Distractible - Would I Lie To You?

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

Bob hosts a game built on lies. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers and welcome. Too distractible. This episode, non-byel Bob's baby flies the coop, then he forces his friends to fib. Whiz and Wade doesn't defeat decrepitude, threatens infanticide, rips Sam and Dean, then thinks hard. Malested Mark breaks a metabone,

gets technical about shooting, the nose is necromancy, and dishwashers. From email overload, To the female orgasm, ha ha ha ha. It's time for, would I lie to you? Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to another episode of the longest running episodic chronicling of three men aging ungracefully. That's right, it's time for another episode of Distractable.

Oh, man. Oh, come on, guys. I got a cast on my leg, I'm not feeling good about where my, my situation is. It doesn't really reflect that much on you guys. I feel pretty reflected. It's just your bald, bald head. That's right, I'm your host. My name is Bob.

I won the last one somehow. I don't remember feeling like I should have won, but I did. And so I get to host this. The two other voices you've heard so far are, of course, Mark of Wade. They're always here. One of them's going to win, unless I do. We just had that happen with, Wayne with the back to back so you never know.

I felt really good. That felt really good. But probably one of them's going to win. They're going to host the next one. Blah, blah, blah. There's other rules. We don't remember them. We're going to apply them at random.

Before we get into the game that I have planned for today that I worked on, I think I could say hours. I spent hours on this. Might be embarrassing depending on how the game goes. Small talk. How are you guys doing today? Pretty good. Wonderful.

Thanks for asking. It sounds good. I have to. I'm turning in. to, you know, Adam Driver's character in SNL when he was the oil tycoon, stabbed the bird.

Yes, I love that. I feel like day by day I'm turning into that man with my various business enterprises and the various... I have to send so many emails. I never imagined I would be at this point in my life

where my entire existence revolves around sending emails. And that's what I'm doing, day and dad. To whom it makes concern. Go fucking. yourself to whom it may concern. I hope you die. To whom it may concern. And you know, man, business is so hard. When 15 years ago, Mark, made that choice and was like, look, I could have a job in biomedical engineering where I send a lot of emails, sit at a desk, or I could have fun with my life. Never saw this coming. I look at Mark and I just want to say, who's HR Pickens? Exactly.

I think it was HR Pickens and his name was like something, something, parnass. I just remember when he stabbed his cane through the bird and everyone was just like Oh Pross isn't going to like that A very good character I would watch a whole movie based on that character He got cast in X-Men or something I think or like for 2028 I saw that he introduced his character by their civilian name

And I don't know enough about it to know what that means But apparently he's going to play someone in the X-Men people I've learned most of my Marvel lore and X-Men lore and everything else from watching movies in the last 10 years or so. So that probably wouldn't a Iron Man come out? 2008 or 9? I guess it's been more than 10 years or so. Yeah, almost 21 might say.

No. Don't do that. Don't do that to me. Oh, God. You're right. It's not that bad, man. It's not that bad. It's not your fault.

Just wait until you hear when you were born. I think every time someone has a revelation like that, they actually physically grow older in that moment because their body and their brain is like, oh yeah, we're older. Hit the button. There's been so many moments where I've pictured myself as Matt Damon aging and saving Private Ryan that Giff of him just like, okay, well, it's not that bad, man. It's not that bad.

He's a little sad when he's doing it, but, you know, it's not that bad. It's me, Matt Damon. No, that's not how he talks. Does he go, Matt Damon? His eyes are actually perfectly open, you know, when he's old. I'm looking at it right now. He's like, no, that's not it. No, he's looking at a grave.

Remember, he's looking at a grave. For listeners, Wade just did a one-for-one recreation of the scene from saving Private Ryan, where they age Matt Damon to be very, very old. That is, that is, uh, look, with Sam's assistance, no one will ever know I didn't pull it off. Right, Sam? Chucking him out hot and fast. Right, Sam. Well, today's a big day for me, too, and I'm allowed to talk about small talk.

I couldn't keep it in. So I already said this to you guys, but James's first day of preschool was today. We did the old picture by the front door. He got a new, his first ever backpack, carried it proudly to school. It's like way too big for him because even the smallest backpack that we could find at the store is for like, I don't know, five-year-old and he's three. But I think he had a good time. Yeah, I told you before we, I don't know if it was before we recording, but you're screaming

and moaning, but I think he just had to go down for a nap time. It was so good he didn't want to come home. That's why he was sad. I mean, almost definitely. If there's anything that I know James would enjoy, it's a room full of other kids who are not allowed to leave and they're all supposed to play together and work and become friends. His biggest sadness in life is when we go to the playground

and like other kids are already doing something else and he just comes and is like, can I play? And they're like, we're high schoolers. You can't play with us and then they leave. And he's like, I could have done it. Why are those guys so fucking mean to me? I could have done it. They know he'd come steal their girls

He's gonna steal yours first I he yeah He's not subtle about working on that either He is not Does it right in front of you Doesn't give shit He is very ballsy I gotta respect it like I

You know if I lose I lose at this point Yeah it's it's it's you complacency Game on like Whoa hey wait I have to I have to ask You're not gonna you're not gonna You're gonna plan on do anything to my Three year old son are you We'll see how far he's willing to go man

If he escalates I'm escalating I don't like that answer That's not a good answer. It's unsatisfactory. Check minus on your report card there. You have a report card in front of you. You could do things like that. Mr. Judge, sir.

Good point. No, wait, hold on. No, no, no. I'm aging again. I'm aging again. No, I'm aging again. Sam, make him younger. Too young.

Actually, that works. That's, you get fine another age where bald is totally appropriate. Wait, if I'm a baby again, that means game on with James again. We're the same age now. This story's getting a little complicated. I'm not sure. It's like a combination of Benjamin Button and the notebook. Probably not the notebook.

