Distractible - Worst Tech Issues (Compilation)

Episode Date: February 28, 2026

No need adjust your computer settings, this compilation features some the most memorable moments where things went wrong in all the right ways. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Uber One. Do you remember when we used to go get chicken wings, Mark? I know that occasionally I would be like my college grant money got into my couch time for chicken wings. And in that case, Uber 1 for students is the best way to save money on Uber and Uber Eat. Members get great perks like $0 delivery fee, 5% off eligible orders, and 5% back in Uber credits on ride. Try it out now and get your first four weeks free. Become an Uber 1 for students member and start saving on Uber. Uber and Uber Eats. Eligibility and member terms apply.

This episode of Distractable is presented to you by T-Mobile 5G home internet. The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet, according to the experts at Ucla Speed Test. If you want the fastest 5G speeds with a five-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Fastest based on Ucla Speed Test. Intelligence data, second half, 2025. All rights reserved.

From camera calamity to synthetic eclipses. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's time for worst tech issues. Mark is either gone or sitting very still. Hello? He's thinking. Hello? Hello? Let's try a simple one. Mark, how many fingers? Hello? Oh wait, I know how to fix this. Mark, how many fingers?

Hello? Uh, I text. you. Hello? You know what, Bob? I'm going to give you good internet point. Thanks.

That seems fair. Hello? They tried to take me out. It didn't work. The world government. Oh, sweet fucking Jesus. No, no. Not again.

Hello? All right. Sorry, everyone. We had to break in the middle of our context there. Mark's tub got us all very wet. So we had to take a moment to dry off.

But where we were chatting just a moment ago, which is right where we're picking up for you guys, but a few minutes later for us. Oh, there they are. red and what happened? Hello?

I can... What did... Can you hear me? Suddenly my light went out and this... My headphones went out. That's not good. Unplug it and plug it back in. Unplug it and plug it back in.

For everyone listening, I am now rendered deaf, but I don't know why. Because my computer is still on, internet's still working. They can hear me, but I can't hear them. Bob's pointing at a mouse. Hold on. What happened was I think the guys outside working on.

things blew us very specific fuse that is only like to one plug in this office control it control it look at this one it's like a gold camo are you why are you showing your controllers I can't understand you the back of the controller this one doesn't have the USB C though which is disappointing back back Xbox USB plug the plug plug a USB in oh man okay hold on let me let me troubleshoot Lenses Oh my god, is that a Markiplier ass shot in 2024? Editors, you know you gotta do with that.

What? Look at cave band, Mark. I gotta go check the fuse box, I'll be right back. The fuse box, so easy, a Markiplier caveman can do it. Hey guys, my computer is dying. Uh-oh. Fucking shit. I need to go get the charger for my laptop or...

Apparently it's at 10% battery. Run! Run! Run! My chair closes, locks my office door from opening. Hang on. All right. Head empty, foam wet, not on walls. It's not my fault.

My laptop is dying. I did my character. Will, this might need to be an edit-out, depending on what's said here. I had it plugged in over here for a while. Oh, no. I think maybe it got put in the cabinet at some point. I really wish he'd start talking shit about us. I'm not saying that you touched it.

I know. The painting people moved all the shit around, painting person. I feel like we shouldn't listen to that. I know. So, uh, what's up? Small talk? You got anything interesting in life? Oh, laptop charger.

Where did I leave you? Oh, it's in my backpack, which is upstairs. Next to my computer. Okay. Fuck. I can't un-listen, but I don't think. Oh, I'm wearing a microphone. I wonder the thing can still hear me.

Did you guys hear me in that whole? time. We were kept going like, oh, no, we shouldn't listen to this. I found my charger, guys. It was right here five feet away from me. Wow. Can you believe it? Oh, man, that's crazy.

We were trying not to listen, but we couldn't help it. Why would you try not to listen? We were trying to talk over you. I'm the one who went to the bathroom wearing my love. That's the rule. Hello. Mark, are you taking the longest drink of coffee in history or are you froze?

Hello! Remember that noise Mark was talking about his computer started making? I think something might have just gone horribly wrong. Hello? Hi. Oh, okay.

