Distractible - Whose Podcast Is It Anyway?

Episode Date: September 15, 2023

Put on your Drew Carey glasses, hawaiian shirts, and bald caps! This episode is an homage to the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A fresh voice can speak to you and open your ears and your mind to new views and new perspectives. The call of the wild, a crescendo of culture. Listen as a chorus of fresh voices moves you, taking you to greater heights. Add your voice to the mix and let fresh answer back with perfect harmony in pure Michigan. Keep it fresh at Michigan.org. This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution.

This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish. Wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with the Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection. Visit Tresemme.com to learn more. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Visit SMA.com to learn more. Whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This week, it's Herculean hilarity as Wiley Winston Wade predicts priest products and puts his pals to their paces. Bubbly Bob

boisterously blathers, bodges, and banters like a boss. Manly Mark and Merovingian Mert. Flamefire Festival 2.0 but failed to flummox their friend. From lubricated D-drives to Bob sucking on Mark. Yeah.

It's time for Whose Podcast Is It Anyway? Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's host, Wade, because I was the better friend last week. That's true. Well, I don't know if that's the conclusion. It's pretty true. No, that's the obvious conclusion. I believe that was the conclusion. If you're new here, this

is a show where one of us hosts, the other two compete for points. The host determines what the competition is, who gets the points, and who wins and hosts the next episode. I'm joined, as always, by Mark and Bob, who agree that I was the best friend last week. Everyone agrees. All in agreement.

I mean, majority might agree, but not everyone. All of us agree. We all concur. You're the best friend, the greatest friend, the biggest friend. You friended very bigly last week. Look at my ass. Waitest the best friend a man can have. In or at?

I don't remember which one it was supposed to be, but. Look, look in my ass? No. What? I thought that's what you said. supposed to be, but... Look, look in my ass? No. What? I thought that's what you said. Don't look in it, look at it. That's what you say when you're trying to say that you're honest. You're just like, hey, I'm not lying, look in my ass.

I'm telling the truth here. When you look into my ass, you know that it's true. I thought that was just what you say to the proctologist. Alright, doc, look in my ass. That's just true and accurate. But how are you boys? Anything new in your lives? Unfortunately, the 61 terabyte drive is not for sale yet.

So I'm very sad. Oh, really? No, it's like coming later this year or something. Oh, you tell them your name is Markiplier. They should send it early. I mean, some people have gotten it early, but there's like review sites. And I think they actually are vetted industry professionals who i don't think anyone in my audience needs a 61 terabyte ssd especially when it's going to cost like four thousand dollars it's probably really not marketed to you at all no you might have

like steven spielberg as a big viewer or something yeah but look this drive is not for people it's for like data centers. They don't need to market to people. They don't care. Data centers love FNAF. This is not for people. This is for robots. Robots love FNAF.

It's about robots. And cheetahs, because they're fast, so they like fast storage. You're right. You're right. Actually, this is not the fastest storage, I want to say. It's the biggest. This is our petition and our plea to whatever that company is, give Mark the terabyte drive. Come on. Solid dime.

Sponsor the podcast. Come on. What are you thinking? That's not the sexiest company name I've ever heard, I got to be honest. Just send each of us one of your terabyte drives, we'll show it off, and our viewers will eat it up and buy it like candy. It sounds like the fake company from Office Space.

I have to be completely honest. Solidime? Don't besmirch Solidime. If they are listening, then I want them to be on my side about this. What about Storadex? Storadex? Storadex. We want you to sell Solidigm drives. Their competitor

Storadex. Ah, right. You know. Yeah, okay. No. And you got HardD. Don't we all? Yeah, let's just start up a new storage company called HardD. HardD. All the models

have weirdly suggestive names you can get the biggest d you can get the slimmest d we have to offer oh yeah can we make them all very like phallic shapes when you go to plug them into your computer too it's just a dick's tape drive you put we're gonna create a new form factor for drives you have to shove in. You have to lubricate it before it goes in the server. The contacts just run up both sides. You have to shove it all the way in. The more data that's on it,

the bigger the drive gets. It expands. It's like, yeah, all the content. It's like an XLR plug or like a mini three and a half inch, but it's just like, oh. We're going gonna invent proprietary pube heat sink technology no more fins little individual pubes will scroll off in their custom directions to to just dissipate the heat its cooling system is that it actually ejects the hot

like water out of the front and it brings in fresh cold water so back yeah oh my god boom all the heat goes out yeah and you could never tell exactly when it's gonna come but exactly it's coming i think people would buy this and eat this up bob what's new with you oh just daydreaming about new dick-shaped hard drive ideas nothing big nothing big you know normal stuff you know all the people that whenever i bring up the storage stuff they start to tune the podcast out they drift away just snapped back in like what in the fuck just happened here that was a pretty fast turnaround for us to go from actual informational stuff to dick you could tell my office is exactly the same level of messy that it was every other time so far yeah what are you wade i like the drill everyone got real spite everyone loves the drill there it is i love that

is that a ryobi it's a ryobi man hell yeah i got the ryobi i'm in the ryobi one plus universe right now hell yeah i didn't realize till just now we can click on each other's pictures to expand can you yeah you can oh you can because now i see i didn't know what just now we can click on each other's pictures to expand. Can you? Yeah, you can. Oh, you can. Because now I see. I didn't know what the drill was. Mark was like, I don't see a drill, but now I do. That wasn't always a feature.