I just don't know a lot of romance movies. I've never watched The Notebook, so I don't know. Oh, Wedding Crashers. That's probably not a romance movie. Honestly, the notebook is a good movie unless you have dementia in a family member or something, and it is possibly the saddest, for me, like the scariest movie I've ever watched. Speaking of the Choose Your Owns, though, people were asking,

Hey, wait, great episode. Wait, or just completely rip off supernatural. Because there's a supernatural episode about like a pagan god where a town makes sacrifices. But I was like, okay, one, there's like an X-Files episode. I think there's an entire goosebumps episode that came out before, Supernatural with that. And then Children of the Corn, like, there's a lot of things. And then half of every indie horror game ever made is kind of also cult in town. Outlast two is like all Colton Town.

That one with the goat. So not only did you rip off that one episode, you ripped off every. everything in the world. Norse mythology, the harvesting gods, the vener, vener, vinegar, whatever. I played Fears to Fathom recently. That's kind of like got that town culty vibe to it. There's a lot of town culty vibe things.

So if you guys are going to blame me for ripping off Supernatural, give credit to the other things I ripped off too. Actually, you know, there was a 1973 film by the name of cult town. Damn it. We used to make that joke all the time. I remember how unoriginal you've been this whole time. Whenever I was writing it and I came up with the name of the shepherd, every time I would, like, write down that word,

all I would hear is, like, mass effect people going, shepherd. That's what I got to, but I didn't want to say anything to ruin the mood. Every time I hear the word shepherd, I'm like, shepherd. This is my favorite cult in the citadel. Shepherd, my quads. My quads, Shepherd. My clobberations. Calibrate me, Shep, Daddy.

What was the other Krogan's name? The one that no one liked? It was like the two baby Krogan or something like that. Oh, I really can't remember. I remember that character vividly because he's talking annoying, But yeah, Rex stands out like super hard. I can't remember the other one's name. There's only two things I remember for Mass Effect, too, and it's Miranda.

Why? What does that mean? That's funny. Explain it. Because I love the voice actress, Yvonne Strahowski. And the body. What the fuck? I think if you just said that and didn't make those noises, I'd feel way better about it.

Wait, I know we've covered this before, but so Miranda was your romance of choice. Oh, yeah. I was Talley. The only one that I don't, I have any, any respect for is Leara. Anyone that's like, I remember this, Leara. I'm like, that's the worst choice. That's, that's terrible. That doesn't, that doesn't make any sense to me.

You know what? That's, that's not okay. It's been a long time, but I have done playthrus both with Miranda and Tully. So the only correct choices, really. Those would definitely be my top, too. I can't remember all the other characters. You could remember when it's like Ashley or what was the guy's name that everyone let die in the first one. Who let die in the first?

For no particular reason. The people working on him in the third game being like, no one's going to ever see this. No one ever has done this. This is for the three of you that killed Ashley. The voice actor for that. It's like, you guys are going to call me back, right? For the third game, technically some people.

There are dozens of us. What is his name? I can't remember. Caden, Carl, Tim. Caden. That was right. Wow. Is it right?

Is it right? Hey, see. see? Oh, Caden. I definitely let you die. I have one more thing. I got one more. If you don't mind.

Last week, I went down. Oops, upside down. Hold on. I went down to GoPro, not headquarters. I was not shot in the middle of the desert. I met them, and they were very respectful, happy to see me. I met the team. And then they handed me a piece of plastic just fell off.

Rattle, rattle, shatter. Crash noise, explosion in the best. background. It's the softest kittink. Anyway, look, I have it. Oh,

the I-L-S. The lens, looking like it weighs three times the amount the camera does is crazy. I absolutely checked in because you did a stream

like that afternoon or that night. I went to the stream because I was like, I gotta know what happened and you, I saw that it was fine. But the only other thing

I do know is I saw a clip of you. I was, you'd be like, uh, showing it off and then being like, it's brand new. I just got this. Drop.

Something hits the desk. And you're going, it's not broken. It's not. It's not. It's, what did you break? It wasn't the camera itself. It was a mount.

So this is, it was something called a metabones speed booster. So it's the plastic case that that came in. Meta bones does have some answering to do because that is a brand. new thing I got from them. It was a shard inside. One of the retaining walls of plast. Shared it off. And then

even inside the Metadobones like little clip, there was another piece that was broken inside of it. So that's supposed to be brand new. And that thing, that thing was very, very not new feeling. So, uh, some sketchy shit going on there. This camera is

all lens. And this is a tiny lens. It is so small. It looks like the camera setup that like a chipmunk filming the chipmunk NFL would use You know how sports sports photographers always have like fucking two two foot long Lenses this is so fun it is everything I was hoping it would be but I'm doing a video Where I compare it to just about every camera I own and I own some really high-end cinema cameras and there are some there are some things that this thing can do that those cannot do.

Like 4K240 is such a really nice slow motion frame rate. My Reds can't do that, or at least the Komoto cannot do that. Look at this. This is the stubbyer 9mm one. It looks very satisfying. It's so, it's like holding baby shoes,

you know, it's like this is, oh, it's so dainty and cute. It's so, I fucking, it's the perfect intersection of like all of my interests, like lens. I'm literally surrounded by lenses, of course. You mean the camera, not baby shoes, right? Yes, well. Baby shoes, man.

But it's just so fucking cute. It's so useful. It's so fun. I also think it's incredible. Anyway, I could go on about it for ages, but I'm going to let the video do the talking because I'm preparing it for when, you know, pre-orders are going to go up. And I have probably tomorrow I'm going to try to see.

set all things up so I can get, I'm going to have Jason in his workshop, like, welding in slow motion, and I'm going to have him, like, sanding stuff, do woodworking. I'm going to light it all nice, and I'm going to have this literally riding on top of my red camera and all my other cameras as I do, like, slider shots. Yeah, can you just cold chew that on top of a camera? Yeah, absolutely. I totally could. I could get a little three-eighths to cold-chew or quarter or whatever it is, to cold-shoe adapter. I could put it right on there, or I could have a little magic arms that I can put out there. You can just balance it. So when are you going to get the shot where you take it and skip it across the surface of your pool and slam it into the wall of the far side at 100 miles an hour?

