Do Go On - 103 - Lost Colony of Roanoke

Episode Date: October 10, 2017

In the late 16th Century, England wanted to set up a permanent settlement in North America and in 1587 Sir Walter Raleigh sent 115 people to colonise Roanoke Island. But what happened to these men, woman and children? Their fate has been debated about and speculated on for centuries. This is the story of The Lost Colony of Roanoke... It's a bloody mystery episode! Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPodTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail]  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenjai Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hi Dave, hi, Matt, hi, Dave. Hello, Jess. Hi, Matt. Oh. Did you have to think? I had to think.

No, about who you are in the equation. Yeah, I was like, hi, no. Who are the other two? You're the Jess character. I mean, person. Human person. Who definitely exists. Not a robot.

Yeah, they're all characters. They are all two-dimensional flat characters. Poke a hole in them. Try. Yep, you just did. Okay. That was quick. Well done.

Yeah, good too. We're recording on Saturday afternoon. The weather is nice. The beers are out for Matt and I, Jess, on the waters. I'm hitting the hard stuff. Nice. You are going... The Jess, it's oxober.

For today. Just today. Just today. She's on October the 3rd or whatever today is. It's not the 3rd. Damn it. I know that if I was drinking waters. He's drunk again.

He is, as he always is. But it's great to be here, Matt. You feeling good? I've lost four days. I just looked at it. It's the 7th. Anyway, it's not actually because when people listen to this, it's in the future. It's not the 3rd.

It's still not the 3rd. It's even less the 3rd. Unless they listen to it in just under a year. year from now. That'd be perfect. Actually possible. Imagine. Someone's doing that right now and their mind is exploding all over the train.

Wow. And they're on the train as well, so it exploded again. And they're driving the train. And they don't even know how. They've never driven a train before. They've just woken up from a weird dream. Do you drive a train? Yeah, train driver.

You don't drive a boat, do you? It's a worthy question. No, you swim a boat. Do you drive a plane? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you definitely drive a plane. You drive a plane out to the runway and then he take off. Yeah.

Come on. And then he'd drive it through the sky. Skydriving. Yeah. Sky driving. I was going to go for a sky drive. Oh, I like that. Hey, Dave, I met this guy for the second time last one, so it's not really meeting him.

But his name was Lucas Ryan. He's a listener and he was up in Aubrey where I was doing a gig. And he was saying that he wanted a way to easily explain what the show is, right? There's no such thing. And he said that he messaged you at some point. point and he asked you and you said, I don't know how to do it, right? But he had a good one, and I wish I'd written it down

because I can't remember. But anyway, I just want you to know that somewhere, somewhere out there, someone knows how to... You're not even going to give it a crack. What? It was something like three comedians. One of them does a report on a certain topic. The other two are smart asses.

Something like that. That's about right. Yeah. That's about right. That is about right. Yeah. But it's not exactly right. Because I'm a smartass

and I'm going to bring you to the... So that is what the show is, right? But we always start the show. We get into the topic by the person giving the report. Yeah. The head smart ass for the week. They ask a question to get us on a topic.

Dave, this week is your report. Please ask us a question. You are the head smart ass. My first question is, okay, to get us on to this week's topic, which was voted for by the people that support us through Patreon. My question to get you on topic, because it's one of those things

where you've either heard of it, you haven't. So I'm just got a question that vaguely gets us. I'm feeling real cocky today, Matt. I know about nearly everything. I think you're going down. Oh, okay. I forgot we weren't working as a team. Never.

Like, yeah, let's do. Oh, oh, I see. When have we ever been a technical? No, sometimes. Back in the early days. We do apart. We did. We'll get back together.

This is a fun thing because there's only 50 possible answers, so you can really have a crack. Great. In what US state? I was going to say, it's a US state. Was the first English. Colony Attempted New England

It's not New England That would make sense Alright Anyway it's on the east It's on the east coast there So New York No That was the Dutch

We've talked about it though Yeah we talked about in the Santa We talked about New York settled In the Santa Claus episode I'm gonna say Pennsylvania It is not

JP Our geography queen Fuck Here we go I didn't want you to ask me Because I don't know We said east coast And I was like well I'm out

I've got no fucking idea. Indiana, where Gary is, my new home. We got, I reckon, close to 50 people tweeting in saying, do you know that Gary's a real place? Thank you, but we do now. We did not know. I've been walking on Sunshine ever since. We've got to go.

Yeah, there's no doubt of my one. I'm going to Gary. I've just looked it up today. They've got a, or they used to have a basketball team called the Steelheads. That's good. What a place. Gary. Michael Jackson's from there.

Gary, Indiana. There's a song that Ron Howard sang in a musical. Gary, Indiana, Gary, Indiana, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary. Is that bit true? Yes. What the hell? It's now on my bucket list to take a photo of you next to the sign that says, Welcome to Gary, Indiana.

I was reading the Wikipedia page and at some point they go, you can head to downtown Gary. Downtown Gary, that's a real place. So good. That is so good. I'm just going to tell you where it is so we can get straight into this episode. It is in North. North Carolina is my guest, Dave.

Where Michael Jordan played college basketball. Well, that's one fact. North Carolina, okay. Okay, have you ever heard of? I've heard of North Carolina, yes. Great. Have you heard of the topic which takes place there? This is one of our most suggested topics, I didn't realize.

But it is the lost colony of Rowanoke. Oh, this has been suggested so many times. Yeah. Dave, is this a mystery episode? It's a mystery! It's a mystery. I put three mystery topics in the Patreon hat. If you're not familiar, if you support us through Patreon,

you can vote every three weeks on the topic that I present on. And there are three mysteries, and this being one of the most popular topics, obviously, it won by a country mile. It was 60% of the vote or something. The other ones were cool and we'll probably get to. Oh, man, I'm so in the mood for a mystery. Yes. That's great.

Mystery mood. It's been suggested by... Mystery mood. How she feel, we don't know. It's a mystery mood. No, you just said you're in a really excited mood. It's not a mystery at all. I'm in a really good mood.

It's a mystery mood. Yeah, but now I feel sad. It's a roller coaster. It's been suggested by lots of people. So thank you. If this is you and if we've missed you, I apologize, but this is so many. Jake Specter, John Titus, Kat Kurt McCauley, Jonah Christian. These are a great name.

Stephen Sanky. Oh, fuck yeah. Paul S. It's a mystery name. Hillary Smith Dan Brown The Da Vinci Code

loves a mystery that guy He's a mystery writer Can I tell you that I once I once won tickets to like a Fox FM which is a big radio station here in Melbourne rooftop party I was in the habit of just entering

as many competitions as I could to win stuff and I went along and they had like a pop star before I can't even remember and I was talking to this guy because most people there were either competition winners or VIP. So it was a strange mix, and I was obviously a competition winner. And this guy started telling me how he was an author. And I was like, oh, okay, anything I've heard of?

And he's like, have you heard of the Da Vinci Code? I was like, are you Dan Brown? And he's like, yeah, I am. And I looked him up and it was definitely not him. He was lying. He was lying. Dan Brown, an American guy, and this guy, Ozzie 2 for sure. Thanks for lying to me, mate.

That is amazing. That was a great lie. I think it was that Derbrow that just suggested it. Yeah. Maybe his name is Dan Brown. Oh, maybe that's where he got it from. Also, Richard Schubert the third. Thank you, Richard.

He's also in the golden hat, Richard. Yeah, well, there you go. Richard, this is one of your golden? No, it's not. John Shearer and Dylan Byrne from Adelaide. Man, there's a lot of... Why is only... They're all from Adelaide or just Dylan?

I just know Dylan Burns is a frequent Twitter and good support of the show. There's a lot of great frequent tweeters in there. Yeah, awesome.

Good suggestion, guys. It's an all-star topic here. The Lost Colony of Roanoke. So do you guys know anything about it? I know. It involves a lost colony in North Carolina. Oh,

you have heard of it. And that is on the East Coast of the United States of America. And it involves, obviously, Michael Jordan's college basketball career. And he still wears his lost colony of Rowanoke shorts underneath his Chicago Bulls uniform in the 1990s.

He still wears it to this day. He just keeps collecting layers of clothes. He only wore his Chicago Bulls uniform. I'm 50 years old. And the colony is actually named after a guy called Rowan Oaks. That's true. That is also true. That's not true.

Well, it's part of the mystery. Just in case. No one knows that for sure. All right, we're going to get into this mystery. just a bit of background because I feel like a lot of well maybe not all but a lot of American listeners

will probably know more about settlers coming to their continent more than we do so if you are in that boat interesting that you would assume that they'd know more than I do about my that is interesting my preferred

bit disappointing really I'm very educated I was talking about the other listeners oh not you Justin mate you guys know everything yeah I never patronise you if you ever feel like I'm talking to you like you're dumb I probably am

and I probably deserve it. I think he's talking to someone else, Jess. He was making direct eye contact with us. But that's only because he can't look at the listener in the eye. Those dumb, dumb listeners. Big old dummies. Big dummies. Well, like we always say, we got the best lovely idiots listening who we love.

