Distractible - The Perfect Day

Episode Date: December 26, 2022

Bob and Wade derail Mark's aspirational search for the perfect day upon which to base your life in the new year and beyond. -- Grab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/distractible to get a Huge Discount off your NordVPN Plan + 4 months for free! It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH- ph balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils so whether you're going for a run or just running late do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't find secret at your nearest walmart or shoppers drug mart today good evening gentle listener and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production. This week, the gents change lives for the better.

Bob updates us with TikTok arachnid conveyances. Mr. Wilson's touches the bathroom ratio and worships boats and the dawn. Wade chooses light over darkness and wipes front to back. And Mark gives added value and wants all to strive for perfection via the medium of the exultant moment. Yes, it's time for the perfect day. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Distractible. This is the episode that you have been waiting for all your life. You just didn't know it yet. I'm your host, Markiplier, here to give you

the judgment of your dreams. Because I'm not going to do anything this episode. I'm going to put everything on the other contestants that are participating in my wonderful episode. Their names, Bob and Wade. Hi, this is concerning already. I love it. Hey,

sounds like you're stealing my idea. Make you guys do all the work and me sit back and do nothing? No, no, no, no. This is clearly an original concept and no one ever needs to worry about anything that's going to occur in this episode because it's going to add value to people's lives. That's what

we do here. Oh. Is that what we do here? I mean, yes, yes, yes. I always add value to the lives of the listeners yes absolutely if i didn't they just didn't understand what i meant of course of course as it is and it would not be that thing that it is that you just said so it is and ever shall be of course of course but before we get started in changing everyone's lives of the people listening at home how are you guys what have you been up to pretty good yeah pretty good i got a fancy phone case this week and it got here and it didn't fit it's what it's

supposed to be or something but they're gonna send me a replacement so you know i got that going for me okay right for football fans out there my uc bearcats had their coach poached away by wisconsin so that was fun i guess that's that's a while ago now but what else has happened uh christmas was a thing how do you poach a coach money i know i should probably know this come on you say hey i've got a bigger bag of money than that team you currently have come to us and then he says man i was really building something great here and it was fantastic and i was happy the fans were happy it was going to be a great program shift we were going to make

ourselves a name but yeah i'm going to leave and go over there see ya you guys suck and then he leaves all right sounds very amicable yeah yeah very amicable sounds like everyone is on board we sure love it yeah if we're talking football i have a tiktok football update oh tiktok update we'll hit the music that we always do for the tiktok updates is that it i don't like that okay that was it that was somehow deeply unsettling even though i've you've sung a lot of songs that one went that you listen okay i've been my tiktok update for this week is i've been learning new information from tiktok like and such as have you guys heard of the video game chooo Choo Charles. Yes. No. I didn't know about this, but it's a apparently indie game.

I think it's developed by one guy over the last year where you have a train and it rides on tracks and you are somehow surviving and or battling against a spider train, which doesn't have to go on tracks and is the size of a train with the qualities of a spider don't love that no i love that so you know if you're afraid of spiders maybe don't check it out but two star games new game choo-choo charles released on december 9th and i tiktok showed me this and i hate love it it looks really fun honestly but also yucky but on the football note i found an account on tikt TikTok that's keeping track of at what point in this football season Russell Wilson will have thrown more touchdown passes than

he has bathrooms in his house. It's been a rough year. Bathrooms are still winning, but he's getting it closer. I think he got one on the last one I watched. He got one touchdown. I have nothing against Russell Wilson. I don't know why why but this guy talks so much shit in such a good way he russell wilson has 12 bathrooms in his house apparently wow and has thrown something like nine or ten touchdown passes this season so far and for anyone who doesn't follow football it's late

in the season that's not very good fantastic so you know, take that, Russell Wilson. I don't know how much you guys talk about this on Go, but it was a big acquisition for Denver. They traded like everything they had to get him and they're paying him a lot of money. So they're very, very much stuck with him as their quarterback. And it was supposed to be like, we get him on our team. Now our team is like Super Bowl contender. I think they have like three or four wins or something

and a lot more losses. And their offense has been one of the worst in the league, despite the amount they paid to make it not the worst. It's been a big cataclysmic failure. And Russell Wilson's been getting almost all the blame for it. Interesting. Anyway, the TikTok account is called Garrett Lee 496 is very funny. That's the only thing I watch.

I don't know if he does other stuff or what. He has other TikToks. But Russell Wilson, not so good at the football. Whoops. That's an oopsie, Denver. This is going to make Tyler incredibly upset at me, but originally when you said Russell Wilson, I was like, is that like Owen Wilson's other brother?

Wow. Is that someone I don't know? Every time he throws the ball, just wow. Yeah, because really I did not connect that you were still talking about football because i was thrown off by choo-choo charles i did not know how i know i interjected the choo-choo charles because i i like that one and it's tick tock but the i was supposed to be a football update and it's the russell wilson but look he hasn't i mean he's very famous as far as football players go but the last time he was good was kind of a long time ago

he took the seahawks to the super bowl they won a super bowl early last year he wasn't terrible but he got hurt and then he was never the same after he came back from the injury but like he's never played for a team that you guys have talked extensively about as far as i know so i don't know if that's a big deal i think i think you get a pass mark okay you're still a good sports learner you're a big sports learner boy i've been trying real hard at the sports learning and i've been doing real good there's a channel bob i don't know if you care about it mark but i don't know on youtube that's good sports the host is a denver fan and like every week after denver has looked somehow worse than the week before he makes a video called the new worst nfl game i've ever seen the new new new new new worst nfl game ever like he just keeps adding to it and like compiling

on all the pain and suffering he experiences being a denver fan this year uh well that is something that i will probably think about casually and maybe mention to tyler and then never look up again all right because this ain't place for sports. Or maybe it will be. It depends on how this next few hour go. Next few hour? Just hour. Just singular hour. It depends on how the next few hour go. I'm with you. Because

the new year is approaching and this video or this episode or not video there's no video associated with this. Everyone shut up. Sorry for the momentary joy in your life. There's a video? with this. Everyone shut up. Sorry for the momentary joy in your life. There's a video? Oh. No, no, no. This episode is going to talk about New Year's

in a way that none of you have ever thought that you needed before, and this will forever change your existence as it stands right now to compare to what it will be in the future. Wow. Yes. Last year, we talked distantly about New year's resolutions and all these things but I thought about it