I already have that shot. I could pull it out. I just didn't post it. I'm so excited about this. I think as far as like people's first cinema camera or like introduction to it, this is one of, if not the best option that'll come out for people getting started in that world. And it's just such a fun option, especially when some cameras are coming out, like cinema cameras, and they're like, I mean, the cheapest red is $7,000, you know, the new FX5 got announced, and I don't even know what the price of that thing is. Well, I have to imagine, too, for traveling, even bringing like a DSLR with, you know, a moderate assortment of lenses if you're trying to travel and do like a,

shoot somewhere or something compared to that where it's literally like the tiniest pelican case thing that they make yeah you can just chuck it in your backpack or like fit it in your in your carry on with the rest of your stuff you need like some of the new um sony cameras don't even come with lenses you just have to download them and hope that the uh license for them doesn't expire now wait a minute you wouldn't download a lens would you of course you would not technically in the way when i got the the uh the macro adapter for that one i guess i kind of downloaded that lens Anyway, so it's very cool, and I think that people are going to find a lot of cool things to use it for. Plus, you're the first person that I know personally to have one.

Yeah, I'm the first person of the three here that has it. We're the only ones you know. I know more people personally than just us, okay. I have four pinned text conversations in my I message app. Real quick health update. I jumped off a diving board for the first time in like, year. My knee was, I got the jump. What'd you break? Nothing. Almost my spine, but, because I, I landed a little bit harder on the deep end than I expected to. So, like, my back was like, hey, but it's fine.

Everything's fine. You landed on the deep end, like on the bottom? Yeah, well, I didn't, like, my very first jump. I was like, well, I'm not going to like cannonball or anything. I don't want to be, like, have my knee hit first. So I'll just, like, pencil jump in. And you go down really fast. And I was like, my knee, it feels great. Hits bottom of floor. It doesn't bend legs. Spine. Nice, nice It's like better not bend my knees That'd be a terrible idea Wait, no it wouldn't

So all my favorite football players say The moment you get hit What you want to do is stiff as a board Made of spoon Nothing bends That way you survive with no injuries I should have I always almost I always been my knees man

Like I don't Watching college basketball As a kid and I played basketball A couple of those injuries Where someone would like jump To like block something and land And not been their leg And their leg would snap

I hate that so much So like whenever I did that I was like Good thing there was water Because that would have been the end of me otherwise I'm starting to ramp up physical activity again I can walk I try diving board and leg good Leg good

I can't wait till I'm allowed to walk again Ready it is getting better But I still have like a month minimum Of not really supposed to be walking at all So Does that mean you can't like swim or anything too for however long Not even at all I can barely take a shower

Because I have the cast I have on I'm not allowed I'm not supposed to get wet at all if it gets more than just droplets on it I'm supposed to go and have them replace it and yeah I mean I get replaced once a week anyway because they cut it open and they have to look at the The wound on my foot but oh my God someday I'll be allowed to walk like a human it's nice it's nice coming back after like two months of Ubbling along it was nice to like move again someday. Hey you guys want to play a game sure Uh, first I'm gonna flip a coin to see who gets to go first. Mm-hmm. Lying is Wade, lady is Mark. Sure.

This is a normal coin. Don't question it. I see a lady. I'm usually lady, so whatever he said at this time, I was like, oh, I'm not lady for once. Today's game is gonna be called, would I lie to you? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I'm not the one who will be saying what I lie to you, nor will I be the one who's lying. You guys are going to take turns, and I'm going to say, because it's Mark's turns first, I'm going to give you, I'm going to send you a message first. The message is going to first say whether the fact that I'm sending you is true or false, and then it's going to have a fact that I want you to say as convincingly as possible, or maybe as unconvincingly as possible. Is there just a list of accumulated facts and some of them are true and some of them are false, but all of them, hopefully, sound like they could be true. or sound so silly, but are actually, you know, sound like they should be false, but they are true.

I tried my best to get a range of facts. So I'm going to tell you, this is a lie or this is true. And then I'm going to send you the thing. And your job as the person who has to say the fact is obviously to totally ignore the first message I sent you and not let that play on your psyche at all. And then convincingly communicate the fact. Yeah. So no matter what, I'm just trying to say what you send as on. honestly as possible.

Yeah. Unless maybe you know that it's true or like it's, you know, one of them is like, the earth is round and you're like, well, okay. Yes. But you can try and say it deceptively, but like it's a game of reading each other. You do have to have your eyes open for this one, Wade. No, Wade, you can close your eyes. Close your eyes, Wade.

This is true. True or false. We're going to try really hard not to send the message to the wrong person or say it out loud. All right. But Mark, here is your first fact. And then Wade, observe. Focus.

All right. So if you were to take every single bacteria on the planet and you were to stack them up on top of each other, one single bacteria on top, it would stretch for a single continuous line for 10 billion light years. Do you know what a light year is? Yeah. I learned that from Toy Story. 10 billion light years 10 billion light years That's so oddly specific

I want to believe it's true But that sounds too big I don't even know What's the size of the universe Is that like That's beyond the distance That we can perceive anything Right?

Because like what I don't know I don't know enough about like space and shit Sorry I'm not participating in the game I'm just listening Just sounds like a really big number Sounds far If you said like To the moon or Mars or something

I'd be like oh that's crazy But 10 billion light years sounds unfathomable. I'm going to say false. That one is true. I meant true. That means I win, right? Another way to phrase that would be to say that Earth's 0.001 millimeter long microbes

could wrap around the Milky Way over 20,000 times if you like did it in a circle around the Milky Way. You know, even when he typed that to me, he was like, this is true. I really was like, that seems a lie. Even in my head, as I was saying, I was like, man, I'm trying to convince him that this is true. How do I, how do I feel convincing? Because 10 billion light years is a lot. But then again, there's a lot of bacteria on the planet.

