Distractible - Voice Me, Dammit!

Episode Date: November 17, 2023

The guys talk Mark's volcano scare, bad airports, and the voices animals would have if they could speak. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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impersonations. Weskid Wade steals a show as a scary smoking sheep, Sir Nicholas Cage, and Sylvester Stallion. And Malicis and Mark is not Jessica Rabbit, but might be Mike Tyson. From the beauty of nature to Batboy and arsehole anteaters,

yes, it's time for Voice Me, Dammit. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Distractible. That's right, it's not over yet. Or is it? No, it's not, because this episode is going to happen whether you like it or not.

You're here, so I assume you like it, but I guess we'll find out together, won't we? I am your host, Bob. I'm joined, as usual, by my two competitors for today, Mark and Wade. And if you've never seen the show before, as the host, I give out points, or I forget to, and at the end I pick a winner, probably arbitrarily, and the winner is the one who hosts the next episode. I don't even know how many episodes it's been since we described the format of the podcast. But it really doesn't matter. So don't get too tied up in that. Don't get invested in the format. Okay, it doesn't matter.

Did you hear something from Spotify or something? Do you know something about ending? What? I don't recall saying anything about ending. Well, maybe not. Wait, am I alone in this? Did you kind of get the ending? What? I don't recall saying anything about ending. Well, maybe not. Wait, did you? Am I alone in this? Did you kind of get the suggestion that? Okay.

Well, Mark doesn't seem to be doing very well. He's just making stuff up. Wade, how are you today? How's it going? I'm doing great. Thanks for asking, man. Great intro as always. We're still here, you know?

No, for now. Is it my turn? I kind of thought Wade was was gonna keep going but i guess he doesn't yeah no mark how are you how's it going oh i'm good uh got back from a vacation so that was nice went to iceland did you see the glowing numbers in the sky or whatever it is glowing numbers oh no that's just your hallucination dreams yeah yeah uh but we did see uh the northern lights very brightly actually did i share you guys the pictures uh no i don't think so here i'm gonna text i'm gonna take some pictures

to uh the group and i'll show you we the first night we went there we went out on a little tour and we saw some and it was it was actually kind of underwhelming we got out there and it was like hey look you can see the northern lights and And it was just like this faint little sneeze of color in the sky, just a little bit of green. And I thought like, ah, man, they just embellish it for photos and stuff. I guess it's not really that bright when you see it. And so I was like, okay, but it's still cool.

And I was like, all right, that was pretty dope. But then towards the end of the trip, we were out in this like remote location near a glacier but we were going to do a tour of the glacier this is actually pretty cool where you can go inside of this tunnel they they dug in the glacier and the night after that i think that evening and the rest of the country was like clouded um there was a storm rolling up through that area and just like most of every other place was completely occluded but this one had a opening in the sky

and there just so happened to be a storm that evening. And so we just looked up and it was just, the pictures don't do it justice and we couldn't take video because like the phone, when it takes a video, it's not able to like get as much light as it is when it's like able to take a phone photo and just like gather a little more. So these are slightly brighter than what it actually was.

But when your eyes adjust, because your eyes can see a lot better than your phone can, it was legitimately, it looked like this. And it was crazy, because these static images don't show it. That one I showed you with like the spiral in it, that was the beginning of it. So it started as a stretch,

and then there was this other line that came up to it, met it, and it just like, they hit each other, and they kind of snapped together and started spinning. Can we show these? I mean, I could try. No, no. Wade's got it. Don't worry.

That really doesn't. Yeah. So you could see, like, compared to the brightness of the those are sky roofs of the place we were staying. And so that's just light from inside. It is just a little less bright than the lights that were coming out of the building. Well, so you're describing it moving pretty fast. I always imagined it was like floaty. It's like clouds almost.

It was like whoosh, whoosh, zip zap, like moving around. It was shockingly fast. And given the scale of what's happening, it's like it throws you for a loop of what is going on there. Because these things are stretching across the sky around the world um and it would like those things went it went about okay if i'm looking at if you're looking at the sky my hands are going to show what the speed they were going and then it went and then it spread out like in a thicker band across the sky and you would see like shimmering ripples like tear through the thing and they would go shockingly fast you'd see like just these ripples would just all the way across the sky and then it

would just be like this wavy band for a bit and then a second band would come in it was hypnotic and beautiful you really have never seen anything like it words don't do it justice the picture barely does it justice and just the sheer scale of, because you're looking up at the sky and your field of vision can't take it all in. So you're constantly like this until I decided just to lay on the ground and look up. And even then you still have to like turn your head to see it all. Did you know it was going to be like that? Or was it like luck that it happened or how? It's luck. It's like, it's hard to predict because if you think about it, what it is, is it storms, solar storms from the sun that just so happened to hit the earth of sufficient strength that it is able to create the light from the interactions between that and the magnetosphere. I don't know exactly how it works.

I'm not going to talk specifically about it. But if you think about it, how can you really predict what the sun is going to do? Because the light from the sun is coming at the speed of light. And these particles are pretty much uh pretty close to that speed so we can't really know what's going to happen until it's hitting us already so there's no way to look at the sun and go like i think that's a flare and by the time you see it it's hitting you right so you can't predict it but they are able generally to be like it looks like the sun's more active right now this seems to be the trend of what it is and so we're kind of anticipating a they have a logarithmic scale like tornadoes and stuff i

think and so they were thinking it was going to be like a six out of a nine maybe ten scale uh level storm and six is pretty big um because if you think about it like it's like tornadoes t5 is very rare a category five hurricane is extremely rare it's like a top end it's not even the top really there could be six um it would be equivalent of like a t3 or a category three storm so it's like fairly sizable really beautiful that's one of the things when we were doing the you're welcome tour i think um when we were in norway someone had said if we went like three or four hours north i think there was like a good chance we could see that yeah obviously we were doing the show we didn't have time to do it that's like one of the things

i would have loved to see when we were over there so iceland was lovely it really is super lovely not as many people go in the winter just because it gets colder and the weather is unpredictable and it can be we we happen to hit a pretty good time it wasn't too far below freezing it was like always right around freezing tons of beautiful stuff like the landscape is just it's unlike anything you've ever seen because it's a volcano basically. And you know how I'm fearful of volcanoes? Because I think like if I go to Yellowstone, it'll blow up. So I get, we land and we're going to this spa.