I started thinking about it deeper about what it really means what are these new year resolutions all about and what it is can you guess do you guys want to guess there's an opportunity to guess here I guess isn't it about getting Amy to fart or something it wasn't a thing was that my resolution

wasn't there something that came up where it became a resolution for you you're gonna get amy to fart what do you want to do to pick yourself up and really just turn things around and have the best year you can have i'ma make amy fart all right okay wait wait say that again what you said before the last part what am i gonna do to pick myself and have a better year than i did this year and really just turn my life around yes there you go uh-huh good that's it i think it was something like that that is what we're going to talk about because as we all know how many days are in a year depends 365 oh it does depend damn it i don't know i don't know who to give the credit to but there's 365 or 366 days in the year

depending on what year it is but it averages about to 365 and a quarter days per year. What it amounts to is making each of those days count, right? Yeah. Yes. It's about putting yourself on the correct path so that you can become the best version of you that ever existed, right? This is sounding dangerously like effort. That, what did you, who just broke their jaw that was a straw

for my milkshake dramatically moving by the microphone i thought you just clenched your jaw so your teeth shattered in your mouth this was my dramatic straw movement uh okay just in case this was a video i wanted to be prepared Well, what we're going to do today, this is how we're going to define the best day ever. The perfect day. Because when it comes down to all these New Year's resolutions, whether it's language learning, whether it's getting in shape, fitness, whatever vain, stupid bullshit that you decided to do this year that you said you were going to do last year, but you didn't do. So now this year is another excuse to fail yourself. We're going to outline the perfect day so that everyone doesn't have to actually think about the things that they're going to do. They just have to follow our recipe and then they will become the best human in the world.

Just live that day that we're going to define every day. Yes. And then you will be the best person in the world. Yes, exactly exactly if you live the perfect day for the perfect year that you will be the perfect human it's just how it is you will become that you cannot stop from becoming that so i don't see any flaws i don't see any flaws i do way do you see any flaws can i bring people back from the dead for this day what i what i will listen to your proposal i can't promise that i'm going to accept it because this is how it's going to work. Collectively, we're all going to decide the perfect day. So I've divided the day up into a few categories so that we can assign a task for that part

of the day so that we can maximize our efforts throughout the day and then work towards bettering ourselves. We've got wake up time. We've got early morning activities, morning, late morning, noon, afternoon, early evening, evening before bed, and bedtime. I actually have, in my past, tried to schedule my life by the hour to doing tasks, and it led to kind of insanity, and I hurt my back at some point. But I was so close to glory. I was so close to glory.

And I want to find out what are the best activities. When is the best time to wake up? When is the best time to go to bed? What do you do when you first wake up? What do you do right before bed to be the best human? We're going to go hour by hour. Well, not hour by hour. Category by category.

You guys are going to propose activities for that morning. We're all going to collectively agree on what the best thing in that time slot is. Okay. I like this. This is good. I can take this and apply it to my own life. Exactly. This is not only going to apply

to your sad lives but it's going to apply to everyone's sad lives out there okay well so they can be happier lives what if someone doesn't think they have a sad life how does that weigh into this it's so sad because they don't even realize how sad it is it's even sadder oh yes okay well that sounds that you know what that just sounds like judgment really personal that doesn't there may be a time slot for judgment but no you know what otherwise i'm on board with the premise i'm here i like this all right so whoever gets the best nomination for the category will get the point there are a total of one two three four five six seven eight nine ten so we can have a tie unfortunately excellent. Excellent. That never happens.

That never happens. Don't worry, Bob. I don't think any of you will agree with my day, so I think we're safe. All right. Interesting. Well, no, I will listen to arguments. You don't know what I do, man.

You guys have no idea how I live. No, this isn't about what you guys do. This is about, like, call upon your research that you've heard, anecdotes you've heard at the bar about what the best thing to do. I don't care if it's scientifically backed or complete bullshit that your uncle made. Okay. It's gotta be something that betters us

and we all have to believe in it because we're defining the destinies for everyone listening at home. They are all gonna follow this and if they are not the perfect human at the end of it, we have failed. Okay, well, I believe in it already. I don't even know what it is.

I choose to believe. Good. That's where I'm at. Are you both ready? Born ready. Yes, sir. We are going to decide what is the definitive best time to wake up. Well, I already know this one.

So it seems unfair. So I can let Wade go first if you have anything. But I know the answer to the right answer. Confident. I like confidence. Noon. I mean, 7 a.m. That what i meant seven why seven well you want to wait till the sun's coming up a little bit because i don't know it's nice to like either have the sun rising or have the sun rise a little so you can i don't

know enjoy daylight i feel like when you wake up and it's dark it's just kind of miserable whereas you wake up and at least there's some light it's like that first moment of waking up it's like oh okay and then some people could say if you wake up after the sunrise there's some light. It's like that first moment of waking up. It's like, oh, okay. Some people could say if you wake up after the sunrise, you don't get to see the sunrise. Sunrise might be a very important biological something, something. I disagree. I think that Wade science dictates that having light when you wake up is better than waking up in darkness. Bold.

Okay. Anakin woke up in darkness and look what happened to him. What? That's true. That's true. He's got you there. Anakin from Star Wars? It's a football thing.

From the Star Wars. Star Wars is a football thing. Bob, what time is the best time to wake up? Okay, well, Wade kind of jokingly found his way into my answer, but mine, it's not a number, man. You can't measure perfection. You need to rise with the sun ideally you begin to come out of your sleep slowly just as the sun starts to peak the sky starts to turn that sort of like pinkish orangey morning hue you know as it's just just coming around and you start to wake up as

the sun comes around and you're you're fully awake and enjoying the sunrise by the time the sun is a full circle in the sky. And that is a natural way to wake up. The light weight is correct. The light is a good thing. Having some kind of light as part of your wake up is good. But the jarring nature of an alarm set to an arbitrary time, which is just a system that we've superimposed on the universe, which doesn't need time. It's too jarring nature of an alarm set to an arbitrary time, which is, you know, just a system that we've superimposed on the universe, which doesn't need time. It's too jarring.