I mean, yeah, there is. But like, I feel like the planet would have to be bigger to hold that much stuff. But even like right here on the palm of my hand, even if I've just washed it, there's probably still going to be millions. On my, just my hand, right? Yeah, but you don't stretch out your hands that all of a sudden you're slapping Venus on the ass, you know? Well, I mean, maybe. Maybe you don't. Look, me and Venus, we're very close.

And if I want to slap Venus on the ass with my hand of bacteria. Is that good for Mark that I was wrong? Or does he want me to be right? The person stating the fact or the lie is attempting to deceive, right? So Mark won because he got, you said the wrong, you chose the wrong answer. And Mark deceived you. and the guesser wins when they accurately guess. So when you're picking true or false, you want to be right

because that means you were not deceived. Well, how many times in a row could I possibly lose a coin flip anyway if I just, you know. A lot. Oh. All right. Wade, I am sending you your factoid. Mark, wearing a tie can reduce blood flow to your brain by 7.5% Okay, I would believe that wearing a tie would could reduce blood flow, but it's weirdly specific percentage.

Seven and a half percent. How do you even measure? Is that like a known lie number or something? Oh, you're thinking about like... Yeah, like how would they discern in that percentage? They use the metric system. Bloodometer. What do they get like London percent?

What kind of other percents are there? They got like kilopresents? Percentgrade. Is that where Centigrade comes from? Yes, yes. Man, I'm going to say it's false. Just based on seven and a half seems like a weird number. I guess 10 billion light years also seems like a weird number.

But I'm just going to say, babe, false. That fact was true. Damn. A study in 2018 found that wearing a necktie can reduce blood flow to your brain by up to seven and a half percent. It could also increase the pressure in your eyes if you're tired. is on too tight. And also ties carry a lot of germs, which I hadn't thought about until I put this together. But do you wash your ties? You ever washed a tie? That's a good question. I guess I I haven't. So how many functions have you worn that tie at where you maybe like shook hands

with people or hugged people? You never get washed. I've owned ties for literally like almost two decades because I still have a couple ties that I got in like high school, middle school, high school era that I don't really wear because they're kind of old and beat up, but that's two decades worth of germs and shit soaked into that bad boy. That's crazy. So anyway, no one should wear ties because they're fucking gross.

Yeah, and dress socks. You guys don't watch those, right? You don't watch dress socks? I've never washed a single item of clothing I've ever worn. Why would you? True! I believe you. True. All right, Mark. I wish I had thought of a more efficient way to do this. And I'm not having trouble copying and pasting

stuff. There is your factoid mark. Oh, I had this thought too because both of the first two ones had numbers in them. You don't have to say all the info that I send you. If you think it will help you be deceitful, like if you thought 10 billion light years was a lot of light years and you were hoping, I guess you can't lie. So that one you can't really. But like for wades, you could just say it could reduce the blood flow to your brain. Can't lie. I can't add stuff you're making up necessarily. But you can leave if it's a complicated fact, you can leave stuff out. I got, I got it. Okay.

Wade, look down. Look at your hands. What do you see? Do you see the toil that the years have plagued them? Do you see how they've changed from friend you were a child? Do you see how they have evolved? Yes. The story those hands tell, the places they've touched.

The things they have grasped. Ew. Now look at your nails. Oh God. Seemed a little longer, don't they, huh? Yeah. Did you know your nails grow faster in summer? That feels awesome.

Remember what nails are made of? Carrot juice or something? Yeah, yeah, carrot. Carot juice. And we get carotin from not carrots, probably. I don't think so. Yeah, I think you're right. Carrots grow in the summer better than they grow in the winter.

This is exactly where I hope this game would go. Frosty, a lot hornier in the summer when he's dying. His carrot nose. God, that feels so stupid. So I'll say true because I don't believe it. That one is true. It's true. And I think I know why.

It's because your circulation is better in warmer weather. So in the summer, you're in the cold, your blood goes away from your extremities. But in the warm temperature, your blood goes to your extremities more readily. I think that's probably the only reason why I would grow faster. Did you reason that out yourself? Because that's exactly what I got from the place where I found source that fact. I was also thinking like back years and years and years ago in the snow, if your nails would grow all summer, you'd have natural snow shovels for the winter.

This guy's thinking. Now that, that is a thought. That is one thought. I thought that. He thought that. I believe that he thought that. True. Don't overheat yourself with all this thinking.

Oh, God. I can't clip my nails. Guys, it's getting too crazy in here. That's okay. Wait, I have sent you your factoid. Mark, both hair and nails continue to grow after you die. Now, I actually know this one. I know this one.

This is false. You are correct. This is false. Why do you know that? What the hell? How many corpses are you hanging out with? Oh, you know, I've watched a lot of death in my time. I've seen it up close.

I got my macro lenses on all the bodies that I see you after they pass. I have extensive collections of footage from all kinds of angles of everything. I have a library of it. So let's just say I'm well researched in the topics of death. That is one of those things they say, though, like whenever. you're growing up you like I remember hearing like oh yeah your nails and hair will continue to grow that was a thing yeah so that that is

a thing but I do know that that's false because originally as a kid I was like they said that and I was like oh and then I remember like I don't know probably a Reddit post or something I was like it's not true it's just because your skin recedes when you die well Mark's just stealing all my thunder from everything that the prevailing

theory is that when you die your body begins to dehydrate which causes your skin to pull back and shrink which makes your nails and hair appear longer chokes on them all still be bald That'll be weird You die and then all of a sudden He's a miracle, he's growing up

Oh He did have hair in there He was just hiding it We find out that all the hair I thought wasn't growing Was ingrowing And so it's just like Afro tucked in

Like wig your forehead The wrinkles are starting to really come And it's like no It's just the hair Trying to escape The skin layer Man I hate that I have a natural

helmet of hair Under my skin Gross Don't worry Your fact is coming Mark. You like this one? Wade.

