Distractible - Two Truths And A Lie

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

Must... have... a peaceful... and not... rage filled... game episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Fizz. Hey, you know what I like changing every month? PEEF I can read between the lines of your thoughts, Bob. Are you looking for a new mobile provider? Well, Fizz does things differently. They offer complete transparency, no contracts, no hidden fees, no false promises. The more you stay, the more you get rewarded with dollars off and free data.

And you can even roll over unused data each month. Try the other side. Switch to Fizz. Check out Fizz. Check out Fizz.ca. That's F-I-C-Z dot C-A. Conditions apply. Good evening, gentle listener,

and welcome to Distractable. This episode, muddying Bob Hallowedbyhisname on Reddit displays his expertise in scoring and dangerous deliveries. Methodical Mark, dis-strikes Michael D's Benjamins, warns of deadly tomatoes and primal screams. Worshipful Wade knows his cumholes and pythons, goes on a rampage and gets thrice butt-splunked.

From Barney to Bendy Dick Cucumber Hatch. Yes! It's time for Two Truths and a Lie. Hi, hello! Welcome back to another episode of your parents' favorite podcast, Distractable. Probably a surprising fact for you to learn, but it's also 100% true. You can go ask them right now, give them a call, shoot a text, I don't know. I don't know how your parents communicate.

However you normally do, they'll confirm. It's their favorite podcast. I'm your host, my name is Bob, I will be the judge, and my two other co-hosts will be the competitors this week because I won the last one and that's how this game works. Whoever wins this one will host the next one, so on and so forth in perpetuity. It never ends! It's like that song from Barney? Where's the song? Where's that song from? This is a song that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends. Keep singing

more I don't know it yet. It's familiar though. I can't remember now. Are there more words to it? This is a song that never ends No, um anyway. Hey, what's up fellas? How's it going? Hey, what's up, man? Not much I am curious now how many kids were coalesced to our coalesce to our podcast conceived. That's the word Why are you curious about that? Where did that come from? I was coalesced in the back of us a Chevy Nova some couple broke up It's like that song that it's like that song that the girl broke up their boyfriend to. It's like, what you ever heard that? I probably did it really wrong. No, do it again. Do it again. I'll

definitely recognize it. Oh yeah. No, you know the one Mark. Yeah. It's from Barney. The one that starts with a clip of a rooster being murdered It's actually the song that got Barney cancelled cuz all the coalescing I was coalesced into existence by Goku raising his hands and asking everyone to donate a piece of their energy Did we start over? Yeah. No, you're not those you don't get to call that We're in this I I formerly do we have a thing where we could formally request to start over? No, it's not in the Constitution. So we don't have that. Okay, fill a busted amendment I know I got something you can fill

And this is why it's your parents favorite podcast to coalesce to and from context clues of what I was saying with Goku and Spirit bomb you can't glean can thy not glean Spirit bomb you can't glean can thy not glean Can't spout not glean. Hey, it's got the word come and a hole in it So honestly, I wasn't as far off as I could have been. I'm sorry What word has come hole in it coalesce the definition come together to form one mass or hole? We're kind of hole but I was spelling coalesce very differently in my head if it was gonna work that way man I wonder I lost that spelling bee coalescence, C-U-M-H, ah, damn it!

That's a hard word for a third grader. Can I formally request a do-over? I'm getting an informally request one, I suppose. Denied, request denied, pre-denied. Okay, I feel like an absolute psychopath to start this episode. I don't want that to be my legacy Is that different than usual or yeah, I feel like you're on your game

Anyway back to your back to you in the studio Back to you, Bob. Can I do the sports segment? Yeah, Mark you do sports. Wait, you do weather and traffic Well, actually there was big sports news, but you guys don't care about that here on this podcast I might care what big sports news, but you guys don't care about that here on this podcast. I might care. What big sports news was there? It was actually funny because I brought it up to Tyler and he didn't know, but there was a whole thing where there was finally a court settlement that the NCAA has to pay students in Division I for their services basically, and they have to back pay all the

way from 2016. The total settlement was about $2.7 billion with promises of how they would revenue share down the road in the future. It was huge news actually, enormous. This is hearsay rumor, whatever you want to call it at this point, but there's a new college football game finally after 10 years. It's been 10 years since the last one came out. NCAA 25 is coming out and the last one was NCAA 14, but it's not coming to PC and from the little bit of digging I could find, it seems like the reason it's coming to console only is because they're worried about the modding community putting in actual players and player

likenesses, which is weird to me because if you release a game and it doesn't have that and you're not selling those and then someone on the outside goes and mods your game and puts something like that in, how does that come back to you to make you liable for it being done? If it's not you doing it, you're not selling it. I do. I do. I'm kind of with you on that because it is not really like you're allowed to make things customizable and it's really out of the company's hands. Not that EA needs me to defend them.

I assume it's them. The modders will do what modders are going to do. Like you could mod console games as well. It's just not as easy. You had to like get like a memory card way back in the day or like in a hard drive or something it's like you'd go download someone's file and upload it they must have been threatened someone whoever the person the correct body was like a you better not if you make it easy enough to put real people in there oh good yeah some judge went one two two and two and a half. But careful.

That's the way they did it in the old college, if I'm remembering right, the way they did the old college games. They didn't put people's names. They had like the correct number, the right build. If you look at their stats, it's like, huh, this guy is like tall, wears this number, and is a good runner as well as thrower. It's definitely not Cam Newton, but man oh man, does he sure look, act, and behave like Cam Newton. This would never happen, but I wish that some,

I wish that the company making the game had the gall to just put like sham names in that were just so painfully close. Like make that player and it's like, oh no, that's not Cam Newton, that's Mam Tootin. Star quarterback for Mauburn. It's totally different. It's unrelated. Toe Scurrow of the LSU Ligers, Michael Douglas. That's just the name of the guy. Michael Phelps. He's played in some other sports.

Can I talk about Michael Douglas for a second? I actually have something to say about Michael Douglas. You know the Michael Douglas story so there I was visiting Amy's family and on the TV what should I happen to see but this TV show that goes by the name of Franklin the turtle Benjamin Franklin I wish I had opened it up to guessing, because that would have been hilarious. It's Franklin. Oh, no, no. Close, though.

