Distractible - Who's Better?

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

Today, Mark and Wade die. Yes, you read that right. And Bob, the celestial arbiter, decides what becomes of them: the good place or the bad place? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Bob hosts and kills his friends, then plays Minos, as he judges their souls for paradise. Angelic Wade joins the Mystery Men, due to his sublimely shiny pate. Mark declares himself Aphrodite reborn, and attempts to bribe his way into heaven. Yes, it's time for Who's Better? Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello, gentle listeners, and hello especially to you beautiful viewers who are watching the video version of this podcast exclusively on Spotify. That's right. All you have to do is go to Spotify. It's free. It's free to watch what you're watching right now that you didn't pay anything for.

It's free. Welcome to an episode of Distractible, where I will be your host for the day. If you've never watched this before or never listened if you're just listening i guess uh the way this works is i am the host but i'm joined as always by my two co-hosts slash competitors and they are competing to see who will win this episode and thus be the host of the next episode the points are arbitrary i score or don't score them however i want maybe i'll just just pick a winner. Maybe we'll flip a coin. Who knows? Literally no one. When I host, it could not be more arbitrary. So, you know, get ready for that action. I'm pretty sure that Wade is a little bit more arbitrary in his decisions. Oh, really, Mr. Coin Flip? Hey, it was very clear who won that

one. That doesn't mean it's not arbitrary not to me it wasn't arbitrary things are often indelibly clear because they're completely arbitrary two points for using the word indelibly indelibly no none of that bullshit what i'm the host i got the reins i'm in charge here as i think we'll come to find out well that doesn't seem very arbitrary of you yeah that's always the same way that is pretty arbitrary ad hoc even um anyway two points for saying ad hoc thanks i guess and they don't count for anything but whatever uh we usually do a small talk what's going on what's the news what's the weather how's your foot doing today i'm glad you asked my foot is actually fine i was worried once you mentioned it but they look fine i can't believe you're gonna respond thanks for asking my foot is fine and

expect your foot to still be there oh god you're right i just cursed my foot i was just about to say like what have you done wade what have you done this was a setup you assassin you set me up i knew you would i knew you couldn't resist talking about your feet. Damn it. My one weakness. I hurt my back. I hurt my back. Were you walking down the street this time, or was it a more...

You do that once per filming project, I think, don't you? Yeah, but this one has a very clear source of what it is. So the movie that I'm filming, we had a stunt day, right? So we were doing wire stunts, which is where wire pulls are happening. This was probably the most intense stunt I've ever done. I get pulled on a wire straight into a metal wall, and then I bounce off of it, right? With a pad? Do you have padding for this i hope kind of

oh that's i got a back pad and then they you know they they padded the wall a bit just to like paint it to look like the wall that was metal so it's like it's like about that much of foam on the pad itself if you're watching the video i'm holding my fingers about an inch apart um and then i have a hard shell on my back to be able to take the hit about your head just don't let that hit obviously yeah that was that was exactly what what was i thinking literally that's what the stunt uh coordinator said uh his name is jeff schwanny and um he uh he he looks at me he goes like art keep your chin tucked nice and tight when you're going back because you don't want your head come back because it's not padded up there.

So hold on real tight. And so the first time we did it at about 50% speed of what it was going to be. And we're going to go incrementally up there because they'd already had a stunt guy in there doing it, testing it to make sure that it could be done right. And they're safe. And then they did that. And then it was my turn. And so it's 50%. And I go back and i

get pulled and then i go i keep my chin tucked and they're like remember pencil keep your legs as straight as possible like um so you don't lose momentum on on spinning around you want to spin on this one you want to spin off of it you want to hit perfectly flat on your back and spin off that way you disperse the most energy when you're going and then you come around you bounce off of it um i didn't pencil and i hit i hit directly on one corner of my back uh so i took all the pressure on that but thankfully it was like only 50 speed so it was actually okay it was very strange and i have so much respect for stunt workers who do this did you know that there is not a stunt category in the oscars really i would i didn't know that there is not a stunt category in the Oscars? Really? I would,

I didn't know that I would have assumed stunt choreography. Some performers would have like, uh, awards for that. That's kind of a big part of a lot of modern filmmaking. You would think, and there, I think there is an award ceremony for them separately,

but it should be like on a, on a national level recognized for the stunt work that goes on because, oh my God, the things that they go through and me doing my own stunt was like in a way where i was like i went to the stunt coordinator i was like i don't have an ego about this like if you tell me it's not safe for me to do i'm not going to do it but i want to be able to do it myself obviously because i don't want to have to put someone else through it even though he already did it um and i wanted like for the movie to be

able to do it myself i'm not tom cruise in terms of levels of jumping across gaps like he did with no wires. Why that? I don't know. Well, maybe I had a wire, but either way, I don't want to do the crazy stuff. But I wanted to do this. And man, 50% hurt, but not that bad because I was super padded. It wasn't until like the fifth time I went. Oh, God.

Up until that, I was like, it knocks the wind out of you, but you're fine. But that last one was like full speed right into it. And, oh, man, after that one, I was like, I'm good. I'm all right. Did we get it? Did we get it? And even then, I didn't do it as hard as the stunt guy did it. So huge respect for that.

I'd just be glad it's you directing and not Kubrick. And he's like, 127 times till we get it right. One more. One more, Mark. Man, I would not do that to someone. And like, what a trooper. His name's Ralph. And, you know, he just he really took a beating on it, which is why I was like, OK, you got it.

You got it. which is why I was like, okay, you got it, you got it. The only thing I know about stunt performance type stuff is basically like Corridor Digital makes like stunt performer react type videos and they've done some stuff with stunt performers. And just the little snippets that you get from that, there seems like there's a lot of situations where it's like, well, we can, with the costume you have,

you can maybe have some pads on your elbows and that's about it. Don't hit your head on the pavement as you jump out of this car going 40 miles an hour down the road just make sure you talk and you'll be fine and it's like that's it that seems rough man and then it's like you gotta do that you gotta test it like you said the guy did it and it's not even gonna it wasn't even filmed right he did it you know maybe in camera to see how it looked but like he did it for a test a bunch of times and then you gotta get costumed up and then you got to do take it's like god dang some of

the stunt stuff a lot of it i'm sure they you know this commonplace for a stunt performer it's like they do that a hundred times and it's it's still dangerous but they're comfortable with it but a lot of it's like we want this character to fly through the air all limbs out sort of spinning and twisting and then we wanted to land square on their head and we were curious if you could just do that practically uh and if we could afford to spare the wire maybe do it with no wire uh you know the stunt people are kind of just like i guess i could do that yeah we do have this gravel you can land on at the end though make it look real good real soft gravel here and i'm overselling because there's a lot of safety stuff they do and there's no person whose entire job is the safety

but yeah it feels like the stunt performers a lot of times are just like can you just jump out of this helicopter and hopefully we get it in a few shots and if not we'll just keep doing it keep doing it go back up jump back out go back up yeah it's it's rough out there and especially like they talked about on corridor a lot but it's like when you have female stunt performers they don't have as much clothes yeah to hide pads it's one of those things where yeah because usually they're in a dress or something like that and you know they can't or like the laura croft kind of look where it's like oh my god yeah i can't imagine um the kind of things that a lot of stunt performers do especially in like traditional hollywood especially with all the superhero stuff they're like incredible demand and like in the latest john wick it was as much as like i don't

mean the last one where it's a knock is like hey i've seen that stunt performer a lot i'm like oh thank goodness that one is still able to keep doing these scenes. I'm glad that guy's still alive for this scene. Exactly, yeah. Because, man, they must have been put through it. But hopefully it's safe. I have huge respect for them. And hopefully it's fun.

