Distractible - Three Word Sales Pitch

Episode Date: May 12, 2025

Just because we don't have merch right now, doesn't mean we still can't try to sell you stuff! DOOM: The Dark Ages, coming May 15th. Pre-Order at: beth.games/3WDZI4V This episode is brought to you by Degree Deodorant. Grab the original Cool Rush at Walmart or Target today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode of Distractable is brought to you by Doom the Dark Ages. id Software presents Doom the Dark Ages, a dark fantasy sci-fi experience that brings epic combat and over-the-top visuals to the legendary Doom franchise. Dominate demon-infested battlefields with devastating weapons, soar on a mecha dragon, and witness the creation of a legend as the Slayer takes on Hell itself. Doom the Dark Ages launches May 15th on Xbox Series X and S, PlayStation 5 and PC. Pre-order now. Print it in for Mature. Good evening gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Destructible. This episode, Biscuity Bob gets his print on, goes full Squidwardward and asks the studs to whet his appetite.

Wallachian Wade goes to the movies, loses a weekend, has a car update, experiences bloodlust and does jaculises. Minecraft Mark fails an unboxing, trolls Tabascus and advertises ghostly gastronomy. From imaginary assaults to sick deforestation. Hello and welcome back to every parakeet's favorite podcast that their owner puts on when they leave the house. RAAA! DISTRACTABLE! That's right, you're listening to Distractable. I'm your host, my name is Bob, I get the host because I won the last one.

We have rules here. Well, that's kind of the one rule. If you win the episode, you host the next episode. And so on and so on in perpetuity until one of us dies or the universe comes to a complete heat death. We'll see which one comes first. It's a real close race on that one. Yeah it's a tight one. It's hard to tell which is really gonna happen. The models go both ways depending on you know slight tweaks to the parameters. Anyway my competitors for today are Mark and Wade. Just like always say hi. I'll prompt you this time.

Say hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Good job. I was really thinking one of you was just gonna start talking, but I instructed you to say hi and you only said hi and I'd appreciate that.

You know what? You each get a good following instructions point. That's a strong start for both of you. I have a, I'm the host, which means I have a game we're gonna play and it may or may not be any good at all. We will determine, I'm the host, which means I have a game we're going to play and it may or may not be any good at all. We will determine that at a later date, but we always start these out with small talk. And it's been a minute since we've all seen each other. You can probably tell cause our shirts changed, which means we went somewhere, changed our

shirts and now we're here again. So something happened, right? Right? Please, please tell me something happened. I was trying to think of what happened. I know there was something I was gonna say during small talk. I've promptly forgotten about it. No idea how many dozens of times I've done that. It was something I was like, oh wow, this thing, yada yada, blah blah, small talk. Can you imagine if I actually remembered it right now, you'd be flower-gassed at how incredible my life would seem. I'd be giving you points. Imagine you giving me points. It's like the end of gamer. You ever seen gamer?

Yeah. Imagine me driving this knife into your gut. Imagine you writing down points for me. Imagine it. Oh my god, it's working. I'm envisioning, it's what I call it. Ugh, something happened. Anyway, good small talk, Mark. Gamers the one with Gerard Butler and Dexter, right? And Michael C. Hall. I don't know why I remember their names. I'm really bad at names.

I never remember Michael C. Hall. For a movie that I barely watched, like I watched passively, I really remember that movie a lot. I don't know why is there something about it that really I've seen it once I watched it on an airplane and it was one of those where I was like oh what's on here and I just watched it literally because I was bored on an airplane and I almost I also remember huge chunks of that movie for no apparent reason remember them going face to face cable Castle and then Michael C Hall starts singing the under your skin song the dance at the end. Yeah

Michael C Hall trained for months to do that exact move He showed up on set and all the directors and all the producers were like What a film. What a cinema. Wild times. That's back when no one thought video games could be good movies. Now we know either that or differently. Chicken jockey! Man have I still not seen anything about that movie except those two words. And I only understand that for some reason people destroy movie theaters. Because, did we talk about this? I don't know that we actually did, but...

People go into the Minecraft movie and when something about when the Chicken Jockey scene happens, they just fucking throw their popcorn and erupt into an explosion of bullshit and just trash the entire theater just because fuck those minimum wage workers who have to clean that up later. I don't understand. I don't know what goes on. I haven't seen it, so obviously I'm in the out group here.

Great small talk, Mark. Thank you. Thank you very much. Wade, good luck. What happened to you in the last stretch of time? Well, we talked about how I did the Hot Ones challenge, right? I played basketball that was last Monday, I think, like a week ago. Last Thursday, so it was the 20th anniversary of Revenge of the Sith.

I think I told you guys I was taking my niece that's local and my nephews, and we went to see Revenge of the Sith. So there were like seven of my family members in a theater watching a movie, and it stayed quiet oh and peaceful and people like shared popcorn and stuff and it was like family that you think in theory of whenever you imagine people going to a theater

that sounds nice and I've never had that experience before so I didn't know what to do I was like I don't need to scold or shoot anyone do I get to watch movie? I get to watch movie? And then the movie was over. I was like, I've been contemplating watching the movie the whole time that I missed it. Not actually, but it was good. It was a good experience. It was fun to see.

