Distractible - The Fairest Episode Ever

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

Joking jokers joking about jokers and joker-ing each other's jokers... but, trust us, it's fair. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like... Good night, kid. Good night, Mama. Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution. This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing

shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish. Wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with the Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection. Visit Tresemme.com to learn more. Velvet Heroic Wade highlights his tactical acumen and appreciation of shit Zeus. Sorry, Shih Tzus. Joker Bob implores the Redditors and owes everything to the Godfather and Chlamydia. From the West Wing to remote groping, yes, it's time for the fairest episode ever. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello everybody and welcome to Distractible. I am your host, Markiplier, also known as Mark,

and I have not won in a little bit here, which is unusual for me, and we have the wonderful, wonderful news that I have earned, earned my wins back after they were unfairly robbed from me oh so long ago you know we don't know the reason why we don't know why it occurred but we know that it was an injustice and that injustice has been corrected and to uh help applaud the incorrection of that justice uh i'm joined by my good friends, Bob and Wade. The, the incorrection of that justice. I think we all agree with that. Don't fix it at late. The inaccurature of those injustices. Yes, that's what we're here for.

Well, as judge, whatever I said clearly was a fact and cannot be taken back. Well, you are the judge and that's the rule we've established in this universe no take backsies how are you boys doing today not the best yeah i mean i guess compared to wade i'm all right i'm not sick uh sleeping last night didn't go so hot i see actually the baby slept fine i just didn't sleep very well you ever completely unable to get comfortable to sleep no matter what you do for about a week straight not because you're sick i'm fine i just laid in bed and i was like oh not that oh not like that oh i'll go to the bathroom and then it was like three hours later i'm very insomniac oh will you hush about oh i'm sick oh man no one cares. Bob didn't sleep well.

Yeah, I'm tired. Find your own small talk, sicko. I'm sorry, Bob. Would a point make you feel any better? Yeah, I think it would. Okay, alright. I'll give you one point, and hopefully that makes you feel right better, and it'll get you right to sleep. Two points would probably feel even better.

Two points? Alright, okay, two points. Two points will make you feel better. I'd like two as well. You're fine. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you, Wade? You haven't even told me what's wrong with you. And you better not say, oh, I'm sick again. It's been so long since we've recorded that I

still have COVID. Wow. Well, it's been like, what, two weeks now for the people listening at home? For them, yes. Not for you two. Well, time passes with time. Heals all wounds. well it's been like what two weeks now for the people listening at home man for them yes not for youtube all time passage of time heals all wounds so uh i was like boys i have cove and you guys are like what if in the next three days we do the biggest marathon of recording of this podcast we've ever done in our lives so sorry our hour-long podcast the cumulative three hours that we get to talk and hang out the podcast isn't the problem it's you two we are the podcast other than you we're the podcast i'm the original host

of this podcast uh-huh okay yeah you know what the subreddit doesn't support you enough wade i think you're right you need to you need to get them on side that's all right the listeners don't appreciate you there needs to be people talking about how unfairly you're treated how infrequently you win the fact that somehow mark and i are both extremely biased even though that's a measurable piece of information you could absolutely look at it's proven true i'm the most fair of the three of us i'm just gonna throw that out there because of how numbers work he's he's yelling you know how unfair you are when you were the host you gave mark uh wins he didn't earn and then you gave him the win whenever clearly i earned it so interesting all right well wait subred, you can see me. You see my dying eyes. Help me. I'll give you an opportunity to prove the unbiasness.

I will give you a point for every absolutely no qualifications nice thing that you say about me or Bob. One for each. I don't need any points. Thank you. Wow, he's humble, too. I am. I am. All right, so as an apology, I'll give you two points,

and now we're starting off on an even playing field because this is going to be the most fair game I have ever judged. There can be no criticisms about my fairness or unfairness because in this episode, you will both have an equal opportunity to succeed and or fail i don't like the sound of that i mean this is what it is i mean shouldn't you be happy about that that's that's good didn't we didn't we shake hands mark yeah can we talk about this yeah but i'm not saying it out loud i'm trying to say this for the people at home because they

have very short attention spans and they won't they won't remember shaking hands yeah we shook hands yeah at some point Mine are a little contagious, but here. Well, you know, we may be on video now on Spotify, but we still can't reach out and touch each other just yet. Hopefully technology gets to the point where we can do that. The future of the podcast is four robotic hands sitting on the desk in front of us and each of us with haptic gloves on. And so we're all just touching hands constantly.

Nothing else, but a lot of hand stuff, you know, have we talked about that? There's a I think we talked about it on three peens where we were looking at like various weird sex toys or we had a sex doll kick there for a while there where we were talking about yeah we don't know sex dolls but there was that there was that one that was like could wirelessly connect to another toy across from the world i wonder if we just get that but stick our hands in it and then we know whenever and we have one hand always in it and all of us three and we'll always know everyone's connected to everyone though so you always know whatever but you don't necessarily know who but you know yeah exactly yeah you know how like snipers have like their bags they carry they'll like deploy it and they'll like take out

pieces and put the rifle together and stuff like what if the sex dolls were like that where like you could like travel with it and you take it out and just like squeeze the head but you'll have like a sex doll of your partner and they have one of you so when you interact with the doll it's like interacting with them and you can real time it you know tsa is really not going to be questioning your your sniper bag full of body parts they just go through the x-ray it's just a dismembered head and like a gun stock for some reason now it sounds weird but it'll be normalized by then. Yeah, no, it just needs to be assimilated into culture and then it'll be fine. Yeah, absolutely.

