Distractible - Would You Rather (Part 2)

Episode Date: April 7, 2023

The dudes are back to continue where they left their all-telling game of Would You Rather. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This week, Centaur Bob rejects psychology, dabs like a champ, and has a throbbing Richard. Wade is a milky chap, waggles his manly knees, and says no to larceny. I'm Robin Richard. It's time for Would You Rather, Part 2. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello, gentle listeners and gentle viewers. Those of you who are watching the incredible, unbelievable, like Cirque du Soleil level of display that is only available in the video portions on Spotify, you are the luckiest of all to witness with your own eyes the magnificence that is the video portion of this podcast. It puts the audio segment to shame. Anyone that's only listening to the audio, imagine all the things that they're missing out on.

And that's all that they can do they can only oh god bob well i'm trying to keep it spicy for the kids is that bad i was gonna twerk but i didn't want to get up uh-huh yeah anyway if you were watching the podcast you probably just cringed out of existence but welcome to distractible the podcast where you do that on a daily well actually on a bi-weekly basis bi-weekly what a terrible term a word that could literally mean every two weeks or twice a week. And it's impossible to tell which one you mean. He means twice a week, though. I mean twice a week. Yeah, we are now a twice a week podcast. Yeah. So my name is Mark,

also known as Markiplier. I am the host for this week. I beat my losing streak and I am back on top. Not quite on top. I'm still still not i don't think i have the number one number of wins anymore even after i get my ones back but i'm i'm gunning for it i'm on the route upwards you're ahead of wade i think technically oh that's good to know but based on my tabulations you're one ahead of wade but that means that you're in first place right oh yeah it's not even close i think it might be closer than you think. I think both of you are biased towards me and against each other. I think that's the thing that's happening.

And I am incredibly fair. I would like to propose an alliance. I'm listening. How about we trade wins constantly and make Bob a loser for every single one of these? You couldn't. You're going to have to sweeten the pot a little bit. What's in it for me? To win.

All right, you've talked me into it. Good work. Like what he said is what's in it. That's the full volume of that container. Mm-hmm. All right. But my name may be Markiplier, but I'm joined by my good friends Bob and Wade,

who are also competitors in this arena of distractible hello how are you good great yeah having a good time anything new in your lives um my baby forgot how to drink out of bottles what do you do when that happens what do you do i mean so he doesn't normally drink out of bottles is the thing right he mandy feeds him he's breastfeeding um but we were he was good at bottles and then we were were like, nah, you don't need those. And now Mandy's trying to go back to work because she has a job. And so he needs to drink out of bottles again, and he's all, I hate this. I'll murder you.

And it's really unpleasant so far. So that's a problem. Interesting. Have you tried doing the airplane? I was just about to go, like, I'm unqualified to give advice. And then here comes Wade, advice man, baby master. I have been an uncle like seven times over and I have never had to feed a baby. So trust me when I say I don't know what I'm talking about.

And you should listen to me. Well, you know, I have to be honest. I haven't tried the airplane, but he doesn't fully know what his hands are yet. So I'm not sure if an airplane is going to appeal that much to him have you tried bing chilling is that that john cena ice cream i think so yeah john cena's ice cream company in china absolutely i was thinking that was the guy that sang christmas songs that's bing crosby who's bing crosby should i know who that is what you would reckon you would if if the right christmas song played on you would recognize it yeah if you ask me anybody's name i'm'm not really going to know it,

but I'm sure if I saw or heard something, maybe I would. Yeah, I'm sure you would. Probably. Yeah. But anyway, we know all about Bob's baby, Wade. We want to hear what's going on in your life. What new adventures are you up to? What new things have you gotten up to?

I went clothes shopping for the first time since I had hair, and I got this. What a strange designation. I had hair, and I got this. What a strange designation. I don't get new clothes very often. Did you go clothes shopping at American Eagle? Are we still in high school? I had a gift card. I got new shorts, too.

You got new shorts? I would never know that those were new basketball shorts if you saw the way the new the old ones were they were a problem my old basketball shorts like the lining was all dead so i almost dyed them several times went up and downstairs they would just drop how would that kill you isn't there a drawstring because i would trip and fall and break my neck and die you tie the drawstring and they stay on yeah but it's too tight for like convenient peeing and stuff you tie you tie a bow so you can untie it yeah but then you gotta retie it so i just occasionally pull the strings hope that it stays for a while

regret when it doesn't and then what if you just like reach up one leg and pull it out the leg hole that could be more convenient then you could tie it isn't it isn't the most convenient way to pee in gym shorts just to unravel your enormous penis and pee out the pant leg that's what i'm saying that's what i was trying to tell him to do like you go out everyone can do that right just you gotta you gotta re-spool it afterwards but all of my shorts are baggy enough where yeah my giant throbbing dick would fit through but just don't really want to deal with that why you gotta make it gross man i think it already was i just wanted to emphasize the fact that we've probably already gone too far by taking it to the extreme you wrecked that yeah you made

it bad wrecked it like i wrecked your mom's oh well weirdly enough i was gonna say this brings us to the topic of the day but it suddenly didn't it suddenly no longer does robbing a penis i love this episode yes because today we are going to be debating the questions that are burning in people's minds across the internet and we we we're gonna be i'm gonna it's would you rather hit the music will. Oh, okay. So there's wrong answers is what you're saying. It's not so much that there's wrong answers because would you rather I've actually pre-selected quite a few of these that are kind of really close to 50 50.

There are some rogue elements that are like a bigger discrepancy, but I thought they might be a good discussion. But of these, how it's going to work is we're going to i'm going to present the would you rather you each are going to pick which one and it could be the same one there's no exclusivity here debate if you want like debate if you disagree or whatever um but a lot of these are almost exactly like really close to 50 50 splits i'm sure that that's how it'll play out too i'm sure wayne and i will be very divided. Yeah, there's Bob answers and there's Wade and Mark answers. We know how this works.

Hey, wait a minute. What's wrong with my answers? I get your answers being low, but what's mine? Have you seen the win columns where Bob is and where we are? So clearly there's a problem. I like that Mark wasn't just like, eh, don't make me, he was like, don't burn me with you. I'm not with you in that group.

I'm in a different group than that yeah man come on what are you doing oh okay well you're in the losers club i'm in the losers extreme i guess no that sounds cool i want to be a loser extreme no you already said you don't want in you don't get to want to be there now you've got the losers ultimate subscription mark is just a regular loser can i get the losers pro can i please pro plus it does give you access to the losers beta all right can i get it can i get into the losers lounge at the airport oh man i can't wait oh did i tell you about my crazy experience going through the airport on the way back from the Spotify presentation? No.

Oh, man. How have I not talked about this? Because I was trying to remember this so that I could talk about it. Okay, so hold on the would you rather because I had the experience that apparently has always been available for people of who quote unquote need it. And I did not need it at this time so i was i was like a famous person thing yeah exactly so i was talking to spotify like oh i hope i make my flight back because we start filming the movie uh right after i get back so i tell them this and i'm like okay i just got to make sure i get out the door right away and i should be fine and they're like oh

let's get you the concierge service at lax and i was like i don't know what that is but sure whatever um so i get there and i'm making good time like it's i get at the airport about uh 30 minutes before uh 45 minutes before the flight's supposed to um depart that's doable it's doable it's totally doable if if like tsa was bad yeah but it wasn't even i would go for two hours but 45 45 minutes would scare me but that's time it's time you live differently than us yeah and uh i actually had gotten like just for that i got the subscription to like clear to get through there just because i'm like i want to make sure i can get through totally fine because i have to get get back so i had all that i didn't need all that apparently that was all bunk uh because uh this guy meets me at the

drop-off and he's an employee of the airline and the airport and he walks me this way he's like hey come this way and i'm like i see like the line of security and then he he goes to that back door with all the signs that are like no entry you may not enter here you will not allowed and he goes on the keypad scans passing he's like come on in and i'm like what is happening right now like i what the hell i went in to the back tunnels of the airport and going through and he kept talking to me like yeah sorry we gotta do this we're gonna build eventually lax is gonna have a more streamlined thing you'll have your own drop off and i'm like i don't want this i have a markiplier drop off section are the back tunnels like being behind the scenes of Disney?

