Distractible - The Perfect Crime

Episode Date: April 21, 2025

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With amazing beach breaks, city breaks, and bucket list trips to choose from, Air Canada has you covered. Start planning your trip to over 180 destinations today at aircanada.com or contact your travel agent. Air Canada. Nice travels. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Maudlin Mark finds a library bear, then challenges the chaps to play spy vs. spy. Ball-loving Bob asks about Wade's,

gets into old men, and has hyper hearing as a wily warden. Wetter Wade, mind's fatality during staycation, flushes himself, clubs guards, and attempts a prison break. From pumpermelons to grayness. Ye-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he Hello and welcome to Distractable. This is the podcast that you have chosen and your fate has been decided.

There's no going back now, you're in it for the end. Cause our retention time needs to stay up. No matter what! No matter what. I'm your host, Markiplier, here to guide you through this episode and all the adventures therein. And the people that I'm going to subject to my whimsical whims are these two gentlemen here Bob and Wade Wade Why are you making that face? I splashed water on me, and I'm I can't unwet I

Don't know what that means, but I don't like it. I went to take a drink and somehow now. That's not the part I don't know what that means. I know about the water I can't stop feeling wet,. All of my head just feels wet. It won't stop, you know? And I'm Bob. Hi, Bob. How are you? Wet?

Oh, I'm excited to be here. Dry. Dry as can be. What did the philosopher say? The unwet life is not worth living, I'm pretty sure. I have a specific small talk question. I know this isn't a thing we've ever done before. But you mentioned you were going to be playing basketball. Is that happening, is it going continue? No, I've not well, okay, not by my choice

I would love to I never heard from my friend who was trying to put the league together So I'm thinking about joining like a YMCA or something just so I can go and play like with real people like a pickup game Yeah, like something like that But the league never came to fruition from what I heard it was supposed to start in March But we're a little past that now. Yeah, it's not March anymore So I don't know if there's gonna be like another summer league or what I guess I'll reach out to my friend and see But it's also possible He just didn't text me specifically about it having not played in 12 years because apparently some of the competitors in said league are

12 years because apparently some of the competitors in said league are uh former college basketball players not all necessarily division one but like i might not have stacked up against some of the other centers as well playing center at six three or six four when they're like seven foot you never know until you try sounds like your friend really maybe he just accidentally lost my number looking at the competition and realizing that i barely do what a basketball looked like after all this time Describe a basketball for all of us at home. It's orange Kind of square has some like watermelon II lines on it and in the middle it's pink and you can eat it Far as I know that's correct. Did you describe a pumpkin or a watermelon? That is the question.

Who'd I? Who's he? And I'm Bob. Anyway, you could talk about whatever small talk you were gonna talk about. Like how you still don't own a car. I'm 100% sure about that. But I was just curious.

I was just curious, I was just curious. I put money, I've ordered a car. It's like you order something online, you gotta wait for the delivery. Delivery hasn't happened yet. It's like you order something online. You gotta wait for the delivery Delivery hasn't happened yet. It's out of my hands now. I have done my due diligence What number do you call for this mysterious car? 1-800-CAR obviously. I have a tracker with 12 dots for car delivery. He's got a Domino's tracker of his car It's in the oven. All right right now. I'm in the baking phase

How many of the 12 dots are filled in where are you? Three? I'm on three but like six of them are production steps So you still are holding on to the idea that this car is gonna happen this German car Yes, you know we live in America not in Germany just to be clear about that I dare to dream a life worth living and that life includes this car being delivered you know they make cars here in America yeah um so otherwise taking some time off for the first time in a while this week with the exception of today twice and tomorrow and tomorrow, week off!

And maybe Friday, I might be working. That's a lot of time off almost. Yeah, well things keep happening. I'm like, well I can do that. I was gonna take the week off, but I can't, like I have trouble saying no to things, so like people ping me. Bob pinged me and I was like, technically I am free! You said you were supposed to be on vacation and I was like, Alright, no, don't- that's fine, it's just a stream. You're on vacation, you should be on vacation, Wade. I have a to-do list that I've already been working on. I got some light bulbs in a different place, I gotta take Molly's old car. You vacation real weird.

It's a staycation where I get all the stuff done that's been put off because I've been just doing a lot of streaming, recording, podcasting. That's not a vacation, that's just not doing some of the shit you're supposed to do to do the other shit you're supposed to do. At least one day off this coming week, I will do nothing. I don't even know if I believe you. I don't know if I do either, but I'm hopeful. Just make sure you get enough buttholes, son. I'm very close to finishing the Animorphs book series.

It took like two weeks of not reading, but I got back to it. I've only got four books left out of like 64. oh there was a big charity stream not too long ago, a couple weeks ago at this point I guess, but we raised about $28,000 American Heart Association. Overall $81,000 was raised. Playing Minecraft in 2025 of all things. Wow. Minecraft is bigger than it ever been. Hey that movie just had come out so that's popular again. That's probably what did it right? Everyone loved the movie. The movie was kind of like a big meteor coming down onto a Minecraft world I don't know. I've heard mixed things about the movies people some people love it. It's very divisive

Some people love it. Some people hate it. I don't know. I've not seen it But all I've heard is the nostalgia tripping I expected to hear to see a bunch of people dunking on it and being like Oh, yeah It was as bad as we thought all of the things I've seen online is people just being like and they referenced all these youtubers I used to watch back in the day. Oh, I have a feeling drunk. Minecraft missed the mark for that I don't know that we necessarily made the cut, but it'd be really funny if we did. I like to think that somewhere on the editing room floor there's just cuts, like for some reason it was shot on film and they physically cut the film out of the-

Smokey the bear with his wraparound penis. Smokey the bondage bear. The dick cannons. The kill me Squidward. That's what Minecraft was made for right there, man. You know, now that you mention it, I entirely forgot we had an extensive long running Minecraft. We were Minecraft YouTubers for multiple years.