Very close. No, so it was about Benjamin Franklin. And if you guys didn't know, Michael Douglas plays Benjamin Franklin. I think he's a terrible Benjamin Franklin. I think he's a truly abysmal Benjamin Franklin. And I was looking at this show And I was watching it and everyone else in the room was like it's a good show

And I'm like it could be but their Franklin in the movie in the show Franklin just seemed like a terrible Franklin But it was just like I don't know what I'm trying to get at here I'm not trying to like make any accusations about anyone or their ability to act in general But I feel like they could have cast a better Franklin I'm sure this is not it but now I'm just imagining it's like a it's like a period piece right it's like early American and he's just like hey I'm Ben Franklin and you remember you've seen the kite thing with the key on it ha how's me got the glasses you know the glasses is kind of my look.

Long hair. Printing press? Ah? That's later. You'll see. Michael Douglas has a very like, distinct voice. But I looked at the images of him, and he looks like if someone's like, my grandpa kind of looks like Benjamin Franklin.

It's like they have the same hairdo, and that's it. That is, and that's how he is in the show, because he sounds exactly like Michael Douglas sounds, as you would imagine him now And I'm like I know early America's you know they didn't sound like us now I don't know exactly how they sound but there was there's been some Good Lord, I'm sad now I Rest I yield my time would you like to continue delivering the Gettysburg address sir? Only if it's in that voice though, a historically accurate where the people of this nation.

Oh my God. I hate it. I've come together. Oh, famously when he fell off stage for a moment. Why are you the guy who's trying to marry the king to the princess and princess bride? Love true love. How did they? All right. Let's hear your impression mark. How'd they talk back then? Back then I did make a statement that I didn't know how they talk back then. Well try. Four scores and seven years ago. Why then s d into scores?

They look at the local paper like, ah, four scores, man, four scores, they would have won. Oh, you're right, it is like that. Yeah, it's just four score. Wait, do they, oh, the plural of score is score. Well, of that score, because you can look up sports scores, you can have scores of men or scores of something, but it's four score. Maybe Abraham Lincoln's grammar wasn't that good.

Yeah, maybe we just assumed that he was right, and he was wrong. To excruing seven year ago, our father, eh? Just no one is making you do this. You keep acting like we're like, come on, Wade, do the thing. You're just choosing to do that. I'm not saying you're not earning points. I had cranberry juice to start my day and I think it was spiked. With what?

Extra cranberry. Well, to get back to your Franklin point, he doesn't look like Benjamin Franklin to me. Nor does he sound like it. But he just looks like Michael Douglas dressed for me. Yeah, no, he looks like Michael Douglas in a Halloween costume. There's such a thing as like good casting and there's improper casting I don't feel like it's right. Is that our small talk? I don't know. Is that your small talk mark? I it can be for if you're in a rush to get to your topic. No, I'm in no rush

I have a topic but it is not not important. I yield. Okay. Never mind. Mark is done. You got anything else Wade? Yeah, so I want to address my good people, the subreddit. I think you guys have been coming after my co-host a little too, too strongly here for an episode that we did a little bit ago about some whammin'. Go on. Go on. I think that you guys having my back is amazing, but our bickering and our like little infighting and whatnot, it's very contained.

Like we have our moments where we like scream and yell and rage and go at each other, but it's kind of like part of just the way we interact. And sure, sometimes one of us might overstep, but I feel like whenever we overstep, we kind of like, we'll handle it ourselves. I don't even know that we've had that in a long time. Like I didn't feel like that particular episode justified the kind of backlash that's kind of resulted in.

I don't even know if backlash is the right word. And I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I'm 100% sure Mark has no idea what we're talking about. I have every idea of what you're talking about. Have you been watching? Have you seen? Yes, and Wade that was the worst apology I've ever heard in my life. I haven't even finished. That was the worst, terrible, whatever we may have done. I am blameless. I am blameless.

People were on my side. were the wrong you were a villain you deserved every bit of vitriol that you got and I hope that more gets heaped up upon you I'd actually seen it at me it was all Bob that I didn't see any what subreddit do you go to you were being roasted alive you were being raked over the coals their people listen my people you're doing great their people that are coming at me Whose people you have no people left there was a poll that replaced you as the supreme leader of the subreddit And now Bob is the leader wait there was a poll there was a poll

Bob and I must have checked it at a very different time. How do you guys not see this you're over? You've been canceled. I'm free? Why am I even here? Leave, you're canceled. Be run out of town. I didn't see the poll. Bob reigns, I wasn't even on the poll,

which I feel like is a little bit of a slight to me, but Bob reigns supreme. I didn't, I didn't see that. Well, yeah, Bob and I must've checked it because we were talking and it was very anti-Bob at that moment. So if it's anti me now. It was anti you from the get-go. What do you mean? That's not true.

The Subrider has been on my side a lot over the years. It's not anymore. How can you possibly try to spin this this way? If you guys want to come back, we have shot. Well, I didn't know, man. I apparently haven't checked in a minute. I don't know what kind of what kind of blinders you put on when you go to the Subrider.

I have a you know, You're coming at me, literally Bob and I had the same experience just a couple days ago whenever we were like, yeah dude, they're coming at you a little harshly. Coming after you! You! Wait, they were coming after you! Bob, am I crazy? No, I'm with you. I did not see... There was definitely some stuff targeted at you and both of us is more what I was seeing but I did not see the poll I have to say I actually muted the subreddit and just was gonna not look for a while because it was I was too Enraptured in it and it was too much they have kind of turned on you They were look I saw this from the very beginning when the episode came out and I was I was salivating because justice was finally delivered He is reaping what he sowed and you can't even have the reading comprehension

to know it. All I know is Bob and I were texting. I went and looked and I was like, man, there's some really mean things here. All right. Well, nevermind. I guess, uh, Mark and Bob are fine with you all coming at me. So come at me. It's cool. Sounds good. Sounds good. Clearly I pay a lot of attention to the mean things you say to me and it's affecting me a lot. So keep it up. Good work. And that's that. My bad. Really thought I was going to be doing a service to our podcast there, but uh, wait, wait, just doesn't even acknowledge things that are against him. I didn't see it. I'm kind of with you, wait, but I'll jump on Mark's side. I don't. Yeah. Yeah.