Sorry, Chica's barking at something. She'll quiet down in a minute there. Shut up, Chica. She can't hear me, can she? Dogs have exceptional hearing. Bob, I hate to do this, but I'm going a deducted point because i was just so horrendously rude i couldn't believe it stupid chica what that wasn't rude i'm just saying her fault for doubling down i'll bring you back up a point for some reason being honest you know the honesty

really really gets to me all right so we gotta pick who's gonna go first because this is going to be a round robin thing um what are we doing sex dolls yeah wade goes first sex dolls let's do this all right i don't have one but yeah hold up your sex toy in three, two, one! Better not. I also use it as a computer mouse. Wait, I thought you were going to hold up the Elmo toy you have near you. What about just a leg? I can't let you see the rest right now.

Actually, wait, if you go check your front door, there will be a big box out there for you. Or like the Oprah of sex dolls. You get a sex doll. You get a sex doll. Once we get sponsored by a sex doll company, maybe, but I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. Oh, it's coming.

Or not be coming. Wait, I want you to know, this is the most fair. So I really truly have gone to great lengths. I am dead serious. You're shaking your head, but I am dead serious. I've gone to great lengths to make sure that this is fair. This is impartial and it's in Tyler up to it's in Tyler.

It's in Tyler right now. No, it's entirely up to you. Exactly how I know it's not fair. If I have to do stuff, you guys know I'm already disinvited. It's so simple. Wade. Higher or lower? Oh, crap. The next card? Yeah. The aces count as one or they count as higher? Why does that affect your decision? I'm just trying

to understand the rules. Let's just assume aces are highest. Oh, I gotta think lower. Oh, sorry, I drew a king. I forgot people can't hear this. No, no, don't read it. There's a king and the next one is a six. Do you understand anything that's happening?

All right. How many points? You get one point. You did it. This is the best episode we'll ever do, Bob. Just 52 minutes of higher, lower. It certainly seems pretty fair unless Mark has all the cards face up in front of him. No, no, no, no.

No, I have the deck here. Okay. There's a deck, and I have shuffled it beforehand. I haven't done anything to it. Everything is impartial, and i've shuffled this okay so you got a point there wade yes you did it and it's it's fair right it's fair i mean that seems like it it would be hard to cheat yeah okay it does all right i'm drawing for Bob now. Are you ready, Bob? Sure. Sure, sure. Get ready. Your card is a jack.

Think about it. Aces are high. I'm going to have to go higher. Higher. Bold. Bold strategy. Let's see if it pays off. It's a five.

You were wrong. Five is higher than J.ay's not even a number i mean if you go hexadecimal not quite but that that is no point for you bob you are unfortunately behind okay well that was kind of an experiment and i maybe we should just call this episode here no i live by the quit but while you're ahead mantra one nothing baby it's a soccer game episode all right wait are you ready your card is a six higher or lower it hasn't been higher yet, so higher. Oh, nine! Oh, crap. He's got it.

It's another point for Wade. All right, Bob. Yeah, uh-huh. This is where things get really, really dicey. Are you ready? Yeah. Your card is... Yeah, your card is.

Oh, man. Bob, it could go any way from this. You have entered into the bonus round of higher or lower. Oh, my God. I have before you two choices here. You are trying to guess which is the more searched term. Martin Scorsese or Gladiator. You will continue and continue to earn points until you fail and guess a wrong answer. If you guess a wrong answer on the first time, it's game over.

But if you keep winning, you'll continue to win points until the game is over and you mess up. This one doesn't seem particularly fair. You might think. I would say lower. Well, it's not your choice, Wade. Yeah, no, I'm going to go with Martin Scorsese. It says he has 301. Does it say 301,000 average?

Oh, sorry, did it cut off a little? Yeah, 301,000. Okay, and Gladiator, higher or lower? Gladiator's got to be higher than gladiators gotta be higher than that gotta be higher final answer higher final answer what was your justification uh because it's it's related to more things scorsese is popular and famous but he's not that popular as a person people are more interested in his movie so that's a wider swath of searches related to him gladiator is like a broad topic it could be the movie it could be historical figures could be interest in locations and in ancient rome or whatever around the you know it's just a wider thing i think

that's good gotta be higher all right higher i agree higher higher 673 000 that's what's up i agree with him do i get points you don't get any points wade you're actually uh will can you mute wade because he's not part of this anymore yeah bob the one in the hot seat which has more searches gladiator with 673 000 or super mario run specifically this well so yeah run and this is like current average monthly searches right because i'm sure when that came out lots of people were like what the hell is that there's no way that's lower gotta be lower there's no way super mario run is that popular years after its release it is lower and! What is wrong with you idiots?

No! The bonus round ends in calamity. Only one point scored. Who gives a shit about Super Mario Run? Man, what could have been an event that pulled you ahead has only earned you one point. Ooh, that's a tough round. I'm sorry, Bob. All you people who Google that every month, you suck.

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Are you ready to continue the game? Oh, yeah. All right. Wade, your next card. Nine. Go lower. Going lower. Ooh, bold.

No, that's the right choice. Oh, the consistent king. The consistent king. Always coming in with a one point. That'll get you in the winner's circle if you keep that up, bud. That's where I'm hoping to go. Your next card is a joker. Oh, for the love of God, what is this? Oh, that means.

No, no, no, no. You're going to like this. You now have this Joker. You get to play it after Wade makes a choice and switch his choice at any time in any game, even the bonus round. You can switch his choice at any time. You have this until you play it, but you can only play it after he's made his choice. So when he's committed, you can change his choice.

Mark, hand me the Joker, Mark. All right, which side are you on? I think you want to go the other way? This way. Wow. Don't look at it it's a joker card oh man it's movie magic oh guys i can't believe you planned that out yeah no we really worked on that one we got the special effects up on that one i hope will just cuts out two boxes so that

our wrists line up and just put some dead center on the screen come on will so i hope will just cuts out two boxes so that our wrists line up it just puts a dead center on the screen come on will so i got i haven't decided this rule uh just to say this if you because i didn't know when they would come up and i don't know if they would come up after you guess or something like that i think what i'm going to do is like if you get that you don't get a point for that round but you get to use it whenever you want to screw up the other person can i like steal a point if i mess him up i get a point and he loses a point if to use it whenever you want to screw up the other person. Can I like steal a point if I mess him up? I get a point and he loses a point. If you use it and switch his, you get that point.

