Distractible - Wade Wins

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

You asked, we listened. This episode has one goal: to make Wade the winner. We wouldn't want to disappoint the subreddit, would we? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Smooth Weightless Collection. Visit Tresemme.com to learn more. At Enterprise, we know you're constantly on the move getting this thanks mom fixing that you reach a destination and then it's on to the next and when life is moving at the speed of well life enterprise is right there with you around the corner and around the globe. We'll keep you moving forward. Enterprise, for lives in drive. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable.

This episode, mouth-watering Mark has lost his mojo, admits his infirmary is the toilet floor, and that his mom is truly Titanic. Blunt Bob bursts out of the closet, contemplates carpentry, and has an oatmeal bath. Wayward Wade feels neglected, messes up a Mustang, and is cured by a lake.

From sultry tones to the vilest injustice. Yes! It's time for Wade Wins. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello all you lovely people out there and welcome back to Distractible. If it's your first time joining us, good evening. If it's your first time joining us in the morning, good morning. My name is Markiplier. I'm your your host glad to be here with you right now it's it's so sensual i

know i know this is the sexiest podcast we've ever done it's like you're trying to get us horny and put us to sleep at the same time that's what i'm all about one starts, one finishes it. Do you want sexual dreams? Here's Markiplier's go to bed up tape. I've lost my voice. And much like most things in my life, even minor inconveniences are positive attributes to me, the most perfect host of this incredible podcast. Are you a light sleeper? Well, you can sleep hard with this new tape from Markiplier. No, this is, I've actually lost my voice for everyone listening. I'm not playing this up. This is just, I've lost my voice and this is what it is.

So this episode is going to be, well, it was right before we started recording. Bob and Wade was like, let's make this episode, make Mark talk as much as possible. And I'm like, okay, thanks guys. I didn't, I didn't say that. You think we know who said that? Hey, I didn't agree to Wade saying that. Bob did. didn't i didn't say that you think we know who said that hey i didn't agree to wade saying that bob did i'm joined today by none other than the marvelous my skirm i guess beautiful bob what is baltimore say some kind of b word usually yeah bob something bob and wombo wade rather than ryan

wriggling who is ryan the mysterious fourth member of the podcast that's lurking in the corners wait no no no did you mean you mean rye comma and wriggling i think so i don't know now now i'm questioning everything because you guys both looked at me like i was an alien well because you said it like but like someone's name was ryan wriggling i don't even know what bit you're going for at the moment but i'm going to give you points for it anyway so points for it thank you bold i like it decisive half a point for both so on today's episode there's been some animosity in the subreddit wait for which but which one this time is it still the same one people are not over what happened to you wade people have not and will not be able to get

over the injustice anytime soon there is that one guy that said I was the worst debater of all time and deserved everything bad that was coming to me and stuff. Where did that come in amongst the flood of I've never seen greater injustice? Why do I only see Wade hate? You guys only see Wade love. What kind of weird subreddit organization is this? I think that's just what stands out to you, Wade. You see people being nice to you. The whole 90% of the whole subreddit is people this i i think that's just what stands out to you wade you see people being nice to you the whole 90 of the whole subreddit is people like wade got screwed

we love wade and you're like yeah yeah everybody loves wade this one post was mean there's one thing i know it's that i'm the most underrated member of distractible and the worst treated and the best and the most humble well i i've come to you with a peace offering wade yeah because we're clearly at war what what do you offer i'll think about it i i just the name of this episode is called wade wins no matter what you do no matter what you say no matter how much i disagree with it you're gonna win this episode this is gonna be fun unless oh You're going to win this episode. This is going to be fun. Unless. Uh oh.

You're mean to me. That's all I had. Do you have a notepad next to your computer and just say be mean to Mark? Can we take five so I can think of other things to say? You can't interact with Mark without being mean to him. That's where we are right now. No, no. I'm the nice one.

