Distractible - Weird (Part 4)

Episode Date: May 2, 2025

Can Wade sneak his oozing and thronging weirdness past Mark and Bob? DOOM: The Dark Ages, coming May 15th. Pre-Order at: beth.games/3WDZI4V Learn more at uber.com/onourway Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode of Distractable is brought to you by Doom the Dark Ages. id Software presents Doom the Dark Ages, a dark fantasy sci-fi experience that brings epic combat and over-the-top visuals to the legendary Doom franchise. Dominate demon-infested battlefields with devastating weapons, soar on a mecha dragon, and witness the creation of a legend as the Slayer takes on Hell itself. Doom the Dark Ages launches May 15th on Xbox Series X and S, PlayStation 5 and PC. Pre-order now. Print it in for Mature. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, WastableWadeLovesGoingSolo.com then invites his allies to identify ingenious inventions.

Malicious Mark gets back into content creation, talks business, shows impotence and purrs over parachuting Frenchmen. But all Bob's killer balls fuck his wrist, talks fart tubes, self suffocation and pedal buses. From caveman Kant to anti-bandit briefs. Yeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss and enjoy the show. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of distractable. I'm today's host wade joined as always by my co-host mark and bob Hey guys. Hello. Hello. How's things going? Good good. Is it small talk time? Yeah, i'm just gonna skip all the normal info that I dump I'm just gonna go right in that's fair one of the meat and potatoes today Wow, that's crazy what's happening to you something to talk about you good One of the meat and potatoes today Wow

Something to talk about you good, but you're doing a call back to last episode raising the stink pits at me No, no, I don't think that worked once I think you just occasionally raised your armpit and nothing resulted from it Pretty sure every time I tried to stinkily boast it backfired. Mm-hmm. Yeah It's good here Still busy as usual, but finally getting back in the swing of the YouTube Thing which you know, I have been caught out of practice for a while, but I'm getting into it because I

Just oh man. I miss just having to worry about that. That was my discovery last episode was recording solo stuff again. It was like, I used to hate recording solo stuff because I looked up to you and Sean and people that could do stuff and you guys were so creative. You'd play these games, you'd have these little bits, you'd come up with this, dude, I will never be like that.

And so I hated doing solo content because I feel like I needed something else to carry someone to be the thorn in the side of. But now going back after all this time, I'm like, it's actually so refreshing doing solo content because I feel like I needed something else to carry someone to be the thorn in the side of But now going back after all this time. I'm like, it's actually so refreshing doing solo content. Like I'm actually really enjoying it That's what I've always said. It's nice. I mean multiplayer is good for every once in a while, but you know sometimes just I hate solo content I hate watching it. I hate making it. It's stupid. It's terrible Deduct those points! Deduct them!

I should. Wait, I've- oh, yeah, points. I've got my point journal right here. You're legally required to knock- to knock me down some points. Alright, alright, alright. I mean, if you're saying so. I'm the law. I'm assuming Mark is done, that's all that's happening with him? No, no, I have more, but- oh. No, go for it. I'll chime back in.

We'll alternate. Golf season is back! Remember how I got into golf last year before it got all shitty in Ohio? No, I forgot. Golf! No, seriously though, I'm not good at golf. It's just like a thing. My, uh, Mandy's dad golfed for a lot of his life and so he has a set and I was like, I've

never done it before but I want to get into it and last year I thought I was getting better I've gone to the range once this season so far and I swear to fucking god I bought a bucket of 100 balls and all 100 of those motherfuckers I just, I might as well have just dumped them down the drain because I fucking forgot how to golf completely like not even like, oop I hit it and it's a little... Like I was like, the way the range is you're all lined up, right?

And so there was like another guy in front of me, we were all hitting in that direction. I almost hit him! That's not even supposed to be physically possible and somehow I fucked up so bad that I like curve the ball. He's standing there like doing his thing and my ball just is like, whew! And he literally gave me the like... the ball. He's standing there like doing his thing and my my ball just is like And he literally gave me the like No words just a disappointed look of an older man who's just trying to hit I fucking hate I'm awful at golf now guys, but I'm committed. I own the clubs. Those are my shitty clubs. I can't hit anyway It was very shocking. I hurt myself

Golfing I was so bad. I hit the it was very shocking. I hurt myself golfing. I was so bad. I hit the ground so many times I fucked my wrist up. Oof. It's not good. So look forward to me complaining about golf a lot this season. I remember going to the range,

not the range, top golf with you, and you hit ball hard. So I can imagine if you miss and hit ground, you hit ground hard. Not good. No, yeah, problem. When we start talk like cavemen, hit ball hard. So I can imagine if you miss and hit ground, you hit ground hard. Not good. No, yeah, problem. When we start talk like caveman, when we swing club, Me like range, me like top, golf, football in hole,

Me got new floral polo, look good. I think match chino is nice. After golf we review our performance on the back nine. I was going to ask you Wade if you wanted to get into it because I have tall, I have tall boy clubs and we could suck at golf together as like a friendly activity. It's going to take a lot of practice because I remember as a kid, like I'm talking like seven years old, my dad had a set of clubs that I played. And prior to that, I didn't play at all.

After that, I didn't touch a club until Topgolf and I haven't touched a club again since. So like maybe three days in my life, I've held a golf club. So you're probably better than I am because there's a curve in golf. And I started here and last fall I was going like this and now I'm here. I've hit the I've hit the major slump in my golf game

so you're probably starting from a neutral place you probably better that golf than I am right now and We shouldn't it'll be fun. Hang out drive a golf drive in the golf cart around is the funnest part I've not been allowed to do that since I drove it into a creek as a kid You pay them 15 bucks you get to go drive a golf cart around for a couplenest part. I've not been allowed to do that since I drove it into a creek as a kid. You pay them 15 bucks, you get to go drive a golf cart around for a couple hours and there's no speed limits. And you just jump curbs and like you're supposed to. Cause it's fun, it's fun.

We should do it. I'll go. You're invited Mark, but you live way the fuck far away. So it seems impractical. Well, all right, yeah. But you couldn't, if you're here, we could all golf. I don't think that'll ever happen. I don't think that's, uh, not in the cards.

