Distractible - Wade's Secret Words

Episode Date: May 16, 2022

In this new episode format, Judge Wade lets listeners in on his special point system, but leaves Mark and Bob in the dark as they scramble to collect as many points as possible. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listeners, and welcome to Destructible, a Wood Elf production with your hosts, Bongling Bob, Musky Mark, and Wizardly Wade. This week, the covert compadres copiously cackle concerning canards of concealed cantrips and chars. Yes, it's time for Wade's Secret Words. Please prepare thy notepad and enjoy the show. Listeners, this is just for you here. We're going to be doing things a little bit differently today. I have a list of topics and a list of words and phrases to go along with those topics. Every time Mark or Bob say one of those words, which you'll be cued in on whenever we get to that topic, they get a point. That's how the points are going to work today, but they don't know fully what's going on.

Hey everybody everybody welcome back to distractible i'm today's host wade if you're new to the show i'm hosting today because i won last week the way the show works is we have a judge we have our two contestants they compete they get points at the end of the episode one is deemed the winner they host the next episode my contestants today as always are mark and bob hey boys hello hello i'm a contestant you are i'm you're a teat what's the word competing contestador i'm a competitor i want to get that checked out editor what uh nothing it's fine oh how's things uh how's things i'll just ask it twice because i don't have another way to word it.

Oh, you know, things are things. Things are good. It's good. Very things. Yeah. Dogs are great. Thanks for asking. I hope.

I guess we'll find out. Oh, God. Right now, everyone knows I've had a saga with Ginger going on that's been paying attention to any of my social media stuff. And, you know, we record these a little bit in advance. So I don't... Right now, everything with her is day by day so i might have great news in the present or terrible news in the present or something in between i guess you all out there will know wave right now

does not god wow schrodinger's sadness god no or happiness we don't know what's in the box i'll join you with an even more vague declaration of things good crazy stuff is happening like the craziest possibly the greatest thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life is happening right now can't talk about it wow does it result in mark and i getting more money it is unrelated well it's not entirely unrelated to you but it doesn't it's not gonna make you money i guarantee you that all right well i to you, but it's not going to make you money. I guarantee you that. All right. Well, I don't know if it's that great. It could have been better.

The greatest thing. Don't you dare talk smack about this thing. I'm not going to explain. Okay. That's my small talk. Tempted to talk smack. But anyway, I guess I won't. I'm just staying...

Oh, hello. Go ahead. Staying the... Me too, I guess. You have stuff too? I'm staying the course. Everything's fine. I got no looming disasters and or windfalls on the horizon.

Looking forward to a sense of normalcy as the days go by. That's not a thing. Good to look forward to it, but it never happens. Yeah. All right. Prepare to be disappointed. Enjoy dreaming. Your dreams will be crushed by good and or bad and or somewhere in the middle thing soon.

Okay. Something so aggressively mid is going to happen to you, Mark, that all your dreams are going to be crushed for some reason. That makes sense. I believe that. Or fulfilled faster than you want, leaving you dreamless. All right. Story of my life, man. All of that.

God, I'd hate for that to happen. For all my dreams to come true, then what would I dream about? What would any of us dream about? You'd peak early. that's like those guys in high school that peak super early in the rest of their lives just like man remember the good old days it's like yeah you mean that one year you had senior year loser and you spit on him and move on damn you randy you big meat-headed asshole who was mean to me that one time by my locker it's okay sorry okay you're okay buddy i feel like there's a lot coming out in this episode you made it out of that shithole i'm very happy and or sad right now uh-huh or somewhere in the middle the word is fruit

all right guys whoa hey nice uh well we got a few things to talk about here today. So firstly, it's starting to warm up, at least here in Cincinnati. I know you guys live in the place where it's always perfect or whatever, minus the fires, earthquakes and gas prices. That's great. But as it warms up here, people are able to have more variety and like, you know, growing their own gardens and different things for meals so i want to talk about meals during warm weather what because i don't know it gets tiring just having like all the same kind of like options of eating inside all the time it's nice to branch out and do different things wait meals during warm weather like like do you mean like meals you would eat in the summertime?

Yeah, just like summertime type meals. Okay, that makes more sense. You can still talk about stuff you make inside, but it's just you have more options, I feel like, whenever it's warmer weather. I mean, but if you just say warmer weather, it's like if I lived in a culture that was mostly a desert culture, you know, it's always warm weather over there. So their entire. Well, then what they would eat on the warmer days, like 107 versus 105, you know, Fahrenheit. I don't know. Ice cubes, snow cones.

Hey, deserts get cold. Yes, this is true. Deserts do get cold. That that's true. They just get real cold. I think Wade has never left Cincinnati, so he thinks that that's where everything is still. So I think he's using that as a point of reference. Cincinnati is the cultural capital of the world.

