Distractible - WikiHow About Now?

Episode Date: September 16, 2024

Time to crack open the ole Distractopedia and see if Bob, Mark, and Wade can match the correct (and severely cursed) WikiHow image to it's title. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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McDonald's has a new biggest burger called Big Arch, made with two 100% Canadian beef patties, a new delicious sauce, and all the McDonald's flavors you love, and... Wait, you want me to help you get it? Rubble! Come on. Compared to beef burgers on McDonald's current menu at participating restaurants in Canada. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Beamy Bob fleets anything at hand,

simulates shitting, and starts a suspect slideshow. Medicated Mark is fully flatulent, suffers sartorial slips, governs his glands, and makes lemonade. Warden Wade becomes a doggy-style vomitorium, has no man, starts his significant other, and flashes his friends. One second, I forgot to take medication. One second. Whoops. Mark's doing drugs.

Definitely keep that. When did you? How? Poinies. It's like a cap for like a Gatorade bottle type thing. I had two things I could grab and put in my mouth. One of them was an electronic and the other was a whole thing of chapstick. And neither one of those sound good in my mouth You should put the chapstick in your mouth Oh, but it's in a container so it wouldn't actually get I'm here

What? There's no way you did a handshake deal. I was two steps away No, no, we were putting things in our mouths. We didn't do a handshake deal. You could check the tape We didn't know I had the chapstick. I was like if I put this in my mouth It would be okay because it's in a container. Just to... Hi and welcome to another episode of Distractable. That was the best cold open and possibly only cold open we've ever done. I'm sure all of that made it in and the editors didn't cut any of it out for being insane or gross. I am your host. My name is Bob. I am the host because I won the last one competing today and today's episode will be the other two guys who are always here

Mark and Wade Hello. Hey, if you've never seen the show before first of all, what the fuck second of all First of all, thanks for coming. Make sure you subscribe Where have you been? Way to start an episode like 200. Yeah, what's what psychopath does that? Anyway, that doesn't make any sense I can't imagine I'm staring at Wade, but I realize that doesn't come across when I'm just staring at my monitor It's it Wade Wade. I was looking at you. What I do. I don't know the way this game works is they're competing for points I'm gonna give them points the winner hosts the next episode so if you don't know how it works doesn't really matter watch episode 1

Yeah, that'll explain it not the Phantom Menace. That's also a good episode 1. Yeah. Yeah, how's it going there fellers? How you doing good? I'm still in movie limbo hired Oh tired. Are you turd because my dogs decided that sleep is for the weak. And we are the weak. So sleep is for you? I will. We're strong. I don't know, Presley's been getting sick, but only in the middle of the night.

So at like seven in the morning, which is the middle of the night for me, because I go to sleep at like four, he like father like yes my child he goes All over my legs or I'll start like hacking or the other night he had like this like pain wheezing noise So I think I'm gonna take him into the vet but the weird thing is like he's fine during the day He's fine going to sleep and then just sometimes the middle night He wakes up like puts a pawl on me looks me in the eye and just like up chucks and I don't know what it's like one and he's done. He's trying to be looking to you for help. Is he like accidentally pooping in the middle of the night and then eating it out of shame fear and then coming over to you and me like I've made a mistake again?

I don't know, it feels... Does it smell like poop? It's I mean vomit doesn't have a pleasant smell but I'm not gonna lie in the middle of the night a pleasant smell, but I'm not going to lie. In the middle of the night when I'm half asleep, I have not tried to sniff it. So I do not know the scent because I'm kind of just like, if I could pick him up and walk at the same time, it's honestly a miracle at that point in the night because I am just not cohesive put together. But we went to a family reunion over the weekend and so we didn't get a lot of sleep. I've been playing No Man's Sky. So I sleep. I've been playing No Man's Sky,

so I've been staying up late playing No Man's Sky, then being woken up in the middle of the night by a sick dog and I've had stuff going on early in the day, the last few days, so I've just not gotten a lot of sleep. And my body likes nine to 10 hours of sleep at night. I like a lot of sleep. Some people, like my friend Jesse, he can go on like four hours sleep

and he's like perfectly functional. Me, if I get less than seven, I'm like a zombie the whole day. So, having like three or four days in a row of like four hours sleep, especially interrupted sleep, I don't feel coherent. Do you think that that might have something about the quality of your sleep? Do you think that maybe your sleep quality is actually very low and so you're not getting full rest throughout the night? Have you ever done a sleep study? Marshall Like you have sleep apnea or something like that? No, it always come naturally to me, so I never had to study a whole lot.

Stan Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Marshall I've just always been able to sleep at night usually. Well, at night is kind of rough. Maybe jokes are hidden today, make me laugh. Four in the morning is at night, right? Stan Maybe if you get a CPAP machine, you'll be funnier. Marshall Isn't that how you pump breast milk? CPAP is a continuous positive something pressure. It's the thing that you wear on your face while you sleep if you have sleep apnea.

Tell me more about it while I take this phone call. I'll be right back. All right, see ya. Hey Mark, how are you doing right now? I'm good, you know me, I'm real good. Suddenly it's your turn. I was just gonna comment when it happened, it was too late but it was like sometimes Wade's comedic timing.

I feel like it's a dead by daylight, you know, quick time event. Or usually he gets it in the zone but occasionally he'll hit like that little sliver and it's like a critical and it just really makes me laugh. I don't want to earlier. Yeah, I'm good, I'm good. I'm good. I got the squeakiest chair in the world. It sounds a little bit like you're just farting your brains out and it's barely coming through

the microphone but... Couldn't hear you. Farting too much. You know, you make jokes but it is possible to fart so much that you can't hear, so... That would be pretty impressive though. Not because the farts themselves are so loud but also because clenching all those muscles. Can you do that thing where you make your eardrums rumble by clenching the muscles? I don't think so.