There might be a cure for evil. I'm waiting for more. That's a fact. You could take that into the bank. Well, psychopathy anyway. Maybe. I'm just going to go with true, because that's hard to disprove

negative so yeah I feel like I was set up for finish right here there's a little wiggle room in a mite now that I'm

seeing it in context I see I see the issue with that one that you're right that is true that's pretty crazy if that was just straight out false I guess

there's definitely definitely no care for evil just kill those fuckers rehabilitation done to work proven in this one sentence anyway the way that was phrased

is pretty unfortunate I was not I'm saying any other word. But there is research. It's preliminary, but those research that suggests that computer-based cognitive training can help a person who is a psychopath experience empathy and regret. Assuming that those could be traits that are imparted and last beyond the therapy sessions, effectively carrying them of being a psychopath.

Because the thing about being a psychopath is that you don't feel empathy or regret or stuff, right? Yeah, so a lot of times of psychopathy, like, people are born with like the psychopathic trait. Doesn't mean anything comes of it. But if they actually become and start doing evil things, usually there's like a trigger in life. But from what I've understood, like even at birth, the predisposition to psychopathy itself is already there. Like the not feeling of emotion. No, no. I've seen this in Dexter.

How to turn a baby evil. You dip them in a puddle of blood. That's it. According. You remember. Have you seen Dexter? That's it. That's all it takes. You, as soon as a baby touches a puddle of blood, they're evil, and they will kill.

I thought the blood of like 100 virgins was supposed to give you eternal life or something. I don't make you evil. No, evil. Straight up evil. So there you go. The curious psychopathy is just don't dip in blood. We solved it. That's it.

Yeah. And then do the opposite of blood to become good. Jizz. You know, I don't want to say that's the opposite of blood. I'm pretty sure that just makes. the baby super evil. I think that just goes further in the same direction. There's a lot of problems with that thought experiment. We should move on immediately. Yep, it's him. He did it, officers. It was him. I hope I'm pointing at Wade.

Whoa, Sam, Mac Mark pointed himself. Take this. All right, Wade, you have your factoid. All right, man, Mark did I have to read much at all. I gotta go back to choose your own adventure. It needs a little explanation because I wasn't sure of, I didn't know what this, what this thing was, so I wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page. Mark, no. A glass sponge is a deep sea animal with a skeleton made of silica, the exact same material used to make glass.

Glass sponges can live for 15,000 years. Okay, so we've got to evaluate a lot of things here. Are there glass sponges? Okay, that's the first question. I can confirm to you, I will say, that is true. We can operate with the understanding that The glass sponge is a documented real-life deep-sea creature. This is one of those things where it's like, if one is false, then the whole thing is false of these?

Oh yeah, this is endgame blueprints, boxes bullshit. The explanation of the glass sponge was just to be clear that we're not deciding if the animal exists. We're deciding how long they can live. The factoid at issue is they can live for 15,000 years. I'm not very good at looking to how these things are going to play out in practice. I just throw shit at the wall. No, I like throwing mark a paragraph, it'd be like, is any of this false?

All right, we got to look up if there's any, like, cave paintings of glass sponges. It was like a record of it. You get a lot of cave people where deep sea exploring. Jesus' pet glass sponge is still going on. His great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, grandson still has it. Oh, Timmy the sponge? I remember in the Old Testament. They were talking about it.

And then the eighth plague, the great, the glass sponges rose from the ocean nept. Rented into Egypt. Really scratched up everything. When Jesus walked on water, he was actually just stepping across glass sponges, but no one could tell because they were clear. Yeah, they didn't notice she was going,

Oh, oh, oh, it's a miracle. I bet wrong by thinking that a specific number was weird with seven and a half. So I'm going to do the opposite, and I'm going to run into a bridge. Wall by doing it, I bet. And I'm going to say this is true, but I'm guessing it's not. But I'm saying it's true. And of course, this fact is true. Oh, okay. All right. Scientists actually hypothesize that these things could theoretically be immortal, that they are alive, but given the nature of their biology, they kind of could live forever, but obviously that's pretty tough to document, given

the linearity and stationarity of time. But maybe someday we'll know if they do live forever. I didn't know this, but glass actually is, it's made up of silica, but not even the majority of it. I was under the impression that you could just melt sand and you would boom get glass. That's not it. Yeah, kind of the same. For modern glass, you need soda ash and limestone to make it.

And then other ingredients to melt down with it. Those things aren't clear at all. So if you get lime soda, you could just have all everything ready from one go. Yeah. Yeah, what he said. Wait, false. No. Put the lime in the koku nut.

No, I'm not giving you a point for that. No. But actually, a lot of old glass was made of a material called mica because it's a naturally forming mineral that's transparent and you can cut it really easily into thin sheets. And it's, it's like got the, it's, if you see old like windows, they're brown, they have that brown and kind of rough texture to them. It's mica. That's really interesting knowledge.

If you're going to replace old glass, make sure you get replace all of it, though, because old glass kind of looks down on new glass, because, you know, not really been around it, understand that customs and traditions. Yeah, I see where you're going with that. I don't. I'm just saying, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, good one, Mark. Okay. That was a good one. Also, you have your fact.

By definition, a snake's body is a limb. Yeah, it's a penis. True, true, true, true. Is that a limb? Wait. It is now. I know mine is, but... I don't know what the definition of a limb technically is.

