Distractible - Transportation

Episode Date: May 31, 2021

Bob hosts as Wade and Mark make their predictions on what the next major form of transportation will be, taking many wrong turns in the process... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production, with your hosts, Mark, Bob, and Wade. This week, the three erudite amigos amiably amuse and amaze with a delicious discourse on that which shrinks the very globe, transportation. Please secure thy humerus and enjoy the show. Rollin'. Like my dad rolled away and never came home. That's not how he died, never mind. It's been so long even I've forgotten how it happened. Oh no, you made Mark turn French, oh no. No, no, no.

Hello and welcome to Distractible. This is your weekly podcast. Is that the right tone for this show sure yeah yeah part where we get all the offensive jokes out definitely gotta leave that in who's it offensive to i don't know those dadless freaks dadless losers honestly who has a dad you know that's just not cool these days. It's 2021. What are you saying? I gotta kill my dad? If you haven't, then are you really our friend?

Do you think you just can walk in here with a dad? The new hot Zoomer trend. It's like, yeah, I can kill my dad last week. It's way better. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. Slitty. Sl's way better. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. Slitty. Slitty, dude.

Dads everywhere are fleeing the country with the latest trend of kill your dad. BBC Wade. I love BBC Wade. It's my favorite Wade. Established recurring character, BBC Wade. I will never remember this character, and I'm kind of glad about that. You know what I'm sad is I don't have any of my intros, and we've already gotten a few episodes out, and, like, people don't know about my intros, my sweet, banging intros.

People don't know, man. People don't know about my sweet. They don't know. We'll just tell them we're upgrading over time. Yeah. What we're doing is learning how to do it over time. I looked right behind me, and there behind me was something behind me. Don't belittle my amazing intro. I looked right behind me and there behind me was something behind me. Don't belittle

my amazing intro. I worked hard on that. You know what? Play it. Play my thing, even if it's not the bit. When searching for the truth and like a fool, I found the heart of every story. Hey, back off. I'm a reporter. Markiplier is there. I turned around and there it was. It's bigger than I could have. How good is Bone Broth for you? The poor editor is looking at the 60 hours of content like, I guess I'll go find it. That's his job.

We pay him. We pay him, right? We pay him. I don't. Oh, man. I haven't paid anyone for any of this. I've not gotten money. I've not given money. People are telling me money is changing hands. haven't paid anyone for any of this. I've not gotten money. I've not given money.

People are telling me money is changing hands. I have no evidence of any of it. Someone's making money and someone's spending money, but it's not us. If you get high up on the podcast charts, money just falls out of your lap, right? That's what happens. Better not be you taking the money, Ted. I will die right now just so I could find you and kill you again. Go to extra heaven. I think I'm going to extra hell. Oh, man, yeah.

You skip right over regular, just head straight to extra hell. I don't remember that hell in Dante's Infernal. I think it was on the eighth ring of hell. Oh, you don't want to go to extra hell down there. Are there different hells for like different galaxies or universes or something? You mean like do aliens go to alien hell? I mean, that is a conversation that we could have. That's another episode.

Silly me. Yeah, what are you talking about? Stop wasting content. Come on. Yeah, my bad. We got to milk this shit. We want this to last i've got a bucket a cow and a pair of udders that are on the cow ready to go a bucket of cow some separate

udders and a jug of milk to fill the udders with god do you remember when we were doing the tour and we tested out the fucking milking game like oh god it's yeah yeah the switch game yeah yeah and the milking one was definitely a questionable addition that's all we're just like we were jacking it for five minutes yeah that's what I'm lonely okay slowly yeah you got to fast oh yeah don't come out if you go too fast. I only know how to go like Sonic the Hedgehog, man. Oh my god, that is the worst image. How fast do you think he can fap?

He's probably done before we've even noticed his hand is moving. Look at the point of the eye. He can just get in little micro yoinks whenever he wants after watching the movie i'm guarantee you he opens up one of those rings right above takes care of the mess but then it just falls into some other dimension it's just one really sad ring that's just sonic's cum dimension Gotta go, ah! And then... Someone just sitting over there, like, worshipping some statue they built, like, Once a day, we are blessed

with the milk of our creator. Sometimes twice. What a good day that was. It moves at supersonic speeds, but we managed to catch it with our new technological device. Here it comes! Praise be! Although other dimensional creatures

who worship something that's definitely not a god are always like agrarian civilizations from like a few thousand years ago. It's never like the 80s in the world where they're worshiping the statue where the cum comes out it's always the same that they speak like this and the great lord blesses us with his milk it's always they're the ones man they really get shit on in the multiverse of things well i guess if you were you were thinking technological society and you're driving around

in your hover car and stuff and then all of a sudden just some splooge rains from the sky, you're probably just like, oh, damn, robo-birds or something. I would fucking love that, though. No, it's like right now, right? Except for there's a statue

where there's stuff that looks like Steven comes out and there's a whole sect of people who are like, this is our lord. He blesses us. This is his signal. And the rest of the world is like this is our lord he blesses us this is his signal and the rest of the world is like what the fuck is wrong with those people it's fucking you can we tested it it's some kind of semen we just don't know where it comes from like what the fuck it's clearly a wormhole or something i don't know it's an alien civilization

just fucking with us but there's like the really strong believers like they tested dna it's like it's a hedgehog this hedgehog semen like trying to trace that back so when that universe science advances and they they use that dna to jurassic park themselves some fresh hedge hogs and they get a bunch of demented sonics running around they're like what is this what have we made? All he says is, gotta go fast, and then he runs around a fucking thousand miles an hour. What the hell? You spent so much time wondering if you could.

