavaliers. That's fine. Okay. Fair enough. Also I put up a bird feeder today. Huh? Did you make it?

No, it's one of those ones with the webcam in it. So we're going to get sneaky pictures of all the birds coming to eat our bird seed now. But I had to, I put up a solar panel and then wired it up and then put up the bird feeder itself. It's cool though. We're going to get bird pictures. Guys, bird pictures. Sneaky pictures? They won't even know, I assume.

Unless birds understand how webcams work. Everything you're saying is like perfectly fine to do, you know, Birdwatch, but the way you're saying it, like, sneaky bird pictures, they won't even know! It's like we're in their bedroom! It's like we're in the privacy of their home! The bird comes home, takes off its leg scales, and just reveals like, hairy man legs, and you're like, I didn't know birds could do that! It'll be the first discovered case of birds actually having hairy legs leg scales. Do they have scaly legs? No, they don't whatever the yellow whatever their texturing weird yellow. That's called skin. Nah, it can't be it Mmm, I'm pretty sure they evolved from dinosaurs and dinosaurs had scales. Therefore birds must have scales. Okay. All right, actually now Given that I've eaten a chicken's foot I guess it does have a bumpy I wouldn't call it scaly but it is probably a little bit like that

it has a texture like skin by the way I don't recommend I know people it's a Korean thing and probably other countries do but chicken feet they're like it's full of collagen and I I don't doubt that. It's just really unpleasant to eat. No, it's a I know it's a I think it's a Chinese cuisine thing, too, because I think a lot of if you go to a traditional dim someplace, they'll have chicken feet as one of the little things you can get off the cart at the whatever. My dad likes those.

I could never. It's too it's too chewy and stuff like I get. It's it's good for you. And it's a specific thing. I just I could never. It's too chewy and stuff. Like I get it, it's good for you and it's a specific thing. I just, I could never do it. You'd have to be the type of person that when you eat chicken wings you like clean that stuff. There's only bones left and even them have a bite mark in the end of them. Like, you know. You could be that type of person if you like chicken. That ain't me. I've got some updates.

Alminus, Are you a doctor? You might want to sit down for this. I finished the Animorph books all of them Finally and it was a series I started reading as a kid in like second grade like I was very young I think it's probably aimed more at teenagers than it is like like maybe like 13 to 17 year olds You know young adult teens. It's a very, very brutal book series. Very brutal, very graphic, there's lots of like, oh they clawed my back leg off and I'm bleeding profusely, kind of like stuff. It's like, kind of wild for a kid's book, but like as a kid I read it, it was like fine.

But after reading the end, it's like, man, I don't think young me could have taken this. I won't spoil it, but like it's just, it's very it's very just there's a it's very heavy stuff that they tackle in that book series Especially like the latter half of it, but I finally finished it something I started at like eight years old so it's a Weird being done with it, but that's that's done I found a new gaming addiction one my weekly new gaming addiction And I don't know if you guys are gonna play it or not, but it's a game called blue prints I found a new gaming addiction, my weekly new gaming addiction and I don't know if you guys are gonna play it or not, but it's a game called Blueprints

It's like a puzzle mystery game. I just started recording it last week I took- I kinda took last week off from streaming and stuff, I tried to take a little mini vacation and that turned into me recording like 14 hours of Blueprints instead So yay, good job me But I've had a lot of fun with it you kind of like build your own building and then there's all kinds of mysteries and secrets along the way and like each day things reset and you start over again what was it called blueprints p-r-i-n-c-e blueprints is it different than the word blueprints or are you just saying it with a weird emphasis it is called

blueprints p-r-i-n--E, but blueprints is like a pun because you're building a blueprint. I see, I see. But there's a lot more to it. Like the first couple of days, I didn't really know what I was getting myself into. It's a very deep game with a lot of stuff going on in it. You don't really realize it first, but I've been having a lot of fun with it. A lot of fun. And my last update is actually a plea for help from you two. I'm not buying you a car. And I don't know what I'm doing anymore because it's just been so long. So I need advice. I think my camera that I've had for like seven years, it's starting to

have issues recognizing that there's an SD card in there. I think like something's going on where it's like, because I've got multiple SD cards, I was like, oh I need to swap it, this SD card's finally dying. But like, it's really being finicky about whether it's wanting to record onto SD cards right now. So I'm like, oh I need to swap it. This SD card is finally dying. But like, it's really being finicky about whether it's wanting to record onto SD cards right now. So I'm like, okay, this thing's seven years old. Maybe something's going on with the reader. Maybe it's time for a new camera.

What is the new camera or camcorder to get in 2025? I always forget that you actually still press record on the camera and record onto an SD card. I haven't done that since like 2018. Yeah, even though we had a lot of problems in the beginning of it, it's been working pretty flawlessly for like five years now.

OBS recording a double wide image with your video going into it. Because you have your video going into your computer right now, like we're seeing you. Yes. You just put that in OBS. Can you record like two scenes at once? I just don't want to have like my camera placated on. Literally you set it up so that you record two things. One of them is your whole desktop and one of them is your whole face.

And it's one file which is double as wide as a normal video. 3840 by 1080. And then when you edit it you just go, and the other one you go You and then you have each file separately all from one single thing. Okay. Well, I might have to try it It's so much better. It's so much better and you don't have to you don't have to change your camera because your camera's working right now That's fair. That would be a cheaper solution. It is actually incredibly cheaper. This camcorder was like $1,400 also if you want a camera, I'll go shopping with you. It's real fun But not like we have a B&H photo we can go to or something. It's super fun It's a micro center which has some there is a micro center. I'll go to micro center just for whatever

I think I might have to upgrade my graphics card So I do think my graphics card either it's other graphics card or motherboard or having some getting the tingles What graphics card do you have a 30 series? No, no, it's a 40 90 40 80 whatever You can't even upgrade it. You mean fix it. I think this one is what's the new series? This year's is 50 series, right? It's not out yet. Is it it's out, but I wouldn't do it. It's not worth the upgrade I don't know. I think I need to take my computer and get looked at. It's just having some boot up issues where every now and then it'll launch up, my whole computer will be super laggy, and I have to like go in, restart it,

and then usually second or third restart, it's like, yeah, I'm fine. But I've had a couple of crashes during streams and like gaming sessions lately where something, I don't know, it could be software, but I think there's some faulty hardware. I don't know how to narrow down what it is, but I think something needs to be looked at. So maybe not to buy a new computer, but at least repair. That sounds kind of like a RAM issue to me, I'm not gonna lie, but I'm also not an expert on this. I figure maybe I'll take it in, but that means I need to go there. Yeah, going to MicroCenter's the best.

Alright, so off camera I will have one of you help me set up OBS so I can record without having to use my SD cards. It will take five minutes. It's amazing. It will save you so much time in dumping footage off your camera and then editors won't have to sync it up. It's really nice. I haven't put an SD card in this camera literally since we were on tour because I had this camera with me on tour and I was recording stuff handheld with it.

I'm guessing, I forget what I record my game footage in, but I recorded something that I have it auto remuxed to like an MP4 or something, right? Do you do the same thing with your camera? Should be MKV, right? Yeah, I think it's MKV. Do you do the same thing? Yeah, it's the exact same thing. All you'd literally do is change a couple settings

in the scene and arrange your things. That's it. That means I should be dealing with smaller file sizes too, right? So my camera's files won't take like 10 years to transfer? Yeah, yeah. They won't transfer at all. They'll already be on there.

Right where you tell them to be. I still have to transfer them because I drag them into like the external storage, but yeah. Yeah, but that's like on your network NAS, right? Like that's- You gotta click and drag it over to, oh man. I don't trust anything to record to an external device. I record it on my computer, drag it over, then I- Oh, I do the same thing. Yeah, this is the most

Pointless question, but I'm just curious when you remux Wade Do you remux directly to your final destination or do you remux it to the same spot and then copy the file from there? To the final destination. I do that one I figured you know, you don't have to do that You could set the destination when you do the remux and just be like put it over there. Well I think the only reason I do is sometimes whenever I'm doing like bulk recordings I just want to like quickly go go like I'll stop it'll do a fast remux then go if I remux to the other one it takes a little bit longer for that file to transfer to this

analogy for whatever reason. Why don't you just do all the remuxing at the end? I just I don't know I just have to set to auto do it. You can, you can batch them. You would set to auto? Oh. OBS will auto remux when I hit stop recording. Either way, it's all good I guess. The remuxing takes very little time, typically. It's the transfer into the Synology that takes a little bit longer. I can't believe you're finally entering, entering the 21st century of, of recording. I would say that, but I guess 2012 we were all using Fraps and that was terrible. I only started using- Yeah, Fraps!