Okay. I like that. If it turns out that he does it and screws me up. If he switches me and I end up right because of it. Yeah. Do you like that strategy or do you like just getting a point? No, I like that's fair. If I switch it and I win it for him, that's my own stupid fault.

I'm an idiot. All right. It's back to wade are you ready all right yes your card is a five higher higher oh i'm sorry wade it was a two wow i almost played the joker appear over there i didn't know i was just i was just i saw the joker appear on screen i didn't play it though i still have it so i didn't play it uh no he didn't play it he wasn't fast enough oh sorry wait you don't get a point for that one bob i honestly wasn't gonna play it i was just gonna goof around that's totally fair i believe you and everything you say if i see that card again it's played he has to declare joker like in uno you gotta say it if you don't say it okay okay yes i'm ready your card a jack oh i did it last time and it bit me in the ass so of course let's do it again fire Fire. It's another Joker.

What does that mean? What is happening? I think I put extra Jokers and extra aces in the stack, just so you know. So that would be more fun. So it'd be more fun. Hand me the card again, Mark. All right, you get the Joker there. You didn't have to throw it at me.

Oh, I got it. Look, I have two of them now. Now Bob has two jokers and it's back to Wade. Are you ready, Wade? I just dropped that card and it literally disappeared. What's the score right now? Because I'm lost as hell. The score is Wade with five points, Bob with three.

But I have two jokers, so you're... You do have two jokers. Okay, Wade, your answer is three. But I have two jokers, so you're... You do have two jokers. Okay, Wade. Your answer is three. I... Joker! Joker! No, no, wait!

Hold on, Bob. Wait a second. I did it! I did it that time. I exclaimed. He exclaimed. I heard the exclamation, and the next card is... A six. I can't exclamation, and the next card is... Aw, six.

I can't believe it. I succeeded. Wade, I'm so sorry. Bob gets the point with the incredible Joker play there. That is stunning, and your turn is over. It's a fair game, Wade. It's fair. It's fair.

So fair. Wade, you're still in the lead. Yeah, no, it's cool. It's fine. Bob, what bonus? Are you going gonna get a new car this round give me the other cool bonus card mark come on and it's time for the bonus round it's fair wait there's fair it's fair it's's fair. All right. So your conundrum is stolen generation has 18,000 monthly searches. Does Tourette's have more or less? I guess I got to go with Tourette's is higher.

Higher. Okay. Final answer. Joker yourself. If Tourette's is higher. Higher. Okay. Final answer.

Joker yourself. Oh, how many points do I get if I do that? I don't know. Call it double or nothing. No. Yeah. Higher. Lock me in, Daddy. Higher.

And it was higher. Oh, yeah. 165,000. Literally 165,000 on the nose. What a round number. I think it rounds up i think it doesn't count these because it has no idea all right does tourette's with 165 000 monthly searches have higher or lower searches than six or does six nations have higher searches yeah with 165 six nations is a picture of a green rugby team and a blue rugby team neither of which do

i recognize anything about them and i don't know what six nations is this is probably like an australian thing or some kind of like european or i don't know i'm gonna go i'm gonna live loud and be my best self and say six nations is higher because there's a lot of rugby fans out there they're just not in America. Okay, that's bold, and I actually like that strategy. Let's see if it pays out. Oh, no! That seems...

Joker! Joker! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I told you to joker yourself. You didn't listen. It would have been brilliant, Bob, because if you jokered yourself and you were right, you'd get the point. If you were wrong, you'd get bob because if you jokered yourself and you were right you'd get the point if you were wrong you'd get the point because you jokered yourself well

wade let's see if your master strategies are gonna pay off because you're up next well i'm just gonna keep playing with numbers yeah let bob have the weird shit i'm the numbers guy we're all getting lots of jokers okay so just use your strategies on yourself i really shuffled this deck so i i swear it's fair wade i believe you looked through and shuffled real good i put extra jokers and aces in to keep it interesting but i shuffled it that's fine just show me another seven or something well i mean you are winning so it's tied right now it's tied. Yeah. Okay. Wait. Your chance to take the lead

is... Your card is an eight. That's a tricky one, right? I'm gonna go lower. Lower. He's going lower. And your card is... What happens? You're the... I don't know. The game is over! No, double point!

It's an eight. That's so rare. What does that do? Maybe you is over if it's the same it's an eight that's so rare what does that do maybe you draw again because it's the same number it doesn't not higher or lower but it's not lower well yeah there was no option for me to say the same you can do whatever you want daddy what do we do i i feel like one of the three of us is the host and it's their job to decide what we do. I think it's so amazing. I'm going to give you double points because that was just incredible. Back on top. All right, Bob, you've drawn the plus four.

I play my reverse. Bob, your card is a jack again. Okay, well, it's got to be higher one of these times. Joker, Joker. I just's got to be higher one of these times. Joker! Joker! I just want this to be true. All right. Do it for me, Mark.

All right, and your card is a jack! Double points! It's so rare. It's like draw two. It's like a draw two. It stacks, so I get double, double points. No, no, you can't. I shuffled this.

I swear I shuffled it. I shuffled it. I mean, that's not how packs of cards come to get, you know, organized. So clearly you did shuffle it. I shuffled it. You did that.

All right, okay. So it's all tied up again. It's a nail-biter of a game you're going to make. Wade, don't you like how fair this feels? It's so fair! You're earnestly playing and getting only basic stuff,

and I'm getting bonus rounds and extra things and trying to lose, and somehow we're tied. It's okay. He shuffled to make it this fair. I shuffled! Wait, your card is... You get a joker. Oh, look!

Where are we going? Up? Up? There you go, pal. Thank you. Oh, a wetnat from being on the beat of it. Thanks, man! I can't believe it! That's incredible.