I spent so much time wondering if you should. Sorry, Jeff, that was a terrible impression. Sorry, Jeff. Mr. Gold terrible impression. Sorry, Jeff. Mr. Goldblum, if you're listening. I didn't know you were on a first-name basis. Well, I wasn't, but definitely not now. Banger movie that would be. Well, there goes our first guest, guys.

I think he just canceled. He's like, welcome to Jurassic Park. Gotta go fast! The dinosaurs are all female. Sonic runs through their openings. Okay, we should start the episode, you know? Okay, I'm hosting. Everyone shut up birthday bub okay hello and welcome to distractible where we discuss anything that interests us and compete

so you can bring the most captivating stories to the table whoever brings the most interesting story which i will be the judge of will be declared the winner of the podcast and win probably a cash prize and some sort of crown and most importantly we'll be able to host next week's episode and also i made up those other prizes there's no other prizes as ever i am joined by my cohorts mark and wade hi hello oh one of those is me hey how's it going the second one of those is me. Hey, how's it going? The second one of those. I won't ever tell you which one, though. Yeah, our voices are so similar, no one would ever be able to discern. Our voices are so similar, no one would ever be able to discern. Oh, my God.

Mark, why are you saying the same thing twice? Our voices are so similar. Our voices are so similar. Our voices are so similar, we'd never be able to discern. I love this bit. Which bit do you like better? This one or the hedgehog semen one? No, the spoilers.

Wait, did that happen first? I like the episode where they talk real deep about hedgehog semen for a long time. That's my favorite episode. Oh, shit. Okay. We're peaking too early in this podcast. Small talk, small talk, small talk. We have to make small talk.

I got a new bed this week. We did that last fall. So I have mixed feelings about this. It has an adjustable base. Okay. So it does that thing where it sits up. It sits up a lot. You can sit straight up in this thing.

And when I was a kid, I learned from TV commercials that that was for old people. But it literally came with a free adjustable base. Would you guys enjoy that? Is that a thing that sounds appealing to you? Because we were like, okay, I mean, we need, like, you know, a box spring or something. And it just came with it. But I'm conflicted, you know? Why is comfort exclusive to old people?

I like to be comfortable any time in my life. Yeah. I think everyone just likes sitting in a big lazy boy oh yeah very cushy like take a nap in that shit like oh it's wonderful so i don't think you should be ashamed of that for any reason no not at all yeah i mean it doesn't really matter i'm gonna use it anyway but i just it struck me they they set it up and it folded up and my brain was like that's like those commercials from the old people stuff did it come with a life alert that's real question here you go grandpa you know what i sat

it upright and then i tried to get out of bed and it was a little too low and i fell gently to the floor and i immediately cried out help i've fallen and i can't get up and i was like where did that voice even come from what's happening i mean it's limited i mean technology is only available to the people who who it serves or you become the people it serves yeah i am really glad we don't live in a society where to be a certain age to be comfortable they go to deliver your bed and pillows and they see you're not like 65 like oh no pillows for you no pillows for you no please i just you must rely on your account the police are on their way please pillows please that's what non-65 year olds sound like the sad world every non-65 year

old i've ever heard talks like that i'm pretty sure no okay let's get on with the podcast yeah i think you nailed it wade thank you what's your thing you guys got things let's get on with the podcast. Yeah, I think you nailed it, Wade. Thank you. What's your thing? You guys got things? Anything happen? I'm filming up outside of Vancouver for The Edge of Sleep,

the show based off the hit podcast, The Edge of Sleep. That's a very nice personal business plug you made, Mark. You must have a lot of great stuff going on in your life. Make sure to check out any other podcast on every podcast platform than this one. Is there a list of the Joe Rogan experience? He's good.

I hear some idiots pass him for a second, but he'll be back on top. I'm sure that'll age well by the time this one airs. How about you, Wade? You do anything? Oh, man. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure. What about you, Wade? You do anything? Oh, man. What do I do? Man, you guys lead extraordinary lives.

Can I just say that? No, I did stuff. You can't talk, Bob. You got a bed, and that's what you talk. That's your week. Yeah, well, at least I made it interesting. I thought a whole thing about the bed.

That's fair. I looked at cars, because for those that don't listen to our other show, I lost my car to a semi, and I've been doing some car shopping. That semi was so fucking good at poker. It left me. You know, it packed its bags, and it said, there's a better man than me, and walked right out with that semi.

