Distractible - We Should Buy A Movie Theater!

Episode Date: June 14, 2024

Buckle up, grab your popcorn, and call the best lawyer you know. Because it's time for a Distractible Road Trip to the movies! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Your team requested a ride, but this time not from you. It's through their Uber Teen account. It's an Uber account that allows your team to request a ride under your supervision with live trip tracking and highly rated drivers. Add your team to your Uber account today. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, the Distractable Road Trip. Bassless Bob the Cheery Chauffeur wants to know your habitation hard lines. Marginalized Mark heckles from the cheap seats and proposes naked communism theatre capture.

Well spoken Wade goes shotgun, gets golden ideas facial water sports and movie massage moments from wild geese to parades and punjoculation yes It's time for we should buy a movie theater now sit back and prepare to be distracted and Enjoy the show Hello buddy and welcome to yet another episode of your favorite podcast filming like we always do from inside my car. I'm apparently the host today. I forgot that was happening, but it's okay because clearly we have a really specific plan in mind. Because we're doing this and I'm the host because I won because that how the game works, and I'm the best and other boastful things.

Joined in person inside this car by Mark and Wade, today's competitors, I guess. Conspirators, I think is pretty good. Oh God, where am I? The gimbal locked, it slipped to the front. Oh hey, hey, how's it going everyone? Hi guys. I can very easily just have us both in frame,

but I'm going to make it difficult. Yep. All right, so we're revealing what we're doing or is it? I guess where we're going is kind of what we're doing. You guys know how Wade is, right? So Wade, always late to the party, right? Always a little bit behind. I really don't know how you're avoiding all of this blame.

I come visit to see my friends and to get the latest scoop on the sitch in Cincinnati, right? That's what I do. And he gives me the lowdown that there was an auction that was going on. So if you aren't from Cincinnati, you don't know this, but there was a theater called the... And they went out of business and it was up for auction.

And so Wig got me all excited. He was talking up this plan about, oh, there's seven theaters. Oh, it's a 37,000 square foot location. Oh man, built on five acres right next to a Wig. I knew all of that. All the equipment was there, included in the auction. Little did I know, it had already sold.

Hey Bob, can I rebut with my version of this story? Don't let Mark finish, let him cook. Yeah, let me finish. Are you done? No, I'm not done. I'm not done until the deed is done. You're on my camera now too. I don't even know if we could pretend

to be in the form of a podcast for this. What do you mean? Look, all I'm saying is that our dreams were dashed. We're gonna go there to the movie theater and we're gonna see what's up. We're gonna see what can be done about this injustice that Wade has perpetuated upon all of us. This thing does not like me.

You're just doing your own thing, I swear you are. Oh, hey, it goes up and down too. I was just like pure crotch cam for a minute there. Tell your side of the story, bud. All right, my side of the story. We finished recording a podcast episode. I thought a few weeks ago, Bob said like a month, month and a half ago,

and I brought up the fact that I was like, man, remember that theater with like the recliners and stuff, they're closed. And he was like, oh man, that's crazy. But one of us looked it up. I think it was actually him, looked it up. And was like, actually it's on like auction right now. And I was like, oh, that's cool.

I wonder like, you know, what's left? We were looking about it, talking about it. It was like actually it's on like auction right now and I was like oh that's cool I wonder like you know what's left we were looking about it talking about it it was just kind of the end Mark was working on I don't know is pedicure he was doing something for the last couple of years I don't know what but he was all like guys I'd love to talk to my friends outside of work but I'm really busy can't stay gotta go like dude but I just want to see how you actually work no click my god I guess Mark's gone. Bob, you want to chat for a few, you know, that's how it went.

I feel like it's an unfair characterization of me. I don't know why I'm holding the camera at you when you talk, you have your own. We forgot about the conversation. Old, long story short, we're like, oh, it's on auction, millions of dollars, whatever else. Like, man, that's- It's like for like four and a half million dollars.

Like, a lot of millions of dollars. And it's been out for a few years, so it's like, I wonder how good it is. No, whatever, interesting. And I forgot about the topic. So it's like, I wonder how good it is. No, whatever. Interesting. And I forgot about the topic. Mark's in town now and I brought it up. I made the horrible mistake of bringing it up.

Therefore all the blame got shifted to me for not telling him earlier. Cause I guess he was just gonna buy a movie theater. We were gonna go in on it. That's right, comrade. We were going to be the show. Why do you keep saying comrade? It's a very capitalist move.

Cause it's our theater comrade. That doesn't make any sense. I don't know. Anyway, my story is Bob and I both knew, neither one of us told Mark and it's gone now, but like sour grape back there, like, it's just not letting go. Neither one of us told Mark,

but then one of us told Mark when it was too late for him to do anything. Yeah, exactly. No, I made the mistake of being the one to bring it up. That is my crime. Well, you guys were so on board with the idea before we understood that it was not for sale anymore. But it would have been our future.

It would have been the best thing for us. Yeah, we were all looking at our bank accounts like, all right, what do we need to do? Where are we moving the money? And then everything was torn away from us because it was out. This is sending you to the wrong one. Well, we're in blue ash though I know blue ashes up north, but no it would have been a future

It had seven screens two of them were Dolby Atmos Did it have like 12 screens? Seven. I thought 12 it was seven that many screens isn't a lot. Hey over here Oh, I'm over here. Why are you having trouble? Oh Man, we almost committed goose aside Goose, goose, goose. You silly goose. You, stop that. Geese.

Mark, you're wrong. This is taking us to the right place. No, it's not taking to the right place. This is where it was taking us. What do you mean? It currently still is taking us. No, that doesn't make any sense. We're currently in Blue Ash.

Maybe if we get on the five and take it down to Ventura Boulevard. Oh hey, the GPS says I should turn around. Oh, I don't know what you're talking about. Just change the spot. I thought you were Cincinnati Man. I don't know if I'm gonna hold a camera. I'm sorry everyone watching.

