Distractible - Wade For President

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

Together, we can Make America Wade Again! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Take back your free time with PC Express Online Grocery Delivery and Pickup. Get in-store promos, PC Optimum Points, and more free time. And still get groceries. Shop now at pcexpress.ca. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Destructible. This episode, Bruce Wayne Wade plays Mr. Freeze Freeze then makes his bid for unlimited power. Builder Bob beams with parental pride, promotes elucidation via excrement, monarchical mastery and the Gallifreyan. Muted Mark has clogged watery tubes, makes plays for VP, Harvest of Horror, the burn, Zeus's boy, and Spader. From Nordic cables to Rameses the second.

Yes. It's time for Wade for President. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractable Live today, Zos. Spooky. You caught me when I was moving my light. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible Live, today's host. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo in the position where I had it and it was red and so technically it should be up there but oh man so hard. Lights these days lazy sack of shit. Well it's also I have it wedged in my window against like a loose sound panel in the wall. It's fallen down many times. It's too bad they

don't make stands for those. I'm going for it here we go. I'm good Wade I'm doing I'm doing quite well. If this is your first time joining this this is the show where one of us hosts, the other two compete for points, and the winner gets to host the next episode. We usually, and will continue the trend of starting this off with some small talk, which I myself have some, but I will choose to go last with it. I feel like it's polite to let you two tell your small talk first. So how's things? Oh, you know. Oh, you know.

I've been building stuff. I built a I built a wardrobe a hardwood wardrobe I didn't cut the pieces. It was it came through but I screwed it together. God damn it. But also I built a thing It's like a little tool organizer shelf thing that you're supposed to hang on the wall in the garage and like you put your drills In it and charging I included James in it James our almost two-year-old Baby, and he loved it because mainly it was just screwing things together which he could help with pretty easily and he liked he would put his hand on the drill and then I would and he'd be all ha Because he thought that was the coolest thing ever. He put his hand on the drill like on the back like on the safe part

Just like I held the drill and he like put his hand on it and then I pulled the trigger and it vibrated and he thought it was cool. But we got like 90% of the way done and it turns out a shelf is just a baby sized couch. And he like literally the whole time he had been sitting on parts of it and standing on it. But then we got like 90% done and it's just a little him sized like wooden bench thing and he just sat in it and was like oh you built me a chair Thanks, dad. So now we have a work pro branded tool chair holder Baby set up in our living room that I don't know if I'm ever gonna get back

But it's very fun James is coming to a big dad era Which is fun because I feel like he was kind of all about mom for a long time, but now we're doing stuff We're building things. Well, the toys they have for kids that are, you know, workshop based, they have that cardboard router table where you push the cardboard through. Oh, those are cool. We're getting one of those so bad once he's old enough. Those look awesome. Yeah, I think it's really cool. I think everyone eventually goes through a power tool phase. Like I had my Ryobi phase and I'm definitely over.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. I don't yearn for Ryobi days to come around every summer. I don't yearn for it. Yeah, me neither. I don't yearn. I'm not yearning right now. I've never yearned, actually. Never. I didn't actually know that you could make yard in the past tense. Yeah, year- yearned. Yearned?

She yearned. I, you're you're and you're in your need she yearned I yarned for you weights literally not even paying attention weights gun I was counting something and broke my brain. How high did you get this time? 17 You didn't even make it to two and two I was trying to get the 15 but I ended up at 17. What are you counting? I don't know. It's just for fun, just practicing. Gotta make sure these skills stay sharp. You and James need to hang out man. That is the funniest thing when he like, when he wakes up like in the middle of the night or whatever from a nap, he'll literally just sit up and he'll either go, where mama, where dad at?

Or he'll just sit up and go, one, two, three, four, five. Right? Anybody? One, two, three, four, five, six? He just starts counting. He just loves it. You guys would get along so well. I also wake up in the middle of the night,

I'm just like, one, two, three, four, five. And Molly's like, what the hell? I'm like, six? I don't know if he can get all the way to 15 yet, but I don't know if you can either I apparently cannot we have breaking news Did you know that this is actual news just two hours ago two undersea internet cables connecting Finland and Sweden to Europe have been cut Oh cool. Are we cutting off Finland and Sweden to Europe. What the fuck did I just say man? Yeah, but like which side is cut off? Is all of Europe gone or is it Finland and Sweden that are gone?

What's su- What's direction did the internet flow? Yeah, it was two cables one up one down. Get- get with the picture man. Oh, okay Yeah Well, so no one in in those cut- no one in Sweden or Finland is gonna hear this then because they don't have the internet anymore I assume it must be so everyone please download this podcast package it up into your local Cassette tape press it into a solid gold record Mm-hmm and then ship it ship it to Finland and Sweden they need it they yearn for it They are your earning they will have been your ending and they need it. They are yearning, they will have been yearning, and they need it.

They're yearning, they're waiting, they're yearnin' waiting. Nevermind, I tried. Nah, that's what Trogdor did to the village. Mmm, he yearninated the people, right? That'd be a whole different kind of dragon. Why do I always have piss shooting out of things when we come up with things? We had a whole superhero episode where I gave you guys the ability to have amazing powers and you guys were shitting and pissing at each other.

Yeah, like really hard. Look, just, it's the rules of yes and. We can always rule it down to a common denominator. Someone starts it and then we all have to jump on it, but that doesn't mean that we all abide by that opinion. Who started it this time? Me. Good work, me. Hahahaha!

Yes, that's right. The world's greatest detective, he deduced it. He got there. Hahahaha! Batman trying to deduce who is Batman comes to the conclusion it's Bruce Wayne, looks in the mirror. Holy shit. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Screaming at himself in the mirror, hanging upside down from the ceiling. That just, I don't know why, but that made me think of, you've seen the Avengers, right? You know Drax, the character Drax. That character was so funny, and then they made him tell actual like stupid jokes.

Just like, oh, I'm an idiot idiot and here's a joke but he's so funny like there's a scene he's meeting him and the rest of the galaxy dudes whatever those guardian guys the galaxy dude galaxy I love Chris Pratt and galaxy dudes volume 3 which I still haven't seen it kind of fell out of the Marvel movie thing I need to see Wolverine and- What's his face? God. Ah, Wolverine and Ryan Reynolds. Anyway, I was just thinking that like, the joke of like, what we were saying there was like, Who's Gamora? I'll do you one better. Why is Gamora?

And it's like, that's a stupid joke. But his joke right after is so much funnier. Where it's like, you shoot him, I'll shoot him, shoot him and Drax goes do it I can take it like that's so much funnier than the actual joke he said and that goes with his character from the first movie where it's actually like he's just way over confident and kind of dumb in that way and it's like man there was a Guardians of the Galaxy video game that came out a few years ago and it took me a little while to get into it because like the voice actors are completely different than the people in the movies and you kind of get used to their look and whatever but the writing and the characters I don't know I ended up loving them more in the video game than I did

any of them basically in the movies and Drax is one of them where it's like he's actually they have time to like flesh out his character and it's like okay this is really good so highly recommend the video game if you want to get that feel if I welcome back Says your devices changed mark. It says you're starting a new recording due to change in devices. Oh No, nothing. Nothing. Sorry bud He always does this during my episodes Yeah, you'll notice whenever Mark hosts, never a mysterious technical problems.