And it shakes your mental state. It starts you off in a negative direction, just because it's sort of jarring and frightening and unnatural. You just really want to rise with the sun. And if you work on it, you can align your, you know, your sleeping rhythms and everything, your cycle of sleep so that it happens. And you just naturally start waking up with the sun and you get that beautiful, you see the sunrise, you are the sunrise. It's perfect. I love this. And even if the answer is

pretty similar to what Wade said, I think you defined it better. You need to wake up with the sun, not slightly after, but as the sun rises. So you have to build your house in a way that you have a giant window that is pointed towards where the sun will rise. And because the sun rises in different parts throughout the year, you have to have a house that rotates. So I'm not going to allocate time in the day to rotate your house a few degrees to get to the sunrise. We're going to assume that you built it ahead of time in the previous year. It's automated. It's automated. If you can afford a house that can do that,

you can afford a button that rotates it for you. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The button is okay, but it's automated, ideally. All right. I'm giving that to Bob, because he...

I'm shocked. What do you mean you're shocked? He articulated... Stop reading. You know what to do. He articulated it way better than your answer. Already lost. Well, let's see.

Bob went to law school, so Wade loses. I see how it is. You know when you lost, Wade? When your alarm ripped you to consciousness at the stroke of noon and shocked your system and ruined your brain. That's when you lost. We get together to record these at noon Eastern. That's because that's as early as we can get you to wake up.

That is true. I set five alarms to get up for that. Yeah. So obviously, Wade, you need to follow this program because waking up with the sun is definitively better. There is scientific data to back up certain wavelengths of light.

Not this is like a blue light blocking thing with computer screens, although that's not bad. Literally, when you wake up, the serotonin in your brain, it starts to ramp up and the various hormones in your brain start to kickstart when they get exposure to sunlight specifically.

And the wavelengths that occur as the sun rises is kind of the natural rhythm that our body wants to adhere to. And the more sunlight that we see, the more serotonin we produce, which converts to melatonin. If you don't notice the naming conventions between serotonin and melatonin, they are similar because serotonin converts to melatonin later in the evening so that you can go to sleep. That's a natural chemical in your body that causes you

to become sleepy. So Bob is correct. And I believe waking up with the sun is a great designation of how best to wake up. And he gets the point. Morning people. Am I right? Clearly I already do this. I didn't wake up at noon or later in the last uh three to five days or anything like that i i always rise with the sun because i'm in tune okay my body's in tune with nature that's how i live yes of course i'm unapologetically me and i hate the sunrise i will gladly sleep till the sun's ready for me to wake up when it's hot enough to go jump into a swimming pool or if it's winter to not go outside at all nice that's the spirit except it's not well it's not the spirit of this next year when everyone lives their best life which you

want we all agree to to try this lifestyle out too right so you know wade you're about to have to about to have to make a switch yeah we're all doing it sure side note my fingers are behind my back and cross but they don't know that. Yeah, I'm with you guys. Tell that to the new year. All right. We've woken up. It's early morning.

This is the first activity we do after getting out of bed. This is very important because this, I believe, sets the tone of what you're going to do for the rest of the day. There's many things you could do in this time, but it's a very small period of time to take advantage and prepare yourself for the day to come. What is the best thing to do immediately after waking up in the early morning? If I may, it's simple. You look at your phone and see what time it is, go fuck that and go back to sleep.

Oh, man. Old strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off. Wait, you know what? Maybe Bob, you go. I'll go after you this time. Let me steal your idea, get points for it. Here you go. i have an answer for this one too and it's one word okay dumpies interesting i think we all know what it means i don't know if it needs i think it's another word

for coffee because i'm not a coffee drinker no i i hate coffee i don't drink coffee dumpy you gotta you gotta we gotta plop some logs man that's the best way to get going. Ah, to build your house. Like a Lincoln log. You could build things with that, I guess. It's poops, Wade. I'm talking about... Oh, I'm a night shitter. You're a night shitter?

Whoa, really? Oh, yes. Oh, I wake up two or three times a night to pee, but I do not shit in the morning. No. I do not shit in the afternoon. I'm a night shitter oh i thought you were like exclusively yeah that's weird well okay although i guess sometimes like there's afternoon poopies but typically it's like uh around dinner time are you like a once a day shitter one to two hold on i'm gonna just like we're talking about something here what do you do wipe front to back is that good yes yes that is good how does every episode get down to the specificities of our biological functions i'm gonna use the single sheet folded or do you like roll it up i don't want to hear anything i

take three to four sheets excellent uh which is a little excessive but not as excessive as some people in the background and play some elevator music in the meantime. And do you go through the middle or do you go around the side when you're reaching around to do? Oh, kind of like the little ball going around the funnel where they go side to side. You know, it also sounds fun. do you use wet uh wet wipes do you have wipeys no but sometimes if i'm feeling really ambitious i'll wet the toilet paper that's an interesting approach dry dry wet back to dry then you're spotless all right now that no one we have the perfect dumpy

now that no one had the perfect dumpy now that no one had to hear that i'm going to exclude biological necessities from this list does that include like eating grooming uh you know no it doesn't include cleansing yourself it's going to the bathroom we're really just gonna assume you fit that in here and there as needed because everyone's different my schedule's packed yeah it's an important ritual you gotta make time yeah but that's different for everybody but we're gonna assume each one has a because i don't want to hear about it okay all right early morning i'm talking besides that. Like some people take a shower first thing in the morning. Some people meditate.

I pee. Hmm? What? That's against the rules. What? Oh, shit. I don't pee. I like, honestly, the best mornings are the ones where I don't have to like move right

away, where I can take my time, kind of like wake up, just lay there and relax a little bit. My God, this is after you get out of bed Listen, we're skipping the best part. Okay, fine. What do you mean? That was part of the wake up Bob won it with wake up the Sun. It's already been defined It's written in the tablet. Oh, there's no erasing stone writing. Can I go back to bed? Hmm? Okay? That's your proposal is to go back. No, no, no Bob you go first. I'll go after you okay that's your proposal is to go back no no bob you go first i'll go after you oh damn it but you but you said we couldn't do mine i i thought i had to submit one that

was allowed all right okay bob you would have another one all right yeah so one might think showering would be a good start sort of grooming you know getting ready cologne whatever however you like to prepare your body uh but i think what's really more important is aligning your mindset and your intentions with your soul and also your spine. What I like to do is once I've arisen with the sun, I thank the sun for waking with me and bringing another beautiful day. And then I go to my backyard where I have a precariously balanced tower of river stones on top of which is one big enough for me to sit upon. And I sit cross-legged on top of my tower and balance myself, balance my mind and my body and bring everything into alignment

and meditate with the sun as it rises into its lofty place of enlightenment and glory. And just, you know, hit some sweet meditation for a minute before I start my activities. Okay. So your is meditation. In whatever way that is, it was very elaborate. Let's assume you have an incredible...