Like Mickey takes his head off smoking a cigarette back there? No, literally. The pilot's sitting back there with the head, the pilot head off. And it's just like a teenager. Just like, I fucking hate this job. God damn it. Wait, that took me a second. God.

Yeah, exactly like that. I saw like a little bit of the baggage stuff. And he goes, i go up the stairs and all it was was to get upstairs to the security line we didn't even need to go in the back it was just being like he was trying to protect my identity i'm like maybe a couple people recognize me at an airport i'm not i'm not any kind of a sass so i feel like just and just this asshole because he gets me and you cannot bypassSA. You still have to go through. And there's only like 20 people ahead in the line.

You're cut ahead of all of those. And he cut me ahead of all of them. And I'm like, I'm so, Oh God, this is so like, I'm so embarrassed. I was incredibly embarrassed because they all look at me.

And like, he gets me past all the thing. He scans my, my boarding pass and he gets me through. And then it's to wait to drop off through the x-rays and there's a few people ahead there's like maybe five and he's like oh let's cut through and i'm like oh no please like because they are literally about to go up and put their stuff down and he's like no come on i'm like and i actually go no no like please don't and then i turn to apologize to the other people but it was that weird thing where they just looked at me and for those of video seeing that they looked at me like this just turned and looked at me like this it was it was the weirdest thing of

they didn't know what the hell was going on so they didn't even know why i was apologizing so it was just like and i awkwardly walked to the back of the line again um and then i uh then i got through security and then he guided me outside and suddenly I was on the tarmac. I was on the tarmac and I got in a car that he was driving and he drove me to my gate from the outside and he had to stop and wait for a plane to pass.

That's where I was, where the planes were and I was like, why? I was like, damn was looking like damn la literally literally he said a southwest plane was coming by and he's like damn all these southwest guys always come in hot he literally said all these degenerates in their golden airplanes i hate these guys wait no i actually have a picture i'm not bullshitting either let me let me pull this up real quick because i i asked him like hey can i take a picture of this like i'm not a very good youtuber but this is just super weird he's like yeah no

problem i was like take a picture and i wish i could remember his name i don't remember his name uh but that's it's an overexposed let me yeah it looks like a glowing rectangle i can't believe you saw that is that better so i'm in i'm in a car yeah on the tarmac and then uh he's just driving me around waiting for planes to cross and i don't know why and then you know i'm just like where the heck am i and it was like a nice. And there's me boarding the plane from the outside. So I go up the stairs. I'm just glad he had the orange vest on so that way the planes could see him through his car.

Yeah, it's like some law, like a FAA law where if you're on the... Please tell me the car also had an orange vest on. No, no. It was like a black Mercedes something. I don't even know what it was. The car had to be fancy. That's the whole point, Wade.

Yeah, exactly. And he was very nice, and I was so apologetically being like, I'm so sorry. If I'd known this was it, I never would have. He's like, this is fine, man. It's all good. Don't worry about it. It's all good.

And I was like, thank you. I didn't know. And then I tipped him, and I don't even know if that was supposed to be. He's like, I make 520 an hour yeah i mean it was uh it was very very very bizarre but he was extremely nice and then how do you apply for a job of skip people through line and drive on tarmac i don't know i asked him but i think it's similar to like the the disneyland guides when they give tours uh for is this it was a very similar feeling to that sounds like but it's the real life version

right because when you skip the line at disney everyone's kind of like hey whoa but like it's disney so you're like wait in line for five more minutes like it's fine you're still but at the airport people are like i gotta get home my my mother is in the hospital i must go and you're still at the airport people are like i gotta get home my my mother is in the hospital i must go and you're like i gotta i'll go first you can wait you can wait if you miss the plane there's another one tomorrow what are you so worried about god but instead of skipping in front of the entire tsa line what if you just picked someone you didn't like you're like i want to get in front of that guy so you get like third in line apparently i could have you know i had i had options and apparently there's going to open up a whole new checkpoint that's completely separate and i get that for like if you're if you're like

a internationally recognized movie star and everyone knows you and you would get swarmed like i totally understand lax would have a lot of those i guess i'm not that i'm a little surprised that's not a thing LAX has already. Like, of any airport in the world that I can imagine, LAX is the one place where I could see they're like, yeah, well, this is like our celebrity checkpoint, and they have a separate spot, so there's not, like, people crowding them or whatever, you know,

because it's an issue for them, too. It's a safety thing. You can't have crowds of people blocking up an airport or in a secure area or whatever. But, yeah, no, that's really... i would have thought it already existed too because like nfl players and like you know professional athletes and stuff that are going through airports all the time like you'd imagine they'd have something for them to not have to go stand like the general populace that is the concierge services like usually you you and your security team would go through if you were that type of person and then they would blockade everyone then you would go through or you just fly your private

jet and you would go there yeah well maybe that's the thing maybe there's a lot more private jets once you get to the place of needing that sort of service but i i just i know you said you didn't get to skip security at all i just like to imagine the security guys are like they scan your bag and they see something and they pull out and they're like what's this is there like an alarm clock with like some red sticks duct tape to it what's it and the guy's just like put that back put that back we don't go through their bags this is no we don't do that to these people we don't do that to them and the security guy's kind of like oh this is i remember this from training i feel like there was no, no, no, no. He's good. He's good. What is Dinamite? Is that Italian?

Dinamite. Is that like Balenciaga? Is that that fancy stuff that I wouldn't understand? La Dinamite. Oh, yeah. Anyway, that was my experience. So back to the subject at hand. I would rather do that.

Would you? If we're doing regular airport or what you just described i pick concierge please if i wear my distractible merch do i get concierge service uh here's my id right here distractible next time you go to lax you call that guy be like hey you working you can book it anyone can book it what anyone can book it does Does it cost money? Yes, of course. And you can book it. But yeah, so unless it costs like an unbelievable amount of money, that's kind of sick. Like if you're traveling with like a big family with a lot of kids or something, that might be worth it depending on the price. It's probably thousands.

