Distractible - Weird (Part 2)

Episode Date: June 16, 2023

Internet issues, Mark being chaotic, Wade being teased, and Bob talking about TikTok trends. Yeah... sounds like a weird, completely unique episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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We're talking yummy, creamy, hearty goodness. Choose from loads of delicious, more-ish flavors ready in only two and a half minutes. It's not cup food, it's good food in a cup. Visit Knorr.com to learn more. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. Now twice weekly. This episode, the gents return

to the deeply unusual. Mark dukes it out with Adobe, and educates all on exsanguination. Targeted Wade accidentally assaults his own family jewels, but makes an amazing shaggy. Bob takes a pop at the Easter Bunny, but knows his conjoined mice. From anti-agathics for rectums to the triangle of fairness.

Yes, it's time for Weird Part 2. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted, and enjoy the show. Now, I don't know if you knew that. They probably didn't. If you are following, you would get notified of when episodes are going up, and that way you would never miss an episode of Distractible, because, oh, we've got some good stuff that's been coming out lately, and this episode is no exception. How are you guys doing? Good. Pretty good.

Bob always tweets about it, too, and I'm like, oh, I should tweet about it. And then you Instagram about it, and I'm like, oh, I should Instagram about it, but I always forget to do that one. Yeah, yeah. Well, if you guys were following everyone on their social media channels you would also know whenever they're going up except for mine because I'm behind on

those social media posting stuff he does it he's doing it it happens I'm doing it don't worry about it new episode Mark that's from two months ago new episode brand new episode. New to you all.

If people are looking at the title of this episode, don't worry, it's new. Definitely new. Uh-oh. How are you guys doing? We don't know the title. What are you guys up to these days? How have you guys been? Oh, you know, good, moving. Hopefully putting lots of time into Diablo 4 because I'm really excited for it.

I hope it's really good and I hope it doesn't let me down because Blizzard's on such a good track record lately they can't possibly mess this up, right? It's going to be great. Right, guys? I'm going to love it. I'm going to be so happy. By the time this comes out, I'm going to be so happy. Yeah, most of that was words.

Yeah, oh, Banny's gone. Wade? Well, I'm doing great. Wade's internet seems to be taking a break, but I'm fine. I see you guys great. What's happening? All right. So as we discovered our internet is still a problem, you'd think that we would change

our lives to pick and emphasize our internet qualities, and yet we have not done that in our lives. Fuck our dreams. Fuck our nightmares. We're going to beat the internet. our internet qualities and yet we have not done that in our lives fuck our dreams fuck our nightmares we're gonna beat the internet i know that i could at any moment go and like rent an office or something and then get like business class pristine enterprise internet here in cincinnati the three of us together i know we could oh man but it would cost an arm and a leg and i hate talking with like those kinds of customer service.

I just recently had to fight with Adobe because I pay for multiple licenses because I pay for my editor's licenses and whatnot. It's a business expense. I had six and I haven't used six. I've only used four. So I had to go. I was like, okay, let me just cancel two of those licenses. And I went to Adobe's website and I looked in the whole professional manager and all the dashboard and stuff like that.

And I was like, there's got to be an option. No, there isn't an option online just to click and turn off two licenses. Really? You have to talk to their customer service to deactivate your licenses. And I was like, well, that's a pain. But okay, at least there's a chat function to do that. So I click that and I go to the chat function and I'm talking to somebody. And I'm like, hey, I have six licenses.

I only use four. Can you cancel to the licenses? Because they're like expensive per month, per license. It's like 80 bucks a month for each license. So I'm like, I need to not pay for that. And then they went on this eternally long back and forth where they're like, well, how about we just pause your entire payment for three months? And that way you save a lot of money and then you'll resume it after three months.

And I'm like, no, I am going to keep using them, but only four of them. I don't use six of them and they're like okay okay what if we uh pause payments for all your account for three months and then those lines for six months and that way you save a lot of money and i'm like i'm still gonna pay you money i just don't need two licenses that i don't use. Mark, if you can't afford it we can help you. We can finance your six licenses. Listen, I have a solution for you.

If you pause three of them for two months and the other three for three months and you take one from each and pause those two for six more months after that, that's like if you got two of them cancelled for a whole year. Yeah. Why was they trying to

offer that as a solution i don't understand because i know they call it they have a policy where it's like no unsubscriptions ever and it took back and forth like five different back and forth where i was like no just cancel the two extra ones and it had i had to write back cancel the two ones or i will cancel my entire account. And then boy, howdy, did they cancel those two real quick? Because I think they mapped out six cancel versus two cancel. All right, that's better. And I can't believe that that's the status quo for like trying to keep people in there.

I strongly believe that if companies are going to be allowed to make it as easy as it is to subscribe to things where you click like one button and you're subscribed for 12 months or something and it has to be exactly that easy to undo it or it's a scam but hiding shit behind having to chat with people or having to make phone calls and stuff is like if they make it like that on purpose which is just bullshit yeah and let me tell you i've started to switch to da vinci in terms of editing like as soon as i get a replacement for photoshop i will no longer need adobe and thank god oh just use gimp bro i might i might i honestly might because on these all these features and updates that they're cramming into

it and their ai bullshit and they're changing how the software is being used is just annoying. I just want to be able to make thumbnails predictably. And now that I got DaVinci, DaVinci is so much better than Premiere. And I'm not afraid to say this out loud because I've used Adobe Premiere for 10 years. Yeah, that's the main thing you've used the whole time you've been on YouTube, right? Stop. Adobe's here. I hear them. You can't say that out loud! He was just kidding. Too bad, Adobe. You had your frickin' chance. DaVinci is a one-time

payment for the whole suite of things, and it's so much better, and better maintained, and it has better features, and its UI is more appealing. Now, I'm not always about that. A polished UI is not really my favorite thing, but there's so many more features in the software that are more robust. It's just like, man, I can't believe that this is how business is done.

