Two In The Think Tank - 107 - Vlad The Impaler

Episode Date: November 8, 2017

Vlad The Impaler, AKA Vlad Dracula III, is surely one of the most twisted people of all time. The sometimes ruler of Wallachia in modern day Romania, he got the nickname 'The Impaler' by well... impaling people. Thousands and thousands of them. He is also claimed by many to be the inspiration for Bram Stoker's Dracula character. Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPodTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everybody, Jess and Dave, just jumping in really quickly at the top here to make sure that you are across all the details for our upcoming Christmas show. That's right, we are doing a live show in Melbourne Saturday December the 2nd, 2023, our final podcast of the year, our Christmas special. It's downstairs at Morris House, which usually be called the European beer cafe. On Saturday December the 2nd, 2023 at 4.30pm, come along, come one, come all, and get tickets at dogoonpod.com. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession resistant career and a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including

the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit PlanetBcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go Art. My name is Dave Warnke and I'm here with Matt and Jess. Hey Dave, hey Jess.

Hi Matt, hi Dave. Sorry if that was loud. And Walson, why am I saying that? Why would you say that? Fuckin' I just made Dave look. It's lucky. It's lucky you finally found the microphone and it scared him a little bit. A hundred and seven episodes in and now we know what Matt sounds like. Woo! Easy mate, easy.

Didn't want to commit to a big woo there because I was afraid I'd be too loud Dave. Better check it. Ah, made him look. Yeah, dead head. Yeah, he looked at the monitor twice. I feel like an idiot. Hey Dave, what's over there? Oh, what? I respond to points. You know, I saw our good friend Mark Bonanno just last week.

From Auntie Donna. From Auntie Donna. And you know that fucking trick of, oh you're something you should, and then they smack you in the nose. He got me twice with that. I'm 27. Smack me in the nose once, shame on you. Smack me in the nose twice.

You could fill it, feed a whole village. We'll say, yeah. I think you're mixing a couple of phrases there, mate, but it's still good and applicable. How long in between first and second flick? Like an hour or so? Oh no, no, no. Yeah, I feel like, I felt like a damn fool.

Hey Jess, what's that? No, I'm not, no, he got me. It is funny when people just got, Matt what he did was she didn't look down and he flicked her anyway. I love that, it's rather cute. The commit to it. No, fuck it, I'm gonna flick your nose, man.

Yeah, I'm gonna hit your nose like a naughty dog. Please don't do it to me because I am susceptible to nose bleeds. Okay, I don't want to start a nose bleeds. I believe that. I believe that. You're a fragile. I thought that I had nose bleeds pretty bad,

but you remember in primary school when you had to go out and you'd wear a name tag in case you got lost. And what do you have there? I think you know Dave that I grew up in a time before primary school. I'm sorry. Before any schooling.

Yeah, Scarlett, I remember I was quite an old man when schooling came in. I'm like this will never catch on. How do you feel when they introduced the first iPod? I'm a little bit behind having caught up that far. When do they come in? Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I pod. I pod. Anyway, yeah, we're going to have the name tag. Anyway, if I could continue my very boring story. Please. I would.

I would nothing more. No, system, you would have a name tag mat. So if you got lost away from the group, you weren't taken out by a wolf. And that makes sense. Name tag obviously protects you from wolves. Yeah, thank you. You would have, like if you had Asmer,

I would say, you know, Dave Warnocky, you asked me out, which I fortunately didn't have. Because wolves weren't eat as matters. Oh my god. That's how you get asthma And this is that how you get it. Yes There was a kid who had um he had nosebleeds written on there and then when we went to a cinema once He wasn't allowed to sit up in the back rows in case the height of the cinema caused him to get a nose Oh, your teacher's very idiots It's a matter of particular. Your teachers were idiots. This is why I said schools would never catch on.

Because I mean, who's going to want to teach idiots? Both my parents are teachers. I apologize. They are very disappointed in you, man. That's weird that they work as. Obviously, teaching wasn't invented. When you were a man. Yeah, if you thought Matt was old, fuck.

His parents relics. He's got quite a complicated family tree. Yeah, well we don't have time to go into it. I'm slightly a petra. You aren't married to your sister. No. Yeah, I want a way to find out. What a way to find out. What a way to find out. Anyway, we've got to get cracking.

We've got a crack into this episode. I'll dub to. Which is one that's been voted by the Patrons. Now Patreon supporters have voted on this topic. And we love a Dave Warnicky topic because it means Matt and I get to be the Sass Twins. Yeah. And shit all over your tiny little body. Okay. Well, yeah, you're going to have some pretty good aim to shit on this, then stick. ass twins yeah and shittle over your tiny little body okay well yeah you

gonna have some pretty good aim to shit on this then stick I say pointing to my cock oh no oh no sorry about that welcome new listeners So you know on this show, one thing we all love, especially Jess Perkins. We love a good name. Yes. So what we do is, for my report lately, we've been, I've been putting three topics out there for our Patreon supporters to choose from. So what I did was I went through our hat of a list of suggestions, list of suggestions. The list of suggestions. The list of new material. Matt have a go.

List of new material. List of suggestions. Oh, thank you, Matt. And I picked out what I thought was three of the coolest names in there. Right. So the topic was cool names. People just voted on their name. Fuck yeah.

I hope that we're at Hawthorne, grandma. They're in there. So to get us on top of it, I've got a question. And my question is, who is the scariest person in all of history to have the name Vlad? Vlad the Impailla. It is Vlad the Impailla. Oh, that's good.

Not Vladimir Putin. That is, sorry. I was, I was sorry's good. Not Vladimir Putin. That is... Sorry? I was... Putin. Is it Putin? Is Vladimir Putin?

Is what? Is what Putin? Are you Putin? Is this Putin? I'm Putin here. You're Putin to me? I'll see you in another way. You must be Putin to me.

That's Elvis doing the Nero sang Putinin wrong Pretty good stuff putin wrong what Pidden putin Vladimir putin who were the other Vladimir's that you offered? I was certain you were gonna say putin first or putin and I was gonna say That is he's not the reason evil guy, but not the most evil by a long shot I would have said putin first just He didn't say he didn't say Vladimir I would have said Putin first. Just, just let me get a bloody word in. He didn't say, Vladimir. He said, Vlad.

Oh, no. What do you think Vladimir is to his mates? No, I'm aware of that, but the clue is in the Vlad. He's pused the sum, but also, The clue was in the Vlad. I guess that's true. I don't know who Vlad the Impaler is. Thought that was a fictional character.

Original Dracula, sort of. Is that not, all alright? No, that is The one and the same we will get to the connections there this topic has been suggested by one person Usually I thought a top of this would have a couple more Dane Who was at MGI 471 on Twitter? Matt Dane your your Twitter handle should be great, Dane. You fucked up. I know it's probably taken.

Go GR, number eight. Probably also taken. Oh, come on, Dave. What about great, Dane, MGUI471? That's not taken. I'm not even going to check. I know it's not taken. What about pretty good, Dane?

Oh, that's good, actually. That is. Or average, D dane? Oh, that's good actually. That is. Or average dane. Average dane. Failure right dane on a good day. Oppositive dane. Oppositive bad dane. There's so many dane.