The subreddit knows. Whoa, whoa. Do are right now no no i'm the nice one the subreddit knows whoa whoa do not take my title i am the nice one after what you did to me bob i've taken all the good titles i gave you the victory like a nice person well not when you say it like that points to me bob do you want me to change the rules that he can't be mean to you either no well he's got to be mean to some way can't talk without being mean so he's gotta have Fuck me Wade that's right you ugly bald bitch Can I be mean to me Yeah yeah you can be mean to yourself Yeah I think I think Mark would probably enjoy that the most Minus 10 points Wade

Do you have to hit me Yes I do So uh before we get into the meat of the episode We gotta do small talk so i would love to know what the new developments in you guys's lives are starting with weight of course of course of course this might date the episode a little bit i tweeted this earlier but um we went to a dermatologist appointment earlier uh molly had an appointment due and it's the same dermatologist i have and i've got a lot of like freckles and moles and whatnot on my body i don't

know if you can see any of them on the camera, but I've got little ones dotted all over. So I have to go every year. Molly only has to go every like few years or whatever. And the doctor was like, hey, how you doing? Nice to meet you to Molly. And I was like, he doesn't remember Molly, but that's because I'm usually the patient. He looked at me.

He's like, and who's this? And I was like, I'm your patient. I've seen you like three times. He's like, okay and then like you started talking to molly about work and stuff and she was like what he's like what do you do and she's like oh i stream what do you stream and she was like i asked all this stuff's like what do you do and i was like same we i was only here like three months ago we talked about this you asked me about my channel and all kinds of stuff he's like oh okay yeah i don't know why this is

killing me so bad just the fucking i don't know why it but like deep down i was like no you're my you're my doctor like she's new you're my doctor remember me i'm so important remember me i just mentioned the whole time like in the car and the way you're like now listen dr levinston is nice but direct so he might be we go way back so if he says anything out of line i can talk to him i know you know so doctors can be really mean you get in there he's like uh who is this it was just the clearest example of him like kind of feeling awkward that he didn't remember me and like he you could tell he was racking his brain like think of something think of something do you remember you remember and i was like no, no, it's fine.

It's fine. But like, the less he remembered, the more it bothered me. And I was like, I need you to never forget me again. Man, my brother, he's very averse to scheduling things and going to appointments and stuff like that. About six years ago, he finally went back to the doctor. The last time he had gone was about when he was in college, which would have been about seven years prior to that. So when he got to the doctor, his doctor looked at him and said, you're not a patient here anymore. And my brother goes, no, no, I know it's

been a bit, but I should probably get a checkup. I'm not getting enough sunlight. I need something. He didn't make an appointment. He just went in. Yeah. He just went in. And the doctor said like, no, no, no, no. We we clear patients after they haven't been here for more than five years. And I spoiled the story because I told you how long it's been since you've been to the doctor again. And he said, we just you're literally not a patient here anymore. But he was nice enough and treated him.

At least he remembered. OK, you didn't need the last sentence there. At least you remember. At least you remember. It's been seven years years but at least it had been three months i get doctors see a lot of people and you know you might not be of terribly but it's me remarkable well that's what i was getting to is you might not be the most like interesting patient like i'm sure they remember people who have like weird illnesses right because you're you're like, oh, I remember that. That was a weird, that was an interesting case. I can't imagine you meeting and talking to someone

and you not just talking so much that they know your entire life story by the time you're done. I know, he must have blocked me out. But how many bald bearded white dudes could the man possibly treat? I'm kind of unique. Look, Wade, I'm not going to lie.

If you were in a lineup with like five other bald bearded white dudes i might not be able to pick you damn you say that but when jesse and i stand next to each other we kind of do look the same so i just figured what i'm gonna do is i'm just gonna go over the office like once a month and remind him so that whenever i have my appointment in like a few months again oh i think it's like october there's no way he'll forget me because I'll have been there every month you got your really artistic headshots you know one where one where you're posing all dramatically in black and white you just start leaving them on his desk just like five days four days he like goes to like look at his wife and kids and it's just me there I just photoshopped my face onto his family so he looks at the

pictures just a whole bunch of me standing next to him all right bob how is your life i have things to talk about but i have a question first for wade because i'm just dying to know did you did you pick a car buddy what kind of where's the car situation at i'm dying to know about the car situation i've got it down, I think, to four. We haven't gotten to drive a couple of them yet. What's the list? I'm curious. The one I've loved the most, but also has the biggest price tag, is the Escalade.

I drove in that thing, and it was the smoothest, most comfortable ride I've ever had. It truly was. And the features, I don't know how many cars have this feature, but like having a seven seater, they're long. So the rear view mirror has like a camera in the back. So instead of having to look through all the rows of people that you don't care about in your car that you bought the car to carry anyway. Yeah, you talked about that last time.

