Distractible - Viewer Discretion Is Advised

Episode Date: October 31, 2025

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This episode is brought to you by Uber One. It's that time, back to school. Go to college. Yeah, I can't wait to get back in classes again. See Professor Smithers. You're going back? Are you not? Did you not sign up for your classes?

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and PC. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This Halloween episode, Warring Wade detects lies, then gets the Jets to find the fearful. Magnifiable mark is chronologically challenged, nearly unleashes iron lung, dominates fnaff, pops about, hunts hamburglers, and malevolent Mickey. Birthday, Bob takes on Twitchgon, freaky frozen, and an inflated infant, from convoluted bold jokes to nut-maxes.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. It's time for, viewer discretion is advised. Now sit back, and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractable. What's happening?

I didn't realize this mic stand went up. I just... I have to sneeze. Okay. Oh, God. Why? You getting stabbed? What the fuck was?

That was the daddest dad sneeze I have ever heard. I feel like I threw up my shoulder. That one really hurt. Oh, if you never joined before, this is pretty typical for a Wade hosted episode to go off the rails in the intro. I hosts today. The other two compete for points.

Whoever wins with the host the next one. Join, as always by my friends and competitors today. Mark and Bob. Hey, guys. Hello. Hello. Oh, I'm in pain. Can't be careful, man.

Can't just casually sneeze at our age. If I'm looking at my dates correctly. Happy Halloween, boys. Any cool Halloween plans? It already happened, and it wasn't my plans. But I was there. It's today. You were there?

No, no, no, no, wasn't there? Yeah, I was there. Yeah, it wasn't the when of where it is now, but it was the there of when it was then the fuck was it was it good actually it's in the future from where we are in the present but that's the past to those in the then but the when that i was there was then but behind me in front of me now i'm looking forward to it we're all looking behind me at it isn't halloween like in a few hours from now no it was last week for me oh man uh but i had nothing to do with that that was not my fault that was all

Ethan, you can blame him. And Amy, you can blame them for then. I already was. Or have then? You can will be that. What will have had happened to you, Bob? There already happened. It's in the past, man.

I don't want to dwell in the past. Is it not today? And I can't predict the future, so I don't even know what you want to talk about right now. Today? It's the 21st, my bro. What wrong with you? That's then. Well, no, but like, but for,

everyone watching it or listening, it's today, unless they're late watching it or listening. No, it's then for me, the them. Them of them to me is then behind us, in front of us, for them behind the us of me. Did you fucking do anything for Halloween or will you or not, man? What? Yeah. Well, I was, Mark were, you, wasn't, them did, you know, have, have you? I don't know

Happy Halloween Wade your will Bob is is I'm his Was is on first Was is on second Bald is on third Got him Zoom

Oh the long way for that ball joke But so worth it That was All of the All of the time set up Was just to get to the ball joke Oh

Wait isn't it nice to hang out with friends. Yeah, I'll be doing that soon. I'm kind of excited. Now, we have to do this. Yeah, I know. And then I'll get to hang out with friends. Yeah, well, you're here now. Don't make me say time words again. Please don't. Small talk, you guys, you lived, did shit happen? You break any more expensive things? What do you get to share?

It's kind of way in the past now, but I did go to TwitchCon. I'm not going to talk about the issues with the con itself, because there were some crazy shit that happened. How was the IRL streamers? Actually, you know what? It was way less bad. than I thought it would be. Oh, people have been all over it on social media. That's all I hear about. I assumed I would walk into TwitchCon and it would just be like,

you could spot them from a ways away and just kind of wander away from them. And I didn't interact with a single IRL streamer the whole time. It's glorious. But San Diego's fucking great city, man. It is. San Diego's beautiful. Had a beautiful time. And the convention center there is very nice.

It was a lovely, it was set up. Well, it was very fun. I don't want to talk about the rest of it. but I had a great time. Also, I was there on my birthday, so that was pretty fun. I didn't text you, but I tweeted you happy birthday, really indirectly. I don't think I texted you at all. I apologize.

You tweeted me happy birthday? I did. I don't like to celebrate my birthday. Everyone, my family is always like, what do you want for your birthday? And I'm like, don't. Yeah, I feel that. It was cool. San Diego was great.

You don't want to talk about it. The con, man, I don't know if you guys saw. Yeah, you didn't know what happened. I mean, I saw. I saw an incident that happened. It was a crazy assault on a specific streamer that was like in the situation that led up to that. We're not like banning her security. Which is, I mean, I know you don't want to talk about it, but it's like, I can't, I can't fathom.