Then it was Bandicam for a little while, yeah. I started using OBS at the same time that I did this double-wide thing and I realized like, oh my god, this free software is amazing. I just don't- I'm the person that doesn't try new things. If something's tried and true, I stick with it. So my recording has not changed in like seven years. The tried and true thing was new once. It was, and that was very scary. What happens if you need to do something

you've never done before, you just pass? I beg for help from anyone and everyone around me. Interesting. See, I love figuring out new things myself to an almost horrifying degree of where I will refuse to ask for help until I am pulling my hair out with how frustrating it is I'm a busy man with a busy life and lots of stuff. I like to do that's true. I'm not

This episode is brought to you by rocket money everything is trying to be a subscription now, and I don't really want that subscription funerals the worst Rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Download the Rocket Money app and enter Distractable in the survey so they know we sent you. Don't wait! Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from our show. All right, well, that's good. I'm happy for you. We'll help you. We will help you. We will help you I hope so, but you know who's not gonna help you dad

each other Welcome to the final form of... The Perfect Crime. Whoa! Wow, what an intro. Whoa, that was close. Let's hit me! Alright, so I've gone through many iterations of this.

I've dwelled on this multiple, multiple times. And I think I've gone through many iterations of this I've dwelled on this multiple multiple times And I think I finally landed on a version that is What I've always dreamed it to be and I want to start by setting the scene. All right the Museum of Antiquities Perched to top a hill in the heart of an old city There's a fortress dressed as a neoclassical museum its prized treasure the heart of an old city, there's a fortress dressed as a neoclassical museum. It's prized treasure, the heart of Mabut, a flawless 1200 carat diamond the size of a beach ball. Actually, I have no idea how large 1200 carats would be. Okay, beach ball would be too big. I guessed wrong.

There's a 1111 carat diamond that someone's holding in their hand and it's like this big. So this one is like just a little bigger than that, right? Like a grapefruit. It rests in a levitating prism of pressure sensitive glass at the center of the Atrium the main atrium with the glass dome over top and you know, it's literally floating midair Right is a 12-story glass chamber rigged with motion tracking lasers that shift hourly according to a randomized algorithm the museum boasts triple layer defenses biometric access on all doors an elite guard of X special forces rotating every hour and a proprietary AI surveillance network with cameras everywhere that scans both infrared and has pattern recognition

across this entire fleet of cameras, right? The atrium floor is actually just a dead drop that goes 60 feet straight down. So if you see this thing, it's a glass thing floating midair on the glass dome above glass box of like bulletproof glass with the diamonds how it's floating. There's a cutout beneath it where it just goes straight down 60 feet, right? To get to it is like a 10-foot gap, right? And it's up. So unless, and it's just out of reach, let's just say you can't jump and grab it, right? You couldn't be there, jump and grab it. You would fall, you would probably die.

So the center, you have the pillar with the diamond. Then you've got this big gap. So the ground comes in like this. Yeah. There's a gap, 10 feet. And then it's also elevated on top of that. Yeah, so there's a gap and it's floating above where the floor is, where everyone else

would come in the museum How high up from like the ground level? 10 feet up and 10 feet out in the middle So it's like a it's like a Is this some A squared plus B squared equals C squared shit to like figure out the diagonal? Just just say you can't jump to get it. You could get to it with other means but I can't? Do you know? You're right. Neither of you can.

Got all that? There's an AI scanning all the cameras other means but I can't you do you know you're right neither of you can got all that there's an AI scanning all the cameras it can see infrared it can see normal it has pattern recognition face recognition dog recognition can separate animals because that actually can be if you buy security cameras nowadays it could do this there is X special forces guarded guarding rotating at every hour and I'm not gonna say whether or not that has a gap in between but they rotate every hour but assume their special forces guarding, rotating at every hour, and I'm not going to say whether or not that has a gap in between, but they rotate every hour. But assume they're special forces and they're pretty quick on that rotation, right? Also pressure sensitive glass, both

on the roof dome of the atrium, both on the security thing of the diamond, the heart of my boot. Is that all clear? It's glass Mark, of course it's clear. Bob, you and I are working together on this? No, that's the trick. You two are both fighting for the spot of the greatest criminal that has ever lived or ever will live.

You both happen to be going for this particular diamond at the exact same time. and only one of you can walk out with the diamond. How it's going to work, unlike previous things, it's not- one of you is not gonna be the guard. I'm the security. All of it. All of it is me. I'm struggling to get all this underway and you too are trying to beat me in terms of making it to this diamond, making it out. Now here's how it's gonna work. Because it's gonna combine all the elements that I've loved from Nide, Win, and other various games that I have. So both of you can either do one of two things.

You can take an action to get closer to the diamond, and it's literally like you have to roll to defeat each of these objectives, or even get closer to the diamond and it's literally like you have to roll to defeat each of these objectives or even get closer to the objectives there's a Detection roll so once any of you gets detected or you get caught it's basically game over your Special time bracelet resets you back to the beginning you redo all of your actions and you get to the the next step and Each of you is trying to get to this diamond. If either of you get caught, the entire system resets. That's what it is.

Because the game's up. Okay. Alright. Wait, no. Sorry. You're doing the thing! I was debating that. Whether it would reset everyone, or if it would just reset one of you at a time, going back to do it all over again, right? I can't remember. Well good thing you wrote it all down. Well, I didn't write it all down. I was thinking I wrote some of it down

I was thinking of it. What? Let me just ask you guys obviously you're probably very lost I'm gonna say you don't want it to reset everyone if you ever want this game to finish Because all you have to do to foil your opponent is get yourself caught to drag it all back to the beginning. You're right, you're right, you're right. Okay, alright. So each of you independently

can be caught and you would have to reset and try your actions except you could change the last action you just did. But every successful action still maintains itself, okay? Does that make sense? And we'll make him ups as we go along. We're building a scene here.

And once something is a successful action, then that's part of the scene, but you have to keep going. Exactly, right. Okay, and I'll try to keep track of everything. I have my dice up here. I have my wheels up here. We're still gonna get,

you're still gonna get random special spy items. You're still gonna get random special spy items, you're still gonna get random unspecial debilitating weaknesses. Do we get to bring anything ourselves? Yeah, you're gonna get random things you're gonna bring. Okay, but nothing that we can't just have brought something. You're the greatest thieves alive, I'm assuming you have the basics, like lockpicking kit, rope, Let's assume you have that stuff kind of generic stealing things plus bonus items. Wade, can you take your headphones off for like 30 seconds?

Okay, take it off. Wait, close your eyes. I'll cover my mouth. Anyway, am I allowed to get captured on purpose as part of my plan in a sort of Ocean's 11-y sort of arrangement. I will allow it. And how much of the layout of this building can I free ball before, like what's the leash on that? Because obviously if that's my plan, I'm gonna have to sort of make up some locations

and do some stuff. I was gonna say there's generically like three rooms, at least three areas in between the entrance and this thing. Okay. All right. Okay. I don't know why it really mattered if Wade heard that. I just don't want him.

I just don't want him to get any ideas. All right. You guys rigged this against me. Let's do it. What I want you guys to do is since Wade just did it Bob I'm gonna have you take off your headphones cover your eyes and I'm going to ask Wade what his opening move is. What if I just turn my headphones off but leave them on my head? I don't trust that. I won't they'll be off I won't listen. I don't trust you. No because you're gonna tell me the same thing and that's just so we all start

from this we all start from this We all know where everyone's starting and you won't influence each other starting because if you are both Independently the greatest thieves in the world you wouldn't consult each other or plan your plans based on the other ones You wouldn't even know the other one was doing it. That's true. So I'm setting the stage so that this could interfere All right, Bob take off your headphones cover your eyes All right, Wade. What is your opening move? Okay, so I gotta get into this place Can you describe what it's like from the outside? It's it's very much like a beautiful museum It's perched atop a hill so there's no dead drop cliff It's just at the top of a hill and a very very sturdy looking museum. I gotta go in the sewer. That's great

I think that's enough to start with okay Okay Bob. Oh, he can't hear. How do we get his attention? Nah, we'll just wait a second. What were you guys talking about before? Oh damn it. Alright, Wade, now take off yours. Close your eyes. Yeah, I'll give you like a good 30 count.

