Distractible - Worst World Records

Episode Date: July 11, 2022

Bob shares the story of Sir Hugh Beaver, while Mark and Wade fight to find the most shocking and disturbing World Records. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production. This week, arbitrary Bob hosts, Mark gains laser eyes, and Wade gets healthier via the medium of basketball. The gents dissect suspect scores, modded cheaters, the power of groin-smashing horses, and an amber-encased erection that has lasted 99 million years. Yes, it's time for World's Worst Records. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to another episode of Distractible. Yes, that's right.

We found our way back to our computers and all three of us are here to entertain your ears with more of this dumb shit. My name is Bob. I am the host of today's episode and I am joined as always by my contestants today, Mark and Wade. Hello.

Hey, hey, hey. I'm Mark. I'm the other one that's left. Your name is Wade. That's me. If you're new here and or if the only episodes you've seen are the last few, we used to have rules in a format, and we're going to be revisiting that today a little bit. The last couple, we've had some games and things going on. This is going to be a good old-fashioned,

I'm the host and I have selected a topic, and the contestants are going to try and earn points by talking about my topic, or not talking about it at all and talking about whatever they come up with. We'll see. And the points are you know arbitrary and random and i might not even keep track of points today i might just pick a winner with my gut at the end oh don't say the word good not that i don't say any words not that i've done that before but i have been accused on the distractible subreddit of uh taking, of preferring Mark over Wade, and of just picking him arbitrarily, even though if you keep score at home, clearly Wade accrued more points.

It's arbitrary. I hate to break it to you listeners. It's arbitrary. But we'll get to that. It's also a tradition to have small talk. Small talk begin. How are you guys? Oh, I am great.

I have new eyes. That's some, uh, what's that Tom Cruise movie where he can see the future? Minority Report. That's a Minority Report shit right there. I know, right? I got brand new eyes. Yeah, you just find a guy in an apartment complex. You tell him, hey, I need to change out my eyeballs.

He pulls out a Ziploc bag from his fridge. He's got a bunch of different eyes. You choose what colors you can even mix and match and he pops them in too true that's exactly how it went did he sneeze into your cavities while he was doing it absolutely he was very detail oriented so what do you got like a laser vision now x-ray what what upgrades you go for i only went for lasers and x-ray um i didn't want to go through the whole spectrum of different wavelengths like i thought that would be too much. And I heard about the wear and tear it does on your cornea, um, and other people that

you were looking at. So I was like, I'll just keep it simple. You know, it's your basic lasers and X's, you know? Nice, nice, nice, nice. What about you, Wade? How are your eyes? Uh, I mean, honestly, I'm tempted to go through and get new eyes too, cause mine suck. But, um, it's been good.

I've been on a better sleep schedule and exercising a little bit i went and played basketball for the first time in forever and nearly broke my ankle which was great but uh i'm feeling a little bit healthier which i think is nice i'm happy about that cool man cool nice nice must be nice to feel healthier i don't know if i've ever felt less healthy than i have this past week oh i mean i I've just been sick. Don't be. Which I feel like is the opposite of healthy. I guess maybe dead is the opposite of healthy, but I didn't swing that far. Just sick. Just regular old sick.

Just plain old boring sick. There's nothing. Well, the new eyes is interesting. I've thought about doing that for a long time. I have a pretty strong prescription, but it would be neat to not have to wear glasses. Yeah, I'm very happy with it. I think that I came through it and I'm really no regrets. I see very well now and it's all very cool.

If you look up lists of like on Reddit, people ask, what do you wish you had done sooner? And like most of the top answers are always like, I wish I got LASIK. I wish I had done this sooner. Because it turns out being able to wake up and see is just a revelation that like two thirds of the world does not get to experience. Yeah, I really can't imagine what that even is like, because I wake up and even like best case,

once I'm fully awake, I got blurry, blurry nothingness. I'm in trouble and holding my glasses. Yeah, it's still I have to catch myself because when I'm going to bed and I can see clearly, I'm like, I got to take my contacts out. My fingers just reach for my eyeball. You're clawing at your eyes like, come on. I know you're in there. Get out of me. Yeah, so it's just crazy.

I can't deny it is very cool. Sounds nice. It is nice. Sounds nice. Yeah. Enjoy your new eyes. Thanks. Hey, you could have them too wade i will i'm gonna

take mark's eyes you too could have an eastern european man sneeze right into your eye holes that brings us to today's sponsor no it doesn't hey any uh any lasik laser eye surgery labs out there want to sponsor a podcast specifically unsavory ones with a higher risk of infection failure and or death yeah yeah yeah that's the one okay yeah never mind it sounds fun i want new eyes but that's that's a discussion for a later time today we're talking about the beginning of the 1950s, the early 1950s. Good times. Good times. Sir Hugh Beaver.

No one left. At the time, managing director of the Guinness Brewery. Yes, that Guinness, the kind that makes the liquid. Is at a shooting party in Wexford. What is a shooting party? A shooting party? It's a party for shooting guns, I think. Bang, bang, shooting.

Okay, I thought maybe they took a lot of shots, but they took a lot of shots. No, no. They classily drink brandy or something, probably, and smoke pipes or cigars or God knows what. But it's a shooting party. And while at this party, Sir Beaver gets into a rather large argument with everyone at the parties or joins into this big fight about what is the fastest game bird in europe because that's important you know when you're at a party and you're like do you know what the fastest hooved wood dwelling animal is in north america it's still definitely the white-tailed deer and your buddy is like no. It's the spotted Springer deer

Fool and then you have this huge fight everyone gets so mad Sir Chipmunk I will have none of this I disagree sir beaver You shan't tell me it's not the white tipped titty sprinkles I Sir Brown Squirrel declare that it is the hawk Not the white-tipped titty sprinkles. I, Sir Brown Squirrel, declare that it is the hawk. Sir Brown Squirrel is a knave. Just know. Everybody knows how this be.

You're at a party and everyone gets real hotted. Hotted? Hotted up, I guess is what I was trying to say. You're real hotted. Yeah, hotted. Why isn't there a book about this shit? These fellows looked through all the reference books they had about uh game birds in europe there was nothing to definitively say what is the fastest

one and they were very very upset so obviously obviously sir hugh beaver incorporated soon thereafter the guinness superlatives on november 30th the guinness superlatives of course after some initial research and organizing of the company they begin on writing a book which takes 13 weeks to write writing through the weekends and through holidays and extra time. And went on to become an all-time bestseller. We know and love as the Guinness Book of World Records. And or known today. Which records were on page 69 of the original copy?

Guinness World Records. I could not tell you. I do not have a copy. Okay. Of the original Guinness Preludes. But obviously, that's how Guinness World Records was formed. Uh-huh. We all know the story, but seriously, obviously, right? Am I right? Obviously, seriously, obviously.