Do you have a dry erase board near you? You might just need to write your answers down for the rest of this one. Yeah, John Krasinski this shit, office this. You have a wall, can you throw your thing behind you down and just write on the wall? I don't know why, but I thought you were gonna go with, can you throw your feces at the wall

in the shape of your answers? I would give a lot of bonus points if he could spell words by just flinging shit at the wall behind him. Okay, buddy, you got a shit broken, it's funny point. Since I didn't listen to any of your small talk, I figured I made it up to you. Damn.

So my small talk is the same as it's always ever been, it's just about the render farm. I have solved water cooling. Wow. Don't talk about Glauber salts again. Don't go there. Why not? I don't need to right now. Right now I don't because it's winter so I don't need to worry about cooling too much. Water cooling is a lot like Factorio. I was just playing that last night. Yeah, I know, right? So, Factorio is about like optimizing your distribution and automating things so that it all flows in a good direction And and you know you can get clogs in your factorial

Factory because you can have things going and then it won't go out You have an in to an out and an out to an in and it needs the belts need to be perfect and also You don't need extraneous belts because you'll run out of space and stuff like that, right? So water cooling has always been a very scary part of computer building to me and I've never done it because I always worry about catastrophically exploding my computers with water. To be honest, I did that the first time, I think I told you guys. The first time I did it, I had to put it outside and drain it. Well, that's just because I didn't know what kind of plug I was using. It was an inset plug or a southside plug. I've now successfully water-cooled eight servers. I'm really proud of that. I've now successfully watercooled eight servers. Damn. I'm really proud of that. I've

got custom blocks. Well, I didn't make them, but the blocks for the CPUs, I put them in there. I created my own routing with the loop inside a very elegant way of like the tight angles and stuff like that. Because if you go to a server manufacturer and you buy their proprietary water cooling solution, it's thousands of dollars, thousands of dollars. But the block I got is 60 bucks, right? So 60 bucks for that, 60 bucks for another one. And then the pieces, the connectors are like five bucks a piece. You need dozens of them.

You need way more than you'd ever think. And if you get the quick disconnects, they get pricier. But I did it all and it works. And I set up the the quick disconnects properly so that if I ever need to do maintenance, I pop them out, no water goes anywhere. Like dry breaks, you mean? Like specific? Exactly. Yeah. So they're, they just like couple and they uncouple really easily. So I pop all those out. The only thing that I didn't, I don't understand is there's some liquid physics going on that don't make any sense to me because I know the general principle

is like you need to put the fluid in when you're filling it and then air rises to the highest point in there and it'll you know you want to vent that so you can always fill it so you want where you're filling it to be the highest point and then it goes down but what they don't tell you well they probably do but I didn't read it is the way the loops can sit and go up and down also create like many High and low points in the loop It's like the false vacuum thing in the universe where they say we're resting at what we think is the base point But actually we're gonna all collapse into nothingness. And so what happens with that is pressure can start to build up

Explosively inside these tubes. I haven't had anything explode except where I was filling it in. So many times, it's like old faithful. I watch as it goes in, I see an air pocket come back up and it sounds, it sounds like it's rumbling. And I have to put my finger over the thing or else it's going to push water up from behind it before the air gets there so I push that and then once I look at the tube and I see the air is like filtered to the top then I let it go and it's just like it's very strange it doesn't feel like building computers at

all it feels like a it feels like I'm a car mechanic just like trying to cobble the other the system It's very fun and water is going every I've ran through so many rolls of paper towels I've lost more fluid than I've put into the thing but not in the computers You've probably spent thousands of dollars on this on the parts. No, I was joking. Oh I'm at like negative ten points to start this episode. It's not a great start for me. No, come on. It was funny, man I laughed I thought it was very funny. I was just being respectful and being quiet. Thank you We love this episode. We love this episode. I've not even done anything

I've never built custom water loop stuff, but I've watched lots of videos on it. That's that's very funny Well, so you have dry breaks so you could use like a like a pick or so they just sort of like open the dry break and bleed the air from your little pockets that you have. Technically, I could. I just worry about breaking any kind of O-ring or seal inside there or jamming a mechanic or mechanism in there. And then suddenly I got like, oh, O-ring break. No. Do you have trauma about O-rings? Probably they make like a dry bleed connection, like dry break bleeder, where it's like you can connect it to the dry break and it's the right connection,

but then it's just a bleeder that opens to the atmosphere or something. I bet they do. One of the problems with water cooling is that there's so many different manufacturers, there's so many different standards of parts. Most of the tubing that I do is 10 13. It's 10 millimeters inner diameter, 13 millimeters

outer diameter. Most of the actual threaded screw holes are quarter inch. Some things are very standardized, but all of them are tiny itty bitty parts that cost like five bucks a piece. And so you're like, ah, it's cheap. Ah, man, I need 96 of these. I wasn't wrong by adding up to thousands of dollars. It sounds like by the end of this. It does, but when you think of the server thing, it's like thousands of dollars per actual server on the rack. So that, it adds up way quicker for there.

And in the end, you would still have to hook it all up and get other stuff. So it works out to be cheaper, but there's something very fun to it. It's like, it's the exact same difference of buying your own computer and building buying your own parts And building your computer or buying a pre-made Peter What if you buy your own parts have someone else build your computer that's the cost money

Unless I do it and then I do it for free. It lets you trick mark into doing it Hey, you guys want to come over? No, I felt very cool because I had a pressure tester. So whenever I would build a loop, I would have a pressure tester, plug up one in, put the pressure test, pump air in to test for leaks. It felt very, it felt very official. I felt very confident doing it and it was actually really fun. I haven't, I don't work with my hands a lot and I don't know, something about wrestling

the pressure was very fun and super frustrating and sometimes but very fun good work I listened I paid attention Thanks, man. I'm gonna give Bob an extra point for me not paying attention to what he had to say Thanks, man. So my little bit of small talk I don't know how interesting it is, but Molly had her wisdom teeth removed this last Thursday It was kind of a lot the The first day she got home, surgery went well, and it was mostly resting, and they gave her a lot of pain meds, which I don't still don't know if it was quite enough actually, but a lot of pain meds. I had to go pick up like her prescriptions,

pain meds and then like antibiotic and stuff, and they didn't call them in or anything. They just gave me a written prescription, so I had to go drop off the prescriptions, which there was a line for. I think this is always the answer. Tell me if I'm wrong. But like, if you drop off a prescription, the answer is these will always be ready in one hour. Mine are never that fast. Mine are always like, this afternoon, we'll call you. So an hour or more.