Sure, yeah. I can't argue. The culinary capital of the galaxy. Yeah, I can't argue. The customer service capital of the Karens. I don't know. I don't know how I'm going with that one. That also sounds true. Very, very true. Yeah, no. That tracks. Very much too true. service capital of uh the karens i don't know i don't know how i'm going with that one that also

sounds true very very true yeah no that tracks very much too true but imagining you guys still live in a nice place like what would you like to eat whenever it gets to be summer uh not that it's not nice where you all live but uh you know if you were back here in paradise i mean there's there's like one thing because oh do you want titles or it doesn't matter for this really just do whatever you feel okay man okay i i mean because my birthday is in the summer so the only thing that really jumps to mind for summer meals given that i don't really vary my diet very much i have ice cream cake oh hell yeah that's a thing what kind what kind of ice cream that's a good one with uh it's dairy queen's like vanilla on the bottom chocolate layer then that cookie crumble layer and then i think it's vanilla on the top after that oh it's fantastic you get frosting you got all the goodies yeah i don't know hot dogs what is this topic oh questioning the topic

not looking good for you i mean listen summer summer food for me the big thing for me is uh the grill right okay yeah when it gets to be summertime thing for me is the grill, right? Okay, yeah. When it gets to be summertime again, you can get the grill back out finally. It's been under the cover. I did this recently, actually. Like last week, finally. I mean, it's been warm enough here to grill. I just haven't.

But last week, I got the grill back out and I took the cover off and there was a fucking huge black widow with a nest on the grill. And it was a female, so it was like the little it was a relatively big black spider with the red hourglass on its underside and i've never seen one that close before and i was kind of like oh yeah crap i like gotta be careful did you eat it well so i didn't have any shoes on so i couldn't like grab my sandal and whack it or anything you know i was freaked out and so i was like i'll run inside and i'll get some paper towels and i'll just like it'll be fine and so i'm like oh i'm running inside grab and come back and it's the nest is empty oh it is gone oh no and i like looked around

you know the grill's kind of dirty i'm cleaning it off i'm looking i look underneath inside i look everywhere gone it was easily an inch and a half around black widow spider which is like not the largest spider ever but pretty big for like a little black widow i don't know where it is it's probably watching me right now it probably is stalking me in my house terrifying those things are very deadly aren't they but anyway and then i grilled some burgers because like grilling anything on the grill is basically summer for me kebabs burgers hot dogs brats that makes sense ribs all that speaking of black widow i once upon a time this is like maybe five six years ago i lived in a a pseudo gated community in that there was a guard at the neighborhood entrance

oh fancy there weren't really gates uh just a guard there so that was interesting but i drove up one time i was like hey i forget his name but he looks over me and he's like sweating and he's like eyes are all beady and he's like gritting his teeth at me and was like holy shit are you are you okay sir and he's got like this thick russian accent he's like i'm fine i'm not gonna try to do the accent but he's like that was not very russian sounding i'm fine it's gonna be bad if i try to do it's fine i'm fine i am fine i am fine and also i'm russian also russian but i can't tell it was like yeah i just got bit by a black widow but i got a few hours left on my shift so i'll make it and then i'll go to the doctor it's just like holy what what the hell yeah and uh from what i know about black widows is that they start extremely painful and then they stay more painful and grow more painful as time goes on if you don't get that treated.

Can't they kill you? Yay. Very unlikely. Only in rare cases. Yeah. But I've heard that I did some research because a black widow stalks me everywhere I go now. Yeah. It's very painful.

And it can kill you if you have like a heart condition or if it's a bite in a bad spot or something but basically it just sucks ass. Do you think that Black Widow is actually one of the gurus? The gurus? Yeah, Guru Harold.

Guru Henry? I thought his name was Harold. Was it Henry? I thought it was Harold too. Now I'm confused. I don't know. It changes every time I bring it up.

I do have a summer food when I was in Korea because they have pretty similar seasons to like i would say actually cincinnati like hot and humid in the in the summers and then winters get pretty cold i'd say they have more harsh winters uh than cincinnati does um but one of the summer things they have i forget what it's called but it's basically like a giant uh bowl of shaved ice oh you have ice and then you have milk poured onto that fruit is like also at the bottom i forgot there's a bottom layer of fruit it's like ice milk sweet cream strawberries more fruit whipped cream on top it's a very strange combination of what would normally be like a savory dairy-based dessert and shaved ice

right that's interesting it's like snow cone combo of different flavors it takes some getting used to at first because ice and milk yeah it's like a it's an odd combination that you wouldn't normally do but it works with all the fruit flavors and i think sometimes they have chocolate and sometimes they do have like a scoop of ice cream in there you can get all kinds of varieties somebody who shaved almonds they have like just tons of things like coconut uh shavings on top of that interesting it's really like a smorgasbord damn that sounds delicious all right well we're moving on immediately to the next topic okay good work guys thank you thank you all for contributing to that i thought that went really well

okay okay i'm just trying to do time management you know as a good judge i gotta that's fair i do get a lot to talk about did i did i get any points out of that or oh well the audience knows but you guys don't get to know yet well how how does the audience know what does that mean because i told them you all just weren't paying attention oh yeah i was i'm not you i listen oh i don't know. I'm not you. I'm like 80% sure right now. Bob, you hosted the same episode twice.

Are you really confident that you were listening? I'll just go sit back and enjoy this. Come on now. I better have gotten some points if you're going to come at me like that. That's my bad. That's my bad. You know what? You get, you get one point for that, for that insult. I threw your way oh yeah pity points what do i get what do i get you don't get to know you don't get to know it's a mystery okay all right

thank you what's going on what is this all right next topic i think i think wade thinks he's clever for like the first time i'm wondering oh i am very clever and i've been sleep deprived for a month so i'm like rumpleelstiltskin. Does he do riddles? With my riddles? I don't know, man. Clever like a fox. Yeah, I'm like a riddly Rumpelfox.