A tale as old as time, beaver and the deer. So that was a long way of saying that today's topic is Guinness World Records. Did you guys grow up with these books? These books were like a big part of childhood for me. Is this the thing for you? I didn't have the book. No, I didn't either. There was a show, wasn't there? Wasn you i didn't have the book no i didn't either there was a show wasn't there wasn't there a show about there was a show on tv i remember that there was a show wait where was a show uh there was a show that was sold apparently to 150 plus territories wow and they have accrued 9.1 million over 9.1 million youtube subscribers i'm not 100% sure let me let me google that there's a documentary that

spanned three seasons starting in 1998 wow it was like a summer primetime thing right where it was like they would do guinness world records on tv sort of deal guinness world records primetime from around the globe this series tracks the most interesting thrilling it was hosted by chris collinsworth biggest tallest fastest longest and smallest world record holders See actual records being set and meet the people who set them. Chris Collinsworth probably means zilch to most people, but that's crazy to me that he hosted it. Who's it? It's like a big football personality. So being from Cincinnati, he was a Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver back in the 80s.

And now he's like one of the hosts of Sunday night football, which is like one of the biggest, most, you know, most watched football games each week is the Sunday night game. Apparently he also was a host of this Guinness World Records primetime, which I don't remember him being there. But then again, I was very young then. Probably didn't know who he was. That is kind of funny. Oh, it's a weird coincidence. I mean, so were you guys aware of these books when you were?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was always like it was a coffee table book. People would have it in their in their living rooms and you'd flip through them or a doctor's office you know you'd flip through and like whoa look at that freak he's freaks in here hey weirdos yeah i didn't have a drive to like try to make a guinness record like most people probably did but you know the thought crossed my mind we'll get to that you'll have your opportunities i um i didn't own like every year but i owned we owned in my house we had like a couple of these

i think we had 2002 i'm looking at the covers i think we had 2002 and maybe 2006 because i really remember those covers being around the house but yeah i mean for anyone out there who's unaware of the guinness world records it's basically just an accumulation of like people inventing things that they are the best at and then doing them the best. It's really fascinating because you might think if I told you like, oh, there's this company and they make a book or they publish videos about like world records, like, okay, cool. So what, like in athletic events, like fastest 100 meter dash or like highest high jump or maybe

in like you know more like sailing around the world type things it's anything you want baby baby it is literally the the requirements for getting a guinness world record are look through the the existing database of guinness World Records and either pick one you think you can beat or invent one that follows their criteria and then tell them about it and pay them their money. And if you meet all their requirements and they think it's interesting enough that people will want to watch it, boom, you get a, you get an adjudicator, you get a date, you do your world record. Huh huh so you can make things i mean that makes total sense i'd never thought about it before but yeah of course

you can make up your own record because how else do they get new records but it's just like oh right didn't realize it was that easy yeah there's one man who sits in a chair with a big book in front of him and his only job each day is to write down different ideas of what people need to do. And then he finds unwitting volunteers and says, you, you there, pick up that cockroach. You must shove it in one ear and have it come out the other. That is your job. Why does it sound like Sir Beaver again? You there, boy.

He's still around. He still sits in his chair writing his new book. How much earwax does thy have? Tell me! That's where it went originally. Originally he was like, ah, what's the fastest bird? Shit. And like ten years later he's like, oh, we really must

diversify. You, servant boy, how many spoons could you consume and do you vomit them up or shit them out? Begin! Begin! Either way, you get two records records most spoons eaten and most spoons shitted or vomited that's two for one hey i did i shat more than him you'll get your name in a book

you'll be remembered i don't have a name i'm but a lonely servant i shall call you charles good work charles ah the person to go longest in life without a name. Very good, very good. Don't name me. You're stealing a short in my record. Just call me boy. So your name is Boy! All right. Put that in the book. Record lost.

You're in the hospital. The doctor's like, what would you like to name your baby? I don't. No, nothing. I'm going for the world record a child that goes longest without a name it's like you you get this while you're while you're pregnant or your whatever your wife is pregnant you're like all right we're gonna do this record we're gonna do this all right at the birth the adjudicator from guinness world records is there the baby comes out and the doctor like slaps on the ass and the guy's like click stop watch is going i'll be here until you give him a name i guess yeah or until he dies which is i

guess the limit so uh hope he makes it to 93 because woo that record that's gonna last oh god yeah so that's guinness world records i i will say so the the requirements for what basically can be a world record title are not as many as you might think. It must be, this is from GuinnessWorldRecords.com, it must be measurable objectively by some unit. So like a distance or a weight or something, size, whatever. It must be measurable. It must be breakable. So it can't be something that like only you could ever do yeah someone else must be able to break your record if they so choose uh it must be

standardizable so can you recreate a scenario where this record could be broken okay so it must you know there must be it it can't be like oh i've created this one unique thing and it will be destroyed when i beat the record it has to be like a repeatable thing can't be like, oh, I've created this one unique thing and it will be destroyed when I beat the record. It has to be like a repeatable thing. Can it be verified? Basically, can you take a video of it and make evidence? That's not a big one. And is there one variable on which the record is based?

So there has to be one superlative thing, some maximum distance or amount of time or whatever, and no one else has to have done it. Those are the rules okay so there's a lot of shit you could imagine yeah that would satisfy that yeah absolutely okay you'd have to think about it because i'm sure like there are some things that looking at now in this room i wouldn't be able to just like what could i do what could i do but that's interesting what could i eat what could i get in me that was my first thought most babies drowned in milk in an hour i think i need to go turn myself in that's two variables that's milk what percentage of the milk okay and the baby okay that's gotta standardize the milk vessel in which you're doing the drowning

yeah that's true you think that through you think it through clearly you haven't damn it and there are rules about that they can't harm in your record you can't harm animal animals humans are not an animal what are you talking about that's true that's why we're better than animals of course no illegal activities no drinking alcohol as part of it stuff like this basic rules of like you know can it can it be on tv surely there can't be a law against feeding babies too much milk uh excessive eating is actually one of the no no i'm going to drown the baby in the milk that's what i was trying to subtly imply oh okay you understand the record is called most milk fed to babies fixed amount of time but it's actually just

drowning sorry mark we're not allowed to do anything with babies apparently oh right of course hey no the the babies are not attempting the world record they're just props as part of the world record only people who are attempting to hold records must be over the age of 16 good unless it's illegal to drown babies probably fine what if my record is i want to be the only person under the age of 16 to have a world record that's gonna be a hard one to accomplish damn it thwarted before i could begin yeah so the rules seem fairly simple but obviously there have been some controversies. Do you guys know of any Guinness World Record controversies?