You listening right now, you're a dummy. All right, Dumbo, let's start the show. All right. Hope your headphones are in your ear holes, not your nose. Again. You've made that mistake before. It smells like another great podcast. All right, man.

Jess's laugh smells so good. All right, here we go. Born in Italy, the explorer Christopher Columbus made four trips across the Atlantic Ocean from Spain. He was backed by the Spanish in the late 15th century. He was determined to find a direct water route west from Europe to Asia, but he never did. Asia. I felt that simple. Asia.

He never made it to Asia. Instead, he accidentally stumbled upon the Americas. And fashion. American fashion. Although he did not really, quote unquote, discover the new world. Millions of people already live there. His journeys marked the beginning of centuries of transatlantic conquest and colonization. About 100 years later in the late 16th century where our story takes place,

England, France, Spain and the Netherlands launched major colonization. organisations in Eastern North America. So either up top in Canada or right down to Florida. They all wanted a piece of the action and they wanted to set up settlements there. So that's sort of where we're at in, historically speaking. We come to an English man born in 1552. So Walter Raleigh was an adventurer. What's his last name?

Raleigh. Raleigh. R-A-H-I-L-Y. No, it's R-A-L-G-H. And I've heard it pronounced Raleigh. rally. Rally. He was an adventurer.

Explorer. Soldier, writer, lover. Oh, my God. He was everything. He was... And nothing. He was... He was a landed gentleman.

A landed. Landed... It wasn't waterborne. Social class in England where people make their income from renting out property and land that they own. Oh.

He's a landlord. Yeah, landlord. But I prefer to call my landlord to the landed gentleman. My landlord is a woman. A landed gentle woman. Yeah, good. I don't know why I struggle with that.

Gentle. What do I call the other sex? So, he's a pretty famous English dude. In 1578, Raleigh set out with his half-brother, Sir Humphrey Gilbert. Fuck yes. On a voyage to North America to find the Northwest Passage. They never made it there and got distracted with a bit of a bust-up with Spanish shipping. So this happens frequently in this story.

England versus Spain a lot of the time because Spain's already got land in Mexico and Florida in North America so they're doing pretty well and England sort of wants to catch up to them Raleigh's brash actions against the Spanish were not well received by the monarch's advisors and he was briefly imprisoned

and that was... He's a bad boy. And not for the last time. Oh! He goes to prison three times. Oh! At least three times. Sizzle.

Nevertheless, the tall, handsome and superbly confident Raleigh, who was also extremely well-dressed, rose rapidly at Elizabeth I, who's the queen at the time, her court and quickly became a favourite of the queen. He served in her army in Ireland

and was knighted and became captain of the Queen's Guard that soldiers in charge of guarding the official royal residences in the United Kingdom. You see beef feeder type people these days? Dave has a bit of a crush. Well, maybe because a famous legend is that he He once threw his cloak over a muddy puddle to keep the queen from getting a feet wet.

Oh, that is something you would find very admirable. Oh, yeah. I do it all the time. I stand near a puddle with a jacket waiting. Come on, Queenie. Where's the fucking queen? My time to Sean. Where's the fucking queen?

I imagine you waiting by the puddle for someone to do it for you. You're like, hello. How will I cross? Someone. People walk past. Man, that's a nice jacket there. Isn't it a bit warm for that jacket?

Give me a jacket. They're like warm and a puddle. I don't think so. The queen rewarded the handsome man handsomely. Yes, I wrote that. With a large estate in Ireland, lots of land, which he rented out and made money from,

trade privileges, and eventually a knighthood. Ooh, Serrali. Yes, ooh. But her biggest gift to him was on March 25th, 1884, Queen Elizabeth I granted Sir Walter, Sir Walter, Sir Walter, Sir Walter, a charter for the colonisation of the area of North America. This charter specified that Raleigh needed to establish a colony in North America or lose his right to colonisation. He was granted rights to explore,

colonise, and rule any, quote, remote heathen and barbarous lands, countries and territories, not actually possessed by a Christian prince or inhabited by Christian people. So basically, the deal was, if you get on, if you're going to, if you're going to America and there's no Christians there, it's yours. What the fuck? Yeah, that was her decree. Wow, that's fucked. Like, if there's no one there that already owns it.

And I mean, I don't mean, like, you know, people. No Christians. Yeah, if there's a prince nearby. Who's obviously Christian. Then absolutely, that's theirs. But if there's no Christians, yours. That's just classic Christianity, isn't it? Love thy neighbor unless they're not a Christian.

Oh, it sucks. Yep. The charter also specified that he had seven years to establish a settlement, or he would lose his right to do so. Why were you laughing at a third year? Just seven years is a long time. I suppose it takes about four months just to get there. No, I know, but seven years is a long time.

It is. Regardless. If you gave me seven years to do something, I'm not starting that for six and a half years. Jess is like, I've got six months to colonize North America. Get in the ship. Get in the ship.

But it's a funny thing because it's like, I'm going to let you be able to colonize North America. Unless you don't do it in seven years, then you're not allowed to do the thing that I'm allowing you to do. It's like a weird loop, right? Yeah, it's weird. I think it was more like, do it in seven years, but if you don't have the Hutzpah to get it done,

I'll get someone else in it. I'll get someone with Hutzpah. In seven years time. Unless that person with Hutzpah is not a Christian. So that's what he wants to do. And obviously, if you go over there and you can claim anything you like, you're going to get real rich, so he's pretty keen to get involved in this. Sure.

Although he didn't go himself, Raleigh funded and organised a reconnaissance trip to North America on April 27, 1584, which is like a month later, so he's done pretty well. Yeah, see, I wouldn't do that. Yeah, Jess is six years, six months later. He's a bit, buddy keen as, isn't he? Jeez, always settled down, mate.

We're all very impressed. Nerd. Put your fucking jacket back on. He's the guy, pens down, I'm done. All right, mate. We get it. Yeah, good for you. There's still another half an hour.

We're all still working. You've missed a page of the exam. You're fucking idiot. Well done, though. No, you put your pen down real quick. Fuck off car guy. Car you can. Fuck off car guy.

Car guy. Yeah, go drive away. He's old too. He's too old to be in this exam. So, April, the expedition is led by Philip Amidus and Arthur Barlow. And they set off with two ships, so which is obviously. pretty small fleet. Spare ship each.

Yeah, ship each. That's great. Oh, small fleet. We've both got a ship. What do you prefer to have like a rope out the back, tugging along some more spare ships? When we fly to Sydney, we're taking three planes. Three planes at least.

No, that's true, of course. Well, basically, they just want to go there. Breathing the same enclosed air as you guys. Yuck. Both, thank you. So they wanted to go to the eastern coast of North America. Three and a half months later, they arrived at, Rowanoke Island.

Named after Rowan Oak. Rowan Oak, that's right. Off the coast of... When does he come into the story? Look, Matt, I don't interrupt your reports, do I? Except every two seconds. Rowan Oak Island, which is off the coast of North Carolina. Which is on the east coast of the country.

Where Michael Jordan played college. Just for context. The island is about eight miles or 12 kilometres long and two miles or 3K wide. It's not huge. It's a small island. It's just a few miles, a few kilometres off the coast. And it's right near Kitty Hawk, the sand dune filled place where the Wright brothers perfected their right flyer. About 300 years later.

Do you think they're connected? Yeah, it's all related. The group, who on the recon, wrote glowing reports of the area of the island. They encountered Native Americans. Non-Christians. Yes. The Roanoke people, that's why it's actually called Roanoke. the people from the area.

They'd lived on Roanoke Island. Known as Rowanoke. Their parents didn't have a great imagination. All of their names are Rowan. Or Oak. They'd lived on Roanoke Island and the surrounding areas. There's a bunch of islands and sort of bay and stuff around there for thousands of years. They've been there a long time.

The Native Americans were friendly to the English and the two parties were fascinated with each other. The English had arrived at a time of plenty, a season where the Native Americans had lots of food to share with the English who had trouble creating their own crops. So they're happy to share. Well, that's nice. I can't see anything going wrong. Well, how about this next sentence? When the reconnaissance party

returned to England, they took two of the Native American leaders, a man named Juan cheese and a man named Manteo. I does not know how the men were convinced to go to England or if they were just made to go. But probably invited and graciously accepted.

Thank you. We would love to come to England. You've given us all this food. Let's bring you back. So you want to see what we've got? We'll bring you some food at Apple. We want to repain the favour? We've got pie floaters or whatever we do in England.

It's Adelaide. What do they do in England? They do the bangers and mash. Bings and mash. Pints of Lager. Bovril. Bovrol. And of course.