So, like, well, you got the definition right there. By definition. Every time the Bengals score a touchdown, two snake bodies up, baby. Something about this just feels weird because a snake still has organs and digest shit. I don't know what the exact definition of a limb is. I'm going to say false. Ah, see, you forgot the tail. No, that's false.

Oh. I was like, I mean, I could see it, but all. also that feels just not right. I don't know how it does if you don't know what a limb is. Because honestly, this is one where like, if that was true, I wouldn't even, I would just be like, oh, that's really interesting. Man. Being as I have to guess, it's like, well, that one feels just naturally true.

So let me think about it for a minute. It's like, well, a snake's body literally you eat, digest it chits and pisses and all that stuff. It's like, I don't know that a limb is supposed to have those functions. I don't know. Yeah, let me look up the definition of limb. an arm, leg, or wing of a person or animal. Hmm.

So tails aren't limbs. Some species have like prehensile tails. So it's like it's not a limb, but they can use it kind of like a limb. Okay. Oh, interesting. All right. So apparently a tail is a limb if it's preensile. That is a separate.

But then again, yeah, this is just one of those things where scientists are defining things and we have to go of like, oh, Pluto's not a planet. Okay. Pluto is a limb, right? I think that's the conclusion we can reach here. A penis. Why do we all just start jerking off when we do that? I just unlock something in the male brain. All the listeners at home, too, were like,

too, too, too, you ever just realize that the audience is going to run with a joke really hard? No, you're in that moment. Oh, yeah, your penis is a limb, right? Anytime someone sells you something that's false, you're like, yeah, that's wrong. But if they tell you something that you believe, whoever's turn it is, I sent you a thing. Wade, you have a thing. Mark, your pinky toe or tiny toe.

The toenail on that toe, your little toe, is called a spungle. No, uh, no, that's impossible. No! I'm assuming it's a hard G. I think you said it. Spungle. I think he said it right, yes. This is like the fundus all over again.

Not that you guys ever encountered this, but it's just like the fundus is a part of the uterus. Oh, they said fun dip, and I was like, I don't think that's like fun dip at all. Oh, it's a fun dip for me. No, wait, was that a, is that a redacted reference? I think I do remember that. Yeah, we were looking at the anatomy of a uterus. The back of the uterus, or back, I guess top. I don't know.

The farthest part from the entrance of the uterus is called the fundus. And then you're supposed to tell me that the toenail, specifically on the pinky is called a spungle. Yeah. If this was true, I wouldn't want to live in a world where it was, because this just feels like some scientist went awry. I'm saying it's false because I don't want it to be true. And that's the only reason.

Well, you got the Vankman, you got the stance, the Spangler, the Zedmore, the Spungle, the four Ghostbusters, and then the one who got rejected. Well, boy, do I have some bad news. for Wade because that's false. Okay, good. I knew that. It said that in my document. I was about to like flip the coin because I like, I declare we all define that as not the spungle.

No one's allowed to call that a spungle ever again. We've got it right like every time, I think, right? The person calling. I missed the seven and a half. Yeah, you guys have done really well. You've done really well. It's okay, Mark. I'm giving you a really tricky one.

Okay. Gold Nuggets were named after chicken nuggets. What's so funny, Wynn? Just try to picture an old prospector like, walking around with this panhandle, and he's like, Are my Dino Nuggets ready yet? I don't know if they had amorphous chicken nuggets, I think, back in the day, but I don't know, when was the first chicken nugget?

I want to say false. This feels, that feels wild. I think chicken nuggets were named after gold nuggets. I really thought Wade would go for that one That is false It is it You know Oh no

I might have to take a point away Just for that But No wait hold Give give help I need all the help I can get But did the chicken nugget Get named after the gold nugget

Was it reverse? Was I right? I know some of these false ones I literally just made up So I don't have explanations For them necessarily Okay So the original definition

of Nugget is specifically for solid lumps of precious metal. So it might actually be that the opposite is true. Hey, hey, hey. Good job, Brain. Yeah. It's Wade's turn. I did not almost just send the wrong message to the wrong person.

Oh, I forgot you sent you. I was like, oh shit, I didn't look up a fact. Wait, find a fact. All right. Mark, did I just get an email true? Good luck. All right, Mark, we're speed running, Mark. Plants came before seeds. Can you say it in a less presidential voice?

Plants came before seeds. Oh, clearly that's Ulysses S. Grant. Give me a non-presidential voice. Plants came before seeds. Oh, man, Roosevelt. Get out of here. Plants came before seeds. Carter?

Damn it. He sounds just like a peanut farmer. Plants Came before seeds I'm not a plant I mean I get Okay I'm thinking back to You know the game Spore

Oh yeah For content creator yeah Abomination creator yes What was that? Mm Yeah There was no You couldn't play as a plant in that right

You had to be an Aminol of some type It was like an amoeba or something I kind of would want to I think that this is true because I feel like there's probably a world where like certain types of lichen or things or that were the first plants or maybe something underwater. And there probably wouldn't be like seeds. They would probably reproduce in the same way the bacteria would where they just. First plant walked over was like, hey, I'm Jonathan.

And then they fucking smoked cigarettes. Yeah, man, back when the trees fucked, that was rough times. Some crazy shit out there, man. If two trees fuck in the woods, how traumatized just the animal population? Oh, God, the ends from Lord of the Rings. If two trees fuck in the woods and no one's around to hear it, who has to pay child support? One really angry bush on the edge of the forest.

I forget which way to go, but I think, like, I think, I'll read it to you again so you can, plants came before seeds. Clinton? Plants came before seeds. President Kermit? The last came before seeds. Let's say true just because, probably. It's true.

I wrote down true on my paper. That's not what I went. Well, you get a true point. That one is true. Oh, okay. You're right, Mark. And also, you reasoned your way exactly, basically into the answer. The fossil record shows that early plants resembled moss and reproduced with single-celled spores.