Alright, so Bob, what is your opening move? What I said to Wade was this is a museum, a very sturdy looking museum at the top of a hill, but otherwise it doesn't look like it's a secured building fortress. It's meant for people to go in. So what's your opening move? I am wearing a dark jumpsuit like coveralls. I have a big sack with a dollar sign on it slung over one shoulder and then a ladder that looks like it's about the right height to climb up to reach the diamond Slung over my other shoulder and I just walk up like I'm gonna walk into the museum Carrying these things and I have an obviously fake mustache glued to my lip

All right. Gotcha. All right. Here we go. Okay, so here's the scene Bob is Going in the front door. Yeah. With a dark jumpsuit. He has a bag with a dollar sign on it. He has a ladder that's exactly reached the diamond height and a fake mustache. Did you roll for that or did you just say you had that?

This is how he's starting. So, oh, none of these are like crazy items. So I was like, yeah, this all seems fine. Oh, I didn't give you any of my items or anything. I didn't know we were allowed to do that Well, you didn't say you're going in All right, no no Wade you're going in the sewer. I'm assuming Wade you have a sewer wetsuit Yes, okay, you have rope in the basics. You got your bag. Wade's naked in the sewer all right All right, you heard it Wade's naked in the sewer I'm naked

under my wetsuit nope naked okay you didn't specify Bob was smart enough to specify dark jumpsuit I like that it's bold well didn't I ask if we could bring our own items before you like you get the basics I'm like all right they get the basics so you got a bag of the basics I want my stinky wetsuit clothes are not included in basics I will take I will be naked in the museum I don't care, but I want my wetsuit for the stink. All right fine fine You got your wetsuit, but you gotta take it off as soon as you get up there cuz it's stinky stinky

There's a lot of nudity in these. I don't know where I'm hiding all of my basic tools, but I've got them Here's your extra tools that you guys are gonna get all right all right I know there's a lot of setup, but it's like I wanted it to be right all right Here's your extra tools that you guys are gonna get, alright? Alright. I know there's a lot of setup, but it's like I wanted it to be right. Alright, so let's have Wade, your first up. You're gonna get... Invisible UV reactive ink. That seems pertinent.

Bob, you get... Dissolving handcuffs? Alright. Glass cutter. Is that Wade? Yeah, that's Wade. No. Oh, wait, yeah.

I thought that was gonna say acoustic guitar. Alright, interesting. These are weirdly pertinent to this robbery. Alright, Wade, your last item. Ooh. Takeaway climbing rope. And Bob, your last one. Come on acoustic guitar Edible lock pick

Fascinating. To use on your dissolving handcuffs. And that's okay Wade you have invisible UV reactive ink glass cutter and breakaway climbing rope Bob you have dissolving handcuffs acoustic glass breaker and an edible lock pick. Now Wade you have a debilitating weakness or Benefit we'll see what happens. Oh benefit. Could it there's that maybe good it could be kind of good thing could I get like he has to be wearing glasses or he can't see yeah you have glasses because your vision is bad if only they didn't have contact lenses. I can't take those in the sewer, are you crazy? That's how you get shit eye. You have... Epileptic memory? What the fuck does that mean? I don't know. So I put idetic memory on there and I was like, what's a counter that? Epileptic memory. So anything I have to remember is all like I'm like an epileptic. I don't know what it means. You just have it.

It's up to you. Oh, okay. Okay, great. Do you want me to spit again? Wouldn't the opposite of eidetic memory just be aphantasia? Uh, I guess. No, because you can still remember things in concept form. But the thing about eidetic memory is it's like a photographical memory, right?

Well, it's epileptic memory. All right, I'm rolling again. Fine. All right. Hang on. Can I opt to just keep my epileptic memory and create the definition of what it is before we get started? Yeah, yeah, you can do that.

I asked a chat bot and I got, epileptic memory is a rare and highly particular cognitive condition in which a person involuntarily and vividly recalls memories that never actually happened. These recollections come in short, intense bursts triggered by sensory inputs like flashing lights, loud noises. We laugh, but also that sounds kind of terrible. That sounds horrible, yeah. I like this.

Four toes Williams, it's because I put two toes Johnny on here, and then I was like three toes Larry, four toes William, five toes Torrance, and I was like, and one, you'll see above it is one toe to rule them all. I don't know what the fuck I was doing. Would you write these at three in the morning after like a fever dream state? Dude, can I read you all of them? Cause I'm just like, I'm really happy with them. So it was like, I started with lazy eye and I was like, you have a lazy eye.

Alright, you have a focus eye. Heterochrome lazia, which is just you, both your eyes are lazy. Heterochrome foci, which is both your eyes are really focused. Eye patch, monocle. Heterochrome patch,, which is both your eyes are really focused. Eye patch, monocle. Heterochrome patch, you have two eye patches. Peg leg, peg legs. Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur. Heterochrome foetia.

Robot hand, bald, ankle length hair, sweaty. Heterochrome stenchia, which I think just is your stinky. Speak and spell, that's your voice Ankle length Boobs with the fur Identic memory Epileptic memory Diving world records, world's shortest breath

Which Wade, you got that Trypophobia, edging world record Echolocation, never leaves home without it Never leaves home with it wet and dry It's beautiful. You know Wade you're getting another one Wait so do I have both of mine? Yeah you got four toes Stinky as hell man You know what I don't need the wetsuit then.'s why you went in the sewer you're fine you blend in

What does that mean? I wanted to put two left feet. I think that's what it was. Cause you have two left feet. Man, that would be really hard to identify with my stench two left feet. And my glasses. You want another one? Yeah. I'm just kidding. Uh, oh god. I'm so focused.

You have great, great eyesight. That's cause of my glasses. Oh wait, yeah, does that make sense? They're focused with my perfect glasses Maybe that was your eyes only can stay pointed in straight ahead So you can only ever move your you can't move your eyes except straight ahead I have to turn my whole head. You have to turn your whole head Okay, I think I've got enough here. Maybe you want to give Bob a couple more. I'm happy with mine. I don't know

I mean, yeah, he's good You wanna give Bob a couple more? I'm happy with mine, I don't know, I mean. Yeah, he's good. He's got four toes and he'll have to remember. What if I, right now, double or nothing? Double or nothing, the amount of things that you have to say. Unfair! All right, he's declaring unfair.

He's unhappy with the amount of disadvantages he's gotten. Either I'm going in with eight or we're both going in with four. What happens if I win? Mark will have to decide. If it's unfair, I'll give Bob the equivalent number that you have gotten. If it's fair, super fair, then you get double. Yeah, that's right.

That's right. Otherwise nothing happened. All right. Here we go. Oh, oh, tails. Ah, it's already washed. All right. Bah! Oh! Oh, tails. Ah! Oh, heads. It's already washed.

Alright, well, mine was tails, but... Well, sorry Wade, this is, uh, this has been declared fair. You're wrong. Alright, well, you know, the rules are the rules. I believe in the coin. Alright, so, to reiterate, Wade, you're going in through the sewer. You do have a wetsuit, but nothing underneath. I'll leave that up to you.

You have invisible UV ink, glass glass cutter breakaway climbing rope you have glasses and both of your eyes can only stare straight ahead you're really stinky and you have two left feet Bob you are going in the front door with a dark jumpsuit dollar sign bag ladder for diamond height it's exactly diamond height it's cannot be collapsed any further. And a fake mustache, you have dissolving handcuffs, acoustic glass breaker, edible lockpick, and you have epileptic memory.

Technically I'm also four toes Williams. You're also, yeah, four toes. Very, I can only look straight ahead, I've got two left feet, I'm stinky and I wear glasses. Yeah. Well you can turn your head, just your eyes, your eyes don't move in the socket, you just have to be like.

Yeah, can I voluntarily remove a testicle when your turn if you want to make that your turn oh I have to do I can't just go in with it I have to remove it we've gone in with everything you had your chance who's going first tails Bob goes first all right Bob the scene is set you see the museum in front of you you know the museum in front of you. You know the security system's inside now. You do not know Wade is there. You do not know.