You are literally a YouTuber. Why am I looking at Bob from while I talk? Everyone always thinks it'll be so fun to be friends with these guys. Don't look at me. This is the kind of cat, that place is called McJing Dancers. Can I just say that?

McGing Dancer maybe? McJing? Hey, I'll show you guys, it's right there. Please don't hurt my ribs, there we go, okay. I don't know where the hell we are. But either way, that's not the point. The point is- We had dreams, that's the point.

We had dreams. He gave me dreams, and then he killed the dreams. Wade purposefully gave Mark dreams that he knew would die the moment Mark realized they weren't his dreams. I just don't doubt, what did you guys just say? He says, how much more I'm not on your team when we're recording things.

You might be right that I'm biased against you. But Wade, wouldn't you like, hi. Oh, sorry. Wouldn't you like to own a movie theater? Imagine we own a movie theater, you walk in, you're king of the movie theater, you grab popcorn out of the thing with your bare hand. Yeah, yeah.

Would you like that? Doesn't that sound good? Okay, you know what sounds better is having a job where I don't have to leave my house like I do now. No, it's not a job. We're currently not at your house. Yeah, but like Mark visits once every five years. He's like the cicada plague.

I feel like that. Damn. I'm talking about you. You didn't hear that. Minus one. Minus one what? Yeah, you gotta mute yourself when you do that, dude. Yeah.

Talk all into the audience. Is that where it usually happens? Yeah, I was whispering to Bob you do that way, dude. Yeah. Talk all into the audience. Is that what usually happens? Yeah, I was whispering to Bob. We have a back channel Discord. We talk a lot of shit about you while we're recording. But imagine if we had a movie theater. You could have game nights on the movie screens. I'm with you, Mark.

You could have a LAN party. I think including a movie theater sounds awesome. It is awesome. It's like everyone's dream. Think of how liminal that place will be at night when no one else is there. What do you do other than? You pick what movies you show.

Yeah. And what kind of candy you put in the confection. And it has a restaurant. Every theater, okay, the restaurant sure, but every theater has the same movies and the same candy. No, but so wouldn't be every theater, would we? Yeah. We would have some good ones.

Yeah. We wouldn't have- Oh yeah, the other new releases that people don't know about. No, no, I thought you meant candies. We would have interesting candies. Oh, okay, I thought you meant the other movies. No, we would go hunt down interesting independently made

uh, people. Other independent candies, such as Butterfingers. Yo, you're such a negative Nancy. You were about the idea actually, in the dinner that we were at. I don't know why when the camera comes on, you become a different person.

You were in on the idea. I was pretty like, let me question this and make sure it's a good idea. We're questioning now. I was questioning it, but not negatively. You're not questioning it, you're just dismissing it. Well, it's gone. The opportunity is gone.

We're entertaining it. Okay, so we're taking out big loans to go into a theater. Are theaters, like, smart investments now? Theaters are an always-up industry. Always-up. And I know it doesn't look great if you look at numbers, maybe, right now for theaters, but that's not indicative of the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And think of it this way, you've got the restaurant. No one who's ever opened a restaurant has ever gone out of business restaurants are basically guaranteed money hundred percent your guys's answers Do not fill me with confidence because you have the same tone as when you're like, oh, yeah, wait, I'm sure Shakira loves your videos Okay, well I've heard you say it in my dreams, why would we be saying not Shakira say in your dreams, I love your videos. She aims low. Even in wait streams, she's like, I'd never be in the same room with Shakira. You guys are being a little too real right now. Okay, we're sorry. We'll tone it down a bit.

I'm sure Shakira would love your videos if she knew who you were. They're pretty awful. I don't know why she would. What if you could partly own a movie theater without having to do any of the work? You could be like a silent partner. If I could get all of the reward without any of the risk or investment I would love that. Okay one of those things is pretty possible. Is it? Sure. You could get all of the reward the other part of that is not possible but you definitely get all the reward there is to be had. Just what's the interest rate on a loan for, I don't know, two million dollars

or whatever. I heard interest rates on commercial properties are at like an all time low, some kind of record or something. Don't check that. Again, that's another one of those tones that makes me more and more confident in this plan. All right. What's a good tone, Mr. Tone, please? I don't know. Honesty. All right. You don't know that that's not true.

I don't believe it's true I just had to get a mortgage not long ago, and it wasn't commercial but ma'am was it high You don't know what I'm even talking about Do you know what you're even talking about cuz I've looked into this in depth and mark and I are gonna buy a movie theater Yeah, you're out. Mm-hmm Listen dear audience chat viewers esteemed guests I do not know for the life of me still if they are serious about this or not.

I have not been able to tell for a week now. If we, hi. What would you want to make your theater? What would you want to make your theater? Yours, like your theater. If you were going to a theater as a customer, what things would set it apart? What would you want to do to make it the experience?

Okay, I've not been to that many different theaters, but I do know the leather reclining seats are fantastic. Pressing a button, being able to get popcorn, drinks, and food brought to your seat, awesome. Restaurant, good food, like a variety of food where people would want to go to the restaurant independently of the theater,

even because the food's just that good. Good staff. Seems like you know everything there is to run a theater. Good parking. No drive-through? A drive-through theater? Here's the trailer, now go! It just plays at a speed that you drive through it,

so if you go real slow, it's normal, but if you go fast. It's like a car wash. At the beginning, there's a guy who's like, run time is 87 minutes, so really take your time. Maybe pop it in neutral. If you go too fast, we can't get it back for you. Someone goes in, accidentally floors it.