Iron brew. Iron brew. Thank you. Great. One cheese and Manteo. So these people, there's two boats that go on there. Scattered it out. I want to make a joke about one cheese, but it feels insensitive. Probably best you don't.

That's something bad about that. No, no, I want to want. I'm curious to hear what this joke is. Jess has got a joke. He just wants cheese. He wants cheese. How's that insensitive? We all want cheese.

No, it's insensitive because he's lactose intolerant. That is insensitive. It's C-H-E-S-E-W-C-H-E-E-C-E-H-E-E-E-E-C-E-E-E-E-E-Rose. How would you say it? Let's go with one-chise. I apologize when I'm misproncing it. One cheese on Manteo went back with the men and they caused a sensation when they came to England

because these are people from the old world versus a new world type thing. So they've never seen white people. White people have never seen Native Americans before. So it's obviously pretty overwhelming for everyone. They stayed at Riley's house in London, which is on the Thames. Just on a fold-out couch that he had.

Yeah. Futon. Just around the corner from an elephant and wheelbarrow or a walkabout hotel. What's that? Jongles comedy club, the chain of English comedy club. And Riley had language experts to decipher the men's Carolina Al-Quonkian. Again, probably mispronounced language.

That's the language that they spoke. The language was decoded, which is pretty amazing. And the two men could now communicate with English. What? Yeah. They just figured it out. Yeah. And pretty quickly, pretty quickly.

Why can't we do that now? They just decoded it. It's not a fucking puzzle. What do you mean you can decode? What do you mean? No, but now, let's say, for example... I'll learn a time for four years. Yeah, I've got...

They'd already decoded it. And I couldn't tell you more than two sentences. That's not a code. How do you just figure out what the language is? That's amazing. I guess they're linguistic experts. And it's probably not like, as conversational as we are being now. It's probably pointing to things and going, oh, I know what you mean.

Sure, sure, sure. But I mean, like, if we had a French person visit us right now, for example, we would get an interpreter who knows that language because they have learnt that language or speak that language anyway and then they could interpret between these people have just figured out their language and now they can all just chat.

They just decoded it. Do you know, I don't think that's really interesting? It's incredible. What we would do now, though, is... Is it app? No, we'd go... We'd get an app. We'd go...

I'm assuming these people can speak English. Because we're fucking lazy. Yeah. Australian assholes who just assume people could... You can speak what I speak. I don't have to do anything here. I'll speak a little slower.

Or louder. Yeah, slower and louder. That's the way you can cut through. That's how I decode. Yes, please. Over here. Thank you. One drink.

Look, mate, I'm going to stand here until you go back into the kitchen and find someone who can speak my language. I did a few times when I tried to speak, like French in France. They'd go, I speak English. It's okay.

Please, no more ruining of our language. This is embarrassing for you, embarrassing for me. I was always like, how do they know straight away that I speak? Because, yeah, I did Italian at school, so I would try to speak Italian to Italians. And they would initially answer me with like a hello in Italian. And then they'd go, how can I help? I was like, damn it! I wanted to trick you into thinking I was one of you.

But it's probably because I'm going, bonjourno. Gidey, bonjourno. Where is this bonjourno? Giorno, I keep hearing so much about. Comey, stye. Stacosci-cozy. Mikiamo Jess. Et tu?

Mikiamo Jesso. Rigididge. How do you say, nailed it? But back to England, where they've deciphered their language, or at least part of it. Manteo, one of the Indian tribal leaders, was reportedly fascinated with the Europeans' technology. and was keen on learning English. One cheese, however, the other leader, showed little interest in learning English

and did not befriend his hosts, remaining suspicious of the English motives and thought them more as his captors. Yeah. So one of them is really keen and fascinated with everything and the other one's a bit more standoffish. I'd probably be in the latter camp, to be honest, if they'd just chucked me on a boat

and taken me four months to a place that looks nothing like I'd ever seen before. Raleigh reported the discovery of Roanoke Island to his queen, Queen Elizabeth I, and he was knighted for his efforts. Which one's Queen Elizabeth again? The Redhead? The Virgin Queen, yes.

Yeah, she's one of the famous ones. Real long rain. Really long. Yeah. Virgin Queen. Yeah. Even the Queen couldn't get a good dickon. What heard of that phrase?

Maybe ever. Good Dickon. Get a Charles Dickens. No, no, when you put it like that, a Charles Dickens. Yeah, I've heard of that. Good Charles Dickens. Tale of two dickies. I'm sorry.

Sorry. Never apologise. Yeah, she was the... Never apologise. She was the virgin queen. Okay, well, don't harp on about it. I'm sure she did lots of things. Oh, no, but she was very famous for being...

Yeah, but, you know, don't have to... I feel bad for it. And her father was... I'm guessing it was by choice, right? Yeah, she was... Just a real ego. Well, I mean, sure. We've all seen...

photos, but nobody wanted to. You'd probably be a virgin too if your father was Henry the 8th and it chopped off two of his wife's heads. You'd be like,

yeah, probably not gonna bother doing that. Good point. I'm glad that's where you went because for a minute I thought you were going to finish that sentence says you'd probably be a virgin too. If you and that, I'll go.

A redhead. Yuck. In the 16th century. I'm a redhead. I'm allowed to say that. If any redheads are at home are getting offended, I was being ironic. We are the most beautiful race. Wow.

Taking that out of context. The two Native American men were able to describe the politics and geography of the area to Rale who was now convinced a colony could be set up on Roanoke Island, so he organized the second expedition. So that was one of the good things about bringing these to tribal people. They could tell him about the area, about the other tribes that they fought against, which the dangerous bits, what they ate, that kind of stuff. She was an ugly. Oh, she's real ugly.

It's like that weird neck she's got, for starters. Yeah, she's got a frill neck. She's got a Jacobyan rough. Oh, no. It's got a very narrow face. People look different back then. Yeah, and also it's a painting. Have you looked at her dad?

Jesus. Her dad was Jesus? Well, her dad liked to think that he was talking to Jesus, and that's why he could split the church, and it was fine. It doesn't matter how you look, Dave. I just want to make that clear. I'm very clear.

I'm not a shell. All I want to say, it doesn't matter how you look, it just matters if you were born into royalty, and therefore you can fuck everyone you want. Even Argos can deserve a good Charles Dickens. Especially our ghosts. Yeah.

A pity Charles Dickens. Nothing better. So he's organized a second expedition to Raleigh. This exhibition was about 100 men across five ships and Manteo and Juan cheese were returned to their homes you're pleased to know. When I started reading about them I was like

it's not going to end well but they got to go home. Manteo acted as an interpreter and a guide for the English and Juanchees who didn't like them as much went back to join his people. The second colony was intended to be for a military post for men only but they lacked supplies and arrived at a bad time of year to be able to grow crops.

The English started stealing from the Native American tribes robbing their fist traps and unlike before, it was no longer a season of the year when they had a surplus of food. It was like a wintry type thing. So they couldn't afford to share with the English anymore. So tensions started to rise between them. Oh, no. Right.

So the first time they were thinking this is just how it is. Yeah, yeah, they've got heaps of food. You're cool with it. And then they went back and the tribe are like, no, no, we need that to live. Yeah, this is to survive. This is ours. If the first trip spelled good relations for the English in the first. native folk that was soon destroyed and hostilities formed between the two groups of people.

I can't imagine why. The settlers routinely kidnapped local tribal leaders and held them for ransom, despite relying on these, quote, savages for food and supplies. It's like, hey, you guys know how to survive here, so we'll just capture your leader and you'll give us all the food or we'll kill him. Yeah, clearly, you guys are the savages. Yeah, I know. It's so stupid.

Because you're not Christian. Exactly. Yeah, I get it. That makes sense to me. I get it. You're a redhead. I get how she did you, how Elizabeth, the first thought.

You're the best race. Yeah, as you said before. And we're a race. Your words, mate. They also blamed one of the Native Americans for stealing one of their valuable silver cups, so retaliated by sacking and burning that man's entire village. Sacking, similar to Dickin.

They sacked it. It's like where you, when you toilet paper a tree or a house. They just throw sacks all over everything. Because that would be... Like tea bagging. Bloody, that would be annoying to clean up. Yeah, it would.

In between all that fire. They said fire tea village. Jesus. Are the English lived inside a fort that they'd built? Pillow fort. Pillow fort, of course. From all the sacks, the surplus sacks. Sack fort.

They were attacked by Indian villages that they had ransacked and they were lucky to hold them off. So now they're sort of. basically at war with each other. Soon after the attack, another famous Englishman, Sir Francis Drake, was on his way home from a successful raid around the corner in the Caribbean, and he stopped at the colony and offered to take the colonists back to England,

because he saw that that was struggling. Several accepted. These roanoke colonists introduced tobacco, maize, and potatoes to England. Oh, that's cool. There you go. Walter Raleigh is actually credited with popularizing tobacco in England. Okay. Oh.