That's how charity streams used to be done. I think those were charity stream creations. It's not the most vulgar or even the funniest thing I think we ever actually did, but the one thing I cannot get out of my head since it happened was the infinite explosion of solar panels that I think Wade wasn't even there for. It was just you and me in Technic Pack

because like Wade was on his way or Wade had had to Leave or something. God. I love the infinite explosion I think of the drunk minecraft episode where we had to just build a tower of iron blocks and mark and I got duped by You cuz you stole all of our blocks. Wasn't that like the first one ever? No, it was like the reboot Is that like the read? Okay. Yeah, the next season I just remember I put down like three blocks Mark put down like five and then Bob had like sixty iron blocks Gavrack bitches!

yeah I remember yeah I remember yeah something like that that was great didn't I just steal them all from you guys? yeah yeah you did and it was brilliant and none of us saw it coming that sounds right

uh anyway we'll be in the next one just like I'll be in the next one. Just like I'll be in the next For sure it's gonna happen guys and Shakira is calling me to be a backup dancer on her tour any day now All right, Bob. What's new in your life? Actually? I've been reading a lot recently like very recently I've I've basically started powering through this new book series Like very recently I've I've basically started powering through this new book series Highly recommend it. Do you like sci-fi old man's war? It's actually got a lot of books in the series I'm in the near the end of the second book right now, but old man's war by John Cena Oh Jeff's car Z something scars II. Sorry the one note of John Cena. I always do that instead of his actual. Nevermind. No, I was just talking about books. It's not interesting.

Don't worry. But it's a really good sci-fi series thus far. There's mind transference and conscious mixing. There's a character in the one I'm reading right now who has, technically has two consciousnesses in his body. And his body is like a synthetic, but also based on human DNA. It's very sci-fi, it's very sci-fi. This sounds like Warhammer 40K,

which made me get mad at me about it. Because I keep looking at, you know, the blackrellalibrary.com is where Warhammer updates their books. And I keep going there like ah no new books I want to read there's nothing out there I want to read Just kidding There's books besides Warhammer

There's no good books in this universe I just ordered a book I was trying to see what book I ordered Patrick Rothfuss name the name of the wind I had recommended to me apparently it's a pretty good sci-fi book Now we're a book podcast eh Guys should we're a book podcast, eh? Guys, should we do a book club? No. But we might steal from a book club. What's that mean?

I don't know what that means, but I like it. We might go beat up some book readers. Yeah, Wade, you take the lead, you beat them all up. I'm the book reader. Yeah, me! Give me that! There we go. Yeah. More points for how many times you punch yourself. Ah I was just lying. Welcome to the perfect crime.

Having Wade beat himself up? Alright so for everyone who is like in the episode maybe a week back now, um, I know I'd win part three Everyone was like oh release the cut stuff. Yeah, I bet it's great No, no, it didn't work. That's why it's cut. Not everything we cut out is cool with that out of the way I've perfected the perfect crime. Wow. I didn't know the perfect crime needed perfection Oh it does and it'll need a lot of perfection as we go through this because You guys are gonna be perpetrating the perfect crime or should I say one of you ah That didn't explain it but oh my just like off today no yep. See ya log off

No, okay. Here's how it's gonna work. One of you is the world's greatest criminal. The other is the world's greatest security guard. Each of you will be presented with the same scenario where one is trying to rob the place that the other is guarding. You will each take turns in a similar way tonight when where you are trying to counter What the other person is just doing to step in the way of each of your goals one of which is to protect The treasures that lie in whatever place that we find ourselves in and one to steal those

Treasures and ride off into the sunset Scott free. There's gonna be some qualifiers here all right so I have a few wheels more than one. Oh no. No it looks bad it looks bad it's not bad all right so what I just put up is a wheel with about I'd say like 30 entries right but these are all gadgets some are meant more for stealing some are meant more for guarding, some are meant more for guarding, some are just bad. But each of you, each round will get three of these items. You have to use them only in that round or they go away in the next one. But each of you gets three of these.

So I'm just gonna go, Bob, your first step. You get... Is this for the criminals? Do we know what role we have? Not yet. Motion activated, little ipsies. Pepper spray dispensers! Holy shit, that could be good for anybody. Is this for the criminals? Do we know what role we have? Not yet. Motion activated, little ipsies! Pepper spray dispensers! Holy shit, I hope... That could be good for anybody.

I'm gonna take notes or something. Yeah. I'm gonna like, scribble some stuff down. That's a good idea. Alright, removing that click. Wait, you get... A Bluetooth jammer! I don't know how useful that is.

Well, how will the other person communicate with their partner in crime or not crime? Maybe, I don't know. I should have put like an associate or like a partner in crime on this one. I don't have that here. Anyway, I'll also open it up to whatever you interpret it can be used. You can use it in whatever way feels fit. I'm glad you clarified, dude, because I read Bluetooth jammer And I was thinking like you just jammed us in Bluetooth. Oh, man. I got a lot of remote stuff You have to shout mime at the top of your lungs Wade you get it yeah, yeah, yeah for anyone watching listening. I'm just spinning a wheel That might work fake security badges be real awkward if I'm just spinning a wheel. Nothing crazy here. That might work.

Fake security badges. Be real awkward if I'm a security guard with fake badges. Hey, there's still ways to make that work. Don't worry about it. Yeah, for sure. It's up to your own imagination on how these things are gonna help you or hinder your opponent. I was hoping it was gonna be Silent Whistle. No, it's Equal Useful. Blowin' the dark sunglasses.

Alright and Wade your final gadget is... I've got so many good ones so far. What? What does that say? Robbery in progress notification app. What? That could be useful. I still don't know which side I want to be on with my items. Oh I'm robbing this place. No, I like that. I just like that it- if you're not the security guard, I feel like that loses a lot of its usefulness. No, no, what if you're the robber and you get a notification that the alarms have tripped, you know? You could- you could- you could see that. I see, I see, I see.

Bob, you as the security guard. We really thought it was your items alright, but also you got welcome to the week No, this is the location this these are where this is going to take place There's various things here some of them I was just typing because of alliteration or I don't I don't know anyway here We're gonna be this is where the heist will take haha. I remember Fort Rocks No, anyway here. We're gonna be this where the heist will take her remember Fort Rocks Mm-hmm prison breakout alright, so this is the prison robbery or prison breakout We're going to rob the prison of a prisoner listen if that's what you want alright and now welcome to the wheel of disadvantage Oh boy. Oh look at that. I've got about 30 something items here for various advantages

Disadvantages notice that this is that's pointed up directly at edging world record just All right, Bob you were first last time so first again, I guess oh Boy Oh boy Okay, all right, that's interesting Are those different? Are those different every round? Yeah. Yeah, so I'm gonna hide that one. Sorry Wade that's taken Wade you have You can't hold your breath is basically what I was doing that about so no matter what you can't hold your breath Well, thank God we're not breaking into an underwater place. I guess how this is gonna work is it's an attack based