I don't know. There's some great movies, right? Like I don't know that Star Wars is ever going to be like the number one movie of all time, but I don't know that there's a moment that gives me chills or like gives me that like hyped up feeling more than being in a theater and hearing the opening crawl just like start to appear and like the like that feeling that first happens is pretty awesome. A long time ago, Dead Silence right to the trumpets and stuff going off is a pretty awesome theater feeling. So all movies should start that way for you just like a synopsis of what you're about to see special Wade opening I don't think it would work for any other movie like it's such a weird thing that's

unique to Star Wars like you go to see the notebook and it's like it would work for pulp fiction because the pulpiction starts with the radio, they're scanning the radio and you just, one of them is just the Star Wars theme and it just starts and you do the whole thing and then it's like do do do do do do do do do do do do do do and then it goes right into the, you don't have to change the movie, you just cut that in at the beginning. God, I've not seen that movie in so long. I thought the opening scene was in the restaurant. That is not the opening scene I don't think. Is it?

No. Yes. No. It's in the car. Right. They're on the way to the guy who has the burger. I believe you it's just also been like 20 years for me. Well now you're making me question my reality. I'm gonna give you a point for that. I think The Quiet Place should open that way They show the orchestra and it's just subtitles it's like subdued trumpet No, no, it's full-on just like you get a nice quiet, you know landscape you've seen said And then all the monsters come running so it's like it shows you if there's if there's noise that would kind of work though It it does the, it does the whole crawl into space and then it slowly like pans down to the planet and zooms in.

And right as it's zooming in and the strings are all doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo and it like fades out. Then it's just quiet for the whole rest of everything. This works with every movie. This is a great idea. Thank you. It was Wade's but I'll take credit. Mark agrees. It's such a good idea. It's his now. All right. I mean, who am I to argue with the host? Is Mark the host now, too? Well, no. You just said that it was his idea now. So I said that he said that it's his idea.

Well, I agree with you. I'm glad we can agree on something. I didn't do anything else. I think Friday, Saturday, and Sunday don't exist anymore for me. I don't know what happened those three days. What does that mean? I can't remember. Like you're so busy or like you don't get out of bed? I just can't remember those three days.

You must exist. I mean, you don't have to exist. I just sort of assume that you do. I think I do. I just I don't recall those days feel like you should see a doctor about that if you just got sudden days you know what i did have one thing i remember now yesterday not not last night night before i had this weird nightmare i've never had one quite like it it was the actual nightmare itself was relatively boring

right i was like in a house and there was a teenage... Mutant Ninja Turtle? No, no, just like a boy. You're right, it is boring. Go on. He's like, you have to help me, my parents, something's happened. And I go to help him. Somehow I'm in their like house, I'm upstairs in their house and he's like coming to me like I need to help them. And they're like zombies or some kind of whatever and I go to help. But it turns out he was also one but he was just like Playing like he was still fine and he killed me

I kind of like woke up like you know like you do when you die in a nightmare Try to go back to sleep the same dream, but I tried to help in a different way Woke up after dying and like four or five times I had the same dream where I was aware that I was having the same dream I was like, well, I got approached a different way four of me are already dead like there's only so many more of me left And it got me thinking about like uh I don't know what if there's like a central you and a whole bunch of used other Universes and when something happens to them something happens like the main one where he loses part of himself or something And I was just like having trouble sleeping because I was like thinking about this

But also the nightmare and there was this really loud annoying noise outside. I got like no sleep that night. What was the what was the noise? What was the outside noise? Wait. Never figured it out. How long did the noise go on? You didn't like look out the window or something? Well it sounded like it was like construction like down the road or something is what it sounded like. Just throw out there like and all night there was this horrible screeching outside of our window anyway now it was like a weird really noise far enough away where I knew it wasn't my problem but it was close enough where it was annoying I don't know I've never had a dream where I've approached it from different ways like either you have

the same nightmare or you have I don't know this was like thematic like back here again like Groundhog Day nightmare I've never had it like that. Sounds kinda like you're having nightmares about all the different ways your house is trying to kill you and destroy your life and all the different ways you've tried to fix it and not succeeded somehow. Oh.

Mm-hmm. Analyzed. Well, interesting small talk. Almost as interesting as Mark's small talk that he definitely said out loud and I didn't just make up in my head. Look, I did stuff. Oh wow, there's a purple light.

Oh! Whoa! It's actively currently three-dimensionally printing. Look at that. Is that a Prusa? It's the cheapest one that they sold on monoprice.com three years ago. It's an MP Select V3. The print area is almost four inches cubed. It means I can almost print something that's of a usable size. No, I am. I'm sort of just getting back into the hobby now and I'm gonna buy

something new long term, but I'm like, I might as well practice. I've got this little guy and he says it was a bitch and a half to get him working. He sat for two years because he sat after we moved and I just said, and it does not automatically level its own bed. Yeah, do that shit by turning set screws and God was that miserable, but it's very level now and it's printing. It's printing pretty well. Also, I was originally I was using filament that I bought three years ago when I bought the thing

Turns out that's not good for filament. It was not in a in an airtight anything It was just a roll of filament that's been kicking around my house and moved across the country I think it had a little humidity and Possibly bugs in it and the printer didn't care for that. But anyway, you know, 3D printing stuff. It's fun. I'm like you, Mark. I make things, you know? I actually, it's funny because all the 3D printers that Prusa sent are here in setup and it was only after all of them were out of the box and set up that I remembered, Oh yeah, I was supposed to film some of that. And then I looked at all of them finished and I'm like,

Fuck. Shit. Ah. Shit. Start taking them apart. No, I'm gonna put one fully assembled in a box. And I'm gonna be just like... Oh!