So incredibly annoying, right? Well, I mean, that's what happens when you have a monopoly, though, right? Like, for a lot of people, when you think about, like, oh, I need to edit some photos. Oh, I need to do some color correction, whatever. If you're not, like, in the industry, a lot of people think, like, oh, I need to Photoshop some color correction whatever if you're not like in the industry a lot of people think like oh i need to photoshop that that's true it's become a synonymous word photoshop it yeah adobe kind of has the market on that anyone in the industry who's a pro will know about all these other you know cool more advanced things but it's like not it's not worth

it money-wise you can buy they have a version where you can buy like one license for one of their softwares, but it's like 20 bucks a month or something to get one access to one software on one line. Or like you said, it's like 80 bucks a month or something. And you get every piece of software that Adobe makes. Is it 80 now?

I thought it was 53. Did they raise the price? Is it? Why am I being charged 80 then? Wait, no, hold on. What?

Mark, your, your initial 12 month price was only a limited offer so you're actually being you have to call and haggle like the cable companies you bought more licenses so they have to charge you more per license that's how they would not be surprised if i was like grandfathered into an old pricing and they just had to change that you were grandfathered into the opposite of the point of that you're grandfathered into a worse deal and they were like, ah, don't change that.

Let me put it this way. If I log in again and I look at that and I see the promotional price or the price right now, I will cancel my entire Adobe subscription because I pay so much money for that. And I'm going to move anyway just because it is an unbelievable amount of money. But if I find out this, I'm contacting them and canceling it immediately. And I'm just going to be like, cancel, cancel, cancel. And they're going to fight. It's a high stakes episode. I like it.

They're going to fight tooth and nail for that. I see 7037 a month on this site. I don't want to know. I don't want it. I don't want to know anything. Anyway, well, that's strange. But I think that's enough small talk for this. It's time to get into the episode.

Oh, yeah. And speaking of strange, I have something I want to play for you. Have you ever felt a chill up your spine? I don't know, man. Something just feels off. Like, you know, there's something standing right behind you, but you just can't turn around. Cut it out, man. You're giving me the creeps. What if I told you that the world was stranger than you could ever possibly imagine?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't believe in ghosts, but something just feels weird. Welcome to Unusual Oddities of an Unreal Understanding. Unusual Oddities of an Unreal Understanding. I enjoy the reference back to turning around and ghosts. View discretion as advised. Of course. I can't believe you would interrupt that I put so much work into that and you just interrupted

yes interrupt the 15 second interlude in that song Will cut him out yeah yeah cut him out of there no Amy was literally like oh my god that gap they're gonna start talking in there cause they're gonna think it's over well yeah there is an unnecessarily long pause that that that is 50 seconds long i don't know why in that song

i made that literally in between the break i i told you i was gonna get food i skipped food to make that i don't know man stop man you're giving me the creeps like zoinks man oh my god they never miss Mark how is that such a skill you possess they're literally all bangers I don't understand I don't believe in ghosts

I've said it before when I'm properly motivated I will make anything in any amount of time because for those listening and watching at home yes this is weird 2 where we going to talk about weird and strange things that have occurred in our world. We live in a very weird world, everybody. It's a very strange time.

There's oddities all around, from tardigrades to five nights at Freddy's. You better be fucking joking. Nope, I'm not joking. I made all that because it's time for Weird 2! Fuck you, dude. Fuck you. Weird 2! I hate you.

I was so excited. I was so excited when I walked away because I had the idea as we were closing the last episode. Oh, you had the idea, huh? And then I was just like, I went over to Abe and was like, I got the best idea. I got the best idea. And it is the best idea, which is why there's a sequel happening so

soon after the last one. But the difference being what I want to talk about today is weird people. Well, here, I found this. what I want to talk about today is weird people. Well, here, I found this. I thought this was pretty weird. Man, you see

this fucking wasp over here? Some shit. Wait, what was that green thing, Wade? What was that one? Yeah, what was that green thing? Oh, we gotta find out. I hope it's not a caterpillar. Let's see. Oh, it's the caterpillar. Oh, man. Oh, crap. I out. I hope it's not a caterpillar. Let's see. Oh, it's the caterpillar!

Oh, man. Oh, crap. I can't believe it. Wow, there's dugongs and fuck yous and fuckapines and, man, my balls are just exploding out of my ass. I wish they would. I'm not gonna find a higher resolution image. I've got some weird stuff to share, too, okay? I have a start.

Oh, do you have a topic you want to follow mark you want to follow a specific fucking topic then this look at this look at this creature here this bunny for some reason delivers eggs on easter can you explain this to me some sort of mythical bunny hops around the entire world. He can't fly like the reindeer, but I don't... All right, Mark, what's your idea? I love it better. It's so strange.

Well, this bunny right here delivers not Easter eggs, but some weird feelings. I'm not sure you should feel for drawn bunnies, you know? Why isn't that cartoon character sexier? I'm angry anywho so what i want to start us off with is this story of oh sorry sorry go ahead go ahead with your idea no no no you get it out of your system where you seem to have a like oh no no it's out i've got nothing left you seem very upset about something way and i'm no no i'm excited for this it's out i've got nothing left you seem very upset about something way then i'm oh

no i'm excited for this this is a great idea okay all right good great so anyway tech billionaire who spends two million dollars a year to look young is now swapping blood with his 17 year old son and 70 year old father is it it Elon Musk? It's not. Swapping blood? I kind of overlooked that. I was like, oh, swapping blood, of course. I'm trying to figure out exactly what swapping blood means.

It's like when they join a club, they cut each other's hands and high-five, or that they needle and like... Is there like a video of how they do this or something? There's not a whole lot on the first first article because as i clicked on it it said you're not subscribed you need to pay six dollars a month to be able to read this also on this website you need to pay to read it so as as far as i know uh this guy's name is brian johnson and i'm sure that everyone on the internet has talked

about this guy before but he's gone through great lengths to try to do everything possible for anti-aging so let me let me pull up this article and i want you to make a judgment of how old do you think uh this man is 40s mid 40s 50s yeah maybe middle age maybe low 50s mid 40s you are exactly right wade this man is 45 and you said mid 40s and the funny thing is everyone seems to agree this guy pays two million dollars a year to look his age maybe if you see there are pictures of him with his dad who is 70 who does look like he's 70 maybe they have to pay that much just to look their age maybe they're a very uh quickly aging family maybe he would look like he's 70 right now even though he's only 45 so maybe it's a big