Jump on my side. I have a dog in this fight. The dog is me. Yeah. Cause Bob, you're the new champion of the subreddit. How do I take advantage of this? How do I leverage this? Wade, what do you do with the subreddit when they were on your side before everything changed? I feel like I'm me. Bob's Bob, Mark's Mark. We are who we are. Our interactions are what they are. Sometimes they're hilarious. Sometimes they're rage inducing. Sometimes we rage at each other. But it is what it is. We accepted that when we started that. You should have accepted that when you started watching. You signed the contract. Are you apologizing on my behalf? I did nothing

wrong. I wasn't even part of the conversation. As a sports guy, you'll appreciate this. As the okay Conor McGregor once said, good, great. I apologize for absolutely fucking nothing. We are who we are. You like it. That's why you're fucking here. So sit down, put your booze back in your fucking assholes and shut the fuck up and watch our goddamn episode. Is that an exact quote from Conor McGregor? I'm pretty sure. I paraphrase a little. I can't believe you went to the subreddit

and didn't see a single thing that anybody said. How, how? You can talk to me, tell me the sentence, and I'll be like, so Mark, what do you think? You'll be like, wait, I just told you. You think it's surprising I could go to a subreddit and just not see a bunch of comments mad at me. It's like your brain has a filter that's just like it only looks for weight

and good combined, but it's like weight bad. Ignore weight bad. Ignore. What do gods do, Mark? They hear praise. They ignore criticism. Oh, that's why the three of us are here on Mount Distractable. Is that your small talk? Getting me toilets. Okay. That's my small talk. Points to mark. And? Yeah, I have some stuff written down. Don't worry about it. I had a question. When we do the next boat episode, that ends the season technically, right? Yeah, sure. Yes. What did the winner get? Some kind of trophy. Well, we weren't doing the trophy last season and I-

That's convenient, isn't it? I don't want to put anything bad on the universe mark, but I'm fairly certain Wade has a stranglehold on the score for this season right now. Which is funny, somehow the man who's known for complaining about losing all the time and being treated very unfairly is absolutely wiping the floor with both of us and especially and particularly me. Yeah, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I think I want to addendum there. I don't complain about losing all the time. I can play about unfair moments even when you're winning and clearly dominating and it's not even really that close when LeBron thinks he gets fouled up 30 does he not go

like Hey ref what the hell everybody loves that when he does that nobody has a thing to say about when LeBron starts whining to the refs you know people might look and boo but like ultimately who's the one going home with millions of dollars trophy a family and like champion written on his what do you write champion on his first place for badge across his cheeks his ribbon will they give him a ribbon do you think he signs his checks like that? Just the champion. So how closely are you analogizing yourself to this person?

Pretty much anyone on top. You are the LeBron James of this podcast. I, you know what? I had, I was going to say something, but I don't think I need to now. Wade spoke. I will be taking at least a month off of the subreddit. I hope you all have fun there

But uh taking a short vacation for no particular reason. He has spank. It's done Ben spec you guys want to get anything off your chest at the subreddit like now's the time I'll hold them you punch I think this episode I'm just gonna give you the floor wait I think this is great stuff just gonna give you the floor Wade I think this is great stuff. Who did I get replaced with today? Did they replace with someone particular Bob Bob you got replaced with Bob editors replace Wade's camera with my camera and stick up my mouth Hey, y'all want to keep me on the payroll. You can like double Bob. That's fine No, you don't get paid if you don't make the show. That's not how this works. Oh, I want to stay But Wade here on a contrary Lee if Lee, if you take two spots, you get paid double.

So don't look at me when you think about that. Don't look at me. When you think about that. Okay. So next time I'm only going to be available on a day you two aren't, I'll just record an episode where I'm all three of us. Just start setting secret recordings to the editors. Like, Hey, put, put this out. Let's do a couple of bonus episodes. Camera one on me. Camera two on me. Camera three on me. That would be a hell of a way to take over the shows.

Like you fill in every other day of the week with just you in it. That would be, I would love to see that way. Do you know what I challenge you, but those wins shouldn't count. They don't count, right? No, it's not in the constitution. They can't count. It's not in the constitution. I mean the host determines the rules, but the host can't just do whatever they want. That's the whole point Well, that's what we said, but like we were the host then we're not the host now I think none of us were the hosts was kind of the thing with the council of distract exactly So the Constitution is kind of fake. No, it was it was duly

Incorporated into the show and thusly law of the land. Yeah, but I don't like remembering things so I disagree with it It's written down. We're gonna have a pocket Constitution book. We're gonna have it. We really need that like I wish I had one right now I would be studying it This episode is brought to you by Fizz. Hey, you know what? I like changing every month teeth I can read between the lines of your thoughts Bob Are you looking for a new mobile provider? Well Fizz does things differently. They offer complete transparency, no contracts, no hidden fees, no false promises. The more you stay the more you get rewarded with dollars off and free data and you can even roll over unused data each

month. Try the other side. Switch to Fizz. Check out Fizz.ca. That's F-I-Z-Z dot C-A. Conditions apply. Well, as the new king of the podcast, you guys want to do my topic idea? Yes. So look, the last time we played a game and I hosted it, it was a little contentious. I'm not saying that the whole 20 questions debacle

devolved us into the situation that we got into, but I do feel like it was not unrelated that there was some strife sewn between us. I don't feel like I complained at all during 20 questions, I feel like I enjoyed that one. I think you did actually. In the timeline we could probably identify that as being the the crux, the crux of our division and what eventually led to our separation. Mark hated forks, Bob hated chapstick, and I just liked basketball. I thought I would circle back and we would play a very, a similarly light-hearted game, but in a way where there's just no way that it could be so

competitive and contentious. It's just a fun game. We are gonna play Two Truths and a Lie. We're good friends and we know each other and and we're also good storytellers so we were good at you know coming up with with details and and having stuff that didn't happen maybe but making it sound real that sort of thing. Can I preface this with another crutch of maybe some crux of our issue? You remember when we did the episode where Mark's like how well do you know me and I didn't watch the documentary and I didn't know him at all. So when you say we know each other pretty well. We've all known each other a long time and we're good friends.

Oh, I know. This game is gonna underscore how well we know each other in our pasts, our histories. There's no way this could possibly be bad for anybody. Okay, so do we have to come up with things about ourselves and tell two truths and a lie? Is that how it works? That is how it works. And I can go first if you would like a moment to think and whatever, but you're really competing with each other.