System each of you are gonna take turns and each of you has three lives you're gonna roll against each other each one of these. And if you do an advantageous move, not only can it give you a bonus, it can take away from the other person's chances to win. So I think it's whoever rolls higher, one gets plus, one gets minus for their rolls on that turn, and then you set up for the next round

Try to undo what they did get ahead of what they did and then see if you can Fix this at all. I also didn't think at all if there was like a have you even been detected situation We can just like we're all play that in. All right, let's just feel it out. Let's see what happens Do you have a will to determine which one of us has which role? Yeah, I'm gonna flip a coin heads Bob tails Wade for We'll go we'll go who's the robber cuz they're gonna go first no matter what all right here we go all right heads Bob's robber Hell wait you are Trying to break someone out of prison so to catch you up wade you have the world's shortest breath a Bluetooth jammer fake security badges and a robbery in progress app. That's not a prison break in progress

and a robbery in progress app. That's not a prison break in progress app. That's a robbery in progress app. Okay. And I'm in prison trying to get out? Or am I breaking into the prison to break someone out? That's an interesting. What would you rather do? Would you rather be breaking out? Because that might be more interesting.

You're trying to break out. He's trying to keep you in. Let's go with that. That's actually better than trying to break someone else out. Okay. You have a lot of stuff to break someone else out. Okay. You have a lot of stuff for a prisoner. I sure do. And these are the only items I have. I can't just- Yep, you have- you're- I mean, especially if you're a prisoner. You got nothing.

But I will say you can use the environment to your advantage, but it's- it's bare bones. This is Alcatraz level prison. Let's just say it is Alcatraz. Hardest prison to break out of. It's been done before, but it's also in the middle of the ocean and you have the world's shortest breath. That's a huge disadvantage. I love this for me. It's time. I take a deep breath. Cough. Because I can't hold my breath long enough to take a deep breath. I slide my toilet over. I go to move into the hole Leaving behind my robbery and progress notification app It's just like a little pager and like give a little kiss not today, but next time

Slide the toilet back make sure I've got my security badges. I go out I see the security guard I need to cut him off. You did you did you did one thing? I slide the toilet and move in slide the toilet back. So you're in the wall, right? I'm in the wall All right I guess so what I should do is roll to see if you got detected Right that makes sense here. Yeah, the coughing of my breath covered up the noise. There is a rough Probability that you're gonna break a water line and that's not gonna be good for you I'll give you a 50-50 on that so I'm gonna roll 20 if you get above 10 that worked no detection right

okay here we go 20 what the wait what the fuck I know 19 19 it wasn't a 20 it was I roll the 20 as in like I'm like a 20 Pokemon. I went 20 go say I'm having flashbacks Oh, it's good for me. Okay. I was good for me. All right, don't have to hold my breath my toilets moved I'm in the wall. He's in the walls. All right, Bob. I am What are they called? Jett prison guard. I'm the prison guard Responsible for Wade's level you could be the warden I'll let you be the warden if you wanted to be oh, I want to be the warden. I'll let you be the warden if you wanted to be. Oh, I want to be the warden.

Oh, can I be the prisoner? Oh yeah, you're the prisoner. You're prisoner number one. Yes! Wait, I think that's worse for me. Wouldn't I want to be the least? Yeah, you were there the longest, which means like you have not been successful in any of this,

or have had the longest time to plan. For some reason, because I like it as the warden, I just like to sit in my office and stare at all the camera feeds. I just have a big wall of camera feeds up in front of me and I'm just looking and none of them looks into Wade's cell specifically so I don't think I see what he does. But I'm just, I'm just watching and I'm watching and on Wade's level on his wing I think the security guard is like walking slowly doing like the rounds, right? So at some point here I'm gonna see the security guard walk past Wade's cell and see that it's empty and start to kind of be like hey

What a man open this cell number one. This leads me to spring into action All right I'm gonna say to you it would all depend on where he is on its rounds to give him enough time Now Wade might have timed it so that that guards around but I'll say like that's also a 50-50 shot of whether or not It's this guards on the other side. So it might skip this turn for you to even notice but I'll give you a 50-50 Sure. Sure. Sure. All right, boink Nat 20 fucking ears like a fox not only do you know he's out of the cell instantly you're like he's in the wall

not even the guard just to me I'm just like he's in the wall you have an ankle length okay for us he's in the wall Can we just point out mark rolling dice would be a terror in an actual D&D campaign with all the 20s and 19s 1920 all right well that couldn't have gone better. I'm at Wade you got a disadvantage point now because you are Fucking detected all right, so all your rules are gonna get a minus one from here on out Excellent your move. I planned this I know where the hole in the wall comes out Fucking detected. All right, so all your rules are gonna get a minus one from here on out. Excellent. Your move. I planned this. I know where the hole in the wall comes out. It comes out on this level, security, and there'll be someone... There's an alarm going off, I'm imagining.

He didn't hit an alarm, he just shouted. I probably heard that because I'm right next to myself. I know where the security cameras on this level are. And maybe there's a camera watching it, but I'm gonna blend in in real time. So I climb out the hole and I club with my hands cause I don't have a club. The security guard in the back of the head to knock him out. So everyone at home was listening.

He's got his hands together, you know, fingers interlocked and he went above his head and went, I've been a club. He's down with his hands. Yah! You got a minus one on your I guess it's all just gonna be 50-50 so here we go. Alright here we go. You got a 19 again.

What? I don't know what the fuck. Good thing I've been practicing my can't hold my breath clubbing two hand technique. I don't know what's going on but yeah yeah, total 18, you clubbed him. He's out, he's done. Now my plan can truly go to fruition. All right, Bob. I assume, because I'm such a genius at the being warden,

that the prisoner is going to have to get some kind of disguise, or has some kind of disguise. So my immediate reaction is to don my disguise. So I stand up at my warden desk and I yell, mine! And my voice activated mime costume springs out of my chest like I'm Iron Man. I then use the perfect silence that a mime uses to move and do anything to start skulking around.

And I go first to where Wade's cell is because I know where it is and I you know what I wonder is if the voice activated registered your voice listen in you can roll whatever dice you want Let me just give it quick, let me just give it quick Let's see, let's see Uh Nat 20, what the fuck? What? Mark Hang on

This dice only rolls two numbers I don't know, this is the Google Roll D20 right on the front page It's been 1920, 1920 This doesn't show a history so I'm gonna Pull up one that actually shows a history This just shows that Bob and I are experts in our fields. Alright, anyway, the mime, perfect, it's actually tuned directly to your voice.