Wow. So, he's less impressive now. But he brought potatoes to America. And I fucking love potatoes. Which ended up in Idaho where the spuds club formed. Mm-hmm. That's a good point. Matt knows his history.

So a few people went home, but the rest is sticking out in the fort. If you bury a spud, do more spuds grow? Is it like the seed? It is. It's like a, it's the root, isn't it? And then it sprouts up. Have you ever left a potato too long in your pantry? You go into it.

The roots are getting out of it. Yeah. That's it. So I might not grow more potatoes, but it'll grow a flower. And maybe those flowers become potatoes. Welcome to Agriculture Hour. And do go on. Maybe those flowers become potatoes.

Sometimes we ask questions and then we make ourselves look real dumb. Well, you look it up, Jess. I think you'll find that I nailed it. I think you find the potato flour is a pretty cool thing. But back on the island The remaining men are running out of food And under constant fear of attack They decided to abandon the settlement

Return to England in the ships that they came on Which is a bit of a bummer They came on the ships And then they sailed To wash it off It's a bit of a bummer that they That they left Because if they'd stay for two more

It's a bummer that they left Because if they'd stayed for two more weeks The men would have There was a supply ship coming from England that came two weeks later and it was like, hey, where's all the dudes? Oh, no. This is a bloody, it's a bloody Birkenwills, isn't it?

It's a bit of Berkenwills. I need to work out a way to communicate, walkie-talkies or someone. When the supply ship they'd been waiting for, arrived, it found the colony deserted, and wanting to keep the territory for England, they dropped off 15 soldiers to hold the fort, so to speak. Oh, dear.

And wait for more English people to arrive. So now there's just 15 people on the island. And a new 15. New 15. They don't know the lay of the land. They wanted to wait for more English people to arrive and arrive they did. The third group of people is now known to history as the lost colony of Rowanoke. What will happen to them?

So this was all preamble. The story starts now. Check your watches, ladies and gentlemen. In 1587, Raleigh sent a new group of 115 colonists to establish a colony on Chesapeakey. Peak Bay off the east coast of Virginia, which is north of Rowanoke Island, a long way up. 115. This time men were joined by women and children,

17 women and nine children. So that one I'm making, it's not just soldiers this time. They actually want to start like a new society. Instead of wages, each settler was deeded a 50-acre plot, thereby giving them a stake in the undertaking. So if a success, you'll be a success. If it's not You'll die

A horrible, horrible death This expedition The third one was led by a man named John White Oh, boring name It's the most boring name ever J-O-H-N J-O-H-N Yeah, boring

White, W-H-I-T-E Boring He was an artist And a friend of Raleigh Who had accompanied the previous expedition to Rowanoke He'd been there a lot What kind of art, like quite Postmodern Art Deco

No, like a really good watercolours and sketches. Hmm. Boring. I'm afraid, I'm sorry I didn't create art. Pop art. He didn't create Art Decker 350 years before anyone else. It's the Campbell Cairns or nothing for me.

Oh really? Yeah. High art then. Yeah. Campbell. This is referring to the modern art. Dave, you dildo. Anyway.

Pop art. Pop art. Or literally just the labels on the cans. It's still art. I think it's art either way. Everything's art. He thinks that. He's extensively, this is John White, he's a good artist.

He's extensively sketched the landscape and local our Native American people. These works are significant as they are the most informative illustrations of a Native American society on the Eastern Seaboard. And now those drawings are in the British Museum. Well, good for John White. Well, it's kind of like the equivalent of traveling to like a brand new land and taking a photo and coming back. Because he sketched, if you look at him, they're really, really good. He's a great artist. Okay.

Pay him that, Jess. All right. Pay him. I'm just saying he's boring. Sorry. But sure, he's a good house. Boring old John White was appointed governor of the 1587 colony, and of the 115 people,

12 assistants were named to aid in the setting up of the colony. That's a good number of assistance. Dozen? I'd go back as a dozen, to be honest, that's just me. On the way to Chesapeake Bay, remember that's what they're going now. Gessopee Bay. Gessopee Bay.

Jessopee. That's me. Yes, That's me. That's me. Hey everyone, let's let this girl name everything from now on. Imagine that. She's really going to come out with names. Jess, what would she call this boat?

Jessopi. She's done it again. They're on the way to Chesapeake Bay. On the way there, they were ordered to stop off at Roanoke Island to pick up the 15 soldiers that were left there the previous year. But when they arrived on July 22nd, 1587, they found the settlement abandoned and in shambles. The bones of one of the 15 soldiers there before them were the only physical evidence of what had befallen the previous settlers.

How long had passed? A few months. That's not enough time to rot down to your bones, is it? Yes, I don't think you rotted. Yeah, if you're out in the open. Oh, okay. I don't understand. Just down to bone?

No, surely not. It's been quite a few months. Oh, okay. Out in the open, I guess if vultures are picking away at the meat, the meat and potatoes. They probably are. Oh, God. Do you think they ate his balls? Yeah, I think they had his bull.

Jess is the first to go. What? They're a delicacy for vultures. Vultures, they always, they're highly sought after. They call them the ball bird. Soldier balls, yeah, they love balls. Do they? Yeah.

Will that be the first to go? Yes. The balls? The balls. What if you were still a bit of love? Even more reason. No good. Because the balls might be taken away.

You get them why you can't. That'd hurt. Yeah, ideally you get the balls while they're still fresh. Oh, no. If the balls start rotten, you don't want them. You don't want rotten balls. If the balls are rotten, don't come and knocking. What about the pain?

But the balls are fresh. Eat them, Jess. That's what they say. If your vulture's name is Jess, obviously. Which I would obviously know the vulture. In that place, yes, they were all. Poor bull. So all they found, they found bones of one and 15 men.

And remember, these soldiers, they had a fort and cannons and all kinds of stuff, all gone and they were presumably all dead. So they started freaking out a little bit. Holy shit. When they could find no one, the master pilot and a Spanish man who were defected to serve for England, a man named Simon Fernandez. I was going to say Simon's not a very Spanish-sounding name. Simon Fernandez.

He refused to let the colonists return to the ships, insisting that they established a new colony on Roanoke, instead of keep going to Chesapeake Bay. Why? Fernandez and Governor White did not get along and basically Fernandez just wouldn't let them get back on the boat. How can this one guy not let... How many people?

115. Yeah. He's just standing... You know when you stand in a doorway with your arms? Thinking big. What's a password? What's a password, dickhead? You can't get on.

You get three shots. Can't get on the boat. Fuck off. It's my boat. Yeah, it doesn't seem to make sense. Well, according to White's journal, Fernandez, his deputy called to... the sailors charging them not to bring any of the

planters back again, the people, but leave them on the island. Faced with what amounted to be a mutiny by his navigator, White appeared to have backed down and let Fernandez have his way and sail off, leaving them there. What the fuck? Wait, Fernandez sailed off. Yeah, so he was

that was his job, he was in charge of the ship. Right. But then White's in charge of him, but he didn't listen to White anymore. People have speculated about his motive, this guy, Fernandez. Remember he's Spanish? He apparently claimed that the weather was more appropriate for them to stop at Roanoke and that they had to leave because of an impending hurricane, which I've read reports. That's possibly

bullshit. White speculates the reason that he may have been prompted by his desire and his crew to return to the West Indies, which is close to North Carolina than where they were going, to pursue opportunities of piracy against the Spanish where they could make more money. So basically he's like, no, you guys stay here and I'll go be a pirate over here and I'll get rich. and I don't think White was a very good leader because he let the guy go. So now, 115 men, women and children are stuck on Roanoke Island governed by John White,

who had brought his pregnant daughter and her husband along with them. So they're part of the group. Grandpa White. Governor White worked to re-establish relations with the Crohotoan and other local tribes, the people that they had a lot of trouble with in the past. but the ones that they'd fought previously refused to meet with him.

Not surprisingly. Shortly thereafter, colonist George Howe, who was part of the group, was killed by a Native American while searching alone for crabs on the beach. So, it's not going well. No.

Look, it's not great. You're now trapped on an island with people that don't really like you. Because of the broken relations with most of the tribes, the settlers were dependent on supplies for England, and things were not easy for them. So they can't really grow enough food,

to feed everyone. Oh dear. Governor White's burdens were lightened when his daughter gave birth in August to Virginia Dare, the first English child born in the Americas. Huh. Doesn't that increase his burden, not lighten it? Now he's got to look after an extra mouth to feed.

This baby is a tragedy. Whilst the colonists were struggling to survive, it was decided that White would return to England to gather up so much needed supplies, get a boat and come back and sort of rescue everyone. So does he have a, there was a spare boat? But like a smaller one?