Neither of you know the other is attacking at this exact moment. You're both genius level thieves. The weather was right. The time was right. The stars were right. Everything was aligned for this day to be the perfect day to execute this plan. What's your first move? I just try and walk in the front door with my sack and my ladder

and I'm just gonna go beeline straight to the diamond room. All right sounds fair. I'll give you a 50-50 shot of that working. Yeah you walk right in. Yes. The the guard assumes that you're here for maintenance. You got your ladder. You got your big bag. He laughs at the bag actually. He's like, that's funny. It's really funny.

Anyway, go on in. You're flagged in. You enter in. So you're inside. Wade, your turn. I'm in the sewer? You're in the sewer. I use my glass cutter to remove my right testicle.

See if that works hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahh to the poop stream you start as your testicles float off into the distance ratatouille style and then they go down this little like pipe leading down and you hear them scream on the way down but they end up in Paris so I just have like an empty sack no sacks gone to I think it's just it's not good whatever it is I want to say Bob you here and everyone around you kind of hears this strange distant AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH I hear the screaming in the distance and that registers on some subconscious level, but I put it out of my head. I set down my sack, take my ladder with both hands, lean it up against the pedestal that the diamond isn't on, just below the pressure sensitive glass, and just start climbing up to tell I'm on top of the ladder, like eye level with the giant diamond. I will say that the diamond is in the very center of the museum and you're only in the front atrium.

Oh, okay. So I'm not to the diamond yet. Okay, okay. So I'll say like you haven't made it to there. I'll say like it'll take at least one more action till you're there. All right. Well, I'm doing then is same, same stuff ladder sack beeline for the diamond. If all I get to do is walk through the next room, that's all I'm doing. I'm going straight for it. Works perfectly fine. 18. No problems. You have now made it to the diamond area. The guys guarding it are like, ha!

Ah, nice sack. Oh, yeah, leave that there. Anyway, you're probably here for maintenance, right? It's about time to do maintenance. I think that was scheduled today. So go on in. So I'm standing in the diamond room now with my ladder and my sack.

You're in the diamond room looking at it. You've got the gap there. You're ready to rock. All right, Wade. I walk over to where my entrance to the museum is, and I look at the grates that I need to open, and I decide to instead douse myself head to toe in my invisible, well not invisible myself head to toe in my invisible

Not invisible ink, but yeah my invisible UV reactive ink. All right 17 you did that you are I want to make it very clear. I'm not invisible. You are not invisible You are not invisible. No Bob I'm now I am standing starting this turn. I'm standing in the diamond room. I set my sack down off the floor and I slide my ladder off my shoulder and I lean it up against the diamond pedestal so that the top bar of the ladder is just below the pressure sensitive glass and I climb up to get eye level with the diamond.

You place the ladder down, it's a precarious Germany and you've climbed all the way to the leavening, levitating platform. Let's see if that works okay sadly no the ladder tips over you spill into the void fall 60 feet to your death hmm and then time resets okay now all the actions you did still apply so I still end up standing in the room you will end up standing in the room, but please, next turn, guide us back in there. Yeah, and so maybe, you didn't say this, or maybe you didn't, I didn't hear it,

no repeat actions is kind of the idea, right? Yeah, don't do the same thing again. That action is decided, it will fail the exact same way, I don't get another roll on the, okay, got it, got it, got it. It'll officially close off a possibility for you to do that. The way, the only reason time didn't reset for your balls is because there was no way that that could have caught you. I guess.

So I didn't have that reset. That's permanently etched. I'm glad to not have my sack or my balls back. Somehow in your genius, I'm assuming that that is getting you closer to robbing this museum. Well, one of them would have. I don't know that both are in the sack wall. You kind of took away my storage for the diamond, not gonna lie. this museum well one of them would have took away my storage for the diamond not gonna lie the role the role the role did it alright okay okay you still have your

scrotum I'll say you still have some of your scrotum if that was your storage for the diamond you still have some I don't know you know what I'll make it work let's do this I am now ball this and underneath the entrance covered in invisible link that doesn't make me invisible but you can't see the ink nope but you can't I go up to open the great where does that take me out it

let's assume it takes you out in a bathroom or somewhere janitor's area somewhere back where there would be a drain like one of the kitchens or one of the like cleaning rooms in the back it's a utilitarian room but it's within the the normal public area that they go to. You're behind enemy lines, let's say that. I pop out, I think about rinsing myself off, and I remember I covered myself in my ink and I don't want to waste it, so I'll keep the stench and I try to make my way stealthily to the diamond room. Okay so you're climbing up and you're stealthily crossing this room. Let's see if this works. Naked Wade.

It shockingly does. 18. There's no one there. It just, you knew that this was the perfect time. Not only did the guards shift at this time, the kitchen staff were shifting out for third shift to come in. No one's there. No one can smell you.

No one can see you. You're on your way. You are making it. I'll say you're making it towards the diamond room. because Bob had to get in and then to the diamond room, but I'll say like you're right there. You can see it through a gap in a doorway. Mm-hmm. All right. Bob, you smell something faint. You smell something suery. You smell something really reeking of a horrible eye stinging chemical, but just the faintest notes of it starting to waft. My plan's coming together.

I'm standing in the diamond room. I set down my ladder and my sack and I get out my acoustic glass breaker, which looks like a shoulder-mounted bazooka. I get it out and I obnoxiously I get it out like I pull it out of my pant leg and get it on my shoulder and just like and I powered on and it goes and it like starts building and I aim it up at the diamond and I'm just like like standing and I'm gonna shatter the glass that contains the diamond. All right I let's see. You got a the diamond. All right. I, let's see. You got a one man. Oh no. All right.

I don't know why. No one knows why, but as it, as it like builds up, you were holding it backwards. You didn't really know what it was all about. The two guards behind you are like, that's a weird doohickey. They get evaporated, just... And then... Just...

Just gone. And so also all the glass from here to the very front of the entire museum is just absolutely bored through. I'm gonna go ahead and say that that's a reset I opened my escape route perfectly Maybe the rules ones stay whatever happens on the ones because we like I'm okay with weights one weights one stayed weights one stayed All right. So yeah, you held it backwards You just have to make it bad enough that the one stays and it's a huge detriment to the whole situation. Yep, there's now a every piece of glass from you back to the front entrance is broken. The two guards from behind you are evaporated into a mist and everyone behind you is now just clutching their ears like,

And also you're really hurting. Your ears are really hurting from that so you you're not deaf But your ears are ringing saving private Ryan style It'll come back in a let's say in one turn after the after your next turn. It'll come back also It triggers an epileptic memory. I'll let you decide what that does Alright, wait you hear the most cacophonous Explosive sound you could possibly ever hear. Uh, not only do you escape it though, you know what the technology is that did it. I'll let you draw whatever conclusions that is, but you know that tech.

Babo Bag Sack must be here. It's not what I prefer to be called. I take a moment to now clear the shit and piss out of my ears now knowing that I'm safe most likely and I Make my way to the diamond room. Do I have to roll to get to the diamond room from here? I Man, I think so just out of fairness to Bob, but okay. We've done a lot of detriments for his action Let's just see if you if there's anything in your way getting there after that Maybe alerts heightened or something like that Nat 20 holy fuck Oh, man, the path is so clear to you you you saw it all peeking through the door

You saw it all happen. You saw what happened Bob slick clutching his ears He's in the throes of a memory, you know who he is, you know what he's doing and you're like, ah He's trying to get to that diamond before me So you get to the diamond room? No problem. I want to give you another benefit. I'll give you a plus one on your next role of whatever it is Cuz you got this. I'll take it. All right, Bob you you're deaf You're you're in the throes of an epileptic memory dear penthouse for I can't believe it happened to me Penthouse 4. I can't believe it happened to me. The farmer showed up, and I know what he's up to. He's feeding me the good shit, and I know what that means. This is my last day on this planet unless I do something about

it. Somehow, I escape from my pen, and I find the keys to a tractor, so I climb up in the tractor, and I'm gonna run the farmer over for some reason my girlfriend's there She's just a stack of hay. What the fuck? I try and run the farmer down, but he dodges it I crash into the barn a lantern spills onto the ground The oil goes everywhere Flames fire I fall out of the tractor. There's no way out I watch as a huge timber frame thing falls down from the farm's rafters onto the farmer.