I don't know. I'm gonna do it in like fusion or something. I'm just gonna have like... Whoa! I don't know. I'm gonna do it in like fusion or something. I'm just gonna have like constant oh, oh, oh! Just like printer after printer coming up out of it like, whoa! Look at this! Just take one box and like hold it up like a box of cereal and like shkshkshkshk and dump all of them

out all at once. Probably a big box. I'll have Lixian do that. Just film yourself just doing that with nothing else. Be like, hey Lixian do that. Just film yourself. Just doing that with nothing else. Hey Lixian make Can you make the printers fall out and then like bounce around and land in their spots where they are? It's so easy. Just can you just okay for once just edit mark putting one together This is what editors are all about Bob. I'm gonna dump a box of 3d printers on your head So here we go

Please don't put a big penis in front of me, please Well, as long as it's so big you can't tell exactly if it is or isn't a penis, we probably won't even get in trouble. Mark, you get a... ...jork in it point. I miss our old Minecraft streams. We do that a lot in Minecraft? I guess we did make Smokey the Bear with a huge penis coming out of his black leather thong. You know how many times we tried to do penis cannons?

Oh, that was a thing we did a lot, wasn't it? And it only worked the last time when we cheated because literally we had zombie or whoever on the server just like make one that worked and we showed up to it and it worked. That poor man just like zombie we need a working penis cannon. I cannot imagine why he ever agreed to let us come back or continue to participate in all of that bullshit But he was a trooper and we would have had nothing without him. I Mean we would figured it out. But you know, no we're intelligent. We were drunk good at stuff when you're drunk

That's true. Wait, you're the host. Yeah, ha there it is That's true. Wait, you're the host. Yeah. Ah, there it is By the way, I didn't kill someone and this isn't like a fresh tattoo or something This is just a scratch that happens to be in the shape of a teardrop right by my eye I didn't kill anybody keep saying that it sounds more true every time you say it vehemently Is that what that means? I thought it was a thing mimes did Is that what that means? I thought it was a thing mimes did. Is that how it works? I don't- Yes, they're both true.

One meaning of I think the teardrop tattoo is in some gang cultures or some specific cultures that you get one for each like person you kill or something. At least that's what TV tells me, so. One for each movie that made me cry. Yeah, you should definitely get- I'm just going to moan. Start getting those, that made me cry. Yeah, you should definitely get- I'm just gonna move you, please. Start getting those. That'll be good. This episode is brought to you by Degree Original Cool Rush Deodorant. So remember last year people got really mad when Degree changed their cool rush formula?

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Anyway, you guys want to play a game you want to play a game almost sing sing jaws it six of that you Sorry, I had a stroke trying to say jigsaw. Is that sigma jigsaw? I have a game and I have two different dice windows pulled up because there's gonna be dice guys. Plus, this game is basically stolen from our favorite collective show of all time and definitely not the inspiration for this podcast. Whose line is it anyway? Let's make a dice.

I remember that one. No? No, well, I actually don't remember what it's called. What's the show? What's the what's the bit called where it's Colin and Ryan? Almost always and they have like a box of random shit and they're doing they're like selling it No, I look at this next product. Do you wish you had more hair on your ass, and then they have like it's like props I could not remember what that show was called and

Could not be fucked to go Google it apparently. Is it the one where everyone participates but they're like the ones doing the announcing for it or something? No, it's just them. It's like they're selling the products, right? So it's just a box of random ridiculous props and they just have to be like, and this next thing and you'll need one of these if you're you have trouble dropping your chickens when you roast them or whatever weird stuff. It's a very specific game

Anyway, you guys are gonna be selling me Shit, but you don't just get to sell me well and since this is a podcast which listeners have repeatedly informed me is a An audio medium apparently it's very offensive when we do visual based gags People seem to be quite bothered by that. You don't get props, you're not doing anything visual, you get words. You get three words in fact. I have eight lists of words. Each list has a theme such as food or technology or six other ones and each list also has 20 words on it.

So I'm gonna roll a D8 and then roll a D20 and do that three times and those are the words you get. Who goes first? I have my coin and I also put that away for some reason, even though I had it just, you know what, I'm not gonna take it out of the case. Marcus, tails, Wade, his heads. Heh.

The lady is up. Wade goes first. Alright Wade, so you're gonna sell me and all of the words don't have to be in like the title of the thing but you have to use all three words in your pitch and Mark then you're gonna use the same three words and you have to sell me a better product or service. It could be a service. We live in a modern world. The words for this round are... What we got? We got 314, which is scoreAKE! And then we have 4... and 17... which is...

BISCUIT. So your words are... SCOREBOARD... PANCAKE... and BISCUIT. And I have a certain amount of time to sell this? Or how's this work? I'm gonna sort of feel that out.

I'm gonna start a stopwatch counting up, and when it gets too high, I'll tell you to stop. Okay. Are you ready for me? You need a second. I'm just writing down to make sure I remember these beautiful words. The floor is yours. Shark tank me. We all know we love breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day but sometimes waking up and we're a little bit tired and groggy not so fun. So I have the new breakfast arena for you. We're making biscuits, making pancakes, getting some orange juice, fried eggs.

It's gonna be a blast because you, your wife, husband, whatever, your children, you're competing to make the best item for that breakfast. New breakfast arena brought to you by me, the creator. Running around, oh, needs some dough. Better make it through the hoop. Oh, it landed right in the pan! That's the point for Team Biscuit.

Oh, but what about Team OJ? They're pouring down the slide. Better get to it! Team OJ, oh, not quite in time. Biscuit still leading. Pancake, where'd it go? It's flipping, it's flipping, it's flipping. Perfect landing!