change i mean how old do i look do i look mid 30s mid 40s early 30s and 30ss, mid-30s? Yeah, like mid-30s. Some people might judge one way or another because of the gray in your beard, but it's really down to like, there is a certain way that your skin is and your bone structure is when you're a certain age. There's many things like that are very subtle and subconscious in terms of perceiving other people's appearances that are pretty straightforward. Like, you know, on TikTok, they have that de-aging filter and people don't even realize like,

oh, it doesn't always work. Sometimes it's nowhere near it. But if you're in the right demographic for what the app or the filter works for, it's actually pretty close. And it shows like there are just some subtle differences. But I just think it's so strange to go this far because he takes two dozen different medicines and supplements

at 5 a.m every day when he wakes up he consumes uh two dozen medicines 1977 exactly vegan calories and exercises for an hour before using blue light evasive glasses and hitting the hay. So does his son also look 45 then? Because he's taking his dad's blood? He's slurping it. Like, I don't know what the blood transfusion thing is. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me. It seems like the leeching avenue of medical science, which I thought was not a thing anymore, but apparently

still a thing. So he has done all this so that he can stay young forever, which is a concept that I don't agree with and would never do for myself. But it is strange to see someone going so far into it. I love this quote very much much i'm sorry johnson says his aim with all of this stuff that you were just talking about which apparently is called project blueprint uh his term i'm assuming his aim is to ensure that his brain liver kidneys teeth skin hair penis and rectum are all functioning as well as they were when he was 18 years old he really covered all the bases there. Like, I think a lot of guys who are afraid of aging would be like,

yeah, well, I want to make sure all my skin and make sure my dick works and stuff like that. He's worried about his rectum working properly. I have never heard a health nut be like, you can tell again, I could feel older because I got a real loose rectum these days. You know, like, it's just not as taut as it used to be. How do you get the pucker back? This is weird to me. I agree.

This is weird. Like a tardigrade who only eats vegan meals for three meals a day. This is an oddity. You know how, like, whenever kids are growing up, a lot of times they'll have, like, the little lines on the walls, like, measure their height as they grow up. Do you think they've got, like, butthole imprints they take? Like, oh, see, look, it's firming up. Here's yours. Here's grandpa's.

And here's mine. They look the same now. It's a flip book. It's like, you know, the Herm statue that's just face and dick. It's face and dick and rectum at the back. So you can really see what the quality of that rectum really was. That's what it's all about. That's what it's all about.

Anyway, this is weird to me. I think everyone can agree this is weird. And there's some people in the comments of this post are just like, no, no, he's pioneering. He's using himself as a test subject to pioneer anti-aging. And I'm sure that in the future subject to pioneer anti-aging and i'm sure that in the future there will be anti-aging stuff but usually for this kind of research of with which i am sure there are billions like funneled into the research of they're not at a shortage of test subjects

i'm sure that there is a plethora of people that are willing to volunteer for any anti-aging because there's people that are already paying out the ass two million a year for anti-aging stuff no one needs to be a guinea pig is there any science that backs this up or is he just like young blood equals young me so i am reading and this is a daily mail article on their website so take that for what it's worth but i am reading there was a study in 2005 a group of scientists in the University of California, Berkeley conjoined a young mouse and an old mouse and did find that when they did that and they so they shared blood and organs between these two mice, the muscles of the old mice healed about as quickly as the young mouse and the old mice grew new liver cells at a much faster rate,

which is apparently a sign of youthfulness. Your younger people regenerate cells more quickly. It's not conclusive at all. And there is very limited research proving any of this, but it was a finding. They were like, must be that they share blood. Okay. I was gonna say, how did they conjoin them? I don't know if I want to know, because this sounds like some horrible they like mouse centipeded them together through a surgery and like surgically conjoined them so that they had a shared blood supply and shared organ systems i hate that that sounds horrible like a nightmare but i am not looking forward to brian's next post after he hears about that check this out this is uh son uh, son, uh, the man himself,

and father. Well, which one's which? They all look the same! Oh my goodness! Oh, can I just say, too, I don't, I don't wanna poke fun at anyone's name. Uh, my name is Bob, that's very funny. Apparently

new Zoomers find my name quite hilarious. His son's name is Bob. That's very funny. Apparently new zoomers find my name quite hilarious. His son's name is Talmadge. I didn't realize that was a name. Talmadge. It's perfectly normal. Talmadge. M-A-G-E. I guess it is.

Talmadge. And his son looks like a normal, you know, teen or whatever. Doesn't look like a Talmadge to me, but. Kind of a cool name. Call him Talmadge. Talmadge. I don't think he's getting his money's worth two million dollars i feel like if he just ate pretty good you know maybe ate really clean ate vegan and and worked out i feel like he'd be

about the same maybe a good skincare routine you know yeah i feel like if he smoked and drank every day of his life since he popped out the womb he would still kind of look like that yeah probably i'm not saying he looks bad it's just like i don't know he looks like a healthy 45 year old man swaps blood with his son and father and pays two million a year and all that you think like oh well he must look he must have the skin of a nubile young 18 year old boy he doesn't doesn't maybe maybe it's all in his rectum maybe his age improvement is really rectum focused maybe that's the thing it's starting from his rectum and it's going to spread through to the rest of his body like it just needs to get there it hasn't reached it says in april talmadge got a liter of his blood removed separated a plasma

and whatnot before the plasma was re-infused into his father so it was just the plasma but it was like a fifth of his body's blood was separated and that went into his dad that's a lot right a liter wait a liter that's way more than a fifth yeah you have

don't you have like nine pints I'm just reading the article man a liter is not how you usually measure blood. This says, got a liter of his blood removed and then dash about a fifth of the blood in his entire body. We have five liters of blood in our bodies? Wow. We have more blood than I thought. I guess that adds up to what I was just reading.