Alright. Okay, no poise for Wade, but hey, that'll come in handy with this very next round where Bob is getting... I swear I shuffled it. I swear it's a joker. I swear I shuffled it.

I shuffled it. I didn't... No, I didn't even put the jokers into the deck in this... I literally put them in and then shuffled them separately because I was like, I got to make sure. So because I got a joker and there was a joker right after, do I get two points?

No. Thanks, Mark. Is that a sock? It's a wrist rest. It's one of those bean bag wrist rests. I'll hide my joker right here. Wade, it's back to you. You ready? I'm ready your next card Yes

Swear to God, this is my first time don't take this from me. What am I? Oh wait, I can are you right? All right, wait, you're I've got these. Does NASA have higher or lower searches than Walmart at 45 million monthly searches? That actually is kind of tough, though. Yeah, it is a tough one, but I think NASA is lower. Okay. NASA is lower. Final answer? Yeah.

All right. And that's correct. NASA has 2.2 million now masai mara masa it looks like zebras so probably someplace in africa i'm guessing does masai mara have higher or lower searches than nasa's 2.2 million i'm gonna say lower lower final answer that's my second of three jokers he's burned two of his three jokers wade thinks that messiah mara gets way more searches than nasa interesting i hope it does bob i hope it does and it does not unbelievable cancels out the bonus round and steals that i could have moved on to the bonus round three hey we're still tied i hate you

actually bob you have pulled ahead wait why how why? How did I get another one? Because Wade didn't earn a point for going into the bonus round. But he got one point for the first one, didn't he? He got NASA versus Walmart. He gets that point. I just get the point on the second guess. It's all tied up. I was wrong.

I'm sorry. Yeah, it's okay. You were just trying to keep it fair. See how fair it is, Wade? I'm even helping to keep it fair. I know when you're giving me points that it's fair. how fair it is when i'm even helping to keep it fair i know when you're giving me points that it's fair so it's so fair all right bob your turn uh-huh card is a two lower lower can the ace be lower wait wait wait can the ace be lower is it high and low or is it only high because i guess

i can't guess lower if that's not actually an option. Let's say it's higher or lower, but it would like chuck you in the bonus round anyway. Man, I didn't think this through. I think it's going pretty well, actually. If he gets an ace, I think he gets a point for being lower and he gets the bonus round, right? He's got to confidently make decisions on the fly and live with them. Yeah, all right. Here we go.

Your card is a queen. Unfortunately, you do not get the point for that one back to wade i should have guessed same should have guessed another same would have been legendary that would have been nice all right wade your card is a two you it's two higher higher higher alright and I want it to be true so I'm gonna wait Joker actually never mind okay lower Wade guesses lower

alright Ace please I don't know what to do here I mean I'll take it I think it now goes to Bob I get the Joker he gets to use a Joker and get a. I think it now goes to Bob. I get the Joker? He gets to use a Joker and get a Joker?

I think so. Wait, but... What? He canceled it out in some way. I don't know. Look, I'm just... Nobody gets a Joker. Nobody. We both lose because it's not higher or lower, and we're both idiots.

I get a Joker. Mark gets a Joker. That's probably fair that's probably fair bob you're out of jokers now i am out of jokers yes i'm gonna i'm gonna put this joker back on the bottom of the deck just because because of fairness it's my turn now bob your card is a seven higher higher higher. Ooh, barely nine. Congratulations. And the best. That's a point for Bob. Bob just pulled into the lead here. You know, nine should be lower than seven. It should count as lower because seven, eight, nine. Is inside of lower or just inside of though.

And does your worth change if someone else eats you? I'd say your worth eventually becomes shit. No, you become shit, but your worth transcends your physical being. What about all of Nine's charitable giving and altruistic actions? Stop when it got eaten, lazy son of a bitch. Should have kept eating.

Yeah, but Seven's going around eating people. Clearly Seven's not doing good in the world. Nine has done enough good to outlast anything that Seven does the rest of their life. We're afraid of seven. Nine's like, we've forgotten about it at this point. Bullies don't have value just because you fear them. They're just bullies.

Well, they get like bully value. It's like its own currency. Also, and I'm just going to throw this out there. There are numbers and nine is higher than seven. If you look at the number line on the top of your desk, nine is to the right of seven, which means it's a bigger number. It means it's higher. your desk nine is to the right of seven which means it's a bigger number which means it's higher well zero's to the right of nine no it's not oh what in what god where's the zero go in what universe is zero to the right of nine zero is on the far left if you look up at the QWERTY. That is not the number line.

That's the keyboard. The number line is the thing you have in elementary school that goes from zero to whatever number. It's taped on the top of your desk. Part of how you learn math. Did you say to look at our keyboard? I said look at the number line on your desk in a metaphorical world where you're in second grade learning about numbers. I don't think that was inherently obvious. Whenever has anyone called the numbers at the top of a QWERTY keyboard the number line?

I don't know, but Mark and I were both confused. I still his confusion. I felt my confusion. I don't have any number lines on my desk. Google number line and you'll see what I'm talking about. Zero is to the left of nine. Just give him his point, man. I'm afraid.

Just give him his point. Bob gets a point. He pulled into the lead, I think. I can't remember anymore. Wade, your turn. Your card is a joker. There you go, Wade. Alright, thank you. There you go, buddy.

Got it. Ooh, a used napkin. Thank you. Put that next to mine. You just have trash around you, man. Yeah, you know what his office looks like it looks the same as it ever did excuse me he's got wigs and fake cigars and b-dubs sitting around all kinds of stuff you never know when you might need a wet nap oh that is actually pretty useful yeah okay all right thank you bob your card 10 oh well, obviously lower. Lower. Joker! He declared it, and thus, the card was an eight.

Therefore, Wade is successfully jokered and steals a point from Bob. Goodbye, you snapkin. I'm keeping my wet nap. Wait, four. Higher! Higher. I would joker here if I had one. King. You don't have any jokers. You don't know?