I don't think maybe it was. I feel like that was added at some point. I can't shrink Bob anymore. So that's permanent now. Oh, there you go. Wow. Okay. Well, this should be the final week, I hope, of nothing. I should actually be getting things hopefully tomorrow with any luck.

And I'll be able to start doing things on my walls. So he's definitely not going to have foam next episode. Well, it depends how many recorded bunches. Unless we record each episode the day it comes out. This is live. Actually, I move that we do that. Sorry, editors, but you're going to have to edit now. We're going to record it early in the morning.

And I want it to be out by noon, okay? so you got a solid couple hours in there to really get that work done okay i think they just edit it live and by the time people see it like 20 seconds after we say it it's already edited up shouldn't that just be a live stream no but it's got editing post-production pre-post-production which is different than post pre-production priest production priest production's not in one end you input our stupid jokes now at the other end you get distractible and a little bit of a priest byproduct we're not men of the cloth we're No. Oh. All I think is like Ace Ventura. All righty then.

I was singing foam. Pretend I was singing foam. Foam. There you go. Oh. All right. Well, this is off to a wild start. It's a good thing our juices are already flowing. I have. If we're going off the rails, can I just go off of the rails on one thing?

You guys remember the Fyre Festival? Yes! It's back, baby! It's back, baby! Tickets are on sale now! The guy who organized the Fyre Festival that so many documentaries were made about, about how horrible it was and people almost died on a random island, got out of prison, and immediately started preparation for Fyre Fest 2.0.

I don't know if they started this price, but some are this price, $7,999. Well, he had to charge more so he could have more amenities this time around. The prices last time could only afford FEMA tents and bologna sandwiches. This time around, you're going to have like canvas yurts and Whole Foods pre-made food stuff. Oh, my God. Big vat of Whole Foods, you know, doll Makani or something. The thing about it is, I imagine because people know about Fyre Festival so much from things, there are going to be people that want to go.

Probably like survival experts, people that have been on the show alone are like, yeah, I want the toughest challenge of survival possible. Naked and afraid contestants. Exactly. They want to go in there. I mean, it's such a meme, though. You don't think all like influencer type people

who where it's just a business expense anyway are going to be all over that to be like, I'm covering Fyre Fest 2, baby. We could report live at Fyre Fest 2. We could report live.

Distractible live from Fyre Festival 2. Look, I got a Star starlink we can get an internet hookup out there oh hell yeah hell yeah where is it taking place this time on fire key baby probably that wasn't a real place to begin with but you know they they probably won't disclose the location just so it's a real secret they'll blindfold you as you go on the big boat on the way over and then you'll get in a plane for some reason you're like i thought i was on a boat yeah i bet you did i don't know why i just had a vision of of thousands of of uh people all blindfolded in a big warehouse somewhere in

like in like new york and there's just guys up above them with like spray bottles and the guy is on a bullhorn like now we're on the boat from the mainland to the island but you have to keep your blindfolds on and there's like fans and guys are just like and everyone is like oh this is so mysterious oh i'm getting sprayed by the ocean oh no well we can only hope i can't well the same dude how can he possibly put it on again look he he learned from his mistakes there's no better teacher than failure Well, we can only hope. I can't believe the same dude. How can he possibly put it on again? Look, he learned from his mistakes. There's no better teacher than failure.

And so he was probably in prison just being like, I know what I did wrong. I know I'll fix it this time. And he knows he knows that people are probably going to be interested. There's going to be people vlogging all over the place. There's going to be camera crews. There's going to be news there. At least it's going to be great times. It's going to be huge.

Any press is good press, man. Does that mean if we start saving up now, we know Fire Festival 3 will be in like 2029? Well, if Fire Festival 2 isn't a bigger shitstorm than Fire Festival 1 was, then there won't be a Fire Festival 3. But if it is... So it needs to be worse to be successful? He has to go back to prison for like double the length and then come out. The hype around Fire Festival 3 would be nuts. Can you imagine? 2040 Fire Festival 3.

He actually starts planning it from prison. That's how hype it is. There's this one. Oh, TikTok update, by the way. Bob, have you seen that there's this there's this girl on tiktok that makes tiktoks from prison i don't know if this is fake it seems like it could be super fake because how do you how do you how is it is it a thing where like she has an illegal cell phone in prison somehow or is it a thing of like situation it's like a super low security prison where you get

phones for some reason the security guard is like getting 10% royalty fees or something. So he's recording on his phone. I just feel like from what I know about even the lowest security prisons in America, there's no way that's a thing, but also maybe. Yeah. I really don't know what the situation is because I doubt almost everything. I think most Reddit posts are made up on the spot, just creative writing exercises for most people. Oh, they're just for enjoyment. Yeah. Just just gotta laugh at it like it's a good story which is kind of fine i do like fiction in general but it's it's also just like i i if this is real that's cool if it's fake i'm like it's really well done maybe not really well done because like less is more as an approach too but it's just like it's really interesting that someone be able to make tiktoks

from prison and they those those tiktoks have so many likes like so many likes i mean it's just like, it's really interesting that someone be able to make TikToks from prison. And those TikToks have so many likes. Like, so many likes. I mean, it's such a fascinating premise that even if it's probably not true, you got to look. You got to see. That is a beautiful segue, boys, to this episode. Oh, okay. Because you guys. We're going to prison?