Score, Breakfast Arena, coming soon. I'd eat that, play that, play that I guess, you're selling the game. And I appreciate that you never actually said the word scoreboard, but there was scoreboard, which I will count. That's good, because I thought I said it, so yeah. You said the word score.

Thanks, your honor. And you repeatedly referenced the scoreboard. I'll count. That's good, because I thought I said it. You said the word score. Thanks, your honor. Repeatedly referenced a scoreboard. I'll count that. That works. That's good. Mark, are you ready? Pancake biscuit and it's on a scoreboard. Pancake biscuit and it's on a scoreboard.

Pancake biscuit on a scoreboard. Pancake biscuit. Uh-uh. pancake biscuit uh oh Are we having a two sentence horror story trying to day because I really hope we are I literally invented this game because I was like man mark does really well when there are specific numbers of language things. Instead of two sentences, let's do three words. Mark will crush this. I'm going to, I'm going to be honest. It was so awful that I immediately was dismissive of it, but it was so memorable that I forgotten completely anything anything that Wade said and all I can think is the song. I don't feel good, but alright. Wait, it was a reference? Was that a Tabuscus reference?

Yeah, it was. I don't even remember how the original song went. Was it Chicken in a Biscuit? Chicken, yeah, something like that. Nugget. Nugget. No, Nugget in a Biscuit, that's right. Oh yeah, dip it all in mashed potatoes! That's what I was doing that was the scoreboard part you know wade you know i do not i never watched tabuscus i did watch him run around a convention one time like a psychopath didn't we that's how he did that's how he did

everything like a psychopath well anyway it was a reference it wasn't just random i thought you just pulled that out of your ass and i was like well at least he has a tune for it Lord hey if I did you know hey I got confidence I got confidence Man that makes you less creative than I thought I don't even know what he's referencing I just believe him anyway I'm not going to say who wins each round I was originally going to just announce the winner each round but I like the mystery and also I'm gonna have to think about that one for a while because it's really making me question this whole premise But that's okay mark you get to go first in the next round can't wait I can't either where the words will be a one and a three that's

gravity good and Then an eight and a nine. Oh, it's in the spooky words mark. You love these. Oh boy. That's apparition Four and 16 that's sushi gravity apparition sushi, okay Gravity apparition and it's eating sushi! Gravity, apparition, and it's eating sushi!

No, it's rolled into a sushi, obviously. I would make it a cannoli. You're allowed to use words that aren't on the list. Also, did I really not put cannoli on this list of food? Man, I don't reference anything ever. I'd be a terrible TV writer. You'll never guess what I'm googling right now. You try to figure out what gravity is. What is this? He's like Apparition welcome to the first sushi restaurant in space. You won't have no gravity here

You'll be eating your sushi floating through the air. I got the ghost of Seto Takahashi Here a real Dead apparition to cook you your sushi Not a lot of cooking going on mostly just cuts it up But he's good for a ghost and you're gonna be good for paying money for this fish It gets sent up with a catapult in space flash frozen in an instant right into our back door You get sushi from the water to your mouth all in the first sushi restaurant in space come with your friends

You never leave That Ed get Ed Edgar adopt a lot space sushi bar Sure, I'm assuming that person is like the inventor of sushi or something is that no I just looked up. I wish I had Googled that more. But of course I did. I looked up Japanese last name. That's what I did. I could have, yes, I could have.

Who invents sushi? I mean, there's probably not like one person who's credited with inventing sushi, I guess. That's not how that. Oh, yep, there is. Hanaya Yohei. I got the ghost of a Naya yo, hey Ha Naya yo, hey I'd go there listen me Katy Perry and all those other people who went up on the penis rocket

Go eat some sushi in space. I'm into it How much does that cost a couple million who? Who doesn't have that laying around? Also, you know, it is quite fresh fish right out of the ocean. No, yeah, literally the idea of catapulting the fish into space. It's just about as flash frozen as you can get, I would imagine, if it actually... Can it burn up while it's leaving the atmosphere? It'd be perfectly tempura'd. If...

You throw its skin side out and the skin acts as a heat shield, but then you get that crispy skin You know what a name for a porno skin side out What is that a horror porn? A porer Horno, oh, Hor- Hornor. Hornor? Hornor. Hold the door, Hornor. What?

It's- Yo, he doesn't know that- Literally, the last episode I hosted, we made fun of Wade for not knowing Game of Thrones, because he couldn't say Targaryen. Let's keep everything I'd host, Mark. I think we need to keep everything I'd host, because I'm not sure if I'd be able to do it. that literally the last episode I hosted, we made fun of Wade for not knowing Game of Thrones because he couldn't say Targaryen.

Let's keep everything I'd host, Mark. I think we need to work in as many Game of Thrones references as possible. Man, it's like for some reason YouTube shorts, which I deleted TikTok and then I started scrolling YouTube shorts and at first it was fine and now I don't know why. I skipped past them, I don't watch them them It just gives me movie and TV show experts. That's like the main short form thing. I swear to God

That's all that's all I get a lot of the time, especially on YouTube shorts I get that and people dancing you get that you still get the dances. I somehow I've convinced the algorithm I don't give a fuck about all the dance trends on all those short forms things But I get the TV clips I get a lot of Bob Odenkirk movies and I get a lot of Game of Thrones you might you and I must have the same feed because it's it's just that it's bad Breaking Bad Better Call Saul and Game of Thrones that's it I see a lot of those two actually it's always at the same three stupid songs in it to try to... anyway. It's a TV show and it's like a dialogue scene and then there's just a song that's like 300%

as loud as any of the dialogue. It's good. I've watched most of the third season of Breaking Bad that way. Wait, did you want to do this one or do you just want to concede this one to Mark? Oh no, I'm ready. All right, I want you to picture me with glasses holding like a stick stick like a teacher stick for a second teacher stick got it teacher stick and Action are you tired of ghosts in your kitchen trying to eat dinner? But they're on a mission if you and your friends what peace like we do