What if I have a joker playing card somewhere in my office? Can I play that? I will allow it. If you can find a joker card somewhere. But you have to shout your answer for what this is. Your next card's an eight. Lower.

Lower. All right. It's a seven. You got a point there, Bob. Good job. I did it. Well done. Wait, back to you.

You did queen. Lower. Lower. Lower. All right. The bonus round! Hurry before Bob ruins it. Wade, you're in the bonus round.

It's time. Well, Chamberlain has 200,000 monthly searches. Does Moobs have higher or lower searches? I hope for the sake of humanity that it's lower. Are you sure? Final answer. Will Chamberlain is such an iconic name in sports. Please tell me he beats Moobs.

Who's Will? What Will is this? He edits our videos and dunks basketballs. Is he that same guy? He's good at basketball too? It's crazy. It's wild. I've got to go with lower just out of pure hope. All right, lower. Yes! Moobz only has 27,000, thankfully.

But does fencing have higher or lower than Moobz 27,000? That's a tougher question than I'd like it to be. I don't know, man. I thought that was pretty obvious i guess again for the sake of humanity i stand before you as your representative and i say fencing is higher higher joker you don't have one it's a card that says joker on it and it's got a funny guy with a hat. I just had to pull the freaking video up again to look at what you had. I found this.

For those of you on Spotify, you see the ridiculousness of this, but those of you listening to this audio only, you might be like, yeah, give it to Bob! He's got it! I swear to you guys, this is not an authentic Joker. People who can't see the video, you'll be on my side. It's a Joker card.

It's a card of paper that says Joker. I'm going to wait for Reddit posts to be like, man, I got the same Joker in my deck. He's got a fan of cards and just that thing sticking out. Does it matter if he does or not? I have his Joker counter. He's got a Jokeroker counter it's so authentic ah man the sad face cancels your smile bob my smile is way more intense than your sad face he's even so drunk that one of his eyes is half closed oh there mine barely has eyes at all all

right now we're still on wade in the uh and i believe he said lower i did not did you say lower i said fencing is higher fencing higher than moves is it true it is 1.2 million searches that's probably good for society that is good for society. But does Skype have higher or lower searches than fencing at 1.2 million? Dude, in 2023? We were just talking about this. Yeah. No. I'm not actually sure where I'd come down on this one.

That's an interesting... I'm going to say lower, but it's weird to me that Skype would be lower. You're going to say lower final answer? I'm going to say lower. Okay, lower. Oh, no. Skype still has 20 million searches every month. Damn.

Who is using Skype? My main thing I'm worried about with Skype is how do I get it off my computer? Because I still occasionally get the Skype ringtone in the background randomly. And I'm like, I uninstalled you like a dozen times. in the background randomly, and I'm like, I uninstalled you, like a dozen times. I'm almost more concerned about the 20 million people Googling Skype than I am about the 27,000 looking at moves. Well, that's just the way the internet crumbles,

but you still walked away with two points, which means you are now in the lead by two points. Bob, it is your turn. You have a 10. Lower. Lower. Lower. With his chance to catch up. Couldn't possibly mess this up a third time.

Yeah, okay, so Kit Kat has 135,000 monthly searches. Does the West Wing have higher or lower than Kit Kat? Well, so it shows a box of the West Wing box set, which was like, yeah, late 90s, early 2000s TV drama. But like the West Wing is also just what you call the West Wing of the White House. Yeah, so I think it's just like that search phrase. I feel like if it includes any version of searching for that,

West Wing's got to be higher. Maybe. I have no... People like KitKat, so... No, no, no. West Wing, got to be higher. Got to be higher. Okay, final answer?

Mm-hmm. No! No! Zero points! It had 74,000 searches versus kit kat at a hundred and whatever thousand i'm sorry bob that is crushing you didn't who needs to google kit kat it's a kit kat it's made of chocolate and crunchy shit maybe they're searching to try to order like a special flavor maybe this is what's wrong with america more people need to google the west wing that's my

that's where i'm coming from you know what's wrong with america kit kats moobs and skype yeah i don't see what those have in common uh searching people search for them apparently all right wait you ready oh yeah your next card nine let's go lower lower i'm I'm so sorry, Wade. It's okay. It was a king. My bit got you. You get no points for that.

Bob, now your turn. Higher. Joker! He said higher. He doesn't get it. He doesn't instinctively want to go higher. Is that all it is? All right, Mark.

There you go. Oh, you can see the thing in my eye. Whatever. It's a coaster. This is my joker. It's a coaster. You mean jokester. Coast jokester.

Wade, your next card. Wade. wade the suffragettes has 135 000 monthly searches suffragettes suffragettes does peru have higher or lower searches than the suffragettes that's honestly a tough one to judge i'm gonna go higher but i don't feel great about it final answer i really wouldn't know oh never mind it's a blowout 1.2 million searches i guess a lot of people want to travel to peru i was hoping that entire country uh would have more but just actively searching their own country as fast as they can don't you you're an american don't you just google us of a every day and get your dick out i i type it into google like as i chant it usa enter usa enter that's fair that's fair all right wade you've earned a point but does share have higher or lower searches than peru at 1.2 million

i'm gonna say higher people looking for her music and stuff like that joker joker joker joker whoa whoa whoa hold on here what just happened i tried to joker his joker did you joker my joker jokering his joker i'm trying i don't know if it does anything so i jokered you which means i get a point if if it's if i screwed you up and you get a point if you were correct now. But you jokered my joker, which means that you switched it back to lower. I said higher. Oh yeah, you switched it back to higher and so I get a point. Well, no,

I'm doing the layers, right? So there's the first gamble then your joker institutes a second gamble where I selected lower and you switched it to higher. Wait, if I joker your joker, you get the point if it's what I originally thought? You created more points by playing more jokers. There's the first gamble in isolation where either you get a point or I get a point.