It doesn't. I don't remember the last time you left this room. As far as I know, that entire, your entire existence is contained in this one room that we see you in on this podcast. Which is strange, because I'm actually in this room probably the least. Not anymore, with all my recording I'm doing, with all the YouTubes that I'm handling. I see weights taking the points away for that. Well, I just don't, I'm suspicious. I'm suspicious. In other update nudes about the weirdness

of the Apple business side of things, I've gone down a little farther because I had that custom store they made me, right? And so I reached out again because I was like, I I've seen I've seen it. That's the thing I've seen the basic business store. There is a Basic business store that's like the front page store that you get when you get Apple and I saw it once and then never Again, and I don't know what's going on because also I was trying to I was trying to set up for like a they call it like the Apple business manager and so

when you buy a computer you can have it automatically you know set up itself as soon as it connects to the internet if it's connected to your to your business account it's useful if I'm trying to do that thing where I'm trying to test out if I'm going to render with them and I get a couple with them it'll automatically just like put all the software on there as soon as it connects the internet. I don't have to go into it. Nothing. I couldn't use it with my Apple email. I couldn't use it with another email that I did with that. I had to make a separate one that was not tied to my business account already even though I made my

business account with the same one that I do with everything else, I had to make a completely separate one, and then I had to register for what's called a DUNS number. You ever heard of a DUNS number? It sounds like an impolite way of calling you a DUNS without you knowing it. That's actually the proclamation that they give in New York when a new skyscraper is finished. A big grizzly guy walks up in his tank top and jeans and he goes hey guns And then they smash a bottle of Budweiser on it mark. I gave you a point I just want you to know later on whenever I say to defeat the dons Never gonna remember that no chance. What's weird about it is oh if you have a business you have what's called an EIN, right?

It's an employer identification number. It's like you know the kind of a tax It's like a social security number for your business. Well the Duns number is from Dun and Bradstreet Oh those guys yeah, it's yeah, you know Brooks and Duns Pretty much. It's basically just a separate organization that all these businesses go to to get a number that rents to use with this other company? Why them? Why? Why anything? I already have a number. I have a business idea. We should make a system called the DIST number. And if you want to, if we should just start getting people on board, if you want to buy our products, you need a DIST number. And then they'll just have to come to us and we should just start getting people on board, if you want to buy our products, you need a dist number.

And then they'll just have to come to us and we'll issue them a dist number. I didn't know that was a business you could have. That's fascinating proposition. Turns out businesses just can make businesses that don't have anything to do with anything else, but just being there for businesses to go through. More hoops. You are a hoop maker. So a Dun and Bradstreet Duns number, D-U-N-S,

is a unique nine digit identifier for businesses that is associated with a business's live business identity. The fuck does that mean? Why do I need this? Literally on the pages, what is a DUNS number and why do I need it? It says it may help evaluate potential partners, seek new contracts, apply for for loans and so much more how how does it do that what does it do i just want to anyway so it's it's just i i see so much why i hated working in a cubicle in a business i hate the way businesses run in general. I find it to be so infuriating. Some of the arbitrarily stupid things that go on just for the sake of business. Business, business.

It's annoying and I hate it. Of all the things that I know about how businesses operate, this is one of the weirder ones because what is done in Bradstreet? Like your EIN, that's issued by the IRS. Yeah. Your, what's another one? The, the, the UEI, which is a thing that is basically the same as the Dunn's number, it's just a new version of it. That's also like a government thing.

It makes sense to me. You need like a government, because the way businesses work is you have to register it with it or with the government, then it's it's a business so who who the shit is Dun and Bradstreet what is this I don't know I don't know they're not the government they're just some company you just need it to make the Apple Store so you can access the secondary Apple Store so you can buy some air pods or whatever man I mean yeah I don't know You go to the about us page on Duns and Breastfeet

Actionable data to drive performance, accelerate growth, navigate risk and control costs with reliable data and insights to power business decisions for any organization of any size or anywhere across the globe What do you do? What do you do? they give you a number isn't it obvious oh data data to power the world's leading companies data that is unrivaled our data best data ever look at our infographic I'm looking at their infographic oh man go on this is the kind of shit that feels like a scam like there's a bunch of stuff in when you're doing like small business stuff or you're like tax things. There's a bunch of stuff where you're like, all right, this is like an IRS.gov website. All right. That's

pretty legit. And then you go to another thing and it's like, Oh, this is like a, this is like a something else.org website. That doesn't really feel like, Like it shouldn't it be a.gov website? This is one of those things where it's like, is this a scam? It seems like a scam. Because it's like, it says 200 million trade payment experiences with 2B updates monthly.

What does that mean? 1.4 billion match points. What? 153 million linked records in a family tree great 26 million supply chain illumination on 26 million companies what tier n includes 82 million direct suppliers relationships 35 billion t1 t2 and t3 relationships the fuck are you talking about what do you do this feels like where where crypto br Bros came from.

Like this is Crypto Bros Grandparents or something. It's a weird nest of horrible, but I think.org and.gov are basically the same thing now, right? Ah, no. .gov is a government in America. .gov means it is a government website and.org, like any non- any nonprofit can be a dot org. It has to be non-profit though? It doesn't have to be, but like all, anything that is a non-profit, like it's not related

to the government at all. It's some kind of whatever charity, whatever that can have a dot org. Also institutions can have dot orgs, I think, but that's because a lot of them, like it, the dot gov and dot org do mean very specific different things That's good. I'm glad about that And I never like I don't ever want to put my personal info in on a thing That's not a doc of website, but like that comes up and it's fucking sketchy. What about it get your duns calm I went to file my taxes for free dot CA Well, actually that might be a California website but

you know what I mean. Dot com? That's the next big wave. Fresh hot buns dot com? I say buns, I meant dons. It's supposed to be a pun. Well, fresh hot buns too. Whatever. Give yourself a point anyway. It's good enough. Oh thanks. There's so many jokes in there you're just spilling them all over. Anyway that's weird and I'm with you. I hate it. I think you're right So you still can't buy a phone? No, I still haven't done anything because I just I I'm at a loss every single second that I'm trying to explore any of this stuff Tim stop making things so difficult on mark put him buy an Apple phone Tim Apple. We know you watch listen, please

Tim Apple's a listener if ever anyone That's probably listener vibes. Yeah This episode is brought to you by uber You know that feeling when someone shows up for you just when you need it most that's what uber is all about Like when Wade's house was flooding and falling to pieces all around him and you showed up just when he needed you to so you could film it and exploit it for views on the internet. Oh, whatever it is, big or small, Uber is on the way so you can be on yours. Uber on our way to your house, Wade.