Ah. So Matt, you know a little bit about Vlad the Impaler. I've talked to everything. I think he's from Transylvania. Pugh. No, Pennsylvania. Pugh. Transylvania. Transylvania is the right one there. That's correct. And Just just knows the name because you would agree that's one of the coolest names in the hat. Vlad Vlad the Impaler. Impaler adds the cool fact

Yeah, it's a name of it. There's a song called Vlad the Impaler by that English band. Cassabian has a song. Ah, so you and a no fielding from the Marty boost dresses up as Vlad the Impaler in the film clip. Ah, that's cool. I like Noel Fielding. He's very good. I'm more of a Howard Moonman. Oh, yeah. Which is not his real name.

Julian Barrett. Julian Barrett. So funny. Yeah, so so. What a great show. What a great great show. But he is a different show. I was going to say a great show, but it's not as good as the boost.

But anyway, so let's crack on with Vlad the Impaler. Thank you to Dame for the suggestion. Vlad the Impaler, whose full name was Vlad the Third Dracula. Oh, great now. There were two Dracula's that came before him. No, well, he was also known as Vlad Teppish, which is Impaler in Romanian. Ah.

I was like, I don't like that as much. And a lot of history things do refer to as Vlad Teppish. He was born in 1431 in Transylvania in modern-day Romania. He was the second legitimate son of Vlad the second Dracool. Dracool. So that is Dracool, as... Hey, Jess, you're so Dracool He's bullying you back. No, that's she's on the other foot now and

What friend friend of mine you were gonna say dickhead, wouldn't you? Yeah, that rhythm didn't it. Yeah, it always does I've loved the third took the name Dracula meaning son of Dracool. Ah Of course and in Romanian Dracool means dragon. So he's the son of the dragon. Fuck, that's cool. Fucking badass. That's true. That's Dracool. See, our new Jess was gonna get involved because she likes names. I do like names and I like names that mean dragon. His father, the dragon, was also a stop on the dragon. Hey, it's me your dad the dragon I'm here to pick you up from school get on the motorbike So embarrassing what do you mean I'm embarrassing so I went to get cigarettes and I never came back What what about it? That is so embarrassing

We don't even know how to buy simple things at a shop Dad You don't even know how to buy simple things at a shop. Ugh. Dad. My deck that lost for 11 years. I'm sad I never get to be a dad. Because no kid will ever turn to me and go, ugh, dad. Never. And I've never sassed my mum once.

No kid ever has. Mum's a just angel. I've seen that no kid has ever sassed your mum. You mean any mum? No, my mom will not take us from any child. Oh, okay. She works at school and one time, or like quite often kids will sort of march in and demand things from her.

And she will say, like, what's magic word? Meaning like they need to say please. And one time she said, what's magic word? And a girl went, abracadabra? And mom was like, yeah, if I don't know, you can have whatever you want, yeah, good point. Well played. Well, it's really cool. Was the illegitimate son of... There's so many Romanian names here, they're all so wrong.

Merchia, the first of... Well, lucky, yeah. Well, lucky, I'm going to say that a lot, because it's a historical and geographical region in the south of Romania. So that's the area that they live in that's their kingdom and when Vlad Dracula That's the impala was born his uncle who was a legitimate son was in power So that was sort of waiting in the wings For power for power of Vlad senior. This is the dragon was a bit of a badass He was he got his name because he a member of the order of the dragon.

She was a biker gang. Yeah, one of the early biker gang. So I had a dragon on the back of the earth, leather vests. That's funny to his back. Before they had bikes, they just sort of stood around and like, knife-weighted things to do. I wore panty-farlings. So, Dracool is in the order of the dragon originally the best bad about about this for Matt and I is that we were joking about pen carvings of being the lame go-to joke of the transport

on the way here and just got cracked fire. It's not- look, aren't it? It's very good. Very happy that I got in. So he's from the order of the dragon, originally founded by the King of Hungary, the aim of the order of the dragon, or sort of like a secret little society of knights, was to fight the Ottoman Empire and defend the Hungarian monarchy Just as laughing at Ottoman Empire

He pictured on the faith seats They were all just chasing you I knew that just in a laugh at that They're fighting them Ah, get it I so knew that she was going to laugh at that Er So with the aim of the order was to fight the Ottoman Empire and defend the Hungarian?

Oh, it's so funny. I'm going to say that about six dozen times in this report. I'm going to fight it for my own funny every day. No, I probably won't. I'm over it now. Bored! Next. Defend the Hungarian monarchy from foreign and domestic enemies and the Catholic Church from Heretics and Pagans. So they're big into Christianity and the Ottoman Empire, of course, will often, is a big sort of...

They're really all about foot comfort. Yeah, that's what they're all about. Rest in your legs. But it's sort of a... they are surrounded basically by the Ottoman Empire They're so comfy. Have you never And I went for a run today my legs are actually quite so I could really use an Ottoman Had my feet up on that seat and then you had to come in and sit down now my legs are just dangling in the wind like some fucking animal and with that the ottoman empire crumbled

yeah so was the ottoman empire that was obviously not Christian was that a religious empire Muslim Empire Muslim that would have been my guess or they might guess. Or... Scientology. Either or. So they sort of surrounded mostly by this empire, so they're often worried about them. Of Lad Jr., that's the empire he was also a member of the Order of the Dragon. He had a tiny little dragon jacket. Situated directly between Christian Europe and the Muslim Ottoman Empire, Well, like here, was a very dangerous part of the world at the time. They didn't just have to worry about different empires and religions fighting each other.

They also had to worry about... Bears! Really? Yeah. And in fighting with bears. And in breeding with bears. Hot. Are the... Inbreeding with bears. Hot. The inbreeding with bears. Yeah. Yeah. What a time.

Mm-hmm. That's hard to you. It was a very dangerous time. You ever tried to make love to a bear? Who was also your relative? No. Uncle Joe. He'saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa American I think we sort of almost do right only it's a quain Quaindom Yeah, but it doesn't there's no castles. I feel like Jess is missed the point of that sentence Which was the violence changing the leadership 18 times in 100 years. Yeah, but they have castles So it doesn't princesses. It's not it's not that fun. So is kingdom's industry stories. I don't live in a kingdom I just live in a city What is our nearest kingdom? Toilet kingdom?

Fuck yeah, I'm moving there. Thank you. So it's the lack of king. Cause Australia is still part of the monarchy. No, I bet it's... No, I'm telling the list. I know you're... Tell them to listen to that.

Right. Yeah, but even when we have a king, I'm just... Wait, yeah, I don't know. What is that not? Angry at the lack of castles. Right. I mean the castles are there. They're just a little journey.

They have castles in England. Yeah, that's true. We've also got Crayal Castle. Need Jalong. We do have Belarat. Need Belarat, is it? No. Oh, need Belarat Grandma.

Grandma. So let us take a little bit of time to explain to the listener what Crayal Castle is. We do hit Belarat. New Belarat is it? No. Oh, New Belarat grandma. Belarat grandma. So let us take a little bit of time to explain to the listener what cruel castle is. For those who weren't annoyed with this detour as yet. So sorry. Fuck. Well, basically, it's like a medieval reenactment place. Yeah.

A guy built a castle. And Jess hasn't been there? I haven't. Well, for some, all those times in Belarat. Someone who's crying Well for some of those times in Belorat. Someone who's crying out for kingdoms and has been to Belorat a million times. You're right. You're right. It's on the next two, cryptogrammas.