And then there's a second gamble where either I get a point or you get a point. And I can't figure out how to tell who's... So if you changed it back to higher and that's wrong, you screwed me up and you get the point, but also you... I don't know. I can't even get to the end of what I'm saying. You both get a point if it's higher?

No matter what happens, we both get a point. That's the thing, yes. Okay, all right. I don't know. I don't know. How do you want to do it, Wade? I just want to get a point if it's higher. I don't know. I don't know. How do you want to do it, Wade? I just want to get a point if it's higher. I don't know.

I don't know if this actually does anything. Maybe you can't joke or joke. I think it's fair play. We'll just have to see what happens, I guess. We'll just have to see what happens and decide afterwards, I guess. It better be higher, Cher. This is costing us everything. Never been a higher stakes one.

God, I hope it's higher. Jesus Christ. Higher? No! Yes! everything never been a higher stakes one god i hope it's higher jesus christ higher wait wait that means i get two points right because i changed it to lower winning the first one and then you no but that would mean you get a point on the second one yeah if it's actually lower than i would have gotten a point the first time right right right okay we both get a point then i guess what what do you want to do mark wade you get a point from the rounds that you had bobby we're gonna joker him so you're gonna switch him to lower and if it was lower you would have gotten a point he jokered your joker to switch his choice wait that's true

yeah i would have messed up my joker because i switched it to the correct answer right but then wade switched it to the wrong answer so technically wade wins the first joker but then i win wade's joker because he we know wade gets two points i do i messed up i messed up my joker but wade succeeded at his joker because he switched my guess from lower to higher. He had a successful joker. Yeah, Wade gets two points. This is what just happened. Bob, yeah, that's correct because, Bob, you would have lost your joker

because it was lower, but, Wade, you jokered his joker, inverted the bet by placing a bet on yourself that you were wrong. You gave yourself insurance and therefore got two points. That was the most brilliant play you could have ever done, Wade. Thank you. Thank you. I planned it out from the start. That's the most seven head shit that's ever happened.

My God. I intentionally threw that. So Wade got three total points from that? Yeah, he's up five points well three points basically insurmountable and i'm out of jokers are you out of jokers i think we're both out of jokers yeah that was my one only one that was it i think the only one left is the one i shuffled back in so bob your card seven okay higher please higher sorry it's a three god damn it it's not looking good for you bob i'm sorry all right wade your card now we're back baby this is rigged

mark has consciously made the decision to make me the wade of this episode and it's rigged against me and if i don't see outrage in the subreddit after this then we'll all know that the subreddit is rigged in favor of wade look i didn't expect wade to pull out the genius level plays that he was gonna he's really showed his skill and consistency but hepatitis has 550 000 monthly searches does bobby charlton have higher or lower searches now i myself have never searched for either of these what magazine cover is he on the cover of there does that say oh gratica grat gratico gratico gratico gratico is? I'm going to go lower for Bobby. Lower.

Final answer? Yes, because I don't even know who that is. Lower. Yes, only 49,000. But does Noah's Ark have higher or lower searches than Bobby Charlton? Noah's Ark is closer to God, therefore higher. Final answer? Final answer.

It does. 246,000 searches for Noah's Ark, but does yoga have higher or lower searches than Noah's Ark? The way that butts look in yoga pants means higher. Higher. Final answer? Final answer. Yes!

And you've made the high score! I can't believe it, the high score of the bonus round is now three points yoga 1.8 million monthly searches but does starbucks have higher or lower searches you get coffee before and after yoga so that's two to one so starbucks would be higher final answer wade gets all the easy ones will you change the difficulty on this between rounds? I don't know. That's just what it is. All right. Higher?

Oh, yeah. Higher? Okay. It does 9.14 million monthly searches. But does Joe Montana have higher or lower searches than Starbucks? Joe Montana makes a lot of yoga pants come off, but I'm going to go lower nonetheless. Final answer? Yes.

It is Joe Montana. Only only 165 000 searches i'm on a streak what is this what is this then this is the dumbest shit ever does friends have higher or lower than joe montana it's friends like the tv show i guess it could be any variation of the word friends it's sad people googling about what it must be like to have friends in their life then joe montana i actually don't know how to go at this one i'm gonna say higher you fucking better are you kidding me friends gonna have like 10 million it's still one of the most popular tv shows of all time i never watched it higher yeah let's go higher it does 2.74 million monthly searches. Okay, that's not 10 million, but...

But does Shih Tzu have higher or lower searches than Friends? The dog, I think. This seems more fair. This is a tough one. Let's go lower. Lower? Final answer? Yeah.

You're right. Only 1.2 million searches. How many points even is this right now? I'm going to bank some of these points for the next episode. Am I allowed to do that? Seven? No. Seven points. But does currency converter have higher or lower than Shih Tzu?

Lower than a doggy. It's like in the $500 range. Lower. Lower. Oh, wrong! Six million! Six million! Six million searches! That's because people actually use that as a service on a regular basis.

Well, people use dogs on a regular basis too. I'm so sorry I only got seven in a row. Give me a break. Those were really hard. Yeah, seems fair. Hepatitis and Bobby Charlton? Everyone knows Bobby Charlton should have dominated. But I knew better.

Bob, you are now down 12 total points. Okay. A long way to climb back up, but you get a good bonus round here. You're in the running. Well, clearly I've excelled at those. Yes, absolutely. We all have your card. Four.

Higher. You get a your card. Four. Higher. You get a Joker. Good. That's what I need. Look, man, I'm really trying, man. It is fair. It's fair. It's very fair. If it's fair, then you're not trying.

I tried to make it fair. I'm trying my best. All right, Wade, your card. Queen. Oh, man, I guess I have to try lower here. I don't know. Joker! This is my Joker.

It's a baby. He jokered. It was a three. I got one point, yes! Bob gets one glorious point. Bob, your card. Oh, the comeback! Could this be the time?