Well we're gonna get into our episode here then, and I've got a lovely idea that will require a little bit of work from you, but while you boys are starting your efforts, I'm gonna give you some examples of things I'm looking for. Throughout the years there have been some unusual inventions, I think we've talked about some inventions throughout episodes in the past, right? Like the guy who invented the bear suit or whatever, the invincible suit. I'm looking for inventions that maybe didn't make the cut or that did and just aren't still around today. I got a couple examples

here for you. The first one is called the urban window baby cage. Oh I love those. It's like a mesh cage you put it out your window you plop your baby in there and let it play outside and I mean, because it is a caged animal. What are most things that you keep babies in, if not cages for your tiny animal? It's true, you just hang it out the window and baby can come back whenever you want it to. They're softer and more civilized,

but they're just fancy cages. And likely you can close the window behind it so you don't have to hear the crying, it's excellent. Yeah, those are a great invention. Just make sure that glues on there real good before you let the baby crawl out in the little danger cage. Another example. What if you and the boys are like, man, look at our beards. But what if, bro, we all want to be like shaved together, bro, the group shaving machine is it for you. You can have up to a dozen men get shaved at once with the group shaving machine is it for you? You can have up to a dozen men get shaved at once with the group shaving machine

Oh, what are we inventing these ourselves or are we looking up real ones that were I? Will accept either if you want to come up with your own terrible invention inventions. I will listen. We'll call them wild wacky and unusual inventions One usual. Not win-ventions? There's just one... It's fine.

Alright, I've got one actually that's real. And you're gonna love the name. You're gonna love the name. You'll understand why this sold. RADATHOR! RADATHOR? What? What is RADATHOR?

Okay, RADATHOR is a patented medicine from 1932- No, 1918 is when it was invent- introduced. RAD-A-THOR by William J. A. Bailey, his biggest commercial success. Sold 400,000 bottles between 1925 and 1930. That's a lot of RADathor. Oh it's so much Rattathor. People were buying it left and right. It was curing all kinds of ales for everybody. William J.A. Bailey, a drop out from Harvard College, not a doctor, just so we all know, advertised it as quote a cure for the living dead. Wow, cures zombie-ism?

Oh yeah, as well as perpetual sunshine in a bottle. It cures sunshine or it gives you sunshine? It's perpetual sunshine. Infinite light and cures the zombie apocalypse. What a thing. It was expensive, but it also cured impotence. Ooh. Anyway, so it was all ruined by someone named Eben Byers, who actually graduated from college, Yale. ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo o Well, yeah, I mean, oh, he died in 1932. Wait, wait, yeah.

The ripe old age of 1932. I know, right? He didn't die until later. He's still alive right now. What a strange, you know, unrelated things about his death. You know, he had his jaw removed before he died, probably unrelated. And also he was buried in a lead lined coffin. Oh, weird. Is that like a sex thing? Well I mean probably is probably something he was a

weirdo you know he died for mysteriously and also his corpse had the like equivalent radioactivity of about 4,400 bananas which is you know putting in perspective that's not that bad. I probably could eat that many bananas in a short period of time if I meant to I doubt it would kill me when you go to the store they have like the whole banana thing up and like it's got this weird feeling as you approach it then you feel a little nauseous afterward I remember that yeah I know right I might actually be misreading that entirely but his body was radioactive turns out Rattathor was a patented medicine with distilled water containing one microcure of radium 226 and radium 228.

Hmm. I'm guessing radium is radioactive. Oh yeah! I'm sorry have we learned if that's good or bad for humans yet? Well he lived five more years till he died. He probably would have died right away if not for the Rattathor. Yeah we just don't have enough data. I mean it would definitely kill all the things in you. Yeah well I mean he sold 400,000 bottles of this and this one guy drank 1,400 of them. That's quite a lot. Yeah they're half ounce bottles so he only drank 800 o- or 700 ounces. What was he teaching like treating like 5 hour energy? He's like,

Oh, Yon, must need another bottle of Rattathorn! It kind of looks like a 5 hour energy bottle. Wait, let me show you- let me show you a picture of this. It's actually, um, it looks suspiciously similar to, uh, a 5 hour energy bottle like a yield-y 5 hour energy bottle. It's triple distilled! Well the radiation won't leak out with that cork in it. Yeah of course not.

Mesothorium? That's good stuff. Alright anyway so that's an invention. I won't say it's bad. I have one that is equally good for humanity. This one, the name kind of gives it away. So before I tell you what it's called, I just want to share a picture of it. I hope this is one that I

might have encountered in my research. This is called the rainy day cigarette holder from 1954. You ever just really need a smoke so bad, but don't have a full human sized umbrella but it's raining outside all you need to smoke in the rain is one tiny cigarette sized umbrella can I work with you Bob to give you a better version of this invention that I think we could make ah sure there's an invention I thought you were gonna bring up that's very related to this called the chain smoker. Oh, look up the chain smoker and just imagine how many umbrellas you could put on this baby. There's just so many. All I get is pictures of the band, the chain smokers. Hang on. Let me share my screen. Oh, I see

it. I found it. Yeah. That's Oh, wow. Ooh, Classy that is class It's like the v8 engine of cigarettes where you could it looks like it holds 20 cigarettes and you could smoke 10 of them at Once so combine that with what you found and that's a lot of umbrellas Yeah, well it could be expandable you just keep adding every length of pipe has its own umbrella And you just keep adding you can add another length another you just need to make sure you have a plug for the end and then wow that's uh that's quite the thing what was yours called mine was called the rainy day cigarette holder I like it because we all knew in like 1960 1950 that cigarettes were good for you and you

needed as many of them as possible and you definitely don't want stupid things like rain And water to get in the way man. I am finding some Hilariously good stuff here. They get pretty Unusual don't they well this this is this one's useful. I think but also funny, but useful maybe I Don't know what but he was just he was just mouthing something would you say that was for the viewers well I'm a viewer I didn't I'll tell you

later oh okay don't look at me I don't want to jump the line if it's Mark's turn I'll give you a second I have a couple I'm trying just to determine which one's the weirdest that That's not terribly weird. Uh, why would you say that? It's unusual. Oh! While I figured this one out, I just remembered one that I actually know about. Uh, did you- did you- do you know about the testing of one of the earliest parachutes? No. No, I don't think so.

So this is before the parachute was perfected, but I think we can, uh, we owe a lot to Franz Reichelt, Austro-Hungarian born guy Who unfortunately passed away in 1912 at the age of 33 so really not terribly that old But he really really really wanted to make the parachute work and lo and behold he actually got permission By the French government to test his parachute off of the Eiffel Tower. There is video of this guy testing his parachute. It was filmed both from the top of when he jumped off and the bottom... When he landed safely? He landed. So it goes... He...

At 8.22 a.m. observed by a crowd of about 30 journalists and curious onlookers Reichelt readied himself facing towards the Seine River on a stool placed on a restaurant table next to the interior guardrail of the Towers first deck a little more than a hundred and eighty seven feet above ground 57 meters after adjusting his apparatus with the assistance of his friends and checking the wind direction by throwing a piece of paper taken from A small book he placed one foot on the guardrail, hesitated for about... 40 seconds, then leapt outwards. According to Le Figaro,

he was calm and smiling just before he jumped through his 40 seconds of hesitation. His parachute opened, only about halfway, folded around him almost immediately, and he fell for a few seconds before striking the frozen soil at the foot of the tower. Ooh How is he now? Well, he was already dead by the time onluckers rushed to his body. Okay.