Sorry, grandma. It's a post-crowcastle for Bitcoin. Why is she resting, please? She's a lot. But may she nap in that piece? Oh, resting, yeah. She loves her, she loves her wrist. Basically, I'm trying to paint the picture that this is a really violent time. in that piece. It's time more, right? Resting, yeah. She loves a rest.

Basically, I'm trying to paint the picture that this is a really violent time. Even though it's a little rusty. Oh, Matthew. Okay, yes, violent time, but still I have castle so I'm not, I don't feel a lot of sympathy for them. Still very violent time and this is, I'm not going to lie, a pretty violent episode. Ooh, possibly given away by the title, Vlad the Impaler. I think.

And he took that title literally, we'll get to that. Where I should. So we got the title before he did any of your play. His mother. His mother. His mother. Yeah, Impaler. Nominal determinism, when you have a job based on your name, like John Baker, the Baker,

Vlad the Impaler. Well, I better impale some people otherwise this isn't embarrassing. Yeah imagine not living up to your name. You're very Perkins. Thank you. Nice David could be a little more Warnakie though. Couldn't agree more. Oh I'll try my best. He's relatively Warnakie I guess. Corsian corner. Yeah, that's right. That's what it means apparently. Vlad Signe. Signeur. The Spanish flag.

Signeur Dracool. He says, Pao and his brother died in 1436. At this time, if a century is following this, while Laquia was actually under the control of the powerful Ottoman Empire that pretty much surrounded them. However, that hasn't run out of juice for you. I'm just imagining Ottomans.

Just surrounded you. So Wulakia is under control of the Ottoman Empire, and they had to financially support the Ottoman Empire to avoid stirring up trouble, kind of like paying taxes. And Vlad II, this is Dracool, reluctantly agreed to pay the tribute demanded of him by the Ottoman Empire, despite his affiliation with the Order of the Dragon, which is secretly to undermine them. But he knows, if he doesn't pay them, he will get invaded, so he does that. Vlad Dracool did not support an Ottoman Empire of Transylvania in March 1442 and this stance got him into trouble An Ottoman Sultan Murad II Sultan?

Fuck that's cool A few solvents on this, they ordered him to come to Gallipoli to demonstrate his loyalty So he went off there and he took out his son Vlad Jr. and his younger brother Rado And they were all imprisoned when they arrived. Ah, great. What a welcome. Vlad Draco, the dad was released before the end of the year, but Vlad Jr. and Rado had to remain as hostages to secure his loyalty.

This practice of handing over loved ones for family members as hostages was common in ancient times and for many centuries since. Basically, don't fuck with me, or I'll kill your son. Sure. But having his two little boys held hostage, did little to deter the badass Vlad Sinha, who openly supported the king of Poland and Hungary against the Ottoman Empire during a crusade in 1444. So he sort of went, ah, whatever, I don't care. Sure, okay, cool, great. He was convinced that his sons were caught butchered for the sake of Christian peace. But fortunately for them neither Vlad nor Rady was murdered or mutilated after their fathers

rebellion. That is fortunate. He just kind of assumed that they were killed. And I'm moving on. And he was pretty cool. Pretty dracool with that. Dracool, Yeah, thank you. Hello Dave One news in prison. There was claim that Vlad Jr. enjoyed torturing insects

With sticks he didn't pay all them slowly. Okay, lucky did he is later with real people. Oh, okay spoilers So so a young age possibly already showing some psychopathic tendencies great Great cool. Have they invented magnifying glasses by that stage? So at a young age, possibly already showing some psychopathic tendencies. Great! Great! Cool! Have they invented magnifying glasses by that stage? Unfortunately for bugs now, because I'd probably be less painful than being slowly impaled. Oh, yuck. I mean, they're so small, I need to look slowly.

Yeah, surely it's just done. You just got no imagination. Oh, you're not a psychopath. It's probably good, actually. It's probably good that you can't picture that or want to do it. There is a moth in my room that's been there for a couple of days. Impale. And I'm not happy about it, because you know how I feel that moths.

They used to do that, right? People collect moths, they'd impale them alive to collect them, because you couldn't kill them. It's awesome, so so they pin their wings. That's fucked. I think they just sit there and die. Let's move on. Maybe. I don't like that.

I don't like moths but I don't like that. If Jesse don't like this, I'm afraid there's a big section on in paling. Oh no. Pretty soon. Can I go home? Yes you guys are fun. Bye. I just want to talk about his You guys are fun. Bye.

I just want to talk about his appearance for one second. Oh, can we guess? Alright, what do you, what do you reckon, Vlad, Jr.? Slick black hair with that demons' peak or whatever you call it? What do you call it? Devil's Peak? I was thinking like a thaw, like blonde long locks. I was thinking like fangs. Yeah, like a cape. That's definitely gone to Dracula, you've gone to Chris Hemsworth. Always.

I'm thinking he's a big brawny guy and he's got a heart of gold. Chris Hemsworth again. Yeah, is it Chris Hemsworth? Is Chris Hemsworth the answer? Yes. I don't think that invented a huge bulking system back then. I don't think that I can big mussely go.

You see, I've ever seen old photos of mussely goats. I don't have like the fully crazy cut boobs and stuff like they do now. Yeah. The boobs are just so cut. They're cut. They cut Christmas worth. It's his boobs. He's packing. He's packing. He's packing. Yeah Just peckens

Okay, what do you look like? So only one painting survives with him and it's probably a copy of the original but The widespread images and this is a description of him, he was very, not very tall, but very stocky and strong in brackets large boobs. He had a cold and terrible appearance. He had a cold. He's old enough. I would have known. He would not shake it. Wouldn't do his vitamins. Swollen nostrils. Swole. A thin and reddish face in which the very long eyelashes framed large wide open green eyes. The bushy black eyebrows made them appear threatening. His face and chin was shaven but for a mustache. Oh cool. The

swollen temples increase the bulk of his head. Right, but he's not a good looking guy. Yeah, he sounds like a mess. He's a weird looking dude. Do you get that from when I said a cold and terrible appearance? Yeah. No, I missed that. I got a short and stocky and everything else you said is what led me to think. Mustache. I like the mustache. Now I reckon he sounds like a cartoon villain. I was about to say that. Yeah, he does. If you look at the, we do a search of paintings of him, he does look like a villain. I'm imagining Jack Lemon is the bad guy in the great race.

Not the great race. Herbie strikes again. Speed racer? No. Really old black and white film. Wacky racers. Mickey, Stan boat, Mickey. Stop it.

The great race. I'm sure that's what it's called. No, the great race then. The greatest cape. Yes. Cannonball run. That's the one. Schindler's list.

Weekend of Bernies 2. Correct. These are all correct answers. Thank you so much for your help, Jack. You're glamming. What an uvra. You piece is a sh- what an uvra? Uvra. Pugh tin.

Pugh tin? What a nu- Pugh tin's uvra. He's got quite the uv. Dave, do go on. Vlad Yunus' father and his older brother were murdered. Olde, uh, uh, the son of Vlad Drakkel's cousin The genius father and his older brother were murdered. Oldie. The son of Vlad Drakov's cousin was made the ruler of Wallachia. No one is 100% on who killed Vlad Sanya, but it's likely to be the guy, Vladislav, that got to replace him, the cousin.

Vladislav. Vladislav. Vladislav. Don't like that. Okay. I like it. Vladislav. Vladislav. It's one of that.

Flatislave. A red one-source that claimed to lad senior was buried alive with his son. That's not nice. So, that's not good at all. That's not when you're supposed to be buried. No. You should be dead for that. I did it backwards.