One of you will tell two truths and a lie and then if the person figures out which one's the lie, they get the point and if they don't figure out which one's the lie, you get the point. And so it's kind of... But I can throw one out there and maybe if one of you figures out which one's not right. Because we all know each other so well. Are you ready? Would you like to hear my truths? I am on a studio recorded album with world famous funk superstar, Bootsy Collins. There's an audio recording of me performing on the exact same track as Bootsy Collins. There's an audio recording of me performing on the exact same track as Bootsy Collins were on the same studio album. I almost died at the age of 17 in a

monastery in the foothills outside of the like Bologna, Italy region. Almost died from traumatic blood loss, and I have had six dogs over the course of my life, including every dog I've had since I was like, like baby. We had family dogs and stuff. Who guesses? You can ask questions, and I don't know, there's no, this is, it's informal, you know? It is a competition and there are points, but it's to whoever wants to go first, you just go first. I'm guessing you didn't have six dogs, because you did play in a band called Sinsey Brass, and also you were at CCM, so the circus,

I don't know who Bootsy Collins is. Very famous, Parliament Funkadelic Bootsy Collins, very famous. Absolutely, I think you did that, and I know that you ripped your leg open on trying to jump over a wall somewhere in Italy. And I remember you describing it as like, ah, no, my legs. So I'm like, you might have been close to death.

But I'm guessing you had either more or less dogs. Do you want to throw a guess out, Wade, before I give the answer? Okay. I'm gonna think this through out loud. Bootsy Collins, I'm pretty sure has done a bunch of stuff in Cincinnati. I remember hearing his name. I think he's done Cincinnati stuff. Yeah, he's a big Cincinnati guy. The dogs one just feels so random that I'm kind of with Mark on that. Okay. And you both get the point. So you're both correct. And we're all friends. Bootsy is just such

one of those names that you got to pull out. It's like he's a sensei dude, but he's not like someone I would just pull out of thin air if it wasn't someone I've like done something with. To be fair, I was in a funk band, Bootsy Collins, famous as being the bass player for one of the legendary, all-time legendary funk bands, P-Funk, Parliament Funkadelic. Incredibly famous in like those circles, but also happens to be a Cincinnati guy. One of my friends went to school with the guys that didn't, when I get the band name wrong, I think it's called like Walk the Moon or something like that, the Moon. Yeah, they're a Sunsy band.

Cincinnati is producing all the greatest people in the world. Underrated Music City. Eric Nally also a Cincinnati guy. The guy who sings on the Macklemore track, Downtown. Downtown! I played a show with his band, Foxy Shazam.

One of the members of this podcast wrote the hit single, Rockabye Bobby. Was that Mark? Might have been, I can't remember, one of us. Sounds like something Mark would do. Yeah, yeah, I should get points for that. Yeah, no, that's fair. So who's got a two truce and a lie?

You ready? I have one. Do I give it to Wade or is it open up to everybody? I will participate in asking questions maybe, but Wade's really the one fighting for points here. I'm not going to try and steal your points. So, okay. All right. Here we go. Here we go. My favorite color is red. My favorite color is green. And I like sunflower seeds. I think I might know this one, but I wait does not look very confident. I'm going to say well, Mark and I have been fighting over the color red for a long time.

Cause I was always like, Ooh, I'm going to pick ready. He's like, I pick red. Cause we both like red a lot. If your favorite color is red, can your favorite color like you can have two colors you really like. So I guess you could have two favorite colors. We had a discussion about this weight. If you don't remember. Of course I don't remember. Okay. Nevermind. That didn't happen. Just continue with your, with your, with your thought process. So I don't mean to. I don't think I've ever seen Mark eating sunflower seeds, Okay, nevermind. That didn't happen. Just continue with your thought process.

I don't think I've ever seen Mark eating sunflower seeds. Even though I don't remember the color green in you, I know you like red. I'm gonna roll that one out. I'm gonna go with the sunflower seeds. Can I put my guess out there? Just- Yeah, Bob, you can do that.

I'm gonna go ahead and say that your favorite color is red is the untrue one there. So the answer is, and Wade, if you remember this conversation, was that it seems a lot like my favorite color is red, and the conversation we had before in the previous episode of getting to know me... That must have been years ago. I've even said on my videos and stuff like, oh it's red, I have a red card, but when I really did some soul searching,

my favorite color was actually green, and it was green from a very young age even as a kid it was green But there was this other kid whose favorite color was green and so I let him have that favorite color and I do like red But my favorite color the most peaceful Relaxing color to me and the one that I actually kind of gravitate towards now more than ever is green I suck as a friend and I acknowledge that but I have a similar thing where growing up Someone like made fun of the color red and it was my favorite color and so I was like oh well if red's dumb I gotta pick a new one I guess my favorite color is blue I really liked blue which I still do but I switched my favorite color for like five years and then I was like I like blue but like man I missed liking red I think I'm gonna like red again and I went back to making red my favorite color, but uh, alright I might be completely unstable here Do you feel like your favorite color is consistent?

Cuz I feel like I don't really have one favorite color that I can definitively say always this definitely this I've there's there totally Times where I look at something and I'm like, you know, that's red, but that's a great fucking red Like that's an excellent I would pick that over any other color. No. No, I get you. It depends on the circumstance. No, no, absolutely. It depends. There's, there are certain times where red on a thing isn't the right color to pick. Like it's just in some way or another. It's not right for the moment. You know, probably a red casket isn't the best move, but depending on the person. Oh, with flames on the side. Oh yeah. I want to, I want to arrive in Helen style.

I know where I'm going. Have a big jet shoot out. Red and black, my favorite pairing of colors. But my dream car, like years ago, was a dark blue pin white stripe down the middle Dodge Viper. Even though red is my favorite color, like just red on the Dodge Viper never looked as good as that blue with the white stripes to me. So I think it's something could be your favorite color, but there's still obviously circumstances where you don't want that. You know what? Here's your chance for redemption, Wade.

Mark gets the point on that one because he duped us. Well, he duped you anyway by bringing up a conversation that we've had in the last, I want to say that was in the last year. I don't remember how long ago that was, but it wasn't that long ago. But now it's your chance. What do you got? I have sprained my ankle twice. I have had two concussions.