I've never really tried because I worry every time I hear someone do that, they're like, I can't stop. I just do it all the time now. I'm like, if I don't gain the skill, then maybe I wouldn't have to suffer through that. So I don't do that. No, trust me. It's not a big deal. You totally can't. It's not hard. To me, if I had to describe it, I would say, if you try and imagine what muscles you might need to use, if you needed to like pull your head further down onto your neck, it doesn't happen that way. But like, if you tense up those sort of all the muscles in your shoulders and neck that would

pull your head straight down, but keep it upright, you can make it head... It's interesting. It's not an addiction thing, you'll be fine. I bet you could do it. No, no. You're cursing so many people out there. A year from now, people go like, my life was destroyed because of the knowledge that Bob gave to me.

You can't even tell. I'm doing it right now, you can't even tell. You know? Can't even tell. I can kind of tell, yeah man. Well, it sounds like I'm shitting myself but that's not what's happening. One thing that in my life speaking of like habits that I wish I could break is I cross my legs all the time when I'm sitting.

It is incredibly uncomfortable. It is so much less comfortable than just having your feet flat on the ground. Why do you do it? That's a thing! It's because my dad did it and so I always did it. But like I realized many years ago that doing this was not as good and not as good for you is just legs straight on the ground. Feet flat. Sitting with feet flat is the most comfortable.

But for some reason, a lot of people just cross their legs when they sit. It's like, why are we doing this? This isn't actually any better. I cross my legs on occasion, but not if it's uncomfortable. I'll cross my leg until it starts to get uncomfortable. And then I'm like, oh, I'll put my feet on the floor. Mandy does this too. I don't have this, she doesn't cross her legs specifically,

but she likes to like sit on her legs kind of, like she'll sit with them under her or sort of to the side. Sit with her legs in a way where if she sits there long enough, they'll just fall all the way asleep, both legs. And then she has that when she stands up, it's like the painful and also kind of numb and it's like an unconscious thing. I've never had that. I guess maybe my legs are just sore, so I'm more conscious of them.

And if you have like non shitty legs, you don't really notice. I have to like constantly make sure I'm in a good position or my legs are like, oh we hurt now. You were sitting comfortably but for some reason that made your knee hurt. Fuck you. I've never felt better than when I get in the habit of using a standing disc. I just realized, ah, we're bipedal for a reason. We're not supposed to sit this much. Oh, it makes sense. And even like, even sitting as a, this is getting way off the beaten path, but sitting as a concept like in a chair for so many years, like we don't do that. We would squat down like on our heels. And that's like, for me,

that's more natural. And like for a lot of people in like Asian countries, that's more natural. And a lot of people over like in the Western civilization can't really do it as much because they just haven't practiced it. don't have the flexibility in their like ligaments, but it's, I don't know. No, I do think that's interesting that I've, I don't think this is offensive and I hope it's not, but that squat where your butt is like flat and your heels are flat. I've heard that described as like the Pan-Asian squat or like the Pacific-Asian, like it's a thing from that part of the world. James does that constantly.

That's the main way he relaxes. It's not a thing where it's like white people can't do it and all of Asian, it's a thing that we like culturally don't do so we physically lose the ability to do it or something. Exactly, it's the natural human position to like rest. You rest on your heels. It's like- And for poops. And for poops, yes, you actually poop much better in that position than like rest. You rest on your heels. It's like- And for poops.

And for poops, yes. You actually poop much better in that position than any other. Ah, yes. The see poop machine. We sort of had some more conversation while you were gone. Sorry, bud. Yeah, sorry about that. I got a phone call and I was like, well, I know I'm expecting a food, so maybe it's the food guy. And I answered it. The guy said, hey, George, are you seven? There's a lot going back here. Was he breathing heavy? I should be worried. Needless to say, I eventually figured out

what was going on and who it was, but it was a really weird opening to a conversation of just like- Who was it? You knew this person? No, no, it was a delivery person. Oh, okay, wait, wait, this makes so much less sense. Dude, it made no sense when I answered the phone.

I was like, hello? Hey, George, are you seven? But I don't think so. I'm seven, seven, seven. The question, are you seven, was very confusing. Right, so you're saying you're 21? I'm not saying anything until I have a lawyer present. Well, did you get your food or what?

I did, yeah. I got my food. Apparently I should have let Molly know I was ordering food. Cause I guess she was cleaning out her car and she's like, look at me. And she was like bent over cleaning the back of her car. And I guess the guy pulled up and she didn't know that

until like she heard a voice and she was just like completely caught off guard. So I guess that wasn't the best of circumstance I left her in either. Wait, did you order food and you didn't even ask Molly if she wanted some though? Only because earlier in the day, she told me, go ahead and order food if you want to.

I don't need anything. I had my own lunch. Okay, I was gonna say that's just asking for problems right there. Tuesdays we do our own thing typically and she reiterated that fact today. She was like, I'm gonna have, yeah. So she was good on food.

However, letting her know when food was arriving so she wouldn't be bent over her car unsuspecting when someone like talks to her out of nowhere. I don't think he said, Hey George, are you seven to her? But maybe. I don't know if this is just a bone I didn't get in my body. And I, I think I'm the weird one, but I always think it's funny when, when people are like, ah, I wasn't prepared to receive, to receive who, the dude who brought,

who dropped off your McDonald's in a plastic or in a paper bag on the port. Like they give a shit what you look like. I understand people like, I don't know, maybe she wasn't. If she was naked or something, I don't know how she cleans the car. But so I'd be back outside. Oh, hold on. I got to go. I certainly like I won't go outside or like go to the store if I'm, you know, dressed a little bit like a crazy person,

because sometimes my pajamas are kind of weird combination of clothes. But if I like answer the door at my own house or something and someone, it's my fucking I look how I want to look. You're at my place now. You're in my house. I don't care if I look a little bit like a psychopath. You came to my door. I look how I look.