I mean big mistake doing this in the middle of winter when things were frozen obviously parachutes don't Work in winter and ground is extra hard. Parachutes don't work in winter and ground is extra hard. Parachutes don't work in winter? I didn't know that! Jesus Christ! Wait, that's a funny ending to this. Mentioned an autopsy concluded that Reichelt died of a heart attack during his fall. Oh no.

No! So he would have survived! He would have made it. He's just too scared. Anyway, so yeah, that the one of their earliest parachutes We don't know if it's the earliest so maybe in human history people were trying different things Probably the depth of the crater he left was about 15 centimeters or 5.9 inches if anyone was he yam ched Poor man.

I think maybe actually, you know, he might have pulled the full... So sad. It is. Yeah, no, it's... Yeah. Well, at least he paved the way for the next parachute, which was the one that worked, right? I don't know about that one.

Bob? Come with me on this one. You're a serious business person. Time is of the essence. You need to make sure communications between you and your staff of many industrious workers are quick and effective. You live in... And also, you live in the world before telephones, before like even telegrams maybe. Old, old, old, Victorian times even. What do you do? Walk around and talk to each other face to face?

No, that's stupid. You do what kids on modern playgrounds do, and you install metal pipes that run between rooms and across floors of your building of industry, and then you shout into them so that people on the other end of the pipe may hear your message as expeditiously as possible. Listening tubes were used in the Victorian era as a form of intercom system, and I can only fucking imagine some baron of industry just sitting in his office like, hmm, tell Jenkins we need the prototype by tomorrow. We can bring it in.

Get the ball in the ball. Ah, yes, sir. I'll get to that right now. Like, what the fuck? Just guys yelling into tubes running around the whole factory. I love the idea of a very formal meeting where you're like, I think we can possibly have this job provided to you, but it's gonna be costly. Hey, I need another player right now!

So, if you're gonna take this seriously, I need you to act serious. Where's my conference? It's an all hands meeting. Unfortunately, Frederick's gonna have to conference in. Don't worry guys, I can hear you just fine can you hear me he couldn't make it into the office he's downstairs he's two floors down he just couldn't get away from his desk man i bet there was like plans for inner city tubes just going

everywhere it's like we can make this happen guy's experimenting with how long tubes can be like oh it could be a whole block away you have to really shout you need shouters you need very loud men to communicate your message you need good shouters and good listeners but can make it work our company merged with a company across the street we're installing the listening tubes right now so we could be one solid building man if we weren't you know in a universe where electricity worked I wonder how far people would push technology like this, you know, that's what steampunk's all about is like things just can't progress any farther

than that. So this is just a reality. It's the pinnacle and it's great. I think it certainly adds a fun dose of levity into the corporate, the corporate world of corporate industry because it's hard to be too serious and condescending when you're shouting into a big metal tube hoping that someone on the other end is listening to what you're saying. You get in a relationship with someone who lives like a few blocks away and you start installing your listening tube so you can talk to them throughout the night. It's not a phase mom! And then the breakup you have to uninstall your

tube really sadly. Just keep it and fart into it every day. And eventually it'll be so full of farts it'll reach the other end. I, okay, so there's an inventor that I think we've talked a little bit about. His name is Thomas Midgley Jr., right? So this guy, he's the guy that was like,

we should add lead to gasoline. We should make these chlorofluorocarbons that cause the hole in the ozone, right? But, and you'd think those would be, you know, inventions to leave a legacy behind. Like, he's often known as like one of the most destructive people to ever live on humanity as a whole, right?

Damn. Did terrible things, you know know with lead gasoline and the... Atom bomb? Lead ozone guy. I mean look if you want to go by the numbers there's actually math behind it of the amount of destruction. Also I think he pioneered the use of freon which I think is more safe for you know like for Draven. Sounds like a weird one. Yeah, freon which I think is more safe for you know like for

Yeah, yeah, I'm very bad. We like freedom on but his his own invention that he made Because he had polio right so he He got polio at 51 So he invented a series of ropes and pulleys to lift himself out of bed, but on November 2nd, 1944, at the age of 55, he was found dead in his home because he had been killed by his own device after he became entangled in it and died of strangulation. He should have known, don't invent anything else. All he wanted to do was reach down and grab the remote for him.

Little did he know he was the worst inventor of all time. Yeah, he's up there. He's definitely up there. His name will live on in infamy. What was it? I don't remember. All right, Thomas. No Thomas Midgley jr. I got another winner here. This one really plays well in corporate America, too It was invented by Hugo Gernsback in 1925. The world is a noisy place. There's listening tubes all over, people just shouting at you through every pipe they can get their mouth on.

You need to focus. Hugo understood this, the importance of being laser focused on your task, and that's why he invented the isolator helmet. This is a helmet that fully covers your head, fully blocks out all sound, all light, and seals tightly so that it blocks off oxygen. Oh. Uh huh.

It's just, It's just... It was invented as a means of helping you focus. It is a thing out of which you cannot see or hear. And which doesn't allow oxygen in or out. So all it is is a dark box for you to slowly suffocate in while you go insane with nothing but your thoughts to soothe you. Wow.

Well how soothing are those thoughts though? It's really soothing. Oh well it really depends on how healthy you are in the mind I suppose. Strong man's thoughts are very soothing. Those had a lifetime warranty. You were guaranteed to only ever need one. There is just no chance that you're going to get distracted from how much you're suffocating to death when you have the Isolator helmet on.

Nothing else in the entire world could possibly even cross your mind as you slowly die in your sad tube. I can't see why that didn't catch on on but they aren't around today. Go figure. There was a guy, well okay, I was gonna say this one but I read right now that he didn't invent it. So Jimmy Heselden owned Segway and his Segway went off a cliff and he died but he didn't invent it so I don't think that that counts. I will say there is a guy named Valerian Abakovsky who invented what he called the Aero Wagon. I mean it just looks awesome. Let me show you a picture of this.

This thing actually looks kind of, kind of, kind of awesome. It's a rail car with an aircraft engine in it and propellers on the front? I can't tell, you know, I look at these pictures nowadays and I'm like, I don't know if there's an AI generated picture because you never know, but this is on Wikipedia. So who knows? I think it's real. But the story is as follows. Oh man, look at a picture of this guy again.

Wait, I'll get a picture. This again looks some don't look right about it Some don't viewers it's just he looks like he's seen something The lighting on his face that just randomly doesn't cover part of his lip, but then covers again I mean, that's it's fine. It looks like a drawing of him as opposed Yeah, it has maybe a drawing vibe or something. There's something weird about that. The lighting is like, what is blocking, what shape is that? He's just got a really pointy nose and a really puffy corner of his mouth.