Right. So big enough for him and a few people to go home, but they can't get 115 people on board. What a great leader. I'm going to leave you all here. I'll come back. I'll go. I'll leave my baby granddaughter here. I'll go.

It's fine. He was... VRB. Possibly bravely or stupidly, he crossed the Atlantic at a time of year where it was considered a considerable risk. But he made it. He made it home. However, once he got home to England,

A war broke out between England and Spain And every single ship was commandeered by the Navy To attack the powerful Spanish armada So this left White with no way to get back to Roanoke So now he's got to wait to this war finishes So he can get a ship In the spring of 1588 Which is the next year

White managed to acquire two small vessels And sailed back to Roanoke However his attempt to return was thwarted When the captains of the ships attempted to capture several Spanish ships on the way there. They thought they could get a bit more cash on the way if they captured these Spanish ships. But they themselves were captured and their cargo seized.

So he's got all these supplies locked and loaded to go drop off and then they roll the dice and lose. So with nothing left to deliver to the colonists, he had to go back to England. Fuck. John White. What a battler. John White is a battler. He wasn't able to get back to Roanoke with supplies

for three years. Oh, shit. Three years. Guys, I'll be right back. B.R. B. Three years. Six months, max. I got to get back, turn around, come back here.

It's just travel time. Let's travel. Sorry, stuck in traffic. Yeah, had been in the middle. Super easy. No problem. I'll get it up. Get some gear.

Be up. You won't even know I'm gone. It'll fly. Kick back. Three years later. I know, it's crazy. He finally gained pass. John, a privateering expedition

organized by John Watts and Walter Raleigh. So these people are, they've hitched a ride on a boat that's already going to that area. Do you know what? It's not so bad that it took him three years, because he had seven. Guys, I've got ages. That's real keen.

I wouldn't do it in three. They give everyone gets seven years to do anything back then. That's just how it was. That's why there's that age gap between my brother and I. Yeah, at seven. You've got to have another one within seven years and then no more. Your parents didn't do anything in that seven year period. They did nothing.

And they listened. They did nothing in that time. They waited. Yeah. I reckon John was like, should we just get the second one done now? And he's like, we've got seven years.

Let's wait till six years, three months. Yeah. We'll get it done. And they did. And then their life actually began. Before that, they were just shells of people.

Yeah. The first one was just a practice run, but then we perfected it seven years later. That's right. And they were great at naming things. They used to also name everything, Jess. And that is how Jess became Jess. Did you name yourself? The end. Yeah. Call me Jess. Okay. All righty.

So they're on this private ship now. They agreed to stop, this private ship agreed to stop off at Rowanoke on the way back to England after raiding the Spanish in the Caribbean. Okay. So they're like, we'll do a bit of plundering. But on the way back, you can stop off. see if your daughter and grandchild are still alive. White landed on August 18th, 1590, his granddaughter's third birthday. But as the party stepped ashore, there was no sign of the... They had a third birthday party.

Yes! I totally miss what you just said. Birthday party. It was as the party arrived. Oh, right. Streamers and everything. Third birthday. You better believe he's wearing a hat.

Oh, yeah. Which is weird, because they normally would take seven years to have a third birthday party. We're celebrating your third birthday. They're normally 10, obviously. There was no sign of the colonists or the settlement. Oh, no. His men could not find any trace of the 90 men, 17 women, and 10 children left behind. Crazy.

Okay. Their houses? Haunted. He'd only just left them. Trapped doors. Three odd years ago. Trapped doors. I'm going with theories early.

Tunnels. I reckon tunnels under the island. Moll people. Mole people. mole man well Jess I really hate when you jump ahead to my conclusion

which was going to be in conclusion mole people thank you goodbye but you ruined it now I have to go can't even go through these facts

that I've got here well the boring evidence of what really happened in conclusion mole people that's always the reason for everything Jess

why haven't been on your homework mole people I think you know You just point to a badge That says it was the mole people He points to a badger Like that, but a mole We didn't have a mull here

They're all with my homework There's a badger Which gives you the idea So the people aren't there Their houses and fortifications Had been taken down Not burned, not destroyed Indicating that they did not leave in a hurry

So like packed down Right Like, they've got the Allen key out. They've dismantled the Ikea furniture. It's all gone. Okay. The only sign that they had even been there was a section of large wooden fence that would have been the perimeter of the camp.

That remained. And the word, Croatowan, was carved into the wood and crow was carved into a tree. Like someone was carving it again, the message. So spooky. Crowatowen. Like they didn't get through it the second time, you mean? Is that you mean? Yeah.

Or maybe they did. decided, oh, maybe they're... Crow, dot, dot, dot. Maybe they weren't... Yeah, you get it. Crow, etc. Yeah. Or maybe, um,

they'd done the second one on the tree and been like, oh, yeah, they don't need this. Or that was the first one. Oh, the fence, that's better. Yeah. I'd said do it on the fence. What are you doing? The tree you could grow back.

You won't be back for seven years. But Crow-a-toan is the name. of a nearby island. Oh. Croatowah. That's a pretty clear clue. Yeah. Good clue.

Very good clue. White was very surprised because the colonists had all agreed if they were ever in trouble or if they were forced to leave that they would carve the symbol of a Maltese cross into wood. What's a Maltese cross look like? What, just a cross but a little bit flamboyant? The Maltese are flamboyant, people. A little bit flamboyant. It's like a Maltese cross Shih Tzu.

You know, I've got a Maltese cross-chins. You know what I'm talking about. A dog. They carved a dog into the tree. That was the symbol. Not even specifying what it's crossed with. That was just their way out of having a draw an accurate Maltese. It doesn't quite look like a Maltese.

Oh, it's a Maltese cross. It's a bit of a mutt. I also love, um, I also love, that they're like you, Jess. Like, everyone... All right, it's agreed. If we leave in panic, we'll do a Maltese cross. It gets to the day they're panicking,

and no one knows what a... What's a Maltese cross look like? I don't know. But like... I assumed you knew! Yeah, if you say draw a cross in the tree, I'd draw a cross. Yeah.

But then you've got like a Christian cross or an X marks a spot cross. What's a Maltese cross? This is a Maltese cross. I've just Google imaged it. Ah, I see. I get it. It kind of looks like a four-leaf clover. It does a bit.

Yeah. It's a good-looking cross. I enjoyed that a lot Okay, so that's a pretty fucking big clue to me though, isn't it? Croatowan, that's the name of an island. They must have gone there. Yes.

Oh no. White wanted to explore Croatowan Island to look for the settlers, but low on provisions, the loss of sea anchors in a storm impending bad weather, and privateers general impatience and wanted to go home,

prevented them from stopping there. So he went, oh, let's just go over there and look and they were like, we've got to go. No one went. They didn't go. What the fuck? How would they have gotten there? They didn't have a boat, right?

Oh, they would have had smaller boats. So we'd have taken probably several trips back and forth. Right. That's a possibility. Like that. But you'd go and look, right? Wouldn't you go on look? Yeah, you'd go and look.

It's 120 of your people there. They had, the tricky thing was that they had a fox, a chicken. What's the other one? Eggs or something like that. and they had to They had one boat And you can't leave the fox alone with the chicken Obviously

Do you know that puzzle Jess? No I was going to say it sounds really weird If you don't know And Jess didn't It's this I don't worry about it Jess, you won't get it

I think I do It's a maths problem You would hate it I won't get it It's one of those tedious things I'm a big dumb So what you can only take one thing I think the thing is

You can only fit one thing in the boat at a time You can't leave the hen on shore with the fox Because the fox will leave the hen And you can't leave the hen on the shore with the hay Because the hen will leave the hay So it's like this complicated thing where you take the fox What a fucking hen's eat Yeah

Yeah, I can't remember what the third thing was Definitely a hen and a fox And also a A 1995 game boy And you can't leave a fox alone with a game game It'll fuck it. Yes. It'll clock all the...

It'll delete all your saved levels. Trade all your good Pokemon. It'll delete all your good Pokemon. No, don't set it free. It's level 94! So they didn't go. Twelve years went by. Oh, for fuck sake.

Before Raleigh, who's in charge of all this shit, decided to find out what had happened to his lost colony. Including his granddaughter? No, that was Walter White. Walter White, not Walter White. John White. Johnny White, the artist. The bad governor.

Yeah. He just, I just said, because twice now people have said, no, we don't want to do that. And he's gone, okay. Like, hey, we want to leave you here, possibly to die. Okay. We're not going to go five miles over there to see if your family's still alive. Okay.

That's all good. It's all good. Poor old Johnny White. The mace will inherit the earth, Dave. Remember that. How? How? They're so me.

You can't fucking grab it. Use your hands, John. Stop drawing, pick up an axe. You, Maltese shitschit. You, you fucking Maltese shitser. That's something that Dave hasn't mentioned. It was a... John White is a small dog.