That's crazy. Wow. That's a, yeah, that's right. Okay. I thought it was like five pints. I thought that's what it was, but no, apparently not. You guys want to go out for a pint after this of blood i can't you guys want to they drink it right is that what is that what i'm getting yeah they drink it they get the blood out and then they just like

make a smoothie with some the plasma was re-infused in his father so the plasma was the thing to me the thing that's weird about this is not that a rich person spends their money however they want rich people spend money in all kinds of ways that seem weird to me but the kid gets a liter removed it goes to his dad and then his dad gets a liter removed that goes to his dad but no one donates blood back to the 17 year old can you just lose he doesn't need it can you lose a liter of blood and be like what do they drink some water or something like just fill it back up you know like oh this is red what is this cherry kool-aid let's just put some of that in there easy peasy he's a kid he'll survive kids are kids are resilient they gotta give him a liter they gotta give him something how much blood can you lose before you're just dead

at least a liter you can google it well let's google it how much blood can you lose before dying uh whoa there's some dramatic music on that one oh i thought the information was just mind-blowing you can lose up to eight liters that doesn't even make sense you could actually have a vacuum pulled on your blood your blood vessels of your circulatory system and still live does anyone know how much blood is human have i don't why is it so hard to okay more than two liters and this isn't helpful it's saying you lose to 750 cubic centimeters you lose your blood vessels narrow slightly 1500 your heart rate rises how much is that liters i don't it's in a cubic centimeter is the same as a liter when talking about water specifically i don't know

if it's the same about blood it's probably close enough for our purposes i mean i don't know i've heard blood is thicker than water uh you're right about that one that's true oh god why is it so hard to look up someone just say it oh it's because i'm on bing that's that's the problem god damn it does this help i think that helps us right man that's weird i love the way those lips work though okay about 40 percent of your body so if you lose more than two liters you're in risk so if you lose half of your blood. So if you lose more than two liters, you're in risk. So if you lose half of your blood, you'll definitely be comatose. How much do they take when you donate blood, typically? It's nowhere close to even a liter.

Don't they take like a pint? Like a gallon. Man, we keep changing these units of fucking measurement. I learned this shit 20 years ago. I don't remember how much a gallon versus liter versus pint is. I don't know. Listen to me. I don't remember how much a gallon versus liter versus pint is. I don't know. Listen to me. I don't know.

Look. I'm going to Google it. How much gallon is liter? I think you're right, Mark. I think the weird part about this is why are people so obsessed with the idea of not getting any older whatsoever? Fighting off the very detrimental effects of aging? Absolutely. Trying to prevent things like dementia from developing and serious health problems and stuff.

A hundred percent. I'm on board with that. Wanting to have the skin and rectum of an 18 year old for your entire life. It's like a weird obsession to me to be so focused on the idea of not aging in any way whatsoever. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, maybe, maybe more people think that one gallon 3.7,

eight, five, four, one liter. I could have told you that. Why didn't you? I didn't hear you. Cause you asked it in the way of the,

with the phrase of how many gallon is leader. It's not exactly clear what you want from that to me. One pint equal for a 0.47 liter. So two p that to me necessarily. One pint equal 0.47 liter. So two pints to a liter. Good. Good. Anyway, now that we've gotten into the meat of the episode, the premise has begun,

so now the episode can begin in full. So I want to hear what you guys have seen on the internet about weird people out there. What's all this. That's a weird bird. Oh wait, yeah, what's the deal with that? That is pretty weird. It's a helmeted

hornbill. What the frick? It's got like a bulbous, like it looks like it's got a big bump on its beak where your nose would join up with your eyes. You could call it a helmet. It has a unique call with a maniacal laughter. Its neck is like a, looks like a liver is like stitched onto the side of its neck. And it's got like eyebrow feathers that are a burst of orange.

It's a very strange bird. Apparently they're endangered due to poachers, that's sad. Wade, you get points for that. That is very weird. Thank you. Thank you. That is super weird. Bob?

Um, uh, you know, we did a whole episode on this just last time. I really burned through all the weird stuff I had. What? No! I had, you know, queued up in my mind. There's so much weirdness out there. It's okay. I've got a follow-up I can share, Bob, if you want. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Go ahead, I guess. That's fine. Look how weird these out there it's okay i've got a follow-up i can share bob if you want yeah oh okay go ahead i guess that's fine look how weird these are these are thumbnails it looks like whoa those are awesome oh is this like a youtube is this on youtube yeah uh marky pyre i think uh-huh man people should subscribe to that channel well that one that one's clearly ai generated you can tell by the the mask oh look you hover it shows you some video that's cool yeah why why was your internet able to share your screen but your video is not coming through uh just too much power diverted to this uh animal website i should probably close all right i've got a thing I think is weird, and it

relates to a thing I like to talk about on this podcast. Oh, I love that. Yes, please. So, I'm not gonna say that I'm above internet trends. I love a good trend. I've not done a lot of them or anything, like, you know, the Ice Bucket Challenge, stuff like that. They're cool. I get why people do that.

Why does it seem like people are inventing challenges now on the internet just to be like injurious injurious to hurt people like they're like like it and these are not necessarily popular trends right but clearly somebody was like all right all right all right we're gonna call this like this is a real one the penny challenge what you got to do is you got to take a cell Challenge. What you gotta do is, you gotta take a cell phone charger or any sort of plug, and you plug it

so that it's like halfway in, so that the two little prongs are sticking out. And then you take a penny and you touch that onto the prongs of the plug sticking out of the plug, and you gotta hold onto it. And that's the Penny Challenge!

And you do a video of yourself doing that and that's the penny we call it the penny challenge I get that you want to do what the popular people are doing that doesn't sound fun that sounds like a really good way to burn your house down

or something the whole challenge thing on the internet has gone to a weird place because I feel like the people who are inventing these to try to get them popular are just like let's get some people killed i'm gonna call this one the jumping off a bridge challenge i found a challenge here too let's see here you have to identify where the mines are oh so i'm sorry are you playing this on a website? Uh, no. Are you playing the game Minesweeper, which is like built into Windows? No, no, no. Stop looking. This is private. Wow.

Actually, I don't even know if Minesweeper is included anymore. Oh no, it's loading the Microsoft Store. Oh! I look a little bit less foolish now, don't I, mortals? Wade, you're not as weird as I thought. All right. Thank you. No, Wade, no, you're not weird, which gets you points deducted.