And hopefully it's like they get enough rest and enough recovery to be able to take those hits and falls and just walk away from them. And hopefully they're paid very well. Very well. Well, it's got got to be fun i can't imagine coming back again and again for so much punishment unless you're like into it because it's wild i've got a uh i've got a life too that's really interesting um yeah how's your movie that you're making how many stunt performers do you have mine's called the house man and on top of the dishwasher i also need to get a new roof we had a big and um looking outside at our roof uh you know roofs are nice and flat and shingled ours now has a nice wave pattern on one side oh that's just a that's a aesthetic

thing i'm sure no i don't think that's fine yeah yeah in korea they have the tiles layer whoever whoever did that job that's called the uh the old ohio wave roof style it wasn't like that two windstorms ago i can tell you that it's a new aesthetic it's a natural architecture it comes and goes you know it's a season. It's like the changes with the water protection. Yeah, the other wind's going to blow the other way, and it'll blow it right back into shape. It'll smooth it back over, and then it'll be fine. It'll be fine. It's fine.

It's fine. That's great, because, yeah, I'm now roof and dishwasher shopping. You need walls and a roof? Four whole walls plus a roof? Four walls seems like a lot to me yeah just put your dishes up on your roof next storm that comes by it'll wash it and protect you all at the same time and they'll hold the roof down yeah exactly i feel like i'm gonna need some pictures or i think you're just making every time we get together you're like what else could break

what else could break um yeah my stick that i love having is being the guy whose shit breaks. I gotta buy new shit. Wait, your roof looks different. Yeah, I replaced it for the bit. I mean, it's a long way to go, but you gotta commit to the bit, so what are you gonna do? Yeah. Don't give away that it's all planned. Look, it's not our fault that your house is broken, Wade. Unless it is, and Mark's doing something I'm unaware of. But all I could do is, you know is send my condolences, really. I mean, it's very sad, very rough. What, do you got to GoFundMe or something?

Yeah, what was this? Was it a violin or is this all your money you're getting out of that? Mark paying me under the table to have a broken roof. You said, is Mark doing something? Mark, it'd be pretty sad if something were to happen to that movie you keep talking about. Maybe somebody should... Someone were to tweet to that movie you keep talking about. Maybe somebody should... Someone were to tweet all about it randomly. Yeah, you do look like Will.

I've never seen you and Will in the same place. That's true. That's true. You haven't? You've not seen me and Steven Spielberg in the same place either. Maybe I'm him. I think we know what he looks like. Picture baseball cap and hair.

Yeah, I don't think that's the difference. I think there's other stuff. Maybe like 20 years of age, potentially, or I don't know. I probably look closer to him than you guys do. I'm not going to agree to that. That's mean. How would you get a bag on yourself like that? Calm down.

I self-defecate all the time. Aren't we mean enough to you for everything? Like, don't you get enough of that from us? How are you going to do it to yourself? It would be like that. This is how he gets the people on his side it's all a ploy my whole life's a charismatic ploy the fake house woes the self-deprecation this is how i become president of the whole planet i'm working slowly up the ranks and you guys will never see it coming until it's too late and then i probably won't do anything once i'm at the top because i'm lazy everybody knows the long slow walk from podcast hosts up to president of the entire world it's

such a familiar pipeline it's practically cliche at this point it is but if there's one thing i am it's those words cliche cliche that one word that's right all of them all right well we're going to talk about what you are we're going to talk about what you are. We're going to talk about what you both are. Are we airing our grievances out today? Let's do this shit. Kind of. As we know, I'm in charge here. Yeah.

And I'm going to be making a decision today, but I'm not going to make that decision without your input. Before we get to that, I have to tell a story. On today's episode of Distractible, Mark and Wade have decided to come and visit their friend in San Francisco. That's right, I live in the Bay Area. And San Francisco is a beautiful town, known for its enormous and very steep hills, and for a streetcar, cable car thing that goes around the streets.

It's like a train, trolley type thing, and it goes up and down the hills, and it goes all around, and it's cool. It's cool, cable car's cool, it's cool cable car is cool it's cool everybody likes it and mark and wade came to town and we're like oh we should ride the cable car as they crested the top of possibly the highest hill in the entire city realized that what they were actually riding was a real life trolley problem and mark was overwhelmed with the feeling that he needed to know if his body could handle a real-life trolley problem. Problem. So Mark kicked the driver off the trolley and Mark and Wade are now alone on the cable car at the top of a very steep hill down which you could see cars and pedestrians of all sorts all across the tracks and what not. Mark is

like, we have to try, we have to do it. And as he slams on the gas and floors the streetcar down the hill towards the unsuspecting pedestrians, Wade screams, But we don't have control of the switch, Mark! Which is true, because that's not how cable cars work. You can only stop and go. You cannot control which direction you go, I'm assuming.

I'm assuming a lot of things. I don't know how cable cars work, if you haven't figured that out yet. Anyway, they're speeding towards the pedestrians. And as they are, a heroic bus driver realizes the situation. Assumes that the streetcar must be out of control and that certainly no person is doing this on purpose just to see if they can take it. Mark pulls his giant bus empty because it's out of service bus in front of the trolley. Pops out the window dramatically. The streetcar smashes into the bus

at 88 miles an hour. Didn't quite make it to the time travel thing. Whatever. Not my problem. That's not how streetcars work. Trolleys, cable cars, whatever I'm calling them. Anyway, the punchline is that