You just see it right there. So I love that one. One that's kind of like a dark horse in this race is the I think it's the Acura MDX. Interesting. So we love Hondas. We've had Hondas. I think it's the Pilot. Kind of disappointed in so we love hondas we've had hondas the i think it's the pilot kind of disappointed in that one didn't really enjoy that one a whole lot so acura is just uh luxury honda right so isn't the mdx probably like based on the pilot but nicer you'd think

but something about maybe i just drove a bad pilot but just like i felt like i don't know it just didn't feel good didn't feel responsive i didn't like trying to accelerate and i don't know just just maybe I went in there biased or something, just thinking it wasn't going to be good. I'm sorry. Are you looking for a sports bus? Well, look, you guys know the way people drive in Cincinnati. They're either 30 miles under the speed limit or 30 over. So whenever you get on the highway,

you got to be prepared for either situation. Either hurdle it on or speed race or full speed before you even get to the exit ramp. Wasn't that an episode of Top Gear where they modded out a bus to just go about 150 miles an hour? Top Gear. Is that the one with Tom Cruise? No, that's Top Gun.

What is Top Gear? I don't want to explain what Top Gear is to Wade because it makes me sad that anyone hasn't experienced the joy that is Top Gear. It's a good show. It's a car show, but it's hosted by some very funny people who also tend to get into controversies and have thus been fired and moved around a little bit sometimes. Kind of like the people in the opening credits to Monty Python and the Holy Grail. They get sacked all the time. Good one, Wade.

Point. My small talk. My small talk. Going well. I built a dresser this week and I'm getting really into closet organization. You know, you ever just... Wade, why do you look so concerned at those words well i was thinking i was like aren't closets pretty straightforward there's like a

floor a rack and a bar usually but i guess if you have like a walk-in there's more space okay yeah so we have our new our house that we live in in ohio now has um walk-in closets. Every room has a walk-in closet. Yeah. God, you have two side yards and walk-in closets? Damn. Listen, yeah, I know. First world problems. So, but all the closets have in them is like wire shelves up on the wall that you can hang stuff on and set stuff on.

And it's like, that's okay, but you're wasting a lot of space. There's a lot of vertical space that you're not. So we're looking into solutions for like cheaply building in like shelves and stuff into the closet. So there's more storage. And so I've been looking and researching and I'm probably just going to get, I'm going to go honestly with the Ikea packs closet modular stuff.

But like I've been looking at different options and considering building it myself because you know, I'm way too confident that I could definitely, I'm a, I could do, I've never done carpentry work, but I can, I could figure it out. But anyway,

that's my life right now. I'm looking at, I'm looking at bins, storage containers, shelving units. That's fun. I did, I did the,

I didn't get anything, but there was a while where I wanted to decorate my office by having like some of those like wall shelves and have stuff displayed. And then you were just like, eh, posters and something and 90% of the foam up Mark visited and I was like yeah I'm gonna fill this bottom in and he looked really sad and I've not filled it in because he liked the white so I've left it for him too much foam deadens the room too much I wait I think you got the right idea it's a bad like ratio though it shouldn't it be up shouldn't it be on the the

bottom third if it's gonna be like that or something i suppose there is that yeah it could be but if he returns to a vertical format he's spot on all right make your camera vertical from here on out wait wait verticalize all right all right all right whoop there we are that's actually quick thinking well thank you thank you for those watching on spotify wade's genius is really showing through here i i gotta give it up for his creativity you're the video what mode is that that's a picture in square on your phone is that the default picture that you use i don't know it just uh says photo 1x switch it to video wade switch it to video oh that. Switch it to video.

Oh, that's so much better. Oh, God. Why did it age me 30 years? Oh, hey, everyone. Anyway, for those also watching on Spotify, I have no idea why it looks like there's lightning outside my window. The brightness is like, do you see this? Your lights from home have chased you down and are turning on and off outside.

There's a ghost in your house just frantically turning lights on and off. Like why won't he notice me? Point for Wade and half as many points for Bob. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes,

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We're talking yummy, creamy, hearty goodness. Choose from loads of delicious, more-ish flavors ready in only two and a half minutes. It's not cup food, it's good food in a cup. Visit Knorr.com to learn more. It's not cup food, it's good food in a cup. Visit Knorr.com to learn more. So, I want to kick off the episode with a story. I remember this very distinctly from my childhood.