That's why when people said to him, we're going to leave you here. Stay. Okay. Roll over. He rolled over and he just let him do whatever they want. He was a very obedient dog. He was a very good scratch behind the ear and you'll do whatever you want.

So 12 years later Walter Ralee You want to find out what's going on Led by Samuel Mace This expedition Differed from previous voyages In that Raleigh bought his own ship

And guaranteed the sailors' wages So they would not be distracted By privateering or piracy Because what's happened is A few times they've tried to organise people To go back But every time they get distracted By piracy on the way

It's just so That's so good Like they literally see something shiny They go, ooh, gold! That meme that's been overdone over the last few months, the distracted man. Oh, yeah. It's piracy, is that lady.

Look, a spoken meme is never going to go particularly well. Matt, I wouldn't you try and post that meme later this week. I will do my best. But, however, Riley still hoped to make money from the trip, and Macea's ship first landed in the outer banks to gather some rare wood so that they could sell back in England. So by the time they could turn their attention to the colonists, the weather had again turned bad,

and they were forced to return without ever making it to Rowan O'Con. So they still got distracted by piracy. This mystery is sounding to sound less like a mystery and more like, there was so long that these guys all died of old age. Yeah. There's no mystery. Maybe. Maybe.

In 1603, Queen Elizabeth I died, and so did Raleigh's favour with the monarchy. he was arrested for allegedly trying to get rid of the new king, King James I first. The Scottish King. Don't chew it, my grandpappy. Your grandpappy, so what Raleigh, possibly or possibly not, was plotting against to get rid of him. Because it's difficult for Elizabeth to have an heir when she's a virgin. What will you harp on about?

All she had was air. It's almost something. She didn't have any babies. She had air. All she let out of her self. was air. No babies. All right.

She had an air. You know, it feels like it's almost something, doesn't it? So close to being very good. But not quite. Meaning it's nothing. Just air. I'll give you five minutes to come back with a great quip. Quip.

So, Raleigh's arrested for plotting against the new king. Remember I said he went to jail before? Yeah. This time he goes to the Tower of London for 13 years. Oh my God. Not a nice place to be. The cues are very bad. there. Have you been there, the town of London?

Oh, the tiny little window. Oh, it's the worst. I walk past it to be on the way of the pub. It costs a lot of money. I went in, it's 40 pounds or something to do a tour. Yeah, too much. That's too much. It's too much.

I can think of much better things you could spend 40 pounds on. Yeah. 40 pounds worth of M&M's at Eminem World. You know, there's plenty of pound pint nights when I was there 10 years ago. 40 pubs. A pound for one pint. Yeah, pound pint. That's ridiculous, isn't it?

Thinking about it now. It's like $2.50 for a pint. No, it's like $1.80 or something. It's even... Anyway, I mean, it's probably all relative, isn't it? Depending on when you were there. Yeah. Yeah, back in 1904, when the pound was...

Inflation's gone up a lot since Matt was a child. That's true. When I was drinking pints in England, as a young boy. As a young lad, a young pub. So now he's... So Walter Rale is now in the Tower of London. He's no longer able to go and look for... his colony.

Because his life's gone to shit. Great excuse. There was one final expedition in 1603 led by Bartholomew Gilbert with the intention of finding Rowanoke colonists. So this is now 16 years later.

Or 15 years later. Their intended destination was Chesapeake Bay again, but bad weather forced them to land in an unspecified location near there. The landing team, including Gilbert himself, was killed by a group of Native Americans for unknown reason.

the remaining crew were forced to return to England empty-handed. So again, no one's actually got there. So what happened to them? What happened to these people? Mole people. White, the Shih Tzu, the small dog in his memoirs, he was of the opinion that the group had moved inland, then into the forests of North...

Like moles would do, buried inland. Into the forests of North Carolina. Yeah. If I understand what inland means. 40 metres into the soil. Into the forest of North Carolina. That's his opinion, but there's no archaeological evidence to back that up.

So I don't know about that. The English set up their first successful settlement in Jamestown, Virginia, in 1607, 20 years later. And that's the first... Jamestown, I guess, after King James? You'd think? Yep. But in...

I mean, it definitely makes sense. The guy who said that they, his theory was that they moved in land and lived happily ever after. He was one of the guys who would be trying to probably offset his guilt. He's the one who left him there. He repeatedly abandoned them. Yeah. Right? Yeah, now they lived a great life in land.

They're fine. They're fine. Yeah, loved it. Yeah. They're rich and... Sea views. That's lovely. They're nothing but sea views. Oh, the cafe culture.

Real good. Avocado. Oh. The Lates. So the James Town people, this is the famous settlement. They were wondering what happened to their, you know, possible friends and relatives at Roanoke. So the new James Town settlers questioned local natives if they knew anything about the Roanoke colony. Some of these Native Americans told tales of white settlement further down the coast with two-story, thatched roofed houses,

which is a style unique only to English people. Others, other Native Americans told of nearby tribes who could read English and dress similarly to Europeans. One of the James Stettlers alleged that they once saw a boy dressed as an American Indian,

but he was fair-skinned and blonde. So this could mean two things, two theories here. One is that the Roanoke colony assimilated, possibly just to survive, with the tribes that they'd been friendly with, which makes sense. They're struggling to survive. Because people know how to catch food, that kind of thing.

Let's work together. Yeah, and some of them were friendly. The other theory is that are one or more of the hostile tribes that attacked the colony and presumably killed all the men, and possibly what they would do in that situation is sell the women and children into slavery. So that could have happened. And then they may have assimilated from that. That's less nice.

It is less of the... Yeah, the Shih Tzu is going, I like option A. Can we put that in the paper? They're all friends. Any chance? Yeah, we just go, let's all get together. Everyone's very happy. Getting a good dickens.

Double story. Double story dickens. Double story dickens. That's a big dickon. If the groups had come together over the course of generations, the settlers and the Native Americans, intermarriage between the Native Americans and English settlers could have produced a third distinct group. This group, some people claim, and even the people themselves, maybe the Lumbie tribe, which is a tribe of Native Americans native to North Carolina where their origin is not known.

So even some of the modern day Lumbie people say that they're, ancestry is part of the Roanoke colony. I have read that people are attempting to do DNA testing to see they have European blood, but no word on that yet. So that's a possibility. And there's no, and if that is the truth, it would be hard to tell whether, you know, if they were captured or if they'd assimilated or if some people were friendly and other people went to this other island.

But anyway, you can't figure out whether or not it was friendly or not by DNA. Yeah, that's right. No, it's difficult to... Science has got a long way to go, doesn't it? It really does. I'm so disappointed in science. Come on science. Come on, science.

You dickhead? Yeah. Maybe science needs to be a dick and... Look at us being a team again. Yeah. It took a common enemy, science. Science. Science is a big dog. It needs two people to take it down.

This is nice. I'm glad science, although it's the worst. It's there, obviously. The benefit of it being that it's brought. brought us together. Together, which is nice. Yeah, fuck science. Fuck science.

Yeah. Together. No, what are we going to fuck science together? You're going to give science a big dick and... Together. Friendship. Another possible explanation for the colonist disappearance is that they were attacked by the Spanish. Who had settlements south of them in Florida, one row and oak settler named Darby Glan.

Glend. Glan. Glan. I thought you were going to go with Derby. That's a great first name. Darby. Darby. But Glan.

Glan. Glant with an E. Glanty. Don't like that. I really thought Jess was going to take to Darby, but she hasn't. But Glan. His family. Can we rename him Darby Darby?

Darby. That's not bad. I'm coming around to it. Just call him Darby. Gland is not a good man. Glan is not good. So this guy, Darby Glant, he left the 1587 expedition, which is the second one. once it's on the way there in Puerto Rico

to get support. So they stopped in Puerto Rico to get some supplies and he got off. There's Spanish people there. He later reported that he told the Spanish officials that they were going to Rowanoke, so the Spanish people knew that they were there. So possibly, that may explain why everything was taken down,

was taken down, not destroyed. So the Spanish went there, overpowered them, killed all the people, and then just took down their houses because obviously once the English arrived, they see no houses. They go, oh, let's not bother setting up here again. And they can also just take all their stuff.

Yeah. Lute it, raid it, that kind of stuff, which everyone's into during this golden age of piracy. One of the thing that makes it very difficult to, and this is a bit science-y, it's worse. It's difficult to say what happened. It's out. It's been out for hours. It's difficult to say what happened at Rowanoke's, there is no modern archaeological evidence to examine.

This is probably because over 400 years, the island's shoreline has eroded up to a quarter of a mine. meaning that where the camp once stood is probably underwater now. That's a shit excuse, science. Figure it out. Fuck you, science. Get a submarine, you dickheads. Figure it out.