Mark and Wade died in a fiery crash. That's a beautiful story. It's mainly Mark's fault, butade was there too and he didn't do anything to stop it so a tale as old as time oh i remember when my mom told me this story when i was a kid gliding on the line trolley and the bus so look all of that to say you're dead now this is where we've arrived at the moment where both of you together at the same time with equal levels of culpability as you are have have deceased in a tragic accidental cable car trolley car accident type thing how's the trolley driver mark throughout is he okay uh he survived he just scuffed his knee but he's fine uh really ever irrelevant just some i just

wanted to know he's just a stupid trolley driver no one cares about him that's just part of the trolley driving game everybody knows that um you might fall out sometimes you know what are you gonna do uh but so you are both deceased. And as we know, because I'm the host for today, I'm in charge here. Which means that I have to decide which one of you goes to the good place and which one of you goes to the bad place. Unfortunately, the laws of the universe dictate that upon a simultaneous deceasing... Whatever. Upon a simultaneous deceasing, whatever, in this situation, the laws and regulations state that I, as the one who's in charge, must send one to one place and the other to the other place. And today, I want you to try to convince me where exactly you might be going to the good place or the bad place, and if I should send you to the good place or the bad place, based on your lives, maybe based on philosophical arguments, maybe based off of,

maybe, uh, based off of our friendship. Anything that you want to use about what you've done, who you are, what you deserve, why things may be the way they are, whatever. Convince me. I'm, I am the decider. I am inider i am in charge and at the end of the episode one of you will go to the good place also they win the episode and one of you go to the bad place and it's not my fault i have to do it double loss teacher i have a question uh yeah mark yeah yeah are you dead uh i am benevolent and whether i'm alive or not is not relevant to my decision making uh but i since i am in charge i'll say yeah i'm alive i'm fine okay but you so you in our entire lives have been always

this arbitrator of those who go to good place in bad place so like you are like jury duty he got the letter that we died he's like you have been required to go select it's like oh it's closer to wait yeah no it's sort of a confluence this is a this is an intersection of the fact that because of this podcast and the fact that i'm in charge right now of the podcast that's a lot of authority and the universe just like hunts down an authority to arbitrate this sort of situation so like it's it's a happenstance that because i'm the host i'm in charge and because god if everyone who dies on the earth has to go get judged by the three of us as like a deciding panel. Oh, my God.

How unfair. I'd like zone out. I'd come back to it. Like, oh, sorry. I didn't listen. I guess you. Bad place. Look, the punchline is... I already used that one already.

The point is... This is an open game, right? Wade, you have a philosophical background. Feel free to bring up any philosophy you think may help your case. We all have hilarious memories together. You could just reminisce. You could try and lull me into a friendship-addled stupor

of all the good times we've shared and why that means that i should you know give you make you the winner and send you to the good place and so on so whatever you want all fair is fair so at the end of this the winner of the episode is is getting sent to the good place oh yeah you win twice and you lose twice at the end of this episode, yes. Yeah. And then the loser loses and is also sent into damnation. Yeah, and suffers that as well. So, yeah. I feel like the damnation is worse than the loss of this episode, but yeah, they're both pretty bad.

But they're at the same time, so it's like... It cancels out. Maybe it's a positive net win. No, no. You feel it all at once, so it feels bad, even if then it's followed by something else that's right worse objectively yeah anyone volunteer to go first anyone got any strong thoughts do we have to give a title for our entire life no well you can title your segments if you so

desire but mark a plier is my title i'm just sort of gonna give you opportunities to get and you can argue against each other as well if you feel strongly that you have a rebuttal for some point that someone has made i'm i'm open to that before we begin i have a question for mark yeah oh yes you're a bit of a masochist do you volunteer to go to the bad place my goodness no what a horrid thing to just assume about another thought i would ask it's really reflective of your character this he's just so conniving in his ways trying to like dangle these these things that other people have assigned to me not me it's just like that's just this is name calling and i think that's a very very low trait of someone to do such a thing that was quite the smarmy move i will say and i'm not

keeping up i'm not keeping numbers today but it's really more like sliders right yeah you can go up and down for wade that was a definite scooch down but then respect for the move scooch back up all right but we haven't begun before we begin may i also ask or say something sure i don't know what's so complicated about this it's a simple simple topic right that shirt that looks so good on you thanks you know just lovely today i don't wear a lot of v-necks and this is not a deep v it's a subtle but i do i like that i have a little i got a little chest i like that piece out a little bit what do you think of my shirt mark huh well uh sorry talking to bob yeah bob i just like the way you've you've evened out your lighting the lighting on your face is like more even and natural and like your background still deep purple i love i love that

you just really put a lot of work into it and i want you to know it's recognized how do you like my fire lamp everyone's very intrigued about the fire lamp oh this one i see the elixir and plushie oh man he's watching over me yeah no oh thanks man that's very kind of you anyway just had to get that out of the way oh are we recording oh man sorry that's awkward oh you're always complimenting me mark yeah crazy how he does that when he has something to gain from it what a great fair weather friend you are he just. He's unsolicited. What do you mean? There's no motivation whatsoever, I'm sure. Wade, you are also looking

incredible. I mean, it looks like you polished your head today and it's just like shining like a bowling ball. It's gorgeous. I love it. Thank you. I'm going for the bowling ball look. I was hoping now that I'm dead, someone will stick two fingers in my eyes, one in my mouth, and roll mouth and roll my skull so thank you that's the look i'm going for that would be very cool isn't there a bowling movie about a skull ball that's like magic is that am i losing my

mind here hang on oh no it's the uh it's mystery men The bowler in Mystery Men has a bowling ball with her father's skull in it, and it's a magic bowling ball that does what she wants it to and hits bad guys. Have you guys seen Mystery Men? Am I wrong? No, I haven't, unfortunately. Okay, well, you absolutely. I mean, yes, I have. I love that movie.

Everyone out there, including Mark and Wade, absolutely should watch Mystery Men because it's an underrated and honestly iconic movie uh with some great casting and uh yeah the bowler all right cool hey when we're both in the good place you meet bob we can watch it together we can have movie nights every weekend all right all right awesome yeah wait are you gonna are you gonna offer anything here you just go let mark i'm not gonna lie to you like mark is no you know me i'm i am who I am unapologetically. We got a good friendship.

We've had some good chats. We can hang out. But you got to get up here too. I don't know who's judging you. Well, neither are you guys, so. No, we're dead and gone. And to be honest, I don't even feel like I belong here to be in this judging contest because Mark hijacked the trolley and got my ass killed. So, you know, it is what it is there, I guess.

But you didn't stop it, which naughty or you know a perfectly normal reaction to be in shock and terror and freeze but you know i guess naughty too i evilly stood there and was like yes crash into the bus no i see her way leaning out of the trolley going like go go go go go yes as i yelled at everyone to go get out of the way please i don't want to hurt anyone all right okay all right so have we begun have we have we begun i feel like yes you've been buttering up bob more than a thanksgiving turkey wait i will say just for the record none of that applied to the sliders the sliders are still starting in their neutral positions. You guys are on even footing.

So Mark may have curried some subconscious favors with me, but I have no idea if that's true or not. And I guess we'll find out when one of you goes to the good place and one of you doesn't. Oh, I'm going to the good place. I belong there. Well, I'll go wherever Bob's infinite wisdom decides I should go, and I will accept it with dignity and grace. That seems factual. I guess we'll just have to test that. Well, the first part's factual. The second part, I'm not so sure. Dignity and grace is lost. Isn't exactly our mantra here. Look, all my life, I have always had a sense of uh fairness and and i honesty

you okay highly allergic to bullshit i think i'm breaking out the hives and just trying to center myself as the best person i can i have had failures in my life. I know. I've had many, many failures. But I think there's a quote that applies to all of us. It's not how many times you fall off the horse. It's how many times you get back on. And I get back on that horse. I'm on that horse. I'm off that horse. I'm on the horse.