He's dead. But so am I. I lay there, inhaling smoke, knowing what's going to happen, and I'm back in the museum. What the fuck? God, I hate this disease. All right, let's continue, shall we? All right, that's a good turn. I won't even make you roll on that.

Let's just assume that... That's my turn? That's all I get to do? Have a memory? Let's say you at least open your eyes and you see Wade doing his next thing, but he's already like mid doing it. So you're looking at him and you're like, uh, whoa, what's he doing here? So now you know.

Got it. All right, Wade. I have basic stuff like lock picking kit and rope, but I also have my breakaway rope. So I throw my breakaway rope to go up to the glass platform. I make a lasso, throw it over there and I'm ready to swing and climb. All right, what is it grabbing onto? that around the case all right cool all right cool? I just wanted to be clear because it's not like they're like not like there's a fence around it or anything No, but I mentioned like a thing that it's sitting on with glass above it

So it's like not the glass part, but the lights it's a floating prism of glass with a small Flat platform around it like a very small one. Well nothing that a rope would grab onto, but if you- Yeah, I'm aiming for some of them to glass or that platform, I'm aiming for something like that. All right, cool, let's see. Oh, you got plus one on this one.

You did it, 12 plus one, 13, you're over there. Bob's looking at you. I look, I turn, I wave at Bob, I raise my arm so he knows it's stinky Wade, and I swing over. All right, so you swing over you so you are now on the glass platform I will say the authorities have been alerted They are on the way in three turns the guards will arrive What happens there is not instant game over but in three turns the guards will arrive and things will get let's actually say in Two turns because it happened a turn ago guards are gonna arrive and things will get let's actually say in two turns because it happened a turn ago guards are gonna arrive and

Things will get exponentially more difficult from here. I still can't hear no you can hear now. You're good. You're here. It's coming back. It's like oh Okay, good. Well. I see I see Wade. I see what he's doing I see him swing over and I realize that's a breakaway climbing rope Do you don't I wouldn't I know a breakaway climbing rope? It does look a lot like a normal rope. I mean, I don't know if there's like a mark on it, like a dotted line. All right. Well, I don't actually doesn't change that much. I realize what he's doing going for the diamond.

I take my ladder, heft it up onto my shoulder like a javelin, take a running, like weird hoppy jumps that javelin throwers do in the Olympics where like yeep, yeah, yeah, waaaaah and I like, and I scream and when I do it I'm like GAAAHHHH and I'm throw it, and I'm trying to throw it directly at the diamond, shatter the glass that it's in knock the diamond out of its suspension and land over on the other side of the room on the uh, on platform. I love it.

Uh, let's see what happened. 19. You fucking launched that ladder. I was gonna say if you failed it, your voice would crack when you screamed, but no, not a crack. Not a single crack. It's just, YAAA!

And you hit the glass, and I'm gonna say it's really strong stuff if that was a nat 20 I would say would break it 19 really close it cracks it but given that it's pressure sensitive glass it is now set off an alarm not that that matters much when fire and exploding does that accelerate how soon the guards get here or do we still have two more turns well it would have been one turn anyway after this so I'm gonna say no they were already on the way it's not like they get there faster okay all right but it's cracked you may have helped Wade here though all right so you

cracked glass man I'm having trouble keeping track of all this but you're doing great guys. All right, Wade. It's in here, don't worry. I know that my opponent, I've already forgotten the nickname I gave him, likes a big glass blower of a big ladder. He's all about the big, but I come in here naked,

I pull out my glass cutter, and I start cutting in to get to the diamond where that break happened. There's so much blood on that thing it's not gonna cut glass the same as it was before. Good thing the glass is cracked. There's blood on it? Didn't he use his glass cutter to cut a sack off? Oh, you're right, you did. You don't have that anymore.

Oh, it's one-time use? Look, no, I'll stipulate that he has it, but it's gotta, it's like, he's gotta be at a disadvantage or something with it, because it's all covered in blood and... That's right, you have already used it. It's slippery, it's slippery. Something. I mean, he got a nat one on the glass cutter roll. It could have fallen off into the sewer and gone. Alright, you reach into your pocket, you look for the glass cutter, and then you find, you pull out just a tuft of pubes Leftover from you cutting off your balls I wrap them around one of my fingers to protect the knuckle and I punch the crack in the glass

Hey any little bit any little bit what kind of bonus does that give me on this roll? Oh, let's find out 19 again pubes of Steel. Wow. You punch through that glass and you are you are within arms reach of this diamond. I'll say your hand is on the diamond. Five fingers, one pub. Bob, it's your turn. But now you start to hear the shouting and the sirens. The guards and police have arrived. Every role has a disadvantage now. Well, I feel like this one shouldn't, but we'll see. I'm standing down near where the guards are coming in quickly.

I slap on my disintegrating handcuffs and lay down on the floor like I was like knocked out and then like lay there motionless, handcuffed, like indicating that like he did this to me and now he's getting the diamond because I still look like janitorial staff, right? Uh-huh, yeah. Oh, you are in a jumpsuit, that's true. I'm trying to like blend in.

I want them to not notice me. I wanna be there on the ground like I'm knocked unconscious and handcuffed and they'll see me and be like, get that guy and then ignore me. Okay, all right. 18, rolls are good right now. That worked. Nice. Yes. Okay, so that worked. I also forgot the rules where we don't really

roll on the items, but it's fine. We're good. I think it's still good. Oh, so I should have my ball. But I rolled for him. That's why I was like, I rolled for him. So I wanted to make it fair like that. I'll say like, just if we do this again. Yeah, somehow we both got nat ones on our important item usages. That is kind of weird yeah yeah anyway so yeah Bob you are now on the ground your your hearing is all the way back Wade's hand is on the diamond so you think of the next best thing you put on the handcuffs you're down the police are now running into the front atrium they're not in the diamond room yet but but they are on the way.

By the time it's to your next turn, they'll be there. All right, Wade, your hand's on the diamond. You hear the police outside. They're in the front atrium. This pit below me, is there anything down there? Is it just like a flat bottom? Let's just say it's flat, no spikes. I died when I fell into it, so.

It's 60 feet. Yeah, but if I land, when I fell into it. So it's 60 feet Yeah, but if I land if I were to climb down there with my long ropes Would there be an escape down there that I would know your rope is from the ground level where Bob is to the Yeah, but I've got a normal climbing rope. This is just my special item. You said we had normal rope and clock pick true That's true. That's true. I did say that weight is very rope heavy villain I was a magician in a previous life. I pull one out my ass the other out my mouth All right, I'll say yeah, you do have another rope, but I will say also It's just a pit for now. I tie the rope and I go and climb down to the bottom

I'm dead serious. You got a one man. I never learned to tie knots. You got your- you got confused. You put your regular rope on the way to the diamond. You have your breakaway rope that you're trying to go down. It breaks the moment, the moment you go over there. You die. Now I'm reset and I no longer have rope you reset you don't have rope and since it was an at one I'm gonna give you a negative one on your next roll excellent guys look there's a bird on the bird feeder I put out ooh whoa it's a cardinal guys or no well it's red but

the Ohio bird very nice all right Bob the the guards have rolled in And I'm gonna say since you succeeded on your last role you you look everything the part Yeah, I'm like off their radar completely right don't I fit in You man I'll roll for that. I don't know wait if you fit in I'm just naked stinky covered in ink hovering by their diamond and holding it with a bleeding ball sack. Alright, Bob, assume they understand what's going on. Like, they understand what you're trying to do. They believe my story completely. They believe it, but what do you say to them? What do you do to guide them into whatever you want to do next? Remember the diamond is still in the case

Wade died. He's reset Next turn he'll be reset his hand will be on the diamond So considering how time works in weird loops his hand is on the diamond and he is there but you just saw him die But somehow, you know, maybe it's an epileptic memory I'm laying there they come one of them checks on me and I pretend like he stirs me and I wake up and I'm like, oh, the naked guy, where did he go? He did this to me. He's so dangerous. You got to get him.