Multicellular seeds didn't evolve for another 150 million years. Hey, just straight figured it out. Life finds a way. Yeah, that makes me think about the chicken and the egg thing, but I'm not going to talk about it more just in case Bob's about to type me the chicken and the egg thing. Early chickens looked more like moss. But they were made of gold. Or the term golden goose comes from. It's actually a golden chicken.

Well, I'm going to say one more each, because this is fun. True. I appreciate you saying that. There's your factoid, sir. Wait, this one's directed at you specifically. This is advice. This is not a fact. This is just advice.

Wade, you in particular, should not stop your dog from eating poo. I don't care what the right answer is false. And of course, that one is true. Yeah, wait. What is the? Why? That's just false. Stopping your dog from eating poo makes that moment into something that the dog,

that the dog recognizes as important. And it psychologically trains them to remember that and to go back to that behavior as something that you acknowledged as the owner slash pack leader. They don't understand that they should feel bad about it. They just understand that they did that. And then you were like, they were like, oh, cool.

I love whatever you do a bad behavior. And people let you do it. And it's like, that'll teach them. So by the fifth time they eat poo, you're like, ha ha, that's right. I'm not going to say it. Word, that'll stop you. Yeah, they'll figure it out.

This comes from the school, I think, of training a dog where negative discipline is like never done. You know what I mean? And it's not really a school of training that I subscribe to that much. Mostly for children, it's a different scenario because, but for dogs, I feel like, I feel like there's, there's like a punishment you could do to make them have a negative association with that. Yeah, you put them in an oxygen deprivation.

chamber for a weekend and they become Deadpool. Oh, was that only a week? I think it was a weekend. Oh, man. That's fair. I live with false. I will live and die with false there. This is not an endorsement of any specific school of dog trading. And I definitely try and stop Lexi from eating poop when that comes up, which it doesn't

because she's old now and she's learned that that's not good. Is it time, boys? Do we need to change the rules? Because I think that. You know, I kind of want to. Whoa. I kind of want to. I don't want to change the points, but God, do I want to change that rule.

I just feel obligated to remind you that if we take that approach, one of the options on the table is that you can never stop any dog from eating poo ever again. Oh, God, it would be doubly right. The universe would never let that happen, right? Don't say stuff like that. That's not a good thing to say. What are the odds of the universe saying that that's right? Not only should dogs be allowed to eat poo, but we should have to eat poo. Probably measurable and consistent if I had to give you a...

I don't know what it is, but I'm sure it's one answer what those odds would be. I sent you your last fact, Wade. Sun Tzu's The Art of War is a sequel. The first book was lost forever. Who's art of war? Sun, Sunsu, Sunsu, Sunsu. Sunsu. I don't even know if that's right.

I just know it's commonly pronounced as Sun Tzu. Man, imagine if Art of Love actually made it to shelves. It would have really... Dude, a whole different world. The art of how to run a government efficiently forever. Damn it. No more World War II. We just had Love Fest, 1939, baby.

The art of eliminating poverty and hunger. Can't live we lost those. Okay, so it never, it's lost. Yeah, I mean, presumably it existed. Not that it never. But how would they know? Well, there could be records of references to it. Just like the text of it is.

There's a lot of stuff that we only know exists because historians are like, well this guy talked about this book a whole shitload. So clearly that's a book or something, but we don't have a copy anymore. Like the female orgasm, we don't know if it's real, but like people reference it. Speak for yourself,

but yeah. That's true, true, true, too, too, too, two,

two, hold on. Hold on. I want to join your club. Imagine if the coin could fix that. What would happen? I, I'm going to go with false,

because I don't know how they would know that it was lost. Unfortunately, Mark, you're right. Oh! That's just straight up, made up fiction. You're very intuitive with this, Mark. The number of times you either just flat out reasoned that something should be true or false or intuited for no apparent reason,

but we're spot on is shocking. I stand by my dog. Yeah, yeah, I'm with that, yeah. I didn't know nowhere in the rules of this game. say that you cannot take a moral stand and I stand with you. Luckily for me, it didn't cost me any points in a game. Now, hold on. If I say, can I make you lose?

Does it have that power? Theoretically, I don't know, I guess. Have we only scratched the surface of what these could do? These coins could do anything. I think they're dramatically underutilized. But I did say that would be the last fact. And so now I will talk about how many points everybody has. Wee!

In no particular order, Wade. You weren't points for... Oh, Marvel Old is what I wrote, because Iron Man came out 20 years ago. Oh, God, yeah, that realization hit hard. You earned points for, right, Sam? Right? You earned a check minus.

You earned points for... And the body! You earned points for not baby shoes? I can't remember any of these. You were points for jumping off a diving board. Ah, I did that. You were correct on necktie blood. Nails grow faster in the summer.

You got a point for ingrown hairs when you were talking about your secret afro underneath your head skin. You were correct on care for evil, cure for evil, snakes are limbs, chicken nuggets being named after gold nuggets, and your Nixon voice, I am not a plant. Mark, you earned points for something, something Parnassus, never seeing the notebook because I hate that movie. There are dozens of us when talking about. about the people who let Ashley die and kept Caden alive.

You survived the GoPro encounter. I just wrote, what'd you break? Oh, when Wade jumped in the pool, that's right. You were correct on the bacteria distance, the hair and the nails not growing after death, the glass sponge lifespan. True, true, true, too, true. You were correct on Spungle.

I wrote down True again. They got a point for that. I think you guessed you were correct on another one, but I wrote True instead of what it was. You were also correct on dog poo and sun soup. Leaving the current score at Mark with 13 points and weighed with 12 points minus minus, weighed with 11. 13 to 11.

Oh my God. I have to say Mark was behind almost the whole game. And then the last four points, the last four things he did, all earned points. He was correct. He absolutely clawed it back. But if points it up absolute, I'm back. That's not an option. That is an option, but you'd still be down by one.