Are you asking this like we, you have some prep? You don't have to do any research. I'm just saying like before I started like looking up stuff for this episode, I was aware of a couple controversies surrounding some Guinness World Records. I mean, I'm sure there is considering like, how do you always have to have someone from guinness there when you break it or can you just document yourself doing it no they have to like oh they have to have like a guinness person there to like the one that does come to mind is the

donkey kong high score wasn't there a whole documentary made about this one guy like it was i think the documentary was called like king of k or something like that. Yes. Yeah. And so the, the Mr. Dude with the long hair and beard that hasn't changed his style since the game came out, he kept saying like he broke the record, but it either like was never on camera or anything like that. And like, he was asked to repeat it. And he's like, of course I can't do that again. Of course I can't do it again. What would you think? How could I? And then it was like was like he could he modded the game or something i still don't know what the legitimacy of it is i i really don't i have no idea um do you like some details yes that was one of that's one of the ones i was also aware of on just from being

in the gaming spheres and stuff yeah his name is billy mitchell billy mitchell and he he was the king of kong i'm actually not 100 sure that movie was about him exclusively or if there's another guy but but yes he set his donkey kong high score in 1982 with 874 300 points and in june 2005 uh he became the first player to ever top a million points in the original donkey kong oh this article i'm using for reference actually says 2007 the documentary king of kong documented mitchell's continued attempts to top his million point record and it he edged it up over a million a little bit basically in this was verified by a website and organization called twin galaxies and if you're at all into like speed running uh in video games twin galaxies is a big name in and has been for a long time in

like speed running and archiving footage and stuff and they were the original company that verified for guinness that his records were legit he actually had two guinness records one for the donkey kong score and one for a pac-man score but basically he had two guinness records and in 2018 twin galaxies was like you know what billy mitchell cheated oh we have analyzed the video and we have proof that there was billy mitchell was like buddies with the guys at twin galaxies we have evidence that he played on an emulator instead of an original thing. It's all very technical, but basically Twin Galaxies was like, no, he cheated. And so Guinness was like, well, shit, those guys were the ones who told us. We don't know about this.

So no more records. They took away his records. And this guy, Billy Mitchell's entire life revolved around this. I don't know if he had a day job, but he was like a personality in the gaming world the king of kong this is him this is his life goes to conventions he does all this stuff he sued he threatened to sue and did sue multiple parties about all this stuff and there are ongoing lawsuits he sued a youtuber called apollo legend who's like a youtuber who covers like speed running stuff and talked about this he sued uh an individual he also sued guinness and sued twin galaxies and in june of 2020 guinness and i have no idea who verified this or what guinness was just like ah this ain't worth it

you can have your records bro and reinstated both of billy mitchell's records wow even though twin galaxies maintains that they are like not legitimate and were played on emulators or something were played on like hacked cabinets or some detail like that fascinating has to happen between him and twin galaxies right like for them to go and like re-examine and to have that big split like some there's something else there yeah i want to get into the conspiracy theories of it all there are some great videos apollo legend on youtube and also carl jobst on youtube have like multiple in-depth videos documenting illegal action and what happened and all the evidence and stuff this is of just reeks of like daytime like jerry springer show like action yeah where these

guys are like yelling at each other and you know they're they're fighting for their their little fiefdom their little corner of the gaming world i don't know the details but it's exhausting there's a ton of youtube videos to watch if you want to learn all the nitty-gritty details but yeah it's uh it's not so easy making guinness records man yeah apparently not but also that is i mean it's not hilarious because i see it so you see it everywhere people fight over the stupid stupidest things because to that person, of course, it's like it's the world record. It's the greatest in the world. You have all your one chance, but also it's Donkey Kong and it's a video game.

Do you think he's going to sue us? Are we going to get sued? Billy Mitchell, don't sue us. I acknowledge that Guinness World Record has reinstated your records and I have no official opinion on whether or not they are legitimate. I defer to Guinness and they say you are the record holder. I want to point out the Twin Galaxies has not, so you should sue us.

You beat me to the punch. A little controversy might promote our podcast. That's right. Fuck you, Billyell yeah you're a washed up has been never was ben you didn't hold me records he's gonna message you like guys i really enjoyed your podcast why are you so mean yeah why are you so mean i really did beat i'll show you the proof yeah i know well i don't know the details of it specifically enough to explain it like correctly but i know part of the evidence of like why people think his record setting videos are faked is literally the

way the screen it's recorded on like a VHS camera pointed at the cabinet, right? It's an arcade cabinet. Okay. The way the levels load in is different on the original arcade cabinet versus the emulator cabinet, which I think is called mame or something it loads in in a different pattern and so people are literally like frame by frame like oh see that see how it rendered it diagonally oh one more frame yeah and it went from top left to bottom and and like uh the original cabinet doesn't render like that it's impossible to get and it's stuff like that where people are like frame by frame like digging into this talking about the technical details of what is on the boards and i don't know enough to know if what's right or wrong about that it's just hotly

debated yeah because honestly like how would we even know like maybe oh sure it is an emulated cabinet but it's with me it's like he's still playing the game isn't he like isn't he still good at kong i mean yeah but part of it is like and this is a big thing in speed running in general if you manipulate the file to change drop rates for like items oh increase the amount of points you get i forget who was that kid who plays uh minecraft dream dream he set like a minecraft speed running record right but then there was this huge controversy about he was playing on a file where the drop rates for things were manipulated.

And he basically set his speed run by getting mathematically almost impossible luck with like what items dropped when at different points. And so like, you know, you can set an untouchable world record if you're getting points that are unattainable under normal RNG circumstances. Well, then fuck your dream. Fuck your nightmare. I thought this was like just a different manufactured arcade cabinet. This is a custom arcade cabinet.

So yeah, it's an emulator where it's like it's a modern hardware of some sort where you like load the original game code onto this thing but with arcade cabinets the physical arrangement of the board affects how the cabinet works and has an effect on how how it plays again not an expert it's the kind of thing where on the emulator there's no way to confirm if he did or did not manipulate anything or change the way the game worked to give him unattainable luck if he was playing under regular circumstances okay all right that makes more sense but also i like you said i don't know the metrics of comparison i don't know what an arcade cabinet

is when it works when it doesn't work i haven't watched his playthrough video so what could i really say they're cheaters all of them all of them are cheaters yeah stick to it wade get them call them out if you have a record you cheated no one can be better than anyone else we're all the same i have the record for the most cheating and record attempts damn it i've cheated all of them well so billy mitchell's had a lot of controversy around whether his record was like legitimately achieved or whatever there's also some really stupid controversy around some records that comes exclusively from Guinness. There was this woman named Jessica Anderson who decided she was going to set the fastest marathon time for a person dressed as a nurse. And this was in modern times, right? She's not dressed as a Halloween nurse, like a slutty nurse costume or anything.