I've had three tailbone surgeries. Okay, so you're a basketball player at heart. So sprained ankles, one for each, done and done, that's two. We can put that aside. Concussions, too damn tall, hit your head on the ceiling. All the time, probably. I don't know what it's like up there. Probably how you lost all that hair.

Three tailbone surgeries? A son of a bitch with a spine As long as yours probably needed three maybe even four considering how big your ass is It just had to be enough so but three might actually be the right number I've got six feet of tailbone. It's an exploratory surgery going in there It's an expedition they got a spelunk all the way down there. Anyway, all hands on deck. It's way. I'd be willing to bet that you either,

you didn't have exactly two concussions. I think it's the tailbone surgeries, but I don't actually know for sure. I've only sprained my ankle once. Oh, playing basketball for so long. Somehow I've only ever sprained an ankle one time. One of the basketball hoops I played growing up was surrounded by concrete things on the side that elevated, and I went to block a shot or something and I landed weird on that and threw my ankle out

and it was a couple weeks of horrible pain. But concussions, I got one from playing basketball and I got one when a friend dropped his pants and I tried to run away from his penis and hit my head on the ceiling. I remember that story, that's a good story. Tailbone surgeries, I got one from playing basketball and I got one when a friend dropped his pants and I tried to run away from his penis and hit my head on the ceiling. I remember that story. That's a good story. Tailbone surgeries, I literally, so I got off of a golf cart running the wrong way and I fell and all of a sudden my momentum threw me backwards and I messed up my tailbone and

it caused me to have like a cyst. The cyst came back two times after the first surgery so I had to have surgery on it three times. That was during college and I got to carry around this fun little like wedge butt pillow walking up and down the hills of UC and the staircases of UC to class. Did you have any drainage pouches on your surgery area? No so the one of the reasons why I had to have multiple surgeries was because they didn't leave the thing open they sewed it shut. Whoops hey you're supposed to let those things drain. Cysts want to drain that's the

thing I know. Sewing shut which is probably why the cyst kept coming back. I thought you were going to say I had sprayed my ankle 12 times because I played basketball, and that's the main thing that happens when you play basketball. Somehow, like, you know, my knees aren't the best and I hit my head a few different times and whatnot. I actually partially tore a rotator cuff, but somehow I only ever sprained an ankle one time. I never would have guessed that. Yeah, I dismissed that out of hand. I thought I assumed. Originally I was going to say I broke my wrist twice, but I was pretty sure I told you guys

I never broke a bone. I was like, that might be too easy. All right, Mark, do you have more truths and lies? Give me a second, stall, vamp. Wade, you were giving quite the monologue earlier. Would you care to continue that? Oh yeah. I don't remember who I was yelling at, but like, fuck you some more, I guess. You sons of bitches out there. How dare you do what you did and said, you know who you are. Stall. You ready, Mark?

Yes, yes, yes. Stall. Bald. How's it feeling? How's it feel to get it back at you? I have to say I have the sub right up in front of me and the top posts on my screen is a picture that I think they're implying looks kind of Like Wade and the sub the caption and I'm bald

And I'm bald. I got it. I have broken two Bones, I have had three major surgeries major surgeries and I have not been in the hospital in the past year. I have not had to stay or visit the hospital in the past year. Interesting. So I know of two surgeries you've had and I know of two. I don't know about your broken bone history.

Hospital in a year. I don't, so time is a weird thing, but I do remember you going to the hospital with the red eyes. I just don't know if that's technically within the last year or not at this point because that's been a minute I want to say that's within the last year. So I'm between the bones and the surgeries I know of one bone in two surgeries Is there a third surgery because you had to have the original surgery in your abdomen? You had to have the follow-up for the scar tissue

Did you have to have surgery after like your hands and the boiling water or anything else like the oil? I don't know. Bones, I can think of one I believe you talked about. I'm going to say you've only broken a bone once. Is that your final answer? When I know of two surgeries, I feel like I've only heard of one broken bone story. Yeah, that's what I'm going to go with. I just want to make sure, Bob, I said I have not been in the hospital in the past year, right? Correct. Yes. So Wade like I have broken two bones my arm and my foot. I broke my foot about three years ago And I had three major surgeries I had my the tumor removed and the scar tissue But there was another surgery that was hard to remember which was the appendix that also came out the right prior

Okay, so I thought there might have been a third surgery. So I was right about that You literally said the thing. I was in the hospital for my eyes in July of last year, so it was within a year. I thought you had that one. I felt like you were right. I didn't know the bones. I didn't remember the three surgeries,

but I was like, I'm pretty sure the hospital was in the, was in, not that long ago. It was almost a year ago. I was willing to give a technicality on the bones because you would have to really know me that I broke both bones in my arm. And technically that would mean three bones, but I wasn't going to. I wasn't going to be a stickler about that. Yeah, I think I just outthought myself there because I was right.

But I was like, well, it can't be that one. That one's not true. So I can't pick that one. It's a lie. All right. Good work, brain. Wade, do you have some truths and lies? I like gonna lie. All right, good work, Brian. Uh, Wade, do you have some truths and lies? I like asparagus. I like tomato. I like fried okra. Okay, well, if Mark doesn't get this one right, that's just embarrassing.

Why is that, Bob? Because the answer is so painfully obvious. I know for a 100% certainty what the answer is. I know the answer. I know the answer. I know the answer. I'm gonna message Wade my answer right now to confirm that before you say anything, I believe I am correct.

Okay, I am correct. It is very embarrassing if you don't know this, Mark. It's not correct. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not embarrassing. It's crushingly embarrassingly. It's not embarrassing at all. You said you liked all those things. That was what your statements were There's one thing I know about Wade is that his fast food order is he orders burgers plain

There's never been a tomato slice on your burger for as long as you live and I ain't ever seen you bite into a fresh ripe Tomato, but what I do know is that you like some country cooking so fried okra? I'm willing to bet that's probably one of your favorite because I tried fried okra relatively recently a few years ago I used to not like okra and they're like, oh my god, it's the greatest ever Here's the thing about asparagus if there's one restaurant. I know you love above all else It's Fogo de chow and they have some of the best asparagus ever in the history forever and I And I'm pretty sure I remember seeing you shove something asparagus shaped into your mouth before any meat goes in there. It may have been something else, but I guarantee something tubular with a spear like tip. When in your mouth at Fogo De Chow, you like asparagus, you like fried okra.