Oh, man, I almost saw 30 seconds of Shallow Hell. Yeah, Shallow Hell back in theaters. It's being remastered. Look forward to that. The top new movies. I haven't seen Shallow Hell in ages. I forgot it existed. See, if you have your own movie theater, you't seen Shallow Hell in ages. I forgot it existed. See, if you have your own movie theater,

you could put Shallow Hell, right? You could put it in the drive-through of the main stage. Dude, I like the idea of a drive-through movie theater where as they're handing you your food, someone just gives you like a 30 second summary of the movie. Yeah, I want a number four. And I'd like a summary of the new Space Jam, please. This is some guy talks to you.

LeBron, space, cartoons, aliens. Aliens are winning. I mentioned this when we first started talking about it. What if we treated the movie theater like Fallout treats their vaults, where each one has a different experiment going on? Yes. So like- This is an idea.

One theater we put in like laughing gas. We just pump in One theater we have all of the annoying loud talking people to like see how your experiences with all of them in one place, right? Yeah, it'll be like whenever you have like an uber rating or something like you'll have like a four-star movie person You have to have like a social capital account with our Which theater you're allowed account with our movie theater. To dictate which theater you're allowed to go in. Yeah. I mean, I don't think that's a terrible idea. Yeah, you have like a seat map.

And on the seat map, you can like tap someone's seat and give them like a five star rating, a one star rating. Can one of the theaters be like standing room only? It's for people that watch movies by pacing around like in the back of the kitchen when everyone's watching TV in the living room? It's like that airline where you have to stand up the whole flight. One of the theaters is the seats. You're just like sardines, but it's a really cheap experience.

One is a pool, you're just in the water while you watch. Oh, that one sounds good. One's like the drive-in experience where it's all the back of like all the seats are just the back of pickup trucks. You're trapped in the theater, park your car, go inside, climb inside another car. Actually, it's a service. You park your car, then they will drive your car inside. You have the comfort of your own car.

And then when you're done with the movie, just drive on out. You actually have to re-valet, though. The valet moves your car back outside. You go back out to where you parked it. Yeah, we'll make a killing on tips, because we won't give tips to the valet guys. We'll take your tips. No, tips are for out to where you parked it. Yeah, we'll make a killing on tips. Cause we won't give tips to the valet guys. We'll take your tips.

No, tips are for the house, but it means I keep them. One, we can just give like free candy, and just see how everyone feels at the end of like, it's like a really long movie, but you have free candy. What if it's like candy gets drip fed, like a hamster water bottle, you know? It's just enough to keep them in there.

If it drops a water bottle, you'd like lick the ball bearing to get your candy That's the one where you're gonna play like the worst movies though Like that's one of the movies you can't sell a single ticket to you put in the kit the free candy theater and people are like Well, I mostly come for the candy. Oh, they took down the tarp. No Good for them. Yeah, you'll have to see a business succeed. Oh, yeah, that's so good. They took the tarp down I was wondering if any of the people watching this are like at the theater waiting for us

and I realized it's not in real time. Guys, don't come out when we're streaming these live recordings that get edited and posted later. Also, I just want to say their bright green sign is really droopy and it looks like it says, how open? Shallow how open? Whoa, shit. We should get another sign next to it that just says

full open. That's how open. Also, I gave up on switching this thing back and forth. I'm just holding it where we're both on it now. That's fine. That's fine. And Mark can occasionally pop it and appear on our camera too. Hi, hello.

Think of how good of a deal this was. They got a steal of a deal. And I know there's probably gonna be someone that works there or like one of the Investors is gonna follow this podcast and listen to this and hear hear us but I mean like man They got a freaking good deal. Holy driveway Are there other businesses that would be like good deals to invest in? What do you mean? This is the only deal. Oh my god. Okay, the water. Yeah more of a thing than I remember

Yeah, full on lake man. There's big swans over there on the lake. Yeah, and there's geese. Oh, they're real that might be a fake swan back there Well, let's find out enhance. Yeah zoom and enhance enhance Man, my life would be so changed if I owned a movie theater. There's other movie you could build name one Milford Whoa, we're looping, we're looping. I'm not going into anyone else's private property just to- No trucks.

You guys never had the desire to own a movie theater? I never thought about it. Not specifically a movie theater, but kind of like, yes. And actually specifically a restaurant. And there is a restaurant here. So that really scratches that itch for me. Yeah, I am surprised that they're open and also

I mean what's today? It's a weekday, but they don't seem very open Well, they had a soft open on Memorial Day and then you know They're not gonna do the restaurant or the food to the seat thing. They're already letting us down I didn't say is that but because I Originally got that experience from here and I think they got it from Alamo Drafthouse in like, you know, Austin, Texas places. They did that, maybe not first, but it was kind of the idea of you ring a button

and you have servers come to your seat in the theater. It just made it a much better experience because one of the things I liked about this place is that you could get like full on food and it was good. You could have a whole meal delivered to your seat. Yeah. And they did it like during the previews. Typically people do have a lot of stuff

delivered during the movie? Because you think that would be like annoying but like the waiters are like they had to be pretty nimble You know They must have put you take an obstacle course to hire you cuz you don't like duck and like We even not block the screen while you were like bringing checks and stuff But they're not gonna do that here and they were on roller skates. Yeah, they don't jetpacks actually that would really disrupt a movie They had silencers on them. The theater full of people. There's a corn dog! Hey they're going shhh. They're doing that. That's true. The world's most powerful shush.

How many people watching would move to Cincinnati and go to a movie every day if we had a theater here? Why do they have to do that? Why, yeah, why is there so many... How many people would go to a movie if we had a movie theater here? Like once? That's not very profitable. I don't think expecting people to move for our movie theater is very realistic. Why wouldn't you just ask them for... Someone. ...the equivalent amount of money it would cost them to move? What if I phrase it this way?

If there was a chance that any of the three of us or all of the three of us might be here at any moment, what's the likelihood you would go from a pretty far distance to go to see a movie here as opposed to anywhere else? What if we did a signing every day, 12 hours a day, at the entrance, if it was our movie? You have to watch your movie first,

but once you've seen the movie and bought something from the concession stand, there's a signing every day, all every day every day what if we had like our own toilets like you have the Wade toilet the mark toilet was it like our mouth and when you open it goes we have our surprise faces on the urinals uh-huh yeah no faces it's like the we have our face on a thing that's like the DVD logo, like moves around, just as like a target. Yeah, yeah. That could be fun. Do you guys want to piss on us?