Like first thing we do is we go to the spa. And as we land, our guide basically tells us, now it seems like there's some seismic activities right where you're going. Looks like a volcano is going to erupt any day now right there. So when you're swimming, you know, just be aware, you know. If there's lava and explosions, you should maybe get undercover or maybe get in a vehicle. If you start cooking alive in the water get out yeah so it literally was like that i look up on on twitter and stuff and i'm looking at it's like oh yeah it looks like there's a lot of activity and a potential eruption that's going to occur right here of about the scale of

like the last one it seems like which the last one blanketed europe in a cloud of uh smoke and stopped over a hundred thousand flights from getting out. So here I was thinking that not only was I going to be engulfed in lava as I was swimming around in a hot spring, but also I would be stuck in Iceland for probably a month or more. Oh, you thought you would live? Oh, yeah, I was optimistic about my chances of this. If the hot spring you were in erupted in lava, you thought you'd be fine. That's good.

After I left, like I started to get a context of how close this thing was going to be to this. The place is called Blue Lagoon and it's very nice. It is. It is extremely nice. I think it's more of a touristy place than other hot springs around Iceland. But they said that at minimum, if it did erupt, lava would likely reach the Blue Lagoon in like an hour. At most, it could be there in three minutes. Ooh, what a range.

I know, right? What are the telltale signs that you have three minutes to run for your life? Kaboom. An earth shattering kaboom. Pretty much, yeah, because it was that close. It's right on top of it. That's why it's so hot. Yeah.

Because the volcano is hot inside it makes sense uh but then we we we left there and we didn't go back to that specific place we're only gonna be there a day anyway but iceland is really really pretty it is incredibly beautiful you know um it's a very popular tourist destination especially after covid well i say after covid covid is still around but you know after the lockdown yeah and uh so there's plenty of people you know going there but i still highly recommend it there's not a guarantee you'll see the lights but even if you don't the landscape itself is just there's nothing like it nothing like it i've ever seen that's honestly way crazier than i thought like the aurora borealis was i thought it was very slow static and that feeling you're describing

where it's like you have to turn your head to take in the entire thing that's happening that's such an interesting feeling because i have that's like when you go to see an imax movie that's like the way it is right because you're kind of or not the imax movie but those those like domes that they have at the museums where it's like the you're wedged right up in the screen omnimax oh yeah that's the one i think i saw like the tornado chasing one in omnimax and it's like you have to like physically look back and forth i have the only like actual natural place where i think i've experienced that was i've seen the grand canyon in person and that's one where it's like if you stand right at the edge at the right spot in the grand canyon you have to physically turn and look because it's freaking huge it's so big that place made me so nervous oh yeah watching like a lady like climb down to like an unsafe area with like her toddler

and he's like kind of stumble walking because he's still young enough where he's learning to walk she sets him down and looks away and he goes to like walk and it's like dude i can't like this is like watching a movie where you look your look away but it's real right in front of me that this kid's like kind of like stumble walking and there's just a however far that drop is three inches to his right yeah it was nerve-wracking as hell because people had no fear there and i don't know how you have no fear there my self-preservation instinct was so high that I was like six feet from the edge from being to the edge. Like I was like, yeah, that canyon looks great over there. That's beautiful.

Love that. I'll stay over here in case I trip. I'll show you something else that we took there because it's beautiful waterfalls. But the pictures I just sent over are of the Aurora just to showcase its speed. All six of those pictures were taken one after the other. It had three seconds to gather the light so it's like anywhere between three and four seconds holy shit also bob i did not mean to interrupt your story that you were telling you're starting to tell no that's fine

yeah um it's okay just so much uh landscape around here's a video um if it'll focus on this these are some waterfalls that we saw and it it's just like, I'm trying to get perspective by the foreground and seeing it. And then just like, it is, it's not quite Grand Canyon size, but it's really huge. And just like, there's tons and tons and tons of cool stuff like that all over the place. Those are actually the waterfalls

where in Prometheus, you know, the guy, he slurped on the goo and he just melted. And he fell into the waterfall. That's where they filmed that. Those are real? Yeah all right yeah but really truly great had a terrible experience coming back oh go on which airline was it ah shout out well it's not even the airline that's the problem it's the airport uh so nothing wrong with iceland's but we're flying in through portland right um i don't know if you guys have thrown flown through portland recently not recently no the only time i've been there we drove from seattle for the tour way to put in perspective imagine the

worst point of construction that your house was in during the floodings that was portland airport yeah it was so we land from the international thing and and you know, usually you come in through internationally, you still get a, like, even if you're, you know, hopping on a connecting flight. Yeah, you gotta go through customs and stuff, right? It's a fairly streamlined process to get through in the airport to go through. This one, it was not, because Portland is not exactly

a big international port, but apparently they're becoming one, because, I don't know, Portland said yes to all these flights coming through there. So we get off the flight, we have have to go through customs which is not unheard of but we go through customs which takes like half an hour right after customs there are big signs that say like there are no bathrooms beyond this point piss now or forever hold your shit um and then a guy gets up to the front and has to yell everyone there are no bathrooms after this point none shit now and so it's like but i kept saying like how are there not bathrooms from this point how is that a thing that could but anyway we get through customs and that's fine

we have to pick up our bag because we got to recheck it right and so we have to recheck it in and we thought we'd like okay we'll go to the gate and stuff like that. Yeah. No. Oh, we get out of the customs and we pick up our bag and then we're put in this line where they have volunteers working. So at an airport, one want to pay airport employees. And they were very sweet. The volunteers were very sweet, very helpful.

I hope they're getting paid. But their vests said big volunteer on and when they were asking everyone individually like are you connecting stuff like that and we're like we're connecting through who and we're like uh alaska all right come with me and then we're walking past everyone else oh no what a great system yeah and so she's like please make way for the connecting people. They're making it like, slide to your right. The connectors are coming through. And so everyone's already like shoved together. So they're like, people have to slam into a wall for us to go by. And it was mortifying.

And we get up to the person working at this. We almost walked past it. They're like, no, no, here, you talk to this person. And we're like, what? There was one stand. One stand where there was this one girl working there who looked at us like she was surprised. Connectors? It's unheard of.