Oh, it's the lighting that's wrong. And his hat is crooked, the bill is like crooked. He's a crooked man! He's a crooked man, but he was trying to revolutionize things because he made the Aero wagon, which was an experimental high-speed rail car fitted with an airplane engine and propeller propulsion originally invented to carry Soviet officials, specifically Soviet officials. In 1921, July 24th, he and a group of communists, led by Soviet politician Fyodor Sergeyev, took the Aero wagon from Moscow to the Tula Collieries to test it. Abakovsky was on board, and they successfully arrived in Tula.

On the return route to Moscow, however, the Aero Wagon derailed at high speed, killing seven of the 22 on board. Damn. Including... This is a suspicious list. A Bulgarian delegate, an Australian delegate, a German delegate, a British delegate, Fyodor Sergeyev, the guy earlier before, not the inventor, another German delegate, and the inventor himself. It's a strangely not Russian

list of people that died in this incident, but I'm not saying anything about that but he invented that it crashed and they never did it again. You know what needs to be cooler? ICE. Putting out fires. It's not fun enough. You know and I'm not talking like firemen and like if you if you're at home or you're at work or whatever and there's a fire you go to to the wall, you grab the fire extinguisher,

you pfft, pfft, fine, whatever. Wouldn't it be more fun if you had like a snowball fight with the fire? Like it's a game? Yeah, I think you're right, yeah. Okay, I'm with you. I think instead of those boring, safe, reliable, red fire extinguishers we have all over,

we should just keep buckets full of glass balls full of chemicals, and when there's a fire, you just grab the appropriate number of fire extinguishing grenades and hawk them at the fire, and boom, fire is out and you had a great time doing it. I like it. Sounds good. Glass, chemical, time doing it. I like it. Sounds good. Glass, chemical, fire grenades. I like it. I think I've actually heard of this before. I didn't know it was bad. I don't know if there's a modern version of it, but fire classic fire extinguisher

grenades date as far back as 1723 apparently. But basically it's a big it's like a very large glass ampule filled with fire extinguishing chemicals of some sort or fire retardant powder or something like that um apparently the early ones had a gunpowder charge so when you throw it the powder the powder scatters and the puffs sort of like you know you can put out fire with explosions because it starves it of oxygen. The black powder spreads out and goes, and then the fire retardant dusts. Anyway, it's just more fun, you know? I mean, legitimately, there's a modern one of this. I have a video of it right now.

Oh, well, I was just looking at the olden times. I want to see the modern one of this. I have a video of it right now. Oh, well I was just looking at the old, the olden times, I wanna see the modern one. They had the right idea that just the wrong execution because here is the modern version of it. It is literally, it looks just like you're talking about a ball, boom! Oh. And it puts out the fire!

Well, you have to stand next to the fire and hold this giant ball over the fire for... No, you're supposed to throw it into the fire. You're supposed to throw next to the fire and hold this giant ball over the fire for... No, you're supposed to throw it into the fire. You're supposed to throw it into the fire. I believe I've seen another video of it, firefighting grenade, and it actually does seem kind of effective. Oh, here we go. Here's another one. Let me... Oh, this video is so good. All right. So you throw it in and boom. Oh, like that! I know right? I want to buy one! Give me 20! Well this invention, I guess I didn't meet the requirement, this invention is still around because it's a great idea just like I was saying. Oh a mini version! Oh wow! Oh it's an

automatic fire extinguisher you install it under the hood of the car and then if the fire starts in the car engine area Have a pyromaniac kid install one of these on him when they go play Just have him wear a vest covered in them just in case tape to do his hands So he's always holding them can't start fires if you don't have your hands. I like the ideas Well, I was kind of a joke but like that honestly that's unless you're a bad unless you're like a bad thrower in which case that does seem like it has a little bit of a disadvantage like there's one use one big grenade left and there's a fire and they're like just toss it in there and you're just like well down

the stairs. Well I guess there's a fire, isn't there? Fuck, better run. That one spot will be safe though. If the fire gets over to where I threw that, poof. I honestly do think it's kind of an interesting idea. It's guaranteed to spread whatever fire retardant that it has in it, in an area. And also, it doesn't mean you need to get close to it. But yeah, bad arms, bad throwing, not great if you're trying to do that so leave it to the train throwers I have one and it's it might be too soon

but Ocean gate Mm-hmm Okay, so two years ago Man by the name of stock... Richard Stockton Rush III, co-founder and chief executive officer of Ocean Gate, a deep sea exploration company, or I'm thinking it was, you know, went down in his submarine that he made out of carbon fiber composites. And I actually watched a video of exactly where it went wrong,

because when the carbon fiber was wrapped, I mean, it's not a good idea anyway to use these materials. There's reason not to, because carbon fiber, while being very strong for its weight, has problems with, you know, over time. But not only that, apparently, when they made it and they wrapped it, they actually just ground down any imperfections in it before they added another layer. So with carbon fiber, it's continuous strands of carbon. It's very strong that way, but it's one thin strand.

So they weave a lot of it together to cover an area. So it's not one unified thing, but they will put like, you know, epoxy on it or resins and they'll build strength that way. But if you grind it down, you cut those fibers where you're grinding it so those are no longer together. So when they layered it, it didn't matter how many layers they had, eventually they had points of failure through the entirety of the hull. That was one of the many reasons why I failed. The only silver lining to this is the death was so quick. None of them could even, it's not that they didn't feel it. They didn't even register it in their brain that it happened. It's about the quickest way you could go possibly in anything.

So it's not good, but at least there's that. But he did invent it and it's not a good idea to do that. And he's quoted, his legacy is this quote I think in a nutshell quote you know at some point safety is just pure waste I mean if you just want to be safe don't get out of bed don't get in your car don't do anything at some point you're gonna take some risk and it really is a risk-reward question I think I can do this just as safely by breaking the rules Hmm, so there's that it's truly unfortunate what happened especially the other people that were on board for it

That put their trust in it. It's just bad across the board, but yeah, that was that was an invention oof Oof indeed. Yeah, yeah I'm gonna bring the mood down, Mark. I got sadder ones. I got more fun ones. Alright, this is something almost something we've talked about before. We've talked about showing your butthole to the sun. Or butt sunbathing.

Or as I like to call it hole flashing but in the early 20th century sometime between the 1930s and the 1950s yeah I've said that before hold that's not that's definitely not the first time I've ever said hole flashing out loud to you guys is it yeah I mean might be it might be actually oh it certainly couldn't be the first time in my entire life I've ever thought those words together in the same sentence. Is it like all fashion but with hole hole flashing? Call me hole flash and but you know, sometimes oh god. Look everyone knows about that That's not cool in the 1930s sometime in there Everyone figured out what part of your body gets even less sun than your butthole.