What? Okay. All right. I'll see this through. I believe you. Mm-hmm. The word is mistake. Our next topic this does not have to be personal but just stories we have

dating mishaps dating mishaps well like like early date like you know going on a date with somebody before you're like together i feel like we've covered this in a small way are sure you aren't pulling a bob over here i told a story about how i almost killed a girl so i feel like you did if i can get credit for that that was kind of my biggest i got i could probably maybe have another one okay maybe i don't know what you got mark um i mean i've gone on some bad dates so i mean that's that's really it like i guess bad dates is maybe a better title for it that's all that's fine i gotta be honest i did not go on that many dates i had like one girlfriend before eventually getting together with mandy who i'm

now married to and and i went on a couple handful of dates with a couple other people i would say the most painful experience i have was probably from high school and there's this girl that i thought was really cool and like we were kind of. We were kind of in the same group. She was in band and I was in band. So we were kind of knew each other. And like, I got up once and I asked her out and we had like a nice dinner at this Mexican place and it was cool. And the whole, the whole idea was I was starting to like court her, ask her out in the lead up to a dance. And I had this idea. I was like, I'm going to ask her to the dance, but had this idea it's like i'm gonna um ask her to the dance but it's gonna be like a big thing right it'll be it'll be cool it'll be romantic i guess

and i didn't realize how far away she lived this is in the days before your phone could tell you so i kind of map quested how to get from my house to her house and i was like i'll just ride my bike how far could it be she lived on like the edge of our school like way out there like she went to another high school the next year because turned out she was in another area so i rode my bike long hot ride like hot summer day riding out there easily an hour plus bike ride not going very fast but you know i got there i'm like sweaty i'm dying i get i take a minute to like recover but still by the time i actually ring the doorbell i'm i'm like sweaty and like oh you know after a long bike ride and um her dad answers and i'm like hey is she uh can i talk to your

daughter and he's kind of like ah hello it must be the young man who took her to dinner uh sure come in come in i guess and like you know he goes and he gets her she's upstairs and i all this i wasn't like you know head over heels in love or anything but i thought this girl was really cool and i thought it'd be really cool if we dated and went to the dance so i had this you know i'd sort of built this up in my head and she comes down and i hadn't i don't even remember what it was but i had like made like handmade like a card and like a sign sort of thing. It was really cheesy, right? It's like high school kid trying to be funny and cute and stuff.

And she comes down the stairs and I'm sort of holding stuff, but I'm still sweaty. She comes down and I'm like, Hey, I rode my bike. Sorry. Do you want to go to the dance with me? sorry do you want to go to the dance with me and like awkward silence where she says she sort of stops like halfway down the stairs and i'm just standing there in the you know in the entryway just like looking up and this is really she was really nice about it and really sweet but she comes all the way the rest of the way down the stairs it kind of you know gives me that look in her eyes of kind of like oh oh buddy ah my guy and uh and she was so sweet she even like kissed me on the cheek it was like listen i'm just not interested in going

to the dance it's not you it's cool and then i had to ride my bike an hour home carrying a card and a sign i think i threw them away at some point i don't know i was pretty dejected this is a lot of effort and i also didn't consider what I would look and sound like after riding my bike that far and being, you know, kind of a big out of shape kid, if I'm a hundred percent honest, but like, I didn't do anything that stupid. I thought it was sweet. And we had gone on a date. We had a nice dinner and had some, you know, share some nachos, but that's like the only other dating experience I have aside from the story i already told where we almost killed the girl in the parking lot with the heart condition that was a lot worse it's hard to compete with that it is uh for me i had

a terrible date when i was uh in high school i think it was freshman year honestly uh there was this girl in band i might have told you guys this but i don't think i told this on the show there's this girl in front of me, some woodwind player. I don't know. I don't remember. Whoa. No, no, I remember. I'm just leaving out details.

She's one of them woodwinds. But just like a name aside, make up a name. Gracephalus. What? Gracephalus. Gracephalus. Yes, Gracephalus. Gracephalus the griffin.

Anyway, so I work up the courage to eventually ask gracefulis out on a date and i knew that there was something there that was a sparking connection because gracefulis kept turning around uh anytime we stopped playing to talk to me and you know gracefulis would look me in the eye and smile and i'd be like oh boy gracefulis and so we went on this date for each other she turned around you turn around all the time you have a play button for that you're right you're absolutely turned around uh-huh pretty bad that was the start of everything so but this is before i have a car right this is like before either of us have a car i think we're like 14 at the time you know awkward no like me riddled with acne her a giant griffin um just like

it's it's awkward teen years uh so i ask her out on a date and to get this date underway we have to coordinate with our parents to drive us both oh yeah to wherever we need to go and let's go to king's island oh that'd be great uh we can ride roller coasters i love roller coasters you know and then we we get there and it wasn't until we get there that gracefulis tells me that gracefulis has severe motion sickness oh oh no gracefulis cannot ride any rides at king's island so i'm like so i'm deflated instantly i'm just like oh oh okay gracerysophilus all right um we could uh we could go uh there's like this movie thing you know the spongebob like 4d experience did either of you ride that one it was like a a race car thing before that wasn't it it probably was i