Yeah! Forks wanting to go to prison wins! The SWAT team comes in both of our doors and our back, and I'm like, Boosh! I called both of you! I called the cops on both of you! I told them you've got drugs and weapons! They're gonna drag your asses away! And whoever

ends up behind bars first is the winner. Oh, great. Guys, I waved my Miranda rice. If we could just get right to the jail, I really need to win this one. Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty. All right. Thank you.

I did it. I did it. I did it. Don't even search. I'll tell you where they are. Manny, you got to plant some drugs in my office. They break into Mark's office. He's eating a steak.

They break into Bob's office and it smells like urine. No, no, it doesn't. It's fine. It's clean now. Oh, OK, good. I cleaned it. It's fine. Good, good. I cleaned it. It's fine. Good, good.

All right, well, the episode today is an homage to a show I think we all loved growing up. Whose Line Is It Anyway? Still going. Yeah, it's still on. Love currently. Well, love. Okay, I've not watched all the new seasons. I don't know if it's still still. Oh, it's still going. Wow, that's crazy. Okay, well, then a show we do love and i need to catch up on because i've not watched it in a long time yeah whose lies it anyway so we've done improv and as the host i get to make

you guys do some improv and i'm excited because we've got a few different games here instead of just doing one episode on change or whatever have you we're going to do a variety of games for the fans enjoyment do you mean that you're excited because you don't have to do the improv you just get to make us do it in some ways yes but other ways no because i actually kind of really we've talked about the tour recently like i don't know if you the three of us have but i've been talking about a lot recently and i kind of miss doing some improv so you know you know it's crazy we've never we've always talked about the tour tangentially we've never actually talked about the tour stories in like specificity we've talked about some of them but that's a whole ass episode

idea right there there's a whole episode of save it for uh who if you win i've done too much work to transition to that now i'm not saying to do that it was a nice attempt at change but change with no authority coerce so i've got five different improv games here and if we get to all of them great and if we don't we don't uh we're gonna try to do these and i will allow you all to play i'm not gonna give like points oh i might give points during we'll see after i won't give it during a scene but like after a scene ends i might give someone points isn't everything made up and the points don't matter but so there there has to be points for them to not matter but one of you will have to win for some reason that is certainly not arbitrary at the end.

So definitely not arbitrary. Absolutely not arbitrary. Well, do you guys need to do any kind of warm ups? Are you ready to jump into this? Oh, I'm loose, baby. I'm ready. OK, well, I offered and it was rejected. Let the record show.

He's so loose right now. I'm stretched out. Yeah, he's gaping if you will sorry did i did i cross the line there i'm sorry did the storage dill knows no but mark no but the first game we're gonna be playing is called press conference again all this is inspired by whose line so i don't know how frequently this is done outside of there, but we love their show. So go watch Whose Line. Shout out to them. But we're going to press conference.

Bob will be delivering a press conference. He has no idea who he is or what his press conference is about, but he's making some kind of an announcement. Mark, who will be playing the role of two reporters, Mark and Merk, because quite frankly, we just don't have enough people here to uh do the game with three or four do i need to differentiate between the two there better be different voices so yeah just do different voices that way you get to do something too mark other than ask questions mark and murk's jobs are to ask questions that also give hints to bob as to who he is ultimately to let bob make a guess as to who he is and what his announcement is. So Bob has to bullshit while he waits.

Mark has to ask the questions that give the hints. Whenever you boys are ready, Bob, the podium is yours. Are you going to tell me what? What? Oh, I will send you the prompt. That's a good point. Mark has to guess what it is, too.

Okay. Will, you will know. I can't say the prompt out loud or Bob will hear me. Just text me. I want Will to know too so we can put it on the screen for the viewers. You want me to take my headphones off or something? He'll skip ahead in the recording, discover what it is and go back. Here, here, look, look, look, look, look.

No, that won't work. No, no, no, no. No, yeah, I can hear you. Oh, I can turn that. I can turn them off. no. No, yeah, I can hear you. Oh, I can turn that. I can turn them off. All right, there you go. Mark, I messaged you on here. There's your prompt.

All right. Thank you. Are we all set now? I'll let him read his prompt here, I guess, a second. How long is the prompt? I thought it'd be like one sentence. No, I, okay. So do you remember this game, Bob?

Yeah, generally. It's usually the newscast, isn't it? He's covering some event and it's a green screen thing. No, no, it's usually the newscast isn't it he's he's he's covering some event and it's a green screen thing sort of no no it's it's it's not that it's um this is similar to that though right yeah there's a game you are giving a press conference yeah no i got it i'm comfortable with the premise there's nothing behind you you're just standing at a podium talking okay yeah well put a podium in front of me, all the way up to my chest. Hello, everybody.

Thanks so much for coming. It's with a heavy heart that I stand here before you today. It goes without saying why this press conference needed to happen, but there are some things that I need to say and that I also need to say on behalf of the company. First of all, we're very sorry. Me, me personally, I am apologizing. But also the everyone at the company, everyone who had a hand in this mistakes were made. And that is a an organizational error.

But also that does not excuse anyone. OK, it's a little early for questions, but go ahead. Yeah, Mark Merck, Yplier News. So you're saying that there were other parties involved? Yeah, no, this is not something that I had exclusive control over. This is a situation where there were a lot of fingers in the pie, you could say. A lot of toes in the pond, which is partially what led to so many miscommunications. When you have so many different people all contributing to something.