That's right. It's your armpits. That's why they made, manufactured, advertised, and sold specific sunbathing lamps where you could sit in a chair and the lamps would reach around. I don't know if it was from the front or from the back. I don't actually have a lot of pictures of this, but they basically would goop and tuck in there and you could get that sweet sweet sweet vitamin D up in your pits Great. Could you use it for your taint as well? I don't know how adjustable they were but I imagine that would work pretty well Yeah, I don't see why you couldn't but also I don't see why you couldn't just get a UV lamp in general and sit on it

I can probably work. The armpits would be tougher, so it makes sense that they made these for you armpits. Yeah, the armpits need a real particular positioning, and if you want to be comfortable, it has to be ergonomic, you know? Has there ever been any science behind that? Like, any, like... Aside from that you get vitamin D? No, it's all pseudoscience. I know who to ask about this.

Hahaha! pseudo science. I know who to ask about this. Apparently a big part of the armpit revelation was like your butt armpits are usually in clothes and even if you're naked your arms are down your pits are completely hidden but there are many lymph nodes in your armpits and so that's good to get sun on those everybody knows lymph nodes like Sun and stuff Yeah, there is no evidence none. No, it just feels good You know, and if it feels good, how can it be bad? Nothing can ever go wrong by getting too much sun

I can't imagine how that piece of wisdom needs to be tampered tempered tampered tampered with it piece of wisdom needs to be tampered. Tampered? Tampered? Tampered with it. Old fashioned. Whole flashing. Old fashioned, whole flashing. I got another one.

These just get progressively more sad. Well, not progressively. They're all just sad. You decide what's sad or not. There was a guy named Karol Suchek. Suchek? So he was a stunt man from Czech. He went over Niagara Falls in a barrel in 1984.

He lived from that attempt, um, or not attempt, he did it. He said, uh, he wore- he was in a barrel that said on it, last to the Niagara daredevils, 1984, it's not whether you fail or triumph, it's that you keep your word. And at least try. It rolled over the Niagara River, it made it and it's totally fine. He emerged bleeding, but he was alive. He was fine for $500 and then he was like, I'm gonna build an even better one. He got a taste of success. He decided to

build another one and he was going to test it during a stunt show in the Houston Astrodome over a tank of water. Everything probably was going to work just fine. However, A stunt show in the Houston Astrodome over a tank of water. Everything probably was going to work just fine. However, on January 19th, 1985, while he was in the barrel, 180 feet above the floor of the Astrodome, the barrel was released prematurely and began spinning as it fell towards the floor. Instead of landing in the center of the tank of water,

it hit the rim of the tank. Foam pads, which had been placed at the bottom of the tank, had floated to the surface before it was released. Everything went wrong. He was still alive when he was cut from the barrel, but died shortly thereafter. And apparently, Stuntman Evil Knievel had tried to persuade

Suchik not to go through with it calling it quote the most dangerous I've ever seen so if Evil Knievel Says not to do that Probably shouldn't do it all you youngins out there Evil Knievel was known as doing some crazy stunts Don't worry. I'll keep bringing the silly alright I've got your back, everybody out there. Bob! And your butthole! Mark!

30 died tragically. This was invented by Carl Dreis. He called it a lough machine. German for running machine. But we know them modernly as dandy horses, right? I really know what a dandy horse is. Oh, like a horse. Okay.

For anyone who might not know if you're uncultured or whatever, a dandy horse is kind of like a bicycle, but it has hard wood or metal wheels, no suspension of any sort, and the wheels are free spinning. And instead of pedaling on any sort of gears or anything, you just sort of have a seat between your legs and then run your legs, your legs touch the ground. It's like a balance bike. You know, kids have balance bikes

when they're like learning how to do bike stuff. It's just, it's designed to just, you just run along with this thing wedged in your crotch and it's like a bicycle that you run on. And of course it's called a dandy horse cause why wouldn't it be? Honestly, this makes sense. I'm looking at a picture of it.

I'm like, yeah, if they couldn't master gears or like the kind of chain to drive the back. It saves you all the annoying shit on bicycles. It's just wheels and a thing to sit on. My favorite part is that the wheels are hard wood or metal because holy fuck would that hurt your balls. You have a hard leather saddle crushing your balls into your pelvis. It's just a scooter. It's a razor scooter basically,

but you know if they'd have just made a razor scooter it would have made a lot more sense. is what that does but you get to use both legs plus you can kind of coast which is nice if you just pick your legs up you can kind of coast like you can on a bike but at the expense of absolutely ruining any chance you have of making offspring there's an image of one of these when I look for dandy horse if you just search dandy horse and look at pictures there's one that's like yellow. Is it the modern one? Yeah, where it goes over the back and has like a strap that goes around your stomach or something

That's a that's a modern reimagining of it where there's like you wear a harness and hang from the top of it and run underneath It Bob, you know, you've just done you reminded me that I have not checked up on electric bike technology in a while. I'm about to go down a rabbit hole again. Rabbit hole time! That's what I'm gonna be talking about for the next few weeks. Don't you have one of those? I do, I do. I just haven't been riding much because I haven't had much to go, but you know, maybe I should again. I mean everything was on fire for a while I guess, so that didn't help probably. Yeah, but I mean that wasn't really the problem. I think I just just I had the crash and then I went to somewhere to do something well I mean it wasn't a crash like it was bad and I was

scarred for life I just I got hurt and my bike got beat up and so I think I still need to fix it I just haven't gotten around to it I feel I fell out of the habit I want to get back into it again fun ebikes are fun and only kind of as dangerous as motorcycles are oh yeah Anyway, have you guys heard of the brazen bull? Yes, actually I like this This is a good it's good direction the name sounds familiar. I like the alliteration Well, you shouldn't so the brazen bull it's it's more of a legend than anything But it definitely is a thing that was made but the situation around its invention might be just, you know, a legend. So it was made, um, in ancient Greece by Diodorus Sissoulis?

No, that's who- that's not the inventor, that's who is recounting the story, right? So it's basically a big bronze bowl. Hollow inside, door on one side, and it was apparently, it was brought forward before the king or whatever and the guy who invented it was said like you put someone in there light a fire underneath and when they scream in agony I've made the mouth like a trumpet that'll make their screams sound like a bull going so the king said wow that's terrible why don't you test it out? And they shoved the inventor in there and they lit it on fire and he died, apparently.

I like how on Wikipedia it says, type torture device inventor, perilous of Athens. Manufacturer perilous of Athens. Available? No. There's literally no available. Available? Amazon link! Currently sold out, check back later! So there you have it. I don't know if they used it after that, I'm pretty sure they probably did.