Trap we're ready to assist you Do you have apparitions in your kitchen causing you quite a stir Well, we have the new apparition trap ready for you It uses a gravity based system that lures them in and we have learned a very unusual secret that ghosts are attracted to dead Fish therefore we use sushi as a bait We place it on the trap the ghosts fly over grab the sushi the gravity well sucks them in and they're put in the trap Bringing you peace and you don't have to leave the gravity well sucks them in and they're put in the trap. Bringing you peace.

And you don't have to leave the dinner table to catch them and you can enjoy your meal. Call us today! Who are the people on the side? You don't know that reference? Does no one here know references? That was the Ghostbusters bit. That was the Ghostbusters. When they're on the TV, they're commercial.

We're ready to believe you. I don't think I've ever actually seen Ghostbusters Not fully I mean I've seen pretty much all of it the first one you gotta see it's quite good Epic rap battles did a good parody of Mythbusters Ghostbusters where they also do the TV scene a lot of references Anyway, I got the reference buddy. I'm glad as soon as you started. I was like, ah teacher stick I didn't want to give it away, but I wanted to get the visual going. Those were surprisingly good And I appreciate that you're both funnier people than I am. It's all downhill from here That's how I felt since we started but that was an uphill that was good. That's good for both you guys

I was really glad that we talked for a while about stuff after marks because I thought of the idea like Ghostbusters thing. how does that go? I got to write a whole thing real quick. And you guys were like, chat, chat. I was like, yes, yes, chat, chat, chat. Game of Thrones, great, love it. Oh, hold the door, horror door, or whatever we said. OK, that oil baron character that Andrew Driver played on SNL in that one sketch.

Drink from the soil's teat, boy, look at me when I'm speaking to you. Yeah, that guy. What was his name? I remember HR Pickens. I can't remember his name. HR Pickens is the one who was scrounged into the dirt. Who is HR Pickens? Exactly!

I wanna be you when I grow up. And so you shall! Pretty good driver voice, actually. Got his big mouth articulations. I think what he calls a teacher Marm and she's like Okay He comes in for career day if you've never seen it, oh I've seen I was talking to the audience There's this an audience member named mark to next words. I remember my small talk

Quick Killed Wade Oh! Oh! The Smalltalk Interlude! Quick! Eugh! It broke me! It killed Wade! Oh, I wasn't prepared! Nobody's prepared for the Smalltalk Interlude! It's really not that incredible. I just remembered that I remember what it was about because I got excited about something that you guys would probably find very boring. The title of this episode is Mark remembers at 38 minutes. Here's the thing. I, I, uh, for the longest time, uh, I've enjoyed this particular microphone on my camera when we were using DSLRs

mostly to do it. It was, You might recognize this is a stereo microphone that looks like a V. Yeah, I still have one somewhere. I've got one of those. Yeah, I like it because I think that the stereo microphone, it's how we filmed Date and Who Killed, Mark Blar, and all those old ones. This sound was not terrible because we had that microphone

on the camera and that was pretty much picking up everything and it was first spring're gonna do it. Sennheiser announced a new stereo microphone that is nothing like that one at all, but it's a better stereo microphone. All right. I got really excited about it because I like stereo microphones.

And when I've tried to do the thing where you get two microphones in that are the same and you put them side by side for stereo but the problem is if you don't get a matched pair there can be differences and I don't know it's just like it's it doesn't quite work all the time because the signals can be get out of alignment or I don't have I know there's hardware that could do that but it's like a stereo microphone science you know yeah because I've gotten used to using boom microphones and this is a stereo boom microphone and it's quite expensive but I believe in really good sound and whatever you're doing

so I ordered one and it shipped. I love when stuff ships. That's very exciting. Man, this small talk was not worth interrupting. I remember my small talk! Do you? Yeah! When you said the word shipped!

My car is at port! Oh no! Oh god! Yeah, when you said the word shipped my cars at ports In Germany or at port in us That's not very close it was assigned a carrier and it made me think they put cars on aircraft carriers I was like that's stupid. They must be a different kind of carrier But I've never imagined the boat that cars ship on I was like is it the Titanic or people having sex in my car? Or is an aircraft carrier where fighters are landing you made the time we did the Titanic joke the last time we talked about your Car, haha, it's still funny, right? I mean it was as funny this time as it was last time So you got that going for you, but it's at port. It's built. So it is actually like sitting in a port somewhere

going for you. But it's at port, it's built. So it is actually like sitting in a port somewhere collecting salt, ruining the paint finish, corroding the electronic connections that will make it, turn it into a lemon before it even arrives on American soil. Any day now. Well, how long does it take to get across the Atlantic these days? Like two to four weeks. Well, but how long is it actually going to be on a boat where if the boat sinks, your car sinks to the bottom of the ocean. and that's About the funniest thing I could imagine happening in perpetuity It's like a week right the crossing like four or four or five days tops No, it says two to four, expect two to four weeks for it to cross the ocean is what it says That's so that's like longer than the Titanic would have took if it made it

I think it's because it stops at other places along the way like other ports across like Europe or whatever It doesn't just go directly from Germany to Cincinnati. Apparently there's other places in between I take it that bad boy off that boat ASAP and just Landship it the rest of the way as soon as that's an option because you just know that boats gonna sink in a hilarious way With Wade's car on it 10 to 20 days. They're only gonna lose one container. Oh thank god only one. They're gonna drive past an iceberg and be like, ah we're clear captain and the iceberg's just gonna be like and peel one container off the top and that's Wade's car. It reaches in, grabs mine and then like speeds it against its own head and throws it. It peels it open and it's like, oh, Wade's car.