I woke up in the middle of the night and I felt awful. I couldn't even fathom why I felt bad. But all I knew was that I had to get to the bathroom as fast as possible. I got to the bathroom and it's not like I had to throw up or anything. It's not like I was about to poop my pants. I must have been like five years old at the time. But I, in my kid brain, I was like, if I sit on the toilet, I'll feel better. And so I sat on the toilet and I have a memory of our dog at the time standing in the doorway,

staring at me as the dog did not like me or my brother, which is like... Why? It was my brother, apparently, when he was like a toddler, dropped her accidentally, and she never trusted us ever since, or kids in general. It's not like she would bite us or anything. She just wouldn't go near us. You really dropped the dog on that one. Good one.

That's great thank you oh that stung no it was serious it's just i'm sick my voice is gone the sincerity wasn't there i could tell you were being serious but the tone of your voice still burned mark it still felt you lost your voice on purpose just to sound cold so i remember being like so sick i was just hugging my knees and i was leaning over and i looked over at the dog and i was just waving to it waving to the dog was standing there ominously staring at me not moving muscle but just watching over me and then i it was dark right i got up in the middle of the night i woke up because apparently i had fallen asleep at some time the sun was up and the dog was still there looking at me in

the doorway. That was the earliest time that I had been, I was so sick that I couldn't even know what to do with myself. It's one of the earliest memories I have of being sick. And it was probably one of the times when I was sickest most. And I have this weird instinct every time like I get sick or, or like hurt in some way, I want to go to the bathroom and lay down on the floor. I want to get as low as possible in the bathroom. I did that when I first came out to LA and I ate the world's second hottest hot sauce. When it hit my lower intestine and I was crumpled in pain, I don't go to the hospital. I don't call a doctor. Well, at least at this point, I wasn't really in that mode because it wasn't in my mind. But I just want to go on, collapse on the bathroom.

When I had my heart attack, what did I do? I was in the bathroom. I don't know if it was connected. I think it was just I had to take a piss and then I passed out. But I was on the bathroom floor. This isn't about your experiences in the bathroom. What I want to know, what is the sickest you guys have ever been? What are moments in your life when you were so sick that life just

didn't make sense anymore? Because it could be when you were a kid, like recently. Yeah, back when I was super young, I got sick all the time. And it was, I feel like I was probably closer to death than even my brain could comprehend. But who knows? I don't know. Because I would just never ask for help. I'm sure like Mandy and my parents would tell me otherwise. But I feel like I can't think of a time where I was, except for maybe once, where I was so sick that it even stands out to me. Really? I'm a big wimp about getting sick.

But I'll usually like, I'll be sick and I'll be kind of pitiful. But I'll take cold medicine and then I'll just go, you know, get pushed through and get by. But I will say the Christmas of Christmas 2019. So right before COVID, we went home to Ohio. We were living in California and we went home to Ohio and everyone, we went, we went to Mandy's family, family, parents' house and her whole family came back, her siblings and everyone.

parents house and her whole family came back her siblings and everyone uh somebody had a respiratory infection that was just a real nasty very covid like respiratory infection um that like we all got basically and so we got back to california after the holiday and manny and i were both like uh-oh well you know i feel the sick coming, crap, that's not good. I've had COVID twice. I got pretty sick, but I still, like, it was never so bad that I was, like, delusional. It's just, like, I get bored of it, right? I hate being sick, and it's like, I just want to get back to life because you can't. But I got pretty sick that time. It was January of 2020.

Mandy got so sick that I was a little bit afraid she was going to lose her mind like that fake Russian sleep experiment where they made the people stay awake for weeks and then they all went insane. She was so sick that she couldn't sit down or she would start coughing uncontrollably. If she was like standing up with really good posture she could breathe okay if she even sat if she slouched or bent her or changed her posture at all coughing like gonna throw up coughing so intensely and she didn't sleep for like several days because she couldn't do anything but stand up and pace around and like try and take a hot shower we're pretty sure it was covid or something we

don't know this is the worst like disease that i have ever seen and it like i said it was bad pretty bad for me i was very sick mandy was we like went to the hospital and they tested her and they were like well you don't have the flu or whatever you know you're fine cough it out you know come on calm down nerd nerd but like she almost lost she straight up was so sick that i was afraid that the illness was gonna hurt her but also was so sick that she couldn't sleep that i thought she was gonna like go insane or something from sleep deprivation so that for like for me i was pretty sick but it was a whole other level from andy and that was probably the craziest illness I've been that close to in terms of like

sickness that, you know, that you got infection you got from someone. I can't think of a time for myself. I got strep throat as a kid all the time. I was sick a ton and I would get colds and I would just like pop some cold medicine and go do whatever I needed to do. I never I'm sure I will now, but I don't get that kind of sick, I guess, where it's like ruins your whole life and you don't get that kind of sick i guess where it's like ruins your whole life and you don't know what to do with yourself i had a strep throat a whole bunch too