And like I was saying, that's that's that's an organizational error. That's still our fault. Yes. Yes. So this is Merck Mark from E-Player News, the sister corporation of the other news. This could still be misconstrued as a crime. Accessory is also part of it. I looked into that, and part of that crime is intent. And we have all talked it over and agreed that none of us in the company

meant to do what we we did it was not on purpose this happened accidentally which is really more unfortunate than the criminal um so so i see what you're saying but i i think you know you're you're you're putting words in our mouth really that uh that no one here is is saying no one no one meant for this to happen uh yeah yeah um so this is all new news i just want to know because originally it was just you and now you're saying there's an entire organization so if you have names can we know the names um so for legal reasons i can only give you the names that are listed in the brief that was published uh so i can tell you that i am on there also steve linda gary dirk declan sally um i feel like i'm missing some people i don't want to leave anyone out interesting

interesting interesting interesting bill clinton two of those names were in the reports and i do feel a follow-up question by the way sorry go on going up i'll let my colleagues speak as soon as two of those names did uh did come up when i was going through the evidence but they they they were only tangentially related as witnesses but you're saying that these witnesses who happen to be in the nearby area were actually part of it uh well aren't you equally a fault if you if you witness something and you could stop it, but you don't? Inaction is a decision, and so, just, you know, again,

I'm limiting what I'm saying to what was made public, but you're right that, um, Larry and Sally, I think maybe you're referring to? Gary! Oh, Gary, they were just witnesses, but they could have done a lot. They could have done a lot and stepped in and really put a stop to things.

And they just let it happen. Yes, go on. Sure, sure. But there was a quote from your friend Patrick to Sally saying, I can't believe he'd do that. I must have been living under a rock or something. I mean, Sally's a bit of a gossip. And so I don't know where that came from um you know she's she's a she's a talker she's got this southern gossip thing going on and um

so i'm not gonna put a lot of weight behind that unless there's some sort of evidence in writing uh going out on a limb and trusting you know what one starfish said to a squirrel unrelated to this incident it's just really you know that that's not part of this that's not what we're apologizing for either that's sort of that's sort of uh separate from the events that took place uh yeah mark uh you you said that um you said that in the uh the briefings you said that all of the ash that was found on your person was related to your job and not related to the incident and all. Is that true? Is that still the story you're sticking with? You know, the grill is a dirty environment.

The kitchen's a dirty environment. It's, you know, when you clean things, they get on your person. And, you know, it's just part of the job, really. That doesn't prove anything. That's just's just part of the job, really. That doesn't prove anything. That's just sort of part of the conditions. Merc. Oh, yes, thank you. What would you say to the victim?

Well, obviously, I can't say anything, any more to the victim. They're no longer with us. But that's, you know, that's sort of what the apology is about for the victim's family, for friends, for acquaintances, customers, you know, that's sort of what the apology is about for the victim's family or, um, for friends, for acquaintances, uh, customers, uh, you know, just were, it's, it was a, it's an unfortunate series of events that led to what happened.

Um, Mark. Was it the music? I don't want to comment on any motivations, uh, behind what happened for myself. I'm going to say no, but I can't speak for everyone involved. And, um, everyone has, you know, you could have your own feelings about the music, one way or another. Alright, Bob, do you, uh... No, I got one more question!

Alright, alright. I hear they're going to have a candlelight vigil. Do you feel like that's in bad taste? Ah, really more so than feeling like it's in bad taste i just feel like you know the practicality of having candles under the ocean uh makes that kind of a waste of of resources more than anything mark so your your strategy here is uh to deny the physical possibility of the crime? Well, it's just unlikely.

Obviously, it's not impossible. Something happened, and the truth of what happened is going to have to be decided by the courts, ultimately. Do you think you're ready, Bob, to figure out who you are and what you're... I have an idea. By all means. Am I

SpongeBob SquarePants giving a press conference about how I accidentally killed Mr. Krabs by burning him up? I don't know enough about the show. Is this a lore thing from SpongeBob? It's not a deep lore thing. You're close, but not quite. Who burns up in SpongeBob? I don't know that.

I don't know if this is a thing okay i this is not at all related to anything that happens in this show okay okay um sandy and patrick talking about did i accidentally kill gary in a fire no you you named gary as an accomplice recently oh that's true actually that's true well so i must have killed uh squidward for sclare not playing right the music and do you know what happened to him uh he was incinerated somehow you are spongebob announcing you're not guilty of burning down squidward's house was the oh okay his stone house that he lives in underwater yeah yeah you did a good job of denying it the whole time you got onto the you guys thought sally was sandy for a while but

you both went with it and seemed to understand oh Oh, it's not Sally, is it? Okay. Yeah, no, it's Sandy. I realized that after I did that bit and I was like, ah, close enough. But you guys were on the same wavelength. Well done. Minus a point each for going along with Sally instead of Sandy, but plus 10 points to both of you for getting through it and figuring it out.

If I could do the laugh, I was going to try and throw in a SpongeBob laugh, but I don't have that. If you can, I'll give you an extra to try and throw in a SpongeBob laugh, but I don't have that. If you can, I'll give you an extra 500 points. What would you have to say to the victim? I can't do a SpongeBob laugh. Kudos to Pluto. Kudos to Pluto. Whoa, what are you listening to this for?