Just unbelievable. It doesn't make any sense to me. Like in this day and age, when enough incidents have occurred in the past, how security could not be of maximal concern. It blows my mind. So, yeah, it's really sad. I don't want to talk about it, but I've also heard different opinion. are not different, different descriptions of what happened, one being from Twitch and the other being from the person and, you know, people around them, which is, uh, interesting to say the

least. I think I know who I believe and it's probably not the company. I mean, we don't have to not say their, their name. No, well, yeah, well, that's just why, that was the only reason I really want to talk about it. I, it's a thing that's been on my mind, but like, we don't really know what happened. I've seen the, some video angles of what happened, but like, I don't want to hear say. I don't want to, whatever. The people involved, That no, know what happened, whoever it happened to. And like, the issue is, I just can't believe that that was even able to happen. It's fucking crazy.

But, but San Diego, lovely. Thank you so much, San Diego. Great weekend. I've been there once. Love the city. That was where you became the king of meat. Was that in San Diego? I guess you said it was San Diego, right?

Yeah, that was the San Diego Fogo de Chow on tour. I've been there twice then, I guess. I forgot about the tour one because the tour we stopped in cities, but it wasn't like we had a lot of time to explore them. No, it could have been anywhere. that we didn't see San Diego we saw the photo in the theater but I guess if we did a show there

then I've been there twice because I was there for I think a TwitchCon seven years ago or something eight years ago I don't know one of the earlier ones I do want to say I do want to say Hart goes out to Emiru just so it doesn't seem like

we're all dancing around in anyway because it's just like I know that that's gotta be rough one way or another yeah no I don't I don't know Emiru personally in any way but that's fucking terrible We had an experience where someone was just kind of vaguely threatening and creepy, and I cannot imagine how it must feel to actually, like, have someone get all the way to you, do something, like, to you, touch you, whatever, like, nightmare scenario.

But, Mark, happy stuff. Happy stuff. I ain't got none of that. You better get up your, warm up your highs. It's going to be real sad again. Hi. Yeah, I know right. Uh, well, actually, it's kind of happy.

news because the fucking might finally have this curse lifted off of my soul the actual burden that has chained me for three years being short? Yeah, it might be finally movie time.

I mean, sad that this wonderful journey that has been... You seem oddly less relieved than I would have thought. You seem a little bit like you're just want to kick this thing out of your life and never touch it again. Can I get this thing out of me.

Man, I am so sober. I mean, it's not, it's not for a while. I got a little bit more to do. There's some cool steps coming up. I'm going to be at the Warner Brothers mixing stage. That doesn't mean anything, everybody. Doesn't fucking mean anything. Don't go crazy about that one.

Wing. It's just a place. So I'll be there for two weeks. and then there's the last steps in the, what do I always call it? I cannot wait for the Animaniacs crossover with your movie. Dude, I don't care this time. Editors edited in twice.

I heard Luke 2, Yakko Zainty Adventure. Fuck your secrets. I'm done with your fucking secrets. I had the host. Put it three times. All right. Oh, God. Anyway, so the final steps, what are the final sprint?

Final stretch? Final stretch, that's what I always call it. Patented mark term. Look, the project, I would, everyone's going to laugh at this later, but, you know, I'll say it now. Why not? My project file, which of which I have hundreds of backups because I backed up pretty much every day that I've had it open, I close it, and back it up and close it.

It's called Iron Lung underscore final. six. That's literally what it's called because I and I know it's legitimately because it kept saying there's already a file this name G.

You want to replace and every time I'm trying to call it. I was like surely it can't be final four. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Final six. The sixth final iron lung.

I didn't know. It was a six part movie series. Man. Oh man. It's going to be crazy. But anyway, more info soon, but not that soon.

Well, that's exciting. Well, almost, congrats. Thanks. Almost thank you. I just got to say, this is the first time in a while I've gotten to write down a lie, right down. I don't know I got to write down. First time I've gotten to write down a lie point, because Mark said no happy and then gave some happy news. So the no happy ends up being a lie.

So maybe the wheel will do something fun with the lie point for no happy. Oh, that's true. Well, that'll be a game changer. No, I won't. The wheel says half point for Wade. I mean, listen, if I'm back on top, so be it. I don't know why I keep getting accents. I need to...

Yeah, all right, accent. I have no idea what it was supposed to be. That's cool. Congrats, Mark. Maybe. Thank you. Hopefully. Almost.

When you get the final 69, let us know. I know people won't believe this at all because I've said final stress so many times, but guys, oh, just wait, please. It's a market player promise. I had another thing. It's kind of a funny situation because I, I got. got married, right? And so there was some posts that were on the internet about it. That's hilarious. Me and Amy, is a picture from our wedding, is now the number one all-time top post in the

Five Nights of Freddy Subreddit. The previous one was, the previous top post was an apology post from Scott Cothan about something about his movie. So we've dethrone that one and we're number one in the Five Nights of Freddy Subreddit. So yeah. Congrats. Thank you, I think. You did it, man.

We made it. No, he's very sweet of them. Like, I did appreciate it because there were some people, some people on that post were like, why is this there? But everyone else is just like, well, come on. Him and Fanaf, that it, come on. So everyone was just like very nicely outvoting it being like, and I think they wanted to dethrone that apology post for being the number one.