It's vague. I pretend like I'm disoriented. Anything to get them all to turn their backs to me completely and focus on Wade and imply that he's incredibly dangerous. Do we need to see if that is successful or do I succeed in that? Because the next thing I do is another action. They already believe you. They buy the story and honestly Wade is such a naked stinky distraction.

I think they probably would have already been looking at him. Okay. Anyway. Thank you. The only reason I want to roll is because you're embellishing already a good thing. If I did too much? It's like to see if you're doing too much so I'm just gonna roll to see if that

you do have a negative one penalty overall because the entire scenario has a negative one now okay okay no they believe you alright okay perfect this is great but they all turn away from you not a one of them is looking at you right now it was risky play but it paid off

they're all looking at Wade every single police in the area there's like a big circle of them now all around the pit all looking at you wait now is another minus one haha I forgot to mention that any any like actions directly against the other other criminal can affect their roles I assumed all right Wade things are not looking good. Alright. You have vivid memories of your- your death. Your confidence is shaken.

I'm back up holding one of the two ropes. I can't remember which. I have my hand on the diamond. I shove it into my empty sack. Ow. Yeah, that doesn't sound- I knew that was your plan, but just like the visual is is so unpleasant all the police are watching you as you do this I want them to see does it hurt him or is it was it like fine all right wait

You got a four oh It didn't work your sack is in tatters all the police are like You scream in agony as you try to do this I don't know they they shoot you or something so you can no longer stuff it in your sack if that was your plan that's okay I've got other orifices all right Bob they're all looking away you just saw something really truly terrible yeah but it reset and you're like man I had a weird vision that he tried to stuff the diamond in his- I'm putting that out of my mind. I'm ignoring that. Everyone's ignoring me. I stand up,

I dissolve my dissolving handcuffs and I'm free. And as everyone else is focused on Wade, I look to my side and I see a closet on the periphery of the room with a placard on it that says maintenance And I take out my edible lockpick and go try and Jimmy my way into the maintenance closet real quick Well, everyone else is completely distracted. I have a feeling that that's the same place that Wade just came from So I'm not a hundred percent sure that that would actually be locked Wade what do you think of that because you did it did sound like you come from the maintenance area if you came out of the sewer, so that door probably would be open. I would not have locked it,

so I guess he could keep his lockpick. I think that door is already open. I'm not even gonna say that you need to edible lockpick that. I stick my edible lockpick back in my pocket as the door swings open freely in front of me before I even touch it. You whisper, thanks Wade, as you enter the room. Thanks Wade.

Okay, well the point of going to the room is I had a thought. The container for the diamond is now destroyed and they're going to need somewhere to put it. I go into the room and I grab the backup diamond containment cylinder and I take that back out of the maintenance room. So now I look like a janitor who's carrying the backup diamond container. These police officers are about to apprehend the man who's trying to steal the diamond from the broken container. So I think we can all see where this is going. I don't that's I mean you can roll to see if I succeeded that I guess but that seems like a let's

Roll to see if there is one in there is a backup container in that's fair. That's fair So close it's a seven there is none next turn I'll let you improvise maybe to try to see if you can get one I'll come out of that room with something okay, but it did there was no perfect replica of that room with something. Okay but there was no perfect replica of that container. I got contingencies. Yeah all right. Wade you are once again hand on the diamond you got a weird ache in your sack all of the police are shimmying up your rope ant style they're just like a bunch of they're just swarming closer. So the glass is shattered there's a little platform that it was sitting on. Can that platform support my weight?

You're you were already on the platform. Oh excellent. I uh, the police are all shimming their way to me I take a piece of glass and I cut the rope to watch them fall. All right One it's a seven again. I cut my finger off thinking it's the rope. No, no, no you just grab your dick thinking it's the rope and Well, the sackless life is not worth living so basically you're like But it's you didn't that's not the breakaway rope that you actually put your regular rope there so what happens is one of the police comes up and Basically is like already climbing and just grabs your hand and pulls it off

of the rope so It's not good for you. Wade. It's a reset, right? Yeah, I think it resets so that didn't work So cutting the rope isn't working. None of that's working. Okay. I got another idea next time. Don't worry. All right, cool Yeah, all right, Bob. I come out of the maintenance closet with a really scummy looking mop bucket tucked under my arm. I don't know.

I kind of just need to wait for Wade to successfully do anything before my part of this plan really comes to fruition. Uh-huh. So I guess I watch. You know what I forgot about this whole game? The whole thing that I failed to realize is, you know how I said in the beginning, I'm the guards?

I forgot that I'm supposed to have turns. And I do things. You're just doing stuff, it's fine. You're just doing it in the interstitial. I totally forgot that I was supposed to do that. But anyway, next time I'll have the perfect, perfect crime. It'll be- Oh, I can't wait. All right, so it's just, I have unlimited turns

till Bob can do something. Is that how it goes now? All right, look, how about this? I'll set I'll set mine up. I'll set mine up Yeah, I walk over to the edge with the bucket and I get ever I get all of the cops attention now I'm ready and I go hey guys the diamond container. It's broken toss it over here I'll put it in the back up like I'm like get prompting them to like toss the diamond over so they can arrest Wade and I'll have the janitor We'll keep the diamond safe until everything can settle down. So you're like get it away from him. Please. He's a heinous criminal I have like a weirdly paternal relationship with the diamond. I treat it like it's my daughter And I like don't let him touch her don't let him put his bloody grimy inky stinky fingers on her

You got bad news, bub. Uh oh. That's not good. You got six. All of the cops just simultaneously, their heads go poof! to you, and they start moving towards you. All of them on the rope are just like suddenly coming to you now.

They're just like, hey, something's suspicious about this. I don't know what's going on here. Not a one of them's gonna bother Wade? Alright, ones. All right, let's say if the ones on the rope are going back up the restaurant that are still around the circle I'll look at you and let's say they're not coming at you, but they look at you being like, wait a minute All right, wait, I really think I should cut this rope. I got a better idea I'm gonna grab a bunch of the glass shards and put them between my fingers and then I throw them at the guards climbing the rope ninja star glass flying through the air at these guards you know I've never I didn't it's an 11 and there's a minus 1 on the everything is a 10 succeeding is it more than 10 or 10 or more yeah I

don't know that's your rule if the dice is 1 to 10 and then a 1 to 10 and 11 to 20 11 to 20 it'd be a fail if that's the case. It would be a fail wouldn't it damn a really good fail It's a good fail. It's about as close as you can Let's say you throw them. It doesn't hit anything, but it gets really close Excellent distracted them now. I can really do what I was gonna do Alright Bob alright, I'm standing holding a scummy mop bucket and they're all looking at me.

I'm a pretty good thrower. After the javelin success with the with the uh, the ladder I looked down at the mop bucket and I realized this is just a bucket shaped javelin and uh is Wade holding the diamond right now?

Or what? Let's say he did throw the glass. It's like up in the air. I'm saying if he's been resetting for the fail state, his hand is near the thing. But the diamond is like suspended and the glass is currently broken. Yeah, it's on like a little claw pedestal.

So it's supported from below, but it's pretty much right there. Yeah, I just stand there for a second, look around at all the cops, and slowly back away from the edge, and assume like the javelin position again, and do the exact same like jumpy, runny thing, and then, yeah!

Bucket, open bucket towards the diamond, so ideally, the bucket hits the diamond, contains it as it flies through the air air and the bucket lands like right side up Containing the diamond opposite side of the thing for me. That's a hell of a difficult thing to do. Damn 16 He did it though this guy throwing great. Yes. He did it it go wait You see a bucket go grab the diamond right by you you go Oh, and it's on the other side of the room standing up that's a thrower in college yeah okay I'm letting you

guys do whatever you want if the dice decide what reality believes here and that's exactly what happens all these guys are climbing toward me their heads making beautiful platforms I run across the top of the rope using their heads to get back to where Bob is and I've got two left feet. I've got practice with my weird movement abilities. I'm ready for this. I haven't exactly given you guys much in terms of your disadvantages. I think they haven't played at all. So I'm not gonna count it now. Hey, I had an epileptic memory. You have, yeah, you're right. I smell really bad to look around, I have to do this.

You're right, yeah, okay. This is a weird dice, 16 again. Yeah, you go, doink, doink, doink, doink, doink, doink. You run across all of their heads. All the other ones are outside the rope, are still looking at Bob, so you go doink, doink, doink, and you land, ha, right there. And I wave at him again and hold up the other armpit!

