Do Go On - 10 - Cremation, Burial or Other

Episode Date: December 30, 2015

What do you want to happen to your body when you die? That is a question that Dave has been asking himself a little too much lately. He's done some research about the various ways you can dispose of your body. Burial, cremation, being shot into space, being PACKED full of cotton. WARNING: Some of the content is quite graphic... Of course Matt and Jess handle the topic in the mature way you might expect. Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everybody, Jess and Dave, just jumping in really quickly at the top here to make sure that you are across all the details for our upcoming Christmas show. That's right, we are doing a live show in Melbourne Saturday December the 2nd, 2023, our final podcast of the year, our Christmas special. It's downstairs at Morris House, which usually be called the European beer cafe. On Saturday December the 2nd, 2023 at 4.30 pm, come along, come one, come all and get tickets at dogoonpod.com. Peloton is ready when you are.

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You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Hello and welcome to Doo! Go on, my name is Dave Wonke and I am joined by my co-host, Mr. Matt Stewart. Hello, Matt. Hi there Dave. I didn't see you there.

Really good to be here. It's great that we stumbled into this room with microphones point to the faces really good Also a microphone in front of her face coincidentally is our other host just purkin What are you guys doing here? Well, I was just about to ask you the same question. I like as soon as I responded Dave had to reach for the volume responded Dave had to reach for the volume button. I did. Absolutely. It's like, what are you guys doing here?

Like, you have the ability to yell, but in a really friendly way. Me. Yeah, you're very loud, but in a very like a super night. It's great. Oh, that's quite nice. Keep doing what you're doing. Oh, thanks, buddy.

Thanks. If you haven't heard this show before, this is the kind of show where we like to take it in turns to research something, bring in that topic. The other two don't know what know what we're gonna talk about and then try and educate them about something and it is my turn To bring a little something to the table bring drop some knowledge bombs It's the physics every time Dave explains that it's a different thing I remember not long ago was a comedy podcast now. It's an educational podcast Well the comedy was not being delivered

Yeah, fair enough. We've had to make cutbacks comedy plus education equals Usually a lame thing, but tonight I will win you over with do go on Hopefully we can have some fun here today. I've actually quite a dark topic. Oh, but dark can be fun Did anyone at home notice that in one sentence they've said both tonight and today? It's like, what time is it? It's like you could listen to this at any time ever. This morning, you could. You could. So on this morning's program, we're going to have a great time together. It's a pretty dark topic. So feel free to perk it up with some classic perk and zingers. If you could stew the pot with some met stew at gold.

And before you do anything crazy, I hope you warn a key me. I was going to say, what am I good for? Absolutely nothing. Corsair, corner. But that is me. All right, so it is a pretty dark topic. But we always started with a question. This week it's um...

The worst massacre. No, it's not that dark, but it is to do with death. I'm going to ask you, so we always start with a question to get into the topic. And my question is, when you die, have you thought about what you want to happen to your body? Yes. It's a yes from that. So the topic is yes. The topic is bodies.

Hey, you know, we've had feedback since we've been putting this out that this part is one of the most frustrating parts to listen to, because everyone who's listening to it knows the topic, because this episode is called that topic. So I just want to really, just really get comfortable in this annoying part of the show. It's really drag it out.

What could it be? If only we'd read the title of the show before we recorded it. Sadly, the iPad is facing the wrong way to you too. So you don't know. But that's another thing. It's just, have you thought about what you will do? Kind of.

Not really, not the, what are you gonna do with my body bits? I not the what are you going to do with my body bits. I've thought about like songs that I'd wanted my funeral or something like. I planned what you saw. I just like every time I hear something not every time I hear a song. But yeah, sometimes you hear a song and it means something to you. You got that a bit nice. Dust in the wind by Kansas. And do you realize flaming lips? Am I too?

I think I have to say. Oh, no, it's not even called that thing. And I say, do you want flaming lips? Am I too? I think I have to say, oh no, it's not even called that thing in a say, do you want to meet baby? But it's, don't you want me baby? Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me baby, but. They're the ones. That's as they take the coffin out, yeah.

80s English band. But yeah, I'm deaf, I'm cremated all the way. Correct, you've decided, correct. I'm locked in. Yes, have a made a decision. But also, do you know what I sort of feeling? It's not really, is it my decision to make? Well, yeah, 100% do you reckon? Yeah, absolutely absolutely. Or like planning your own funeral. It's not for you though. It's for the people left behind. Yeah, but uh,

totally. No, but that's what I always say. She's like do whatever you want it like if you want to bury me bury me if you want to commit that sweet. Is that sweet or the selfish way out? me, bury me if you want to create me. That's sweet. Is that sweet or the selfish way out? Somebody else make a decision. Well, I totally agree with that. And I don't care really what happens to me. As long as I die believing I'm going to be cremated.

It doesn't matter once I'm dead. Yeah, good point. But as long as I'm like, you definitely going to cremate me with that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, sweet, I believe you. You wouldn't lie to me, right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Perfect. perfect. Oh good. This is my impression of your son when he's older

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's about it. What a guy Real chatter. Well, I'm gonna we're gonna come back to that topic. Okay The topic well it is the topic when I'm gonna slightly steer off track for a second We have the top this is the longest of of you on without knowing what the top. Normally it is, hey, do you know what's your favorite painting? This painting. Yeah, that's what this is about. Yeah, this one's confusing.

No, no. This one's not this way. It's not this way. It's frustrating for our listeners. So well, the topic is death, OK? But how I got to death, and I'm going to ask you a second question. In the first time in this podcast history,

there's a follow-up question. Ha ha ha ha. Another question. When I say the name Don McLean, does a certain song... Don McLean, that means? Stary... Stary Knight.

Does a certain song come to mind? Well, yeah, maybe he's got two big ones, right? Stary Stary Knight and American Pie. Well, that's American Pie. American Pie, that's his signature song. Which was good. When I think which I can't remember what it is. There's a song that American Pie, that's his signature song. Which was good. It was good when I think which I can't remember what it is. It was a song that played at my friend's dad's funeral.

There you go. Long funeral, so eight minutes song. Yeah, and right when they, it's kind of like this nice pause, and then he goes, blah, and the guitar starts. That's when they started to wheel the coffin out. Oh, that was a very brutal. Tears. Was it the Madonna version? Yeah. Then it, that's the pause. Was it the Madonna version? Yeah. Then it, that's the pause, and then Madonna's

version kicks in. Yeah, but then it was also like a mashup with material girl, which was kind of nice. That is nice. And then it finished off. Because he was, he was a, if anything, a material girl living in a, oh, it's a real person, I'm gonna stop now.

Right, what do you know? So the American pint, we're gonna talk about that for a second. For a long time, it's this signature song, but for a long time it was speculated that the words were about the singer, the death of the singer, Buddy Holly. Yeah, I'd still believe that, and the big boppa. That's right, but McLean said for a long time, when he asked about the lyrics, he said, they're beyond analysis, they're poetry, which I don't really think is your place to say other people can say that about your work But you're not allowed to say your lyrics of poetry. Hey

No one has ever Analyze poetry before that is up look I've been to year nine English classes and I've never seen on a hang on now I'm thinking to someone else. Yeah, they will not touch poetry. Yeah, what are you talking about? Poetry is analyzed all the time. Oh What a wank and later on he admitted yes It's about body holly and then he dedicated the oldie holly. Is that the name of dead buddy holly? Terrifying so he dedicated the album American pie to miss holly So you talked about Big

Bopper, Buddy Holly, do you know how they died? Yes, that's right. Famous Plank Crash, which has come to be known as the Day the Music Died after the lyrics from the song, that's right. So you admitted that the lyrics were about Buddy Holly, and you said you died in a Plank Crash. So for the people out there that may not know, in 1959 Buddy Holly, who was a central figure of 50s rock and roll and his band, they were touring America on their winter dance party tour. It sounds like a terrible so fresh album. They were being supported by the rising talents of JP, the big bopper. Just Perkins, the big bop, we could call you Bop. Big Bop.

I've always wanted a nickname. I've not had one. No, not really. Quite like a Bop. Yeah, Bops really. Bops good, all right. So you're good. You are Bop.