Anyway, thank you very much. You should make an apology post for dethroning the apology post and see if you can get that the number one. That could be the new highest, uh, upvoted thing. It could be. It could be. It won't be.

And hey, maybe that'll be the top post on that subreddit forever, unless I die. And then I probably be the number one on that subreddit. So got something to look forward to. I think the best record I can say is, whenever I proposed to Molly at Pax, we were the number one like Twitch clip for a week,

that proposal moment. Why didn't you bring this up on the last episode, man? Yeah, a good 24 hour record. Number one proposal highlight clip for number one Twitch clip. All of Twitch number one clip. You were the number one clip. I guess that

that would have been worldwide. That is the criteria. Worldwide on Twitch. That's how that works, yeah. Can I get a retroactive point for that? You already won and no. I'm going to give myself a point for that. I can do that. Can do that, but doesn't mean anything

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Well, happy Halloween, everyone. Do you guys have anything else you want to bring up? Or am I welcome to transition into making you all work? I don't want to work, but I guess that's the next part. I don't want to work either. Can we have fun instead? That's great. So what I figure we would do for today is make you guys find scary news stories.

Or just scary stories. Scary things that happen. I mean, real scary stuff. It's Halloween. It's time to inflict terror and fear on our audience. You did give us some prep time for this, so I did it, because otherwise I would subject the audience to me typing as, and my microphone is from my keyboard, so me typing sounds like this. That's not an exaggeration. That's actually what it sounds like.

Editor's edit my hands on typing. Anyway, I have one right away. I'm ready to win this one. This is spooky because Halloween is about witches and what are witches about? That's right. Frogs? Okay. Frogs, they'll curse you into a toad or something like that, right?

So this is Halloween-related. I got distracted when you did this, Riverside showed me that you were giving me a thumbs up. Oh, I know. No, that wasn't Riverside. That was me. Me. Me. Wow. Whoa.

Oh, boy! Never gets old. Anyway, watch out, everyone. It's get to a toilet again. Once again, toilet warning, you're about to shit yourself from the fear you're about to have. Chinese woman swallows eight live frogs to ease back pain. I hate that. What is the, what, what, what, what?

It's so terrifying your mind can't comprehend it. That's fucked up. It was reported that she consumed. three of the frogs right away and the remaining five the following day take three of these and call me in the morning how do you eat a frog hole alive like how do you swallow it in your mouth probably but they're big well these weren't that big i think they fit in the palm of her hand so you know they're not huge frogs i meant as they're about like palm-sized frogs uh the power of the sun can fit in the palm of your hand. Of course a frog can. Not my hand. Did I tell you the time Chica

I tried to eat a frog? Probably not. Okay. Another Chica story has nothing to do with Halloween, but it was scary for us because we didn't know what's happening. So Chica loves the park, right? And we're taking her for a walk like we occasionally do. You know, every once in a while, we feel like it. And I can go outside. And she's sniffing around. And there was these frogs all over the ground. It was kind of scary because we didn't know if we were stepping on them previously because we only noticed them halfway being in the middle of them. So in this entire field, there's a little tiny frog. I'm talking tiny. Like you could hold it between your fingers, but you wouldn't want to. And I'll tell you why later. Because they're going, but every time we

walk, it's like the ground suddenly is moving. Like all these frogs are like, holy shit, there's a lot. It's not complete carpet, but it's a lot. And so Chica is very oblivious to things for a long time. But as soon as she notices something, she hyperfixates, right? So we are like, there's a lot of frogs we go to chika don't look at the frogs and she's like looks up at us doesn't notice a thing and we're going for walking you're fine and then the frogs we're trying to walk slowly there she's sniffing the ground seeing nothing but then she locks onto a frog pulls me so hard as like she's like a fucking snake and then she grabs frog and goes and then immediately it's like like gags it out suddenly her mouth just

it's going foam just out of her mouth all like completely just running down her big lips her cheek flaps and I thought she was poisoned I was like oh god no so I'm like frantically googling like frog mouth dog foam and they're just covered in this bitter thing that makes her do that and so she's like and we're like ah shit chicka you okay you blehbhbh your own frog goes right for another frog like she got it like she was addicted to whatever the horrible sensation was that she got from the first frog and i way oh we're no so different efferel and meanwhile i'm like oh and so she ever since then she looks for the frogs because i think she felt something she i don't know she liked it i don't think she got hi from the frogs but you never know my friend jared had a black lab

that did something very similar whenever he'd find a toad. He'd like hold it up and his dog Jake would sniff it and go and then start foaming at the mouth but he'd always come back to smell it again even though like, uh, every time. Love those frogs. Short-term memory. It's like, oh, this is terrible.