Oh, that's another action. You can't do that. Yeah, just adding actions now. Calm down. I get ready to raise my armpit! They see your muscles flexing in your shoulder about to raise. They get a bad feeling. A sinking feeling in their stomach. But it hasn't happened yet. It's only Bob. I don't want the other security guards to see me. Alright, Bob. The diamond is on the other side.

You're within one turn of that diamond. Where is Wade? He ran and he jumped is he like standing next to it? I pictured it so the way I pictured is there's the diamond platform the rope a layer of guards and you I feel like I'm on the other side of the rope behind the guards facing you. Let's assume the guards are kind of a dividing line between you two and it's equal distance to the bucket. Okay, is the bucket inside or outside of the guard ring? It's outside. The guards have actually been moving towards you, so it's kind of like a wedge in between you and Wade and he bounced over that way, you're over this way.

There's a way you could probably gun it to the diamond. There's nothing else to it. I preemptively unzip my coveralls all the way down as far as they unzip. And then book it to the diamond on the direct path that I can see sort of weaving through and around and whatever. Get to the diamond this turn ASAP right now.

Okay. 17. It works. You get it there. You grab the thing. You're good to go. You have the bucket. are you grabbing the bucket or the diamond out of the bucket?

I picked the bucket up and the diamond's inside. Okay, all right. You pick up the bucket, you have the diamond, it's in your arm. Wait, he hasn't. But the only way out is where I'm at, right? There's two doors this way so he has to come back around? Yeah, there's basically the way.

Yeah, I'm kind of on the backside of everything now, right? So I have a long way to get out, kind of, is what I'm imagining. The janitorial closet is open and unlocked. The front atrium is covered in glass, but it's open. So those are the two ways in and out of this room. I want to run to Bob. Is that my- do I need to roll to get to him? If that was your action, yeah.

I want to run to Bob and I say, the only way we get out of this is if we work together. Okay, I'm assuming this is a trick. It has to be, I'm not allowed to work with him, but he doesn't know that. Twelve. Ooh. By our rules, that does work, yes. I run to Bob and I say those words to you.

You don't- you don't have any other advantages, right? I don't think- just the minus one right now. Yeah. So you get there and you say the only way that we can get out is if we work together And Bob my god looking around at the police and everything in the vicinity you believe them for some reason I believe my arch nemesis in the moment. I know there's only one way I take the diamond out of the bucket I hand the bucket to him and I say you're right fill this with shit as fast as you can and When he takes the bucket and squats down to start filling it with shit That's what I make my move and just with the diamond up in the air like Jack Sparrow style

Like sprint towards the atrium exit just on my own because I immediately realized I actually am NOT gonna work with him. Fuck that guy. I'm gonna stop you there Bob because he got his role. He got his role and he convinced you. That was the role of whether or not that would work and it barely did. It barely did. Well then I have a plan. I give him the bucket to fill with shit and I say just so you'll trust me you hold the diamond while you shit and I still want him to fill the bucket with shit when I can't shit on the diamond I have to hold it while I shit no you're filling the bucket with shit for a

different purpose the diamonds unrelated to the shit okay so I'm holding the diamond and I'm shitting so you trust me for working together if you if the roll works well you trust me I rolled for it all right we're getting confused we're getting confused here all right Wade got his role to convince you Bob that they would work together right and I'm working with him the thing that we didn't say is what you wanted to him to do Wade because you just told him and he believed you well I kind of figured I didn't have much chance to get that much out I had to run over there and say that I'm working with him I am trying to work with him.

I gave him the diamond so that he can trust me so he knows I'm not gonna run away with it while he's filling the bucket with shit. He's just already naked and I'm wearing overalls. Even though they're unzipped, it's just hard to get them down that far so I can poop in the bucket. There's a plan. Well, it got a 14, so whatever happened, happened. So the result of my turn is Wade has the diamond and collectively We have a big bucket of shit sure He grabs his wetsuit rings it out as well to help fill the bucket, but he has a diamond you're there

Police are all coming. They're right next to you. It's do or die right now, Wade I have two different ways. I see this going but yes, so we were around a ledge We have to get around the ledge and through the security guards. I stand in the bucket of shit, and I say, PUSH US OUT! As I hold the diamond. What? I know, it's not what either of us expected.

Alright, you do that. I don't even know what this is trying to do, but you got a 17, man. Here's my goal. Okay, well I guess we already rolled my goal was for him to push the bucket and then stop short of the security guard so the shit goes flying out around me and covers them in shit right okay why did you have to stand in it to do that i didn't want to walk yeah that was essentially my exact plan minus you standing in the bucket for some fucking reason but now i know that you're willing to push me. I know we're working together.

Alright Bob, you pushed him, he stood in it, you were like, we're working together, you push him, tips over, he tips over with it, but yeah, there's no- I rolled a 17, so I'm not prone, I land, right? Yeah, you tuck and roll. I guess. Alright, I've got invisible ink and I've got shit boots excellent I guess my original plan thinking was we would just take the bucket and Throw it and try and make a line between us and the exit So it would like part the cop because everyone would get out of the way of it

Or if it hit them, they'd be disgusted and be like disoriented for a second, which would give us a gap to run through. Brilliant. To get to the exit. So assuming Wade's stuff all happened, basically that happened, right? But Wade is way ahead of me because he jumped and rolled out of the bucket of shit and I'm just sort of behind him. But that's that's what's happening. I've made the horrible error of having the police just like standing looking I mean they're all like milling

around doing stuff they're ineffectuate I'm gonna say that in in after this turn like it'll be three turns till game over and no one wins oh we're weird we don't need three okay three turns Bob I'm gonna count this stuff I'm pretty sure last time he said three turns it it was one. Three turns. Yeah, well that was until they got there and then things are gonna get exponentially harder, but I didn't make them exponentially harder and I think like now we need to start.

Let me clarify, three turns each or like one, one, one? It'll be one, one, one. After this one. So it'd be a dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk. Okay, so we each get two more turns, got it. I run to catch up with Wade. How I see it is we're gonna run straight through the glass-covered atrium, but he's naked and crazy.

And even though his feet are covered in shit, he's not gonna make it very far. And we're on a team suddenly. So I've- now I had unzipped my- my overalls previously. I tear the top half of them off and tear that in half. There's a lot of tearing. And I offer tearing and I offer them and I'm like put these on your feet so that he can run over the glass and we can both make it out unscathed I'm like I'll hold the diamond tie these on your

feet quick so that you have shoes to get through the glass because I'm still wearing my boots I'm not worried about it but you your feet will get all cut up I'm so used to being naked and mutilated I don't know if I need them like that. He's glass on my dick got bad news You have four did there was no time to do that. Please get you time resets now It's time to reveal to Bob my master plan. I start moving back, but I'm doing it backwards, which is probably stupid But I'm confident and arrogant. I raise both armpits and say thanks Whatever nickname I gave you earlier, and then I turned a bolt toward the front the entrance with the diamond

I think the the general shit everywhere. I think that got lost in translation. Let's see No five as you go. I trip over the glass as I raise my Time resets two turns left. Alright Bob, we're back. That never happened. Alright. I'm standing behind the bucket, Wade is standing well ahead of me in a pool of shit, and there's a big gap because of the shit towards the exit.

I see that my only chance here, because he's naked, he has no grip. For some reason he's covered in blood on his bottom half too it's all bad I aimed towards the door build as much momentum as I can and try and like half run half ice skate across the shit as fast as I can right towards the exit and as I swing past Wade struggling for traction I'm gonna yoink the diamond so that I end up with full momentum going straight out the atrium That's all covered in broken glass. I'm assuming you're doing the javelin hop before you it's more like the long jump lead-up But very similar. It's like a very hoppy run kind of thing I'm so sorry. No, it's good three. No

No. It's cause three. No. I'm so sorry man. He's about to slip and slide right into the police arrest immediately. I'm so sorry. I wanted that to work so badly. I did too because I had another plan I was going to do with him. Wade, this is it. Hail Mary. Last chance. Alright, without turning around this time, I can't be too boastful, but I've gotta boast a little bit. I go back through the maintenance door and try to get to my sewer entrance raising only one arm as I do. That's it? Yeah, I just want to leave this time. Well, you still have the diamond, so let's see. An 11, which means it's a 10, which means that doesn't work.