All right. Yeah, that was super weird. My Ethernet adapter just failed. I've never had that problem ever. And it just started working again? Or did you have to like go into the device manager or something? I switched to Wi-Fi. If I go into my device manager, my Ethernet is now appearing and disappearing.

And the whole adapter is like on and off. And what's weird is that's a motherboard integrated Ethernet adapter. Yeah, that's not great. I don't like that that happened. Then I heard that weird fan worrying. That might not be a fan. That might be the power supply. Yeah, you might be in trouble this episode.

Let's look at it this way. You know, if I were to list the... Why did that happen? Are you about to get consumed by... creature of the darkness or you are right for those who are oh my god it turned itself back on i'm not doing anything mark are you in nope uh you know maybe uh just will not look up uh and i think that if we had to tie together aliens eating people and meat eating nope is a perfect example and i'm so glad you brought that up so when it launched it said it would have like an xLR for audio in expansion thing they came out

two years after the camera came out. They finally were like, here's the plate. And I'm like, where am I? Why? I didn't do it. You okay, buddy? Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good. No.

Too much abuse of the bomb switch. The camera's getting ornery. Hey, I ordered a new mattress. Dingong. Oh. So dumb. Oh. So we have an idiot, a sleep-deprived guy.

and a sick guy doing a podcast episode today and this is what you get. Wait, you left yourself as the idiot? Yeah, I don't have any other excuses right now. I was telling you, I was doing a firmware update on this thing. Oh, what's the lens like on that? We should see the lens. It's the same as... A bomb! It's like when you give toddlers technology and they make their first video and it's like really shitty

and they look at it embarrassed 20 years later, like what was I think? We don't have to be these people, guys. We can change our lives for the better right now. Doesn't that blow your mind that you could just decide right now to become a different person? I'm gonna stand up. I'm becoming a different person as you speak. I'm gonna stand up. Have fun with that fucking losers. I'm standing. Mark, your height didn't change that much. It did though. I got a camera. That's so rude of you. I'm literally out of the frown. I'm so tall. Plot twist, you have a little stepping stool by your chair.

I know this is gonna rip cables out from everywhere, but here I go. Mark, freezes and disappears again. Mark, no! He did! Oh, everyone's frozen! Why did that happen? What could have possibly pulled?

You must have lost wireless fidelity for a moment. Oh, he froed. Why is that happening? Oh, you're stretching those cables. Mark, I think you're still out of frame. You're gonna have to keep moving it. I gotta keep going. It's got so far up to travel. Here we go. Am I still here? For now. I appreciate you picking such a nice pose to freeze in.

Why is it instantly our fault? That's yeah, that's quite a leap. Well, I don't know who else to blame. It can't be my fault, so it's got to be someone else. I'm blameless. I'm... The lie was so hard it pushed me out of focus. I don't know what... Mark went flying across the room and lost focus. Our world is dedicating every bit of their graphical power to developing these models, and this is the progress. I'm there deleting me. I'm going out of focus again.

They heard you talking shit about their AI, and they were like, don't. You want access to it? You better not. Or Mark has been AI this whole time, and the servers are just updating, and he's getting blurred out because they can't process him while also updating. Yeah, every time Mark goes out of focus or his light turns off and on again, That's just the AI losing object permanence for a second having to remember. What the hell was going on?

What's going on? Oh, oh, you're out of focus. That's weird. Yeah, that's so strange. Segway. You always have something weird going on every time. I don't know why there's been happening. I did a firmware update for this lens, which is a weird thing to say, but it still is a little funky.

Oh, we almost had a whole episode without Mark saying the word lens. Points to Mark for saying lens, unprompted. Oh, God. What have I done? Oh sweet Jesus, no memory card. Mark, there's no memory card in slot one. You madman! It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

I've never, ever crossed this threshold. Oh, God, this freaking light. I don't know. I don't know what to... For the listeners, Mark's light just turned itself off for like the dozen time today. I don't know why, and here it is again. It just turns on and off.