What is that? Oh, God, it's so gross. One more time. Humans do it all the time. Humans just love that shit. But she can love frog. And frog equal witches? Oh, yeah. And this lady swallowed. eight frogs. Yeah, and she developed a horrible, horrible parasitic infection. But her back pain. But her back was better? I don't see anything about it.

Wow. That's good. She was in the hospital for two weeks. What a ribbiting story. Ooh. I thought it was funny. Bob, you find a story? A family in Houston, Texas, bought a doll that said fun quotes from the the movie Frozen, but then it wouldn't stop doing it. 2013, they got the doll for Christmas. It was very cute.

You pressed a button on the neck and it would say things from the movie and sing the song, Let It Go, and it was just a little doll, maybe a little creepy, whatever, it's just a little doll. For two years after they got it, it did that in English. And then in 2015, it started doing it in Spanish, and then switching. back and forth between Spanish and English. There was not a way to change these. This was just a thing it started doing. The family has owned this doll for more than six years. Never once changed the batteries or checked on it. And it just says whatever it wants. It does, well, that's misleading.

It says things from the movie. It says the quotes from the movie. It sings the song. But it just triggers itself. It just goes. It'll just, and that happens. You know, it's sometimes toys a funky button. Sometimes it's in Spanish. I guess that happens. But in 2019, they decided to throw out the creepy doll. They were finally done. Weeks later, in the new year, they found it inside a bench in their living room. The kids insisted that they did not put it in there. Inside a bench? Like a storage bench, I assume. Like, you know, how they have the like benches, but like the top opens, you put like shoes. It wasn't like embedded in their like half teleported, you know, stuck.

It was like in a place, in a low place where a kid might be able to get to it. But the kid said, they didn't do that. So obviously they did. Obviously, yeah. And when the doll came back of its own accord, it stopped speaking English completely and only spoke in Spanish. They then apparently put it in two trash bags, put it at the bottom of their garbage can, watched the garbage can get dumped into the truck on garbage day the next day,

went on a trip shortly thereafter and returned to the doll being in the backyard of their home. This time, to get rid of it, they mailed it in a box to family friends in Minnesota, who then taped the haunted doll to the front bumper of his truck, because why wouldn't you? That's what I wanted to do the whole time I was reading this story. Anyway, it hasn't found its way back to Houston because it lives on that guy's truck, And that's scary news. I got even scarier. I get something that's going to scare your fucking pants off

because of the implications that it is suggesting. Viewer discretion is advised. This headline will terrify you. Union City Police Department captures two local hamburglers. Let that sink in. there was more than one hamburger and now there are it is known there are at there's the balloons hey balloons scary balloons who knows how many hamburgle okay I don't know if you've ever seen like McDonald's creepy pasta like creepy versions of the McDonald's mascot characters

hamburger terrifies me more than grimace right grimace is scary that The hamburger, that ain't right. You know, because he's not really human. He kind of looks vaguely human like the others. You can imagine humans in those costumes. The hamburger, that's not right. And now there's more than two of them. There might just be two, but I doubt if there's more than one.

There's probably more. There's probably more. Is the hamburger not human? No. He looks human. You've ever seen a human look like that? There are some images, man. There's one.

Yeah, there's a few. He doesn't look. Right. He's not human. You ever seen it? What the, that's no. The hamburger is fucking terrifying. I don't care what anybody says. I don't like the hamburger. I don't like his, I don't like what he does. Why is he welcome in the gang with the people that are making the hamburgers? Because he's clearly the hamburger. So it's running all the way down. Pretty much. Also in the story, you read into it and they were stealing from a help center. So, you know, that's even scarier. Wait, were they actually stealing things that weren't cheeseburgers? I mean, a lot of meat, mostly burger patties. All right, if you read the article, it starts to just be like a robbery. But the headline is the scary part, okay?

There are some wild Reddit threads about the hamburger. I've gone through a couple now, and people debate their feelings on the hamburger, but some people agree with you. They're like, he's just genuinely irredeemably terrifying. I wasn't aware of the multi-hamburgler verse. it's terrifying you don't want to face the truth but it's out there i never paid that much attention to him because it was always just like it was just a cartoon hamburger with some of like the more realistic depictions of him are quite unsettling

while you're thinking i just to read go back some of the characters from like franchises in like the i don't know 30s to 60s range what were people thinking i mean stuff was different that then man i don't know if you've seen early disney mascots terrifying All right, I'm going to show you a picture. I'm going to show you one. Don't look it up yourself. I want to show it to you. Viewer discretion is advised.

Get ready, buddy. You're not. Boom. Oh, is that Mickey and Minnie with like horrible squid face? It's like it looks like they are like scarred. Everything about it makes my skin crawl the way the eyes are. It looks like they used to be people. And their face got ripped and stretched in the shape of a mouth.