I'm off the horse. Maybe that horse doesn't want you on. Have you ever thought about leaving that poor horse alone? It's not about the horse. The analogy is not about the horse. Who cares about the horse? It's a dumb horse anyway. I guess someone alone it's not about it's not about the horse the analogy is not about the horse who cares about the horse is a dumb horse anyway i guess someone who goes to the good place would care about the horse i could insult the horse what the horse is it's it's is it your horse no i just it just is a horse it has feelings i feel like

mark has a very clear strategy i don't i can't piece together quite what it is but man i'm feeling something i think you'll look at my will i actually left my horse to you bob oh okay i can't believe you post-mortemly changed your will to leave everything to bob you don't know my will you don't know my will bob you want to you want to be under my will i still got some time we're dead can we phone a friend can we phone a friend before you're like in the process of i don't know you're crossing over right now i'm fading post call i'm gonna say there's not a lot of time to make a real phone call probably but as you're being ejected from a trolley just like hey excuse me i thought can you uh change my will leave it to bob thanks listen you can make

empty promises it's just you know it's that whether i believe you or not really okay fair fair fair either way the moral of the story is i get back up on that horse and the more i get back on it the higher that the the higher my esteem for my fellow man gets. I'm not on a high horse. That's not what I'm trying to say. The more you fail, the higher your horse gets. You just keep looking down further and further from upon your ivory tower of a horse. It's not necessarily the analogy I was going for. You're like one of those knights on the chessboard.

Yes, sure. you like chess you can only move in the shape of an l and you're a real tall i have said all of 10 words and i somehow still feel like i'm winning oh yeah yeah i guess you could just let mark do his own work here with i don't know if you're already doing his high No, no, it's high mountain. It's harder to climb back up. Can I play in a fiddling match for my soul here? It'll have to be something I'm good at.

Can you 1v1 me in Counter-Strike or something? I don't think I'd win that, but no. Look. I'm just going to sit back. It's like you caught the Wade disease.

You can't let there be a moment of silence. You're just constantly like, wait. I'll let Wade say his piece now. I think I made my point. Yes yes i feel like you sure did i understand it probably i'm not going to try to articulate it back to you but it's in there yeah where's that slider moving yeah i said can i peek it's moving. Uh-oh. As the person who's been dragged behind Mark's horse for many a year, I've got nothing but thanks to give. I can't say that I think Mark deserves to go to the bad place.

I've got to say that. I don't believe that's true. You've been too good to me. You both have. I've had a pretty good career, pretty good life, and I've got you both to thank for it. I'm content with life. I have no idea what the afterlife will be like.

I guess I'll find out. My case for going to a good place, I don't think I've ever necessarily done anything that bad. You know, I've made mistakes here and there, but I've been a pretty good person. I've tried to go out of my way for my friends and family. I've tried to pay your guys' kindness on forward to friends and such with no expectation of really return just to try to do right by them. I don't know. I can't say I grew up particularly religious or thinking about morality or anything like that until like I got into like the law age. But I always like to think that I live a pretty ethical and moral life. And even though like Bob was talking about before

earlier, I don't know if that got caught on camera or not, but like philosophy and stuff, I was in philosophy and I studied moral theory. There's different moral codes that will occasionally disagree with each other on things, utilitarianism versus Kantian ethics and so on and so forth. But even whenever it comes to like the moral theories having a disagreement, I've never subscribed to one moral theory. I still try to think of what the overall best thing is to do and do it. My faults, I'm a lazy son of a bitch. I would agree to that. I don't go out of my way to do a whole lot that i don't have to but i've tried to do good things i need to do more charity work recently i've not done as much

lately but i've tried to do some of that throughout life but again i gotta give mark credit that was inspiration from you years ago starting to do charity streams and whatnot wherever i end up uh thanks for hearing me out on my initial statement i'll think of more stuff probably but that's just my initial thoughts on the matter all right he yields uh all right uh thank you wade for accepting going to the bad place uh you really i yielded time i did not yield the entire debate i want to be clear bob just tell me which door to walk through for the good place and i'll just like he's happy to step on me to get to where he wants. It's been real.

It's been real. It's been real, bud. I give you a compliment. You're like, wait, thank you so much. By the way. Oh, man. My high horse. I needed something to step on as I get down.

Thanks for being there, bud. Just the right way. All right. How about... Let's talk... You were talking sins, right? Uh-huh. Sure.

Something about that. I think I heard that. Transgressions. What have you done? Seven deadly sins, all right? Okay. Whoever... It should be an even decision of who is most perpetrating of the seven deadly sins. Let's look them up.

Seven dead... Seven deadly sins. Seven, seven deadly sins. Seven... I think it's indicative that his name is lord minion 777 um which as we all know is probably a bad number maybe possibly i don't know seven's like a lucky number i he's just like triple lucky or something right kind of is that yeah definitely okay here we go uh so we've got pride greed lust envy gluttony wrath and sloth i think whoever which one of us has more of one versus more of

the seven deadly sins that they embody then they should that that could be a good determination well so mark uh between you and wade who is the most prideful well i was gonna volunteer for some of them but you're you're acting like you got no ammunition here wait a minute now that's mayor you don't think mr fuck your dreams fuck your nightmares is over here having any having any prideful feelings about anything that's a good point that's a great point i think if you combined all of the pride i've had in my life and compared it to one year in marks it would still be less not being said though if we get into gluttony and food and that kind of thing i think i uh might lose that battle all right i'll i'll take the pride i'll take the pride and i'll own that okay he's got gluttony okay okay all right greed greed greed is tough can we both do charity so in in this particular

instance i don't know if it well for greed no i don't think i've ever been particularly greedy but i don't know who would take greed because i i don't know that i've ever been particularly greedy there's of course there's times like you want stuff but I've always gone a higher ground usually with people and it's like okay I'll cave in and I'll do this even though I want this I'll do it like this way I don't know so I feel like I'm not particularly greedy yeah I wouldn't say either um but I do own a Tesla. Greed or success? I'm a man who owns five toilets. In fact, I've owned ten in the last five years.