It's nanotech mime suit. I took the time to set it up and train it to my specific voice so that it could... We'll give you plus one on your rolls for now, because you have the mega mime. I don't know, man. I don't know. I am the mime-iest. Anyway, I mime my way down to Wade's cell and I investigate. I use my mime warden powers to try and figure out exactly what, how he got into the wall or if that's the case or whatever.

Alright, let me uh, you're going into the walls as well as uh, did I hear that correctly? Uh, possibly. If I can find the way, I might follow him. Let me roll for you. You got plus one roll move Got a six. Oh with this plus one. You got a seven He tripped on his tongue on the way in the wall didn't quite get there wait your turn All right, so I get two rolls worth of tasks, right? No Alright, so I knocked the guard out, but now I don't want anyone to see what happens from this point on it

I'm very thankful that this prison security system has to work on Bluetooth. So I enable my Bluetooth jammer while I put on my security guards outfit. How is this prison Bluetooth enabled? They thought it was very advanced tech about 15 years ago when they installed it. So all the cameras have to go to these screens via Bluetooth. So if I plug in the jammer right here the cameras aren't gonna give any feet isn't it obvious he might be dumb but I'm gonna roll for him he's got a minus one maybe completely misunderstanding how this all works let's see how it plays

out for him I've been here a while man I'm not up to date on news technology nope he doesn't know how Bluetooth works. You rolled an 8. Minus 1 gives you a 7. DC 5? What? DC was a 5? No, 10. Uh, no! You didn't- You- You waste your item and you waste your time Bluetooth jamming nothing.

Some guards' AirPods stop working. He's like, hey, wait a minute. Excellent! That's what I wanted. I wanted them to be able to hear me as I move about. Yeah, I had noise cancellation and everything, and now guards on the lookout for you. Well, then I put on my security outfit since my item failed.

I guess I gotta roll for your security outfit. Are you the right size? Let's see what happens. I'll let you put it on either way, but it's gonna look real funny if it's not your size. It's, oh, it fits like a glove. Not quite, it's a little tight in the groin, but as everything is.

I'll give you a plus one again. All right, Bob. Somehow I tripped and failed to get into the hole in the wall, and I stand there and look at it for a second and think to myself, I could try again. and then I turn and storm out of the cell silent as a mime Assuming that he's going to go down So I start searching down from where I am Circling look assuming that the hole just he went down and got out a hole somewhere beneath his cell

Because obviously he's gonna want to get to the ground floor and so I just start silently miming around like like looking through boxes and pulling on ropes and whatever mimes do there's an elevator just to see if I can see any signs of him having come out of the other end of wherever that wall hole leads to see if I've got any more clues. Alright, sounds good. I'm also gonna- my picturing is, you know Mr. X from Resident Evil in the big trench coat, you know, in the hat? That's you as a mime right now. Pretty much. And also I'm gonna say since you rolled Nat 20 on mime, I'll give you some leeway in the mime worlds of power.

You won't be able to like, shoot him with a mime gun, but you know. So you're still at plus one. Roll. Man, you shouldn't have cursed all those 19s and 20s, man. You got a two. Plus one. Three. That's not great. Whatever you were trying to accomplish didn't happen. I was just trying to see if I could see him.

He's going down the stairs looking for me. What, do I fall down the stairs to my death? No, you didn't fall. It wasn't a one. You got a two, very close. You could have tripped on your tongue down the stairs. You land on a mime pillowcase. Yeah, you don't see nothing, nothing,

nothing, nothing locked over you. Well, that stinks. Was that a limited enough action for you, Wade? Oh, wait till you see mime. Wait till you see mime. I'm thinking outside the box here. This prison guard I just put on his outfit. We're a perfect fit which means he's a perfect fit for my prison garb so I dress him up in my prison garb. That's true. I don't even know if you need

to roll for that. I feel like that's allowed to happen. You want me to roll for that Wade? Well I was going to put him back in my cell afterward. If he just fits, then I'll actually be putting him back in the cell. I think you can assume he fits. Because obviously, you would know. So putting him back would be the action. Whether he fits through the wall and back into your cell, there's always a risk you're shoving him in there,

you could bump a water pipe, and then you'd be in trouble. Well, I'm not trying to put him back in the hole. I'm the guard now. I'm opening the door, putting him back in there. He's been found. Alarms can go off. The mime can go back to his office. You're going shouting at the top of your lungs with an unconscious body over your head. I got him, boys! Yes. No one would ever expect me to draw attention to myself. It's it might be a good move. I'm a roll It was a bad move your voice turns out not like that guards at all I got a voice!

Your voice cracks Remember how I talk? Yeah, no, that didn't work like I think the warden is clued in how bad was my roll It was a five you Shouted at the top of your lungs. What did you you you said out loud? I got him boys That's right, and I do All right, so he only heard you he heard you and knows that you're trying to trick him He doesn't see you he didn't see in the last one

So he hasn't seen you but he heard you and as a silent mime he knows the world of sound not at all i don't know which way you want to take that as a silent mime he knows noise i don't make noise i intake noise i know about noise okay so i know that weight is loose i understand it now i know that there's only one way in and out of the prison. There's a little, there's like a multiple gate setup type thing where you go through one and then it closes and you go through the next one, very like prison-y. I go for that, because I know that's the way. And I take my motion activated pepper spray. Oh shit.

And I set it on the ground, I go to the middle of the chamber between the two doors that he has to go through to get out. I set it on the ground. I go to the middle of the chamber between the two doors that he has to go through to get out. I set it on the ground and I forget how quickly it activates. So I push the button to turn it on immediately and then I'm sort of standing over it looking at it. Just like But I know even if I'm trapped here, he will also be trapped here if he comes to try and get out the exit I don't know how to decide this one because I was like items are success no matter what but are you trapped in there? I don't know. I guess my action is I

Decide I'm gonna run for it And I make a break for the gate to get back onto the inside of the prison and see if I can leave that there I hope it doesn't hit you like in the tongue. I'd be gross I guess because it has to point inward and you want to go back inward and it's like a claymore level I'll say that you got a plus one on this. This will probably work. Yeah, you're fine You're back in pepper sprays activated and you're standing at the front the entrance just like But like a mime like a mime. Yeah for the listeners. I was looking around Yes, we should do a silent mime episode sometime for the listeners

we do to the shouting and the fact that he's now set up a trap and cut off one escape route and Adding it and adding a disadvantage point here. So you're back down to minus one. He's being smart about this. I shouted, clearly they bought it. I opened the cell, I tossed the former prison guard in, and now it's time to just waltz out the normal guard entrance exit. I pull out my fake security badges, prepare to flash them to the other guards, and I walk toward what I wherever I presume