Science. Science isn't about questioning things. It's about blindly giving answers. Fucking out. Science. This is the final piece of the story I'll tell you. The most famous piece of possible archaeological evidence of what happened to the colony

I referred to as the dare stones. From the dare gallery. Which is a furniture shop in Melbourne? Do you mean like ornamental stones? Like decorative stones. Oh yes, I do. These would make a great conversation piece on the dining room table.

Oh, you don't sit on it. You look at it. Shout out to all the fans of Dare Gallery. They advertise you. They're trying to be like, rich and European and wanky. Yeah, pretty low budget ads. Awful ads.

I should have gone for dare iced coffee. Which is one of the Saints' main just sponsors. Oh, fuck it now. Anyway, tell us about the Dair Stone. In 1937. They had dares on them. I dare you to start a colony and not die. Challenge accepted.

Double dare. The other side had truths. You had to flip it. Flip the stone. It's a fun game. It's a fun game. I wish I'd said truth. 1937, a Californian tourist named Louis Hammond.

Great name. You'd love that one. That's a good name. Glant. No, Louie Hammond turned up at Emory University in Atlanta, Atlanta, Georgia, saying that he found these stones on a newly open stretch of Highway 17 near Edenton, North Carolina, whilst hunting for hickory nuts.

Probably a little too much stories. Was he a vulture? He's looking at higarunas. No, no, no, no, he's hunting for them. You don't hunt for nuts. He's got a bird. You're a vulture. They fucking hunt the nuts.

He's got a shotgun. He's shooting at nuts. I got it. Just go picking. I've never heard of hickory nuts. Is it possible that they're like some sort of a mammal? They're really violent. Hickory nuts.

Anyway, he found a stone and he went all the way to Atlanta, Georgia, which is south of this area. On the stone that he found was a message supposedly inscrime. by Eleanor White Dare, who was the daughter of John White and the mother of Virginia Dare, the first child of English descent to be born there. It stated on one side

that Eleanor's husband and daughter were dead and asked the finder to communicate this with her father. On the other side, it explained that all but seven of the colonists had been killed by American Indians and then it was signed EWD, Eleanor White Dare. The stone was examined by

Dr. Hayward Jefferson Pierce Jr. Fuck, yes. It's such a long name. He was a professor of American history and he thought it was authentic. Disagree. Pierce also knew...

Mole people. Yep. Mole people forged it. To throw us off the scent. The molly, molly scent. Pierce also knew he needed some more evidence to confirm the authenticity of the stone.

And on the original stone, it alluded to a second stone that was part of a series. He said PTO. PTO. PTO. Where's the... Oh, just says one dash two. Yeah.

One of two. One of two stones. I think that... Fuck, this is great. Dave. Is this actually a mystery? Do you have the answer on the second stone? Well, he wants to see the second stone, right?

So he offered a $500 reward if anyone could find the second stone. And they're $500. $500. Is this a long, long time ago? 1930s. I'm not interrupting. my hickory nut hunting. It's probably like, it's the equivalent of like

5,000 bucks or something. I'm still not interrupting my... Just doesn't get out of bed. At a big guess. Sorry, not everyone drives a Ferrari like Jessica. That was the end of the sentence. Just doesn't get out of bitch. I don't. I'm stuck.

Help me. We have wheeled you in on a single trundle bed. It's comfy. I like it. I don't know why. We didn't mention it before. Jess has broken every limb. Oh, don't jinks me.

That's going to happen on the. the way home. Oh, Dave, stop. Stop. You're not going to break every limb on the way home from this recording. Dave, stop it. If I have a car accident, you're going to feel so bad. Well, I probably would anyway.

Especially if I caused it. If I was ramming you, I'm ramming into the back of your car. Are your legs broken yet, Jess? I've had a beer. So he's offered 500 bucks, a sizable sum. I've just got my hand on the wood panel on the wall now. That's smart. That's safe.

Enter a local stone cutter named Bill Urbohart, who claimed that he had found the second stone. But not just that. By 1940, Bill had found 40 more stones. Okay, Bill's got his stone writing pen out, I think. These stones were fined 300 miles south of the other one in South Carolina. So somehow one stones ended up here. 40 other stones have ended up for three and more.

You know what stones are like. been discovered by a dude who has the ability to carve things into stone. I'm a little bit suspicious. But he's gone, 500 bucks for one stone. I've got 40. I'm fucking rich. Fuck, Bill. Too much, but.

On these stones, it told a complicated tale of the favour. Choose your own adventure story. Turn to stone 43. If you want to see this child alive. John Pierce, he handed in every. stone except Stone 43 so John Pierce is like, fuck, all right, I'll give you another 500 bucks if you can find Stone 43.

The stones told the complicated tale of the fate of the lost colony. The stones were addressed to John White and called for revenge against the quote savages and told Eleanor's father the direction taken by the survivors. So it had

all this crazy, crazy stuff, indicating that she'd remarried and that she'd married the king of a local tribe and all these sort of, you know, sort of far-out things. And a stone dated 1599 and announced Eleanor Dair's death and said that she'd left behind a daughter named Agnes. Agnes. Agnes. Oh.

That's a beautiful man. In 1941, which is the year after these were discovered, a journalist wrote of the stones being forgeries and debate has raged on ever since. Now, I will say, nearly everyone agrees that the ones found by Bill, who ended up getting $2,000 for his troubles. Wow. To be forced, right.

takes everyone he wanted 10 times he wanted 20,000 times did you see how fast I did that math that was real fast thank you so it was really good thank you I'm getting better do you I have a chuder I'm good a learning math wow um nearly everyone agrees the ones found by bill are absolutely bullshit nearly every I mean there's a couple of people have written books about it and stuff of course they want you to believe it so you buy the book but they're bill shit most people think they point to bill and they say, Bill shit.

This guy is Bill shit. That's what happens. Billship. Oh, Bill shit over here found 40 stones. But the original stone, which I will say also looks a little bit different

to the others, because this is what happened with Bill stones. The original one looks... Bills are just kidney stones, too, by the way. Poor funny. He wrote on some kidney stones. They are microscopy.

It's like when people write on a grain of rice. Guys, I found 40 grains of rice. Can I have $20,000? Now, what happened with Bill? was, the original stone looks really old and stuff. Bill stones, apparently when you pick

them up, they started to crumble a little bit. And people are like, how have they lasted 400 years? But now I pick them up and they crumble. Bill. Right. What the fuck, Bill? But the original one, there is still serious debate amongst

scholars whether that one is real. It's the original stone. So maybe they did survive, maybe. But why would you run on stone? Like... Well, because it lasts. Just send an email. Yeah.

I would have thought email would have made more sense. A notebook. You're not restricted. Yeah, put it up into the cloud. Put it in the cloud. If you want it to last forever. Put it on Facebook. Yeah.

That's timeless. Yeah, they own it if you put it up there as well. Oh, bloody sure to tell you what they're like. Have you ever read the fine print? She wanted to retain the copyright on her stone. Oh, that makes it. She's a true. Though she has long since died, so the copyright is definitely gone.

She's a purist. Mark Zuckerberg still owns it. That is the... But that is the story. I'm afraid that there is no conclusion. this. Dave, have you not been listening to Jess? Lessening to her or listening to her.

She told you about half an hour ago. I have been listening to her, but please, yeah. What does she tell me half an hour ago? What's the mole people? Oh, pardon me. Problem solved. Sorry, I... Let's go dig up the island now, I guarantee.

You'll find them. Yeah, tunnels, moles. A whole underground city. It's like Atlantis, but in land. Atlantis! Yeah. We did it. Do you know, do you, I other of you watch American Horror Story?

No. No, I'm the horrors. Me too, I'm also scared to watch it. But is it, actually, it's a horror story. It's called American Horror Story. And every season... I don't see, for some reason, I don't think it was an actual horror. That's a horror story.

That makes sense. God, you're dumb. Yes, I know, it's what I mean trying to tell you. Were you a tutor? Were you watching it as a family sitcom? Yeah. Where's the canned laughter? I've been...

laughing me ass off. And all them people die, I assume, very good stuff. Well, if you don't know how the show, I think every season is a different setting. Same actors? Yeah, or similar actors a lot of the time. I love...

Yeah, so then they just reset and play different characters. Yeah, different time periods. And the six series was called American Horror Story Rowanoke. Oh. And the best description I could find was a couple moved to North Carolina, and during their stay at a house, the family has a terrifying experience

because their house is on the land with the Roanoke colony moved after the famous disappearance. And there's sort of references to this story. So maybe... I want to watch that. But it's really scary. Yeah, I'm not watching it. My housemates used to watch it and I'd have to go to my room. Wouldn't that be scarier being by yourself in your room?

No, I don't want to see it. No. No, but I was watching my little pony, so it was fun. It was great. Anyway, thank you for everyone who suggested that topic. Hopefully, I covered all the right things there, because there's a lot of hearsay about what could. have happened to them. Matt, do you have any theories?