Like a weird old Hanna-Barbera animation glacier just out in the middle of the real ocean. No, what it is is it's the Kraken, but ships have gotten a lot bigger. So it's just like, ah, trying to reach up. It grabs one. So it's just like I tried to reach up it grabbed one Crack and dying of old age fuck you 30 years ago, I could have taken down the whole boat I'd like to think your cargo container has Wade and a heart on the side of it. Just so we know No, they actually got my name wrong. They put George, but they spelled it G O E R G E. So it was

like Gorge on everything. You're never getting it. Your car is actually sitting at BMW with a big thing on it that says Gorge barn. And you go and you're like, that's my car. I ordered that. You're like, nah, this is gorgeous car. You can't have gorgeous car. Don't you show me a birth certificate with that name on it. We're keeping this right here. Yeah, that's a German name. If ever I heard, I gave up on doing the German accent. I might do that. Yeah, was sufficient to get it across.

I'm with you, with you. That's a German name, don't you know? You know, the Canadian German provinces. Canermony? Well, part of gin Erminy is Canadian no no car it was kind Erminy kind Erminy hold the door can Erminy yeah that's all they say. Eek, I'm gonna hold the door for you there. Sorry, Minnesotan family. That all should have happened a little while ago, but I'm gonna allow it because that was really good, Small.

That was even better than I imagined. I can't believe we talked about those things. I've already blanked on all of them. Don't you feel bad about your microphone, Smalltalk? The subreddit specifically said, it was only one person, but I'm going to say it was the subreddit collectively said, your small talk where you talk about specific things that you really are interested in and know a lot about is way more interesting than when Wade and I talk about our lives or any

like human family stupid bullshit. People are here for Mark's obsessive hyper fixations and they're interested to learn all of the facts that he knows about these very niche but cool things that he likes. I think what they really want is for you and I just to leave the podcast and just have Mark have the small talk podcast where he talks about tech and lenses.

That's kind of the vibe that I get from the subreddit. I'm not going to lie. I agree. Mark Mark's on board. You heard it here first. Do you want the dis the track or the table? We got to split it into thirds. I don't want the table. I am the table. You can't have the table. I'm the table. I have the tracked. You look like you might have tracked. Can I just pick the inside words of things? What about Istra? Can I be Istra? Stomp it on my tract a little bit, but I'll allow it. Ha, doesn't bother me. Alright, Mark is Istra.

Can you spell dick with Distractible? I mean D-I-C. Yeah, that's basically dick. You spell Distractible. D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-K... no, C-K-T-I-R-F-A. Let's move on. I'm gonna shut up now. Oh man, he tried to spell on the podcast again. Wait a minute. Come on, Vork.

Oh no, no, no. I got it. I got it. All right. Back to the matter at hand. It's Wade's turn. Your first word is marathon. Your second word is a six and a four.

Yep. Drone. That's a 6 and a 4. Uh, yep. Uh, drone! That's a good one for selling. And then your final word is... Bloodlust! I know this one! Go for it. I'm listening. Do you suffer from terrible bloodlust? And you find yourself needing gas-powered appliances quite often in your bloodless home?

Well, I have the product with you. I got a little lost because I thought you were implying that having blood lust meant that you needed a lot of extra gas powered appliances in your home but you just meant you spent the getting gas requires seeing people you can't be around people you're fucking care their flesh yeah uh-huh and I used marathon for the gas station. So brilliant, right? Yes, I don't know why I paused. I thought I was fine. I just paused cuz I was like make him wait I don't need anyone's approval. I've got me baby. See all right, so I came up with my idea

roughly the same time Do you suffer from blood lust? Yeah Mark, that's a great different idea. Do you suffer from lust of blood? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Go ahead, go ahead. Lithium ion batteries will kill your children and your family and it'll poison your water. Don't feed those greedy lithium miners anything their bloodlust cannot be sated hi I'm Ted Dingleberry here to represent marathon gas with our new

gas-powered drone Why waste anything on those stupid lithium batteries that take forever to charge when you can just? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr gasoline the new gas drone by marathon don't fly it at neck level how many people could it kill in two days literally I came up with like yeah marathon gas you know what you know what touch I appreciate the most but just like with everything you do you focused on the quality of the audio I love that you pull started the drone and you gave it the old ring ring ring ring And then you were just like and now I have to talk like this cuz there's a drone behind me

Perfection. Thank you. Also. I love how your background is now the focus of your camera. It's just I guess he wants to look back here. He wants me to focus over there. Okay. The camera's got jokes out here. All right, Mark, you go first this time and you'll be excited because I think this is going to be our first word off the fantasy list. Oh, that is dagger. Oh, a good one. Oh, and then we have a six seven which means your next word is gonna be robot oh and then we have a seven and a six what the fuck what is this all right which means your next word is going to be meadow dagger robot meadow don't Google Japanese last names. You can do better.