Every one of these assumes you have the incredible location and perfect supplies and whatever circumstances to make this occur. There's no limit on the reality of how much things cost or having certain yeah so yeah the perfect the ideal setup whatever that may be for you meditation is actually sincerely a really great thing to do in the morning for me anyway yes it is and when you're the perfect human you'll have the income to pay for a charge and on whatever credit cards you have yeah i know obviously get your moving house to the direction of the sun what Why don't you improve your life?

You improve your bank account, too. Of course. It's obvious. Okay, Wade. Ah. What's your proposal? Well, I'm real and I'm not lame, so I'm worrying about breakfast. Breakfast.

Okay. All right. You want to eat for the morning? All right. I want to eat as many meals as I can squeeze into this perfect day. What are you eating? In a perfect world, my grandma had this gravy fried eggs biscuits meal i would be eating that bacon gravy biscuits i used to eat that almost every morning i was over my grandparents

she would make that meal like every day everything homemade made from scratch and we never got tired of it and to this day i could still probably eat that every day and i've not had it in so long but i would totally go for that any day of the week every day of the week amazing that does sound pretty incredible so it's really uh it's really a debate whether you want to start your day off with breakfast at this point or you want to set your intentions my intention was breakfast it was set as delicious as delicious as your breakfast sounds i do know and there's data to back it up again, that meditation first thing in the morning. And I know there's so many people out there that are like, well, I don't meditate. That's stupid. It's like really, truly getting in touch with yourself

and understanding your mind and centering it for what you want to accomplish that day, especially for those of you who have ADHD. Like it is incredibly beneficial to visualizing it and like focusing your attention on what needs to be done that day. Or if you don't have anything that needs to be done, which of course you do, because it's the perfect day you need to be ready. However, I do got to give credit to the fact that there is a need for energy to get in there. So breakfast is important. I do however, have to lead towards the meditation because this is the very first thing. Before you give it to meditation, there might be, there is technically science that supports what you're

saying but there's also a study that supports that eating before you meditate is better uh what's your source oh interesting okay yes um it's a pseudo-scientific report that i just made and i am the only a recipient of the survey and i filled it out and said breakfast first i like it so being as we don't have to necessarily always be right, as we stated at the start of this, I claim my scientific research also acceptable. I accept your scientific research. Thank you.

Because I didn't provide sources anyway. But I'm still going to go with Bob because this is beginning in the morning and I'm assuming that breakfast is still up for grabs if breakfast isn't occurring here on the perfect day. You missed it. You meditated, you missed breakfast. It was already done. Bacon and eggs gone.

I ate it. So you guys get nothing. I actually don't eat breakfast. So that also is a qualification for the perfect day. I take away two points from you. All right. I'm putting that on the board. Harsh but fair. Wade Science declares I'm currently at negative two points. All right. That's it. That's good. But I'm going to go with meditation because there is actually a lot of advantages to that.

I used to not be a meditation kind of person. You don't have to like light incense or stuff like this. You just sit quietly, think inwardly, be aware, be present. All right. Perfect day is off to a great start. Now we're in the morning. This is when you're done with your early morning rituals, all that stuff. We woke up with the sun.

We meditated with the sun. Now it's time for the morning. What do we do? Breakfast. Breakfast. Okay. Still eating. I was very hungry today.

Okay. Grandma's breakfast, delicious breakfast. You're re-p reproposing that there's no rule against not reproposing something oh god so good i like their breakfast i have to say grandma's breakfast sounds good if not insanely heavy to be eating every day but maybe it has magical qualities things prepared with love by grandmothers can often exceed the laws of nature and physics and everything no no bs here my grandma's food and then like time out on like our pontoon whenever i did i don't meditate very often anymore but whenever i actually did try that whenever i like try to find like a peaceful place eating breakfast with my grandparents and being out on like the boat are the two places my brain goes

first those had such an impact on me that that is my peaceful place. Nice. Beautiful. I believe it. All right. Anyway, and I just want to put out there, I know it's against the rules. I would propose a second dumpees just as a. That's perfect.

Second breakfast. That's part of my actual life. But no, I mean, it's hard to argue breakfast. I think the only other thing I would say is maybe a nice walk. Take care of your pet because in an ideal world, like I do in real life, I have a pet dog and I love her. And so maybe she needs a nice morning walk and it's nice to get a little light exercise in.

We're rich. Pet's automated. It's not untrue. I have to give that to you. But yeah, I don't know like a nice like a family walk maybe you take if you have a kid you take the stroller out you take the dog out maybe it's just you and your significant other something like that okay so that's a good proposal there are studies that show both for breakfast and against breakfast skipping breakfast not skipping breakfast

there's studies that show health benefits either way i I don't know the grand scheme of it, but no one suggested no breakfast. I'm going to give it to Wade. All right. Because getting a nutritional breakfast and getting nutrition in you in whatever way you can and the love that was clearly baked into every bean that you ate that morning.

Yeah. I'm going to give breakfast. There were no beans, but I appreciate it. I'm going to give breakfast to Wade. That's good. All right. Oh, damn time. I'm back on top. Am I losing still? I'm going to breakfast to Wade. That's good. All right. Oh, damn time. I'm back on top.

Am I losing still? I'm back on bottom still. I'm in the third place with negative two. You have one point. Bob has two points. Oh, I'm right in the middle of this love sandwich. Let's do it. All right.

Late morning. This is before noon. This is probably when you're going to get into your work day. If you're working, if that's what you do at this point if you have something to do if you have a task to advance yourself as a human being what is this late morning now that you're up your basic needs are met your mind is focused you've meditated on this very moment of how you're going to start your life how do you do it uh dumpies uh bob you go i mean third dumpies is a possibility it depends what we ate for breakfast and or dinner the other night before.

But this is the time to do the small amount of work that you're going to do in the day. You're such a deficient person. Your life is so perfect. You don't need to work eight hours. You don't even need to work four hours. You just need a little bit of time to respond, maybe do a couple emails that are really impeding on your consciousness. But what you really need to do is some intense and well thought out research for the next podcast episode you're going to host

because clearly we are a beacon of journalistic integrity and writing prowess and that doesn't come easily on this podcast i tell you what you think it's as polished as it is because we just show up and say whatever shit we think of? No, it's a facade. It's a bit. This is heavily researched. And, you know, you gotta spend time. You gotta invest the hour, hour and 15 minutes you really gotta put into that every week

to make sure you're doing the stuff to plan it out. So that's what i would do all the hard research and stuff i do to for all those episodes i hosted that were so good and thoughtful this is my actual perfect day after breakfast we live on a lake near a lake and after breakfast time to clean up the mess and then we get food together to put into the cooler toss it on the pontoon and it's about time to go out and enjoy the water go tubing go skiing go swimming go boating go fishing it's time to be out on the water for a few hours so breakfast is done let's go out and enjoy the lake you're compressing your entire day like there's there's so many more hours in the day left and you're it's defined by this lake trip.