Or kind of like Jack Nicholson's Joker, if he was also Mickey Mouse. No, mascots back then were awful. Like, just horrifying. Dude, those dead staring eyes that aren't even looking at a certain direction. It's a picture of like a dad holding his son who looks a little uneasy. And then I think maybe, I mean, I'm assuming it's his son. And maybe his daughter who looks genuinely happy. Like, she looks like she's having a good time.

That kid, the boy that he's holding, he doesn't look so sure. And the dad's looking up like, I'm also not so sure. No, there's nothing about it. It's good. And they don't get better for a while. Like, they're this for a long time. So even her feet. What's going on with her shoes?

I don't know what that's about. She got hooves. Like bandaged hooves? The surgery was tough, man. All right. I'm going to stop looking at this because I don't like it. Yeah. Yeah.

It wasn't good. Oh, that wasn't even the earliest one. Holy shit. Wait. Oh, Bob. I hope you can cleanse our palate. Wait a minute. Okay, wait.

We've got Mickey through the years, apparently. Look at Mr. Mickey on the left. Apparently, that was the first iteration. Oh, man. I don't even know where I'm supposed to look. It looks like a cryptid Mickey. I don't know. Like, in the nicest way possible, it looks like they walked into like a second grade art class

where kids are just like finger painting and having a good time. And they were like, Make us a costume of a mouse, the size of a man, and the kids were like, I don't know what a mouse looks like. And then this is what happened. And he's got gloves. Don't forget the gloves. How do they go from that to the horrible scarred squid face?

And then it's just like skinny buff Mickey. Mickey is just a guy body with a Mickey Mouse head, just real skinny and toned. I don't know. If I woke up to three, I think I'd also be terrified. Just standing like that with arms on hips over your bed, just like, Oh boy. Good morning, Mark. You know, Mickey's voice actually changed a lot, too.

The far left Mickey on the picture walks up. He's like, hey, what's up, kids? Hey, yeah, I'm a mouse. I don't even imagine English. I imagine the first one walks up and you just hear like, you want to smoke, kids? Make sure you listen to your doctors. and smoke your lucky strikes every day.

Mickey Mouse only smokes lucky strikes. I think, I sure it's not two. I feel like one is just gurgly noises and two is that. Two, two is like inhuman noises to me. Yeah, one has too much like humanity still

because it's mostly just a person with whatever happened to the face. But two is like the pants give it, give it a shape. It's more uncanny somehow to me. One looks like somehow a slit in the, the throat is the mouth is what one looks like to me

oh god yeah now I see that okay yeah you want to know how I got this mouth I like I don't like it looks like their mouth would lift from like the base of their neck or the top of their neck with the jaw and just like hey I'm Mickey no I do see that now you're saying it number two just has

a musical theme as he's walking towards you and it's just yeah yeah yeah two is like Cthulhu and Mickey He had a baby. Tell me Minnie Mouse, do you fear death?

Oh, God, there's worse. Oh, no, no. How is there worse? Sorry, I can't just, I can't just keep showing this, but quick. Just quick. Oh, God. Oh, no. Why's the kid on his knees?

That's got to be like homemade, like rental costumes or something or some, that's got to be a reason for that. There's no way. What is with the, uh, so we're looking at Mickey and. many, but like from Halloween HorrorWish.com. Is it just, I can't tell you why. Do they look French to you guys?

Yeah, I'm getting a little French from that. I could see that, yeah. I could weirdly see it, but I don't know why. This popped up in my head, which is like, oh, what are we going to do with this child? Like, something unsettlingly French, and I'm sorry French people, but it's not a judgment about you.

There's just something. There's just something. No, they get it. I think they get it. The kid looks like his left eye, like he has a black eye in his left eye too. It does. He's got a weird shadow over his face. He looks so happy. Or some emotion. Editor zoom in on that. Is that a smile? It's not. I think it's not a smile.

For some reason, the kid is standing like down on his knees in the photo and like Minnie and Mickey are standing around him. He's wearing like dress pants and a dress shirt with a tie. I think he's got dressed short. on. Oh, maybe they are. Yeah, I guess they are short. I just thought it was like a bad render, but yeah, I guess they are shorts. I just don't know why he's on his knees, unless he's about to be executed. That's the only reason I could say. I don't either, because it's not like if he stood up, he'd be taller than these monstrosities. An extra foot, he's at shoulder height. I don't know why he's, yeah, everything, it's weird. Anyway, all right, enough of that. Hmm.

Bob, any kind of pallet cleanse? Happy Halloween, everyone. Any kind of pallet cleanser from that? Oh, yeah, no, no, no, yeah. Uh, yeah. no, no. Let me just share this real quick. Oh, thank God. This is going to be fine. It's going to be perfect. Ew. Okay.