Who comes to Portland to connect? She asks us, like, where are you going? And we're like, we're going to Burbank. And it's like, through Alaska? Oh, no. Oh, God. Yeah. Shouldn't you know?

So I was like, hold on. I got to make a call. And she gets on her cell phone. She calls us like, I got some people here that are, they have bags. It's like, do I take their bags? I'm like, I hope you do. Eventually she said it wasn't in the manifest. We get that.

And then there's a bus that takes you to the rest of the airport. And so we all cram in the bus after cutting everyone in line. They were not happy about that. You cut in front of them in line and then just stood with them in the next part. Like, yeah, good thing we cut. So we get out of the bus and we thought like, okay, we'll be in the terminal. Nah, it's like they put us on the street. So you get out of the bus.

You go through the back area and then you're just on that road where all the people are driving in to go pick up everyone else. Oh, like the departures drop-off road? Yeah, and now I understand why there were no bathrooms. Because you weren't in the airport for a while. Was this actually part of the airport, or was it like people built some quick cheap wooden signs like, International Airport!

The plane's like, oh, this must be where we land! It was basically that. wooden signs like international airport the place like oh it's supposed to be where we land it was basically that did you fly on alaska airlines or did you fly on alaska i mean the person working at the counter didn't seem to know what was going on so maybe but we we okay we get out we get back in and so they give us something they give us a card it's not got a barcode or anything on it but it's got a map of where to go and then on the other side it's like go through the express line at the check tsa right oh okay i thought it was like a hallmark card like get home soon oh thank you it basically was that because it didn't have any official lettering on it just had a colorful picture on the map of the

map on the front and the other side had instructions written on it. And so I'm walking through the airport, holding this up, like as if it's my backstage pass, it's like jungle gyms. You walk in, they hand you a brochure and you're like, all right, let's do terminal. Oh,

there's a, there's a water fountain over here. That's cool. I mean, there was no water fountain, but I think there was water dripping from the ceiling. Cause you look up in the entire ceiling and the whole airport is gone. And it's just exposed everything.

And we get to the person. We're connecting through D. We know we saw the sign connecting through D to Burbank. And we get up to the person who's like, do you have your ticket to get through for security? And we show them that. And I show them the card. And I'm like, we're going connecting to Burbank through D, I think. And they're like, oh, no, Alaska is over in B, B and C.

I know this looks like B, but it's a D. I think that's what she said, actually. I think that's actually what she said. You ever learn the alphabet, sir? She made it seem like the express lane was in the other side. So we're like, OK, I guess we got to do that. It was empty. We're over there anyway. But we're like, OK, we'll go that way.

So we go there. They take our card, you know, and we're in the express lane. It's like, OK, it's like a shortcut in security. you know it is what it is we get through there and as soon as we step out we look at the board and we say like okay we're connecting through d we're in b and c how do we get to d and we turn to the right and there's just a solid drywall wall just blank we look around we look around is there an arrow? And there's an arrow saying D and E out that way. And we're like, that's the way we just came from. And we get up to the door. It says like, no reentry.

Should we go out? Boom, we're on the street again. You still have your bags? Yeah, we got our bags oh no wait no they took the bag sorry they took the bags so we have to go back to the original lady who said we needed to go that way it was like we were like you led us astray and as in Davey, not B as in Bix. It's not her fault because Alaska's usually out there, but we had to go through security again. And so this line was longer and I lost my hall pass, so I couldn't go on the express line. Oh, no.

She didn't like, oh my God. She didn't. I hate this for you. I'm so mad at past life. So Portland Airport is fun. Under construction. Could I just say the one time I have flown out of Portland, it was the tour ended there when we did the West Coast tour.

Yeah, we did fly out of there. I specifically remember waiting for the flight back home, sitting in that airport thinking, wow, it's weird. There aren't any ceilings in here. But that flight was in like 2018. Wait. Because I remember that airport. That airport has a very specific carpet pattern.

And I remember that I like, I like heard about that. And I was like looking at the carpet stuff. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's interesting. And it wasn't the whole thing but like a lot of the areas and the area i was in there was no ceiling and i remember that very specifically because i was like oh you can see look there's the channel where they've got the ethernet cables and there's a channel there's some water stuff up there that's weird why did they take the ceiling out that was like early 2018 or late 2017 that we did west

coast that was a long time ago early 2018 was europe yeah so that was the that was like fall 2017 that is what that was or jane i don't remember but yeah it was either like january of 2018 or like yeah fall they've been working on that for a hot minute i'm a little a little concerned for them that i haven't made any progress wow yeah no it was all gone everything um i don't remember there being volunteers when we were there so at least they've lost their employees i don't know the volunteer line i was kind of hoping you said you were gonna say like someone came up to you guys and was like hey you want to uh volunteer you'd stay here with us i'll get you i'll get you a vest oh we all had flights home from here

too and we lost our hall pass now we're here forever oh man i just looked up and it says they'll be done with construction there in 2025 but the big reveal of the new main terminal is set for may 24 and there's another part of this article where it says in 2021 pdx was listed as the number one airport in the united states among travelers in a travel and leisure survey. Among places where people were surprised they were traveling through there because it's mostly not a building. It's like you were playing chutes and ladders. Every time you thought you were getting to the airplane, you were like, oh, damn it, I'm back outside again. It's like a weird Stanley Parable game. You made made the wrong choice so you get booted back out to

the street oh the express lane i get to climb up oh hell yeah oh i rolled it no back outside i think what it is is they are like they're shunting people around it because they are building inside all the zones to eventually connect everything back up again and it's horrible i get that when you have an established building in an area, you got to like, you got to do some funky stuff to keep it running and also work on it. But if we didn't, if we didn't have more time for our connection, we would have easily missed it. Easily missed it.