What do you want, person at the door? I found out after hosting some guests and then we went over to my mom's house and she has like a pool. We swam for a bit. And then I brought like a pair of like basketball to my mom's house and she has like a pool. We swam for a bit and then I brought like a pair of like basketball shorts to put on dry after I got out of the pool. So after lounging on the chair drying off

and then changing into shorts and going back out there and just lounging on this like lawn chair, legs out, I realized the shorts I brought over had just this huge tear right down the gooch. So I was just laying there, legs spread all day with just like a big tear No idea until later on I was like I can fit a whole fist in this hole these shorts gotta go Oh god, I was wearing them all day. Oh, I thought you did that in front of people you're like hey everybody I can fit a whole fist in here

Reach down your own pants like look it comes right out Get here! Hey! You reach down your own pants like, look it comes right out! Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh. Watch, boing! I bet you thought that was my penis. Nah, that looks like this!

I think you whip it actually. I didn't do all of that, but I did have the surprise just like, gooch hole that was just chilling there, yeah. Really big gooch hole. I'm not saying I wouldn't catch it 100% of the time, but I do check that. Do you guys check your clothes when you put them on?

Just to see if there's like holes? Never. I'm so paranoid. Whenever I put stuff on, I just have a look and I'm like, did you tear since I wore you last time? No? All right. Dude, I have this, this is such a weird thing to say.

I have a daily fight with my shirts in the morning. I don't know what that means. Usually, okay, I'm a bit slovenly. I'll wear the same shirt two days in a row. I'll do that. And so when I wake up, I have my shirt by my bed. And it's usually dark because I wake up relatively early. So I don't see what direction it is.

And every single morning, I feel out the rim for the collar. I like, aha, there it is. I put it on. I walk outside. My shirt is inside out every single fucking time And I'll do the thing where everyone's probably at home. We're like, oh you flip it inside out when you take it out I like no I will some mornings flip it the other way in Anticipation of this and I will have turned it inside out and if I don't do it, it's inside out

I have not woken up and put my shirt on right side up in the dark ever. I don't think there's a single time I've ever nailed that. Cause Amy always comes out and like, do you know your shirts on, on backwards? Yes, I do. No, that's so funny. It's not the same, but I have basically that same fight. I would say like 80% of the time, maybe more when I, when I take my shirt off, I do the same thing you do. I'll wear the same shirt for a couple of days in a row. Especially if it's like I didn't do anything and it's basically clean still.

And I'll take it off and I have my spot where I put my clothes I'm not done wearing, but I'm not wearing to bed. And most of the time I put it down in a way where it's like when I pick that up in the morning, I can put it right on. But I have some shirts where they don't have a physical tag, it's printed on the thing and the shirt has no physical markers. It's like a plain solid color shirt. The front

and the back can't tell at all without seeing the look. And I don't know why I lose my mind 20% of the time, but when I put my shirt down in the wrong orientation and then I get it in the morning and I go to put it on and I'm like what the fuck? Why did I? Someone move my shirt! But it like ruins my whole morning routine. You know when you put your shirt on backwards? Maybe you can't tell. For me, I have like my shirts are shaped differently because of the way my shoulders and my neck are so when I put it on backwards it it like feels wrong. But you can't really tell, but you're kind of like, why aren't the fucking... What's wrong with this? I hate that. Like once a week I do that. I don't understand. I do it to myself. I've only got one shirt that I struggle with. It's because it doesn't have like a physical tag. It had like the printed in like

information like the tag and over the, over time it's faded really quickly. The shirt itself still looks really good, but like the tag is completely faded off and there's like one little O that I can spot in just the right lighting to know that it's the right way. But I can also like what you're saying, if I wear it backwards, after like half an hour or so, like I'll eventually be like, yeah, this is definitely just not sitting right.

Then you pull it up and it's like. It takes you half an hour? Sometimes. That's a while. Half an hour. I mean, it's a shirt that looks the same everywhere no i know i have i have shirts like that where the printed tag is it takes me a minute like i'll put it on and as i'm like going to brush my teeth or leave the bedroom or something i'm immediately like something's wrong oh no i'm such a zombie when i wake up but i don't think i have any actual brain function till about 20

minutes later so if i get dressed right away no I don't think I have any actual brain function till about 20 minutes later. So, if I get dressed right away, no, I don't notice right away. It takes either someone pointing it out or like that like, I'm just sitting so funny. Shit. I don't know why I don't do this because I always tout the advantages of meditation in the morning. I'm like, I'm the worst about I don't practice what I preach because when I do, it's like amazing and I'm like, everyone do this and then I don't do it.

I also, well, this is a question, are you morning showers or evening showers guys? Morning. I prefer evening. I like going to bed clean. My problem is I sleep hot. So if I have like a bad night or if it gets hot and then I wake up sweaty, the evening shower is completely fucking wasted anyway because then I wake up gross. Yeah, I don't really wake up hot.

I usually wake up like I'm fine. I'm not usually a night sweater. Probably the truest answer is to do both but what psychopath is showering twice in a day? I don't- I'm not showering twice in the evening. No, no, that's too much. No. Yeah. But it's like the law is I get stuck in the logic trap where I'm like, I should shower first thing when I wake up and then I go like, whoa, but what if I work out? Then I'll get sweaty. And then I don't work out. So, it's like I just don't shower in the morning at all. But it's like it's a perfect place to like you can settle your mind, you can like get that meditation

is you can enjoy it because it really is very few places to meditate better than the shower. It's just like you zone out so well. Well, the physical stimulus is honestly really good for me too. It gives you a good thing to like focus on. Man, I want to go take a shower now. We should do shower episodes. Oh yes, please. Dude. We'll have a boat in it.

It'll be perfect. No one will notice. Oh. Why did that make you sad? No, I just remembered the shower that has shit in it that's broken. I was reminded of a tragic event. That's fair that that made you sad. I get that.

Yeah, I was like, shower, shower, shower. Oh, shower. Oh, shower. It feels really unfair that shit can come into the shower when shit went into the toilet to me. Like, I understand that it's just the nature of plumbing, but that feels unfair. That's not his business. Feels unfair to me. No, dude, that morning shower trap is so bad, though. That feels unfair. That's not his business. Feels unfair to me.