I don't get it. I'm not even, like, connected to it in the app. I've unplugged it, turn it back on, reset it. It still just like turns off every once in a while and then turns back on. TGP, thingle ping. I like that.

I'm frozen. Help! Your thumbnail just updated, so now it's the frozen image on the sun panel. You're so good at holding a pose. Hello. There is. Welcome back. It froze so thoroughly.

I couldn't even hit the reboot button. I had to shut the whole thing down. Your computer heard you might be upgrading it for Belling. Well, better get in the line because I got the other computer I just built right next to it. Ready to go. I don't want them too close. close to each other. They'll shit talk you. Are you okay, Mark?

I got a light glare on my screen that I don't remember being there before. I can't see my face when we're talking. Did your setup move or something? I don't know. That's a strange thing. Like, I have my haunted light here that I still haven't fixed, but this is the other light and I don't remember seeing this harsh of a glare on this. Maybe if I just turned the light. So, well, then I lose illumination.

Mark's got some real problems. Oh, but then that's blessing at the back. Okay. I was going to ask Mark how he's doing, but we can tell. If you're watching on Spotify, if you're watching the video, only available on Spotify, you could see the horrible situation that Mark is in. It's suffering.

Look at the illumination levels, Mark. It's not, yeah, I don't have quite the same amount of edge lighting, but if it goes this way, then it's going to just, it's going to glare the screen and right there, and literally my camera lens is like shadowed right there. Oh, that fixed it. Oh, perfect. I just moved my monitors.

That's what it was. monitor got moved to... Anyway, it's all good guys. All of Mark's problems are solved. That's all you got going on over there, right? That was such an easy fix. I'm professional. You should laugh at that.

That's that. I think you told it well enough to earn some... I think Mark is slowly being engulfed by hell the more we go into the... Yeah, Mark, are you... Second circle? Third circle? How far down? How's happening to you?

People are just listening at home. I am slowly sinking into a pit of... lava and I am really embracing the pain and taking it like a jam you just want to see if your body can take it yes exactly and surprisingly it can it can didn't you look normal like two minutes ago yeah no my my main light they're just these little battery powered lights right now because that's all i could bring with me uh one of them just went out because i don't have enough plugs for anything my camera was running out of power before this so i had this is my accent little like flavor light now it's my main light is it only red it's not like adjustable or no i could

turn it to another color, but it... Oh, no. Well, leave it, though. Yeah, exactly. Okay, I see. I don't know. I'm with you. It's freaking Wade out.

Wait, looks like he's going to have a panic attack. I don't... It's funny and scary at the same time. And I realize that I'm not mentally stable at the moment, but it's really, everything's really funny. Is this better? Oh, that's way better. I love that.

That reminds me the thing whenever you put up to your finger and you're like, ooh, I see my finger bone. Kind of does. Oh, yeah. There you go. Uh-huh. Yeah, if you don't watch this show, now you have to. It started out as like millennial cringe.

I'm like, yeah, I remember that. That's fucking stupid. And I'm me, so obviously. But Nick, come back. I'm gone. Now my light doesn't work. My cameras goes out of focus every once in a while. I'm just creating random timers for things to occur.

Or how much money you've spent on cameras in light technology? You have got to have the most finicky lights and camera. I don't. This isn't the good light. That's why it's in here. here. Oh, I see. This isn't the good lens. That's why it's in here. This lens is 500, which is not cheap, but you were generalizing. I also keep all of my best stuff in boxes. That didn't help at all. I thought that if there was a bright behind me, it wouldn't be like, oh, that, that background's

bright enough. You really just look like your green screened in at this point. You got it too. I don't know. Look, I could be in Mark's office too. Edderns explode Mark's background. Wait till I do this. I'll give you something to explode on. No. There we go. There we go.

Oh. There we go. Guys, my capture card is broken. Dune! What, Dune? You're in Dune. I'm in Dune. Doesn't that look like the palace in...

Wait! Hit the screech. I'll queue up the point. Ah! It started actually on almost. almost the correct note. That actually was really close. Yeah, but then he didn't understand what you were trying to get him to do. Yeah, I don't know what the hell you're referencing. What's wrong with that one part of Dune?