Product force is like, trust me it works! Who'd you test it on? Let's test it now! Get in! Did he sound like a bull? I have an audio recording of it right now. Playing editors! KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E are so fun and happy. I made the mistake of looking at images there's diagrams like cut open where you can see a person inside. One guy looks like he's in a medical gown just lounging and other guys like completely bound with the

flames touching his asshole. It's great. Honorary terrible thing to whoever invented like cave exploring. Terrible. Oh yeah, just yeah awful. Don't care for it All right, Bob you got any more yeah, obviously Do you want a stupid one or do you want one that I wish still existed? This is probably the last one but I guess you can throw in an honorary if you want like mark did Alright, I'm gonna pick the one I like better and then I'll give you the honorary at the end. This is a thing that existed in the first half of the 20th century and basically fell out of existence by the 1980s.

The Automat Restaurant. This is especially big in cities, but it's basically a diner sort of restaurant where it's like a giant vending machine. But the vending machine isn't just stocked with stuff that doesn't perish it's a kitchen and then there's like a wall of Boxes where you put coins in box opens you take food and then you eat the food It's like a self-service restaurant, but there's an actual kitchen in the back where they make stuff, right? It's basically fresh food

But in the fastest most efficient form you go in you find the thing you basically fresh food, but in the fastest, most efficient form, you go in, you find the thing you want, you put your money in the slot, you take it out, you eat and get the hell out of there. It seems like a cool idea. Like I like vending machines, but I've never had a sandwich from a vending machine where I ate it and I was like, good sandwich. I'm glad that happened. Vending machine food is like, it's either chips or something like snacks, or it's disappointing. And that's maybe not as true like in other parts of the world like Japan famously has shit tons of vending machines

and amazing stuff comes out of the vending machines and you can get all, but like in America, if you get a vending machine sandwich, you're gonna have a disappointing time. But if you could go to an automat restaurant and get a vending machine, you know meatloaf with mashed potatoes I just feel like that'd be cool. I feel like there's a place for that. Yeah, definitely is Japan probably has I mean there They're known for non-stop vending machine everything. So maybe now I think about it I have actually seen there are like ramen spots where it's just a big, there's a big thing of like hot liquid.

I don't know if it's water or broth or what. You go in, you pick your pack of ramen, you pick your little toppings and there's no like worker there. It's all self-serve ramen. It's a similar idea. But anyway, my honorary mention, there's not much to it and it is what it sounds like. Pedal- land ships! Do you need to move a mass of humanity from one place to another? Don't want to burn gasoline? Just put- this is kind of like the airline we invented back in the day. Just put a bunch of people on a big bus-sized vehicle and they all have pedals and everybody better fucking pedal!

If you don't pedal you die Yeah, I remember instead of falling from the sky out of an airplane. You just get kicked off the bus Ship, but yeah pedal powered land ships. What an idea. What an idea man the future was now They'd always be an econ mode. I think that's all I got I mean they just get more like hearsay and like I'm not sure if they're real at this point. Yeah I'm running out of stuff that feels real to me. The next one I had up was a bird diaper. I don't know if I believe that that's real but if it is. A diaper for birds or a bird, diaper made of birds? Which one

is it? A diaper for birds so that you can have birds in your house but it's more civilized. Ah of course, of course. Because they poop everywhere and it's a problem. I got a couple fun ones to toss out for you all here before we wrap up. Uh, Siamese dancing shoes. Two pairs of shoes, each shoe is physically connected and part of someone else's shoe so you're always stepping together. Oh. That sounds not like torture to me.

Whoever leads, fully drags your foot with them. They were featured in a spoof Better Living catalog in 1981, but they're shoes that are connected. But people wanted it after they saw this spoof. I don't know. I think they were invented before, but I don't have a year on that one. The rubber bumper is like a bench with a rubber backing that sits on the front of cars so that way if a car hits you it won't kill you you'll just be sitting on its bench. 1930s invention to help you. Wait wait I'm having trouble picturing that one. What is it? Isn't it just a a car bumper that's made of rubber? Is it not like the bumper that goes around like bumper

cars? Something like that. That's not rubber. What at all? That's made of metal! Oh my god, you would get annihilated. No, no, no, it's fine. It's there to protect you. So that it makes sure that you die if you get hit by the car. So there's no insurance claims. There's the spaghetti aid, which is a fork. It's a long fork with a gear and you wind a wheel

that spins the fork for you to get the spaghetti on. So you don't have to manually turn your fork. It spins for you. I actually still use one of those. They're really, they're still relevant, still works. I thought it was like a black hole simulator. It's like, have you ever wanted to experience spaghettification in person?

This will stretch you to infinity. There's the family bicycle that looks like it's five people on one bike with two wheels looks great yeah that's a thing but isn't there a what isn't there a bandit at in Disney where it's like five guys on a bike and they're all playing instruments and singing a song or something and nothing I've seen that modernly yeah that that a thing? I've seen that, modernly. Yeah. That's a thing. Yeah, I've seen that, for sure. There are two anti-bandit briefcases.

One that releases a smoking chemical vapor if someone tries to grab your briefcase, which probably isn't good to breathe in. The other one automatically drops all the contents of your briefcase out all over the place to make sure that they're not taken. Ha ha ha! I have some very important documents that if I can't have them, no one should have them.

Either I get these to their destination intact or fuck all this stuff. Get it out of here. Before coils were put into like shoes, like gym shoes and stuff like that, there were the spring heels of the 1930s, it's a heel that just has a big coil at the bottom with a flat surface that wings you around. That- that's obvious, that's moon shoes. Anyway, whole bunch of fun, wacky, wild, and one usual things. Winventions. Winventions. Let me go through the points and uh, I think- oh my bonus point will be, Let me go through the points and I think, oh my bonus point will be

Made things the happiest. Oh, come on. Oh, come on. That could be either of us You can't have happy without sad you and you need to have the the contrast you need to have the contrast And you can add it next time. I'm gonna put that in as happiest contributions Let me read the points and then we can do our wheels right now mark. You've got youtuber returns Then I've got to defeat the dons Thank you first parachute Rattathor bad Tom little bad Tom

Bad things oh sure sure sure, sure, sure. Oh, oh, right, right, yeah. Heart attack as a supplement to the first parachute. Airplane train. Conspiracy to... Conspiracy to something. Conspiracy to... Ocean gate. Bad barrel.