Yeah. Like four times. It sounds like. Yeah. Well, I, I was traveling once with my family and that same sort of thing happened. We flew through Philadelphia for some reason and the airport was like, it was like that, but we had like a tight connection. And this is the one and only time I've ever actually had this happen in real life or even seen it happen. We got there and our connection was like in another

terminal, but it was very much like you described. It was like, we got off our plane, walked out of the gate and there were all these signs and it was like go over here now go down these steps now walk through this hallway that's just tarps now walk outside on what seems to be where the airplanes go but only inside the barriers now go back in and it was a whole thing they called our connecting flight and were like hold the plane for these people they just landed and they're gonna need like 45 minutes to get over to where you guys are and they did that because they knew we were totally fucked by how far the walk was and how messed up the construction was it's hard i get i'm with you it's hard to keep an airport running and what was our last show in europe that

we did like where were we the amsterdam makeup no no before that but like whenever we actually finished up in europe was it oslo no we spent some time in oslo we finished in our flight out was we had to go through frankfurt i don't remember if we stopped in frankfurt or if we started in frankfurt uh no i think we we ended in germany yeah when was the when was the moment where the police pulled the bus over that was driving on the crazy ice bridge from the scandinavia over to denmark wasn't it like denmark was the last show then or something it might have been or sweden did we do sweden that's on the other that's on the scandinavia side yes yeah we went up to norway then sweden then we came back down we we did oslo and then we did stockholm and then we drove across crazy

bridge where they were like it might not be open it go it's pretty icy and then that's where we got pulled over which i don't remember at all no you they didn't everyone else had to wake up but they were like that guy's markiplier let him sleep what if we all got arrested and like taken off mark just wakes up in an empty parked bus hey guys is this the start of a horror movie or oh it's cold the doors are open the bags are ripped apart i'm like oh no i slept through that i they you guys told me that they woke me up they ripped up the curtains you gotta get up and then i i don't remember even being woken up i slept through the whole damn thing yeah they made us go out there that our fucking bus driver pretended not to speak english i don't know if you remember that but he was just like and they asked us they were like

why don't you have seat belts on this bus and we were like we don't fucking know man we're just written we think we own it good times good times point being is whenever we were flying out of frankfurt part of frankfurt like we rounded a corner to go through security it wasn't like a bunch of separate individual lines it was a mob of people that looked like they were black friday shopping for the last tickle me elmo doll and they funneled into this line but the line had like four different entrances into it so you'd go through this funnel and then if you were on the left side you won the lottery because then you were in the front of the cutting through to the line so molly and i got through toward like the middle of it so we had to wait for more people

to cut in front of us whatever we get through this long windy line at that point and then we get pulled out like we get randomly chosen for a search or whatever so they go through our stuff and they're like patting us down asking us questions everything ended up satisfactory like all right you guys can go instead of letting us just go what they did was they put us back in the back of the line so we had to go through all of that shit again wrecked and by that point we were running late for our flight because it was such a mess trying to get through and i will never forget like i'm not even doing it justice describing it this way but it was a nightmare trying to get through that swamp of people just to get into the line the first time and they made us do it twice

and it's like can we be randomly selected a second time why why are we going through the line again wherever they just went through all of our stuff like with a fine tooth comb what is the point of going through the line at this point i don't know we did oh no guys what uh i just i got a phone call while we were sitting here doing this and i didn't take it but i see the transcription of the voicemail happening and the word prior authorization just rolled across the screen and the transcription of the voicemail just put this out there i'm diabetic i've been treating my diabetes since about 2007 for medicine i've been taking for actual years i just got my doctor was just like oh you might need a prior authorization for that i don't want to. If I don't listen to that voicemail, it doesn't exist, right?

No, I swear prior authorizations should be illegal. I swear it's the most asinine thing that exists. It is completely nonsensical, and it is just such an absurd thing. Insurance companies found the one thing. How long ago did prior authorization start because i feel like this is a recent thing well the founding fathers in the the perhaps said the preamble you know in the preamble they said let there be prior auths yes remember that no i must have glossed over that one they taught that that in Monday school. Oh, man.

Dude, Monday school is the best. It's just so dumb because what they ask for, for those who don't know, I mean, I'm sure everyone has dealt with a prior authorization. It's when your doctor writes a prescription and it goes to the pharmacy and the pharmacy calls your insurance and is like, are you covering this? It says you do. And they're like, yeah, we do. But do they really need it? We better get a medical professional's opinion. Let's ask the doctor that wrote the prescription if they really need it and then they have to go through this long process that's adding like hours of time onto doctors already

busy days just filling out paperwork well the doctors don't do it the technicians and nurses do yeah that's if they have them like well that's true yeah but a lot of times it's just like it's it just chews up time. And, you know, it's just insurance companies doing it because not everyone will go through the process. It'll save money just because a few percent of people won't go through all the trouble or it'll get lost in translation or someone won't do it or it'll fall through the cracks. And that's what they hope for. So they don't have to pay for medication that is needed. And prior authorizations only last a year. Yeah, they don't have to pay for medication that is needed. And prior authorizations only last a year.

Yeah, they don't last long. And I remember whenever I was working with eyes, I had a training day where I had to learn how to do that. And so my job that day was to sit in a chair next to someone sitting in a chair making phone calls. And I just had to sit there while they made phone calls to do prior auths. And it was like the form was very simple, but it was like the phone calls because you have to call and it's like, are you a doctor or a nurse yes and then you still had to wait half

an hour before you could talk to anybody to get the insurance companies to like it was it's an awful thing whoa what are you listening to this for wait who's talking you know you're driving a 2024 ford escape with available alexa built in so you can change the music. Oh, yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 biweekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. As fun as it is to revisit this topic,

that's something I guess I have to deal with after this episode. Because we haven't even gotten to the topic yet. Oh, yeah. Hey, I thought we were still bullshitting. What's up? I mean, it doesn't. It's whatever. But I thought it would be fun because i feel like

i do this and i feel like a lot of people do this i want to talk about animals and the voices that we all know that they have animals don't actually talk which is unfortunate and kind of sad but like if they could talk i want to discuss and debate and decide definitively for the entire world what voices animals have. And like, I thought we could start, you know, fairly easy. I want to talk about like golden retrievers first. You probably know what a golden retriever looks like, but if you don't, there's a golden retriever on the screen right now. Oh, sweet puppy.