I have no jokers. Bob, Volkswagen has 5 million monthly searches. Does Curb Your Enthusiasm have higher or lower than Volkswagen? That's an HBO show that's not the last of us yes good yeah if only hbo had made other popular shows people might remember the name of it's got to be lower right is curbing for curbing your enthusiasm still airing new episodes or is it in i don't think so i think it was done like 10 years ago. I would go with lower. It's got to be lower than an internationally known and sold bread of car.

Right? Right? We'll see. Lower. It does only 368,000. Now, does the European Union have higher or lower than Curb Your Enthusiasm? God, I hope this one's higher. No offense to to curb your

enthusiasm it's a funny show but uh yeah i could go higher all right it does 800 823 000 all right but does rapid eye movement have higher or lower no shot that's higher see but this is so it does this is not including people who are searching for REM sleep. Because I'm sure a lot of people Google REM sleep. What is REM? That sort of thing. Yeah, yeah. So if it doesn't include those Googles, it's got to be lower.

I always thought it was rabbit elf munching. It's raunchy Easter monkeys. Is it lower? It is. Oh, wow. Now nobody gives a heck about rapid eye movement oh come on but does diabetes have higher or lower oh i googled diabetes about 9 000 times a month so i'm pretty sure all together the world can top the 9900 i gotta go higher final answer higher lock it in locked in 1.5 million searches a month for diabetes okay is that four four four points right now or five points four all right but does mahjong mahjong have higher or lower interesting for those of you who don't know mahjong is like a chinese not quite a card game it's played with like little kind of like a domino

z card game almost type game it looks fun i've never played it they have those cool tables where you can dump all the tiles in the middle and then it automatically like mixes them up and dispenses tiles and stuff yeah that's awesome there's one of those in fast and furious tokyo drift in the lair where dk hangs out and meets with han and they talk about drug deals. More than 1.5 million people are definitely searching for Mahjong because that's a very popular game in a highly populated region of the world. It's very popular in the Asian Pacific region. I got to go higher. All right, higher, higher. It does 5 million monthly searches. You're up to five points. Ooh, but does Jennifer lawrence have higher lower searches than majal i mean she's

very popular i feel like probably it's cooled off for her specifically since you know the whole bow and arrow girl thing died off what's that called mocking jay hunger games those are a while ago now but she's still insanely famous about5 million a month? Lower. You're right! 2.74! Just about half. Comeback is real. The comeback is real.

The comeback is real. But does Audi have higher or lower than Jennifer Lawrence? Higher. Audi's part of Volkswagen. Volkswagen had like $9 million or whatever it was at the beginning there. Audi's more exclusive, though. Volkswagen is the car of the folks i mean it's the wagon of the folk whatever higher all right higher yes four million

searches oh hey what's up will chamberlain now hold on a second baby we circle around the entire internet all the way back to this is rigged uh well if i recall from 10 minutes ago i believe wilt had a lower number of average monthly searches uh but it's gone up in the last 10 minutes wait's been sitting there just like well chamberlain well chamberlain well chamberlain come on it's gotta be lower gotta be lower it's lower he's lower we still this he's lower yeah it's lower 201 000 for wilt but louis vuitton louis vuitton louis vuitton this one honestly seems a little unfair does it louis vuitton has got to be i mean it was in that megan trainer song and she's pretty

popular lizzo went with balenciaga but still you know they've had some controversy with their weird advertisement stuff as they're in trouble i gotta go higher all right higher and absolutely 6.12 million close one close one uh but does seinfeld have higher lower than louis vuitton this is another incredibly popular tv show but i would say friends maybe has more ubiquitous popularity right now than seinfeld does because they just had the friends reunion and stuff like in the last couple years but jerry seinfeld as a person is also still by me he's been doing comedians and cars can coffee for a long time now and he's still you know famous i gotta go lower lower than 6.1 million steinfeld lower locked in it is only 450 000 monthly searches oh my god how close is he right now to me he's at 10 points i don't

remember how many if i get one more i think i take the lead or we tie i don't remember oh god help me godfather this one actually might be tough because does the godfather have higher or lower than seinfeld i'm gonna come to you on this the day of your daughter's wedding and ask you godfather please have lower than 450 000 monthly searches the godfather is a classic movie classic franchise a lot of followers but it's more of a cinema nerd type thing than like a pop culture thing at this point because it's old and younger people don't like old movies or whatever please sir lower i beg you sir give him the frito treatment take bob out in a. I'll invite you over to my place to have a coffee or whatever you want, man.

Yeah, to tie the game. Does Godfather have lower views than Seinfeld? Oh my God, it counted it! It was an Eden! It was the same number! It was the exact same and it counted it! Exactly! It counted it!

Oh my god! I have never in my life... Okay, does MasterCard have more than 450,000 average monthly searches? I mean, for people trying to log into their credit card alone higher, this is gonna be like 10 plus million like everyone's googling like how do i whatever mastercard something come on higher yes oh it's only a million that's way less than i would have guessed and with that bob has taken the lead can he extend it with poodle poodle we've learned that people hate dogs they don't They don't Google them at all.

Dogs are not as cool as money or credit cards or orange and yellow circles. Lower. Poodle is lower than a million Googles a month. Lower. It was 450,000 exactly. But it was the same as Seinfeld and The Godfather. Stop it! All right.

But does Chlamydia. Oh, good. At least Bob got given Chlamydia at the end of this the chlamydia you get this when you're dating and and sleeping with various people who maybe you don't know they don't know you get it by not sleeping like that i don't think i don't think you sleep ass to ass to get chlamydia frantically searching do i have chlamydia? What does it mean if my junk is swollen and green? Is that bad? Chlamydia? Other stuff? Gonorrhea?

It's got to be more. More than 450,000 searches a month? Got to be higher for chlamydia. Everyone's freaking out. You don't want to have that. You don't want to be sick. You don't want your junk to be in peril. 1.2 million!