In the English village of Rockdale, Rockdale, Rockdale. This giant baby statue thing just appeared in the town square with no actual explanation. And there is an explanation, and I can tell you, it doesn't help. Okay, let me describe this for our listeners. There is a very, very large, almost paper machet-looking baby with action figure conjoined arms and hands. It looks like you could bend them. The arms apparently are like posable. It's like a, it's like a doll.

It's, you can. And there's a, I think a guy doing a really shitty cosplay of Wendy from Wendy's with his arms up and confusion walking toward some construction working kids. What are you all looking at? There's nothing to see. Get a junior bacon A classic English accent, thank you What do you think we got it from? No, don't worry guys.

I can explain this. Obviously, this giant 19 foot tall baby doll statue was erected for school children to come and talk and sing to it. Obviously, its mysterious appearance of this doll was soon followed by a post from the Rockdale Borough Council's Facebook page

that was a video of a group of school children with an adult dressed the lady with the red hair dressed up kind of like she's the host of a kid show or something I don't know what to deal is with that the school children that you see in the picture that I'm sharing with you are singing twinkle twinkle little star to the doll

whose eyes are closed with weird kind of red rings around them Yeah, the red is weird. And what is the symbol on baby's belly? I think there might have been people in it. Doesn't that look like it's like mesh? Like someone sits in there and looks out of it? Yeah, it looks like you go in through the mouth and you get digested in the belly. Look, kids, we can watch how digestion works.

Guys, I know we're being funny, but obviously this was erected as part of a campaign to encourage school children to talk about the importance of environmental issues. It all makes sense when you hear the full explanation, when you see the video of the kid singing, twinkle, twinkle little star to the giant baby doll, it all comes together. Also, the baby's name is Lily, and there apparently are videos of just kids standing in front of Lily talking about how they're going to recycle more. Also, a number of people seemed to think it reminded them in an uncanny way of the puppet doll from a squid game that does the red light, green light a bit.

I have one question. You said it was 19 feet tall. Is that only when it's sitting? Because I see the people next to it, and it looks like I could stack four of them on top of each other and reach the head. I fear its true height is actually much taller. When Lily learns to walk, it's going to be a problem. I think you're on to something.

It looks like there's a team of people in the back holding Lily down to make sure Lily doesn't attack the children. They've got like ropes or something. Yep, I see that. I see that, yeah. Yeah, you don't want to have something like this just sitting out in the open, unrestrained. You know, we've all seen those movies.

It's a cloudy day, which makes sense. Oh, it's just England. Are those pillows or body bags? What are we dealing with? I honestly couldn't tell you. I think they're pillows for the. the children to come and sit upon, when they speak to Lily about the nature of the environment? I think those are also tastefully covering Lily's junk, because I'm not sure that Lily has a diaper

for some reason. Oh, it's a baby. Babies can be naked. That's fine. It's whatever. I don't want to sing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, a naked paper mache giant baby doll myself. Look, you don't have to sing. You just have to bring your plans for how you're going to conserve more water in your household. Yeah, you just have to be honest. It'll know if you're lie. The singing is extra. That's just for Lily's enjoyment. But if you don't come with a solid environmental plan, Lily eats you and you see what digestion feels like from the inside. Anyway, I don't know why the hell anyone would have ever done that, but what a thing to do in October for

some reason? What would you do if that just popped up like somewhere by your house and you just were driving by and there was a 19 foot tall baby thing sitting there? Would you just like ignore it and hope that you never learned anything about it and it just went away before it caused any problems or would you go investigate like i don't know what i would do seeing it once appear once is probably okay but much like the hamburgler if it appears twice like it's it's in the town square the first time you're like oh that's where you go home it's in your local park then i'd start to be like okay all right i see where i see where this is going i see where i don't know i think i've had enough Halloween. You guys had enough Halloween?

Hooray. I'm scared. Yeah, I mean, I got one more, but you know. Okay, if you guys want to do a speed round, get us out of here, mouth cleanser. Something better than hamburglers and Disney mascots and Lily. I don't even want to talk about this one anymore. I was going to like swing it into some like other kind of scary like the hamburger, but it wasn't really scary. I'm embarrassed now. So you don't want to share it? I mean, I'll share if you really want it, but you're going to, you're going to hear me say the

title and you're going to be like, like, yeah, guys, enough of that. All right, go for it. You were descriptions of the title? No, meet the nut maxers obsessed with shooting bigger loads. You were right. You were right. That's it.

That's all we needed. You were absolutely right. This is a GQ article. So I don't know if they commonly talk about these issues, but I'm like, isn't that a reputable publication? Dude, I love the annual news. nut-maxing issue of GQ. It's my favorite.

Is this the December issue that comes after No, not November? No, this was just last week. Actually, this was written when we were recording, it was literally October 14th, 2025 by Charlie Sosnik. So. Charlie. Some of the most important discoveries in medicine came from brave people experimenting on themselves.