Oh, that I'm not interested. Yeah. Well, she was dressed as a nurse would dress. She did this in 2019, a halloween nurse like a slutty nurse costume or anything oh that i love not interested yeah well she was dressed as a nurse would dress she did this in 2019 just as a nurse would dress in 2019 she completed the marathon in three hours eight minutes and 22 seconds which sounds incredibly fast don't nurse outfits kind of depend on where you work too i mean but in general i mean i don't know what you see for nurses when i envision a nurse in modern day in a hospital or whatever they wear scrubs they probably wear comfortable sneakers they probably have a stethoscope around their neck and they're probably telling me i'm kind of fat because they took my weight and we're like whoa all right wait in here chubby the doctor will be in a minute to

confirm that you are indeed fat i mean that's not but like this is my experience but like i'm sorry you're not fat i mean you're not in the club so you don't get the special greeting at the doctor's office you're right i'm not in the club what are typical like nurse shoes for example like would they just be like walking shoes would they be yeah i always imagine kind of like white like really ergonomic comfortable on your feet all day kind of like new balance or something like that right yeah probably i guess because i mean most nurses i think of are you know red and black lingerie high heels uh wait a minute you hold on watch a lot of nurse porn ways stethawhip in one hand stethawhip stethoscope steth, I misspoke. Did you misspeak?

No. No. I didn't think so either. No, not really. Scrubs, I mean, I wore scrubs and I worked in the medical industry, so scrubs are pretty common. I could see that. Anyway, listen, you're hitting right at the core of the entire issue here, Wade.

So she did this. Oh, shit. Well, hell yeah. She ran real fast. And then Giddes was like, that's not how nurses dress. Oh, no, no, no, they didn't. You not how nurses dress. Oh, no, no, no, they didn't. You know how nurses dress. Oh, no.

The stethiwhip. According to Guinness, a nurse should be decked out in a blue and white dress with a white hat. What? Because that is how nurses dress. Wait a minute. Are they thinking of like an early 1900s nurse yeah wait nurses dress like the lady from the cover of enema of the state the blink-182 album kind of yeah with a white hat when's the last time you saw a nurse in those paper white hats a white hat a button-up white

shirt slightly unbuttoned down a short skirt and high heels i think it must have been like mr beavers in the back with a bunch of like life sustaining systems and he checks everyone is like that's not a nurse they must be wearing steffy number three red lipstick while also carrying a clipboard with no less than three sheets of paper. Where's the big red cross on her chest? Suffice to say, this sparked immediate outrage on social media. Hashtag what nurses wear became kind of a thing on Twitter and on social media. Guinness was pretty quick to recognize this mistake and gave a statement where they were like,

well, this was like a really outdated and stereotyped uh definition and that's wrong we were wrong and they fixed it and they gave her her record i'm sure they realized their error on their own without public outcry they just one day were like man maybe we misspoke we should rethink that and it wasn't the people with torches and pitchforks at their door yeah yeah i just like to imagine this woman was like hey yeah guinness i want to run the fastest marathon dressed as a nurse and neither of them was like and how does a nurse dress the nurse was like yep i'll just wear my work clothes and the guinness guy was just like oh hot hot i can't even get to run a marathon in heels wait where's her christian cross necklace and her wedding ring? You know,

we joke around, but I feel like Wade, who you were when this first got started, you were the one that was judging this. You were the Guinness guy. Where's your statham, Wade? Yeah, exactly. Where is it? Hit me once to know if it's real. If you want your world

record, you've got to tell me I've been a bad boy. Can you do it again dressed as a school teacher? Hey, put this on. Put this on. Try it again. It looks like you're running a little slow. You should probably take off that blouse. Have you ever seen the magic school?

What if I'm the track and you have to run over me? Okay. Yeah. Anyway, to be totally fair guinness did fix this but like how does that get out did they pull like an archival book off of a dusty shelf and like we must look up the definition or was it just a really old fuck that was sitting in a like a fireplace room it was mr beaver himself they kept him locked in a vault with a cigar. That's the joke I made earlier. Yeah, Mark did make that joke.

He's still there. He's still the one that makes the final call. Points for Mark for getting to it first. Mark holds the Guinness World Record for that joke. Yeah. Thank you, thank you. But he wasn't dressed as a guy who makes the joke when he made that joke. Sir Beaver, when he incorporated Guinness superlatives, was like,

and you must use the 1856 Encyclopedia Britannica. This is the only reference for which you may draw information and details regarding any future Guinness. And all the Guinness people are still like, ah. It says a school teacher is a young woman who is kind to the boys she's mentoring. God, shit. As it was written, as it was written,

they all chant at the same time. All employees must dress as though they were attending the shooting party at which Guinness was originally conceived. We're all wearing those pants that pop out to the side for some reason. For shooting. For shooting.

They must have a revolver on their right hip a cigar in their left hand a snifter of brandy scotch no less than an inch high in the glass brandy brandy scotch and a nameless servant boy may the most nameless win thank you sir for including me it's an honor to be here. Shut up, boy! Okay. Before I name you. Please don't.

Or I'll name you. You want the record, don't you? It's the only point of your existence. The only thing I have. Please, sir, don't call me by a name. Gray. No! Master, give Dobby a name.

He torches me. Uh, anyway. No Master give Dobby a name Not just me Anyway Do we all have like stories That were surprising of our childhood No I had no name Before I became Lord Minion And then I got my third report card

In a row with it was all C's and with one D. And my dad looked at me dead in the eyes and was like, Robert! And I was like, No! I've been named! Yeah, that's why babies cry when they're born. Everybody's naming them right out.

Damn it! Right out of the old womb there. My record! Babies also sound like Sir Beaver. I'm born again. God, they come with a top hat, a monocle, and a mustache. Snifty brandy. And a big old gun for shooting. You know babies, right?

Top hat, monocle, gun. Babies. You know that baby who's in charge of monopoly love that guy all the free parking oh so nice well so that's guinness yes it's the beer company i honestly when i was a kid i was always confused by that i was like i know guinness is like a beer and i'm not allowed to have it why is this company named like the beer company like we aren't the beer people mad about this no they're not mad They are them. Guinness World Records is the same company that makes the delicious beer that you should only drink if you're of drinking age in wherever country you live in. And they have some crazy stuff. That's the all set up more than half

the episode was set up. What I want you guys to do, what I'm really going to give you points for getting down to it. I want you guys to find either the most interesting or batshit crazy records that exist that you think maybe you have a shot at beating or you would like to try to beat because it sounds fun or to make up your own and we can just talk about crazy ass records if you find any but most boobs squeezed i will go for the record gotta be careful what is a boob uh you didn't specify what type of boob the ones i've found i don't know if i want to try to beat bob i don't know if i want to try to beat them at all what did you what what did what did you why what did you find well so one of the ones i remember from the show that stuck with me and why i remember there was a

show was i'm pretty sure they had a guy on there who i don't remember how he did it but he would like either put milk in his nose or his mouth or something and he would squirt it out of like his tear duct ah he would just spray it was like longest distance to spray milk out of your eyes and my eyes hurt so bad every time i think about that and i don't want to try to beat that but it sounds terrible i had a buddy who could do that i remember that now i do that happened and we were all like oh you can squirt liquid out of your eye hole well i did it once not a fan not my favorite activity yeah no my buddy was into it but it was weird yeah i think i also tried to do that why did everyone try to do that i did not i never I never wanted to. My eyes. Nope.