I don't think you like tomato. Give me my point. You got it? Yes. Technically because I answered him first, I'm gonna go ahead and give that point to myself on that one. I agree. I knew the answer! Here's the thing though, I also,

like I like ketchup a lot, which is tomato based. I like like marinara sauce. So I like tomato products, tomatoes themselves, salt, no salt, whatever. I just can't stand them. But burgers, no ketchup on a burger either. I totally get you on this one. There's something about the texture of tomatoes that's very common that people don't stand them but burgers no ketchup on a burger either. I totally get you on this one There's something about the texture of tomatoes. That's very common that people don't like them in their like norm raw state or whatever in

Gastronomy, this is actually a thing because tomatoes when they are cooked one of their chemicals turns into monosodium glutamate Which is MSG and it turns in so you get more or actually it probably turns into glutamic acid either way That's like one of the most delicious things to the human palate. So cooked tomatoes, when they're actually properly cooked, are unbelievably delicious. That's why certain spaghetti sauces are just like amazing. That's why ketchup can be great. Ketchup also has a lot of sugar added into it. But raw tomatoes, did you know that the leaves of the tomato plant can be deadly? It's terrible. It's a terrible plant.

Like because of poison or what? Well, how deadly? They're deadly. I think they're deadly. I'm pretty sure they're deadly. I've never heard that. Hey chat GPT, how deadly? How deadly tomatoes?

No, you know what? I know what it is. I know what it is. If you take a leaf from a tomato plant, you dip it in liquid cyanide and then you feed that to somebody? Dead. But they also contain... Editors put really scary musical stings behind all this.

Glycoalkaloids, primarily solanine, and tomatine. Chachipiti might be making stuff up. I don't know if tomatine? Tomatine? Tomatine? Tomatine? Tomatoness-is. Tomatine? Tomatine? Is that real? Tomatoness, sis.

Tomatoes. But in the leaves, you know, if you eat enough of them, they can cause poisoning, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain, and drowsiness. Only one of those things leads to death. They also can cause gastrointestinal distress, headache, confusion, weakness, slowed heart rate. You know what, Mark?

I'm proud of you. You didn't embarrass yourself. You earned a point just for not embarrassing yourself. Did I not get any points for the right answer? No, you got a point. I also got a point. There were a lot of points on that one. Mark, back to you.

Good vibe, vamp. Stall? Okay. I used to deliver pizza in Kentucky, in the state of Kentucky. I delivered pizzas and there was a neighborhood that I was part of our area that was not very nice. Lots of crime happened. It was pretty sketchy and whenever you had to deliver there, it was one of those places where you just didn't expect a tip, but it was fine. One time we got a delivery. It was like one pizza

and a two liter and I get to the, I'm about to turn into this neighborhood and it's blocked off by cops and not like a cop car pulled someone over like multiple cop cars all their lights on can't go down. I park up right at the end of the street and I walk in, there's cops milling around and I walk up and I'm like hey I'm can I go down here is it like safe for what I got a pizza obviously and the guy was like uh yeah I could probably walk you to wherever that is you know someone, someone ordered pizza. That's fine. And he's, and I told him the address and he kind of looked at me and like chuckled. And I was like, okay, that's reassuring. And he was like, let's go.

And he started walking me down the street and everyone was kind of like, Ooh, staring at us weirdly. Cause I'm delivering pizzas through what looked like some kind of crime scene. There's like a SWAT van and there's lots of people just cops milling around and stuff. And eventually we get close to the address and it's one of those, it's like an apartment building so there's lots of units and we get up front and he's like, actually you know what, what, which apartment is it? And I was like, uh, two, says two. And he's like, perfect. On the way up there, one of those SWAT guys was just sort of like milling around and he had like a, he had like a big, like a gun, like I don't know, MP5.

And the guys were just like, hey, get a picture. Hey, everybody get a picture with the pizza guys going up there. This is also reassuring behavior. Thank you. And we got a picture. And then after that, one of the guys was like, oh, he's retiring. This is just like his last big whatever police thing. So that's going to go in the scrapbook.

And I was like, that makes sense. Can I deliver this pizza? And so the guy who was walking me, finally we go up to the apartment building, we walk upstairs, we walk past a door that had clearly just been breached by the SWAT team. Like door completely exploded in off the hinges, like smoke billowing out of the apartment,

and just tons of like CSI and cop peoples like standing inside. But like clearly the SWAT guys had just cleared that apartment for whatever reason. Someone had someone's violent or whatever, I don't know. And we go to the door, you know how apartment buildings, the doors usually like right next to each other and then there's other. The door attached to the exploded door is the one we're going to and the cop knocks on the door and a guy comes and is like oh my god the pizza good and like grabs it and slams the door doesn't tip me nothing and the cop is like yeah he's probably a little freaked

out you can go and so I delivered pizza to a crime scene lie it's a lie I choose that's the lie it's actually a true story it's just not my story mark are you ready I know I was too enraptured by the story and I didn't actually think of it I literally that's from reddit. I don't even know that's probably a fake reddit story that I'm telling is it oh that wasn't your story No, I didn't do that You embarrassed yourself mark Two truths and a lie mark I get this okay, all right hold on to your hold on your hat All right, hold on. Is this a bit that you're doing or do you actually have no fucking idea? No, it's so hard

I didn't have any prep time. You didn't give any prep time. Just think about yourself. Do you know yourself mark? Are you familiar? All right, okay. All right. Okay. All right, you won't play that game. You won't play that game. I got you I think that one's the lie That one was true those two are true no the last one no that last one was a lie I got this I got you Okay. All right. I have owned and used a Windows phone I got this. I got you. OK, all right. I have owned and used a Windows phone. I have met Joe Biden. I have met Benedict Cumberbatch. Well, you know how to say his name if you actually met him. Ben Donger cum hole. OK, you did meet Joe Biden when he was vice president.