So you? Bop. And the other person supporting the Buddy Holidays band was 17-year-old singer-songwriter name Richie Valens. But two important people in this bit of preamble I've got for you. So they've been traveling around in a two-a-buss which was cold and uncomfortable that after the show's each night pretty much drive on night and the heat of broke and as I said it was a winter tour. So they all got sick with flu and one

of the drummers even got a severely frostbitten what? Driving around in this two-a-buss at night so we had to go to hospital, and they had to take it in turns. The other two drummers, filling his place. So they got cigarettes, so they swapped to a school bus, with Holly, say, Holly because of Buddy Holly. Yeah, yeah. When I say, Holly or Bully, you know I'm talking about.

Or Body. So, Holly, but Body, Holly. He got, he was sick of the cold, and wanted some'm talking about. Or Body. So, Hully, but Body Hully. He got, he was sick of the cold and wanted some rest after one of the shows. He decided to charter a plane to take him to the next gig. He would meet all the other people there. So the two were manager organized a local pilot, another young person, 21 years old, Roger Peterson. The pilot a small beach craft 35-bonanza,

which is the tiny plane they're still making it you can buy one $700,000. It's not that much. It's pretty cheap for a plane. Yeah, yeah Matt, you don't think that's cheap for a plane. No for a plane sure, but when you say $700,000 it's not that much. I just wonder about maybe What word I'm living in. Getting a living in a material world. Yeah, should we go third? 700 grand, not that much. And this is US dollars.

So pocket change. Pocket change, that's right. Wait for the dollar to come back up and we'll be good. So the plane could hold three passengers plus the pilot. So one seat's taken for body Holly, Bully, and the other they had two seats left. So one of the seats was supposed to go to a guy called Wayland Jennings. He was the guitarist. Holy shit, everyone I've heard of all these people. Yeah, that's right. So he fortunately would go on to do things because he's the guitarist

in Buddy Holly's band, but the big bopper, Bob. JP. JP, he had the flu and asked if he could have the seat instead. So where the most like, sure you can have my seat, that's two seats gone. And I read that when Holly found out Jennings, the guitarist, wasn't flying with him, he joked, well, I hope your old bus freezes up to which Jennings replied, well, I hope your old plane crashes, which apparently haunted him for the rest of his life. You'd 100% reply that, though, wouldn't you?

Oh, big time. Big time. Bob time. Oh, yeah. So the other seat was decided by a coin toss between young Richie Valens and another musician, Tommy Allsup. Valens had asked for the seat. This is the young guy, and they flipped a coin

for it backstage after the show, and Riti Valens won. So, 20 years... Probably the reason I know his name is because he died in that plane crash. Oh, sadly. Well, I like this. Well, I don't really like this. It's just kind of strange. It just messed up. In 1979, Allsup, the guy that lost the coin to us later started a club called Tommy's heads up saloon in Dallas which was named after the coin to us that he'd want Put one in a way Tommy you sick fuck Yeah, that's pretty bad in a way, but in another way the only reason he's alive, right?

Yeah, that's right so he lost bit one. Yeah, so the three musicians got on board the flight late at night I got up five to one in the morning because I had to do the show first It was lightly snowing this visibility was not good and it was later discovered that the pilot was not trained to fly Under these conditions so the odds are stacked against also he didn't have arms and he was drunk Also It was a tank Also, instead was a tank. Also, instead of a pilot, they just put a pillow there. And it was a smiley face on it.

Wilson! So they took off the control tower, watched the plane take off, and then it appeared to gradually descend, and then it was... I'm laughing at the Wilson, I'm laughing. You're a monster. I'm laughing at the Wilson, I just got it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha send and then it was suddenly out of view. They didn't hear the expected radio contact that you're supposed to have from the pilot. They tried to call that sheet, but they didn't hear anything, but they didn't go and look for it. They waited until the next day. They never heard anything, so they took a plane out to look for it and then they found the missing aircraft crashed 10 kilometers away from the airport

All four men were killed body holly was just 22 Big Bopper was 28 years old the pilot 21 Richie Valens as I said was just 17. Wow So young So so young So now apart from the pilot the other three bodies were thrown from the wreckage, which was a pretty big crash. And the big bopper, JP, was found a while away from the crash site on another side of a fence. So, leading to rumors that he'd survived and attempted to go and help, go get help for

the others, which leads me to my topic, so in 2007, 47 years after the crash, the body of Big Bopper was exhumed by his son and examined, and it was concluded that he had not in fact survived the crash and then he just been thrown that far. Which leads me to the topic, I was looking this up and I had no idea that a body could be buried for 47 years and then still be examined decades later Like I guess I just never really thought about what happens to your body when you die and that coupled with the fact that these guys were all really young Three out of four of them were young than I am so that it's got me thinking and to be honest I had a bit of a crisis at night

I wasn't looking at this story to do a new episode about I was just I get intrigued by these things I was like, oh yeah, the day the music died, Buddy Holly never really had about that crash. And it just made me think about your body, what happens to it when you die? And I never really thought about if I wanna be buried, cremated, or whatever. So I have researched all the possibilities

of what can happen to your body when you die, and I'm gonna go through them with you all, and hopefully I'll be able to decide what I would like to happen to my body. That's what the episode is. Because when you're saying like, or whatever else, I was like, what else is there? Yeah, I thought it was just the two. Those are your options.

Well, I also thought that until I looked up this pretty... Donate, you know what I mean? But then eventually they're still cremated very. I'm up for donating and then cremating. Yeah. Take what you need. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First, if anything is still intact.

In working order. Could be an option we're going to look at it tonight or today or this morning on this episode that I'm calling burial, cremation or other. Right, so we're going to start with the super obvious one which is burial. What's in the box? I guess that's burial. That is burial. That's what's in the box. So burial is just Defined as putting your body into the ground and then covering it over and there's a lot of ways you can do that This one obviously dates back a long long time earliest undisputed human burial took place over a hundred thousand years ago. Sorry Undisputed. Yeah, that that's what my is up as well. It's very difficult to date things that are that old. Right, okay.

So I was thinking like the person being buried was the undisputed champion of the year. And over like the person that was being buried was like, no, no, all right, that seems fair. I'll be there. Yeah, now to pop me in the hole, go on. Yeah, go on. We'll, I'm not arguing with you here, fair enough. Yeah. Good choice, everyone. You won 100,000 years. This was in a cave in Israel, they found this body.

So after you die, the body will decay. So to me, burial makes sense. However, burial is not necessarily a public health requirement. You know, this country, to a popular belief, this surprised me. The World Health Organization advises that only corpses carrying infectious disease strictly require burial. So when they have like big disasters and there's lots of earthquakes and things like that, a lot of the time people panic, oh there's lots of dead people, there's going to be a lot of disease from that, not strictly true unless you have burial them and stuff near water and things like that. So just having a body open Not gonna attract heaps of disease. There you go

Maybe not disease, but it'll attract some stuff right as it slowly rots. Maybe Grizzly bears. Yeah, it can oh it definitely piranhas piranhas ants Oh pesky ants piranhasor ants, ant piranhas. Grizzly ants. Piranhas. Piranhas.

Prince. Prince. A burial can bring people closure. It can also be seen as a passage to the afterlife. So there's different types of burial though. Natural burial, also known as green burial. That's the process by which your body is returned to the earth to decompose naturally in the soil. Returned to the earth, we didn't come from the earth.

It's a good question. It's a bloody hippy. It's called the green burial chips. It's pretty hippy. It's literally putting yourself in a hole or someone putting you in a hole and they're just covering it over. Naturally, you know, it would happen naturally if there was no intervention. That's where we came from. You would naturally fall into a hole. And then a fall. It would cover you naturally. Naturally.

If you were out by yourself in the forest and you died, what would naturally happen? Well, I imagine that some sort of a hole would form. And dirt would fall on top of you. And a little crucifix would be fixed at the top of the hole. Yeah, it's cool. Obviously, that's the work of the bear we were talking about before. Thank you very much Mr. Bear. All the pranks.

However, you're not allowed to do that. Pranks of the world. You're not allowed to. There's no pranks. There's no green burials in Victoria. Our law states in Victoria, a coffin is necessary for both burials and cremations. It must be a hygienic, closed receptacle, soundly constructed of a substantial wooden or other approved materials in a way to prevent the escape of offensive liquids.