It's probably thousands. I don't know. I didn't pay for it. Spotify paid for it. It's all good on my book. Anyway, would you rather? Tying back to the subject we just talked about, I was going to start with an easy one,

but how it's going to work is you guys pick whatever you pick, and whoever picks the more voted one, because that's secret, and the website can show you which one people are actually voting for, wins a point for that one. If you both pick the same one and it's the one, you both get a point if you both pick the same one, and if it's not, you don't get a point. If one of you picks, gets a point for that one if you both pick the same one and it's the one you both get a point if you both pick the same one and it's not you don't get a point if one you picks gets a point

remember the the uncoiling of the penis and you know that the pants sure sure yeah peeing out your pants leg right would you rather always wear pants too high or always wear pants too low are we doing like a countdown or anything or can we just say say what we think uh bob you can go first bias already you don't stand a chance with uh i feel like it's got to be too high too high definitely go for too high all the time all right another go too low way do you want too low is it a narrow margin is this like half an inch too low i'm assuming it's substantial right this is more than just like oops it's a little low this is like six inches higher or lower than you would want to wear your pants oh this pants yeah this is like you're out in public what were you thinking

it was yeah what you don't go anywhere so you assume that's just life hey sitting here on this podcast about as public as it gets for me uh yeah all right then i'll stick with my answer let's say it's three inches too high or three inches too low it's not enough too low that you would have your dick uncoiling and spilling out onto the floor it's it might be too high to where you're talking like this you gotta get those deep in scenes i'm gonna stick with high i'll stick. All right. Let's see which one it was and 56% of people said they want to wear their pants too high Bob gets the point for that one. We get absolutely nothing What you wanted we're going with what the public wanted. Yeah, it's not about what I want. I'm impartial here

This is this is fair way. This is fair is fair god i gotta think about what normal people want okay fine all right normal people well i thought you were the judge i thought i had a chance i want to do whatever normal people do have we talked about how i like william jatner's album he has an album of music you should check it out he He has an album? Yes, he released an album. He doesn't sing. He poems. He recites the lyrics to songs as if they are poetry, but to the songs and rhythmically. So yeah, like slam poetry style. You should check it out.

That's one of the tracks. It's called Normal People. It's a cover of a British pop punk song. Okay, interesting. She take my money when I'm in need. British pop punk song. Okay, interesting. She take my money when I'm in need. That's good. That is actually a rap song also, though,

so that has rapping in it. Wait. Would you rather bet all of your life savings in roulette on black or on red? And remember, this is all of your life savings. roulette on black or on red and remember this is all of your life savings you have to pick one are you betting on black are you betting on red what i would bet on red you would bet on red i would that's cliche i would bet on black okay all right everyone likes red see the logos of these two. I probably pointed at nobody. See, I thought everyone would go black, but I would go on red, and I have to be honest here.

I think so. Can I lie? You're locked in. Too late. Wade's on red. Oh, damn it. And Bob's on black. Here we go.

And 53% bet on black. It's another point for Bob. I double my life savings, bitches. Is that what happens? Who pays that yeah well it's it's what i'm deciding has happened bob has now doubled his life savings wayne you have nothing everyone that bet on black you're wrong clearly not okay so this is an this is an example of like where i think you guys if you think about this can use like group psychology and

wait yes you can you don't have to be too truthful unless that's just what you want to do oh good i like this game a lot more now now i'm going to win now it's going to be different now that i'm behind two points my comeback i'm not behind two points is that the truth i don't. It's really strategy really matters. Okay. So Bob, your turn. Very simple. Would you rather play rock band or guitar hero?

Group psychology. Group psychology. Guitar hero is the iconic classic originator of the guitar thing. Qualification on this one. You have to play it for the rest of your life. Guitar hero is classic, but it's limited. You can only play guitar. Rock Band is a whole band, and they expanded on that.

You could sing. There's a Beatles rock band, which I sang, played drums, and guitar, and my friend and I had mic stands and everything. We did the whole thing. We sang harmonies. That's enticing. And they had all kinds of good stuff, but Guitar Hero Metallica has a ton of great tracks.

And the drumming in Guitar Hero Metallica was fantastic. And it was really, really good. You could get the expanded, the advanced drum set and use that in Guitar Hero. And I don't know if you could use that in Rock Band, but probably. Do people want the original or do they want options? I didn't even know Guitar Hero had a drum option. Options. I didn't even know Guitar Hero had a drum option.

Guitar Hero later expanded to include drums and vocals in a similar way or same way that Rock Band did. But not until after, I think, Guitar Hero Aerosmith, maybe? Guitar Heroes 1 through 3 were guitar and bass only. And they were the one thing. But they expanded. Once Rock Band came out, they were like, we can do that too! You can't look at the thing! Holy shit, you know a lot expanded. Once Rock Band came out, they were like, we can do that too. You can't look at the thing. Holy shit, you know a lot about this. I love rhythm games, man.

I feel like I would want to play Rock Band because I have more nostalgia connected to it. And Rock Band Metallica specifically was a large part of my high school, college experience with some specific friends. But I think the general public would vote for rock band because it's a more general experience and you can sing and you can you play that you hit the microphone to play tambourine i'm gonna go rock band all right rock band he's rock banded in all right wade uh i can kind of go the same answer because like i was also yeah absolutely i i feel like the same way like i there were some some things about guitar here guitar Hero 3 was where I was introduced to those games. Absolutely loved it and had a lot of fun playing on one.

The Dragon Force through the fire and the flames, all that stuff. But yeah, Rock Band with all the different options. Was there a newer Guitar Hero than 3? I don't know the answer. I guess you're saying yes. There were several that followed 3 that included a microphone and drum sets. I never played those or even heard that much about them, whereas Rock Band and all the downloadable songs and everything

were pretty popular for a long time. I'm going to go Rock Band too. All right, you're both into Rock Band. I didn't expect this one to have as much debate as this would, but okay, we're locked in Rock Band. And you are both unfortunately apparently wrong. 62% prefer Guitar Hero. And I think that might just be name recognition.

Well, that is the right choice. I personally would pick Guitar Hero if I was asked that in a way where they just wanted my opinion. So maybe you guys cannot trust your group psychology minds. Psychology is wrong, and I no longer believe in it as a field of science. Take that, psychology. Interesting. I'm moving on to psychopathy. Psychopathy?

That's my new strategy. Yeah, alright. Okay, good. Wade, speaking of psychopathy, would you rather drink milk for the rest of your life or drink orange juice for the rest of your life or drink orange juice for the rest of your life oh milk goes with cereal milk goes with so many things i love orange juice with breakfast

but almost every breakfast i could drink orange juice orange juice with ever almost every breakfast i could drink orange juice with i could substitute milk and be fine so i'm gonna go milk milk okay wade's a milk man i love how wade's image for me is frozen into just this death stare grimace on the site yeah wait your internet you're all right you upload no it's fine good yeah i think so i like milk i'm a milk fan and it is pretty versatile including i don't know if it counts as tricking milk to make it into like ice cream or milkshakes or whatever, but it's good stuff. But the one thing I don't think milk handles very well is alcohol. And if I was going to have to drink something for the rest of my life, I would want it to be able to mix well into like other things that I would enjoy as an adult.

And I feel like orange juice is a really versatile alcohol mixer. You can mix it with lots of different stuff. It can go lots of directions. It's a really versatile alcohol mixer. You can mix it with lots of different stuff. It can go lots of directions. It's a good base for that sort of thing. Plus, you could just mix non-alcoholic, like, drink things with it. Orange juice mixed with other stuff is delicious, and I need a good, tasty drink for the rest of my life. So I got to go with orange juice. Okay.

All right. We're split on this one. Don't you have, like, don't Moscow Calbules and stuff have milk in them? No, yeah. There are totallyules and stuff have milk in them? No. Yeah. There are totally drinks that have dairy products in them. It's usually like heavy cream or something. I don't like those drinks. I think that those are gross, except for Bailey's.

I don't generally like dairy products and alcohol. Okay. So, Bob, your orange juice. Wade, your milk. And the winner is Bob with 53% preferring orange juice. I don't like that. What is wrong with people? I agree. Milk is absolutely more versatile. You can cook with it.