No dude, that morning shower trap is so bad though. I don't know if you could tell by how I look, but I don't actually work out that much. I work out on rare occasion, but every day what I'm like, I should shower first thing. Ah, but what if I go to the gym? I'll get all sweaty and I'll ruin it. Now I'll wait.

I never go to the gym. That's like saying, oh, what if I go to space? Then I'll need another space shower. Oddly enough, the shower I enjoy the most is the midday shower. I don't take them very often. Midday shower? Like if you work out or play, like if I go out and play basketball in the middle of the day, and I'm like really sweaty and gross afterwards, like I'll want to take a shower afterward. Like when you played sports, like you know, the sports team, you'd have like, you'd play your game,

then you'd shower or whatever. Then you've got like a few hours before bed. Yeah evening. Okay. Well midday evening Whatever the same for me when you stay up till 4 in the morning a 7 p.m. Showers midday But that it's just night cuz like there's something about getting a shower and then laying down immediately That's just like ah clean on clean sheets. Love that feeling what? Fuck you just like showering before bed? Okay, I do, but not immediately. I don't jump in the shower then, whoosh, dry me bed. You gotta let it like steam, you gotta let it like steam off.

You gotta get dry, but then you gotta get all the way the rest of the way dry. I don't take hot showers. You take cold showers? No, no, they're warm. Oh, yeah, well I don't take like smoking hot showers, but... I don't get out of the shower steaming. I also don't have any hair, so I'm very dry very fast.

Yeah, I was gonna say, this is gonna sound insensitive, but my hair drying is a big part of the problem. I don't want to get my pillow soaking wet. You do not want wet hair on a pillow, but whatever is the worst you have to worry about, it's a quarter inch of beard, it's a real quick dry. That just changes it a little bit, I guess. The reason my hair curls so hard sometimes is because if I shower and then go into bed before it's dry, it does this, I've discovered.

I know having, when I had the afro, like in high school, showering and going to bed with that much hair, your pillow was just fucking drenched. Even if you thought your hair was dry, it was not dry. Somewhere deep in the catacombs of fuzz, there was just a pool of water waiting for your pillow. I think beds are a conspiracy. This is a random thought. Okay, because humans don't need sleep or what's the, okay.

No, I don't think beds are the optimal way to sleep. I think big bed has lied to us because I've been sleeping on a couch where I'm at because I'm filming stuff or I'm finishing up everything and I've been sleeping on a couch as circumstances. Best sleep of my life. And the past, you know, like for a while now, if I've been tired working too late, I sometimes take a nap on the couch and I sleep so well on a couch. And it's because I'm able to rest, I'm able to sleep with my back like kind of angled a little bit. So I'm like at a 45 degree and it's also very firm and it's not usually super

soft like a bed is. So I've been sleeping on a couch. Best sleep in years. Like I've only been here a week, but it's like, I feel so, I slept nine hours last night and I do not do that. I sleep in more here. Like couches are just, I think they're better. I think you're right about the having your back up against a thing to kind of prop yourself up. I, my problem with couches is I need even pressure points. I'm very sensitive to like, if, if there's a, like if it's a sectional and there's a gap in the couch or between the cushions or whatever, if it's uneven, some

part of me is going to be unhappy about that. But I see what I'm a big side sleeper. I love I have the world's largest pillow. It's not a body pillow. It's just like a big round fucking chunky pillow and I like sleep on my side hugging it and it sort of props me up it's the best. I only sleep on my side I do sleep pretty well on couches but I also once I fall asleep I'm asleep pretty good. The thing that puts me to sleep the easiest other than being like in a moving vehicle, train, plane, car, I can fall asleep very quickly as a passenger at any of those but like the lazy boy like reclining chairs if I lay I sit in one of those chairs and I like

prop back, something about that position puts me to sleep. It's like the one thing that successfully I lean back in a big comfy chair, I'm out. This is a secret, another we're getting older episode guys. Yeah. It was us the whole time. Anyway, wow, this is a lot of small talk. You guys got anything else or should we do the... Do you want to do the topic?

No, no, no, no, no. I couldn't. I couldn't. All right. Well, I got a topic for today. A large majority of the listeners are gonna fucking hate. So you're welcome everybody. All right.

I love pissing them off. This is a very, very visual topic. So get ready for that. Boots part two. Anyway, this website here, which is now on screen is called dam.dog. And it is a website, the purpose of which it just gets, it like gets images from wikiHow

And then our task is to guess what this image from wikiHow is What is it trying to explain? Can I just say this is definitely Tyler when I tell him a joke on the outside stone face inside laughing One kid laughing inside one kidney inside one kidney that's so mean that's so mean was that not the joke you were going for?

was that not the joke you were going for? no no I was just going with stone face Tyler on the outside oh no, I thought you meant the kidney oh no, I thought you meant the kidney Oh no, I thought you meant the kidney. See? For the listeners who aren't watching, there's an image on the screen right now of a dude

who looks outwardly angry, but in his little thought bubble is an image of him laughing and for some reason an image of his body outlined with one kidney in it. Oh, is that anger? I thought that was just like a stoic, like I'm cool face. It could be anger. It could be. He's, he's Morgan. He's just, you know, he's mewing. You can't stop that. I get it. There, there are multiple choice. So we don't have to just come up with the answer ourselves. It's a multiple choice type of thing. Is this image from how to do laughter yoga, how to date a girl that is taller than you,

how to prevent identity theft, or how to act like a villain. Whoa. One of those things is the WikiHow article that this is from. So Guy is looking serious outside, laughing inside, and then there's also a body with his biceps up flexing. It's like his lymph system is outlined.

Those are like lymph nodes, I think. The thing is, I think it's supposed to be, but also I don't know why. Is that the spleen and not a kidney? Is the spleen part of the lymphatic system? It might be, or yeah, I don't know. The thing up in the middle of his chest, is that his adrenal gland?