And I read you don't even have to have a professional make it if your friend is pretty handy which we know a couple of handy people. They can make you a coffin mat. Yeah, we're very handy. My brother is a carpenter. Oh, yes! Druck in, he could... We have up some carpenter as well. I feel like he is a professional. Is like, did you really think that a carpenter had to be professionally made? It's a box.

But nobody does have to prevent the escape of offensive liquids that has to be well made. Inciprocates, I'm imagining like, like a soup calling you a dickhead. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, no fair enough. Not offended by that. What else do you got?

What do you got over there orange juice? Your mom's a bit chubby. Wait, well hang on now. That is an offensive liquid. Someone take him away. No. I know. You groaned, but I'm very proud of that. You're fucking kiss-patch-o.

Just want to do that. Or have you ever been to an open casket funeral? No, and I don't want to. I sound terrifying, don't I? But I have seen my girl. Oh yeah, good one. Yes, yes I have that I can't because everyone knows Thomas J can't see without his glasses Yeah, and

the my girl character Vader Vader goes and puts his glasses back on or something Does he's dead his in the in the car See without his glasses But he's dead so he doesn't need to see. He doesn't need to see, that's the thing with Vader. And you know what, like, her, she lives in a, like her dad's, I'm like, what is he?

A funeral director or like a nutrition? He's a funeral director, yeah. He's not a mortician, but he's a funeral director. He's a beautician. He's a beautician for the dead. Well, that, what, exactly right? So there's constantly funerals in our house, you think she should have a better grasp of death, but instead she's putting glasses on her dead friend. Like, the kids in the dead. Well that what exactly right. So there's constantly funerals in our house you think should have a better grasp of death but instead just putting glasses on her dead friend like the kids

in Idiot. Hey death makes us all feel a little bit weird. They did become blood brothers earlier I think. Yeah that's true. Or spit brothers. Both legally binding. Yeah. Legally binding contracts. Probably not brothers. Hey Dave. Yeah. Do go on. I'll do go on Well, if you have an open casket funeral, you've already mentioned this but you have to usually go through two people One is a funeral director Oh, the other is an in barmer Both played by Dan Acroix Well, they can be the same person the funeral director arranges the funeral and may arrange the body for the viewing So do the makeup and stuff like that and in barmer is someone who's been changing your body. What do you need it for? I'll arrange one. I want

to say, guys, what do you need? What do you need? What do you need? I need you to buy. Tomorrow that's going to cost you. No, I can do it. I can get you on. But close the business. An embalmer on the other hand is someone who's been trained in the art and science of embalming and may not have any contact with the family. Well, sometimes it is the funeral director that does all of this stuff. A package deal. Of course. You said gross, I said great.

Hey, it's both, it's both. Yeah, well somebody has to do it though. Bodies are embalmed to slow decomposition. The chemicals used in in balming, repel most insects, probably ants as well, probably bears, probably perilinous. They probably also, you know, to hold on to offensive liquids, so.

And it will slow down bacterial prettifications. I looked up how much an inbama can expect to make, according to the Australian Careers Advice website. So they do pretty gross stuff with dead bodies all day long what are you gonna get paid a year? It's either gonna be pretty dismal or quite good. The fact that you asked the question means it's not 75 grand. It's either 40 or it's 120. Yeah I'm gonna go 120. I'm going to say 120. I'm so sorry guys, it is a terrible job. They can expect to make between 41 and $51,000 per year.

Why would you do that? Full time, and I'm about to read what they do, because this is what they have to do. The body is washed in a disinfectant solution, and the limbs are massaged and manipulated to relieve rigour mortis, which is the stiffening of joints and muscles after you die. So massaging dead corpse, the arteries are embalmed by simultaneously introducing in barming fluid, which is a mixture of femyldahyde, other chemicals and water. It's femyldahyde can't hurt them now, right?

No. But they put it into an artery while draining the blood from a nearby vein or directly from your heart They take about two gallons of blood out and put two gallons of fluid into you Then the inside of the organs are cleaned out with a device called a trocar Do you want to hear this man? Oh my god It is attached to the suction hose, which you guessed it sucks everything else. The process of removing gas fluids and semi solids from the body cavities and hollow organs using the trocar is known as aspiration, which is something that we all aspire to do with

our life. That's just okay. Now I'm thinking those types of people, they don't make a lot of money, so it's not like there's definitely serial killers or something, right? They're something around. They're like dick, creepy as hell. Like you could do any job for minimum wage for this. I probably, that's about $20 an hour if they're doing,

if they're taking a price. That's what I get paid. That's what I get paid to answer phone calls in a shitty call center. It's like someone comes to you and says, Jess, I've got a disgusting job for you. It's going to require a pay cut. Would you like to do it? How do I get to suck out kidneys?

Yes, please. I get it, but it would quickly become nothing to you, right? Do I get to be alone with deck bodies? Yeah, you do for a couple of years become nothing and you look at yourself in the mirror and think, this has become nothing to me. I have become insane. But you'd be so aware of what you are as well. I don't think you would.

Like you just know that I don't think I can get around if I was always aware that I'm nothing but just a bag of shit and bones and I mean I know that is true but I don't think about it all day every day. If I had to think about that all the time. Oh yeah. It would be hard to just like you know do like go down the shops and stuff. Not for me, thanks. You just don't have this bag. Well, they feel that bag. Would you like a bag? You know, you're in a shop. I am a bag. You monster. We're all bags. That's all where we're just sacks of shit. Well,

they suck out the shit from that sack and then replace it with more formaldehyde inside your torso and then the anus and vagina are often stuffed to prevent a leakage. I'm not kidding this is straight from a funeral episode. What about the male urethra? No you'll be right. Yeah you'll be right. That is aim it up. So this is only happening for open caskets.

Why is anyone doing that? It just looks like it's about to grow. Like, the next time you see an open casket, this is like something like Margot. I'll think about it. McCauley-Calkin really went through a whole lot for this role. They stuffed his vagina.

The glasses. The glasses. Call his episode stuffed vagina. The glasses! Hahaha! What is episode stuffed vagina? The glasses! Oh, I hate myself for that. I like it literally the... I love yourself, the same thing. The glasses are the least thing that you need to worry about, right?

Yeah, because he's dead! So all that gross stuff is over. Then it's the funeral directors time to shine. The funeral directors tend to lift the head of a corpse in the coffin in order to prevent discoloring of the face. They also make sure that the body is properly groomed. This involves hair being washed and combed. The key anyway. Well, any facial hair is shaved off. So imagine you're a job.

No, but the bearded weirdo. A did it. No, there was a note saying unless that the person had facial hair amongst their everyday appearance. So if you die, see if you go. So if you die with a bit of five o'clock shadow and that's not your look, they'll take it off. But Matt, don't worry about the beard. They'll just massage it.

Which is what they love to do. The face is skillfully made up using cosmetics that match as close as possible to the person's natural skin color when they were alive The mouth is then closed the lower jaw is secured Lower jaw is secured either by sewing or wires What so when they look really peaceful they're not very peaceful Really?

The dead Kedava is not peaceful. No, I don't know how they sew it to get both I don't want to ask the question so I ask the questions I don't want to know. You don't want to know. You said they stuff their vagina with no warning, but now I don't want to hear about their sewn up jaws. Glue. How about glue?

It's also used to shut the eyes and lips of these naturally draw back in the eyes we'll sink. Oh my god, that's disgusting. Here's one good thing. Actually, kind of, you may have heard that finger nails and hair continues to grow after death I'm all I've already I've looked into this a bit because I'll let you go on in a section They're one of my favorite all-time albums is called who's gonna cut my hair after I'm gone I was gonna cut your hair after you're gonna anyway, it's by the unicorns. And that based on like the idea that your hair keeps growing. Yeah. Is that true? No, it is not true. It's a myth because what happens is the skin

dries out, pulls away from the nails and hair. So it looks like they've gotten longer. Really, your head's just sort of shrunk a bit. Cool. Oh. I know that it's all right. It's okay, it's okay. The body is then dressed, sometimes with plastic underwear, to avoid even more seepage quote. And then you are ready for your big day! Your final turn! I am really enjoying how much you're loving this. Where did you get this information from?

I looked up so much fucked up shit for this. And I'm so scared of dying now. Oh my god. Okay. I just just one of the things that I could do with my body This is just an option. I'm just just have you put a line through it yet. No I don't know the genre to pack so I'm feeling pretty confident. I'm not a do have an aina so I imagine Imagine That'll pack your eyes. No, I'm thinking that I'll Dine some sort of accident which Removes my eyes. No, great.