It's a good picture. I feel like this is a softball, but I just want to dig into what, what does this dog talk like like I have two different voices that come to mind I have like the happy puppy voice where it's like almost like a childlike energetic like oh boy oh boy dad you're home no I love you dad but I don't know if you guys have seen the movie Homeward Bound where they've got like the golden retriever it's like Peter shadow Peter so like I always hear like that peter that voice when i see one because i think of the movie homeward bound so it's skewed for me i don't know i've kind of

i'm kind of getting the lion from the lion witch in the wardrobe thing i was there when the old magic was written oh that lie i thought he was thinking wizard of oz wait yeah did you think cowardly lion from The Wizard of Oz? That's what I thought he was going for. Ah, no. No, no. Dorothy, please, I don't wanna. The Cowardly Lion from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.

Oh, please, I'm scared. I don't wanna go in there. Not many know that those universes are connected. It's the Oz cinematic universe. It really connects it all cowardly lion the wicked witch of the west and the wardrobe it's just a normal wardrobe yeah doesn't get a special descriptor well there you have it bob we uh we've solved it well but i want to settle i want to settle it i i like i gotta say i like the homeward bound voice i'm kind of with you because

i will that that calls to um doug from up the dog from up right he gets the collar on that allows him to talk and he's like hi i am doug and he has that kind of like slower like happy but not so fast voice reminds me kind of of shadow yeah a shadow was also like i guess it also depends on what age because like shadow was an older golden retriever because like the whole time at the end they're like he was just too old he was too old and then like he runs out he's like the last dog to run out wow spoilers the movie came out like 91 or something i don't care i don't know i i mean how do we decide i can't it's it's one of those things where it's like almost everyone who sees a golden retriever automatically defaults to like wow i just met you and i love you and it's like wait

do cheek do chica voice because i know i kind of know chica voice it's uh slow um very similar to that it's just like everything is slightly slower not that she's no no it's just how she is she likes to play pranks. I didn't get any breakfast this morning. This kind of sounds like if Chica was a FNAF animatronic. I don't know. It's just like I closed my eyes when I pictured it was like an animatronic moving around. What animatronic would you think Chica would be? Oh, man.

Maybe the one named Chica? No. Well, no, not the bird. A different one. A dog animatronic. Your dog is a bird named Chica? No. What? Well, no, not the bird. A different one. A dog. Your dog is a bird named Chica. She's got the soul of a children in her or something. I'm not sure on the lore.

Nah, she's a sweetie. I got back home from the trip and she was so excited that she punched me right in the balls. The first thing she did. That's how you know she loves you. Wham! I think it was partly because, How dare you?

Go away. I miss you. I'm sorry. And then she sprinted around in circles and then ripped a hole in Amy's pants. Oh, hot diggity. Wow. She was a menace. I mean, that sounds fun.

That's power. Because she's not even... She's not a puppy. How old is Chica now? She's a little over eight, I believe. She's a, she's an old lady. Not old lady. She's a old lady.

Take that, Chica. Watch your pants, Bob. Well, I vote, I vote for, uh, I say that all golden retrievers sound kind of like Shadow from Homeward Bound, but it could be slower. Because the Chica version is also a valid variation. Peter. Oh, oh, oh. homeward bound but it could be slower because the chica version is also a valid variation shadow i don't like points to mark for having a dog that talks like that thank you it's only fair oh god is this the way you can't win this episode episode? On the screen in front of you now is a not very high resolution picture of two emperor penguins. So it is. Why are you doing that?

It's not that small. If I zoom it in, you'll be able to see how low res it is. What is going on? That's it. There's a little there's a chick under there. It's a baby. That's actually what it looks like when penguins take a shit, Widge. Look, it's kind of low.

Even if I squint my eyes, what did you think that was? I don't know. Anyway, what do penguins sound like? Fuck, it's cold. That's what I think. Jesus Christ. No, I do like that because the penguins, penguins have to move across land a fair amount i know they're real they're strong swimmers but they're not as far as i know they're not that great of

walkers like they don't look like strong walkers and i just like to imagine while they're trying they have to walk like a few miles and they're like waddling and they're just like god fucking i wish i had legs my first impulse was like i think there's a batman villain that kind of sounds like what i imagine a penguin to sound like i was like wait the riddler yeah mr freeze ah it's me the riddler it's going to be a cold winter i still meet you i told him to chill out do you do you hear like the penguin from batman voice is that what you're going with well i that's my first inclination but i think you know i don't know if i could really say that because that's kind of cheating honestly mine's not too far from that it's because

just danny devito no but it's yours is more like danny devito from always sunny the penguin villain voice is like, yeah. Danny DeVito when he's six foot eight. Are you thinking of the new penguin? I was thinking of the clip where he's like, Gordon's showing him the picture. He's like, oh, geez, what are you showing me? Oh, come on. You remember that?

I do. I was thinking Danny DeVito penguin, but new penguin. You know, the new Batman movie was good. I like it's done very well. It's hard to believe. Oh, jeez. What's this thing coming out of my legs? Oh, jeez. It's cold out here. Oh, what are you doing to me? I love that clip so much. Open your eyes!

I love that clip so much. Look that up. I going to watch it. Because he's being shown like a crime scene photo. It is, I don't know, horrific. I don't remember seeing the photo. I don't think it was shown to the camera. Oh, gee, what are you showing me? Come on.

Yeah, that's Colin Farrell if you didn't know. Really? It's hard to believe. He does it really well. Because he would not tell. I didn't kill no goyle. That's the voice new penguin from new batman voice points to wait for that one i thank you oh wait it's only fair true um do you have another should we give you animals or do you have animals if you have requests i would love to discuss your requests can you just get a good

image of a sheep preferably an adult not not a little lamb, but like an adult. I'm just going to go with whatever you got, but I had a thought about a sheep. Oh, I got a really nice low resolution image for you, Wynn. Here you go. Here's a good image of adult sheep. All right. It's a little bit cleaner than the image I had in mind, but it'll work. Why are the pictures you have so low res?

Look, I'm not good at Googling, okay? I know there's a way to filter that so you only get better. I'm looking at an image of a dirty looking Cotswold sheep. That's what I had. This will work, though. What's a Cotswold sheep? It's just what it says. I don't know.