Maybe the guards coming out for the day the exit door that I'm miming right in front of that exit door Yep, I'm on my way Okay Okay, got it. I assume as far as I know my plan worked so seamlessly. I don't know. I rolled a five my plan worked so seamlessly. I don't know I rolled a five. All right. In this regard, the scenario is as follows. You are wearing a security guard outfit that well fitting little tight in the groin, but well fitting. Um, in front of you are a number of other security guards and the warden at the front of the gate and you can't see the pepper spray trap behind him. So you're just assuming he's standing in front. So your move is just to

confidently be like, I'm a security guard. They all buy it. I'm going for it Right my shift ended. I'm clocking out. Not my fault. There's a prison break. I the guys back in the cell I suggest you don't talk. I just I'm gonna throw that out to you just now. It works work so far. I I just I'm gonna throw that out to you. Just now it's worked so far I believe but you are using your fake security badges. You do have that that was one of the things So I'm giving that as a plus one. This seems like a real risky play I would imagine I've got a role to get by both Bob and his trap Yeah, let's say you have to roll twice that makes sense. So number one all the guards other guards. They don't give a shit They're just like hourly. They don't care but the warden I care. He's got a mime outfit in a big tongue

I know that man cares. Yeah, so you're at a minus one. Let's see if you okay Let's see if you trick the warden. You got fixed security badge. That's also a plus one So let's say you're actually at a net zero 18 So let's say you're actually at net zero 18 Warden doesn't know but you don't know that there's a Pepper spray trap right behind him. I do not know that you do not know so he's like, ah, have a good night Your shift must be over. He can't hear my accent as I mime bye bye Yeah, we mime at each other when the warden's wearing his mime outfit, I don't say bye to him, I mime it.

His badge doesn't give him an advantage with the pepper spray, right? So he loses that. I'll say yeah, I'll say that was the only torches of the warden. Alright, minus one again. Come on, pepper spray. You got a nat 20. No! I swear to God, you got a fucking nat 20. No! I swear to God, you got a fucking Nat 20. But minus one, but even so that was still wildly successful. I don't know how the fuck you did that. I'm walking down the stairs toward the exit. I think getting by Bob and the pepper spray would probably count as my turn. Yeah, I mean yeah.

So not only did you get by him, the pepper spray did not go off, and by all accounts, he might be out the front door. I know how I convinced the pepper spray not to go off. I give it the, you can't see me as I walk by. The prison break was not the archetype of this whole thing, because the other one had like a very clear, like, if you get the thing, you also have to get out with the thing. But this one is just you have to get out. Oh, I were we're not done. This isn't it There's more steps to get out of a prison than get through the main gate of the person's rock. You're trapped in he's outside

Bob you don't know the pepper spray did not go off, but that's weird. That's a little weird I'll give you that much. It's a little weird. It's also still armed and behind you, so fuck. Yeah, no, I'm gonna have to deal with that. Alright, I'm standing inside the door. I mime my goodbyes to old What's-his-face. And I recognize his badge, and I'm like, Huh, did he shave? And he walks out, and then right as he gets past the pepper spray, right as the second gate closes and he started to walk away from up above from Wade's cell I just hear someone shout

this is Gary Gary's in the cell prisoner number one got gone I should have gagged him he doesn't shout someone else has gone and investigated because I was in there and they were like why the warden go in there And then you were there your body was unconscious and they looked and it's they so I'm suddenly I'm aware Am I allowed to do that? Yeah, I'll say you you add two and two together. Here are your disadvantages here You didn't notice him. That's a minus one. The pepper spray is still active behind you. That's another minus one. He is outside That's another minus one. I'm gonna give you a minus three on this one with your plus one mime That brings you up to minus two. So you you what are you doing? You're turning around and you're like I hear that and I realized that the guard that just left

Must be prisoner number one I dashed through the first gate into like the chamber like the middle chamber thing and I have a thought and I go into like the security office and I pull the main breaker that turns off all the lights and it's dark, plunge into darkness. And then I do that mime thing where I'm all... And I have an idea and I take out my my glow-in-the-dark sunglasses, and I go... ...and get them going, and put them on my face, and I've got my glow-in-the-dark sunglasses now. That probably helped me see in the dark! And I dash mimily out of the security office through the other gate, and I just start chasing after Wade like a madman.

How much of that do I need to roll for? How much do I get away with? All right, me, I think that the sunglasses might help you with the pepper spray. Can you buy the pepper spray? Because your eyes are protected. It's kind of a side thing I was hoping is they might deflect some of the pepper spray a little bit. All right, so here's where we stand. I'll give you, you could pull the breaker because you're like oh fuck shit's about to go down Putting on the sunglasses means not only can't you see more in the dark, but it was already dark You can't see the glowing around your peripheral kind of ruins your night vision. Yeah, I was afraid of that I will give you that does help counter the pepper spray So you're at a minus one minus one minus one. I'll give you your only those of my three plus one

I'll give you the sunglasses counteracted a little bit of that pepper spray. So you're, I guess you got to get outside. That's the first thing. So you're not Adam, you just got to get through this pepper spray. Let's see if you do that. Barely. Oh no. Barely. You had a 13, so you just get outside. Um, I bet that pepper spray went off, I'm pretty sure. So there's pepper spray dripping off of you

But you can still you got that big tongue. Oh, yeah my tongue My ankle links tongue. Oh So yeah, you're outside dripping snot drooling with your tongue tongue swallowing up immediately Wade do you does he get to know how to get out or does he still have to sort of figure out exactly how to get all the way out of the prison? I guess I should have outlined what the success parameters was. Let's say he's out the front door, but he's still on Alcatraz. So he has to get off the island. I will say that as soon as he's off the island, he is free.

Does that mean in the water? Yeah, like once you're like on a boat off the island or something. But for your specific scenario, you can't swim because you have the world's shortest breath. So I'm out the front door. Am I still like in a lock gated area? No, you're out. You're out.

I would say there's another far gate like towards the dock or whatever there is, but that's you're in an open courtyard. That's almost all the way to the shore, but it wouldn't matter if there are walls or not. It's all ocean. There's one dock at the end there that has boats where people come in and out of. courtyard that's almost all the way to the shore. But it wouldn't matter if there are walls or not, it's all ocean. There's one dock at the end there that has boats where people come in and out of.