Because if you don't die in an accident It sounds like you're going to be very accident prone And the day is following. In terms of seapage. And then your... I imagine you dying but like through an anus Related Removal and then your bomb is like, I imagine you dying but like through an a-ness related Moveable right and then your in-barm is like alright for my favorite part the packing of the a-ness

And then he realized you don't have one with like rules. He's dead. What's the point? I'm in a come here I am very little money Just so I can pack an a-ness or two And this bloody SOB comes long anus free. Oh, well I'm ready to pack it in. Because obviously. Yeah, I remember the day. I'm ready to pack it in, but it's like, ah! So I'm going to pack it in.

I remember the day. I walked into the careers council's office and I said, they said, what do you want to do with your life? I said, any job where I get to pack an a-ness, the game, one option came up. And now I'm doing it and they're bloody taking it away from me. Really one option, what about muleing? Drug mule.

Two options came up. I said, I won't break the law. They said, you're gonna be an imbarmer. Like, I don't know if you're gonna go into this, but I can hear no benefit to being imbarmer. Like, I don't know if you're going to go into this, but I can hear no benefit to being imbarmed and having an open casket. Like... So people can say goodbye.

But the things that they do to your body just so people can say goodbye, just look at a picture of me and go see this. And I think, I think this podcast is about awareness this week, because I think if everyone knew what they had to do, you wouldn't be saying goodbye, You wouldn't want to go anywhere near that body because it's super gross Pack your ainess I reckon I've been to a dozen funerals and I Confident none of those were Open cast you know, you would remember that there was a Sometimes you know how you mix up

Reality with TV and stuff like it. That was an absurd hot and Cleveland, that Betty White show, where there was an open casket. Same thing. Same thing. But they didn't go into the everyday process of Betty White's penis. Didn't know the ass was packed up. That's what television does to you. Where's the realism?

Where is the gritty crime realist? Like knowing all of that, it would, it just makes it horrific. It's a success. And open casket now is of a loved one. It's a shame. Knowing what's happened to them. Oh man, you couldn't do that. Now, well, you could do it yourself Matt, because if you would like to, but I'm someone. If you not just I'm on my way out I know I'll know my days are numbered I'm gonna start the packing process well no if you miss some Vaseline or whatever it's what do I use? I don't need to move it up the person's dead they can just pack in Vaseline oh yeah what do they use what do they pack is it is it literally that's what I

picture and someone says bomb I, my picture vassal. It is genuinely cotton. Cotton. They'll show up cotton balls. Just like, up a butt. I'll take shirts and stuff. No, no, obviously you guys seem pretty interested in having a go. So if you would like to imbar'm someone yourself, fear not,

because there is a five-step wiki-how article on how you can do it at home with pictures. My favorite line of which, I like to have the pictures. No, they're in cartoons, sorry, it's drawing, but my favorite line of the wiki-how, how to imbar my body is respect the body at all times. Use a sheet or towel to cover the genitals. And don't leave tools laying around on it while you're working.

Assume the family may pop in at any moment. Good call. That's the most, that's. That is a good call. If I walked in and somebody had been enbombing my mom and I noticed this, she's sitting on his stomach, I'm like, how do you?

You wouldn't, what if I'm not gonna say it? Cause you said my mom. Who's walking in on some bombing? Yeah, I was saying the same. I was about to say something. All right. I was saying that I was thinking the same. I was about to say something all right Packing aim You would be Thomas J or other scissors sitting on their wrist is Yeah, yeah, that's right.

You don't want them walking in on that. Obviously, you packing their vagina is fine. All right, so we're going to move away. As long as the sheet covering, please. We're going to move away from the back of the vagina. Well, it's going to be pretty hard, too, to be honest. That will come up again.

We're going to munching as we speak out. Now we're going to move on to the burial part. No, most bodies when they're buried are wrapped in a shroud or put in a coffin before being buried. In Australia, like I said before, the law is you have to be buried inside something. These containers actually slow. Just bury yourself in somebody else's ass. Oh, that'd be so efficient. Now, we're running out of space for burials

You just what if like the people who wanted to be create a cremated they Become the cotton the ashes became the cotton and you So say I'm getting cremated right and Dave doesn't know yet say you're being embalmed Right, we I can be cremated and and you could pack your anus and vagina with my ashes. I would be honored. I would be honored. Who's it more of an honor for? Me, but telling the story and selling it for millions.

I'll put you on the one left behind. I live on for eternity. In Dave's ass. But how long do you take to decompose if you're buried? I can tell you that decomposition in the air, it's four times as fast as underground. So being buried actually slows it down. I thought it was going to be longer with dirt and things

around, but actually going underground four times as long. So when buried, the classic six feet under, without a coffin, in ordinary soil, an unembarmed, no packedpacked anus, adult, normally takes 8 to 12 years to become a skeleton. Oh, right. However, if you're placed in a coffin, if you're placed in a coffin, the body can take

years longer depending on the type of wood used. If you use a really thick solid oak, it can really slow down the process. 50 years later, you can still have parts of you in the box. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing. What's the point of it? Like in case you come back, it gives you more time to come back to life and still be able to function as a human. It's just in case. Jess, when he said in the box, you didn't at all think, not great. Like I was just, you were thinking about packed again? Yeah.

Oh, got being packed inside. It's gonna be too hard to move away from it. Yeah, it is gonna be really hard. I can't, I feel weird. That's, we shouldn't have recorded this one at night. Yeah. All morning or afternoon. Not anyway, yeah.

All the past all the time you hear That's the worst of all the house spooky is the past We're learning a warehouse recording this is kind of scary. No, isn't it? What do you know the difference between a casket and a coffin? Oh? So did I Coffins if you're gonna get your brother to build it he needs to know okay coffins are tapered at the head and the foot and are wide at the shoulders, that classic sort of... That's a coffin.

That's a coffin vampire. Like the vampire style. Yeah. Like so goes in at the head. Yep. But caskets, they're rectangular in shape and are usually constructed of better quality timbers, feature higher standards of workmanship. So they're the ones that people usually carry out.

Yep. The Polar Bearer style. I thought caskets are more popular than. Popular is a weird word to use there, but... Well, they just... Well, I think they are more common. Yeah, common. But they are a lot more expensive.

The cheapest coffin I could find online was $1,200. I'm so worried about you, Dave. The cheapest casket, however, was $3,200. Oh, hello. The pillow on the inside, if was $3,200. Oh, hello. The pillow on the inside, if you'd like a turn or rest, will only cost you $350 extra. I don't think my parents would even be mad when they go

if I don't buy them in the pillow. You're getting to say $350, would you buy a pillow now? I'd say $350. I wouldn't buy a pillow. I don't think so. Look, I'd follow the instructions if left. Otherwise, I don't know. I like the idea for me. If I was going to be buried, I like the Hessian sack idea. Have you gone to that? No, I haven't gone into that, please. Apparently, it's a more environmental

way of doing it. You're like decomposed quicker and go back to the earth. Go back to the earth. That's the closest thing to a green burial. Yeah, I think so. Just put him in a sack. Just in a, you know, a burlap sack. Burlap sack or a shallow grave. It's like a cold green bag.

Yeah. Oh no, they last a while they last a long You can be this the last bit about burial. We're gonna move on to other methods But um you can be buried anywhere You don't have to be in a cemetery with the as long as you get approval in writing from the secretary of the department of human Surf services So you can be in any sort of private ground or land? So you could bury your grandma in your backyard back out if you get the approval from the So you can be in any sort of private ground or land. So you could bury your grandma in your backyard.

Back out. If you get the approval from the secretary, you can bury her right there. Don't do that. That's not nice to the next people who are having like extending into the backyard and building a pool. They don't need to find that. No. Oh no. Don't do that. They just find a pile of cotton. They're like, what's this? Oh. Hey guys, this is Paige from Giggly Squad.

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and financial aid is available to qualified students including the GI Bill. Now is the time mycomputercareer.edu. So that's burial. That's option one either in Berman or not. I'm thinking about that still. Option two, the other most popular one you've already mentioned in a mat is cremation. What do you think is more popular in Australia? Being cremated or buried? I'd say, what date have you got this fact from? That's from recent times, last five years. I'd say cremations taken are real. Our cremation is, yeah, is really on the up, on the up and up.