You can do so. You can actually. You can cook with orange juice? You can't cook as many things. What do you think orange chicken has in it? Oh, wow. You can make orange chicken good. You can make orange chicken?

You can make orange pork chunks? You can make orange beef good you can make orange chicken you can make orange pork chunks you can make orange beef the thing about oranges you can only make orange flavored things milk you you cook with milk it's not milk flavored it's milk is the protein and fat in it is useful in so many different recipes but that's the drink you can cook with yogurt too you can cook with lots of stuff that is like milk without having to have having to for it to be milk and also it's only the thing that you're drinking it didn't say that you couldn't cook with milk you just said you have to drink orange juice that that's a good point i also don't really like orange juice that much because i feel like it's just like it's sugar water it's all the

the not good parts of an orange without any of the fiber and the i prefer my orange juice to have the maximum amount of pulp that's physically able to be in there for it to still be a liquid technically but also i pretty much exclusively drink the zero sugar versions of of the orange juice stuff anyway because yeah no it is like horrendously sugary it's basically soda it's just like orange sugar water yeah this whole thing feels like a giant PSA of don't listen to the majority because the majority has been wrong every time so far. I don't know.

I feel like I've been right. I've been in the majority. It feels right to me. It feels good. Yeah, it says something about us, doesn't it? We'll see if you're right. How about this one? Would you rather win a one-day shopping spree to any store

or win a two-week vacation to any destination? store or win a two-week vacation to any destination a one like 24 hours in the store anything i can get out the door it becomes mine yes or two-week vacation i feel like i i would go with the shopping spree i could afford a two-week vacation if i just literally spent an entire day cleaning out i don't even know what store like the world's largest best buy or something or like a jewelry store yeah oh yeah that counts that's true how much valuable stuff can you carry away from a 24-hour shopping spree all of it probably you know like then i could buy whatever okay that's a good point that is a all really good points wade what do you think i would personally rather take the two-week vacation, but... You're the boat guy over here.

I feel like the audience out here... Oh, God, dude. Two weeks on a boat? You could have a two-week boat vacation. That's a vacation. The lack of intelligence and good opinions has been like, we want to go rob a store all day. It makes sense people are going to go that

way uh okay but you're you're leaning vacation boat man 24 hours is also like normally those things are like you have five minutes grab what you can't put in the back 24 hours is like so how many of those 80 inch tvs you got in the back oh we got 50 not anymore you don't even just say it's a shopping spree while the store is open for a day so you get like 10 hours or whatever how that's it oh there's only 10 hours to rob a jewelry store then man that's what people are gonna go with that's how the majority is gonna vote but not me i'm taking my vacation there's nothing anyone can do about it have fun being poor on your boat you know what i'm gonna have zero to have zero points today, but I'm going to be happy.

All right, cool. Well, Wade's locking in his two-week boat vacation out in the middle of the ocean, nowhere in particular. I can't say no. He could have had a shopping spree at a boat store, but he picks that up. Stuck, stuck. He had so many boats, man. I have 50 boxes of unopened shit already. I don't need more.

What if one of them has a boat in it and you don't even know? of an open shit already i don't need more what if one of them has a boat in it you don't even know the shocking thing is with 58 of the boat wade earns the point because for some stupid reason people picked the two-week vacation they know happiness trumps crap did you say 58% of the boat? Of the boat. Is that what I said? The boaters agree. The boats have it. I don't get this because a one-day shopping spree, all you can grab. You go to the world's largest gold store or whatever or anything or an entire... The correct answer was the store. Or the Ferrari dealership.

I have a theory. I have a theory i have a theory what's that maybe this is an american take uh but it's maybe it's not it seems like this is an issue where people i mean people want money people need money but people are also unwilling to like take a vacation it's like a cultural thing where it's like you have to work hard so you can support your family or support yourself or whatever and so people are like well if i was given a vacation you're sort of obligated to go on this vacation but if i was given more money i would just pay off my bills or whatever and i wouldn't they wouldn't take a vacation because people are more inclined to work harder work your you know do your side hustle whatever grind grind set mindset sort of thing maybe it's a thing where it appeals to the people who voted on this who are like well i would have

to take a vacation and i could use a vacation sure sure sure all right that must be it you guys ever think it's weird that like funeral homes don't have a gift shop? Yes. Anyway, go on. Where did that come from? All right, anyway. Just places you could shop for the day. I was like, oh, a funeral home.

Well, they don't have a gift shop, so maybe not. You want to shop for going to Casket Shopping Spree? You could have... No, you know what they could have in the gift shop? Yeah. It'd be like Disney, where there's an area where, when you're passing by the casket paying your respects there's a camera and you smile at the camera and then in the gift shop you don't know what part of the body the camera's on yeah no you

have to go a whole way you have to go a couple times and figure out where the camera is to get the right picture and one time you could be like eating a slice of pizza like whoa uh and uh but then in the gift shop you could buy the commemorative photo and put it in a crappy little cardboard frame they give you and then you'll never forget whoever died yeah exactly and it could be like the haunted mansion where you know where you get the picture and then when you see on the screen it's like oh there's grandma they're sitting next to you oh i'm gonna haunt you forever. You should have visited me more while I was alive. Funny stuff.

Funny stuff. Wade, since you seem to be going down the path of insanity early today, would you rather... Smile like that. Your video finally came back would you rather be able to survive any injury or fall or be able to pull out any acme corporation product out of your pocket at any moment survive doesn't necessarily mean that like i'm in good shape so for the sake of my hilarious comedy being able to get the things i imagine in my weird brain whenever i want them helps me in my career a lot more i will take that where am i falling from i don't i guess the stairs yeah

it can kill me that's fine when your pants fall down and you fall down the stairs you're gonna regret your choice that is true you started off this episode with a fall to your death so yeah but it says survive not necessarily like you will you say no injuries whatsoever survive any injury or fall but you can still get injured yeah you can still get injured but you'll survive it yeah now give me the acme product all right he's acme uh bob what are you i'm i'm so i'm gonna change the the assumptions that we're working on with this i'm assuming this is this is in the context of like wily coyote clearly this is like probably right sure when a cartoon character falls off a cliff or gets crushed on an anvil or any number of things that happen to them they don't just like survive with every bone in their body crushed and barely

cling to life it gets off and they're all... And then they're fine. Well, sometimes they have, like, the full bandages and stuff. Sometimes they're, like, wrapped up. Yeah, but, like, it's... Then the next shot, then there's no crutch, no bandage. They're fine. They recover quickly. Magic of editing, Bob. That could be, like, four weeks later.

If that comes with it, and I'm assuming it does, I choose surviving falling off of stuff. I'm assuming it does to you. As you mean. Got it. Yep, thank you. That's where acne comes from. of stuff what assuming does to you ask you me got it yep thank you that's where acme comes from that's okay so bob is surviving any injury or fall and wade your acme corporation and the winner with 76 percent is surviving any injury or fall i'm a man of the people that's uh why they call me that why do y'all want to live so bad yeah no acme corporation stuff okay it's not the most reliable okay we can all admit that but you can pull it out of your pocket at any time acme sledgehammer acme saw acme parachute

acme anything if your job and your career in life and your purpose in doing things isn't comedy that's way less helpful. If you're like a construction worker and you're on a job site and some guy's like, gosh, yeah, I left my hammer. You got to borrow your hammer and you're just like, swing, it might explode. Like, okay, I start to fall. I pull out my Acme mattress and land on that.