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All right, well, 10 points to both of you. Well done. Well done. We will move on to a game called Director's Cut. I'm going to give you two a pretty simple prompt. You're going to start acting out a scene. I'll step in as the director and occasionally make you change up the scene to fit what I think it needs. Okay. All right. Mark and Bob are pilots flying a commercial plane together from any destination to another. It doesn't really matter.

I'll leave it up to you guys. That is the scene. You're just flying together. You guys know each other a little bit. Take it away. All right. You want to do the announcement or me? Captain, I don't know if I'm ready for that.

Oh, come on. You can do it. All right. Okay. I'll do it. I'll do it. I can't do it. I can't do it.

No, no, no. You got me. No, please. No, it's just this easy. I can't do it. No, no, no. You got me. No, please. No, it's just this easy. Watch this. Watch this. It's super, super easy. All right. As your captain speaking, just wanted to let you know you should probably buckle up. Just it's not a warning. Just

just think about it. See, they're going to be sweating bullets for days. Cut, cut, cut. Mark, they're going to be sweating bullets for days. Cut, cut, cut. Mark, you're doing great, but your motivation. You ate the fish, Bob ate the chicken, and you found out the fish is making you very sick. All right. All right.

That's it? You don't have anything? No, no, you're doing great. Just your motivation. Do we start over or do we go on from here? Yeah, you want us to start from the beginning? Just rewind a little bit. Just from the announcement, basically.

Okay. Can you do it? I don't know if I'm ready, Captain. No, I don't think I can do it. Oh, you're pulling my leg. You're messing. No, I actually think I might. Oh, you're serious.

Yeah, you could just do it. No, I actually think I might... Oh, you're serious? Yeah, if you could just do... No, yeah, sorry. Ladies and gentlemen, from the flight deck, you should buckle your seatbelts. There's like a 30% chance we're about to crash. Wait, what the... Right? You got to keep up guessing right cut

cut mark great stuff bob pretty good bob i need more motivation from you you never got your pilot's license and if mark can't fly the plane you have no idea what you're doing okay from from wherever you guys feel like still still not did i still have the fish yes you're still had the fish you're feeling very sick from the fish more sick less sick same amount of sick okay can you make the announcement uh yeah no well i could um can you push the button i'm my hands are full i'm not gonna lie i am half blind right now one of my eyes has completely gone green if i if you were trying to paint me a word picture of where the switch is for that how what is that i because i because i know but i'm just curious how you see it voice voice cut cut we're gonna keep it

going right from here uh bob more panic mark a little bit more sick more simple just because i could i could do everything in the plane i know about the this the button switches and all right okay close your eyes and imagine your head, a dashboard with buttons, okay? Big red, bright colors. So, Get it out. Get it out. Maybe if you puke, maybe if you puke it all up, then you'll be fine to fly

and do the announcement. No, um, can you take the stick for a bit? I'm gonna make a quick announcement. Oh, that's okay. I'll see it. Look, it's this button here. No, well. Hey, passengers, is your captain uh speaking okay everything's fine don't i love you okay that's good cut cut cut uh mark love the announcement uh i feel like we're getting a little bit too into the drama category so can you do the announcement like you're really sick keep everything you guys are doing but mark just do it like you're in a musical but i'm sick but also really sick from the fish

okay all right same as you're doing but just more music-y to the announcement you know all right okay uh this is your captain speaking i love you so much we're not gonna die today. Well, gee, Captain, that came out of nowhere. Are we gonna die? No, no, not at all. That's why there's two of us. Because if I go down, you're here to make sure we all don't go down.

That's how it is. Well, I think maybe, you know what, I know a technique that'll maybe help you throw up more. What if I just make the plane go up and down really violently and we'll just shake the fish out of you so that the sickness is just gone and then you'll

be fine. Because I know how to go. Look, you go like this to go down. Then you go like this to go up. Whoa! Wow! Cut, cut, cut. I like where this is going. Keep it up. Are you going to VFX the puke the pukin yeah yeah we'll add all that in post okay all right bob you have the cure to mark but this is like the start of your villain arc and you are going to extort him for money to give him

the cure to land this plane okay uh okay mark keep the musical bits coming in and out i think a little bit more musical here and there a little musical uh yeah yeah yeah and this will be this is it this is i feel it this is the one okay all right and action yeah i've got the remedy for you captain how do you like this yeah is that working do you feel better captain no actually i don't i don't feel good at all i wish that you would uh just fly the plane normally. What if I gave you this? What is that? Oh.

Is that what I think it could be? It probably is. It probably is exactly what you think it could be. And it's the only one on the entire plane, possibly in the entire state that we're flying over right now. And how much is that worth to you, really? Are you, like, in money? Yeah, like in a dollar uh, how much is that worth to you? Really? Are you, like, money? Yeah, like in a dollar amount.