Wade was not enticed. I was not. I have some fun ones here. Toughest groin kick. By what measurement? I will help you break this, Mark. Oh, wait. No, no.

Is it the one taking the kick or the one kicking the kick? Two records in one. Your own self. Kick yourself in the nuts. So you're not going to like this. So Kirby Roy volunteered, volunteered for this to be delivered one of these fine boots to the testicles by none other than MMA fighter Justice Smith at a speed of 22 miles an hour with 1,100 pounds of force behind it. With not even a flinch, Roy simply conceded that was a strong kick, end quote. But explain to MMA Underground that it's because he had been kicked there so many times before that his nerves process only 10% of the neurotransmitter necessary to communicate

pain from the testicles to the brain. Why? So what I'm thinking about this is they don't specify it says toughest groin kick. It doesn't necessarily say testicle kick. So if someone without testicles took an even harder kick, you ever see that YouTube video of the 50 caliber bat the one that like rips baseballs apart yes you know i'm saying you know cut you in half no no no that would that would sort of liquefy i feel like skin and so like that wouldn't be like oh that would be like and that part is gone so is this a kick where if you like, I don't know, duct taped your balls and shaft up and you just took the kick to the taint and missed the groin? All good.

All good. Okay. It's great because, you know, it says only 10% of the pain. How did they measure that? Number one. But also 10% of that would be 110 pounds of force. And I don't want 110 pounds slamming at my groin no matter what so this is uh impressive to say the least i'm not at all confused or concerned about

an mma fighter who knows how to kick someone in the nuts really hard that tracks why isn't this dude taking so much groin trauma that his nerves in the area are so reduced? What happened to this guy? I don't really know. What is his job? Cup tester? Kevlar groin protection enthusiast? Actually, he works with horses.

He stands behind the horse to see how good they can kick him in the nuts. Yeah. And also, when it comes down to records like this do you need to have like functioning testicles to qualify shouldn't there be a subcategory of like functioning nerves work testicles versus you got steel ball bearings in your sack you know well just to be clear the guy who got kicked is the record holder in that scenario right yeah i think so or is it the kicker but i think also just like there should be a record for hardest kick to the groin because they measured that at the same time yeah didn't have any other measurements out there so justice smith probably has the hardest kick to the groin i feel like those are two very opposite records

like if you if we're at a party and you're like hey i actually hold a guinness world record for strongest kick of someone else's groin i would kind of be like you want to see cool i guess but like damn that's that's weird that that happened you want to go out but if you came up and were like hey i hold the guinness world record for strongest kick to my groin i'm like okay bye it's like i gotta go suddenly it's like if the that's really interesting it's an unstoppable force versus an immovable object it's literally that what if they meet like at a convention and they lock eyes and they know like they know the other one is their perfect match they start spiraling around running across the floor looking at each other space clears on the dance floor

it's a dance floor of course and then you know just like if the guy squares up spreads his leg the other one winds back it's beautiful have you seen rrr yet no all right so those are listening for rrr it's like that dance sequence but a lot more groin kicking it's an indian movie that came out uh this year it's fantastic it is legitimately fantastic like bollywood type stuff it's uh, I think it's officially called Hollywood because it's a different area than Bollywood. But it's like if you know Bollywood action, like it's got that. But the story is actually really good. The movie is just an enjoyable experience.

Highly recommend. And the dance sequence, which there is a dance sequence is fucking incredible. Like no joke. Incredible. That sounds pretty cool. Yeah, it's pretty cool. It's pretty cool. All right. So I like that. which there is a dance sequence is fucking incredible like no joke incredible that sounds pretty cool yeah it's pretty cool it's pretty cool all right so i like that so you're saying you want to get kicked in the nuts even harder no i didn't i wasn't operating that as a suggestion sounds good we could definitely set that up well i know some kickers well i'm pretty good what they

need is an nfl kicker like a, you know, field goal kicker. It's the only way. It's the only way, guys. All right, wait, are yours worse than what Marcus found or what? Because you were moaning a fair amount about what? Slightly less. Okay, I just, I went through some, I went through some stuff here. And some of these have images.

So if you want to see images, by all means, you all can Google yourself. Here's one. Longest metal coil passed through the nose and out of the mouth the image is a guy holding like two drills one in each hand that has this big metal coil and you can see it go into his nose on one side and out of his mouth in the other and he's doing it in both nostrils at the same time with each drill wow it's not pleasant there's one of a lady who has the longest fingernails on pair of hands ever the fingernail length was over 28 inches no no 34 inches per hand wow 34 inch fingernails and as your fingernails

get longer they don't go straight out they start to curve down uh it oh god it's just not it's not pleasant there was a record that didn't have an image thank god of most maggots moved with one's mouth in an hour yeah what does that mean yeah uh here charlie bell a former steel worker who is presumably now working full-time with clearing in his mouth reportedly carried two square feet of live maggots in one hour from one container to another using only his mouth oh no i envisioned it ah yep um there's a 90 minute bath in maggots listed in the same list that's it that seems speedable that seems speedable i just want to say that mark i feel like you would get used to it like you would get you're in maggots

and it's like at first you're like ew and then it's like that's all right whatever well you got worse you gotta get some plugs are you allowed to plug holes and things like you know you just i mean unless they start eating you or going in your orifices or something don't let them in your orifices orifices yeah plug them uh most cockroaches eaten funny story one of my brothers one time uh went to a um oh god one of those like frontier day type deals where like they've got like the little games and drinks and gambling and stuff and he was out of money and someone offered him money if he would eat cicadas i think he ate like 20 cicadas and made like a few hundred bucks he's able to gamble like dried cicadas or like a lot like he went and got them out of a tree and ate

them yeah that's different see i guess the dried bugs i mean mark you've done that i think i've eaten a bug yeah i remember where that happened but i've eaten one bug they sell those you can get them like jungle gyms in cincinnati you can buy dried bugs but yeah like live bugs like they're crunchy but also juicy in the worst possible combination i feel like well the thing is like you can get used to anything right so if you do enough training a bug just turns into food there's many places around the world that like bugs are a delicacy or not even a delicacy it's just like street food but they're like cooked they're like dried or cooked or prepared i totally get that yeah but i mean like if you got used to going out grabbing a bug and eating it you would get used to that and then it might be easier just

doing it out of the blue with no training that's's that's rough. Like me eating that bug. And Ethan actually had the worst one. He had the water bug and that was bigger and it was sharper. Well, actually, no, mine was probably sharper, cruncher and sharper, spikier. But his was just like a psychological hurdle that he went through. So kudos to him for doing that. Like because I I'm glad I got my rhino beetle instead of the water bug well what about this record for most live scorpions in your mouth at once how many how many we talking how many we

talking yeah what is it oh god let me let me find it i scrolled past because i was looking at the world's largest orgy uh hang on where's the scorpions wait no scroll back scroll back scroll back to the world's largest orgy uh in 2006 in japan the most well-organized orgy known to man occurred featuring uh 500 people and you can buy the dvd for 40 bucks apparently wow someone farted for two minutes and 40 seconds no way no way no way is there a video of that? You can try to look it up. In London, Bernard Clemens sustained his fart for two minutes and 42 seconds. No way. Someone ejaculated over 18 feet. What?