You can't tell me what to google. From the brilliant mind of Hidetaka Miyazaki comes the newest DLC for Elden Ring. What the fuck's above the urn tree? We go to space. Featuring enormous planes, meadows, and all kinds of your favorite fantasy elements like swords, bows, and daggers. But now, robots. In space, you will be Elden Lord. I could be Elden Lord... I can be Elden Lord. Uh, no, that's so good though, because the first DLC was Shadow of the Aired Tree, so obviously the second DLC is, what the fuck is above the Aired Tree? It follows on so obviously. I've already pre-ordered that DLC, I'm pretty sure.

You know what? I'm glad you didn't listen to me and you googled the one thing you always google Mark. I appreciate the commitment. Wade, are you ready? Ready as I'm going to be. Can I tend the rabbits, George? Is a question we don't hear often enough because tending the rabbits is very difficult with all of the different predators

that are floating around the meadow. You've got hawks, you've got raccoons, you've got bears, but not anymore. What you need is a dagger-wielding robot to protect your meadow. We here at Dagger Robot Industries have all the dagger robots, but hey, it's not all just

about protecting the beautiful rabbits and squirrels and different peaceful species in the meadow. We have another representative here, Drake Ulysses Law. Yes, it's a typically pronounced DRAG. I do not live in a castle anymore. I have moved my coffin to a peaceful meadow But people want to come with their wooden stakes and daggers and stab me But I got one of your dagger wielding robots and now I am protected at all times And he's not the only one but we'll save some of the others for the other commercials get yourself a dagger wielding robot today

He's not the only one? They're not here right now. You'll have to catch our other commercials. Other satisfied customers. What a good cameo, huh? I can't tell if I'm happy or sad that Dracula's love came back. I have so many feelings about it. If the callback bonus point comes up

I have no fucking idea who's gonna whatever I think that's why I have I think I think it was funny But what you really brought me back to was the moment when that reveal happened the first time where I had such an absolutely like gut reaction to how much I was Disappointed but also shocked because it was funny. It's a very funny bit. And I feel it feels mean. I can't just laugh at it, but it's too complicated. I'll never top it.

I peaked. Probably. Let's do one more, but let's do five words. Oh, God, I'm not ready. Editors, if it's not funny, pretend the last one was the last one. Editors, if it's not funny, just edit their mouths so it looks like it's funny. Your first word is six and 11. Upload and then five and six.

That will be castle and then seven and nine, which of course is Rainforest and then two and fifteen, which we all know is investment. And then four and one. Oh, what's the first word on the fourth list? I don't even know. Casserole. Upload castle, reinforced investment casserole. Who gets to go first? I guess Mark gets to go first because of the way I've timed this out.

That's generous of me. No, Wade went second last time because Ulysses la. Yeah. Wade gets to go first. That's generous of me. Are you a property baron who's finding that global warming is ruining all of your investments? Did you have a nice house over on the cliffs but the cliffs have all fallen into the ocean

as the icebergs have melted and water levels have risen and all of your investments have been flooded and ruined? Well, I have the perfect solution for you. You can now upload all of your investments into a nice little disk and carry that disk into other places, other biomes, other parts of the world, and you can upload them right then and there. Do you want a castle in the rainforest? Easy. Get your castle, upload it, go to the nearest rainforest that's not been cut down yet by horrible, terrifying drones, and you can put your castle right then and there. We have a special one on right

now where you can get three of these discs for the price of one, and on top of that you get a 10-year voucher for all you can eat at any casserole cafe, that's any casserole cafe in the continental US, specifically in Alabama. By today. No, I just wish casserole cafe was a real place. It is by today. Is it? Think so.

Also, just to clarify completely, is the technology that you're selling the ability to upload physical things onto a disc and then just like, yes, that's a hell of a technology. That's quite the invention. I had the idea then you threw casserole and I was like, how the fuck do I add casserole to this? I know, act now. Those always give weird things.

I like it. Mark, what Japanese guy did you Google this time? You shush. We here at Folgers are making grand investments to make sure every thick cup of coffee you get is the richest, smoothest flavor of coffee you could possibly imagine. Straight from the rainforest of Columbia that we have clear cut for those local farmers who are really uppity to get out. And so, we've planted even more coffee where the rainforest used to be,

so that you can get more thick cup loads of coffee for your morning routine. And on that land, we're gonna build a big, beautiful casserole. Sorry, I misspoke. A big, beautiful castle, so that we can watch over our lands and ensure that our coffee is never reclaimed by that pesky Rainforest or those pesky farmers ever again Folgers we protect our investments

Best part of waking up Cupp loads of our stuff Cupp loadss of our stuff! Cupploads of thick coffee! Do you like how I said thick cup at the beginning so I could get away with thick cuploads? Oh, it was so well done! That's such a good use of upload as a required word too, I love it! Casserole? I misspoke! Casserole!

Poor use of upload! Oh, castle. Poor, useful... Rainforest? Sorry, I meant it's raining in the forest. Oh, man. God damn. God, I want a thick cup load of coffee now. You followed all the rules, I can't even be met. I want to grab my coin, but like that... I can't even, like, how can I argue? You used the words. There was no game playing or maneuvering whatsoever. He just did exactly what I asked him to do. That's what I'm here for.