I'm going to the lake after breakfast. Can I just say, it was my impression from the premise that Mark was suggesting that we come up with like the optimal day in terms of getting your work done, fulfilling your family and life obligations, enjoying yourself. This is family time. Wade seems to be describing the perfect day as like that song. Perfect day. Nothing's getting in my way. Like you're on vacation.

We have a house that rotates to have the sunlight come in. I think we can afford some time on the water. And we work hard for that house. You think that's just handed to us? We aren't with an hour and 15 minutes of hard work in the morning late no we are going out enjoying the damn water exercising all right okay okay okay okay all right

okay all right i'll stab you whoa i feel like we since there's some confusion about how this day is going it is to try to be a perfect day to better yourself we're trying to be the perfect human after this it's not a perfect vacation day it's a perfect day that we can repeat and be better so let's instead of defining it by vague things we're going to go hour by hour or the very least we're going to define tasks and how long they're going to take because i realized our morning basically this couldn't possibly take more than an eight hour morning exactly perfect time to go out on the boat so the sun rises at 2 a.m right yeah three hours exercise fish eat lunch let's just assume late morning is 10 ish right we woke up whenever the sun rose and we're in a part of the world where the sun rises around anywhere from five

to seven okay we're going to find that so it's 10 o'clock what do you do at 10 o'clock well i guess i can't give my ideas so what i do is i go and i sit at a desk and i write a fucking i don't know song because i'm a musician and shit because all of a sudden my day is not good enough i was just trying to get us to agree on a premise because i feel like you were suggesting stuff that sounds fun and i was suggesting stuff that sounds like work. And work is bad. Well, that's not my fault you chose work and I chose fun. All right, okay.

It is if fun is wrong. Let's just, all right, let's round, all right, hold on. Okay, instead of going hour by hour, we'll work backwards to that. We'll propose what the perfect day is made of and we'll slot in where it fits in the day, okay? Boom! Boom's perfect day! All up and we'll slot in where it fits in the day. Okay. Boat. Boat's perfect day. All right.

Wait, what? Boat. All right. Boat time. All right. Bob, what's your counterpoint to boat time? Okay. Hang on.

He's right as podcast. I can do this. uh hourly build work pod what is that a thing anymore you guys ever you get is that a thing where you could like rent an office in like a what are those called oh work spaces right i'd like to get out and talk to people i'd like to be in a melting pot. Okay. I want ideas flowing around me like a- That's why you wave at people on the other boat. Yeah. Okay, we're gonna do this- I have to change this on the fly because I didn't think this would be such a contentious episode.

What is this, a me episode? How dare you? Just ad hoc changing shit on the fly? Alright, it's- Christmas is over. We're done with people. It's time for us time. I'm writing the proposals and who proposed it and then we're're going to go back and we're going to see what fits in the day. And whoever has the most slots in the day will get the most points and win. Okay.

There's so many longer day. I win. No, I don't think that's 60 hours of boat. No, no. Okay. Boating. Okay. Give me more things that you want to do on this perfect day.

Quick, rapid fire. Korean barbecue. Korean barbecue. Okay. That's Bob suggested fire korean barbecue korean barbecue okay that's bob suggested somewhere in barbecue again no it's really good nope okay uh it is good uh lunch outside an outside lunch ah like lunch outside picnic thing yeah yeah that's good that's good a a an a bike ride an e-bike ride where I don't pedal the whole time, but it's delightful. No pedaling. I like walking after meals.

Eat a meal, go for a walk. Walk specifically after meal. Got it. Okay. What? No, I thought of it, so I'm going to say it. Watching someone clean my house for me, apparently. I don't have to do it.

In your house. Okay. Sexy made porn videos. Got it. I'm putting in parentheses feeling of superiority. Yeah. In your house. Okay, sexy made porn videos. Got it. I'm putting in parentheses, feeling of superiority. Yeah, no, perfect. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

That's how I like to spend my day. Can I boat again? No, hang on. Boat again. More boat. More boat, Wade. That's legit. I like boat.

You could go back on boat. Yeah, okay. All right. It's wasteful, but Molly and I like evening drives. Evening drives. It gets us away from technology for a while. Yeah, okay. All right. It's wasteful, but Molly and I like evening drives. Evening drives. Okay. It gets us away from technology for a while.

A lot of vehicles for weight. I'm trying to get out of the house. I walked once. Yeah. You're right. And swam off the boats. I did two things. There was no swimming. You did not propose swimming.

No, I did. I said on the boat, you can go swimming to exercise. You can go fishing. You can do all kinds of things while you're out on the water. You did say that. I would include that. All right. Swimming. Near said on the boat, you can go swimming to exercise, you can go fishing, you can do all kinds of things while you're out on the water. I would include that. Alright, swimming. Near or around a boat. Skiing and tubing, too. Water sports. I'm putting that

Wade. Water sports. I'm just, man, my perfect day, I would be around the water. I love water. What else do I like? I guess I would make some time for friend obligations quote friends yeah just deal with you all

so that we maintain our status quo and like my sims bar of my relationships don't drop deal with them alright okay I uh getting getting a new piece of technology okay new tech could vary but new phone new computer getting a whole technology rather than just a

piece that's very specific i'm writing it down getting a whole of technology yeah i don't think there's enough time for that but i'm writing it down getting all of technology um uh a a quick tiktok session on the toilet but only good ones come up. It's not magic. How do you get that? I don't know. It's luck. Sometimes you only get good ones. I don't know what causes it. Wait, the dumpies or the TikToks? No dumpies. No dumpies. Alright, I'm putting it on

dumpies. We'll fit it in. We'll fit it in. That sounds like it got edited together. No dumpies. No dumpies. Alright, I'm putting this one on dumpies. Bob has the dumpies suggestion because it was his first. All right. I give him credit.

How about some more self-improvements? Why? I'm already perfect. But I don't want to do that. Yeah, I'm pretty good. The imperfect is going to have no self-improvement. We already did. We woke up and meditated.