Is that what that is? No, no, adrenal glands sit on top of the? Is that what that is? No, no. Adrenal glands sit on top of the kidney. I only have one of those. I don't know. It does look like a kidney, but it's also kind of high. It must be spleen because spleen's on the left side and there's only one. That's one of the few organs where there isn't a dual pair.

So that must be spleen. And Tyler's actually got like three kidneys now. Yes, he has three, yeah. That's true. It's too true, yeah. It's gotta be laughter yoga. Villains have robust lymph systems. Laughter yoga is the only one that makes any sense here with the villains can move their lymph around at will. They have very strong control of their humors. Laughter yoga makes no sense. I've never heard of this. I don't know what that is. Is that

a real thing? Looking at this image, nothing else even can be true, can it? This could be like a tall woman and you gotta target their lymphatic system to really get at them. You know what? Just to mix it up and be different from Mark, I'm gonna say how to be a villain. Uh, the correct answer is how to do laughter yoga. I thought it wasn't made sense, but I was hoping it was being a villain with that expression. Watch, I'm gonna move my lymph right now. Oh My god, do you even live bro? I'm limping. I'm limping hard. You have such an embarrassingly long mid-limb smart I can't I don't know how you go through the day. I just choked on my fucking

Oh that hurt all the way down. Alright, let's do another. Okay. Holy shit. For the listeners, this is an image of a blonde woman with kind of rosy cheeks and pink lips. Piercing blue eyes. Very close up. It's mostly her face and part of her hand kind of waving and there's a speech bubble

that says goodbye. Specifically, this looks like a woman drawn by not a super beginner artist, but someone that doesn't understand depth in the human face. Okay, well, is this image from an article called titled, How to Win an Eating Contest? You're gonna eat the opponent and You tell them goodbye before it? Goodbye. How to get a boy to dance with you and then kiss you at the end? Middle school in parentheses.

How to stay calm around an ex or how to cheat on a test? Okay, what's the other option that's real though? Nope, one of those four, that's it. Those are the ones. Well, this definitely isn't how to get a guy to kiss you because if you say goodbye first off then going back to me as a youth, I'd be like, ah, she's not interested. I understand. I wouldn't be interested in me either. But in her mind, she's just playing hard to get.

No, I don't think that's it either. Maybe she's playing hard to understand. I got to say it's how to be calm around an ex. Because you just leave. That's the wiki how. Don't be around them. There you go. You just like, you give them like a I know you, goodbye.

Expression, you know? I think what this is because judging by the rosy cheeks, now one might think that's just makeup and it's just a little blush. I think that's real blush from the the flutters in the stomach from a nice wet kiss. This is at the end. This is post-dance post-kiss. This is the last image in the article because you succeeded. I see. I see. And you picked stay calm around your ex, Wyd? Yeah.

The correct answer is how to get a boy to dance with you and then yep. I'm on fire. Why would the image be representative of the end of this thing? Because it's the full wiki how including that after you get the kiss you must then leave. Goodbye. Why does her expression also look like the one you would try to give your ex if you're trying to get away? I think that might have more to do with the artists abilities and less to do with an intent

You know, I think the artist perfectly rendered every element of this I got I gleaned I gleaned hard I mean I could see the post kiss like look there But also like the sad expression the eyes of like what used to burn but is no more the embers of what was No, see it's middle school because there's some spray tan left over on her hand. This, from inaccurate application. It's our novice mistake, and those are clearly middle school little earrings too that she's wearing. And what was she doing with her hair? What is that one curl? What's wrong with her hair?

It's a half up half down do. It's an up down do. Nothing's wrong with her hair, I'm just being... Calm down. I'm being Face-at-ias. Face-at-ias? Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Jesus, I shouldn't have put my desk up and standing, but I almost just fucking fell over. Oh my God. This image is a guy with his hands up in fist form, with his chin resting, eyes closed, and the fart genie is leaving his armpit. Yeah, imagine the statue of the thinker. Yeah.

The man is pulling a double thinker. Why is he grabbing his head like that? Wants to make sure he doesn't look back here to see what's going on, you know? Yeah! Keep that attitude to me. This guy's like, you don't want to see what I'm about to do, bro. Oh, bro. Oh, wow.

I feel like this one's such a peculiar image. It must be obvious. It's the most trash bag like ghost I've ever seen. It's like someone saw one of those online tutorials, like all you need is some chicken wire and paper mache and you can make a ghost decoration for your front yard for Halloween and then they tried to make it and they got this. Maybe it's the angle but like the face of the ghost does not look like it could possibly be this dude's face.

This gave me an idea because I'm going to get back into learning Korean as soon as I'm done with this freaking movie. These would be great for flashcards. These would be great for flashcards for Korean? Yeah because for flashcards what's really good if you have image flashcards is getting images that are memorable but also completely unique. I don't think that there's anything more unique than this. And if you can even relate, even somehow relate it to a word or a sentence, that would be

very good for that. This could be trash bag ghost. I'm sure that's a word you need to learn. Is there a w WikiHow like AI model that's based purely on these? I hope so. Okay, is this an image from the article titled how to survive domestic violence?

God, I hope not. How to talk to girls as a teen boy? How to dress up like a hillbilly? What? Or how to dress up like a hillbilly or how to help someone. Like a hillbilly. The guy's wearing just like some black slacks and an orange t-shirt with no, it's just wearing his t-shirt and jeans. Okay.

I'm going to go ahead and write the first one off. I do not. I hope this is not related to surviving domestic violence. It's unfortunate that that's on here, but. I mean the image could be, I guess. Like he's deep in thought about something. We'll find out, but I don't want to make jokes about that. No, I don't either.

I think I went first last time on my guess. I'll let Mark guess first this time. Oh, okay. So clearly the guy's going through it. He's enduring. Oh, judging by the shading of the stump he's sitting on, it's halfway up his ass and also penetrating his thigh. His legs are transparent, yeah.