An hour, it's a bit of a drive to get to where like her meds are. So it was like, well, I'd spend half an hour driving back and then coming back again. So do I just, me? What do I do? Meanwhile, Molly's at home, like in bed, supposed to be like, you know, I'd spend half an hour driving back and then coming back again. So do I just, wait, what do I do? Meanwhile, Molly's at home, like in bed, supposed to be like, you know, I don't know,

I don't think she's supposed to be alone at this time or after surgery, but I'm like, yeah, let me just stay gone for two hours while she just had surgery, get her meds, go home. Every 30 minutes, she has to have an ice pack put on her head and a little strap or whatever. And then 30 minutes later, take it off or put it in the freezer.

For two straight days, that became so much more tedious than I thought it would. It was like, what can you do for the 20 minutes in between ice pack? Sit down for a sec. Like you could not really do anything. It was just, my life for the first two days was ice pack. And meanwhile, she's like, you know, drugged up,

whatever the first day. Second day, I think they actually went pretty smoothly. I think the pain meds and everything else were still doing a pretty good job. The second day she actually seemed like she was doing really well and then days three, four, and five pain really escalated. She was very miserable. They gave her a strong narcotic pain medication, oxycodone. They gave her five total pills. Now like this is supposed to last you five days and it wasn't even like the 10 milligram, it was the five milligram.

And I had to cut them in half to make them last long enough. And those don't cut in half super cleanly. So there was a lot of like wasted pill. But man, oh man, was five of those not enough for recovering from mouth surgery. Yeah, that's pretty harsh. They've been super restrictive. They've like the whole medical industry

has been incredibly restrictive because admittedly there was an opioid crisis. There was definitely over prescription of opioid painkillers and it was a problem that was killing people. But now it's over corrected. Like I had a similar thing. I broke my foot.

I had a broken bone that I could not move around with and they were just like, yeah, Advil, that'll fix it. That'll take care of it. And it's like, it is just one of those things where pain management has kind of gone out the window as far as like healthcare. And that's a big proponent of it. It's gone way too far. I had something really minor.

I don't remember what it was. I remember like in 2018 ish I went in for something and I swear they gave me Oxycodone then as well. When you broke your balls on tour. And I feel like I had a whole bottle of it that was like half full and I maybe took two of them and then like we just had to dispose of the rest. I guess I could have sold it illegally and made lots of money but I decided what I should do is give it back or whatever. Oh no, you keep that until later when you're like, ah, I can really use an Oxy and then you just enjoy that.

That's a joke, don't do that. I didn't because we ended up having two half full bottles of it. So I was just like, I feel weird having this in my house. Let's get rid of this. But now, whenever Molly really needed it, five pills just felt really quite not enough. Yeah, now I remember I had my wisdom teeth out

when I was like a senior in high school or maybe a later teen years. They gave me whatever the fuck I wanted. I had no pain. I had as many drugs as I needed to be pain free for the entire recovery, which I imagine was good because it's an incredibly painful thing. I don't know if she had two out or four out or what. I imagine was good because it's an incredibly painful thing. I don't know if she had two out or four out or what.

I had all four, it's miserable. Well, as you get older, it gets worse, we found out. So when you're younger, they remove it and I guess bone will heal on its own and kind of grow back into the gap. But as you get older, that doesn't happen. So they had to do a bone graft on top of the removal. Fun.

Yeah, they gave her very little pain meds for that. The normal over-the-counter stuff, like that was a pretty high dosage of pain meds, but nothing compared, I don't think, to the narcotic pain meds. Take some extra strength Tylenol. That'll fix ya. Blow up your liver at the same time. Yeah, they're like, here's your five oxycodone, but also take a thousand milligrams of this, 800 milligrams of that, and here's your two and a half milligrams a day of the actual good one. No, that sucks. I mean, I don't even know if it's accurate to

say that the opioid crisis is over. I think it would be more accurate to say they're starting to rein it in. No, like Narcan is more widely available and more people know what to do with it. And it's, there are less, the deaths are trending downward, but it's still a thing. But like, it turns out if you're a doctor who needs to prescribe actual pain management stuff, you have to actually give a shit about your patient and think critically about it, because some people do need some of that,

and some people probably should not have access to as much of that, and it shouldn't just be on or off, which really sucks. Sounds like Molly's dealing with a lot of pain, and that stinks, but. It's been not a fun past couple days for her, yeah. Yeah, that's a larger conversation in the whole like medical industry as a whole I mean yeah I talk like I know the answer like

there's an easy answer I'm sure that there's not and I'm sure I can't even offer anything valuable but it sucks that because of that I'm sure there are a lot of people who are like man can I just fucking have painkillers for like a week or two just for this for my broken foot this is one of the avenues where I know people have a lot of knee-jerk reactions about AI This is one of the avenues where I think it'll actually help a lot you guys said did you see the story about this? machine learning model was able to Detect breast cancer better than doctors looking at a radiograph. I have seen that it's very interesting Yeah

No So it that's the kind of advances that I want to see, because it's what it's good at. The machine learning thing, a lot of we've talked before, it's not AI. It's not actually intelligent. But it's good at detecting patterns, deducing things out of seeming noise.

Stuff that's indiscernible to human eyes. That's the thing about the cancer cells, is it's patterns that are on a pixel level, where it's like a doctor who's seen tens of thousands of images of that would still have no way of really telling, oh, this is that kind of cell versus whatever. And that can extend into other factors of medicine because right now the problem is doctors are tapped.

There are not enough nurses are tapped. They're not enough. They're underpaid or they're overworked, kind of similar thing, but it's just like, so individual care goes down, and this isn't just an American problem, it's a worldwide problem, but with these things, you can actually, if you can get better, faster diagnoses,

if you can get like, you know, a conclusive answer on like treatments and stuff like that and possibilities and like help to do stout, it could help out tremendously and that would be really nice. So that's the kind of things that AI should be used for and I hope advance into the future. And also AI should help to make sure I buy the correct products off the internet. I love ads. I know everyone does, but I'm saying if they were just more relevant to me, if the machine learning models knew me as a person was able

to identify. In fact, meet me in my own home with these ads wherever I am on toilet. In my glasses. I don't want smart glasses with a camera that faces outwards that analyzes my world. I want a projection of ads into my glasses. People talk about like, oh, I just mentioned this thing and then I got an ad for it. Like it's lit. I want the ad to beat me to the punch.

As I think of, oh, I should buy one of these, my glasses are like, here, 30% off at your favorite store. Blink wants to purchase. Now not everyone wants that. So what if you have like a subscription service for like, I don't know, $12 a month to remove the ads from your glasses? That's true, that's true.