think it was like a fighting thing i remember like a fight i remember like some kind of combat anyway yeah i know what you're talking about be great'd be great. It's just a theater. We're in chairs. It won't be that bad. No motion sickness. It's motion chairs. Yeah, that thought came to my mind, but I was going to let you do the grand reveal. It's the worst kind of motion sickness possible. So you got the video there. You got the 3D glasses, I think. And then you got this thing jostling you around. And the buckles don't unbuckle until the show's over so

graceful is just there like visibly turning shades of green as we're watching spongebob go through his crinzania i get a i get the show stops graceful immediately unbuckles flaps her enormous wings and flies out of the theater uh probably to throw up i slowly sheepishly walk out of the theater find gracefulis sitting on a bench with like head in both hands you know just like and then um we ordered ice cream and that was our trip to uh king's island and we uh i don't think we even spoke a word after that ever again yeah me and gracefulis beautiful gracefulis the griffin i thought of one and i can even tell you this girl's name okay oh because it's mandy ah perfect um so manny i started dating in college

and our first date was really fun i had to borrow my roommate's car and he drove kind of a heap it was honestly i thought it was a cool car but it was also kind of a rumbly scary rattly car um but it was like really it was fun and we had a good time and there was a whole story at the end where i'm a big chicken and she was like hesitating getting out of the car when i was dropping her off trying to get me to kiss her and I was like oh I don't know I don't know she's not giving me the signs I don't know but then like I dropped her off and drove away but like as I was leaving I called her roommate and I was like hey tell Mandy she left something in my car and I pulled back around and uh apparently she had already gotten up to her room and was like getting

undressed and was like didn't even even kiss me. What a loser. And then her roommate was like, wait, he's coming back. And she had to like put her dress back on and whatever. It's a whole thing. But it's really cute, right? We had a great first date. Our second date, we had texted or whatever and planned to meet up and just sort of have a casual lunch at this place near campus.

And I don't know what happened, but between the first date and the second date i got like violently ill like really sick and i don't remember what it was but i was very sick and i almost considered canceling but i was really excited to be going out with her and i was like just tough it just tough it out it'll be fine i'll be all right and i so the second date i showed up like 20 minutes late because i'm sick and I'm like moving slow and not thinking very well. And then I show up and I'm like so out of it, like had just thrown up and then showed up to the date.

And so I'm sitting and we met to have Indian food, which I love Indian food. It's not a great thing to eat if you're having stomach issues. It's not a thing that settles my stomach. It's a thing that can make me you know give me some distress on a good day yeah so we're sitting here and like i we order food and sit down and i don't remember it but mandy has told me that she thought i fucking hated her she thought i was like just not interested and i remember it as a really great date because mandy basically talked the whole time and

she had a fascinating story. And like she talked about how she had been a competitive swimmer when she was younger and she was on track to go to the Olympics. But then she developed shoulder issues and had to have surgery on both shoulders and all this stuff. And I was like, that's crazy. And one of her friends who swam with her, who she was generally slightly better than I remember, or as good as they

swam together a lot and were in the same like echelon you know one of her friends actually was an alternate at the london olympic games actually is a is a very great swimmer and she was like literally could have gone to the olympics that was the plan until she had all these shoulder problems so this was like for me i'm remembering i'm just sort of sitting here like wow wow that's so cool and she was like she has told me she was basically just talking frantically like this is you know just talking and talking because i wasn't saying a fucking word and i was sitting there blank face just like uh uh and i don't know why i didn't say that i was sick or something like i could have just been like hey i'm really sick so if i'm weird don't worry about it i'm excited to be here i don't know why

i didn't say that but she thought that was it like apparently we had that date and she was like oh he hates me this is over and i remember i remember the only stuff i remember from that date is being like man this girl is awesome shit that's so cool and obviously it worked out but i had it didn't come up until quite a while after we had been together and i was completely shocked to learn that she that was like makes sense if you think about it but that was really kind of a terrible date for her and she got a weird impression of me that's why you gotta like put pepto bismol in a brown paper bag so she thinks you have a drinking problem instead of you know that you're not interested in her it's not you it's my addiction yeah that's good that's good oh don't take any advice from us it'd be

a terrible idea wow are you married don't laugh like that why are you laughing like that wait that was real right molly doesn't know what she's done oh okay that's that's not at all concerning someday she'll find out the truth we'll see mark you got any other bangers otherwise we can move on uh no no no no i've got uh i've got some good ones i mean i've got actually not really it's just your basic stuff about i met this one girl uh online some online dating website wasn't tinder i was before tinder actually the one i was in college um and we like match whatever the mechanics of matching back then was chat a little bit get to the point where like okay let's go out for a day oh let's go out for drinks or something food and uh we

decided to go to jimmy john's of all places nice nice um so we meet up at jimmy john's and i swear to god like i had looked at her pictures online um this was a different human being like it wasn't even like to the level of like catfishing this was physically different hair color different face uh different everything just a fundamentally i swear to god different human being and like i thought she had me mistaken for someone else because in my mind there was no way that this person could possibly have been the person that i arranged this date with so for the entire like one minute she was talking to me and i kept going like uh-huh and looking away towards the door as if like this is random person that tried to talk to me is it like that seinfeld episode where like maybe she just looked really different like if you took