So he's in misery. He's reached a level of peace though from all of his things. So I think this is the twin he ate in the womb that is helping him in this moment. So, this is how to help someone? Yes, help. I was gonna go with how to help someone, but then Mark pointed out the stump going up his ass and I'm remembering because I've got some family background from places people might consider to be hillbilly.

I'm pretty sure shoving a stump up your ass is a rite of passage among hillbilly culture. I'm gonna go with the hillbilly, how to dress like a hillbilly. Okay, interesting. I'm gonna leave my answer that I think is correct and go with that one because of the stump in the ass. Well, I guess we'll see, won't we?

Yes. Oh my God. All right, we didn't expect that and we can't find the article with it. I think this image was changed to be something more serious as it should be. That would not have been my guess. I had a feeling whenever that was an option that it might've been the right answer, but also I appreciate at the top of the website, when you get it wrong, it's just like, Nope. All right. Next image.

Buy lemon. When you get it wrong, it's just like nope All right next image The website guys, I don't know I want to buy a lemon right now. It's weird Maybe this is as good a time as I need to say this game was made by lemon Oh, I don't know who that is, but it's an online person. They have a website Can I guess this article before you even show the options? No, I got another lemon joke. Oh, okay. Lemon. Go ahead. Lemon joke. Was that life giving us lemons? Cut it out. Please. Don't cut that out. That's brilliant.

No, no, we gotta leave that out. Dude, that was gold. I wish I stopped. For the listeners at home, we have a picture of a gentleman who's shirtless with a pair of jeans on and he is flexing his muscles into a mirror looking very self-satisfied at his image that he's seeing in the mirror. The man has a really unfortunate shaped hand with tiny fingers. Got a little bit of AI hand going on. I hear hands. I'm not an artist, so I shouldn't judge, but I hear hands are one of the hardest things to actually draw. I hear hands. I'm not an artist so I shouldn't judge but I hear hands are

one of the hardest things to actually draw. I have also heard that. I don't know anything myself either. I mean if you think about it it's like it's so many different little things that can be at so many different angles. It is pretty complex because you have to get all of them perfect. And there's like 15 different segments here. It's tough. Anyway, the options are how to live in peace, how to cope with arrogant people, how to dance at a nightclub, or how to develop common sense. Hmm... Okay, well this guy's prepared for war, obviously. But that is the best way to live in peace is to be ready for conflict.

Sure, sure. Speak softly and carry a big war. This guy's got a huge war, I can tell. He's also got that big prominent belt buckle, shirt's already off. This guy's dancing at a nightclub and showing all that off, man. This guy never had a shirt.

If he's got his belt buckle still buckled, he never had a shirt to begin with. He's got belts, shoes, and pants. You can assume he's wearing shoes. We don't even know that for sure. I like that they provided the two pixel tall inseam so you know that his legs go in different directions right there. He does have two legs. He's not a one leg stump man. Dude, his chest is like four times the size of his hips. He's super Johnny Bravo style. He's got that hyper idealized triangular body shape. Little butt, no dick to be shown, but my God, those pecs are bursting.

I don't know about little butt because I see a curve and we're looking at him basically from the front and I see a prominence back there behind the wiki. Yeah, that's true. Unless he's got that super model thing where he could stand where it looks like he's facing us, but also his butt sticking out. Hips are straight, but butts just like bubbling out. I think it's so large we see it from the front.

Oh my god, front butt. What were the options? Live in peace, cope with arrogant people, dance at a nightclub, develop common sense. Yeah, wait, it's your turn. I already said dance at a nightclub. You're locked in on that, huh? Shirts out, belt buckles up. It's got to be arrogance, because if it was in the mirror

and it didn't have a perfect reflection, or maybe that would be arrogance. All right. Oh, well, nope, nope to Wade. The correct answer is cope with arrogant people. Yes. He looked arrogant, he's got that arrogant look. It made sense.

I feel like I'm intentionally picking the wrong answer looked arrogant. He's got that arrogant look. It made sense. I feel like I'm intentionally picking the wrong answer every time. Well, there's your problem. Oh, I wanted to give Mark a good head start so I could come back and crush him later. Fair enough. What the shit is this one happening?

Okay, we have a blue scene. There's a man sitting in a chair and everything is blue. He's got a, what's that little arrow symbol called? Something is going on in his tummy with arrows pointing at it and then yeah, there's like two arrows in like a circle chasing each other, like kind of like a recycle almost type thing. And there's two squiggly arrows pointing at his belly where there's a red dot and he's thinking exclamation point. He's got a watery thought bubble, so he must have mud butt and he's trying to prevent it from escaping.

Also, the chair has a shadow and he does not. He does not have a shadow, that's correct. Is that smudge on my screen or is there a wafting green? There's a fart! He's got a fart coming out of him! It's diarrhea. It's how to handle diarrhea. How to not shit your pants. How to not shit your pants. How to not shit your pants. Ha ha ha ha! Okay, hang on, hang on. The options are how to clear a stuffy nose,

how to stand up for yourself, how to fart quietly, or how to control your urge to masturbate. Ha ha ha ha ha! God, I hope it's how to control your urge to masturbate. Oh my god. The red dot is between belly button and sternum. Hands are in like a prayer motion, but they're between his legs. The cycle thing is confusing to me. I don't get what that's about. What's?

I think it's in through the nose, out through the mouth. I think that's what it is. In, nose, out, mouth. Also, I don't know, I'm critiquing the shadows, but the way the chair's shadow is splaying out, it makes it seem like the light source is right by the chair. It's very dramatic lighting. I love the fart one, but I don't know that I would sit with my hands and stuff like that if I was trying to fart quietly. That seems like a weird position. It's gotta be fart because there's a green gas.

I see gas in the picture. That was not accidental. That is pretty conspicuous. Now this guy is looking at a total babe and he is trying so hard. He's doing his deep breathing. He's got the butterflies. Butterflies have the red alert going off. They're like, they're working their way down to Shaft. And he's like, no, I'm trapping you. This is the motion to trap the butterflies so I don't get erection. No, this man is shitting and pissing and cumming. He's about to do one of those three.