Oh, the guy with the... Yeah, the stuntman guy. The stuntman guy. Well, his barrel was fine, it's just the launching of the barrel yeah, stop man guy. Well this barrel was fine is just The launching of the barrel didn't go so good raisin bull and Splunk because I couldn't get it to write the ing so we just have spelunk Belunk I don't even know what that was for cuz you said fuck whoever invented cave dive

Good glad my throwaway got a point there. That's awesome Bob you insisted I take a point away from you for hates solo YouTube. Yep You got a point for bad golf You got a couple points for inviting me to golf with you that was very thoughtful of you nice rainy day cigarette holder listening tubes Snowball fire Isolator helmet dead star of the fire is on here.

Hole flashing. Pit, sun. Vending diner. Bring in the fun points. Powered land ships. And then one that looks like, oh, it's this pedal, it's part of the same thing. Pedal power land ships.

Man, I got multiple points on lots of my contributions. I got lots of stuff here. Yeah, that's that's crazy I feel like I feel like I got screwed. You'd be really surprised at how close the score is. Never mind don't need to get my coin out. I got one pity point So right now I'm at one and I won't tell you your guys a score But I will tell you it's closer than it sounds based on how much I wrote. Wheel time? Yeah, we gotta do D3 then the big wheel.

All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right, it'll make it pretty simple. Well, that's really gonna spice things up. We get one bonus point roll and I already added your extra thing, so here we go. God damn it.

You gotta be fucking kidding me. Point for viewers. What? We gotta get some warmup spins on this thing. We gotta like get the RNG going. This is crazy. There's no way. Well, I'm looking at the final score now that the viewers,

it was viewers, right? Uh, yeah. yeah yes it was. all right viewers one point me one point mark 12 points bob 14 minus one for 13 points. i win? you invited me to golf with you and that was really the two point swing. all right friendship! what about me i'm friend! i offered my friendship to both of you in this episode.

You could always... tempt the fates. Yeah, you can see if Bob will uninvite you? Is that what you want to do? Yeah, I think him being invited- I think I declare- Wait, uh, I declare, if- if it's- If I win this, you get uninvited from golf. I don't think it's fair that you two get to have fun golfing, and I don't. I declare, that's unfair. Not about winning the episode, it's just about going for golf. I don't think it's fair that you two get to have fun golfing and I don't. I declare

that's unfair. Not about winning the episode, it's just about going for golf. I think Wade gets to determine what it's about for sure, but... So if Mark wins, I don't get to go for golf. If he wins, I have to go... He gets to go twice to golf? So either we're both going which is what was invited. I go without Mark or Mark goes twice without me. Yes Okay, that sounds good. Oh I dropped my coin hang on. Yeah, yours heads Mark. Mine's heads. Mine is tails. Mine is lion. Oh, thank God All right, fine. It was heads heads is good for you. I don't remember which one's which. Heads? No tails. Wait, no Yeah, heads is good for you. I don't remember which ones which hey no tails wait no Yeah, heads is good for me. That's right. Okay These coins are so arbitrary. I forget what meaning they actually have these rules make so much sense

They just they just play themselves out. I'm gonna make an episode. That's just coin flip the episode Well, I'm so glad that weird part four happened and I got to do weird inventions that you guys didn't screw it up for me wacky wild and weird is this what you wanted the other weird episodes to be like kinda oh well alright did you ask about like animals and shit before though I had to find a completely different weird topic because I knew I feel like we talked about weird animals in those previous F like I feel like we did exactly what you wanted before. I don't recall I remember Staring off into the distance questioning my reality. We were engaging with the topic. Yeah, we were being extra weird I think it was great

But I pulled this one off as I had planned it and envisioned it, and it's probably not as good as the previous weirds. Well, we'll let the audience decide that, won't we? Yeah, only the viewers though, because the listeners didn't get any points. You gotta participate if you want to have a word, you know, if you want your word to count, or whatever. Well, congrats, Bob! You- your losing streak is over. I mean, it wasn't that long of a losing streak, but it did- it was a while. For listeners and viewers, I haven't hosted long of a losing streak, but it did it was a while for listeners and viewers I haven't hosted in a couple weeks. So get ready. It's gonna be a banger

We're giving mark as much time as possible to re imperfect this perfect that people when they get it They're gonna laugh so hard and they're gonna be so excited. They're gonna be like wow, this was so worth it It's not even like the other ones were bad. They're great. They're very funny, but no no no it's gonna be like wow this was so worth it, and it's not even like the other ones were bad. They're great They're very funny, but no no no it's gonna be nuts when I get this oh Nah, I'd steal part one mark has just self engineered a 5e rule book and we're just playing Dice and sheets and a whole thing and you guys need to make characters pick your attributes I think you need a health. I think you need strength a little bit of cunning can't wait to see it mark I'm excited for your fully fleshed out. It's gonna be great We've done everything we can to avoid actually playing D&D but to make D&D games more like shme and me

We don't need it. I love shme and. Mark, do you wanna give your loser speech first? Yeah, I would say that I think we can all look at the brazen bull half full or half empty Just because my inventions were all related to the death of their inventor and not just being a minor inconvenience or silly I think you know, I think I think the results speak for themselves at how biased it was, but I don't have a coin to toss about it. The only one I don't know that ended in death that you gave me was Airplane Train. Did that end in death? It ended in seven deaths, actually, the most deaths.

Remember all the delegates who died? That was Airplane Train. Literally everything you gave me was death. Ends in death. I think he did that on purpose, yeah. Do you know that we had considered making a series back in like 2012, whenever Mark and I were like, going to like dinner every now and then talking, about like a show called Ends in Death,

where every skit ended in horrible death? I mean, that's pretty much how all the skits end anyway. We thought it was too on the nose, because like, well, if we give away, everyone's gonna know. But also if they know it's coming, it'll be really funny when they figure out how. Anyway, it was like our five second film comparison. They're still doing it They finally went to tick tock and and I love it. I think it's only they do great things. I'll just don't move Kelsey

forever etched in my mind Bob winner's speech You know what winning feels even better when I do it less. So I'm gonna keep doing it less. I guess that's where I'm getting... I'm gonna do it less and less every day. I'll become the biggest loser you've ever seen. And that way, when I win, it's a surprise and a delight for everyone involved. This was a fun episode, and I'm sorry we didn't get to ruin weird part four.

But good luck sneaking part five past us that shit's gonna be an absolute Jokepocalypse when it comes alright well congratulations you two you did great. I had a fun time I hope you did as well viewers and listeners. I hope your time is at least okay We really kind of ping-pong between fun and death today, which I think is a fantastic We really kind of ping-pong between fun and death today, which I think is a fantastic pendulum to swing on. That's how you should live your life, honestly. It's not legal advice that we're giving. It's illegal advice. Don't give away the next episode. If you haven't already, go follow Mark at Markiplier, Bob at MySkr, me at Minion77 or LordMinion777.

Stay tuned for the next episode where Bob will host and give us a fantabulous experience, I'm sure. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMM MMM MMM M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M