her to a specific restaurant specific lighting i mean maybe man maybe i was clearly catfishing or whatever you would call it but uh that i i politely bought some jimmy johns they didn't say like two words the whole time and i wasn't that interested in talking to them because clearly there was something strange going on that horrible first impression anyway and so we just kind of parted ways after that and was like okay all right see you and a brilliant i'm tempted to sign up on a dating site and put a different picture name you are i get some free food for one meal buy me one free meal never want to talk to me again sounds like a good day let's do it once a

day uh i mean possibly i suppose let me put this on my bucket list yeah all right well good chatting guys we can move on to the next topic then who got points i'm not telling you all that not till the end but that doesn't make okay you guys find out at the end trust me i'm keeping a good tally okay i believe that you are and I'm just curious of why. Oh, you'll find out. The word is slimy. Are these topics related? What's the next topic? Our next topic is gross stuff.

Gross stuff? That's it. That doesn't feel related. Gross stuff. Gross stuff. Yeah. Gross to who? To us.

To you. Yes. I guess, well, yes. To you guys. What grosses you guys out tryptophobia tryptophobia definitely does i can't stand that shit like we were just talking the other day about google's um uh home page having that horrible first i totally inadvertent i'm sure and and no one who made it had tryptophobia like i do so i'm sure they didn't notice anything but like i what does it make you feel like whenever you experience that it's just such a deep skin

crawling like i immediately get goosebumps my my skin feels like there are bugs crawling under it it's just a general sense of like the probably the opposite of asmr right so it's like my skin crawls which i guess you could equate to tingling of the skin, but it's bad. It's like no good. I feel this deep sense of unease just to my stomach feels sick. And just like even thinking about it right now, I just get chills and cold and it's just this is awful. Like me with styrofoam. OK, yeah, probably. You know, it does it for me.

You guys ever watch those baking championship shows or like the baking challenge shows where it's like make the craziest halloween whatever you can or you know candy creation sort of thing food that is like not food colors and concerning textures on that sort of stuff i've never eaten it like no one has ever made that for me so it's not a thing i've even experienced just looking at it makes me like kind of throw up a little like it puts me in that space of like gagging a little food is not supposed to be like slimy oozy sticky you would have hated the food we had on set for wug like that weird taco thing like with it had like half-cooked ramen noodles that were dyed blue and it was every kind of food. That's the wrong color.

I know. Everything was like the wrong color because it was trying to be alien food, right? Even if it's totally normal like that, like if it was just like green beer, that's really common in the US for St. Patrick's Day. You just put green food coloring in beer food coloring is fine beer is fine the group the beer being green oh that's that's too much for me

somehow i don't understand it but like it's way worse if it's something the slimy is really the worst thing for me even if it's not actually slimy if it looks slimy or looks like it would feel slimy yeah what was that thing the there used to be those kids toys where you could make your own oh it makes me oh right the uh make your own little bug candies or whatever yeah yeah yeah and it was based oh man that's intense there was creepy crawlers which i don't think were edible but then there was the other one where that was edible yeah everyone loved that shit when we were kids dr dreadful zombie lab that actually they tasted like crap but it was so fun to make oh yeah like a wimp but i might actually throw up

that's weird well don't get me started on have you heard of the poop diver the what what the poop divers what is that no that's it well okay there's a job that generally like you need to dive into sewers and stuff or whatever oh i have heard of that yeah that's less concerning to me than gummy candy insect that that's less concerning you're in a hermetically sealed plastic baggie how you know how much poop could possibly get in there i don't know i assume they wouldn't do it if you're breathing poop the whole time i mean yeah i suppose not but also there there's probably i imagine there's probably some people that do it like as a fetish i know that poop is a fetish i don't understand how but two girls one cup is a thing and just like oh don't oh god did you ever watch the... I think I did.

Yeah, I think I did. Not all the way through, though. Oh, it's like just the... I can't even... Any kind of body horror stuff? Don't talk about it like that. Will, censor that. Holy God.

Holy fuck. Shut up. Well, that's what happens. Don't explain it. Don't explain it. Don't explain it. Why is this the episode now? I don't want people looking it up. They're going to look it up more now.

How do you not understand? Don't even talk about it. Oh, man. This is unpleasant. Any food now is gross to me right in this moment. Yeah. I don't care what it is. I don't want...

It was an accidental... I'm on my Google main page, and I was Googling challah bread recipes. Now it just looks like a big turd loaf. Because of what you did to me. What I did or what Wade did? I don't know. Both of you.

Yeah, that makes sense. Speaking of turds and food, did you guys see Pay Money Wubbies' video about the turd kebab? No. I don't know who that is or what that is the investigative documentary that he did trying to figure out if the turd kebab isn't in fact a turd or a kebab i don't want to know it's a really gross picture basically looks

like someone took a huge single turd dump on top of like a takeout container of you know general kebab type things but it's it's all it's on a he found it one of the places he found it was on a google review of a kebab shop in the uk somewhere and like it was posted by someone who appears to be a totally sincere and legitimate reviewer this person i think his name was terry uh-huh you can't tell because there's no public profile information but you can see his other reviews he posts reviews about like a barber that cuts his son's hair and a carpet place he used to be a totally normal person posting reviews about his local businesses in a totally sincere manner and also he posted this picture which appears to be a huge shit on top of a box of you know lettuce and pita and things

saying that he did not enjoy the food which seems fair but but pay money did a whole thing where he talked to a gastroenterologist he talked to a guy who owns a kebab restaurant and he like went down a route trail talking to people online trying to find the origin of this picture if it's real or not it's pretty funny i did not see any of that and frankly i don't want to i usually avoid that kind of stuff yeah this gross stuff topic is um thanks wayne just a little icky well we can we can move on this word is beach you guys will love the next topic then who got points again not telling you did anyone get points yes is someone winning right now? Yes. Sorry, I had to count and tally up the points.