Jonas Salk tested his polio vaccine on himself and his family. Isaac Newton poked a blunt needle into his own eye stock. it to understand how we see life. Not what I remember him for. And these brave dudes can't stop gooning. They can't. Okay. And they're using their own bodies and censors, the Reddarders on,

I'm not going to read the sub-renate, have determined that a combination of zinc, pydeum, and L cituline, and lecithin. Leth- fuck, lesothin is the holy grail of gum. Oh, okay. 47,000 visitors, 600 weekly contributions. I think it's more active than our subred.

Oh, no. We just need to sell more sex on distractible. What turned these men into citizen jazz scientists? A growing interest in self-optization. Anyway, it's all, it's a community. You've heard of Citizen Kane. Have you heard of Citizen Jizz? No, I haven't.

You know, it turns out, actually, Jizz is the name of his sled at the end of the movie. I didn't think that one was going to land at all. You guys like old movies, huh? That one worked out? God, ever since Whose Line, I didn't know. They constantly make that joke about Rosebud and the Sled. So I know, I've never seen the movie, but I know I love any joke about it. It's so good

Well thanks for sharing Mark Yeah you want to hear more Not really Bob any last minuteers from you I'm ending this travesty Viewer discretion is advised Yeah no

Apparently there's a Disorder Syndrome A rare condition That affects how a person sees faces I'll just share this to I don't even know how to describe it

but it like widens everything in a way to where it's like and the face on the left is like how it's actually constructed and then the face on the right is like a wide like demonic mouth smile and yeah I got this

listeners imagine the first Mario party the mini game where you had to like stretch people's eyes and mouths and noses Just imagine stretching the eyes out, the nose out, and the mouth all the way to the ears almost. No, actually, no, I got it, I got it better. I got a better way. Imagine if a guy was so obsessed with Donkey Kong that he got plastic surgery to make his face look exactly like Donkey Kong. You tell me that's not Donkey Kong right there.

That's what it looks like. Anyway, I'm sorry to scare everyone so violently with that. You can trigger that in yourself if you play that video. where it's like you're supposed to stare in the middle and it'll change the people's faces on either side to go chunk, chung, chunk. Because if you watch that video where you stare at the center and then the faces change, you look at them in your periphery. And when they change the features from the previous ones, linker over to the next one as it goes faster, faster, they look more monstrous. But as soon as you look towards them, they look perfectly normal. But you stare in the center, it'll look horrifying.

Works with almost everybody. No, this is a crazy thing. Only 75 recorded cases is what this article reports. Wow. And this fellow in Tennessee had perfect vision. He's like a middle-aged dude, had perfect vision for his whole life, woke up one day and had this and just about lost his entire shit because everyone looked not human anymore for no way.

Would you think, like I would think actually that either I'd gone crazy or like the whole world was being like taken over by I don't know what I would believe if I if I saw that I would definitely think I was going crazy I would assume that I was having it was a hallucination and apparently the exactly how it is distorted is different on a person by person basis so it's not like it it has to do something with your physiology or your mental interpretations of stuff like it's connected to the person who is experiencing the syndrome as well but I I would definitely just think, like, something is wrong with me. I would probably see a doctor or something.

You know, who else you see a doctor? All the people on that subreddit, because... All those brave heroes, those citizen jizz scientists? I'm just glad we didn't have any images to share for the jizz scientist. It's like, it's like one of those pop science articles, and it's just like a image of a white, like lab table, very sterile. And it's just like... a big splat across and you open it and your first reaction is like, ugh, but then you're like, well, that is a lot.

Like, that does, you know, they're on to something. Like, that looks like a surprising amount. If that's a real representation, like they did something, you know, like good job. I highly doubt any of that actually does anything. But, you know, only one way to find out. We're going to do the month-long destructive scientific challenge. Just to make it all really control. We're going to do No, Not December straight into Big Jizz December.

No, not November straight into Big Jiz December. So points. I got a point for, oh, last episode. I had the Twitch clip number one for a week with Molly. So I got a point for last episode in this episode for that. Yeah, you don't. That sounds out. Um, Bob, you got points for bald.

We don't want to say San Diego heart. boo at my ribbiting joke Frozen doll bilingual Frozen doll coming back Lily dot dot dot dot Rockdale baby statue Oh the Lily came after that one Wide face

For a total of nine points Mark you got points for Confusing No Happy which is a lie point Number one FNAF post Movie done Which is why the No Happy was a lie point That one also feels like a lie point

It might be a lie. There might be a retroactive lie. Who knows? I'll just put it as lie. It's been a lie so far. Why wouldn't it be now? Damn. Happy Halloween.

Which is equal frog? Cheika love frog. You have magical balloons times three. You laughed at my ribbiting joke. Two hamburglers. Maximum nutting via GQ. For a total of 12 points, which two of which are lie points. So right now it's 12 to 9, but two lie points.