I really, the only people in my life who drink coffee are like my parents, because neither Mandy and I really do coffee. I really want to just drop that next time they're like they come they're in town and we're hanging out like hey you guys had your thick cup loads yet today? Can I get you coffee? Dad? Mom? Cup load? In your face hole? Go through the drive-through at Starbucks just like hey can I get a can I get a cup load of coffee? Brought my own cup. Sounds like a slogan but it'd be like a Duncan slogan. Welcome to Duncan, can we upload you a cupload? One quick click can get you a thick cupload. There you go sir, have a

good day. Okay, god damn, there were so many just absolute gems in that one little thing. I can't, I'm still hung up on it. Sorry. I misspoke hung up in it In no particular order, let's go over the what you earn points for before we get to the wheel spins mark I'm not gonna lie. I was excited for this after your first go, but man you really turned on the Jets He's not the host. What the fuck's going on here Bob. You did a great great episode. Oh, thanks I had to give him his flowers. We give him so much for two seconds horror stories. He did well. He deserved a flower honestly I feel like we didn't give him very much shit at all We just laughed because he was already laughing and that was what's a comedy show

So I feel like that was just very successful I maybe just not for the reasons mark may have originally intended, but it was a very funny What was a good thing I brought my spooky glasses or whatever the fuck it was. Too bad I was on the moon. I actually use that in everyday life, literally in totally normal human situations, I don't always say it out loud, but I think regularly I'll just be like, too bad I'm on the move. I think me and Amy use scary tape a lot too.

No, it was a scary tape. I use this scary tape. Oh my God. See, we did laugh, but it's because it was actually so funny. We could not laugh. Also, you suck at that. You both earned points for being good followers. Wade, you earned points for questioning reality, sucking up, breakfast arena, Ghostbusters bit. I know this one! Drak, Ulysses Luh coming back, and the casserole cafe that I wish existed.

Mark, you earned the good follower point What in the fuck did I write? I know this pain. I feel it every time I look at my break Gating in breaking in bringing oof and big annoying in big negative. Oh no invaginate Okay, marker points for invaginate Jorking it nugget in a Biscuit reference, Googling Japanese guys, Smalltalk Interlude, Gas-powered Murder Drone, What the fuck is above the Aired Tree, and Thick Cup Loads. That leaves us with both of you having some number of points, and it being time to spin the wheel.

What's your addition? Well, let's do this one first since I already have it open and then I will do my addition. Oh, please. Oh boy. Oh, that's tough. All right, we're gonna have one bonus thing. My addition to the bonus point will be thickest cupload,

most Dracula references? I didn't actually have one prepared for this. Uh... I wanted to do something about the thing I wish actually existed the most from the episode, but that's a really fucking obscure thing to make as a bonus point. You could say, uh, like, million dollar idea. Best million dollar idea. Alright, I like that. Please be good to me, wheel, because you only get one spin.

Wow, it almost gave you the best million dollar idea, but actually it was dropped the most items. Oh. Did either of you actually drop anything this whole time? No. Mark's camera dropped focus. Why are you trying to give Mark points so hard? I just try to genuinely think of moments where something dropped. I don't know. I appreciate the honesty.

We're going to re-spin that one. That one's kind of a tie. If anyone drops stuff, it's me because I'm constantly dropping my fucking fidget spinners I can't keep my hands off of Just want to be loud in case if that comes up Damn it. I like that Well, the one result was Wade gets half a point from the bonus wheel, and that's it, apparently. Under wheelming, am I right?

Yeah! Freeze me midair! Freeze, freeze, freeze! Yeah! Well, Mark, either one by half a point, or I dominated by three. Let's say, Wade, for all the things I already listed out loud, you ended up earning 8.5 points. Which is either a very respectable number or not remotely enough. It's 1.5 more than 7.

That is factually true. Mark, for all that stuff I already listed, you earned 9 points. What's 9? Super 9. Yeah, you earned nine points what's nine super nine yeah marker nine points I was trying to think of a way to make it suspenseful I figured you think I was gonna say seven or something but I did when you went I was like oh perfectly marker nine points meaning that Wade's half point bonus point was half a point too short to force me to spin the fucking wheel of torture. So Mark wins!

And I don't lose! Hooray! Uh, Mark, winner speech? Wow, what a show I had. I really pulled it out. I think having people not believe in me that I could do this with all the two sentence horror story stuff, well, I've been taking two sentence horror story lessons so if I could shake my head going neener neener I would but I can't right now cuz I'm frozen anyway thanks guys and thanks Bob

and thanks Wade and thank me Wade loser speech oh what a show it has been but it's not about me there's no more for you to see Do that whenever he says something to his start made me think he was gonna do the anyway good episode It was fun. That was fun. I was worried. I was like connecting a bunch of words I don't know if they're not too related what we're gonna do, but I thought it turned out great great episode Bob That was so nice. I would have given you I would have given you half of points for that I wish I'd said it sooner bark good win you earned it by doing more than I expected you to do like so many Japanese guys way more my average Japanese guy Google search is up you

guys should have bought stock while it was low now look at you mentioned them Google the most Japanese men should have been on the Would be a good wheel edition yeah, I'll keep I'll definitely remember that I Was trying to make the joke to the Adam driver sketch, but I can't remember the guys HR Pounder CCH Anyway congrats mark you're gonna host the next one and Congrats, Wade. I'm sure you'll win again someday Make sure you follow the podcast that way you'll get notification when episode comes out Make sure you follow us at our social medias And I'm not gonna say it cuz I realized you know what guys after probably months of this happening the editors just put it on

Screen that means we don't have to tell the listeners what our handles are. They don't get to know. They can see it. Yeah, that's the thing. If you want to know where to follow us personally, you got to watch. You got to earn it. So take that. And that's it. Thanks so much for watching. Thanks for listening, I guess.

Technically, Mark's going to host the next one. We're out of here. Podcast out.