Yeah, no, you're normal. That's a very normal thing. Normal. Did I have points to have deducted before that? Yeah, I awarded you points earlier. Didn't you hear? You're the only one who's earned or lost points, as far as Marcus said. Yeah. Okay. I guess we can keep that trend going that's no you just lost points i have them back no look look this is weird yeah no hair little hair gray hair your camera your camera's off

Your camera's off. Look, you know what he's referencing. All right. Uh-huh. Okay. Well, if I would have seen that, it would have been really weird, but you spoiled it before with not being able to see the image there, and all the people listening at home have no idea what you're talking about anyway. Wait, I have a weird thing, Mark.

Yes. Also, Bob, points for your weirdness. Weird Al Yankovic. he's weird he's in the name yeah can i just say also though that uh apparently when weird al tours they play a new cover at every tour stop and they play like some very legendary cover songs like metal and rock songs and like classic ballads and stuff but he plays it on his accordion with like his full band it's very as like a music nerd and a person who's played gigs and stuff in my past life it's very funny and very impressive because they play you know they

play like 50 80 tour stops in a row different song every night he also got his start i think his very first track was an accordion that he recorded playing in the bathroom of like his job. That sounds plausible. I'm pretty sure it's true. Anyway, he's actually like a really talented musician and his is a fascinating story. I have not watched it, but he had a movie.

They did a movie about his life where Daniel Radcliffe, also known as Harry Potter Man, played Weird Al in the movie. I'm sure that's weird. The song My Baloney was recorded in a public bathroom in 1979. That's kind of a classic. I'm not getting a lot of weird guys. I feel like you're letting me

down on the weirdness. You don't think it's weird to record a song called My Baloney in a public bathroom of a college? No, no, no, no, no, no. I want to hear about the concert goer who lets out a loud full body orgasm while the LA Philharmonic plays

Tchaikovsky's Fifth. Relatable? You haven't done that? Nope. That's weird. You should give yourself a point. You don't have a loud full body orgasm every time you hear Track 5? I have no idea what this is related to i just saw a small league well i maybe i shouldn't name the person well it's i published

an article or something i don't know private information uh the person was enjoying the los angeles philharmonic's performance of trek off his fifth on friday at the walt disney concert hall so you know in la the big metal building with all the curves and stuff like that. Oh, no, this isn't the person that did it. Oh, okay. Got it. When she heard, when Molly heard what she described as a, quote, scream slash moan erupt from the balcony, everyone kind of turned to see what was happening.

Grant, who was seated near the person who allegedly made the noise, told the Times on Sunday in a phone interview. I saw the girl after it happened, and I assumed that she had an orgasm because she was heavily breathing and her partner was smiling and looking at her like in an effort to not shame her said grant who works for a jewelry company in liz in los feliz quote it was quite beautiful when said partner told her she was running late she replied and I quote I'm coming yeah I'm sorry

I'm sorry Mark I didn't he laughed he laughed I couldn't avoid it it was very funny it was very funny I don't know very funny i don't know very funny as a qualification very very funny too very but anyway so i hadn't read that article before it was just strange it's like not only did someone have an orgasm but someone turned saw it and was like that's beautiful yeah that's not at all i'm not here to judge but i feel like there's no

context where that would happen, where it sounds like someone has an orgasm in a public place. And I turn and look and I'm like, oh, so someone else also says later on one attendee who was seated in the row directly behind the person who made the noise said it appeared as if the woman was waking up from a sleep attack when she made the sound. I don't know what a sleep attack is. I've never heard of anyone calling it a sleep. Obviously.

Well, like, is that like the term for narcolepsy? When you, if you fall asleep, but because you're narcoleptic, is that a sleep attack? That kind of sounds right. Maybe it is. So the audience member who was seated in the row behind the person said she had previously witnessed a person with narcolepsy experience a sleep attack. Quote, pretty quickly she sort of fell onto her partner's shoulders, then onto his lap, and then her body went limp. Maybe like five seconds later she kind of awoke and that's when she let out a scream.

I guess if you're like asleep and you go... Yeah, maybe that could be there. That is is what that's called by the way a sleep attack is technically what it's called when you when you fall asleep uncontrollably if you if you are narcoleptic i will say i i don't know if you had this person i'm not going to name them but we had a teacher i think in like junior high school who had narcolepsy who would fall asleep teaching class oh mrs dickerson wow i can't believe you name dropped but uh i don't ever remember her ever making a noise when she like woke up because there were times where we like present in class or she'd be teaching and she would just like drop out of it

um but i never remember her making a noise when she like came to or stirred or whatever that's really interesting what was the protocol when that happened i don't really know how somehow it never happened when she was standing but it happened all the time when she was at her desk did you have to wake her up or something or was it well no because we were shitty junior high kids who were just like dude teacher's sleeping let's do whatever we want that was the protocol i was pissed off one time because we um we had to do book reports and I did all of this work on this book report and like she fell asleep during my book report and I got an A but then this one kid who didn't even do one also got an A because she couldn't remember if he'd given one or not like

it sounds like a joke but she literally did none of us were gonna like be the snitch so none of us said anything who's gonna be that guy yeah so dude got an A for not doing anything I was like I put a lot of fucking work into that but I guess whatever at least dude got an a for not doing anything i was like i put a lot of fucking work into that but i guess whatever at least i got an a man fuck your dreams and fuck your nightmares dude maybe you just deserved it i was the fucked hey listen you learned a lot i'm sure you remember what book that was and what you learned and what the message of the book was right what you remember all that stuff no i'm sure you learned a lot of important lessons that are still with you today.

I've recently learned a really important thing that I didn't know. What's that? Speaking of weird, it's a little off topic, but then you mentioned it, it's something good segue. Fruit loops are all the same flavor. What? Apparently the different color fruit loops,

they're all the same flavor. Unless you get like wildberry, like the Wildberry Froot Loops are different, but just regular Froot Loops apparently no matter what color it is, it's all the same flavor. I feel like I remember them tasting slightly different. In my head they do too. Yeah. Like, I think Trix do.

Yeah, me too. They're different fruits, they have to. Do they have to? We all agree that all those cereals are just pure sugar in multiple different forms. They are pure sugar, but they were flavored in my head. Like a red Froot Loop is like cherry or something. Purple's gotta be grape. It's like berry flavored.