Because I had to buy five new ones. What a greedy piece of shit. That is a lot of toilets. Yeah, I know. I had to pay for them. Is it the opposite of greed if I spend it on something like a toilet? Oh my goodness, the greediest man just a lot of toilets to go through maybe that's maybe that's tied to gluttony common to have five

toilets or five ovens though well i don't have that anymore i gave them away so you know and once i got an air fryer i gave away five of my toilets throwing away and giving away our different i don't know what was done with them i just said you can have them i waved at the peasant who replaced them and was like take these remove them from my sight all right we'll we'll call greed a wash we'll call greed a wash because like we both do charity and we like envy i want to do envy because envy is a tricky one for me because i feel like in my younger years i was a lot more envious than i have been like i feel like i've overcome envy throughout my life i think being younger and whenever we were struggling a bit financially and watching

people like not have to worry about it and like i don't know parents sign their kids up for things not seemingly have to struggle for it like there was definitely time where i had envy of stuff like that but i think i managed to accept the fact that even though I didn't have certain things, points in my life, I learned valuable lessons from those times. So I spun it to try to take a positive lesson from tougher moments in life, whether it was envious that someone else had both parents, stuff like that. So I kind of spun it and changed that throughout my life. But as a younger kid, I definitely had envy a lot more than I have as an an adult all right weight's claiming a lot of envy overall that's what i'm hearing very envious okay it doesn't matter if we've overcome it if we ever felt that redemption redemption is not really

i don't know what about you mark i know you grew up living in a trash can or whatever it is but i don't i don't know if i like i was a particularly envious person um even when going through like youtube i don't think i was ever really like envious too much of other youtubers it's always like a goal to attain and i think that's part of the pride more than envy just like more looking inward and stuff uh tell you what wade if you i know it's like not a huge sway but i'll take greed if you take envy i'll i'll take greed if you take envy that's amicable to me because there's seven so it's like it's got to be actually broken up evenly at some point right okay but the root kicker sorry sorry bob i didn't mean to interrupt you very amicable of you very you know what i feel like you really swallowed your pride for that one a little bit.

Yeah. You want pride, Wish? I thought there was no redemption. Oh, that's right. No, you're right. Sorry. I did make that rule. There's no redemption.

Anything that you did stands, no matter what you did after it, you did it and that happened. So it's out there. That's the rule. All right. The real kicker is lust. Which one of us is more lustful? I don't know if that's such a great one for you to lean on there mark i gotta be honest what are you talking about i don't know how many how many people in this in this uh room i don't know what do you call this in this video call

how many how many of us have made uh horny calendars how many of us have uh have it only fans i say that's more prideful is being lustful and creating lust both part of the sin? No, I think it's more prideful than anything. Vain glorious, you know. You've created a lot of lust, though. There's a lot of thirst for Markiplier. But that's different. Would Aphrodite be condemned?

Well, Bob's the judge. I have no idea. The whims of what she was given? Yes, I'm comparing myself to Aphrodite, but that's the pride in me. He swallowed the pride and spit it back out. No, no, it's different. He's like, I'm a Greek god. Well, why is Wade lusty then?

I mean, he talks about dicks a lot, I guess. I love boobs. Don't get me wrong. I do. He got it. Okay, he's got dicks a lot, I guess. I love boobs. Don't get me wrong. I do. He heard it. He got it. Okay, he's got it. He claimed it.

Are you denying that fact, Mark? It didn't explode out of me that way. I don't know who's more lustful, but yeah, Mark has the calendar, so I lean toward Mark for lust. He's created it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, that's different. Lust is to have sexual desire, to create it i think it's an

interesting point that mark has the calendars out there and i think they are a little maybe more related to pride on his part of it you know what i do know is a fact is that those calendars and only fans and everything that mark has generated a lot of lust in us w Wade. I think you're making a lot of assumptions. Kyle, no! You don't lie! I don't think I am! Don't lie! Mark can see who's subscribed to The OnlyFans. He can check this.

Would you mind checking real quick, Mark? I would love to see how I'm not there. There's LordMinion777 Minion777 Minion underscore 777 ThisIsNotWade at gmail.com. I truly feel as if this is the worst argument for me being lustful that you could have come up with. Uh-huh.

Sure. Okay. Okay. Sure. No, I do feel like lust is kind of a wash. Neither of you is particularly horny in a way that stands out. I think you're right about the calendars. They're more prideful than lustful.

I think that's a fair point. Unless you make them and then you're like, oh, dude, I love having this calendar on my wall. They call that Prust. That's prideful lust. I'm too prusty. Oh, God, yeah. I can't wait for July

I remember doing it you can see his nipples on that calendar is that nipple crust look look look alright who that's a deep cut right there that was a big callback alright you got me I'm a lustful bastard fine I'll take it

whoa that was such a switch I struck a nerve there with. Fine, I'll take it. Whoa. That was such a switch. I struck a nerve there with Mark oogling his own self, huh? I like how Bob's like, I'll just call it a wash. And Mark's like, no, I am the lust man. Someone has to, we can't wash. There's only seven. It has to go to someone.

You can't wash. There's only seven. It has to go to someone. And if Wade's too not anti-lustful with his low testosterone. Wade with his smooth brain, alpha low T cargo pants. Come on, guys. You can get the shot. Damn.

I didn't realize. I would say I was just going to leave that to the You can get the shot. Damn. I didn't realize. I would say I was just going to leave that to the end to be the final, but if you wanted to claim that, Mark, that's okay. He claimed it. He can have it. All right. I'll take it. All right. But gluttony.

Wade called dibs on gluttony, right? Oh, he's got gluttony. Okay. I've got gluttony and I think envy right now, right? Yeah. Wade has gluttony and envy. Mark has vainglory and lust and greed. Yeah.

Yeah. Three to two. Three to two, Mark, with two remaining. Sloth. Let's do sloth. I feel like this is a tough one for you, Wade. I got to be honest. There's no way that I can argue out of this.

I am the most slothful between them all. Not a chance at all. I am the most... Not a chance enough. I define myself as the lazy man. I'm too lazy to argue my way out of it. I will take sloth and I will wear a smile on my face while I leave with it. I respect that. I thought maybe you'd have it, try and argue for it, but it... Mark does so much and is always... Mark, the man who wakes up at 6 a.m.

He's got Mr. T and helps him work out or whoever that guy's name was. He's got all that stuff going. Mr. T. Old what's his face at the workout emporium, you know. I just thought of a really buff man. And for some reason, Mr. T. I've been watching epic rap battles lately. So I got Mr. T.