Maybe we shouldn't go into business with Wade. What do you mean? I've got golden ideas. Oh, now you want the movie theater. Now you want it. If I could have my face on a toilet seat, that's all I've ever wanted. Is that really the bar for you? That's the thing that's- That was the tipping point. Okay. I would not have guessed that. We could probably make that happen. I've ever wanted. Is that really the bar for you? That's the thing that's good. That was the tipping point. Okay.

I would not have guessed that. We could probably make that happen. I'm fine with that. Maybe Shakira would come watch a movie here. Just to piss on Wade's face? Maybe. I don't wanna be part of this conversation. Well, not like actually my face.

I feel like there's disparity happening here. Like Wade the person doesn't want urine, but Wade the toilet seat would totally take it. How thin is the line between Wade the person and the toilet seat? What's the division there? One's me and one's the toilet seat would totally take it. How thin is the line between Wade the person with the toilet seat? What's the division there? One's me and one's a toilet seat. Yeah it's like you know the personas you got me, Worfstaff. This is not a persona. I do not want to have a toilet seat persona. Wade, hair Wade, toilet seat Wade. I'm a lot more creative than Mark. He's always people. I can be an eminent object Look at me. I'm dark. I'm

Medium rare and plier. I don't know why all of this in my head made me think of this But you think there's a bidet that exists where when you when you like activate it and it starts spraying It makes a sneeze noise like somebody just sneezed on your on your underside from inside on your underside from inside the toilet. Do you think that bidets are shotgun glasses? No, I know that's not, but still, if that happened, if you sat down at a friend's house and you were like, oh, you slip it in, and he was like, buzz, and choo, came from inside the toilet, you would laugh.

I was thinking more if the toilet makes pissing noises when it hits you with the bidet, so you think you're being peed back on. What do you think piss sounds like, man? No, the toilet is like, ah. Ah. I was holding that. Can you imagine if people had long sneezes?

Ah-choo. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Would it be like singing, or would it be like a series of noises?

Ah-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo. Well, I mean, it could be more than just ah-choo. There could be other noises. Ah-choo true I'd retract the question anyway so when are we gonna buy this yeah when I'm gonna buy this when this one fails I guess cuz they don't deliver food to the seats you know notice another car pull up right next to us and just sit in the parking lot on yeah

they're doing a vlog about taking over business about taking over this business. Just go down and they're like, hey, you guys talking about buying this theater? We saw that first. They're competing movie theater wanting podcast. What if we got all of the listeners to chip in and we all bought this movie theater? It's not for sale.

What if? I feel like you're ignoring the bigger picture here, Wade. Then everyone is an invested, how much is a share of? So it's our theater, comrade. Yes. How much is a share of and Friends Theater presented by Markiplier? What would be fair? I don't know.

Well, I think there's different there's different scales, right? Like it could be like five bucks and a lot of people would be into it. But then, you know, no individualist is super invested. Could be more like a hundred bucks. would be into it, but then no individual is super invested. Could be more like a hundred bucks. And then you're kind of in. We divide 1% of the business into all of their shares. That's how you make money.

That'd be a hell of a... We want to sell 1% of our business for $5 million. That's a $500 million valuation, right? That's a hell of a cover. Do you think we could get on the shark tank and make that pitch? I think Cuban would definitely go for this. Yeah, Wade, you can go on, you represent us.

I'll bring cardboard cutouts. Oh, you're going with me one way or another. This theater, I think, sold for $4.3 million, right? Okay. So if we divide that into hundred dollar shares so we have forty three thousand shares correct you've already lost me forty three thousand right so we just need forty three thousand of our loyalist listeners who want to be rich so rich in fact that we'll all have to take turns

working at the movie theater for free to make sure it's a thriving successful business. Oh, that's smart. You'll be so rich you won't even be concerned about that. Yeah. You'll be ready to work for free just because you'd be so bored of being so rich. And we don't know when the money will come in. It might be like your great-great-grandchildren that get paid, but somebody will get paid. This is generational wealth, for sure.

This is like if your grandparents had bought Apple stock back in the day and then handed it in 1920. If my grandpappy had bought Apple stock at the turn of the 20th century. If I was the owner here and I saw us out here doing this I'd call the police. Yeah I think that we're probably this is probably not good for us. I've been scanning the mirrors. I don't think any of the guys who are doing that was that Big Bang? Oh God could have been that motorcycle could could have been a shotgun cocking.

No, it was like a door, it just, hey, that car's leaving too. Where would that car come from? Behind us. I feel less good about staying here the longer we do it. I think we gotta get out of here. Yeah, we gotta get out of here.

Okay. Is there any other cinemas for sale in Cincinnati? You would know, but you're not gonna tell me until it's gone. Why am I the expert on- You live here! If you get me a theater I'll move back! Wait can we tell this story though? Because this actually

that brings up probably the funniest thing that's happened to me in person in a little while. The parade story. Oh god. That was the fun. This is a completely aside. We went to dinner the other night we all hung out and and Amy and Molly and Mandy and we were there. James came and came, it was fun, we had like a big dinner. Everyone except for Mark and Amy was there, and at some point Mark texted him and was like, we're on the way, there's a parade, all the roads are shut. There was a voice message and he's like, Wade, why didn't you tell me about the parade? Wade, you are...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and the whole... and Wade was like, I don't know about... why would I know about parades? I don't know this thing, but... and so all this time Mark is like complaining and it's like a whole bit Yeah, I don't know everything that's going on And they get there and Mark is like, you should have told us about the parade you bastard! Oh, why would I... oh it's Frontier Day Yeah, that was the parade on. It was right here day Milford You actually did know about them Ben. Oh, yeah, Molly told me she was like, oh you knew about the parade cuz something Yeah, the whole dinner it was like you you were kept saying you why would you know you don't live then well I didn't know till we were on the way and I forgot that I knew on the way and then Molly said that you had just

Told what your mom about Frontiers Day for a year? No, no, no, my mom had told me because she wanted to go down there and get a brat and a beer. Just before I got there. Like on the way to that place. I also didn't know that in order to get to the restaurant you were taking some weird fifth century back road

and stuff like the highway. I was going through Old Milford, which is the path from my mom's house to there. You know what, I went to your mom's house. I didn't, the highway. Who's going through Old Milford, which is the path from my mom's house to there? You know what? I went to your mom's house. I didn't go through that. You chose to go the highway route. That's what you should have done.