Yeah. That's no good. Unless you're being buried in... Money! That's a fine way you're being buried in money Find way to suffocate today At the ponly kisses Oh no, I buried it up

Can't get it. I can't escape these kisses. Kiss to death. Oh no On the death of his father and older brother Vlad became a potential claimant to a laquia and at this time he's still imprisoned Um over in the Ottoman Empire and the Ottomans let him return home to claim power and even lent him Military supporters than you guy flattest love was backed by the Hungarians the natural enemy of the otter man, oh You wrote that didn't you? No, I didn't, but I. You enjoyed it. I do like talking about otters. I watched you enjoy that. It was nice. Matt, did you see him? No, missed it. So, Vladislav had to lead the king to defy the Ottoman soldiers. And while

he was away, Vlad the Emperor regained the throne for his family so he was snuck in and he's the king. Hooray! Hey guys, he's snuck in and he's the king. Hooray! Hey guys, it's me and back, I'm the king, no questions. Alright, back to work. And he's king for two whole months. Ah, I think I say days. Months is good.

Not so bad. I get a lot done in two months. I go ahead and bring a king for two months. Oh, all the parties and the decisions and the picking of the curtains. It is very difficult. I assume they do a lot of redecorating kings. Oh, that's the first two months of any kingdom. I think coming back and then you've got to redecorate, they're redecorated. Good on do all this work and start again.

You're off. It is. You got the move curtain. We just have very different days. So we can charge for two months because I had to run back to the Ottoman Empire for protection when the other guy, Vladislav came home and simply kicked him out. So he came back and said, Hi everyone, I'm back, I I'm king again get out of here oh hey that's my throne get out of here he should in a way like a stray cat oh didn't he have an army didn't they give him an army or something hey an ottoman though yeah an ottoman I've let her to leave and for you found XR in

Moldavia to the northeast he went there because he's brother-in-law Bogdan. The second. Bogdan. That's good, right? No. I concluded that because that's a great name. Bogdan. Bogdan, I like that. Bogdan, the second was on the throne. So was it? Betty Luss. So I know there's someone there, Bogdan. You could not get down on that throne. What was his nickname, B?

Would it be dead? Or would they call him bog? Cause bog is a shit name. That's probably just... Oh. Didn't do that on purpose. They call him shit-down. Shit-down.

Why can't you shit-down? Ha-ha-ha-ha. Look, mate, I appreciate calling me king, but shit isn't really very nice. You hear me? Shit-down. Oh fuck. I appreciate you calling me king but shit isn't really very nice You hear me? Shit dance! Oh fuck! So you got to live there in peace for a while, I'll shit down was there

But then someone knocked off bogged down shit down and Vlad had to run away again He offered himself to the Hungarian leader John Hanyadi, which is an anagram of Hyundai. I really enjoyed that. Drive away no more to pay. John Hanyadi, I mean, did you figure that out yourself? Yeah, I looked at it and I was like, that is it. You swapped two letters and that is Hyundai. The car brand, that's big everywhere, right?

Yeah. Well, I'm going to call him Hyundai for now one. John Hyundai, who's actually a very famous Hungarian guy, looked him up like a national hero of theirs. I wonder if they know how close they were at having a national hero called Hyundai. John would be a national shame. Moderately pressed car brand. record he undone. John! John! John! John! John!

John! John! John! John! John! John! John! John!

John! John! John! John! John! John! John! John!

John! John! John! John! John! John! John! like that for any American listeners. His name is almost the same as John Hunde. Oh, aluminum. Jesus, I got some work to do over there, don't I? Oh, no. Ah, good on him. Yeah, there's so many of them. Yeah, that's one thing about Americans.

So many words or so many people. Bye. Yeah, if you think about it, it's quite a lot of both of those. That's D pay. Well that's D pay. There's like so many people like so many ones. Do you guys ever look up at the stars and think there's so many words and stars and people and grains of sand. I don't. Me that I've got stuff to do. Yeah, very busy. If it's nighttime, I'm sleeping. Yeah. I live in the city, I can't see fucking stuff. Is there a roof on my house? Yeah. Yeah, but imagine if you did, right? That'd be cool. Oh, man. Well, Hyundai, he let Vladimir. Well, you're saying this guy's a

national hero and you've got to continue to call him Hyundai Yeah, be disrespectful to the Hungarians, fine makers of Salamis and also On top of that they also just the nice people as well and have a great city called a great city called Buddha Pest which I really enjoyed going to which is the coming together of three cities Buddha pest and oh Buddha a little bit of geography there for you guys yeah I'm sure yes or any more of that hmm I'm sure she also gave a fuck. If I could just get back onto Hyundai. Interesting, go on.

Honey, honey, honey, we'll call him. His name, that's probably miss pretty much. They'd probably prefer me to say Hyundai's. He let flat live, massively, because flat had a knowledge of the Ottoman Empire and made him useful as an advisor. I know how to put my feet up on things. It's always funny. Ottomans.

Ottomans, like that. I had my own childhood home. It was green. I think I found out that Ottoman meant like a footstool when someone made a joke about the Ottoman Empire. I don't think I'd ever heard of Ottomans, because I didn't grab them in the affluent East. Wow. What? What did you didn't put your feet up? My god, my butler had an Ottoman.

He had six. One for each day of the week and then on the seventh day. He stood. And they were actual Ottomans. People from that... They were mummified. Yeah. Soldiers from the Ottoman Empire. You didn. Put his feet up on. Six of them. And I'll body cheap ever. They're so dumb. Why did we have them? They just took out space.

Yeah. Well, I think it is a sign of I have too much space. That's so weird, isn't it? Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. In 1456 at the age of 25, Vlad was allowed to lead an army into a luckier where he reclaimed

his throne and, according according to legend killed the Hungarian puppet leader and his enemy and cousin, Vladislav II in personal combat. Allegedly, we have poppin! Ow! Darn! Allegedly beheading him with the slabs. Okay. So now he's in charge for the second time.

Woo! Yeah! He's kingdom round number two. His kingdom isn't exactly peaceful. His lands were in a practically ruined estate due to constant warfare and internal strife caused by feuding boya's. Boya! Which is what they call boya kasha.

That's what they call members of the aristocracy so so they're like, um, nobles and such, but Boya is a wake on that. Boya. Yeah, they got things right in that area, but it's as it, sultans. Boya. Huh, what's goes on? Etc. Inpaling.

Well, to consolidate power, Old Mate Vlad invited hundreds of these boyars to a banquet. Knowing these authority would soon be challenged, he had his guests stabbed, whilst they were sitting down, and they're still twitching bodies and paled, something that he was soon to gain a reputation. Hang on, hang on. That is no way to treat a guest. He invited how many of them? 200. And they were all stabbed at the same time?

Yes. So he had 200 people like, oh let me get that chair for you, stab. I imagine what he would have done is go before we sit down could everyone line up next to this really long rod and just hold and sorry that's going to hurt a little bit as we go don't worry about what the person in front of he's doing, Rhything that's what they're doing don't worry about that and Shishka Bab tonight! Or he said I could everyone take their seats and they said oh so my seat appears to be a knife no no no that's just something we've shipped in from the bottom I can't buy they're trying at a new No, there's weird stalls

Now they've got these weird chairs that look like knives just just sit down on that for me Everyone the way down the same time everyone Hey Gary up the back sit the fuck down. Yeah, I want to sit on a knife Gary. They were all impaled All right, everyone but Gary he figured it out Well, everyone but Gary, he figured it out. Well, that Vlad was keen to show his dominance and in a letter he stated that quote, when a man or a prince is strong and powerful, he can make peace as he wants to. But when he is weak, stronger one will come and do what he wants to him. So he is trying to lay down the law.