and seventh grade thing i had it like six or seven times but like the worst one for that was when i was probably like four or five years old it i didn't get it treated right away or something or something happened where it developed into like scarlet fever and i had all like these horrible painful rashes that like go between like your your joints it's like your armpits and like between your thighs and like knees and stuff anywhere like you have for some reason like your skin compresses on itself like you get these rashes and like you can't move with scarlet fever it's like you can't move because everything hurts so badly i don't remember if it was my birthday or christmas or a holiday or what it was i remember my grandparents coming over like my grandma got me or my grandma my grandparents got me new shoes

like i was trying to look at the shoes but i couldn't even open the box so it just hurt so bad to move and i remember just like breaking down and crying trying to like open a box because moving was so difficult covid was pretty bad thankfully we were vaccinated so i don't think it hit as bad as it could but if we hadn't been i don't know how bad it would have been because i had like three days that were really really bad but the worst was like toward the end of the third day, breathing got really difficult. And like I had this like wheeze and every time I would breathe, it didn't it just didn't feel like I was getting enough oxygen.

It's like I had a deep breath to feel like I was breathing properly. I was close to going to the hospital because I was like, I don't want to have to go. I think I'll be OK. But like whenever you're breathing and like your chest start having issues, it's like, OK, now I'm now I'm a bit concerned. After a day or two, that finally got better and went away. But the one that stands out as the most miserable for me was just one night. I was with my high school girlfriend.

We were getting ready to actually go to Buffalo Joe's, which just closed. R.I.P. Buffalo Joe's. And I hopped in her Mustang with her or her grandparents Mustang with her. So I got in the car. Her grandparents had this Mustang. I sat in the back seat and we were driving about to get on i-275 to go up there we were living in milford then and i we got over to where the highway was and i just out of nowhere was like oh no i vomited all over the back of her grandma's seat and her she had like her hair like

done is it called a pur it's like all curled out like care spray looking like all fancy puked all over it that night i could not sleep for more than like 15 minute increments it's like i would fall asleep immediately wake up i have to hurry to the bathroom and throw up again and eventually i didn't have anything in my stomach so it was just dry heaving but like it got to the point around like three or four in the morning where i just like i quit going to bed and i laid on the bathroom floor or on the carpet right outside the bathroom. So that way I was as close as possible because by the time I got to back to the bed, it was like I had to get up to go back to the bathroom again. I was just like, I'm done.

That's pretty rough. That sounds like a really that sounds like nasty. Like, I don't know. What is that food poisoning? Stomach flu? I don't know what it is. I just realized where I think I get my aversion to telling people that i'm sick comes from i think it comes from my mom because my mom told me a story way after the fact about how she thought she was going to die

because she was so sick this is during covid so apparently she got covid and so she just went to bed and then didn't come out of the bedroom for like a week. And she said, I'm in L.A., so I don't know. But she said, you know, my brother lives with her. So I was I asked her, like, what do you mean? I was like, I was so thirsty. And I'm like, you didn't get water. I was like, oh, I couldn't get out. You didn't ask Thomas.

I didn't want to bother him for water. Jesus Christ. Laying in bed like, gonna die soon can't bother son for water though there's water in the bathroom five feet away literally my son 10 feet away could bring me some water but i'm gonna embrace death instead now my mom has a tendency to exaggerate i think you both know but also i don't doubt that it was like three hours where she didn't feel well and was a little thirsty i sneezed and i was laying down i was very thirsty it was about two hours it was seven days yeah because i'm pretty sure if you go seven days without water i think you die oh man but she did say i asked her like oh man how long are you

saying she did say she was sick for a month uh so I was like, and you didn't ask for help at any time. So I don't bother. She didn't tell me either until way after the fact. Did you guys as a kid, did you get exposed to chicken pox in a party? Yeah, my brother and I, I think, went over to where my cousin had it. And like they exposed us and we were all just miserable and itchy for a few days. Do you mean on purpose? Yeah, on purpose.