Wait, so what are your actual answers though? Fart. Masturbate. Oh, it's fart. Damn it. Oh man, I am so good. Don't call it a comeback, but I'm coming back, baby. Huh?

Ooh. How to not look at boobs. How to maintain eye contact. How to get a guy to look at your boobs. We have a picture of a young woman talking to a young man. The young man has an exclamation point in front of his face. He blushing. I think he's concerned because a floating exclamation point just appeared right in front

of his face. A red exclamation point was just like, you know, and he's like, huh, how'd you know she was the one? Well exclamation point flew right into my face. I had a Metal Gear Solid bling moment when I saw her. The girl seems pretty into him. Like I feel like the girl's body language is very positive. Yeah, she knows what she's doing and this guy is really nervous about it. This is a how to successfully coop her Also, just to set the scene, there's the tiniest little bush and some grass behind the guy.

It's a gradient background blue to white, but there's a bush. Anyway, your options are how to keep a straight face, how to tell if you are a metal poser, how to improve sexual stamina, or how to talk to a shy boy that you don't know very well. That seems too obvious. That's too obvious. That's too obvious. Yeah.

I will say the boy in the picture is dressed in all black and has black hair. Might be metal. Could be, wanna be in the metal scene or thinks he's in the metal scene type of situation. Her butt's protruding out, her like belly and chest are emphasized. She's helping him improve his sexual stamina. I don't think it's her butt that's protruding out, her like belly and chest are emphasized. She's helping him improve his sexual stamina.

I don't think it's her butt that's protruding. I think it's her chest that's protruding because her butt seems to be straight up and down, but she's got the curve in her back to try to jut her chest forward. She's helping improve his sexual stamina. This is how to cougar, but help your partner. Also, this poor woman is all fingers, no palm. Her knuckles start right at the wrist. Very opposite of our arrogant man.

All right, Wade's locked in on sexual stamina. Mark, what's your answer? I think it's gotta be Shy Boy. I think that does probably seem like the correct answer. That's the one. I do too, but I've got to keep my streak going. Is this golf rules day? Is it golf rules day? Listen, you weren't here for the handshake.

That's true. I see you left. Oh God, I wasn't here for the handshake. Do I win? Okay, I know this one. You know this one? I know this one. I'm confused what, it looks like he's going

really hard. This is me when I tell a joke. Molly looks at me incredulously, but I'm so busy laughing at my own joke because it was so funny that I don't care that she didn't find it funny. That is an incredulous expression if ever I've seen one. There's a guy who looks very self-satisfied and has what is that a speech bubble or a thought bubble? He has like an emoji next to him of a smiling tongue out. Well, he's got so much expression in his face, he couldn't contain it with his own face. He had to conjure a face.

So he did a real life emoji. Yeah, he either just like farted and found it hilarious or he told that joke that he knows was funny. She didn't appreciate it yet, but she will later. I also love, you know, some people have really deep V-necks. This guy has the shallowest How do you get his head through that thing that's pretty tight It's like a v-neck turtleneck like yeah It actually goes up the sides of the neck a little farther than a crew would you know just to give it prominence

Gotta hide those traps Anyway, is this from an article titled how to raise a child? How to make a girl become obsessed with you how to have an imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend or how to recognize a controlling person man those are all plausible yeah you think this is about how to raise a child it could be because it could be a thing you think you'd be talking about the baby oh what was the second one again how to make a girl become obsessed with you I mean it worked for me telling jokes like that

clearly just by being so funny that even you can't stop from laughing Yeah, I think I've locked in my answer. This article is about Wade. I think the incredulousness is actually there I don't think Wade was seeing things. I think this is about controlling person final answer locked in Oh, wait, which was controlling the one not finding the joke funny or the one telling joke? I think she's like hey, wait a minute. I have feelings and he's all like, no, you don't. I don't know. This picture's from the wrong article then. We got to put it in the right one. How to be funny. Damn. Oh, no, my streak. You accidentally got it right, Wade. Oh, it's the comeback. Oh no. Don't call it a comeback. But it is. This is exactly how it works the comeback. Oh, no, don't call it a comeback But it is this is exactly how it works with Molly

She was originally laughed and she was like, okay, you're less funny than I thought but I got I want those loins I was like, I know babe. I get it Huh, I don't find this one very funny I find this one confused There's three green bottles that have little little little red on them, like the little medical thing. Viewing windows? Well, I think it's just sort of like a label, but it doesn't have any words on it. This is for refillable pregnancy tests. So instead of buying a strip per, you get like bottles that you just-

Oh, you mean birth detectors. Birth detectors, yes. Someone's giving birth in this room. I'm going to find out who. Green and yellow makes me think lemon lime. It looks like shampoo bottles to me. Medical lemon lime lotion. This is like aloe lotion.

It's the weird like little window in the bottom middle that is throwing me off. This is an article called how to keep your sunburn. Don't use aloe. How to keep your sunburn. Pretty sure aloe. How to keep your sunburn. Pretty sure. You know, if you look at just the yellow inside, it looks like among us characters, so maybe it's about mongus.

It really actually does. Well, maybe this is about the minions. Wade loves those guys. All right, guys, your options are how to be a good wife, how to dissolve the ego, how to get your nipples pierced, or how to get famous while young. I think one of those stands out as the pretty obvious correct answer. I don't know about you guys. I like nipples, so I'm going with them. Fair enough. Decisive. I like it. It has to be that, because the only time that you would be like, don't use this product would be like if you had a pierced nipple and you needed to not have a certain product

in there because it's like a still healing or whatever. It's gotta be that. It's gotta be the nipples. Are we both lock it in nipples? I think it's nipples. Yeah, it's nipples. Don't call it a comeback, but Mark, I'm storming back. I think we're going to do one more. nipples. Don't call it a comeback, but Mark, I'm storming back. I think we're going to do one more.