And then, yeah, like grape flavored. And then they're slight. They're slight. I remember them. Apparently they're all the same flavor. Why? Can we get sponsored by again? I miss having

We'll cut this out. We're not getting paid until they bleep us saying the name of it. Oh, I love having in my mouth. It's so good. I miss them being in my mouth. I want them to sponsor us, but I'm not going to do anything until they pay. That's what they do. But I miss because they sent us like

giant boxes of with like 10 boxes of it. And I was like, oh, how am I going to get through? And then I ate all of it. And it was amazing. But I'm not saying the name until they pay us money. This is why I never get sponsors. This is why I literally never get sponsors.

No, this is how you grow your business, Mark. This is how you get people on board. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what businesses are looking for. That's interesting,'s interesting though i clearly this person was a teacher for you guys but just had narc that seems dangerous it's interesting that it wouldn't happen while they were like standing probably if you stay if you fall asleep while you're standing at the very least there's a likelihood that you would like fall over or collapse or something i would imagine you know for a while there i thought i had narcolepsy because and i

realized this was just an adhd thing but when i was in certain situations like if i was in a meeting when i was working a co-op job or if i was like in class i could not stay awake like just i would literally be doing anything and i just be like and i would i would desperately desperately fight not to stay awake or uh not to sleep um and it'd just be like this constant struggle and i i thought i was like man maybe i'm narcoleptic but no that's not what that is that's just being a sleepy boy anyway next up on the weirdness let's keep this content train going wade your turn i want a title. Fruit Loops not good enough, so second idea coming.

That's my title. No, new one. You just talk about Fruit Loops. I know, that's my title. I got a second one. I got a second one to talk about. Oh, I see. I don't know if I like this fact. It's weird, but it's also almost more disturbing than weird. Apparently, apples in grocery stores can be up to a

year old when you buy them what really it says apples are usually picked between august and november but when they're covered in wax hot air dried and sent into cold storage they can be preserved for 6 to 12 months before they hit grocery store shelves really that's what this says man but that doesn't work at home i put apples in the fridge at home to help them last longer they don't last for months well they're covered in wax hot air dried then from then putting the i'm just reading this i don't know if all true that is it seems like a weird thing to make up and it's i don't like it if it's true that's cool i guess to me but like if it's true also why am i so bad at

keeping apples so you get a home you're like oh this fresh just picked apple it's true, also, why am I so bad at keeping apples? So you get a whole meal like, oh, this fresh, just picked apple. It's like a year old. I always thought that if you put them in the fridge, it would grow. It would get old faster for some reason. I mean, that's just next to bananas. For some reason, if you put an apple next to a banana. No, yeah. Bananas emit the gas or something that makes fruit go bad.

Really? That's weird. I didn't know that. Bananas off gas a thing that makes all fruit like turn faster or something like that yeah yeah no bananas are weird also if you put a banana in any kind of a smoothie it just completely dominates the flavor and it does they are super strong flavor you gotta go light on the bananas if you're gonna make in the smoothie i don't even know why unless you really like banana flavor then i guess all right bob that's 10 points for you. Okay, cool. Cool, cool, cool. Yeah. No, wait, that was Wade saying,

sorry, that was actually, hang on. No, no, that's 10 points for me. It's my turn. My topic is called, my title is, oh, it's a string. This is a weird, really niche thing that not a lot of people might have experience with, but I do because of my health.

So have you have you guys seen um those continuous they're called continuous glucose monitors it's like a little disc thing that might be like on your chest or on your arm or on your hip that it's for people who are diabetic and or people who are health nuts and want to know what their glucose levels are at all times you wear it and it constantly checks uh your blood sugar level and you can like scan it with your phone whenever you want to see where your blood sugar is at it's an interesting thing right and i recently got some of these because i've been adjusting some of my treatment stuff and i just needed to like track my blood sugar very precisely

and uh they're terrifying to put it on there's like the little sticky disc thing that actually sticks to your skin there's that and then there's like the application cartridge and you take it and you like push them together and pull it out and the little disc loads into the applicator

and a huge needle is just sticking out of the applicator and what the instructions say to do is to take it and just go phew And a huge needle is just sticking out of the applicator. And what the instructions say to do is to take it and just go and firmly press it into your skin. It's like a spring loaded thing, right? So when you push it on your skin, it goes and then that's done. And it's terrifying. The first time I ever did one, I was sitting there with the thing with the needle and I

was just like, oh, for like an hour i sat because i don't like needles and that's kind of a problem because i have to inject myself and do stuff or treat my condition and i just looked and eventually i did it and it blew me away all that whole big needle and everything all that when i took that monitor off finally what it does is that big ass needle pokes a tiny little thread into your arm, a flexible thread. And that's what is inside of you. The needle just like goes in and out super fast and pokes this little thread. Because when I was coming, I was like peeling the little thing off and I was like, this is going to hurt. There's a needle or something.

I don't understand how this works. And I peeled it off and it was like one little tiny little thread of nothingness it does not hurt to peel them off it does not it doesn't hurt to even put them on honestly because the needle is so fast it's fucking weird though because literally you take the thing and you're just like and it's like and the needle is gone the needle like retracts into the device and all that. And there's just a thing on your skin. And it's like, ah, ah,

it turned you into a lantern into like a wick based soaks into the oil lantern. Yeah. And it just soaks your blood. It just constantly is absorbing your blood somehow through that little thread of material. You think Brian Johnson knows about this? I think he has one, probably. I'm certain that that man uses continuous glucose monitors. I feel so uncomfortable.

It's weird, right? It's incredibly useful. So at any point, I can be like, boop, and know exactly what my blood sugar is. It's so useful and life-saving. For people who are type one diabetics you have to have that or you will inevitably die because it's incredibly hard to manage your blood sugar when the more sensitive it is the more uh injections you need in order to manage it harder it is to get that exactly right but it's fucking weird i still think it's weird i

still have them and i use them not all day every day but i use them from time to time to like make sure my blood sugar levels are good and my treatment is working every time i put one in like how often do you need to do that so they're meant to last for two weeks at a time so if you wear them all day every day if you're like a type one diabetic you're supposed to do that once every two weeks you take off your old monitor, put a new one on, basically. But I do it maybe once a month, and I wear it until it comes off. It's very cool technology, but it's super weird. That's crazy.