Have you guys been on the websites I've been on? Because you've absolutely spot on 54% of all bodies in Australia are cremated these days. And the figure is increasing by half a percent each year So they are on the upper nut, you're right Because it feels like for one, I mean before I really don't want to hear about it too much because it's going to ruin it for me But I like the idea that it takes a wireless space Yeah

And you know we've got a bigger population every year, more people die every year. It just feels like where are all the bodies? It's gonna go if we keep burying everyone. But also it's just like, you know, in a box slowly rotting away, sounds pretty gross, yeah. Whereas you put the, I know the cremation is brutal and it doesn't fully get it all and they have to be crushed.

Like, yeah, I'm gonna talk about that. Yeah, like these are things you don't want to know. Are someone said to me recently, should I let you get into it? Yeah, let him get into it. I'll let you get into it. Let me know if I miss anything brutal or otherwise, please jump in.

Cramation is the combustion, vaporization, and oxidation of dead bodies to basic chemical compounds, turning you into ashes, gases and mineral fragments, retaining the appearance of dry bone. It sounds pretty scientific. It's growing. It's growing back, so you're not there anymore. But our cremation, not as old as burial, but it dates from at least 20,000 years ago.

Wow. The archaeological record. With the mongo lady, the remains of a partly cremated body found at Lake Mungo here in Australia as the oldest Reampramated lady yes, oh it's in New South Wales 20,000 years old 20,000 years old so it's got a history cremation some places still practice the older outdoor method of cremation via a pire In some places still practice the older outdoor method of cremation via a pyre. A pyre is a big pile of wood, the body is placed underneath or on top, and then burnt.

They were used in viking and Roman cultures, and they continue to be used in Hindu and Sikh cultures. This is an outdoor big fire, body just gets burnt. A traditional Hindu funeral pyre takes about six hours, and it burns between 5 and 600 kilograms of wood. You were talking about a cremation being an environmentally sound method, but... Yeah, not, did I say? This kind, yeah. This kind, I'll just go through this pyrate, every year 50 to 60 million trees are burnt during cremations in India,

which results in 8 million tons of carbon dioxide and greenhouse gas emissions. So that's the way they do it. India, which results in 8 million tons of carbon dioxide and greenhouse gas emissions. So that's the way they do it in the traditional methods, not for a good environment. Yeah, I'm not 100% sure how environmentally friendly it is. I'm more thinking just space. Like, just the space that's been taken up by the bodies. I imagine the most environmentally friendly way of doing it would be just to pile bodies in a huge hole somewhere, not

give, not spread them out. And is that, I mean, I don't know. All I can think about is the smell. Oh, the smell would be bad. Yeah, but I'm also thinking about it, like it would, like a, like a slow cooker. Would you rather, would you rather be the embalmer or the emberner? No, I would, no. You got to choose one.

I would not do either of those. And this reality you have to put one over the other. I would not, I would not. Burn one for sure. Burn one, yeah. I'm, burn one as well. We're a nose poiser. Yes, you've heard about the emberner,

you haven't heard about the crematorium person, doesn't it? Yeah, I can. So I'll tell you that then you can decide. Okay. These days, most cremations in Australia occur in a crematory that's housed within a crematorium, at which comprises one or more furnaces. A cremator is the name of the industrial furnace that is able to generate temperatures of 870 to 980 degrees

Celsius to ensure disintegration of the corpse. And it hasn't been around that long. The revival of interest in cremation in Europe and the United States began in the late 1800s with the rise of large cities and the realization of health hazards associated with crowded symmetries taking over, like you're saying, Matt. But it was not until 1884, 130 years ago,

that a British court first ruled cremations are a legal procedure, and the first Australian crematorium opened up in 1925. Wow. So not even 100 years of history in that sense. Wow. Why did it become popular? Was it a civil-religions or...? Because people, like I said, the said the cemetery's were getting really full even in the 20s in Australia

That way. Yeah, so I think it's a drop down effect So it becomes more popular in Europe right so it comes out here. Yeah with the immigrants and yeah, and people just think oh Yeah, it's because for a while there I think that people most religions were against it. Yeah, but are these days? most people can be cremated. You can't if you are strictly Jewish or Muslim. They still don't allow it, but the Pope has in the 60s, not that long ago in the 60s said that it's okay for people with the Catholic faith to be cremated. That's kind of cool. So modern cremators have adjustable control systems

that monitor the furnace during cremation. These systems automatically monitor the interior to tell when the cremation process is complete. So if you are the cremator, you don't have to do much. You pop them in and you get it. Yeah, that's not good. You go. I couldn't do it in a pie as a challenge.

I cannot believe that you couldn't decide between pushing someone into a furnace and going off and having a coffee and packing the ginners with cotton. You're like, both are equally bad. No, I didn't say that. I'll do both if I have to, but I'm not choosing. When we were talking about- Don't make me choose.

I was talking about just standing around watching a body burn on some wood for six hours, then I felt pretty gross about it. Imagine that venue job, you have to watch. Oh! No, but like the fire is cooking real good. I'm just going to go, no, you have to stare into their eyes. Oh! What's left of them?

They're melted away. I're now a one of them liquids. Well, the time the time required to melt away varies from body to body. It took six hours with the pie, but a modern way the process may be as fast as one hour per 80 kilograms of body weight. So I would last I weigh 52 kilos. I would be gone. Just, you're shift would last 40 minutes. Yeah. Pretty good. I'd still have to stand around and think about the fact that I just pushed my good friend Dave into a- You would also think about that your good friend Dave's anus completely cotton free. Good point and that's how I want Uranus. Thank you. Cotton free. To live on in my memory

cotton free. Cotton free, ain't it? You guys are just looking at Jordan, thank you. Cotton free. To live on in my memory. Cotton free. Cotton free, I know. You guys are just looking at me. I appreciate this so much. OK, we're going to go through the process of modern cremation. These days they're controlled by computers, and it looks like a giant pizza oven. Oh, no, don't you dare ruin pizza for me.

Pizza is my favorite food. You take that back. You take that back right now. I'm so sorry. Are the caskets put into the top level of the cremator's chamber. Or pizza oven. Top out of the pizza oven. And then I love this.

And then burnt, of course it is. All ornaments and fittings are left on the casket. So they just burn you in the casket hole. The fittings are burnt within the coffin as they're typically made of plastic. As the map, you're into being cremated. Let's see if you're into this. As the soft tissue begins to...

I really don't want to know a lot about it. The skin becomes waxy, it blisters and splits. The muscles begin to charflexing and extending your limbs as the tyrants move and around in the car. Yeah. The bones, the bones are the last to go. Yeah, no, sh**. They become, the bones are the last to go. Yeah, no shit. The bones are the last to go.

They become calcified as they expose the heat. They begin to flake or crumble. Then it's on to stage two. Bones and calcium deposits milled down to finer particles in a grinder or a cremulator. Love that, cremulator, which is just like a blender, if you like blending, I've also real one that for you. The ash ways she knows she does. She blends smoothies and pizza. Gone forever. You're Saturday nights over. The ashes of most people weigh around two kilos and are available to

relatives 24 hours after the cremation, so let it cool a little bit. And there's one of those systems like at dominoes where you got the names. People whatever name it says is in the oven. And it tells you what's the guy who pushes all the buns you tell you he's his favorite pizza topping. He's his favorite. Yeah, it's a funny team. If it's delivered cold, money back. Money back out into it. Ha! And it comes inside one of those pizza things that keeps the pizza warm.

Oh, the little carry case thing. And he rides on a little scooter, weaving in another traffic. Oh. But that's interesting. The thing you did say there about the grinder, I wasn't aware of that because someone was telling me recently that they were trying to organize a cremation for someone. Presumably did. Well, it's not just the conclusions.

And they were saying there's jewelry that you'll need to take. And they were like, we don't want them to just cremate them as is. What do you mean? Jewelry and all. And they're like, oh, well, the jewelry, it's not hot enough to take down the jewelry. I mean, there's bones and stuff that will still need to be grinded down. And they're like, oh, we're telling you we can't even handle. I know, I'm just taking this back.