Who did you write this letter to? He's Mum? Dear diary. Dear diary, it's I, I'm glad. The impaler, how are you? That's a, that's a my name, that's what they call me. He began to have hundreds or even thousands of people he perceived to be his enemies executed. He particularly wanted to exact revenge on those that he saw as letting down his father during his reign. Many of these people were impaled. Something that led Vlad to get the nickname, Vlad the impaler. Now you might be wondering, Jess, what exactly is this impalement that I keep talking about?

Yes, that is what I'm thinking. Let me just say it is definitely since reading and researching this report being added to my list of ways I do not want to die Somewhere between never put that on the public record Some of between being burnt alive and eaten alive by rats. Oh Some of that's on a scale of Okay, yeah, no I understand So which is which is higher and which is lower? No, I won't give away that sacred man. Come on, mate. We've got to protect some of our privacy. Yeah, that the surprise. So Jess, she looks very disappointed and disgusted with my behavior.

Yes. So this is Vladimir or Vlad the Impaillers, how to impale people 101. Oh my god. A wood or metal pole is inserted through the body either front to back or vertically. Shooting up your butt. Shooting, through the rectum of a jyna. The exit wound could be near the victim's neck, shoulders or mouth. What the fuck?

It's a big on a spit sort of thing. Matt! In some cases the pole was rounded not sharp to avoid damaging internal organs and therefore prolonging suffering of the victim. In a lot of ways it's just like a really big piercing. The pole was then raze vertically to display the people, and it could take hours or days for the person to die.

So it's real bad, and he's like, let's get all these people impaled and they do them all at the same time. Okay, probably cut, saved him on costs. Uh, he would have- That what? Yeah, he would- I'll deal. He would leave fields of impaled people so it was like a forest of dead people.

What the fuck? And this isn't the only crazy violent shit he did. Uh, when diplomatic envoys had an audience with Vlad in 41559, the diplomats declined to remove their hats, citing that it would be against their religion to take off their hat. He impaled their hats. So, commending them on their religious devotion,

Flatton sure that their hats would remain forever on the heads by nailing the hats to their skulls. I know he's fucking crazy. Did that kill him? Have it with an ails. You said, so was that you being funny there? Or did he was he actually like, I appreciate this, I'm going to help you. I don't know. I would much rather get impaled through the tongue, because right, I'm just clenching. I'm picking it and then you lift up the stick and there's a few of you on there like I

say before. Shishka about style and then you just swing in like this. And then someone comes up and goes like this and you go, woo, woo, woo. And you just spin around like and then maybe like the wind blows and you put you out then in that field, there just be like a field of those sort of like those. Like foosball table. You can make a human foosball table. Yeah, well, I'd rather that than being vertically impaled. Shootin' up your butt hole.

Oh, stop. Think we clench. It's making me think of a couple of good mates talking about comic book movies. So, he's a pretty bad guy. And there's other stories of him boiling people alive and dipping his bread in the blood of people while they die. Oh, he's a bad guy. I love bread, just eat it as he is.

I got his bread. I've been some soup. How could he's blood? No. When it's inside your body, circulating, carrying, oxygen. Very important. Also important to remember to donate blood if you can. Via your impalement. Via Uranus. You should not be having blood coming out Uranus.

Really? No day. There's no circumstance. There's no healthy circumstance. I'm confident. The blood's coming from your illness. That the Red Cross will not accept... Aynas blood. Not 100% sure, but I think that's one of it. You rock up with your own little baggy.

You drop it on the table. There you go. That's three pints of Aynas blood. Where do I get paid? You don't get paid for normal blood. Why would I pay you for Aynas blood of this country? I think they do in America. Yeah, imagine that again, paid for blood. What a system.

Speeding of capitalism, Jesus. Yeah, so wrong. Everything's got a price, I love it. So it's estimated you killed about 80,000 people through various means. A lot of these people are impaled. He's getting a reputation as a bit of a psychopath across Europe. At the beginning of 1462, however, Flaad launched a campaign against the Turks, which are part of the Ottoman Empire, along the

Danube River. It was quite risky, the military force of Sultan Memad II being far more powerful than the Wallarchy and army that Flaad was commanding. However, during the winter of 1462, Flaad was very successful and things were going well for him, so it was looking like it was going to go well. But to punish Vlad, the Sultan got his proper army together and launched a full-scale invasion of Valkyrie hoping to take it over. He assembled an army that was three to six times larger than Vlad's forces. So huge. Vlad appealed to the Hungarians for help, but this time they said they wouldn't help him.

This is Hunyadi, Hyundai. The only way to survive was to use a scorched earth policy where Vlad and his army burnt their own fields and poisoned the wells as they retreated. So the Turkish army chasing them didn't have anything to eat or drink. It's not very nice. As an ambush attack.

For sport, really? Yeah. Well, do you think he's a poor sport? As an ambush attack- For sport really? Yeah. Well, do you think he's a poor sport? As an ambush attack in the middle of the night, flat and some of his men broke into the sleeping Ottoman camp in an attempt to capture or kill the Sultan. Well, he slept. The hope was that if they imprisoned or killed the leader,

then everyone else would just go home. Not bad. Like it's some sort of a- Ant colony. Ant colony, yeah. We've killed the queen. Don't I just get a new queen? Nearly every time, yes.

If history isn't needed to go by, nearly every time a leader is killed, a new leader comes along. At Ant History, that is. However, they didn't find out what would happen if they killed the leader because they broke into the wrong part of the camp and attacked the wrong part of the army I had to leave empty handed when the Sun started coming up. They were like, where is he? Where's that fucking Sultan?

Never found him. They're in the broom closet. Take a torch boys. Take a fucking torch. Come on The Sultan of the Army continues to chase Flader when the Sultan and his huge forces were now exhausted and hungry finally reached the abandoned capital city. They were confronted by one of the most gruesome sites imaginable. Thousands of steaks held the remaining carcasses of 20,000 Turkish captives that had been impaled that they described as forest of the impaled. So they walk into a city and there's 20,000 people on stakes. Rodding. That's disgusting. The terror tactic deliberately staged manage by Vlad

to terrify his opponents. Definitely was successful. The scene had a strong effect on the Sultan and his most stout-hearted officers, and the Sultan tired and hungry, admitted defeat, and they went home So it worked Good for the blood.

By killing 20,000 of his own people. No, no, so these were other Slaves and stuff that they captured previously 20,000 on stake. Why are they getting all these stakes from? Yeah, I've been a real good time to be in the stake industry. Wow. It's so good.

I'd imagine if you just start up a big stake company It's been a really good time to be in the steak industry. Wow. It's so good. I'll be so good. I'll be so good. Imagine if you just start up a big steak company. Fff. Fff. Fff. Geez. Are we going to pay it really well as well?

Yeah, we're going to. He's the kind of guy who I pay for quality. Yeah. These are good steaks. I'll pay you whatever the asking price is. Yeah. That was one thing about Flad. He would kill nearly anyone, but he would pay the price. Genresly. Genresly, yeah. And tip. Yeah, he would kill nearly anyone, but he would pay the price.