For the wheel. I'm going to be that guy and I'm going to, I'm going to say the addition this time is minus 5% one man's show. Oh, sure. Hey, look, guys, the wheel says we're going to do three spins again. Ooh, you know what's funny about that minus 5%. Can you make it minus 7% because if it goes back from 6% it can be 99% chance? minus 7% because I love the risk part of it

like yes it could decrease it but also it could guarantee it we have to remember to add 10 next time I did it oh okay I didn't know you did already I did that yeah all right minus 7% to one man show 12 to 9 to 1 3 spins shallstwee I'm so ready man I can't even kind of guess what it's gonna no

Surprise golf rules Wade can't fucking win what the fuck Well no we've never We've never allowed the host to win with golf rules It would be Bob Oh man I think it means Bob

Is it just end or is that for right now That you're in the lead I think that just is a rule Previously it has happened at the end of the spins Okay so least amount of points now wins Meaning if Bob, go Bob, get these wheel spins. Go, go, go. Come on, Bob.

So right now, Bob's winning 9 to 12. All right, Bob's winning 9 to 12. I love that for me. But I've got two lie points. So those aren't real points until the thing comes in there, right? That's true. Deserves most sympathy. Mark lied to us twice.

I don't know if he deserves sympathy for that. No, I had happy. I was so happy. That's why I was. was really happy. Oh, I see. Yeah, and I found that subreddit, so I'm going to be so happy now. You know, I'm going to say re-spin.

Nobody deserves sympathy this time. All right, re-spin. No sympathy this time, re-spin. Sympathy was last episode. Most self-sabotage? Mark. Well, hold on, maybe not Mark. Yeah, how did you arrive at, Mark?

Yeah, no, I was killing it. I was crushing it. I was destroying it. I think. Yeah, Mark lied. Oh, wait, you're saying, oh, I was saying neither of us self-sabotage. You're saying I self-sabotage. Well, you booed at my ribbiting joke, and you knew better.

Dude, Bob was tripping over his own feet, the whole of us. Yeah, he'd do better than that. Tripping over my outrageous piles of jizz. All right, re-spin, that's fair. I don't know. You either tie or neither one. Used best word. Nut Mac.

No, not that word. I used no words. I used your words. No words. I don't think I said words this episode at all. I think there's a lot of grunting the entire time. Maximum nutting might be. I really liked nut maxing.

I thought that was great. Yeah, I think nut maxing probably gets it. It's okay, Mark. You could always get double surprise golf rules. Yeah, would that undo it? I guess it would. It would flip it back, right? That's how it would work.

It would flip it, I think, yeah. Dranked the most? You know, for the guy who was drinking a lot of water, I didn't drink anything in this episode, last episode I did. I drank like half a Gatorade. All right, plus one for Bob. I wouldn't say that's a lot, but I guess that's more of the Mark, so. Surprise golf rules.

Bob wins 10 to 13. All right, you love to see it. Mark, you really crushed it this episode. You got so many porn. Porns? Mark, you got so many porn, man. Porns? He has so much porn, dude.

your port's falling out of your dick over here look i lost when i was winning but that win was back then so that then's not now so the win isn't now but you know what we're all winners because we've spread the wonderful news we've spread today and i bemoan the idea that there will see i'm number one on the five days of friday subreddit we better not get number one of that subredited. I swear to God. The nut maxing is so pretty. Wait,

editors, you can bleep it. What was it called? What was the subredite called that was so bad you wouldn't read it in the episode? It was literally, well, I mean, I guess there's no harm it. It was called . It's a real boring. I feel like it should be nut maxing is what it should be,

but I didn't want to see. Yeah, how is it not R slash nut maxing? Like, kind of no idea, you know. I don't know. Well, well said, I guess. Bob, really underperformed, got under my skin, didn't laugh at my joke. Congrats on the win, winner speech.

I booed you, the host, and won. That is the best of both worlds. I knew what I signed up for when I booed you. I knew that sometimes that causes you give points, so it's kind of a gamble-y both ways, but I knew that that was risky. But also I knew that the wheel only picks between the same seven or eight responses so golf rules was due to come back up you know that's fair i can't

hear the phrase knew it was coming without pringing at this moment came big time golf rules came all over everything so this episode would be called fear maxing don't like it that much but not because it's a bad title just because i don't want those images in my head where i can't see images but i could sort of see them and they're, they do think, even with a Fantasia, it really sticks with you. The only image you can have in your head is nut maxing. That's the only image you're allowed to generate. It's, I have no, there's no setting, there's no setting, there's no characters, it's just the blip. Bob's A Fantasia superpowers, he can only see nut maxing. Rotate, rotate it in your head, Bob.

You can find Mark at Markiplier, you can find Bob at Mysker, me at Minion 777, or Lord Minion 777, and I guess Bob lost, so he won. So he'll host the next one. Surprise golf rules. Until then, I hope you got your fear maxing in in October, because you know what you can't do in November. Podcast out.