Jesus, how much time do we deserve i recently i'm not good at it and i kind of hate it while i'm doing it but like a like a good like 30 to 40 minute like high hit workout or something like a gym workout where i'm not too sore or tired after okay a solid workout efficient okay gotcha that does get the blood flowing which i have to admit makes me feel better when I do it, even though it's stupid and I'm out of shape and I don't like it. Okay. I got my workout on the boat.

All right. All right, what else? We got room for more. I'm happy. That's my day. I'm going to bed. Going to bed. Did I say dinner?

Did we do dinner? Oh, God, I can't skip dinner. We didn't have dinner. Oh, God. I mean, technically, Korean barbecue could be for dinner. So I kind of had dinner. There's no other options for dinner slot. Bob would win that by default. What about chicken wings?

Chicken wings for dinner. Oh, okay. Ooh. Grater's ice cream for dessert. All right. I'll put that in. Then we'll remember that we have pets again for the first time since morning. We'll walk them again.

Pets walking and remembering. Yeah. Perfect day. Wade, you got a ton of suggestions here. Bob here bob you really gotta get the numerals up on your suggestions oh okay well so uh dumpies i mean there's a lot of dumpies in my normal day but that's not it's not allowed and already suggested at the same time i'll put second dumpies but you keep going i appreciate that no i would say family time oh family time family time yeah i guess family obligation friend obligation i guess those are two different ones huh okay i mean if it's a perfect day gaming playing playing a good game for some amount of time game let's say an hour yeah that's good we could slot in more hours um what else can you do

uh we're doing would you like a recap of everything we have so far? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take it from the top, Jeeves. All right, so we've already set in stone. We wake up with the sun, meditate, and breakfast. Those are our first three activities in that order. I like breakfast. The other two I could live without.

The pool of activities we have are boating from Wade, we work, Bob, Korean barbecue, lunch outside picnic, e-bike ride with no pedaling walk after a meal specifically watching someone clean your house feeling of superiority more boat evening drives water sports friends quote unquote getting a new piece of technology getting all of technology dumpies 30 to 40 minute hit workout going to bed chicken wings for dinner greater use ice cream pets walking and remembering second dub's family time and playing a good game pretty solid day those are the pieces of our perfect day that will make us the perfect human i mean another activity that i feel like you need is watching the next episode in a tv show

that you're in in the middle of okay or binge it if it's all on like i don't know netflix or something all right so you guys spread it out we're doing lots of stuff no i'll put down binge in a four- block for Wade. If he can convince me to take up four hours of this day for binging, I'm allowed. Oh, yeah. Easy. You get back from boating. You turn on the TV, relax a bit, maybe take a nap, wake up, eat dinner, watch some more

while you eat. All right. Remember your pets. This is kind of a specific time block one. But in late, early evening or evening i gotta suggest uh remember you didn't drink any water today have a glass of water and feel your headache slightly go away ah got it oh i could always go for more water can we put boating a third time thanks you ever gone out in the water like in the middle of the night on a lake and like it's smooth as

glass if your boat's not moving there's park and you watch the water to settle night boating night boats different technically night fishing too night fishing is fun all right i'm getting terrifying any more suggestions before we start assigning things can we boat you're boating three times on this list plus water sports okay well we gotta get the boat out of the water i guess i'm gonna put in like shopping just in general. Shopping. At like a fun store, you know, not like shopping for socks, but like, you know, at like Bed, Bath and Beyond or like somewhere with cool toys or technology. It's just like shopping. Okay.

All right. Late night pizza slash arcade. You know those pizza places that have like the game room in the back where you go and like you get tickets and all that. All right. Yeah. Late night pizza arcade yeah we gotta have second breakfast third dinner uh i mean but we'll bike to it or something to be healthier we're pedaling we'll pedal biking to the arcade

gotta work off that pizza i would say after dark dog walk is a personal favorite of mine all right yeah all right got it okay any last ones uh can we take five minutes to look out of our windows to see what the hell our neighbors are up to and then scowl a little bit before we go back and sit down okay five minutes to scowl at neighbors got it thank you all right any last minute ones we gotta like gotta wrap it up here oh the car needs gas i need to take the car to get gas get gas oh yeah car out to get gas. Get gas. Oh, yeah.

Because you got to get gas for the boat, too. While you're at the gas station, you get a drink or something because you get a treat because you filled up the car. And take a gas station dumpy. Oh, no. No, no. No, I wouldn't either. No gas station dumpies.

What if you have an electric car? What if you don't need gas? Then you still don't want to take a dumpy there. You go to the gas station anyway. It doesn't matter. You just go and park at a gas pump and go in and get a snack. Do they have electric boats?

Are there like Tesla boats? Yes, but not like in production series or anything, I don't think. They exist. All right. Well, we still need gas for the boat then. Gas for a boat. All right.

Okay. All right. So we've got this. All right. We've w right. So we've got this. All right. We've woken up, meditated. It's breakfast. Had it. It's 10 o'clock.

Out of this, I'm going to propose. How do I know this list? Is this everything you hoped it would be? Is this everything you hoped it would be? I'm just going to outline this as best I can and hope. I'm just going to make quick decisions. It better be boat. Right?

Yep. Okay. So we had breakfast, right? Yeah. So we're going to, while we digest, watch someone clean our house because we don't have to do that shit. And they're taking your plates away because that's obvious while you're doing that you oh my god dumpies you remember that you didn't drink water in the morning so you drink some and feel your head oh no that's evening that's milk with breakfast no no that's evening activity That's evening. Take milk with breakfast. No, no, that's evening activity. Oh, gross. No, you drink Sprite Zero with breakfast.

No calories. Cranberry Sprite? They made it in a zero sugar form. I would have crushed some cranberry Sprite. Okay, how about this? You go for a walk after your meal. Where was that? Walk after meal, which was Wade's suggestion.