Yeah, that's weird. How many points do I get for that? Yeah, how many points does Wade get for that one? I'll give you five. That's pretty good. Good topic, Wade. Good topic. Bob, do you want to bid so you can raise it? Is this like an auction? Do you hear 10? Do you hear 10? 5. That's pretty good. Good topic, Wade. Good topic.

Bob, do you want to bid so you can raise it? Is this like an auction? Do you hear 10? Do you hear 10? No one's saying it. No one's saying it. Bob, you want 10? Bob gets 10 points. Oh, bids are close. Alright.

Don't worry, Wade. It's going to end with a toy flip and a wheel spin it's fine no no no no we're gonna wrap it up it's been a pretty pretty uh uh fun episode i got another one oh you got another one all right let me see the original vacuum cleaners were drawn by horses they would take hoses and like put them in people's houses and they were like a motor that would run that would help provide the suction it would pull all the stuff out of people's houses like into this glass container but because it was such a high volume thing it was such a that wasn't like miniaturized motors back then they had to be pulled by horses that's fascinating that is interesting it was one of i can't say it was the earliest version of the model but it was

one of the earliest for I think it's weird. You go to vacuum your house. It's like, all right, call the stables. We got to get a vacuum in here. I spilled some dust in the floor. Can I counterpoint that by saying that's in a time period where everything is pulled by horses? I'm assuming it's not like you have modern vehicles and airplanes and stuff.

And they're like, well, get the horse to pull the vacuum. It's you. It's horse drawn carriages. It's you it's horse-drawn carriages it's wagons it's buggies it's whatever it's that's that's like saying in modern times like oh well a van pulls up to your house with the stanley steamer and it's got the vacuum in the van you're not like honey now that we're done sexing can you call the horse to remove my condom why do you need to vacuum off? What?

Okay, I've got another weird fact for you. Alfred Hitchcock, who is like one of the fathers of horror in filming, was terrified of eggs. He was ovo-phobic. Huh. Would not touch them. He found them strange and disgusting. He couldn't even fathom it. Is that why he hated women?

He must have hated Halloween. Because kids egg houses on Halloween, so you get eggs all over your house. I'm thankful I never experienced that. That sounds terrible. Kids suck. Don't be a kid. If you're a kid, don't. And if you already are, stop it.

I've got a quote here from Alfred Hitchcock. And I quote, I'm frightened of eggs. Worse than frightened, they revolt me. That white, round thing without any holes. And when you break it inside, there's that yellow thing. Round, without any holes. Blood is jolly red, but egg yolk is yellow, revolting. I've never tasted it.

I don't know what Hitchcock sounds like, but I just imagine that in the I don't believe in ghosts voice. That white white round thing without any holes I never tasted James alright what is that why did I know that I don't even remember

Devour letters oh my god what a reference that five people that watch this are gonna get because they didn't watch those videos I bet so many people were like why is that familiar I streamed Devour the other day and like half of my audience was like do the James thing

do the James thing alright well we'll have to wait until the next episode when Weird 3 comes out, because I'm wrapping it up for this one. Wait, if you host it, it has to be Weird 3. It was hilarious, because there's so much weirdness out there that we could definitely make another episode about it, and we probably will.

But that'll have to wait for the future. And now I have to decide who's going to be the winner of this episode. And it was a close one. Before you do that, how many points did I get for the Alfred Hitchcock fact? Uh, 25. Look at this shrimp! Dude, mantis shrimp are not weird. Mantis shrimp are cool as shit. Yeah, look at this fox.

It's, man, it's a wolf fox. Look at this ball sack neck. Sorry, Wade. Uh, Bob got in there just as the points were closing. He got 25 points right before the end. The shark has a mega mouth. Whoa!

All right, save it. Save it for the next one. Those are going to be valuable points in the next one. Save them. All right. All right. So tabulating the points here, I'm looking at the points, and I'm calculating, and I'm adding them together,

and I'm, oh, man, the numbers. No, I already decided. Who among you remembers what the name of the show was in the audio that I played at the beginning of the episode? Whoever can name the actual title of the, in the audio that I said will win today's episode. I'm not going to lie. I've already blocked out the entire thing you played so I have no idea it's an unusual

usuries of the unintended unimaginables unusual oddities of the immoral fucks I don't know oh man right now Wade's closerual oddities of the immoral fucks. I don't know. Oh, man. Right now, Wade's closer.

Unusual oddities of the unimaginable mind. Unusual oddities of the unlikely usurper. The turnarounds of the turned around. That weighs farther. That weighs farther. Okay. Unusual oddities of the unimaginable world. Wade, pause.

Let's go back to Bob. Wade, you're in the lead. You've had two correct words. So, Bob, it's your turn. If you can get the full one on the next one, or if you can get one more. Unusual oddities of the utmost uncanninesses. There's a lot of you words, Mark. It's not very

easy to come up with and remember them. Alright, wait. You got another attempt here? Come on. Unusual oddities of the untraceable Fuck. Just keep thinking of words that start with you. What is...

Unimaginable oddities of the unusual world. No, you're farther. All right, Bobby. Unusual oddities of the unimaginable upside-down underwear club. All right, we're getting farther from it. Wade, back to you. Unusual oddities of the under-caffeinated public. All right, not quite.

This is so sad. It was... Just play it in your mind. Just hear it. Hear it. You're freaking me out, man. I still don't believe in ghosts. I'll say it once, I'll say it again.

Was that guy in there? I still don't believe it, ghost heck! Oh, shoot! That's what he sounds like to me. Unusual oddities of the undefined loop. You can't think of more than one word at a time that starts with you. I don't understand what's happening. But oddities is O's! The oddities is the the outlier the rest of it's alliterative man bob you do know

it you seem to i know i just can't remember the actual words unusual oddities of the undiscovered underworld unusual oddities of the underwater undies I can't remember the words man I can't Unusual underwear of the underwater umpire Man I didn't realize it would be this difficult I thought one of you would be able to get there

Well the other one is in my head I can hear and then I turned around Alright Bob what was the name of that one Oh well hang on wait a minute uh no don't stop he's cheating don't let him cheat i have to think about this yeah you can't look it up he's looking it up look at that face that's a look up face i'm uh my hands are up here i'm not doing anything now they are i remember it i remember it i hear it through his headphones that's your voice echoing through mark's headphones

i'm not no one's playing it no wait do you remember what that one was wait triangle triangle of fairness triangle of fairness i'm not cheating everyone have their triangle all right guys what was it i don't know if i was cheating i would know it but i i can't I don't know. If I was cheating, I would know it, but I can't and don't. It's this time on Mysterious Mysteries of the Unknown Monkey Man.