Wait. Oh, it's your microphone. This is a really inconvenient cutout that definitely won't be exploited. I'm sure no one will ever do anything wrong with this. Random unrelated question. How wide can you open your mouth? Oh, really why? No. Wow.

I hate everything. I hate everything. How about this? Oh, look at that. Is this the whole... Is this small talk? Is this your small talk? No, I got other small talk.

Let's do small talk. Let's move on to small talk. Wait, go ahead. My understanding is that's actually true that if you got a butthole print, every person would have a unique butthole print. Did Bark disconnect or... I thought he was just that disgusted with you.

Maybe he did disconnect. connect to kid. Hello. I really thought he was just that like not having it with what you said. Oh, here's the text. There you go. What were you talking about that made me think of anus chocolate? Something about I was going to bring up that we have. Oh, okay. Hey man. Hey, how's it going? Oh, what in the fuck did I walk into? Have your anus and eat it too. Oh, so fucking close. Best looking. I didn't shower.

Like, I showered yesterday morning, so it's been like more than a day since I've showered. Are you trying to talk yourself out of the point or into it? I'm just being honest. Like, I don't know how I look to you guys. I feel pretty grimy. I'm not feeling like I look that great. I shower just yesterday.

I'm on vacation. I'm so rested and relaxed. I'm glowing, practically. If that's how you two want to determine it, I guess I can go that. route. I was going to say I was going to give it to Bob because Bob's camera quality is just so much better today. So he looks- I am I'm more well-lit. My camera is definitely doing doing a lot of work here. Hold on. Let me turn on studio light. Yeah. My God, your shoulder is so sharp.

Center stage. No, come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. There you go. Yeah, for some reason, when I turn it on the center stage, it kind of falls me. And then when I turn it off, it just zooms in. But why would it zoom in? That's really confusing, yeah. Apparently, it can now, it was not like designed to do this, but it just started doing a thing where you can have it generate something and then take like a frame. Oh, for fuck's sake. Listen to AI camera.

Zoom out. Zoom out, you fuck. You could take a frame, which I'm going to indicate like this. You can take a frame of video. All right, well, our final score is 20 to 17 after the wheel spins. Mark, would you like to give us a winner speech? Mark, did you disconnect? Hello?

He's frozen. He is frozen. Mark. Hi. Oh, hey, there he is. Hey, man. Welcome back. It was my USB thing that has a lot. the Ethernet plugged into it and I kicked it and it just oh no wait Mark he's gone oh man yeah

I hope he was like I'm gonna show him how I kicked it and then he kicked it again I'm back hey man hey I wouldn't kick that thing a third time I didn't kick it again it just Riverside caught up and was like hey you're not you don't exist kick me out of the session Okay. Uh-oh. Is Bob gone? Oh, Bob. Come back.

What a frame, though, to leave on. That's a great frame. That's a gray frame. Hello? Hey, Bob. There is. Oh, okay. There we go.

Hey, man. Welcome back. Wasn't like Mark where my eyes were in different directions and I was all. Hello? The reason I turned my light on is because I feel guilty about it, but possibly for the first time ever, this is... I should turn that setting off on my camera No, it's a great setting, man. What are you trying to show us?

You gotta learn to do the political gestures, yeah, like, oh yeah, like if flight attendance, or two fingers for like the, you know, the Disney people. That would probably still do it, I don't even know. And V's and B's are pretty close. Wouldn't you also say before this recording to remind you to talk about something? Cowbell! That was it. Calvin!

Yeah! Calvin! Uh-huh, yeah. So I still, much to my chagrin, and I've talked about it endlessly drive my Tesla that I've had for eight years, the giant piece of shit. And that's not just me like hating for hating. No, it's been bad. It's been really bad.