Well, you know what they say about trucks with big trailers. I didn't until now. Catch your car going in the trailer of the truck. You're like, no, honey, no. Beeps out, this isn't what it looks like. My car was very happy to show me those pictures when it left. You didn't notice that your children looked just like that semi, did you? Until it was too late and she locked you in for child support.

Everyone always said they had my eyes. But they had his axles. I think we're tapped. I think we're tapped on that one. I shouldn't do vehicle humor. That's a shallow well for me. All right, listen. This week, we have a topic.

And it's a good one because I picked it. I want to hear from you in whatever way you see fit about what you think the next form of mass transportation is. We've gone from just walking around to, you know, wagons, things with wheels, to boats across oceans and to use canals and rivers, trains and buses to just cross straight across the land wherever you want to go. You can't drive there in your own car,

Trains and buses to just cross straight across the land wherever you want to go. You can't drive there in your own car. Probably flying. Air travel is the pinnacle of you trying to get somewhere. Probably flying. Especially in America. Our trains are garbage. Buses, garbage.

What is next? I've been preparing for this topic for weeks. I've got a title. I've got the topic. I've got everything prepared. Uh, me too. I have all that. I definitely know about about this and i'm ready for it and i can't wait to share it with you guys well bob definitely told us before just now and i am very ready to go before we get into that it's a great moment

i think to pause and say thank you to the sponsors of this episode. All right, that's enough stalling. You've had ample time to do some thorough research. I would like to hear your titles, gentlemen. Uh-huh. Would you like me to go first, Mark? Well, hey, let's debate about who should go first. That's really the key.

Ah, debatable, our new podcast. Do we have that one? That's definitely. Well, if it's not ours, you should definitely go listen to it on Spotify. Wade, what's your title? Tell me. The Information Super Hugway. What?

Can't tell if I even can tell what that might be. I have no guesses. That's two points for intriguing. That's for sure. You want to know mine? Yes, go for it. You spin me right round, baby, right round. Ooh.

Okay. I like that. That is also intriguing. It's slightly less intriguing or confusing than Wade's. I gave you one point, sir, but I'm dying to hear what Wade's gotade's got going on all right cool does that mean i get points for being intriguing too he already he already gave you points yeah of course i was listening all right uh um first as you said because i was listening to that too you're up wade you could do it great all right the information super hugway so we've already got cars and boats and planes and storks

and that kind of thing carrying babies around. Everyone knows like teleportation, whatever, flying cars, yada, yada, yada. What people don't expect is to increase the way we travel underground and how we get there. Everyone says Mother Earth, right? Because Mother Earth is a living being. We got to protect earth

so here's what we do you get a person who is just really deeply connected to earth and that person they don't have to be naked but they could be naked but it's crucial that they're barefoot they have to be barefoot and they'll stand over one of the mother earth connection nodes that leads into the deep veins of earth and if you want to travel somewhere fast you go up you give this person a big old hug you touch noses as you slowly melt into them and you're absorbed into their like living being juices all the way flowing down to their feet where the node connects you go into this node it spits you wherever you want to go around the earth and you pop right out

being slurped out of someone else that's also standing on a node any questions uh a couple yeah some points to clarify i think yeah by all means who put the mother earth connection notes there did mother earth do that do those already exist no we did we're putting them there okay yeah okay do you have to be naked when you hug the transportation person i don't think so as long as there's some flesh to flesh connection i think that's enough i think you can speed it up with nudity as it as with most things i know i get faster with nudity oh okay what about you mark you got any thoughts on that one on that one his one um yeah no ask him questions i can't i'm too shocked to

i have more questions. Hang on just okay So the these these what did you call them these connection nodes? Yeah, okay? So then the nodes they're the endpoints of the tunnel system that you've built through Mother Earth correct They're more like train stations right it's like a stopping point It's just a point along the highway of earth blood flow so there's stopping points in the earth yeah so like you know earth's a living breathing thing okay so there's got to be some kind of like blood veins of some kind right maybe they're like dirt veins or lava veins i don't know the science i just pick up the earth is a living breathing being is what you're

saying yeah why do you think volcanoes erupt or it's like oh damn it mom you know who's earth mom wait hold up oh uh you know mother jupiter and father fuck you uh how are you mad about this you you this is your story so jupiter and fuck you which is a planet i've never heard of no he said fuck you mars he said mars he said no so mars and jupiter had a one-night stand and they spat out earth earth looks a bit more like pluto so i'm thinking maybe there was some you know what the line in that song from the intro to the big bang theory makes so much more sense now i was like the whole universe was in a hot dead state and then mars fuck jupiter and the earth came out and i was like wow really no that's not right it's true though way does way just educated me that is in fact how the earth was made okay, so the earth it had are you saying? There's like a heart and organs in the earth well not the same like as us

You know how like in movies when they like open alien bodies. They're like sir. There's five hearts Oh no penis like earth's kind of like something like that wait What movie I need to know the name for research purposes? Man you know the the for research purposes. Uh, oh man. Uh, you know, the, the big alien gangbanger, uh, favorite, my favorite Christmas alien film. All right. Um, continue.