Yeah, I'm hooking up with someone. I pull out my Acme condom. It's right there. Then I pull out my acme condom it's right there then i pull out my acme backup eyeball you pull up your acne parachute and then that fails and you pull your acme backup shoot and then that fails and then you pull your acme bowling ball but somehow that saves your life because it's acme and it does the opposite all right well either way bob gets the point somehow wade you are i'm in tune with everyone in the universe. All right, Wade, align yourself with the people.

I can't. I'm superior. It's so hard. Well, let's see. All right, let's see. Would you rather have the ability to teleport or the ability to travel through time? Teleport. I got no interest in the future or the past.

But if I don't have to worry about drivers. God, yes, just get me to a place, like, instantly. Don't have to worry about flying or lines, traffic, accidents, none of that. I'm just where I want to be and whatever. I'm happy in the present. There's nothing in the past I need. There's nothing in the future I need. I'm good right here. What a reasonable take.

Reasonable. Bob, give me something unreasonable. We all know that everything is teetering on the edge right now. The entire world, our existence, humanity, survival. It's in question. It's unclear. If it's going to come to a head, if it's going to end anyway, if something horrible is going to happen,

which we know it probably is in our lifetimes, I want the ability to go ahead and have a little peek and then enjoy other points in time that are not right now so I can feel like at least I got to have a life even if it wasn't in my time. I want to be a time tourist. And if the world's going to end anyway, which it definitely is pretty soon, then it doesn't matter if I go back and I butterfly effect the absolute shit out of something and change the course of human events. Maybe I'll accidentally save humanity. Maybe I'll go back in time and do something and I'll leave my cell phone and they'll understand what it is and it'll lead to the advance in technology so great that when I come back to now we'll have like faster than light travel but there's a qualifier you cannot affect the time space continue on purpose i'm not careful

i gotta throw this out there too you go back in time and you're like oh man i gotta take a prehistoric dump where's the tiller paper uh-oh and you find like people throwing their shit out of their buckets onto the ground you're like oh god but i gotta go oh no and you're like well you know what maybe i'll just go 10 years into the future and then you find out a comet hit earth you go 10 years in the future and it's just like on fire and you burn alive it's like you know we all think of like the romanticized like i go back and i get to see abraham lincoln or whatever i get to go future i get to see all the amazing technological innovations. What if it's death?

I want to see the end of that play he ruined. What if it's death? And what if you have to poop when there's no toilet paper? Have you thought of that? Death is coming anyway. And everybody knows that's why the Toilosaurus Rex is named the way it is. Then teleport, baby. You can't teleport to the past.

That's a non-argument. Oh, man. God. We just glossed over some bangers. I'm glad that you heard it, Mark, because I threw that in there just expecting it to get nothing. Yeah.

What did you just say before Tylosaurus Rex? Everybody knows that's why the Tylosaurus Rex. Oh, no. Before Abraham ruined that. Oh, yeah. I want to see the end of that play he ruined i heard it got great reviews and then everyone was all worked up and then and then i you know just i thought it was a confusing play it was a real head scratcher wasn't it all right anyway so i want to see that play like i want a hole in the head all right and this one is exactly 50 50 split that doesn't seem very

real at all however there is a num numerical vote difference so i have to go with that there's over 800 000 votes between these and the one with 836,000 versus 823,000. The majority one is the ability to teleport. That's such a, I feel like we should both get points. That's effectively a tie. It's just a narrow margin. However,

there is a statistically insignificant difference. If there is a difference and I will give the score is significantly insignificant. Maybe you're statistically insignificant difference if you ask there is a difference and i will give the score is significantly insignificant maybe yours is insignificant mine's rolling out the bottom of my gym shorts right now god my score is doing great i'm impressive someone turned the hot water off in the shower on my score all right um well you guys can compare scores in a little bit after we get a few more in bob you're up would you rather laugh uncontrollably at insurance commercials complete hysterics or become wildly aroused at car commercials uncontrollable around if i already do both of these things i was hoping one of them would be a no for

me but well you have to pick one and eliminate the other out of your life i would definitely go with laughing uncontrollably at insurance commercials because i think one i i p.m people tell me constantly my laugh is great and so i'm assuming that would be a joy for people around me to enjoy my laugh and you know have all their cancers cured and whatever uh but also that's just like a really funny like story starter because no matter how bad the commercial is if you're laughing at some point someone's gonna be like what about that was funny that was a really mediocre and you you can either go with the bit and make like make them think you think it's funny or you can explain it it's funny i think that's funny uh okay all right i feel like guy who laughs at insurance commercials that guy you don't want to be around whereas we live in the age of

don't kink shame i'd fuck cars i mean i would get aroused by cars that's what i meant that's i mean you eventually one's going to follow to the other probably but that's fair plus there's rule 34 so if i want to look at cars i I just like Google like Porsche rule 34. Be like, dude, that Porsche and that Jaguar. Well, I don't think that would have the same effect because it's not a commercial. Well, you know, maybe one leads to the other. Maybe I get aroused by one and I finish the job on the other. If you were already wildly aroused at car commercials, you would just watch car commercials

because that's what would do it for you. You don't need to go to the porn version. The commercial is your porn. Getting aroused is different than like finishing the job that's up to you i don't care what happens if you're if you're if you're wade and that is happening to you but you're watching that fake car commercial where the zombie jumps up in the middle of it where it's just a car a nondescript car driving through some hills but then the zombie do you finish when the zombie jumps up in the middle of it? Where it's just a car, a nondescript car driving through some hills, but then the zombie... Do you finish when the zombie jumps up, or does that ruin it?

Dude, guest appearance? Oh, my God. It's a group scene! Cars are my favorite porn actors, but, uh... God, it's okay if they bring the occasional guest. I don't know... Yeah, no, I would laugh at insurance commercials.

Yeah, Bob gets the point with 63%. Is that the actual? 63% 850,000 votes to 37% would rather become wildly aroused to car commercials. I feel bad for you on this one. That's just a bunch of people denying their inner selves. I think being to being prudish. They're afraid. And I get that.

That's why I've been on the superior side of these votes i am myself i am fully understanding the me and accepting where some people are in denial about cars is that why you don't own a car are you afraid of having to drive a car oh my god i'd love a convertible man but when they put that top down topless anyway wade would you rather be a centaur or a mermaid dude mermaid uh if ariel's out there dude please put me in the water i'll find her but you i'm just kind of curious about this do you automatically assume that just because you're a mermaid ariel would pick you ariel did pick it would just mean at least she has a chance of being real it's like even if it was like a one in a billion chance at least there would be a chance you know jim carey said that originally like so you're saying there's a chance like it exists whereas if i'm a

centaur like i guess i can run if people could ride me you know how the little mermaid ended yeah probably a divorce a few years later dude they didn't even know each other they got married but but ariel was no longer ariel had feet she can try to get away and have her rebellious phase but she'll probably come back there's a lot of assumptions going on in the year don't try to fight my rationalization for my first love i'm i'm pretty with you wade i gotta be honest my first cartoon crush was kim possible and goddamn if i didn't grow up to become a fat nerdy computer kid who just wanted to have his own kim possible is that to the mermaid are you picking mermaid bob i was that no i'm not picking mermaid because i know he's wrong because i know what the people want

but i'm just saying wade is superior and i agree with him on this one because that's completely fair you get to poop and have your hooves look i would want to be a centaur because sexy hermes centaur from the futurama dungeons and dragons two-part episode might exist somewhere out there and i would be into that but also i would just really enjoy being able to run as fast as a horse, but then still have my people half so I could talk to people and hang out and play video games. Or you could be your own boat. Are you talking about the potential existence of the mythical creature Botar? Or are you referencing something else that I'm unaware of?