After you watch someone clean your house, you go for a walk after your meal. I'm going to assume that you're going to the gym in some way to do your 30 to 40 minute hit workout you know what i mean because you're gonna walk there get there sounds dangerously like not boating but you're going back because you remember you need to pick up gas for the boat okay so you can boat later yes exactly because you're gonna boat later you're remembering to remember to go get your boat gas so you can do that later it's let's see feeling superiority how long does that take uh you watch them for 15 minutes you take a walk for 15 minutes you work out for 30 intensely you grab gas for 30 minutes it's now about noon what are we doing

for lunch are we doing oh perfect there's this nice little korean barbecue place on the water you can dock your boat and eat right there a boat korean barbecue 100 out of 100 idea okay we got gas for the boat we started the first boating and then we went to get korean barbecue on the river hell yeah yeah baby i love this extra points for the boat river situation on that one yes all right we double dip because we park our boat at the korean barbecue we take our e-bike that's at a storage locker at the korean barbecue and bike to our we work to work amongst other people get our social bars up which is where we're dealing with our quote-unquote friends because we know it's temporary and we don't actually care about them thank god and then once we're doing that on the way we we can't get all of technology so we get a new piece of

technology and then we take dumpies at the we work because we're not we're not pooping in our own we've done it everybody we work dumpies is acceptable. It's not gas station dumpies, so that's cool. Yes, exactly. On the way back, we e-bike to the fun store for shopping. I don't know what that is. You know, the fun store. Everybody knows it has a fun store.

Yeah, you need a new noodle for the boat or something. Maybe you're picking up some balls to throw in the water. You know those little balls filled up with water and you skip them across? Yeah, absolutely. You lost a boat bumpy, so you need a bumpy so you can park your boat safely. Exactly, exactly.

All right, so you get that. You go back to the dock, the Korean barbecue dock. You go for more boat. This is a category more boat is here You take your boat and as you're on the water you are doing your water sports to get your Water related exercise in you finish that I guess take the boat home get What what time is it? get fucking what what time is it by now i don't even know but you're on the boat time doesn't mean anything what do you care you're right you're right four or five o'clock it's evening here's

what you do before you get the water sports you pick up your family to spend time with your family then you're all doing your water related activities with your family and maybe while they're having fun you play a game on you brought your switch or your steam deck we bought the water balls at the fun store it's time for dinner unfortunately you can't take your boat to dinner is there any okay there's all you can what you do is you put it on a trailer and you drive it okay you put you didn't suggest land boating. You can't just throw land boating in now. I'm throwing land boating in. Yeah, well, we get done with that, and we got to evening drive to dinner,

which I thought, Bob, didn't you have a dinner suggestion? We suggested chicken wings. Right. What did you suggest? You said it didn't get better than Korean barbecue. I said Korean barbecue and said that could be dinner, but we used that already. All right, so evening, it's only chicken wings for dinner. dinner get your protein in so you evening drove to the chicken wing place where

you decide afterwards to fucking this is the worst you you you walk your dog after dinner but you remember you that's the worst day ever walking the dog hey dogs marquette's dogs remember that didn't drink water all day so you drink some and feel it disappear because you walked your dog to the gas station not to fill up with gas but to get a drink okay and then by then you are like oh there's a bike here so you bike to the pizza arcade where you realize your neighbors are there as well and you spend five minutes scowling at them what are they doing at this arcade i thought this was a high-end establishment this is not for them you decide to high-end pizza this is a classy pizza arcade you decide you're done here and you

take your pet with you because you brought your pet to the arcade and you're walking and remembering with your pet to go get graders ice cream to cheer yourself up and when you get home you only have time to watch the next episode of a tv show i don't think we have time for late night boating what do you mean what time is it it's like i don't know 10 o'clock at night i still have six more hours i got up early today I don't have to get up early tomorrow. We're doing second dumpies and going to bed. I think that sounds like a perfect day for me. I'm glad this worked out the way it did. Let me reiterate what we did today. It started off so positive of going to be a great day.

I'm sorry you hate boats. It's just an excellent indication of how everyone's New Year's resolution goes. We wake up with the sun. We meditate. We get breakfast from grandma. We watch someone clean our house. We walk after the meal to go to work out, get gas for the boat,

get on the boat, go to the Korean barbecue on the river, get our e-bike, go to WeWork, deal with our friends, get new piece of technology by shopping at the fun store we dump eat at work by the way hell yeah and then we go to the boat again more boating pick up our family on the river go skiing play a good game for an hour evening drive back to get chicken wings take your dog walking after dark drink water at the gas station bike to the arcade with your dog five

minutes scowling at your neighbor's pets walking back greater size cream watch an episode of tv second dummies go to bed that sounds great to me and this doesn't even account for the fact you can multitask while you're boating you could be thinking about things you could be working you could be writing ideas all the exercise you're getting in the water i feel like we really didn't improve ourselves i feel a lot better about myself my serotonin my melatonin my tone my tonin it's all up mitosis are you tonin bro yeah you listeners if you choose and you should choose to do so if you choose to live this day every day for the next year you can have the perfect life we all dream about but never quite achieve that's what we're concluding here this is pretty close to my dream day all right it's

dream day it wasn't exactly the premise but this is what we've all agreed on somehow we got here we ate korean barbecue wings ice cream got, got fun drinks. Late night pizza. Late night pizza. My only regret is that Bob didn't get his early morning dumpy. And I honestly want to fight for him for that. He dumpied at WeWork. It depends where you meditate if you can or cannot have an early morning dumpy. Oh my God.

Are you standing on the log in your backyard just shitting freely? I just climb my tower in the backyard and stand fully naked and just blast it out it's just a it's such a prolific stream of dumpies in the morning it doesn't even fall down to the rock it blasts back and just you know it fertilizes my crops will please fade them out and phase them out call back time we can have that servant the shoes episode we did That's like four, three or four things all at once. I feel really happy right now. This is the happiest episode we've ever done. All right, well, let's hold that happiness.

I'm going to count up our points because each of these, I kept track of who suggested each one of these. And so, Wade, you may, your suggestions made it into this day. Count them with me. Well, count for me. Remember four remember this number yes all right one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen suggestions made it into the perfect day holy that's a new record for me 14 all right bob uh-huh one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen did we really have 31 things in this day yes Yes, you crazy bastards. Can I put more boating in?

No. Did you give him extra points for river barbecue? Because I feel like we all agreed on that. All right. How many more points would you give him for that? Well, you're the judge. Four. Well, that's a convenient number now, isn't it?