The jewelry and you're telling me about grinding the bones there. Don't worry, the jewelry's fine, they've got a thing for that. I've got this right in here. They get the ashes, they've grind it down and then they run a magnet through it. They do in line. No, they pick out, what if you got like gold teeth? So you got gold teeth fillings,

if you've got a hip replacement or jewelry. Oh my god. They take it out. My dad had a hip replacement. My, oh, gross, and I have fillings. Take it out with, just a joint mechanism. Very old back on, I think. Yeah, sorry, dad.

You can do it with a closed casket there. But then what do they do with it? Like, would they then hand me my dad's fake hip? No, I don't think so. Close. No, that would just dispose of that. That's fine. OK, that's all right then.

I don't have to know. But the one thing that we'll take out before. Unfortunately no. Because the day. Oh, no, no. The one thing before you've been created that we'll take out is a pacemaker because they can explode in the oven.

There you go. Had similar to a double meat lovers. If you have too many too much slimy on the canning also. They can't explain to the oven. This really put me off, Matt. This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial.

This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial. This is the last line of commercial. What I like about this, if we could just recap what we've gone through so far, and now Dave, this next thing is what's put off Dave.

Packing anuses. And vaginas. Sucking out melted down teeth. Teeth. Running a magnet through. Riding bones down. This isn't what's put me off. No, this is what put me off.

This is the last sentence on creation. I think. While there may be some inevitable residue mixing, the bodies are burned one at a time to ensure the separation of the cremated remains. So you had turned to ash, but you might have in your box a little bit of someone else. Yeah, of course, because how could they clean it all up properly? I'd never thought about that, and that's really gross. No, that's not true.

That's not true. I'm so okay with that. Yeah, I'm a hundred percent Okay, the idea that they're bones are in my box I'm not okay with Rick cotton being packed up mine, so well Oh this one one so you don't want someone else's bone in your box is that we're saying that that's exactly Quite unquote put it on my tombstone put it on my nose bone in this box And then you're like, what's the most important thing? What's the most important thing? What's the most important thing? What's the most important thing? What's the most important thing?

What's the most important thing? What's the most important thing? What's the most important thing? What's the most important thing? What's the most important thing? What's the most important thing? What's the most important thing? What's the most important thing? What's the most important thing? It's called chemical cremation. It's called alkaline hydrosis, where the body is placed in a chamber.

It's filled with a mixture of water and li. And then li. And li. Water and li. Yeah, that's right. It's beautiful. You're talented. I'm into this. On the way out. It's good.

And then it's heated to the nice warm temperature of 160 degrees. But it's a very high pressure so it doesn't boil. And instead the body is effectively broken down into chemical components, it takes about three hours. The end result is a quantity of green-brown tinted liquid and soft porous white bone remaining, which you can easily crush in your hand. The ash is given back to the next of kin.

Dave is okay with the weirdest things. No. The liquid is disposed of either through the kin. Dave is okay with the weirdest things. No, no. The liquid is disposed of either through the sanitary sewer system or put in the garden. So you literally washed down the drain, Matt. That's the environmental method for you. I'm into it. Great.

Wash down the drain. I just don't need to know about it. Well, if I wasn't so dedicated to this podcast, I would not be listening to it. You don't want to be listening to it. If I wasn't sitting in a conversation at a par, I would have found a reason to go to the bar. So you want to know what's going to happen?

I think it's fascinating, but I hate this. I'm the... Is anyone going to listen to this? Yes. Six, five, definitely. Well, that's right. If people can put in pack buddies of 40 grand a year, I can someone's going to download this for free.

All right. Great point. For the most part, I'm all about cool with everything, but need to know basis. I don't need to know. Will you be like that with childbirth? A little bit, yeah, a little bit. Like I'm happy to, I'd be happy to be surprised with stuff on the day.

Just like hit me with it. Only if I have to see it, I have to see it and go through it. You know, like I don't need to be emotionally prepared. If I go in for an operation, which I have a couple of times before, one time I got the like the full run down before, they felt like it's better for you to know. And that was way worse than going in and just wake up. You're like like, and countdown from tentative one. And then you wake up and you're in pain in places you didn't realize you would be. It's like, fair enough. What kind of procedure are they giving you without telling you what it is?

I was, I was, I was six then, so maybe my parents knew. I knew what it was, and they told me, but I didn't really, I wasn't taking it all in and they didn't. They were like, Matt, we've got a lot of cotton. Don't worry about them. Yeah, I'm more cotton than man, even till this day. Well, have you ever thought about burial at sea? No. That seems okay. I like the idea of just disposing shit into the ocean.

I'm afraid to say that you should not even consider that one because in Australia, a permit is required for burial of bodies at sea and they're usually only granted in case of a strong connection to the ocean so people like they're in the Navy or you're a mermaid or can you prove it? Got no legs just this body. Tail, do you want to look at a tail? We've packed it for a cotton.

All right the rules are if you do get that the body must be do you want to look at a tail? We've packed it for a cotton. It's a backtail. Alright, the rules are if you do get that the body must be not be in bound or placed in a casket, you can only do it into a shroud, they drop it into the ocean and it's got to be 2,000 meters at least of the water underneath. You're putting a sack and dropped into the water. Would you float too? No, you're way down. You're way down. So you're basically fish food is the idea?

If the fish can get through the sack. Which they, that'll be the idea of being a sack. It's one of the most, it's way faster for your body to decompose into water. Yes, you don't last very long. But no permanent is required to scatter ashes at sea. So if you want to do that, just look at how the ocean. Bit of both.

How about something that I've often jokingly considered being stuffed and put on display? That can't possibly be an option. Well, if you... If people do that, but okay, in balmers are already complete sociopaths. If you're a taxidermist for humans, you're fucked. Hey. If you're listening and you're a taxididermists, I don't even want your subscription to this podcast and we're quite desperate for attention. Fuck you, you absolute creep.

I thought the account was all over again. Yes, I think I did. Why hate accounts and taxidermists of humans? Tax, it's tax. Yeah, so you think anything that one's tax. Don't say that word to me. Taxi drivers, stop it! So Dave doesn't mind having his aina stuff.

We've heard that. And we love him anyway. So now he's taking it one step further. He's having the whole lot stuff. Well, it's the same thing as being in Bump just on a higher scale. And if you're a world leader or a former dictator worth your weight, you'll want to be stuffed and put on display. So people that are on display include Vladimir Lenin, you can see in Red Square in Moscow. Since 1924 he's been sitting there.

Are you kidding me? He has mild bleachings and soaks in glycerol and potassium acetate every year. That's right. So he's there. The embark body of Ho Chi Minh is preserved and called in Hanoi in Vietnam. A North Korea, both Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il are embarked and put on display in Kim Il Sung's former residence. You can go. North Koreans can't see them. They are kept inside the building

that is called the cum Susan, which I really enjoy saying. Socialist leader. No, I'm not talking about the cum. It's good. It's good. I'm lying there. We would be murdered if we went there and laughed. Socialist leader. I did not laugh at that if anyone was listening from... No, North Koreans can all laugh at that if anyone was listening from... No, North Koreans can laugh at you. Or uh... Uh... Chinese... Former Socialist leader, Mousie Dong. He's like...

He can't laugh at Chairman Mao, you know him, right? He's had a Mousie Dong. But Dong. But Dong. Mousie Dong. If you said Mousie Dong. Then... Mousie Dong. If you said mousey don't My favorite in barbed-body if I could pick one and only one

Come to my head Oh, well, well, Tuton Carmen. No, it is a He embarked well mummified which is an extreme process of Embarming which is what just a little bit. It organs out through their nose My favorite is that's true and and and pack the cotton through there nose but still the butt still the butt Always the butt number one rule of human taxidermy always the butt out through the nose

And through the ainess hit that butt hit the first rule you learn that you learn that in any class any class Weakie how step one get ready to get inside that but Dennis No, my favorite in bar body is of Eva Peron No, my favorite imbaron body is of Eva Peron. Oh, man. She was a former wife of Argentinian president. Do you know Eva Peron? Yeah, Madonna.