A mermaid swimming is what I was referencing. Oh, a mermaid is their own boat. Got it. Sure. Do you think it's that drastically different from you just swimming? I mean, if you've got the fishtail, it's got to be faster. I suppose, but it's not really a boat. More of a submarine, I would think.

Can we combine the two and make a Murtar or a Sinmaid? A Sin... Do you want the horse top and fish bottom, or do you want... Fish top, horse bottom. Fish top, horse bottom. Fish top, horse bottom! Final answer! What's that horse do, though?

Human top from the centaur, fish bottom from the mermaid, so then I would just be a mermaid. fish bottom from the mermaid so then I would just be a mermaid what about human top from the centaur fish bottom from the mermaid wait shit fish top from the mermaid and horse bottom you're just a centaur

you're only just a centaur and a mermaid why isn't minotaur in this it's not shut up minotaur and centaur like inverses what's the opposite of a mermaid where it's like fish top human bottom a minotaur is not the inverse of a centaur what is wrong with you well it's like you know it's close isn't that like two beast legs and like a demon-y non-human top still? Yeah, but like, you know, it's closer. That's not the inverse of a centaur.

It has tar in it, sure. So do roads, but I don't want to be a road. Oh, man. Okay. I think Wade's saying he wants to be a fish tar. Yeah, he wants to be a fish tar, which I think is mermaid. Fish top, horse bottom. What did you pick? I think is mermaid. Fish-top, horse-bottom. Bob, what did you pick?

I picked centaur. All right. Mermaid! Bob gets the point. 53% want to be a centaur. I'm honestly surprised. I am kind of too. I'm surprised at that.

Because it's like the kind of different experience of living in the ocean. But also, I wouldn't want to be in the ocean. It scares me. So centaur, kind of cool experience of like living in the ocean but also i wouldn't want to be in the ocean this scares me so centaur kind of cool i guess there's also comments with these the first car is just horse cock and then there's no more i should have known i should have known i could finally be at the bottom of my gym shorts like my friends. How are people afraid of fucking cars, but they want a horse dick? Look, wait. The longer you are, the more superior that proves you to be.

So you win either way. I know, but it's lonely at the top. I know. It must be. It must be. Yeah. Bob, I can't see how long we've been going just let me know so i know how to about 50 minutes give or take okay all right we got some more all right whose turn is it bob i

think it's yours would you rather punch every trick-or-treater that knocks on your door in the face oh or answer the door for trick-or-treaters completely naked oh i feel like answering the door completely naked definitely comes with way more jail time so i guess i'm gonna punch him in the face i we gotta look up like what is the court case for like i don't whichever one does not end up with me registered as a sexual offender and my neighborhood is the one i'm gonna go with there i guess god it's also it's a thing where like on the first one if you're naked you're getting arrested but you probably won't be arrested until like the third or fourth kid you'd have a lot you'd have a long string of of opening

the door until you open the door naked for the cops and then yeah they better not say trick or treat or they're all right so you're picking i'm punching i'm punching i guess yeah i am too i'd rather have violent asshole on my resume than sex offender it doesn't say you have to punch as hard as you can punch lightly oh you oh you like i was just trying to punch him on the shoulder like casually and then i hit all five of those kids in their own faces it was an accident let's assume it's as hard as you can to make it fair yeah can you answer the door naked but with like something in front of you the bowl of candy is in front of you i i guess but that has worse implications i think the implication is they see you naked yeah um want some uh you want some candy just reach in uh let's

go for the punching i don't know why no punching yeah let's punch him punch him okay and uh both of you this is way too evenly split well do you get the point oh no i'm not happy with how much it's 52 to 48 but for punching so you both get a point. Well, what if... All right, this might... Maybe 48% of the voters are also kids. The only response for the favor of naked is, that'll keep them away. God. I'll be naked and punch them in the face.

The best of both worlds. I'm pretty sure both are illegal, but... And they still picked the naked one. There's one that says, I very much enjoy a bit of violence every now and then. I feel like we're revealing a lot about people that's not good they prefer guitar hero they like being naked around kids what's wrong with these people and none of them fuck cars what the fuck what if

they just think they can convince everyone that it's a it's a costume like the cops are they're like sir we've heard so you've been answered the door naked and you appear to be naked right here. No, no, no. It's a suit. The dick is fake. Grab it. And you just call their bluff and the cops are like, I'm not going to grab it. You have like a packaging of like naked man suit and whatever. You get to prepare. You could try and convince.

The package of naked man suit. I don't know. Oh, are you supposed to be Elsa? Yeah. What are you supposed to be elsa what are you yeah what are you supposed to be oh i'm milf i'm i'm greg schlongly star of the ace van hurra porn spoof videos have you not no i he's a very famous actor porn actor but uh you know this is what he looks like yeah we go back to the mermaids. I like that better. Wade, I've got one for you.

Would you rather randomly go limp at any time at least once a day or be deaf? Like my whole body just like collapses kind of once a day. Yeah. Let's just say for a few minutes at any time. So it could be when you're driving it could be when you're in public could be when you're on the edge of a cliff you don't know i work from home i don't like moving or going places and if it was dangerous for me to do so i'd have even more excuses not to i'll go limp because i'm just sitting in my computer chair

i'd be like oh for a minute and it's like all right i'm back it's like wait do you want to drive to the i go limp like shit all right that's right i guess we'll we'll get you later it's like yeah bring me back something possibly the most unhinged choice you've made so far which is almost impressive if i'm laying on a boat and it happens guess what i'm laying on a boat or oh you're on the railing and you go limp and you fall in the ocean yeah no i think you're underestimating life jackets are for exactly how it might be when you go fully limp no core or anything holding you up unless the arms in your office chair are much much higher than i think they are there's no way you're staying in an office chair if you go full body limp i just want to say that that's very unlikely outcome it's most likely you would end up crumpled over on the floor i'll get some like padded carpet underneath this

one doesn't seem that hard of a choice to me and somehow wade made the exact wrong one how would you not want to be deaf that not only things is the world filled with devices and technology and solutions to make it so that deaf people basically have no limitations aside from actually just not being able to hear sound or whatever. Like you could live in almost no difference whatsoever in your life except for how you do some things and handle specific tasks you have to do. And it's a great community. I feel like it would be cool.

It would be great to be hopefully welcomed into the deaf community and to's a great community. I feel like it would be cool. It would be great to be hopefully welcomed into the deaf community and to have a new like place where it feels like you belong and all these, you know, new friends and people and connections and stuff. Randomly going limp sounds super dangerous. Being deaf does not sound like

it would negatively impact my life in any way I can imagine. And it would probably add some really great aspects to it. I feel like happily be deaf. All it. I'd happily be deaf. All right. I'd happily be limp. My career depends on me being able to hear things.