Yeah. It's the mole people. Thank you. We all agree. Oh, sorry, that's not a theory. That's a... Just a conclusion. Just a conclusion. An accurate conclusion. Sorry about all that pretense at the start, pretending it was a mystery. I know it's been solved several minutes ago. We should tell people.

We definitely should. We should find a way to let them know. We're trying. Hello? Is this thing on? How do I hit record? Imagine if we hadn't hit record. We've been here a while. But thanks very much.

for listening, everyone. Before you go, we would like to tell you about how you can support the show. One of the ways is to give us a sweet review on iTunes or tell a friend or, how about this? Tweet about the show or Instagram or Facebook about the show. That gets the message out there and we get more listeners. Well, not every now and then. Every week we get people saying, hey, just discover the show. So that's really, really nice. And I guess it's because people are sharing it. And the other way is to support the show via our Patreon page at patreon.com slash dogo. I was like, I'll swallow before I make this announcement. I did not swallow. Slash do go on pod.

And over there you can find sweet little extra things that you can get if you pledge to the show, including a bonus episode once a month. And we will also give you a live shout out at the end of an episode. And we would like to thank two people each now. Jess, I'm going to let you start listening. Thank you, Dave. That's an absolute honour. I would like to thank all the way from.

Southport, a gentleman who has supported the show for a while now. I would like to thank James Henderson. Oh, Hendo. The Henson Kids, which was an 80s Australian TV show starring Kylie Minogue. Yeah, and James Henderson. And where's Hendo? Where's Hendo from? Southport.

So this week, we'll start giving people a thing each week, right, that's somehow related to the episode. What kind of mole person? Would James be? I reckon he'd be blind. Okay. I think most moles are. Yeah, that's a very sensitive to light. Yeah, that...

Good senses of smell. But what about James Henderson in particular? Like what would his role be in a... Yeah, in a mole society, yeah. I think James works at the mole radio station. Yeah. Don't you reckon? I reckon he does too.

Mole in the morning. A mole in the morning. Good mulling to you. He's on the mulling show. Oh. Yeah. He's quite popular. He's on mole billboard.

and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, no, he's doing really well. But he's humble. But if people at home don't know what that is, in mole society, what you might call a billboard, they call mole billboards.

Of course, that makes sense. Yeah. So basically anything that we have here on earth, above ground. Above ground. Not inland. Not in land. They have,

but they put a mole ahead of it. It is the kind of thing it's going to take a little bit of getting used to. But once you get your head around it, it's pretty. It's an advanced society. I'd also like to thank another person as well, also from the UK, and that is Mole Nate Peterson. Wow, his name is Mole.

How fortunate. No, it's been silly. Nate, Nate Peterson, I think Nate works at a laser clinic that removes moles. Oh, wow. That makes sense. From moles. Oh, from moles. He doesn't take people out.

No, not like laser guns like, peop, no, no, no. He removes mules. moles from society. So he's not some sort of executioner slash assassin. No, it's more like moles that that looks a little suspicious,

maybe a bit of... Have you noticed any sort of changing colour in shape? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he removes the mole. That's super exciting job just became really, really menial,

pretty gross. But he still goes about it like an assassin would. Right, yeah. But people don't know. He comes by when they're like bathing at the beach and he shoots

the moles off their back. Oh, we're uninvited. He's also, I also know this about Nate because I talked to him a bit on Twitter. He also, does mole food reviews on YouTube.

So you should check out his mold. What do moles eat? Yeah, everything. That's the funny thing they'll eat, mole spaghetti. Mole spaghetti. Wow. Pagetti.

Is that what is the one you say? Piscetti. Piscetti. How do I fuck that up? Nate, Peterson, what a guy. I like his work. Thank you, Nate. Can I thank some people?

Please. How do I always land with the hardest names to pronounce? Yeah, it's almost like David and I do that on purpose. This week I may have definitely done that. All right, well, that makes sense then. I'd love to thank Ignacio Seggiova. Ignacio. Ignacio Segovia.

There we go. From Buenos Aires. Oh, Ignatio. Thank you so much. Capital of Argentina, is that right day? That's correct. And he's also the president of Mole Argentina. Wow.

Yeah, he is. And he listens. Yeah, he does. Good heavens, aren't we blessed? We are. We are blessed. What just happened? I was going to say hashtag blessed and I felt so bad about it that I...

Don't worry, I'll get out of this with some sweet, heavy breathing. I was glitching on it. Guys, I don't think anyone noticed, I saved the day. Hello, Ignacio. Alo Ignacio. Buenos Aires. I don't know, is there a nicer sounding city in the world than Juanisades? I'm not saying it quite right, probably.

How would you say? Adelaide. Adelaide. Sorry, I'm pronouncing it quite differently to that. Dave, how do you say it? Heavy breathing. Vivis. Vivis and bodissades.

Okay. Great. I would also like to thank Erich Eisenmenger. That can't be right. It's possibly Eric Eric Eisenmanger When do I tell Matt that I actually create fake credit cards and sign up to the Patreon with fake names

Eric I reckon it's Eric Eisenmanger And he's from Alberta Canada Which is I've never been to Canada But Canada Like Alberta's got some of the places That I most want to go after Gary, Indiana obviously

And if you ever see those photos of Canada It's just like the icy blue lake with the ice cap mountains behind and a moose. Yeah, there's always a moose. A moose in the corner. How do they get the moose right in the perfect position? I just, I want to, I want to be there. I really want to be there with Eric or Eritch, who, in the Mole Society, he's actually a tabletop dancer.

Okay. Wow. Yeah. No, sorry, a mole table-tableness. A mole tabletop, yeah, a mole-tabletop mole dancer. Okay, great. Yeah. Yeah, which is hard because it's so packed in with dirt under there.

Yeah. That the tables, like the legs are in dirt, the tabletop's in dirt. So he has to sort of like dig out enough space to dance. But he does. He does. That's all part of his job. That's why he gets paid so well. That's passion.

It's passion. You gotta love your leg. I would like to thank from Bunbury. Ah, Bunbury. In W.A. I believe so. That's a place that has a song written about it by Frenzel Rom. So mole friends are mole rom.

Thank you. I would like to thank Fraser Lorry. Fraser. What does Fraser do? He's a librarian. A mole librarian. Come on, mate. He specialises in dirt.

Yeah, moles can't see. What do their libraries keep? Oh, dirt, you already said that. Yeah, great. A dirt library. He categorizes different types of dirt. Braille, Matt. Fraser Laurie.

Thank you so much for your support. Fucking, yes, of course. Our mole librarian. Audio books. There are other ways. Yeah. Well, look, we've all now said something dumb on this podcast. I can't remember me saying something dumb.

Oh, no, that was me three times. I'd also like to thank all the way from Georgia, which is the state below South Carolina. Not that we like to rank things. Which is the state below North Carolina. Top three states there, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia. I would like to thank Sean Harris. Oh, actually, that's Cantasville in Georgia. is where I thought he's name was Sean Harris Cantersville, but I've written out

Sean Harris from Cantersville in Georgia and Sean Harris plays for the mole soccer team. Really? He is the mole keeper. Ah? A high five for that one. That's very good. Been sitting on that for about 35 seconds.

I thought my removing moles one was quite funny. That was good. Yeah. Go we have fun, don't we? We do have fun and we have fun because of people like Sean Harris from Cantasville, Georgia. Thank you so much, Sean. Thanks, guys. Thanks everyone for support.

squatting the show and thanks to you too was that too from you Dave yeah Fraser Laurie from Bunbury our mole librarian and Sean our Molly Molly Molly Molly Molly Molly Molly That was so funny at the time

Yeah now you're like What I didn't tell you guys about Nate After doing the day job and then reviewing food at night When he doesn't In between jobs, he goes on the mole. Oh, the regret. The instant regret.

I know, we've all done a... You guys have both done a pun, I thought I should... But which in Mole Society, in Mole Society, that's actually like The Bachelor. Very highly regarded. Yes, that's right. The Mole. The Mole. He's on the Mole. He's the Mole.

Yeah. Anyway. Which is... Yep, okay. We've got to go. And thanks so much. We've had a few people messages recently after Dave asked people to pass the word on around the podcast. and it was so cool.

People have said that they've been, they've just heard about it because of a friend, and that is so nice. That's lovely. It really, really makes us feel good. And it helps the show to grow and become mollier than thou. Oh my God.

Like the Metallica song. Yeah, mollier than now. But yeah, so spread the word. Have a great week, and we'll be back next time with another show. Until then, I will say goodbye. Sorry about the mole stuff. Bye.

Later. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting, network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world

you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree.

Very, very easy. It means we know to come to you. And you'll also know that we're coming to you. Yeah, we'll come to you. You come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam free guarantee.