Is it me? I've actually divided the points up per segment so far to let you all know who's earned points for what. Okay. I will let you all know. All right. So there's some kind of trigger that's getting us points? Is there something about these topics you're wanting us to touch on? Or a story you're looking for or something?

Maybe. Or maybe it's just how passionate you are about the subject or uh how i feel about what you had to contribute we do that normally you don't get points bob what did you say first was it was um i told a story about food that's wrong colors oh yeah wrong color food and then you talked about the wug meal you said you talked about the ramen and the food coloring i talked about green beer i mean the turd the turd kebab was the last thing but like pay money wubbies not gross stuff that was just a tangential thing i'll let you guys keep thinking on that while we move on to our next topic which uh if you're following the trend here meals for during warm weather dating mishaps gross stuff logically the next topic is vacation destinations. Where are some

of your guys' favorite places to go, or where is a place you would love to go? I want to go to Greenland. That's the one that's mostly icy. Yeah, I was going to say, Greenland and Iceland are opposites as far as what they actually look like, right? Greenland's really icy, and Iceland's kind of green. Do I get points? Not just for asking

that, no. I see what you're doing. I see what you're doing. Do I get points? I go i want to i want a vacation in cincinnati the greatest city on earth right way sure i think so does that worth points hmm i don't know maybe i'll type some up but you guys won't know you for a while tell me about your uh your dream vacations to either cincinnati and greenland or other places bob something's going's going on. I'm just going to play the game, man. You just got to keep playing. We'll figure it out. Well, I'm getting there.

I'm working on a theory. I can tell you the closer you are to my concepts to do with the topic, the more likely you are to get points. Your concepts. Okay. Okay. Okay. You are not a vacationer.

You are a staycationer. You, your idea of a vacation is Buffalo Wild Wings, any kind of wings place. You, what's the name of that? The wing place with the bowl suit. You know what? I'll give you guys a taste of what my dream vacation spot would be. I've not talked a whole bunch, so I guess I'll throw it out there. Two places I've not been that I would really love to go are hawaii and pretty much anywhere in the

caribbean i'm gonna go to hawaii or the caribbean i want to go on a cruise to hawaii and the caribbean i want to go on a red cruise to hawaiian and caribbean or red royal uh yellow blue green great no uh listen i'm gonna i'm gonna not try and be Mark and abuse the game. And I'm going to say I've been very lucky, spoiled by my parents. They like traveling. And when my brother and I were really young, we would just do like family vacations up in Michigan. My family's from Michigan. Most of my extended family is up in the Michigan area. We would just go like, you know, stay by a lake, have fires, campfires, that sort of of thing but when we were older my parents took us to a lot of places on cruises and i would say that places i wish i could go back to

greece oh greece was impressively beautiful and like you know the acropolis the the ancient ruins i expected that to be pretty cool i was excited my dad was really excited to see the edikithra device which is like one of the earliest computers that humans have ever created. It was like an analog thing for computing the cycles of like the moon and sort of time and stuff. It's used, I think, for sailing. I don't know the details. It's been a long time ago. And I was really excited to see the ruins, you know, and lots of stuff.

Greece is cool. Athens is super cool. The islands were surprisingly cool. We got to spend like a little bit of time on mykonos which is a little greek island beautiful possibly one of the most beautiful places i've ever been i've never even heard of it it's one of those places where like in the 60s it was like a super hot place all the celebrities would go vacation at mykonos you know just chill on the beach get drunk whatever and it's still like it's a hot tourist attraction but it's not as popular or as big

because it's it really is like a little island like a pretty small island greece was amazing there's so much stuff in greece also i really want to go uh no no no no no i i i i feel like it's my turn now no you just said a whole bunch of stuff i also want to go back to alaska with like uh i've seen a little bit of alaska With a lot of like green palm trees, you know, seeing the purple mountain majesties. What? Mark is cheating. I want to go. I want to relax.

I want to see the amber waves of grain, wherever they may be. You've each earned one point this round so far. What? Interesting. Good. I also, Greece was cool. What else is near Greece? Italy was cool. Hawaii. Rome was great. I want hawaii great i want to go to hawaii

again multiple times actually the caribbean um um a cruise on france i want to go to several a lot of europe cruises are great and i want to go on on uh i want us to go on a backpacking trip i want to go hike the appalachian trail find bigfoot i already found bigfoot that was a great vacation highly recommend it mark okay that's wonderful for you i want to go uh uh to the serengeti and be eaten by lions if there are any in the serengeti probably not idiot i want to go to the arctic circle and spend time in a in a handcrafted igloo and and see the aurora borealis also known as the northern light which is a pretty color uh of green and blue and sometimes purple and yellow there's pink golden even lots of different colors up there all right let me give

you all a point update you are still each at one for this round well done guys damn it what did i say um i'm gonna whether the next place i would vacation is back in ohio i would go to like athens or goshen or dayton or toledo or columbus i want to you know all those places golden sands i want to be on a secluded island that i'm lost and i have to build a sign out of coconuts, brown coconuts, so that under the blue sky, a white plane could see me flying. Oddly specific. You know where I've been is I've been to the Caribbean way. I would recommend it.