You wanna be able to pay to not have to. Pay for more. Oh, that's a higher tier. Yeah. Hold on. Does not compute. Cut the cable. Cut the cable. I'm Finland. Finland me. based on how much I think that this brings people together and is just an uplifting topic that brings the world happiness. I'm gonna run for president in four years. President Barnes on the way. I never thought about that. I feel like Barnes is too long of a name for president something about just shorting it to President Bald. So I might change my last name. I like Barnes. It's folksy. it's like you're a man of the people yeah I do I like my name I think if you're gonna short it at all you should just make it one barn wade barn whenever I want to go out at night wade bar change it based on where you go you're a man of the people very flexible wade flea market no here's the thing I have to pick a vice president, and there's like all these cabinet positions

and attorney general. You guys are gonna help give me definitely the best picks for each position. I went ahead and wrote them out. So if you guys are wondering why I was counting earlier, it's because I need right down position. As president, I'm gonna do insert things that you want me to do here.

AI will fill it in, cause that's the way the world's going right give me actually though just the most unhinged picks for each position Specifically unhinged however you want to take it But like we're not here gonna like break down military careers and like the actual Democrat Republican Whatever's do they have to be alive. They have to be alive? No. We can reanimate some cabinet members. They don't even have to be real. We have the technology. And in four years, we'll basically have flying cars and stuff anyway.

So so let me give you the list here. I've got the Secretary of Agriculture, Commerce, Defense, Education, Energy, Health and Human Services, Homeland Security, Housing and Urban Development. The interior, very mysterious. Sounds and Urban Development, the Interior, very mysterious, sounds like the interior of a car, a house, interior of what? Labor, state, transportation, Treasury, Veterans Affairs, and Attorney General.

Without looking up what any of them do, we're just gonna take our best guesses. All right, you're gonna prompt each one of those because I didn't remember anything. Yes. Okay, good. So first up is Vice President. I need you each to give me a Vice Presidential nominee to choose from. I don't know what Vice President even actually does,

other than like make appearances. I know that the Vice President is supposed to fill in for whatever your shortcomings are as a candidate. Basically, you want a Vice President who attracts all the voters that you can't attract. And so I'm thinking hair, just the most hair. And I'm not saying your vice president should be hair, but I'm thinking like the Geico caveman would be a great pick for you. You shining, shimmering, splendid up there,

and then your vice president goes to speak and it's 90% hair with a mouth and eyeball sticking out of it. Cousin It would be an outstanding vice president. This is where I'm at. This is where I'm at with my with my thinking. We have most hair. Geico caveman, cousin It. Wait, was it the hand or is it the hair? No, cousin, uh, Thing was the hand. Yeah, Thing was the hand. Okay, yeah, got it. For those who don't know, the vice president among a few other roles presides over the hand. Sing is the hand. Okay, yeah. Got it. For those that don't know, the Vice President, among a few other roles, presides over the

Senate. I am the Senate. Tie-breaking vote in the Senate. I don't know, presides over the Senate is probably the wrong term for that. No, that is accurate, actually. Vice President technically is like the President of the Senate or whatever, whatever title. And then they do the tie-breaking vote if there is a tie. So you need someone that is gonna be of the people and help you out. But think of Dick Cheney, right?

Who was really president during Bush's era? The pheasant he was hunting. Dick Cheney's shotgun. I mean, if we're gonna be perfectly, huh? Dick Cheney and Bush were out hunting a BANG happened to you then that how he talks yeah that's how he sounds so you don't want cousin it cousin it would be too powerful you want someone that is of the people but not too powerful that they would usurp your rule because as we know president is king so I need someone shorter than me

yeah so they need to be less intimidating they need to be subservient a very beta kind of person not gonna be in your way a very yes man do anything you ask forever and ever and ever are you nominating yourself okay just double-check it man I just am saying it could be anybody and you know I do have hair a lot of it you just need someone who's not too short not too much shorter than you but shorter enough that people go like wow I'm only looking at that guy and not at that guy cuz I can't even see that guy so like Tyler hi No shorter. No Tyler's right That's a great height any shorter than that's just embarrassing

I don't think because you definitely don't want someone taller than you Who knows how tall cousin it really is. So you want someone right there, probably at the national average, because you want them to really identify with the people right at that line of average. I may be a bit bothered. Maybe a bit above it. You know, it could be a wiggle room here and there. I feel like it's I'm with Mark, but I feel like you definitely want to make sure

your vice president is someone who's very relatable. No weird hobbies, no niche interests, just off the top of my head, stuff like obscure or radioactive camera lenses or, you know, buying computer equipment from China and shipping it over on a boat. These are sketchy things that's going to, it's going to come up when you have a vice president who's really being looked at by the American populace so someone without any of those sorts of activities in their personal history and anyone can be shorter. I could be shorter than I am. Up to four inches shorter

depending on how much I might need to shorten myself. You can't get taller, but you can always get shorter. Oh, you can absolutely get taller. You can hunch, you can- there's knees, there's hips, there's all kinds of bendy parts. Let me get this straight, Bob. Are you rescinding Geico caveman and cousin it and putting yourself in the fold? I've been growing this beard for a reason, and it is not just to compete with the beards that both of you have It's for my future and America's future I you know if I since Bob's throwing his hat in the ring, I might as well just chuck it in there

Whoa, that's crazy. I didn't know you met you. I might have to give this one to Mark only because Bob your first instinct was more hair and mark has more hair than you and I both. He doesn't have a hair anywhere above, I mean below his neck. I have chest hair. Look. You have a countable number of chest hairs. I wasn't taking body hair. I could count your chest hairs on my fingers and toes, assuming I know how many that is.

That's the only patch. If I pull my shirt down any lower anywhere else You went to Turkey and had chest hairs implanted just so you could do this and be like Don't look anywhere else. We've all had that man's game sponsor. I was just assuming we were all bald from the neck down Let's prove it. Let's all prove it. All right, but holes three two I don't know if you have hair there, you have hair everywhere. That's a litmus test right there. Just based on Bob's own criteria, I gotta give the first VP point to Mark.

The more hair, the boldness. Whatever you say, President and friend. It'd be the first time the President walks into a room and everyone runs past him. Are you Markiplier? You guys walk up to like the G8 or something, just like world leaders, and some one of the other heads of state is just like, oh, Markiplier? Oh my God!

My kid's such a fan of you. I don't know why. That might work to our advantage. Yeah, I wouldn't be elected because I don't have a college degree, but. Is that required? It's encouraged. Let's not talk about that. What's the next position? The Secretary of Agriculture. What do they do? I think they hand out rakes. The green giant. Not the jolly one, just the green regular giant. He can be jolly but you know these days with what farmers have to go through, Monsanto breathing down their necks and all the immigrants taking all their jobs

as farmers. That's true. We do have an Ohio eating the pest and immigrant farmer crisis. I'm not going to argue that the green giant is not formidable. For Sec. Ag, what you really want is just someone or some thing that really represents What you really want is just someone or some thing that really represents America and you could not do better in that regard than a field of corn There is no more American symbol of agricultural dominance in this world than a large field of corn.