Yeah. Hey, I got to remember 18 feet. It's like that scene from Scary Movie where Bobby pins Sidney to the ceiling. You know, I watched that movie way, way, way too young. Like way too young. That was not okay movie to watch for like when did that come out when did the first one came out god like late 90s no scary movie early 2001 i don't know somewhere in that movie uh no 2000 so i was 11 okay when it came out yeah yeah not

the right age to watch that movie i saw worse worse when I was younger. Inside out, you know, a core memory. Roll starts rolling into the collection. Like, uh-oh. Yeah, anyway. The scorpions, man. Hold on. Let me find the scorpions. Yeah, the thing about the scorpion one is like, what scorpion?

Because there are very small scorpions. What about baby scorpions? Here we go. Dean Sheldon appeared on Guinness Record TV in Stockholm, Sweden with a bowl full of scorpions. He was there for the most scorpions here we go um dean sheldon appeared on guinness record tv in stockholm sweden with a bowl full of scorpions he was there so the guest for most scorpions in the mouth a small amount of chinese golden scorpions but was able to stuff his mouth with 21 scorpions from the bowl provided i'm assuming they're still the chinese golden scorpions okay so specifically chinese golden scorpions for that particular holding them in his mouth for 10 straight

seconds he broke the world record was awarded designation nice about the experience your plot it wasn't too bad mouth hurts a little bit oh so they were stinging ah good ah great scorpion's venom isn't fatal oh i mean apparently this particular one's fine but uh yeah there's a picture of him with the scorpions crawling out of his mouth it's not pleasant okay uh i have some here let me just collate them bob i feel like we're deviating from what you wanted, but I can't help it. No, no. This is what I was kind of hoping for. So what I'm seeing here is on the official Guinness website, I'm kind of going through

some showcases here for different things. They don't list all of them. There's a whole subcategory of like marathons dressed as ABC. That would be the easiest one to do because it seems like they accept it. Um, but it's about the fastest time. So don't expect to hold it for very long, but there are a few here that seem just, if you have enough money, you can do it. I'm going to show, I'm going to put a picture in the, uh, in the discord here, which is record for the largest working rifle you see that that's just like an artillery cannon on the back of a red pickup truck it's just i'm sure it works but good god

that's gonna destroy the town next over yeah that doesn't seem like a feat it doesn't seem like a feat. It doesn't seem like anything other than some guy who really likes guns had too much money and was like, how big of a rifle can I make? I really don't like the town next to us. They got some policies I disagree with. And then Guinness World Records is driving by. He's like, oh, hey, does that work? And he goes, yeah. It's just a case the big foot comes by you know what you want to see a demonstration i went to town the other day and

they gave me a parking ticket yeah and i got some what i want to say about that yeah oh which way do i want to shoot it oh um how about that way just do like exactly north northeast 100 fucking yeah no it it is literally i mean it looks like it has like a some sort of powder firing mechanism like it modern artillery has like the firing cap is built into the shell so this looks like it's a specific style of rifle i don't know what kind like a flint lock or something where there's a little powder bowl and you ignite the powder externally and then but it it's just an artillery piece it just straight up is i hope it shoots normal sized bullets and it's just a really really narrow chamber it's actually it's actually a 22 it's a bb gun yeah no i that doesn't i i totally appreciate that i'm sure that is the

biggest working rifle in the world i guess but a part of having a guinness record to me seems like it should be something where it's like wow i can't believe you did that not right you said like wow i can't believe you bought that which i have a few here of that nature. Those are just the ones that are like, what the fuck? So this is the record for the most rotations hanging from a power drill from the ceiling in one minute. So that's just that's impressive, I guess. If you can hold on tight enough and really got a powerful power drill, it's 148 rotations in one minute.

Oh, so spinny. Oh, toe spinning. Which if you think about it is only about two and a half RPM. Yeah, but that's a whole human operating at two and a half RPM. Yeah, but if you like a skater, I think what RPM do figure skaters get to? No, they... Oh, wait, no, that I'm dumb. It literally RPM is there. It's 148 rpm okay maybe not uh to pull off a quad they need an average rotational frequency of about 340 rpm okay so but that's for

like less than what a second and a half maybe yeah of actual spinning yeah you're right but that's that's half of what it normally is they say their average is like 80 to 100 rpm for normal jumps and stuff like that so i think you could sustain that and if you just really commit to it and maybe pass out i don't know you could probably do that one i found the world's most dangerous cheese uh i i don't even have a guess i thought i had a guess but i don't what is that kasu martsu or maggot cheese considered a delicacy in sardinia italy it's a type of that's the one i was trying to think of yeah made from sheep's milk that's left to rot in the open where maggots make their way in eating in the cheese's fermentation leading flavor due to the maggots digestive system

it can fetch a pretty penny due to its illegal status in the european union can also cost you in fines up to 5 000 euros if you're caught with it the financial risk isn't the only reason costume wars is so dangerous if live maggots aren't removed or blended into a paste they may continue to live in your stomach if consumed uh and can cause a lot of different problems such as vomiting vomiting, abdominal pain, bloody diarrhea. I did not anticipate this much gagging during this episode. Oh, man. The maggots. Oh, don't you challenge for disturbing and weird.

I'm looking for it. Oh, boy. Okay. So the world record for the longest duration of erection is kind of in flux. There's been numerous erections that last for multiple days. No, more than four hours. Consult your doctor. Exactly, yes.

What did the pills say? This is not from Viagra. These are for various different reasons. One of them predominantly is from a spider known as Phonutria. I'm not even going to try. Biggest dick is just like the hottest spider in the world uh no its sting can cause priaprism in humans that can lead to uncomfortable and painful erections that last from anywhere to one day to six days holy shit so if i'm trying to get my

hubby to reignite our passionate flame i'm getting one of these things and having a really great week it's unbelievably excruciatingly painful for him for whoever has the erection yeah i guess yeah the other party gets to have a good time yeah maybe maybe i don't know uh however that is not the longest duration of erection. The longest on a human apparently is 10 years. What? What? 10 years. And this is where it's like, it's not a Guinness record.