Yeah, having actually been to Alcatraz, I can tell you it's a big hill that you have to go down. There's like a big hill that kind of winds up because the prison is on top and the dock is way down at the water. So you have to kind of like find your way down the hill and then there is only one actual dock and weirdly He has turned off all the power which means there's no lights

But I imagine it is also there's no power at the dock and there's no Bluetooth wherever you go. No Bluetooth Excellent. Um, I walked down I start making my way down the hill I want to make a perception check for anything that might have a little bit of buoyancy. I don't allow you that. Let's see, how perceptive is your character? You didn't know the Bluetooth works. You didn't realize your shouting wasn't helpful. I don't think you're terribly perceptive. Yeah, despite the fact that it worked, I do think shouting as you walk out the door of the prison was pretty bold move. I'm gonna specifically make this about your perception because otherwise you're

you're not too much of a disadvantage but it's not dark out here so the power wouldn't affect me out here right I guess I didn't say what time of the day I should have had a wheel for the exact clock of what time of day it was roll for it all right I'm gonna roll d24 see how what time of day this is zero to six is what morning little do seven though it is 5 a.m There's just a sliver of sunlight coming up just a sliver does not help my eyes too much Yeah, I would say there's some light. It's not too bright. I'll give you a minus

I'll give you a minus two for your history. I would have done three, but it's a little brighter out there All right, you got a nice to bunk How good is it? You got a one. I find a cinder block. And I'm thinking to myself, this has to float. And I carry it down the hill with me. That's the worst. So you're not only slowed down,

but you got a fucking brick? It's got that hole in the middle which means that it floats. It's pretty boat-like. Poor Warden, the world's dumbest criminal is getting high with it. Alright, he's- Warden you blink, blink, blink, you still got the sunglasses on, you- and you're looking around for him do you need to roll a perception check I don't know if I can idea what do you do just tell me what you did I guess I'm suffering from all the pepper spray I make it outside I'm

pretty close behind him dude can I roll a perception check to see if I see him in the distance or am I completely clueless? I'm gonna assume because you had the sunglasses on that was the one thing that you got protected from the pepper spray is your eyes and it's there's just a sliver of sunlight it's dark and you're in in hell the lights are off I'd say like a minus one because he did have the glasses on I think that's fair but this this isn't gonna, this is just a perception to see if he sees it. If he doesn't make this, then you're pretty much Scott Free

with your brick, I guess. I don't know if it counts as getting away if I go drown myself in a minute, we'll find out. He sees you, that's all I'll say. He won the perception check, he sees you, and he's like, that way, which is probably obvious because the docs are that way, and you're like, he'd probably go that way anyway.

So that's where he looked and that's where he saw you. He doesn't see what you're carrying. He doesn't see anything else. He's just like, oh, I'm carrying a real heavy flotation device, which means it's real buoyant. As the warden, I know that there are overgrown, but that they are their secret paths that lead directly from the prison exit down to the dock. And I see him over taking the main road, and I think to myself, I'm just gonna...

I think it's right here. I'm just gonna throw myself down this hill, I think pretty sure that there's some stone steps that lead right down to the dock, and I'll cut him off. I'm 90% certain that they're in there somewhere. And so I just sort of generally aim at where I think the step should be and I hope that by some miracle I basically fling myself down the side of a cliff and land on my feet at the docks in front of him to cut him off. With your tongue as like dragged to slow you down. I can't even feel it. So much pain from the pepper spray. My tongue is just a floppy appendage of agony right now.

I'm looking at this picture and I gotta share this picture for the viewers. This is a fucking... this is a multi-tiered 40-foot fall from here. That's... and then it's another one down here it's like you're falling yeah but if you zoom if you look really close in the middle you can totally see there's like probably maybe some steps that were used to be there they're stone so they blend it it's fine That's a fucking drain I'm the warden. I don't know man. This is a real tough role But can I just say that's not actually the main way to get down to the dock. Oh, okay speaking I just I'm realizing now so that lighthouse is sort of at the front of the prison

But to the right of this because you see the dock is down to the right. The road actually leads to the right and then down away from the camera perspective on this. It does look a bit more foliage-esque. So that more of like a slopey side of the right side of the rock there, that's where the road goes down to the dock. So imagine I'm running to the right in this picture and down that, it's still basically a cliff for parts of it,

but there's some steps in there, or a ladder, or vines to swing on. There's a ladder you dive in face first down. He's walking away with no one even aware, other than me, that he's out of prison. So this is my Hail Mary last ditch here. All right, I'm gonna give you like a one in four chance that- that it gets you close. This wouldn't stop him.

Uh, uh, wait. I do one more thing. Before I- before I throw myself off the cliff, this- I'm allowed to do this. It's an item. I pause and I go, you know what? I don't need to be stealthy anymore. And I go, MIME! And my mime- Voice activated mime costume

sucks back into my nano- nanobot chest thing that it hides in. And- and then, with the full battle cry and screaming and expressing the pain of the pepper spray, then I yeet myself, I go, EEEEHMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN 20 mine suit so it had moderate mime powers Okay, let's see Okay, it passed you got 17 even with minus six that's you're there. He's catching up to me. I'm

Standing somehow on the dock in some condition. He's not standing. He is you are not You are on the ground. Wade, you're shuffling along with your cinder block and you hear, MINE! And you hear, FUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGU Looks right, it looks dead at you. He's on the ground broken many bones, but he's looking right at you I've got him now Are we close to the docks at this point? At the docks? We're like on the dock I hope because I can't move anymore This is a final showdown area. I look him in the eye and I say

You'll never catch me you ordered and I jump off the dock with my cinder block out ready to be boyed away he's got to have a better than 50-50 chance of dying from that right yes cuz I can't hold my breath it's absolutely if he's down for a second he's dead um but do you want to check your robbery app before you jump no I left that in my cell he left that in the cell he abandoned that immediately you know what I will do I'll take off my security badge and throw it at him it was me the whole time Orden and I'll jump in with my cinder block ready to be floated away dude I'm not gonna lie to you I don't see a single way that this works out for you me either but having to swim having not the ability to

hold my breath and believing my nat1 cinder block can float out of pity for you I'm gonna give you the exact same chance that Bob had that it's at right now with a minus six I'm asking for worse I'm giving you because for some reason you've been one step ahead of him this whole way I'm gonna say hey, maybe you picked up a styrofoam cinder block There was a prop how they were shooting a movie on alcatraz at this time Maybe you know, you're the DM man Fucking happen you just think like a rock you think like a cinder block two seconds in you dead out unconscious Even that deep you're like

My feet are still on the ground. It's just my face in the block you went out arms first your arms Got trapped under the cinder block. You're like Then dead Bob you have to witness it Under the cinder block, you're like, I don't know. Then dad, Bob, you have to witness it. You have to witness the world's greatest idiot. I'm laying there in a heap, completely immobilized, watching him drown himself.