Hindsight, huh? You criticizing my mom's living situation? Yeah. That is the one mistake you will live to regret. I don't know how that's the conclusion you drew out of everything I said, but you know what? You will live to rue this. At least I'll live. You will die to rue this. You will rue so hard that you will perish. Are you gonna rue me to death?

Oh, you're gonna be rude to death maybe by me. I thought I was the one being rude. You're being kind of rude to daddy. You haven't even finished a sentence. I don't want him to finish a sentence. He wants to jump in with his jokes even if we're in the middle of it. Hey, I see a joke. I'm going for it. Doesn't matter when, what you're saying, who's dead. Doesn't matter if someone else is holding it in the middle of it. Hey, I see a joke, I'm going for it. Doesn't matter when, what you're saying, who's dead. Doesn't matter if someone else is holding it in the palm of their hand. Can I rat Ethan out a lot for that?

He did the same thing all the time. And then afterwards, when I would like reference that joke, he's like, hey, that's my joke. And I'm like, you literally snatched it out from him. There's video evidence of tons of live streams where I'm- You do steal a lot of jokes. No, him, you, him. No, that was one of my favorite dynamics of redacted.

You would be doing something or clearly about to do something and Ethan would just either start doing exactly what you were clearly about to do or say the pipeline of the thing that you had just been talking about for 30 little seconds. That redacted, I thought you meant the tour. I was like, why you calling it redacted?

You mean redacted. What the fuck am I driving twice I driving yeah don't go that way I don't want to go that's like that scene in a movie where like there's clearly about to be a hijacking where they're like redirecting the traffic a certain way because the road is just so completely not passable when the people escorted the VIP have to turn where the ambush is waiting? We could pretend like there's gunshots and we're being shot at. Oh! Gah!

Gah! Gah! We're rolling down the hill! Oh, they got balls. Hang on, I gotta show off the balls. That's a parking garage. Oh, they got safety balls. Nice.

I love balls. I... I just think that we need to have a plan for when this podcast eventually collapses. You keep implying that lately. What the hell's happening? I mean it's it's in the car. It's you can see it. All right. I mean you could just like get rich and give Bob and I money. That's a good opportunity for Bob and I.

Yeah I guess I'm okay with that if that's an option. Is that on the table? Not really. Not really isn't no. What if we vote? I feel like it's two to two to one here. Yeah that's true. We got another council episode where two-thirds majority wins. Interesting. Interesting. That's true. We have another council episode where two thirds majority wins. Hmm. Hmm interesting Expert listen Wade, I didn't know you know expert where two of us are trying desperately for one outcome in the Actually, that's really funny. Like competitive three headed X. You really, you really would just want me to give you my hard earned money. Yeah.

I mean, if you guys were ever in dire straits, I would, you know I would. I'm bald and I look like this man. I don't know what help I can get. Listen, if you guys were in dire straits, I would, I would help you out. What defines dire? No money. What are straits? Like in our account or like no money period, straights are the circumstances with which you find yourself and no money, no car.

Well you don't have a car. Yeah, wait, it's halfway there. Well, do I get to pick the car? No. I still would take that deal. That's probably easy. They're going to buy you like like a Tesla or Lamborghini or something. You're very different expectations of me. I'm expecting like a used murder vehicle where like the body's still in it.

Yeah, well I'm just saying it could go either way. It's either gonna be like very high end, the barrel. The barrel. It makes it good, the burles? The barrel. The barrel. Mark's fan. It makes a good video or a good story either way.

So you know what, Mark's sure. All right, cool. I'll help you work on it. I fixed air conditioning today in a car. That was pretty impressive. Is that the back half of this episode? Are we taking weight car shopping for the car Mark's gonna buy him?

Yeah, do you want to, what car do you want? Do I get to pick? I don't know. If we drive around and find a car that's like for sale with it written on the side, I'll get it for you. Okay, can we go to Indian Hill? No, plus there's no way in hell. They would not have their car in the front yard

with a four-seal sign. If someone came in, let's say you had a car and someone came to your house, knocked on your door and said, like, I will pay any price for your car, would you do that? Would I sell it? Yeah. If it was like a good price?

Yeah. Like way more than it was worth? Mm-hmm. Yeah, dude, well, I care that much about my car. What about your house? Okay, well, there'd be some stipulations, like I'd have it was worth. Mm-hmm. Yeah, dude. Well, I'm like on the spot. What about your house? Okay. Well, there'd be some stipulations. I have time to move my stuff out But like if they offer me like double the price of my house. Yeah, they can have it. Okay What about a movie theater? Yeah, they can buy my movie theater So if we walk in there with double the price they paid for for the movie theater