I apologize for stopping. Yeah. But it's not like, you know, I'm not saying earth has people physiology, but I'm saying like, there's something beyond what we understand. What is even wind why are we still spinning like you know why are volcanoes erupting how is earth still so hot in the middle if it's not like you know fighting off diseases like people there's something there right it's it's alive we just don't understand it yet but we know that the information super

hugway is there so this is the new way of like public transportation right yeah so like you got like a family of four mom dad two little kids well like you know primary school age kids they go into the super hug way node they're going to italy or something they're going on a trip a fun summer vacation uh-huh did the kids go first and did the kids just hug around the legs of i'm assuming the adult sized person you have to hug to get slurped into the Earth's blood highway? Well, I guess we pose this. When you get on a train to go to Foxville, Indiana, do you let the kids go on first or do you go on first? I mean, I guess you hold hands and you do it at the same time. Maybe it's a family circle.

Maybe it's a group hug. I mean, we'll eventually get there, right? You know, it was like a one-person plane, but now now we got planes where you can fit all kinds of people you know technology will progress at first we'll be like how did you absorb me friend and then they'll be oh touch my nose and but eventually it'll be like hey we have a family of five like oh hop in hop in and yeah it'll be like a big group hug suck what's to stop the intense heat and pressure from killing people as they enter into these hug tubes? Well, your entire genetic code is reformed.

It's like teleportation. It disassembles you and reassembles you in Star Trek. It's something like that. So it's like the classic teleporter issue of are you really the same person or are we just killing you and making a clone of you? Well, you are unless there's like an earthquake or something and you are horribly destroyed by the fact that clone of you. Well, you are, unless there's, like, an earthquake or something, and you, like, are horribly, like, destroyed by the fact that part of you never arrived. Your family of four just turns into a horrible meat

amalgamation at the end of it, like, the risk we take for speed. Yeah, but it only happens once in a while. Well, you know, eventually, I guess, if we're looking at this, like, Earth's a big ball, and there's probably been multiple connections leading to each site, so I imagine it would just take a minute for the rest of little Timmy to be formed or something.

Maybe it's going to wait for the rest of the body to show up. I'm already willing to accept that the Earth is a living, breathing creature that was fucked into existence by Jupiter and Mars and maybe Pluto. I've somehow agreed to all of that. The teleportation thing, I'm just having a little bit of trouble understanding I'm no scientist For my understanding of how things are gonna work 10,000 years from now. I mean, I'm pretty sure that we'll know by then 10,000 years

10,000 maybe it's 10 years 10. That's a big range it's on one of those uh bubonic parabolas so i mean things are gonna go exponentially faster bob please i'm i'm asking for an injunction or something or whatever the legal term is to stop this madman so i think the summary that i will draw from what you've said wade is that you are not a scientist yes for making me feel like i did a lot of really good drugs uh six points for you wade oh that's really nice and even i like that thank you a total of eight points and mark only has one what a loser fix it mark all right so so my my thing is what's the title you spin me right Right Round. You Spin Me Right Round. Oh, yeah. Baby Right Round. So my thing is there's, in less grandiose terms of teleportation through the blood tunnels of the living earth, I was thinking more about how to incorporate human power into our everyday commute and transportation.

Not in a Fred Flintstone way of like, you know, feet on the ground, a more sophisticated version of like, large wheels that you know, those large cat treadmills that there it's it's a large circular wheel, an enormous hamster wheel sort of thing. Yeah, exactly. Pretty much. So you basically have structures like this, where there are handlebars where you can hop in and you can like like go and you can run on the treadmill and everyone working together is able to like pedal this gigantic wheel as it goes through town. And the combined effort of everyone running at the same time, it compounds to be more of an inner city speed to something that's manageable. There are highway versions of this that are much larger, but also like, you know, they'll have to make stops. So you'll have to have braking speeds

and all that stuff. It could probably also fit on the rails so you could keep it to normal infrastructure and stuff like that and you can make an elongated version that's more like a tank tread in terms of size and scope so that you have a train that's like an elongated hoop where people can jump in the center of it and then everyone can can power it by running i i think that human power is a much neglected thing in terms of public transportation. It's completely clean except for the farts and then everyone only needs to have food

or maybe like a super concentrated carbohydrate drip while they're working to pedal themselves forward. The benefit is also it can work across water as well if you make the materials out of floatable materials and if you put wings on it and get it to flap with the combined power you could probably either through sheer mechanical energy put it into

wings that are flapping or you can have battery storage so that you can power electronic motors so that you actually are able to fly I think I've made my case pretty strong here. Fascinating concept I have an objection I'd love to hear it I can't imagine what you would object it may be pre this podcast but i'm pretty sure peddling to keep a

plane in the air was a topic that the three of us have discussed how did you get only a plane in the air when the majority of my conversation was inner cities and rails and across water because i think you're just borrowing from your like listen i thought this was an innovative discussion where we come up with ideas outside your objection is stupid minus five points your objection is calling on something a conversation unrelated to this podcast that we had multiple years in the past it was like three months ago it It was not. It took place in 2019. I've got the solution. I just came up with it. I'm a genius.