This is a normal sheep, but the tongue is out. I imagine sheep to sound like they smoke a lot, and I don't know why. When I see sheep, I picture like the, That's right, everyone. I'm over over here you better stay away sheep dog like uh oh no um his uh the from mrs doubtfire his brother who like makes him the mrs doubtfire mask and stuff the who's that what's that guy's name i don't even remember that i'm not seeing that movie in so long i don't remember obviously i remember like the oh no hi dearie like that kind of stuff i don't remember anyone else in that movie but no i just picture like sheep like leaning back with its hoof like that's right keep walking you want to share this harvey

firestein is the voice i'm thinking of but yeah it's that's fine i i could see that the tongue out here is a little goofier than that for me, but... This is not the default image that comes to mind. Okay, judgy pants, fine. Just, you know, a dirty gray sheep. A dirty, crappy sheep. Some crappy, crap hole sheep. You know, Mark, you can be picky when it comes to your turn for the animal. I, no, actually, I don't want to be picky.

Well, now that you see what it's like, I get it, but... Well, I don't even see a sheep anymore. What am I supposed to imagine a sheep? Imagine it! Picture me as a sheep! That's right, don't even see a sheep anymore what am i supposed to imagine picture me as a sheep that's right mark apply i'm a sheep i don't like the nationalities that accent is brushing up against i don't know even know what that is that you're saying i have a character that i've done over the years called chastity thong bridges and she's like hey there sweetheart i remember chastity remember when you were chastity thong bridges and you played a surgeon

simulator with mark and he threatened i think to kill you or something and it was very fun for everyone except for you i don't remember chastity being there but i i remember the other she was there oh hand me the spoon i'm gonna remove his liver anyway uh wade gets the points by default unless you got something mark uh i you know that's now that's burned into my head so i can't really change it and i like my imagination i can't rotate this sheep in my mind i'm only getting like a one on the scale for the sheep so uh it's it's really not connecting well uh so you both submit the same answer then points to mark for that one thank you uh mark what's your next animal oh we call i do i mean if you if you don't want to that's fine i can keep can keep going. What did you just say? We call I do?

The animal is receiving of the Mark Guess shape. You know what I'm saying. Everybody knows. Oh, yeah. The frog is receiving of the vocals. If anybody out there knows this next creature, then you already know what they sound like. But I'm curious

what Mark and Wade think this sounds like. This is an image that you're seeing presently probably of a goblin shark you guys know about goblin sharks oh yeah i've seen them before i think we might have talked about this kind of sharp on one of those weird episodes that we did now see this thing looks like it chain smokes now chastity throng bridge's voice already been tossed out we We gotta... Alright. Be original, Markiplier. I'm gonna go with the voice of Jessica Rabbit. Can you give us a sampling in case I don't have that one locked and loaded? Oh, yeah, I could.

Just give us a facsimile of it. Yeah, um, uh... Huh? You know, Jessica Rabbit. It's me, Jessica Rabbit. I hear it now. I hear it. Yeah.

I love my husband, Rabbit. What was his name? Roger Rabbit? Roger. I love Roger. He didn't do it. It's like Jessica's here in the room. Isn't't she like a i'ma show you all a good time i think i was closer yeah i'll show you all a good time you know what i could i bob i i can't

compete with that i gotta give it to him you don't even want to fight no how can i compete with that perfect jessica rabbit no you can't all right well mark mark's jessica rabbit voice is officially how goblin shark stock points to mark for that one do you think i was going to give you the points because that's what i've been doing no i just how do i compete with it i don't know by coming up with an idea and putting it out there and seeing if it's funny i could have but like it just it wouldn't have like no matter what i came up with you could engage with my topic, Wade. He came in a minute ago.

You didn't give him the fucking what for. You never engage with my, no, he ended up putting up a great suggestion, which he won points for, if I recall. Okay. Then I say Jessica Rabbit. In all honesty, isn't Jessica Rabbit's voice just kind of a normal voice? Sure. Sure.

Sure. Just a normal voice. I hate it here. Isn't it? isn't it isn't it i love my husband she has a voice that is normal yeah but it's not your voice how do you know how do you know i looked up a clip next next animal i got mixed feelings about this one, but we're going to decide what voice this has. This thing. I believe his name is Sonic-less Cage.

It's a picture of Sonic from the movie, the live action movie, but I'm pretty sure that's Nick Cage's face kind of put in there kind of maybe it's not 100 clear it kind of looks like a who with the face lines like that but i want a voice gotta go fast how does nicholas case not nicola cage i just saw nicholas k that's the question mark how does saw nicholas cage sound i'm gonna take his rings off. Ah, I get it. I think. Because he was in the movie Face Off.

The rings! Not the rings! Yeah, there you go. Ah! Not the rings! No! Okay, actually, wait. No, back up.

It's not that at all. It's not that. He sounds like the Five Nights at Freddy's one jump scare. The, like like screamies. See, runs up to you, stares at you for like 10 seconds and just and then runs away. Did you know that was that was that scream is from a movie? Really? The FNAF scream? Is this like the Roblox oof sound that's going to have a big lawsuit now?

Oh, movie. It was a movie. It's like someone giving birth, I think, was the source of it. Let me share this. Oh, fun. Yeah, please share it. I was hoping we could. There we go.

Oh, you're sharing this. What the hell? Why? This boy. please share it i was hoping we there we go oh you're sharing this what the hell oh how did they know in the movie that that was gonna be a thing it sounds like for copyright reasons i'm sure that that was definitely included so the pregnant lady stole it from sonic yep it's a dick move between those as much as i like the scream i like it enough to pick it mark good suggestion the scream the scream is the sound that nicks nicks sonica list cage make what was his name saw nicholas cage uh poised to wait on that one uh if you have any record if you have any suggestions that you want to see just let me know but i've got another one queued up if you got one i mean go for it yeah sure. Yeah, sure. Are you ready? No.

I can't hear. Oh, I want to know what this absolute unit of a horse sounds like. Is that a real picture? This is a real picture of a real horse who might be the largest horse to ever have horsed. I don't know the story behind it. This is from May 2021. And it's from, it's the thumbnail of a YouTube video entitled, look at what the world's largest horse is capable of. It looks like a painting with the pixelation we have, I think.