We're on the other side of this all of a sudden You're right, Mark. all we have to do is make them an offer they can't refuse. What about your dogs? Oh that's a tougher one, I don't know if I want to lose my dogs. Million dollars. Would you do it? No one's asking me this question. Yes we are. Right now, wait, wait, you're asked first. I would not, I would not. Per dog, million per? No. Two. I don't think so, look I'm comfortable, like I don't need so look I'm comfortable like I don't need a whole lot of money like and I know that like I would just regret it and what would I do with the money that I'm not already doing right now play video games

and cry you started way higher than I would have said yes already 50k all right let's start million go down we That's why we didn't go this way. No wait, this is a different road. Yeah, go straight. Million, you would yes? Oh, yeah. No. Oh, okay. Wait, wait, then two and a half? It was a joke, Mark. Oh, come on. I probably have a price. What would your price for, for, for, than Henry be? Yeah. Oh man, I don't know. I guess it's priceless. But a billion dollars would be pretty compelling. I mean, that's a whole other scale. It would have to be like a billion dollars in cash

sitting in front of me where they were like, take it inside, count it, look, make sure it's real currency. And then in, you know, once you're all happy with that, then maybe I'll take the dogs. Even if there was a number, I would still have to make sure it was like a family that would take good care of them and it wasn't like a hot dog factory or something.

Nah, they're gonna eat them. Oh, cause wiener dogs. Got it. Yeah. You never do know what's in those hot dogs. All right, so I know a lot of people out there are probably like, no, I would never. But I'm like, honestly, I wonder who could turn down a one billion dollars.

If an actual pile of a billion dollars is sitting in front of you. Even a hundred thousand dollars if someone actually had that set down in front of them for their dog. Like you'd have to think most people would probably do it. I feel like a million, it's hard to quantify. A hundred thousand, I feel like one probably looks less impressive than we're imagining. And two, even if that was the amount and it was in cash in front of me, I would look at that and be like, nah, I don't think so.

But it has to be like an unfathomable amount of money. Like a million dollars is like, you could just give everyone you know a million dollars and it wouldn't really bother you. Yeah. Oh, you know there's a plot of land up here, up on the right that is for sale. Near Buckleup? Is that an airport?

That used to be an airport. So actually they've done a lot of nice development over here. Is that what that is? I've always wondered what that's for sale. Near Buckleup? That used to be an airport. So actually they've done a lot of nice development over here. Is that what that is? I've always wondered what that tower was for. It's an observation tower now. You can go up there and you can look over the area. It's apparently very pretty.

You look over the area which appears to be hotels and office parks? They're trying to build it up a bit, but again, you know. You know I used to work over here. I used to drive this all the time. Oh, you worked at this high institute? Yeah, since that high institute was over here, this is the only place to work at. Well the more you know, you know, I used to work over here used to drive this all the time Oh, you worked at this I am. Yeah since I asked it was over his life to work in Well, the more, you know, you could be back here working in the movie theater. Do you do have retirement plans, right?

Movie theater wasn't part of it. But yeah, my retirement plan was your 15 more years of distractible That's a real laugh That's a real laugh 16 years of streaming are those additives are there like 15 podcasts then 16 three served concurrently Okay, so what if it all comes crumbling down in a year and a half Well, I guess I hope I've done well enough stuff putting stuff away for now to get me to whatever is next So what better time to dump it all into a movie theater? I don't know if that's how retirement plans work. I don't think you take it all out and dump it into something else. I think plenty of people do that.

Nothing makes your savings safer than converting it from an imaginary number you look at on an app on your phone into a real building. A pile of brick and mortar that can only go up in value and will earn untold amounts of money Yes untold because I have like a financial advisor We have a whole plan in place and they haven't talked to you about the movie theater situation No, I feel like you should fire them again. I told them that we were talking about it and he replied lol Yes, I can't bring this up earlier. You're so right.

That's the rest of the message? There was no rest of the message. What was the next day? He was like, actually on second thought. Did he quit? Did he steal all your money before you could blow it on a movie theater and run? He could have, I guess I wouldn't know.

You think I checked the app? Yeah, apparently you don't. So all right. That is concerning. I just, I do want to say that we were talking I forget what we were talking about I checked it all we were talking and we were talking about like our bank account balance or something came up getting paid And oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, I didn't know we got period talking about stuff You actually just don't even ever check that you know, just have a peek just make sure I usually get email updates when there's like

Big account changes like getting paid or paying or whatever. So big account changes, like a regular monthly deposit going in. I mean, I do look occasionally. I just hadn't looked for like a week. I got stuff to do, man. I don't have time to watch that. Play a lot of mobile games. I feel like you could work in some bank account checking.

I just play DoCon and flow free. How is flow free? That's when there's a bunch of dots. You have to like draw and connect them and work them around the other dots. There's like red, yellow, green, blue. You could be language learning. Try Duolingo. I wish I was sponsored. Did every time I talk about when I took classes it gets longer ago and it makes me sad. You know instead of talking about the number of years you could just say I took Spanish a sophomore in high school ago. How old is a sophomore in high school? About 15. Oh.

I thought that was pretty self-evident, but I should have explained it. Well, I didn't know if you were saying when I was a sophomore or like a sophomore's age ago. A sophomore's age ago. I thought that was gonna be way more obvious. Four score and seven sophomores ago. Four sophomores founded this nation.

Four sophomores and three freshmen ago would have been a funnier joke. Do the line and then they'll- Yeah, say it again. No, it's not the same. No, just do it with conviction. I don't wanna. No, it doesn't work.

Here, I'll put this camera on you. Do it. Yeah, that way they'll be able to see you from that drone one. I don't wanna do it. You love cameras, come on. I don't wanna do it. Oh, good boy, we'll be a protein baby.

I don't wanna do it. No, turn it on, buddy. I'm sure shaking this at you is how you do good camera work. Pretty big group. Hahaha. Whoever thought me holding this was a good idea. Good lord. This road.