I was on purpose. I did not get it on purpose i think i got it from school but i don't actually i had it over christmas one year was the thing we were in in detroit visiting my mom's side of the family for christmas but i was like taking oatmeal baths in the hotel bathtub and stuff like that but it was i don't think i got it on purpose i think i got it from school what's what's an oatmeal bath it exactly it's oatmeal and water i think in a bathtub and you it's like a thing it's supposed to help with the itchiness right it's like a you just scrub the oatmeal around or i don't know oh god that brings up another horrible memory i had an allergic reaction i'm not going to say

to what because i don't want people trying to murder me there's a medicine that i had a pretty severe allergic reaction to where i broke out into hives. I had one teaspoon of this medicine. One. And I broke out into hives that lasted about two and a half days. I had full body hives. And like chicken pox, I don't remember as much. But hives, I will never forget how itchy I was.

It was like all of me. Everywhere. Just these giant bumps. So itchy. And on top of that, I was still sick from whatever I had. Because I couldn't take the medicine they gave me because I was allergic to it but i remember my grandparents putting me in the bathtub and we tried things i don't remember if it was oatmeal but we tried so many different remedies where they put me in the tub and just put random crap and they're like yeah this should help

and then i don't know if it was coincidence or actually what helped but i was uh down near lake cumberland at the time i was on vacation i was sick the entire vacation but like we finally they took me down to like the boat ramp and let me just go into the lake water and then like a few hours later my hives actually went away i'm not saying the lake water actually cured it was probably just coincidental timing but like i felt like the lake was like my jesus rebirth i went to the lake all itchy and i came out and i was like i'm alive again take off my oven mitts i don't need to scratch that's the question though the next day did you see the lake getting all crazy and scratching itself on like trees and stuff because it it

took your hives for you after three days i rose but the lake it sank no lake anymore actually it's completely gone lake cumberland is gone little known fact it's just bumpy rocks dude speaking of reactions to medicine uh so james has been babies get sick so it's not weird that james has gotten a few illnesses he had one where his fever was pretty bad and we were kind of freaked out like we might need to run go to the hospital we just watched him like we literally like stayed up all night and just stared at him and like constantly took his temperature worked out okay but uh for one of them it was they gave us um baby uh i think it was moxicillin or penicillin or something it was an antibiotic right like the standard issue

antibiotic which mandy and i both have a slight allergy to very not serious but you know just a very slight reaction the and and so we were like won't he be allergic to that and the doctor was like oh not necessarily that's you don't really that doesn't pass down hereditarily or whatever and we were like that's weird that's not what i had ever heard about that but that's fine and we gave it to him and it helped his sickness but he got a rash all over his torso he got like bumps they weren't like really they weren't hives i don't think they weren't like really big and raised but he had a rash and it was clearly bothering him right and so when we first saw that, like we changed his diaper or something and was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, look at this. Oh no, he's got a rash. And we were like, that's not good. Maybe we should

stop the medicine, but let's call the doctor. And we called the doctor and they were like, how bad, how bad is it? What? And we were like, I don't know, man. It's a, it's a rash. Like, I don't know more than it is or is not a rash. That's what I got. And they're like, if it's not, he's probably fine. He's probably fine. Just, you should just keep giving him the medicine. So you don't think the medicine's doing that to him? No, no, that's definitely a reaction to the medicine, but he seems fine, right?

This is the way doctors treat babies. I had no idea. I was expecting like, oh yeah, we live in the future now where you can take a picture and send it to us of this rash and we'll look at it. They're just like, is it a two by four rash, a six by one? No, literally. They're like, how much space is there between and how raised? And we were like, they're little red dots.

There's maybe a half inch to an inch between most of them but then oh i'm on lunch right now i would just say keep giving them you know i'm real busy no that's what it was though because we called we called and left a message with like the nurse and they had the doctor call us back and you could tell she was like at home or on lunches it was like doing something and calling us just because we were the overly concerned parents. And she was like, I'll call these idiots down. But he had a rash. Well, they didn't change some things because apparently sharing

chicken pox amongst your children's isn't a policy anymore. People don't do that because they made a chicken pox vaccine literally a few years after we probably got chicken pox. I have never had a scratch that's come close to what hives felt like hives i couldn't sleep i couldn't i was sick but also like nothing ever

has bothered me as much as the hives did with the exception when i first um started developing migraine headaches i guess that's another time i'm thinking of i didn't really know what was happening we've all had headaches but like i remember going into my mom's room and i was like trying to explain to her how bad my head was hurting it was like the worst headache i'd ever had i remember like laying down like the foot of her bed like trying to talk to her and like it just it hit and when a migraine is like fully just there it's like you're writhing around and you're trying to do anything to like knock yourself out or compress i don't know you're trying to put pressure on spot anything you can do to relieve the pain and nothing was working and my mom saw me there like basically seizing on her bed and

freaked out and scheduled me for an mri and stuff and i remember going for the mri i think i've told you guys this before but when i went for the mri i had a migraine during the mri and laying there with the lights and the sounds of the boing. It's a very noisy procedure. You wouldn't guess it. Like 25 or 30 minutes while having a migraine. Like I came out of there and I think I was pale as a ghost.