I already have plans to create my own airline. It's called Funline Airlines. Your dreams come true when you go woo. Do we get free unlimited tickets? No, you don't. Unless you want to do a promo. Absolutely, you can do anything. Okay, cool.

All right, cool. So basically, I had this idea for right cool so basically it's what i had this idea for fun line airlines where it's standing room only and you can only like like it's very dirt cheap but i just had a brain wave i will solve climate change at the same time i will get us away from fossil fuels so that planes don't have to pollute our beautiful blue skies anymore because we are moving all electric baby we'll have bikes set up for people in the plane you pay a certain amount for your ticket but you'll get your pay deducted the longer you bike that's fantastic yeah no well i was thinking you know what would be even better than that keep keep your money yeah the company

deserves to make its money for being innovative. I think at the front of the cabin or at the front of each section, so everyone can see it, there's like a little charge bar, and there's a line on there that says crash. And as the flight goes on, it's using electricity, and it's slowly ticking down towards crash. And as it gets closer, everyone is frantically just like no god no and so you get so much extra electricity by threatening people's lives

fun line airline fun line airlines fun line airlines oh my god yeah oh what a classic just the what was it the The motivational children exploitation system. When you fly, children fly free, but they fly in cages in the cargo bay. And you're pedaling pedals to recharge the batteries of the plane that you're on. And if you don't contribute enough energy input, your children will be ejected from the cargo bay. Starting with your favorite. It was like drop bomb bay doors would open and they'd be dangling.

I was like, you better pedal faster. Gotta generate some more wattage. You're not holding up your end here. Anyway, yeah. How do I buy more points? Hey, I gave you a lot of points, okay? You were firmly in the lead. And I tell you, I was only going to give mark five

points for his story and i think i still am somebody you gave me isn't it give me six you were going to be ahead by two points no because i took i mean you're slow at the math wait you currently have three points mark you currently have six points thank you and wait you need to calm down well no i'm offering to purchase a winner but it's not it's not competitive okay it's it's collaborative mark i like your idea thank you i like the concept i i don't know why everything i everything we talk about in here i'm just going to relate to movies and tv shows apparently i like the idea of them being things that don't really stop it's like the what's that movie Divergent? How the trains that the badass fighty douchebags use to get around, they don't stop.

You just jump on and jump off. It's like a big communal thing of like, you help people off, people help you hop on. Some people lose a leg or get crushed completely by the giant wheel that's unstoppable. But yeah, that's the price of efficient uh renewable energy public transportation exactly yeah there's a little risk in it but if it's less than what cars are in terms of danger and loss of life it will be a net positive for the entire world plus you don't know about the compounding effects of emissions from cars and their health effects on the people in the society that they live in inner cities with the complicated traffic routes and the stress you know if you just

have giant wheels that are patrolling the cities, like at regular intervals, everyone knows they're very consistent. Nothing gets in their way, not children, not pets, not bikes, not nothing. They go and they crush and they move because human power is unstoppable. The power of the people will reign supreme from all corners of the world. Oh, that's a little concerning. Why is the phrase corners of the world? I never understood that. Oh, because the world is a. Why is the phrase corners of the world? I never understood that.

Oh, because the world is a big plate riding on the back of a turtle, obviously. It's a square. You know, have you ever seen a map? Oh, well, turtles have blood veins. That helps my argument. It does, but I don't like that it does. Wait, do you have any questions about Mark's idea

that don't relate to conversations from two years ago? Yeah, I suppose i do um so in order to lower the danger of boarding said vehicle like do you have any ideas about how we could board it in a safe manner that would lower the mortality rate no like maybe launching in like in a bubble that's like a reusable bubble or something cannons that fire you into the vehicle or something? You're going to fire cannons into a moving circle with thousands of people in it. It's like blowing bubbles, you know? It's not like you're firing weaponry here.

It's like a bubble with a person in there. Everyone arrives into the wheel like Glinda the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz and slow down in a bubble. God, the physics of your mind, Wade, I just want to understand. Because I know you did well in physics. I know you did. Yeah, but they say rules were made to be broken,

so I just try to find a way. Wade learned physics as an understanding of what he does not want to do or participate in. Physics is like that big, strong athlete that you went to school with that always won first place and everything, and all you think about the whole time you're looking at physics is like that big strong athlete that you went to school with that always won first place and everything and all you think about the whole time you're looking at physics is you're like i'll beat you one day this is getting away from the important topic in hand and i just have to tell you uh wait i appreciate your question i'm gonna give you

three points back which question about how to make it safer i appreciate that that's an important concern safety is important but i can tell you that you're both wrong oh the future of public transportation the thing with possibly the goofiest name it could have been given when it's actually a completely serious attempt at making it a new form of transportation you guys know what the hyperloop is have you heard of this yeah yeah i know what i'm imagining it's like a roller coaster loop but sonic the hedgehog is running i mean you're not too far off. So that we're all on the same footing here. The idea of the Hyperloop, it's kind of like a train, but it is not train on tracks.