It's just a lot. You've never been on a hill before, Mr. LA? Not the hill. Do you think the hill was like, good lord! This would be seven, eight degrees of incline. This is a well-paved road from what I'm used to right now. All right, fine. I would say LA also has some pretty shit roads

in terms of bumps and stuff. Absolutely. The frequency and quality of paved roads, I feel like has really dwindled. Back in my day. Frequency? How many unpaved roads do you experience on a daily basis? I was just in literally the back woods of Kentucky where they don't have paved roads and it's

like dirt and gravel, like just on a cliffside with no guardrails or malls or houses. My Korean uncle doesn't believe in speed bumps. They don't exist. What a bold position to take on such a physically existing thing. When he was driving us around Korea, we took a trip down to Busan, which is five hours away. He took the back road, speed bumps the whole time. We were in the back of a minivan in third row. No suspension in the back. That was the most arduous journey of our lives. Every bump, take it at 50 miles an hour, heads hit the ceiling every time, and he would laugh.

He laughed every time we hit the ceiling. Yeah, Amy knows about this story because she was there. So Benj, if you mention this to her, you'll see this like harrowing look on her face because all of us in the back, after the fourth hour of nonstop speed bumps at 50 miles an hour, we were starting to get a little peeved.

Meanwhile, where I was at, I told you it was like the back woods, but like there's just a random, like three tombstones, like in the middle of nowhere. And I was told that that was the former, I think constable or sheriff. No one really liked him. So he and his family were buried away from everybody there.

But like, there's nothing around. You're like an hour deep away from civilization So I don't even know like hospital police station. I don't know where you would go so there's like a Constable it's just like a dude with a badge You think she'd sell that truck I don't know if that's her truck probably guy on the roof Oh, she's got a dog. We can sell it for a million I don't think I could ride a dog.

You wanna be those people who make content by just harassing people in public? That'd be cool. Let's go buy like graders or UDF or something, can we? All of graders? Would you like to go in on a franchise? I think we would run a great franchise. Dude, there is no FOGA to child in Cincinnati.

That's a bit different. That's a good one, but there's no bagel place by where we live. Bagel? Can I just bagel? Can we get like a Brugger's franchise or some such? Yes! I would be into that. We could do so good at a franchise. Remember Waking Up? That's a weird question to ask. Don't answer that. No, dude, I've woken up. I've woken up so much. Yeah, you know? You know about it? I've woken up every day so far. Yeah, wow, okay. But think about it. Waking up early, making bagels, making the bacon bagels, making the bagels.

You're making a lot of assumptions about me. You can have the night shift. We're making some good bagels. I've got a family that owns a donut place here in Cincinnati. Buy it. Basically just bagels. They have like three,

I think it's called like Holtmans or Holtmans. Think of if we could, if we did a real franchise, buddy boo. If we did a real franchise. Why'd you kiss me? It would be so good. We would have such good business and our customers would love it because they'd be our fans listening to this right now. Right fans? Okay, you guys want our bagels and I don't mean that as like a weird innuendo.

I mean literally, you cook bagels. What innuendo is that? Bagels have holes, so do we. A lot of things have holes. It's not an innuendo I mean literally what innuendo is that bagels have holes so do we a lot of things have holes it's not an innuendo it could be name one hole that's not an innuendo first that was buttholes you're right okay all right game over what uh man can we what can we buy? I don't know, you really wanna spend some money. No, I wanna make an investment into our future

so that we have a future. The climate's gonna explode. The political climate's gonna explode. We need something that's gonna stand the test of time and endure over all of the chaos that is inevitable. What are we experts at other than what we already do? You know what everyone uses? I'm looking over there, I'm seeing a green sign.

A driveway. Chains? Can you buy highways? How does that work? Oh, toll road. Yeah. Toll road. Can we build a toll road?

$16 to go on our road. Oh man, we would have the, hey buddy boo, we would have the best toll road. $16 to go on our road. Oh man, we would have the, hey buddy boo, we would have the best toll road. If we could run the best road. You know how much people would love us for having the first Cincinnati toll road? You could paint it. Everyone loves toll roads.

It's such a better road experience. Such a great experience. I mean, they are smooth. People would pay any amount of money. They're not getting enough camera time. He's stealing it. He's stealing it. I'm on the very edge of that frame. So am I. I'm also on the edge of the frame.

Mark's still in the middle. I'm driving. You gotta lean in. Hey, wait a minute. What about a hospital? What if we buy a hospital? Wait, no, hold on. No, hear me out. Hear me out. Ah, yes, our for-profit hospitals.

They're all for-profit. Are they? Yes! Monsters. Generally, healthcare is a for-profit industry. That's terrible. You don't know? You don't know? I thought insurance, well, I thought no hospitals were.

I guess it makes sense because doctors do it with all the money. Healthcare is very expensive and the system in America is not good. Yeah, I guess that's true. That's part of the core of Okay, in my brain it was because doctors have to have really good insurance because they get sued for stuff all the time when it was the insurance company. If you thought we lived in England,

I would forgive you because they have the NHS. We could. Can we have the first for-profit hospital in England? I guarantee you there's a for-profit hospital in England. Yeah, probably, right? Yeah. But like, they have also like public. Can we just go ruin like Canada's health care system they're doing that themselves um

what if we ran a massage parlor okay okay okay okay do we have to give the massages at first yes so I gotta go learn to be a masseuse you don't have to learn anything lay down strip here's some is this, canoli oil if I could. Canoli oil. You are, I mean, I believe it. I believe you're a success. Oh, yours would love canoli oil. Yeah, you look like you love canoli oil, don't you?

I'm gonna sprinkle some tenderizer and barbecue rub on you. Yeah, yeah. I'll use mustard as a binder. Here, the aromatherapy is hickory wood smoke. Don't worry about it. If you start to smell hawks, don't worry. If it gets warm, it could be the campfire underneath you I just lit.

For relaxing. It's to make the hot coals. What's the oil called that I thought was canola oil? Are you thinking of the cooking oil, canola oil? Oh, canola. Which does also not of the cooking oil, canola oil? Oh, canola. Which does also not have anything meaningful to do with massage stuff? No, I guess, sure.