Wait, there's a lie points. Is there just points absolute? Yeah, there's one where like all point values are absolute. So all points are, are, there's no negative points. That one's been on there for a long time. And we've never hit it. That's on the long list of ones that have never a single time come up. How many spins today?

Oh, great wheel of primary colors. All right, three spins it is. Of course it is. That's right. Back to the pattern. What is the Mark face? I can't remember what that is. Is that like the De Niro face where you're like,

I didn't have no idea. I have no recollection of that being added at all. Isn't there a rule in the Constitution where the three of us can agree to remove something? Yeah, if we don't remember what it is. Do we have to land on it? Yeah, you have to land. Shit, okay. But none of us know what that is.

I am going to put one on here for told the best lie in this episode. That's going to be a tough one. I fully admit that that's going to be one of those ones we're definitely going to land on it and be like, well, that didn't happen and re-spin. But I feel like if we're going to have lie points, you get credit if you tell a really good lie and get away with it. 121 options. Drood the most who got laid most of it. I don't remember any of these. I thought we removed that one.

We did remove that one. I don't know. Still there. Still there. I hosted my, I was like, instead of adding one, I'm removing that, because enough family's been like, please don't tell me this. Look, you don't have to admit it. Just only if you want the point.

Three spins it is. Come on, we'll. Give us something that's outside the list of like 30 that we always get. Most angry. Oh, no, remember I started the episode with that angry email I had to send. Oh, that's true. did you, I think you said, the first thing you said on this episode was like, I'm glad to be here. Yeah, I hate business and having to be a business. I don't know. Do you refute Wade? I mean,

by definition, it says most angry and that is the most angry. I remember anyone being during, I'd like to fight it, but I don't know that I can. That seems right. All right. Wade, Wade conceded. Mark was the most angry. It's hard to fight that. This was just a pretty like happy go lucky episodes. I mean, because in a lot of episodes, there's some moments, at least of feigned anger. Yeah, we usually are very contentious. Everyone was just in a good, having a good time today. I'm not a good mood today. I have my Pokemon donut.

Put significant other through the most bullshit. My Pokemon card collecting has gotten to the point where we've had a lot of extra boxes to break down. And our kitchen counter, she's not been super thrilled about the fact that we have this beautiful big kitchen counter that says, 70% of it's been covered in Pokemon cards for the last three or four weeks. It's such a big counter for that. That sounds about like when I ordered a thousand lenses on eBay and my entire kitchen was covered

in packages. Yeah. So if you can top that one, but Molly has been pretty on me about like you are not using our dining room table and you'd better get this counter cleaned for like three or four weeks. And yesterday she was like cleaning up part of the kitchen and clean up like her mess. and it was like this spotless, beautiful looking tiny section of the counter because the rest of it's my bullshit.

So, uh, dibs. Well, we got one more spin to make something happen here for you, Wade. I just need two points. Yep. Or three, maybe don't get two points. Maybe get some number of greater or less than that. Wade gets two points. Come on.

Witness. Wow. We're all just in our regular office. Nobody's in witness protection today. Yeah. Imagine if we'd hit that. And the last, was it the last one when Mark was traveling? Would have been a freebie.

Mm-hmm. For this from God. Are any of us close? We both made jokes about Jesus walking across the water and the glass sponges. I don't know which one of us. We both called Jesus a fraud today. So you both moved equally far away from God? Is that what we're concluding?

I can't recall any of any of those jokes being particularly heinous or hereticical, heretical. Heretical? Heretical, that's it. Hearticle. I think that's probably a tie. Spin number three, part two. Come on, we'll keep hitting us with the funny ones that are buried. Said fuck the most.

Oh, trees fuck in the woods. If a tree fuck's in the wood! I said that! That was Mark's think he said that. I think we all may be contributed to that, but you definitely said that first. and I would say, I remember he's saying that most. Because he said it, I remember myself saying like one thing where I was like, if tree's fucking the wood who plays child support or something like that.

I mean, I'm down by two just for the sake of it. Yeah, that's fine. Let us know who actually said it the most. One of you go back and count. Thanks to all of Mark's fucks he gave. The final score is Mark with 15 and weighed with 13 minus 1, also known as 12. Congratulations, Mark. You are the winner of today's episode.

Thank you. Thank you. Is that my speech? Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Give us a winner speech. Thank you. I had a bit of a losing streak. It was weird that I was up on points for the season and down on wins. But, you know, it's coming back around. I feel really good about this victory. Tried hard, played hard.

It's all looking good. What a magnanimous winner's speech. Wayne? For a moment, I was back. I was on top and I was in control. I won an episode. I think Bob won an episode. won an episode again, then I won my own episode. I had three wins to bring myself back

dead even with these two. Points were climbing. Everything was, well, maybe not points. Everything else was on the up and up. And now I'm back down five to five to four again. So I've got to hope maybe either I get another winning streak or season golf rules. What if? That would be a hell of a thing. I'm not even sure that would have to involve coins or something. I don't even know how that would happen, but nothing is impossible when we make it up on the fly. I look forward to your secret surprise come from behind victory at the end of the season. Thank you everybody for hanging out and watching

and lend or listening to this episode. Make sure you check out the merch, Distractable. Not Chop. I'm going to throw my own plug in and say if you're at all interested in scary stories right now, if you go to real good AI.org slash anthology, you can get your name in the back of us book of collected scary stories

as part of the scary tapes writing competition. Also going to be episodes on this podcast that you will see throughout the month of October. Make sure you check these fellers out. Wade is Lord Minion 777 or Minion 777. Mark is Markiplier. I am My Skirm. Thanks for being here.

Make sure you follow the podcast so you know when all of our episodes come out and Mark will host the next one where we will all see you there. You know. Podcast out.