Yeah, exactly. You just see bubbles on the surface. I just love like, I peel off the fake mustache, throw my security badge, grab my cinder block, look you in the eyes, I dive in to a teaspoon deep of water and drown. Alright, well that didn't go... man, way to go, Bob. You won. That's, no, that's not the end.

I'm still there. Oh yeah, you're still there. I want one more action. I want one more action. Hang on, I need to think of the perfect line. Yep. Okay, got it. From my heap of myself on the ground, I watch this all happen and I look, I'm still wearing my glow in the dark sunglasses, right? Did those stay on my face?

Yeah, yeah, you never took those off. I think even in the falling down, they shielded you so you could still see them. I look over at him and miraculously one of my arms is still pretty functional So I look over and I see what happens and then I look right in the camera and I say I guess his fender block didn't Thack up My emmy-themed plays Next to's dead body No, no music just you screaming cause your bluetooth doesn't work still

What? Wow! Won't give food again Just me laying there on the dock singing that song to myself Yeah you did it even at a minus six you did it Good job Bob Warden always gets the last word. Jesus Christ I don't even know how to score this one. Okay Bob you get the win point. You did it I guess. I'm just glad it came down to the last possible moment. I don't think we have time for any other. I had so much more. I'm gonna refine

the idea. I'm gonna refine it a bit. What I think this could do with is more clear win-loss scenarios, multiple paths, but specific paths. I'll come up with those for each scenario so that we have really strict guidelines. What's there, what's available, what's the technology, and yada yada, so that it could be clear.

But I think you guys did the best you could with what you had. Proud of you. I feel like I got a pretty good outcome considering all the advantages Wade had. You started off so strong and then your rolls like fucked you. I started off so weak and then everything worked out but that natty one on the cinder block was pretty rough for me. It just went all downhill from there. Like with a natty one it's like it's bad enough where I

have to believe it would still work. So like, you know All right, so we oh that's all the time we have for So the point stand it follows Bob for mentioning the infinite technique explosion. You got a point on the small talk section Wade you crushed the small talk though you the we started off with I can't unwet. That was great. Um, I subtracted a point though for to die, to feast. I just- weird to be out. Oh, ma. Anyway, uh, drunk minecraft was not in the minecraft movie. Tragedy, good point. And John-a-Sina...

...Boo'd? Boop boop boop boop. Oh, boop, right. John Cena! Boop boop boop boop Right, John Cena! Boop! Alright, that's right. So you stand at plus two for the small talk, so that's good. Then Bob, the Nat 20 mime, he's in the walls, the pepper spray trap, the glasses was a not smart move but I give you a point for it. You threw yourself down the hill, which by sheer bravado I'll give you a point for and then you won so by no action of your own you won One two three four five six seven took this stand at seven and then one two Wade you used to see it at the toilet you clubbed the guard real good. You stole his outfit

You shouted get him boys That's it you have the confidence to walk out there in front of everybody and it worked you were so perceptive and then it was me the whole time so that's plus two, nine you're a nine so even though Bob technically won

your shrewd nature really got you there well it ain't over would you like me to do the the final wheels since I have? Yes, please. I'm rolling a oh no. Wait, you roll it. Yeah, I'll roll it Yes Three hey, wait a minute three threes in a row wheels rigged! What's the score at nine to what? Seven, nine. What are you adding, Mark? Most perceptive, which I don't know which one of you two

were most perceptive in this episode. Bob succeeded one perception, did I succeed any? Bob missed you walking right past him and through his pepper spray trap. Listen, hey. I think I only perceived once and I failed though. I rolled a nat one on my fail All right. All right. All right, we're gonna we're gonna spin the kerchiger three spins

Oh Most travel since oh interesting. Okay, who? um I have gone downtown a couple times since we last recorded and over to Mason. Wait, have you left your house? I've left my house three times, but you've gone downtown a couple of times.

Well, to the museum center. That's down off the desert Charles exit. It's like exit one G or whatever. So it's like way west of downtown, but it's down there. I think that distance, if you've done that more than once beats the three trips I've made because mine haven't been that far. One goes to Bob. He's traveled the most. I've traveled like four or five times but I've not gone very far. Yeah, gotta go places. Spin number two. Shirt closest to well we're both wearing gray shirts and Wade's background is kind of gray

I do have like gray over here and the back my wall color is gray, but my light color is purple I'm going to color picker this we're going to actually be Precise about this. All right science I'm going to take a color picker. Actually, I'm gonna take a screenshot of both of you just took it I'm gonna put it here into Photoshop. Can you do one thing for me? Can you take the screenshot now? What did you do? Nothing. I'll take two screenshots and I'm gonna compare them if you changed anything. I'm gonna be real mad I don't think I changed anything. I think it's fine I could see it. All right, I'm gonna do this. I did it. That's it. Did you say something? I can see it. I can see it. I can see it.

All right, I'm gonna do this. I did, that's it. My lights go on and off. You just have to catch it on the right cycle. Hey, yeah, Mark, can you take a screenshot of me now too? No, no, no. It was when the wheel was rolled. So I'm taking a color value of your shirt, Bob,

which is, for the hash value, it's 2D2D2F. That's a good hash value. That's some good hash. Is that a drug or is that the hash value, it's 2D, 2D, 2F. That's a good hash value. That's some good hash. Is that a drug or is that a hash brown? Wade, your shirt, according to your camera, is... 2D or not 2D? 26232B. 2B?

Not 2B? Bob, your background in this screenshot, and I'm gonna give you the advantage I'm not gonna take it from where the purple light is the brightest. Yeah, can you take it from like right here? Yeah, the section of the wall or right or up here somewhere somewhere where the purple is less is more diffused I'm gonna do close to that lamp, but not where the light is specifically shining on that's that's what I'll give you Does that sound fair Wade? Yeah, as long as you take this specific panel for me, I think. It's still reading as a dark purple.