That's why she played her in the Aveda, the film. Ah, but of course. So when she died in 1955, she died pretty young. And imbarmas emptied water from the cells of her body. And then they replaced it with wax which is very unusual and they pretty much turned it into a candle. I don't like it. She's also missing a finger because when the junta who overthrew her husband and her body was in his house, they cut off one of the fingers to make sure that she was real because

they thought she was literally just made of wax. He kept around in his house Oh, and the weirdest part about it is so I'd love when he says the weirdest part this whole thing has been Whenever he says the he say the weirdest part and he says and apparently she wasn't a natural blonde she wasn't a natural blonde yep absolutely go on go on what's the weird part was so i'm her husband got one brown who is the president he got overthrown in a coup and then they had to leave

without her body and the body went missing for fifteen years turned up in italy then um... one who would move. Even after her death, she loved to travel. No, she traveled. And then one who'd moved to Spain. And backpackers.

They found her in a backpackers. $15. And then a 12-bumped storm. So after they found their body, they took it from Spain. They took it from Italy and flew it to Spain, where one husband was now living with his new wife. Oh. And they just kept it in the house on their dining room table for a couple of years. Get fucked.

I'm not kidding. Sitting there. And then in 1977. Seriously, they fuck off. His podcast is over. That's it. We're done. You killed it.

Mm-hmm. So you're living with your husband. You've got the ex-wife's dead body on the table. Then he went... We the ex-wife's dead body on the side for then he even next wife he went back to Argentina he became the president again with his new wife as the vice president then he he died she became she became the new president to go over and then she brought the body back. She brought the Eva's body back, which was then

it was good luck. Finally, good luck, body. Finally buried in a tomb with the marble floor, which is a trap door that leads to a compartment containing two coffins. Under that compartment is a second trap door and a second compartment that is where her body rests. The claim is often made her tomb is so secure, it could withstand a nuclear attack. You know what you just described there with the multiple compartments. That is also how I'm going to set up my butt. A trap door? Yeah.

There's going to be one section with cotton, another with Vaseline, one with tiger balm. Just haves a different compartment. You get right in there, there'll be like, you'd be like, you think you're seeing it all, and then you pull on a little book in the show. It's another trapdoor. There's even more gauze.

Yeah. It's a little, it's a little book. It's a little He pulled on a little book. A little thing swings around and then like my ashes come around and a little learn. So I'd met Spur. Like there's gonna be so many visitors. It's gonna be a real... So more salient? Yeah, it'll be a more salient. It'll be more popular than that.

A Masaleum. My Arsaleum. That's Arsaleum. more the Liam yeah the more the Liam more popular than a massly my ass Liam that's ass Liam that's fun that is good fun it's great all right David I'm coming around to this post-trial idea all right okay just when you thought it couldn't get any worse oh god have you heard of sky burial do you know the sky? Just chuck it out of a plane. No, it's a funeral. Get ready for this. That's what the image that comes to my mind is being chucked from a plane. Imagine living on that flat path?

Is that not right? You say that and it sounds much more reasonable than what I'm about to say. Okay. Sky Barrel, it's a funeral practice in which a human corpse is placed on a mountaintop to decompose while exposed to the elements or to be eaten by scavenging animals, especially birds.

Ah, vultures and... It's a type of ex-car nation, which means the burial practice of removing flesh and organs of the dead leaving only the bones and it's practicing parts of China to bet Napoleon Mongolia often by monks and Pretty much the function of the sky burial is to simply dispose of the remains in a as generous away as possible It looks great. That sounds like a really good one. That's quite nice. You've got this warped perception

If you've seen the photos that I've seen, don't look at the photos. Of these birds chewing on a ribcage, then you will not think it's as okay as you think it is. It's like all of these photos are horrible. Don't look at the photos. They're all involving dead bodies. The body isn't just left out on them, mountain it's disassembled.

So there's a team of people that cut them up, like a butcher that cuts open, and then the birds come in and then start eating. Right. You don't think that's this gross? I think that's really gross. I mean, it is if you're aware of it at all, but if you're dead, it's fine. I can't move, I can't move past pack in the ass though. That's the worst for you?

No! You started, you started big. At the end of this episode, we're gonna, we'll do a ranking from best to worst. OK, good. OK. How about being shot into outer space? Oh, yes. Yes. Well, that's easily the best.

If I can afford that, yes. Yes. Big time. Right. Space burial refers to the launching of a portion of cremated remains into outer space. You've lost me. I want shot out of a cannon.

Full body. Full body. I want to be wearing a suit that's like an Elvis. It's got stars all over it and a matching helmet And then I just want to go once I hit like the point I don't know what and then I just explode and over over my over my crotch I wanted to say I come in peace But is it is cut has come spelt? Oh with a you And on my ass. I want it to say no cotton But how's CUMS Belt? Oh, with a U. Oh yeah, guys. Very good.

And on my ass, I want it to say, no cotton. Cotton free eggs. Cotton free eggs. No, if you want to go to space, so they take a little bit, they put it in the container. It can either orbit around the earth, it can go to the moon, or continue into deep space and just go forever. But it's not scattered in space. It just stays inside the container. So you just keep flying on. That bullshit.

I like the idea of this because I believe that somewhere, you know, there's going to be at some point, aliens are going to find your remains. That's what I'm saying, like the common piece thing because you're going to be found by an alien at some point and then they're gonna re-animate you because they've got the alien powers. So why not, like you want to be as complete as possible? That's why I wouldn't cremate. Well, one of the kings of aliens, some would say, the first ever space burial occurred in

1992 when the NASA Space Shuttle Columbia took a portion of Star Trek creator Jean Roddenbury's cremated remains into space. But then they took him back. So they went out, they didn't leave them out there. But then in 1997, seven more grounds of his ashes were launched into space orbit. And now there's more plans to send his more of his ashes along with his wife into deep space next year but how much is the rest of it? He's watched a lot. That's the problem.

That's the interesting part of it. Yeah, weird plan but no. Guys, I've gotten like, like I've said dedicated to this podcast, I've gotten two quotes on how much it will cost you to go into outer space. What the fuck is that? You have like live quotes. I've live quoted it. I don't think we should record it.

No, I've sworn a lot on this episode. That's fine. For a live quote. I've a live quote at it. I don't think we should record it. No, I've sworn a lot on this episode. That's fine. It's been a long week. I don't think swearing's the thing that's going to make people turn this episode off. Good point. All right, so if you option one, Matt, option one, you can do an earth rise.

One gram of ashes flown high enough to experience zero gravity then returned back to earth. And then the container is given back to your loved ones that'll cost you $1295 for one gram but for $12,500 a small price. It talks about 350g, these they says and that hasn't gone around or but I mean. Exactly. Would you snort a family member though? Well, is that a miss but apparently, it's probably not true, but there was a rumor that Keith Richards snorted his old man with some coke. Oh yeah, I read that.

But I don't think that's true. He's all about the image. Yeah, I think so too. I think he's a lot of myth to be alive He can't have done drugs lately. Surely He's 95% myth that go out of him 5% his dad's dad's ashes But 12 and a half thousand dollars. That's all I need will get you I've been quoted

I can have one gram of my ashes flown into deep space to continue forever. That's what the alien thing, 12 and half gram. No, but this is a part of your ashes. Yeah, but the aliens are pretty advanced. I don't know if like a tiny gram of your ashes. Would they know? Are they going to see this little thing of powder and go? Well, this is someone we could re-animate.

They're not. If they saw a body though, just floating by with eye-cum in peace written on it. Yeah. They'd be like, hang on, stop the ship. Message loud and clear has been received. Get the defibrillators. That's what they call their life-giving things. It's a slightly different thing to our... defibrillators.

Defe... Whatever, I want to call... def... Fib. Defebillators. That's what we call them here. But the islands call them defibrillators. And there are much more advanced. Languages evolved to add an R.

Well, no, the technology is being advanced to be able to re-animate Corp. I have pleased. But he's never heard of alien reanimation technology or something. Read a book or something. Read a book or something. Well, you were talking about a canon, Jess. Yes, I want to be sure I have a canon in this place. Hunter S. Thompson, famed writer, a fear and loathing in Las Vegas.