I drove it off the lot as a piece of shit. It's been a piece of shit through every year of its warranty in which it's been in service every single year for many times the same problem, and they've done full replacements on the suspension three times. And now it is officially out of it. warranty. So if it happens again, I'm screwed. Anyway, in Tesla, there's a cowbell mode that is activated by pressing the cruise control four times. And the thing is, if I press it twice and it doesn't activate, I'm going to press it, because to activate it, you press it twice, right? I go to

click, click, click, and it doesn't go, so I go click, click again. And then I activated cowbell mode. So for the rest of the fucking drive to Tyler's house, Wait. So is it this is it actually the song? Is there something weird about pressing cruise control multiple times and don't fear the Reaper coming on? It is exactly, it was exactly that is don't, you know, all the time. What the fuck? Don, don't, don, don, don't, don't, don't. It was a whole, I couldn't figure out how to turn off because pressing it four times again only restarts the song.

And I'm in the middle of driving on the highway, so I'm just like... So for 20 minutes, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, all the time. It's a long song, but even when the song ends, it just loops. It loops after the first few lines, and then Christopher Walken comes out and says, I gotta have more cowbell. I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell. And then it goes again. Don't, don't, don't.

The whole fucking drive. Teslas have the vibe of, like, websites in the early 2000s, where it's like, I'm going to this website because I need to order whatever, printer ink. And it's just like a printer ink website. And you load it up and just, like, all the small thing starts playing. And a bunch of clip art is, like, dancing around the screen. And then in the middle, it's like, yeah, click here to buy a printer ink. We'll ship it to you.

It's so stupid. It's so stupid. And you know how'd I turned it off? Because I actually had to, when I got there, I googled it. How the fuck do I turn off? It's a bunch of people, I'm thinking like, I don't know what the fuck happened. You'd like say something or something? No.

The easiest way, besides shutting the car completely down, then turning it back on, is to activate fart mode and press the fart button. And that will interrupt the cowbell and it will stop playing. Dude, the fart mode is funny, though, because it'll make different seats in the car fart. That's fun. I don't think any other car in the world has that kind of fart mode. What? Oh, have you never seen fart moan, Wade?

No, I don't. I've seen a car with heated seats once. Oh, yeah, is that too. That's not part of the fart mode, though. So in yours, is it the right stock that is the cruise control one, or is it the left stock? It's left, left, lower one, yeah. Because we have a model wide, it's the right stock, which the passenger in the car could absolutely reach. So anytime if they wanted to, a pastor could just reach over and just go, ding, ding, ding, dink. Cowbell.

And then Cowbell mode would probably start, I think. And that's fun. At least it was only 20 minutes, but I feel like if I was on a longer drive, I would have pulled over. So maybe it's the worst case to be in, but. Imagine the worst times, like you're rushing to the hospital and you actually do it. I bet you can activate fart mode with voice commands, though. So if it ever happens again, you just hold the voice command button, it's be like, ah, fart mode.

And everyone in the car could just be like, what the fuck? What clown car are we in? What the hell? In a funeral procession, you got people in the car morning and you actually activate calbone. And you're like, oh, I'm so sorry. Let me activate fart mode. Don't tempt Elon. He would put in a voice activated fart mode.

What funny horn noise do you use, Mark? That's the real question. Can you customize the horn? You can change the horn and the like lock sound, the walk away lock sound. the walk away lock sound kind of thing to any sound you want you can literally put mb3s in wow that's great man i can't wait for that so i assume you use a funny novelty sound for those things oh wait this is what you're missing for not having a car just to let you know well at least i know why i can't get one they're so busy programming useless shit into it that uh takes the extra

time on the production line don't talk shit about fart mode two points for wade for being correct apparently, but also a pointer mark for sportsmanship. Because that's just good sportsmanship. I think Judge Judy is pretty close. Okay. Wade has to give a winner speech. Wade, what do you have to say for yourself? I think it's very fortunate.

I have to give a winner speech. I want to stand a little bit of a podium here. I think it's been a while maybe since I hosted, maybe not that long. I can't remember. But anytime I lose, it feels like it's been forever since I have won. I want to give an apology to Shakira, who I've not mentioned in a little while.

and I've seen some beautiful posts from people about Shakira and statues and performances and her S&L appearance and I don't know that she's gotten the spotlight for me she deserves. Queen, we are so back and you're in my thoughts always. And a good game or whatever you do. Embraesties nuts! They're not on camera. Hang on.