You get sent so many things that owning a Windows phone doesn't mean you just have to buy one. You probably would just sent one for like a... He said owned and used. He did say owned it. So I'm assuming you mean like you used by choice for some extended period, right? Not like used for two days and then get rid of because it was like a thing or whatever. Okay, and you've been to like red carpet screenings of movies and stuff. So could you have met Benedict Cumberpatch? I'm pretty sure you met Seth Green at one. I could see totally Benedict Cumberpatch being there, but why would you put two met unless one of those was the lie? I know you met Joe Biden. The Windows Phone, I just genuinely don't know.

Meeting Benedict Cumberpatch, both of those are equally probable to me. I'm gonna go with the Windows Phone. Let's make sure you're saying this correctly. You don't think he owned and used a Windows Phone. That's the lie, because you were so close on the last one. Yeah. Meeting Joe Biden is true.

I'm going to say you've also met Benedict Cumberbatch. I'm going to say the Windows phone is the lie. So I met Joe Biden and there is famously a picture of me looking at Benedict Cumberbatch from a distance, but I did not meet him. So the Windows phone is true. You used that. I was one of five people when I lived at the Americana, and I used to live there. I don't know if I ever told anybody that, but I used to live at the Americana, like in Glendale.

But a terrible place to live. I could talk endlessly about how horrible it is. Just that fucking song. If anyone's ever been in Glendale and the Americana in Glendale, and there's a fountain there, it's very pretty, but whatever. They play the same song every hour and then windows are not noise proof like they say they are but they're not noise proof so you hear that's the same song I play right before I come. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! While I was there across the way, there's both the Americana and there's a mall next to it called the Glendale Galleria. There was a Windows store. I went in there, looked at that phone and was like,

Yeah, that's the future, alright. With all of its, I remember very specifically all of its grid like it's square like monochrome apps Oh, yeah, that's Windows 8 s grid of things Bob I think even you were you were you were talking about at one point and you were interested in it because you were a Windows phone evangelist for a minute I advised Mandy to get a Windows phone at one point Which was just the worst piece of shit ever. As soon as I realized it didn't have anything on it, because for some reason, and probably

like either planned or not, but none of the other companies made apps for the Windows phone. No one did, except for email, web browser, and texting, and did nothing else. So I had it. And it didn't do alarms very well. That's the reason Mandy threw it away. It would turn its own alarms off and she like slept through an exam or almost slept through an exam or some crazy shit in College so technically yes, I did it and I owned it for a bit and you bought it with your own money I buy with my own money. It was not a brand deal

I bought that you had a pity point for Windows Phone took good pictures though And can I just say other phone manufacturers go look at the Windows Phone OS and steal those fucking sounds. Because the clockety clockety sounds in the Windows Phone OS of whenever you tap on something and the keyboard. Oh, the keyboard sound was, that was like the main thing. I saw it in a store and it was all and I was like, oh that alone! No, that wasn't worth it, but the sounds are really good. The sounds are excellent. You remember that when Nokia made Windows phones

that were basically like little digital cameras that also happen to be cell phones? Yeah, yeah, that was an interesting time. Samsung did a similar thing too. Anyway, good try, Wade. Thank you. But that's okay, Wade, because you have another chance. And I'm sure that you'll best mark and get a point.

I'll try. I played basketball for 13 years. I only ever made one three pointer in my basketball career. I could dunk a basketball as early as eighth grade. See, this is not just going to have to count. That's the thing that's annoying about this one. These are harder to think of than like, I can come up with like two things. It's always getting a third.

That's like tricky so if you played on a team for 13 years and you only made one three-pointer that's probably hilarious one of those feels mutually exclusive to the other because if you did play on team for 13 years what were you doing for those 13 years he's a big man He doesn't play outside. He plays under the hoop. He makes layups. He dunks it. He gets rebounds. He's a big man. There's no way. Just by sheer circumstance, there would be no way. Unless he's just that bad. Did you pop out the womb with a basketball? What? How old do you think I am, man? I just turned 12, you got me?

You're only 23 years old, how did you start so young? But I mean on a team, on a team that's K through 12 to be on a team if it was 13 years, unless you played in college, which unlikely. I don't wanna give you freebies, but didn't Wade play on an organized like rec league in college? No way.

No, you had to have made more than one three pointer. I believe in you too hard. That's the lie. That is the lie. However, I made less than one three pointer. I never made a three pointer in any game. I think I shot three of them that I remember. One was an air ball.

One clanked off the rim. The other one I thought was going in, didn't. But yeah, Bob was right. I was always the big guy. I was always tall for my age. So I was pretty much always shoved under the basket and whoever I guarded was their big man. You just stood there rubbing on each other. But ultimately, yeah, I never made a three-pointer in my career. I tried like my last time playing, I was like, you know, I'll take one. It'd be nice to have one under my belt. You like get stuck in the scoreboard or something

Third one was no the third one was the closest one, but it's still like some old lady leaving the arena And say yeah, what a good game Like dodgeball there's a guy in the stands with popcorn. It's like absolutely decked God, can you give me one clip of you shooting a three-po just like just of you, and I will intercut it with just this, the house exploding. You could just keep mirroring the footage too. So it's the same shot. It's just like, what, what?

Have you guys seen not another teen movie? It was like a early 2000s comedy. Yeah, I saw it way back. It was like one of Chris Evans first things. He plays the quarterback in another teen movie and early on he throws a pass to like this guy who's like the nerdy shouldn't be on the football field guy named Morty and Morty catches the ball and then like two tacklers hit him from opposite sides and it rips him in half and like it messes Chris Evans up. So the end of the game he's got like an offensive lineman. That's like one concussion away from death.

And like the scoreboard has a counter for how many concussions this guy could take. And Chris Evans throws the ball. He sits up like from his like medical bed to like see the throw and it hits him in the head and gives him his last concussion and kills him. And that's just what I'm imagining my three pointers being. Like, I mean, not wrong, not wrong.

Only if you put that clip up on their subreddit so everyone can go to work I don't know if I'm allowed there anymore man from what you guys are saying get making all and post it secretly no one will know I like how I thought everyone was being mean to you and marks like now wait they hate you and I just got a message I don't know I from my mod group I'm streaming tonight and I let my mods know earlier and they I just looked over and they posted a message where someone got auto-modded out You ruined Distractable for me. Sorry, ain't gonna cut it. Dan-Haha!