It's just like a general like debated one. In 1996- Is this record held by every boy from the age of 10 to 20? No. No, sadly not. Oh, okay. Sorry, go on. In 1996, Charles Lennon underwent a procedure involving injecting plastic and steel into his penis.

The dual two procedure, apparently is what it's called, would allow it to go upward for sex and downward when necessary. But things would get hard. A decade, 520 weeks, 3,640 days, Lennon, aged 68, pursued a lawsuit after his boner wouldn't die for an eternity. Sadly, Viagra would only come out two years after that fateful day in 96. He said he could no longer hug people, ride a bike, swim, or wear bathing trunks because of the pain and embarrassment. In the end, Lennon received $400,000 after successfully suing the manufacturers of the Dura 2. That sounds really unpleasant. Yeah, why wouldn't you get it removed? And certainly unfortunate. Yeah. None of that sounds like it should be a Guinness record for longest erection. Right, because it's not like

naturally based. That's like letting someone do all the steroids they want and then run the fastest hundred meter dash and be like, Oh, it's a record. Yeah, no shit. He injected human growth hormone into his running muscles. Like that doesn't seem legit. Yeah. This is why there's like various different things. Cause not all of this has evidence. There's things where man has erection for eight months, but that's from another implant. I want to see the Guinness guy standing in his room for eight straight months, just watching his dick nonstop to confirm. There's one where someone had a 21 day boner, and this was because of an overdose of Viagra caused a blood clot in his penis and he

suffered for three weeks he fortunately didn't lose his penis because a common thing in this particular article is amputation because of gangrene after a while oh no yeah oh what the fuck no four hours consult your doctor everybody don't do it don't go for this record which one of these was the official guinness is there an official guinness there's not an official guinness one here i want to look on the website to be like longest erection i don't know if that's gonna be while you're looking that up i've got deepest insertion of finger into one's nose oh two and a quarter inches of a pinky so i feel like i could do that my pinky might not be long enough that kind of disqualifies people with short unless

you get someone else's pinky yeah it could be anyone's pinky theoretically yeah it doesn't say it has to be yours i feel like my pinky's about two inches maybe longer than two inches i don't know how long my pinky is maybe it's three i feel like my pinky is a solid almost three inches maybe mine is two maybe yeah but still two and a quarter that is that is a deep finger into your nasal cavity you just gotta get someone with piano fingers with a really narrow finger and really long because the thing is i've had a ng tube put in my nose which goes down your stomach it's not quite finger width and it sucks and if you really wanted to commit you could get something farther down there i'm sure but also why would you do that well that's how i get the record yeah but a tube

is probably more bendy than your pinky like your pinky you can only really bend at the joints so you're like poking and prodding a pretty sensitive area with a finger yeah but it like rotates and you can adjust it well the problem is you could crack the bone to your brain. Yeah, your brain is right there. Your finger is not meant to be picking at your brain. Don't press on that part. That's not the part.

You want to curve it down. That's where you want to go. There was an occurrence of someone who died from getting an NG tube put in. It was a very old patient with very weak bones. And when they pushed the NG tube in,

the nurse or doctor putting it in, they were under anesthesia, didn't realize that they had cracked through the skull and ended up shoving the tube into the brain and down the spinal cord. Ah! Instantly killing the patient. And they filled their spine with food goop. Yeah, they sucked it out, actually. That's what the NG tube's for. Oh, God.

For sucking it out. God! But I don't think they got to the turning on the suction part because I think when the heart beepy thing went, I'm pretty sure they realized they might have fucked up. The doctor was like, oh, suck quickly. He needs the suck. Oh, interesting.

I do have the record for the longest erection. And this is a technical thing. Okay. Okay. So the world's longest erection not human has lasted 99 million years what what there there is in in amber a fossilized spider uh relative of today's daddy long legs who died with a quote fully extended end quote erection 99 million years ago and there is a picture of said penis as it is erect in the amber as you can see clearly your honor

this penis is erect i like the arrow with the word penis pointing at it that really sells it is this a youtube thumbnail yeah i mean to be fair if you show me that and we're like there's an erection in here i'd kind of be like is there yeah no it's a helpful guide it's very very helpful either that thing was the luckiest or unluckiest to die doing what it loved most probably unlucky having an erection by itself maybe there was something else there and it just like left mid and he was like sad but he still had the erection and like the amber dripped it was like well fuck i'm just gonna let it take me hashtag relatable you know oh shit most kidney stones removed from a patient 172 155 which were removed during a three hour operation that one seems unfair because who who how you need someone with that many stones it's

not like this doctor was like are we gonna load you up with this shit the more of this we put in the more kidney stones you get all right and i'll take them right back out don't you worry about it i reset a record i don't know how yep that is terrible that is truly terrible world's oldest vomit 160 million year old fossilized vomit yeah all right okay that doesn't seem beatable yeah who's gonna beat that i don't know man me it's me sir beaver i yacked at the gun shooting party and someday someday some guy in the living room of his one bedroom apartment because he definitely lives alone just has a big pedestal with fossilized vomit is like yep got up in uh in 82 and uh you know i just had it like fossilized just sort of preserved i'm going for the record uh you know

we're like 30 whatever years in and uh like 180 million 999 970 to go you know we'll get there we'll get there we'll pass this down through my family for generations oh here's a record for blowing the longest strand of spaghetti out of a nostril in a single blow these are all terrible these are truly horrifying largest collection of navel fluff from their belly button they've got three jars of navel fluff oh Oh, boy. I feel like you just got to wear really fluffy sweaters for that one. Oh, boy. Oh, I found a picture of the maggot mouth. We're moving on. Okay.

Oh. All right. All right. All right. All right. We've talked about a bunch of things. What record would you guys try to go after? I'm sure you may or may not actually be interested

but you have to pick one that you give a real a real old college try type thing you do in the maggot bath what are we doing i do the maggot bath i think i could do that one 90 minutes that seems relatively easy unless these are like some acidic maggots and i don't know what i'm getting myself into i would train really hard to kick someone in the nuts you know sounds like the least amount of concern for me i mean it does sound like you could really hurt your foot ankle shin break your break your leg bone potentially kicking that hard into anything even a soft nut like area that's true i'm not as young as i once was maybe i'll go for oldest living human ever. I'll just try to live long. I've always wanted to go for one where it was a game that I made up and it just doesn't exist yet where it's like, and it would take a little setup, right? But it