We're gonna be the best of friends in prison Bob Yep, you're you're both of your time watches go out of battery right then and there you get arrested and put in jail forever This was not the perfect crime. Can I make one last-ditch effort? What is it? I have an item You have an edible lockpick. Yes. Just like in the comic slash Netflix series, Lock and Key, I suddenly remember that doors can be opened anywhere if you only believe hard enough. And I take out my edible lockpick, and I just jam it into a crack on the floor

and start furiously trying to open a door in the floor. Like if it's not a 20 it doesn't succeed. I just want to take a shot at it. And if the door opens I'm just escaping. I don't get the diamond or anything. I just get out. Wade? Oh yeah. I'm all in. As long as I get one final escape attempt here. God, what was this? Hey, if you give a mouse a cookie... Alright, okay. AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA He got the DLC! I opened the floor door and I escaped! That's what happens! You- you opened the floor?

What is- what is- I don't even know! I- I open the door and the floor and light emanates from it dramatically and I jump up into the air and then fall through it and gravity suddenly changes by 90 degrees and I fall flat on my back and I'm laying in the apartment in Amsterdam that I lived in in my early 20s. That sounds right to me. And the door slams shut behind me and disappears forever. Wade, do you want one last only a 20 will make it work?

Roll. Oh yeah. Instead of a 20, can I ask to need a one instead of a 20 can I ask the needle one what what is it what is it I decide I'm going to use my combination of poo and glass to skate my way at the guards trying to are the police trying to disable them all at once which will allow me more time to get out I shelve my feet into the glass one left foot at a time and then sprint skid by turning my feet slightly upward aiming my toes to the sky can't believe that didn't work hey that's a one and a two you see Bob disappear through the

floor you're arrested no one gets a. I don't know what I was expecting. They'll never keep me in prison. I smell too bad. Alright, I let this one run a little long. I apologize for that, but that was very funny. But I want to recap the insanity of this so-called perfect crime for you guys. Um, and I need to tabulate the points at the same time. So it all started with, um, Bob, you went in the front door. Wade, you went in the same time. So it all started with Bob you went in the front door Wade you went in the sewers

Bob you you you just like coasted in both the second door. Wade you you cut your balls off Bob you you got to the diamond room no problem. They all believed you. Wade you No problem, they all believed you. Uh, Wade, you poured your ink on yourself. Bob, you tried the ladder, didn't work. Uh, Wade, you got up the sewer, it was empty, thankfully. Bob, you, um, threw your- you used your acoustic glass, uh, uh, cannon and blew everything up. The guards obliterated. Wade, you saw it all happen.

Uh, you got the advantage there. Uh, Wade, you used your rope to. You got the advantage there. Wade, you used your rope to get across. That's great. Bob, you had a penthouse forum moment. That was beautiful. And then Wade, you had your hand on the diamond for like 15 turns. Bob, you had the genius thing with the handcuffs. You tricked them into looking at Wade. Wade, you died. You died again, you died a third time, and then you- you didn't die, but you didn't win.

Um, so Bob, you had the advantage there. Bob threw a- went in a room, found a bucket, came back with the bucket, threw the bucket, got the diamond all while you were dying, over and over and over again, ran over, got the- the the bucket through sheer charisma Wade somehow Well, he hopped across the heads went over to you convinced you to work together and then just Shat in a bucket I don't know where the genius was in this entire endeavor. I had a plan

I feel like it was self-evident mine, too Standing in the bucket was clearly not part of the plan I know that's why I had to throw a wrench in your plan, but that didn't help you either It could have I can see now. There's there's still more perfection to be had in the perfect crime I'm gonna fix it next time I'm gonna fix it, and next time I'll have the perfecter crime. Editors, cut out the last hour and 20 minutes. No! Look, I drew- I drew pictures of what I was doing too.

Wow. So I could visualize. I can't show mine on camera for legal repercussions. Alright, so uh, adding in uh, Wade earlier. It's still funny And then you're entering the modern era of YouTubing Bob, you got the hockey heart tug And then you got sneaky bird pictures

So before the wheel, that puts you at Wade 11 to Bob's 12 Alright Okay Wade 11 to Bob's 12. Alright. Okay. I'm going to say that addition to the wheel should be caused the most harm. Hurt your own chances. What's a good way to say that? Self-sabotaged. So you're saying there's a chance.

Yep, I'm saying there's a chance. That favors me a lot. I self-destruct a lot on these episodes. So first, how many bonus points? Yep. Two bonus points yep two bonus points if listeners or viewers get one we could have a tie mark you ready for the show no no no I just I I need another chance to do this I gotta get this perfect bonus point number one ready

Bonus point number one, ready? Point for viewers. Yes! I just need one point! I swear that comes up so much. It really does considering how many things are on this wheel. Baldus! Hey Mark, it's gotta be a tie!

You don't know that, it's fine. I believe in the heart of the everything. I'm ready. All right, so it was 16% before. This is so stupid. So now it needs to be 18% and I need 18% of 360. so 360 times 0.18 is 64 I need to turn this to 64 that's too many it's a big red it's a pretty big you're right you're right

don't worry about it mark it'll be. You only have 64 chances to have it happen Look at this look at these spins look at this bullshit. Oh, yeah, look at the history of these things I mean, I wasn't I wasn't on the wheel for every single one of those spins I guess technically because I but but still well it is what it is fortune favors the ball yeah way congratulations none of you won the actual heist I escaped I feel like I did better than wait that's true yes and you went back in the time to your apartment when you were 20 or just you just went there no I was I was just that's the apartment I did live in someone else lives there now I. I just- that's where I ended up.

I'm having flashbacks to some kind of event that already took place, but is actually in the future. Where we escape from prison. That's- Hahahaha! I am transformed from a European criminal to an American prison warden, and then Wade and I have another face-off. Yeah, Bob gives up his life of crime and turns to punishing those who have wronged him, those terrible criminals. So yeah, this was a prequel.

And I learned that cinder blocks don't float. He is really stupid in both this one and that one. That's true, that's true, that's very true. I had to lean into it, you gave me four detriments, the coin, that's very true. I had to lean into it, you gave me four detriments, the coin said it was fair so I had to lean into it. They didn't even have any problem for you, it was barely a hindrance. Oh well you're right. You were stinky and you were already in a sewer, what did it matter? I was just curious what was gonna happen with all the ink you used, nothing happened with the ink. I was really hoping for some kind of like UV detecting rays I wanted to look like a

beam of alien light unfortunately yeah the cameras were infrared only also I forgot about it all right anyway let's go with Bob your loser speech first well this is starting to really pile on I Uh, I don't like to complain. By which I mean, I think we all know I complain a lot. But, uh, just to put it in perspective, with this, with this being added to the tally, I have now lost or not participated in

four straight episodes. Five straight? No, four straight episodes. I feel like I'm, I feel like I'm showing up. I feel like I'm I feel like I'm showing up I feel like a bringing my a game. I feel like it's really not paying off. So I guess next time I'll just be the way and You guys just do a two-man show. We'll see how that works out for me. What does that mean? I'll just not pay attention and watch Shakira videos the whole time. I was locked in today Yeah, and despite cutting your own balls off and trying to die you still won that's true all right wait what do you have to say for yourself i only tried to cut off one ball the

dice spoke for me and i didn't try to die the dice spoke for me i used the tools at my disposal i was a stinky shitty man and i had to show that but i think in the end despite the deck being stacked against me from the start, with spinning the wheel against me four times, which again, fair, I prevailed. Only to show that you can go into a situation unprepared, outgunned, outmaneuvered, outplanned, with more brilliant strategy on the other side

and still win. All you gotta have is a little stinky heart No, your heart stinky. All right, that's really well said though Congratulations, Wade on your wonderful victory congratulations Bob on escaping and congratulations to nobody for actually completing this crime and Congratulations to all the viewers and listeners especially viewers who got one point for enduring another prototype Perfect crime next time I enduring another prototype perfect crime.

Next time I host the perfect perfect crime episode. Stay tuned for that. Thank you for watching. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast, follow wherever it is, and subscribe to LordMinion777, my scurm and myself, wherever you want, if you haven't already, and thanks again. Podcast out.