Dan-Haha! Dan-Haha! Dan-Haha! Apparently, I-whatever happened, I-I fully cancelled myself. I should have never fought for Judge Judy. I clearly was in the wrong it's so funny that you walked in here with the utter confidence that it wasn't you that's so funny I wish you were part of the like the messaging thing that Bob and I had where we were talking about it I went and looked and there were like three messages that were

like I can't believe that they did this to Wade again and I was like oh man no it's true I I always very much on the same page with you, Wade. You're not insane. It just really, I'm looking, if you look at the number of posts that have happened in the last like 12 hours, it took a turn. It was from the start, there was a lot of both sidesing. It's taken a turn.

It took a real, it took a decisive direction. Well, I guess everyone's finally had enough of me, so uh, Subreddit, if you guys want to start posting who you want as my replacement, let me know. They already took a poll. Oh. Well, you said Bob again. Yeah, it was Bob. It's still me. Listen, this is where you could have a wonderful lesson in humility.

I think that this is a great learning opportunity for you to grow as a person and as a human it takes a big person to admit when they've mistaken and at six foot four just under I'm a pretty big person but fuck that shit and fuck y'all I was really hoping you were just gonna make a fat joke right at me like that's not at all a thing that we do damn man but I was hoping you were just gonna be like it takes a big person to admit when they're wrong and Bob's fucking huge. But that would have been like, it would have been very funny and I would have been 100% welcomed to be, cause it would have been perfect.

But you're tall. It's you're big. It's true. I'm going to say that's the end of the episode. I think we learned a lot of truths and several lies. I have a whole list of points that I'm going to read now that I hope make sense. Wade, you got points for NCAA. Bo-Clo now. Oh, that's a Joe Burrow. Oh, right. Okay. Historical accuracy. What do gods do? Evil. Bob's truth. Can't remember. Bad at basketball. Mean Mark. Maced and basketball pity points mark you got points for Franklin the turtle fuck Michael Douglas

Not doing that rockabye Bobby author question mark hates the color red major surgeries major loser who hangs out in hospitals not embarrassed Ben Donger come whole a pity point for your windows phone and you got the three pointer lie correct on Wade's last attempt there. I got to throw this out there. Did he get a point for getting my tomato right? Cause you got that right too. Oh, I just straight up didn't read that. Yes, he did get that. Wade, you ended up with 11 points from all of that and Mark ended up with 12.

But if you recall, I earned two points and I decided while we were playing that I was going to give my points to the person I feel like really deserved it the most. And I just feel really bad for Wade right now. I feel like he's in a dark place. I was just thinking like maybe if I gave Wade my two points, you know, maybe it would bring him back from the edge of going down Like a really evil sort of path. What do you think way? Would it help you would two points prevent you from being evil? That's a very evil glare that you're shooting. It would give me more currency to crush the bones of my enemies

That's clearly an evil statement. That's a very evil response. I feel like it's cut and dry It doesn't sound like the points would make you any less evil. I have to agree with Mark on this one. But what if they made me more evil? That's really not what I'm looking for here. I, I'm not gonna say anything. Why do I need to say anything right in this moment? You made the right choice because if you had said anything to try and get the points,

I was gonna say that you were pandering and not give them to you. And you literally outplayed me and exactly dodged my thing and so no one gets the points but Mark wins anyway. That's what you get when... No, that's saying a lot of words. Okay, you know what?

You're allowed to say words during the winner speech. So how about we just move on to that buddy? That's what you get! That's what you get to come up and... To come up and to the curb! You're so lucky Bob if you had given him the win he would have gone down the darkest path you've ever seen in your life. He would have been power hungry. He would have held on to the stewardship of this podcast and never let it go.

He would have done evil untold. You made the right call, Bob. You are a good person, Bob. And it's the perfect juxtaposition of good versus evil at this moment. And you picked the side of good and I'm grateful for you That's why you're the leader of the subreddit I'm pretty sure I only got one of the three things correct the whole time I think I was wrong every other one of they only got one right whereas mark at least got tomatoes and basketball

So of the game we played he did get the most right And I can see that therefore he deserves the win this time. However, storms coming. And when I get reins of this podcast again, everyone will pay. But if you unfairly try to take the win from me, you'll pay more. OK, well, we can't ever let Wade win again. Got it noted. But also not do it unfairly. You have to fairly beat me forever.

Or the amount of whiningining complaining and tantrum throwing I will have will be enough to make this person who said sorry ain't gonna cut it actually just explode in their chair Mark we just have to podcast out of our minds for the foreseeable future We just have to play balls to the wall bring it 110% every quarter Really listen to the coaches strategy and just give it everything we. And only make games where you have to pay really close attention and follow the rules exactly. I actually have one that I think is going to be really, really unfairly slanted against you Wade, and that might be the next episode I have to host. We'll have to see what happens.

Great! I gotta say, a couple weeks ago someone told me that they were having a kid and they were thinking about naming their kid Wade. But unfortunately, after the latest Distractable episodes have come out, Wade has ended up on the banned words list, so no one is allowed to name their kid Wade, but unfortunately after the latest distractible episodes have come out, Wade has ended up on the banned words list, so no one is allowed to name their kid Wade anymore after what I did. Hospitals have banned it, doctors hate it, and click on our merch to find out why. It's a lot of promises.

I'll let Wade deal with the consequences of his promises. That is the end of the episode. Congratulations Mark. You almost sold it. You almost gave it away, but you saved yourself from yourself and I respect it. Good gameplay. Wade, it's big of you. It's very tall of you to concede that Mark actually did win the game, and that it's pretty fair for him to win. Oh, well, he did three rounds. It was pretty easy for even an idiot like me to remember this time what happened in those three rounds.

It's a lot of stuff you don't remember. I'm somehow always delightfully surprised by. Anyway, that's the end of the episode. Make sure you check out the merch at distractablestore.com. Mark is Markiplier, Wade is LordMinion777, or Minion777, I am MySkerm. We post videos and stuff online. You'll find them, it's pretty good. Everybody follow us on TikTok.

Distractable underscore podcast on TikTok. We post there now, and I'm in charge. So when there's a typo in the caption or whatever, just tell me about it, and I will forget that you said that and forget to fix it. And that's the end of the episode. Mark will be hosting the next one because he is the superior human to both me and Wade. And that's it. Okay. Podcast off.