Well, you asked, I answered. But the Korean barbecue was your suggestion, Bob. He got a point for it. Yeah, I got a point for it yeah i got my point for that i'm just saying the combo of boat plus korean barbecue is so powerful that i respect it all right uh wait i'll give you two more points excellent and bob also wanted to give me more bonus points for something else right sure probably did you suggest anything i liked oh you suggested chicken wings i am a little embarrassed i didn't think of that because i love chicken wings you heard it here he offered me bonus points for chicken wings all right you

have a point can i just say i also feel like anything done in combination any multitaskable items might be worth bonus points and i'm not entirely sure who that benefits well but you know there's some kind of multiplier if you can if you can you know scowl your neighbors while you're at the pizza arcade with your pet or something right that's valuable it's good but we have to offset it a few times because you had after dark dog walk remembering you didn't drink so you get a drink at the gas station those are very good combos and the pizza arcade and scowling the neighbors i had to shoehorn in why are your neighbors at the pizza arcade no that's a great combo that's a totally believable situation where you'd see your neighbor and be like oh why are they here god but i feel like i should get the points when i came up with the combo well you are

at negative you were negative too you could give yourself some positive points all right so with all the finagling and um jury rigging that we had to do for the points it's still tied it's 16 17 wade bob wait who wins i got any last-minute Hail Marys, Wade? Yeah, what would you shoehorn into this game? I thought we tied it up. I thought I got two points than one point. I was only down by three. I don't think 16 and 17 are the same number.

I didn't give you an extra point. Oh, Bob said you had an extra point for chicken wings. He scoffed at that. I suggested it, but he scoffed at it. Oh, chicken wings, extra point. We all like chicken wings. That's your Hail Mary? More chicken wings?

Chicken wings again. Shower. We haven't show wings. That's your Hail Mary. More chicken wings. Uh, chicken wings again. Uh, shower. We haven't showered. So let's shower before we go to bed and sleep on nice clean sheets. That's a good point. That's a good point. That's a good point. We didn't shower.

But did the people who cleaned your house for you change the sheets? Of course they did. We're rich. Anyway, I know I said I made a lot of really, really bold promises about how this is going to change people's lives. And it will. This is my retirement dream life life so i guess we have to stand by this people at home if you follow this routine we guarantee your life will be changed you will become the perfect human and all self-help books be damned this is the only way forward for you it seems like you guys

really want me to tie this up. Either that or Bob really doesn't want to host the next episode. What? I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't say that. All right, Wade, I'll give you one last chance. Nothing in here that you suggested I would consider to be a self-help, self-improvement thing. Not one thing in here I would consider that. I want you to suggest one thing that you are going to put in this day that I would believe would improve me or you and anyone here as a person. I'll give you one point, one point on the board ready for that. You know, thinking back on the fact that I got to used to live not exactly this life, but I got to do this kind of thing

with my grandparents growing up, taking time while out on that boat and just having your family and maybe friends around you listening to the sound of the waves and the motor humming and just taking that time to being thankful for that moment that to me is something that makes me feel better that I have those memories and I think if you live that life and you take a moment to appreciate the positive things you're getting to experience on this perfect day while you're doing it that alone will fill you with warmth and make you feel like a better you that was good but was there an activity how did where do i fit thinking i think that's meditation no meditation is like moving and farting oh man you gotta meditate better i would love to see a class taught by wayne about meditation maybe i'm

thinking of yoga meditating yoga no uh then you know what we're gonna do some boat yoga to work on stretching ourselves out and being more flexible of mind and body because yoga is not meditating therefore it's different self-help i can't disagree that yoga is not meditating i have to all right if i'm gonna enjoy the fact that wade thought yoga was meditating then i have to acknowledge that yoga is not meditating bonus points all right bob do you agree that that's worthy of a point yeah i mean i do like yoga that's pretty worthy of a point? Yeah, I mean, I do like yoga. It's pretty good. All right, fair enough.

Yay, I'm tied losing and or winning now. So somehow in an ending of total contrivance, and I think even the subreddit would agree with this. No, they won't. Being kind of cheating. Wade somehow has won. They know I've been screwed for months. They are happy for me.

The subreddit is in pure ecstasy after listening to this perfect day with a perfect ending of wade winning all right and i guess i can't disagree with that legally yeah or something there you go my subreddit's always moaning about who got what points and who forgot to do what about what bonus points and all this stuff there you go this is what you asked for subred Yep, this is in fact what they asked for. So congratulations, Wade. Would you like to do a winner's speech? Yes. This is the perfect day. Maybe not for

everybody, but it would be for me. I am perfectly pleased with our results. Could have squeezed in a morning dumpy before work. Could have stayed up a little bit later and binge-watched some shows and relaxed, but you know, all in all, perfect day. I feel great. I would live this life happily.

All right. Well spoken. Bob, loser speech? I'm just glad that this match was officiated fairly. You know, refereeing can be difficult. Calling strikes and balls is very subjective. And I know we all saw some things differently. And some, you know, could have gone differently for a couple of our at- bats but uh that's the game you know everyone has a sporting chance that's what they say and uh you know fair is fair so i just congratulations to the winners and i have no

complaints would you change anything about our perfect day mark um is that your perfect day now are we all in consensus oh yeah it has to be. As I stated at the beginning of this, and I will never walk back anything I said, I made a lot of bold proclamations of what it would be, and I changed the rules midway to try to get better, but it only got worse. So just goes to show, don't change anything. Be who you are.

What do you mean? It's a great day. It's a day. I mean, I'm not opposed to boat day. I'm down with that. It's my perfect day. Every day, boat day. That's your with that. It's my perfect day. Every day. Boat day. That's your entire life.

Boat. Boat again. If we're contriving a day where we can afford a house that rotates with the sun, I'm just saying we could probably retire and enjoy boat day life. It's not about retiring. This night has never been about retiring. This is a perfect day we're going to live for the rest of our lives. Wade is speed running this shit.

Life is too long. I blinked. Now I'm 50 years old. Now I'm 70 years old, but I'm stillrunning this shit. Life is too long. I blinked. Now I'm 50 years old. Now I'm 70 years old, but I'm still living this day. There's too many boring quick time events and too many long dialogue sessions with quote unquote family and friends. It's dull. Wade wants to retire and get out of here.

Put me on the boat and away from everyone else. Woohoo. All right. We're sending Wade off on the boat into the sunset. All right. We're sending Wade off on the boat into the sunset. All right. We're sending Wade off to the retirement home. The retirement boat. Thank you.

The retirement boat. Well, thank you, everybody, so much for listening to Distractible. We are here always to guide you throughout your life. We're like a guru, in a way. Here to give you all the advice you never knew that you wanted in the first place. Thank you. You can find Bob Micegurm on Twitch. You can find Wade Minion777 on Twitch, or LordMinion777.

I'm Markiplier, and I guess we're leaving now. You did that a lot better than I did last time. Thanks. Well, you'll have another chance. Bonus point. To who? Me? Next time?

Thank you. Official, you heard it. I start the next round with a bonus point. They shook hands and everything. Yep. I guessed out.