Nobody's not getting behind field of corn for Sec Ag when they're trying to get that nomination pushed through the Senate. It's genius. We're like a news channel. We now go live to the secretary of agriculture. Hey Sec Ag, how you doing out there? Whoosh. Secretary of agriculture addresses the joint

testative Senate and Congress. It's just a field of corn, but there's like a harvester going through it. Just like a bunch of secret service agents come running out of the sides. Like, Oh my God, diving into the threshold. Get down, sir! He can't be stopped! Get down! Next Sekeregg is just harvester bucket full of corn. Next of kin? Next of can. Ahhhhh!

Hey Mark himself admitted it, I don't think this needs much debate. A green giant great, but like he lives on the can. The corn goes through it all. Even through the American people. Done. Cornfield. I wasn't thinking. I wasn't thinking. I'm starting to regret my VP pick here.

I don't know. Yeah, this is who you're relying on for their, his hairiness. I'm in the Senate and I will break those tie votes. I'll get your pick through. If I believe in the better candidate I will break those tie votes. I'll get your pick through. If I believe in the better candidate, I'll push through, you know, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna let ego get in the way here. Thank God for that. Next up, Secretary of Commerce, it's gonna be a money pick.

This is a tricky one because your instincts will tell you pile of money. But I'm just gonna cut you off at the pass. That's not the answer. You want someone who really understands not just the financial markets, you want someone who has been there. This is gonna sound confusing. He's not the best fast food mascot

or representative of the most successful chain, but he brings something else to the table. I wanna say you want the Burger King as your secretary of commerce. Clowns get paid and Wendy does well, I'm sure, but the Burger King himself is just a different class of politician. All right, Mark, you're going to top the Burger King. Yeah, I got this, man. So you know what they say, you should give power to those who don't

want it because that's who actually deserves it. So what we what they say, you should give power to those who don't want it, because that's who actually deserves it. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna take Bernie Sanders, we're gonna make him a billionaire. We're gonna give him billions and billions and billions of dollars. We're gonna force him to be a billionaire and then put him in that role

and he will rise to the occasion. He'll struggle a bit, because he'll have to deal with that He's now one of the billionaires but billionaire Bernie Sanders He would make the best decisions bar none just him standing in the field And this is Barney Sanders, and I am once again asking you please take some of this money. Oh my god I can't live like this Apparently his net worth is somewhere between half a million and three million dollars.

So we're just going to give him billions. I would have thought more. I mean, that's kind of his whole thing. Of any politician I can think of, Bernie might be one of the ones where I think he actually mostly does live the values that he talks nonstop about and is not just like a millionaire billionaire who's cashing in on the fact that he gets to sit in on, you know, private committee sessions and learns all this shit that he could use to trade stocks or whatever. Like he, I think he actually just is, he just wishes, you know,

things were better. I think he and field of corn would get along really well too. Oh yeah. That's some synergy right there. I got it. We gotta move on. I got to give this one to Mark. Billionaire Bernie Sanders. I just keep thinking about him hanging out with the photoshoot with Field of Corn. I just love the image. Just him forced to be in a room with Elon Musk cause all billionaires have to hang out.

Just fucking red in the face. Wuh-wuh-wuh! Just fucking angry every day. That's what I want. Also the image of Burger King is like Master and Commander like with his hand outside the window like looking in sadly That's raining on him. I enjoy for some reason

By the way, I didn't mean that like that's what I want because I want to torture Bernie Sanders That's how it is. I think I want him angry in that room. No, we got you You're you're like masochistic for Bernie Sanders. We got exactly wait. Yes Secretary of Defense. This is not that an important one probably so let's go quick on that I mean the only thing that jumps to mind is Kratos probably good about it Well, he killed all the other gods. So maybe you would just like kill all the generals I don't know if that's a good idea. All right. Well you Kratos people will say this is pandering and I will say I think it's arguable, if not definitively true,

that one of the best defenses of 2010 era football is the Legion of Boom, the Seattle Seahawks secondary from the days of Russell Wilson and their Super Bowl victories and then the Beast Mode himself and the heart of the Legion of Boom, Bam bam Cam, you can't get a better defender than Cam Chancellor, you can't beat the Legion of Boom. Fuck, did you just say that?

I understood all of it. Seymour, this is why you're more VP material. Some might say this is bantering because I know Wade likes football and we share that interest. But I'm not a Seahawks fan, and in fact I was a Peyton Manning fan and watching them demolish him in the playoffs hurt. That was like one of the best offenses of all time.

We're snow getting around those guys though. Like what a group. Okay Kratos, who Mark also admitted might just kill the other generals and take over. It might be a bad pick. Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. I don't know. Nobody's getting in this country. It's getting batted down Whatever comes our way with the Legion of boom Bob you get the point. Yeah I feel pandered to but it worked another not very important one secretary of education

Do we even need one of those? I feel like I know enough skip I think education is destroying this country. For sure. I'm sad now. Do you have to fill it or can we actually pass? I will leave this choice is yours. Oh I can't think of his name. What's that actor's name? The guy, the smart guy from Idiocracy. The one guy. What's his name? Oh god he's one of the brothers um him and... He's one of the Wilson brothers right? Yeah Jarn...arnagin? Jarnagin Wilson. Jarnagin Wilson. Luke Wilson. He's not the one, he's the other one. Luke Wilson, who plays Joe Bowers, Joe from Idiocracy.

You want Joe from Idiocracy or Luke Wilson? I mean, Luke Wilson, but he has to play Joe from Idiocracy during his entire term. I know of this movie, I've not actually seen it, I need to see it, it's on my list, I've been told about like three times in the last two years, which is wild, but he's like the only one that still has a moderate amount of intelligence by the end of the movie, right?

I forget how he gets, I don't remember the plot of the movie, but basically he like goes to the future or something, he gets cryogenically frozen. I think in the future everyone's done, like he's an idiot or something modern time. And he's like a normal average guy who's a genius where he is because he's the only one with any Intelligence at all also. I fucking love Terry Crews in that movie Okay, so we have Luke Wilson as what's his face from idiocracy mark secretary Yes

There's no better lesson than the lesson Kratos learned after he was tricked into killing his own family And he wore the ashes of his dead wife and child that lesson stuck with him And he turned that education upon the gods themselves He learned them a lesson and they learned him a lesson. There's a lot of learning You know I feel like teachers aren't really allowed to punish students and like, you get away with a lot in school nowadays. Maybe we need to harken back to the gods times of education.

So you know what? I like Luke Wilson, that's such an obscure pick, but let's get Kratos in there. Let's really teach some lessons to people. Didn't see that one coming, gotta be honest. I also just realized I've been writing down your guys points backwards for a minute, so I had to fix a couple of things here.

Oh God. What? Cool, I fixed it. Ha ha ha! I have 100% confidence that you fixed it correctly this time. I was like, man, Bob's really running away with this, but that's because I also gave him Bernie and Kratos. Ha ha ha!