Generously. Generously, yeah. And tip. Yeah, he would tip. He would also kill you after it was take the money back. There was a little moment there where you felt good. And you got paid well. Thought you were going to be able to put your kids through school, which was an event of

it yet. No, of course not. There was actually a story of how crime went down when he was in power because he hated thieves. And if anyone was caught or accused of thieving, impaled straight away. Does he know how to do anything else? So some people were a fan of him because crime went down. So they had this story of having they had found in like a main square type thing and there were all these gold cups around.

And usually you couldn't leave that around because thieves have come along but people were so terrified of being impaled that no one saw the fucking cup so that's a positive yeah good on you Vlad there's a positive nobody stealing a cup everyone's living in out of fear now a weird thing about you so obviously that sultan's come along and retreated out of terror. But also he's strangely impressed. Greek historian Leónicus, definitely in response, that describes the same like this. Now the sultan, this is the guy who's looking at the forest of impales, the forest of impaled people.

The sultan was seized with amazement and said that it was not possible to deprive of this country a man who had done such a great deed who had such a diabolical understanding of how to govern his realm and his people and he said that a man who had done such things was had much worth. That's crazy. It feels like that's him rewriting. He's like, I'm not saying I was shit scared, I was saying I was impressed by him. It was respect. I'm not saying I was shit scared, I was saying I was impressed by him. It was respect. I'm not a coward.

That shit in my pants, that's from respect. Yeah, respect shit. That's a respect bog. Call it bog down. Or bog down. Get out of my pants. Get out of my pants, shit, Dan. So the Ottoman army left for luck here, but Vlad's brother Radu and his Ottoman troops stayed behind.

The Ottomans favored the brother Radu as the rightful leader for Larkia and hoped to kick Vlad the Impaler out and replace him with Radu. Although Vlad defeated Radu and his Ottoman allies in two battles during the following months, more and more, Wulakians deserted Vlad and joined Radu's side. So that was not good for Vlad. So Vlad withdrew to the Carpathian Mountains, hoping that the Hungarian king, now Matthias Corvinus, would help regain the throne for him. The Hezman had some negotiations however, that didn't go well for Vlad because after a few weeks of back and forth, Vlad the Impaler was captured by one of the King's mercenaries

Susan prison The Pope at the time man named Pope pious the second was a bit like what the fuck why are you in prison demand? That's helping us fight against the Ottomans. I'll give I'll give him money a pipe would not say what the fuck look Yes, I've got a rendition it would have said it in Latin. Sorry. Of course, Jess, you are the patron saint of Latin on this podcast. Many times I've asked you to translate before. How would a pope say what the fuck? Amo. Fuckus.

Amo fuckus. Yep. Thank you. It's a cast, baby pun. Sorry. A cast, a fuckus all. So the pope said, a pope was a bit like a mo for Kass. Thank you.

Now that. I've given this money, this guy money to fight against the Ottomans. Why have you imprisoned him? And so to justify his actions, the King or just a rest of him, King Corvine, has presented three letters to the Pope that had allegedly been written by Vlad. And in these letters, Vlad offered to join forces with the Sultan's army and fight against Hungary if the Sultan restored him to his throne. So most historians think that these letters are bullshit and that the guy just...

We can talk about Stitchup. It's a real Stitchup. Bloody hell. Three Stitchups. The Prime Center would believe the bullshit and left him alone and Vlad the Impaler was imprisoned for nearly 14 years. Wow. So that's a lot of time that you can't impale anyone.

Oh, he is not doing...well, I mean, there's always prison impalement. Yeah. That's a different story. Shiven. Is that too? Get busy, Shiven. Get busy, sorry. All the world.

So he's imprisoned for 14 years. All the while his brother Rado is the king of Wallachia, completely under the control of the Ottoman Empire, and no records of him and those time survive. When Rado died in 1475, pressure on King Corvina said growing sufficient enough to allow the impaler to reclaim his throne with Hungarian support and In the summer of 1475 Lod was sent home to for Larkia to fight against the new king and He was restored to the throne. Oh my god. He's back, baby. What a summer. Oh, he's back Sadly his third reign was even shorter than his first remember that was two months. Okay

six days. Six days. Not bad, summer reign. What do you think? I reckon, well, it's gonna be. Summer reign. I think it'll be a fortnight. Two weeks. It is just over a month.

Fuck. He was in charge for just over a month. However, at the end of that month, he was killed in battle. Oh, how was he killed? With a sword, I'm assuming. With a Aafri died, the Turks cut off his head and took it to Constantinople as a trophy.

And the rest of his body was cut into pieces. His burial place is often speculated upon, but not confirmed. That's pretty gross. So he died, but Aafri died, his legend only continued to grow. So he was feared for his legendary cruelty throughout his lifetime. But after his death, his legend only got bigger and bigger, spread by both his friends and his enemies.

So don't get me wrong, he was definitely fucked up. But it's hard to know which story is the true one. So he impaled a lot of people, you know figures like 20,000. It's not often Generators or stuff. You'd have to apply a lot of force to impale someone Like you're really gonna shove it in you know. Yeah, sometimes they did it with a horse Excuse me. They did it with a horse. What I don't know that's relevant to what we're talking about I'm just talking about impaling someone. Sorry, I zoned out again.

And I was talking about impaling someone with a horse's fellace. Okay. That's what I was talking about. No, sometimes, I don't know if you want to keep talking about impaling. I wasn't going to bring it up because it was so fucked up. But they would tie someone to a horse and that's how they would get the... To them to the horse and then the rottedotted bees. Oh, they're stationary and they you know they would be pulled into the rod and the rod. Yeah, I don't want to get it fucked up. It's awful. I hate that so much.

He is regarded by some as a Romanian national hero. Okay. All right, Bobadia. So when did Malawkea become, what did I say? What was... Malawkea? Well, fuck that was not. Malawkea. Close it all. Uh, Malawkea, which is a great name.

Is that almost, is that like similar boundaries to modern day Romania? Oh no, that's in the southern part and then they unified with the northern part to be a great Romania. Right. So I love it. Malawkea is a great name. It's actually, it's W-A-W-L-A-C-H-I-A. And so, if I've been mispronouncing that for an hour, I apologize, but the one translation that I found was, well, lucky.

Well, lucky, I like well, lucky, I... So, when did he become, when... Do you know anything about when the jump from real Dracula to the mythical Dracula? Yes, yes, I'll just wrap up with it. The story's about Vlad made him one of the best-known medieval rulers of Europe and specifically in the Romanian lands because people would talk about this fucked up dude that lived, you know, last century, century before. And it is often thought that Bram Stoker based the title character of Dracula on Vland. Bram Stoker's Dracula, which was published in 1897, was the first book, however, to make a connection between Dracula and Vampirism, or Vampirism. So, Vlad the Impaler, whilst he was rumoured to do a lot of weird stuff, He wasn't rumoured to be a vampire in his lifetime. Right.

But he was rumoured to drink blood, which is a classic vampiric thing. That's right. I've seen Buffy. Great, sir. She and Dustin in Paling. Yes. Now I get it.

Now some people do think that that also came, but the brams also included that. Obviously a great way. Stake through the heart. Stake through the heart. And you're too blind. Stake through the heart. Oh my God.

Stop it. Do you think it's because... Stop! Get out of my head! Pat! Do you think it's because, um, Stake to the arse just wasn't as commercial. Stake to the arse!