When he died in 2005, he had his ashes, not his body, but his all of his ashes, fired from a canon, a top, a 47 meter tower, which was shaped like the famous Gonzo symbol, you know, Gonzo journalism, it's like a red fist or red hand holding a Pioti button. Red fist is also the symbol of packing an ass with cotton. I knew where you were going and I still very much enjoyed it. That's right Matt, it It's predictable, but very welcome. Very welcome. So he was fired out of a cannon. Welcome red fist. He's ashes were fired out of a cannon. 47 meters tall whilst red, white and blue fireworks went off and according to Thompson's widow Anita, the whole funeral was paid

for by Johnny Depp. All right, we've got one final thing, one final possibility for my body. And that is being donated to medical science. Don't want me to be self-paid, please. Well, if you can think of any others, at the top of the show you thought there was only two options and I've shown you, there's more. Too many.

I could have my body donated to medical science. Centuries, medical students have studied anatomy using real human cadavers. The old days, bodies were difficult to find. so people would pay a lot of money for them, so they might steal them from the cemetery, or for a while there, people were going around knocking each other off, and then just giving the body in for a reward. Thankfully, the Human Tissue Act of 1982, in Australia, quote, persons with lawful custody of a body may permit it to undergo anatomical

examination unless to then knowledge that a ceased during their lifetime either in writing or verbally in the presence of two or more witnesses express the wish that their body should not undergo such examination. So if you don't want to be examined, you say it right now, it's on record for on this podcast with two witnesses. What are you reckon? I would love to be examined. Yes. Does it work in the air? I'm afraid like I think the The you just not your descendants, but you're remaining. What am I trying to say the people who?

I like the executives the executives. They they could if I said I really want to my body to be donated to science say my What my partner or whoever in the future they said? No, not on then the living persons say is the one that's taken to account feels like I should be able to Choose a hundred percent if you write it down in a will Yeah, then it will be your word But if they don't have any word and then your partner, your next account says, no, then that's it. They can't have you. But one of the criteria for donating your body is that it must be whole. So excludes people who have had organs removed for organ transplantation.

People who have had amputations or if you've had an autopsy performed on your body. So it's got to be intact. You can be an organ donor and donate your body because less than 1% of people who die in hospital in the specific circumstances, we can donate organs. So chances are, if you and if you are organ donor, you're not going to be able to give organs anyway. Really? Yeah, because you've got to be, like, you can't...

You've still got to basically be alive, one of the machines. So you can't be in a car accident and then two hours later, it'd be driven to the hospital, like, it's got to be straight from you. They've got to keep blood pumping through you. Yeah, that kind of stuff. Oh my goodness. Another rule for donating to science is obese and amaciated people are also not accepted because they do not in balm properly.

So I'm pretty sure I'm out. I think I'm too thin. Oh, you're poor thing. I can't be in balm. I'm in balming myself with burgers. Also institutions will not often not pay for the transport of bodies located more than 40 kilometers away. Which I think is pretty tight. If you're giving them your body, they should be able to go have fair. You reckon? That might have been pretty uber. You got to get yourself there, yeah, that's right. Ubers much cheaper. Once the body's been accepted, it must be embalmed. Just like before, like put a cocktail of chemicals

throughout your body, then you kept in a fridge for three months. Every part of the body is tagged with a number, and when they are done, the body is returned to your family for cremation or burial. See, you still have to make the choice unless some parts can be left for teaching, like a hand or something can be kept in the anatomy museum.

But do you imagine, like, I know that, you know, friends studying medicine or who studied physio and stuff like that, that did work with cadavers, can you imagine how creepy that would be, though? It's like going into class and there's just a body there. And I'd just be so sure that at any second they were going to be like, I don't think that will be the case because like 95% of them are like 70 or 80 or over. They're not in a prank. Exactly come on. It's too old for you. You look at them. You act your age mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop. All right, so that's all the options.

After thinking it all through, we've got burial cremation, being burnt in a pious sky burial, getting shot into out of space, being embalmed, buried at sea, being donated to science. Too many, I can't remember them all. So the worst one, I'm going to start with the worst because it's a process of elimination. Yeah, easy. The worst, I sort of feel like it's...

It's packing your ass It's in bombing that is the horrible way to open casket that also leaves out Don't add into science because they put in a lot. Yeah, no don't look that's a they probably don't pack your aim This maybe they do maybe they just suck it out We've won! That's a little bit more. They're just their lips, come on. Come on, they're medical students. Yeah, they're getting paid 40 grand a year.

Come on, they've got to earn it. Now I feel more comfortable with it if it's for science. And if someone's going to learn something for it, rather than just to make some my weirdo relatives. Look at me. Look at me for like a 30 minutes that I don't pack my ass for that you putting that on record for your next channel record please no open casket for Matt no but yeah the science I think is way less messed up but I feel like if you're gonna it anyway the way I'd rank

it is at one end it'd be anything that my body could be useful for at all. And at the other end, it's impact arts. In fact, that's true. That is exactly right. One end you've got. So the good thing. You can use my body and learn something.

At the other end, it's for nothing more than vanity in death. My ass is being packed with cotton. Vanity in a packed vanity. Vanity in a packed vanity. So that's the one you don't want but which is the one you guys do want? What's some saying like like the one anything that... Oh yeah space. Space? Big time. So you're going to cry at it first Yeah. I'm in a cremation. No, I still want canon into space, just my full body, but I understand if that's an

option. So yeah, I guess cremated. Cremeated then shot into space. One gram at a time. Yes, please. Yeah, look, my idea would be if my body is useful for organs, take them, if science wants it, take it. If those things are out,

cremate me and shoot me in a space. All right, that's two first space. I'm gonna say, none of them really appeal to me. And in short, from this I've learned that I really don't wanna die. Yeah, I do not wanna die. I don't want any of my loved ones to die. I know.

I don't want you guys to die. I don't want people to die. I don't want deaths to exist. If I do die, and I have to choose one The one that I reckon appeals most to me controversial perhaps I reckon is Tell me it's not packing your eyes. It's um Outdoor cremation on one of those pious no day I reckon because it's like it's like putting you on a spit

No, but I hate the I really really really hate the idea of Being put in an oven where other people have been put before me. I don't like the idea of the action. So let me just say on the log fire, it's just you and the wood. That's it. There's no other people in there. And that's what I like. But you said it's quite bad for emissions. I don't care. I'm dead.

But the people you love who have left behind. The world, you know, just. But I'm a pretty rare but the people you love who have left behind the world And you know, just I'm a pretty rare rare case, I think What about this day? I don't know if it's legal I don't think they let you know what about this you pay a bit extra I have to confirm and you do as a man Then apply I think you but please, but sorry what if I just feel like Your best option is getting in first at a new crematorium Oh your best option is getting in first at a new crematorium. Oh, yes, yes! I want to be the first one in the oven.

You just don't even think of that, Matt, that's bloody genius. I read online that you can buy one for as cheap. A crematorium's cheap ones cost $80,000. Maybe I could just buy one. I want buy one. In my will, like my kids won't inherit a thing, but I buy a crematorium.

Well, they inherit your ashes. And the crème de. And the crème de. Yeah, but then they've got a crème de. And then they, that's the new business. Yeah, they can pay for itself. Suddenly, they're the guys packing and shoving bodies in the oven. In the oven?

In the pizza oven. Pizza oven. One, three, double, one, double, six. Oh. Wow. So, okay, that's, they're my two options. I'm really glad I talked this out loud with you, because a lot, all of it, none of it appeals,

but I think I'm gonna be either the first one into the oven at the new crematorium or burn me on my pie. At the Water King Memorial crematorium. Well, I hope I haven't ruined everyone's minds. I just need to go. Dave, I feel like you've ruined death for me. I've finally done it. I've made death scary.

Yeah. You've made it unappealing. Yeah, I don't think I want to die now. I don't want to. Thanks Dave. Sorry guys. I just feel like I need to go hug my loved ones. I really, because the most, I feel like a lot of it is

I don't really care if I die. But knowing that like you're aware of these people who are going through the pack darses, that is fucking brutal. Well, I did go on a lot about death and thank you so much for listening to this episode. Maybe tweet us. What is your preferred disposal method of your body? We're a disposal. We are. Can we found on Twitter at do go on pod do go in pod do go in party can also email us do go in pod at gmail.com

But I think we're all gonna go think about what I've done. Oh, we'll leave it there. Yeah, I think we should I need a hope you guys Do you believe it there? Yeah, I think we should. I need a hug, you guys. I feel so say, somebody hug me. I'll get the theme song out there right here and I'll peve us up. We can't hear a lot of podcasting, Matt is a paddy man, it's nice. See you next week, we'll have an uplifting topic for Matt!

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