It's in an enclosed tube. The idea is that it can be underground. Kind of like blood. Sure, sure. And it's like a train in a tube. The tube is under vacuum you pull the air out of the tube so that there's no uh resistance friction or whatever drag from the air and this allows the vehicle inside the tube to travel substantially faster than any vehicle that travels in atmosphere

like up to like i don't know like 400 500 miles an hour or something like that they can technically go faster than that because that's that's like the speeds of current like hyperfast trains it's theoretical it's being researched right now but they posit that you could get from los angeles to san francisco in like 40 minutes or something and that's like a five and a half or six hour drive and they posit that you could get from new york to washington dc in like 25 minutes okay so the current world record for the hyperloop is 288 miles per hour does it exist somewhere they're testing there's a test strip of hyperloop that virgin hyperlooploop made. It's like in outside Las Vegas. It's like

500 yards long or something. It's one straight stretch of tube. It's short. And I believe it was in that test strip. Oh no, the record was set by someone else. But anyway, in that test trip, they get up in 500 yards. They get up to like over 100 miles an hour in their testing, is what I've

heard. Why would you want to be called Virgin Hyperloop? Don't you want people to believe in you and think you've got experience it's god it's called it was originally called hyperloop one i believe but they they were bought by that guy who owns all the things that are what's his name richard branson yeah yeah come down to never done this before prostitutes where they don't know what they're doing and you don't either. Figure it out. That is not an official sponsor of the Distractible Podcast. I want to make it very clear. I'm starting

that company. That's not real. Never flown this plane before pilots. We'll fly your plane for you. At least it's cheap. Yep. The only issue with the Hyperloop is it's very expensive to build. And Maglev trains, like the Hyperloop is it's very expensive to build. And maglev trains, like the fastest maglev train right now is 374 miles an hour.

It does require like a lot of modification and some custom railing and a lot of power. Like that's the thing about maglev trains is that they require like power because they got to have electrically induced magnets on the bottom of the train to make it levitate the whole way through. But it's the same idea. Like it's less friction, right? It's hard to get any less than a vacuum, but in an atmosphere going 374 miles an hour is like very, very quick. It's almost plane speed, but it's like on land and it's something that's repeatable. It's electric powered. So if you have renewable resources powering it like solar and wind, then it's cleaner. So like the Hyperloop is a great idea, but the infrastructure cost alone would be astronomical compared to what we already have in terms of a railway infrastructure that we could modify. The price per kilometer of track is like obscene. It's like multiple million dollars per kilometer of track, which in California to get from la to san francisco i this is just off the top of

my head but i think i remember reading it was like tens of billions of dollars potentially for like one line that goes back and forth which is you know that's a lot for a train i want to know for the physics people here when heat is produced that's got to be a combination of like friction. And like I imagine speed would increase, like even if you decrease friction, if you increase speed enough, you're producing a lot of heat. If you're moving that fast, even with relatively low friction, like there's got to be a limit of where like how fast you can go before like every time you drive on some track, the train or whatever is being warped and the track is being warped. Like, how do you prevent that kind of thing from happening? Well, okay. So in a vacuum, right, it's hard to conduct heat. When the train itself is in that tube, it's floating in between. So there's a cushion of nothing because magnets are holding it up. So really like the contact

transfer of heat is minimal. And because there's no air and wind resistance, like heat wouldn't really be a concern because even planes like going hypersonic speeds they're cutting through atmosphere there is incredible friction there and drag but even them they're not like they're not exploding in terms of heat however there are obviously entry into the atmosphere causes heat but those are going to such high speeds that they would be unfeasible on land so maintenance would be relatively low on this once it's actually built. Oh, maintenance would be unbelievable.

The magnets failing, like, the maintaining of every single inch of that track to make sure that it works. Like, if the magnets were built into the train, I imagine that's what they would do. But then, like, making sure the vacuum pumps are working, because if at one point the vacuum fails, like, in a section, what happens is it rapid decompression. Like, like it's the maintenance would be astronomical yeah well that's my main thing so i the idea of hyperloop the idea of being able to go you know close to like a thousand miles an hour and something that's essentially a land vehicle it's more complicated

than that but like that's super cool and the idea of it being you know systems of like tunnels so it can go through you know under cities into into populous areas super cool but like that's assuming you can keep hundreds of miles thousands of miles of tubes with incredibly heavy fast moving things and people getting in and out it's not like you can just have one tube. If you had one tube, that would mean you could have one vehicle that would go from one end to the other end, back to the other. You can't drive around it. So this is like a whole system. And I just think if you watch videos or interviews with the people that are working at these companies, the guys that they send out to do the media stuff are like, yeah, well, we just want people to really change their perspective on this.