I don't, I really can't remember it at all. I don't know. Man, it's like, it's your favorite thing. It's your favorite thing. Well, we like the turned around bit. I don't believe in thing. We like the turned around bit. I don't believe in ghosts. I don't believe in ghosts. Oh man, I worked so hard on those.

You guys don't remember it? Oh, okay. Well, I guess I'll have to leave it up to a coin flip. Oh, excellent. Even though I thought I was in the lead and that meant something, I guess it didn't. Yeah, I'm down for a coin flip, I guess. Yeah, that seems incredibly fair. fair no you only got half of it it's not even a passing grade i thought you guys were gonna get closer i was like oh we'll

go back and forth you get closer we got closer close you got farther you guys got farther from it oh we were close well here play it again i'll tell you what it is no no how am i gonna decide i can't do a coin flip oh well okay all right how about this oh what i looked it up and i should have remembered oh you remember yeah he doesn't remember he just listened to it that doesn't count as memory no i just remembered out of nowhere in my brain i remembered it all by myself in my brain what was was it? Share with the class. Morbid Mysteries of the Missing Millennium. Yeah, that was it. That was the old one. But that, don't worry, Wade, that's not going to give him the win.

Okay. Out of complete fairness, I made this entire episode. Out of complete fairness, the triangle of fairness. I made this entire episode to razz on you, Wade, because... Oh, that's crazy. I didn't notice. I didn't pick up on that at all. Okay.

I know it's unusual for me, and I made this entire thing, and we've all got the triangle of fairness. So because of that, I am going to give the win to Bob because this entire episode is intended to... You know what? That's fair. Meme on you, Wade. So, in all fairness... Yeah. Oh, I can't believe

my hands went down. You're the only one not doing the triangle of fairness right now, Wade. That's crazy, I know. Oh, sorry. Oh, fairness triangle, of course. That's really more of a fairness acute angle. Don't be a sore loser. It's crazy, I know. Oh, sorry. Oh, fairness triangle, of course. That's really more of a fairness acute angle. Don't be a sore loser. It's fair.

I feel like if I did a coin flip, that's unfair to Bob for his trauma of the previous coin flips. A 50-50 chance is unfair to Bob. What other way could we decide this? It's not a coin flip, but it's still a... You know what? I accept the loss. That's fine.

If I tabulate all the points, Bob did get assigned a lot more points this round. Yeah, he sure did. I've noticed that the last, like, three times you've hosted. You literally had an episode called Bob Wins where all you did was give him points. Don't fuck with me. I seem to recall the ending of that episode

having quite the twist yeah because you wanted to quite flip not because Mark felt any kind of fucking guilt look I just want to give the Redditor something to fight for because they started to realize how unfair

it was that they were on your side in the first place and how Wade supremacy world whatever the stupid subreddit is is dumb and I think that they were on your side in the first place and how wade supremacy world whatever the stupid subreddit is is dumb and i think that they i'm giving them things in fairness so that they can have complaints and feel like they're justified therefore you lose and bob wins i accepted this before you explained it but i will accept it again it's all why don't you explain more about this thing that i agreed to already all right okay all right uh bob winner speech uh well it feels good to earn

a win today's episode was really interesting i thought wade had some pretty good topics i am not gonna lie uh but you know the points are the points the facts are the facts and uh when it comes time you gotta pay the cheese tax if you know what i mean so it feels good to win but i really earned this one wade loser speech i'm gonna let this speak for itself oh my god oh my god what is the wrong with that bird what does that say but how do you know i would tell you I lost, so you'll have to wait till I win. I guess all the people listening at home won't have any clue of what's going on. They'll never know what a Pothoo is, which is a weird neotropical bird that looks like an owl.

Well, thank you everybody so much for listening at home. For those who don't know what a Pothoo looks like off the top of their head or don't have access to research, it's a bird with wide eyes that are bright yellow with little black dots in the center, and it's looking like split-eyed in two different directions it looks very dumb and silly and weird i'm the best host you certainly are a host i'm the best host i'm the best i'm the best host you know it's a new record i gotta say uh bob got a lot of shit for we're getting older and then i did the good bad habits but i don't know if we've ever had a repeat topic be the very

fucking next one so it's a new record I'm the best host I'm the best host I think that's what we can all agree on is I'm the best I imagine like we take little breaks in between filming these I imagine you like go into your office you're like pacing like I'm the best host

I am the best host. I am the best host. I'm the best host. Okay, so if you enjoy my hosting, you can skip the next couple episodes until it comes back to my turn to host again. Thank you so much for being a loyal listener and or watcher on Spotify of this podcast.

I fulfill my promotional obligations for sure. And I am the best host. I fulfill my promotional obligations for sure. And I am the best host. Thank you everybody so much for watching and or listening. Stay tuned. Merch? Definitely. By this point, how could we not? It's been

so long. It has to be a yes by now. Oh god, it's not. No, trust me. Wait. Don't't look now but look when this episode comes out then yes we're gonna find an email that's like hey guys we have all these great merch ideas all you have to do is say yes and we'll get them in the store and we're like man what's taking them so long they're so slow they're like man these guys would just respond to this one email no honest to god i've been emailing i've been i did it i did some stuff it it should be at least one item

will be restocked i can personally promise you that you heard it here first the triangle of promises if it's up if it's up top it's the triangle of fairness if it's down here it's the triangle of promises this has got to be a beanie so right up here it's like it's a triangle of fairness what is this shape it's a triangle it's a triangle I've got gappy thumbs you gotta get those guys evened out a little bit

in all honesty picking it up was like this but that the diamond of fairness doesn't sound very funny at all I'm gonna end this episode as the greatest host Distractible has ever known, and if the subreddit disagrees with me, I will banish you. You all know what to do. Thank you.

All right. Ta-ta. Podcast out.