All of them are for me. Those are my ideas. I thought of that. Secretary of Energy. We need someone real energetic. Sec Edge. Oh Sec Edge. Oh yeah. Sonic. Sonic. The Hedgehog. I'm assuming right now that is- The drive-in. The drive-in fast food restaurant, Sonic.

Yeah. Yeah. No. No. Sonic. The Hedgehog. Gotta go fast. Common misconception about this role, everyone thinks you want something who is energetic, who knows about energy. Nobody knows about energy like an animal slash person slash person animal who has to manage it very carefully. I would nominate Flash the sloth from the DMV from Zootopia for a second. He's that joke where he tells a joke and he's all,

ha, ha, cause he's slow, cause he's a sloth. Sloths know about managing energy and it's about management. It's about keeping it even and maintaining stores and keeping it safe. He would know. And relates well to the people working at the DMV, deals with all kinds of people. Everybody loves DMV workers, am I right?

He's right, he's right. Well, I mean, if you're gonna say it, all right, then I'll give it to Bob. Wait, no, he's not that right. About that one particular. Flash wins. Damn it. Secretary of Health and Human Services.

This one sounds stupid. Gotta be really important. I mean, health, human service, health probably matters. Human services like dentist. Human services like shoe shine. Secretary of doctors and shoe shiners, got it. Dr. Scholes, perfect pick. That's mine.

I pick it, I know it wasn't my turn. I got it. Man, just hopping in there. Hey, Dr. Scholes will get things underfoot. Who could possibly be a better doctor? I assume they need to be a doctor now because this is the premise we're operating under. Other than the doctor.

Who? The doctor, yes. Who? Yes. What? Who? The doctor? Wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff?

Who? Anyway, it would have to specifically be David Tennant, because he's my favorite one, but The Doctor in general. Like he's the one, he's The Doctor. I love Dr. Scholls, because man, my feet feel a lot better. But time travel? Well, you said human services. The Doctor is not human.

How would he know what's best for humanity and if you actually have watched the show pretty much everyone around him dies oh that doesn't seem like his fault he's also killed a lot of things I'm gonna make this a really intelligent decision hey mark odds are even odds all right why'd you do it on the floor? Alright then, that was death space. It's okay Bob you won. Alright. Hey that's the first dice roll I've won in quite a while. Another not that important one, Homeland Security. I'm pretty secure in my homeland. Are you insecure about your homeland? Homelander.

Mmm. In the name, can't really have anybody else in that role. Not gonna lie. That was my first instinct. He's fine, but also, Ooh, you know, what's his name? I choose Osmodeus from the Watchmen. Is that that guy's name? Ozzymandus or something? Ozzymandus, whatever. I don't know. Osmodeus. Watchmen is that that guy's name Ozzy mandus or something Ozzy mandus and whatever. I don't know Osmodeus the douchey guy who lives in the pyramid castle in the Antarctic or something and saves the world by destroying a lot of it

Ozzymandias Ozzymandias. That's what I meant Ozzymandias is the Smart guy, right? I thought you meant the blue penis guy. You mean the smart guy. No, that's dr. Manhattan Oh spoilers everyone for this movie that came out in, I don't remember what year, like 2004 or something. But he's one of the few bad guys that is actually really smart and doesn't waste time with the monologue at the beginning. Like, he waits till he wins. Is he a bad guy? Yeah, is he? Is he?

Is he? He's a villain in the film, but maybe he's not a bad guy Is he though is he though? He's an antagonist. Oh Okay, maybe but is he though is he? Listen, yeah, I need to blow up few cities for world peace. Hey, are you arguing in favor of Bob's pick? Are you arguing in favor of Bob's pick? We both agree man, I thought Homelander was a shoe in but Bob pulled that I honestly yeah I didn't think I was gonna beat Homelander but Ozzie. Mandias is just so good. He was so good He was and very smart very very smart. Yeah evil. I mean good. He's good. Maybe he's

Very evil. He's very smart, yeah. Evil? I mean, good. He's good, maybe. He's unclear. He's unclear. This one, probably the most important pick. Housing and urban development.

I love comfy house. I have a twofer. We love doctors in these positions. You love having doctors. Looks good. Doctors are smart. But this is about housing and urban development. This is HUD.

Doctor House MD. I've not finished the last four episodes. This is HUD. Dr. House MD. I've not finished the last four episodes. I'm actually watching that show right now. You don't know how the series ends? Okay, I won't spoil it for you, but I will say this is what he does after the series ends. The ending is fantastic. So I'm glad you get to experience that for the first time. Okay, I won't say anything else then. Dr. House. Dr. House. Okay. Mark. Bob the Builder. Damn. Can he build it? Yes, he can. say anything else then. Doctor House, Doctor House, okay. Mark. Bob the Builder. Damn.

Can he build it? Yes, he can. Yes, he can. What a slogan. That's the thing. You want someone on your team that's gonna rally the people, be easy to remember, and everyone will love.

Too perfect, Bob. I gotta give it to Bob the Builder. You gotta give it to me, the Builder? I'll take it. No, no, no, Bob the Builder. Yes, that's me. I'm Bob. Mark wins the point, but you might win the position. I don't know no, no Bob the Builder. Yes, that's that's me. I'm Bob. Mark wins the point

But you might win the position. I don't know if he's Bob the Builder more of a wrecked Ralph look to him You know his small talk was and I quote been building things. Uh, Bob is in fact the builder So mark gets the point. No, no, wait, wait. No, I'm representing no, I'm representing Bob the Builder as his representative I all contract negotiations must go through me. Okay. I think that just gave me a fever. So my vice president is representing. Yes I am. Yes I am. So it's going to be a lot of signing of waivers of conflict of interest issues

in this administration, I think, but you'll get there. So you wanted to win the point, but you don't want it to be this Bob unless you're representing him He does represent me probably. No. No, it's not you and Bob the Builder He owns the trademark for it. This guy's a patent troll. He came in and tried to swoop the name I mean Jack Black is Steve from Minecraft. So can't Bob be Bob the Builder? No, it's not a title It's a descriptor I am the builder who is named Bob. Okay, we're gonna get to Attorney General eventually It's gonna be a very important pick to help me win this lawsuit

Okay, we got one two three four five six seven left guys we're flying through this We need to do some lighting or lightning rounds? Lightning rounds. Secretary of the Interior. Anyone with agoraphobia. Agoraphobia. Fear of the outside world. They know the inside very well. They know about interior because they don't fuck with outside.