How much is that worth? After all we've been through. That's all I got. Bad answer! Choo! Whoa! Choo! I was like,

oh, he's gonna go on a nice long song! After all we've been through.'s it um man i'll give you guys five and a half points each that seems like a lot less i think i think if we were like the best way to do that is like you let the scene go longer because it's like it's part of the redoing it that's the fun thing i think so too just based on our time if we had more time i would have totally done it that way but if we ever do it again i would love to try again with like more more set pieces starting the scene over with more yeah yeah that's the way to go too i want to play true carry someday that seems like a way better job thank you i don't have a buzzer though so i

don't even get the fun part don't you have a golex lr couldn't you have a buzzer in like two seconds beep oh yeah there's a built-in one is that a good buzzer it's fine that's good yeah we're gonna move on to a game that i think we're all familiar with called change oh boy i believe i might have interrupted a bit much the first time we did this around but i am not a fucking professional at this change i'm the best there's ever been and i will do this my way people have been rooting for this to come back ever since that one episode so well it's coming back for one scene at least here i wrote a little mini paragraph for this but it's not too much for you guys it's just laying out the scene while at a grocery store in the parking lot bob a 30 year old fit man sees mark

an elderly man trying to load groceries into his car but mark seems to need help mark doesn't actually need help but craves non-stop attention from bob for some reason all right okay okay that is your scene whenever you're ready oh oh god if only a big strong man were hi guys you look you look like you could use a hand, sir. Could I... Oh, wow. Fancy seeing you here. Yeah, no, I'm...

I don't... Have we met? You're familiar. I'm, uh... Jeremy. In my dreams, uh... You can call me Steve. Okay.

Yeah. No, in your dreams, huh? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, no, can I help you load your groceries into your car you look like you're you gotta you you could have a seat you could just go get in the car i'll just load them on no no no no i want to watch oh i'll be gentle be careful here it's a lot of cottage cheese okay it is i wouldn't want it to spill everywhere you better get home fast that's a lot

of cottage cheese and it's pretty hot out here. Yes, yes, better hurry. Are you sure you don't want to just have... I'm almost done already. I'm just... Wow, you're so strong. Can I feel your muscles? Change.

Wow, you're so strong. Can I feel you? Change. Do you feel what's happening here? I am putting your groceries in... Look, that's the last bags in your car, and I'm just gonna... I gotta... Oh, i don't know if i can get it home i feel woozy oh well you got all oh so sick change oh god i change oh no i'm falling oh i got you oh thank you are you okay i i told you it's kind of hot out all right here let me

help you get in the driver's seat and then you can leave and then i can leave and we'll go our change and then you sit there and i will never see you again change i just want to hold you change i'm not gonna help you i'm you know what this feels weird this feels like we're crossing a line just here just. Just stand up. And I'm going to... You get in your car. And it was nice meeting you. And I hope your cottage cheese doesn't spoil on the drive home.

Wait, wait, wait. Yeah. Listen, I'm not... I don't have long left. I only want to just make a friend. My therapist did say that I need to open up to more people. Change. I have a lot of friends. and I don't need any more.

I have a- Change. You're too old to be friends with anyone, especially someone as young and fit as me, clearly. You think that we- I was trying to be nice, okay? I was trying to pretend to be nice, but you think that I would spend a moment longer near

you than i need to look at me and look at yourself look at look just look spend more time looking and appreciate the differences between me and you it's not like it's not like i'm ignorant to the differences change it's not like you're that much taller. I am blind. I have no smell. Who are you? I have an idea. Why don't we go just a little bit? We don't have to be friends or anything.

Why don't we just go get these to my house and then you go away okay if i help you get this to your house i will i will never contact me again change you will you will lose my all every memory of me will be deleted like you're a hard drive. Deleted. Change. You will never look at me again. Blind. Change. You will let me in your house and I will cook us a nice dinner and then I'll leave and never call you again. Never.

Same. Oh, I mean. Good, of course. There you guys go. Look, change came back. All right. And it's gone. Everybody got what they wanted. Uh-huh. Absolutely. I hope it's been good for you guys. It, guys, go look. Change came back. All right, and it's gone. Everybody got what they wanted.

Uh-huh. Absolutely. I hope it's been good for you guys. It's been good for me. You guys are doing... Considering we didn't do any warm-ups at all, whenever we're doing the tour, and we did it every single day,

we would still take like an hour at least every day doing warm-ups. So going into these cold is tougher than I think people want to... You're saying it like we're doing it badly. You don't have to caveat it. We're doing it. I think you guys are doing great despite the fact you didn't get the warm-up i'm saying how impressive it is how impressive it is you guys are like a wonderful job oh okay cool

good i'm not taking you down i'm building you up i think that we're doing so acceptably that our legendary improv teacher rachel wecht would not make very many disparaging faces or noises while we're doing this at all. But only a few. She wouldn't go, ha, dick. I just remember when one of you pimped the other really hard or someone pimped someone really hard

and just, ha, dick. Remember when I made her laugh once? Ha! That was rare. She was very good at not laughing during our practices and that that made it really tough it's because she's a professional okay it's a it's kind of because we're not funny it's very hard to make laugh that clearly all right we're gonna move on to another game i don't know what this one is called but i'm gonna call it style change it probably has another name but that's the name I have written down.

And that's what I'm going to go with. Isn't it called film styles on the show? Called what on the show? Film styles or genres or something. Genres, whatever. Whatever it's called, I'll explain it to you. Mark and Bob are going to start doing a scene. They can do the scene, whatever tone, however they see fit.