It's a great vacation. St. Lucia, St. Martin, other places, probably Barbadosbados you know all those places down there jamaica is probably cool and you know things like that it's probably great i feel like you guys are more concerned with the rules than you are with uh telling me the truth right now but no those are cool vacations i would love to do that all right let me do some quick math here before we move on to our probably last topic and uh you both are at one point for the round well done okay last topic here all right i don't know if we're figuring this out at all this time i'll accept ai or artificial intelligence

last topic the dangers of technology the dangers of technology when i have my uh a midnight blue iphone i find myself looking at its led screen it's colors this makes you think you're saying no there's some color that's associated with each topic you guys don't have any clue what i'm judging based on i don't know what any of you are doing you know what's dangerous is when i'm sitting on the couch and i've got my laptop tablet cell phone and the tv is on and and my apple tv is plugged into the smart tv i get electric i've got my i've got my microsoft surface and and my and my delliron, you know. We're begging for sponsors right now. What is happening?

I was soldering my motherboard of my Dell Inspiron AP590 motherboard. You know what's dangerous about technology? Thinking you're a clever boy and thinking you can build your own computer. You don't know what pain is until you've bent pins on a CPU trying to get it to go into the board and it's not quite lined up right and you think it is and you clamp down the cpu holder and you just feel it you're like

pushing and it's and the cpu is all yeah and you're like no well other than stupidity and human error what about the future of technology that might be scary to you we've talked about this already before well we're talking about it in a small scale. In the dark, bleak, black future, the color of midnight and the shade of autumn fall. Oh, midnight, hang on. The robots, the AI, artificial intelligence, will conquer us.

Their red glowing eyes and their silver skin. Everybody knows that in the future, the titanium machines using their machine learning are going to be taking over mark everybody knows that the net is going to dominate us and tech is going to be very threatening and controlling did you see the yellow boston dynamics dog robot that they had that was able to balance itself on its mechanical appendages i don't know but google has been doing some big things with algorithms and the cloud if you know what i mean emphasize words to make sure i hear them in case it's like some kind of point mechanism for you and

and and apple's tech apple technologies apple and apple incorporated is is going to uh is going to, you know, Silicon Valley. How many points do we have? How many points do we have? Yeah, I know. That's a good question. Mark's earned two this round. Bob, you have zero this round. What?

Okay, Apple, iPhone, future of technology, Inspiron, soldering, welding, red eyes, red glow, artificial intelligence, AI, robots in the future, machine, blue sky! No, that was the last one. The sky's gonna be gray. The green grass is gonna be dead. Dead green grass. Brown grass. Brown dirt. Light brown sand on the place

where green grass used to be. The Terminator from Terminator 2. Okay, we're cutting this topic now. We have one more topic. I am sad to say that somehow Mark squeezed out an extra point. Yes! At the end. I won't say how or why.

It's probably the rules of the rules. And of course, the final word had to be poop. Believe it or not, somehow through this horrible amalgamation of BS that has been this episode, the score is very close mark is up by one point all right okay so no pressure bob but this last topic everything hangs in the balance uh okay balance balance balance beam uh olympic events gymnastics that's not the topic okay the topic to wrap all this up is things you think about when you hear the word zoo animals the reptile house what if all the snakes got out of the reptile house uh you got snakes shed their

skin what if humans shed their skin uh giraffes are cool i want to be a zebra i want to be a flamingo uh uh harambe how many points do we have gorilla oh my god this went from civilized discussion of interesting stories you guys just yelling words how many points do we have oh my god dear listeners out there i hope that you got some entertainment out of this as it devolved from stories into pure anarchy i suppose we can take the time to tally the score and declare a winner now it doesn't have to be over we just wanted an update yeah there were three points assigned in that last round okay uh-huh in the first round mark got three points whoa bob got point. Bob's point was pity. Why? Mark's three points were for using the word fruit. Okay, I was misled by the colors, but hey.

In round two, Bob got zero points. Mark got one point for using the word mistake. Now, technically, Mark, I believe you said the word mistaken, but I thought that was close enough, so I assigned a point. Okay, I'll take it. Hey, I'll take it. Under our third topic, zero points bob five points yes the word for gross stuff i was looking for was slimy yes i said that a bunch bob had a lot of things to say about slimy under our fourth topic vacation the word I was looking for from my dream destination vacations

that you guys danced around a bunch but each only said one time was the word beach. I said beach more than once. We talked about a lot of things, but I only heard the word beach once. Listeners out there, you guys can correct me if I'm wrong, but I tried to listen the best I could. I remember only hearing beach once. I did say beach once, I think. I feel like I said it twice. Because I said the golden sands of a beach

or something like that. You said golden sands. You guys referenced the beach, but I only heard the word beach once out of each of your mouths. Damn it. At that point, the score was Mark, one, two, three, four, five. Bob, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

The technology round, the word or words I was looking for were AI or artificial intelligence. Mark said that three times. I did not say that at all. I said machine learning, which is what AI is because people don't know what AI is. No, no, no.