Oh, but I'm having fun. I think that will stifle my comeback. This one is cute. I guess. I already know what's going on here. There is a young lady with dark hair and a backpack talking to what I would imagine is a parent, someone in more middle ages with like a, I don't know, a rope sack? Is it also a backpack? Why is it ropey? It's a backpack! Oh my god, why are we letting you describe this? No, no, trust me, I got this.

I already got the title. I got it in the bag. What I imagine the parent has a little speech bubble with cat. Happy cat. Orange cat. It's how to tell your girlfriend her cat passed away. Mmm. That's why they're both smiling. Because he did a good job. Well, you don't see the next picture is actually the next picture is the cat upside down and then her has a frown, you know? This is the guy walked up and was like,

hey, you know your cat that you love so much? Next picture. Oh, I let him out of the house and he got run over and died. This is the neighborhood alert I got where it was like hey we found a cat cat looks like this has a collar looks like this. It's like a happy cat pretty cat also it's dead got hit by a car. Sorry I just pulled up the options for what this could be. Is this from the article titled, How to touch a girl? How to increase your ejaculate? How to be edgy?

Or how to talk to girls as a teen boy? God! I thought this was a girl talking to her mom, so I don't like any of these options. Oh, man, you know, that first option makes a lot of sense now. Oh, so the guy is saying pussy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Nailed it. No, there's no question here.

There's no question mark. It's a pussy. No, but the cat does have three white lines on one side of its face, but not the other. So it could be ejaculate. Oh, yeah, I see that. I guess I think. What were the horrible fucking options again? How to touch a girl, how to increase your ejaculate, how to be edgy, and how to talk to girls as a teen boy. There's nothing more edgy than walking up to someone

and saying, cat? Cat? I mean, walking up to someone and saying, pussy is pretty edgy, I guess. I guess if you have like your baseball cap in your hand, it's like you're begging for money Or something instead of like saying like coin dollar you say pussy mark you look you lock in first mark We'll give Wade as much as I would love to believe this is simply about talking to a girl as a teen boy

We really got a look past the subtext here That's talking about this talking to a girl as team boy. All right, up to you, Wade. I would love Wade for you to somehow conjure how this is to increase your ejaculate. Well, that is simple. You're having this conversation all the while you've got one thing on the mind. And your goal is to multitask. Keep that thing on your mind while having another separate conversation. That way you know in the moment you're ready to go. It's there. But also, you know, you can focus on something else

in that moment too. Are you flocking into the ejaculate way? Oh, I'm a Jack lucky. You're ejaculocing. I'm loculating this answer. No, I like what Bob said. Ejected Locking. God, I hope this is the one. Oh, who would have seen that coming? It's how to talk to girls as a teen boy. Really thought this was a girl talking to like her mom about a cat. Her mom? I, my brain does not like, I don't know. I see a mom.

Can I just say the hands in this illustration? Pretty good. Unless that's her thumb. No, that's like an that's like an index finger like. It's like this. Curl kind of. She's about ready to do one of these, you know, she's just getting ready. The terrible hand heart.

That particular finger does not fit to me, but I will go with it. Don't make fun of her finger. Doesn't feel good. Anyway, good work, everybody. It went really well today for both of you. You both scored fun of her finger. Ow! That doesn't feel good. Anyway, good work everybody. It went really well today for both of you. You both scored a lot of points. Mark, you earned points for, I gotta hold it in the light to read it, that's a mistake, farting too much, uncomfortable legs, poop squat, Wade's penis, short shirt problems, one kidney, laughter yoga, middle school kiss, life giving us lemons, arrogant, fart quietly, shy boy and talk to girls.

Can we roll the tape back? Wait, you earned points for it. We're strong, natural sleeper, getting food, 30 minutes of shirt, shit shower, Tyler joke, face, atius, omg front butt, get girls obsessed, birth detectors and pussy? Mark, you earned a total of 13 points. But my penis? Yeah, what about the penis? Now one of Mark's 13 points was Wade's penis. I honestly barely remember.

There was something we were talking about. Oh, the shorts, the rip in the shorts. And you were all, oh, I bet you thought that was my penis. It was Wade's penis. You Mark, Mark pantomimed Wade's penis. It was my penis the whole time. All right, Mark, don't read into the fact that I'm reading your score first, but you scored 13 points.

Wade, you scored a total of 11 points. Golf rules. And it is not golf rules because I never threw that out there so I'm not going to do that to you. You wouldn't have to, you'd just surprise us. Oh okay, surprise golf rules. Yes! Wait. That's not, no that's messed up. That's messed up and I'm not going to do that. Mark, you won fair and square. Yeah, really? You did it it you're the victor and I'll prove it to you by telling way to go ahead and give his loser speech Already hurry up and now the end is near and so I face my final curtain my friends no song lyrics I lost I'm over it. I was funny Anyway mark congratulations give your winner speech.

Hi, this is a great game. I think that it's really a testament to this podcast that many of the single one-off episodes that we do could be entire podcasts in and of themselves. That's how great we are and Bob, that was a well done game. I would love to do that again. Yeah, I will say I had this idea and I just happened to find this website in my research. I intended to get a bunch on my own, but I don't think I would have got some of the quite funny ones that we encountered by just randomly wandering around Wicky How and trying to gather them myself. This is a really well done website.

Damn.dog. Very funny. Good times. Lemon. Lemon. Thank you, lemon. Made by lemon. By lemon. Or whatever. I don't know. Lemon. Anyway, thank you Lemon. Made by Lemon. By Lemon. Or whatever, I don't know.

Lemon. Anyway, thank you so much for watching everybody. Congratulations to Mark, he's gonna host the next one. You can check out merch at distractablestore.com. You can check out Mark at MarkiplierWade at LordMinion777 or Minion777. Me at MiceKerm in places. Make sure you follow the podcast, then you'll get notifications every time an episode goes live.

And that's it. Really tried to think of something else to say, but I got nothing. Podcast out.