I don't know how to answer this anymore. It's called massage oil, I think, is the thing you're trying to imagine. No, no, we need some canola and canola oil. Granola oil. Granola oil. This is some country stuff. It's exfoliating, don't worry about it. It's exfoliating, don't worry about it.

Shhh. You'd be a great, all right, maybe not masseuse. I don't know, I'm kinda liking this the more I think about it. If we could eat our meal on our patients, or clients, or whatever they're called. Eat on them? What are you talking about?

We've got some granola and some like barbecue. All right, all these ideas were rolling into the ultimate movie theater. Think of if you could have a massage and a movie. And a bagel. And a bagel. Would the movie be under, because you're like face down, ass up?

No. Other things with holes. The table would be hung from the ceiling and it would be projected onto the floor. It's a two story building. You go upstairs, you get naked. You walk into the glass floored massage room with a hundred other people.

You all lay face down on your massage table bagel speakers. The movie starts playing through the glass floor on the floor of the first floor beneath you. And actually you can order a prescription for your specific lens floor to be. So you don't even have to wear your glasses. You can fully relax. This is unrelated. I talk about this specific car that we're in a fair amount

and I realize I haven't really showed it Can we can we hear this with some? Oh, you want me to do some sweet shots? Can we get some glamour shot? Yeah the car and just chuck that in the episode just as like for the for the I'm on it. Don't worry. I'll roll down my window which shouldn't help at all Don't worry. I'll roll down my window, which shouldn't help at all. Boing, nanny. Ba-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

Peek-a-boo. Ba-da-ow. Psh, carbon fiber. Boing. Well, there he is. Is that in focus at that close? Swoop. Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Boing. Ow. Boing. Ow. Get out of your system, buddy. Get out of your system. Hit it. Oh, OK.

Hmm. Is that cool? Yeah. Ah. Hit it. Oh, okay. Is that cool? Yeah. Oh, Subaru. All right, it's okay. It looked good. Does that look cool? It looks so cool.

Okay. 2.1 amps, hey? Boom. Oh, you got it. Have you seen the ASMR car? That's what I was doing at the outside. I was like, Subaru. Subaru.

Subaru. Man. Have you seen the guy who makes his own like a duet TikToks, but he has like military vehicles. And he'll just be in like a Hummer and the lady will be like clickety click, ooh Bentley. And then he'll just be like Humvee. Or he'll just be like, we don't have one.

Oh don't show the trash bottle. No, it's a reflection. It's a reflection. It's a reflector. It's a reflection above the... No, it's a reflector. Oh, okay. It's a sun shade.

Yeah, it's a sun shade. Okay, good. Don't show the trash. I'm not showing the trash. Okay, good. Because there's like DMV stuff there. You don't want that on it. No, that's probably personal information.

I don't know, Let the viewers decide. Is it? Yeah, well, you guys take a look at this. Is this personal? Is this important information? God, I want that movie theater. All right. I mean, should I pick a winner?

Are we going to say that that's- We did the boat episode, now the car episode. We're going to need a plane or a train here. Boatings are cheap right now. I don't want to complain, but we use my hot tub and my boat and my car. I feel like I'm bringing a lot to these episodes. Someone else better buy a plane or a train real soon.

Amy was looking at train cars. We could do like a boxcar children episode where we're gonna sit in a boxcar. We could have a boxcar movie theater, but it projects it on the mountains as we pass by and we charge people money. You know what's funny? We all remember this that way, but it's actually box stain children. Hey. I don't get it. You're Berenstain bears. Oh god no. Oh yeah the boxed stained children. I won out. Nope you can't get out of re-locks every box.

Good thing I'm putting on my seatbelt. That was a me level joke and I appreciated it a lot. I couldn't unthink it once I thought it. Anyway, I'll pick a winner. Well, in here in this parking lot where I do the six kid and everything looked cool. Mark, for having the vision to understand that we need, not that we should get the movie theater or that we want to get the movie theater, but that we need to get the movie theater.

I think you really earned a win in today's episode. But Wade, because I literally admitted during the start of this episode when I was not at all lost and driving the wrong direction to go to the movie theater, that I'm very, very biased against you. Oh, that's a silly thing. Hold on, hold on.

Oh. Oh. You know you can just twist your wrist. He's been trying to do it. It doesn't, okay not. You have to move it very exactly. Look, because I'm clearly biased against you and everyone has been correct the whole time,

including the subreddit, and then you are vindicated, they are vindicated, and I was wrong. I'm gonna go ahead and unfairly take this win away from Mark and give it to you in full acknowledgement. Oh! And that's very's very fair to Mark and very biased to you, for you, for no real reason. How's that feel?

Bobby, remember how we weren't supposed to give him the win because he would start his villain argument? I'm trying to gussy him up a little bit. Are you going to be a dictator if I give you this win? Oh, I don't know what I'm going to do. I thought about it. Okay, Mark wins. Thanks for watch listening.

This has been the not constitutionally required car episode. If you know of any movie theaters in our area that need to be purchased, go ahead and let us know. Our area, Cincinnati, not what Mark was. Yeah, not your area, specifically close to us, I would be ideal. Let us know, tell me or Mark, not Wade, because they'll just keep to himself again and screw the whole thing up make sure you check out

the merch at distractablestore.com I still want to say the other one distractablestore.com there is an old Leo and Satan thing where they would say like sharkrobot.com they said that voice sorry I think of merch I was thinking that voice it sounded like a South Park voice to me, but Leo insane makes sense. Uh, Mark is Markiplier, Wade is LordMinion777 or Minion777, I'm myskirm, and Mark will host next time, cause he won, fair and square. Not unfairly and unsquarely, fair and square. Oh yeah, I should be more upset. Uh, my hate you and this podcast is over. Yep, this is the end everybody, enjoy these last few episodes before we all kill each other in a triple murder. Podcast out.

I'm hungry.