People are idiots. You did say machine learning and I did consider it. That's at least close. If mistaken is close, machine learning is close. No, no. Conceptually.

It doesn't even have the same letters not about the letters it's about the concepts no no no you know what i'll give bob a point here at the end we'll give him another pity point yeah bob you get two pity points yeah all right so we'll add a pity point machine learning i considered it and you made an argument for it you remembered saying it so you know what that's fair enough that recollection alone conflating machine learning with artificial intelligence is the common mistake that's going around in technology today machine learning is not artificial intelligence in any way shape form it's using a buzz word that's trying to get people to think it's better than it really is judge my intelligence is artificial and therefore i can give a point you're fine you do what you

think is best. All right. The last round, which was not much of a discussion, was more of just you all screaming words at me in a desperate hope to earn points. I told a very nuanced story, I think. The word I was looking for was poop. I said monkey eating poop. I said it like multiple times. Mark is correct.

He used the word poop three times. Yes! Oh no. Bob, I sadly did not get any poop from you which is a sentence I didn't expect to wake up and say today, but here we are So we have 11 points to mark eight points to Bob Bob you got a fruit pity. Oh You got five slimy slimy slimy slimy slimy slimy one beach beach and a poop pity

mark you got three fruit fruit fruit fruit one mistaken mistaken one beach beach three ai slash artificial intelligence ai artificial intelligence artificial intelligence and three poops poop Artificial intelligence! And three poops. Poop, poop, poop! Ah, wow. Dear listeners, I hope this was worth your time. I don't know what it became, but points were earned.

Points were assigned. So, uh, did I win? I don't know if any of us won today. He didn't say highest number of points wins. No, he didn't specify that. The rules are all different today. Who knows? Oh, that's true. Let me see wins. No, he didn't specify that. The rules are all different today. Who knows? Oh, that's true.

Let me see here. Yeah, he wins. Okay. I feel like I really earned it for some reason. I don't know what I did, but I feel good about winning for the first time in a while. Somebody had to feel good about today. Somebody did. Well, thank you. Thank you very much for this opportunity.

Looking back at my list now in hindsight, the words fruit, mistake, slimy, beach, AI poop, I question my own decision making. I feel like I said beach. Well, we'll find out. You had to have said it at least two or three times to tie it, though. I think I said it possibly four times. I've only got you marked for one. Hmm, it's possible. Will, don't edit in. Listeners, let me know if my tally was incorrect.

I did the best I could, but I could have missed something because I was trying to listen to them as well as tally and think about our next topics. So if I missed anything, oh, well, I'm the judge and I declare some of those points invalid because, well, I didn't hear them. All right, that's fair. Fair and good. Fair is fair. Just like how people have brought up on the subreddit how

i should have lost an episode because i lost five points the episode before well the new judge didn't take that rule into effect therefore i'm still the legitimate winner because we make up the rules as we go it's very true actually yeah it's hard to be mad about arbitrary rules when i literally have never kept score a single time any of my hosted episodes ever i did today i wondered if you guys would hear me hitting the space bar and typing a number in every single time that you guys said a word. No, we were blabbing too loud.

I was busy screaming. Well, you were as of the, I think it was technology where you guys really started to like try to figure out what was going on. Because before that we had some good discussion, then technology came up and you all turned into fucking monkeys

flinging feces at me. And it was really hard to keep up. Mark's like mahogany chartreuse green midnight purple macaroni and cheese really i really thought it was colors i don't know why i said like i i think i said like red bean in the snow cone in fact actually now i don't think i said red bean at all I don't think I said red bean at all. So maybe I'm completely mistaken. Chat, audience, our esteemed guests, listeners, whoever the hell you are,

tell me how many different times Mark said a color in this episode. Someone tally that. Let us know. A lot of times. Just someone let us know on the subreddit. We'll look. So either one of you want to give a concession speech for Bob or a victory speech, Mark? Oh, no, I'm good.

Thank you so much for allowing me and my genius to shine through. I would just like to say if points are still being awarded that I can't wait until the next time I'm able to hang out on a beach with my fruit drink, hopefully not pooping my pants and using my artificially intelligent phone to... What was the other one? Something make... Slimy, slimy. Avoid making embarrassing mistakes. Slimy, slimy, slimy, slimy, slimy.

Slimy, slimy, slimy, poop. It would have been a good strategy for me to just listen to Mark and say everything that he said right after he said it. That would have been good strategy. This episode certainly was slimy poop. Well, you know what bob i will give you a placebo point it's a point that doesn't have any actual value but to you maybe it'll feel something you know what that kind of helps you're welcome and to all of you out there i hope you enjoyed this i look forward to seeing the subreddit response people that love it people that hate it

most of you probably love it because y'all are weird and us screaming at each other seems to be something you enjoy i've seen the animations but next week will be hosting. We'll see you all then. Thank you, Distractible listeners. You can find us at our various sites, Markiplier, MySkirm, LordMinion777, or Minion777. We have merch for Distractible at store.distractiblepodcast.com.

Go there, buy stuff, enjoy it. Until next time, podcast out.