Or the vagina. You got two options in 50% of the population. Yeah, Jesse, you've got options. Oh, I don't know which one I'd take. I don't think you'd get a choice. I don't want to think about it either. Yeah, you're right. Probably they wouldn't give me a choice.

I don't want to discuss it. We've won. Oh, I got a clenching again. Although Stokers notes for the novel do include mentions of Dracula, the historical account from which the notes were taken only mentions his name, not the fucked up deeds for which he was known. So some people think that Bram just like the name, or some people think that Bram liked the association of the crazy stuff that he did, and you could base an evil character on the things that he did

There's a lot of debate about that right was it. Yeah, so it was Dracula's the character's always been like the one in my head with the slick hair and the Widow's peak and the yeah in Advantage or suck your blood Did you say that in the book? That's the count the count from Sesame Street. Something of the count. Vos will count the numbers. One! A-a-a! The tool! Have you seen that video where they blape counting or something like that?

No. Oh, love gonna show you that part. He always says three so enthusiastically. It's like three! He's the best. A-a-a-a. Anyway. You're gonna love this video, it's a playback count. It's like three! He's the best. Ah, ah, ah.

Anyway. You're gonna love this video, it's a playback count. It is. It's up there with the Molotica Jurassic Park video. Ah, great. Final thing on Dracula is, Others claim Stoka came across the name Dracula when reading about Romani in history and chose to replace the name Count Wampier W-A-M-P-Y-R that he had originally intended to use for the villain. Imagine if it was called Count Wampier.

No, it doesn't have the same ring. Wampier, but they don't pronounce Ws maybe, so it's vampire. It's probably vampire. That makes sense. Wampier. I say they. Some people at some times. It probably is count vampire, but still Dracula's just... Dracula's cool. And it means... Little dragon.

Little dragon. You son of a dragon. Little dragon. Little dragon. Who's my little dragon? I am. I am. I am.

I am. Oh dear. sorry. Wow. Well, that's my report on the most fucked up person in the hat. Flood that impaling son of a bitch. No, he's bad, isn't it? I didn't like the thinking about being impaled. Sorry, but I felt like he'd been lost over at some people would have been pissed off. Absolutely. Some people have tuned in just for the impaling I was gonna say that was that was the key This I think the image of the just a forest of people that's disgusting and amazing. Yeah Rod Forest Rod Forest is my old accountant Rod Forest put it there put it there rod I'm not a buddy got any of their mate Rod good to see you can balance the keep those books balance your body alright mate

there's all business Rod sorry Rod are you telling me to balance my own books why do I need you? alright mate well yeah the way you said it you just do it alright no you just do the main army I'm here I'm more here for encouragement more of a life coach balance those funny books mate alright mate alright alright who are you? for in Coz. It's more of a life coach. Bounce those bloody books, mate. Right, mate, alright. Alright, O'Roo.

O'Roo, which I like. O'Roo. O'Roo? Good on your rod. Good on your bloody rod. Your bloody done it again. Well done, mate. Well done. And that is the end of the report part of the episode.

But it's time to thank Rod Forest, who has brought this episode to you. We would like to end this episode by thanking you first of all for downloading it and also to thank a couple of people that Supported the show and made it possible via hitting up our patreon page patreon.com slash do go on part for your patreon needs If you want to pledge a little bit to the show even a couple of bucks a month really does help us out five bucks helps more Yeah, ten thousand dollars a month. We're not asking much even more again. That helps yeah the more you pledge the more you help You know what I found out recently we're over 40% of the way to our US to ago. Oh So that's pretty cool. That's really cool. Wow. That's weird like it could really happen I know I think we didn't fully believe it when we said it.

No, it was like a pipe dream. A phrase I've never understood. What's a pipe dream? Uh, you're high on crack. Crack part. Yeah, you have, you know, those waking dreams, when you're on a crack car. Mm-hmm.

Just you relate to this. I get it. I love crack. Anyway. Anyway, send. I love crack! Anyway. Anyway, send us money for crack. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Uh, you can get stuff in, in, in exchange including a bonus episode once a month. So that's always a lot of fun.

And also we'd like to thank a few people that support us. And I would like to ask Matt to kick us off this week. Okay, great. Um, I'd love to thank... Uh, from Glasgow. Glasgow! Ask Matt to kick us off this week. Okay, great. I'd love to thank... From Glasgow. Glasgow. Looks like Glasgow. Oh, I can't say, we'll get a theme going here.

We had Vlad the Impaler. Oh, like these people to be the something. Okay, great. I'd love to thank Lewis McFadden. Lewis McFadden, no, no, it's hard. Okay, well you go, good Scottish. Can you do Glasgow today? Lewis. Lewis McFadden. Lewis McFadden. McFadden, no, no, it's hard. You go with good Scottish. Can you do Glasgow? Lewis McFadden.

Lewis McFadden. Lewis McFadden. No, no. I was looking at Matt, not yet, so I'm so sorry. I don't know. Lewis the Cuddly. Lewis the Cuddly, I like that. He's the end of your own too.

You know, he's a hero in my books. He knows the end of your two five things, but, well, killing with kindness. Yeah, it's right. Lewis is a hero in my books. He knows the antidote to Vladimir Paolo. Kill him with kindness. Yeah, that's right. Lewis is a nice, nice, nice person. Lewis or Louis? It'd be Lewis, right? He wouldn't be, that's the French way when you say Louis. It gives a fuck.

Come on, you can't. So cuddly, I don't even, it doesn't care. It doesn't care. Who else you got? Louis, Lewis McFadden, anyway, from Scotland. Scotland. He would have said, if Vladimir Pa and Powers in the room he's like oh Marr d'oe

Ha ha ha That was a little bit messy that love when you say Marr d'oe Target Target Marr d'oe Marr d'oe I thank you so much. You're murdering the language right now. Lewis the Cuddler. Louis the Cuddler. Is it that right?

Louis the Cuddler. Oh, Scott's have a lot of people. Robert the Bruce, that's a great name. Robert the Bruce. Yeah, like Robert's Bruce. That's good. Robert the Bruce. It's got to be, if it's the impaler, it's got to be the Cuddler, I think. Okay, fine. Louis the Cuddler.

And also I'd love to thank for Minnesota, Nathan Hanson. I guess it'd be Nathan the handsome I just told you what it had that behalf the handsome Handsome he makes people more handsome with his presence Nathan You make people look better by comparison Buck and Paris and you walk into a room. Suddenly everyone looks real good. Yeah, I was at night. Now I'm a 10.

Now I've been more in a magic way that he lifts everyone, not by his own fagliness. He's from Minnesota, which is where the Timbulves are from. I'm making an effort to get even more into an American, North American sport. That's good. It's good stuff. You bought a shirt from Gary. I did buy a shirt from Gary, we're sweatshirt. What, Gary still has. It's an hour defunct team. Now defunct team from the CBA.

Which is the college, is it? I think it's Central Basketball Association, so I'm like, oh, right. So they were a semi-pro. semi-pro. And when did they disband? Like, is this shirt like vintage? It is rather they disbanded in five or six years ago

They last I don't think about nine years my favorite team full-time of any sport after the Saints We will be hitting up Gary on that tour you better 100% already mapped out a tour that goes it's like only seven hour trip Get this seven hour trip from Gary. Yep to Pittsburgh where the penguins live. Yes. And you can on the way take in Orchiron Ohio, which I still haven't figured out how to say it. That's not good. That's not good. Orchiron.