They're just going to do some improv. I will come in and tell them to change the genre of the scene so as if it was a movie maybe it's a comedy and i tell them to change it to an action movie i tell them to change it to a romance whatever have you and they have to adapt the feeling the mood of the scene to fit the genre all right easy peasy uh here is the scene mark a new hire who desperately needs to keep his new job suspects that his boss bob is a vampire hello mark uh how's it going how's your first week going how's it going uh good good do i need to give you permission to come into my office oh that'd be nice i like it's it's not so formal though look you could call me a track okay just nicknames you know and and

but can i come in though um i'm gonna go with i'm gonna can you stand just a little bit i'll just wait here that's fine no that's fine i don't yeah no i don't need to get any closer that's fine uh listen so i know they gave you the numbers um for your quotas you're supposed to meet. Yeah. It's your first week. It's your first week. So I don't want to suck on you too hard, but it's... What? Sorry, it's just a saying.

From where I'm from, that's sort of... Don't mind that. Look, I just say, you need some time to get up to speed, and that's okay. Drama. You're not good enough. Listen, Drac, I lost my dog. I lost my house not good enough listen drac i lost my dog i lost my house i lost my wife i lost my husband i lost everything in the war and i didn't know where to turn to and i came here i've learned in my time not to judge a book by its cover and you

you've got the most horrifying cover i've ever seen but I'm not judging you for that. I'm trying my best, but it's really, really, really hard with the things that I've seen. That's a tragic story. It really chokes me up a little bit. Blech. You okay? Despite all that, if you don't want to lose your job on top of all those other things you listed, you're going to need to pick it up, okay? Horror.

This company will never survive without you. Maybe it doesn't deserve to survive. Maybe it deserves to have the life sucked out of it. I guess we'll find out together, won't we? Lest you think you have what it takes. There's someone standing right behind you. They look just like you. That's my twin brother, Crad.

Oh, all right then. Don't worry. Don't worry about him. There's another person standing behind him. It looks just like me. That's not my twin brother, Crad, at all. Wait, who is that standing behind him? It looks just like you. Is there someone standing right behind me?

Weirdly, no, there's not. Romance. I wish there was. Why don't you come inside? All I can see is your eyes. Okay. Get in here, Drac. Can I call you Drac?

Please, call me Drac. I was enthralled from the moment we locked eyes. Look, this job might be sucking the life out of me, but sometimes I wish you were sucking the life out of me too. Superhero movie. There's no time for that. We must get to the shipping floor. I hear that some shelves fell over,

and I think we have a duty to go and make sure everyone's okay and maybe help them clean up. It's fine. The leading scientist in the area said that there's no risk of any earthquakes happening. That meteor won't come anywhere close to Earth. And also, I'm gonna retire tomorrow. Well, you have earned your retirement. Sorely earned it.

You've only been at the company a week, but I feel like we'd be nowhere without you. Yeah, I can't wait for the gamma radiation test. Fantasy. Glanor the Radiation Wizard has informed me that his test will soon be complete. And he's found some anomalies that I think we should look into, but not before I give you this.

Oh my god. This is gliblon, the blade of blades. It can cut any blade, including itself. Be very careful. That's incredible. I'll cherish it for the end of my days. Comedy. Sitcom style.

Hey, Mark. Good to see you again. I met this girl on my way to work this morning, and I told her I had a friend that would be great for her. I wanted to set you up on a blind date. What do you think of that? Is that why you gave me the sword? Yeah, no.

That'll be very impressive. She seemed like a sword girl, if you know what I mean. Ooh. Am I helping or hurting you? I feel like I ruined it with comedy. Sorry. Minus ten points to me for the horrible laugh track and oohing.

I was trying to, oh, maybe I should have, oh, the sword. I don't know. No, I got what you meant. I was just like, what the fuck is a comedy? Okay, of all things to get hung up on, i didn't know that would be the hard part make some jokes lighthearted i don't know no there's no way well it's going great until uh i don't know what was the one that threw it off comedy fantasy glenor the radiation wizard you guys i was trying to find a good place to button in but you guys were so like into it and going so

fast there were no pauses or beats between your sentences so I was just like I gotta fucking force one in here we're just so we're so smart we're so smart we're locked in Mark I ruined it that's my bad minus 10 points to me alright our last game of the evening is one where I will join in

to redeem myself hopefully mainly because we need me because it's called three headed experteaded Expert, which doesn't really work with just two. I've got an extra head. Do you want to do it with your other head instead of me? Well, I can't talk, so probably not then. Because it's a stuffed, because it's a plushie.

I don't know what you were thinking. Sorry. We will go in the order of Bob, Mark, and Wade because it's alphabetical. I'm going to ask us a question. Bob, you'll lead us off. We're going to give one word each to try to answer this question. So, for example, Bob can go I. Mark will go Will.

I will say answer. Bob will go back to Bob. He'll say you and so on and so forth. One word to answer the question, but we will keep going to try to form a coherent series of sentences. This game always makes me think of the episode of Whose Line where they're doing the episode of whose line where they're doing the three-headed broadway singer where they're singing one word at a time oh yeah and

take me on up yeah it gets to true carry and they're all like and i will take me on up if you haven't seen it you should watch classic whose line is it anyway it's fantastic that's why i like the the classic version not that it's it's fantastic that's why i like the the classic version not that it's not funny nowadays but it's almost like too crisp i don't need it in 4k i love because all of my episodes were like ripped off of like just vhs tapes they're all in like low quality broadcast resolution oh man i love that the crunchiness of it just like people i didn't even know who they were. Like Carol Channing. I have no idea who she actually was.