Yes! He continues! I'm so good at this game what is this now it's the potala palace i'm not sure either i don't recognize that but it looks like a palace i guess i assume it's a palace i'm thinking this must be a tourist spot some kind of very cool decadent or historic palace people visit but there's no way 1.2 million people are searching for this palace every month it's got to be lower lower yes very much lower 14 000 oh so close man oh my god i wonder if a lot of people search for this relatively popular in its time tv show yeah does house of cards have higher lower searches than the potala palace i should do like i've been doing with the cards lower no higher don't don't click that stop

that don't click that okay yeah it does 1.8 oh it's a close one does malaysia have higher lower searches than house of cards 1.8 i'm a little surprised 1.8 million a month search for house of cards but malaysia is a whole country but it's relatively small but i feel like it's very beautiful and attractive tourist location i would bet that a lot of people if this is international results i would bet that a lot of people in like australia new zealand and the pacific asian region of the world search about malaysia to like have a nice vacation to I would bet that a lot of people in like Australia, New Zealand, and in the Pacific Asian region of the world search about Malaysia to like have a nice vacation, to find a spot somewhere in the mountains or whatever, or on the ocean, somewhere pretty higher.

It did not have higher, but you scored. I'm so mad. Unbelievable. higher but you so mad unbelievable 16 points in the final round 1 2 3 4 5 6 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 and thereby took the took the lead by 5 But we're playing golf rules. Uh-huh. What? So the lower score is better. Um, yeah, it kind of went over the whole dramatics of it, because I was gonna make that the last round, but then he just, like, kept

going, and he kept winning, so, like, um... Yeah, it was supposed to be, like, really close, and then maybe we'd have a tiebreaker on that, but, um... Bob, you're up by five points right now. I will offer Wade an opportunity to play one more round of the website game. Okay. But I get a joker to use during the play.

Interesting. For the viewer's sake. Yes, let's do it. I mean, I really literally have nothing to lose by saying yes. Yeah, I'm basically trying to lose here, I guess. I don't know why I offered you anything. I could have just taken it. You've literally had the win.

You had the win. It wasn't close. All right. So we each get a joker, right? I know I get a joker. You are playing. Bob is already in the lead. So I'm giving him one last the last joker.

The one that was. Ow. I just hit my hand on the shelf behind me really hard trying to do the card bit. Ow. That hurt. Oh, I'm sorry card bit. Ow. That hurt. Oh, I'm sorry. I blame Mark. All right.

So remember, Bob, you're up by five. If we're going into this again, that's your strategy. Okay. All right. Wade, you're back in. You want the music or no? I don't care. It does not matter to me.

We'll play some really silly music. San Francisco 49ers with a mystery number Does Raiders of the Lost Ark Have higher or lower than 368,000 I'm gonna say higher But I don't know if I feel great about it I feel like this one's too close to call I don't really know

Wow okay and Wade loses I would have thought less than San Francisco, but I would have thought both numbers would be higher. You can laugh, but none of us were sure. No, Raiders of the Lost Ark only gets 130, whatever, thousand searches a month. That's so much less than I would have thought. I thought San Francisco 49ers would have gotten more than that. I guess that's only one movie in the franchise,

so maybe we were all thinking like Indiana Jones. Yeah, I guess that's only one movie in the franchise. So maybe we were all thinking like Indiana Jones, but I guess that's true. Fall straight on his face. The music predicted it. Bob, you are the glorious winner today with five extra points. And wait, I can't be bothered to count them because the Reddit will. Congratulations. You won the very fair, extremely fair. Actually, you can't say it wasn't fair.

I think say it wasn't fair i think say it wasn't fair it was so fair the most fair game i've ever come up with in this podcast excuse me it's true it's the closest i've had a chance to winning my mark hosted one yet i think you i think you injured mark all right but bob you win do you have a? Oh, it feels good to win. I do it so often. You know, sometimes you take it for granted because it just happens every day. Every time we record, I always win. But today, I'm remembering that not everyone gets to do that.

Right, Wade? Ow. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes existence is pain. Sometimes you just don't have it in you to guess randomly. I literally have COVID. I'm here participating with COVID. Oh, here he goes again.

Wow, he never shuts up about it. He's sick for weeks and weeks and weeks. He never lets it go, huh? Never going to live this one down. Hey, if you wanted everyone to have COVID so bad, you should have come over here and coughed on me well if that's what you want and i win speech over speech over wade you want to lose your speech thanks for a fair game you're welcome you're welcome buddy i'm sure bob is going to come

up with a fair whatever when we get back around and we definitely didn't make a handshake deal to ensure that you never won again yeah good job second the deck mark i need to do it that's what i do no one even looked at me shuffle i'll take my two jokers and my three attempts at the whatever the aces versus bob's like 900 and 900 it's fine i think i did the aces four times but i earned a total of two points between three of them so it's not exactly a big advantage it was really low scoring in the initial phases of the bonus round it really was yeah it was the last two i got like seven i was like this is insurmountable thank you so much for participating in this game thank you everybody so much for listening if you were watching on spotify

you got to see our pretty faces and the cb hold up cards what a radical difference from what it was before but i also said it out loud so anyone listening with their ears could also have heard it but we probably forgot to say the numbers at least once so you should watch the video or you don't get that information uh thank you boys for joining me you can find bob at my scrim all over the internet that's m-u-y-s-k-e-r-m i realized probably saying that out loud some people might listen to this and be like what did you just say now that we have video it's probably better to spell it too yeah so uh wait a minute that's not what i meant man i just realized just saying it out loud people may not know what it is spelled like. It only took 100 episodes

to figure it out. I'm gonna deduct a win from your total wins. I'm still host. I'm still host. The last second steal. No, I'm not gonna do that because I'm better than that. And you can find Wade at stinkypoobut

at youtube.net. I wish. Open up Netscape Navigator and get over there. Anyway, lordminion777 please follow the podcast. Otherwise, when will you ever know when we're doing these now to a week? Because we are. Did you know that?

You would if you followed. Yeah. Follow. Alright, that's it. Podcast out.