They thought I was going to pass out. I just needed to vomit so badly. So I got out of there and I went to the bathroom, just got so sick because the migraine was so bad. Thankfully now, if I feel a migraine coming out,

I just take like a sedentary migraine that usually actually gets rid of it ahead of time if i get it too late nothing does i have to pass out for six hours have you heard of a sudden head explosion disease it's migraine attacks but it is associated with these incredibly loud booming sounds inside your head unless i'm getting horribly mistaken it's a chronic condition it's horrible we shouldn't laugh at it none of none of you should laugh at it sudden head explosion syndrome sudden loud sounds in the head upon waking up at night or during the wake up the wake sleep transition abrupt frightening arousal following the event as soon as i have a headache and i can tell i've got any kind of lighter sound sensitivity

it's like i go straight to the medicine because otherwise i need a six hour i don't get migraines as bad as some people and for me it was like if i if i go without medicine it's like a six hour nap i'm out for six hours and i wake up and i'm fine i'm just tired for like the next 24 to 30 hours i thought of a thing mark okay all right the thing so the thing about this illness i had this when i was young It was like seventh or ninth grade-ish time in my life. So I was like a young teenage, a young teenage boy. Thanks, voice, for reminding me about how that was. The illness itself was not so bad, but it was summer vacation. And my family, we took the train from Chicago to Flagstaff and we saw the grand canyon and then we drew we were gonna drive from uh arizona to

vegas and like stay in vegas for a couple nights we had we were gonna like see a show and it was my my parents with me and my younger brother right so we weren't going to like drink and gamble we were going but there's stuff to do in vegas that's like pretty fun for families prostitutes prostitute collectible cards is a thing that That was a very surprising side thing that happened. So anyway, there's a big elevation change from if you drive from, I think we drove from Flagstaff area all the way to Vegas. There's a big elevation change. Oh, and we saw the Hoover Dam on the way.

So that was part of it. So you kind of drive through the mountains. And I had a relatively uninteresting illness. Like I just had like a sinus infection, right? Not a huge deal, but it was probably one of the worst, more serious sinus infections I've ever had. So I was completely stuffed up, but like fine. Like you take some, you know, decongestion.

It's not that bad. Again, totally normal illness, but I had never had a sinus infection and like flown an airplane or driven over mountains. Right. So we're in the rental car and we're like driving up over a mountain range and we're going up. And as we're going, I'm sitting and I'm like, oh, oh, ooh, what's happening? And it escalates from me being like kind of freaked out to me getting out of my seat and

laying on the floor and just going like, ah, my head's exploding. My head's exploding. And my parents were like, huh? What the shit? What? And like, I'm just laying there just like, oh, oh God, guys. Oh, that's it. This is it.

My head's gonna explode. And it was just because I literally, my sinuses were so utterly clogged and congested and inflamed that it was just a pressure difference, right? When you increase your altitude, the ambient air pressure decreases with altitude and it increases when you go down towards sea level or I hope that's correct. I think that's right. Yeah, I think that sounds right.

Your ears and your sinus is usually normalized by just letting air flow through them. But because I was so clogged up, it felt like my actual brain was gonna bust out of my head and it was again really boring sinus infection but that was the worst i have ever felt i think in the moment because i didn't understand i had never experienced that and so as a kid i didn't i don't know if i could have you know if you like hold your nose and blow out how you can kind of make your ears pop i don't know know if that would help, but I didn't even know to try that. I was just laying, like writhing around on the floor, just like, oh, oh no, the aliens.

Oh no, I can't be out of ink. Not now. Mega tank. Why do I do this to myself? Ah, what's that printer that comes with 30 times the ink? Mega tank. Yes, it's a Canon.