The TARDIS from Doctor Who. It's bigger on the inside. Ooh, okay. Feel like TARDIS might be occupied helping Doctor Who who you won with, so I gotta give it to agoraphobia. You can't have the TARDIS might be occupied helping Doctor Who who you won with so I gotta give it to agoraphobia You can't have the TARDIS without the doctor and we do it we already chose not the doctor Well that well the TARDIS is no longer in the administration because Wade just removed the TARDIS from the administration So, you know excellent choice sir. Okay, secretary of labor woman in labor

It rotates out once they're done another one in Just a line of women just on the precipice of birth. Yes, exactly. That's what it is So you get a constant fresh ideas Bob? Obviously that I'm gonna use Mark's playbook the choice for the Secretary of Labor would be Sisyphus because he knows about labor Sisyphus was punished by the gods for cheating death by being forced to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity Possibly one of the hardest forms of labor there is. Is he happy though? This person has to be the secretary of labor while also either being in labor or pushing a boulder up a hill.

Well, they have to understand what they're dealing with. Either way, they have to understand. I feel like this administration needs a woman's touch for a woman in labor. That's true. I don't think there's been a single female pick yet. Unless the field of corn. I don't know how that works for corn. I guess we'll leave it up to the field of corn. I don't, yeah, I don't know how that works for corn. I guess we'll leave it up to the field of corn to tell us. Secretary of state.

I feel like any state would be good at this, but I'm gonna go ahead and pick Ohio. Oh, love the pick. Some will say this is pandering, but I think we all know it is. I pick the state of Georgia because it also is a country. Ooh, but then it's only half secretary of state, then it's partially secretary of country. They call a country. Ooh. But then it's only half Secretary of State, then it's partially Secretary of Country.

They call a country in some terminology can be a sovereign state and it is still. Sorry Mark, but unfortunately it's all Ohio and it always has been. Secretary of Transportation. Elon Musk. Car. I can't just keep picking inanimate objects. Alright, Lightning McQueen. I walked into that one.

I walked into my own trap. I accept. The choice is not even mine, Lightning McQueen. Gotta trust my VP. Secretary of the Treasury. There's an obvious correct choice for this one. It's such an obvious choice that I'm afraid it's too obvious, but clearly Scrooge McDuck. A fool's answer if ever there was one. The real answer is the sand lion from the beginning of Aladdin that opens into the the treasure room I'm sorry. He doesn't even know the candidates real name. Do you do you it's the cave of mysteries? Is that the name of the lion? I thought it was a cave of wonders. That's the lion is the cave of wonders. That's what I said

This is the cave of wonders it sure is. Thank God I'm your president. This is why you're in charge. Okay, Scrooge McDuck has a pool of treasure, but the cave of wonders has Jeannie and I love Jeannie. And that cave is gonna guard that treasure. You cannot touch only the diamond in the rough. Can touch the truest treasure. Lead not you to temptation,

but deliver you from the cave of wonders. I'm just gonna throw it out there. Every time you wanna talk to your secretary of the treasure, you're gonna need to first talk to your secretary of beetle halves, because you're gonna have to find those two hats with that goddamn scarab. Nominate Jafar, really good.

For the sector of beetle haves Jafar in his crazy desert wanderer salesman costume is the secretary of beetle haves but his bird's gonna shit all over the white house that's okay, that's alright that's going to cave of wonders I like Gino, yeah, you're right, you're right

secretary of veterans affairs I don't know why veterans are having a lot of affairs but I guess we gotta have a secretary for them This guy fuck around and find out at my right Was it veterans affairs I would nominate Ashley Madison Oh, I see why tell us why who is Ashley for anyone who's unaware Ashley Madison comm is a website where men I think mostly but people can go to have affairs basically wasn't there a big data leak and like there was

Ashley got hacked and all of her secrets came pouring out look it's hard it's a hard world okay it's not it's not Ashley's fault that she was targeted by online hackers but if anyone's should be a secretary of any kind of affairs, it's probably Ashley Madison Well, that's really helped me hone in on my pick. Oh boy. I can't wait to hear who it is. Oh I need a commute quick This entire episode has helped Mark find God everyone I found the answer answer clear Jesus Jesus I found the answer clear. Jesus. Jesus. If there's anyone that knows about veterans affairs more than Jesus, I would love to know.

I would love to know. I have to choose between a website where you go to cheat on your spouse than Jesus. Look, I don't want to cast aspersions, especially not on him, but I've heard he likes to take three day log naps. Where do you think he's going for those three days after three days? He rises whereas some of us guys every day we rise you know what I mean? No what?

Morningwood joke. I'm glad this is your choice to make Wayne. I would I would I would divert your eyes to my title Mark's title is mark Representing Jesus man you have a wide cast of of clients Bob the builder in Jesus crazy roster of clients He refers that is ridiculous. You know what mark sure you get it Whatever marks do it over there. He's just pulling in the huge whales constantly God recognized one marker blower my kids Then you took a quick picture with Jesus and that was that. History was made. That was it?

Yep. All right, this is an important one. Attorney General. Oh. I have a winning suggestion and technically I went first last time but Mark was supposed to go first. So do I get to go first this time?

Sure. David Spader's character from Boston Legal. Oh, I love Boston. I know, classic. He was the best attorney ever. Look, this guy wants to nominate Jason Spade. (*laughing*) By the way, by David Spader, did you mean James Spader?

Yeah, no, no, he said David Spade! He said David Spade! You did say that, and I was like, that's not right. So he nominated David Spade. He said David Spade. You did say that I was like, that's not right So he nominated the wrong person. I nominate James Spader Let me tell you the character's name is Alan Shore sure that's who I meant You know what you both want the same person. I agree you both get a point Neither one of you actually said Alan Shore got David Spader and James Spader I couldn't remember his name. I know it mess red from the blacklist mostly so that's not that's not who I wanted to nominate

You both want Alan sure I'll give you both Alan sure Bob. I apparently won Alan sure We both want Alan Shore. That's the guy from the show. That is all of the positions as far as I know. Do you think there's any secretaries we need that we don't have? I'm just going to throw this out. How can you possibly become president and not have a secretary of

boats? See I had secretary of technology written down because like I feel like internet and technology are becoming so big they really need more dedication than what maybe just That sounds boring boats. However secretary of boats Secbo Bob who's your sec boat leader? This might be controversial, but if you really think it through it's got to be Captain Crunch nose boats nose naval warfare Provides delicious snacks mark who's the leader of secretary of technology?

Hold on hold on doing research hold on wait wait for it wait. Yep. Mark, who's the leader of Secretary of Technology? Hold on, hold on, doing research, hold on, wait, wait for it, wait, yep, no, yes, yes, yes, yes, is that what it is? Yes! Yes, the character from Ralph Rex the Internet? No, no, no, no, no, no, the Secretary of Boats is the captain from the Hotels.com commercial. Isn't he Captain Obvious? Is that what it is? He's Captain Obvious, right? That's what it is, Captain Obvious. Here's my second pick. You know who has a lot of boats?