People hear about Hyperloop and they're like, oh, maybe in my lifetime, maybe in the coming decades. What we're saying is maybe in the next couple of years, Hyperloop will be a reality. And I'm like, no, the fuck it won't. Like, what sort of magical technological advances do you think is going to happen i know ellen musk instead of going in on hyperloop that's why he has the the boring company which is all about boring tunnels and they're not ready to bore hundreds thousands of

miles of tunnels around things and i totally expect that someday if this turns out to be as efficient and awesome as they hope it will this will be something that exists maybe in limited you know markets with limited roads maybe it'll take over public transportation but like this is not something that where it's like oh we just need people to get on board we've got everything we need we can start building hyper loops tomorrow like no no you fuck No, you cannot and imagine a failure nothing in human technology has a zero percent failure rate, right? If it does they're lying like imagine one failure of a train going a thousand miles an hour That is a thousand mile an hour cannon Just a single touch of that train to the edge wall the whole thing starts just everything

explodes well and how and how do you help that it's if it's in a buried tube if it's an underground tube well who's doing anything about that yeah well you could do what i did back in roller coaster tycoon days you find the people that are really like upset and mad at your park and you just launch them at your competitor you just don't finish the track and there they go. Screw you, Happy Fun Times Park. I was like, you're a really bitter roller coaster tycoon player. Well, they shouldn't have wanted to get off

Mr. Bone's wild ride, should they? Yeah. It's also a term of practicality, right? Cost efficiency is something that we have to consider. And air travel, as bad as it is in terms of like jet fuel consumption, like pollution, whatever. Like it would be great to have a renewable way to get jet engines. And I would rather invest in that kind of technology if there was a way to have an electric jet engine. But, you know, we're not quite there yet.

But in terms of efficiency, that is very fast method of travel. It's a complicated system, but, know, it, it gets people where they need to go. Cars, you know, they're becoming more electrified. So that's helping out with the environmental factors and the impact. And we do have intense railway infrastructure and we should build it out at least if not maglev, then faster trains that aren't maglev and work for that for passenger, because you can get up to like 150 miles an hour with not maglev trains which is pretty fast pretty quick yeah you can go quick on trains uh if you have the right setup for it and that's definitely faster than a car um but you know it's it's about like what what's the right thing to do because yeah

building the tunnel from even la to san francisco that's a year they they can't even fix the fucking highway from la to san francisco you think they're gonna build a tube just imagine how many times at a roller coaster park like the the magnetic launch system fails on the ride and you're in line they're like oh sorry it's down you gotta wait two hours like that happens every day i love that roller coasters as a test bench for hyperloop like man roller coasters break down constantly there's a huge weight climbing up the hill and yeah it's fun when you go down but i don't know if it's worth it i just want to go to san diego i don't know all right i retract my

point i retract i retract it no i actually sincerely like that i mean because like roller coasters are made by like roller coaster companies right which i don't want to cast aspersions but they're basically trying to make the cheapest fun train they can and like they're they make technological advancements roller coasters have gotten pretty cool but it's a different kind of thing between the hyperloop research and what roller coaster companies do but like it's not that different like they have the same basic goal they want to work consistently they don't want to kill anyone because roller coasters absolutely can and have killed people and like to launch missiles at their competitors yeah well they want to make sure they

take out happy fun park or whatever the hell you said like human technology is not at a place where something that's running for hours every day constantly every day public transport sort of stuff is like infallible enough where i would feel comfortable just hopping on a thing that goes a thousand miles an hour in a tube under the ground. What happens if you're going a thousand miles an hour and there's a catastrophic decompression or recompression? I don't know. The vacuum system fails and the atmosphere rushes into the tube and you're still going a thousand miles an hour. Are they engineering the vehicle so that it can go a thousand miles an hour in full atmosphere because that's like a whole other kind of thing yeah i don't know it seems like that's not in our near future stuff has got to work a lot better but it's a cool idea i'd

love to get to la in like 40 minutes it'd be super cool it's a cool idea but you could also happen to play yeah imagine how cheap planes would be if Hyperloops existed. All the wealthy people would get on Hyperloop and planes would be like, Please, peasants, comply with us. We just take you 35,000 feet in the air. Not as cool. What if there was a way to visualize? You know how we have ideas, ideas form in our brains,

and we find ways to bring our ideas to life? What if there was like an instantaneous way to flip that switch and you visualize something and you know for teleportation purposes like you uh walk up to this tv and it's got images of like i don't know the desert it's got images of cincinnati los angeles and you look you visualize you think about it and then you're there visual imagiportation you have bold ideas wade yeah very bold five five points for bold ideas there's something built into your brain that like you know allows you to absorb into where you want to be and you're there everyone had that power at once and two people

want to go to the top of the eiffel tower at once and then they're merged together or what if everyone's like wants to go to the olympics at the same time and then 20 000 people get smooshed in the soccer field well there are some problems with it like you know what if like 16 people are like i want to be in bed with wade right now and i just wake up and like everyone's fucking popping in and just appearing in my bed like you know i guess there's some issues there that's adorable all right well you know maybe not me maybe someone more likable. Issues of crushing other humans to death aside,

could you imagine how much of a fucking mess the whole world would be if anyone could be anywhere? Like every person would just be like, I wonder what's going on in France. And people would just be like, like everywhere you are, there's the constant morass of people popping in and out and you're like oh what if you're like like someone malicious is like on a live stream they get on tv or they hack into a signal and they're like don't think about being in the center of the sun don't think

about it don't think about being i never was like i guess there's some slight issues but we could we could put some brain block on or something. Brain block? You don't want to change your idea. You want to fix it with another fucking idea. Yeah. The problem isn't the idea itself. It's that the technology to support it doesn't exist.