But seeing Ryan do Carol Channing, like break the glass with his head and shit. Yeah. But yeah, let's do three of Broadway star. Mark, you'll be in the middle. Bob, you'll go first. I'll go last. That was a weird way to describe it. But that's how I did it.

Not Broadway star. Not Broadway star. Just expert. We're not singing. We're answering. We have no Dan the Piano Man for this show today. So no piano. But somehow mark's allowed

to sing what's the question we're answering all right we're trying to explain whether or not the ship of theseus is or could that it is big boat oh wait What I need to discuss is canolis. Canolis are whether canolis can be considered boats. Does that mean it's over? I don't know. Go another sentence. Some people think that other boats look dumb however the people that matter think cannolis are dumb but we are smarter than them and we have knowledge about big boats and big cannolis therefore we will state that cannolis are not part of the ship but they could be a type of ship.

Yay, we answered the question. Did we answer the question? Yeah. Can always can be a type of ship. Oh, okay. That's an answer. That's what we came up with. I think the people will watch this episode and wonder, and they'll wonder.

The people who don't matter won't agree with us. And the people who do matter are idiots. So we know that we're right. All right. So I've got to assign some points on this. I hope you guys had fun. I know I kind of threw this at you in the middle of the day after Bob peed himself. I guess it was a whole other day ago or some other time in the past look i always have fun i just wonder if anyone listening has any fun it's fun for me it's it's definitely

different doing this kind of stuff without being able to move around and walk i know i kept wanting to like touch mark i kept thinking like and now i would grab Mark. Yeah, absolutely. One of the things I think missing doing this via podcast format like this instead of being in person is we can't spatially walk around or like there isn't a cockpit to sit in and reach over and screw with each other. Like we lose that spatial ability to do things with our environment and it becomes sit and talk, which is not what Rachel had taught us. But it's really, you can't really do that in this type of environment so it's really kind of a test to see how it would work out until we can all have

augmented reality glasses on and each be in our own individual sound stage and see each other projected as holographic images in our personal space and vice versa you could just do second life improv literally or uh no vr chat vr chat oh gr chat improv that would be pretty funny yeah i'm glad you had fun and if you guys want to see more let us know in the subreddit man but today's winner i think you know who it has to be i don't even think it's really a question at this point still we still live in the shadow of mark's despotic rule i have to give the win to Mark. What? Because of his sing song, that one line song that never has left my mind since it happened. The tease that left me wanting more. The end of act one that brings you back in after the intermission. Exactly. So

congratulations, Mark. You have won. Wow. I can't believe it. I do not have a hoedown or anything for us to do. I'm sorry. No. Let's read the credits like we're John Madden casting a football game. Did you see John? John really comes around. No, there's no.

When you said John Madden, I thought like the voice had to be John Madden. John Madden. John Madden. Narrated by Baltimore. Baltimore. We could have Baltimore read the credits, which is just four of us. Oh, we should force him to record some improv bits that just get spliced in without us

all being on the same call. Just do some lines, Baltimore. We'll just put them in the right place. By we, I mean will. Alright. Bob, you have a loser speech. Uh, I think you've made a horrible mistake. I feel like we literally just learned the lesson that we shouldn't let Mark win for a minute so he can cool his jets.

I think we're about to be doing Five Nights at Freddy's Tier List Part 3, and everyone's gonna hate it. Hate it! I mean, they're gonna like it as much as they liked all the other tier lists we've done, which is pretty mixed reviews. And, uh, you know, I think you're gonna live to regret this wait unless you don't live long enough to regret it in which case you get what you

deserve i have to tell you though i decided at the start of this that the points wouldn't matter and i would decide the winner based on like a moment of improv that i just couldn't get out of my mind and the one that i just can't get around is thinking mark had like at least one rhyme for a song and then just giving like the one line and saying he was done i i just i couldn't get it out of my mind the whole time it was there i can't believe glenor the radiation wizard didn't steal that okay you know what that's pretty fucking good that was a good moment i thought that is fair that is a fair counterpoint however already made the judgment you already gave your loser speech so yeah yeah yeah mark your winner's speech uh i love whose line is in any way i feel like we didn't do any homage to it

because we are nowhere near as good as those guys are ever could be nope can you imagine doing it on a podcast that's harder to do you guys did great i don't have to imagine it if anyone failed it was the host for inserting comedy apparently the hardest genre for us to figure out. Okay, there's a reason that all the Oscars go to comedic actors, okay? It's a hard thing to get down. It's not. There's no formula to it. It's really an art form.

It is. And I think hosting is probably one of those things, too, you need to get a feel for. And I definitely don't have a feel for it. So I need to get better at that. But you guys did phenomenal. Good job to both of you. You both deserve to win. And the one thing we can all agree on is I deserve to lose today. don't have a feel for it so uh i need to get better at that but you guys did phenomenal good job to both of you you both deserve to win and the one thing we can all agree on is i deserve to lose today so congrats you can follow us mark a markiplier bob at my skirm i'm wade minion 777

or lord minion 777 uh we have merch store at the strikeable podcast.com and i guess we'll see what happens next time if i've made a horrible error or not. Or maybe there'll be more urine. Who knows? Until then, podcast out. You have been watching The Distractible Podcast. See you soon.