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eligible ford owners get a thousand dollar bonus for details visit your local ford store or ford.ca well i'm gonna wrap it up there i think we're just making people more paranoid than ever for being sick and horribly worried but i forgot my uvula my swollen uvula that i called a vulva several times that was that was cool oh yeah you showed us yeah that's something i would never wish on anyone i woke up and uh a little dangly bit was like i don't know like a half inch to an inch wide and just all the way down the back of my throat where i couldn't see the bottom of it so i woke up in the morning it was just like i went looked in the mirror i was like what's wrong with my throat and i just saw what looked like a serpent's like

thick middle body going down my throat. It was like, I got a hollow knocker. I learned when you had that, I looked into it because I thought that was the craziest thing I'd ever heard. It was awful, man. That was awful. I learned that that does happen, but that still seems just like just one of the strangest things because it's not generally it's not serious, right? Like it's it's really unpleasant. Your uvula was getting an erection.

What are you describing right now? It was still swelling and you could actually feel it swelling. I couldn't feel it swelling, but it was like I could see that it got a little bit thicker after I'd woken up. But you feel it. It's like having a finger in the back of your throat that you're just like. Bob, am I crazy or did it sound like he was saying it was he could literally feel it swelling in his throat or am i crazier no i couldn't feel it swelling but you could tell when it was blocking up your airway and you're

just like every time you try to talk it's like this because you can't do anything because that's right in the back of your throat so like you're trying to convey this urgency to your doctor but you kind of sound like a flintstones character and he doesn't recognize you in the first place okay man who are you again that was a low blow that was a cheap shot oh yeah you're the uvula guy you it got long enough where i could like and like cough it out and it would lay across the back of my tongue a little bit that just sounds terrifying i just don't did that feel better could you like do that and get some relief at least you took a load off of your uvula so here's the thing like i had to sleep the next night with it still swollen because it didn't go down i got like a steroid injection and i was

prescribed to steroid some other stuff in your uvula did they stab in your in your uv no they stabbed my ass i i also thought they were gonna stab the uvula i don't know i wish they would have just drained it or cut it out at the moment. But like, I remember trying to go to sleep and the way I could breathe the best was on my stomach, but I cannot sleep on my stomach. I'm a side sleeper. And so when I would sleep on my side, I had to like go to my stomach, let it flop out a little bit, then lay on my side and hope that it would stay dangling to the side of my mouth.

It was a whole thing. I was afraid I was going to bite it in my sleep, dude. It was an awful, terrifying experience that like, you're just not used to dealing with something in your mouth you have to look out for no that's true that is true it just it's hard not to see that as funny for me and i did was looking at it but it was one of the worst things to deal with i get that that's mean but man it's just really funny because you're trying to like convey how much like how scared you are to everyone but you you sound like this i'm gonna die well this is very serious you sound like bardy rubble points for that okay we're gonna wrap this episode up because i am sick just a little bit i didn't like this one man i don't know i'm scared again being sick i remember all my worst traumas yeah

and i know everyone out there is probably equally traumatized remembering when they were sick uh so bonus points wade for uh the snake that's swelling in your throat double bonus points for steroids congratulations for being open about that uh very brave of you that's why it's so small now and you got through the whole episode without being mean to either me or bob so i want to congratulate you bigly and i'd like to say to the subreddit look we can be animositous and animoscious and animosiciousness but look some episodes may seem like a big injustice, but that doesn't mean that they're ever going to match up to the injustice of this episode. Because today's winner is Bob. For no other reason than I just really, really want to give them something to actually complain about. You think that was injustice?

No, this is injustice. You know, I'm not even mad. But today I say no. If there's anybody who can establish a set of rules and then break them all at the end, it is the judge. And also, Bob has had a New Year's resolution that we have been honoring. He will not make a loser speech this year. And I'm just staying true to that. Bob, would you like to give your winner speech?

It's going to be a long year and a lot of mental gymnastics in order to keep finding ways for me to win over and over and over again. But, you know, we have to do what we have to do. We all agreed to my new year's resolutions by allowing me to say it out loud on the show. So, you know, I appreciate you guys keeping to your not words and following through on your not promises. So thank you. I deserve this.

And suck it, Wade. Amen. Wade, you don't get a loose speech. Alright. Thank you everybody so much for listening and or watching on spotify we don't have merch yet it's a whole thing it was a bit it's not a bit anymore now it's a whole actual i think people can understand now how that company kind of exploded i think people are aware of that now that whole kerfuffle the shards are still raining down from the sky, but it's

okay. It'll land upon your body as a new piece of merch very soon. I've been your host, Merblar. Very fair and or unfair. Bob, bodaciously the winner. Wade, wonderfully the loser. Thank you for being here, everybody. Podcast out.

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