Clearly. Some SPF Think 50 or something, where you're just allowed to think about certain things wouldn't that be tpf uh protection factor instead of sun protection factor of course yeah tpf yeah that makes sense that makes sense good that's good yeah we have to we have to limit like some locations there's got to be like a poured in location you can't just like i don't know like some babies like i'd rather be with those parents and the baby visualize it's like all of a sudden someone else's baby like you know you gotta have some kind of block capabilities oh

yeah if kids could do that kids would be gone forever once a kid comes of the age where they realize they could do that never see him again just gone what if you visualize someone you lost you end up like underground or what if there's like what if there is like a heaven or hell do you just like end up there or too early i just realized this is the exact plot of the movie jumper with hayden god damn it everything we talk about someone's made a movie about it's literally the exact plot which i did not mind that movie very much i thought it was pretty good but also like literally it's like if you see it in your mind you can teleport there that was the whole thing when we first launched the podcast i remember the first episode people were like oh you stole that idea from the movie islanders it's like we don't know oh yeah i saw that and i'm like

what we just talked you beat the crap out of mr joe rogan one time and the whole world's gonna tell you about the 2005 movie the island we collectively jumped joe rogan i love the way you talk about that like we're in season four of the podcast. You're like, when we first launched this podcast. Oh, back in the old days. Before I had to get this bed with the lift on it. Well, it was more than one weeks ago. I can tell you that.

Every idea is unoriginal, including ours. and if you look hard enough you'll find someone out there that's had this idea before i was gonna say wait your your proposal for the public transportation i'm like 90 sure that was navi technology from the uh avatar movie i'm pretty sure they they take their hair genitaliaia and they interface with the tree of transport and they can go wherever they want on that big old planet. What's the planet called, Avatar? It was like the moon of some bigger gas giant. Well, and they stole the idea from the 1989 porn

My Feet Fuck Mother Earth. They stole the idea from... I don't have to say that. I want to say that none of us are nearly as crass as you and that is a wild 180 from you a few years ago yeah i still think it's hilarious that people view you as like the toned down like straight laced like mark's a wild card he screams and i'm like the snarky rude one that everyone thinks is nice for some reason what happened to you man did you see some stuff people and i'm like the snarky rude one that everyone thinks is nice for some reason what happened to you man did you see some stuff people think i'm straight laced i borrowed my

life everything that's happened to me i stole from a movie that i watched from 1950 called wade's life gets turned around where he goes from this nice happy life even the same name same name character didn't really borrow much stole it all in fact uh you know life's going fine life's going fine all of a sudden something flips and then he goes around cursing and drinking oh the things he does you loiter in pool halls what kind of nonsense do you get into that yeah loitering he even he even threw a popsicle stick out one time that monster and that was borrowed from a cave painting made in uh you know 8 000 bc that uh jimmy von cave drew uh i would like to request another injunction to stop this madness oh please

do i i concur i don't know i was kind of curious what was going to come after cave painting but all right that's two amoebas one time made a mess on the ground that looked just like the plot okay listen that's that's the end i can't i can't listen to wade anymore i feel like i've been very coherent and clear this whole episode thank you for your very good and definitely not psychosis inducing ideas you're welcome i'm pretty sure I know where the points are at, but let me just tabulate in the back of my mind. I already know who wins this, Mark. I've seen the movie.

All right, good. Thanks, man. The winner this week is Wade. Wow, somehow he managed. Plot twist! No, I gave you points for your valuable critique of Mark's idea, and I'm pretty sure that put you in the lead. Don't check my math on that, listeners. No, I think he'd be like seven or eight to six.

There you go, Wade. The math checks out. Congratulations. This entire podcast, like all these ideas, actually are in the 2035 movie coming out called Distractible, episode that came out on the editor insert the date of that in my voice thank you everyone for listening to distractible make sure that you've subscribed or or or followed or or click the plus button however it works make sure that you've clicked the thing

so that next time an episode is posted you get that little notification you don't forget to come back and listen to us thank you to our sponsors uh make sure you check out mark on the internet also known as markiplier on youtube and what do you do mark like videos or something i i don't even know all right it doesn't matter editor please put in what i do i can't wait to hear that it'd be like this obscure voice no one's ever heard before like you know i mean i have to really do this, but I had to put something in. So I guess Mark posts gaming videos on YouTube and he streams sometimes. He does some weird projects. He's been on TV shows for some reason.

We're not really sure why. I haven't really watched them, but you know, I guess I gotta go watch that and the episodes from three years ago to put in their stupid clips. Anyway, editor out. And make sure you check out Wade at LordMinion777 or Minion777 or Thiel. I don't know. He's all over the place with the names. You'll never find him.

That's the end. Podcast out.