Eh, get a new job. Get a real job. I know there's ways around it. There's like subtitles and things around it, but I don't know. I enjoy having all of my senses and occasionally just like fall onto the floor. You would absolutely snap your neck

within the first month of you being fully limp. Well, wouldn't live to regret it all right that's true that's true bob's going deaf and this is actually i i looked at the statistics for this one before because i'm like this must be split it's not 73 agree on one thing and that's to go limp what i know i know i know i feel like people extremely underestimate how dangerous just going limp is they assume i just go limp i flop you flop from the top of wherever you are if you're at the top of the stairs you're probably dead well hold on it's once per day right it's once per day for an undisclosed duration and from an if it happens to get out of the way early then you know you're safe the rest of the day and if it doesn't you have someone there to guide you until it does happen then you're like all right i'm good for

the rest of the day what about being deaf you know you i'm not saying that would be like the worst thing in the world i'm saying for me personally for me personally i would rather go limp you have to know that you're just like no personal experience with either of these things. But from what I've seen of like friends and acquaintances, I've known who've dealt with being deaf versus who've dealt with like paralysis and not even full body paralysis, but just like different variations of it. Being deaf has a minimal impact if anything,

and it seems totally fine the limp thing is so incredibly dangerous if you're eating and you have a thing in your mouth if you're brushing your teeth if you have a q-tip in your ear how do you take a shower you have to like it you can't take a bath because you'll just drown it's not like you're just limp for half a second you're gonna be limp for some duration of time your Your face could go into things. It's so dangerous. People are stupid. People are stupid.

Now I'm upset that I was right so much of the time because this is clearly the wrong choice. It's clearly the wrong choice, but Wade still managed to get it. It was correct for me. The average person, I agree with y'all. For the average person, I would not want to think that would be, but for me, I'd make it work. Whatever. Anyway, Bob, this one will probably be a lot easier for me. The average person, I agree with y'all. For the average person, I would not think that would be, but for me, I'd make it work. Whatever. Anyway, Bob, this one will probably be a lot easier for you. Would you rather be a piece of toast for a full day without moving or be a toaster?

And it does not specify how much time you are a toaster. Be a toaster. And get used frequently. Oh that's the i don't know why how many slots do i have let's say you're a four slot toaster with bagel space oh god i'm the cool kind of toaster do i have an lcd display or an led screen on me uh you do and it's but it also has physical buttons so and best of both worlds yes perfect you're a piece of toast for a day without moving or you're a toaster and you get used frequently i think the lurking piece of information here is that you're a piece of toast for a day but where are you because toast is delicious and it's a high chance that if you're a delicious looking piece of toast, you're going to be eaten.

Even if someone were to just find a piece of... Like, if I walked in my kitchen and there was just toast on the counter, if I was comfortable with it, if it was still warm or something, I might be like, can I eat this? Is this for you? But even if it was old toast and I just found it, I'd be like, no, this is good for the dog. Old crunchy toast is a great snack for a dog. They love crunching up those old stale. Like, I just feel like that's the thing that's unspoken in that one is that's a lot of peril. You're essentially gambling that you'll survive the whole day.

I think I would want to be a dope ass toaster. That's a good point. That's a good point. That's a great point, actually. All right, wait. Are you going to roll the dice on being toast for a day or are you gonna be a toaster and it does say for the toaster one it says your toaster family whoever owns you loves you dearly you're fulfilled you have purpose and they love you beautiful i don't know man i think the unbuttered life is not worth living i'll be

toast and if i get eaten i get eaten you know i think he just wants to die. I think of Wade just wants to die. If you were a toaster, like, you sit around waiting to be used. You get used frequently. Frequently. It says frequently. They love me. Well, how, okay, how often is, they make toast for every meal? Like, at least daily.

You at least toast something daily. So, at most, three times a day, you're probably being used. The rest of the day, you just sit there. And this is assuming you even have, like, any like any like brain at all to know what's going on like you could just literally be a toaster and that's it there's no life to you're just a toaster whereas at least if i'm toast for a day that means i had a life either before or after if i don't get eaten i have a chance at something more than just being plus i get buttered up and enjoyed and if i get to please someone's taste buds on the way out all the better eat me baby get buttered up and enjoyed. And if I get to please someone's taste buds on the way out, all the better.

Eat me, baby. Get buttered up and eaten alive. Plus, I'm positing that I'm going to be a smart toaster connected to the internet. And if I'm connected to Wi-Fi, I'm going to wreck it Ralph that shit and climb through the plug into the Wi-Fi and go explore the e-boys. Okay, I will take full advantage. There's plenty of life online. Okay.

All right. Butter and blackberry jammy, baby. So, Bob, your toaster. Wade, your buttered toast. This one's very close. It is very close. It's 51% to 49%. That's how close it is.

And with 51%, and the point goes to... Bob for wanting to be a toaster. I knew it. Recognizing the danger. That was all the comments below were the dangers of like, we would be eaten. We would be eaten. Yes. What is living as a toaster?

All right, wait, I'm going to come kill you at some point. I'm not going to tell you when, where, or how, but just turn me into a fucking vacuum or something. It's not a vacuum. It's a toaster. Your family loves you and you get used all the time. Have ever seen brave little toaster i love my toilet too it's very comfortable doesn't mean i want to be the toilet that wasn't the question we're not all made to be shit eaters but if your entire existence is focused around the idea of consuming the feces of another species

you probably love doing that that's probably your jam i just don't want to be in appliance i'd rather have a life and then if my last day is being toast and getting eaten and pleasing someone's mouth i'll do it you want to be the thing the appliance shits out and then the human eats and then the human shits out and then gets flushed away forever and guess what appliances eventually go bad or break then what no appliance ever breaks every appliance i've ever had yeah everything's made to last you're a toaster your family loves you till five years from now when you're crusty old now done and there's a better product out there then you're in a trash heap for eternity then you get to live at goodwill goodwill's cool i would hang out at goodwill they got sticky books to read they got sticky video

games you got sticky plates and silverware if you gotta have a meal but eventually your fate is the same of mine and at least mine was for only one day so pretend you're perfectly safe as your toaster until you're not okay well wade's gonna start smashing toasters from now on just in case uh and kill who all these happy toasters um you are the junk man who was operating the big magnetic crane in the movie and i I, I live very scary. That was terrifying. Yeah, that was terrifying.

It was good. Wade, you have a choice here. And I made this one specially for you. It's worth double points. Two whole big points. I think I'm down by eight. So this is where my comeback begins.

Yeah. Okay. Would you rather have hair? Go on. That is so so long it touches the ground and never be able to cut it again, so it will always be at least your height in length, or shave yourself bald every morning? It's hard to imagine what it would even feel like to shave yourself bald every morning. Yeah, that's weird enough. That sounds like a lot of effort.

However, coming from the once-having-hair club, I know how annoying having hair can be, and watching Molly try to brush her hair, wash her hair, and all of that. Having hair that long and that much of it, if you want to dye that hair, if you want to brush it, put it up into a certain like that is going to be so much more work than keep me bald and happy baby i like that i like that he's picking shape bald every morning you're gonna look i do agree like uh kind of in

a way having that long hair might be inconvenient but also you know luscious locks you could wear them in a certain style but bob what's your answer i wish i actually did have hair that long because that's the kind of quality that when a person has it it becomes their entire life and you don't have to do anything else and we live in a world where if that was my curse, I would make that my personality. I would make that my job. I would be like a hair influencer or whatever. Yeah, it would be a lot of work,

but that would subsume everything about my life and I wouldn't have to have any other aspects to my personality. That would just be who I was, what I did all the time, and I could get help with it. You know, a who I was, what I did all the time, and I could get help with it. You know, I'm a hairstylist, hairdresser, whatever. I'm not saying that I know for sure what that would be like, but I would be okay having the hair and making that. That would be a very defining characteristic, and I've always thought I'm a non-descript, non-interesting, average-looking, like, you know, dude, like I'm just some guy.