I think you're thinking of sean t from insanity oh but he's still a mr t so that leaves wrath and i think it's clear wade is so angry whole time i would like you guys may i bring you all to number of chairs thrown in videos and surgeon simulator can we get some Surgeon Simulator evidence here? Oh, ow. Oh, please wait. I'm fearful of your anger. Can we play Getting Over

It together and see who goes nuts first? Or Pogo Stuck? Yeah, you wanna play Pogo Stuck, Mark? Everyone enjoyed that, I think, equally. I'd love to. That would be a dream for me. i'm dramatically angry mark is scary wrathful angry scary what's scary sitting next to him during surgeon simulator i dropped that spoon bob and i thought i was going to go to the afterlife

oh you know it's just my high testosterone i'll take sloth and i will lock out the door with it written on my shirt wrath i don't know i have an angle for this because i'm gonna say if we're looking at video evidence that's in the world even if you say it's performative with in our in our own context i think all three of us have demonstrated let's say concerning amounts of rage targeted towards specific games. Like, wait,

do you want to play move or die? You want to go, you want to just go play some, that's a fun one. That's not fair because it was very, I, I, Mark,

you're going to point out Mark playing games that made him quite angry. I'm going to go ahead and say, his was the game. Mine was the fact that the game didn't work. So you're not disputing the amount of rage. You can't land on somebody's head and then say you didn't touch so you're not disputing the amount of rage you can't land on somebody's head and then say you didn't touch them okay uh-huh yeah that sounds and barbara don't even bring her up i know you're thinking it i know you're thinking it you saw

what she did to me it wasn't fair that's not wrath that's justice so you're lucky that this is not a test of who's easier to set off by pushing their buttons casually but let me just say let me put this counter argument uh all of these uh seven deadly sins and we're sort of using a very loose definition of them but they have like opposites right they have corresponding virtues the virtue uh that corresponds with wrath or anger uh is patience based on the thing that we're using right that's what i'm seeing are you looking at the one with the skulls in there like the seven skulls yes yeah yeah i'm looking at that too yeah okay so so let's say what a wise pick we're in the same wavelength bob we find the same one yeah you google to click the same search result yeah yeah yeah we deserve yeah. Therefore, Wade deserves to go rot in the rotten place.

So let's say for now it's a wash on the anger. We all get angry. I'm including myself. I would say that I get as angry or angrier than you guys. I got so angry that I made files corrupt on multiple occasions. And no one ever got to see recordings of the rage that I demonstrated because I scared the universe into hiding them from you. But who, what about patience? Who's more patient?

I feel like that's an interesting one because I feel like Wade has a certain kind of patience that Mark struggles with in interactions, but I think that Mark has a different kind of patience that I think Wade struggles with. And I'm curious what your individual takes are on this. If I had to be perfectly honest, if I had to be perfectly honest about myself,

I would say that i am basically the saint of patience i have so i think i'm dying a second time what happens then don't read this don't read this laughter to mean that i don't think you're patient it just it's just it's unrelated i I have to be perfectly honest. I'm the most patient. There's no one more patient than me. All right.

Okay. All right. Fine. It's like woven into me. I'm not a patient person. I want instant results. I get that. However, I have learned a lot of patience in time that instantaneous results don't come.

And sometimes you do have to just work at something. And so I have managed to use that patience to allow myself to make longer term projects, I can write full scripts over a long period of time, you know, I can work on extended things, just because of my day to day life, it's something I struggle with. But you know, sometimes it's the struggle, the fact that it is is everyday struggling is a virtue in and of itself. And I am proud of that. So you're trying to get redemption for being impatient, which we're not allowing here. That's great.

Interesting. I have an argument. You guys have apologized to me over the years several times for making me the butt of the joke. for making me the butt of the joke. And for a decade plus, I have patiently sat there and taken it for the sake of the content. And last episode, despite what you all pulled, I patiently am back here again today.

You patiently left immediately upon learning what had happened. For the content, I came back for my chapstick, if you don't forget. Oh, okay, sure, yeah. happened for the content i came back for my chapstick if you don't forget oh okay sure yeah you pay you patiently and calmly didn't get extremely angry and wrathful about the fact that we had just played a joke on you on a show about playing jokes on each other well that's not really what it's about but you know that's kind of what it's about i don't know if that's a fair definition is that a fair do we play jokes on each other is that the point here well sometimes

it's happened i mean you and i had the handshake deal behind Mark's back. Yeah, I mean, I thought that was quite funny. And it was kind of a joke on Mark because he competed and tried. And then in the end, it meant nothing, just like my competition did. Like a fool. He thought he could win. If you can find a longer-term patience than what I just demonstrated by all means. Well, you know what?

I have to say, Wade, internally, you had a handy a handy lead on this one and i will say that mark went right for what i was thinking because mark i do i know that like on a short-term basis patience for you is tough sometimes you want stuff to just like happen and be be done and so you can keep moving but in the long-term patience game you are killing it you have the patience of of an actual saint sometimes. I know that was a joke, but like the long projects you've done have taken a long time to go from like your idea to fruition. And there's been hurdles.

And like, it's an impressive kind of patience that I think I know I lack. And I feel like maybe Wade lacks a little bit of like the persistence of getting something done over the course of like years i mean law school is maybe the only thing i've ever done that's comparable to that i mean i finished my college degree wow didn't finish that but if we're talking about commitment versus patience i'm just saying i i think you nailed it mark i think that's where your patience is game is really strong and wait i was gonna say basically what you said i feel like you have good dad patience you put up with us being really mean and shitty and mean again and all the stuff and i really was with you right until you

made it a whole martyr thing martyr you didn't just say i put up with you guys and it's cool because we're friends and i put up with a lot but that's the bit you had to make it the thing where you were all smug and you're like i did this for the content but it's your attitude is that part of the is that part of the thing here you know what you're right mark already owns pride and despite the fact that you were very prideful about how patient you are i don't think that's enough to swing that back from being in mark's favor and i will also add mark even admitted he's not very patient his own words were i'm not known for being very patient well my own words also said i was a saint of patience so you know if you're gonna point what poco hold is

one if his words contradict each other take me take, take me at my word, will you? Which word? Which word? What's the sin for lying? I do think if we're going to call it a wash on the anger side, I got to give patience to Wade. It's been a long time and a lot of bald jokes. And it's been a decent amount of patience over a pretty long time to keep being a good sport about it i feel like i gotta give him credit for that one thank you which means that

wade wins in this category which is not a deciding category but is a factor that will weigh heavily on the final decision wade only gets three of the seven deadly sins and mark ends up with four so that's one point for mark in the negative points i does this there's no point scale you scooch down mark i'm sorry these are just the seven seven mildly bad for you sins the seven not good things to do on this list that we found so yeah you won that one Wade actually that's pretty good Mark brought that category up and you snaked it away from him really

careful Mark don't show any wrath it's already mine I can own it now yeah now fuck you and fuck you not you Bob not you oh not you oh for all the yous you're pointing to. Oh, everybody around.

Watch the watchers, the people watching the video. Fuck you and you and you, but not you. Whoa. It's a little lustful of you. Yeah, whoa. Hey, that's lustful. You already own it. I can have a little bit.