would be like, I would make some kind of thing. You know, did you guys ever see the cup stacking, the competitive cup stacking? Oh yeah. It was kind of big for a while. I mean, still kind of big. Make up something like that where it's like competitive stick arranging there's like patterns and you have to arrange them in the patterns as fast as possible and i would do this and like get it just to the point where you could find it online if you looked and then be like yeah i want to hold the guinness world record for you know stick arranging competitive speed sticking i always thought that would be funny make the most population of people at once cringe from a bad joke think of the exposure oh this podcast must have that by now

i found uh the world's oldest stripper as a record yeah oldest male stripper yeah and he only died he died at like 66 so uh it could be set if i become a male stripper at 67 then i'll crush his record yeah no do you have to be like a professional stripper or can you just i feel like we could keep that one in the chamber yeah i mean you could just like go and strip at any time and you're a stripper you know someone out there listen to our podcast that would care about seeing us naked at 66 oh god yeah hey if any of you out there are older than 66 and you want a guinness world record male it's a male stripper i don't know the female stripper male okay okay any any fellas out there who want a guinness

world record that one's right there for the taking yeah that's right that's easy get a tearaway cop uniform and a boombox for some reason oh yeah probably like a bubble machine and just go you know just do a work couple bachelor parties oh yeah go hog wild call yourself the the silver silver fox something you know a better name you're the marketer here don't don't lean on me completely that's it free record for the taking doesn't even say you have to be a good stripper but i'm sure you would be we would hire you for a show right fellas yeah if it's for a record i would do that i would absolutely hire you to be a professional stripper to set a guinness world record and we'll get mr beaver there to watch too to make if it's for a record, I would do that. I would absolutely hire you to be a professional stripper to set a Guinness World Record. And we'll get

Mr. Beaver there to watch, too, to make sure it's legit. He's always watching. He's always watching. He's like the, uh, oh, shoot. I've only seen the movie once, and I don't know the lore, and people who like this are gonna dune the guy, the like, uncle, the head of

the evil family guy who flies around in his real big robes. It's like that guy. He never dies. Yeah. Or like House Arcanon or whatever. He takes his oil bath. My space.

My rocket. My doom. How good are you guys at balancing things? What? How good are you at balancing things? There's a record for the world's tallest hat. It was 15 feet 9 inches and they had to walk 10 meters with the hat on for it to count as a hat. Doug Dimmadome?

No. Owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome? Doug Dimmadome. We could beat the record. No shot. Yep. We get a 16-foot hat. We got that one easy.

We just have to walk 10 meters with it on our heads. Can you have it strapped under your chin type situation it doesn't look like this one is so i would assume no okay so it just needs to fit your dome real good yeah i got a big head you have an enormous head that's a lot of friction area yeah i think i could maximize my abilities there i think that's good plus you're low to the ground so easier to balance of course low center of gravity it's good and i have a natural down draft i think we could do it i think we could do how far they have to go 10 10 meters meters 10 meters i think we should do an entire tour where we just embarrass that idiot and break their stupid hat record over and over

we just go to fairgrounds around the United States. Anyway, there we go. Wade's going to kick somebody in the nuts and Mark is going to take a bath in maggots, which does still sound pretty concerning and like some real fear factor shit, but 90 minutes seems beatable. It really does. Well, thank you. That was much more gross than I thought it was going to be. I definitely gagged a lot more than I thought I was going to. I'm glad we went down that route. And exactly as I intended, great episode. Thank you for taking us there.

That was really gross. Now is the time on the show when the host, who is me, calculates the points, which I kept track of. I enjoyed our discussion about Sir Beaver. I feel like both of you offered quite a bit there. That was pretty close tie situation. I enjoyed Mark's little bit about knowing about Billy Mitchell, Donkey Kong Man.

That was some points there. Thank you. Wade was there for that. I was there. Wade definitely found substantially more disturbing records records and he did wade's wades were the ones that really made me want to actually throw up uh which you're welcome by my rules i've been following as just a lot of points like eight points or something okay uh but mark found some good ones mark found some discussion starters you know we did we talked about the rpm

spinning we talked about many things but after some careful calculations and meticulous mathematics uh it has been determined that the winner of today's episode shall be wade damn it yes yes yes i'm the most disgusting human being yeah no it's a record purely because is just gross just mark yours were too cool the nut kicking was very funny loved it good topics but wade burned his name into my memory with the violent almost throwing up that occurred and that's fair that's just gonna clinch it you know nine times out of ten that's gonna clinch it yeah congratulations wade maybe i could go for the record for most times to make my co-host vomit during a podcast recording. It would not be hard.

I have a very weak stomach when it comes to gross stuff being in your mouth. Perfect. How much pain can your nuts take? Probably not very much. I'm just going to guess. All right. That's fair. That's unrelated to the vomiting, though.

Mark, do you have a loser speech? Yes. If anyone wants to join me, I've got some of these erection spiders. We can all win Guinness record together by longest group erection. That would be fun. You got to get 500 people.

You can beat the orgy. Longest non-orgy. Yeah. Longest time with the most people in a room with the most sexual tension but no actual sex.

It will be wonderful. What if you guys all stood in a circle and you had a bucket hanging from your dicks and you had to pass it around to be wonderful. What if you guys all stood in a circle and you had a bucket like hanging from your dicks and you had to pass it around to each other? What is it? What? What do you mean?

I don't know why, but I want it to happen. Oh, I get it. We have boners and we... I see what you're doing. It's like the orange in your crook of your neck game, but it's a bucket and it's your dongs. Is this like a no hands passing also? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I see, I see, I see, I see. Tip to tip. All right. That'd be a lot of rubbing along the sides of things. No, no, no, no. I like that game, Wade. That sounds fun. Uh, Wade, do you have a winner speech?

Nope, I win. And that's all that really matters at the end of the day. Don't Google these images if you're eating or have a sensitive stomach, because I can tell you, if it was tough to hear, some of these were tough to see. I didn't even see them. They were tough to hear. And that's, that's what did it for you. Thank you so much, competitors, for competing competing you seem very satisfied with my arbitrary selection

and as always and i appreciate you hanging in there uh thank you very much listeners for listening make sure you follow uh or click the plus or subscribe or whatever to this podcast on whatever your favorite podcast platform is they're all free to use and free to listen to this on with on upon or something like that yeah so you know every monday there's gonna be another one you should follow and you'll never miss it again and we know when you miss it because we're watching you yes we're very disappointed how long it takes you to get to listening to our podcast it's literally the moment it comes out i want you listening okay if you're not listening it as it's releasing on the platform you're not listening hard enough you better listen harder like bob said anyway you can follow mark on all of his

thingies social media and youtube and whatnot uh mark plier and wade on social media at lord minion 777 or on twitch at minion 7. Three sevens. Three different sevens. I am Micekerm in various places. No sevens. No sevens. Zero sevens. That's why they call me old Micekerm07s. And that's going to be it.

Thanks so much for listening to this episode. As always, we'll see you on the next one. You know, next Monday or whatever. We out of here. Podcast out.