Oh my god. It looks like Akron, but they say there's W's in the pronunciation. Orchiron. Oh, great. Very good. Nathan the Hensimer and Louis the Cudler. I've come up with two solid ones so far boys, so lift your games.

Okay, okay. I would like to thank from London, a lovely listener who supported the show, Edith Gordon. Oh, Edith Gordon's one of my best friends. Thank you. I said when you eat us. Oh yeah, you know Edith. I know Edith. it. Edith Gordon's one of my best friends. Thank you. I said when you eat it. Oh yeah, you know Edith.

I know Edith. You know Edith? Edith from London? Yeah, well, she used to live in Melbourne. Gonna say it next week. She's coming down from Meredith and awaiting. I said, he said Edith Gordon. I was like, I know Edith Gordon.

He goes from London. I was like, oh, I can't be the same Edith Gordon. And then how weird. She moved to London. It is Edith Gordon. Edith the traveler. Oh, there we go. the same. Eateth Gordon then how weird she moved to London. It is eateth Gordon. Eateth the traveler. Oh There we go. Eateth. Well done. Okay, and then I also will hi eateth and thank you for supporting the show. Love you eateth. Love you man. I'd love to meet you eateth.

And from North Carolina. What's your fact about North Carolina? Michael Jordan played college basketball. I love that one. Christopher Verrell. Christopher the shorter, which is because Michael Jordan always war. Stop. His North Carolina university shorts underneath his Chicago Bull shorts. I learned that in Spaceballs. No, no, I didn't. What space? Space Jam. Spaceballs.

Star Wars parody. Why? Gothbrooks. All right. Mel Brooks. Jesus. Stop talking Matt. Gothbrook.

I would like to thank. And help me out here with some great names here all the way from Missouri Jason Waltz Jason the Walter. Yeah, I will yeah Jason the dancer Walter all right see the only day he can't sound back any I reckon he can't Lindy Hoppe Kenny no he definitely can he can and also do the charston he still doesn't know what a charleston is he's just making your arms just bad

he's just making shapes you're conducting a choir look you're doing some spells you're telling people to slow down because you've had a lot of the electric users you're telling your driver to turn their lights on it's nice alright yeah good stuff.

Good on you Jason Walts from Missouri. Thank you so much Jason the Walter. See, he's a Walter. That's definitely dancer. It's not Tony Danzer, is it? Fuck, it should be. I would like to thank from Ontario, Canadian listener, Tabitha Post. Tabitha the dogger.

What? I don't know. I don't know. He's got a feeling. No, I just, I just, I just try to say the first thing that came to my mind. It's like what Toby said, daysh. So maybe stop saying the first thing. Give me another choice.

Tabitha Post. Tabitha post. Tabitha post. She's an off-communicator of the interwebs. I'd say... Tabitha the communicator. Tabitha the communicator. That's great. Post. It's very close to an impala.

The poster. Oh yeah. That's good. I mean, in a lot of ways, we've just changed this surname slightly. No. I thought we were going gonna go more creative than that. I did. Yeah, you had Cudler. Cudler was great, we started strong.

And then you guys fucked it. That's what? What's up? Tabitha, the communicator, that's nice. That's nice. We started and ended very strong. That's all that matters. Like any good stand-up company said, you start an answer.

We sandwiched. The middle is a mess. Yeah, we do 20 minutes of faffing. Then we faffed way too much. We were rapid up. Let's stop faffing. Let's rapid up. Thank you so much everyone that does support the show

through Patreon. And thanks to everyone that supported the form of them and the first week, we are going to get our asses into gear and get those Christmas cards bowed out to you. A little bit earlier this year hopefully. Yes. And maybe we'll try to do it over a couple of sessions instead of one 5L session at Matt's house late at night. But we might, maybe we'll do because we're going to do one of our new Patreon rewards is a Patreon video chat.

Maybe we'll set one up at the card session. Yeah, listen to Christmas Carol's and we have dinner. It's very cute. We're adorable. That's right. Maybe we should make this announcement on here just in case you didn't see it on our social media or on Patreon itself. We have decided to phase out the golden hat in order to make more people involved in the voting on the topics. So to make it a bit more inclusive, so now the level that was the golden hat, which was limited to 9 or 10 people, is now open to anyone. And if you get involved with that level, you get to vote on my topic as well as Matt's topic, so two votes a month.

And you also get an exclusive video chat, which we're going to be doing in a couple of weeks for the month of November, the first ever one. So that should be fun, right? Yeah. Really pumped for that. Really pumped. We both sounded pumped. Yeah.

It's so late at night when we're recording this. What would be interesting? We'll have to find a time where people from all around the world can be awake. Our reckon it should be 12 PM Gary Indiana time. Yeah, I think that would be great. Do we have any Gary listeners? Oh my God. Surely someone would have reached out to me If they're from Gary. Surely. Do you live in Gary? If you want to get in contact and you're either from Gary or not from Gary

But if you are, please do get in contact. It's at do go on pod on Twitter Instagram and Facebook and do go on pod at gmail.com Yeah, please drop us a line. And I think the NICE they've started mentioning this recently. It's something so nice if you can't do any of those other things. Just the nicest thing if you can just recommend us to a friend. And we've been getting messages from people saying, I heard about this from a friend of mine and it is fucking so sweet. It's the best. And if you could recommend it to the mayor of Gary Indiana so we get a water the key that would be so good. I want to get the key to Gary.

Imagine you could unlock any Gary. Oh, any Gary. Lock. Any Gary hole. Matt, no, that's not how keys work for starters. Is not one you get if you get the key to the city you can open any lock? No, it's a symbolic key. Oh, I wonder how that would work. The Simpsons lied to us. I still want it. Yeah, I want it. But don't put it in any of these holes. I can't take this.

Stop it. It would be really cool if we could be listed as the official podcast of Gary Indiana. Yes. I just want to be on their flag. Have you seen their symbol? No. It's pouring liquid steel onto the globe. Oh that's cool. That is so awesome. I took it as a threat. Oh that's how they intended it. And they're also

called themselves the city of the century. Oh. That's a bit of a what's the century. Huge, cool. Love it. I love it. Really? The city of the center. Yeah, you've done a lot of reset Fucking love Gary awesome. All right cool. Well, let's get out of here so we can get to Gary Yeah, we got to get to Gary so we can get it Thanks again for listening everyone. We'll see you next week until then I will say goodbye This podcast is part of the planet broadcasting network visit planet b casting dot com for more podcasts from our great mates Bye! you you What's that? It's my song, Aru Minami. Do you make it up? I made up the parts that said, art, uh, men.

Dave, do you go on? I made up the parts that said, ought a man. Dave, dig a one. So the bit that you didn't make up was army here to say. Yeah, that's a, I was gonna say this one, all of his army. But we changed it to Ottoman army. Ottoman army is on its way, Ottoman armies here to stay, and I would rather be anywhere else

but here with Flasim Pilim. Well, uh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh- It's like when Todd the Sing for themselves. That's what he's doing right now. When Todd the Sing Elvis can stuff like that. Which they often do. They often do. Sorry Dave about all that, that you're obviously edit out. Sometimes the transition to fall and winter feels like experiencing every season on the same day. The shoes in the Allbirds' Mizzle collection were made for Misty Morning walks, surprise

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