If we're going for other enumerations of how to be condemned, there's um the nine circles of hell from dante's inferno oh god aren't those really more like the punishments or whatever well there's certain punishments for certain crimes right so it's like the worse the crime the deeper the level of hell right so you're saying you're volunteering for four of those based on your sins well i'm just saying they correspond to the sins because there's limbo there's a circle of lust circle of gluttony circle of greed circle of anger but then there's like different ones like circle of heresy circle of violence circle of fraud and circle of treachery which kind of correlate more to like the 10 commandments kind of things of don't do this shit instead of just

being personal flaws i don't know what heresy would even be qualified as but violence fraud treachery what's the difference between fraud and treachery tell you what mark i'll volunteer for limbo so he volunteers for the bad place i'm just gonna start by saying you're both in limbo right now this is limbo oh dude i'll just stay here man that doesn't that doesn't hippocrates and aristotle i got all the philosophers to talk to i'm fine i'll stay here and hang out are they the ones who go to oh yeah no okay they're they're in there yeah that's what it says virtuous unbaptized that's not like i'm cool well but so so what so mark has lost that's only second bad uh-huh and anger which is fifth but wade has gluttony oh no wait mark has greed oh that didn't really

pan out like i was thinking it would so mark has two four and five and wade has three i don't think we're gonna count heresy i don't think there's heresy against the podcast i don't know i don't feel uh but uh violence i will say the anger thing was kind of a wash. In terms of violence against chairs, there's a definite leader in the category. And violence against controllers. Or mocs. And keyboards. I've damaged a couple keyboards, but I think

Mark's got me on keyboards. Well, who have you hurt, Wade? Who have you hurt physically? Yeah, wait, have we ever been in a fight? I can honestly say I've never been in a physical fight of any sort but yes but like it was it was a fight that no punches really got thrown like nothing happened it was more like things escalated between like my brother and i at one point we started to get into like a scuffle and then it was broken up before anything actually happened so no but yes i haven't been in a fight fight, but I've punched people.

Like in anger punched people? Injustice. Like Batman. Like Batman. Like Batman. I got you. I got you. Like Batman.

Sure, sure, sure. Out of vengeance? Out of violence he's violently hit people. No, no, no, no, no, no. Batman would go to the good place, right? Sure. Would Batman go to the good place?

I don't know if that's a given, and I don't know if Batman honestly gives a shit, I think, is the combination there. I think he might deem that he's doing what needs to be done, and he's doing what needs to be done, and he's doing it for the right reasons, and it's worth it, even if there is recompense.

Recompense. I feel like, Mark, the punching is a bad look. It's a bad optic. What if? What if? What if? Okay, the time that I punched a guy, I did break his rib. Okay, okay.

That sounds bad. I don't have anything to compete with. But when he came back to school after going to the emergency room, he tapped me on the shoulder and he said, hey, look at this. And he showed me an x-ray of it and i was like what's that and he goes like you broke my rib and we went oh that's cool and we laughed and we laughed and we laughed and we there was so much joy out of that one punch is that is that a true story that's very true maybe not so much laughing but it was like did your chairs say the same thing chairs are inanimate objects oh okay i

guess you could only be violent against animate objects yeah it's definitely not the same offense i just wonder what we're debating here because my biggest violent story was i stood in someone's face and we angrily exchanged words and stares and mark's like i punched people i broke someone's ribs i gotta be honest mark is already way behind and I'm trying to give him a fighting chance Why am I way behind? Why am I way behind? I understand what we're trying to get here, but as the person who's

not violent The fact that you have three of them and Wade has one already Well, if we look at the last two, I'm not sure we have treachery or fraud here I would say on fraud you you're both equally guilty. And if anyone is the most fraudulent here, it's me, because I was in on both of the episodes where we made someone lose arbitrarily. But I'm not being judged.

So that one doesn't really decide much. And treachery, I don't think anything that's happened between any of us could rise to treachery. Unless you know something about Wade. Here's what I'll say. Here's what I'll say. I'm so not treacherous. I play Settlers of Catan with my cards face up because I can't stand

the thought of deceiving anybody. Don't look at the videos of me playing Among Us. That's very different. Immediately admit to treachery. I don't know if video game betrayal where it's designed as part of the game would count against either one of us, though. Yeah, exactly, exactly. TTT and stuff, like, you can't really count that as treachery.

Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do. And I don't even like those games. I don't like those games because I don't like being treacherous. I didn't want to play Monopoly and all those games because I don't like competing with friends, even in like a joking little fashion. Oh, you, wait a minute. You're going to bring up Monopoly. I didn't want to play it. If you remember.

You're going to bring up Monopoly. If you remember, I did not want to play it. But we did all commence to play and agree in concept to play and try and have a good time. You got salty and tried to forfeit and give everything you had to mark for no apparent

reason i'm pretty sure i don't know if i was super salty during that but i know no offense bob i think you got saltier during monopoly than i did yeah but i never quit i kept playing unless i lost or whatever but i didn't quit playing i think forfeiting is a part of the game you're allowed to quit and forfeit to an opponent i don't know about that there's an option to do it in the game it's built in that's like if you're gonna shit your pants and you gotta go or something or you know your mom's here so it's time to leave not just because you don't wanna i don't know and you were quitting in a way that specifically was gonna make me lose what i was doing pretty well. This is why I'm going to the bad place because I let Mark win a game of Monopoly once.

Isn't Monopoly the reason that a lot of people are going to the bad place? Forget the circles of hell. Forget the seven deadly sins. You betrayed me in Monopoly once. Grandma's over there being the bank and stealing 50s every round. Put them in her own stack you know i once had a game of monopoly last eight extra hours because my family was stealing money passing it between their toes under the table to my opponent who was left and i had to sit there and deal with that for

so many hours and i could not fathom how they were still alive and i was too dumb at the time to figure it out i still won despite their cheating i want you to know i the capitalist in me wants to say that i guess you should have figured out how they were getting their money and got it for yourself well despite your dislike of my monopoly strategies i don't think i'm particularly treacherous or fraudulent i don't think mark is either i don't know those apply to us well then we'll call this one a wash, even though Mark owns three, maybe four circles of hell. And Wade owns one. That's a wash? Yep, that's a wash.

It's fair. Fairly said. What? Mark already lost the first version of this. I don't know why he picked this again. That's another thing. But losing twice for the same outcomes is hardly fair. Clearly, Mark lost both of these, it's it's not that's uh

neither here nor there it's mostly there okay thank you what's the next judgment topic our favorite color mark's over here picking picking ways to argue that are only making him lose okay so he's definitely losing and you're definitely winning don't't be a sore winner. Nobody likes a sore winner. Okay, I've got more. I asked ChatGPT to list me 20 sins, okay? All right. So we got pride, greed, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, sloth, right? There's also deceit, theft, adultery, blasphemy, idolatry, witchcraft, gossip, anger, hatred, betrayal, vengeance is a sin, jealousy,

and then laziness at the bottom. I think it should be higher, though. I think there's a lot of repeats in there. Witchcraft? Jealousy is very different from envy, probably. Witchcraft? Are you guilty of witchcraft? I'm saying this because this way it seems a little witchcraft are you guilty of witchcraft because i don't think i'm saying this because

this is wayne ever seems a little witchcrafty to me oh you know what he's right wade you did sing witchy woman one time when we were recording some prop on what is witchy woman. Say how far she's up in something. I sing this? I fabricated that as a pretense to say, this lane of argument is closed. There's cones ahead and it says merge right. You're really digging yourself a hole here, Mark. I follow the rules, not merge right.