Gabe Newell. He has a lot of boats? Oh yeah, he owns many, many multi-million dollar yachts. Why? Because he's rich as tits. Cause steam makes him so much money that he doesn't know where to put it Also, he likes knives. I know that about Gabe. All right last one secretary of technology. I'm making it a thing pick one

both I Like boat we get to secretary of boat. That's fair. You know what? That's fair. Oh CEO of Nvidia that guy whatever his name is That's fair. You know what? That's fair at a time. How many boats can you do you need? Every body of water large enough for a yacht he's got a yacht? What the fuck? Anyway, Secretary of Technology sorry getting getting sidetracked. I pick Steve Apple. Steve Apple? Mm-hmm you know Steve Apple the guy who's in charge of Apple. You know you should pick in an Apple? I don't know what his role is. I've never known, but it's that guy that is in the presentations that I don't know if

it's real. Did he actually go and do parkour all the way down the building to the bottom floor to do another segment of the presentation? And again, don't know what he does, but he can parkour down all of the Apple campus and that's pretty good, but I'm not changing my answer. Apparently Craig Federighi did some sweet parkour moves at WWDC 2024. Did you, wait, did he actually do this?

Wait, did he actually, no way. It looks like him. I mean, it could just very well be an actual parkour person with like a wig and a mask or something, but no, there's no way, there's no way, right? No, there's no way that's him. What, I don't know what he does. I pick him.

No, I don't. I already said mine I pick craig federighi or craig apple I didn't feel like deciding so i've got steve jobs and ceo envidia both You haven't decided for like the past three entries, uh two only two and they're the two fake cabinet positions This is the kind of decisiveness I expect for my presidential candidate Maybe I just like them both so much that rather than picking one arbitrarily because there's always only been one, I'm thinking outside the box and saying,

you know what, two minds is better than one. There's never even been one. You're jumping straight from zero secretaries of technology to two. Because I'm innovative. I'm thinking outside the Xbox. PlayStation 5, got it. Let me go through real quick our picks here,

and then I'll calculate points. President, me, no discussion. VP, Mark. Secretary of Agriculture, a field of corn. Secretary of Commerce, I believe was billionaire Bernie Sanders. Secretary of Defense, Allegiant of Boom. Secretary of Education, Kratos. Secretary of Energy, the sloth from Zootopia, I believe one that one. His name's Flash. secretary of health and human services went to dr Who based on a flip of a dice roll of a dice roll of a dice? They're doing homeland security went to whole Ozzy mandias housing and urban development Bob the builder secretary of the interior people with agoraphobia

Secretary of labor woman in labor I should deduct points from everyone for that being the only female candidate that was offered this whole time No, ashley madison. Yeah, ashley madison. That's true. That's true I don't know if that's really a lady or just the name of the website. It has to be right? I don't know. Is she real? I don't know the story of ashley madison I'm not gonna lie. Well, while you guys look up ashley madison because i'm not putting that on my computer I took over secretary of State, Ohio. Secretary of Transportation.

Did I give that the Lightning McQueen or Elon? I think I gave it the Lightning McQueen because Mark was just like, yes, that one. Secretary of the Treasury. Cave of Wonders. Mark, did you find the Ashley Madison answer? Yeah. It's even better than we thought, Wade.

It's two women, probably. No. Oh, wait, what are you seeing? I've seen something different. I'm seeing that Ashley Madison was founded by a guy and the name is two popular female names from North America. Right, that sounds awesome.

It is both Ashley and Madison. And the guy who founded is Darren J. Morgenstern. Which I believe reiterates my point that you guys should both lose points for only nominating one female to the cabinet. Jesus beat Ashley Madison anyway. Oh, that's right. Attorney General, we went with both of you, James and David Spader.

Secretary of Boat was Captain Obvious and Captain Crunch. Secretary of Technology, Steve Apple slash Jobs and CEO NVIDIA. I thought I went with Craig Federighi maybe you did but I didn't write it down cuz I'd already written stuff down what over the points Bob you got points for being a builder Wade not listening hair hair sec ag cornfield Legion of boom flash sloth who rolled evens Ozzy mandias a, probably Agoraphobia, Ohio, Lightning McQueen, Captain Crunch Boat, Alan Shore, Steve Jobs Apple, and you lost five points for not enough females nominated for cabinet positions.

That's pretty fair. Well, I nominated one. I nominated one. I don't get anything for it though. Well, I've not gotten there yet. Mark you got points for shit broken It's funny custom water cooling by internet for Finland and Sweden words VP Bernie Kratos Bob builder woman in labor cave of wonders Jesus conceding boldly multiple times to Bob Alan Shore CEO Nvidia NVIDIA. It looks like it says hotel but gay. I don't think that's what it says.

Hotel Boat Guy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! God, I've got terrible writing. It doesn't get better, no matter how many episodes we film. But, uh, Mark, you lost five points for you both not nominating enough women to positions. So, really, neither of us is punished at all, just like it would be in the real world. Damn. Punish him! I'll take ten points off of myself for

appointing you both to nominate people and failing ultimately. I'll take the blame. As president I will take the blame. Yeah I think that does fall on you and not us at all. Alright Mark you ended up with ten points. That's not enough Bob. You have 11 points. That's enough 16 to 15 minutes close so close mark. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Everybody it's time. I need to get I don't know how presidents raise money for like their advertising Maybe it's like a go fund me or something, but look forward to that coming out We'll be raising money for our war work war closet. Are you trying to say war chest? That's it, war chest, war closet, war chest,

doesn't matter, we're gonna need more money. So we're gonna have a chest, we're gonna have a closet, might have a side table. We're gonna raise some money for this campaign. You all know who I'm selecting and why. 2028, I can do a good math. Vote for me, Mark's on the ticket, Bob's building. What else do you need? Vote for Mark, everyone knows it good math. Vote for me. Mark's on the ticket. Bob's building. What else do you need?

Vote for Mark. Everyone knows it's just a vote for Mark. And Friend for President 2028. Every vote for us gets one Mark's signature sent to there. And Friend for President presented by Markiplier. That's it. That's the episode. Bob, winner's speech. Even though we've decided it's not sure, I'm going to take the being the builder, who is in fact Bob the Builder on your cabinet and I'm honored for the

appointment. And I'm sure there will be no trouble getting me confirmed. And it's going to be great. I assume we've already won. It's going to be great serving under you, sir. And mostly serving Mark. So congratulations, Mark. Mark. As vice president, I take this loss with grace and dignity. And I look forward to me and the President's hunting trip we're going to be taking very soon. I just need some time to myself.

Just us, no one else, no witnesses, no press, no cameras, no nothing. Out into, you know know the local swamps Wherever we may find the game that we're hunting some say it's the most dangerous game But you know that's where the thrill comes from anyway look forward to that and then we'll be back to ruling with an iron fist as soon as I recover from this terrible as soon as I recover from this terrible, unjust loss and then we will rectify those errors that were made. Well said.

Yeah, I mean, already you can find us online for now. Markiplier, Bobmeister, me at minion777 or lordmignon777. We have merch. DistractableStore.com. Stay tuned for the next one where Bob will, um, do something. I don't know. Until then, I've got my presidential dice and don't worry. I'll be rolling it. Let's just hope for some Nat20s for this country.

Podcast out.