But like. No, it's a, it's a whole, it's a thing. Okay. Um, nay, nay. I'm the best horse you'll ever find. I think it's like Mike tyson when i get that ring when i get that ring i'm gonna tear him up i'm gonna destroy him when i get in the race i'm gonna wreck him how's that's mike tyson right i love that this is

testing our our uh impression ability yeah this is a very underhanded way for me to force you guys to try and make a bunch of voices just that's that's the part of this was that was intended to be entertaining for everyone. What did you think Mike Tyson? It looks like it, right? It looks like it'd be Mike Tyson. The thing about, yes, muscular Mike Tyson is like an absolute unit, but he always looks short, right? Because he always fought heavyweights and he fought dudes who were like a foot and a foot and a half taller than him and like he looks big but

he looks short he looks like the little guy this horse looks like it's probably taller than any horse that's ever lived and terrifying yeah sounds like mike tyson i mean he could definitely probably knock you out with one swift kick to the head i guess nay sir nay i do not ah no i ain't right his horses are like it's like a elite club it'd be like in the horse racing club and all that so you know he's got like the most elite of elitist voices i don't think this guy races he does not strike me as a speed he he pulls things man he's like he pulls a whole he pulls six wagons at once that's what he does while winning the race. I don't think it's a race type situation.

I think it's a strength thing. He's like the world's strongest man version of a horse. So what, his voice is like Sylvester Stallone? I can see that. Hey, man! Get my carrot! No, do more, do more. Keep going.

You thought I was going to race? I'm just going to be pulling. That's how winning's done. Beautiful. That's all I've got for you. That wasn't the original voice I had. I just pulled out of my ass. I like your second suggestion better.

And that horse officially talks like, it's not Sylvester Stallone. It's more Mike Tyson, right? Whatever that voice you just did was, Wade, that's the one. Wasn't that a perfect sylvester stallone rocky kind of like wish.com rocky i guess no i like it i think it's perfect thanks man you really build this up here with our great impressions i select your voice wade and i give you the points for it thank you i only have one more animal left so unless you guys got anything on in mind uh compared to the last two things you've pulled out i don't think kangaroo or bat really hold much of a candle so i think you just keep

going man you know actually i do have one okay you guys remember the i don't know if they if it was a whole national thing or whatever but there was like um one of those tabloids they always had in like the stores like united dairy farmers and stuff here in cincinnati i used to buy them in high school or whatever you remember batboy no no this is like a suit like a cop superhero no no batboy was like from one of the tabloids the search for batboy tabloid uh i don't know what batboy sounds like but it feels like batboy's up there with your sonic and your horse oh okay batboy character is a fictional creature who made numerous appearances in the american supermarket tabloid weekly world news that was it weekly world i don't know if you guys remember that that used to be on the shelves

of like every convenience store as a kid growing up and i was i didn't know it was fake so like i thought it was an actual newspaper thing and i was like why do we never hear about the celebrity on tv in 1997 the story of batboy was turned into an off-broadway musical batboy the musical i think we can probably find out what batboy sounds like we just need to find batboy the musical there you go can you see him oh you know what this looks like to me voldemort and an actual vampire had a child. Yeah. So this was on tabloids everywhere? This was a fictional character that was a recurring character in Weekly World News,

according to the internet. I feel like 90% of the ones that I remember either had him on the picture, or there was like a side commentary about like, Batboy update, Batboy lives, or Batboy found on yacht. I don't know how to describe this picture in a way that's meaningful to people who are only listening, other than to say that all I can hear when I see this picture is like that, it's a specific laugh that I can't place, but like, I just hear, for coming from that wide open mouth, just...

Kudos to Pluto's. Just like a lot of wheezing. It's like a character from like a cartoon from my childhood or something. But like, I feel like I'm going to die when I make that sound. But what we have here is a bit of a moral quandary, right? So if we were to try to the whole subject of this episode being applying voices to animals, are you trying to imply that this is some animal? Oh, holy cow, Wade. What about Son Nicholas Cage?

That clearly an animal. Clearly an animal. This is Bat Boy, who is clearly Bat First, Boy Second. I would say in characteristics, this is clearly Boy First, something else second. We don't see the body in this image. You think it's just the wings are the ears and it's just a head that flies around that looks like that?

I'm saying the rest of him could be a bat. Well, I don't think it matters. I think the brain being mostly human applies some kind of cognizance. Have you examined it? Are you just assuming based on looks? Are you just assuming based on looks that it's just an animal?

I'm going to assume it's human and therefore probably sounds like Jessica Rabbit. I don't want to inject my own... Oh boy. You're in trouble, Wade. Oh, that's a toy. That's not the real Batboy. That's marketing. This is a bobblehead of Batboy.

What if it's all bat under the shorts? There's wings tucked around fur and a little bat tail. What about bat thighs, Wade? Or what if it's like Edgar from Men in Black where it's a bat wearing like a boy suit? Well, then I feel like he wouldn't go by the name Bat Boy because that really gives it away. I mean, look, there are winglets on the arms.

If we could do Saw Nicholas Cage, we could do Bat Boy. I don't know. I feel like you're really stretching it here, Wade. Points to Mark for highlighting the moral issues with your suggestion, Wade. I hate it here. Thanks for contributing, though. I really appreciate when you engage with my topic. All right, last animal.

Everyone's got everything to play for. It's a tie, as far as you know. What does this animal sound like? It's an anteater with its tongue out. Now this seems more of a... This one's like that horse can't be that. But this one's... This one's... This one's a fucking prick.

This one's an asshole. Look at this piece of shit. He talks like... What's that guy's name? James Undertooth? Bottom Tooth from Family Guy? You think a creature that eats ants is gonna be talking shit yeah oh absolutely oh man you i don't like to fucking fuck this guy i mean he is

giving some pretty squinty side eye in this picture yeah i don't like that his eyes are closed he's just enjoying a bite no he's enjoying his smug air of superiority okay mark the average person looks down on an anteater. Just because you're tiny doesn't mean that you get to judge that perspective for the anteater. Look, personal insults on me aside, I still am calling it like I seize it. And this, this, this piece of shit. Calling it like you seize it aside, I want to personally insult you. Well, you can do that at any time.

Right now, we got to deal with this prick. Yeah, fuck you. that at any time. Right now, we got to deal with this prick. Yeah, fuck you. Not you, Wade. Points to Mark for being the only one who actually submitted a voice to the animal. I didn't know we were done with the round. Triple points to Wade for focusing on insulting his opponent. That's the true path to victory, Wade. Excellent work.