What, me? What do you mean, me? I thought he was witchcraft. Wasn't that a good point to do? He's a witch. He's a witch. Burn him. That's Mark's argument.

Yeah, you don't know. You don't know. He turned me into a newt. He got better. Look, I resolve that that is enough, and I have made my decision on this type of argument, but I want to hear i want to hear something else how else can we can we rate and categorize you two you guys want to do a race you know down and back race uh race to what i don't just down and back you know you go down

you go down to the stick down there and then i was pretty fast it depends how long i'm i'm fast i'm not quick so if it's really short mark will probably win if it's longer i have a chance it's like the length of a basketball court like down back the length of that's perfect for me actually i'm pretty good at that i don't know i'm pretty quick so okay well we'll have to organize this race in person to before what do you really does go to the place or not but uh i'm glad that after all of this deliberation it comes down to who can run up and down in the basketball court uh listen i gotta be honest mark did not come out looking so well after all of the sin talk in the circles of hell and the whatnot i gotta say mark that definitely did not bump your slider

in the direction i think you were hoping for yeah and wade i think i think you came out looking a little bit better and maybe scoot your slider a little up a little bit thank you but i think mark was very magnanimous in his acceptance of the ones that were you know kind of in his wheelhouse kind of fell in in under his thing but so was wade so that kind of bumps both your sliders up a little bit can i make a one last statement one just one last closing argument just a closing argument yeah okay i would just like to say in all this and all the things we've had said here today you know it's not productive or healthy to compare ourselves to others and determine if we are morally better or worse than someone else each person is unique and has their own individual strengths weaknesses

experiences and circumstances that shape their moral character. Rather than focusing on comparing ourselves to others, it is more helpful to focus on our personal growth and development. We can strive to live according to our own values and principles, treat each other with respect and kindness, and make choices that align with our sense of right and wrong. Are you reading something that ChatGPT generated for you? No, no, no. What? No, I wrote this. I mean, I thought of this. It is important to recognize that morality is complex

and subjective, and there may not always be clear-cut answers or right and wrong choices in every situation. What did you type to get this? I'm losing. Help me. That everyone makes mistakes and has the potential for growth and change instead of trying to determine if we are morally better than someone else we can focus on improving ourselves

being compassionate and understanding towards others and striving to make a positive impact in the world if there's one thing i know it's that there's different moral theories that people subscribe to it's hard to know what's perfectly moral or immoral and it's hard to really think that i'm more moral than anybody else however after talking about the nine circles of hell and the seven deadly sins i'm pretty sure mark's at least lower than most so wow i gotta say this outcome is interesting to me i said that more as a joke than anything else but i thought it was funny so i hope you all laughed mentally i. Mentally, I was moving the sliders while you both were talking there,

and I have to say, I think it was not terribly unclear who would sort of come out ahead at the end of the debate portion in the middle. I think Wade had demonstrated it pretty strongly that he is a better person than Mark, and I think we can say that definitively. But then at the end there,

in Mark's closing statement, he was very uplifting. He thought of it all himself, I'm sure. What was the con artist one in the circle? No, no, no. That part's over. We're not going to circle back to that. That seems pretty fraudulent. Whatever the opposite of redemption

is, we're not doing that either. But honestly, Wade, in his closing argument, both talked about philosophy, which is always questionable. And I know I invited you to talk about philosophy. Isn't that a bitch? And was smug about being a better person than Mark, which I feel like has to make his slider bump down a little bit. You could say that, but he's already got pride if i'm looking at the image that i can't picture in my aphantasia brain uh it looks like the sliders are just about dead equal what's your prescription we get you some new glasses i am a better person than both of you

all of you even now mark we can agree we can agree that can't be true right you and i can at least agree to that you You might want this one. I don't know how it's going to work out. Because I'm a good person, a good friend, and also think very poorly of myself, I think I am probably worse than both of you in a lot of ways that I can imagine, and you did not prove me wrong to myself. So I think I will sacrifice my own soul. I think I go to the bad place between

the three of us if i'm being super honest with uh and this is maybe like not the healthiest thing but i honestly feel like this is a trap to try to get you guys to talk about your flaws and whatever i think there was a lot of fair discussion today but i think you're both pretty good people and i think i should lose if the context is that the most whatever the least worthy person should lose i would pick myself before i would pick either of you to be the loser in that context which oddly enough means that you both have to win in this case because if you recall you're dead now i did that but you are dead uh both of you get to go to the good place but more interestingly both of you have to host the next episode with each other is it too late to volunteer for hell

yeah can i go to hell no no i've i've done this you can sort it out i will let me say this is the host you can sort out between each other where one of you hosts and then the other and whoever wins that intermediate episode is negated or whatever you could host a freebie you could do whatever you want you don't have to joint host no i will host a joint hosting we'll do it we'll make it work but as we talked i honestly didn't plan this from the beginning i was kind of thinking that it would come down to an actual moral you know decision of joke decision. I don't think I would want to pick either of you. I would pick myself before I would pick either of you.

Oh, no. No. Yeah, no. Oh. But fair. Fair. Yeah, no, that's, I was waiting for that. I thought that would come.

Obviously, the result is not so serious, so it's easy for us to say all of this in jest. But I appreciate your candor and thank you so much for being open and doing this episode concept where it was basically me being like please tell me things well it's easy to admit your flaws when you're not prideful I would say it's not a mighty prideful of you if I'm 100%

honest I am the most humble anyway interesting discussion thank you so much for playing along I think that's gonna wrap this episode up great i've been doing too much work today i need to go eat and sit maybe it's a free-for-all what if you guys just host free for all no no no i know what it's gonna be you are going to be caught in the middle where one of us speaks in riddles and one of us speaks in rhymes i'm gonna come up with a whole bunch of riddles w going to come up with a whole bunch of riddles.

Wade will come up with a whole bunch of rhymes. And everybody loses. Everybody. Okay, well, anyway, I apologize for doing this to you, but also I'm excited to see what you do to me. Maybe that's the wrong attitude. Maybe I should be worse. That's a little lustful, Bob. Oh, hey, I wasn't on trial today.

I'm very lustful. That's it. Thank you so much for Oh, hey, I wasn't on trial today. I'm very lustful. That's it. Thank you so much for listening, and thank you even more for watching if you happen to be one of the brilliant people who comes to Spotify and watches the video form of this podcast. Follow us on Spotify so that every Monday and Friday you can watch the video.

It's free. Can't stress that enough. $3.99, except no 99. Free followed by two zeros, because it's $0. That's the end of the episode. Make sure you check out our merch at shop.stratable... Nope. Store.stratablepodcast.com. Check out Mark at Markiplier, Wade at

lordminion777 or minion777. I am myskirm online, and that is it. I guess these guys are going to the good place. I'm going to the bad place, and no matter what happens, we'll see you in the next episode. Podcast out.