I thought, I think it would be interesting to live that life where you're such a distinctive person because there are definitely people in the world where it's like, there's a thing, there's a thing about you that clearly defines how you look, who you are, and you clearly embrace that. I think that would be interesting. It might be difficult, but I would choose that. You go to vacuum, the vacuum is clogged from from one hair a piece of hair gets into your food you turn into a magician where you're like oh well i think you probably just stop swallowing initially you don't need to swallow the whole length of the hair sometimes it's like you know like if it gets caught up in like a pastry or something you make and you don't know it and like the very end you're like i think if it was

if it was that long and it was continuously going i would probably notice that at some point and be like oh let me pull that out well it can be wrapped up in like one little hairball that you well then you just swallow the hair i would just not eat the hairball yeah i would just feel like you would notice it but point being being bald so much easier and i look fucking great i definitely agree that it's easier and you pull it off i don't think i could pull off ball. I think I have a really ugly head. I didn't think so either until I did it. I have like a big, I have like a mole thing that I can feel. It's like a lump right here.

I got a couple like, you know, I've got a bump somewhere. I don't know where it is. I got a couple bumps on my head. Just hard to notice. Plus we're tall, Bob. No one sees the top of our head unless we want them to. It's easily concealed. That's true.

Absolutely, I think, I guess. I wouldn't know. But this one is also split 50 it's even closer of a margin than the other one because it's it's 338 to 333 this is people afraid of being bald and afraid what they look like bald and the winner of this point was 338 000 versus 300 and basically 34 000 is wade shaving bald every morning just specifically me yes you get it specifically would you want to have long hair or have wade shave his head every morning which one you've been waiting for it and here it is wade this is your reward point for being bald i already won best hair like a couple weeks ago

or whatever it was so like that's true best hair best bald i'm the best me all you other wades and other timelines fuck yourself i'm number one baby put me on a boat so that concludes all that we have we ended on that a nice double point around that way you won that one i won this whole episode as far as i'm concerned i don't care about the points unless i won then i care hold on the points kind of determine who wins the whole episode that's kind of how distractible works you're the judge you maybe it doesn't that's true you could allow wade the leeway to just decide that whatever he feels is correct i won't i won't i won't what if you defer to me let me wrap this up and declare the winner you have the authority we we bow we bow at the altar of mark for this episode that

is true i agree with bob we've agreed on almost everything this episode that's why it's so close i agree with wade he's right i don't know which one of you wants to win one of us speaks in riddles one of us speaks in rhymes all right so tabulating the points and there was a lot of uh interesting conclusions that we came to um we didn't get to a lot of these questions there were some more basic ones like win an oscar or nobel prize there was a boring boring right so i skipped over those ones allergic to babies allergic to elderly people boring whatever keep them both away yeah i know right have everyone stare awkwardly have everyone look away in disgust whatever it's fine stare at me baby

the winner with 60 percent of the points total nope no okay no you need a calculator there, bud? With the majority of points... That's good math. Winning 8-6 is... Bob! Oh! I can't believe it. You had some good, good picks.

Wade, I think your downfall was everything. Losing. All of the leaps of logic i think where i went wrong was uh sticking with what was right rather than sticking with the majority of idiots would do uh-huh exactly right maybe so for those of you out there that are part of the majority i'll take you others you know who are. For those of us out here that are part of the majority, doesn't it feel good to win? Doesn't it feel good to be on top?

Enjoy laughing at your insurance commercials, you centaurs. Good luck itching your ass, centaur. That all sounds good to me. And you could definitely still reach your ass. You have flexibility. You have a spine. You're back so long. How long are your how long them arms though

big arms big body big arms that's how nature works there's so many other would you rathers out there if people want to see another one of these we can do another one but um as always we'll save it for uh never coming back to whenever we say we'll do something again much like all the other ideas that we have never returned to and haven't we done it would you rather before who knows maybe we have i have no idea but thank you everybody this is time this is my episode to do a repeat but it hasn't happened good bad habits no it's been undone didn't we literally don't i have a stack of cards sitting over here where we played the pick your poison that's game that's different it's effectively a would you rather no no same ish to me no no there's a whole lot of comments from november of last year about would

you rather and there's a link to distractible would you rather no no it's different then we just decided to call that that because it was better clickbait. This is the actual would you rather. Oh, I see. Pick your poison nonsense. Sure. It was we were picking which thing we would rather do. Yes, exactly.

If you read pick your poison, it says what would you rather do? This is would you rather do this is would you rather just like on uh bad habits i had bad habits then i had good bad habits it was different and bob was are you getting older and are we really getting older like you know because it was in the further in the future don't nobody thought of mine mine was actually exactly the same okay so i'm gonna i'm gonna club above on this one. I've got this great game called Pick Your Poison, guys. No, no, no.

Wait, Mark, do you secretly have these cards sitting in front of you? Is that what you're doing? Wait, did we do this or that as well? Isn't that the same? Why don't you do another tier list, Wade? Why don't you do that next time it circles around for a winning game? Whenever I got a host that i show up unprepared i will you show up unprepared every time that's every day i'm not changing who

i am for this show i am unapologetically me even if i can't say that word and the me i am can't say that word and i'm not changing it well you know? You both don't get either a loser or a winner speech. I'm going to give a host speech and this is what I declare. The things that we do here are not up to you and you can't decide what we have and have not done because every moment of every day is an original

moment for us. Life is to be experienced in the now and not the then or forever in the future. It doesn't matter. I won either way. Good job, buddy. I'm going to watch some car commercials. All right, you do that.

Do you guys want to win or lose a speech? I feel like I pretty much gave it already. But to everyone who voted on the thing that we're not going to tell you what it is or where Mark found it. If you participated in that, you're probably right. And you're probably very wise and you probably made the right choice although some of them were much closer than they should have been and some of you need to really reconsider your stance on becoming full body paralyzed once a day at random that's the one that bothers you not the getting naked in front of children both because it

seems to be dismissing all the positive facts about the deaf community and how much you are able to live the exact same full life that you otherwise would be able to if you could hear. And ignoring the dangers of the limpness. I think you can adjust either way. But don't get naked in front of children. Don't punch them either. But like...

No, definitely punch them. Don't get naked. Okay. Thank you, everybody, for watching and or listening, watching on Spotify and listening everywhere else. We really appreciate you being here. And we don't apologize for removing the YouTube videos again because we brought them back for a brief moment.

You had already accepted them being gone. The clips are still there. You had accepted it being gone, and then we brought it back and we ripped it away from you again so it should have hurt less the second time get used to it anyway can we get some fan art as us of like fish tars and mermaids and centaurs i want if you're good at drawing man i want to see uh the distractible boys as weird horrible creature combos i don't what would you be mark what animal would you combine yourself with animal i would combine myself i don't know like a koala or something what what tune in next time to find out

my answer guaranteed on the next episode crocodile crocoplyer listen only here make sure to like favorite or whatever do the thing where you remember when it comes out we're bi-weekly now which means two a week maybe have a good day what's a giraffe be? Geriplier? that sounds like a geriatric mark, geriplier rather than... Markaraff half of me is old and half of me is young

half of you is old Mark from space from here it's just old man Mark but down, waist down young virile is great, young, virile. I'm still young and virile down there. What if it's like you're a baby below and an old man on top? Well, I'm very top-heavy, but it's wobbly on both sides.

Anyway, tune in next time to see what weird old baby Mark looks like. See you for my tier list, getting older with Bob or would you rather with Mark? When he does the distractible episode tier list. Next time. Podcast out.