Thank you. What is this episode, Bob? I feel like we are owed an explanation. We're giving voices to animals. What more do you need? I feel like we did. We learned what Saw Nicholas Cage sounds like. We talked about dogs.

What didn't this episode have? That's what I want to know. You know what it doesn't have yet? A winner. But it's about to. Because I'm going to tabulate the points. Hold on. We don't get one more? That was the last one. I don't have any other ones. Are you looking around your room to see if you have an animal?

I'm looking. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. I got a boar spear. Maybe there's a boar in my office. Okay, well that's a really weak argument, Mark. But wait, wait. Hold on. Wait, we'll pull one more. No, I've got it.

Stop the vote. I can't tell if he can't hear or. Look. Whoa. It was Mark's wall behind mark's wall all the time for our listeners at home mark just frantically set up a whole green screen just for it to topple over i didn't put the legs on it no mark you're too late mark i found one i would like to know what this sounds like what does it sound like? Oh, man. Hey there, everybody.

I think we all know this one sounds a lot like Jessica Rabbit. I want to be loved by you, everybody. Markiplier, out. I don't think that's even a good impression. You did his outro. Markiplier, out. Markiplier, out.

Hello, everybody. Back with another amnesia for the dark descent. Stay tuned for a reaction compilation. You know, Mark out. Hello, everybody. Back with another amnesia for Dark Descent. Stay tuned for a reaction compilation. You know, Mark, you really have changed. I miss old Mark. That voice is way better than new Mark. But, but, but before you close this round, Wade,

fuck you. You're stupid and bald and awful at Settlers of Catan. You peaked when that series ended. I'll take that over. Looking like what we just saw on screen. All I saw was you and it was horrifying. I'm balder than you thought.

Oh, that was so close, Wade. You had him on the ropes. You not hit him with the one-two. You had him on his heels. He was falling over backwards. But then Mark earned the points by accurately quoting the subreddit. Balder than ever. Truer facts have never been spilled over like a like a can overflowing with beans mark just

fuck this until next time oh well mark's demon light just turned off so that probably hurts his chances no watch this oh neat yeah watch this still here well i. Yeah. Watch this. Still here. Well, I have to say, Wade, you were in the lead. You did really well in those last couple rounds. Don't say anything else. Mark dug his claws in, really went for the jugular. One more, one more animal. Got the personal insults and swung the points really heavily back in his favor. He even properly quoted the balder than ever bit that we talked about.

And was that even, was that last episode? Subreddit defend me. I deserve this win. But you know what? For having the most cutting insult of the day, because it was both cutting and concise, I'm going to give you a couple extra bonus points, Wade. What was the insult? When Mark was going in on you super hard and you hit him back with the, I'd rather look like this than whatever we were just looking at on screen. That was really

mean. I loved it. Just the nicest insult I've ever heard. Not nice, but you know what I mean. Anyway, with those couple extra points, and I didn't write any of this down, so it's all math in my head anyway, I'm pretty sure that makes the winner Wade, I think. No, oh, actually, no, sorry, Bob, you made an

error. It was actually not Wade. Oh, well, this is awkward. I already said it out loud, so Wade no, sorry, Bob. You made an error. It was actually not Wade. Oh, well, this is awkward. I already said it out loud, so Wade wins, even though Mark got more points. Thank you for the opportunity to speak as the winner. I will take it graciously. Great episode, Bob. I'm going to take the win away from you if you cut me off again like that. I thought you were done.

Mark, give a loser speech, would you? Uh, I feel like that. Do it as Jessica Rabbit? Uh, I feel like that... Do it as Jessica Rabbit. Uh, I feel like that... He just falls right into character. It's crazy. My husband, Roger, would never allow something like this to occur. So understand that I know injustice from what happened to my husband, Roger the Rabbit.

Even though Judge... tried to kill both of us in the dip that i would prefer that fate to what is occurring currently well not the statute of limitations is up mark i can tell you i framed roger rabbit oh shit you do look like you do look like judge schmurman i am judged for just an uncanny uh jessica rabbit voice uh even more points to mark like a lot of points to mark like you won by like 17 points mark uh but also congratulations on the win wade give us your winner's speech i just want everyone out there to know that if you see something or an animal and you think to yourself man i wonder what that stapler sounds like i wonder what that

animal sounds like you give it a voice look at where we've come here on this episode. You can go wherever you want to go. Keep imagining that voice. Give it a voice. And next thing you know, you'll be sitting in a room with two of your friends that are mean to you and you're mean to them. And yet somehow you've stuck together for over a decade of making content and you're bald and tall and your shoulder hurts a little bit more than it used to and uh next thing you know it's like you're trying to go up the stairs it's like oh man my knee what happened okay that's depressing uh nope that's enough you win uh you're ruining it i'm gonna take the win away stop stop ruining it you're ruining everything hang on don't do that still

to get going and you know i can't listen to instructions oh wait stop talking oh geez maybe i should start talking too it's me jessica rabbit apply all right i'm gonna turn both of your microphones off uh congratulations to our unjust winner completely unearned undeserving victor champion of the day if you will wade great job actually pretty Actually, pretty bad job, but you won. So who am I to judge? Just the judge. And yeah, thanks for listening to the episode. Make sure you watch. If you didn't watch, it's watchable on Spotify. Did you know that? You can watch it. There's a video. You watch the video and we're on there. And like in this one where we showed a bunch of pictures, you could hear us describe it, but if you watch it, you could see the pictures and how bad our

descriptions of the pictures were and what all that sweet info you're missing out if you're listening and not watching. So, but we love our listeners just almost as much. A close second. Third place, maybe. You're like the child that's not the favorite. You're still there. Just not in the will.

Merchandise. We should get some of that. Make sure you follow Mark at Markiplier. Wade at LordMinion777. My name is MySkirm. And that's gonna be it. Wade will be hosting the next one, even though he has no right to do so, and it's really a blasphemy against God that somehow he won this episode, even though he didn't earn any points at all, almost. But what are you gonna do? I guess that really falls on me. Okay, well, look forward to that, everybody. Podcast out!