Bob, yours is 3C1A55. As if I know what the distance between X values is. No, no, no. We'll figure this out, man. This is a great way to do this. And I do see, Wade, yeah, your panels are are slightly gray there's black ones and there's slightly gray ones I'm gonna try to pick in between. They're all actually the same color it's just the way the light hits them whenever they're horizontal versus vertical. I got 0D070E and I'm going to go to some

calculator and we're gonna find which one of these is closer in value Just subtract the first one from the second one and whoever's value is bigger. They lose I mean, that's technically how it works, right? It's just a hex value 2d 2d 2f 3c 1a 5 5 for Bob We've got 2 6 2 3 2 B. Oh D. Oh 7. Oh E for Wade bang 26232BOD07OE4WAID. Bang. ... ... ... Come on.

... Is this a tie? No, it's not answering. This is gonna be worth it, guys. This is gonna be worth it. Oh, man, I was six Fs away, and Bob was seven 1Cs away. We got it. Okay, so you calculate, you convert them to RGB, then compute the Euclidean distance between each of the different colors. As one does. 2D2D2F converts to 45, 45, 47 in terms

of R, G, and B. 3C1A55 converts to 60, 26, 85. Those are pretty different. So you get 65 minus 45 squared plus 26 minus 45 squared plus 85 minus 47 squared Take a square root of the sum of all of those you get the square root of 20 30 which is 45.05 That's not bad. You take 26 23 to 2b which is 38 35 43 and 0d 0 7 0 e which is 13 7 14 38 minus 13 squared plus 35 minus 7 squared plus 43 minus 14 squared is the square root of two thousand two hundred and fifty which is forty seven point three you are two point three eight more different way

than your background and I think it's purely because you're so much brighter than your background. It is very bright. I can't wait for the comments of like so instead of saying gray not purple, brown not brown, gray not gray, they're doing... I'm okay with this. I love this number. That means I lose? Yes. You lost. Are we currently tied? Yes you are tied right now. Oh heck. And I think if people punch in the code that I picked for Bob, it is a purple. It is a dark purple.

Very dark, but I picked a dark purple for him. I'm sure that people will check your work, and I'm sure it will be correct. I think what it is is Bob, your shirt is catching some purple light, so it's making your gray a dark gray purple. But all the purple is behind me, if I'm honest. And I did not pick the bright purple area.

And Wade, it is, it's gray on gray, but tonally the distance between your grays, because your gray shirt is so much brighter than your- I've got black stripes. Oh, you can't even see the stripes with all the compression. Yeah, my screenshot does not show stripes It's just gray blocks. It's hard to see unless you're close to yeah, it's by a slight difference

But technically the luminance value is far more different than the actual color luminance value of there So by a tiny margin, I knew we should have added luminance value to the wheel. All right next I did that as fair as I possibly could have I That's very true third and final spin. Oh, please. Don't be the viewers viewers viewers. Oh Oh, I have no idea who said fuck the most. All right, give me the transcript of the episode I don't think that exists yet. Give me the triad script! Did any of us...I don't remember saying fuck very much. I definitely said it a couple times.

I didn't say it an extraordinary amount. I don't think either one of us cursed an extraordinary amount. We were very just in the... Respin? Or Mark? You're the DM. You decide. Yeah, I would say Respin is on the table here. This is a not super clear one. And going word for word through the whole thing. I would love to scientific it, but without a transcript. I really can't say

I force them it'll have instantaneous transcripts right now. Well, I could set that up I could but I'll have to we'll have to do that from Respins all right spin number three again No! The TIE Wheel! The TIE Wheel! Point four listeners! Bob, we tied! Good job! Yeah! Good job, buddy! Alright! Yay! Woohoo!

One man show! One man show! It's fine. No, it's not gonna be that. It's very unlikely. It's like, you know, this is my D20. What's the one man show thing supposed to be at? 12 or 14 I think, is that right? I think it was 14 last time. I do think it's actually at 16. Oh wait, no, that's what I figured this out before. This is out of 360.

So I need the proportion, what is 16% of 360? I forgot, I forgot about this this this scale is 360 degrees is the whole thing so I know 360 times 57 57 and a half we round up or down please round down 57 it is oh that looks way bigger wait whoa maybe we weren't at 60't at 16. I don't think we were. That feels large. Seems right to me. Here's the winner wheel spin with a 16% chance of Mark being the second one man show ever. Look at it now. Now it really looks like the reds just out there.

Oh, no. Thanks, fuck. Alright. Wade wins. Wade wins. All that. fuck, alright. Wade wins! Wade wins. God, all that. Woo, okay. Also, I just wanna say, if it's still on the table like it was today, when you win the one-man show, can you call the thing we say to make the coin flip thing happen that I'm not gonna use right now? So then you'd have to do, if you lose, you have to do two one-man shows. Is that the deal for that, though? I think, yeah, yeah. that one's really high stakes.

What happens if you win that? The other two guys each have to do a one-man show? I don't know. I guess you get to re-host, I don't know, whatever. We don't know, because it didn't happen. Maybe someday. All right, well, we're gonna call that there. Bob, sorry you worked so hard. Wade, congratulations. Let's do a loser speech first Bob I fought through a lot today as the warden and I feel like I really with what I had to deal with Did pretty well and I did actually win ultimately Even though ultimately I lost but sub ultimately I won

So I'll just hold that in my heart of hearts and know that the truth is that I beat Wade Because he was too stupid to know what a cinderblock is Anyway, congratulations to me the loser. Well, well said. Well said Wade. I may not know how to use a Bluetooth jam I maybe had a useless robbery app, but my security badges My brilliance my great vocal impressions got me out of that prison I might not have escaped Alcatraz but I ain't going back to jail coppers cuz I'm dead death is the end we will all see one day and therefore I win by getting there now momento mori, I'm gonna refine this idea

I want to get to more scenarios in the next one much like with Nide when I was I was going for that kind of vibe I think I've got we've tested it once the perfect crime part two will be better than this one even though this one was Very funny you guys did great. So thank you so much for all of your hard work Thank you all for all of your hard listening for the listeners who came in third place Viewers you're on the shit list. Keep up. You're not even on the scoreboard. What are you doing? Terrible record? Thank you everybody. Be sure to follow the podcast merch never shut up about it unless No, I'll follow these guys my scream Lord minion 777 and me mark. Blar. Thank you podcast out